The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 6, Episode 9 - Mrs. George Devereaux - full transcript

Blanche's late husband George suddenly turns up, claiming to have faked his own death, while Dorothy finds herself caught in a love triangle with two celebrities.

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the
road and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the
biggest gift would be from me

♪ And the card
attached would say

♪ "Thank you for
being a friend" ♪

Blanche, look at
all these flowers!

Oh, my God. Who
died? Did one of us die?

They're mine, Sophia.
They're from a secret admirer.

Ma, look. I got flowers.

Two bouquets of
lousy, stinking flowers.

They're from my
secret admirer, Dorothy.

Do you like 'em?
Every single one of 'em?

Oh, it just figures.

Oh, Dorothy, you
mustn't feel so bad.

Why, this is a big
day for you, too.

A girl always remembers
the first time she gets flowers.

Rose, I am a woman in my 50s.

I mean, common sense says
that I have gotten flowers before.

So, Dorothy, tell me. Are those flowers
from men? Are they? Huh? Are they?

It doesn't matter. It's not important
that men find your daughter attractive

and send her gifts as a
token of their affection.

What is important
is that you know it.

Write it down, all of you.

Dorothy, these
are from celebrities!

Oh, Rose, that's private.

Lyle Waggoner and Sonny Bono!

Dorothy. My poor,
sweet, dead-end Dorothy.

You're sending flowers to
yourself again, aren't you?

Why is it so hard to believe that
I am being chased by two men?

Shut up, Blanche.

Last week, I didn't have anything
to do one night - shut up, Ma.

So I went to the dinner theater

and I saw Lyle and Sonny
in a production of Equus.

Uh. Our six eyes met,

Sonny fell into
the orchestra pit,

Lyle forgot his lines

and went into Under
the Yum Yum Tree.

Except for the reviews,
it was a magical night.

Sonny Bono and Lyle Waggoner!

Dorothy, this is an
embarrassment of riches!

I wanted to tell you
sooner, but, well,

I was afraid that you
might not believe me.

And why should we,
Miss Junior Prom 1946?

Ma, you promised.

"Dating the
quarterback," she says.

Buys her own corsage,
spends the evening

hiding in the basement,
slow-dancing with a rake.

Would've gotten
away with it, too,

but while giving herself
hickeys with a vacuum cleaner,

she stepped into a puddle.

To most mothers, that
would be a cry for affection.

To you, it's just ammo.

Let's just change
the subject, OK?

If we're done with our journey
to the land of make-believe,

my secret admirer wants
me to meet him for lunch.

Oh, Blanche, I can't
believe you're gonna do it.

I mean, sure, the
flowers are nice,

but are you sure you know
what you're getting yourself into?

Oh, come on, Dorothy, how much
trouble can I get into in a public place?

How soon we forget the
Greyhound terminal incident.

Here's a good idea, Blanche.
If you really want to be safe,

why don't you let
us come with you?

OK, you can all come.
But you have to promise me

you won't do anything
to embarrass me.

I promise. Oh, I promise.

I'll try, but if they serve me
cauliflower, it's in God's hands.

Oh, girls, there are
just shivers up my spine.

His eyes could be
on me right now.

The tension's unbearable.
Can you feel it?

Yes, I can. It's unbelievable.
Where's the damn waiter?

Dorothy? Lyle!

I hope I'm not intruding.

Not at all. What're
you doing here?

Well, it's just that we did so
many restaurant sketches on

(loudly) The Carol Burnett Show.

I was waxing sentimental.

Oh, by the way, I'd like you
to meet my mother Sophia,

Blanche, and this is Rose.

Yes, it's me. Lyle Waggoner.

No autographs.

No problem. Ma!

If this is true, I'm rooting for
Sonny - you know, the paisan.

Besides, there's something about
this guy that just honks me off.

So, Dorothy, can I
see you later tonight?

Oh, I'm sorry, Lyle. I'm busy.

Busy? It's Sonny, isn't it?

No. I'm just confused.
I need time to think.

You take all the time
you need. But before I go,

I want you to know something:

♪ I'm so glad we
had this time together

♪ Just to have a
laugh or sing a song...

Yes, it's me. Hey!

♪ Seems we just get started,
and before you know it...

Oh, go ahead, finish your meals.

♪ Comes the time we
have to say, "So long" ♪

I hate it when he does that.

Mrs. Devereaux? There's
someone in the bar for you.

Oh, God. Oh, girls, this is it.

Can you see him, Rose?

Yes, I think I can.
He's coming this way.

Oh! He's very handsome.

OK, here I go. Hello...
Oh, my God! No!

All right, so he's not a ten.

Blanche, honey, please.

Oh, my God. What in hell?

Why do you look like
that? I don't believe this!

What? Blanche,
Blanche, who is this?

If I didn't know better,

I would say my dead
husband, George.

Well, George. We've
heard so much about you.

Blanche, George followed
you all the way home.

You have to talk to him.

