The L Word (2004–2009): Season 3, Episode 3 - Lobsters - full transcript

PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...

IT'S A FUCKING SHRINE, ALICE,

A BORDERING-ON-PSYCHOTIC,
SERIAL KILLER,

OBSESSIVE-TYPE SHRINE!

I JUST DON'T WANT SOME
DUDE LOOKING UP MY WOO-WOO.

LOOKING UP YOUR WOODLE?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST
GO TO A LADY DOCTOR?

WELL, IF YOU
KNOW BILLIE BLAIKIE,

HE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING SMALL.

DUDE, HE IS, LIKE, THE BEST
PARTY PROMOTER IN TOWN.

THIS IS BILLIE BLAIKIE,



MY NEW MANAGER.

OH, YOU WON'T
REGRET IT, MY DARLING.

TINA AND I WERE THINKING ABOUT
HIRING A NANNY FOR ANGELICA.

I'D BE HONORED.

DO YOU JUST WANT TO BE
MY FUCK-BUDDY ON THE ROAD?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

FUCK OFF!

CALM DOWN!

GET BACK IN THE TRUCK,

AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW
A REAL MAN CAN FUCK.

LET HER GO, BITCH.

WELL, THERE'S YOUR FAGGOT BACK.

[TASER CRACKLES, GUY SHOUTS]

FUCK YOU!



♪ ONE, TWO ♪

[♪♪]

♪ WON'T YOU MEET
ME, JESUS MEET ME ♪

♪ WON'T YOU MEET ME IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE AIR ♪

♪ AND IF THESE WINGS
SHOULD FAIL ME, LORD ♪

♪ WON'T YOU MEET ME
WITH ANOTHER PAIR ♪

♪ EVER SINCE I'VE BEEN
ACQUAINTED WITH JESUS ♪

♪ WE HAVEN'T BEEN
A MINUTE APART ♪

♪ HE PLACED THE
RECEIVER IN MY EAR ♪

♪ THREW RELIGION IN MY HEART ♪

♪ WELL, WELL, WELL ♪

♪ I CAN RING UP MY JESUS OH ♪

♪ I CAN RING UP MY JESUS OH ♪

♪ I CAN RING UP MY JESUS ♪

♪ JESUS GONNA MAKE
UP MY DYING BED... ♪

[WOMAN'S VOICE WHISPERING]:
HAIL MARY, FULL OF GRACE.

THE LORD IS WITH YOU.

BLESSED ARE YOU AMONG WOMEN,

AND BLESSED IS THE
FRUIT OF YOUR WOMB.

HOLY MARY, MOTHER OF GOD,

PRAY FOR US SINNERS,

NOW AND AT THE
HOUR OF OUR DEATH.

HAIL MARY, FULL OF GRACE.

THE LORD IS WITH YOU.

BLESSED ARE YOU AMONG WOMEN,

AND BLESSED IS THE
FRUIT OF YOUR WOMB.

HOLY MARY, MOTHER OF GOD...

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

HAIL MARY, FULL OF GRACE.

THE LORD IS WITH YOU.

BLESSED ARE YOU AMONG WOMEN...

[GASPING]

PRAY FOR US SINNERS,

NOW AND AT THE
HOUR OF OUR DEATH.

HAIL MARY, FULL OF GRACE.

THE LORD IS WITH YOU.

BLESSED ARE YOU AMONG WOMEN,

AND BLESSED IS THE
FRUIT OF YOUR WOMB.

HOLY MARY, MOTHER OF GOD,

PRAY FOR US SINNERS,

NOW AND AT THE
HOUR OF OUR DEATH.

[BUS HORN HONKS]

[♪♪]

♪ GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES
WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES ♪

♪ CHICKS DRIVING FAST
INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES ♪

♪ WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE,
LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE ♪

♪ THIS IS THE WAY IT'S
THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪

♪ TALKING, LAUGHING
LOVING, BREATHING ♪

♪ FIGHTING, FUCKING
CRYING, DRINKING ♪

♪ WRITING, WINNING
LOSING, CHEATING ♪

♪ KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING ♪

♪ THIS IS THE WAY... ♪

♪ IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪

♪ IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪

♪ AND LOVE ♪

CHASE INVITED US TO COME BY,

AND... I DON'T KNOW, WE'LL SEE.

WHOA.

HEY!

HEY...

HOLD UP.

THIS IS CARMEN. HI.

HEY, WHAT'S UP?

COME ON IN.

[♪♪]

WHAT HAPPENED?

THIS PLACE IS SOMETHING.

THIS IS IT.

WOW.

GUYS, THIS IS SHANE, CARMEN.

HEY.

DUDE, THIS IS SO COOL.

ONE FOR THE GRAVEYARD.

THIS PLACE IS AWESOME.

CHECK IT OUT.

THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING.

THESE ARE ALL OUR BOARD DESIGNS.

WE DO, LIKE, CUSTOM
STUFF, YOU KNOW.

EXCELLENT.

THESE ARE MY STENCIL MASTERS.

DO YOU HAVE THAT SPECIAL ONE?

THANKS.

HEY, COULD YOU SET THAT UP?

SHANE, I COULD
TOTALLY GIG IN THIS VEST.

OH, YEAH.

DO YOU THINK? HELL, YEAH.

I LIKE YOUR VEST.

THANKS.

I LOVE THIS PLACE.

I DO, I LOVE IT HERE, BUT, UM...

WHAT IS IT YOU WANT ME TO DO?

OKAY, WE INSTALL A CHAIR FOR YOU

OVER HERE, RIGHT?

JUST ONE CHAIR,

BECAUSE I WANT PEOPLE LINING UP

TO GET ON YOUR SCHEDULE,

AND THEN I'M GOING
TO GET MY BOYFRIEND

TO BUILD YOU A REALLY
PHAT COUNTER OVER HERE.

EVENTUALLY, WE COULD DO, LIKE,

A LINE OF HAIR PRODUCTS
OR SOMETHING, YOU KNOW?

CHECK IT OUT.

SHANE FOR WAX.

SO THIS IS A REUNION OF SORTS,

A FORMER LOVER PERHAPS,
OR A CHILDHOOD FRIEND.

NO, I'D SAY

IT'S A FORMER ROMANTIC INTEREST.

WILL WE BE GETTING
BACK TOGETHER,

ME AND THIS EX-LOVER?

IT LOOKS LIKE

YOU'RE GOING TO START A
WHOLE NEW KIND OF RELATIONSHIP.

IT'S VERY INTERESTING.

WAS THERE ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR

THAT YOU WANTED TO
ASK THE CARDS ABOUT?

NO...

WORK?

ROMANCE? FAMILY?

WELL, I'D...

I WOULDN'T MIND A
LITTLE BIT OF ADVICE

ABOUT THIS NEW BUSINESS
VENTURE OF OURS.

THESE FILM PEOPLE...

THEY'RE SO BIZARRE, YOU KNOW?

ONE MINUTE, THEY'RE...

