The L Word (2004–2009): Season 3, Episode 8 - Latecomer - full transcript

YOU'RE DONE, CARMEN.

NEXT VICTIM?

THAT LOOKS REALLY GOOD.

LOOK AT YOU TWO...

ANOTHER COUPLE OF
DYKES WITH MATCHING TATS.

I'D RATHER SEE YOU BY YOURSELF.

I LIKE YOU.

A LOT.

I'M CHANGING... MYSELF
FROM FEMALE TO MALE.

DOES JENNY KNOW?

SHE'S BEEN SHOOTING
ME UP WITH IT.



HOW DOES THAT FEEL?

BETTER THAN THE FIRST TIME.

YOU WON'T GET IN
TROUBLE FOR THAT?

MM-MM.

BIG SISTER'S OVER AT
THE CHEMO CLAMBAKE.

I AM NOT GONNA HAVE IT.

I AM NOT GONNA HAVE THIS SHIT.

I AM TALKING TO YOU, BILLIE!

IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GO.

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST
LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?

YOU'RE NOT MY FUCKING NURSE.

YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER.

YOU'RE NOT ANYTHING.

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN...



UM...

IF I CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU.

OH, ALICE...

YOU CAN.

I CAN'T, I CAN'T.

I CAN'T, I CAN'T, I CAN'T.

I'VE GOT TO GO.

I HAVE TO GO.

I HAVE TO GO.

DANA...

♪ GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES
WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES ♪

♪ CHICKS DRIVING FAST
INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES ♪

♪ WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE,
LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE ♪

♪ THIS IS THE WAY IT'S
THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪

♪ TALKING, LAUGHING
LOVING, BREATHING ♪

♪ FIGHTING, FUCKING
CRYING, DRINKING ♪

♪ WRITING, WINNING
LOSING, CHEATING ♪

♪ KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING ♪

♪ THIS IS THE WAY... ♪

♪ IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪

♪ IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪

♪ AND LOVE ♪

PULL OVER!

PULL OVER INTO THAT OUTLOOK.

WHAT'S UP? ARE YOU OKAY?

OKAY...

OH...

BABY, WHAT'S WRONG?

OH, I'M JUST HAVING
BAD BUTTERFLIES.

THAT'S ALL.

I'M HYPERVENTILATING.

YEAH, JUST... IT'S ALL RIGHT.

JUST BREATHE SLOW.

BREATHE... THAT'S IT.

THAT'S IT.

YEAH.

IT'S EXCITING.

I'M EXCITED TO MEET
YOUR FRIEND NONA.

YEAH...

BUT, HEY, MY FRIENDS,
THE BETTY GIRLS,

THEY'VE COME ALL THE WAY
FROM NEW YORK TO PRODUCE ME.

I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T DO IT.

YES, YOU CAN DO IT.

LOOK, THEY CAME OUT HERE

BECAUSE YOUR RECORD'S
GOING TO BE KILLER, KIT,

AND BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU.

AND THIS IS ALL HAPPENING

BECAUSE YOU TOOK
CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.

OKAY. I'M GOOD. ALL RIGHT?

I'M OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO. ALL RIGHT.

OKAY.

READY?

YEP. HI-HO, SILVER!

WHOO!

SORRY, I DIDN'T
MEAN TO TOUCH YOU.

I DON'T MIND BEING
TOUCHED BY YOU.

OBVIOUSLY YOU DO.

WHILE I'M AWAY, I
WANT YOU TO MOVE OUT.

WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO?

I DON'T KNOW. I JUST...

JUST MOVE INTO THE OTHER BEDROOM

UNTIL WE FIGURE IT OUT.

I JUST DON'T WANT
YOU IN MY BED ANYMORE.

ALL RIGHT, FINE,

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT, TINA.

I'M NOT THE ONE WHO DECIDED

THAT THE LAST EIGHT
YEARS OF HER LIFE

WERE SOME MEANINGLESS
LITTLE DALLIANCE

IN THE LAND OF
ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES.

YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.

I CAN'T HELP THE
FEELINGS THAT I'M HAVING.

WELL, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO HAVE THEM IN MY BED.

I HAVE TO PACK.

DO YOU MIND?

I NEED TO SPEND A
LITTLE TIME TO MYSELF

IN MY OWN ROOM.

IT'S OKAY.

HI, SWEETIE.

MOMMY'S RIGHT HERE.

COME HERE.

YEAH...

WHAT A BIG GIRL.

YES, YOU'RE A BIG GIRL,
AND MOMMY'S RIGHT HERE.

WHO'S THIS?

WHO'S THIS?

SHE'S GOING TO
NEED TO BE NURSED.

COME ON, SWEETIE, COME ON.

LET'S GO NURSE.

LET'S GO NURSE IN MY ROOM.

NO...

OW!

DON'T DO THAT LIKE
THAT. THAT'S NOT GOOD.

CARMEN. CARMEN.

CARMEN. CARMEN?

HMM?

YOU WERE HAVING A BAD DREAM.

HMM?

YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DREAM.

YOU'RE KICKING ME.

I AM?

YEAH.

OH, I'M SORRY.

OH...

OH, MY GOD.

SHANE...

I HAD THIS DREAM

THAT WE WERE INSIDE OF WAX,

BUT IT WAS, LIKE... IT
WAS REALLY TRIPPY,

AND THERE WERE
ALL THESE PAINTINGS

THAT WERE FLOATING AROUND,

AND YOU WERE THERE
AND I WAS THERE,

AND THERE WAS THIS LADY...

IT WAS CHERIE.

IT WAS CHERIE JAFFE.

YOU WERE GIVING A
TATTOO TO CHERIE JAFFE.

LIKE THE ONE THAT WE HAVE,

THAT'S ON THE BACK OF OUR NECKS.

WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

DO WHAT?

GIVE HER A TATTOO?

I DIDN'T.

THAT WAS SOMETHING
REALLY SACRED TO US.

THAT'S JUST BETWEEN US.

BUT I DIDN'T GIVE...

GODDAMMIT, SHANE,
THAT'S SO FUCKED UP.

AL?

YEAH. COMING.

HOLD ON A SEC.

ALICE!

OKAY, I'M COMING!

OKAY, I PUT A LITTLE
HEMP SEED IN IT

AND THAT GREEK
YOGURT THAT YOU LIKE.

CHECK IT OUT.

HOT, HOT, HOT, ISN'T IT?

IT'S TOO BAD

LARA'S NOT AROUND TO SEE THIS.

MAYBE I'LL SAVE IT
AND SELL IT ON eBAY.

ALL RIGHT. CAN YOU
NOT BE SO MORBID?

AND DRINK THIS.

DRINK YOUR SHAKE.

I CAN'T.

I FEEL NAUSEOUS.

PLEASE, JUST...

IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. DRINK.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

HOLD ON.

REINFORCEMENTS.

WHAT IS THAT?

I DID A LITTLE SHOPPING.

GOT SOME BASICS.

OKAY? NOTHING...

THE SHAG...

"SHAGGY CHIC."

MM?

I KNOW THIS IS OUT,
THE FLIPS, BUT...

UH...

BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN.

HMM? HMM?

YOU LIKE?

ROCKIN' REDHEAD!

I CAN'T WEAR A WIG, ALICE.

WHY?

UH, BECAUSE I'LL LOOK STUPID.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LOOK STUPID.

JUST TRY IT, OKAY?

OKAY.

JUST HUMOR ME.

NOT SO MUCH, THAT ONE.

NO. OKAY.

TRY ANOTHER ONE.

"SHARON FAIRBANKS."

GO AWAY.

WHAT'S YOUR MOM DOING NOW?

OH, SHE KEEPS CALLING ME...

"I JUST READ AN ARTICLE

ABOUT AN AMPUTEE
WHO WON A TOURNAMENT."

MAKES ME NUTS.

YOU KNOW, SHE'S JUST...
SHE'S TRYING TO HELP.

AND I DON'T THINK
SHUTTING THEM OUT

IS REALLY GOING TO
MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

WELL, THEN WHAT IS GOING
TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, AL?

I MEAN, LOOK AT ME.

I'M JUST... I'M DISAPPEARING.

I'M JUST DISAPPEARING.

CAN I READ IT TO YOU?

JUST ONE SECOND.

OKAY.

READ IT TO ME.

"THIS IS TO INFORM

"ALL OF MY FRIENDS
AND ACQUAINTANCES

"THAT FROM NOW ON...

"I'LL BE GOING BY THE NAME MAX.

"PLEASE USE ONLY
THE MALE PRONOUN

"WHEN REFERRING TO ME.

YOURS TRULY."

WHY DON'T YOU
SIGN OFF LIKE THIS...

YEAH. THAT'S COOL.

I'M HOME, DEAR!

HI!

OH!

LOOK AT YOU.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE 29, GIRL!

HOW'D YOU STAY SO SEXY?

OH, THE BETTY GIRLS!

HI, ALYSON. HI!

AMY! HI, GIRL.

HEY, KIT. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

MAKE ME SOUND GOOD!

OH...

THIS IS MY BEAU.

OOH!

THIS IS MY MAIN SQUEEZE, ANGUS.

HI. ALYSON. WELCOME.

ANGUS PARTRIDGE.
NICE TO MEET YOU.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

HI.

RIGHT ON.

GOODBYE, SWEETIE.

DON'T FORGET THIS.

DON'T FORGET.

HERE, GIVE ME A KISS.

GIVE YOUR MAMA A KISS.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A
TOTALLY SILENT RETREAT,

BUT JULIA SAID SHE HIKED

DOWN TO THE LAKE EVERY EVENING

TO CALL HER SON.

EXCUSE US... CAN YOU...

CAN YOU CUT YOUR ENGINE
UNTIL I'M READY TO GO?

THANKS.

SO I EXPECT YOU TO PUT
HER ON THE PHONE WITH ME.

OF COURSE I'LL PUT HER
ON THE PHONE WITH YOU.

I WANT TO CALL HER FROM
THE ROAD THIS AFTERNOON,

SO WHERE WILL YOU BE?

I WAS THINKING OF GOING
TO VISIT KIT AND EVERYONE

IN THE RECORDING STUDIO.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

NO. IS THERE A PROBLEM?

WELL, THE PROBLEM IS
THAT YOU NO LONGER HAVE

THE PRIVILEGES OF
BEING MY LIFE PARTNER.

WHOA! WHAT?

DON'T GET ALL GALLED
AND AFFRONTED.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S
BREAKING UP THE FAMILY.

I AM NOT BREAKING UP...

YES, YOU ARE, TINA.

YOU DON'T LOVE ME.

YOU'RE CHANGING WHO YOU ARE,

AND, YES, YOU ARE
BREAKING UP THIS FAMILY,

AND YOU KNOW, IT'S ABOUT TIME

THAT WE BOTH JUST
GOT REAL ABOUT IT.

SO, WHILE I'M AWAY MEDITATING,

AND... OING TO TRY AHEM!

WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?

HI.

HELLO, ROBERTA.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?

I'M GETTING READY

TO WRITE UP MY
REPORT TO THE BUREAU,

AND I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

THE GAY DADS OVER ON CURSON

ARE ADOPTING A CRACK BABY.

AND ARE YOU ENDORSING
THEIR PETITION?

THEY'RE A WONDERFUL FAMILY.

THEY'VE BEEN
TOGETHER FOR 19 YEARS

AND THIS IS THEIR THIRD CHILD.

