The L Word (2004–2009): Season 4, Episode 2 - Livin' La Vida Loca - full transcript
Bette adjusts to her new job in academia for a formidable new boss (Cybill Shepherd); Jenny's book receives a scathing review; Tina must fire Helena from the studio, leaving her nowhere to go but accept a roommate offer from Alice.
PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...
IF IT ISN'T JENNIFER SCHECTER,
AUTHOR OF SOME OF HER PARTS.
OF COURSE I'M GOING TO
READ MY OWN REVIEWS.
WHY SHOULDN'T I?
FREAK,
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING,
THINKING YOU WERE GOING TO MARRY
THAT RIDICULOUS GIRL?
ALICE WORKED FOR WEEKS
SETTING THIS WEDDING UP.
HELENA SPENT A SMALL FORTUNE.
WHAT SHANE DID IS TERRIBLE,
AND COMPLETELY UNFORGIVABLE.
I KNEW YOU WERE HIS DAUGHTER,
AND IT WASN'T JUST
BECAUSE OF THE NAME.
IT WAS A PICTURE.
I MEAN, LOOK AT
ALL THREE OF YOU.
I LEFT YOU A GIFT. IT'S
ON THE BACK PORCH.
I'M CUTTING YOU OFF FINANCIALLY.
A MOVIE STUDIO
PARAMOUNT WAS
LOOKING TO ACQUIRE...
YOUR MOTHER WANTED TO UNLOAD IT
BEFORE SHE LEFT FOR ANTIGUA.
WHO'S AARON KORNBLUTH?
HE'S OUR NEW BOSS.
WE'RE MEETING HIM ON WEDNESDAY.
MY DAUGHTER BROOKE'S
COMING HOME FROM MT. HOLYOKE.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
THE TWO OF YOU WOULD HIT IT OFF.
PHYLLIS...
YEAH, I CAN'T WAIT
TO GET STARTED.
I WILL SEE YOU ON
CAMPUS MONDAY MORNING.
WHO THE HELL IS PAPI?
THIS MORNING, IT WAS 1,150,
WITH THE QUESTION THAT IS
ON EVERYONE'S MIND TONIGHT...
WHERE'S PAPI?
ALICE!
HEY, ALICE!
ALICE! ALICE, OVER HERE!
ALICE, RIGHT?
FROM THE RADIO?
YEAH. YOU SCARED ME.
HERE I AM.
R-REALLY? YOU'RE...
PAPI.
I HEAR YOU'VE BEEN
LOOKIN' FOR ME.
YOU'RE PAPI?
SI. THAT'S ME.
EXCUSE ME, HONEY.
ARE YOU ALICE "PISQUECKI"?
UH-HUH.
WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT
YOU WERE LOOKING FOR ME...
SEE HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME.
I'VE BEEN LISTENING
TO YOUR PROGRAM
EVERY SINGLE DAY.
SHE'S BEEN WAITING
HER WHOLE LIFE
TO BE DISCOVERED.
ALICE!
HELLO! OH!
MY WONDERFUL LADY, I AM PAPI...
SHE'S LOOKING FOR
WOMEN, YOU IDIOTS.
WHY DON'T YOU FUCK OFF, EH?
WELL, I LOOK MORE WOMAN THAN...
YOU WANNA GO WITH ME?
BRING IT.
I SUPPOSE SHE'S PAPI, TOO?
OH, WELL, "PAPI" MEANS "DADDY."
YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?
YOU GOING TO FIND A LOT
OF PAPIS HERE TONIGHT.
AH-HA...
♪ GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES
WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES ♪
♪ CHICKS DRIVING FAST
INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES ♪
♪ WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE,
LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE ♪
♪ THIS IS THE WAY IT'S
THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪
♪ TALKING, LAUGHING
LOVING, BREATHING ♪
♪ FIGHTING, FUCKING
CRYING, DRINKING ♪
♪ WRITING, WINNING
LOSING, CHEATING ♪
♪ KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING ♪
♪ THIS IS THE WAY... ♪
♪ IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪
♪ IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪
♪ AND LOVE ♪
HEY, IS THIS GARY DOUGLAS?
I-I'M LOOKING FOR A GUY
NAMED GABE McCUTCHEON.
UM, UM...
SEE, I'M HIS DAUGHTER, AND
I WAS HOPING YOU MIGHT...
I KNOW, I-I TRIED THERE,
AND THEY SAID THEY
HAVEN'T SEEN HIM
SINCE THE, UH...
RIGHT.
RIGHT, I UNDERSTAND,
BUT DO YOU THINK YOU
MIGHT KNOW ANYBODY ELSE
THAT COULD...
OKAY.
NO, UM, THANK YOU.
OKAY, BYE.
FUCK!
STILL NO LUCK, HUH?
NO.
YOU KNOW, I COULD DO A
COMPUTER SEARCH IF YOU WANT.
I MEAN, THERE'S THIS
GREAT NEW PROGRAM
FOR TRACKING DOWN
MISSING PEOPLE.
IT ACCESSES POLICE
RECORDS, AND...
I MEAN, I COULD
LOOK FOR CARLA, TOO.
I HOPE IT WORKS.
JENNY, HE'S A SWEET KID.
I KNOW THAT HE'S A SWEET KID,
BUT THE THING IS, SHANE...
WHAT?
YOUR FRIENDS JUST
MISS SEEING YOU.
JENNY, I HAVEN'T GONE ANYWHERE.
WELL, I THINK THAT
YOU'RE HIDING.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE...
YOU'RE SORT OF
DISTRACTING YOURSELF
BY TRYING TO GET THE
KID OFF YOUR HANDS.
I'M SORRY.
BALLARD AND GAVIN HAVE THIS
LITTLE REAL ESTATE DISPUTE
ONCE OR TWICE A YEAR.
GOOD MORNING, CHANCELLOR KROLL.
GOOD MORNING!
IT'S BEEN GOING ON SINCE
BALLARD GOT TENURE...
PHYLLIS, DID YOU GET MY
NEW BUDGET REQUEST?
I GOT IT, RANDY, THANKS.
I RECOMMEND YOU GIVE GAVIN
SOME EXTRA STUDIO SPACE.
HI, CHANCELLOR KROLL!
GOOD MORNING TO YOU!
MORNING, CHANCELLOR KROLL.
I PUT HIM ON THE
SELECTION COMMITTEE
TO CHOOSE THE ARCHITECT
FOR THE NEW BUILDING.
HE SEEMS HAPPY.
NOW LET'S TALK
ABOUT YOUR BUILDING.
WE'VE SET ASIDE THE OLD
HUMANITIES DEPARTMENT
FOR YOUR NEW BUILDING.
NOW, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS
RAISE THE MONEY TO BUILD IT.
WELL, I'VE WORKED UP A LIST.
I DON'T SEE IT AS A
HUGE CHALLENGE.
EXCELLENT.
HAVE WE TALKED ABOUT
THE TRUSTEES' BRUNCH?
NEXT SATURDAY.
AT MY HOUSE.
MY HUSBAND MIGHT
COME DOWN FOR IT.
HE'S AT STANFORD.
RIGHT,
THE DEAN OF THE
SCHOOL OF ENGINEERING.
MM-HMM.
I'M LOOKING FORWARD
TO MEETING HIM.
ANYWAY,
I'D LIKE YOU TO MAKE A
LITTLE PRESENTATION,
JUST A FEW MINUTES
ON YOUR GOALS,
THE WORLD-CLASS ARTISTS
YOU'LL BE BRINGING
HERE TO TEACH,
HOW YOU'RE GOING TO RE-ESTABLISH
CALIFORNIA
UNIVERSITY AS A LEADER
IN FINE ARTS EDUCATION.
IN 50 WORDS OR LESS?
I THINK I CAN DO THAT, PHYLLIS.
WELL, JUST BE SURE TO TELL THEM
YOU'LL BE DOING IT FOR ONE-THIRD
OF THE FORMER DEAN'S BUDGET.
WE HAVE GOT A BRILLIANT GROUP
OF T.A. CANDIDATES
FOR YOU TO INTERVIEW, BETTE.
THANK YOU.
WELL, THERE'S A
LOT OF COMPETITION.
YOU'RE THE MOST GLAMOROUS DEAN
THEY'VE HAD IN YEARS.
MATTHEW REESE WAS 85 AND BALD.
WELL, IT'S MORE ABOUT
YOUR BACKGROUND.
YOU SHOW "PROVOCATIONS"
WAS A FLASHPOINT
FOR THEIR GENERATION.
THEY ALL STILL SEEM TO THINK
YOU CAN CHANGE THE
WORLD THROUGH ART.
SO DO I.
GOOD MORNING, CHANCELLOR KROLL!
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN
THIS STEAMING PILE
OF SHIT ON MY DESK?
MOST OF IT PREDATES ME.
I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE
NINE MONTHS, AARON,
AND I HAD A MANDATE...
THERE'S A NEW MANDATE NOW, TINA,
AND THAT'S TO MAKE SHAOLIN
SYNONYMOUS WITH
THE 18-TO-24 MARKET.
I NEED PEOPLE AROUND ME
WHO ARE HIP TO THEIR TASTES,
WHO SPEAK THEIR LANGUAGE,
WHO CAN DELIVER THE
NEXT BRETT RATNER,
MARK LINDBERG.
TELL ME A MOVIE YOU'VE
ALWAYS WANTED TO MAKE.
TWISTED FOREST.
EVERY MONKEY IN THIS TOWN
WANTS TO MAKE TWISTED FOREST.
THE OLD BIDDY WON'T SELL.
SHE HATES HOLLYWOOD.
YEAH, BUT SHE
LOVES INDIAN CINEMA,
REALLY OBSCURE INDIAN CINEMA.
SHE'S A FREAK FOR SATYAJIT RAY,
AND WE TALKED FOR HOURS
ABOUT PATHER PANCHALI...
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
YOU SPOKE TO HER?
MM-HMM.
SHE ALSO LOVES MIRA NAIR,
WHICH IS WHAT SEALED THE DEAL.
WE'RE GOING TO START
AS SOON AS MIRA WRAPS
POST ON GANGSTA, MD.
SHE SOLD YOU THE RIGHTS?
WE'VE GOT TWISTED FOREST.
OKAY.
YOU GET TO STAY.
I NEED YOU TO DO ONE
LAST THING FOR ME.
WHAT'S THE DEAL
WITH HELENA PEABODY?
SHE'S A REALLY GREAT GAL.
SHE HAS A BIG HEART...
AND A REALLY BIG BANK ACCOUNT,
AND SHE ALMOST RAN
SHAOLIN INTO THE GROUND.
HERE'S WHAT I NEED
YOU TO DO FOR ME.
HE SENT YOU TO FIRE ME?
I'M SORRY, HELENA.
IT WAS A POWER TRIP.
HE'S A SCUMBAG.
I SCUMBAG YOU'RE WORKING FOR.
WELL, I NEED MY JOB BACK.
I COULDN'T AFFORD TO
TELL HIM TO GET FUCKED.
WELL...
WHY DID HE FIRE ME?
I THINK HE'S THREATENED BY YOU.
HE WANTS TO ESTABLISH
HIMSELF AS THE BOSS,
AND HE'S AFRAID THAT
EVERYONE'S GOING TO THINK
THAT HE WORKS FOR YOU.
OR IT COULD HAVE BEEN
THAT COMMENT YOU
MADE ABOUT HIS MOVIE,
ZOMBIES ON A TRAIN,
AND HOW IT APPEALED
TO THE PEOPLE
WITH THE INTELLECT OF A TROLL.
YEAH.
IF YOU HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE,
IF YOU LIKE TO
SPEND QUALITY TIME
WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND
OR BOYFRIEND,
VISIT YOUR MOTHER
ON THE WEEKENDS,
GO TO THE GYM
SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK
TO KEEP YOUR BODY
FIT AND HEALTHY,
I RESPECT THAT.
I EVEN ENVY IT,
BUT YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE.
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE
GOING TO T.A. FOR ME,
YOU SHOULDN'T
EXPECT TO HAVE A LIFE.
YOU'RE ONLY HERE
BECAUSE YOU ARE
INTENSELY DRIVEN,
AND YOU ARE AS
DETERMINED AS I AM
TO MAKE C.U. THE
DESTINATION ART SCHOOL
AHEAD OF RISD AND YALE,
AND THE ONLY REASON
YOU CAN EVEN CONTEMPLATE
TAKING ON THIS
ADDED RESPONSIBILITY
IN ADDITION TO YOUR
ALREADY INSANE COURSE LOAD
AND THE HOURS YOU SPEND
IN YOUR GRADUATE
STUDIO MAKING ART
IS THAT YOU ARE YOUNG ENOUGH
AND FOOLISH ENOUGH
TO THINK THAT YOU CAN GET BY
ON THREE HOURS OF SLEEP A NIGHT.
"TONIGHT, 10:00
P.M. I'LL BE THERE.
WILL YOU?"
OH, YEAH, SURE YOU WILL, PAPI.
YOU CALL YOUR COMPUTER "PAPI"?
OH, NO.
IT'S THIS GIRL ON OUR CHART.
PAPI.
YOU KNOW, SHE HAS
MORE HITS THAN SHANE.
HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS?
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
OH, RIGHT.
STUCK IN THE FAR
REACHES OF HETEROVILLE,
THAT'S RIGHT.
YES, IT'S SO SCARY.
OOH...
OOH, SCARY...
I THINK I REMEMBER YOU
LURKING AROUND THERE
A COUPLE YEARS AGO.
BUT I DID COME TO MY SENSES.
SEE, THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN YOU AND ME.
HEY, GIRL.
KIT, HI! HOW ARE YOU?
OH, GIRL, I'M OKAY, THANK YOU.
OH, BUT I CAN TELL YOU,
I SURE WOULD HAVE LOVED
A LARGE GLASS OF
RED WINE AFTERWARDS.
I SWEAR, I...
OH, I JUST FELT SO... SAD.
I'VE NEVER HAD AN ABORTION.
