The Jeffersons (1975–1985): Season 6, Episode 11 - Me and Mr. G - full transcript

♪ Well, we're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie

♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

♪ Beans don't burn
on the grill

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin'

♪ Just to get up that hill

♪ Now we're up
in the big leagues



♪ Gettin' our turn at bat

♪ As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

♪ There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

♪ We're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪

Listen to this one.

Oh, Florence,
I've heard enough
elephant jokes.

"How do you keep
an elephant from charging?"

Florence.

You take away his credit card.



Oh, Lord, if that ain't a mess.

I just hope Abby likes it here.

You know,
if everything goes well,

orphans from all over the city

will get a chance
to stay in homes
like ours.

It should be good for them.

I think the Help Center
should be real proud of you

for thinking up that program.

Thank you.

I also think if you don't
put that panda bear down,

you two might get engaged.

Oh, morning, George.
Morning, Weez.

Florence, get me my breakfast.

Hey, wait a minute,
Mr. Jefferson.

See if you can
figure this one out.

Why did the elephant
turn around on his way
to the airport?

Say what?

Just say, "I don't know."

For what?

So I can give you
the punch line. Come on.

Why'd the elephant
turn around on his way
to the airport?

I'm not gonna say it, Florence.

Where is the doll
I bought for Abby?

I don't know.
'Cause he forgot
to pack his trunk.

You get it, Mr. Jefferson?
He forgot to pack his trunk.

Okay, I got one for you.

Why did the hungry boss
fire his lazy maid?

It's folks like you
that killed vaudeville.

Well, I'm gonna kill you
if you don't get my breakfast.

Oh, George,
about your breakfast,

the funniest thing happened.

When Florence
and I went shopping,

we got so busy
picking up things
for Abby's breakfast,

we completely forgot
about yours.

I guess you had to be there.

So, what am I supposed to do?

Well, you got a choice
between chocolate Choo Choos,

Animal Puffs,

and something special for you.

Honey-Coated Pee Wees.

Darn, Weezy,
how could you
forget my breakfast?

It slipped my mind,
but you don't have
to stand there

and act like a child.

I ain't acting like no child!

Where are you going?

To get my Animal Puffs!

Oh, my God, it's Abby!
Uh, sit there and be calm.

Now, just be yourself
and everything will be fine.

Oh.

Did I forget anything?

Yeah,
unless you expect her to
come in through the keyhole.

Oh!

Mrs. Jefferson?
Mr. Curry?

Yes, from
the Eastview
Children's Home.

And this is Abby Lawson.

Oh, isn't she precious!

How are you, Abby?

Hey, Abby.
My name is Florence.

You wanna see your room?

Go ahead, Abby.
It's all right.

Well, so far so good.

Uh, I'm sure
once she gets used to us,
she will have a great time.

I wish I could
share your enthusiasm.

But lots of orphans
are withdrawn

and personally,
I think that these programs

should be left to
more qualified people.

Well, thanks for
the encouragement.

For that,
you can thank my supervisor.

You see,
Mrs. Owens is more of
a social romantic than I am.

Maybe that's why
she's your supervisor.

I'll come back
in a week for Abby.

In case there's
something you can't handle,

you've got my number.

I've got your number, all right.

Hey, Abby.

What's grey,
weighs 10,000 pounds,

and goes ding-dong, ding-dong?

The Avon Elephant!

Get it, honey?

Ding-dong, ding-dong?

Uh, Florence,

I think she'd rather
do something else.

Um, do you wanna
play with some games?

Or watch TV?

Look, Abby,
we want to be your friends.

But we can't
unless you meet us
halfway, all right?

I can't tell, Miss Jefferson.
Did she meet us yet or not?

I think she passed us right by.

Oh, I bet I know what you want.

Uh, I've got
a doll here that talks.

At least something
will be talking.

Oh, George, this is Abby.

Hey, Abby.

Come on over and have
some of my Animal Puffs.

Hey, watch it!
Get back!

I think we just found the doll.

Who put this here?