HOW ARE YOU TWO DOING?

WONDERFUL. FINE.

IS THERE ANYTHING
YOU WANT TO TELL ME?

ANY BIG CHANGES AFOOT?

WELL, I MEAN...

WELL, WE'RE WORKING
OUT SOME THINGS, BUT...

I MEAN, FRANKLY, ROBERTA,

I THINK IT'S REALLY
BETWEEN ME AND TINA.

COUPLES GO THROUGH
CHANGES ALL THE TIME.

YEAH.

AND YOU'RE STILL INTENDING ON
PROCEEDING WITH THIS ADOPTION?

OF COURSE WE ARE.

ABSOLUTELY.

LISTEN, I'VE GOT TO...
I'VE GOT TO GET GOING.

MY FLIGHT'S AT 10:30.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING,

IF I MAY ASK?

I'M GOING TO THE
MAHA BODHI MONASTERY

IN OLYMPIA, WASHINGTON.

I'M GOING ON A
MEDITATION RETREAT.

HOW LONG WILL YOU BE GONE?

10 DAYS.

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S FINE,

CONSIDERING ANGELICA
WILL BE HOME AND SAFE

WITH HER MOTHER.

AND HER OTHER MOTHER

WILL BE HOME
WITH HER IN 10 DAYS,

ENLIGHTENED,

AND BETTER ABLE TO COPE WITH
ANY CHANGES THAT ARE AFOOT.

GOODBYE, BABY.

I LOVE YOU, LITTLE ANGIE.

I LOVE YOU.

HERE YOU GO.

EXCUSE ME.

BYE, ANGIE.

SAY, "BYE, MAMA."

"BYE, MAMA."

BYE-BYE!

ARE YOU SURE

YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH
WITH THIS ADOPTION?

OF COURSE I DO.

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

BECAUSE IT'S OBVIOUS

THAT YOU AND BETTE
ARE NOT HAPPY CAMPERS.

WHAT IF YOU GET INVOLVED
WITH SOMEONE ELSE, TINA?

I DON'T THINK THAT'S RELEVANT.

IT'S HIGHLY RELEVANT.

BETTE IS ANGELICA'S
OTHER MOTHER.

YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BE SAYING THIS

IF WE WERE A
HETEROSEXUAL COUPLE.

YOU JUST MIGHT WANT
TO THINK ABOUT IT.

I'M JUST PICKING DYLAN UP.

SHALL I BRING YOU COFFEE?

I'M JUST TALKING TO ALICE.

OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU AT
THE RECORDING STUDIO.

WHAT TIME ARE YOU
GOING TO GET THERE?

OKAY. BYE.

HI.

HI.

I CAN'T TELL YOU.

I AM SO EXCITED TO
MEET NONA HENDRYX.

I AM THE HUGEST FAN.

DO YOU MIND IF I JUST
MAKE ONE MORE QUICK CALL?

I'M PRETTY SURE I'VE GOT
THE JET FOR TOMORROW.

FOR THE GAME?

YEAH.

DANA'S THIS HUGE BASKETBALL FAN.

SAN JOSE LIGHTNING
IS HER FAVORITE TEAM.

AND YOU'RE FLYING EVERYONE
OUT ON YOUR MOTHER'S JET?

YOU THINK IT'S TOO MUCH?

YOU THINK IT'S TOO MUCH!

I DON'T. I DON'T THINK

IT'S TOO MUCH.

I THINK IT'S... I
THINK IT'S AMAZING.

IT IS.

IT'S, LIKE, THE MOST
INCREDIBLE THING TO DO

FOR YOUR FRIEND WHO'S SICK.

I THINK YOU'RE AMAZING.

THANK YOU.

I'M GETTING IN THE CAR.

OKAY.

♪ 'CAUSE THEY'RE JUST
TRANSFORMATIONS ♪

♪ VARIATIONS ♪

♪ ALTERNATIONS ♪

♪ DEVIATIONS ♪

♪ YOU KNOW MOTHER NATURE ♪

♪ RULES US ALL... ♪

GUYS, UH,

CAN I MAKE A SUGGESTION?

I THINK

KIT SHOULD SING THROUGH
THE FIRST CHORUS BY HERSELF,

AND THEN YOU GUYS COME
IN ON THE SECOND CHORUS.

I DON'T THINK WE'VE
HEARD ENOUGH OF HER YET.

YOU WANT ME TO SING
THAT LINE BY MYSELF?

WHAT'S HE SAYING?

I THINK MAYBE WE DOUBLE
UP ON THE FIRST CHORUS,

AND THEN DO THE SECOND
CHORUS THREE TIMES

BECAUSE IT'S VERY STRONG.

UM. UM...

ANGUS.

WE'RE JUST TRYING TO DO THE
SCRATCH VOCALS RIGHT NOW.

SO, YOU KNOW,

CAN WE JUST COMPLETE IT,

AND WE'LL TRY
SOMETHING ELSE LATER?

OKAY.

OKAY, PAUL, LET'S
TRY THAT AGAIN,

AND TAKE IT FROM THE
TOP OF THE CHORUS, PLEASE.

♪ 'CAUSE THEY'RE JUST... ♪

OKAY.

WHO'S NEXT?

HEY!

HEY, SHANE.

HEY, YOU GUYS.

I'M SORRY, I'VE GOT
TO TAKE THESE TWO.

COME ON.

HOW ARE YOU?

OKAY.

HEY.

GIVE ME THESE.

ARE YOU READY?

YEAH?

AUNTIE KIT...

KIT!

HEY!

HEY. ALYSON. HOW ARE YOU?

I BROUGHT FRIENDS.

HI.

THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR LETTING US COME.

OH, HELENA, YOU KNOW
YOU CAN COME ANYTIME.

