The L Word (2004–2009): Season 4, Episode 1 - Legend in the Making - full transcript

OH, MY GOODNESS!

YOU WANT TO COME
TO L.A. WITH ME?

NOBODY MAKES ME WET LIKE THAT.

WE WANT TO PUBLISH YOUR BOOK.

I CHEATED ON YOU. WHEN?

AFTER YOU FUCKED CHERIE JAFFE.

WOULD YOU MARRY ME?

AND I AM ALICE PIESZECKI
ON KCRW. WELCOME BACK.

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT

THE CONNECTION

BETWEEN LOVE AND THE SENSES.



WE ARE TRYING TO
REKINDLE THE SEXUAL SPARK

IN THIS LONGTERM RELATIONSHIP.

I JUST HAVE ALL OF
THESE FEELINGS...

FEELINGS ABOUT WHAT?

FEELINGS ABOUT MEN.

I WANT YOU TO MOVE OUT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THAT CHILD?

WHO ARE YOU?

HER AUNT, KIT PORTER.

I'VE NEVER FELL THIS
HARD FOR A WOMAN

IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I'M PREGNANT.

I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE.

I'VE ALWAYS FELT REALLY
UNCOMFORTABLE IN THIS BODY.



SO I'VE DECIDED TO TRANSITION
FROM FEMALE TO MALE.

WHEN YOU GET THE BODY YOU NEED,

WHO'S GOING TO
LIVE INSIDE OF IT?

IF YOU THINK MEN ARE THE ENEMY,
THEN YOU AND I HAVE A PROBLEM.

I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT
REAL, TRUE CONNECTION

AMONG HUMAN BEINGS

IS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE.

SHANE IS GOING TO OREGON CITY

TO SEE GABRIEL McCUTCHEON.

WHY DON'T YOU COME
HOME WITH ME FOR DINNER?

BE A GOOD TIME TO
MEET CARLA AND SHAY.

I KNEW YOU WERE HIS
DAUGHTER. YOU HAVE HIS GENES.

LOOK AT ALL THREE OF YOU.

I'M GETTING MARRIED NEXT WEEK.

I'D LIKE FOR YOU
GUYS TO BE THERE.

THIS IS CARMEN'S FRIEND HELENA.

SHE'S THE ONE

THAT INVITED US ALL

AND PAID FOR OUR PLANE TICKETS

AND OUR HOTEL ROOMS.

I'M CUTTING YOU OFF FINANCIALLY.

YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS?

YOU NEED TO KNOW

THAT PEOPLE LOVE YOU
EVEN IF YOU'RE PENNILESS.

TODAY ON THE CHART,
WE'RE LOOKING AT

HOW DO YOU END A VICIOUS CYCLE?

WELL, SHANE'S FATHER

LEFT HIS WIFE AND RAN
OFF WITH SOME FLOOZY.

I'M SORRY.

IT'S JUST WHO I AM.

I KNOW YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

SHE SAID THAT

SHE DOESN'T EXPECT
YOU TO FORGIVE HER.

SHE'S NOT PROUD OF THIS.

IT'S JUST WHO SHE IS.

I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO
ADOPT MY DAUGHTER.

HENRY AND I ARE THINKING
ABOUT STARTING A FAMILY,

AND WE WANT ANGELICA
TO BE A FULL PART OF THAT.

DON'T DO THIS.

I'M WARNING YOU.

WHERE ARE THEY?

FUCK YOU, BETTE.

BETTE, IT'S TINA.

THIS IS NOT OKAY.

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

ANGELICA AND MAMA B.,

WE'RE JUST GOING TO GO
FOR A LITTLE ADVENTURE

UNTIL WE FIGURE
OUT WHAT TO DO NEXT.

IT'S GOING TO BE FINE.

♪ GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES
WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES ♪

♪ CHICKS DRIVING FAST
INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES ♪

♪ WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE,
LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE ♪

♪ THIS IS THE WAY IT'S
THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪

♪ TALKING, LAUGHING
LOVING, BREATHING ♪

♪ FIGHTING, FUCKING
CRYING, DRINKING ♪

♪ WRITING, WINNING
LOSING, CHEATING ♪

♪ KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING ♪

♪ THIS IS THE WAY... ♪

♪ IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪

♪ IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪

♪ AND LOVE ♪

YEAH, IT'S OPEN. COME IN.

STILL NOTHING.

ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S WORTH A TRY.

SHE CAN'T BE FAR.

IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN 24 HOURS.

I THINK WE SHOULD JUST DO IT.

WHERE'S LARA?

SHE LEFT THIS MORNING.

DID SHE TAKE THAT
JOB IN SAN FRANCISCO?

YOU KNEW ABOUT
THAT? IT'S A GREAT GIG.

IT'S A FOUR-STAR HOTEL.

SHE'LL HAVE HER OWN KITCHEN.

SHE WAS SO AFRAID

THAT YOU WOULD
TAKE THIS REALLY HARD.

NO, I MEAN... IT'S...

IT'S WEIRD, BECAUSE DANA SAID...

ONE DAY IN THE
HOSPITAL, SHE WAS, LIKE,

SHE REALLY WANTED ME TO GO OUT
AND MAKE NEW FRIENDS, YOU KNOW?

SHE SAID, "YOUR WHOLE WORLD

REVOLVES AROUND
THIS TINY LITTLE ORBIT,"

AND IT WAS BEFORE
THE LARA THING,

SO IT WAS KIND OF WEIRD.

OH, YEAH, WELL,
THE LARA THING...

WELL, IT WAS, UH...

INCESTUOUS.

YEAH, IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANT TO CALL IT.

SOMETHING HAPPENED
TO ME UP HERE,

AND I'M REALLY READY TO
SORT OF GO HOME, AND...

HELLO.

FUCK.

OKAY. HI.

THANK YOU. OH, YOU'RE WELCOME.

DO YOU GUYS MIND

IF WE START THIS VERY SOON?

CLAUDE'S LEAVING FOR
MONTREAL IN ABOUT 10 MINUTES

AND I WANT TO BE
ABLE TO SAY GOODBYE.

YEAH, I WAS JUST
WAITING FOR HELENA.

SORRY. I WAS JUST
SETTLING UP THE BILL.

IRONIC. HEY, SHOULD
WE ALL PITCH IN?

NO.

DON'T BE SILLY,
MAX. THANKS, BUT...

HELENA, MAYBE...

LOOK, IT WAS ALL TAKEN CARE
OF IN ADVANCE, ALL RIGHT?

STOP FUSSING.

OKAY, CAN WE START?

MAYBE I SHOULD
TAKE OFF FOR THIS.

NO, MAX, THIS IS
AN INTERVENTION,

AND, IN AN INTERVENTION,
WE NEED EVERYBODY,

THE WHOLE EXTENDED FAMILY.