I could've had a heart attack

and drowned in my Animal Puffs.

I'm sorry, George.

Abby,
would you like to
play with Wanda Wetsy?

Wanda Wetsy, huh?

George, it's only water.

Oh. I knew that.

You're funny.

Oh, you think so, huh?

Yeah.

And I think you're cute.

Thank you.

Hey, you like Animal Puffs?

Just the elephants.
Me, too.

Hey, that reminds me.
I got a good elephant joke.

Why did the elephant
forget to pack his trunk?

I don't know.

So he could turn around
in the airport!

That was wrong.

So what?
She's laughing, ain't she?

Here.
Make the doll
wet you again.

No.

Come on, Abby,
let's go put
your things away.

Okay. Oh, no.

What's wrong, Abby?

I left my other bag
in Mr. Curry's car.

It had my toothbrush
and pajamas in there.

Well, never mind.

Florence and I were
planning to take you
shopping this morning.

We can go out right now

and buy you a new
toothbrush and pajamas.

Oh, thank you.

Come on, let's go.

Can I stay here
with Mr. Jefferson?

Oh, come with us, Abby.

I'll tell you some more jokes.

Please, can't I stay?

Oh, but Abby...

Of course, you can stay with me.

Oh, boy!

Well, all right, Abby,
if that's what you want.

We'll be back in an hour.

Thanks for breaking the ice
with Abby, George.

This program means
so much to me.

Well, you know me, Weez.

I don't know why,
but I just get along
good with kids.

Maybe it's because
you're the same size.

That's not funny.

Okay, what should we do?

We could talk.

Hey, good idea.

You can learn a lot from me.

We could talk while
I finish eating my
Animal Puffs.

Come on, you sit
right next to me,
okay?

Okay, let's talk.

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

Mmm. Mmm!

Did you see
the Knicks game
last night? Huh?

Mmm.

How's school?

It's okay.

All week long, the teacher
tells us a bunch of stuff.

Then we tell it
to her back again.

It's kind of like throwing up.

Don't you wanna finish
your Animal Puffs?

No, I'm not hungry anymore.

Hey, you like to play games?

You know how
to play Farmhouse Fun?

No.

Hmm? Okay, let me see.

Um...

"Each player selects
the animal of his choice.

"Mr. Bow-Wow,
Mr. Neigh-Neigh,
Mrs. Quack-Quack

"or Miss Moo-Moo.

"The first player

"then throws the dice..."

Dice, okay?

"While spinning
the weather wheel.

"If the wheel lands on rain,

"Mr. Neigh-Neigh must
gallop three spaces
clockwise,

"while Mrs. Quack-Quack
waddles two spaces
counterclockwise."

Wait a minute.

"If the wheel
lands on rain."
Mmm-hmm.

You know how to shoot dice?

No.
Okay, I'll show you.
Come on.

First you just get down
on your knees like this.

You mean you
have to pray?
Sure.

You pray for a seven or eleven.

You don't wanna get craps.

Craps?

Yeah, that's two,
three or twelve.
Craps.

That's the name of the game.

I'll get it!

Why, hello, there.

You must be Abby.
I wanted to meet you.

Do you know this man?

I'm afraid so.

I'm Tom Willis.
Craps.

Hello, George.

How's the weather down there?

Great, until a big eclipse
came and blocked out the sun.

What do you want?

Well,
I thought maybe
Abby would like

these books from my
publishing company.

They're hot off the press.

Big deal.
So is my suit.

Isn't he funny?

What?

Oh, yes, he sure is.

Hmm, here, dear.

Thank you for the books.

Oh, you're welcome.

You ready, Abby?

Yeah.

Come on, baby. Hit me!

What's a two mean?

It means you win, Abby.

Oh, boy!

Okay, go ahead.

Come on, baby, hit me!

Eleven.

You win again, Abby.
Keep shooting.

Look, Willis, you met her.
Now beat it.

Okay, George.

But I'll be back after
she teaches you how to play.

Hey, wait a minute, Willis.
Hold it.

Before you go,
I got something to show you.

