The Jeffersons (1975–1985): Season 6, Episode 5 - Now You See It, Now You Don't: Part 2 - full transcript

♪ Well, we're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie

♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

♪ Beans don't burn
on the grill

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin'

♪ Just to get up that hill

♪ Now we're up
in the big leagues



♪ Gettin' our turn at bat

♪ As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

♪ There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

♪ We're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪

Last week,

the Jeffersons
were getting ready

for a Halloween party.

I'm gonna win that costume
contest tonight because
I got...

Cut that out.



Florence, peel me a grape.

Well, here's
another fine mess
you've gotten me into.

Ducky Dempster!

Oh, the bathroom door
must be stuck again.

I'm coming, Miss Jefferson.

Here, Florence, let me help.

I see... My God!

Boy, that must be
a strong telescope.

I saw a man kill someone.

The killer was a rabbit.

Lord have mercy.

Uh, hello, uh, uh,

my wife said that, uh,
the killer was a rabbit.

A white rabbit.
A white rabbit.

And tell him just
before he shot the guy,

he hit him with a big carrot.

Hello? Right.

Uh, uh, my name?

Tom Willis!

Banzai!

Hey, what is it...

I got him, Mrs. J!
Where do you think
you're going?

To the bathroom.
Do you mind?

Uh, Mr. Bentley.
Mr. Bentley!

To the bathroom, huh?
You can't fool me, jocko!

Uh, Mr. Bentley,
that's not him.

Perhaps you're just
imagining things.

That's what George
and Florence said.

Well, maybe they were right.

But I could've sworn
I saw a rabbit

with horn-rimmed glasses
and a mustache,

kill somebody.

I wish Weezy would hurry up
and get back with that ice.

My mouth's as dry
as the Sahara Desert.

And as big as the Grand Canyon.

Hey, George, come look at this.

Is that
woman in the bikini
still doin' jumpin' jacks?

No. She's doing
deep knee bends.

I bet
it wasn't her knees
you were lookin' at.

Oh!

You're not being naughty,
are you, Ollie?

Certainly not, Stanley.

Good.
Oh!

Well, you're looking
much better now, Mrs. J.

You're getting some
of your color back.

Well, you know what I mean.

Mr. Bentley,

I feel so stupid
about making you jump
that rabbit in the bar.

Please don't tell anyone
what happened.

You have my word of honor
as an Englishman.

As Ducky Dempster would say,

"Keep a smile on your face

"and a squirrel
in your porridge."

Right.

Well, I'm going in there.

Try to act like
nothing has happened.

Have a great time.

How do I look?

Oh, good.

Well, when I'm good,
I'm very, very good.

But when I'm bad,
I'm even better.

Hello, everybody.

Hey, Weezy,
I'm glad to see you're back.

It's not my back
you're glad to see.

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Willis,
what marvelous costumes.

They're the elephant's galoshes.

Well, thank you, I think.

Oh, Mr. Bentley,
you look just
like Red Buttons.

Oh, no,
I'm Ducky Dempster,
The King of Comedy.

King of Comedy?
I thought you was
the Duke of Dumb.

Now,
not only is Ducky
a brilliant humorist,

he's also
an astounding magician.

Do you want to see a trick?

No.

Ladies and gentlemen,
presenting Ducky the Great!

Are you gonna pull
a rabbit out of your hat?

That ain't nothin'.
Weezy pulled a rabbit
out of that telescope.

What?

George, please.

What does George mean?

Well, Weezy was looking
through Bentley's telescope

and she thought
she saw a murder.

What?

And she said the killer
was dressed like a rabbit.

It must have been
someone fooling around.

Yeah, well, it is Halloween

and every weirdo
in the city is out tonight.

Not every weirdo.

I can't understand
why my flash powder
isn't working.

Flash powder?

Yes, you see,
I have some up my sleeve,

and when I go "Ha"

a puff of smoke is
supposed to appear.

Maybe it's because
you're doing that
old white magic.

Oh, those look
delicious, Florence.

Uh, what are they?

