The Jeffersons (1975–1985): Season 6, Episode 19 - George's Birthday - full transcript

♪ Well, we're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie

♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

♪ Beans don't burn
on the grill

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin'

♪ Just to get up that hill

♪ Now we're up
in the big leagues



♪ Gettin' our turn at bat

♪ As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

♪ There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

♪ We're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪

I can't wait to see the look
on George's face tonight.

He's gonna be
absolutely speechless.

Mr. Jefferson,
speechless? We ought
to charge admission.

You know,
in all the years
we've been married,

I've never been able
to surprise George
on his birthday.



Well, maybe it'll be
easier to fool Pop
now that he's old.

Lionel, 50 isn't old.

Are you kidding?
The man is old enough
to be my father.

Oh, you.

So how do you plan to get
all of Mr. Jefferson's
friends here

without him knowing about it?

Oh, they're all going up
to your parents' place.

But I thought
the party was here.

It is. When George
gets home from work,
we're going out to dinner.

Then when we get there,
I'm going to get sick.

Well, why don't you
make him take you
to a decent restaurant?

No, I'm just going
to pretend to get sick
so George will bring me home.

It's that simple.

Do you think
Pop will swallow that?

Sure he will. With his mouth,
he can swallow anything.

Hello, Louise.
Oh, hi, Helen, Tom.

Hi, Louise.
Come in.

Oh, hi, kids.
How are you?
Mom! Daddy!

Oh, honey.
Hi, Lionel.

Is everything
all set for tonight?

Yes. I stopped by Bentley's,
and he's coming.

And I called up
everyone on the list,
and told them

to meet at our apartment.

Oh, Lionel, we better get home
and start getting dressed
for the party.

Right.
And I better take
these presents upstairs.

Oh, no! I still
have to go out and get
Mr. Jefferson's present.

What are you going
to get him, Florence?

Well, I'll give you a hint.
It starts with a "G"
and it goes with being 50.

Gold?
No, Geritol.

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

Hey, Charley!

Hey, hey,
Mr. Jefferson!

What are you doing here
this time of day?

Well, I figured
I'd take a long lunch hour.

Give me a Scotch and water.
Yes, sir.

You can drink the water.

Well, you sure seem
on top of the world today.

Oh, yeah, I feel great.

Today's my birthday.
No kidding?

Well, congratulations.

Here you go.
Have one on the house.
Oh, thanks.

Hey, take a wild guess.
How old do you think I am?

Fifty?

I said take a wild guess.
How old do I look?

Fifty.

Guess again, Charley.
Uh, 49?

No, wrong, I'm 50!

Oh, gee,
I never would've guessed.

Yeah, I know.
Can you imagine?
Me, 50 years young!

Oh, I can't believe it.
Yeah.

Boy, what a great age to be.

I mean,
especially for a man
of your position.

True.
I mean,
here you got money,

prestige, friends.
What else can
a man ask for?

More money.

Yes, sir, Mr. Jefferson,
you know,
I sure do admire you.

I mean, you hear
all these stories
about guys reaching

the big 5-0.

They got money.
They got power
but no friends.

Oh, right.

Let's face it,
friends are what really
make a birthday, right?

Right.
Yeah, gee.

So what are the plans?

Gonna throw a big bash
at the Waldorf or something?

Oh, no, no, me and Weezy
are just gonna go out
for a quiet dinner,

you know,
just the two of us.
Oh.

What do you mean, "Oh"?

Ain't nothing wrong
with going out for dinner
on your birthday.

No, no, no, no.
I just thought,
you know, that,

since it's your 50th, that...

Well, never mind.
What do you mean,
"Never mind"?

I... I just thought you'd
have a little get-together
or something,

but, hey, I guess
a busy man like you

doesn't have time to make
a whole lot of friends.

Shoot,
what are you talking about?

I have plenty of friends.
You can tell that
just by looking at me.

Look, Mr. Jefferson,
this is really
none of my business.

I mean, you can
celebrate your birthday
any way you want.

I know,

and I just decided
I want to celebrate it
with some friends.

All right.
Give me the phone.
I wanna call my wife.

Yes, sir. Here you go.

I'm gonna show you
that you can have
money and power

and still have friends.

Shoot, I got so many friends,
some of them I even like!

The bakery should have
the cake ready
by the time you get there,

and on the way back,
if you want to...

Hello?

Hey, Weez?

Look, I want you to call
some of my friends
and invite 'em over

to celebrate
my birthday tonight.

But, George, I thought
we were going out
for a romantic dinner.

Oh, come on, Weezy,
we can be romantic
any old time.

I mean, 50 years old
ain't the end of everything.

I mean, tonight, I just
would like to spend it
with some of my friends.