THIS IS MY FRIEND,
DYLAN MORELAND.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

NICE TO MEET YOU.

REALLY NICE TO MEET YOU.

KIT, UM, I DON'T
WANT TO BE A PAIN,

BUT DO YOU THINK WE COULD
INTRODUCE DYLAN TO NONA?

SHE'S A HUGE FAN.

OH, SURE, NO PROBLEM.

UH, NONA, COME
HERE. COME HERE, GIRL.

NONA HENDRYX...

I WANT YOU TO MEET
SOME OF MY FRIENDS,

AND YOUR BIGGEST FAN RIGHT HERE.

OOH, HELLO.

HI. IT'S SO GOOD TO MEET YOU.

SO I THOUGHT YOU GUYS

WERE JUST FRIENDS.

WE ARE.

OH, GOD. YEAH, RIGHT.

WE ARE...

KIT...

PHONE CALL FOR YOU.

OKAY.

HI. I'M HELENA.

IT'S YOUR SISTER.

OH.

HEY, GIRL.

WHERE ARE YOU AT RIGHT NOW?

ALMOST AT THE AIRPORT.

LISTEN, KIT, CAN YOU
DO ME A BIG FAVOR?

YEAH, SURE.

CAN YOU CALL TINA

AND JUST LET HER KNOW

THAT SHE'S WELCOME
TO COME VISIT YOU

AT THE RECORDING STUDIO?

UM, TINA JUST WALKED IN.

SHE WHAT?

YEAH, SHE JUST WALKED IN

WITH HELENA AND HER FRIEND.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

HELLO?

BETTE?

BETTE...

LOST HER.

A SUBCUTANEOUS MASTECTOMY

IS THE REDUCTION
OF BREAST VOLUME

TO A MALE-APPEARING CHEST.

WE PERFORM IT UNDER
GENERAL ANESTHESIA,

USING A SEMICIRCULAR,
U-SHAPED INCISION

AT THE JUNCTION
OF THE AREOLAR SKIN

AND THE NORMAL SKIN.

THIS PROCEDURE
RUNS ABOUT $7,500.

WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT,

BECAUSE I'M STILL
COVERED UNDER CHALDENE

FOR, LIKE, ANOTHER SIX MONTHS

WITH MY POLICY WITH THEM.

I'M AFRAID THAT GENDER
REASSIGNMENT SURGERY

ISN'T YET INCLUDED

ON ANY INSURANCE POLICIES.

THEY SEE IT AS AN
ELECTIVE PROCEDURE.

OH.

HEY, LISTEN, LISTEN.

I JUST GOT MY ADVANCE.

SO WHY DON'T I USE, YOU KNOW,

THE MONEY THAT THE
PUBLISHER GAVE ME,

AND I'LL PAY FOR IT.

JENNY, I DON'T WANT
YOU TO PAY FOR THIS.

I WANT TO PAY FOR IT.

NO, I JUST WOULDN'T
FEEL RIGHT ABOUT IT.

BUT I FEEL FINE.

THAT'S NICE, BUT I...

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
A LOT OF PEOPLE DO?

WELL, NOT A LOT, BUT
SOME OF MY PATIENTS,

THEY HOLD TOP
SURGERY BENEFIT PARTIES.

THEY INVITE THEIR FRIENDS IN

FROM THE COMMUNITY,
AND RAISE THE FUNDS

TO PAY FOR THEIR TOP SURGERIES.

YEAH, LET'S DO THAT.

YEAH...

♪ MOTHER NATURE RULES US ♪

♪ I MOVE, AND I GO ♪

♪ IN TIME, FAST OR SLOW ♪

♪ I MOVE THROUGH DOORS ♪

♪ EACH TIME LESS THAN MORE ♪

♪ WET TO DRY EYE TO EYE ♪

♪ NO PLEASURE OR PAIN ♪

WHAT'S THE TEMPO?

108.

YEAH, THAT'S
WRONG. IT'S TOO FAST.

LET'S TAKE IT DOWN TO, SAY, 102.

NO, THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.

WHAT IS NOT GOING TO WORK?

THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.

UM, ANGUS, COME ON, BABY.

COME ON.

BABY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHING'S GOING ON.

DO YOU NOT WANT ME
TO BE A PART OF THIS?

NO, OF COURSE I WANT
YOU TO BE A PART OF THIS.

IT'S JUST A TOTALLY
DIFFERENT THING

WHEN YOU'RE MAKING
YOUR OWN RECORD.

THIS ISN'T

SOME DADDY WARBUCKS
RECORD COMPANY, OKAY?

I JUST...

I WANT YOU TO GET
EVERYTHING YOU ENVISIONED

WHEN YOU FIRST DREAMED...

♪ ALTERNATIONS ♪

♪ DEVIATIONS ♪

♪ MOTHER NATURE RULES US ALL ♪

OH, WOW, LOOK AT THIS.

IT'S AN ALL-IN-ONE BOXER-BRIEF

WITH A BUILT-IN PACKAGE

AND A CHEST-BINDING VEST.

WOW.

I LIKE THIS.

THE PISSIN' PASSIN' PACKER.

"THIS DICK CAN BE
USED AS A CLEAN, TIDY,

"STANDING URINARY DEVICE.

"YOU CAN HOLD IT UP
AGAINST YOURSELF,

"FACE THE TOILET BOWL OR URINAL,

AND LET IT FLY."

BUT YOU CAN PEE
STANDING UP, CAN'T YOU?

YEAH, I KNOW,

BUT, I MEAN, I'VE NEVER
BEEN ABLE TO, YOU KNOW,

WHIP IT OUT IN A MEN'S ROOM.

I SEE.

OH, THIS IS GREAT...

HEY, KIT!

YOU'VE GOT SOME NEW VISITORS.

HEY!

WHAT IS WITH THOSE CRAZY 'DOs?

