The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 3 - Take Him, He's Mine - full transcript

Blanche goes on a date with Stan as a favor to Dorothy, who is shocked and upset when the two of them actually have a good time.

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND

♪ TRAVELED DOWN THE
ROAD AND BACK AGAIN

♪ YOUR HEART IS TRUE

♪ YOU'RE A PAL AND A CONFIDANTE

♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY

♪ INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW

♪ YOU WOULD SEE THE
BIGGEST GIFT WOULD BE FROM ME

♪ AND THE CARD
ATTACHED WOULD SAY

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪

14.

OK. HERE'S WHAT I FIGURE YOUR
TAKE WOULD BE FOR THE FIRST MONTH.



SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? PARTNERS?

MAKING EXTRA MONEY APPEALS TO
ME BUT WHY THE SANDWICH BUSINESS?

BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH
COUNTER SPACE TO MAKE KIDNEY MACHINES.

- SO ARE WE PARTNERS OR WHAT?
- IT SOUNDS KINDA COMPLICATED.

SELLING SANDWICHES
AT A CONSTRUCTION SITE?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
BUSINESS. ASK DOROTHY.

OR BLANCHE. AT LEAST
THEY'D HAVE SOME INPUT.

I KNOW. SO ARE WE PARTNERS?

OK, HOW DO I LOOK?

NICE. NOW PUT SOME MAKE-UP ON.

- MA, I'M WEARING MAKE-UP.
- THEN EAT BY CANDLELIGHT.

YOU LOOK LOVELY, YOU REALLY DO.

SHE'S GOT A DATE WITH
GEOFFREY THE COMMODORE.

HE'S A COMMODORE? IN THE NAVY?



NO, ROSE, THE SINGING GROUP.

IN THE MIDDLE. HE WAS ON
THE END TILL LIONEL RICHIE LEFT.

YOU'VE BEEN SPENDING
A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER.

OH, YES. JUST WHEN I'D GIVEN
UP HOPE OF MEETING SOMEONE

ALONG CAME THE MOST GALLANT,

SOPHISTICATED, CHARMING
MAN I'VE MET IN AGES.

I BET HE CAN TIE A
LOT OF NEAT KNOTS.

- DOROTHY, GUESS WHO'S HERE?
- MY DATE.

- YOUR HUSBAND.
- I DON'T HAVE ONE.

CALL THE POLICE.

- YOUR EX-HUSBAND.
- I'LL CALL THE POLICE.

HI, EVERYONE. IT'S ME, STAN.

DOROTHY, IN THE FUTURE
I WOULD APPRECIATE

ADVANCE NOTICE WHEN
YOU'RE EXPECTING A GENTLEMAN.

THIS TIME IT'S ONLY STAN

BUT NEXT TIME IT COULD BE SOMEBODY
APPEALING OR CHARMING OR GOOD-LOOKING.

- NO OFFENSE, STAN.
- NONE TAKEN.

- COULD WE TALK FOR A MINUTE?
- OF COURSE. COME ON.

IS YOUR WIFE HERE OR IS SHE AT
HOME CLEANING OUT HER TOY BOX?

MA, I TOLD YOU. STAN AND
CHRISSIE GOT A DIVORCE.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID
THEY GOT A HORSE.

I'M 80. YOU GOTTA ENUNCIATE.

DON'T GET ME WRONG. HORSE,
DIVORCE, I COULD CARE LESS.

I JUST HATE BEING LEFT
WITH EGG ON MY FACE.

ALRIGHT, STAN, WHAT'S WRONG?

- WHY SHOULD SOMETHING BE WRONG?
- WE WERE MARRIED FOR 38 YEARS.

YOU CAN DISGUISE YOUR BALD HEAD
BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE YOUR EMOTIONS.

- NOW, WHAT'S WRONG?
- I LOST IT, DOROTHY!

YOU NEVER HAD IT, STANLEY.

THE BUSINESS!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

22 YEARS OF SWEAT AND
BLOOD FLUSHED DOWN THE TOILET

LIKE A SNOTTY BALL OF KLEENEX.

YOU COULD ALWAYS
WRITE POETRY FOR A LIVING.

I'M SORRY. I KNOW HOW
DEVASTATED YOU MUST BE.

- I HAVE ONE QUESTION, THOUGH.
- I CAN MANAGE THE ALIMONY.