He's alive, all right. I
poked him with a stick.

Blanche, Blanche,
I know this is crazy.

But I talked to him and I
really think it is George.

And I think you should
talk to him, too. I'm scared.

If you need us,
we'll be on the lanai.

And miss this?
Like hell we will.

Shady Pines, Ma.

You're bluffing.

The west wing. Right behind you.

Shady Pines, Rose.

This really shouldn't
work on me.

George, is that really
you? It's me, Blanche.

But you're dead. At least
you're supposed to be.

I buried you nine years
ago. What in hell is going on?

Well, I guess the best thing to do
is just give it to you plain and simple.

Blanche, I staged my death.

(Sophia) He stained his desk?!

But, George, I arranged your
funeral. The eulogy, the flowers.

I even watched 'em put
you in the family mausoleum.

Well, what can I say,
Blanche? Thanks.

What a day. I don't know if I
can take much more. (knocking)

Hi-ho, everybody. It's me,
Sonny. (Blanche) Oh, God!

Is Dorothy around?
She's out on the lanai.

I suppose you're wondering
why a man like Sonny Bono...

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. On the lanai.

Blanche, that is Sonny Bono.
He's a major television star.

Boy, you have been
gone a long time.

I know you're shocked and that
this has caused you incredible pain.

Yeah, you might say that.

I didn't do it to be cruel.

It may seem cowardly, but
I didn't know how to tell you

that I just couldn't be
married to you anymore.

How could you say that?!

It's Lyle, isn't it?

I'm just confused. I
need time to think.

What's there to think about?

Sonny has the eyes of
a poet, the soul of a poet.

Hey, you're through with
those furry vests, aren't you?

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Take her.

Blanche! Are you OK?

No, I'm not OK! I feel
like I'm goin' insane.

My life's been
turned upside down.

Just so we're in sync, it's this
husband-back-from-the-grave thing, right?

Yes, you twit!

My husband who abandoned me nine
years ago, and shows up now just to tell me

he couldn't stand
being married to me.

Blanche. (Sonny) Excuse me.

I've had some experience
in marital discord myself.

Sonny Bono, get off my lanai.

Dorothy, before I go, can I make
just one more plea for your heart?

Oh, all right, Sonny. Go ahead.

That was it.

Goodbye, Sonny.

Blanche, you didn't hear me out.

I've heard all I have to hear.

I know this is rough for you,
but it's been rough for me, too.

Now you're gonna listen!

Nine years ago, I
found out that my partner

was embezzling from
the family company.

He was a clever man.
All the signs pointed to me.

My business was collapsing. I
was facing disgrace, Blanche.

I could've stayed
and faced the music,

but it's just this
damn Southern pride.

It's the same Southern pride

that kept me from
being a dancer.

George, please, I've had
enough surprises for one day.

Blanche, faking my
death was a mistake.

For the last nine years,

every day without you has
seemed longer than the one before.

Now you just say the word and
I'll go back where I came from,

but I guess what I'm
really trying to say is...

Blanche, will you
be my wife again?

No, Sonny, I haven't made a decision
yet. Besides, Blanche needs me now.

Look, I have to
go. No, Sonny. No.

All right, if I do it,
will you hang up?

♪ I got you, babe

♪ I got you, babe

♪ Babe

Blanche, can I get you
something? No, thanks.

Oh, damn. I just can't believe how much
my life has changed these past six hours.

George is back. He
wants to get together.

I don't know what to do.

Oh, pick Lyle! Pick Lyle!

Oh, that's Dorothy's
problem, isn't it?

I just feel so horrible.

Why do men do this?
Why do they deceive us?

Picture it - Germany, 1922.

Germany? Were you
on vacation, Sophia?


Eh, it was a summer job.

Anyway, while in
Heidelberg, XQ-37 - that's me -

meets a man of science.

He gives me
classified documents,

I give him, well, a
peek at the hinterland.

It's an epic love till it falls to
shambles in utter deception.

He wasn't a man of science?

He wasn't a man.

You're making this up, XQ!

I can't believe that
you were ever a spy.

I can't believe I told you.

Well, I guess I'm
gonna have to kill you.

Someone was actually
able to deceive me once.

Do tell, Rose.

St. Olaf's most famous OB/MAG.

What's that?

The Amazing Shapiro.

He delivered Bridget.

But it was so confusing.

"It's a girl! Now it's a dove!

Now it's a glass of milk!"

I don't know how he got
her in that deck of cards,

but there she was, right
after the King of Hearts.

"Is this your baby?"

You know, ever since the funeral

I've had this dream
where it's all a mistake...

and George is really alive.
And I just feel so happy.

We see each other, we run to
embrace, but just before we hug -

always just before
we hug - I wake up.

And I lie there for a split second
thinking George is asleep beside me.

Until it dawns on me one
more time that he's really gone,

and I grieve again.

I grieved for that man nine
years! How can I forgive that?

Blanche, honey, you need
to get ahold of yourself.