Oh, what's that?

This.

Oh. Is it yours, George?

No, it's Abby's.

Go ahead, hug it.
Oh, like this?

Mmm.

Oh, it's very sweet, George.

How come it didn't work?

Here, George, do you
want to borrow my hanky?

No. I never borrow
a hanky from a honkey.

What's a honkey?

Oh, that's just
something I call him.

Why?

Because he's white.

Honkey's a funny word.

Yeah.
Mr. Willis loves it
when I call him that.

Are all people
who are white
called honkeys?

Well, the men are.

The women are honkettes.

Okay. Go ahead.
Shoot the craps.

This is fun, Mr. G.

Mr. G?
Yeah.

Doesn't George start with a "G"?

Hey, it sure does.

I told you,
you'd learn
a lot from me.

It's okay if I call
you that, isn't it?

After all, we are friends.

Sure, it is.
You can call me
whatever you want.

I'll get it, Mr. G.

Hello, Abby.
You left your
other bag in the car.

Who is it this time?

David Curry,
Eastview Children's Home.

Hey, Curry, come on in.
I'm George Jefferson.

We were shooting craps.

Craps?

Did she say shooting craps?

She meant shooting traps.

You know, trapshooting.

When you go in the woods
and shoot a wild trap.

Where is Mrs. Jefferson?

At the store.

What is she doing,
buying a roulette wheel?

Mr. Jefferson,
you're supposed to set
a good example for Abby.

I know that.

Well, don't forget it.
Goodbye, Abby.

Goodbye, honkey.

"Goodbye, honkey"?

Did she say, "Goodbye, honkey"?

She meant "Goodbye, donkey."
I mean...

Who taught you to say honkey?

Mr. G did.

I thought so.
Come along, Abby.

Hey, wait a minute, Curry.
What are you doing?

I'm taking her back,
Mr. Jefferson.

You've done enough harm.

But she was...

She was...

Damn!

What the hell
are you lookin' at?

But Miss Jefferson,
the child's only
gonna stay a week.

You bought enough
pajamas to bed down
the Osmond family.

George? Abby?

Hey, Weez.
Where's Abby?

Abby?

Oh, well, she's not right here.

What I mean is, uh...
She...

Oh, I get it.

She's playing
hide and seek,
right?

Oh, well,
I'm a champ
at that game.

I'll bet I can find her.

I bet you can't.

Tell me when I'm getting warm.

In a couple of minutes
you gonna be hot.

Real hot!

Uh-oh, Miss Jefferson.
Something's wrong.

He's got that
weasely look
about him.

Okay, George, what's the matter?

Well,
Mr. Curry came and took
Abby back to the orphanage.

What?
That's right,

and it's all
Helen Willis' fault!

Helen Willis?
Right.

Because if she didn't
marry Tom, he wouldn't
have come down here

and bugged me enough
to make me call him something

which Abby picked up
and called Mr. Curry.

Lord, the child done
call the man a honkey.

This is terrible!

That's right, Weezy.
Come on, let's go up

and give Helen Willis
a piece of my mind.

Come back here, George.

How could you do
something like that?
Look, Weez...

Three months
it took me to
get this program

off the ground
and you had to
ruin it.

I'm sorry, Weezy.

Not half as sorry
as you're going to be

if I can't
get this thing
straightened out.

Where you going?

To the children's home.

Oh, good, I'll go with you.
I'll help you straight...

No! You stay here.

You've caused
enough trouble already.

Miss Jefferson,
you want me to
do anything?

Yes.
Make sure George
doesn't start thinking.

Well, that shouldn't
be no problem.

Florence, listen.

You're doing it again!

I'm telling you,
Mrs. Owens,

that Jefferson character
has to be the world's

oldest juvenile delinquent.

David, please don't shout.

I've already got a headache

from teaching that
finger painting class.

Take an aspirin.

They painted the aspirins.

Come in.

Oh, Mr. Curry,
I'm glad I found you.

There's been a terrible mistake.

I know. I met him.

Hello, Mrs. Jefferson.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Owens.

