The King of Queens (1998–2007): Season 2, Episode 20 - Wild Cards - full transcript
Though he has promised Carrie to go to the theater, Doug goes to Atlantic City with Deacon to gamble.
Then I get off the Jersey
turnpike at Exit 7-A,
I shoot over to the 309.
I take that 58.2 miles down
to the Walt Whitman Bridge.
And bam!
I'm in Philadelphia,
making the delivery.
It's just crazy enough to work.
Uh-oh.
What? What's the matter?
There may not be room
for your moon pie.
Not room for my moon pie...
You are so cute.
Step aside. Let me
have a look-see.
Knock yourself out. Okay.
Now, I'm gonna shift
this over here...
Put this over at this side...
And... A-ha.
Here's your problem right here.
Bye-bye.
Yeah, God forbid you
should eat one, right?
Hey, I love you for trying.
All right, so you're sure
you're gonna be home by 6?
Because I wanna leave for
the theater by 7:00.
Yeah. What are we seeing again?
Annie, Get Your Gun.
It's a musical.
Come on. A musical?
What, because you
like drama so much?
Come on, it's a good show.
Besides,
these are company tickets
my boss gave me.
So we have to go. Fine.
Oh, and do me a favor.
Wear those new Italian
loafers I bought you.
Are you kidding me?
Loafers and a musical?
You are really gaying me up.
Nice to be heading home.
Mm. Like, an hour
ahead of schedule.
Yeah.
Those Philadelphia boys,
they run a nice depot.
They got a smooth
operation down there.
Very smooth.
Of course, they're not a hub.
Mm.
Hey, check it out.
We're coming up on the
Atlantic City turnoff.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, look at the billboard
with the 3-D dice.
Look like they're coming
at you, you know?
Oot-a-goww!
Wanna make a detour?
Do a little gambling?
Are you serious? Hell, yeah.
Kelly took the kids
to see her mother.
I don't have to be
home till tomorrow.
What do you say?
I can't.
I gotta go tonight with Carrie
to see Annie, Get Your Gun.
Come on, man. We're
practically there.
Just bear to the right
at the next exit.
Not even turn, just bear.
Do it.
Do it, man!
Just bear!
I can't, I can't!
Hello? Hey, Care.
That's Carrie? This is fate.
Yo, tell her you
want to go to A.C.
Tell her! Shush! Shush!
Hey, what's going on?
Nothing. So where are you?
We're back on the
Jersey turnpike.
We just did our drop in Philly.
You're making good time.
What time you think
you'll be home?
Come on.
Uh, well... We got
some bad news, honey.
Yes!
What's up?
Uh, well, dispatch just called.
We gotta make another drop.
Oh, my God. Well, where
do you have to go?
Um...
Burmhaven.
Burmhaven?
Where the hell is that?
Exactly.
It's, like, out in the
boonies somewhere.
I got Deacon checking
the map right now.
Well, why do you
have to go at all?
Why don't you just dump
the crap off at FedEx?
They're good.
No can do, honey.
Well, I guess I'll
just find someone else
to go to the show with.
Okay. Well, you know what,
have a great time. I love you.
All right. I love you too.
Drive safely.
Bye. Bye.
Put on a tie.
Hot dog!
Whoo! Atlantic City! Ha ha!
City of the Atlantic!
Hey, let me use your phone
so I can tell Kelly.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you going to say?
That we're going
to Atlantic City.
You can't say that.
She'll tell Carrie.
They talk all the time.
So I have to lie to my wife
just because you lied to yours?
It's pronounced "Burmhaven."
All righty...
Let's beat the living
crap out of this place.
Here we go.
Whoa, whoa! Hold up.
Hold on a second.
Listen, I just cashed a check,
and I don't wanna
lose more than $200.
Hold the rest of my money. Sure.
Look, you know how
I am, all right.
So even if I beg,
don't give it to me.
Okay.
No, I mean it, Deke, okay.
I might get ugly.
I could mention your mother.
Don't take the bait.
Don't mention my mother.
Fair enough. Let's gamble.
Right.
Oh, yeah. That's our table.
Granny gonna be sweet.
Hey, how's everybody doing?
Oh, just fine.
All right.