ONE MINUTE, THEY'RE
BROWN-NOSING ME,

AND THE NEXT,
THEY'RE TALKING TO ME

LIKE I'M A COMPLETE
FUCKING IDIOT.

WHY DON'T YOU GO AHEAD

AND PICK THREE MORE CARDS?

ALL RIGHT...

WELL, THERE'S NO MYSTERY
TO RUNNING THIS BUSINESS...

IF YOU FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS

AND SURROUND YOURSELF

WITH PEOPLE THAT
YOU KNOW AND TRUST.

PEOPLE I KNOW?

THERE'S SOMEBODY,

SOMEBODY FROM YOUR PAST,

WHO COULD BE A REAL
ASSET TO YOU IN THIS VENTURE.

OH!

LOOK AT THAT.

IT'S THE SAME PERSON.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

[BABY COOING]

[BETTE SPEAKING SOFTLY TO BABY]

HELLO?

JULIA. HI.

NO, NO, I WAS JUST TRYING
TO PUT HER DOWN FOR A NAP.

WHAT'S UP?

YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME.

THE N.E.A. GRANT?

BUT I DON'T...

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

BECAUSE OF THE
POLITICAL CONTENT?

WHAT ARE THEY...

NO, NO. GO AHEAD,
GO. JUST TAKE IT.

BUT CALL ME BACK, AND TELL
ME WHAT THEY RECOMMEND,

BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, I
THINK WE SHOULD SUE THEM.

NO, I'M NOT KIDDING.

YEAH, I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

THE N.E.A. JUST
PULLED THEIR FUNDING

BECAUSE THE ART OF DISSENT

IS CRITICAL OF THE
BUSH ADMINISTRATION.

WHAT? THAT'S GOT TO
BE UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

YEAH, WELL, JULIA'S
TALKING TO HER LAWYERS

ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW.

THEY'RE TRYING TO GET HER

INTO SOME KIND OF
SUBCOMMITTEE HEARING

TO TESTIFY BEFORE CONGRESS.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS
THE NEW McCARTHYISM,

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

ARE YOU GOING TO
LOSE YOUR STIPEND?

I DON'T KNOW, PROBABLY.

I MEAN, BECAUSE IT WAS ALLOCATED

OUT OF THE N.E.A. GRANT.

THIS ADMINISTRATION
IS FUCKING CRIMINAL.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,

THE FIRST AMENDMENT WILL BE...

WE HAVE TO LET GO OF ANGUS.

WE HAVE TO LET ANGUS GO.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU JUST SAID THAT.

WE CAN'T AFFORD HIM.

WE COULDN'T AFFORD HIM
BEFORE YOU LOST YOUR FUNDING.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO
GET REAL ABOUT OUR FINANCES,

OR WE'RE GOING TO BE
COMPLETELY WIPED OUT.

THANKS.

THANK YOU FOR LAYING

YOUR PETTY, BOURGEOIS ANXIETY

ON TOP OF MY ALREADY
PROFOUND ANGER

AND DISAPPOINTMENT

OVER LOSING SOMETHING
THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME.

GIVE HER TO ME... THANK YOU.

JUST GIVE HER TO ME.

LOOK, I'LL FEED HER.

YEAH, THIS IS BETTE
PORTER FOR GRAYDEN ASHE.

GRAYDEN, HOW ARE YOU?

NO, I JUST WAS...

I WAS LOOKING AT THE
AUCTION CALENDAR,

AND I SEE THAT YOU HAVE
IMPORTANT PHOTOGRAPHS AND PRINTS

COMING UP NEXT WEEK.

WELL, I WAS JUST THINKING MAYBE
ONE OF MY MAPPLETHORPES...

MAYBE ONE OF THE
STILL LIFES WOULD...

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT,
I'M THINKING ABOUT

AUCTIONING SOMETHING FROM
MY PERSONAL COLLECTION.

NO, NO. UH-UH.

I DON'T WANT TO
SELL MY KIKI SMITHS.

THEY WERE THE FIRST
PRINTS THAT I EVER...

HOW MUCH?

I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE,
LIKE, MAYBE SPIN IT.

TRY SPINNING IT.

I DON'T KNOW.

OH, MY GOD, THAT'S YUMMY,

BUT I THINK YOU
CAN BE EVEN BOLDER

WITH THE GINGER.

BE BOLD WITH THE GINGER, YEAH.

WHAT'S THIS?

JAMBON OR PROSCIUTTO?

NO, IT'S SPECK.

IT'S A SALT AND COLD CURED HAM

FROM THE NORTH OF ITALY.

REALLY? OKAY, STOP
SPINNING IT NOW.

WHAT THE FUCK...

BRAVISSIMA, CARA MIA.

HEY, LISTEN,

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT
DOING ANY VEGAN SELECTIONS?

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, CAN
YOU DO ANYTHING FABULOUS

WITH SEITAN OR TEMPEH?

BILLIE, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

I WAS GOING OVER THE
NEW MENU WITH LARA,

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,

A LOT OF OUR COMMUNITY
ARE VEGETARIANS,

A LOT ARE VEGAN,

AND GOD FORBID WE SHOULD FORGET

THOSE LACTOSE-INTOLERANT
LESBIANS.

UH, BILLIE, WE DID NOT
DISCUSS CHANGING THE MENU.

OH, COME ON, KIT,

YOU DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH
EVERY SINGLE DETAIL WITH ME.

I DON'T?

NO.

YOU WANT ME TO COME
IN HERE, TAKE CHARGE,

AND FREE THINGS UP FOR YOU.

HEY, DARLING. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

AND THEN YOU CAN GO
OFF AND WRITE YOUR SONGS

AND PERFORM YOUR MUSIC
AND MAKE YOUR RECORD.

I DO?

YES, YOU DO.

YOU KNOW, YOU JUST HAVE TO TRUST

THAT BILLIE BLAIKIE
KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.

IT'S FUCKING FREEZING IN HERE.

OH... DON'T YOU...

STOP THAT. DON'T TOUCH...

IT'S BOILING IN HERE.

I'M SO HOT.

CHECK OUT THESE THINGS.

ANYBODY IN HERE HOT?

[EVERYBODY]: NO.

ANYBODY COLD?

[EVERYBODY]: YES!

DEMOCRACY AT WORK.

THE OTHER THING I WAS
THINKING ABOUT, KIT DARLIN',

WAS THAT IT WOULD BE
REALLY NICE AND HOSPITABLE

IF WE COULD, LIKE, HOOK UP
ONE OF THOSE VIRTUAL LANs

AND HAVE A COUPLE
OF FREE TERMINALS.

VIRTUAL WHAT?

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, OUR PEOPLE,

THEY'RE KIND OF USED
TO HAVING WIRELESS

WITH THEIR COFFEE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

WHOSE TRUCK IS THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

OH...

AND WHO IS THAT?

JENNY'S GIRLFRIEND?

GIRLFRIEND?

AH...

YOU FUCKING LUNATIC.

WHA-HOO!

OH, MY GOD...

OH, MY GOD, YOU.

