The Jeffersons (1975–1985): Season 6, Episode 10 - Louise vs. Florence - full transcript
Louise and Florence get into an argument over pettiness after Louise discovered an error in a plaque she had Florence take to an engraver.
♪ Well, we're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky
♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie
♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen
♪ Beans don't burn
on the grill
♪ Took a whole lot of tryin'
♪ Just to get up that hill
♪ Now we're up
in the big leagues
♪ Gettin' our turn at bat
♪ As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby
♪ There ain't nothin' wrong
with that
♪ We're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky
♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪
♪ I'm in with the in crowd
♪ I go where the in crowd goes
♪ I'm in with the in crowd
♪ I know what
the in crowd knows ♪
Hello, Weezy.
George,
have I ever told you
you have a nice voice?
No.
Now you know why.
It don't matter.
When Mr. and Mrs. Van Morris
come, they ain't gonna ask me
if I can sing.
I think I like them already.
Well, what's more important
is that they like us.
This is our big chance
to get into the black
social register.
George,
I'm not sure about
this high-society business.
That's why I bought this book.
"The Complete Guide to
Etiquette and Social Grace."
George, all etiquette is
is common sense.
Common sense?
Okay, if you're so smart...
Oh!
What would I wear
if I was going on
a fox hunt?
In the middle of Manhattan?
A straightjacket.
Weezy, I'm doing this for you.
For me?
Yeah.
Look, if the Van Morrises
like us,
then we'll get into
the black social register.
And we'll have
a lot of rich friends
and a lot of rich friends
means more business
and more business
means more money.
And more money means
I'll be powerful.
I'll be famous.
Well,
what does all that
have to do with me?
You'll have somebody
to brag about.
Oh, George!
Look, Weezy,
what I'm trying to say is,
then I'll be able
to buy you anything
you want.
I already have
everything I want.
Weezy, don't you ever let
anybody hear you say that!
It ain't American.
All right, George,
I know this means
a lot to you,
so you can count on me.
Oh, thanks, Weez.
Now get this
junk of yours
out of here.
This isn't junk.
This is my speech for
the Help Center luncheon.
You ain't finished
with that speech yet?
As a matter of fact, I have.
Good. You've been staying up
late at night for a week with
that Help Center stuff.
And here I am, laying in bed,
wishing you were next to me.
Oh, George, really?
Yeah. That damn typewriter
has been keeping me awake.
George, tomorrow's
award luncheon
means a lot to me.
This is the first year
I've been in charge
and I want everything
to be perfect.
But, Weezy,
everything you do is perfect.
You're perfect!
You're more than perfect.
In fact,
you're almost another me.
Hey, I gotta talk to Florence.
Where is she?
Hey, lazy.
She'll be right back.
She went out to pick up
an award.
For what? The greasiest
pork chop of the year?
No. The Volunteer
of the Year plaque.
I'm presenting it
to Marge Burns tomorrow.
Weezy, she's supposed
to be here to help us get
ready for the Van Morrises!
She put dinner
in the oven just
before she left.
Uh-huh.
Sounds just like her.
Leaving the scene of the crime.
I'll get it.
Hello, Mr. J.
Hey, Bentley.
Here's the art book
you wanted to borrow.
All right, thanks, Bentley.
Ha, ha, ha.
Wait till
the Van Morrises hear me
talk about these artists.
Hey, Van Gog,
Da Vinkie and Polack.
All right!
Uh, Mr. J,
that's Van Gogh,
Da Vinci and Pollack.
Oh, well, whoever they are,
they don't know
nothing about painting.
Look,
this ain't nothing
but a lot of dots.
He didn't even connect them.
Well, Mr. J, you see,
those dots symbolize
man's intellectual evolution
from his first mastering
of the basic tools
to his eventual conquest
of the entire interstellar
galactic system.
Go ahead, Bentley.
How'd you know that?
I made it up.
Oh, Bentley.
Mr. J, you see,
modern art means different
things to different people.
That's dumb.
No, no. For example,
this painting
must symbolize
something to you.
Now think, what does red dots
on a white background
mean to you?
A honkey with measles.
Well, I'd better be off.
I'm going to wine and dine
Jennifer this evening.
Wine and dine? Oh, no!
I forgot to get the wine
for the Van Morrises.
Bentley, what kind
of wine should I get?
Well, first you have to decide
between white wine or red.