Hey there, Mary
from Cedar Rapids.
I'm Doug from...
Wanna-win-a-lotta-money.
Oh. Good luck, everyone.
Bets up.
He looks nice.
Oh... Hi.
Hello.
You're Mr. Berenson, one
of the partners, right?
Yes. Uh...
Yeah, I didn't know anybody else
from the firm was gonna be here.
I'm Carrie Heffernan. I'm
Grossman's secretary.
Or Mr. Grossman, as
I always call him.
Oh, yes.
Hello. And from what I hear,
you're doing a very good job.
Hey, you too.
So who are you here with?
Oh, uh... My father.
Oh, how lovely.
$5.00 for a box of Sno-Caps!
Boy, they really got you
by the gonads here.
Uh, this is Arthur
Spooner, my father.
Dad, this is Mr. Berenson,
one of the partners
at my law firm.
You know, where work.
That is nice.
Pleased to meet you. Likewise.
Okay...
Darling, you're in my seat.
Just sit in mine.
It doesn't matter.
Sure it does.
Sometimes they do a spot check
during the performance.
Then we'll just switch tickets.
"Non-transferable."
Okay.
Okay, here we go. Showtime.
And those wine coolers are
just starting to kick in.
That's 13... 15...
and six is 21.
Damn.
That's all right. That's okay.
That's just a little bet.
That's the secret
to my whole system:
you lose the little bets
and you win the big ones.
Stay.
Twenty.
Lost another little one. Sweet.
I'm gonna try roulette.
Come on, man.
This table's gonna turn around.
I can feel it.
Nah, I'll catch you later, man.
All right, my friend, but
you're gonna miss the ride.
Oof.
Gotta win this one.
Gotta win this one.
Gotta win, gotta win, gotta
win, gotta win, gotta win.
Sir?
No, no, see, you don't
wanna hit that,
because he's got a six showing,
which means he's
probably gonna...
Hit me.
Too many. Sorry.
Okay. Uh... Hit me.
Hit me.
Oh. Okay. Sorry.
You see what happened there?
You took my card. Okay?
It would've given me 20.
Didn't help you. Just hurt me.
Forget it.
Hey, could you get a
little more smoke going?
This eye's not quite
red enough yet.
Good luck.
Oh, thank God.
Bye-bye. Yeah, bye-bye! Yeah!
That's 21 again.
My goodness... I've
gotten a lot of those.
My goodness, you certainly have.
By the way, where
is Cedar Rapids?
In hell?
Hit me.
Give me another one.
Okay... One more.
I... Hate my own ass!
Both arm rests. Both he has.
Just use mine.
No, no. You enjoy the show.
I'll deal with him.
Oh, hey! Three nickels!
Maybe I'll go see a show!
Hey, man. How'd you do?
How'd I do?
I'm playing nickel slots.
What does that tell you?
Easy. I got killed too,
if that makes you
feel any better.
A little, yeah.
Give me the rest of my money.
What? No.
Come on. No. You told me not to.
The Doug who told you that is dead.
Now, come on!
You're not getting it.
But here you go.
You can have this.
What the hell's that?
It's a coupon for the buffet.
It came with the room.
A buffet coupon? Can I bet it?
Do you want it or not?
Yes.
Oh, macaroni and cheese.
Yeah, I like
macaroni and cheese.
Oh, potatoes!
That's nice.
Ah, desserts!
That's right, yeah, yeah.
Oh, and...
I have a coupon.
Hey, Dad.
Got you one of those glossy
programs that you like.
Huh?
Thank you, dear.
Oh, come on.
You're still not upset
about that armrest thing,
are you?
Why shouldn't I be upset?
I paid for this seat
and I'm entitled to rest my arm!
First of all,
you didn't pay for the seat.
And second,
I don't think Mr. Berenson
is doing this on purpose.
Don't be naive.
I've dealt with people like him
all my life.
Just because they're
rich and important,
they think they're entitled
to step on the little guy.
Dad...
Well, all his wealth and power
may get him off the hook in
an underage sex scandal,
but it will not buy
him this armrest!
All right, Dad...
Do not make a scene, okay?
I work for this man.
Don't worry, darling.