IT MUST BE REALLY HARD.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
IT WAS THE REASON
WHY I HAD SO MUCH TROUBLE
GETTING PREGNANT WITH ANGELICA.
I HAD TWO IN MY EARLY 20s.
REALLY?
MM-HMM.
AND NOW YOU HAVE A LITTLE ANGEL.
YEAH,
BUT ONLY 50% OF THE TIME.
AND HER OTHER MOTHER HAS HER
THE OTHER 50% OF THE TIME,
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
IT'S HARD ON BETTE,
TOO, YOU KNOW.
OH...
AND ANGELICA MUST
NEVER HEAR YOU SAY
THAT BETTE IS ANY LESS
HER MOTHER THAN YOU ARE.
I KNOW. I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT.
I...
I KNOW.
IT'S FINE.
WELL, HOLY FUCK.
AS I LIVE AND BREATHE.
WOW. SHANE...
WELL, LOOK WHO
FINALLY SHOWED UP.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
I WAS WONDERING WHEN
SHE WOULD RE-EMERGE.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
HEY. PRETTY GOOD.
HEY.
LOOKS LIKE CARMEN FOUND YOU.
SO WHO'S THIS GENTLEMAN, HUH?
SHAY.
WELL, HI, SHAY.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
YOU HUNGRY?
WHY DON'T YOU COME ON OVER HERE,
AND I'LL HOOK YOU UP,
AND YOU CAN TALK
TO YOUR FRIENDS.
HEY.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
YEAH, YOU TOO.
IT WAS NICE GETTING
TO KNOW YOU, ERIC.
WE'LL TALK SOON.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR
TIME, DEAN PORTER.
SURE.
AND WHAT WAS THAT
MATERIAL CALLED?
OH, SYNDECRETE.
IT'S AMAZING STUFF.
IT WAS DEVELOPED BY DAVID HERTZ.
RIGHT. I'LL LOOK INTO IT.
OKAY.
AND NEXT, WE HAVE...
NADIA.
DON'T TELL ME.
NADIA KARELLA.
THAT'S VERY GOOD, DEAN PORTER.
IT'S ITALIAN?
HAVE YOU HEARD BACK
FROM FRANKLIN YET, JAMES?
OH, YEAH.
HE'S COMING TO THE
PLANNING BRUNCH,
AND HE SAID HE'D BE HONORED
TO JOIN THE COMMITTEE.
IT'S GREEK.
IT'S MY STEPFATHER'S NAME.
OH, GREAT.
I LOVE GREECE.
I USED TO SPEND EVERY
SUMMER IN MYKONOS.
A BUNCH OF ARTISTS
AND COLLECTORS...
MY STEPFATHER HAS
A HOUSE IN MYKONOS.
OH, GREAT.
COME ON IN.
SHAY, I KNOW YOU'RE
GOING TO LOVE
THESE FRENCH FRIES.
HUH?
YOU WANT SOME KETCHUP?
HEY, SHAY?
YOU DOING OKAY?
GOOD.
HELENA HATES ME, DOESN'T SHE?
NO, SHE DOESN'T HATE YOU,
BUT, YOU KNOW,
APART FROM CARMEN,
SHE IS THE ONE WHO
GOT HURT THE MOST.
YOU KNOW SHE'S MY ROOMMATE NOW?
REALLY?
MM-HMM.
WELL, THEN, WHAT DO YOU THINK
I CAN DO TO MAKE IT UP TO HER?
YOU GOT $40 MILLION
STASHED AWAY IN A SOCK?
WHAT?
I'M AN INDUSTRIAL DESIGN MAJOR.
I DID GRAPHIC DESIGN
AS AN UNDERGRAD.
DR. KROLL, ACTUALLY,
REALLY, UH, LIKED THAT LAST ONE.
YOU DESIGNED THIS PROSPECTUS
FOR DR. KROLL?
MM-HMM.
YEAH, NO, SHE WENT ON AND ON
ABOUT HOW, UH,
IT WAS UTTERLY DISTINCTIVE,
BUT, UH, SHE HAD NO IDEA
THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY
COMPLETELY DERIVATIVE.
OF LASZLO MOHOLY-NAGY.
WELL, THAT'S ACCEPTABLE.
I WAS INSPIRED BY YOUR SHOW
AT THE C.A.C.
YOU INTRODUCED ME TO
MOHOLY-NAGY AND EL LISSITZKY.
SO YOU SAW THE
CONSTRUCTIVISM SHOW?
IT BLEW ME AWAY.
I-I'D JUST ARRIVED IN L.A.,
AND I WAS ONE OF
THOSE EAST COAST GIRLS
WHO, YOU KNOW,
THINKS THAT CALIFORNIA
IS COMPLETELY DEVOID
OF ANY SORT OF CULTURE.
WHICH IS AN OBSOLETE CLICHE.
RIGHT, NO, I KNOW.
I KNOW THAT NOW.
WOW.
ARE YOU... ARE YOU AN ATHLETE?
NO.
WHY?
BECAUSE YOU HAVE, UH...
BECAUSE YOU HAVE
VERY BEAUTIFUL ARMS.
UH...
I DO SOME...
YOU KNOW, JUST A LITTLE YOGA
EVERY NOW AND AGAIN.
I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY TIME
TO DO ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT.
MY EX-GIRLFRIEND WAS
A PROFESSIONAL BOXER,
AND YOUR ARMS SORT OF
REMIND ME OF HERS.
WELL, I'M NOT A BOXER,
SO I'D BETTER NOT GET
IN THE RING WITH HER.
UH...
ANYWAY.
I HAVE TO MAKE A PRESENTATION
AT THE TRUSTEES' BRUNCH,
AS YOU KNOW,
AND I WOULD LIKE
TO USE A METAPHOR.
I WANT TO USE A
METAPHOR ABOUT...
BEING IN A NEW PLACE,
FULL OF WONDER,
AND THERE'S THIS COMIC.
IT'S A LITTLE BOY, AND
IT'S HIS DREAMSCAPE,
AND THE DRAWINGS
ARE JUST EXQUISITE,
BUT I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME
REMEMBER WHO DID THEM.
WINSOR MCCAY.
YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH.
LITTLE NEMO IN SLUMBERLAND.
YEAH,
IT'S REALLY GENIUS, ACTUALLY.
I THINK DR. KROLL
WOULD LOVE THAT.
EVEN IF IT IS DERIVATIVE?
NO! GOD, NO, IT WOULDN'T BE.
I MEAN, BY THE TIME THAT
WE WERE DONE WITH IT,
WE COULD JUST...
I-I... UH, WOW, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE
PRESUMPTUOUS. I...
WELL, YOU ARE.
YOU'RE VERY PRESUMPTUOUS.
BUT WHY DON'T YOU COME
IN TOMORROW MORNING,
AND WE'LL GET STARTED?
THEN I'VE... GOT THE JOB?
WELL, I'D LIKE TO WORK WITH YOU
ON THIS PRESENTATION,
AND WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES.
WHEN DO YOU WANT ME?
9:00.
I'LL BE HERE AT 8:30.
THE REAL THING'S A BEAUTY.
PERFECT COMBINATION
OF STEP LOCATION
AND ANGLES OF ATTACK.
AND I BET SHE HAS
THE MERCURY E.F.I.
SUPER-VENTILATED, RIGHT?
IT WAS A CHOPPY DAY,
BUT I HAD HER UP TO 88 MPH
IN A MATTER OF SECONDS.
YOU'LL HAVE TO COME OUT WITH US
ONE WEEKEND.
YEAH, THAT'D BE GREAT.
BROOKE, THIS IS MAX SWEENEY.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
THANK YOU.
THAT'S SWEET.
I MADE A RESERVATION
AT HANCOCK PARK.
I HOPE THAT'S OKAY?
OOPS, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.
BROOKE'S A VEGETARIAN.
UM, DAD,
THAT WAS, LIKE, THREE YEARS AGO.
HANCOCK PARK SOUNDS WONDERFUL.
WELL, WHO CAN KEEP UP?
HERE, HONEY, LET ME
TAKE THE FLOWERS.
AND HE SENT TINA TO DO IT?
IT'S NOT HER FAULT.
SHE HAD NO CHOICE, REALLY.
OH, HELENA,
SHE'S A FUCKING COLLABORATOR.
IF SHE SAID NO TO THE GUY,
SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN OUT OF A JOB
AND WOULD HAVE
BEEN COMING AFTER YOU
FOR CHILD SUPPORT.
OH, COME ON, YOU GUYS,
DO YOU REALLY THINK
TINA WOULD DO THAT?
COME ON.
SHE'D BE ENTITLED TO IT.
I'M SORRY, BETTE,
BUT UNDER THE LAW,
SHE WOULD, WOULDN'T SHE?
OH, PROBABLY.
PROBABLY.
SPEAKING OF THE LAW, SHANE...
WHAT?
WHAT'S THE LAW
HAVE TO DO WITH HIM?
WELL, THERE'S SCHOOL, FOR ONE.
IT'S TRUE.
IT'S ILLEGAL TO KEEP A
CHILD OUT OF SCHOOL.
WELL, LET THEM ARREST ME.
WELL, HAVE YOU THOUGHT
ABOUT PLACEMENT?
IN L.A., THEY HAVE
THESE SERVICES.
YOU MEAN FOSTER CARE?
SHANE, I KNOW YOU'VE HAD
SOME REALLY WHACK
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES,
BUT WHAT ABOUT
PRIVATE SOCIAL SERVICES?
I MEAN, FOR KIDS THAT
DON'T HAVE FAMILIES...
HEY, SHAY...
HOW'D YOU LIKE YOUR CAKE?
HEY, DID YOU FINISH
YOUR MILKSHAKE?
I THINK I'M GOING TO THROW UP.
OH, UM...
LOOK, THE BATHROOM'S
RIGHT OVER THERE.
SHANE...
WHAT?
YOU SHOULD GO WITH HIM.
WHAT THE HELL AM
I SUPPOSED TO DO?
HOLD HIS HAIR.
HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY HAIR.
WOULD YOU JUST GO.
MAN, IS THAT A FUCKIN' DISASTER.
SHE'S SO NOT READY FOR THIS.
I WISH CARMEN WAS
HERE TO HELP HER.
YEAH, BUT SHE WASN'T READY
FOR CARMEN EITHER.
THIS GIRL THAT I
GO TO SCHOOL WITH,
SHE WAS ATTACKED,
AND IT WAS, LIKE,
ALL OVER THE NEWS
AND EVERYTHING.
THE GUY WAS BROUGHT
UP ON CHARGES.
EVERYONE KNEW HE DID IT,
AND HE STILL GOT
THE REYNOLDS GRANT
OVER MY FRIEND SARAH.
YEAH,
AND I BET ALL THE FRAT
GUYS GATHERED AROUND
AND SAID THE GIRL WAS
ASKING FOR IT, RIGHT?
YEAH, EVEN SOME
OF THE GIRLS SAID IT,
OR AT LEAST, THEY
DIDN'T STAND UP FOR HER.
BUT WHEN YOU FEEL
POWERLESS, I MEAN...
GIRLS SOMETIMES
BETRAY EACH OTHER
JUST TO KEEP THEIR
CONNECTION TO THEIR MAN,
BECAUSE THEY FEEL LIKE
WITHOUT A CONNECTION
TO SOME MAN,
THEY'RE TOTALLY
CUT OFF FROM POWER,
WHICH I IMAGINE IS,
LIKE, REALLY SCARY.
YOU KNOW?
YEAH.
WHAT?
I'VE JUST NEVER MET A GUY
WHO UNDERSTOOD THAT,
LET ALONE CARED.
WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY?
MONSIEUR?
YOU TRY.
THAT LADY MUST BE LOST, EH?
SHE'S NOT LOST.
SHE'S LOOKING FOR ME.
YOU LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY?
I AM,
BUT I THINK I MIGHT
HAVE BEEN SENT
ON ANOTHER WILD GOOSE CHASE.
DO YOU KNOW ANYBODY
BY THE NAME OF...
PAPI?
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR PAPI?
YOU SURE?
OKAY.
RIGHT OVER THERE.
THANK YOU.
HELLO.
MM...
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I
DON'T KNOW WHO THIS IS,
BUT I'M REALLY SICK
OF THESE GAMES,
AND I'M NOT GOING TO...
WHERE?
OKAY.
HOLA, MAMASITA...
HEY, DON'T EVEN!
OH, FUCK YOU!
OH, GOD...
OKAY...
WHAT'S THE PLAN?
ARE YOU TAKING ME TO PAPI?
I AIN'T GOT NO PLAN, BABY.
IT'S YOU WHO WANTED TO SEE ME.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
AGREEING TO SIT DOWN WITH ME.
I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE
A WRITING DEADLINE.
YEAH, I'M, UH,
I'M SUPPOSED TO HAND IN MY STORY
FOR THE NEW YORKER
TO MY AGENT TOMORROW,
SO I'M JUST, LIKE...
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU KNOW, I DID A STORY
FOR THE NEW YORKER
LAST YEAR.
I KNOW. I READ
IT, AND I LOVED IT.
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST FANTASTIC.
THAT'S WHY I SAID
I WANTED TO DO THE
INTERVIEW WITH YOU.
WELL, I MEAN, NOT SPECIFICALLY
BECAUSE YOU WROTE
FOR THE NEW YORKER, BUT...
ANYWAY.
UM, I TOLD THE PUBLICIST
THAT I DON'T WANT TO DO ANY
MORE GAY PRESS AFTER THIS.
WELL, THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE.
I MEAN, YOU DON'T
WANT TO BE GHETTOIZED
AS A LESBIAN WRITER.
WELL, NOT SPECIFICALLY
AS A LESBIAN,
BUT GHETTOIZED
AS A LESBIAN WRITER, A
MEMOIRIST... YOU KNOW.
I JUST WANT TO BE JENNY.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT HAPPY
UNLESS I'M QUALIFIED
WITH AT LEAST FIVE THINGS.
WHAT ARE YOUR FIVE THINGS?