NOW GET OVER HERE.

THIS IS BETTE PORTER.

YOU'VE REACHED MY CELLPHONE.

HEY, BETTE, IT'S ALICE...

AND JENNY.

AND HELENA.

AND MAX. AND KIT.

WE JUST WANT TO TELL
YOU HOW MUCH WE LOVE YOU.

YEAH, WE LOVE YOU,

AND WE WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT WE STAND BY YOU...

SO, NO MATTER WHAT.

AND WE TOTALLY UNDERSTAND

WHAT YOU DID,

BECAUSE IF WE HAD BEEN
IN YOUR POSITION, BETTE,

WE WOULD HAVE DONE
EXACTLY THE SAME THING.

WELL, MAYBE NOT THE SAME THING,

MAYBE, YOU KNOW,
UH, SOMETHING...

BUT YOU'VE GOT TO DO

THE RIGHT THING.

BETTE, YOU'VE GOT TO
BRING ANGELICA HOME.

WE CAN HELP YOU.

AND, BETTE,

THERE'S NO QUESTION
ABOUT THE FACT

THAT SHE IS YOUR BABY.

OH, YEAH.

WE'RE NOT GOING TO LET ANYBODY

TAKE THE BABY
AWAY FROM YOU, SO...

NOT EVEN A MOTHERFUCKING
COURT OF LAW.

WELL, IF IT DOES COME
TO A COURT OF LAW, BETTE,

WE'RE ALL GOING TO
TESTIFY ON YOUR BEHALF,

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A
REALLY STRONG CASE.

AND WE'LL TALK TO TINA,

AND WE'LL TELL HER TO,
YOU KNOW, CALM DOWN, AND...

TINA'S JUST...

GOING TO CALL THE POLICE AND
HAVE YOUR ASS THROWN IN JAIL

AND RUIN YOUR BRAND-NEW
GODDAMN CAREER,

NOT TO MENTION...

THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE.

TINA, THAT WAS KIND OF STUPID.

SHE'S NOT GOING TO COME HOME.

WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?

IS SHE STILL IN CANADA?

IS SHE BACK IN THE STATES?

WHAT, DID SHE TAKE ANGELICA
TO FUCKING TIMBUKTU?

KIT?

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE SHE IS.

WELL, YOU CAN TELL HER FOR ME

THAT IF SHE IS NOT IN L.A.
BY THE TIME I GET BACK,

I WILL CALL THE POLICE.

AND WHEN THEY FIND HER,

I WILL TAKE MY
DAUGHTER AWAY FROM HER

AND SHE WILL NEVER
SEE ANGELICA AGAIN.

OKAY? YOU GOT THAT?

YOU TELL HER THAT!

YEAH, WELL, HOW SERIOUS?

NO. NO, NO, NO, JOYCE.

JOYCE, JUST TELL ME
WHAT SHE CAN DO...

WHAT CAN SHE DO,
WORST-CASE SCENARIO,

IF SHE DECIDES TO BE THE
HYPOCRITICAL MONSTER

WE ALREADY KNOW SHE IS.

WELL, FUCK HER, THEN.

JUST FUCK HER.

NO, NOBODY'S TAKING
MY FAMILY AWAY.

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, WE'RE JUST
NOT COMING BACK.

I... MEXICO. I DON'T KNOW.

YEAH, WELL, I HAD AN
ARTIST FRIEND OF MINE

MOVE HIS ENTIRE
FAMILY TO OAXACA.

WELL, I DIDN'T HAVE ANY TROUBLE
CROSSING THE AMERICAN BORDER.

JOYCE, CAN YOU HOLD ON?

I'M GETTING ANOTHER
CALL. HOLD ON.

PHYLLIS.

YEAH. HI.

NO, NO, NO, NO, I'M
HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU.

YEAH.

UH, WHERE AM I?

I'M IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA.

I'M JUST TAKING A LAST-MINUTE
ROAD TRIP WITH MY DAUGHTER.

YEAH, JUST TRYING TO GET IN
THOSE LAST PRECIOUS MOMENTS

BEFORE WORK.

YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.

IT GOES BY SO FAST.

BUT I'M EXCITED.

YEAH, I AM, I'M READY.

YEAH, I CAN'T WAIT
TO GET STARTED.

SO, I... I WILL SEE
YOU ON CAMPUS

MONDAY MORNING.

OKAY, GREAT. THANKS.

CAN I GET A SIPPY CUP?

DOES ANYBODY HAVE A SIPPY CUP?

JESUS.

SHANE!

COME ON!

I WANT YOU!

JESUS.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FUCK ME?

I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY.

JUST FUCKING RELAX FOR A SECOND.

YOU CRAZY LITTLE FREAK.

FREAK, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING,

THINKING YOU WERE GOING TO MARRY

THAT RIDICULOUS GIRL?

THAT RIDICULOUS LITTLE...

BOUNCY CHA-CHA TWINKLET.

YOU DON'T KNOW HER.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT
TO SAY THAT ABOUT HER.

OH, SHIT.

WHERE'S MY DRIVER?

OH! RIGHT.

I CANCELLED YOUR DRIVER.

YOU DID WHAT?

HELENA, YOU NEED TO TRY...

YOU NEED TO START THINKING
DIFFERENTLY, YOU KNOW?

YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE A LIMOUSINE
HOME FROM THE AIRPORT ANYMORE.

ALICE, I'M ACTUALLY
QUITE A PRACTICAL PERSON.

I'LL TAKE A TAXI.

A TAXI TO BROAD BEACH IN MALIBU

WOULD BE JUST AS
MUCH AS A LIMOUSINE.

THEN I'LL TAKE THE BUS.

A BUS IS NOT GOING TO GO THERE!

YOU NEED TO TAKE

AN AIRPORT SHUTTLE.

FINE.

JUST SHOW ME WHERE I
HAVE TO GO, ALL RIGHT?

AH-AH-AH!

YOUR LUGGAGE?

PORTER! NO, NO. HEY! NO.

NO.

COME HERE.

THERE'S THIS THING,

AND IT'S CALLED A LUGGAGE CART.

I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT MOVING IN YET.

IT FEELS KIND OF CREEPY.

SHE'S NOT DEAD.

I'M JUST ASSUMING
THAT CARMEN WILL NOT

BE LIVING WITH US ANYMORE.

I COULD TOTALLY PICK UP
HER SHARE OF THE RENT.

I'M JUST GOING TO
CLEAN UP HER STUFF

FOR SAFE KEEPING,

AND SHANE CAN DEAL
WITH ALL OF CARMEN'S STUFF

WHEN SHE GETS BACK.

I KIND OF WANT TO MAKE SURE

IT'S OKAY WITH SHANE FIRST.

I DON'T CARE IF IT'S
OKAY WITH SHANE

RIGHT NOW.