What's the difference?
One is darker.
Oh, never mind, it don't matter.
I'll ask the guy at the store.
Weezy, I'm gonna buy some wine!
Well, I'll go with you.
Uh, perhaps we can pick up
a nice little Pouilly Fuisse.
Forget it, Bentley.
I'm a married man.
Florence, am I glad to see you!
Uh-oh. Wrong apartment.
Come on in.
There's a lot of work
you gotta do right away.
Uh-oh, right apartment.
What do you want me to clean?
Anything that don't move.
That way you'll both be
going at the same speed.
Oh, Florence, you're home.
Did you get the plaque?
Yes, and have I got great news.
Halfway down to your engraver,
I remembered Brad Kendrick.
Who's Brad Kendrick?
A guy I know who's an engraver.
So I took the plaque to him.
Did you get a discount?
Better.
I got a date
for next weekend.
Oh, but is he a good engraver?
Well, if he engraves
as good as he looks, child,
this plaque will make you
weak in the knees.
Well, thanks
for taking care of it.
It was my pleasure.
I'm so excited about tomorrow.
Tell me how this sounds.
"I'm proud to present
this award to Margaret Burns.
"A woman who's continually
devoted her time and energy
to the Help Center.
"So, ladies and gentlemen,
can we please have a big hand
"for our volunteer of the year,
"Margaret Burps!"
Margaret Burps?
I thought you said
her name was Burns?
It is.
But this plaque says Burps.
Oh, Lord.
Oh, you better get
your friend to change it.
I can't. He already
left on a fishing trip.
What?
Yeah. That's why
he's taking me out
next weekend
instead of this weekend.
Oh, this is terrible.
Oh, I hope I can find
someone to fix it.
"Margaret Burps."
Actually, that's kind of funny.
Margaret Burps.
I don't think
that's funny at all.
Why didn't you take it
to our regular engraver?
You never listen to me.
Oh, wait a minute.
What do you mean never?
When ain't I listened to you?
Well,
how about yesterday
when you were vacuuming.
I said we needed a new bag.
You said no,
there was enough room
left in the old one.
Then what happened?
The bag broke,
dust all over the place.
Well, that wasn't my fault.
That was your fault.
Mine?
Yeah.
You buy cheap bags.
Florence, please don't
point your finger.
You're always
pointing at people.
That really bothers me.
Well, excuse me.
You know,
you do things
that bother me, too.
Oh, is that so?
Like what?
Like the first thing
every morning,
you drag yourself out here,
and the only thing you have
to say to me is, "Coffee."
Well, I shouldn't ask
you for my coffee anyway.
You don't even know
how to pour it.
You always hold
the pot way up here
and end up splashing me.
Yeah? Well,
you pick your teeth.
What?
You heard me.
I said you pick your teeth.
Like this.
What?
When do I do that?
Every time we have cauliflower.
But we hardly ever
have cauliflower!
Of course not!
Who wants to watch
you pick your teeth?
And another thing,
you can't walk by nobody
without picking things
off their clothes.
Huh?
So I got a couple
of fuzz balls on my clothes.
What business is that of yours?
Fuzz balls?
Oh, no, no, not you.
Uh, look, I've gotta
get a plaque engraved
by tomorrow morning.
I know it's short notice, but...
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
All right. Bye.
Well, Florence,
I hope you're satisfied.
The Help Center has to suffer
because you can't even
follow simple instructions!
Are you saying I'm stupid?
I didn't say it.
Well, I ain't stupid.
And as far as anybody suffering
at that Help Center,
that's a laugh.
That center's just
a place for rich ladies
who ain't got nothing
better to do with their time.
Florence!
We're in luck, everybody.
Bentley just happened
to have this bottle of
real expensive wine
over at his place.
So, social register,
here we come!
So just what do you
do with your time
that's better?
I have a job. I work.
You may have a job,
but you certainly
don't work.
What's wrong?
I'll tell you what's wrong!
Margaret Burps!
Maybe she's got gas.
So I don't work, huh?
Well, who do you think
keeps this place clean?
Half the time
you get me to help you.
Well, you ain't got
nothing better to do.
Hey, wait a minute, you two.
Will you stop arguing?
We gotta get this place
ready for the Van Morrises.
Well, talk to her.
She's the maid.
I may be the maid,
but I sure don't
have to stand here
and listen to you insult me.