UM... PUSSY-CHASING...
CUNT-ENTHUSIAST, HALF BUJEW...
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WHAT'S "BUJEW?"
BUJEW.
BUJEW.
BUJEW...
IT IS HALF JEWISH, BUT
PRACTICING BUDDHIST.
I'M JEWISH!
NICE! YES.
ROCK ON.
JEWISH SISTERHOOD.
WAY TO GO.
JEWISH LESBIANS...
BUT, ANYWAY,
THE REASON THAT I CHOOSE
TO WRITE FOR CURVE MAGAZINE
IS BECAUSE THEY LET ME
PICK THE BOOKS THAT I REVIEW,
AND I ONLY REVIEW BOOKS
THAT HOLD A REAL
SIGNIFICANCE TO ME.
WHY DOES SOME OF HER PARTS
HOLD SIGNIFICANCE TO YOU?
MY PARTNER'S A SURVIVOR.
OH, WOW.
HEY, PAPI!
HEY, AMIGOS!
HEY!
HEY...
HEY, EVERYONE!
PAPI'S IN THE HOUSE!
PAPI!
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
HERE, TRY THIS, TRY THIS.
AH?
YOU KNOW SHE LIKES IT, RIGHT?
ME GUSTA.
COME ON, GIRL.
AH, WHAT'S UP?
HEY, EVERYONE,
PAPI'S IN THE HOUSE!
HEY!
ALICIA!
YES!
HEY...
OH...
MUCHO GUSTO.
OH, WOW, THANK YOU.
WOW.
PAPI, HUH?
A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOW YOU HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU,
LIKE, THE POPE OF EAST L.A.?
ACTUALLY, IT'S PRONOUNCED PAPI.
WHAT?
IT'S OKAY.
IT'S JUST A LITTLE MORE LATINA
THAN YOUR TONGUE
IS USED TO, CHICA.
HERE, LET ME HELP YOU
TO SAY MY NAME RIGHT.
YOU MIGHT NEED IT LATER.
SO, AH...
OH... AH...
AH...
PI. PI. OH...
PAPI. PAPI.
MORE BETTER, GIRLIE.
MUCH MORE BETTER.
NOW, WHAT CAN I
HELP YOU WITH, HUH?
NOT A LOT OF LADIES
PUT AN APB OUT ON ME
OVER THE RADIO.
MOSTLY IT'S THEIR
BOYFRIENDS COMIN' AFTER ME.
OH, WELL, I HOPE I DIDN'T PUT
YOU IN A BAD POSITION, OR...
FUCK, NO, MAN, I'M HONORED.
HEY, CAN I...
WOULD YOU MIND IF I
TAPE RECORDED THIS?
NO?
GREAT.
GREAT...
UH, INTERVIEW...
UM, WEB-FAMOUS PAPI, UM...
PAPI.
HOLA, ANITA!
WE'LL HAVE ONE
OF THOSE PITCHERS,
POR FAVOR.
SO, WHAT YOU WANT TO
KNOW ABOUT PAPI, HUH?
WELL, PAPI...
YOU... HAVE BECOME
SORT OF A LEGEND
IN ABOUT, UH, TWO DAYS
ON MY WEBSITE.
YOU CRASHED MY WHOLE SERVER.
WHAT CAN I SAY?
I'VE BEEN BLESSED.
SEEMS THE LADIES LIKE
ME AS MUCH AS I LIKE THEM.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A
HELL OF A LOT OF LADIES.
LIKE I SAID.
I'VE BEEN BLESSED.
A LOT.
RIGHT, BUT...
WHY... WHY DO YOU THINK
THAT HAPPENS TO YOU?
IT'S NOT SOMETHING I DO, GIRL.
I DON'T WAKE UP IN
THE MORNING AND SAY,
"I'M GONNA GET ME
SOME PUSSY TODAY."
WELL, SOMETIMES, BUT...
OKAY, ME TOO.
YEAH?
YEAH, YEAH.
YOU KNOW, I JUST...
I JUST DO MY THING.
I LIVE MY LIFE,
AND MY LIFE HAS GIRLS IN IT.
MM...
MM-HMM,
BUT HERE'S THE QUESTION, PAPI...
WHY DO YOU THINK
THEY FLOCK TO YOU?
YOU KNOW?
LOVE, I GUESS.
THEY KNOW I LOVE THEM.
REALLY?
YEAH. REALLY, PAPI?
ALL OF THEM?
MM-HMM.
I LOVE THEIR VOICES.
I LOVE THEIR EYES.
THEIR HAIR,
THEIR CURVES, THEIR BODIES...
THEIR LAUGHTER.
THE SADNESS,
THE WETNESS.
SEE, EVERYTHING
ABOUT A WOMAN, I LOVE.
TOUCHING THEM,
FEELING THEIR SKIN AGAINST MINE,
MAKING THEM FEEL GOOD...
MM...
SEE, I RESPECT THEM,
AND I RESPECT MYSELF,
AND, UH...
AND WHAT?
THEY LIKE THE WAY I KISS.
I CAN MAKE A WOMAN COME
JUST BY KISSING HER.
WELL, I HOPE I DIDN'T
BORE YOU TO TEARS.
YOU DIDN'T BORE ME AT ALL.
I DIDN'T SHUT UP.
YOU KNOW
EVERYTHING THERE IS
TO KNOW ABOUT ME, AND...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHERE YOU COME FROM.
I COME FROM WILMETTE.
IT'S IN ILLINOIS,
OUTSIDE CHICAGO.
DO YOUR PARENTS
STILL LIVE THERE?
DO YOU HAVE ANY
BROTHERS OR SISTERS?
WHY DON'T WE SAVE ALL THAT STUFF
FOR THE SECOND DATE?
OH, SHIT.
CLASSIC.
YOU'D THINK I WAS 17.
I DON'T THINK THAT
THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
REALLY?
SO YOU'VE NEVER BEEN CAUGHT
WITH YOUR TONGUE
DOWN SOME GIRL'S THROAT?
WELL, MY PARENTS...
YOU KNOW, THEY
WEREN'T THAT STRICT, SO..
WELL, YOU'RE A BOY.
AND I WAS ALWAYS
KIND OF A GOOD KID.
OH, YOU WERE, WERE YOU?
YEAH.
WELL, LET ME TEACH
YOU HOW TO BE BAD.
GO ON.
GET INSIDE.
CALL ME?
I MIGHT...
BE ABLE TO WAIT
TILL TOMORROW, BUT...
I'M GOING TO BE
THINKING ABOUT YOU
ALL NIGHT.
UM... I DIDN'T WANT THE
BOYS TO COME ACROSS
AS ONE-DIMENSIONAL MONSTERS,
AND WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SHOW
IS THAT I THINK THAT,
IN OUR CULTURE,
THAT SOMETIMES BOYS ARE
CONDONED FOR THEIR ACTIONS,
AND THE MESSAGE IS, "GO
AHEAD, RAPE THESE GIRLS.
THE GIRLS ARE FOR RAPING."
WELL, IT SEEMS TO ME
THAT THE REAL
MONSTERS IN YOUR BOOK
ARE YOUR PARENTS.
NO.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T WANT MY
PARENTS TO COME ACROSS AS EVIL.
I LOVE MY PARENTS SO MUCH.
YOU KNOW, AND WHEN THAT...
THING HAPPENED,
THEY WERE JUST DEVASTATED,
BUT, YOU KNOW, I
THINK, AS ADULTS,
THEY HAD THE POWER
TO HELP ME OVERCOME IT,
AND THEY CHOSE NOT TO,
AND INSTEAD, IT FESTERED
INTO A PATHOLOGY,
AND I THINK THE SUM OF IT
MADE ME PRETTY
DYSFUNCTIONAL, YOU KNOW.
IT PROBABLY MADE ME
INTO THE DYSFUNCTIONAL
LIAR THAT I WAS
FOR MOST OF MY YOUNG ADULT LIFE.
YOU KNOW...
THAT'S A VERY BRAVE THING TO
ADMIT ABOUT YOURSELF, JENNY.
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, I THINK
THAT'S WHY I WRITE.
BECAUSE...
YOU JUST WANT TO GET
ALL OF THIS STUFF OUT.
WOW...
I DON'T THINK I'VE
EVER OPENED LIKE THIS
TO SOMEONE BEFORE.
YOU'VE MADE ME FEEL VERY SAFE.
THANK YOU FOR THAT.
WOW...
FANCY.
WHAT, DOES THAT
MAKE THE BED POP OUT?
NICE BEATS.
YEAH? YEAH, GOOD BEATS.
THIS MAKES THE BED POP OUT.
PAPI?
MM?
UM...
WELL, I... I JUST, UH...
I JUST FEEL LIKE MAYBE...
I FEEL LIKE MAYBE YOU'RE
MOVING A LITTLE FAST.
WE NEED TIME FOR THE FULL TOUR.
I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU PLACES
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BEFORE.
OH...
I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT, PAPI.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
YOU LIKE THAT?
WOW...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CIRCLES.
MAGIC CIRCLES.
CIRCLES.
CIRCLES ARE GOOD, RIGHT?
OH, YEAH, CIRCLES ARE GOOD.
UH-HUH.
YEAH, CIRCLES.
OH, WOW, CIRCLES.
YOU LIKE THAT?
OH, YEAH, I THINK I
REALLY LIKE CIRCLES.
OH, WOW...
YEAH, CIRCLES.
CIRCLES ARE GREAT, PAPI.
CIRCLES ARE REALLY GREAT, PAPI.
OH, PAPI...
OH, PAPI...
HERE, GIRL.
OH, MY GOD, PAPI.
PAPI...
PAPI!
HEY, COME ON IN.
I FEEL LIKE I NEVER
SEE YOU ANYMORE.
YOU'RE SO BUSY.
I SAW YOU EARLIER THIS EVENING.
OH, IT WAS JUST A FEELING.
I'M ALLOWED MY... MY
FEELINGS, AREN'T I?
WHAT'S WRONG?
DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?
WHERE'S ANGUS?
I FEEL SO DAMN GUILTY.
KIT, YOU TOLD ME THAT
YOU WERE CLEAR ABOUT THIS.
YOU SAID THAT YOU
AND ANGUS BOTH AGREED
THIS WAS THE RIGHT DECISION.
IT WAS THE RIGHT DECISION,
BUT I FEEL SO SAD FOR ANGUS.
HE'S TRYING TO BE
REAL BRAVE ABOUT IT,
BUT I KNOW HE FEELS SO SAD.
YOU KNOW, KIT, YOU CAN
BE SAD FOR YOURSELF, TOO.
I'M JUST GLAD HE'S NOT HERE
TO SEE ME BEING THIS SAD,
BECAUSE IT WOULD
ONLY MAKE HIM SADDER.
YOU THINK MAYBE I CAN HAVE...
HAVE A LITTLE HUG?
OH, WOW...
HOW DO YOU SAY,
"I'M DONE" IN SPANISH?
YOU'RE NOT DONE.
NO? MM-MM.
OH, PAPI!
PAPI!
THAT'S HOW YOU
SAY MY NAME, GIRL.
OH...
WHOO!
WOW...
OKAY, WELL,
DO YOU WANT TO COME IN, OR...
OH, NO, NO, NO,
THANKS, THOUGH,
BUT IT'S AGAINST THE RULES.
RULE NUMBER ONE...
PAPI DOESN'T DO BREAKFAST.
OH, OKAY.
WELL, IT WAS FUN.
I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME.
SO DID I.
YOU KNOW, I'M GLAD I FOUND YOU.
OKAY...
ALL RIGHT, ALICE.
SEE YOU AROUND.
OKAY.
WHOO!
WELL, WELL, WELL,
SOMEONE HAD A BUSY NIGHT.
YEAH, I WAS WORKING.
WORKING?
YEAH, WORKING PRETTY HARD.
ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU.
SEE YOU LATER!
OKAY.
OH, MY GOD.
REALLY?
REALLY, PAPI?
WOW.
THAT GIRL DOES NOT QUIT.
IT'S KIND OF FREAKING ME OUT.
I MEAN, SHE IS THE
BOSS' DAUGHTER,
AND I'M NOT EVEN OUT AT WORK.
SO YOU SHOULD COME OUT.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
COMING OUT FOR ME...
IT'S NOT THE SAME
AS IT IS FOR YOU.
HMM.
SHE SAID THAT IT
WAS GOING TO BE OUT
FIRST THING THIS MORNING,
SO I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY I CAN'T FIND IT,
BECAUSE WHEN SHE CALLED
ME TO GET SOME COMMENTS,
SHE SAID THE REVIEW
WAS ALREADY DONE.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING
TO LET ME READ THE REVIEWS
BEFORE YOU LOOKED AT THEM.
NO, I DON'T NEED
TO WITH THIS ONE.
WE HAD THIS UNDERSTANDING,
AND, YOU KNOW, I THINK
THAT'S THE KIND OF
THING THAT HAPPENS
WHEN TWO GAY WOMEN
SPEAK TO EACH OTHER.
OH, YAY!
HERE IT IS. OKAY, READY?
JENNIFER SCHECTER,
SOME OF HER PARTS.
OKAY, READY?
"JENNIFER SCHECTER'S
"AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL EXAMINATION
"OF HER VIOLATED CHILDHOOD
"IS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT,
SELF-INDULGENT,
AND SELF-PITYING"?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAYBE YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T
BE READING THIS RIGHT NOW.
"SCHECTER IS AN
UNDISCIPLINED WRITER
"WHO APPLIES A SLOPPY
SOLIPSISTIC LOGIC
"TO AN UNDISCIPLINED LIFE.
"HER CENTRAL THESIS
"THAT CHILDHOOD SEXUAL
ABUSE IS BOTH A CAUSE
"AND AN EXCUSE
"FOR DECEITFUL ADULT BEHAVIOR
"IS BOTH INSULTING AND
DANGEROUS TO THOSE MYRIAD WOMEN
WHO HAVE SUFFERED AT THE
HANDS OF PREDATORY MEN."
HMM.