HI!

OH, MY GOD, YOU
GUYS LOOK AMAZING.

LOOK AT YOU!

WOW...

OH, MY GOD.

HI.

OH, THIS IS MOIRA.

YOU MUST BE SHANE. I AM.

AND THAT'S CARMEN.

HI. HEY.

LOOK AT YOUR HAIR.

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.

DID YOU JUST GET HERE?

YEAH, WE DID.

YEAH, WE JUST ROCKED UP.

WE BARELY HAD
TIME TO TAKE A PISS.

AH...

WE BEEN DRIVING
FOR, LIKE, 15 HOURS.

[DOG BARKING] OH, MY GOD...

YEAH, WE'RE
PUPPY-SITTING FOR A FRIEND.

WELL, HELLO THERE.

COME SAY HI.

WHO IS THIS?

THIS IS OTTO.

HI, OTTO!

WHO DOES THIS BELONG TO?

HI, OTTO.

YOU DON'T MIND, RIGHT?

NO, I JUST HAVE A
BIT OF ALLERGIES.

NO, NO, NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE.

HE'S PART PIT BULL, AND
HE'S A BIT HAIRLESS, TOO,

SO YOUR ALLERGIES
SHOULD BE JUST FINE.

YOU KNOW, UM, ACTUALLY,

PEOPLE ARE USUALLY
ALLERGIC TO THE SALIVA

MORE THAN THE HAIR.

NORMALLY.

OH.

HUH...

HE'S PEEING, HE'S PEEING.

OH, SHIT.

GOD, DID HE PEE AGAIN?

WHY...

WHY DO YOU PEE ON PEOPLE?

WHY?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

HOW ABOUT WE HELP
YOU WITH YOUR BAGS?

OH, YOU GIRLS JUST RELAX

AND LET US BUTCHES
UNLOAD THE TRUCK.

COME ON, SHANE.

WHAT? OW!

BIG BUTCH. WHAT?

GO UNLOAD THE TRUCK.

♪ HELLO TO THE CAR ♪

♪ SO GLAD TO SEE YOU ♪

♪ HELLO TO THE TREE ♪

♪ SO GLAD TO SEE YOU, TOO ♪

♪ HELLO, MISTER TABLE ♪

♪ SO GLAD TO SEE YOU ♪

♪ HELLO, MISTER PALM TREE... ♪

HEY, WAIT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THAT CHILD?

I'M TAKING HER FOR A WALK.

WHO SAID YOU COULD?

HER MOTHER. WHO ARE YOU?

HER AUNT, KIT PORTER.

OH, ANGUS... PARTRIDGE.

I'M HER MANNY.

OH, UH...

EXCUSE ME, DID
YOU SAY HER MANNY?

YUP.

OH, SO MY SISTER HIRES A
DUDE TO TAKE CARE OF HER BABY.

OH, WELL...

SHE'S SUCH A PROBLEM
SOLVER, THAT GIRL.

SHE IS A VERY SMART
LADY. YES, SHE IS.

WELL, ANGUS, THE MANNY.

I GOING TO CALL YOU... MANGUS.

OKAY.

WHY DON'T YOU COME
IN AND HAVE SOMETHING?

COME AND HAVE A DRINK.

[♪♪]

SO THAT'S MY OFFICE.

[CHUCKLING]

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK YOU REALLY
KNOW HOW TO DO IT UP.

I'LL SHOW YOU ONE
OF THE SOUND STAGES.

SO HAS BETTE FOUND
A NEW JOB YET?

OH, SHE'S GOOD AND HUNGRY.

LOOK AT HER.

HEY, SISTER, SIT OVER HERE.

I'M WITH MANGUS.

HEY.

HI!

I SEE YOU'VE MET MY SISTER.

YEAH, I THINK SHE PUT
FIVE POUNDS ON ME.

OH, HE CAN AFFORD IT

WITH THAT SKINNY BOOTY OF HIS.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ONE SO SMALL

AND TIGHT?

I'M REALLY NOT IN THE HABIT OF
CHECKING OUT THE NANNY'S ASS.

OH, WHAT DID YOU
GET AT THE BODHI TREE?

I GOT GOING TO PIECES
WITHOUT FALLING APART

BY MARK EPSTEIN.

WHY ARE YOU GOING TO PIECES?

WELL, FIRST OF ALL,

THE N.E.A. PULLED THE GRANT
FOR MY SHOW THIS MORNING

BECAUSE WE LIVE IN THE MOST
REPRESSIVE POLITICAL CLIMATE

IN THE LAST 50 YEARS.

OH, THAT'S SO FUCKED UP.

YEAH, AND THEN SECONDLY,

TINA IS SO FREAKED
OUT ABOUT MONEY

THAT I'M BEGINNING TO THINK

THAT MAYBE I SHOULD CONSIDER
TAKING THAT CITIBANK JOB,

WHICH JUST MAKES ME
WANT TO KILL MYSELF.

DON'T EVEN THINK
ABOUT TAKING A JOB

THAT DOESN'T MAKE
YOUR HEART SING.

TELL IT LIKE IT IS, MANGUS.

AND BEING ANGELICA'S NANNY?

MAKES MY HEART SING, TOTALLY.

YAY!

YAY!

OH, PEMA CHODRON.

READ THIS ONE FIRST...
COMFORTABLE WITH UNCERTAINTY.

KIT...

THANKS FOR THE CALORIES.

BYE...

KIT?

OH!

UH... OOPS.

HE IS ONE CUTE MANNY.

YOU'RE SO BAD.

[HELENA]: I'VE DECIDED
I'M GOING TO HAVE

MUCH MORE OF A PRESENCE HERE.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THE FILM INDUSTRY,

BUT I KNOW WE CAN DO
BETTER THAN WE HAVE BEEN.

SHAOLIN'S ONLY EVER
BEEN INTERESTED

IN LOW-BUDGET B SLASHER MOVIES.

NOT NOW THAT PEABODY OWNS IT.

I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT
OUR PUBLISHING HOUSE.

WE HAVE STYRON, DIDION,
JOYCE CAROL OATES, NABOKOV.

YOU SHOULD BE
MINING ALL THOSE TITLES

FOR DEVELOPMENT.

EXACTLY.

SO...

ARE YOU INTERESTED?

AM I INTERESTED IN WHAT, HELENA?

COMING TO WORK FOR ME...

WELL, WITH ME.

YOU HAVE MUCH MORE
EXPERIENCE AT THIS RACKET

THAN I DO,

SO YOU'D PRETTY
MUCH HAVE FREE REIGN

TO DO WHATEVER YOU THINK BEST...

WITHIN REASON.

OH, GOD...

OKAY, SO I JUST WENT

AND LOCKED HIM UP IN MY STUDIO,

BUT YOU DON'T THINK

HE'S GOING TO EAT
ANYTHING IN THERE, DO YOU?

I HOPE NOT.

HEY. HI.

EXCUSE ME, THERE, BUDDY.

OH. OH...