THAT WAS NOT MY QUESTION.

COULD WE POSSIBLY
DISCUSS THIS TOMORROW?

- I HAVE PLANS TO GO OUT.
- DOROTHY, PLEASE...

I'M AFRAID TO BE ALONE TONIGHT.

MY WORLD IS CRUMBLING. I
DON'T KNOW WHAT I MIGHT DO.

YOU'LL WATCH AN
OLD BARNABY JONES,

EAT A HALF-GALLON OF RUM RAISIN,

THROW UP AND FALL
ASLEEP IN YOUR KIMONO.

SEE, DOROTHY, NOBODY
KNOWS ME LIKE YOU.

LOOK, I REALLY HAVE PLANS.

I MADE DINNER
RESERVATIONS AT MONTY'S.

WE COULD TAKE A
WALK ON THE BEACH,

GO DANCING AT THE BREAKERS,
IF THERE'S NO COVER CHARGE.

- I REALLY CAN'T.
- DOROTHY, PLEASE!

SAY YES. I NEED A
SHOULDER TO CRY ON.

OH, ALRIGHT. GIVE ME A MINUTE.

GIRLS, I NEED A
SHOULDER TO CRY ON.

- WHAT DID THAT CREEP DO?
- IT'S NOT FOR ME, IT'S STAN.

HE LOST THE BUSINESS. HE
HAS TO TAKE HIS MIND OFF IT.

- WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO DO?
- GO OUT WITH HIM.

WHAT?

I FEEL TERRIBLE BUT I'M NOT
ABOUT TO CANCEL MY DATE.

- SO I HAVE TO CANCEL MINE!
- YOU DON'T HAVE ONE.

NOBODY KNOWS THAT.

I'D DO IT, BUT I'M REALLY NO GOOD
AT LISTENING TO PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS.

ROSE, YOU'RE A GRIEF
COUNSELOR. IT'S WHAT YOU DO.

I KNOW BUT I HAVE THE HIGHEST
SUICIDE RATE IN THE OFFICE!

ROSE, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO
GO OUT WITH STAN, JUST SAY SO.

I DON'T WANT TO.

OH, HONEY, I KNOW GOING
OUT WITH STAN IS BIG FAVOR.

THE BIGGEST! YOU'RE ASKING ME
TO SPEND MY EVENING WITH A MAN

YOU DESCRIBE AS HAVING THE
PERSONALITY OF A DIAL TONE.

AND WHY? SO YOU CAN HAVE A SPLENDID
EVENING WITH A DASHING NAVAL OFFICER.

ABSOLUTELY NOT. UNDER NO
CIRCUMSTANCES WILL I ENTERTAIN THE NOTION.

I'LL LET YOU BORROW
MY CASHMERE SWEATER.

- NO!
- I'LL GIVE YOU OUTRIGHT

MY PRACTICALLY FULL
BOTTLE OF CHANEL NO.5.

- PERFUME OR COLOGNE?
- COLOGNE.

- FORGET IT.
- I'LL INTRODUCE YOU

TO ALL GEOFFREY'S
NAVAL OFFICER FRIENDS.

SOME OF THEM HAVE BEEN
AT SEA FOR OVER SIX MONTHS.

MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.
I'LL BE WITH YOU IN TWO MINUTES.

USE THESE POTATOES.
WE'RE OUT OF TOMATOES.

- I DON'T THINK THIS'LL WORK.
- WE JUST SAY IT FAST.

BACON LETTUCE AND POTATO.

BACON LETTUCE AND POTATO.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING UP?

- IT'S AFTER MIDNIGHT.
- WE'RE GOING INTO BUSINESS.

HOW DID SHE TALK YOU INTO THIS?

SOPHIA DIDN'T TALK ME INTO IT.

AS SHE SAID IF I HAD HALF A BRAIN,
I'D HAVE THOUGHT OF IT MYSELF.

BESIDES, IT'LL BE FUN, DOROTHY.

JUST LIKE WHEN I WAS LITTLE AND SOLD
BELGIAN WAFFLES ALONGSIDE THE ROAD.

YOU HAD A BELGIAN WAFFLE STAND?

WELL, ACTUALLY THEY WERE ENGLISH
MUFFINS THAT I CARVED RIDGES IN.

BUT PEOPLE BOUGHT 'EM ANYWAY.
I WAS CUTE SO I GOT AWAY WITH IT.