What I need is for things to
be like they were this morning,

before any of this
ever happened.

You know, as far as I'm concerned,
George Devereaux is better off dead.

(doorbell rings)

Sonny! Sweetheart!
My little cannoli!

Sophia! Honey! My Mama Celeste!

Of course you remember
me, Lyle Waggoner.

Nah, I don't think I do.

Sophia, you must remember Lyle.

Sonny, Lyle. What're
you doing here?

Dorothy, we need a decision now.

So, who's it gonna
be? Me or pizza man?

Oh, insults from
Lyle Waggoner, huh?

How many gold
records do you have?

None. I was never married.

Put 'em up!

Oh, now, this is ridiculous.

I do not want two grown
men fighting over me.

Pussycat, how many
chances are you gonna get?


Lyle Waggoner?
You're under arrest.

Arrest? What's the charge?

I don't have time
to list all of them,

but he's a prime suspect
in a major crime spree.

Where? Palm Springs, California.

It's good to be mayor.

Let's go. No, wait. Dorothy,
have you made a decision?

Yes, I have made a decision.

Sonny, I think that Lyle

is the sweetest, kindest
man I have ever met.

What you have done here
is a totally underhanded,

inexcusable abuse of power.

Oh, Sonny, the power.

But, Dorothy!

Gumba! Ma!

All right, now, you kids go
out, have fun. I won't wait up.

Do anything you want to her.

Will do.

Well, Mel Bushman is
picking me up in 15 minutes.

Blanche, George called again.

I told you, when he calls, take
the message and throw it out.

I'm back to my old self.
Blanche Devereaux has returned!

Oh, boy, strike up the gland!

How rude. You think
she'd feel sorry for me.

To tell you the truth, I don't
feel sorry for you, either.

I mean, why should I?

My Charlie is dead and nobody's
giving me a second chance.

Listen, Blanche. I know what it's
like to have a husband suddenly taken.

I never had a chance to say all
those things I would've wanted to say.

Well, you must
know how that feels.

Yes. But after
what he did to me...

Blanche, this isn't
about getting even.

For nine years you've
been missing George.

Well, he's here and
I'm jealous of you.

Tell him you love him, tell
him you hate him, I don't care.

But just see him
before he leaves.

Do it for yourself.

Do it for all of us who
wish we had the chance.


Hi. Hi.

Dorothy said you wanted
to talk to me back here.

Well, Sonny and Rose and Dorothy are
making so much noise in the living room.

So, did you make a decision?
Before I can even think about that,

there's something
I gotta do for me.

I know this is gonna sound crazy,
but I need to ask for your forgiveness.

What? I'm the one who should be
down on my knees after what I did.

George, the day you
died - or didn't die -

I was home alone
when the phone rang.

I ran to answer it and I
tripped over your damn shoes,

and I said, "Oh,
George, I hate you."

It was the police telling me
you'd been in an accident.

Never thought I'd
have the chance,

but I'm so sorry my last
thoughts of you were "I hate you."

Well, honey, you always
were fiery. I love that about you.

There's more.

Since the funeral, I've
been with other men.

Many, many men.

I always felt like I
was cheating on ya.

Oh, Blanche, every
day I was gone,

I always wished you'd find
somebody who could make you happy.

How-how many men?


Oh, honey, you don't have to ask
my forgiveness for anything. I love you.

Good God, you're as pretty
now as the day we met.

Remember that first day we met?

The University Club Cotillion.

Our eyes met and I knew
you were the only man for me.

So when it was ladies' choice,

I sent my fiancé
off for some punch,

and I strutted up
to you and I said,

"May I have this dance?"

And I said, "The pleasure
would be all mine."

And I said, "I know it."

Oh, those damn eyes.

I still haven't seen in anyone
else's what I see in yours.





Blanche? You OK? Oh, yeah. Fine.

I was just checking.

Would you sit with
me for a minute?

Well, sure, Blanche.

Boy, you were doing a
lot of talking in your sleep.


You had that dream
again, didn't you?

I told you, I heard
voices in here, and...

Oh, God, it's Dorothy!

I tell you, she takes
one tennis lesson...

Ma, Blanche had her dream.

Are you all right? I think so.

Usually I feel empty when
I realize George isn't here,

but this time, it's different.

How? I don't know,
the dream was diff...

Oh, wait. I got to hug him.

You know how always wake up before
I get to hug George. This time I didn't.

Oh, Blanche, that's wonderful.
It was wonderful, Rose.

When he died, I thought, "Oh, the worst
part is I'll never get to hold him again."

Tonight I did. I could
actually feel him. Still can.

And you're gonna be all right?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Good night.

Get yourself a
good night's sleep.

Good night.

Oh, Blanche, just out of
curiosity, were "they" in the dream?

As crazy about you as ever.

I'm sorry I'm laughing,

but the idea of me with one
of those two is just so silly.

You picked Sonny this time. Yes!

Well, good night.
Good night, Dorothy.

Good night, George.