I'M JUST GOING TO MOVE
SOME OF THESE BAGS

INTO OUR BEDROOM.

DO YOU WANT SOME HELP?

NO, I'VE GOT IT, THANKS.

[UNDER BREATH]: "OUR"
FUCKING BEDROOM?

"OUR" BEDROOM?

SHE SAID "OUR" BEDROOM.

DON'T LOOK AT ME.

WELL, DON'T YOU
WANT TO FIND OUT?

NO, THIS IS JENNY'S HOUSE.

I KNOW, AND THAT'S GREAT,

BUT DON'T YOU THINK

WE SHOULD'VE HAD SOME NOTICE

IF WE WERE GOING TO
GET AN EXTRA ROOMMATE?

HONEY, I'M SURE WE'LL
FIND OUT THEIR PLANS

TONIGHT AT DINNER.

OH, MY GOD, IS SHE
COMING TO DINNER WITH US?

OF COURSE SHE'S
COMING TO DINNER WITH US.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

OF COURSE SHE'S
COMING TO DINNER.

COME ON... I KNOW SHE'S NICE.

DON'T BE LIKE THAT.

OKAY, OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT...

HEY, YOU GUYS...

WE BROUGHT YOU A PRESENT
FROM LA JUNTA, COLORADO.

WHAT'S THAT?

COW'S BALLS?

[ALICE]: FROM HER NEW
ALBUM ON MARFA RECORDS,

THAT WAS AMY COOK

SINGING, "MILLION
HOLES IN HEAVEN,"

AND I'M ALICE PIESZECKI,

AND YOU'RE LISTENING
TO THE CHART ON KCRW.

WELCOME BACK.

TODAY ON THE CHART,

WE'RE LOOKING AT HOW DO
YOU END A VICIOUS CYCLE?

OH, AND FOR THOSE OF
YOU OUT THERE IN RADIOLAND

WHO ARE SICK OF HEARING
ME RANT ABOUT MY EX, DANA,

YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW
THIS IS NOT ABOUT HER.

THIS CONTINUUM OF CONNECTEDNESS
IS ABOUT THE CAUSE AND EFFECT

OF ONE PSYCHOTROPIC
DRUG AFTER ANOTHER

TO THE POINT WHERE YOU'RE
MEDICATING YOUR MEDICATION.

WHY DON'T WE START

WITH THE VERY FIRST
ANTI-DEPRESSANT I TRIED.

[LAUGHTER]

[♪♪]

IT MADE ME JUST
A LITTLE INTENSE.

[AIR HISSING]

SO THEN I SAID TO MY DOCTOR,

"CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME
SOMETHING STRONG, REALLY STRONG,

"THAT'LL JUST MAKE ME HAPPY?

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?"

SO HE GAVE ME LITHIUM.

SO THIS ONE REALLY JUST MADE
ME HALLUCINATE THAT I WAS HAPPY.

DID YOU CHANGE YOUR HAIR?

THEN THE WITHDRAWAL
FROM THOSE TWO DRUGS

GAVE ME A.D.D.

SO I GOT THE A.D.D. DRUG.

YOU KNOW THE ONE.

I SNORT MINE.

DO YOU SNORT YOURS?

GERBERMEUNSTER
WROTE ME A PRESCRIPTION

FOR THE NEW SSRI, WHICH
HE HIGHLY RECOMMENDS,

BUT SAID, UNDER RARE CASES,
MAY CAUSE ME TO COMMIT SUICIDE.

SO I WAS A LITTLE
SCARED TO TAKE THOSE,

WHICH MEANT I
WASN'T ON ANYTHING,

WHICH MEANT I ACTUALLY
FELT LIKE HAVING SEX AGAIN...

WHICH REALLY MADE
ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF.

[SOBS]

HOW LONG AGO DID
YOU FIRST NOTICE IT?

UH, JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO.

OKAY...

ACTUALLY, I PROBABLY
NOTICED IT BEFORE THAT,

BUT IT KIND OF WENT AWAY, SO...

I DO HAVE A RASH, IF YOU
COULD TAKE A LOOK AT IT.

AH, I BET THAT'S FROM
YOUR SPORTS BRA,

AND I CAN GIVE YOU A LITTLE
HYDROCORTISONE CREAM

TO HELP SOOTHE IT,

BUT IS THERE ANY HISTORY OF
BREAST CANCER IN YOUR FAMILY?

NOT THAT I KNOW OF.

YOU REALLY SHOULD
FIND OUT, DANA.

ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL ALIVE?

YES, STILL ALIVE,
STILL TOGETHER.

GREAT.

SO ASK YOUR MOM FOR A
HISTORY OF YOUR FAMILY, OKAY,

BECAUSE IT'S JUST, YOU
KNOW, A GOOD THING TO KNOW.

MM-HMM.

SO HAVE THERE BEEN ANY CHANGES

IN THE COLOR OR
TEXTURE OF YOUR BREASTS?

MM-MM, NO.

AND ANY DISCHARGE
FROM THE NIPPLE?

MM, NO.

OKAY, UP YOU GET.

USUALLY, THESE LITTLE
CYSTS ARE BENIGN.

A LOT OF WOMEN JUST
HAVE LUMPY BREASTS.

I DO, I HAVE FIBROUS BREASTS.

IT'S PRETTY GROSS.

IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL,

AND I'M JUST CHECKING
YOUR LYMPH NODES HERE.

ESPECIALLY IN WOMEN YOUR AGE,

IT'S UNLIKELY

THERE'S ANYTHING TO BE
TOO CONCERNED ABOUT.

OKAY.

I'LL JUST CHECK THE
OTHER SIDE FOR YOU.

OKAY.

WELL, THE LYMPH NODES
ARE A LITTLE SWOLLEN,

BUT THAT COULD BE FROM ANYTHING,

A COLD,

EVEN BRUSHING
YOUR TEETH TOO HARD.

I AM A SUPER HARD TEETH BRUSHER.

WELL, YOU'RE TOO YOUNG, DANA,

TO START GETTING
MAMMOGRAMS ON A REGULAR BASIS,

BUT I'D LIKE TO DO ONE

JUST TO MAKE SURE
EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.

SO I AM GOING TO SEND YOU DOWN

TO RADIATION,

AND YOU JUST TAKE THAT WITH YOU.

FUCK...

OH!

HI, RUTH. HOW ARE YOU?

27, ALICE.

27...

27? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THAT'S THE NUMBER OF TIMES
THAT YOU MENTIONED DANA

IN THIS BROADCAST,

WHICH IS DOWN

FROM 43 IN THE PREVIOUS SHOW.

SEE, WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

I'M PRACTICALLY OVER HER.

I COULD FIRE YOU RIGHT NOW.

YOU COULD?

BUT I'M NOT GOING TO.

I AM GOING TO GIVE
YOU ONE MORE CHANCE,

BUT I NEED TO KNOW IN ADVANCE

WHAT YOUR TOPICS
ARE GOING TO BE,

AND I'D LIKE TO SEE A SCRIPT.

YES, I'D LIKE TO SEE A SCRIPT...