Oh! Well,
maybe you'd be happier
working someplace else!
Well, maybe I would.
Florence, where are you going?
I'm gonna pack my stuff
and go up to the Willises.
They'll let me stay there
until I find another job.
Another job?
Nobody fired you!
Oh, no?
Well, then I quit.
You can't quit!
What about the Van Morrises?
I need a maid here tonight!
Well, then go and see
if you can find one that
don't mind working for her!
See? There you go,
pointing again!
Fuzz balls!
Hey!
Damn!
What the hell are fuzz balls?
Come on, Weezy,
it's only a little mistake.
Look, Weezy,
you don't really want
Florence to go, do you?
You saw her, George.
She's rude.
She's thoughtless.
She's inconsiderate.
Yeah, but you're
forgetting her good points.
Name one.
Well, she ain't twins.
Oh, come on, Weezy,
I can't think of one thing
Florence don't do around here.
I can. How about the way
she never waters the plants?
Well, she's just trying
to teach them to be
independent.
And every morning
you grumble about
your eggs!
Right.
But from now on,
we're gonna
put the blame
where it belongs.
On the chicken.
Forget it, George.
I gotta get on the phone
and see if I can find
somebody to redo my plaque.
Weezy...
Florence, you really
don't wanna go, do you?
Yep.
Hey, Florence, I need you.
Please, I'm begging you,
just stay tonight.
Forget it.
Look,
I'll hire you back.
One night, $100.
Oh, Mr. Jefferson,
please.
$150.
You think money
can buy anything,
don't you?
Okay, look, you stay tonight,
take care of my guests,
I'll give you $300.
What time do you want dessert?
All the engravers
closed at 5:00,
now there's nobody I can call!
What is she still doing here?
She's working.
I hired her back.
I don't want her working for me.
I ain't working for you.
I'm working for Mr. Jefferson.
George, don't you think
I should have something
to say about this?
Weezy, I'm...
Seems to me
you have something
to say about everything.
If somebody around here
would have done as she was told,
I wouldn't have to say anything.
All right, now stop it, you two!
Now you've been friends
too long for this!
Just think of
all the good times
you had together!
All of the laughs!
Hello.
Who? I'm sorry.
Florence is on duty right now.
Who? Brad Kendrick?
Oh, the engraver.
Fantastic.
Listen, you misspelled something
on that plaque you made today.
You can? Great.
I wish you were here,
I'd kiss you.
Lighten up, buddy,
it's only a figure
of speech.
See you tomorrow.
Well, you two,
that was Brad Kendrick.
He didn't go fishing after all
and he's gonna have
a new plaque over here
in the morning
and he'll see you then.
So, now everybody's
happy, right?
No, that's wrong.
Happy is like this.
Look, will you two
say you're sorry?
I'm sorry.
Sorry I ever took this job.
Not half as sorry as I am.
Hey, wait a minute.
Hold, hold it. Look,
come on, you two.
Now look,
why don't you
just tell each other
how you really feel?
You point!
Coffee!
Is this where
Miss Jefferson's
gonna sit?
Yeah. Why?
Just checking.
Hey, Weez.
Hey, Weezy,
listen to what I just
read in this etiquette book.
"When the guests arrive,
"the host
should introduce himself
with a warm verbal greeting.
"Sample greeting.
"Welcome to our home.
I am Heidi Green.
"How are you?"
That's fascinating, Heidi.
Now, let's see.
I'll bet the guests will say,
"Fine, thanks.
How are you?"
Hey, that's right!
Did you study
this stuff in school?
Hey!
It's the Van Morrises!
Get everything ready quick!
Now the book is here,
you're here, you're here
and I'm here. Okay.
We're all here, right?
Okay, let's go answer
the door.
Now remember, smile!
Yeah, okay?
Hello.
Welcome to our home.
I'm Heidi Green.
I mean, I'm George Jefferson.
This is my wife, Louise.
How are you?
Fine, thank you.
See, Weezy?
They read the same book.
How do you do?
Won't you come in?
Why, Mrs. Jefferson,
what a lovely little place.
It reminds me
of where I grew up.
Me, too.
Oh, uh, where did you grow up?
Well, we were both born in Ha...
Hartford!
Great little town, Hartford.
I see. Connecticut.
A lot of old money up there.
Not mine.
I just came from the bank.
I got a lot of
brand new money, see?
Uh, so sit down,
make yourselves
comfortable.