OKAY.
C'EST LA VIE.
FUCK YOU, STACEY MERKIN!
FUCK YOU!
JENNY, COME ON, THE KID'S HERE.
OH, MY GOD, MY BAG!
I WAS WAIT-LISTED FOR THIS BAG!
OKAY, WE'RE CLEANING IT UP.
IT'S OKAY, RIGHT?
WHAT ARE YOU SCREAMING ABOUT?
NOTHING.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I SPILLED.
OH, UH, OKAY.
NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED.
WHAT HAPPENED IS
THAT STACEY MERKIN
REVEALED HERSELF
TO BE A TRUE CUNT...
HEY!
PLEASE.
AND SHE USED HER GAYNESS
TO GET ME TO OPEN UP,
AND THE THING IS, SHAY,
I DIDN'T EVEN WANT
TO DO THE FUCKING...
SECOND TIME.
INTERVIEW
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
ARE YOU DONE?
YEAH.
SHAY... SHAY...
LISTEN, THERE'S MAC AND CHEESE
IN THE FREEZER, ALL RIGHT?
AND IF I'M NOT GOING
TO BE BACK FOR LUNCH,
JENNY'S GOING TO HELP
YOU WITH THE STOVE.
OKAY?
OKAY.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
HAVE FUN.
YOU WATCH IT.
SHAY, SAY,
"STACEY MERKIN'S
A FUCKING CUNT."
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
BECAUSE STACEY
MERKIN'S A FUCKING CUNT.
NO, HE'S NOT GOING TO SAY IT.
SAY IT, SAY IT. HAVE
A GREAT DAY, JENNY.
STACEY MERKIN'S A FUCKING CUNT.
HEY, DO YOU HAVE A SECOND?
JESUS... OH, NADIA.
I'M SORRY, I... I'M
JUST SO EXCITED.
I FOUND THE BOOK,
AND IT IS FANTASTIC.
HEADS-WILL-ROLL
IS GOING TO LOVE IT.
"HEADS-WILL-ROLL?"
EVC KROLL.
WE CALL HER
HEADS-WILL-ROLL KROLL
BECAUSE SHE FIRES AT
LEAST ONE DEAN A YEAR.
OH. LOOK AT THIS.
OKAY, AS YOU KNOW,
THIS IS THE ORIGINAL.
MM-HMM.
BUT WE ARE GOING
TO MAKE THIS C.U.
MM...
AND I'M GOING TO
MAKE YOU LITTLE NEMO,
BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR DREAM
FOR THE FUTURE OF
THE SCHOOL OF THE ARTS.
NO...
NO, LITTLE NEMO IS A STUDENT.
MAKE IT A BOY,
BECAUSE MOST OF
THE TRUSTEES ARE MEN,
AND THEY'RE SO SENTIMENTAL
ABOUT THEIR BOYHOODS,
AND I WANT YOU TO FOCUS
ON THE SCHOOL OF THE ARTS,
BUT I ALSO WANT
YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE
THE OTHER DEPARTMENTS
OF THE UNIVERSITY.
LIKE, MAKE THIS PHYSICS, AND...
MAKE THIS ATHLETICS.
OKAY?
WOW.
YOU...
YOU'RE AMAZING.
UH, PRESTON,
I WAS JUST COMING TO SEE YOU.
WELL, GOOD WORK, NADIA.
SO YOU SEE WHERE
I'M GOING WITH THIS?
YES, ABSOLUTELY, I DO.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY...
CAN I CALL YOU BETTE?
SHE COULD CALL ME
ANYTHING SHE WANTS.
"DEAN PORTER" IS JUST FINE.
HEY, MARTA?
CAN YOU GET MY LITTLE BROTHER
A SMOOTHIE OR SOMETHING?
A SMOOTHIE?
YES, A SMOOTHIE.
IS IT SO HARD TO GET THE
KID A FUCKING SMOOTHIE?
MARTA, DON'T GIVE ME SHIT.
JUST GET ME A SMOOTHIE.
SHANE, YOUR NEXT
CLIENT'S STILL WAITING,
AND CAN I GET YOUR
SIGNATURE ON THIS THING?
JODI LERNER'S GOING TO
BE HERE IN THREE WEEKS.
IT'S SUCH A COUP,
GETTING HER AS AN
ARTIST-IN-RESIDENCE.
I LOVE IT.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO TRY TO COAX
LEE BONTECOU OR JOHN BALDESSARI.
AND ED RUSCHA. HE
OWES ME A FAVOR.
I ALSO HAVE A LIST OF ALL
OF OUR EQUIPMENT NEEDS,
BECAUSE IF WE'RE TO
BE TRULY COMPETITIVE
WITH THE REST OF THE TOP TIER...
PHYLLIS?
I'M SORRY. GO ON.
YEAH.
IF WE'RE TO BE TRULY COMPETITIVE
WITH THE REST OF THE TOP TIER,
THEN WE'LL NEED TO UPGRADE
OUR DIGITAL MEDIA RESOURCES.
I'VE BEEN MARRIED
23 YEARS, BETTE.
I HAVE TWO CHILDREN.
THEY'RE BOTH GONE
AWAY TO COLLEGE.
ARE YOU OKAY, PHYLLIS?
ARE YOUR CHILDREN OKAY?
HAVE YOU EVER HAD THE CONVICTION
YOU'VE BEEN LIVING A
LIE YOUR WHOLE LIFE?
NO.
ACTUALLY, I HAVEN'T.
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
YOU'RE COURAGEOUS.
YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE
BOLDLY, HONESTLY.
I WISH I COULD
TAKE YOUR EXAMPLE.
PHYLLIS, YOU ARE A WOMAN OF
INCREDIBLE ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
I CANNOT POSSIBLY SEE...
I THINK I'M A LESBIAN, BETTE.
OH.
IN FACT, I KNOW I AM.
I'VE KNOWN IT
SINCE I FELL IN LOVE WITH
MY COLLEGE ROOMMATE.
MM...
WE DIDN'T ACT ON IT.
I WAS TOO AFRAID.
IT DIDN'T FIT IN WITH MY LIFE.
GOSH...
I WONDER WHERE SHE IS.
I WONDER IF SHE EVEN REMEMBERS.
I JUST CAN'T KEEP THIS
INSIDE ANYMORE, BETTE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I... NO...
WAIT, NO, NO, I DON'T.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
I HAVE TO FIND OUT
ABOUT THESE FEELINGS.
I HAVE TO FIND OUT
ABOUT WHAT I'VE MISSED.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU...
WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO SOMEONE?
I MEAN, MAYBE A THERAPIST, OR...
I'VE BEEN LYING TO MY
THERAPIST FOR YEARS.
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, BETTE.
ME?
WHY ME?
BECAUSE YOU SEEM SO
COMFORTABLE WITH IT.
YOU...
YOU SEEM SO FULFILLED,
AND I HAVE TO KNOW
HOW YOU'VE DONE THAT.
IT'S A PROCESS, PHYLLIS.
I MEAN, IT WASN'T ALWAYS EASY.
GOD, I SURE AS HELL HOPE
IT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR ME.
DO YOU... DO YOU THINK
IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME?
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE, PHYLLIS.
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE.
WHERE IS SHE?
I WANT HER TO
LOOK ME IN THE EYE,
AND SAY ALL OF THIS TO MY FACE.
SHE'S A FREELANCE WRITER.
SHE DOESN'T HAVE AN OFFICE HERE.
OH, YEAH? WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
JOLEEN.
JOLEEN, YOU'RE A LIAR...
BECAUSE I CAN SEE RIGHT HERE.
I SEE THAT STACEY
MERKIN IS IN SUITE 293,
AND I'M GOING TO GO TO
HER OFFICE RIGHT NOW!
I TOLD YOU,
SHE'S NOT HERE!
SHE COMES IN ONCE A
WEEK FOR A STAFF MEETING.
OH, YEAH?
LET ME ASK YOU
SOMETHING, JOLEEN.
DID YOU READ THAT LITTLE
PIECE OF SHIT REVIEW
THAT SHE WROTE ABOUT ME
IN YOUR LITTLE
MAGAZINE CALLED CURVE?
BECAUSE, ACTUALLY,
I GOT A RAVE REVIEW IN
PUBLISHER'S WEEKLY MAGAZINE.
CAN YOU JUST LOOK
UP MY REVIEW, PLEASE?
JENNIFER SCHECTER.
GOOD FOR YOU, JENNIFER,
BUT THEN YOU
SHOULDN'T GIVE A SHIT
WHAT SHE WROTE IN THIS
PIECE OF SHIT MAGAZINE.
WELL, I DO GIVE A SHIT,
BECAUSE I THINK
SHE SHOULD BE FIRED!
I THINK SHE USED
DUPLICITOUS METHODS
TO GET ME TO OPEN UP.
DUPLICITOUS?
YES, SHE USED HER
SEXUAL ORIENTATION
AND HER GAYNESS
TO GET ME TO OPEN UP,
AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT
"MERKIN" MEANS, JOLEEN?
VAGINA WIG.
THAT'S WHAT HER NAME MEANS.
SHAME ON YOU
FOR NOT CORRECTING HER
SLOPPY SYNTAX AND GRAMMAR.
SHANE?
YEAH.
I NEED YOU TO COME
AND CHECK THIS OUT.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT?
OH, SHIT, SHAY...
UM...
OKAY, UM, HEY, MARTA?
MARTA?
WOULD YOU GET ME A MOP, PLEASE?
HEY, SHAY?
SHAY, DON'T WORRY, OKAY?
DON'T SWEAT IT.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
SHANE! WHAT?
THE DYE'S ALL FUCKED
UP. LOOK AT THIS.
ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'LL MIX SOME MORE.
JUST TAKE A FUCKIN' PILL, OKAY?
I'LL HELP YOU.
HEY, MARTA,
WILL YOU TELL MY
BROTHER TO COME BACK IN?
THANK YOU.
HEY, MARTA...
MARTA...
DID YOU ASK MY BROTHER
TO COME BACK IN?
HE LEFT.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, HE LEFT?
HE JUST WALKED OUT THE DOOR.
HE'S NINE.
JESUS CHRIST!
WHAT, IS LIFE SO
FUCKING HARD FOR YOU?
YOU'RE FIRED.
AGAIN?
SHAY!
SHANE SOUNDED REALLY UPSET.
HERE SHE IS.
HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN MISSING?
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN,
MY FUCKING WORTHLESS
ASSISTANT SAID
HE COULD BE WANDERING
AROUND ROBERTSON,
BUT I DON'T KNOW.
OKAY, WELL, WE'LL
CHECK ON THESE STREETS,
AND THEN WE'LL HEAD OVER
TO THE BEVERLY CENTER, OKAY?
WE CAN CHECK OUT THE PARK.
OKAY.
WE NEED MORE PEOPLE.
I CAN'T GET THROUGH TO HELENA.
ME AND JENNY CAN
GO TO THE SKATE PARK
AND CHECK IT OUT, RIGHT?
YEAH, AND WE'LL ASK
EVERYBODY IF THEY'VE SEEN HIM.
AND HAVE YOU FILED
A POLICE REPORT YET?
NO, NO, NO, BUT KIT
SAID SHE WAS GOING TO.
SO WILL YOU JUST CALL
ME AND LET ME KNOW?
YES, ABSOLUTELY.
OKAY, BYE.
THANK YOU, GUYS.
BYE.
DON'T WORRY,
SHANE, WE'LL FIND HIM!
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, NO...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I
NEED A PICTURE OF HIM?
NO, NO, NO, NO, I DON'T
HAVE A PICTURE OF HIM.
I HAVEN'T KNOWN
HIM FOR THAT LONG!
FUCKIN' MORON.
AND WHAT ARE YOU, FUCKING BLIND?
HEY, LET'S ASK THIS GUY.
HEY, BUDDY!
HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN
A KID AROUND HERE?
LIKE, NINE YEARS OLD.
HE HAS BROWN HAIR AND BLUE EYES,
AND HE WAS WEARING,
LIKE, A GRAY SWEATSHIRT.
NAH, SORRY.
HOW OLD DID YOU
SAY YOU WERE AGAIN?
I'LL BE 10 IN NOVEMBER.
10, HUH?
SO YOU KNOW WHAT
HAPPENS TO 10-YEAR-OLD BOYS
THAT RUN AWAY,
DON'T YOU?
NOW...
SHAY?
MS. McCUTCHEON...
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD...
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?
IT'S JUST LUCKY IT WAS
ME THAT PICKED HIM UP
AND NOT SOME WHACKO.
I'M SORRY.
HAD A HARD TIME
FINDING YOUR NUMBER
TO YOUR STORE.
HE TOLD ME THE NAME OF IT.
WAX... I THOUGHT IT WAS
A FLOOR-SHINING PLACE
OR SOMETHING.
DON'T EVER RUN
AWAY FROM ME AGAIN.
DO YOU HEAR ME?
WHERE DID YOU THINK
YOU WERE GOING TO GO?
HOME.
LOOK...
I'M YOUR HOME NOW, OKAY?
AND WE BOTH HAVE
TO GET USED TO THAT.
OKAY?
THANK YOU.
THIS IS CRAZY.
WE ARE NEVER GOING
TO FIND HIM HERE.
I KNOW.
OH, IT'S SHANE.
HEY, SHANE...
HEY, BUDDY, HOW'S IT...
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS...
SHE FOUND HIM?
THAT'S GREAT!
WOW...
OKAY, YEAH.
WE'LL JUST SEE YOU
BACK AT THE HOUSE.
YEAH, TAKE YOUR TIME.
YEAH, GET HIM A BIG BURGER.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.
OKAY, BYE.
WOW.
OH, THANK GOD, THANK GOD.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
FANTASTIC.
WHO'S THAT?
UM...
THAT'S UH...
PAPI.
SO WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME BACK
FOR A NIGHTCAP?
UH...
RULE NUMBER TWO...
NEVER GO HOME WITH A GIRL
WHOSE ROOMMATE YOU JUST POPPED
THAT SAME MORNING.