Well, I'm your friend.

Look, Weez,
you ain't my friend.
You're my wife.

Now, look, just call
the Johnsons and the Stuarts,
and tell them to come on over.

I can't do that.

Why? Oh, yeah, you're right.
If you call them,

then my other friends
will be hurt
because they weren't invited.

Oh, well, just call
all of my friends.

Okay, I'll see you
when I come home later. Bye.

But, George...

What did he want?

Florence, I'm in trouble.

George wants me
to call all the friends
I've invited to his party

and invite them to his party.

Would you run that by me again?

George wants
to have a party tonight.
What are we going to do?

I know.

Tell him it's leap year,
and his birthday
ain't till tomorrow.

Do you think George will believe

all his friends
are busy tonight?

Why not? Can't two people
be busy at the same time?

♪ Happy birthday to me

♪ Happy birthday to me

♪ Happy birthday,
you sly 50-year-old devil

♪ With a smile
like Sidney Poitier

♪ Happy birthday to me ♪

Hi, George.
Hey, Weez.

Hey, Florence, I'm having
a party here tonight.

How come this place
don't look nice?

Probably because
you're standing
in the middle of it.

Uh, George, about your party...

Yeah, I can't wait.

Uh, you might have to...
Say what?

Uh, I called all your friends,
and they all have
other plans for tonight.

All of them?

Well, didn't you tell them
it was my 50th birthday?

Yes.
What'd they say?

They said you don't look
a day over 49.

Are you sure
you called all of them?

What about
Frank Wilson?
Uh, yes.

Uh, and he can't
make it, either.
Why not?

Because, uh...

Because he has
to practice his trumpet.

He ain't no trumpet player.

Well, that's why
he has to practice.

Well, what about Bill
and Flora Matthews?

Oh, they left for Hawaii today.

What did he go to Hawaii for?
He hates the sun.

Uh, I read where
this is the start
of their rainy season.

I ain't never heard
so many crazy excuses
in my life.

It's almost as if my friends
don't even want to come
to my birthday party.

Oh, don't worry, George.

Now, you and I will enjoy
a beautiful dinner
tonight, right?

Right.

Shoot, I was hoping
I could spend my birthday

surrounded by all my friends.

Maybe you should've held
your party in a phone booth.

So you think
I don't have
no friends, huh?

Well, you're wrong!

I know one person
in this world I can call

and won't get
no stupid answer. Yeah!
Or stupid excuse!

No friends...
You must...

Hello, Lionel? Huh?

Oh, the birthday boy's
doing fine, but watch
who you call a boy.

Hey, look, how would you like
to make your 50-year-old dad
real happy?

Great!

Well, look, see,
I'm throwing a little party
over here for myself tonight,

and I'd like for you and Jenny
to be guests of honor.

Oh, you do?

Oh, okay.
Oh, I understand.
Okay. Bye.

What did he say?

Him and Jenny have
to practice their
Mexican hat dance tonight.

This is the only chance
they get to do it because
the guy downstairs is out.

Well, so much for your party.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Where you going?

Out. Tell Weezy
I'll be back later.

Well, don't forget
to be back by 6:30.

You don't want to be late
for your dinner reservations.

Right. Whoopee.

Hey, Ralph!
You almost ran me over me.

I'm sorry, Mr. Jefferson, sir.

I... I was just in a hurry
to deliver this liquor

you asked me to get
for your party tonight.

Ralph...

That sure is
quite a large order, sir.

Here's a dollar.
Thank you, Ralph.

A large, large order, sir.

I mean, I had to go
all over town to find
your special Scotch.

Oh, I appreciate
that, Ralph.
Yes, sir.

And I also got
that low-calorie beer
you ordered.

Oh.

Whoever decided
to call the beer light

never had to carry it
up 12 floors.

Perhaps there's
something else
I can do for you, sir?

Yeah, you can
take all that stuff
back to the store.

Yes, sir. Pardon?

You heard me.
Take it back.

But what about your party?

Ain't gonna be
no party.
No party?

Won't your friends
be disappointed?
Friends? Uh...

None of them
could make it.
Really?

I'd think people
would stand in line

to go to the birthday party
of an important,
rich man like you, sir.

Look, Ralph, there's
something you should learn
before you get a little older.

Money can't buy friends.

Well, certainly not
at these rates.

Shoot!

Ah, come on, Mr. Jefferson.
Cheer up.
There'll be other birthdays.

Yeah, but there ain't
gonna be none like this.

This is the big 5-0.

You never hear
people talking
about the big 5-3!

Yeah, I guess you got a point.

Boy, the nerve
of all those people
turning you down,

and they call themselves
your friends.

Yeah.