Uh, yes.
Uh, would you
like some wine?
I have a very old bottle
of Polly Fuswah.
Do you mean Pouilly Fuisse?
Oh, yeah,
I got some of that, too.
Well,
I don't like Pouilly Fuisse.
Me, neither. That's why
the bottle's so old.
I do love your dress.
Is it an original?
Well...
Yes!
Oh. Halston?
No. Dacron.
Was that a joke, dear?
I... I think so.
Oh.
Tell me,
Mrs. Jefferson...
Hors d'oeuvres, anybody?
Dear, we were talking.
Just set the tray down,
Florence.
Florence, would you
set the tray down, please?
Yes, sir,
Mr. Jefferson.
Florence,
you forgot the toothpicks.
Oh, I thought
you had your own
special toothpicks.
Oh, thank you
for getting rid
of that fuzz ball.
Would anyone like some tea,
or some coffee.
No,
but we'd love
some champagne.
Uh, yes, Florence,
why don't you get
some for him
and him and her and me?
Good help is so hard to find.
Uh, Mr. Van Morris,
what do you do for a living?
Well, among other things,
I own a copper smelting plant.
Copper smelting?
If there's one thing
I'm interested in,
it's copper smelting.
You know about copper smelting?
Me? Of course.
First you take
a bunch of copper,
you put it together
and then you smelt it
and then you smelt it again.
And then you
smelt it to make sure
you smelt it right. Right?
Well, it is a bit
more complex than that.
Oh, of course.
Uh, so I hear you're in
the dry-cleaning business,
Mr. Jefferson.
That is correct.
Seven stores all over the city.
Well, I suppose
someone has to do
that sort of thing.
Yes.
Well,
it's certainly not as
exciting as copper smelting.
Oh, here's Florence
with the champagne.
Maybe someone else
should pour it.
Oh, no, I'm sure
I can pour it properly.
Louise likes her champagne
with a head on it.
Uh, Florence,
if you can point yourself
in Mrs. Van Morris' direction,
I'm sure she would
like some champagne.
Uh, thank you.
But you know, you should
pour from the left, dear.
Really?
Yes, dear.
Well, I'll remember that,
sweetheart.
Sweetheart?
Uh, Florence, maybe
Mr. Van Morris would
like some champagne.
Uh, yes. As long as
it is not a domestic.
Yes. We loathe domestics.
Well, speaking as a domestic,
I'm not real
fond of you, either.
What?
Uh, where is your
copper smelting plant?
This is unforgivable!
Mrs. Jefferson,
I insist that you
reprimand her at once!
Take it easy,
Mrs. Van Morris.
Take it easy?
That woman should
be put in her place.
Not by you, sweetheart.
Would you like some
more champagne, Mr. Smelt?
I mean, uh, Mr...
Well, Mrs. Jefferson,
would you tell this woman
to whom she is speaking?
Oh, why certainly,
Mrs. Van Morris.
Florence, you are
speaking to a jackass.
Oh, Lord.
That woman just called
my wife a jackass!
I don't believe it!
Me, neither.
You should have
dropped the jack.
Florence,
I'd like some champagne.
Did you hear
what they said to me?
There, there, dear,
what can you expect?
Mrs. Jefferson's
obviously a boor.
Nigger,
what the hell
did you say?
Are you losing your hearing?
No, but you're gonna
be losing your teeth.
I beg your pardon!
It's too late to beg, chump.
Jefferson, now,
what are you doing?
What does it look
like I'm doing?
You're asking us to leave?
No. Of course not.
I'm throwing you out.
All right, Jefferson,
but you know you can kiss
the social register goodbye.
Oh, yeah? Well,
I won't tell you
what you can kiss.
Oh, Florence.
Oh, Miss Jefferson.
Oh, I couldn't control myself.
That's all right.
I love it when you take
fuzz balls off my clothes.
Well, I love
the way you pour coffee.
And I love the way
you say coffee.
And I didn't mean
what I said about
the Help Center.
And I didn't mean
anything I said.
Oh, Miss Jefferson.
Oh, Florence.
Oh, look, you two,
don't get carried away.
Oh, George,
and you were wonderful.
The way you stood up
to the Van Morrises
and didn't even care
about the social register.
Oh, that ain't the last
we'll be seeing of them,
Weezy.
Some day that guy's
gonna be calling me,
begging me for something.