YOU GET CUTE AGAIN AT 80.
THAT'S HOW I'LL PEDDLE THIS SLOP.

- HOW WAS YOUR DATE?
- GLORIOUS. GLORIOUS.

GEOFFREY IS A DREAM.

IT WAS EVEN WORTH THE
GUILT I FELT OVER BLANCHE.

IS SHE SPEAKING TO ME?

- SHE'S NOT HOME YET.
- OH, POOR BLANCHE.

WHEN STAN IS DEPRESSED, HE IS THE
SECOND MOST BORING MAN IN THE WORLD.

- WHO'S THE FIRST?
- STAN WHEN HE'S NOT DEPRESSED.

THIS IS THE MOST BIZARRE
EVENING I'VE EVER SPENT WITH A MAN.

INCLUDING THE TIME WITH
THE NICARAGUAN JAI-ALAI TEAM?

SHE SAID ONE MAN. THAT WAS THE MOST
BIZARRE EVENING SHE EVER SPENT WITH A TEAM.

ARE THOSE SANDWICHES?
I AM STARVING.

THEY'RE BACON
LETTUCE AND POTATO.

POTATO?

WORK ON IT, ROSE, REMEMBER,
YOU'RE NOT CUTE NOW.

I THOUGHT STAN
TOOK YOU TO DINNER

- HE DID.
- LET ME GUESS.

YOU WERE ON YOUR WAY TO A
CANDLELIT DINNER AT MONTY'S

WHEN STAN SPOTTED A CHARMING
LITTLE PAKISTANI RESTAURANT.

- INDIAN.
- INDIAN.

COCKTAILS CONSISTED OF WARM BEER
IN TWO DIFFERENT SHAPED GLASSES.

HE ORDERED, WOULD NOT
LET YOU SEE THE MENU,

AND WHEN HE PAID, HE
GOT CHANGE FROM A TEN.

- A FIVE.
- DOROTHY, THAT'S AMAZING!

TRY ME NOW. I'LL THINK
ABOUT WHAT I HAD FOR DINNER.

I'M NOT PSYCHIC. I JUST KNOW
STAN'S IDEA OF A NIGHT OUT.

YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY,
IT WASN'T SO BAD.

I KIND OF ENJOYED MYSELF.

I DIDN'T HAVE TO IMPRESS HIM AND
HE KNEW HE COULDN'T IMPRESS ME

SO WE JUST KIND OF HAD FUN.
WE'RE DOING IT AGAIN TOMORROW.

- WHAT?
- WELL, UNLESS YOU MIND.

I SHOULD HAVE ASKED
YOU FIRST. I'LL CANCEL.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
WHY SHOULD I OBJECT?

- HE WAS YOUR HUSBAND.
- WAS. WAS.

WE'RE DIVORCED, REMEMBER?

HE LEFT ME FOR A WOMAN
HALF BLANCHE'S AGE.

IT'S WONDERFUL YOU'RE
GOING OUT WITH STAN AGAIN.

GEOFF AND I ARE GOING TO A
FORMAL DINNER AT THE BASE.

HE LOOKS SO DASHING
IN HIS DRESS UNIFORM.

DOROTHY WENT OUT WITH A
COMMODORE, BLANCHE WENT OUT WITH STAN

I SPENT THE EVENING MAKING BACON,
LETTUCE AND POTATO SANDWICHES.

STEP ON IT. THE SUN'S COMING UP.

WHY DO WE LEAVE SO EARLY?

WE DON'T WANT A CRUMBY LOCATION.

SHOULDN'T WE HAVE DRY
ICE TO KEEP THESE COLD?

WE SHOULD CHARGE
THEM FOR A HOT LUNCH.

- WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING UP?
- GO BACK TO BED.

IT'S 5:30. IT'S A LITTLE
EARLY TO BE SELLING LUNCH.

WE WANTED TO GET THE BEST CORNER
BEFORE JOHNNY NO-THUMBS SHOWS UP.

JOHNNY NO-THUMBS?

ACTUALLY, HE HAS SEVERAL
FINGERS MISSING FROM EACH HAND.

IT'S REMARKABLE TO WATCH HIM
MAKE A VEAL AND PEPPER HERO.

MA, YOU ARE TRYING TO MUSCLE IN
ON A GUY NAMED JOHNNY NO-THUMBS?