Whatever goes down here tonight,
I will make it clear
that you are in no way involved.
Dad, all in all,
I've been a pretty
good daughter,
wouldn't you say that?
Certainly.
I've always tried to
look out for you.
I've given you a place
to live in my home.
Haven't I?
In the basement, but yes.
So for me, please,
don't let anything
go down tonight...
For your little girl.
It goes against every
fiber of my being,
but I will hold my tongue.
Thank you.
TV: If you have a 13,
and the dealer shows
a 10 or a picture,
it's a good idea to take a card.
Eight! That gives you 21.
You win again!
Congratulations.
Hey, man. Hey.
How was the buffet?
Let's just say
they'll be putting
my picture up.
So how'd you do?
Man, I thought my
luck might change
if I played some craps.
And?
I don't have a cent left.
Just a butt-load of chips, baby!
How much is here?
$1750!
Nice job.
Hey, I'm gonna
call room service,
have them haul a nice big
old juicy steak up here.
Guess you don't
want anything, huh?
No.
Okay.
This is great. This is...
You know, at least one
of us did well, huh?
Yeah!
I could not be happier.
You know, and since
I'm feeling happy,
give me my money.
Let's not go through this again.
Come on, Deke. Give me
a chance to get even.
Come on. Come on, guy.
Enough. Come on, guy.
Enough. Enough. Come on, guy!
Come on.
Enough. Hey! Come on.
What? All right, look.
If you lose all your
money, you gonna blame me?
Not only won't I blame you,
but I will respect you,
because to give me back
my money takes courage.
All right, here.
Knock yourself out.
What happened to the
cash I gave you?
Oh, I lost all mine,
so I used it to play craps.
You used my money?
Yeah. I figured
if I lost it all,
I'd just go to the ATM
and pay you back, but...
Didn't lose, baby!
Right, right.
Yeah, hey, this is Mr.
Palmer is 709.
I'd like to order
the New York steak.
Medium well.
All right, I'm gonna
head on down.
Tear them up.
Yeah.
Yeah. Baked potato,
green beans...
Excuse me. Do you have the time?
It's 9:30.
Oh, this guy's good.
You promised you
wouldn't say anything.
Just wanted to know the time.
Dad, just switch seats with me?
And let this S.O.B. take me down?
Never.
You see this?
Now he's just taunting me.
Dad, would you just switch
seats with me, please? s
Dad... No!
All righty.
Dad, it's time to
look in my eyes
and pay attention.
Now, you either switch
seats with me now,
or so help me,
you're going over that railing
like a little rag doll.
Fair enough.
I was right under the vent.
Oh, really? Because
I'm roasting.
Would you mind switching
seats with me?
Sure, sure.
I'm back.
How'd it go?
Let's just say I'm not
allowed within 50 feet
of Mary from Cedar Rapids.
Well, we should
probably get some sleep
so we can hit the road early.
Fine. I can't wait to get
the hell out of here.
Couldn't get twin beds, huh?
This is all they had.
Oh, what's the difference?
If you're gonna have me,
you're gonna have me.
Listen, sorry we
couldn't both win.
Yeah. Right.
Well, good night.
You know, it was my money.
Huh?
What was?
The money you used
to win your money.
So...
So nothing. I'm just saying.
Just saying it was my money.
You know, if you got a
problem, just say so.
No, I ain't got no problem.
It's just a little weird, you know.
I mean...
You wouldn't let
me use my money,
but it was okay for
you to use it.
Okay, good. Got it. No problem.
Good night.
Look, I told you, I
only used your money
because I didn't
have any more cash.
Well, sweet Roy Malloy!
That was some lucky
money, wasn't it?
So what are you saying?
The money you gave me was
destined to win $1700,
no matter who bet it
or what they bet on?
That's exactly what I'm saying.
Man, you are ridiculous!
Oh, oh, am I? You know what?
Well, then, maybe I'll just
sleep on the sofa, okay?
You are unbelievable, man!
Unbelievable.
All right, enough, already, huh?
Just...
Just come back to bed.
Oh, no, no, no.
I wouldn't want you
to have to sleep with
somebody you find ridiculous.
Then fine. Fine!
Do what you want!
I didn't wanna come here
in the first place.