BUT, UH...
THANKS FOR THE OFFER.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY:
LINE 21 MEDIA SERVICES
LTD. VANCOUVER, B.C. 2006
IF IT ISN'T JENNIFER SCHECTER,
AUTHOR OF SOME OF HER PARTS.
OF COURSE I'M GOING TO
READ MY OWN REVIEWS.
WHY SHOULDN'T I?
FREAK,
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING,
THINKING YOU WERE GOING TO MARRY
THAT RIDICULOUS GIRL?
ALICE WORKED FOR WEEKS
SETTING THIS WEDDING UP.
HELENA SPENT A SMALL FORTUNE.
WHAT SHANE DID IS TERRIBLE,
AND COMPLETELY UNFORGIVABLE.
I KNEW YOU WERE HIS DAUGHTER,
AND IT WASN'T JUST
BECAUSE OF THE NAME.
IT WAS A PICTURE.
I MEAN, LOOK AT
ALL THREE OF YOU.
I LEFT YOU A GIFT. IT'S
ON THE BACK PORCH.
I'M CUTTING YOU OFF FINANCIALLY.
A MOVIE STUDIO
PARAMOUNT WAS
LOOKING TO ACQUIRE...
YOUR MOTHER WANTED TO UNLOAD IT
BEFORE SHE LEFT FOR ANTIGUA.
WHO'S AARON KORNBLUTH?
HE'S OUR NEW BOSS.
WE'RE MEETING HIM ON WEDNESDAY.
MY DAUGHTER BROOKE'S
COMING HOME FROM MT. HOLYOKE.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
THE TWO OF YOU WOULD HIT IT OFF.
PHYLLIS...
YEAH, I CAN'T WAIT
TO GET STARTED.
I WILL SEE YOU ON
CAMPUS MONDAY MORNING.
WHO THE HELL IS PAPI?
THIS MORNING, IT WAS 1,150,
WITH THE QUESTION THAT IS
ON EVERYONE'S MIND TONIGHT...
WHERE'S PAPI?
ALICE!
HEY, ALICE!
ALICE! ALICE, OVER HERE!
ALICE, RIGHT?
FROM THE RADIO?
YEAH. YOU SCARED ME.
HERE I AM.
R-REALLY? YOU'RE...
PAPI.
I HEAR YOU'VE BEEN
LOOKIN' FOR ME.
YOU'RE PAPI?
SI. THAT'S ME.
EXCUSE ME, HONEY.
ARE YOU ALICE "PISQUECKI"?
UH-HUH.
WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT
YOU WERE LOOKING FOR ME...
SEE HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME.
I'VE BEEN LISTENING
TO YOUR PROGRAM
EVERY SINGLE DAY.
SHE'S BEEN WAITING
HER WHOLE LIFE
TO BE DISCOVERED.
ALICE!
HELLO! OH!
MY WONDERFUL LADY, I AM PAPI...
SHE'S LOOKING FOR
WOMEN, YOU IDIOTS.
WHY DON'T YOU FUCK OFF, EH?
WELL, I LOOK MORE WOMAN THAN...
YOU WANNA GO WITH ME?
BRING IT.
I SUPPOSE SHE'S PAPI, TOO?
OH, WELL, "PAPI" MEANS "DADDY."
YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?
YOU GOING TO FIND A LOT
OF PAPIS HERE TONIGHT.
AH-HA...
♪ GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES
WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES ♪
♪ CHICKS DRIVING FAST
INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES ♪
♪ WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE,
LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE ♪
♪ THIS IS THE WAY IT'S
THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪
♪ TALKING, LAUGHING
LOVING, BREATHING ♪
♪ FIGHTING, FUCKING
CRYING, DRINKING ♪
♪ WRITING, WINNING
LOSING, CHEATING ♪
♪ KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING ♪
♪ THIS IS THE WAY... ♪
♪ IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪
♪ IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪
♪ AND LOVE ♪
HEY, IS THIS GARY DOUGLAS?
I-I'M LOOKING FOR A GUY
NAMED GABE McCUTCHEON.
UM, UM...
SEE, I'M HIS DAUGHTER, AND
I WAS HOPING YOU MIGHT...
I KNOW, I-I TRIED THERE,
AND THEY SAID THEY
HAVEN'T SEEN HIM
SINCE THE, UH...
RIGHT.
RIGHT, I UNDERSTAND,
BUT DO YOU THINK YOU
MIGHT KNOW ANYBODY ELSE
THAT COULD...
OKAY.
NO, UM, THANK YOU.
OKAY, BYE.
FUCK!
STILL NO LUCK, HUH?
NO.
YOU KNOW, I COULD DO A
COMPUTER SEARCH IF YOU WANT.
I MEAN, THERE'S THIS
GREAT NEW PROGRAM
FOR TRACKING DOWN
MISSING PEOPLE.
IT ACCESSES POLICE
RECORDS, AND...
I MEAN, I COULD
LOOK FOR CARLA, TOO.
I HOPE IT WORKS.
JENNY, HE'S A SWEET KID.
I KNOW THAT HE'S A SWEET KID,
BUT THE THING IS, SHANE...
WHAT?
YOUR FRIENDS JUST
MISS SEEING YOU.
JENNY, I HAVEN'T GONE ANYWHERE.
WELL, I THINK THAT
YOU'RE HIDING.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE...
YOU'RE SORT OF
DISTRACTING YOURSELF
BY TRYING TO GET THE
KID OFF YOUR HANDS.
I'M SORRY.
BALLARD AND GAVIN HAVE THIS
LITTLE REAL ESTATE DISPUTE
ONCE OR TWICE A YEAR.
GOOD MORNING, CHANCELLOR KROLL.
GOOD MORNING!
IT'S BEEN GOING ON SINCE
BALLARD GOT TENURE...
PHYLLIS, DID YOU GET MY
NEW BUDGET REQUEST?
I GOT IT, RANDY, THANKS.
I RECOMMEND YOU GIVE GAVIN
SOME EXTRA STUDIO SPACE.
HI, CHANCELLOR KROLL!
GOOD MORNING TO YOU!
MORNING, CHANCELLOR KROLL.
I PUT HIM ON THE
SELECTION COMMITTEE
TO CHOOSE THE ARCHITECT
FOR THE NEW BUILDING.
HE SEEMS HAPPY.
NOW LET'S TALK
ABOUT YOUR BUILDING.
WE'VE SET ASIDE THE OLD
HUMANITIES DEPARTMENT
FOR YOUR NEW BUILDING.
NOW, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS
RAISE THE MONEY TO BUILD IT.
WELL, I'VE WORKED UP A LIST.
I DON'T SEE IT AS A
HUGE CHALLENGE.
EXCELLENT.
HAVE WE TALKED ABOUT
THE TRUSTEES' BRUNCH?
NEXT SATURDAY.
AT MY HOUSE.
MY HUSBAND MIGHT
COME DOWN FOR IT.
HE'S AT STANFORD.
RIGHT,
THE DEAN OF THE
SCHOOL OF ENGINEERING.
MM-HMM.
I'M LOOKING FORWARD
TO MEETING HIM.
ANYWAY,
I'D LIKE YOU TO MAKE A
LITTLE PRESENTATION,
JUST A FEW MINUTES
ON YOUR GOALS,
THE WORLD-CLASS ARTISTS
YOU'LL BE BRINGING
HERE TO TEACH,
HOW YOU'RE GOING TO RE-ESTABLISH
CALIFORNIA
UNIVERSITY AS A LEADER
IN FINE ARTS EDUCATION.
IN 50 WORDS OR LESS?
I THINK I CAN DO THAT, PHYLLIS.
WELL, JUST BE SURE TO TELL THEM
YOU'LL BE DOING IT FOR ONE-THIRD
OF THE FORMER DEAN'S BUDGET.
WE HAVE GOT A BRILLIANT GROUP
OF T.A. CANDIDATES
FOR YOU TO INTERVIEW, BETTE.
THANK YOU.
WELL, THERE'S A
LOT OF COMPETITION.
YOU'RE THE MOST GLAMOROUS DEAN
THEY'VE HAD IN YEARS.
MATTHEW REESE WAS 85 AND BALD.
WELL, IT'S MORE ABOUT
YOUR BACKGROUND.
YOU SHOW "PROVOCATIONS"
WAS A FLASHPOINT
FOR THEIR GENERATION.
THEY ALL STILL SEEM TO THINK
YOU CAN CHANGE THE
WORLD THROUGH ART.
SO DO I.
GOOD MORNING, CHANCELLOR KROLL!
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN
THIS STEAMING PILE
OF SHIT ON MY DESK?
MOST OF IT PREDATES ME.
I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE
NINE MONTHS, AARON,
AND I HAD A MANDATE...
THERE'S A NEW MANDATE NOW, TINA,
AND THAT'S TO MAKE SHAOLIN
SYNONYMOUS WITH
THE 18-TO-24 MARKET.
I NEED PEOPLE AROUND ME
WHO ARE HIP TO THEIR TASTES,
WHO SPEAK THEIR LANGUAGE,
WHO CAN DELIVER THE
NEXT BRETT RATNER,
MARK LINDBERG.
TELL ME A MOVIE YOU'VE
ALWAYS WANTED TO MAKE.
TWISTED FOREST.
EVERY MONKEY IN THIS TOWN
WANTS TO MAKE TWISTED FOREST.
THE OLD BIDDY WON'T SELL.
SHE HATES HOLLYWOOD.
YEAH, BUT SHE
LOVES INDIAN CINEMA,
REALLY OBSCURE INDIAN CINEMA.
SHE'S A FREAK FOR SATYAJIT RAY,
AND WE TALKED FOR HOURS
ABOUT PATHER PANCHALI...
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
YOU SPOKE TO HER?
MM-HMM.
SHE ALSO LOVES MIRA NAIR,
WHICH IS WHAT SEALED THE DEAL.
WE'RE GOING TO START
AS SOON AS MIRA WRAPS
POST ON GANGSTA, MD.
SHE SOLD YOU THE RIGHTS?
WE'VE GOT TWISTED FOREST.
OKAY.
YOU GET TO STAY.
I NEED YOU TO DO ONE
LAST THING FOR ME.
WHAT'S THE DEAL
WITH HELENA PEABODY?
SHE'S A REALLY GREAT GAL.
SHE HAS A BIG HEART...
AND A REALLY BIG BANK ACCOUNT,
AND SHE ALMOST RAN
SHAOLIN INTO THE GROUND.
HERE'S WHAT I NEED
YOU TO DO FOR ME.
HE SENT YOU TO FIRE ME?
I'M SORRY, HELENA.
IT WAS A POWER TRIP.
HE'S A SCUMBAG.
I SCUMBAG YOU'RE WORKING FOR.
WELL, I NEED MY JOB BACK.
I COULDN'T AFFORD TO
TELL HIM TO GET FUCKED.
WELL...
WHY DID HE FIRE ME?
I THINK HE'S THREATENED BY YOU.
HE WANTS TO ESTABLISH
HIMSELF AS THE BOSS,
AND HE'S AFRAID THAT
EVERYONE'S GOING TO THINK
THAT HE WORKS FOR YOU.
OR IT COULD HAVE BEEN
THAT COMMENT YOU
MADE ABOUT HIS MOVIE,
ZOMBIES ON A TRAIN,
AND HOW IT APPEALED
TO THE PEOPLE
WITH THE INTELLECT OF A TROLL.
YEAH.
IF YOU HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE,
IF YOU LIKE TO
SPEND QUALITY TIME
WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND
OR BOYFRIEND,
VISIT YOUR MOTHER
ON THE WEEKENDS,
GO TO THE GYM
SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK
TO KEEP YOUR BODY
FIT AND HEALTHY,
I RESPECT THAT.
I EVEN ENVY IT,
BUT YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE.
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE
GOING TO T.A. FOR ME,
YOU SHOULDN'T
EXPECT TO HAVE A LIFE.
YOU'RE ONLY HERE
BECAUSE YOU ARE
INTENSELY DRIVEN,
AND YOU ARE AS
DETERMINED AS I AM
TO MAKE C.U. THE
DESTINATION ART SCHOOL
AHEAD OF RISD AND YALE,
AND THE ONLY REASON
YOU CAN EVEN CONTEMPLATE
TAKING ON THIS
ADDED RESPONSIBILITY
IN ADDITION TO YOUR
ALREADY INSANE COURSE LOAD
AND THE HOURS YOU SPEND
IN YOUR GRADUATE
STUDIO MAKING ART
IS THAT YOU ARE YOUNG ENOUGH
AND FOOLISH ENOUGH
TO THINK THAT YOU CAN GET BY
ON THREE HOURS OF SLEEP A NIGHT.
"TONIGHT, 10:00
P.M. I'LL BE THERE.
WILL YOU?"
OH, YEAH, SURE YOU WILL, PAPI.
YOU CALL YOUR COMPUTER "PAPI"?
OH, NO.
IT'S THIS GIRL ON OUR CHART.
PAPI.
YOU KNOW, SHE HAS
MORE HITS THAN SHANE.
HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS?
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
OH, RIGHT.
STUCK IN THE FAR
REACHES OF HETEROVILLE,
THAT'S RIGHT.
YES, IT'S SO SCARY.
OOH...
OOH, SCARY...
I THINK I REMEMBER YOU
LURKING AROUND THERE
A COUPLE YEARS AGO.
BUT I DID COME TO MY SENSES.
SEE, THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN YOU AND ME.
HEY, GIRL.
KIT, HI! HOW ARE YOU?
OH, GIRL, I'M OKAY, THANK YOU.
OH, BUT I CAN TELL YOU,
I SURE WOULD HAVE LOVED
A LARGE GLASS OF
RED WINE AFTERWARDS.
I SWEAR, I...
OH, I JUST FELT SO... SAD.
I'VE NEVER HAD AN ABORTION.
IT MUST BE REALLY HARD.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
IT WAS THE REASON
WHY I HAD SO MUCH TROUBLE
GETTING PREGNANT WITH ANGELICA.