HE'S PROBABLY
CONNECTED WITH THE MOB.

IF THEY WERE FRIENDS,
HE'D STILL HAVE THUMBS.

HE'S A VERY SWEET MAN.

BUT THE FIRST TIME
HE WAVED HELLO,

SOPHIA MISUNDERSTOOD AND
GAVE HIM THE FINGER BACK.

WHY DON'T YOU GET
SOME MORE SLEEP?

- I CAN'T SLEEP. I'M TOO UPSET.
- WHAT'S WRONG?

I WON'T BE SEEING GEOFFREY
ANYMORE. HE'S LEAVING.

I KNEW IT. THE MINUTE I HEARD
YOU WERE DATING A SAILOR,

I SAID TO MYSELF THERE'LL
BE NOTHING BUT HEARTACHES.

THOSE SWABBIES DRIFT INTO PORT,
PARK THEIR DIDDIES ON YOUR DOORSTEP,

SHOW YOU SOME TRICKS THEY LEARNT IN THE
ORIENT AND THEN IT'S, "AVAST, ME HEARTIES,"

AND THEY SHOVE OFF WITH A SERPENT
TATTOO AND YOUR HEART AS SOUVENIRS.

YOU'VE BEEN READING
TREASURE ISLAND AGAIN, ROSE.

I KNOW THIS FROM MY ANCESTORS.

THE VIKINGS WERE A
SEAFARING PEOPLE, YOU KNOW.

THEY ALSO WORE HORNS ON
THEIR HEAD AND METAL BRASSIERES.

THIS IS NOT THE SAME.

- SO HE DUMPED YOU, HUH?
- HE DID NOT DUMP ME.

HE'S BEING TRANSFERRED
TO THE ALEUTIAN ISLANDS.

HE'S GOING TO A SECRET BASE WHERE HE
CAN'T HAVE CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD.

- HE DUMPED YOU.
- YES.

- DOROTHY, I'M SORRY.
- WHY, WHENEVER I THINK

I'VE MET MR RIGHT, AM I WRONG?

BECAUSE, DOROTHY, YOU'RE NOT THE
MOST PERCEPTIVE WOMAN IN THE WORLD.

WELL! WHAT'S EVERYBODY DOING UP?

I THOUGHT YOU'D STILL BE ASLEEP.

WE THOUGHT YOU
WERE. WHERE WERE YOU?

WITH STAN. I'LL TELL YOU
ALL ABOUT IT IN THE MORNING.

- THIS IS THE MORNING.
- WHY, SO IT IS.

SO IT IS.

- SIX CAKES OF SOAP...
- DOROTHY, PLEASE SPEAK TO ME.

- ONE CAN OF CLEANSER...
- NO CLEANSER UNTIL YOU TALK.

IF YOU WON'T TALK, HOW CAN I
UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE ANGRY WITH ME?

- JUST A WALK ALONG THE BEACH.
- WHAT ABOUT IT?

WHEN YOU COME BACK FROM
A WALK ALONG THE BEACH

YOU SPEND AN HOUR SHAKING
THE SAND OUT OF YOUR UNDERALLS.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- BLANCHE DEVEREAUX DOES NOT

STAY OUT ALL NIGHT WITH A MAN
JUST TO WALK ALONG THE BEACH.

NEVER BEFORE, THAT'S TRUE.

BUT AS BEAUREGARD JEFFERSON
POINTED OUT WHEN I WAS 16,

THERE'S A FIRST
TIME FOR EVERYTHING.

LAST NIGHT WAS THE FIRST
TIME YOU SLEPT WITH STAN.

- THAT'S A LIE!
- SO IT WAS NOT THE FIRST TIME!

OH, DOROTHY!

DOROTHY! GET OUT OF MY
WAY, YOU OLD FOOL! DOROTHY!

WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?

AND WHY DOES IT MATTER? YOU
DON'T EVEN LIKE STAN ANYMORE.

YOU BEGGED ME
TO GO OUT WITH HIM.

NOW YOU'RE ANGRY 'CAUSE I DIDN'T
HAVE A TERRIBLE TIME? WHY DO YOU CARE?

OH, I JUST KNOW I'M TERRIBLY UPSET BECAUSE
I'M LETTING THIS GET ME TERRIBLY UPSET.