You really think so?
I'm sure of it.
I kept his hat.
Well, shall we break open
the Polly Fuswah?
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky
♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie
♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen
♪ Beans don't burn
on the grill
♪ Took a whole lot of tryin'
♪ Just to get up that hill
♪ Now we're up
in the big leagues
♪ Gettin' our turn at bat
♪ As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby
♪ There ain't nothin' wrong
with that
♪ We're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky
♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪
♪ I'm in with the in crowd
♪ I go where the in crowd goes
♪ I'm in with the in crowd
♪ I know what
the in crowd knows ♪
Hello, Weezy.
George,
have I ever told you
you have a nice voice?
No.
Now you know why.
It don't matter.
When Mr. and Mrs. Van Morris
come, they ain't gonna ask me
if I can sing.
I think I like them already.
Well, what's more important
is that they like us.
This is our big chance
to get into the black
social register.
George,
I'm not sure about
this high-society business.
That's why I bought this book.
"The Complete Guide to
Etiquette and Social Grace."
George, all etiquette is
is common sense.
Common sense?
Okay, if you're so smart...
Oh!
What would I wear
if I was going on
a fox hunt?
In the middle of Manhattan?
A straightjacket.
Weezy, I'm doing this for you.
For me?
Yeah.
Look, if the Van Morrises
like us,
then we'll get into
the black social register.
And we'll have
a lot of rich friends
and a lot of rich friends
means more business
and more business
means more money.
And more money means
I'll be powerful.
I'll be famous.
Well,
what does all that
have to do with me?
You'll have somebody
to brag about.
Oh, George!
Look, Weezy,
what I'm trying to say is,
then I'll be able
to buy you anything
you want.
I already have
everything I want.
Weezy, don't you ever let
anybody hear you say that!
It ain't American.
All right, George,
I know this means
a lot to you,
so you can count on me.
Oh, thanks, Weez.
Now get this
junk of yours
out of here.
This isn't junk.
This is my speech for
the Help Center luncheon.
You ain't finished
with that speech yet?
As a matter of fact, I have.
Good. You've been staying up
late at night for a week with
that Help Center stuff.
And here I am, laying in bed,
wishing you were next to me.
Oh, George, really?
Yeah. That damn typewriter
has been keeping me awake.
George, tomorrow's
award luncheon
means a lot to me.
This is the first year
I've been in charge
and I want everything
to be perfect.
But, Weezy,
everything you do is perfect.
You're perfect!
You're more than perfect.
In fact,
you're almost another me.
Hey, I gotta talk to Florence.
Where is she?
Hey, lazy.
She'll be right back.
She went out to pick up
an award.
For what? The greasiest
pork chop of the year?
No. The Volunteer
of the Year plaque.
I'm presenting it
to Marge Burns tomorrow.
Weezy, she's supposed
to be here to help us get
ready for the Van Morrises!
She put dinner
in the oven just
before she left.
Uh-huh.
Sounds just like her.
Leaving the scene of the crime.
I'll get it.
Hello, Mr. J.
Hey, Bentley.
Here's the art book
you wanted to borrow.
All right, thanks, Bentley.
Ha, ha, ha.
Wait till
the Van Morrises hear me
talk about these artists.
Hey, Van Gog,
Da Vinkie and Polack.
All right!
Uh, Mr. J,
that's Van Gogh,
Da Vinci and Pollack.
Oh, well, whoever they are,
they don't know
nothing about painting.
Look,
this ain't nothing
but a lot of dots.
He didn't even connect them.
Well, Mr. J, you see,
those dots symbolize
man's intellectual evolution
from his first mastering
of the basic tools
to his eventual conquest
of the entire interstellar
galactic system.
Go ahead, Bentley.
How'd you know that?
I made it up.
Oh, Bentley.
Mr. J, you see,
modern art means different
things to different people.
That's dumb.
No, no. For example,
this painting
must symbolize
something to you.
Now think, what does red dots
on a white background
mean to you?
A honkey with measles.
Well, I'd better be off.
I'm going to wine and dine
Jennifer this evening.
Wine and dine? Oh, no!
I forgot to get the wine
for the Van Morrises.
Bentley, what kind
of wine should I get?
Well, first you have to decide
between white wine or red.
What's the difference?
One is darker.
Oh, never mind, it don't matter.
I'll ask the guy at the store.