DON'T ASK. IT'LL ALL BE
EXPLAINED IN A MINUTE.

NO, NO, NO, IT'S... EXTREME
IS THE NEW SEASON.

YEAH.

THIS IS THE NEW THING.

OKAY, SO WE WANT TO
INTRODUCE YOU TO SOMEONE.

YEAH, SO PLEASE WELCOME

THE BRAND-NEW DANA FAIRBANKS.

COME ON, DANE.

COME ON.

YOU GO, GIRL!

LOOK AT YOU, DANA!

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.

HEY, GIRL.

YOU'RE SUCH A BEAUTY.

THAT LOOKS AMAZING.

OH, YEAH, DOESN'T SHE?

YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.

WELL DONE.

DANA, I'VE GOT SOMEBODY
I WANT YOU TO MEET.

OH! EASY.

NONA, THIS IS DANA FAIRBANKS,

OUR BEST FRIEND,

WHO CAME BY TO SHOW US

HER NEW CHEMOTHERAPY COIFFURE.

YEAH!

WHOA!

IT'S REALLY COOL TO MEET YOU,

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M DOWN WITH THAT 'DO.

THANK YOU.

PARTY ON, DANA. YOU LOOK GREAT.

ALL RIGHT!

ALL RIGHT, IT'S ON!

MOTHERFUCKER!

BASTARD.

FUCKER.

YOU'RE NOT GETTING...

HEY, DANE, YOU OKAY?

WANT TO GO HOME?

NO, I WANT TO STAY AND
HAVE FUN AND PLAY GAMES...

RIGHT THERE!

I SEE IT.

GET THE MOTHERFUCKER,
GET THE MOTHERFUCKER!

OOH, I GOT IT, I GOT IT.

WHERE'S CARMEN?

I'M IN THE SHITHOUSE.

WHY?

CARMEN HAD A DREAM

THAT I GAVE CHERIE
JAFFE A FUCKING TATTOO.

AW...

YEAH, NO, I'VE HAD THAT HAPPEN.

I HAD THIS GIRL WHO DREAMT
THAT I FUCKED DAVID SCHWIMMER.

WELL, FRIENDS WAS ON A LOT.

FUCKER!

SHIT.

YOU KNOW, AL, ACTUALLY...

WHEN WE WERE GOING OUT,

I HAD A DREAM YOU WERE A MIDGET.

BUT I WASN'T MAD AT YOU

OR ANYTHING.

SHIT. DAMMIT.

WELL, HE KEEPS
SHOOTING YOUR BACK.

I HATE BEING IN THE SHITHOUSE.

I'M GOING TO GET SOME TEA.

DO YOU WANT SOME TEA?

UH, NO, THANKS.

I'VE ALREADY HAD TEA.

HEY, GUYS.

YOU MAKING SOME TEA?

YEAH.

SO WHERE'S DANA?

UM, SHE WAS FEELING SICK,

SO SHE JUST WENT TO LIE DOWN.

DO YOU THINK SHE'S
GOING TO BE UP

FOR TOMORROW?

NO, NO, NO, I THINK
SHE'LL BE PSYCHED.

FOR SURE.

WELL, OKAY, LET'S GO.

YEAH, OKAY.

SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

COME HERE.

THIS IS FUCKING INSANE.

COME HERE.

I'LL SHOW YOU HOW
FUCKING INSANE IT IS.

DO YOU FEEL THAT?

NOBODY MAKES ME WET LIKE THAT.

YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON
WHO'S EVER DONE THAT TO ME.

TAKE ME HOME.

YOU WANT TO GO HOME?

TO YOUR HOUSE.

NOW.

HOME.

HEY, BABY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

UH-UH, NO.

I AM NOT HERE FOR
YOU. I AM HERE FOR KIT.

AND I'D LIKE TO MEET
NONA HENDRYX, OKAY?

YOU ARE NOT TO TALK TO ME...

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING...

THAT'S IT.

GUYS?

UH, GUYS, CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN?

OKAY, NOT ONLY DID YOU
GIVE CHERIE JAFFE A TATTOO,

BUT THERE WAS A
SCARY-LOOKING, LIKE, BIRD

THAT KEPT FLYING AROUND, RIGHT,

AND AT ONE POINT, IT WAS
SCREAMING YOUR NAME.

IT WAS LIKE, "SHANE!
SHANE! HELLO, SHANE!"

AND YOU SPROUTED WINGS,

AND YOU FLEW OFF
WITH THE BIRD, OKAY?

THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.

N'UH-UH. NO.

OKAY...

OH, THEY SOUND SO GOOD.

WHAT DO WE GOT?

HEY.

THEY SOUND GOOD. OH, YEAH.

LATIN WOMEN.

CALIENTE.

HEY, GUYS,

I JUST WANT TO THANK
YOU FOR A GREAT DAY.

IT'S GOING TO BE
BETTER TOMORROW.

WE'RE GOING TO BE
REALLY HOT, RIGHT?

YEAH. YEAH.

WELL, IF YOU THREE CAN
WORK UP AN ARRANGEMENT

WHERE HER VOCAL DRAMA
DOESN'T OVERWHELM

KIT'S FREESTYLE FUNK...

OH, NO, YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT,
SOMEBODY'S GOT TO SAY IT.

COME ON.

I WANT TO TALK TO
YOU NOW, RIGHT NOW.

MAN, THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

WHAT A BIG FAVOUR THESE
PEOPLE ARE DOING FOR ME?

DO... DO YOU?

THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

YOU ACT LIKE THEY'RE
DOING YOU THIS BIG FAVOR,

WHEN YOU'RE DOING
THEM THE FAVOR...

ANGUS, I DON'T NEED THIS.

THIS IS NOT HOW I DEAL.