- OH, BLANCHE, I'M SORRY.
- OH, THAT'S ALRIGHT.

YOU'VE BEEN DUMPED BY
THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS.

IT'S NOT SURPRISING
YOU'RE A LITTLE IRRITABLE.

BUT TO BE UPSET ABOUT
STAN! I'M SO EMBARRASSED.

IT'S NOT AS IF HE
MEANS ANYTHING TO ME.

HONEY, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT
YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, BELIEVE ME.

I'M JUST SO GLAD WE
HAD THIS LITTLE TALK.

YOU KNOW, IF WE
HADN'T, I'D FEEL A LITTLE

STRANGE ABOUT GOING OUT
WITH STAN AGAIN TONIGHT.

YOU'RE GOING OUT
WITH STAN TONIGHT?

HE HAS TICKETS TO THE BURT
REYNOLDS DINNER THEATER.

- AND YOU'RE GOING?
- OF COURSE I AM.

I'M NOT MISSING MR JAMIE FARR IN
THE CAINE MUTINY COURT MARTIAL.

OH! I HURT MY
BACK! I'M PARALYZED!

OH, IT'S YOU. LOOK
WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

WE'RE ALMOST THROUGH
WITH OUR HALF OF THE LIST.

ROSE, I WANT TO DOUBLE THE NUMBER
OF SANDWICHES. GRAB SOME FOIL.

YOU'RE STILL GONNA SELL LUNCHES EVEN
AFTER JOHNNY NO-THUMBS LEANED ON YOU AGAIN?

NO, BLANCHE, HE SAID HE HAD
FRIENDS WHO WOULD LEAN ON US.

WELL, I GOT FRIENDS, TOO.

ONE PHONE CALL TO PALERMO AND JOHNNY'S
LUNCH WAGON WILL BE WEARING CONCRETE TIRES.

MA, THE ONLY PERSON YOU
KNOW IN PALERMO IS UNCLE VITO

AND HE'S A HARMLESS OLD MAN.

GIVE HIM SOME PIANO WIRE, MAKE
FUN OF HIS LIMP AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

DO YOU THINK THEY'RE REALLY
GONNA MAKE ANY MONEY?

- ONE FABRIC SOFTENER...
- NOW WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S THE MATTER. I CANNOT
BELIEVE YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH STAN AGAIN.

- WHY SHOULDN'T I?
- YOU'RE RIGHT. MY MISTAKE.

- I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND.
- I AM!

THEN WHY ARE YOU
SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND?

WHAT ARE Y'ALL LOOKING AT?
GET BACK TO YOUR LESUEUR PEAS.

DOROTHY, I PROMISE,
THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN US.

THEN YOU WILL NOT GO OUT WITH
HIM TONIGHT. ISN'T THAT RIGHT?

WE'RE ONLY GOING TO SEE A
PLAY. AND HE'S HER EX-HUSBAND.

WHY AM I EXPLAINING ANY OF THIS TO
YOU? WHY AM I EXPLAINING THIS TO ANYBODY?

- WHO'S LENNY?
- TALL, RED HAIR...

LOVES TUNA ON WHOLEWHEAT.

WHY DO WE HAVE HIS
IOU FOR TWO BUCKS?

HE ONLY HAD A HUNDRED
AND WE DIDN'T HAVE CHANGE.

- WHAT ABOUT THESE?
- THEY ALL HAD HUNDREDS, TOO.

ROSE, LET ME GIVE YOU A
FEW LESSONS IN ECONOMICS.

QUIT BEING AN IDIOT.

OK.

THE LAW OF SUPPLY AND DEMAND.

BEFORE YOU SUPPLY
SANDWICHES, DEMAND THE MONEY.

OK.

QUIT BEING AN IDIOT.

OH. I THOUGHT YOU WERE BLANCHE.

ONCE I THOUGHT I WAS BESS TRUMAN
BUT THEN THEY SWITCHED ME TO 20MG A DAY.

MY COUSIN THOUGHT
HE WAS JIMINY CRICKET.

THAT WAS JUST AFTER PINOCCHIO CAME OUT AND
EVERYONE AT THE BANK WENT ALONG WITH IT.

AND I WONDERED HOW
YOU TWO GOT TOGETHER.

- CALL ME WHEN BLANCHE GETS IN.
- ARE YOU TWO TALKING AGAIN?