Hey, Charley,

you think maybe I'm one
of those kind of people
who has worked so hard

all of his life that
he never really learned
how to make friends?

Well, it is possible.

I mean, sometimes
you are kind of a grouch.

A grouch! Me?

What are you talking about?

I must be thinking
of somebody else.

Oh, no, no, no, no,
you're right. You're right.

I guess I do have
kind of a strong personality.

Yeah. You think
that might turn people off?

Well, sir,
let me put it this way.

Absolutely.
Oh.

What should I do about it?

Well, I can't talk
for everybody, but, see,

I got this sure-fire method
for getting people to like me.

Oh, yeah, sure.
"Drinks on the house!"

No, no, see,
it's a question
of attitude, caring.

I mean,
you gotta start out
by liking everybody.

Liking everybody?
Mmm-hmm.

Even the people
I don't like?
Yeah.

Charley, now, you know,
most people are jerks.

Sure! Sure they are,

but, see, a lot of times,
your average jerk, why,
he'll make a great friend.

You think so?

Sure. The point is,
in order to make friends,

you gotta overlook
the other person's negatives.

You turn the negatives
into positives.

Oh.

How do you do that?
Simple.

You take the negative,
and you play it up.

Like, you meet
a guy who's real fat,

you don't say,
"Hey, hey, hey,
boy, are you fat!" Huh?

You say, "Hey,
we ever get into a fight,
I hope you're on my side."

Yeah, but that sounds
kind of phony to me.

I mean, telling somebody
something you don't believe.

Hey, what do you want?
Friends or a clear conscience?

Right.
I'm gonna go out
and make some friends.

There you go.

Tom, I'm wrapping
George's present.

Could you please
bring me some ribbon?

Oh, sure.

Who is it?
It's me, George.

Oh, uh,
hello, George.
Hey, Willis.

I just wanted to tell you that
if I ever get in a fight,
I hope that you're on my side.

What?

Well, ain't you gonna ask me in?

Uh, well, Helen and I
are kind of busy.

Oh, yeah, I know. I know.
I don't blame you.

It's because of the way
I've been treating you
in the past, right?

What?
Look, come on, Willis.
I mean, the past is over.

It's forgot.
I just came here
to tell you that I realize

and I'm happy
to say that my son has
a father-in-law that's white.

Oh?

Sure. It's better
than having two in-laws
that are white.

Well, if you'll excuse me,
George, I really must go.

Oh, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.

About little Jessica,

I'm glad that you and Helen
are her grandparents.

You are?
Why, sure.

I mean,
see how much quicker
she'll learn her colors?

Well, I'm sorry, George.
We can talk
about this later...

One more thing.

Did I ever tell you
that the zebra
is my favorite animal?

Tom, do you have the... Oh!

Uh, George, uh,
what are you doing here?

Oh, well, uh,
I wanted to spend some time

with my most favorite couple
in the world.

Oh, and you
decided to stop here
on the way, huh?

No, I mean you!

Well, that's very
thoughtful of you to say.

Yes, it is very thoughtful.
How come?

What do you mean,
"How come?"

I just wanted to tell you
that I think mixed marriages
are great.

I don't believe
I've ever heard you
say that before.

Oh, of course I have.

Just this morning,
I was telling Weezy.

I said, "Weezy, look,
if you had been smart
and married a white guy,

"you and I would be
a mixed marriage today."

That's really
fascinating, George.

Yes, we must
definitely get together
and talk about it sometime.

Good idea.
How about tonight?

You can both come over
to my place
and celebrate my birthday.

Oh, uh, tonight?
Oh, I'm sorry, George,
but tonight...

Tonight, Helen's teaching me
the Latin Hustle.

Latin Hustle?
You wanna dance?

No, not yet. Let's wait
till I've had a couple
of lessons first.

Hey, Willis, I hate zebras!

Take away the black stripes,
you ain't got nothing
but a white jackass!

Hey, Bentley!
Am I interrupting anything?

Well, actually, Mr...
Oh, good.
Let me come in for a while.

To tell the truth,
I'm in a bit of a rush.

Oh, big night tonight, huh?

Uh, actually, yes,
I've got a date.

A date? Hey, that's perfect!
I'd love to meet her.

How about my place tonight,
about 7:00?

Tonight, I can't.
That is, I shouldn't...

I don't think so,
Mr. J. No, no.

Oh, but, Bentley, I want you
to entertain some people
with your interesting stories.

You like my stories?

Like them? I love 'em!

Especially the one
where your mother
meets the Queen.

Oh, yes, that's one
of my favorites, too.

Although to tell it properly,
I always have to go back

to long before
she actually had her audience.

It all began in 1947...
Okay, but... Oh!

Wait. I got an idea.
Since this is
such a great story,

why don't you hold it
until tonight
when Weezy can hear it, too?