I NEED TO SEE A SCRIPT,

IN WHICH THE LETTERS
D-A FOLLOWED BY N-A

ARE NOWHERE IN EVIDENCE.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

OKAY.

OKAY...

YOU LOOK GOOD!

IN THE ORANGE...

OKAY, COME CLOSER.

I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR BREAST...

COME ON.

LIKE THIS?

MM-HMM. I'LL PLACE IT
ON THE LOWER PLATE...

THAT'S GOOD.

LIKE THIS? JUST...

MM-HMM. ALL RIGHT.

AND THEN I'M GOING TO
LOWER THE UPPER PLATE.

OKAY.

NOW, IT MAY BE A
LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE,

BUT IT'LL ONLY LAST
FOR A FEW SECONDS.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
I'M A HARD-ASS...

A HARD BOOB.

HOLD YOUR BREATH.

OKAY.

[MACHINERY CLICKS, WHIRS]

[WOMAN, OVER RADIO]:
THIS IS KCRW SANTA MONICA

AT 89.9.

HAND-PICKED MUSIC AND NPR NEWS

MORNING, NOON, AND NIGHT.

DON'T FORGET TO
LISTEN TO THE CHART

WITH ALICE PIESZECKI

THURSDAY AFTERNOON AT 3:00.

[ALICE, RECORDED VOICE]: DANA!

[LAUGHING]

EXCUSE ME?

EXCUSE ME, SORRY.

WOULD YOU MIND TURNING THAT OFF?

THANKS.

GOD, THAT SHOW IS SO FUNNY.

ALICE PIESZECKI, THE HOST,

IS COMPLETELY FALLING APART

BECAUSE HER GIRLFRIEND LEFT HER.

THE GIRLFRIEND JUST SEEMS
LIKE THIS COMPLETE NITWIT,

AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHY ALICE

IS SO OBSESSED WITH
HER IN THE FIRST PLACE...

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHY THIS IS TAKING SO LONG?

DANA FAIRBANKS?

DR. WILSON IS WAITING
FOR YOU IN HER OFFICE.

YOU CAN GO BACK UPSTAIRS.

OKAY, THANKS.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[WOMAN, OVER P.A.]:
DR. WILDER, TELEPHONE,

EXTENSION 23.

"BI RAD"?

IT SOUNDS LIKE A PERSONAL
AD FOR MY EX-GIRLFRIEND.

RIGHT.

WELL, A BIRAD 4 IS A
DIAGNOSTIC ASSESSMENT.

NOW, THIS SUSPICIOUS MASS, DANA,

IT COULD BE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

IT COULD BE WHAT WE CALL

A FIBROADENOMA.

FIBER... EDAMAME?

I'VE GOT SOY BEAN
PODS IN MY BOOBS?

IT'S A BENIGN SOLID LUMP,

BUT WITH A BIRAD 4, WE'RE
GOING TO DO A BIOPSY.

NOW, I CAN GET YOU
IN FOR THAT TOMORROW

WITH DR. SHAPIRO.

I'M SUPPOSED TO GO
OUT TO DINNER TONIGHT.

YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD.

I MEAN, JUST DO EXACTLY AS
YOU WERE PLANNING TO DO,

BECAUSE THIS IS NOT A DIAGNOSIS,

AND WITH BIOPSIES IN
PREMENOPAUSAL WOMEN,

THEY'RE MOSTLY BENIGN.

SO IT'S... IT'S PROBABLY
NOTHING, RIGHT?

WELL, WE'RE GOING
TO FIND OUT FOR SURE,

BUT TRY NOT TO THINK
ABOUT IT TONIGHT, ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, SURE, I CAN DO THAT.

YEAH.

IS SHE ASLEEP?

UH-HUH, IN OUR BED.

HOW WAS YOUR LUNCH WITH HELENA?

IT'S... UH, FINE.

ARE YOU HIDING A
BOOK IN THAT MAGAZINE?

IT'S, UM,

MARK EPSTEIN TALKED ABOUT IT

IN HIS LECTURE LAST WEEK.

SHE'S A BUDDHIST
PHILOSOPHER, PEMA CHODRON.

OH...

OH, CUTE.

SHE LOOKS LIKE A WOOKIE.

ACTUALLY, THERE'S A LOT IN THERE

THAT REMINDED ME OF YOU.

THERE'S THIS ONE PASSAGE...

UM...

"WE WORK ON OURSELVES
IN ORDER TO HELP OTHERS,

"BUT WE ALSO HELP OTHERS

IN ORDER TO WORK ON OURSELVES."

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

SOME OF THE PEOPLE
I WORKED WITH,

THEY'RE TRULY SELFLESS.

OH, NO, NO.

I DON'T THINK SHE MEANT IT
THE WAY THAT YOU'RE TAKING IT...

OH.

THAT'S, UM...

OH, ACTUALLY, THERE'S
ANOTHER PASSAGE

THAT REMINDED ME OF ME.

I...

"FEELING IRRITATED, RESTLESS,
AFRAID, AND HOPELESS...

[BABY STIRS]

IS A REMINDER TO
LISTEN MORE CAREFULLY."

I'M GOING TO GO FEED HER

IF WE'RE GOING TO GO
TO THIS JENNY DINNER.

WILL YOU CALL ANGUS

AND MAKE SURE HE'S ON HIS WAY?

HELENA PEABODY OFFERED ME A JOB.

HI...

ARE YOU CONSIDERING IT?

I DON'T KNOW YET.

SOMEBODY IN THIS FAMILY'S
GOT TO MAKE A LIVING.

I HAVE MADE A LIVING
FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS.

I DON'T THINK MY
ABILITY TO MAKE A LIVING

IS REALLY IN QUESTION.

I'M NOT QUESTIONING
YOUR ABILITY.

I'M QUESTIONING YOUR DESIRE.

I THOUGHT YOU HATED
THE MOVIE BUSINESS.

THERE'S A LOT I HATE
ABOUT THE MOVIE BUSINESS.

I DEFINITELY HAVEN'T SAID YES,

BUT SHE MADE IT VERY ATTRACTIVE.

SO THEN THERE'S NO REASON

THAT I SHOULD FEEL
THREATENED, OR...

NO, THERE'S NOTHING
BETWEEN US ANYMORE.

NOTHING AT ALL.

WELL, DID YOU TALK ABOUT MONEY?

NO, NOT YET.

I DON'T... I DON'T KNOW.

I STILL DON'T KNOW
IF I'M OKAY WITH IT. I...

I'M NOT SURE IT'S UP TO YOU.

[ALICE]: YOU KNOW WHAT,

YOU GUYS,

I TOTALLY THINK
IT'S AN EITHER/OR.

I THINK JENNY CAN
HAVE ME AT THIS PARTY,

OR SHE CAN HAVE DANA AND LARA.

JENNY'S GIRLFRIEND'S
A HUGE TENNIS FAN.

SHE THINKS DANA'S FANTASTIC.