Weezy, I'm gonna buy some wine!
Well, I'll go with you.
Uh, perhaps we can pick up
a nice little Pouilly Fuisse.
Forget it, Bentley.
I'm a married man.
Florence, am I glad to see you!
Uh-oh. Wrong apartment.
Come on in.
There's a lot of work
you gotta do right away.
Uh-oh, right apartment.
What do you want me to clean?
Anything that don't move.
That way you'll both be
going at the same speed.
Oh, Florence, you're home.
Did you get the plaque?
Yes, and have I got great news.
Halfway down to your engraver,
I remembered Brad Kendrick.
Who's Brad Kendrick?
A guy I know who's an engraver.
So I took the plaque to him.
Did you get a discount?
Better.
I got a date
for next weekend.
Oh, but is he a good engraver?
Well, if he engraves
as good as he looks, child,
this plaque will make you
weak in the knees.
Well, thanks
for taking care of it.
It was my pleasure.
I'm so excited about tomorrow.
Tell me how this sounds.
"I'm proud to present
this award to Margaret Burns.
"A woman who's continually
devoted her time and energy
to the Help Center.
"So, ladies and gentlemen,
can we please have a big hand
"for our volunteer of the year,
"Margaret Burps!"
Margaret Burps?
I thought you said
her name was Burns?
It is.
But this plaque says Burps.
Oh, Lord.
Oh, you better get
your friend to change it.
I can't. He already
left on a fishing trip.
What?
Yeah. That's why
he's taking me out
next weekend
instead of this weekend.
Oh, this is terrible.
Oh, I hope I can find
someone to fix it.
"Margaret Burps."
Actually, that's kind of funny.
Margaret Burps.
I don't think
that's funny at all.
Why didn't you take it
to our regular engraver?
You never listen to me.
Oh, wait a minute.
What do you mean never?
When ain't I listened to you?
Well,
how about yesterday
when you were vacuuming.
I said we needed a new bag.
You said no,
there was enough room
left in the old one.
Then what happened?
The bag broke,
dust all over the place.
Well, that wasn't my fault.
That was your fault.
Mine?
Yeah.
You buy cheap bags.
Florence, please don't
point your finger.
You're always
pointing at people.
That really bothers me.
Well, excuse me.
You know,
you do things
that bother me, too.
Oh, is that so?
Like what?
Like the first thing
every morning,
you drag yourself out here,
and the only thing you have
to say to me is, "Coffee."
Well, I shouldn't ask
you for my coffee anyway.
You don't even know
how to pour it.
You always hold
the pot way up here
and end up splashing me.
Yeah? Well,
you pick your teeth.
What?
You heard me.
I said you pick your teeth.
Like this.
What?
When do I do that?
Every time we have cauliflower.
But we hardly ever
have cauliflower!
Of course not!
Who wants to watch
you pick your teeth?
And another thing,
you can't walk by nobody
without picking things
off their clothes.
Huh?
So I got a couple
of fuzz balls on my clothes.
What business is that of yours?
Fuzz balls?
Oh, no, no, not you.
Uh, look, I've gotta
get a plaque engraved
by tomorrow morning.
I know it's short notice, but...
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
All right. Bye.
Well, Florence,
I hope you're satisfied.
The Help Center has to suffer
because you can't even
follow simple instructions!
Are you saying I'm stupid?
I didn't say it.
Well, I ain't stupid.
And as far as anybody suffering
at that Help Center,
that's a laugh.
That center's just
a place for rich ladies
who ain't got nothing
better to do with their time.
Florence!
We're in luck, everybody.
Bentley just happened
to have this bottle of
real expensive wine
over at his place.
So, social register,
here we come!
So just what do you
do with your time
that's better?
I have a job. I work.
You may have a job,
but you certainly
don't work.
What's wrong?
I'll tell you what's wrong!
Margaret Burps!
Maybe she's got gas.
So I don't work, huh?
Well, who do you think
keeps this place clean?
Half the time
you get me to help you.
Well, you ain't got
nothing better to do.
Hey, wait a minute, you two.
Will you stop arguing?
We gotta get this place
ready for the Van Morrises.
Well, talk to her.
She's the maid.
I may be the maid,
but I sure don't
have to stand here
and listen to you insult me.
Oh! Well,
maybe you'd be happier
working someplace else!
Well, maybe I would.
Florence, where are you going?