WHAT SHANE DID IS TERRIBLE

AND COMPLETELY UNFORGIVABLE.

JENNY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE
SHOULD HAVE CALLED US.

SHE SHOULD HAVE TOLD
US WHAT'S GOING ON.

IT'S TERRIBLE.

HAVE SOME COMPASSION, JENNY.

ALICE WORKED FOR WEEKS

SETTING THIS WEDDING UP.

HELENA SPENT A SMALL FORTUNE.

I DON'T EXPECT CARMEN TO
FORGIVE SHANE ANY TIME SOON,

BUT I DO, AND SO SHOULD YOU.

I MEAN, I FORGIVE YOU.

WHAT?

WHAT THE FUCK DO
YOU FORGIVE ME FOR?

OH, COME ON...

I HAVEN'T CHANGED WHO I AM, MAX.

I KNOW I'VE BEEN KIND OF A JERK

SINCE I'VE BEEN ON
THE TESTOSTERONE,

BUT I THOUGHT YOU TOTALLY
SUPPORTED MY TRANSITION.

I DO SUPPORT YOUR TRANSITION.

WE JUST DON'T GO
TOGETHER ANYMORE.

THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T FREAK
OUT WHEN YOU GOT TOGETHER

WITH CLAUDE.

BUT I JUST... I DON'T...

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY
WE CAN'T WORK IT OUT.

BECAUSE YOU IDENTIFY
AS A STRAIGHT MAN.

SO THERE'S THE MISMATCH.

BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO
BE YOUR STRAIGHT GIRLFRIEND

TO YOUR STRAIGHT GUY,

AND I IDENTIFY AS A LESBIAN

WHO LIKES TO FUCK GIRLS.

AND YOU'RE NOT A GIRL.

YEAH.

YOU DON'T HAVE A KEY ANYMORE?

NO, BETTE CHANGED
THE FUCKING LOCKS

THE DAY I MOVED OUT.

FUCK!

I WANT MY BABY.

I JUST WANT TO SEE HER.

I KNOW.

WHERE THE HELL IS SHE? HUH?

WHERE IS SHE?

I JUST... I WANT HER BACK.

I WANT HER BACK.

MAYBE IT'S TIME
TO CALL THE POLICE.

MOMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY MILK,

WE CAN PUT SOME WATER IN HERE

IF YOU WANT ME TO.

SHIT!

BETTE, ARE YOU IN THERE?

IT'S ME, KIT.

HOW'S THAT? BETTER?

IT'S BETTER THAN
A POKE IN THE EYE

WITH A SHARP STICK,

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN, WHIT.

THERE IS GOOD NEWS.

AH! THERE'S GOOD NEWS?

THE GOOD NEWS

IS THAT I'VE FOUND
A QUALIFIED TENANT,

AND YOUR LANDLORD
IS WILLING TO LET YOU

OUT OF THE LEASE.

THE BAD NEWS IS,

THE TENANT WANTS TO TAKE
OVER PRETTY MUCH STRAIGHT AWAY.

WELL, WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO?

WELL, I SUGGEST...

YOU NEED TO WORK OUT WHAT
YOUR INCOME IS GOING TO BE,

AND WHAT YOU CAN
AFFORD TO PAY IN RENT.

I WASN'T EXACTLY
ON A SALARY, WHIT.

BUT, THEN, IF I'M GOING TO BE
RUNNING A MOVIE STUDIO, THEN...

AH, YES, THE MOVIE STUDIO.

WELL, I KNOW THAT WE'RE STILL
OPERATING IN THE RED, WHIT.

I WASN'T GOING TO BE PIGGISH,

BUT I SHOULD BE MAKING AT
LEAST WHAT TINA'S MAKING.

IT SEEMS THE LIBRARY ALONE

WAS WORTH THE ASKING PRICE,

AND PARAMOUNT WAS
LOOKING TO ACQUIRE...

YOUR MOTHER WANTED TO UNLOAD
IT BEFORE SHE LEFT FOR ANTIGUA.

MOTHER'S IN ANTIGUA.

WELL, A PRIVATE
ISLAND, ACTUALLY.

NO PHONES. VERY ROMANTIC.

SHE SEEMS TO BE HEAD OVER HEELS.

HOW LOVELY FOR HER.

OH...

PLEASE, WHIT.

JUST... I'LL GET THE BOTTLE.

SO, YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE?

LIKE, DRIVE AWAY, RIGHT NOW?

YEAH, SHE'S FREAKED.

SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE ANYBODY,

NOT EVEN YOU.

I HAVE TO TAKE HER TO
HER LAWYER'S OFFICE

AS SOON AS WE LAND IN L.A.

SORRY.

LISTEN, I MADE THAT APPOINTMENT.

TOMORROW AT NOON.

YOU STILL OKAY WITH THAT?

LOOK, WE'VE GONE OVER THIS

106 WAYS TO SUNDAY.

I KNOW. I KNOW IT'S
THE RIGHT DECISION.

I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE

YOU'RE NOT HAVING
A TOUGH TIME WITH IT.

I AM HAVING A
TOUGH TIME WITH IT,

BUT I KNOW IT'S
THE RIGHT DECISION.

HEY, I LOVE YOU.

NO, NO, YOU REALLY DON'T
WANT TO KISS ME RIGHT NOW.

YEAH.

YEAH, YEAH, THAT
WOULD BE DISGUSTING.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

ONE CREDIT CARD
WITH A $3,500 LIMIT.

I CAN'T EVEN BUY A PAIR OF SHOES

WITH $3,500.

WELL, NO, NOT IF
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

$14,000 HANDMADE-IN-BARCELONA
LACE-UPS, NO.

YEAH, BUT I HAD TO.

I MEAN, THEY WERE PERFECT

WITH THAT EMPIRE-WAIST
VINTAGE PRINT SHIFT...

REFILL?

NO, I DON'T THINK
I CAN AFFORD IT.

HELENA, IT'S FREE.

UM, WHAT ABOUT YOUR CAR?

WASN'T YOUR CAR
WORTH, LIKE, $300,000?

I MEAN, YOU COULD LIVE ON
THAT FOR, LIKE, TWO YEARS.

MAYBE YOU COULD.

ALL RIGHT, MAYBE I COULD.

IF MY MOTHER HADN'T
ALREADY REPOSSESSED IT.

WHIT SUGGESTED I
LOOK INTO SOMETHING

CALLED A, "HI-UN-DI... ""DAY"?

HYUNDAI?

YEAH, HYUNDAI.

WOW, SHE REALLY DOES
WANT TO BRING YOU DOWN.

YEAH. OUT OF LOVE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

I THINK YOU SHOULD
MOVE IN WITH ME.

I MEAN, JUST UNTIL WE
GET YOU ON YOUR FEET.