WELL, WHOOP-DE-FUCKING-DO.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY I'M ALWAYS THE ONE

WHO ALWAYS HAS TO BEHAVE.

[SHANE.ERING]: YEAH.

COME HERE.

OH, MY GOD, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?

THAT'S NOTHING. YOU
SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT BEFORE.

HEY, AL, CAN YOU HURRY UP?

WE'RE LATE!

OKAY!

I'M EXCITED WE'RE GOING TO TILE.

IT WAS WRITTEN UP LAST WEEK

IN L.A. MAGAZINE.

SUPPOSEDLY THIS
CHEF, ARMYAN PEARLMAN,

IS REINVENTING THE
FOOD PREPARATION...

YEAH, I'M...

I'M THROWING IT AWAY.

I'M DONE WITH IT.

I JUST HAVEN'T GOTTEN
AROUND TO IT, OKAY?

YEAH. YEAH, TOTALLY.

THAT'S FINE.

HEY, DO YOU THINK
MY LIPSTICK'S, LIKE,

TOO LURID?

MM, YOU KNOW,

WHY DON'T YOU JUST
BLOT IT A LITTLE BIT.

REALLY? DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING?

YEAH.

THAT'S OKAY.

OKAY, LET'S GO.

[ALICE]: SO, WHAT'S JENNY'S
NEW GIRLFRIEND LIKE?

[WHISPERS]: WOW...

UM, JENNY'S GIRLFRIEND?

I THINK SHE'S SWEET.

YEAH? YEAH...

SHANE, LOCK THE DOOR.

[LOW CONVERSATION, INDISTINCT]

OH, I KNOW.

HEY...

HEY, GUYS.

HEY...

BEEN WAITING LONG? NO.

HI. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

HI, ALICE.

HEY.

IS JENNY WITH YOU GUYS?

NO, NO, BUT SHE'LL BE HERE SOON.

HOW IS SHE? SHE
SEEMS REALLY GOOD.

YEAH, SHE'S GOT
A NEW GIRLFRIEND.

REALLY? YEAH.

IMPORTED FROM SPOKANE.

SKOKIE.

WHATEVER. THEY'RE BOTH
IN THE MIDWEST, RIGHT?

BUT SHE'S OKAY?

SHE'S HAPPY, SHE'S NOT...

SHE'S HEALTHY, RIGHT,
AND SHE'S NOT DOING THE...

YEAH, NO, NO, NO.

I THINK SHE'S BEEN OUT
OF THE HOSPITAL, NOW,

FOR FIVE MONTHS.

SHE SEEMS TO BE
DOING REALLY WELL.

OH, GOOD.

I HAD A COUSIN WHO WAS A CUTTER.

THE URGE IS SO POWERFUL.

HI.

HEY...

HI. I'M SORRY.

HI! HOW ARE YOU?

YOU LOOK GREAT.

HOW WAS THE DRIVE OVER?

GREAT. HI.

OH, I'M SORRY. THIS IS MOIRA.

HEY...

HEY.

HI, EVERYBODY.

HI.

NICE TO MEET YOU. I'M BETTE.

MOIRA.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

HEY.

YOU KNOW, DANA, MOIRA'S
A HUGE FAN OF YOURS.

OH, REALLY?

YEAH, I'M A REALLY
HUGE FAN, ACTUALLY.

THAT'S NICE. THANK YOU.

[LOW CONVERSATION]

UM...

I'LL JUST HAVE A SALAD
AND A SIDE OF FRIES.

TONIGHT'S GREEN
SALAD IS ROCKET, FRISEE,

AND SHAVED JERUSALEM ARTICHOKES

WITH A PINECONE-INFUSED JUS.

AND HOW MUCH IS THAT?

$14, MA'AM.

OKAY.

ACTUALLY, I STILL
READ SCREENPLAYS

FOR A COUPLE SCREENWRITER
FRIENDS THAT I KNOW.

I WOULD LOVE THAT.

HAVE YOU DECIDED, MA'AM?

I WOULD LIKE WHATEVER
THE CHEF RECOMMENDS.

WHAT'S GOOD TONIGHT?

ARMYAN IS RECOMMENDING
THE LOBSTER TONIGHT.

IT COMES WITH
SAUTEED BABY CHICORY,

LEMON FROTH, AND
SHAVED DRIED TUNA ROE.

SOLD.

SOUNDS REALLY GOOD.

I LOVE LOBSTER.

OH, BABY, YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT.

ARMYAN DOES AMAZING THINGS
WITH SEAFOOD, YOU GUYS.

WELL...

ACCORDING TO L.A. MAGAZINE
RESTAURANT REVIEWS,

BUT WHO READS THAT?

[CLEARS THROAT]

OKAY, I'LL HAVE THE CIOPPINO.

GREAT. THANK YOU...

ALTHOUGH I'M SURE
IT DOESN'T COMPARE

TO THE ONE LARA MADE LAST WEEK.

IT WAS AMAZING.

IT WAS GOOD, DAMN GOOD.

OH, YEAH, I WAS GOING
TO ASK YOU GUYS.

WHEN YOU HAD MARTINA
AND TERESA OVER,

WHAT DID THEY THINK
OF THAT SCULPTURE

IN YOUR HOUSE?

YOU KNOW THAT ONE
WITH TWO ATHLETE BODIES?

THAT, LIKE, KIND OF UGLY...

WHERE THEY'RE, LIKE...

HOW DO YOU... WHAT?

THAT FREAKS ME OUT.
HOW DID SHE KNOW

THAT WE HAD MARTINA
OVER FOR DINNER?

JUST LET IT GO, BABY, PLEASE.

ARE YOU READY TO ORDER?

OH, YES, UM...

THE GREEN PEA RAVIOLI, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

DID YOU ORDER? I'M SORRY.

OH, YEAH.

JENNY, TELL ME ABOUT
YOUR BOOK, YOUR EDITOR.

HAVE YOU HEARD BACK
FROM THEM LATELY?

NO, I THINK SHE HAS A
VERY BUSY SCHEDULE.

OH...

MOIRA, DO YOU
READ JENNY'S STUFF?

UM, WELL, I'M A
COMPUTER TECHNICIAN.

SO...

THAT DOESN'T... SO WHAT?

DON'T SAY THAT.

SO WHO IS THE EDITOR
THAT YOU SENT IT TO?

THIS LADY

NAMED JAN MARTIN.

OH, MY GOD, JAN MARTIN.

YOU KNOW HER?
YEAH, SHE'S FAMOUS.

SHE'S THAT NEW YORK LADY

YOU USED TO TELL ME
ABOUT, THE BIG EDITOR?

THAT YOU ALWAYS
USED TO TALK ABOUT?

DID YOU SEND IT TO HER DIRECTLY,

OR DO YOU KNOW HER,
I MEAN, FROM SCHOOL?

I MET HER BECAUSE HER DAUGHTER
WAS MY ROOMMATE IN THE HOSPITAL,

SO JAN WOULD COME
IN AND VISIT HER.

WAS HER DAUGHTER A...

CUTTER, TOO?