I was looking forward
to a nice evening
at the theater.
You dragged me to
this city of sin.
Oh, please! You wanted to come.
You were just afraid
to tell Carrie.
I am not afraid of Carrie, okay?
I fear no man.
Oh, yeah?
Then how come you
couldn't tell her
you wanted to go gambling, huh?
Huh? How come?
Because I was trying
to spare her feelings!
Yeah, right.
It is right!
That's bull!
And on top of everything else,
I had to lie to Kelly
because you were afraid
she'd tell Carrie about this.
You know, I don't like
lying to my wife.
Doesn't make me feel too good.
"Oh, I don't like
lying to my wife.
Lying makes my tummy ache."
Hey, you keep that up,
I might call Kelly and
tell her we're here.
Go ahead.
Well, maybe I will.
Do it. Go ahead. Do it. Well, fine.
Well, here I go.
Go, go, go, go!
Hey, Kel, it's me. Listen...
Remember when I told you before
about us having another
delivery to do?
Well, actually, we didn't
have another delivery.
We went to Atlantic City
to gamble.
I was bluffing!
Yeah, I'm sorry I
didn't tell you before,
but, hey, I won $1700.
I love you too.
Kelly says hi.
She's gonna call Carrie.
She's gonna call Carrie.
That's all right. I'm on it.
I'll just call Carrie
first and confess.
She'll be mad at me,
but at least I'll get
credit for coming clean.
Better hurry. Kelly's a yenta.
Tell her what I did
was very wrong,
I learned an important
lesson, blah blah blah...
And with any luck, this
will blow over by Thursday.
Hey, honey.
Hey, baby, I miss you.
Yeah, yeah, I miss you too.
How was the show?
Oh, it was a nightmare.
I brought my father.
And one of the lawyers was
there from my firm...
Yeah, that's brutal.
Listen, anyway...
Honey, I have another call.
Hold on one second.
Doug? Yeah?
It's Kelly. She just wants
to tell me one quick thing.
Hold on one sec. Wait!
Carrie! Carrie!
C-Carrie! Carrie!
Carrie, I was bad!
Carrie!
Hit me.
Hit me again.
One more time.
Oh, yes!
Finally. Yeah!
It's 23.
turnpike at Exit 7-A,
I shoot over to the 309.
I take that 58.2 miles down
to the Walt Whitman Bridge.
And bam!
I'm in Philadelphia,
making the delivery.
It's just crazy enough to work.
Uh-oh.
What? What's the matter?
There may not be room
for your moon pie.
Not room for my moon pie...
You are so cute.
Step aside. Let me
have a look-see.
Knock yourself out. Okay.
Now, I'm gonna shift
this over here...
Put this over at this side...
And... A-ha.
Here's your problem right here.
Bye-bye.
Yeah, God forbid you
should eat one, right?
Hey, I love you for trying.
All right, so you're sure
you're gonna be home by 6?
Because I wanna leave for
the theater by 7:00.
Yeah. What are we seeing again?
Annie, Get Your Gun.
It's a musical.
Come on. A musical?
What, because you
like drama so much?
Come on, it's a good show.
Besides,
these are company tickets
my boss gave me.
So we have to go. Fine.
Oh, and do me a favor.
Wear those new Italian
loafers I bought you.
Are you kidding me?
Loafers and a musical?
You are really gaying me up.
Nice to be heading home.
Mm. Like, an hour
ahead of schedule.
Yeah.
Those Philadelphia boys,
they run a nice depot.
They got a smooth
operation down there.
Very smooth.
Of course, they're not a hub.
Mm.
Hey, check it out.
We're coming up on the
Atlantic City turnoff.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, look at the billboard
with the 3-D dice.
Look like they're coming
at you, you know?
Oot-a-goww!
Wanna make a detour?
Do a little gambling?
Are you serious? Hell, yeah.
Kelly took the kids
to see her mother.
I don't have to be
home till tomorrow.
What do you say?
I can't.
I gotta go tonight with Carrie
to see Annie, Get Your Gun.
Come on, man. We're
practically there.
Just bear to the right
at the next exit.
Not even turn, just bear.
Do it.
Do it, man!
Just bear!
I can't, I can't!