Oh, hi, Abby.

Oh, it's nice seeing you again.

It doesn't look like
you had much success
with her.

She's as withdrawn as ever.

But Abby was responding,

weren't you, Abby?

Maybe we should
speak in private.
Come along, Abby.

I'll get you
some coloring books.

They also painted the doorknob.

Uh, Mr. Curry,

George and Abby were
getting along just great.

Abby was talking...

Yes, calling people honkey.

But all she did was copy George.

She didn't know
what she was saying.

Most of the time
George doesn't know
what he's saying.

Hey, Curry, I wanna talk to you!

George, Tom, what are you two...

Weezy, I'll take care of this.

Mr. Curry, this is
my favorite neighbor

and very best friend,
Mr. Tom Willis.

Hello.

I'm the guy
George called a honkey.

See,
we're such good friends,
I can call him anything.

Right, honkey?

Uh, right.

See? He loves it
when I call him that.

Don't you, honkey?

I sure do,

boy.

See?
We're such good friends,

we can call each other anything.

Right, fatso?

Right, shorty.

Hey, that was a good one, blimp.

Why, thank you, pipsqueak!

Tub of lard!

Half-pint!

Who you calling half-pint?

George, I'm just trying to help.

Well, you should help.
This is all your fault,
anyway.

My fault? You're the one
who called me honkey.

Well, I wouldn't
have to if you were
black like you should be.

I don't have to take this.
Good, then get out of here.

All right, I will!

See? I told you
we were good friends.

Nice try.

Yes, now where were we?

Who's she?

Uh, this is Mrs. Owens,
Mr. Curry's supervisor.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Jefferson,
but I don't see any reason
to continue this program.

What?

Mr. G?

Hey, Abby.

Mr. G!

Hey, how are you, babe?
Fine.

But Mr. Curry said
I'm not allowed to
play with you anymore.

I like playing with you
because I always win.

And you never get
mad when you lose.

She's talking!

I told Mr. Curry
he shouldn't be mad at you.

It was my fault.

It wasn't your fault, Abby.

It was Mr. G's fault.

How can it be
Mr. G's fault?

He's an old guy.

Yes.

But sometimes
he acts like a child.

Abby, look,

what Weezy's
trying to say is that

Mr. Wills doesn't
like to be called a honkey
any more than Mr. Curry does.

Then why did you
call him a honkey?

Well,
because I'm kind
of stupid sometimes.

See, when I was growing up,

a lot of white people
used to call me names.

So, I used to
call them names back.

It was just our way
of hurting each other.

Why would people
want to hurt each other?

That's a good question, Abby.

Even I ain't smart enough
to answer that.

Just remember,

sometimes us old guys
say things without thinking.

So you shouldn't repeat
everything you hear us say,

you got it?

Got it, Mr. G.

Okay, good.

Now, you take good
care of yourself,
you hear?

And I promise
I'll come and see you, okay?

Wait a minute,
Mr. Jefferson.
Yeah?

Well, uh, despite
your unorthodox methods,

it's obvious
you have a way with Abby.

I don't know
what it is...
I do!

We're both the same size.

Perhaps.

I think we've accomplished
something here.

David, what do you think?

Well, I think, uh...

I think...

What do you think?

I think Abby should spend
the week with the Jeffersons.

Oh, boy! Yeah!

Then I could play
some more games,

and go shopping
with Mrs. Weezy,

and Mr. G could read...

And Mr. G could read me
the books that his friend,
the ho...

Mr. Willis
brought over.

Oh, thank you,
Mrs. Owens.

Oh, George, sometimes
you make me so proud of you.

Yeah, Weezy, I know.

Hey, Abby,
how about a piggyback?

Yeah.

Well, bye-bye.
See you.
Bye.

Bye, Abby.
Bye.

Abby, don't forget your doll.

Oh.
Oh, thank you.

Mrs. Weezy
bought it for me.

Oh, she's very pretty.
What's her name?

Hug it and you'll find out.

Oh.

♪ Movin', movin' on up ♪