OH, GOD.

ALICE...

IT'S FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S SO GOOD TO TALK ABOUT IT,

BECAUSE, FUCK IT, IT HAPPENED,

AND IT'S BETTER NOT
TO TIPTOE AROUND...

WELL, THAT'S VERY
GENEROUS OF YOU.

AND YOU'RE HEALTHY?

I'M FINE.

THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS, RIGHT?

YUP.

SO JAN MARTIN'S
DAUGHTER WAS SICK.

SHE HAS AN EATING
DISORDER, AND THAT'S...

OH, GOD, PLEASE,
PLEASE. THAT'S AWFUL.

DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN
TO OUR DAUGHTER.

I DON'T THINK IT'S
POSSIBLE TO CONTROL THAT,

BUT I THINK WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL

IS HOW YOU COMMUNICATE WITH
THEM ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENED,

GOING TO HAPPEN.

WELL, I CAN GUARANTEE YOU

THAT NOTHING WILL HAPPEN
TO HER, BECAUSE I WON'T LET IT.

AW...

I MEAN IT.

AUNTIE SHANE. I DO MEAN IT.

[LAUGHTER]

LET'S NOT TALK
ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.

IT'S GETTING TOO DARK.

JUST TALK ABOUT
SOMETHING ELSE, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I'M SORRY.

SO YOU GUYS HAVE A KID?

YEAH, A DAUGHTER.
SHE'S SIX MONTHS OLD.

HER NAME'S ANGELICA.

YOU KNOW, A BUNCH OF WOMEN

BACK IN MY DYKE
COMMUNITY IN WILMETTE,

THEY'RE DOING THAT, TOO.

WOW. THAT'S COOL.

[KIT]: ♪ MY ANGELICA ♪

♪ YOU ARE MY ANGEL ♪

♪ WITH YOUR ANGEL EYES ♪

♪ YOU'RE MY HONEY PIE ♪

[SOFTLY]: I THINK SHE'S ASLEEP.

YOU SHOULD REALLY THINK

ABOUT PUTTING OUT
YOUR OWN RECORD, KIT.

I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THIS...

THIS INTERNET AND
DISTRIBUTION STUFF

THAT THEY DO TODAY.

IT'S EASY.

MY BAND AND I ARE PUTTING OUT
OUR SECOND RECORD RIGHT NOW.

REALLY?

YOU COULD TOTALLY DO IT, KIT.

I MEAN, ALL YOUR PULL

AND ALL THE PEOPLE YOU
COULD GET TO PLAY WITH YOU?

WELL, I'VE GOT SONGS.

I'VE GOT ABOUT 10 SONGS
I WOULD LOVE TO RECORD,

BUT I'D HAVE TO TALK TO
YOU MORE ABOUT THAT.

YEAH, SURE.

I'D BE HAPPY TO
TALK YOU THROUGH IT.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[GIGGLING]

[WHISPERING]

[HUM OF CONVERSATION]

I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER

WHAT THEY'RE CALLED.

SEA URCHIN.

SEA URCHIN?

LOOK AT THAT.

WOW...

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE.

DOES ANYBODY WANT A TASTE?

YEAH, I WOULD LOVE A PIECE.

JUST TAKE THE CLAW.

SO DANA AND I, WE
BOOKED OUR TICKETS

TO THE SOUTH OF
FRANCE, YOU GUYS.

WE LEAVE ON THE
15th, NEXT MONTH.

OH, FUN.

WE'RE TAKING A
FOOD AND WINE TOUR.

DOES ANYBODY WANT
SOME OF MY LOBSTER?

NO?

WHAT'S THE SAUCE ON THIS,
BETTE? IT'S REALLY GOOD.

I THINK IT'S...

LEMON FROTH

AND SHAVED DRIED TUNA ROE OR...

WHATEVER. IT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

DO YOU WANT SOME...
SOME LOBSTER, MOIRA?

NO, I'M FINE, THANKS.

WELL, IT'S NOT GOING
TO BITE YOU, JUST...

NO, I'M FINE, THANK YOU.

MOIRA, DON'T YOU LIKE LOBSTER?

YEAH, ACTUALLY, I LIKE IT A LOT.

WELL, DO YOU WANT SOME?

I DON'T THINK THE
CLAWS HAVE ANY SAUCE.

OH, SORRY, THERE'S
ONLY THE TAIL LEFT,

BUT IF YOU WANT,
YOU CAN HAVE THE TAIL

AND JUST WIPE THE SAUCE OFF.

NO, IT'S COOL.

ARE YOU SURE?

YEAH.

I KNOW SOMETHING
INTERESTING ABOUT LOBSTERS.

WHAT?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
PUT A LID ON THE POT

WHEN YOU COOK FEMALE LOBSTERS.

DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHY?

NO.

IS THAT TRUE?

WHEN YOU COOK A
POT OF MALE LOBSTERS,

AND THEY REALIZE THEY'RE
IN THIS POT OF BOILING WATER,

THEY ALL START
TOTALLY FREAKING OUT.

THEY'RE, LIKE, "FUCK,

WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE,"

AND THEY START MAKING
THESE LITTLE LADDERS

AND HELPING EACH
OTHER GET OUT OF THE POT.

SO YOU HAVE TO
PUT A LID ON THE POT

TO KEEP THEM INSIDE.

BUT FEMALE LOBSTERS...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
PUT A LID ON THE POT,

BECAUSE ONCE THEY REALIZE

THEY'RE IN A POT
OF BOILING WATER,

THEY ALL JUST START
GRABBING EACH OTHER,

AND THEY'RE, LIKE,
HOLDING EACH OTHER DOWN.

THEY'RE LIKE, "IF
I'M GOING TO DIE,

EVERYONE'S GOING TO DIE."

NONE OF THEM WANTS TO
LET ANY OF THE OTHER ONES

GET OUT OF THE POT.

IT'S A REAL SHAME, ISN'T IT?

WOW, THOSE CRAZY FEMALE LOBSTERS

JUST GET YOU SOMETIMES.

[HUM OF CONVERSATION]

THIS IS A REALLY
STUPID QUESTION...

[♪♪]

[QUIETLY]: JENNY...

I'M JUST GOING TO GO.

YOU CAN GET A RIDE HOME
FROM CARMEN AND SHANE.

UM, WILL YOU EXCUSE
ME FOR A SECOND?

MOIRA...

MOIRA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M JUST GOING TO GO, OKAY?

WHY?

LOOK, THIS SHOULD COVER ME.

[SLIPS BILLS FROM WALLET]

OKAY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

DID SOMETHING HAPPEN JUST NOW?

THEY'RE YOUR FRIENDS.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T REALLY FIT IN.

OH, MY GOD, MOIRA, THEY'RE
GETTING TO KNOW YOU,

AND THAT'S GOING
TO TAKE SOME TIME,

AND THEY'RE GOING TO THINK
YOU'RE FUCKING AMAZING

WHEN THEY GET TO KNOW YOU.