Hello? Hey, Care.
That's Carrie? This is fate.
Yo, tell her you
want to go to A.C.
Tell her! Shush! Shush!
Hey, what's going on?
Nothing. So where are you?
We're back on the
Jersey turnpike.
We just did our drop in Philly.
You're making good time.
What time you think
you'll be home?
Come on.
Uh, well... We got
some bad news, honey.
Yes!
What's up?
Uh, well, dispatch just called.
We gotta make another drop.
Oh, my God. Well, where
do you have to go?
Um...
Burmhaven.
Burmhaven?
Where the hell is that?
Exactly.
It's, like, out in the
boonies somewhere.
I got Deacon checking
the map right now.
Well, why do you
have to go at all?
Why don't you just dump
the crap off at FedEx?
They're good.
No can do, honey.
Well, I guess I'll
just find someone else
to go to the show with.
Okay. Well, you know what,
have a great time. I love you.
All right. I love you too.
Drive safely.
Bye. Bye.
Put on a tie.
Hot dog!
Whoo! Atlantic City! Ha ha!
City of the Atlantic!
Hey, let me use your phone
so I can tell Kelly.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you going to say?
That we're going
to Atlantic City.
You can't say that.
She'll tell Carrie.
They talk all the time.
So I have to lie to my wife
just because you lied to yours?
It's pronounced "Burmhaven."
All righty...
Let's beat the living
crap out of this place.
Here we go.
Whoa, whoa! Hold up.
Hold on a second.
Listen, I just cashed a check,
and I don't wanna
lose more than $200.
Hold the rest of my money. Sure.
Look, you know how
I am, all right.
So even if I beg,
don't give it to me.
Okay.
No, I mean it, Deke, okay.
I might get ugly.
I could mention your mother.
Don't take the bait.
Don't mention my mother.
Fair enough. Let's gamble.
Right.
Oh, yeah. That's our table.
Granny gonna be sweet.
Hey, how's everybody doing?
Oh, just fine.
All right.
Hey there, Mary
from Cedar Rapids.
I'm Doug from...
Wanna-win-a-lotta-money.
Oh. Good luck, everyone.
Bets up.
He looks nice.
Oh... Hi.
Hello.
You're Mr. Berenson, one
of the partners, right?
Yes. Uh...
Yeah, I didn't know anybody else
from the firm was gonna be here.
I'm Carrie Heffernan. I'm
Grossman's secretary.
Or Mr. Grossman, as
I always call him.
Oh, yes.
Hello. And from what I hear,
you're doing a very good job.
Hey, you too.
So who are you here with?
Oh, uh... My father.
Oh, how lovely.
$5.00 for a box of Sno-Caps!
Boy, they really got you
by the gonads here.
Uh, this is Arthur
Spooner, my father.
Dad, this is Mr. Berenson,
one of the partners
at my law firm.
You know, where work.
That is nice.
Pleased to meet you. Likewise.
Okay...
Darling, you're in my seat.
Just sit in mine.
It doesn't matter.
Sure it does.
Sometimes they do a spot check
during the performance.
Then we'll just switch tickets.
"Non-transferable."
Okay.
Okay, here we go. Showtime.
And those wine coolers are
just starting to kick in.
That's 13... 15...
and six is 21.
Damn.
That's all right. That's okay.
That's just a little bet.
That's the secret
to my whole system:
you lose the little bets
and you win the big ones.
Stay.
Twenty.
Lost another little one. Sweet.
I'm gonna try roulette.
Come on, man.
This table's gonna turn around.
I can feel it.
Nah, I'll catch you later, man.
All right, my friend, but
you're gonna miss the ride.
Oof.
Gotta win this one.
Gotta win this one.
Gotta win, gotta win, gotta
win, gotta win, gotta win.
Sir?
No, no, see, you don't
wanna hit that,
because he's got a six showing,
which means he's
probably gonna...
Hit me.
Too many. Sorry.
Okay. Uh... Hit me.
Hit me.
Oh. Okay. Sorry.
You see what happened there?
You took my card. Okay?
It would've given me 20.
Didn't help you. Just hurt me.
Forget it.
Hey, could you get a
little more smoke going?
This eye's not quite
red enough yet.