JUST TO GIVE HER
A PIECE OF MY MIND.

IS SHE UPSET 'CAUSE SHE THINKS

- BLANCHE IS SLEEPING WITH STAN?
- COULD BE.

OR IS IT BECAUSE SHE
THINKS SHE'S LYING?

- THAT'S A GOOD ONE, TOO.
- DON'T YOU CARE?

OF COURSE. YOU THINK I HAVE NO
FEELINGS? I'LL TELL YOU A STORY.

PICTURE THIS. A CROWDED
MEDITERRANEAN PORT,

TEEMING WITH YOUR TIRED,
YOUR POOR, YOUR HUNGRY.

YOU KNOW, YOUR HUDDLED
MASSES YEARNING TO BE FREE.

WE BOARDED THE SHIP
AND SET SAIL FOR AMERICA.

500 PEOPLE FILLED WITH HOPE,
SINGING, LAUGHING, DRINKING.

ACTUALLY, ONLY THE
IRISH WERE DRINKING.

BUT I DIGRESS.

OF COURSE, ON THE SECOND DAY,
THINGS TOOK A TURN FOR THE WORSE.

FOR THE NEXT MONTH
AND A HALF, THE

STORM-TOSSED SEAS MADE
OUR LIVES A LIVING HELL.

IF I WASN'T FIGHTING FOR A
BLANKET, I WAS FIGHTING FOR FOOD.

IF I WASN'T FIGHTING FOR FOOD, I WAS
FIGHTING FOR THE SHUFFLEBOARD EQUIPMENT.

I JUST THREW THAT IN TO SEE
IF YOU WERE PAYING ATTENTION.

ANYWAY, THE STORM BROKE,
AND THROUGH THE MIST

I SAW THE BEAUTIFUL LADY I'D
BEEN LONGING TO SEE FOR MONTHS.

- THE STATUE OF LIBERTY.
- NO, MY MOTHER!

THAT'S HOW DENSE THE FOG WAS.

BUT BEYOND HER WAS
THE STATUE OF LIBERTY.

I REMEMBER THE FIRST
WORDS I SHOUTED.

"THERE SHE IS! LADY LIBERTY!"

AND I REMEMBER THE
SECOND WORDS I SHOUTED.

"SLOW DOWN, YOU YUTZ,
YOU'RE GOING PAST HER!"

BUT HE DIDN'T HEAR. AND
THAT'S WHY TODAY, ROSE,

THERE'S AN UNUSUALLY LARGE ITALIAN
POPULATION IN SPILSBURY, MASSACHUSETTS.

THAT'S A REALLY
MOVING STORY, SOPHIA,

BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS THE POINT?

THE POINT IS, YOU ALREADY FORGOT
LESSONS ONE AND THREE. QUIT BEING AN IDIOT!

I STOLE 40 BUCKS FROM YOU WHILE YOU
WERE LISTENING TO THAT COCKAMAMIE STORY.

- SHE'S NOT BACK YET?
- NO.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHAT COULD THEY BE DOING?

- YOU KNOW WHAT.
- I ALSO KNOW STAN.

AND IF YOU ADDED UP ALL THE TIMES
THAT WE DID WHAT HE IS DOING RIGHT NOW,

BLANCHE STILL SHOULD HAVE
BEEN HOME 15 MINUTES AGO.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO GET ICE CREAM OR COMMIT
A FELONY. I'LL DECIDE IN THE CAR.

- YES?
- I'M VINNIE. THIS IS ROCCO.

JOHNNY NO-THUMBS SENT US.

SOPHIA, IT'S FOR YOU.

- WHO IS IT?
- DOROTHY.

DOROTHY! STAY UNDER THE
COVERS. I'LL GET RID OF HER.

- IT'S LATE. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- OPEN THE DOOR, STANLEY.

YOU'RE IN YOUR NIGHTGOWN.

I CAME ON AN IMPULSE.
I COULDN'T HELP IT.

IT'S A NICE GESTURE, BABE, BUT
I'LL HAVE TO TAKE A RAIN CHECK.

STANLEY, YOU TRULY ARE ONE
CHROMOSOME AWAY FROM BEING A POTATO.

I GOTTA GET UP EARLY
TOMORROW. I NEED TO GET TO SLEEP.

YOU'RE WEARING YOUR TOUPEE TO
BED. THAT MEANS ONE OF TWO THINGS.