I HAD TWO IN MY EARLY 20s.
REALLY?
MM-HMM.
AND NOW YOU HAVE A LITTLE ANGEL.
YEAH,
BUT ONLY 50% OF THE TIME.
AND HER OTHER MOTHER HAS HER
THE OTHER 50% OF THE TIME,
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
IT'S HARD ON BETTE,
TOO, YOU KNOW.
OH...
AND ANGELICA MUST
NEVER HEAR YOU SAY
THAT BETTE IS ANY LESS
HER MOTHER THAN YOU ARE.
I KNOW. I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT.
I...
I KNOW.
IT'S FINE.
WELL, HOLY FUCK.
AS I LIVE AND BREATHE.
WOW. SHANE...
WELL, LOOK WHO
FINALLY SHOWED UP.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
I WAS WONDERING WHEN
SHE WOULD RE-EMERGE.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
HEY. PRETTY GOOD.
HEY.
LOOKS LIKE CARMEN FOUND YOU.
SO WHO'S THIS GENTLEMAN, HUH?
SHAY.
WELL, HI, SHAY.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
YOU HUNGRY?
WHY DON'T YOU COME ON OVER HERE,
AND I'LL HOOK YOU UP,
AND YOU CAN TALK
TO YOUR FRIENDS.
HEY.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
YEAH, YOU TOO.
IT WAS NICE GETTING
TO KNOW YOU, ERIC.
WE'LL TALK SOON.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR
TIME, DEAN PORTER.
SURE.
AND WHAT WAS THAT
MATERIAL CALLED?
OH, SYNDECRETE.
IT'S AMAZING STUFF.
IT WAS DEVELOPED BY DAVID HERTZ.
RIGHT. I'LL LOOK INTO IT.
OKAY.
AND NEXT, WE HAVE...
NADIA.
DON'T TELL ME.
NADIA KARELLA.
THAT'S VERY GOOD, DEAN PORTER.
IT'S ITALIAN?
HAVE YOU HEARD BACK
FROM FRANKLIN YET, JAMES?
OH, YEAH.
HE'S COMING TO THE
PLANNING BRUNCH,
AND HE SAID HE'D BE HONORED
TO JOIN THE COMMITTEE.
IT'S GREEK.
IT'S MY STEPFATHER'S NAME.
OH, GREAT.
I LOVE GREECE.
I USED TO SPEND EVERY
SUMMER IN MYKONOS.
A BUNCH OF ARTISTS
AND COLLECTORS...
MY STEPFATHER HAS
A HOUSE IN MYKONOS.
OH, GREAT.
COME ON IN.
SHAY, I KNOW YOU'RE
GOING TO LOVE
THESE FRENCH FRIES.
HUH?
YOU WANT SOME KETCHUP?
HEY, SHAY?
YOU DOING OKAY?
GOOD.
HELENA HATES ME, DOESN'T SHE?
NO, SHE DOESN'T HATE YOU,
BUT, YOU KNOW,
APART FROM CARMEN,
SHE IS THE ONE WHO
GOT HURT THE MOST.
YOU KNOW SHE'S MY ROOMMATE NOW?
REALLY?
MM-HMM.
WELL, THEN, WHAT DO YOU THINK
I CAN DO TO MAKE IT UP TO HER?
YOU GOT $40 MILLION
STASHED AWAY IN A SOCK?
WHAT?
I'M AN INDUSTRIAL DESIGN MAJOR.
I DID GRAPHIC DESIGN
AS AN UNDERGRAD.
DR. KROLL, ACTUALLY,
REALLY, UH, LIKED THAT LAST ONE.
YOU DESIGNED THIS PROSPECTUS
FOR DR. KROLL?
MM-HMM.
YEAH, NO, SHE WENT ON AND ON
ABOUT HOW, UH,
IT WAS UTTERLY DISTINCTIVE,
BUT, UH, SHE HAD NO IDEA
THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY
COMPLETELY DERIVATIVE.
OF LASZLO MOHOLY-NAGY.
WELL, THAT'S ACCEPTABLE.
I WAS INSPIRED BY YOUR SHOW
AT THE C.A.C.
YOU INTRODUCED ME TO
MOHOLY-NAGY AND EL LISSITZKY.
SO YOU SAW THE
CONSTRUCTIVISM SHOW?
IT BLEW ME AWAY.
I-I'D JUST ARRIVED IN L.A.,
AND I WAS ONE OF
THOSE EAST COAST GIRLS
WHO, YOU KNOW,
THINKS THAT CALIFORNIA
IS COMPLETELY DEVOID
OF ANY SORT OF CULTURE.
WHICH IS AN OBSOLETE CLICHE.
RIGHT, NO, I KNOW.
I KNOW THAT NOW.
WOW.
ARE YOU... ARE YOU AN ATHLETE?
NO.
WHY?
BECAUSE YOU HAVE, UH...
BECAUSE YOU HAVE
VERY BEAUTIFUL ARMS.
UH...
I DO SOME...
YOU KNOW, JUST A LITTLE YOGA
EVERY NOW AND AGAIN.
I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY TIME
TO DO ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT.
MY EX-GIRLFRIEND WAS
A PROFESSIONAL BOXER,
AND YOUR ARMS SORT OF
REMIND ME OF HERS.
WELL, I'M NOT A BOXER,
SO I'D BETTER NOT GET
IN THE RING WITH HER.
UH...
ANYWAY.
I HAVE TO MAKE A PRESENTATION
AT THE TRUSTEES' BRUNCH,
AS YOU KNOW,
AND I WOULD LIKE
TO USE A METAPHOR.
I WANT TO USE A
METAPHOR ABOUT...
BEING IN A NEW PLACE,
FULL OF WONDER,
AND THERE'S THIS COMIC.
IT'S A LITTLE BOY, AND
IT'S HIS DREAMSCAPE,
AND THE DRAWINGS
ARE JUST EXQUISITE,
BUT I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME
REMEMBER WHO DID THEM.
WINSOR MCCAY.
YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH.
LITTLE NEMO IN SLUMBERLAND.
YEAH,
IT'S REALLY GENIUS, ACTUALLY.
I THINK DR. KROLL
WOULD LOVE THAT.
EVEN IF IT IS DERIVATIVE?
NO! GOD, NO, IT WOULDN'T BE.
I MEAN, BY THE TIME THAT
WE WERE DONE WITH IT,
WE COULD JUST...
I-I... UH, WOW, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE
PRESUMPTUOUS. I...
WELL, YOU ARE.
YOU'RE VERY PRESUMPTUOUS.
BUT WHY DON'T YOU COME
IN TOMORROW MORNING,
AND WE'LL GET STARTED?
THEN I'VE... GOT THE JOB?
WELL, I'D LIKE TO WORK WITH YOU
ON THIS PRESENTATION,
AND WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES.
WHEN DO YOU WANT ME?
9:00.
I'LL BE HERE AT 8:30.
THE REAL THING'S A BEAUTY.
PERFECT COMBINATION
OF STEP LOCATION
AND ANGLES OF ATTACK.
AND I BET SHE HAS
THE MERCURY E.F.I.
SUPER-VENTILATED, RIGHT?
IT WAS A CHOPPY DAY,
BUT I HAD HER UP TO 88 MPH
IN A MATTER OF SECONDS.
YOU'LL HAVE TO COME OUT WITH US
ONE WEEKEND.
YEAH, THAT'D BE GREAT.
BROOKE, THIS IS MAX SWEENEY.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
THANK YOU.
THAT'S SWEET.
I MADE A RESERVATION
AT HANCOCK PARK.
I HOPE THAT'S OKAY?
OOPS, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.
BROOKE'S A VEGETARIAN.
UM, DAD,
THAT WAS, LIKE, THREE YEARS AGO.
HANCOCK PARK SOUNDS WONDERFUL.
WELL, WHO CAN KEEP UP?
HERE, HONEY, LET ME
TAKE THE FLOWERS.
AND HE SENT TINA TO DO IT?
IT'S NOT HER FAULT.
SHE HAD NO CHOICE, REALLY.
OH, HELENA,
SHE'S A FUCKING COLLABORATOR.
IF SHE SAID NO TO THE GUY,
SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN OUT OF A JOB
AND WOULD HAVE
BEEN COMING AFTER YOU
FOR CHILD SUPPORT.
OH, COME ON, YOU GUYS,
DO YOU REALLY THINK
TINA WOULD DO THAT?
COME ON.
SHE'D BE ENTITLED TO IT.
I'M SORRY, BETTE,
BUT UNDER THE LAW,
SHE WOULD, WOULDN'T SHE?
OH, PROBABLY.
PROBABLY.
SPEAKING OF THE LAW, SHANE...
WHAT?
WHAT'S THE LAW
HAVE TO DO WITH HIM?
WELL, THERE'S SCHOOL, FOR ONE.
IT'S TRUE.
IT'S ILLEGAL TO KEEP A
CHILD OUT OF SCHOOL.
WELL, LET THEM ARREST ME.
WELL, HAVE YOU THOUGHT
ABOUT PLACEMENT?
IN L.A., THEY HAVE
THESE SERVICES.
YOU MEAN FOSTER CARE?
SHANE, I KNOW YOU'VE HAD
SOME REALLY WHACK
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES,
BUT WHAT ABOUT
PRIVATE SOCIAL SERVICES?
I MEAN, FOR KIDS THAT
DON'T HAVE FAMILIES...
HEY, SHAY...
HOW'D YOU LIKE YOUR CAKE?
HEY, DID YOU FINISH
YOUR MILKSHAKE?
I THINK I'M GOING TO THROW UP.
OH, UM...
LOOK, THE BATHROOM'S
RIGHT OVER THERE.
SHANE...
WHAT?
YOU SHOULD GO WITH HIM.
WHAT THE HELL AM
I SUPPOSED TO DO?
HOLD HIS HAIR.
HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY HAIR.
WOULD YOU JUST GO.
MAN, IS THAT A FUCKIN' DISASTER.
SHE'S SO NOT READY FOR THIS.
I WISH CARMEN WAS
HERE TO HELP HER.
YEAH, BUT SHE WASN'T READY
FOR CARMEN EITHER.
THIS GIRL THAT I
GO TO SCHOOL WITH,
SHE WAS ATTACKED,
AND IT WAS, LIKE,
ALL OVER THE NEWS
AND EVERYTHING.
THE GUY WAS BROUGHT
UP ON CHARGES.
EVERYONE KNEW HE DID IT,
AND HE STILL GOT
THE REYNOLDS GRANT
OVER MY FRIEND SARAH.
YEAH,
AND I BET ALL THE FRAT
GUYS GATHERED AROUND
AND SAID THE GIRL WAS
ASKING FOR IT, RIGHT?
YEAH, EVEN SOME
OF THE GIRLS SAID IT,
OR AT LEAST, THEY
DIDN'T STAND UP FOR HER.
BUT WHEN YOU FEEL
POWERLESS, I MEAN...
GIRLS SOMETIMES
BETRAY EACH OTHER
JUST TO KEEP THEIR
CONNECTION TO THEIR MAN,
BECAUSE THEY FEEL LIKE
WITHOUT A CONNECTION
TO SOME MAN,
THEY'RE TOTALLY
CUT OFF FROM POWER,
WHICH I IMAGINE IS,
LIKE, REALLY SCARY.
YOU KNOW?
YEAH.
WHAT?
I'VE JUST NEVER MET A GUY
WHO UNDERSTOOD THAT,
LET ALONE CARED.
WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY?
MONSIEUR?
YOU TRY.
THAT LADY MUST BE LOST, EH?
SHE'S NOT LOST.
SHE'S LOOKING FOR ME.
YOU LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY?
I AM,
BUT I THINK I MIGHT
HAVE BEEN SENT
ON ANOTHER WILD GOOSE CHASE.
DO YOU KNOW ANYBODY
BY THE NAME OF...
PAPI?
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR PAPI?
YOU SURE?
OKAY.
RIGHT OVER THERE.
THANK YOU.
HELLO.
MM...
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I
DON'T KNOW WHO THIS IS,
BUT I'M REALLY SICK
OF THESE GAMES,
AND I'M NOT GOING TO...
WHERE?
OKAY.
HOLA, MAMASITA...
HEY, DON'T EVEN!
OH, FUCK YOU!
OH, GOD...
OKAY...
WHAT'S THE PLAN?
ARE YOU TAKING ME TO PAPI?
I AIN'T GOT NO PLAN, BABY.
IT'S YOU WHO WANTED TO SEE ME.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
AGREEING TO SIT DOWN WITH ME.
I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE
A WRITING DEADLINE.
YEAH, I'M, UH,
I'M SUPPOSED TO HAND IN MY STORY
FOR THE NEW YORKER
TO MY AGENT TOMORROW,
SO I'M JUST, LIKE...
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU KNOW, I DID A STORY
FOR THE NEW YORKER
LAST YEAR.
I KNOW. I READ
IT, AND I LOVED IT.
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST FANTASTIC.
THAT'S WHY I SAID
I WANTED TO DO THE
INTERVIEW WITH YOU.
WELL, I MEAN, NOT SPECIFICALLY
BECAUSE YOU WROTE
FOR THE NEW YORKER, BUT...
ANYWAY.
UM, I TOLD THE PUBLICIST
THAT I DON'T WANT TO DO ANY
MORE GAY PRESS AFTER THIS.
WELL, THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE.
I MEAN, YOU DON'T
WANT TO BE GHETTOIZED
AS A LESBIAN WRITER.
WELL, NOT SPECIFICALLY
AS A LESBIAN,
BUT GHETTOIZED
AS A LESBIAN WRITER, A
MEMOIRIST... YOU KNOW.
I JUST WANT TO BE JENNY.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT HAPPY
UNLESS I'M QUALIFIED
WITH AT LEAST FIVE THINGS.
WHAT ARE YOUR FIVE THINGS?
UM... PUSSY-CHASING...
CUNT-ENTHUSIAST, HALF BUJEW...
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WHAT'S "BUJEW?"
BUJEW.