THIS IS NOT HOW I
WANT TO SET THINGS UP

WITH PEOPLE I'M GOING
TO WORK WITH, OKAY?

I...

JUST...

JUST BACK OFF.

BACK OFF?

YEAH.

CAN GUYS GUYS GIVE ME A RIDE?

NO PROBLEM.

YEAH. WE'LL GET YOU HOME.

COME ON, KIT.

HELENA...

HMM?

WHAT?

I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.

I JUST HAVEN'T...

I HAVEN'T DONE THIS.

I MEAN...

DON'T WORRY.

IT'S OKAY.

I NEED HELP.

I CAN'T UNDO IT.

HEY...

THANK YOU.

I'M GOING TO... IF
YOU COULD JUST...

I'M GOING TO CHANGE.

YEAH.

THANKS.

NO PROBLEM.

AH...

SHIT.

AL!

YEAH?

CAN YOU HELP ME?

I-I CAN'T GET MY BRA OFF.

I GOT IT.

THANKS.

YOU OKAY?

MM-HMM.

I'M SORRY.

NO.

NO...

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

HEY, YOU'RE STILL AT IT.

MM-HMM.

ARE YOU STILL WORKING
ON CHAPTER FOUR?

NO.

I'M WRITING A STORY ABOUT YOU.

ABOUT ME?

YEAH, WELL, NOT JUST ABOUT YOU.

SORT OF...

I DON'T KNOW, ABOUT US,

AND WHAT WE'RE GOING THROUGH.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?

HEY...

DON'T DO THAT. STOP IT.

DELETE IT.

DON'T TOUCH MY FUCKING COMPUTER.

STOP IT.

HEY!

DELETE THE FUCKING SHIT.

I'M NOT OKAY WITH THAT.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHING.

I WAS, UH...

I WAS WRITING LATE,
AND MOIRA WAS...

MAX WAS WORRIED ABOUT ME.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY OUT HERE?

YEAH.

ARE YOU SURE?

IT'S FINE.

I'M JUST TIRED.

I'M GOING TO GO TO BED.

SORRY, YOU GUYS.

I DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE
YOU UP OR ANYTHING.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

ARE YOU SURE...

YOU'VE NEVER...

NEVER WHAT?

NEVER DONE THIS. OH!

IS IT GOOD?

OH! OH!

I WANT YOU TO COME.

OH, GOD...

OH, MY GOD.

HEY...

DID YOU HAVE ANY
MORE OF THOSE...

DREAMS LAST NIGHT?

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY THAT YOU'RE
HAVING THESE NIGHTMARES

BECAUSE OF THAT
FUCKED-UP THING I DID.

I KNOW.

I KNOW THAT, YOU KNOW, WE'RE...

WE'RE DOING THIS,

AND WE'RE TRYING TO
WORK THIS OUT AND STUFF,

BUT I GUESS THAT...

I'M STILL HURT.

YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE.

I MEAN, YOU FLEW OFF, SHANE.

YOU TOTALLY TOOK
OFF WITH THIS BIRD.

I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

HEY, GUYS.

HEY...

I WISH I COULD GO WITH YOU GUYS,

BUT ANGELICA'S GOT A COLD,

AND I SHOULDN'T TAKE
HER ON THE PLANE.

OH, I'M SORRY.

YEAH.

HI, JENNY.

HEY, GUYS.

WHERE'S MOIRA?

MAX.

OH, SORRY.

MAX.

IS HE COMING OR WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

HAVE A GOOD TIME.

I SHOULD GO. SHE'S
NOT DOING WELL.

OKAY. BYE.

BYE.

HOPE THE BABY'S BETTER.

THANKS.

HI.

HEY.

I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

IT'S THE TESTOSTERONE.

IT, LIKE, AMPS ME UP.

YOU KNOW, YOU EMBARRASSED ME,

AND YOU SCARED ME.

IT'S UNACCEPTABLE TO
YELL AT ME LIKE THAT.

I'M SORRY.

I REALLY AM.

IT'S JUST...

I DON'T WANT YOU
TO WRITE ABOUT ME.

WHY?

BECAUSE IT'S PRIVATE.

BUT IT'S IMPORTANT.

BUT IT'S MY STORY.

NO, IT'S OUR STORY.

THE STORY'S NOT JUST ABOUT YOU.

IT'S ABOUT HOW WE MET

AND EVERYTHING THAT
WE'VE GONE THROUGH

UP UNTIL THIS POINT.

JENNY, COME ON.

I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT.

PLEASE, CAN WE
JUST FORGET ABOUT IT,

AND JUST GO AND HAVE
A GREAT TIME WITH DANA?

I DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE
DANA WOULD WANT ME THERE.

YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, SHE'S, LIKE,
TOTALLY FREAKED OUT

BY WHAT I'M DOING.

I WANT YOU THERE.

I WANT YOU TO BE MY DATE.

OKAY?

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, SO...

I GUESS I'M NOT GOING TO SEE YOU

TILL LATE TONIGHT.

IT'S GOOD, BABE.

IT'S A GOOD THING.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

OKAY, BYE.

IT'S GOOD.

YOU CAN COME?

YEAH.

HE'S ALL RIGHT WITH IT? YEAH.

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A PRETTY
INDEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP.

WE'RE BOTH AWAY A LOT
WHEN WE'RE SHOOTING, AND...

WHERE DOES HE THINK
YOU WERE LAST NIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW.

HE DIDN'T ASK.

REALLY?

YEAH.

I MEAN, WE BOTH, YOU KNOW...

WE TRUST EACH ANOTHER.

THAT MAKES ME FEEL TERRIBLE.

OH, NO, NO.

NO. NO, PLEASE. DON'T.

DON'T LET IT.

I'M GOING TO TELL HIM.

YOU'RE GOING TO
TELL HIM ABOUT US?