Uh-oh.
Sounds like seal burgers.

Ain't you got nothin' else?

Oh, peanuts.
That's more like it.

You dummy!

Dummy?

You scared me half to death!

Well, then,
let's try it again
and go for the other half.

Yeah, you try it
and you'll be going for
the unemployment line.

Oh, will you two stop it?

Weezy, what's the matter?

Oh, I don't know,
it's just that...

Can't you two
ever be nice
to each other?

I'm always nice.

Then why don't you show it?

Come on,
say something
nice to each other.

Okay, that's easy.

At least try.

I

Like your hat.

I like your hat.

Your cane is nice.

So is your horn.

I think you look good.

I think you look cute.

I think you look wonderful.

I think you look terrific.

Sensational.
Fantastic.

I think I'm getting nauseous.

Good, 'cause I couldn't
take much more of that.

Me, neither.
I hate your hat.

Yeah? I just hate
what's under yours.

And now, before your very eyes,

I'm going to make
my leg disappear.

Why stop with your leg?

And now, for my next trick, I...

Hey, we better
get down to the party.

We don't wanna be late
for the costume contest.

Oh, no, my dress!

Oh, I hope
that hors d'oeuvre
doesn't leave a stain.

If Florence made it,
you better hope
it don't leave a hole.

Look, you all go ahead.
I'd better get this out
right away.

Okay, Weezy.
But don't be late.

Don't worry.

Nothing's gonna keep me
from that costume contest.

Oh, this is gonna
be so much fun.

Will you cut that out?

I feel like I'm walkin'
next to a bullwhip.

What are you doin' here?

You know why I'm here.

Oh, right.
You want some candy.

I'll go borrow some
from the neighbors.

Now, look,
you'd better
get out of here.

I'm not alone, you know.

I know that
everybody else just left.

That's right, but we...

We've got a dog.

One word from me,
and he'll tear you to pieces!

Sure, lady.

Look, I'm warning you,
mister. All right.

Sic him, Fang!

Kill, Fang!

What happened to Fang?

We'll, he's old.
He can't hear too well.

I don't wanna play
any games, lady!

I know that you're
the one who saw me
through the telescope.

Telescope?
What telescope?

That telescope!

Oh, that telescope!

Well, you can't see
anything through that.

Well, that's not what I heard.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Downstairs at the bar,

I heard you talking
to that English guy
who looked like Pinky Lee.

Pinky Lee?

Oh, no, that was...

All right, can it, lady!

I'm gonna see to it
that you don't go peepin'
in any more windows.

You can't hit me with that.

Why not?
It's my carrot.

I mean, I'll scream
and the neighbors will hear.

Besides, you've got
nothing to worry about.

Nobody believes I saw anything
through that telescope.

Everybody thinks I'm crazy.

Crazy, huh?

Yeah, crazy as a loon.

Well, that makes
all the difference
in the world then.

Oh, it does?

Sure.
I'm not gonna use this.

Oh, thank goodness.

I'm gonna throw you
off the balcony!

Off the balcony?

It's perfect.
"Crazed housewife
takes suicide plunge."

All right, come on.
No, please, don't do this!

Hey, listen,
you win some
and you lose some.

Me, I'm lucky.

Really?

Well, if you hurry downstairs,

maybe you'll stay lucky
and win the contest.

That's a great costume.

I'm lucky because
I decided to hide out
at that costume party.

Otherwise, I never
would've known that
you saw me shoot that guy.

Look, why don't you just rob me?

Take a lamp, the silver.

I'll write you a check.

Hey, lady, do I look stupid?

Trick or treat!

Coming!

What'd you do that for?

It's Halloween!

All right, all right,
all right. Answer the door.

Answer the door.

But remember,

one false move,
and I turn you
into a ghost.

Come on, come on!

Trick or treat!

Oh, look, a little devil!

Uh...

Here, uh, let me see
if I have something for you.

Oh, I just remembered,
we are all out of candy.

Well, come on, Roger.

Oh, no, wait a minute, uh...

Over here, Roger.

Um...