BUJEW.
BUJEW...
IT IS HALF JEWISH, BUT
PRACTICING BUDDHIST.
I'M JEWISH!
NICE! YES.
ROCK ON.
JEWISH SISTERHOOD.
WAY TO GO.
JEWISH LESBIANS...
BUT, ANYWAY,
THE REASON THAT I CHOOSE
TO WRITE FOR CURVE MAGAZINE
IS BECAUSE THEY LET ME
PICK THE BOOKS THAT I REVIEW,
AND I ONLY REVIEW BOOKS
THAT HOLD A REAL
SIGNIFICANCE TO ME.
WHY DOES SOME OF HER PARTS
HOLD SIGNIFICANCE TO YOU?
MY PARTNER'S A SURVIVOR.
OH, WOW.
HEY, PAPI!
HEY, AMIGOS!
HEY!
HEY...
HEY, EVERYONE!
PAPI'S IN THE HOUSE!
PAPI!
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
HERE, TRY THIS, TRY THIS.
AH?
YOU KNOW SHE LIKES IT, RIGHT?
ME GUSTA.
COME ON, GIRL.
AH, WHAT'S UP?
HEY, EVERYONE,
PAPI'S IN THE HOUSE!
HEY!
ALICIA!
YES!
HEY...
OH...
MUCHO GUSTO.
OH, WOW, THANK YOU.
WOW.
PAPI, HUH?
A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOW YOU HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU,
LIKE, THE POPE OF EAST L.A.?
ACTUALLY, IT'S PRONOUNCED PAPI.
WHAT?
IT'S OKAY.
IT'S JUST A LITTLE MORE LATINA
THAN YOUR TONGUE
IS USED TO, CHICA.
HERE, LET ME HELP YOU
TO SAY MY NAME RIGHT.
YOU MIGHT NEED IT LATER.
SO, AH...
OH... AH...
AH...
PI. PI. OH...
PAPI. PAPI.
MORE BETTER, GIRLIE.
MUCH MORE BETTER.
NOW, WHAT CAN I
HELP YOU WITH, HUH?
NOT A LOT OF LADIES
PUT AN APB OUT ON ME
OVER THE RADIO.
MOSTLY IT'S THEIR
BOYFRIENDS COMIN' AFTER ME.
OH, WELL, I HOPE I DIDN'T PUT
YOU IN A BAD POSITION, OR...
FUCK, NO, MAN, I'M HONORED.
HEY, CAN I...
WOULD YOU MIND IF I
TAPE RECORDED THIS?
NO?
GREAT.
GREAT...
UH, INTERVIEW...
UM, WEB-FAMOUS PAPI, UM...
PAPI.
HOLA, ANITA!
WE'LL HAVE ONE
OF THOSE PITCHERS,
POR FAVOR.
SO, WHAT YOU WANT TO
KNOW ABOUT PAPI, HUH?
WELL, PAPI...
YOU... HAVE BECOME
SORT OF A LEGEND
IN ABOUT, UH, TWO DAYS
ON MY WEBSITE.
YOU CRASHED MY WHOLE SERVER.
WHAT CAN I SAY?
I'VE BEEN BLESSED.
SEEMS THE LADIES LIKE
ME AS MUCH AS I LIKE THEM.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A
HELL OF A LOT OF LADIES.
LIKE I SAID.
I'VE BEEN BLESSED.
A LOT.
RIGHT, BUT...
WHY... WHY DO YOU THINK
THAT HAPPENS TO YOU?
IT'S NOT SOMETHING I DO, GIRL.
I DON'T WAKE UP IN
THE MORNING AND SAY,
"I'M GONNA GET ME
SOME PUSSY TODAY."
WELL, SOMETIMES, BUT...
OKAY, ME TOO.
YEAH?
YEAH, YEAH.
YOU KNOW, I JUST...
I JUST DO MY THING.
I LIVE MY LIFE,
AND MY LIFE HAS GIRLS IN IT.
MM...
MM-HMM,
BUT HERE'S THE QUESTION, PAPI...
WHY DO YOU THINK
THEY FLOCK TO YOU?
YOU KNOW?
LOVE, I GUESS.
THEY KNOW I LOVE THEM.
REALLY?
YEAH. REALLY, PAPI?
ALL OF THEM?
MM-HMM.
I LOVE THEIR VOICES.
I LOVE THEIR EYES.
THEIR HAIR,
THEIR CURVES, THEIR BODIES...
THEIR LAUGHTER.
THE SADNESS,
THE WETNESS.
SEE, EVERYTHING
ABOUT A WOMAN, I LOVE.
TOUCHING THEM,
FEELING THEIR SKIN AGAINST MINE,
MAKING THEM FEEL GOOD...
MM...
SEE, I RESPECT THEM,
AND I RESPECT MYSELF,
AND, UH...
AND WHAT?
THEY LIKE THE WAY I KISS.
I CAN MAKE A WOMAN COME
JUST BY KISSING HER.
WELL, I HOPE I DIDN'T
BORE YOU TO TEARS.
YOU DIDN'T BORE ME AT ALL.
I DIDN'T SHUT UP.
YOU KNOW
EVERYTHING THERE IS
TO KNOW ABOUT ME, AND...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHERE YOU COME FROM.
I COME FROM WILMETTE.
IT'S IN ILLINOIS,
OUTSIDE CHICAGO.
DO YOUR PARENTS
STILL LIVE THERE?
DO YOU HAVE ANY
BROTHERS OR SISTERS?
WHY DON'T WE SAVE ALL THAT STUFF
FOR THE SECOND DATE?
OH, SHIT.
CLASSIC.
YOU'D THINK I WAS 17.
I DON'T THINK THAT
THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
REALLY?
SO YOU'VE NEVER BEEN CAUGHT
WITH YOUR TONGUE
DOWN SOME GIRL'S THROAT?
WELL, MY PARENTS...
YOU KNOW, THEY
WEREN'T THAT STRICT, SO..
WELL, YOU'RE A BOY.
AND I WAS ALWAYS
KIND OF A GOOD KID.
OH, YOU WERE, WERE YOU?
YEAH.
WELL, LET ME TEACH
YOU HOW TO BE BAD.
GO ON.
GET INSIDE.
CALL ME?
I MIGHT...
BE ABLE TO WAIT
TILL TOMORROW, BUT...
I'M GOING TO BE
THINKING ABOUT YOU
ALL NIGHT.
UM... I DIDN'T WANT THE
BOYS TO COME ACROSS
AS ONE-DIMENSIONAL MONSTERS,
AND WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SHOW
IS THAT I THINK THAT,
IN OUR CULTURE,
THAT SOMETIMES BOYS ARE
CONDONED FOR THEIR ACTIONS,
AND THE MESSAGE IS, "GO
AHEAD, RAPE THESE GIRLS.
THE GIRLS ARE FOR RAPING."
WELL, IT SEEMS TO ME
THAT THE REAL
MONSTERS IN YOUR BOOK
ARE YOUR PARENTS.
NO.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T WANT MY
PARENTS TO COME ACROSS AS EVIL.
I LOVE MY PARENTS SO MUCH.
YOU KNOW, AND WHEN THAT...
THING HAPPENED,
THEY WERE JUST DEVASTATED,
BUT, YOU KNOW, I
THINK, AS ADULTS,
THEY HAD THE POWER
TO HELP ME OVERCOME IT,
AND THEY CHOSE NOT TO,
AND INSTEAD, IT FESTERED
INTO A PATHOLOGY,
AND I THINK THE SUM OF IT
MADE ME PRETTY
DYSFUNCTIONAL, YOU KNOW.
IT PROBABLY MADE ME
INTO THE DYSFUNCTIONAL
LIAR THAT I WAS
FOR MOST OF MY YOUNG ADULT LIFE.
YOU KNOW...
THAT'S A VERY BRAVE THING TO
ADMIT ABOUT YOURSELF, JENNY.
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, I THINK
THAT'S WHY I WRITE.
BECAUSE...
YOU JUST WANT TO GET
ALL OF THIS STUFF OUT.
WOW...
I DON'T THINK I'VE
EVER OPENED LIKE THIS
TO SOMEONE BEFORE.
YOU'VE MADE ME FEEL VERY SAFE.
THANK YOU FOR THAT.
WOW...
FANCY.
WHAT, DOES THAT
MAKE THE BED POP OUT?
NICE BEATS.
YEAH? YEAH, GOOD BEATS.
THIS MAKES THE BED POP OUT.
PAPI?
MM?
UM...
WELL, I... I JUST, UH...
I JUST FEEL LIKE MAYBE...
I FEEL LIKE MAYBE YOU'RE
MOVING A LITTLE FAST.
WE NEED TIME FOR THE FULL TOUR.
I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU PLACES
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BEFORE.
OH...
I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT, PAPI.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
YOU LIKE THAT?
WOW...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CIRCLES.
MAGIC CIRCLES.
CIRCLES.
CIRCLES ARE GOOD, RIGHT?
OH, YEAH, CIRCLES ARE GOOD.
UH-HUH.
YEAH, CIRCLES.
OH, WOW, CIRCLES.
YOU LIKE THAT?
OH, YEAH, I THINK I
REALLY LIKE CIRCLES.
OH, WOW...
YEAH, CIRCLES.
CIRCLES ARE GREAT, PAPI.
CIRCLES ARE REALLY GREAT, PAPI.
OH, PAPI...
OH, PAPI...
HERE, GIRL.
OH, MY GOD, PAPI.
PAPI...
PAPI!
HEY, COME ON IN.
I FEEL LIKE I NEVER
SEE YOU ANYMORE.
YOU'RE SO BUSY.
I SAW YOU EARLIER THIS EVENING.
OH, IT WAS JUST A FEELING.
I'M ALLOWED MY... MY
FEELINGS, AREN'T I?
WHAT'S WRONG?
DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?
WHERE'S ANGUS?
I FEEL SO DAMN GUILTY.
KIT, YOU TOLD ME THAT
YOU WERE CLEAR ABOUT THIS.
YOU SAID THAT YOU
AND ANGUS BOTH AGREED
THIS WAS THE RIGHT DECISION.
IT WAS THE RIGHT DECISION,
BUT I FEEL SO SAD FOR ANGUS.
HE'S TRYING TO BE
REAL BRAVE ABOUT IT,
BUT I KNOW HE FEELS SO SAD.
YOU KNOW, KIT, YOU CAN
BE SAD FOR YOURSELF, TOO.
I'M JUST GLAD HE'S NOT HERE
TO SEE ME BEING THIS SAD,
BECAUSE IT WOULD
ONLY MAKE HIM SADDER.
YOU THINK MAYBE I CAN HAVE...
HAVE A LITTLE HUG?
OH, WOW...
HOW DO YOU SAY,
"I'M DONE" IN SPANISH?
YOU'RE NOT DONE.
NO? MM-MM.
OH, PAPI!
PAPI!
THAT'S HOW YOU
SAY MY NAME, GIRL.
OH...
WHOO!
WOW...
OKAY, WELL,
DO YOU WANT TO COME IN, OR...
OH, NO, NO, NO,
THANKS, THOUGH,
BUT IT'S AGAINST THE RULES.
RULE NUMBER ONE...
PAPI DOESN'T DO BREAKFAST.
OH, OKAY.
WELL, IT WAS FUN.
I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME.
SO DID I.
YOU KNOW, I'M GLAD I FOUND YOU.
OKAY...
ALL RIGHT, ALICE.
SEE YOU AROUND.
OKAY.
WHOO!
WELL, WELL, WELL,
SOMEONE HAD A BUSY NIGHT.
YEAH, I WAS WORKING.
WORKING?
YEAH, WORKING PRETTY HARD.
ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU.
SEE YOU LATER!
OKAY.
OH, MY GOD.
REALLY?
REALLY, PAPI?
WOW.
THAT GIRL DOES NOT QUIT.
IT'S KIND OF FREAKING ME OUT.
I MEAN, SHE IS THE
BOSS' DAUGHTER,
AND I'M NOT EVEN OUT AT WORK.
SO YOU SHOULD COME OUT.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
COMING OUT FOR ME...
IT'S NOT THE SAME
AS IT IS FOR YOU.
HMM.
SHE SAID THAT IT
WAS GOING TO BE OUT
FIRST THING THIS MORNING,
SO I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY I CAN'T FIND IT,
BECAUSE WHEN SHE CALLED
ME TO GET SOME COMMENTS,
SHE SAID THE REVIEW
WAS ALREADY DONE.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING
TO LET ME READ THE REVIEWS
BEFORE YOU LOOKED AT THEM.
NO, I DON'T NEED
TO WITH THIS ONE.
WE HAD THIS UNDERSTANDING,
AND, YOU KNOW, I THINK
THAT'S THE KIND OF
THING THAT HAPPENS
WHEN TWO GAY WOMEN
SPEAK TO EACH OTHER.
OH, YAY!
HERE IT IS. OKAY, READY?
JENNIFER SCHECTER,
SOME OF HER PARTS.
OKAY, READY?
"JENNIFER SCHECTER'S
"AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL EXAMINATION
"OF HER VIOLATED CHILDHOOD
"IS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT,
SELF-INDULGENT,
AND SELF-PITYING"?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAYBE YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T
BE READING THIS RIGHT NOW.
"SCHECTER IS AN
UNDISCIPLINED WRITER
"WHO APPLIES A SLOPPY
SOLIPSISTIC LOGIC
"TO AN UNDISCIPLINED LIFE.
"HER CENTRAL THESIS
"THAT CHILDHOOD SEXUAL
ABUSE IS BOTH A CAUSE
"AND AN EXCUSE
"FOR DECEITFUL ADULT BEHAVIOR
"IS BOTH INSULTING AND
DANGEROUS TO THOSE MYRIAD WOMEN
WHO HAVE SUFFERED AT THE
HANDS OF PREDATORY MEN."
HMM.
OKAY.
C'EST LA VIE.
FUCK YOU, STACEY MERKIN!
FUCK YOU!
JENNY, COME ON, THE KID'S HERE.