ALICE, I COULDN'T.

HELENA, YOU HAVE BEEN, LIKE,

THE MOST GENEROUS FRIEND TO ME,

AND I FEEL LIKE THIS
IS THE FIRST TIME

I HAVE SOMETHING TO
OFFER YOU IN RETURN.

IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

WE'RE GOING TO HELP
YOU THROUGH THIS.

I JUST... I HAD NO IDEA

IT COULD FEEL THIS
WARM AND FUZZY

BEING POOR.

YEAH.

IF IT ISN'T JENNIFER SCHECTER,

AUTHOR OF SOME OF HER PARTS.

OH! WILL YOU SIGN MY BOOK?

YOU HAVE MY BOOK?

HOW DID YOU GET A BOOK?

BECAUSE IT DOESN'T
COME OUT TILL THURSDAY.

I WAS KIDDING.

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.

IT'S FANTASTIC.

THANK YOU!

AND GUESS WHAT?

MY PUBLISHER'S WEEKLY
REVIEW APPARENTLY

HAS JUST COME OUT...

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
READ YOUR OWN REVIEWS,

ARE YOU?

WELL, OF COURSE
I'M GOING TO READ

MY OWN REVIEWS.

WHY SHOULDN'T I?

WELL, IN CASE
SOMEBODY DOESN'T SAY

SOMETHING QUITE SO POSITIVE.

THIS IS PURELY FOR
INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES.

OH, GUESS WHAT.

WE GOT A MENTION
ON MYSPACE. SEE?

AND WE TOOK OUT
AN AD ON OUR CHART.

WHY, THANK YOU.

HOW DOES IT WORK,
THIS CHART OF YOURS?

I MEAN, I'VE NEVER
ACTUALLY BEEN ON...

YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ON OUR CHART?

WHAT? OH, MY GOD.
IT'S SO MUCH FUN.

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE MISSING.

YEAH, IT'S LIKE A SOCIAL
NETWORKING SITE.

FOR LESBIANS.

DO YOU HAVE TO SLEEP
WITH SOMEONE FIRST?

WELL, I MEAN, WHEN
I FIRST PUT IT UP,

THAT WAS THE CORE CONCEPT.

YOU KNOW, JENNY SLEPT WITH TINA

WHO SLEPT WITH
ANNIE WHO SLEPT WITH...

YOU SLEPT WITH TINA?

NO. I'D NEVER SLEEP WITH TINA!

HYPOTHETICAL.

BUT, LIKE, LESBIANS
BEING LESBIANS,

THEY STARTED LOGGING ON

AND TALKING ABOUT THEMSELVES

AND, YOU KNOW...

YEAH.

BUT FOR ME IT'S STILL
ABOUT THE HOOK-UP PAGE.

SEE, LIKE, HERE'S ME,

AND THEN THAT'S MY
WHOLE CONSTELLATION.

AND I SLEPT WITH GABBY DEVEAUX

SO I WANT TO ADD HER
TO MY CONSTELLATION.

SO I SUBMIT HER NAME

AND THE WEBMASTER

WILL EMAIL HER SAYING, YOU KNOW,

ALICE PIESZECKI HAS
ADDED YOUR NAME

TO OUR CHART

AND WOULD LIKE TO PUT
YOU ON HER HOOK-UPS PAGE.

AND, THEN, IF SHE
GIVES PERMISSION,

THEN SHE HAS THE CHOICE

OF STARTING HER
OWN CONSTELLATION.

THERE'S GABBY DEVEAUX. RIGHT.

WHOA, THAT'S A LOT OF HOOK-UPS.

YEAH, SHE'S A WHORE.

YEAH.

BUT, UM, LET'S SEE...
HAVE YOU SEEN SHANE?

YEAH, YEAH, CAN I SHOW YOU...

BECAUSE IF YOU WERE TO
THEN CLICK ON SHANE'S NAME...

YOU CAN THEN SEE HOW MANY
PEOPLE SHANE'S HOOKED UP WITH.

SHE'S WHAT WE CALL A HUB,

WHICH IS ANYONE

WHO'S SLEPT WITH OVER 50 PEOPLE.

SHANE'S CONSIDERED
THE HUB OF HUBS.

RIGHT, AND ONCE
YOU BECOME A HUB,

THEN YOU SORT OF
BECOME A PORTAL,

BECAUSE, INEVITABLY,
YOU'RE GOING TO, LIKE,

BRING US INTO A WHOLE
NEW SOLAR SYSTEM.

YEAH, LOOK, DO YOU REMEMBER

THAT JAPANESE GIRL
THAT SHANE SLEPT WITH?

WELL, NOW THE JAPANESE GIRL

IN KYOTO

HAS HER WHOLE NEW
SOLAR SYSTEM OUT THERE.

YEAH. YEAH.

SHOULD WE LOOK AT CARMEN?

WELL, YEAH, I THINK

WE COULD LEAVE CARMEN OUT OF IT.

OKAY, SO, LOOK.

CARMEN HAS HER
WHOLE SOLAR SYSTEM...

WOW. IN EAST L.A.

I CAN SEE THAT. LOOK AT THAT.

THERE'S, LIKE, ROSA, MARILENA...

I HAD NO IDEA IT
WAS SUCH A BIG DEAL.

OH, YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO

UPGRADE THE SERVER

BECAUSE WE'RE GETTING
SO MUCH TRAFFIC.

WHAT'S THE TERM YOU SAY YOU
USE WHEN THERE'S GROUP OF GIRLS...

SOLAR SYSTEM. YEAH.

THERE'S A GIRL HERE

IN CARMEN'S SOLAR SYSTEM,
SHE'S GOT MORE HITS THAN SHANE.

OH, THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE.

NO. NO WAY. NO.

CAN I HAVE MY COMPUTER NOW?

YEAH. LOOK.

OH, MY GOD.

YOU'RE RIGHT!

LOOK AT THIS.

THIS GIRL HAS SLEPT...

WITH ONE THOUSAND,
ONE HUNDRED...

SHE JUST ADDED A NAME!

WAIT, LET ME GO...

NOW IT'S 1,151! LET ME GO IN.

ALL RIGHT, RELAX.

LET ME GO IN.

I GOT TO SEE WHO THIS IS.

WHO THE HELL IS PAPI?

I THINK WARREN HAS
TOO MUCH ON HIS PLATE.

I GOING TO HAVE YOU RUN POINT

ON THE PYROTECH PROJECT.

OH...

THANKS. THANKS, BOSS.

HOW'S EVERYTHING ELSE
GOING FOR YOU, MAX?

JUST GREAT.

I SHOULD HAVE
THESE UPDATES NAILED

BY THE END OF THE WEEK.

HOW'S JENNY?

SHE'S FINE.

ACTUALLY, WE BROKE UP.