No, I've told you,
I can't make it tonight,
Mr. J.

Oh, but, Bentley,
what about Weezy?
She'll be crushed.

Oh, I wouldn't want that.

I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll record
the entire story on tape,

and then you and Mrs. J
can listen to it over
and over and over again

at your leisure.
Bentley...

As a matter of fact,
I'll get started on it
right now. Goodbye!

Hey!

That was a cruel thing
to do, Bentley.

I would never slam
a door in your face!

Florence, where are you going?

Inside. This is
where I work, remember?

Work?
You ain't worked a day...

I mean,
you haven't worked a day
that I haven't been happy

with the terrific job
you've done.

Are you sure
you're feeling
all right?

Feeling all right?
I've never felt better
in my life,

and I owe it all to you
because, by watching you,

I've learned how to relax.

I've learned
how to take life
nice and easy.

I think
you've been sniffing too much
of that cleaning fluid.

Good one, Florence. Good one.

Hey, look,
how would you like
to join me and Weezy

for dinner tonight?

Uh, tonight?
Uh, I'm sorry.
I've got other plans.

Uh, choir practice.

Choir practice?
Well, skip it.

I can't skip choir practice.
I'm singing for the Lord.

So? Sing in a restaurant.
God is everywhere.

I can't do it,
Mr. Jefferson.
Not tonight.

Florence, but listen...
I'm sorry. I gotta run.

But wait a...
What's in the bag?

Uh, nothing.
It's just a new dustpan.

Oh. What's wrong
with the old one?
It starved to death?

Where are you going?

To be
with the only real friend
I've got in life, me.

Here you go.

I can't believe it, Charley.
In 50 years, I've never made
one real friend.

Ah, don't give up,
Mr. Jefferson.

I mean,
making friends takes time.
It's a gradual thing.

Yeah, I guess you're right.
Why didn't I start yesterday?

Oh, the hell with it.
I'm just gonna take Weezy out
and have a good time.

Oh! Weezy! I'm late.

Charley, give me your phone.
I gotta call her.
Sure.

I'll just tell her
to meet me down here.

Oh, thanks
for the advice, Charley,

but I don't think
I could've been nice
to those jerks

for a whole year anyhow.

Oh, well, look,
maybe nice just isn't
in your nature,

which wouldn't be
the worst thing
in the world.

I mean,
you know what they say.
"Nice guys finish last."

Yeah, they do finish last,
don't they?

Sure.

They have bigger parties,
but they still finish last.

Where could George be?
This is terrible.

I have 30 people upstairs
waiting for a party.

Florence, think hard.

Did George give you any clue
about where he was going?

Hmm, let's see.

He got on the elevator.
The doors closed.

I got it. He went down.

Well, that rules out up.

Hello? George,
where are you?

But you shouldn't be spending
your birthday getting drunk
in a bar.

You should be getting drunk
at home where you belong.

No, George,
I can't come down.
Uh... Uh...

I'm not dressed.

Uh, why don't you
come up in, say, uh,
10 minutes?

No, George, I can't.

George?

He won't come up.
He insists that
I meet him in the bar.

I don't know what to say,
except none of this
would be happening

if he were my husband.
Why not?

I would've divorced him by now.

Oh, Helen.

Well, what are you gonna do,
Miss Jefferson?

I've got an idea.

I mean, I can't imagine
what's keeping Weezy.

Well, you know women.

My wife's late
all the time, too.

But don't it bother you?

Only when she finally shows up.

Oh, hi, George.

Weezy, it's about time.
Let's get going.

Uh, wait. You can't go out
looking like that.

What do you mean?

Uh, your tie's crooked.
No, it ain't.

Yes, it is.

You know, Weezy,
I've been doing
a lot of thinking.

You and I are gonna go out,
and we're gonna have ourselves
a good time.

I mean, who needs friends?
I don't. I got you.

Oh, yes.

What are you doing?

Uh, you had some lint
on your coat.
Oh.

Honestly, George,
I can't take you anywhere.

Shoot! Some friends we got.

They're never around
when you need them,
bunch of creeps.

Uh, well, George,
maybe "creeps"
is a little strong.

No, it ain't.

The hell with them.
They ain't nothing
but a bunch of creeps.

You're the only one who cares.

None of these people do.

Not even the Willises.
Oh, there you are!

So you wanna learn
how to dance?
Dance, my foot!

You ain't no better, Bentley!

And you're supposed to be
my son, huh, Lionel?
Some son you are.

Wait till you get 50.
All I wanna say is
the hell with all of you.

I don't need none of you!

Surprise!

Ah, I knew it all the time.

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday, dear George

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Movin', movin' on up, yeah ♪

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.