Good luck.
Oh, thank God.
Bye-bye. Yeah, bye-bye! Yeah!
That's 21 again.
My goodness... I've
gotten a lot of those.
My goodness, you certainly have.
By the way, where
is Cedar Rapids?
In hell?
Hit me.
Give me another one.
Okay... One more.
I... Hate my own ass!
Both arm rests. Both he has.
Just use mine.
No, no. You enjoy the show.
I'll deal with him.
Oh, hey! Three nickels!
Maybe I'll go see a show!
Hey, man. How'd you do?
How'd I do?
I'm playing nickel slots.
What does that tell you?
Easy. I got killed too,
if that makes you
feel any better.
A little, yeah.
Give me the rest of my money.
What? No.
Come on. No. You told me not to.
The Doug who told you that is dead.
Now, come on!
You're not getting it.
But here you go.
You can have this.
What the hell's that?
It's a coupon for the buffet.
It came with the room.
A buffet coupon? Can I bet it?
Do you want it or not?
Yes.
Oh, macaroni and cheese.
Yeah, I like
macaroni and cheese.
Oh, potatoes!
That's nice.
Ah, desserts!
That's right, yeah, yeah.
Oh, and...
I have a coupon.
Hey, Dad.
Got you one of those glossy
programs that you like.
Huh?
Thank you, dear.
Oh, come on.
You're still not upset
about that armrest thing,
are you?
Why shouldn't I be upset?
I paid for this seat
and I'm entitled to rest my arm!
First of all,
you didn't pay for the seat.
And second,
I don't think Mr. Berenson
is doing this on purpose.
Don't be naive.
I've dealt with people like him
all my life.
Just because they're
rich and important,
they think they're entitled
to step on the little guy.
Dad...
Well, all his wealth and power
may get him off the hook in
an underage sex scandal,
but it will not buy
him this armrest!
All right, Dad...
Do not make a scene, okay?
I work for this man.
Don't worry, darling.
Whatever goes down here tonight,
I will make it clear
that you are in no way involved.
Dad, all in all,
I've been a pretty
good daughter,
wouldn't you say that?
Certainly.
I've always tried to
look out for you.
I've given you a place
to live in my home.
Haven't I?
In the basement, but yes.
So for me, please,
don't let anything
go down tonight...
For your little girl.
It goes against every
fiber of my being,
but I will hold my tongue.
Thank you.
TV: If you have a 13,
and the dealer shows
a 10 or a picture,
it's a good idea to take a card.
Eight! That gives you 21.
You win again!
Congratulations.
Hey, man. Hey.
How was the buffet?
Let's just say
they'll be putting
my picture up.
So how'd you do?
Man, I thought my
luck might change
if I played some craps.
And?
I don't have a cent left.
Just a butt-load of chips, baby!
How much is here?
$1750!
Nice job.
Hey, I'm gonna
call room service,
have them haul a nice big
old juicy steak up here.
Guess you don't
want anything, huh?
No.
Okay.
This is great. This is...
You know, at least one
of us did well, huh?
Yeah!
I could not be happier.
You know, and since
I'm feeling happy,
give me my money.
Let's not go through this again.
Come on, Deke. Give me
a chance to get even.
Come on. Come on, guy.
Enough. Come on, guy.
Enough. Enough. Come on, guy!
Come on.
Enough. Hey! Come on.
What? All right, look.
If you lose all your
money, you gonna blame me?
Not only won't I blame you,
but I will respect you,
because to give me back
my money takes courage.
All right, here.
Knock yourself out.
What happened to the
cash I gave you?
Oh, I lost all mine,
so I used it to play craps.
You used my money?
Yeah. I figured
if I lost it all,
I'd just go to the ATM
and pay you back, but...
Didn't lose, baby!
Right, right.
Yeah, hey, this is Mr.
Palmer is 709.
I'd like to order
the New York steak.
Medium well.
All right, I'm gonna
head on down.
Tear them up.
Yeah.
Yeah. Baked potato,
green beans...
Excuse me. Do you have the time?
It's 9:30.
Oh, this guy's good.
You promised you
wouldn't say anything.
Just wanted to know the time.
Dad, just switch seats with me?