OH. I'M SORRY.

I'M FINE WITH IT.

WELL...

I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK
I'M OUT OF LINE, MAX,

BUT I'M NOT ALL THAT SURPRISED.

YEAH, I MEAN, WE DEFINITELY
HAD OUR PROBLEMS.

YOU'RE A VERY
STRAIGHT AHEAD PERSON.

YOU DON'T REALLY SEEM TO
HAVE ANY HIDDEN AGENDAS,

AND JENNY SEEMED A
LITTLE COMPLICATED.

SHE SURE IS COMPLICATED.

LOOK, UH...

I KNOW THIS MIGHT SEEM
A LITTLE OUT OF LEFT FIELD,

BUT MY DAUGHTER
BROOKE'S COMING HOME

FROM MT. HOLYOKE THIS WEEKEND,

AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT

THE TWO OF YOU WOULD HIT IT OFF.

YOUR DAUGHTER?

I'LL I.M. YOU

HER PHONE NUMBER.

YOU CAN CALL HER
IF YOU'RE UP FOR IT.

NO OBLIGATION.

HONESTLY.

OH, FUCK.

I'M GLAD YOU DECIDED TO COME.

COME TO MAMA, SWEETIE.

MAMA'S NEVER GOING
TO LEAVE YOU AGAIN.

COME HERE, SWEETIE.

YEAH.

COME HERE, MY BABY.

COME HERE, MY BABY.

I MISSED YOU.

YES. MY BABY...

I LOOKED LIKE A GUY,

BUT I DIDN'T FIT IN
THE STRAIGHT WORLD,

AND ALL OF A
SUDDEN, I DIDN'T FIT

IN THE DYKE COMMUNITY EITHER.

I HAD NO IDEA

IT WOULD BE SO DAMN LONELY.

AND THE WORST THING
WAS, I COULDN'T CRY.

THAT WAS

THE HARSHEST THING FOR ME.

WHEN THE TESTOSTERONE KICKED IN,

MY EMOTIONS TOTALLY CHANGED,

AND I COULDN'T EVEN CRY ANYMORE.

I NEVER STOPPED
CRYING, PERSONALLY,

BUT NOBODY REALLY PREPARES YOU

FOR WHAT YOUR BODY'S
GOING TO GO THROUGH.

AT LEAST BOYS, WHEN
THEY START PUBERTY,

THEY HAVE, YOU
KNOW, SEX EDUCATION.

DO YOU GUYS KNOW
WHERE I COULD GO

TO FIND OUT MORE INFORMATION?

WHEN I GOT MY T, I
GOT IF FROM MY FRIEND,

IT WAS SORT OF SMUGGLED,
OR WHATEVER, SO...

OH, JEEZ.

WHAT DOSAGE ARE YOU ON, DUDE?

200, LIKE, EVERY WEEK...

WHOO.

I STARTED OUT... A WEEK?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT
THAT CAN DO TO YOUR LIVER?

NOT TO MENTION YOUR PERSONALITY.

DO YOU GOT ANY
FRIENDS LEFT, MAN?

YEAH, I DO, BUT IT'S
BEEN PRETTY MESSED UP.

I MEAN, I FREAK OUT A LOT.

I MEAN, THAT'S WHY I CAME HERE.

I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU
GUYS COULD HELP ME OUT.

WE'RE GOING TO GIVE YOU

THE NUMBER OF A DOCTOR, OKAY?

HE'S AN ENDOCRINOLOGIST
THAT A LOT OF US SEE.

THANKS.

THIS IS JUST SO INSANE,

THE IDEA THAT I'M
NOT TRUSTWORTHY.

SHE'S THE ONE

WITH PATTERN OF
LYING AND CHEATING.

SHE'S THE ONE WHO
SWORE... SHE SWORE...

FROM THE DAY ANGELICA WAS
BORN THAT SHE WAS OUR CHILD.

OUR CHILD, UNEQUIVOCALLY,

IRREVOCABLY OUR CHILD.

AND THEN THE SECOND...

THE SECOND IT'S
BECOMES INCONVENIENT...

SHE STARTS SAYING,
"OH, IT'S MY DAUGHTER."

SHE'S THE ONE WHO TRIED TO
TAKE HER AWAY IN THE FIRST PLACE.

OH, IN THE FIRST PLACE?

SHE'S THE ONE WHO
WENT SCAMPERING BACK

TO THE SAFETY OF WHITE
HETEROSEXUAL PRIVILEGE.

SAFETY?

THIS IS ABOUT THE BRAVEST THING

I'VE EVER DONE.

I STAND TO LOSE ALL MY FRIENDS,

WHO VIEW ME AS SOME
SORT OF A TURNCOAT.

NO ONE HATES YOU

BECAUSE OF YOUR
SEXUAL ORIENTATION, TINA.

THEY HATE YOU

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE TRUSTED
NOT TO USE IT AGAINST ME

WHEN IT COMES TO SHARING
CUSTODY OF OUR CHILD.

OH, HERE WE GO WITH
THE TRUST THING AGAIN.

THAT IS SO FUCKING CRAZY.

DON'T YOU DARE.

OH, BECAUSE YOU WOULD
NEVER DO SUCH A THING?

I'M SORRY, BUT WHO WAS IT
THAT KIDNAPPED OUR DAUGHTER

AND DROVE OFF

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?

COULD YOU MOVE, PLEASE?

OKAY, OKAY, WELL,
I'M GLAD TO SEE

THAT YOU'VE MADE YOUR DECISION.

WHAT DECISION HAVE WE MADE?

MOMMY DEAREST ONE

AND MOMMY DEAREST TWO

WILL BE FIGHTING THIS
OUT IN A COURT OF LAW.

WHICH, IN THE END, IS
NOT A TERRIBLE THING.

HOW IS THAT NOT
A TERRIBLE THING?

YEAH, IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS
THAT NOT A TERRIBLE THING?

WELL, IN THE UNIVERSE

OF MY BANK ACCOUNT, FOR ONE,

AND, LUCKILY FOR ME, MY
CLIENT IS EMPLOYED AGAIN.

BUT THE REAL BEAUTY

IS THAT THIS CASE

WILL BE A MEDIA BONANZA.

AND, TINA, IF I MAY
STEP BACK INTO MY ROLE

AS MEDIATOR FOR RIGHT NOW,

I SUGGEST YOU FIND
YOURSELF A BETTER LAWYER.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY LAWYER?

WHY ARE YOU TELLING HER THIS?

WELL, CHARLES IS COMPETENT,

BUT, FRANKLY, HE'S
A MILQUETOAST.

I'LL HAVE HIM FOR BREAKFAST.

OH, IT'S A SHAME
JOHNNIE COCHRAN'S DEAD.