Have some hors d'oeuvres,
they're delicious.

Here.

And... And, uh...

And while you're at it,
Roger, have some fruit.

It's good for you.

Here's an apple,
here's an orange.

This fruit's plastic!

Oh, it's okay,
it'll stay fresh longer.

Aren't some of
these costumes
terrific?

Yeah, when I was a kid,
I always dressed up
as a cowboy.

Oh, you must have been
a cute little buckaroo,
with your six-shooter.

No, we were so poor,
we could only afford
a three-shooter.

I love it.

I'm trying to remember
what my first costume was.

Whatever it was,
it was extra-large.

I think I'll get another drink.

Me, too.

I'm gonna win that
costume contest for sure.

Ain't nobody's costume
as good as mine.

Well, uh, almost nobody.

Hmm!

Uh-huh.

Well, I guess Halloween must be

a real crazy night
for you cops, huh?

You ain't kiddin'.

Right before I got off duty,

I had to answer
a shooting call
down by the river.

A shooting call!

Hey, Charley,
how about
another round?

Oh, coming right up.

Excuse me,
but I have to
make a withdrawal

from the blood bank.

Hey, you know somethin', Willis?

It's a good thing
Weezy ain't here
to see this guy.

She'd think he was
her killer rabbit.

Yeah.

Hey, you okay?

Yeah,
my costume's
making this gun

stick right in my ribs.

Did you hear that?
The rabbit's got a gun!

Maybe Weezy wasn't
seein' things after all.

You think that is
Louise's killer rabbit?

Well, how many rabbits
with guns do you know
in the neighborhood?

Well, see if you can
hear what he's saying.

All right, but don't push!

Man, that shooting wiped me out.

Shooting! It is him!

What are we gonna do?
Shh!

He's leaving!

Okay, now!
You ain't going nowhere!

Oh, no, no!
Not again.

I got him, Charley!
Call the police!

Mr. Jefferson,
he is the police!

What?

George Jefferson,
I'd like you to meet
Officer Jenkins.

Oh, hey, bro.

How many fools
you got in this place?

Look, Officer, I'm sorry.

Here, let me buy
you a drink, okay?

I could use one.

Oh, Mr. J. Hello.

Oh, no!

You two know each other?

Oh, yes, we're neighbors.

Well, it figures.

Mr. Bentley.
Mr. Bentley.

I have to go
to the powder room.
Would you hold my horn?

Well, all right, Florence.

But it's
almost time for me
to view the Dog Star.

Oh, I just wanna fix my face.
It'll only take a minute.

Sounds like an
all-night job to me.

Thank you.

Oh, boy, wait till I tell
the other kids about this!

Oh, why don't you call them now?

Here's the phone.

Invite them all over.

Well, we really must be going.

Yes, they really must be going.

Oh, but you can't leave!
Why not?

Why not?

Well, because, uh...

Because you haven't
tried my chocolate cake yet.

You have cake?

No, but I'll bake one.

That's all right.

Come along, Roger.

Uh, no, wait, please!

You like butterscotch,
don't you?

Yeah!

Oh, well, here's some
without the butter.

Really! Goodbye!

I've a pot roast in the kitchen!

All right, very funny!

Now, get out on the balcony!

But I'm afraid of heights.

Who ain't?

But everybody knows
I'm scared of high places.

Besides,
I'd never commit suicide
by jumping off the balcony.

What do you want me
to do? Throw you off
the coffee table?

Come on! Outside!
No.

They'd never believe it.

Okay. Uh, all right.

Go into the kitchen,
put your head in the oven

and turn on the gas.

I'd never do that, either.

Why not?

It's electric.

All right, what would you do?

I'd...
Uh, I'd let me go.

Oh, come on, I mean...

Okay, okay, okay.
I'd, uh...

Uh, pills.
I'd take sleeping pills.

Sleeping pills?
Do you have any?

Oh, yeah,
they're in that bathroom.

Show me.

This better work.

Oh, God, I hope so.

Where? In here?
Right... Right there.

Where, in the drawer?
Where?