MAYBE SHE KEPT JENNY
FROM FEELING LONELY.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS,

WHEN YOU'RE WITH SOMEONE
THAT'S COMPLETELY WRONG FOR YOU

JUST BECAUSE YOU
DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE.

I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE
SHE'S JENNY'S TYPE.

OH, YEAH,

BECAUSE CARMEN'S
SUCH A STONE BUTCH, TOO.

I WOULDN'T NECESSARILY
CALL MOIRA A STONE BUTCH.

OKAY, WELL, THEN,

WHAT WOULD YOU DESCRIBE HER AS,

MISS "HI, LET US BUTCHES

HELP YOU LADIES OUT
WITH YOUR LUGGAGE?"

SHE COMES FROM A PLACE WHERE,

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO
DEFINE YOURSELF AS EITHER OR.

IT'S PROBABLY JUST
THE ONLY LANGUAGE

THAT SHE HAS TO
DESCRIBE HERSELF.

SHE HAS THE LANGUAGE

OF THOSE SHIT-KICKING BOOTS

AND THAT LUMBERJACK WALK.

I'M JUST SURPRISED

THAT SHE WANTED TO
ROLE PLAY LIKE THAT,

ESPECIALLY AFTER EVERYTHING
THAT JENNY'S BEEN THROUGH.

WELL, SHE COULD BE
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

IN THE BEDROOM.

YEAH.

MAYBE SHE'S BUTCH IN THE STREETS

AND FEMME IN THE SHEETS.

[SARCASTIC]: MY GOD,
THAT'S SO ORIGINAL.

[SHANE]: WHAT
DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE

WHETHER SOMEONE'S
BUTCH OR FEMME?

WE SHOULD JUST
LEAVE THE LABELS ALONE

AND JUST LET PEOPLE
BE WHO THEY ARE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK

OF THAT LOBSTER THING, ANYWAY?

I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT.

OH, COME ON, COMPETITIVE
FEMALE LOBSTERS?

IT'S SO NOT TRUE.

HEY.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

SHOULD WE HAVE DESSERT?

I LOVE THAT CHILD.

I FUCKED UP WITH MY OWN.

EVERY PARENT FUCKS
UP ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

NO, I REALLY FUCKED UP.

YOU KNOW, I JUST LEFT HIM.

HE WASN'T BIGGER THAN THAT.

I JUST DUMPED HIM WITH
HIS STUFFED-SHIRT FATHER

AND OLD-SCHOOL GRANDPARENTS

AND WENT OFF AND DID MY MUSIC.

NOW I DON'T HAVE
A LEG TO STAND ON

COMPLAINING ABOUT

WHY HE'S A FUNDAMENTALIST BIGOT.

HERE'S WHAT I THINK ABOUT THAT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THAT, MR. MANGUS?

I THINK WHEN YOU'RE
CALLED TO PLAY MUSIC,

THERE'S NOT A LOT
YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

SOMETIMES THE PULL
IS EVEN STRONGER

THAN THAT BIOLOGICAL THING

THAT BONDS A
MOTHER TO HER CHILD.

[KISSES BABY]

WELL, ALL RIGHT, THEN.

GOOD NIGHT, MR. MANGUS.

GOOD NIGHT.

[OVERLAPPING
CONVERSATIONS AND LAUGHTER]

I WILL TAKE THAT.

THANKS.

OH, BETTE, NO, NO, NO, NO.

NO, NO, WE'LL...

YEAH, WE'LL HELP YOU OUT.

WE SHOULD DO THE MATH.

NO, NO, NO, I'VE
GOT IT. I'VE GOT IT.

YOU CAN'T.

NO, REALLY, IT'S JENNY'S
COMING HOME DINNER,

AND IT WOULD BE MY PRIVILEGE.

THANK YOU, THAT'S
VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THAT'S SWEET. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THERE YOU ARE.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

I JUST WANT TO TALK, OKAY?

I'M NOT GOING TO ATTACK.

WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?

I JUST WANT TO
KNOW IF YOU'RE HAPPY.

YEAH, I'M HAPPY.

I MEAN, FOR THE
MOST PART, I'M HAPPY.

I'M GLAD ONE OF US IS.

OKAY.

SORRY.

YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY

THAT YOU'RE UNHAPPY.

I'M SORRY THAT I
MADE YOU UNHAPPY,

BUT, ALICE, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT TO DO.

WHAT CAN I DO?

I'M GETTING OVER THIS. I AM.

I'M...

I'M WORKING REALLY
HARD TO GET OVER THIS.

MAYBE WE COULD BE
FRIENDS AGAIN ONE DAY.

I WOULD REALLY LOVE THAT.

I MISS YOU.

COME BACK TO ME, THEN.

ALICE...

OKAY...

OKAY.

I'LL LET YOU WASH YOUR HANDS.

I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE
TO WASH YOUR HANDS

AFTER YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM.

EVERYBODY LIKES
TO WASH THEIR HANDS

AFTER THEY GO TO THE BATHROOM.

YEAH, BUT IT'S SUPER
CUTE THE WAY YOU DO IT.

LET'S CALL IT ALL OFF.

DEFINITELY.

I'M STUFFED, THOUGH.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

MM-HMM.

WHAT A DAY. WOW.

[WAITER]: I'M SORRY, MA'AM,

BUT YOUR CREDIT CARD

WAS DECLINED.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

I DON'T KNOW HOW
THAT'S POSSIBLE.

BETTE, NO, NO. LET'S SPLIT IT.

NO, REALLY.

IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

I BOUGHT SOME BALENCIAGA BOOTS.

IT PROBABLY PUT
ME OVER THE LIMIT.

IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL,

AND THEN, I THINK...

OH, I REMEMBER.

ON HOLD... LLY MANN PRINT STOP.

WITH THAT CARD, SO...

BETTE...

HEY, UH, JENNY, NO.

YOU'RE STILL THE GUEST OF HONOR,

NO MATTER WHAT.

THANK YOU, SHANE.

FINE.

DOES THIS MAKE YOU HAPPY NOW?

HELENA?

HI. IT'S TINA.

I HOPE I'M NOT CALLING TOO LATE.

NO, ACTUALLY, I'VE BEEN
THINKING ABOUT YOUR PROPOSITION,

AND, UM, I THINK I'D
LIKE TO GIVE IT A TRY.

DON'T.

[BARKING]

HEY...

HAVE YOU HEARD
ANYTHING FROM HER?

NO.

AH...

I'M SURE SHE'S OKAY.

SHE'S A BIG GIRL. SHE CAN
TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.

MM-HMM.

I FEEL LIKE SUCH AN ASSHOLE.

I SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH HER.

I'M SORRY WE WEREN'T
MORE ACCOMMODATING

TO YOUR FRIEND.

MM-HMM.

AH, WE WERE JUST
EXCITED TO SEE YOU,

AND THE DINNER
WAS ABOUT YOU, AND...

I DON'T KNOW,

I GUESS SHE SHOULD
HAVE UNDERSTOOD THAT.

I FUCKED UP.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

YEAH.