A FLAMBOYANT
AFRICAN-AMERICAN LAWYER

ARGUING ON BEHALF OF
YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT

WHITE HETERO FAMILY...

THAT WOULD'VE BEEN
PERFECT FOR YOU.

BECAUSE, AS YOU KNOW,
WE'RE GOING TO BE PLAYING

THE RACE CARD. IT'S NOT A CARD.

IT'S SOMETHING I KNOW

TO BE FIRMLY AND
INTRINSICALLY TRUE.

TINA'S NOT QUALIFIED

TO PARENT A BIRACIAL CHILD.

OH, YEAH, AND I WAS QUALIFIED
TO LIVE AND SLEEP WITH ONE

FOR EIGHT YEARS?

OBVIOUSLY YOU WEREN'T
QUALIFIED FOR THAT EITHER.

LET'S KEEP IT ON
THE HIGH ROAD, OKAY?

AND YOU, MY LITTLE SWEET,

YOU WILL BE KNOWN IN
THE PRESS AS "BABY A,"

THE ARTIFICIALLY
CONCEIVED DAUGHTER

OF A BISEXUAL WHITE MOVIE EXEC

AND A BIRACIAL LESBIAN

ART WORLD TITAN.

OH, MY GOSH.

THE FUNDAMENTALISTS WILL PICKET.

LIBERALS AND FEMINISTS WILL
ARGUE AMONG THEMSELVES.

GOOD CHRISTIAN FOLKS
WILL WRITE IN TO THE OP-EDS

OFFERING TO ADOPT HER

AWAY FROM HER SICK AND
PERVERTED WARRING PARENTS.

SO I GOT THE NAME OF THIS DOCTOR

WHO TREATS PRETTY MUCH

ALL THE TRANS
GUYS IN LOS ANGELES.

OH, COOL.

AND THE GUYS IN
THE GROUP, I MEAN,

THEY COULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE
HOW MUCH T I'VE BEEN ON.

I'M GOING GET AN APPOINTMENT

AS SOON AS I CAN.

OH, THAT'S AWESOME.

SORRY. I HOPE THEY CAN HELP YOU.

HEY, JENNY, THE DOOR.

FUCK. CAN YOU JUST
GET THAT FOR ME?

I'M SORRY.

HELLO, MAX.

HEY, LET ME HELP YOU
WITH THOSE. I GOT IT.

HI! HOW ARE YOU?

IT'S SO NICE TO SEE YOU.

HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD.

YEAH?

YEAH.

IT'S GOING TO BE FINE.

OKEY-DOKEY, I THINK WE'VE GOT

EVERYTHING IN HERE
A GIRL COULD NEED.

OKAY.

AND JUST IN TIME.

WHOO!

COME HERE, SWEETIE.

HEY, ANGIE, YOU READY TO GO?

SHE'S READY TO ROCK.

SO THE SCHEDULE IS,

SHE'S WITH MAMA T
FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS,

AND THEN I'LL BE BY

ON WEDNESDAY AND PICK HER UP

AND BRING HER BACK TO MAMA B.

AREN'T YOU GOING
TO LOOK AFTER HER

WHEN SHE'S WITH ME?

I'VE STILL GOT TO WORK.

I'VE BEEN REAL BUSY LATELY.

MY BAND JUST PUT OUT
A DEMO ON MYSPACE,

SO I'VE GOT MEETINGS
WITH RECORD COMPANIES.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SURE HAZEL WON'T
MIND BABYSITTING

FOR BOTH ANGIE AND MIKEY.

HAZEL'S FANTASTIC.

YOU READY TO GO?

OOH, HERE WE GO.

HERE WE GO.

HERE WE GO.

SO, I GUESS I'LL
TYPE UP A SCHEDULE.

ARE YOU STILL USING iCAL?

YEAH.

OKAY. WELL, THEN,
I'LL DO IT IN iCAL.

THAT'LL BE GOOD.

THIS MORNING, IT WAS 1,150.

NOW, TONIGHT...
WELL, LOOK AT THAT.

IT'S UP TO 1,377.

NOW, THAT'S ALL
WITHIN ONLY 20 HOURS

AFTER HER NAME
APPEARED ON OUR CHART.

SHE HAS CRASHED OUR SERVER.

SHE HAS CAUSED AN ALL-OUT PANIC
AMONG OUR WEB PROGRAMMERS.

AND SHE'S DISPLACED, PERHAPS,

THE GREATEST PLAYER IN
THE HISTORY OF PLAYERS!

NOW, ALL I CAN SAY IS, PAPI...

PAPI, IF YOU ARE OUT THERE,

IF YOU ARE REAL,
IF YOU REALLY EXIST,

PLEASE MAKE CONTACT WITH US.

YOU CAN CALL US, YOU
CAN DROP US AN E-MAIL.

LET US KNOW WHERE YOU HANG OUT.

I WILL FIND YOU.

LET US KNOW WHEN
YOU SLEEP, IF YOU DO.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW, PAPI,

HOW YOU DO THAT THING YOU DO.

THIS IS ALICE
PIESZECKI SIGNING OFF

WITH THE QUESTION

THAT IS ON EVERYONE'S
MIND TONIGHT...

WHERE'S PAPI?

HEY, LITTLE FREAK!

WE'RE HAVING A PARTY.

COME ON!

COME ON.

COME ON, LITTLE FREAK.

COME ON, BABY.

WE'RE HAVING A PARTY.

EVERYBODY, THIS IS SHANE!

HEY, SHANE!

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED.

IT'S SNOW TIME!

THAT'LL WAKE YOU UP.

THERE YOU GO.

YOU LOOKED SO CUTE LYING THERE

ALL CRASHED OUT LIKE THAT.

COME DANCE WITH ME.

GO, SHANE.

WE KNOW YOU LIKE
THE BUBBLY ONES.

ALL I HAVE IS...

CAVIAR AND CREME FRAICHE.

AND I THINK I FOUND
SOME CRACKERS.

OOH.

IT'S MOLDY.

IT'S OKAY.

I'M GLAD WE DON'T HAVE
TO LEAVE THE HOUSE.

HI. I'M HERE WITH KIT PORTER.

SHE HAS AN APPOINTMENT.

HERE WE GO.

IF YOU'LL JUST FILL
OUT THIS PAPERWORK,

WE'LL GET YOU IN FOR
YOUR PREGNANCY TEST

IN A FEW MINUTES.

BUT I'VE ALREADY DONE
LIKE, 20 OF THOSE TESTS

AT HOME,

AND I'VE BEEN
EATING LIKE A LUNATIC,

AND PUKING MY GUTS UP

FOR THE LAST 10 MORNINGS.

I DON'T NEED ANOTHER TEST.

IT'S REQUIRED, DEAR.

JUST A STANDARD PROCEDURE

BEFORE WE CAN OFFER
ANY OTHER SERVICES.

WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY CAR KEYS?

YOU CAME IN A CAB
FROM THE AIRPORT.

REMEMBER? I DID?

NO, I DID. I DID?

WHA... WAIT.

THESE ARE YOURS, RIGHT?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING? NOWHERE.

BUT I'M GOING TO TAKE THESE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM IS,

BUT, YOU KNOW, IF YOU DO THIS,

YOU'D BE... HAPPY?

WHERE'S THE DOCTOR
THAT'S GOING TO DO THIS?

CONGRATULATIONS.

CONGRATULATIONS FOR WHAT?

HERE'S A PICTURE

OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL LITTLE BABY.

THE APPROXIMATE DUE DATE

IS SEPTEMBER 12th...

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

HERE'S A PICTURE OF YOUR BABY

IF YOU DO THE TERRIBLE THING
YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT DOING.

DR. LEMPERT WILL MEET WITH
YOU IN HIS OFFICE IN A MINUTE

TO TALK ABOUT SOME
OTHER ALTERNA...

ANGUS! ANGUS!

GET ME OUT OF HERE!

GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

ANGUS! PLEASE
GET ME OUT OF HERE.

PLEASE TAKE ME.
LET'S GO, LET'S GO!

YOUR CLOTHES...

FUCK MY CLOTHES!
JUST GET OUT OF HERE.

DON'T RUN AWAY, DEAR.
IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

OH, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!

WE JUST WANT TO PRAY WITH YOU.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

DR. LEMPERT, WE
NEED YOU OUT HERE...

SELF-APPOINTED,
BIBLE-PUSHING, ANTI-WOMEN...

WE'RE NOT ANTI-WOMEN...

OH, YES, YOU ARE!

YOU'RE HERE TO
HARASS AND INTIMIDATE

DESPERATE WOMEN WHO
COME HERE FOR HELP!

MISS PORTER.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME WITH ME?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST
SHUT THE FUCK UP?

I SWEAR TO GOD,
YOU COME NEAR ME,

I WILL ABORT YOUR
HEAD FROM YOUR BODY

WITH MY BARE HANDS!

COME ON, ANGUS.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. I
HATE THESE FUCKING PEOPLE.

HI.

CAN I HELP YOU?

IS CARMEN HERE?

SHE DOESN'T WANT
TO SEE YOU, SHANE.

SHE'S DONE WITH YOU.

I KNOW SHE PROBABLY HATES ME,

BUT I WOULD LOVE TO
TALK TO HER FOR JUST A...

SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU HERE, MAN!

OW! GOD.

LOOK AT YOU!

YOU'RE A MESS.

HEY, YOU'RE PATHETIC!

I'M THANKING GOD

MY COUSIN DIDN'T MARRY YOU.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

GET LOST.

GO!

LEAVE!

HEY, YOU GUYS.

JENNY?

OH. HELLO, MAX.

DON'T YOU THINK YOU GUYS
SHOULD BE GETTING READY?

BECAUSE IT'S ALMOST 7:00.

IT'S TIME TO GET READY.

FIVE MORE MINUTES.

WOULD YOU FUCKING MOVE?

ARE YOU OKAY?

ARE YOU OKAY?

JUST STAY THERE. I'LL
GET AN AMBULANCE.

NO, NO, STAY THERE.

THERE'S BEEN AN ACCIDENT.

A BLACK BMW HIT THE GUARD RAIL

HERE ON THE HOLLYWOOD FREEWAY.

WHERE ARE WE? WHERE ARE WE?

YOU KNOW, YOU
SHOULD JUST STAY HERE.

SHE'S WALKING AWAY.

THE CAR'S REALLY WRECKED.

SHE'S HURT PRETTY BAD.

MA'AM?

IMAGINE THAT HOLLY
GOLIGHTLY, IN HER LATE 20s,

PENNED A MEMOIR OF
CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE

AND ADULT SELF-MUTILATION,

AND IN DOING SO CONVINCED US

THAT POST-TRAUMATIC
STRESS SYMPTOMS

CAN SOMETIMES
DOUBLE AS AN ANALGESIC,

AN APHRODISIAC, A PARTY DRUG,

A SEDUCTION STYLE MANUAL.

JENNIFER SCHECTER HAS
WRITTEN A WINCINGLY ACUTE...

IF SHAMELESSLY SELF-INDULGENT

PORTRAIT OF HERSELF.

C'EST BIEN.

THOSE FUCKERS.

WE SHOULD JUST
BURN DOWN THE CLINIC.

I JUST WANT TO FIREBOMB THEM.

THEY DON'T KNOW WHO
THEY'RE MESSING WITH.

GUYS, YOU NEED TO
CALM DOWN A LITTLE BIT.

WHAT DO YOU DO IN
SITUATION LIKE THAT?

I'LL GIVE 'EM A SITUATION...

I WANT TO BURN THAT CLINIC DOWN.

ARSON! ARSON!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO, LIKE,

A BENEFIT FOR
PLANNED PARENTHOOD?

I MEAN, IT'S SOMETHING POSITIVE,

IT DOESN'T CARRY A
SENTENCE OF 30-TO-LIFE.

I NEED THREE WATERS
WITH EXTRA LEMON, PLEASE.

WOW.

ARE WE REALLY THAT UNTOUCHABLE?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU JUST BACKED AWAY FROM US,

LIKE WE HAVE SOME SORT
OF HETEROSEXUAL COOTIE.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

I DIDN'T BACK AWAY FROM YOU.

HI. HI.

HI. HOW'RE YOU DOING?

GOOD.

DID YOU GET THE PHONE CALL?

AARON KORNBLUTH.

YEAH.

I'M MEETING HIM ON WEDNESDAY.

ME TOO.

WHO'S AARON KORNBLUTH?

HE'S OUR NEW BOSS.

A FELLOW IRISHMAN, NO DOUBT.

WAS THAT AN ANTI-SEMITIC REMARK?

I HOPE NOT.

SHE DID BACK AWAY FROM US.

LADIES, LADIES, LADIES,
AND GENTLEMEN...

I AM SO PROUD

TO INTRODUCE YOU TO A WOMAN

WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

TO SOME OF YOU HERE
TONIGHT, SHE'S AN OLD FRIEND.

SHE WENT AWAY
FOR A LITTLE WHILE,

AND THEN SHE CAME BACK,

AND WE ARE SO GLAD SHE DID,

BECAUSE SHE'S ONE OF

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, SPECIAL,

AND INTRIGUING PEOPLE

TO EVER TO SPEND TIME
HERE AT THE PLANET.

SO LADIES, LADIES,
LADIES, AND GENTLEMEN,

HERE SHE IS...

JENNY, COME ON.

COME ON.

THE WOMAN YOU'VE
ALL BEEN WAITING FOR...