And let this S.O.B. take me down?
Never.
You see this?
Now he's just taunting me.
Dad, would you just switch
seats with me, please? s
Dad... No!
All righty.
Dad, it's time to
look in my eyes
and pay attention.
Now, you either switch
seats with me now,
or so help me,
you're going over that railing
like a little rag doll.
Fair enough.
I was right under the vent.
Oh, really? Because
I'm roasting.
Would you mind switching
seats with me?
Sure, sure.
I'm back.
How'd it go?
Let's just say I'm not
allowed within 50 feet
of Mary from Cedar Rapids.
Well, we should
probably get some sleep
so we can hit the road early.
Fine. I can't wait to get
the hell out of here.
Couldn't get twin beds, huh?
This is all they had.
Oh, what's the difference?
If you're gonna have me,
you're gonna have me.
Listen, sorry we
couldn't both win.
Yeah. Right.
Well, good night.
You know, it was my money.
Huh?
What was?
The money you used
to win your money.
So...
So nothing. I'm just saying.
Just saying it was my money.
You know, if you got a
problem, just say so.
No, I ain't got no problem.
It's just a little weird, you know.
I mean...
You wouldn't let
me use my money,
but it was okay for
you to use it.
Okay, good. Got it. No problem.
Good night.
Look, I told you, I
only used your money
because I didn't
have any more cash.
Well, sweet Roy Malloy!
That was some lucky
money, wasn't it?
So what are you saying?
The money you gave me was
destined to win $1700,
no matter who bet it
or what they bet on?
That's exactly what I'm saying.
Man, you are ridiculous!
Oh, oh, am I? You know what?
Well, then, maybe I'll just
sleep on the sofa, okay?
You are unbelievable, man!
Unbelievable.
All right, enough, already, huh?
Just...
Just come back to bed.
Oh, no, no, no.
I wouldn't want you
to have to sleep with
somebody you find ridiculous.
Then fine. Fine!
Do what you want!
I didn't wanna come here
in the first place.
I was looking forward
to a nice evening
at the theater.
You dragged me to
this city of sin.
Oh, please! You wanted to come.
You were just afraid
to tell Carrie.
I am not afraid of Carrie, okay?
I fear no man.
Oh, yeah?
Then how come you
couldn't tell her
you wanted to go gambling, huh?
Huh? How come?
Because I was trying
to spare her feelings!
Yeah, right.
It is right!
That's bull!
And on top of everything else,
I had to lie to Kelly
because you were afraid
she'd tell Carrie about this.
You know, I don't like
lying to my wife.
Doesn't make me feel too good.
"Oh, I don't like
lying to my wife.
Lying makes my tummy ache."
Hey, you keep that up,
I might call Kelly and
tell her we're here.
Go ahead.
Well, maybe I will.
Do it. Go ahead. Do it. Well, fine.
Well, here I go.
Go, go, go, go!
Hey, Kel, it's me. Listen...
Remember when I told you before
about us having another
delivery to do?
Well, actually, we didn't
have another delivery.
We went to Atlantic City
to gamble.
I was bluffing!
Yeah, I'm sorry I
didn't tell you before,
but, hey, I won $1700.
I love you too.
Kelly says hi.
She's gonna call Carrie.
She's gonna call Carrie.
That's all right. I'm on it.
I'll just call Carrie
first and confess.
She'll be mad at me,
but at least I'll get
credit for coming clean.
Better hurry. Kelly's a yenta.
Tell her what I did
was very wrong,
I learned an important
lesson, blah blah blah...
And with any luck, this
will blow over by Thursday.
Hey, honey.
Hey, baby, I miss you.
Yeah, yeah, I miss you too.
How was the show?
Oh, it was a nightmare.
I brought my father.
And one of the lawyers was
there from my firm...
Yeah, that's brutal.
Listen, anyway...
Honey, I have another call.
Hold on one second.
Doug? Yeah?
It's Kelly. She just wants
to tell me one quick thing.
Hold on one sec. Wait!
Carrie! Carrie!
C-Carrie! Carrie!
Carrie, I was bad!
Carrie!
Hit me.
Hit me again.
One more time.
Oh, yes!
Finally. Yeah!
It's 23.