YEAH.

TONIGHT, WHEN WE GET
BACK FROM SAN JOSE.

REALLY?

YEAH.

REALLY.

WHOA.

THAT'S NICE.

IT'S NOT EVEN MY CAR.

NICE JOB.

THANK YOU.

SO, ALICE, WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

WE ARE TAKING YOU TO THE
SAN JOSE/HOUSTON GAME.

THE BASKETBALL GAME?

THAT'S RIGHT.

ARE YOU THE PEABODY PARTY?

YEAH, THAT'S US.
FOLLOW ME, PLEASE.

OKAY, COME ON.

GET OUT!

OH, MY GOD, Y'ALL,
I CAN'T BELIEVE

I'M ABOUT TO GET
ON A PRIVATE JET.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

WE'RE GOING TO A
CHAMPIONSHIP BASKETBALL GAME.

GUYS, GUYS, WALK OF SHAME.

DON'T BE NERVOUS.

HI.

HI.

HEY.

HEY. HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

HEY, DYLAN.

HI.

OKAY, EVERYONE, YOU GUYS
REMEMBER DYLAN, RIGHT?

HI.

HOW'S IT GOING?

IS EVERYBODY READY?

YEAH!

LET'S GO.

THANK YOU.

IT'S MY PLEASURE, DANA.

IT'S INCREDIBLE.

THIS IS AWESOME.

DO WE GET, LIKE,
FREE FOOD AND STUFF

ON HERE?

ARE YOU COMING, MOIRA?

MAX.

OH, RIGHT.

EVERYBODY, MOIRA'S DEAD!

LONG LIVE MAX.

OKAY, KIT, IT'S YOUR FIRST TAKE,

SO TAKE YOUR TIME,
AND MAKE IT SEXY, GIRL.

THANK YOU FOR MAKING
ME REALLY NERVOUS.

UH...

OH, WAIT, WAIT.

OKAY, OKAY, HOLD IT.

I WASN'T THERE YET.

OKAY.

ONE MORE TIME, ONE MORE TIME.

WE CAN DO IT, WE CAN DO IT.

SORRY, SORRY, LET'S GO AGAIN.

♪ RUST TO DUST US TO THEM ♪

♪ CHANGE YOUR MIND CH... ♪

THAT'S OKAY, THAT'S OKAY.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

THAT WAS NICE.

OKAY. UH...

YEAH. OKAY.

WE HAVE APRICOT TARTS,

ALL KINDS OF FRESHLY
BAKED COOKIES,

FRUIT, YOGURT.

WOULD YOU LIKE A
LATTE OR A CAPPUCCINO?

YEAH.

I'LL HAVE A...

YOU KNOW WHAT, I SHOULDN'T.

SORRY, NEVER MIND.

ARE YOU TRYING TO QUIT CAFFEINE?

YEAH.

I'M TRYING TO STAY
AS CLEAN AS POSSIBLE.

IS THAT BECAUSE OF THE
MEDICATION YOU'RE ON?

YEAH, ACTUALLY.

ME TOO.

I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT
WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

THANKS.

YOU KNOW, I WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT I COULD UNDERSTAND

WHY YOU WOULDN'T
WANT TO BE AROUND ME.

I MEAN, YOU WORKED REALLY HARD
TO CREATE THE BODY YOU HAVE,

AND, YOU KNOW, YOUR
WHOLE LIFE'S BEEN IN THAT.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW...

I MEAN, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS.

MAYBE I SHOULDN'T EVEN SAY IT,

BUT IT'S LIFE AND
DEATH FOR ME, TOO.

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE CANCER.

HELLO, LADIES. IT'S
YOUR CAPTAIN HERE.

I HOPE YOU'VE ENJOYED
THE RIDE SO FAR.

WE'RE GOING TO BE
STARTING OUR DESCENT

INTO THE SAN JOSE AIRPORT

IN APPROXIMATELY 10 MINUTES.

OH, THAT DOES NOT LOOK GOOD.

I FEEL SORRY FOR HIM.

OH, PLEASE, HE SO DESERVES THIS.

I'VE SEEN KIT DO THIS
OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

I CAN JUST IMAGINE

WHAT SHE'S SAYING
TO THAT POOR BOY.

CAN YOU IMAGINE?

JEEZ.

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?

HELL, YEAH. YES.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

OH, GOODIE.

YEAH, YOU KNOW,

I WAS LOOKING FORWARD
TO WORKING WITH THEM

UNTIL WORKING WITH THEM

BECAME WORKING
WITH YOU AND THEM,

AND "ANGUS, CAN YOU
TAKE THE BABY FOR A WHILE?"

LOOK, I'M SORRY, OKAY?

I KNOW, I STEPPED OVER THE LINE,

AND I'M SORRY FOR
THAT, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

I CERTAINLY DIDN'T
MEAN TO EMBARRASS YOU

IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS.

APOLOGIZE TO THEM, NOT TO ME.

WELL, I WILL APOLOGIZE TO THEM,

BUT YOU'RE THE ONE

WHO MAKES ME FEEL LIKE
A FUCKING ADOLESCENT

BECAUSE I'M SO IN LOVE WITH YOU.

YOU ARE THE ONE

I WANT TO SPEND THE
REST OF MY LIFE WITH!

NO, NO, NO! LA, LA, LA, LA!

YOU ARE THE ONE I
WANT TO MARRY ME!

THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING

I'VE EVER HEARD OF.

I MEAN IT!

YOU DON'T MEAN IT!

YOU'RE YOUNG.

YOU WANT TO HAVE A FAMILY.

YOU WANT TO HAVE KIDS.

OH, I SEE.

NOW YOU'RE THE
EXPERT ON WHAT I WANT.

I AM NOT THE EXPERT, BUT
I'VE SEEN YOU WITH MY NIECE.