Hey!

Oh!
Oh!

Oh, Mr. Bentley,
it's you!
It's, uh... It's...

Yeah, it's time to
take a look at Sirius.

Ah, the rabbit...

No, the Dog Star.
Didn't I tell you?

Oh, somebody's
trapped in the bathroom.

Yes, I've...
It's all right.

I saw Florence do it.
No! Don't!

It's no bother.

All right!
Both of you,
get over there!

Not even a thank you.

Okay, okay,
I'm gonna have to make this
look like a double suicide.

I don't suppose that
you two are having a...

No.
No.

Okay, we'll have to
shoot you both, then!

Oh, a gun and a rabbit suit.

You're the killer rabbit!

Mrs. J,
you were right.

Tell me about it.

Okay, both of you,
over by the balcony!

Let's go!
All right, all right,

but there's... there's
something I want to say first.

What?
I don't want to die.

He does have a point.

Move it, move it, move it!

Hey, Weezy,
the costume contest
is gonna start soon.

Don't move, shorty.

Shorty?
Who the hell
you calling...

Well, I ain't real tall.

Uh, George, he's the killer.

The killer? Oh.

Hey, uh, hi.
Why don't you sit down
and let's talk about this?

Or we could stand.

I got to think.
Uh, take your time.

Shut up!
I gotta do something.

Hey, look, look,
why don't you just
take it easy?

Okay, now how'd
you get yourself
into this mess?

Oh, it's a long story.

Well, I love long stories!

When my mother
used to tell me about
Goldilocks, you know...

I'd always tell her
to throw in an extra bear.

Look, shorty...

Hey, but you know
what my favorite is?

Snow White and the 42 Dwarfs.

Where did everybody go?

Another one!

I was just checking.

You, get over there!

Get over there, get over there.

I'm gonna have to kill you, too.

Kill me?

Stop that! Stop that!

I can't!

I guess I can.

Now, should I
expect any more,
or can we get started?

Louise?

I don't believe this!

Oh, sorry.
Wrong apartment.

You! Fatso!

Fatso?

Shut the door,
shut the door,
shut the door!

Hands up! Hands up!
Get over there!

All right.

Now, I got
a bullet in here
for each one of you.

If you run short,
somebody else can have mine.

Why don't we rush him?
He can only get one of us.

I heard that!

It was just a thought.

All right,
but I'll blast
the first person

who takes a step toward me.

Hey, y'all!

Uh, George, I'm scared.
Would you hold my hand?

Sure, Weez.
Look, don't worry.

Hold mine, too,
would you, please?

Bentley, why don't
you do something?

You're bigger than he is.

Am I?
How tall are you?

Hands up!

Hey, Bentley!

At him, get him!
Get him!

I got the gun!
I got the gun!

Take the gun,
take the gun,
take the gun!

I got him, George.
Call the police!

Right.
I know exactly where
to find one angry cop.

Fatso, huh?

Hello, Charley?
Charley?

I want to speak
to my good buddy,
Officer Rabbit.

I mean Officer Jenkins.

Thank you.

Boy, that was really
something, wasn't it?

One rabbit dragging
another rabbit off to jail.

I hope
they put that creep
on lettuce and water.

Well, I'm just happy to know
that the poor man I saw shot
will be all right.

Yeah, Weezy, and from now on,

whenever you tell
me something, I promise
I'm gonna believe you.

That's right.
A man and wife

should be of the same mind.

And color.

Well, I've just got to turn in.

Don't you just love my trophy?

No. You didn't
win it fair and square.

Oh, George.
Don't be such
a poor loser.

Oh, Mr. J,
how was I to
know the judge

was a Ducky Dempster fan?

As Ducky Dempster would say...

Shut up, Bentley.

"Shut up, Bent..."
Oh, no, he'd never
say that.

Well, good night all.

Good night,
Mr. Bentley.
Good night.

And, George, I feel
like going to bed, too.

Weezy, the party's
still going strong.
I ain't even sleepy.

Who said anything
about sleep, big boy?

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.