DID YOU KNOW SHE WAS IN TOWN?

OH, MY GOD.

GIRL! WHERE YOU BEEN?

OH, MY GOD!

KIT.

OH, MY GOD! OH!

OH, LOOKIT...

MARINA.

GOD, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.

WOW.

IT'S REALLY GOOD TO SEE YOU.

WHERE ARE YOU STAYING?

YEAH. WHO ARE YOU HERE WITH?

ARE YOU GOING TO BE
HERE A LITTLE WHILE?

YEAH, I HEARD YOU WERE IN ROME.

I THOUGHT IT WAS FLORENCE?

OH, LADIES, LADIES.

LET'S SEE.

I'M HERE FOR BUSINESS.

I'M IN LOS ANGELES
FOR THREE DAYS.

I'M STAYING AT THE BEL AIR

BECAUSE I THINK IT'S
IMPORTANT TO REVISIT THE PLACES

WHERE WE'VE FACED
OUR DARKEST DEMONS.

AND IT IS ROME, NOT FLORENCE.

BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M
INTERRUPTING SOMETHING.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

PLEASE PAY YOUR
UNDIVIDED ATTENTION

TO THE LOVELY AND TALENTED

JENNY SCHECTER.

WHAT'S HER NAME?

UH... THANKS.

MARINA DELLA GHERARDESCA FERRER.

HOW DO YOU KNOW HER?

WE WERE FRIENDS.

WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS?

SHE WAS MY FIRST.

OH.

THEN, SHE WAS VERY
IMPORTANT TO YOU.

FOR A MINUTE, I GUESS.

CONGRATULATIONS, JENNY.

YOUR STORY IS WONDERFUL.

BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN.

IT REMINDS ME

OF DOROTHY ALLISON WITH
THE CHIC OF MARY GAITSKILL.

AND THE MAGAZINE,

THEY COMPARED YOU
TO TRUMAN CAPOTE.

THEY COMPARED HER
TO HOLLY GOLIGHTLY.

NOT EXACTLY THE SAME
AS TRUMAN CAPOTE.

BETTER, DON'T YOU THINK?

MARINA FERRER.

CLAUDE MONDRIAN.

I'M PROUD OF YOU.

ARE YOU WELL?

I'M GREAT.

I'M GREAT. HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD.

IN THE LAST YEAR, I
HAVE DONE SOMETHING

THAT I HAVE ALWAYS
DREAMED ABOUT.

I'M TOURING WITH A
GROUP OF DANCERS.

I'M THEIR BENEFACTOR.

I RAISE THE MONEY
AND FIND THE THEATERS,

AND THEY'RE VERY UNUSUAL.

ARE THEY PERFORMING
HERE IN LOS ANGELES?

UH, YES, I AM GOING TO
BRING THEM TO LOS ANGELES,

AND I HOPE YOU'LL COME.

WELL, I WISH YOU THE
BEST OF LUCK WITH IT.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU, TOO.

THANK YOU.

I SEE YOU HAVE IT ALREADY.

DO YOU THINK

SHE'LL HAVE SEX WITH US?

NO.

ASK HER.

♪ I CAN SEE THE FEAR ♪

♪ IN YOUR EYES, MY FRIEND ♪

♪ YOU CAN SEE... ♪

CIAO.

PAS MAL.

YOU DID GET LUCKY.

DON'T YOU WANT
TO GET LUCKY, TOO?

MAIS J'AI UNE CHANCE CE NUIT.

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

WELL, MY NEW YORK TIMES REVIEW

IS GOING TO BE
POSTED AT MIDNIGHT,

SO I'M GOING TO GO CHECK.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I DON'T THINK SHE'S KIDDING.

BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD STAY HERE

AND BE WITH MARINA.

GOOD NIGHT.

SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
SOONER OR LATER

THE BASTARD WOULD
WALK OUT ON ME.

CARLA?

ALSO SHOULD'VE KNOWN

THAT YOU WOULDN'T CALL ME BACK.

THE THING IS,

I'VE GOT NO PRIDE LEFT, SO...

HERE I AM.

YOU CALLED ME?

FIVE, SIX,

MAYBE 10 TIMES.

I'M SORRY.

I, UM, I LOST MY PHONE.

AND I'M SORRY...

THAT GABE LET YOU DOWN.

MY FAULT.

SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

NO, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

HE MADE YOU THINK
YOU COULD CHANGE HIM.

AND HE, UH...

WELL, HE EVEN CONVINCED
HIMSELF OF THAT.

AND, UH, THAT'S WHERE
THE REAL DAMAGE COMES IN.

YOU KNOW, ALL I'VE DONE
FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS

IS LIE ON THE FLOOR.

I JUST CRAWL FROM ROOM TO ROOM.

I TRY TO TALK. ALL THAT
COMES OUT IS CRYING.

I TRY TO EAT... I
PUKE MY GUTS UP.

PUKED SO MUCH,

STARTED SPITTING UP BLOOD.

IF I COULD TURN BACK
THE CLOCK, I'D SPARE YOU...

THE BAD FORTUNE
OF EVER KNOWING ME.

I, UH...

I LEFT YOU A GIFT.

IT'S ON THE BACK PORCH.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

IT'S FROM YOUR FATHER, REALLY.

HEY, CARLA, YOU'RE SICK.

LET ME TAKE YOU TO A DOCTOR.

THAT WOULD FIX EVERYTHING, HUH?

GO TO HELL.

CARLA!

♪ SAVE ME ♪

♪ SOMEBODY SAVE ME ♪

♪ SAVE ME ♪

♪ SOMEBODY SAVE ME ♪

♪ PROMISED MYSELF
AFTER THE FIRST ROMANCE ♪

♪ I WOULDN'T GIVE YOU
A SECOND CHANCE ♪

♪ SAID YOU SEE
YOU'RE SURE TO FIND ♪

♪ BUT THE CLOSER I
GET TO YOU, BABY ♪

♪ YOU DRIVE ME
STONE OUT OF MY MIND ♪

♪ SAVE ME ♪

♪ OH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ SAVE ME ♪

♪ OH... ♪

♪ THOSE WHO LOVE
ALWAYS GIVE THE MOST ♪

♪ WE'RE CRYING TOGETHER
FROM COAST TO COAST ♪

♪ LOVE LEAVES US
COLD AND HURT INSIDE ♪

♪ THESE TEARS OF
OURS UNJUSTIFIED ♪

♪ BEGGIN' YOU TO SAVE ME ♪

♪ I NEED SOMEBODY ♪

♪ SAVE ME ♪

♪ OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ SAVE ME ♪

♪ MM-HMM ♪

♪ SAVE ME ♪

♪ ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ YOUR LOVE SAID YOU NEEDED ME ♪

♪ YOU ABUSED MY
LOVE SET ME FREE... ♪

YEAH.