I'm gonna pack my stuff
and go up to the Willises.
They'll let me stay there
until I find another job.
Another job?
Nobody fired you!
Oh, no?
Well, then I quit.
You can't quit!
What about the Van Morrises?
I need a maid here tonight!
Well, then go and see
if you can find one that
don't mind working for her!
See? There you go,
pointing again!
Fuzz balls!
Hey!
Damn!
What the hell are fuzz balls?
Come on, Weezy,
it's only a little mistake.
Look, Weezy,
you don't really want
Florence to go, do you?
You saw her, George.
She's rude.
She's thoughtless.
She's inconsiderate.
Yeah, but you're
forgetting her good points.
Name one.
Well, she ain't twins.
Oh, come on, Weezy,
I can't think of one thing
Florence don't do around here.
I can. How about the way
she never waters the plants?
Well, she's just trying
to teach them to be
independent.
And every morning
you grumble about
your eggs!
Right.
But from now on,
we're gonna
put the blame
where it belongs.
On the chicken.
Forget it, George.
I gotta get on the phone
and see if I can find
somebody to redo my plaque.
Weezy...
Florence, you really
don't wanna go, do you?
Yep.
Hey, Florence, I need you.
Please, I'm begging you,
just stay tonight.
Forget it.
Look,
I'll hire you back.
One night, $100.
Oh, Mr. Jefferson,
please.
$150.
You think money
can buy anything,
don't you?
Okay, look, you stay tonight,
take care of my guests,
I'll give you $300.
What time do you want dessert?
All the engravers
closed at 5:00,
now there's nobody I can call!
What is she still doing here?
She's working.
I hired her back.
I don't want her working for me.
I ain't working for you.
I'm working for Mr. Jefferson.
George, don't you think
I should have something
to say about this?
Weezy, I'm...
Seems to me
you have something
to say about everything.
If somebody around here
would have done as she was told,
I wouldn't have to say anything.
All right, now stop it, you two!
Now you've been friends
too long for this!
Just think of
all the good times
you had together!
All of the laughs!
Hello.
Who? I'm sorry.
Florence is on duty right now.
Who? Brad Kendrick?
Oh, the engraver.
Fantastic.
Listen, you misspelled something
on that plaque you made today.
You can? Great.
I wish you were here,
I'd kiss you.
Lighten up, buddy,
it's only a figure
of speech.
See you tomorrow.
Well, you two,
that was Brad Kendrick.
He didn't go fishing after all
and he's gonna have
a new plaque over here
in the morning
and he'll see you then.
So, now everybody's
happy, right?
No, that's wrong.
Happy is like this.
Look, will you two
say you're sorry?
I'm sorry.
Sorry I ever took this job.
Not half as sorry as I am.
Hey, wait a minute.
Hold, hold it. Look,
come on, you two.
Now look,
why don't you
just tell each other
how you really feel?
You point!
Coffee!
Is this where
Miss Jefferson's
gonna sit?
Yeah. Why?
Just checking.
Hey, Weez.
Hey, Weezy,
listen to what I just
read in this etiquette book.
"When the guests arrive,
"the host
should introduce himself
with a warm verbal greeting.
"Sample greeting.
"Welcome to our home.
I am Heidi Green.
"How are you?"
That's fascinating, Heidi.
Now, let's see.
I'll bet the guests will say,
"Fine, thanks.
How are you?"
Hey, that's right!
Did you study
this stuff in school?
Hey!
It's the Van Morrises!
Get everything ready quick!
Now the book is here,
you're here, you're here
and I'm here. Okay.
We're all here, right?
Okay, let's go answer
the door.
Now remember, smile!
Yeah, okay?
Hello.
Welcome to our home.
I'm Heidi Green.
I mean, I'm George Jefferson.
This is my wife, Louise.
How are you?
Fine, thank you.
See, Weezy?
They read the same book.
How do you do?
Won't you come in?
Why, Mrs. Jefferson,
what a lovely little place.
It reminds me
of where I grew up.
Me, too.
Oh, uh, where did you grow up?
Well, we were both born in Ha...
Hartford!
Great little town, Hartford.
I see. Connecticut.
A lot of old money up there.
Not mine.
I just came from the bank.
I got a lot of
brand new money, see?
Uh, so sit down,
make yourselves
comfortable.
Uh, yes.
Uh, would you
like some wine?
I have a very old bottle
of Polly Fuswah.