OH, MY GOD, MY BAG!
I WAS WAIT-LISTED FOR THIS BAG!
OKAY, WE'RE CLEANING IT UP.
IT'S OKAY, RIGHT?
WHAT ARE YOU SCREAMING ABOUT?
NOTHING.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I SPILLED.
OH, UH, OKAY.
NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED.
WHAT HAPPENED IS
THAT STACEY MERKIN
REVEALED HERSELF
TO BE A TRUE CUNT...
HEY!
PLEASE.
AND SHE USED HER GAYNESS
TO GET ME TO OPEN UP,
AND THE THING IS, SHAY,
I DIDN'T EVEN WANT
TO DO THE FUCKING...
SECOND TIME.
INTERVIEW
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
ARE YOU DONE?
YEAH.
SHAY... SHAY...
LISTEN, THERE'S MAC AND CHEESE
IN THE FREEZER, ALL RIGHT?
AND IF I'M NOT GOING
TO BE BACK FOR LUNCH,
JENNY'S GOING TO HELP
YOU WITH THE STOVE.
OKAY?
OKAY.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
HAVE FUN.
YOU WATCH IT.
SHAY, SAY,
"STACEY MERKIN'S
A FUCKING CUNT."
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
BECAUSE STACEY
MERKIN'S A FUCKING CUNT.
NO, HE'S NOT GOING TO SAY IT.
SAY IT, SAY IT. HAVE
A GREAT DAY, JENNY.
STACEY MERKIN'S A FUCKING CUNT.
HEY, DO YOU HAVE A SECOND?
JESUS... OH, NADIA.
I'M SORRY, I... I'M
JUST SO EXCITED.
I FOUND THE BOOK,
AND IT IS FANTASTIC.
HEADS-WILL-ROLL
IS GOING TO LOVE IT.
"HEADS-WILL-ROLL?"
EVC KROLL.
WE CALL HER
HEADS-WILL-ROLL KROLL
BECAUSE SHE FIRES AT
LEAST ONE DEAN A YEAR.
OH. LOOK AT THIS.
OKAY, AS YOU KNOW,
THIS IS THE ORIGINAL.
MM-HMM.
BUT WE ARE GOING
TO MAKE THIS C.U.
MM...
AND I'M GOING TO
MAKE YOU LITTLE NEMO,
BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR DREAM
FOR THE FUTURE OF
THE SCHOOL OF THE ARTS.
NO...
NO, LITTLE NEMO IS A STUDENT.
MAKE IT A BOY,
BECAUSE MOST OF
THE TRUSTEES ARE MEN,
AND THEY'RE SO SENTIMENTAL
ABOUT THEIR BOYHOODS,
AND I WANT YOU TO FOCUS
ON THE SCHOOL OF THE ARTS,
BUT I ALSO WANT
YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE
THE OTHER DEPARTMENTS
OF THE UNIVERSITY.
LIKE, MAKE THIS PHYSICS, AND...
MAKE THIS ATHLETICS.
OKAY?
WOW.
YOU...
YOU'RE AMAZING.
UH, PRESTON,
I WAS JUST COMING TO SEE YOU.
WELL, GOOD WORK, NADIA.
SO YOU SEE WHERE
I'M GOING WITH THIS?
YES, ABSOLUTELY, I DO.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY...
CAN I CALL YOU BETTE?
SHE COULD CALL ME
ANYTHING SHE WANTS.
"DEAN PORTER" IS JUST FINE.
HEY, MARTA?
CAN YOU GET MY LITTLE BROTHER
A SMOOTHIE OR SOMETHING?
A SMOOTHIE?
YES, A SMOOTHIE.
IS IT SO HARD TO GET THE
KID A FUCKING SMOOTHIE?
MARTA, DON'T GIVE ME SHIT.
JUST GET ME A SMOOTHIE.
SHANE, YOUR NEXT
CLIENT'S STILL WAITING,
AND CAN I GET YOUR
SIGNATURE ON THIS THING?
JODI LERNER'S GOING TO
BE HERE IN THREE WEEKS.
IT'S SUCH A COUP,
GETTING HER AS AN
ARTIST-IN-RESIDENCE.
I LOVE IT.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO TRY TO COAX
LEE BONTECOU OR JOHN BALDESSARI.
AND ED RUSCHA. HE
OWES ME A FAVOR.
I ALSO HAVE A LIST OF ALL
OF OUR EQUIPMENT NEEDS,
BECAUSE IF WE'RE TO
BE TRULY COMPETITIVE
WITH THE REST OF THE TOP TIER...
PHYLLIS?
I'M SORRY. GO ON.
YEAH.
IF WE'RE TO BE TRULY COMPETITIVE
WITH THE REST OF THE TOP TIER,
THEN WE'LL NEED TO UPGRADE
OUR DIGITAL MEDIA RESOURCES.
I'VE BEEN MARRIED
23 YEARS, BETTE.
I HAVE TWO CHILDREN.
THEY'RE BOTH GONE
AWAY TO COLLEGE.
ARE YOU OKAY, PHYLLIS?
ARE YOUR CHILDREN OKAY?
HAVE YOU EVER HAD THE CONVICTION
YOU'VE BEEN LIVING A
LIE YOUR WHOLE LIFE?
NO.
ACTUALLY, I HAVEN'T.
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
YOU'RE COURAGEOUS.
YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE
BOLDLY, HONESTLY.
I WISH I COULD
TAKE YOUR EXAMPLE.
PHYLLIS, YOU ARE A WOMAN OF
INCREDIBLE ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
I CANNOT POSSIBLY SEE...
I THINK I'M A LESBIAN, BETTE.
OH.
IN FACT, I KNOW I AM.
I'VE KNOWN IT
SINCE I FELL IN LOVE WITH
MY COLLEGE ROOMMATE.
MM...
WE DIDN'T ACT ON IT.
I WAS TOO AFRAID.
IT DIDN'T FIT IN WITH MY LIFE.
GOSH...
I WONDER WHERE SHE IS.
I WONDER IF SHE EVEN REMEMBERS.
I JUST CAN'T KEEP THIS
INSIDE ANYMORE, BETTE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I... NO...
WAIT, NO, NO, I DON'T.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
I HAVE TO FIND OUT
ABOUT THESE FEELINGS.
I HAVE TO FIND OUT
ABOUT WHAT I'VE MISSED.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU...
WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO SOMEONE?
I MEAN, MAYBE A THERAPIST, OR...
I'VE BEEN LYING TO MY
THERAPIST FOR YEARS.
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, BETTE.
ME?
WHY ME?
BECAUSE YOU SEEM SO
COMFORTABLE WITH IT.
YOU...
YOU SEEM SO FULFILLED,
AND I HAVE TO KNOW
HOW YOU'VE DONE THAT.
IT'S A PROCESS, PHYLLIS.
I MEAN, IT WASN'T ALWAYS EASY.
GOD, I SURE AS HELL HOPE
IT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR ME.
DO YOU... DO YOU THINK
IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME?
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE, PHYLLIS.
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE.
WHERE IS SHE?
I WANT HER TO
LOOK ME IN THE EYE,
AND SAY ALL OF THIS TO MY FACE.
SHE'S A FREELANCE WRITER.
SHE DOESN'T HAVE AN OFFICE HERE.
OH, YEAH? WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
JOLEEN.
JOLEEN, YOU'RE A LIAR...
BECAUSE I CAN SEE RIGHT HERE.
I SEE THAT STACEY
MERKIN IS IN SUITE 293,
AND I'M GOING TO GO TO
HER OFFICE RIGHT NOW!
I TOLD YOU,
SHE'S NOT HERE!
SHE COMES IN ONCE A
WEEK FOR A STAFF MEETING.
OH, YEAH?
LET ME ASK YOU
SOMETHING, JOLEEN.
DID YOU READ THAT LITTLE
PIECE OF SHIT REVIEW
THAT SHE WROTE ABOUT ME
IN YOUR LITTLE
MAGAZINE CALLED CURVE?
BECAUSE, ACTUALLY,
I GOT A RAVE REVIEW IN
PUBLISHER'S WEEKLY MAGAZINE.
CAN YOU JUST LOOK
UP MY REVIEW, PLEASE?
JENNIFER SCHECTER.
GOOD FOR YOU, JENNIFER,
BUT THEN YOU
SHOULDN'T GIVE A SHIT
WHAT SHE WROTE IN THIS
PIECE OF SHIT MAGAZINE.
WELL, I DO GIVE A SHIT,
BECAUSE I THINK
SHE SHOULD BE FIRED!
I THINK SHE USED
DUPLICITOUS METHODS
TO GET ME TO OPEN UP.
DUPLICITOUS?
YES, SHE USED HER
SEXUAL ORIENTATION
AND HER GAYNESS
TO GET ME TO OPEN UP,
AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT
"MERKIN" MEANS, JOLEEN?
VAGINA WIG.
THAT'S WHAT HER NAME MEANS.
SHAME ON YOU
FOR NOT CORRECTING HER
SLOPPY SYNTAX AND GRAMMAR.
SHANE?
YEAH.
I NEED YOU TO COME
AND CHECK THIS OUT.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT?
OH, SHIT, SHAY...
UM...
OKAY, UM, HEY, MARTA?
MARTA?
WOULD YOU GET ME A MOP, PLEASE?
HEY, SHAY?
SHAY, DON'T WORRY, OKAY?
DON'T SWEAT IT.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
SHANE! WHAT?
THE DYE'S ALL FUCKED
UP. LOOK AT THIS.
ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'LL MIX SOME MORE.
JUST TAKE A FUCKIN' PILL, OKAY?
I'LL HELP YOU.
HEY, MARTA,
WILL YOU TELL MY
BROTHER TO COME BACK IN?
THANK YOU.
HEY, MARTA...
MARTA...
DID YOU ASK MY BROTHER
TO COME BACK IN?
HE LEFT.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, HE LEFT?
HE JUST WALKED OUT THE DOOR.
HE'S NINE.
JESUS CHRIST!
WHAT, IS LIFE SO
FUCKING HARD FOR YOU?
YOU'RE FIRED.
AGAIN?
SHAY!
SHANE SOUNDED REALLY UPSET.
HERE SHE IS.
HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN MISSING?
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN,
MY FUCKING WORTHLESS
ASSISTANT SAID
HE COULD BE WANDERING
AROUND ROBERTSON,
BUT I DON'T KNOW.
OKAY, WELL, WE'LL
CHECK ON THESE STREETS,
AND THEN WE'LL HEAD OVER
TO THE BEVERLY CENTER, OKAY?
WE CAN CHECK OUT THE PARK.
OKAY.
WE NEED MORE PEOPLE.
I CAN'T GET THROUGH TO HELENA.
ME AND JENNY CAN
GO TO THE SKATE PARK
AND CHECK IT OUT, RIGHT?
YEAH, AND WE'LL ASK
EVERYBODY IF THEY'VE SEEN HIM.
AND HAVE YOU FILED
A POLICE REPORT YET?
NO, NO, NO, BUT KIT
SAID SHE WAS GOING TO.
SO WILL YOU JUST CALL
ME AND LET ME KNOW?
YES, ABSOLUTELY.
OKAY, BYE.
THANK YOU, GUYS.
BYE.
DON'T WORRY,
SHANE, WE'LL FIND HIM!
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, NO...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I
NEED A PICTURE OF HIM?
NO, NO, NO, NO, I DON'T
HAVE A PICTURE OF HIM.
I HAVEN'T KNOWN
HIM FOR THAT LONG!
FUCKIN' MORON.
AND WHAT ARE YOU, FUCKING BLIND?
HEY, LET'S ASK THIS GUY.
HEY, BUDDY!
HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN
A KID AROUND HERE?
LIKE, NINE YEARS OLD.
HE HAS BROWN HAIR AND BLUE EYES,
AND HE WAS WEARING,
LIKE, A GRAY SWEATSHIRT.
NAH, SORRY.
HOW OLD DID YOU
SAY YOU WERE AGAIN?
I'LL BE 10 IN NOVEMBER.
10, HUH?
SO YOU KNOW WHAT
HAPPENS TO 10-YEAR-OLD BOYS
THAT RUN AWAY,
DON'T YOU?
NOW...
SHAY?
MS. McCUTCHEON...
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD...
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?
IT'S JUST LUCKY IT WAS
ME THAT PICKED HIM UP
AND NOT SOME WHACKO.
I'M SORRY.
HAD A HARD TIME
FINDING YOUR NUMBER
TO YOUR STORE.
HE TOLD ME THE NAME OF IT.
WAX... I THOUGHT IT WAS
A FLOOR-SHINING PLACE
OR SOMETHING.
DON'T EVER RUN
AWAY FROM ME AGAIN.
DO YOU HEAR ME?
WHERE DID YOU THINK
YOU WERE GOING TO GO?
HOME.
LOOK...
I'M YOUR HOME NOW, OKAY?
AND WE BOTH HAVE
TO GET USED TO THAT.
OKAY?
THANK YOU.
THIS IS CRAZY.
WE ARE NEVER GOING
TO FIND HIM HERE.
I KNOW.
OH, IT'S SHANE.
HEY, SHANE...
HEY, BUDDY, HOW'S IT...
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS...
SHE FOUND HIM?
THAT'S GREAT!
WOW...
OKAY, YEAH.
WE'LL JUST SEE YOU
BACK AT THE HOUSE.
YEAH, TAKE YOUR TIME.
YEAH, GET HIM A BIG BURGER.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.
OKAY, BYE.
WOW.
OH, THANK GOD, THANK GOD.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
FANTASTIC.
WHO'S THAT?
UM...
THAT'S UH...
PAPI.
SO WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME BACK
FOR A NIGHTCAP?
UH...
RULE NUMBER TWO...
NEVER GO HOME WITH A GIRL
WHOSE ROOMMATE YOU JUST POPPED
THAT SAME MORNING.
BUT, UH...
THANKS FOR THE OFFER.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY:
LINE 21 MEDIA SERVICES
LTD. VANCOUVER, B.C. 2006