THERE'S A WOMAN IN THERE OR SUZANNE
SOMMERS IS ON THE TONIGHT SHOW.

WOULD YOU GET TO
YOUR POINT, DOROTHY?

I CAME HERE TO TALK TO HER.

IT'LL JUST TAKE A MINUTE
THEN YOU CAN GET BACK TO IT.

THANK YOU.

I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE
OUT WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS.

TRYING TO FIND ONE REASON
THAT WOULD MAKE IT OK, BUT I CAN'T.

I... I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD
JEOPARDIZE OUR RELATIONSHIP FOR THIS.

I GUESS IT'S POSSIBLE YOU
WERE ATTRACTED TO STAN.

I STAYED WITH HIM FOR 38 YEARS.

BUT I THINK THIS TIME
YOU COULD HAVE RESISTED

JUST IN CASE IT MIGHT HAVE
MADE A DIFFERENCE TO ME.

THE THING THAT
HURTS MOST OF ALL...

IS THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE GUTS TO TELL
ME THAT YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND.

WELL, GEE, I WOULD HAVE!

BUT I DIDN'T KNOW MYSELF
UNTIL ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

HEY, WHAT'S ALL THIS?

OH, AREN'T THEY BEAUTIFUL?

- JOHNNY NO-THUMBS SENT THEM.
- HE SENT YOU FLOWERS?

YOU REMEMBER
HARMLESS OLD UNCLE VITO?

HE SENT A NOTE TO
JOHNNY NO-THUMBS.

HE ADDRESSED IT
TO JOHNNY NO-KNEES.

HE GOT THE MESSAGE,
WE GOT THE FLOWERS.

OH, COME ON, MA.

AND ROSE AND I ARE
GETTING OUT OF SANDWICHES.

THE PROFITS WEREN'T
QUITE WHAT WE EXPECTED.

- IS BLANCHE BACK YET?
- IN THE LIVING ROOM.

THANKS.

BLANCHE, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE.

OK.

- I APOLOGIZE.
- THAT'S IT?

I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING
ELSE TO SAY. I BEHAVED TERRIBLY.

- I KNOW.
- NO, YOU DON'T.

I WENT TO STAN'S HOTEL ROOM
BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE THERE.

- WELL, I WASN'T.
- I KNOW.

I TOLD HIM THAT I
COULDN'T SEE HIM ANYMORE.

- OH, I'VE BEEN SUCH A CREEP.
- I KNOW.

I WISH I COULD
EXPLAIN IT BUT I CAN'T.

I THINK SOME OF IT MAY BE

THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO
SHARE MY MEMORIES.

THAT PART OF MY LIFE,
WITH STAN, IS OVER,

BUT I STILL WANTED
IT TO BE JUST MINE.

I WAS AFRAID THAT YOU MIGHT
TAKE THAT PART AWAY AND...

AND I WAS FEELING
JEALOUS AND... LONELY AND...

- GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE.
- MAGENTA.

- EXCUSE ME?
- MAGENTA.

THAT'S WHAT I CALL IT.

ALL KINDS OF FEELINGS
TUMBLING ALL OVER THEMSELVES.

YOU'RE NOT QUITE BLUE
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT REALLY SAD

AND ALTHOUGH YOU'RE JEALOUS,
YOU'RE NOT GREEN WITH ENVY

AND EVERY NOW AND THEN YOU
REALIZE YOU'RE KINDA SCARED

BUT YOU'D HARDLY
CALL YOURSELF YELLOW.

I HATE THAT FEELING, AND I
HATE THE COLOR MAGENTA.

THAT'S WHY I NAMED IT THAT.

MAGENTA.

NO WAY TO REALLY EXPLAIN
IT BUT, FORTUNATELY,

BETWEEN FRIENDS,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

OH, DOROTHY.

DOROTHY. LISTEN, NOW THAT WE'RE TALKING
TO EACH OTHER, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

WHY IN HELL DID YOU
EVER MARRY STAN?

IT WAS MY MAGENTA PERIOD.

AND, YOU KNOW, STAN WAS RATHER
HANDSOME WHEN HE HAD HAIR.

- COME ON.
- HE HAD A CERTAIN...

- ELEGANT CHARM.
- OH, PLEASE!

AND, OF COURSE, I WAS
FOUR MONTHS PREGNANT.

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