Do you mean Pouilly Fuisse?
Oh, yeah,
I got some of that, too.
Well,
I don't like Pouilly Fuisse.
Me, neither. That's why
the bottle's so old.
I do love your dress.
Is it an original?
Well...
Yes!
Oh. Halston?
No. Dacron.
Was that a joke, dear?
I... I think so.
Oh.
Tell me,
Mrs. Jefferson...
Hors d'oeuvres, anybody?
Dear, we were talking.
Just set the tray down,
Florence.
Florence, would you
set the tray down, please?
Yes, sir,
Mr. Jefferson.
Florence,
you forgot the toothpicks.
Oh, I thought
you had your own
special toothpicks.
Oh, thank you
for getting rid
of that fuzz ball.
Would anyone like some tea,
or some coffee.
No,
but we'd love
some champagne.
Uh, yes, Florence,
why don't you get
some for him
and him and her and me?
Good help is so hard to find.
Uh, Mr. Van Morris,
what do you do for a living?
Well, among other things,
I own a copper smelting plant.
Copper smelting?
If there's one thing
I'm interested in,
it's copper smelting.
You know about copper smelting?
Me? Of course.
First you take
a bunch of copper,
you put it together
and then you smelt it
and then you smelt it again.
And then you
smelt it to make sure
you smelt it right. Right?
Well, it is a bit
more complex than that.
Oh, of course.
Uh, so I hear you're in
the dry-cleaning business,
Mr. Jefferson.
That is correct.
Seven stores all over the city.
Well, I suppose
someone has to do
that sort of thing.
Yes.
Well,
it's certainly not as
exciting as copper smelting.
Oh, here's Florence
with the champagne.
Maybe someone else
should pour it.
Oh, no, I'm sure
I can pour it properly.
Louise likes her champagne
with a head on it.
Uh, Florence,
if you can point yourself
in Mrs. Van Morris' direction,
I'm sure she would
like some champagne.
Uh, thank you.
But you know, you should
pour from the left, dear.
Really?
Yes, dear.
Well, I'll remember that,
sweetheart.
Sweetheart?
Uh, Florence, maybe
Mr. Van Morris would
like some champagne.
Uh, yes. As long as
it is not a domestic.
Yes. We loathe domestics.
Well, speaking as a domestic,
I'm not real
fond of you, either.
What?
Uh, where is your
copper smelting plant?
This is unforgivable!
Mrs. Jefferson,
I insist that you
reprimand her at once!
Take it easy,
Mrs. Van Morris.
Take it easy?
That woman should
be put in her place.
Not by you, sweetheart.
Would you like some
more champagne, Mr. Smelt?
I mean, uh, Mr...
Well, Mrs. Jefferson,
would you tell this woman
to whom she is speaking?
Oh, why certainly,
Mrs. Van Morris.
Florence, you are
speaking to a jackass.
Oh, Lord.
That woman just called
my wife a jackass!
I don't believe it!
Me, neither.
You should have
dropped the jack.
Florence,
I'd like some champagne.
Did you hear
what they said to me?
There, there, dear,
what can you expect?
Mrs. Jefferson's
obviously a boor.
Nigger,
what the hell
did you say?
Are you losing your hearing?
No, but you're gonna
be losing your teeth.
I beg your pardon!
It's too late to beg, chump.
Jefferson, now,
what are you doing?
What does it look
like I'm doing?
You're asking us to leave?
No. Of course not.
I'm throwing you out.
All right, Jefferson,
but you know you can kiss
the social register goodbye.
Oh, yeah? Well,
I won't tell you
what you can kiss.
Oh, Florence.
Oh, Miss Jefferson.
Oh, I couldn't control myself.
That's all right.
I love it when you take
fuzz balls off my clothes.
Well, I love
the way you pour coffee.
And I love the way
you say coffee.
And I didn't mean
what I said about
the Help Center.
And I didn't mean
anything I said.
Oh, Miss Jefferson.
Oh, Florence.
Oh, look, you two,
don't get carried away.
Oh, George,
and you were wonderful.
The way you stood up
to the Van Morrises
and didn't even care
about the social register.
Oh, that ain't the last
we'll be seeing of them,
Weezy.
Some day that guy's
gonna be calling me,
begging me for something.
You really think so?
I'm sure of it.
I kept his hat.
Well, shall we break open
the Polly Fuswah?