I'VE SEEN YOU WITH KIDS,

AND YOU KNOW WHAT,
YOU'VE GOT YOUR WHOLE LIFE...

SHUT THE FUCK UP, KIT.

I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR 25 YEARS,

AND I'VE SEEN YOU BLOW
MORE RELATIONSHIPS.

YOU'VE GOT A GOOD ONE HERE,

AND I THINK YOU
OUGHT TO THINK TWICE

BEFORE YOU SEND HIM PACKIN'.

YOU KNOW, WHO ASKED YOU?

NO, WAIT, I THINK
SHE HAS A POINT...

NO, YOU SHUT UP.

KISS THE BRIDE, FUCKER.

AND YOU SHUT UP, TOO.

NO...

YOU SHUT UP.

COME ON.

COME ON.

SHE'S GOING.

YEAH!

SO IS EVERYTHING GOOD?

I MEAN, THEY'RE READY FOR US

WHEN WE GET IN THERE?

IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF.

HEY.

HEY, AREN'T YOU DANA FAIRBANKS?

NO, SORRY, I'M NOT.

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU DON'T LIKE BEING
RECOGNIZED, HUH?

NO, NOT LIKE THIS.

SO, UM, WHAT DID YOU MEAN

BACK ON THE PLANE

ABOUT LIFE AND DEATH FOR YOU?

THE FIRST TIME I
TRIED TO KILL MYSELF,

I WAS, LIKE, 10 YEARS OLD,

AND I FOUGHT AGAINST IT,

BECAUSE I REALLY
BELIEVED THAT IT WAS A SIN,

BUT I KNEW.

I WAS, LIKE...

I KNEW THIS WASN'T MY LIFE.

YOU WERE 10

WHEN YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF?

YEAH,

BUT I KNEW THIS WASN'T MY LIFE.

I WAS, LIKE... I DON'T KNOW.

I THOUGHT MAYBE IF I
DIED AND CAME BACK

THAT GOD WOULD PUT
ME IN THE RIGHT BODY.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

WE HAVE SOMEONE VERY
SPECIAL IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT.

LET'S GIVE IT UP

FOR THE 2006 MERCEDES
CHALLENGE LADIES' TENNIS CHAMPION,

MISS DANA FAIRBANKS!

ARE YOU READY FOR
LIGHTNING TO STRIKE?

THE SAN JOSE LIGHTNING
CONGRATULATES YOU, DANA.

SPORTS FANS, MAKE SOME NOISE!

WE LOVE YOU.

WE'RE SO EXCITED YOU'RE HERE.

THANK YOU.

GET ME OUT OF HERE.

DANA...

IT'S NOT FOR YOU.

IT'S FOR THEM.

COME ON.

SISTERS...

FROM ONE SISTER TO
ANOTHER FUNKY SISTER.

IT'S ALL ABOUT TRANSFORMATION.

IT'S ALL ABOUT CHANGE.

IT'S ONE THING A
WOMAN KNOWS ABOUT.

CONSTANT.

CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT.

WE BLEED AND DON'T DIE.

WE SWEAT WHEN
IT'S MINUS 50 OUTSIDE.

WE FIGHT IN THE
BATTLE SIDE BY SIDE.

IT'S A SISTER THING.

IT'S A W-O-M-A-N THING, AND
WE'RE COMING TOGETHER.

WE'RE PULLING
OURSELVES TOGETHER.

SISTERS!

IT'S ALL ABOUT TRANSFORMATION.

♪ RUST TO DUST US TO THEM ♪

♪ CHANGE YOUR MIND
CHANGE YOUR SKIN ♪

♪ LIFE TO DEATH
WEAK TO STRENGTH ♪

♪ CASH A CHECK CHANGE YOUR SEX ♪

♪ PUSH TO SHOVE HATE TO LOVE ♪

♪ IN AND OUT IT'S ALL ABOUT... ♪

♪ IT'S ALL ABOUT ♪

♪ TRANSFORMATIONS ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪

♪ VARIATIONS ♪

♪ WHOA-EE ♪

♪ ALTERNATIONS ♪

♪ I KNOW ♪

♪ DEVIATIONS ♪

♪ YOU KNOW THAT... ♪

♪ YOU KNOW MOTHER NATURE ♪

♪ MOTHER NATURE RULES US ALL ♪

♪ I MOVE, AND I GO ♪

♪ IN TIME, FAST OR SLOW ♪

♪ I MOVE THROUGH DOORS ♪

♪ EACH TIME, LESS THAN MORE ♪

♪ WET TO DRY EYE TO EYE ♪

♪ WET TO DRY EYE TO EYE ♪

♪ YIN TO YANG PLEASURE OR PAIN ♪

♪ NO PLEASURE OR PAIN ♪

♪ GOOD TO BAD CRAZY OR SANE ♪

♪ YOU MAKE THE RULES
THEN YOU PLAY THE GAME ♪

♪ OH, YOU GOT TO PLAY THE GAME ♪

♪ FIST TO GLOVE LOSE OR WIN ♪

♪ YOU LIVE A LIFE OF SIN
THEN YOU'RE BORN AGAIN ♪

♪ OH, SINNER ♪

♪ TRASH TO ART HEART TO HEART ♪

♪ BIG TO SMALL
WE'RE ALL A PART ♪

♪ SISTERS ♪

♪ TRANSFORMATIONS ♪

♪ VARIATIONS ♪

♪ ALTERNATIONS ♪

♪ DEVIATIONS ♪

♪ YOU KNOW THAT... ♪

♪ YOU KNOW MOTHER
NATURE RULES US ALL ♪

♪ RULES US ALL RULES US ALL ♪

♪ RULES US ALL RULES US ALL ♪

KIT, KIT!

THANK YOU.

GOOD NIGHT.