The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 24 - To Catch a Neighbor - full transcript
Two police officers stake out in the girls' house to investigate their neighbors, who are suspected jewel thieves.
♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND
♪ TRAVELED DOWN THE
ROAD AND BACK AGAIN
♪ YOUR HEART IS TRUE
♪ YOU'RE A PAL AND A CONFIDANTE
♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY
♪ INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW
♪ YOU WOULD SEE THE
BIGGEST GIFT WOULD BE FROM ME
♪ AND THE CARD
ATTACHED WOULD SAY
♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪
[LAUGHTER]
- CAN I OFFER YOU MORE COFFEE?
- NO, THANKS. ROD, WE BETTER GO
- BEFORE WE OUTSTAY OUR WELCOME.
- TOO LATE.
WE CERTAINLY ENJOYED HAVING YOU.
- YEAH, RIGHT.
- WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
BYE.
GOOD NIGHT ALREADY.
MA, I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU,
RUSHING THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE!
RUSHING? THEY TOOK FOREVER.
TWO HOURS TO EAT PASTA AND SALAD?
YOUR FATHER COULD EAT
DINNER, READ THE PAPER,
MAKE LOVE AND HAVE
A PEDICURE IN AN HOUR.
AND WITHOUT GETTING UP
FROM THE KITCHEN TABLE.
- I THINK THEY WERE DELIGHTFUL.
- I DID TOO.
SO DID I.
I JUST LOVE TO WELCOME
PEOPLE TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
IN FACT, BACK HOME, I USED TO
RUN OUR TOWN'S VALKOMM WAGON.
OH, BOY, WAS THAT FUN!
WHENEVER A NEW FAMILY
WOULD MOVE IN TO ST. OLAF,
WE'D HOP ON THE TRACTOR
AND GO TO THE NEIGHBORS' FARM,
30 OR 40 OF US CARRYING
VATS OF SMOKED FISH
AND BIG PITCHERS OF
FRESHLY-SQUEEZED POTATO JUICE.
WHILE COUSIN DAT PLAYED
"GETTING TO KNOW YOU"
THROUGH THE HOLE
IN HIS WINDPIPE.
TELL ME, DID YOU EVER ACCOMPANY
HIM THROUGH THE HOLE IN YOUR HEAD?
[DOORBELL]
SOPHIA, WOULD YOU MIND
GETTING THAT, PLEASE?
NO PROBLEM. I'LL DRAG MY
BAD LEG OVER TO THE DOOR.
MA'AM, YOU SHOULDN'T
OPEN THE DOOR
- WITHOUT ASKING WHO IT IS.
- FINE.
- WHO IS IT?
- DETECTIVE MULLINS, MIAMI P.D.
PLEASE, COME IN.
PLEASE EXCUSE MY
MOTHER. SHE'S A LITTLE UPSET.
SHE JUST FOUND OUT SHE HAS THE
SAME HAIRDRESSER AS WHOOPI GOLDBERG.
THIS IS MY ASSOCIATE,
BOBBY HOPKINS.
DETECTIVE MULLINS, I
AM BLANCHE DEVEREAUX.
THESE ARE MY ROOMMATES,
DOROTHY AND ROSE.
THEY'RE INNOCENT. I AM NOT.
NO, BOBBY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WRITE
THAT LAST PART. THAT WAS JUST A COME-ON.
I'M SORRY TO TAKE UP
YOUR TIME AT THIS HOUR,
BUT I'D LIKE TO ASK
SOME QUESTIONS.
I AM SINGLE, I'M FREE
SATURDAY NIGHT.
AND I CAN ARCH MY BACK UNTIL
MY HEAD TOUCHES MY HEELS.
IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'LL WRITE THAT DOWN.
WON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU ABOUT
YOUR NEIGHBORS, THE McDOWELLS.
- THEY'RE NOT WHO YOU THINK.
- YOU MEAN WE INVITED
THE WRONG PEOPLE TO DINNER?
IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING.
YOU SEE, YOUR NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBORS
ARE DEALERS IN STOLEN GEMS.
- THOSE SWEET PEOPLE?
- I'M AFRAID SO.
WE THINK THEY'LL BE MAKING A
MAJOR MOVE IN THE NEXT 72 HOURS,
SO WE'D LIKE TO
SET UP SHOP HERE.
WELL, OF COURSE. YOU
CAN BOTH STAY IN MY ROOM.
NOW, WAIT JUST A MINUTE.
ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN HAVE THE BOY.
THEY CAN'T JUST MOVE IN HERE.
LET THEM DO THEIR WORK FROM
A VAN, LIKE REAL POLICE ON TV.
WE'D LIKE YOUR COOPERATION, BUT
YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SAY NO.
NO.
GIRLS, I THINK WE
NEED TO DISCUSS THIS.
GENTLEMEN, IF YOU'LL JUST
EXCUSE US FOR A MOMENT.
LADIES, I THINK WE MUST DO
THIS. IT'S OUR DUTY AS AMERICANS.
I DON'T KNOW. TWO POLICEMEN
LIVING IN OUR HOUSE?
WHAT'S THERE TO BE AFRAID OF?
ONCE YOU STRIP AWAY THE GRUFF
EXTERIOR, BADGE, GUN AND UNIFORM...
YOU'VE GOT A NAKED POLICEMAN.
EXACTLY.
BLANCHE, THIS IS SERIOUS.
IF WE CAN ASSIST THE
POLICE, WE SHOULD.
THEIR JOB IS HARD ENOUGH. I
KNOW. MY FATHER WAS A POLICEMAN.
I THOUGHT YOUR
FATHER WAS A FARMER.
ON THE WEEKDAYS.
SATURDAY AND SUNDAY, HE AND THE OTHER
FARMERS BECAME VOLUNTEER POLICEMEN.
OF COURSE, THE
ONLY CRIME IN ST. OLAF
WAS THAT MORE PEOPLE DIDN'T
PRACTICE BETTER ORAL HYGIENE.
MOSTLY THEY SAT
AROUND THE JAILHOUSE
AND TOOK PICTURES OF EACH OTHER
BEHIND THE BARS IN GOOFY POSES.
- I VOTE NO.
- WELL, I AGREE WITH MA.
WHY SHOULD WE GET INVOLVED IN
SOMETHING THAT MIGHT BE DANGEROUS?
IF IT WAS DANGEROUS, THEY
WOULDN'T LET US GET INVOLVED.
BLANCHE HAS A POINT.
AND IF ANYTHING HAPPENS,
WE'VE GOT THE POLICE
RIGHT HERE WITH US.
- MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
- OK, THEN, IT'S ALL SETTLED.
THEY CAN STAY.
DETECTIVE MULLINS, WE DECIDED YOU
ALL CAN STAY, SO WELCOME TO OUR HOME.
THANK YOU. WE APPRECIATE THIS VERY
MUCH. WE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW TO SET UP.
YOU WON'T HAVE TO
CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLES.
WE JUST NEED A BEDROOM AND
BATHROOM. WE'LL USE THE KITCHEN AS BASE.
FINE. WE'LL JUST COOK IN THE
FIREPLACE AND PEE IN THE BROOM CLOSET.
AL?
AL!
- YEAH?
- HOW DO YOU LIKE THE PASTA?
IT'S OK. I'M NOT THAT
CRAZY ABOUT ITALIAN FOOD.
LUCKY FOR YOU YOU CARRY A GUN.
EXCUSE ME?
THE LAST THREE DAYS WITH
YOU HAVE REALLY BEEN FUN.
HI, SOPHIA. HI, AL. YOU HEAR
ANYTHING ON THE WIRETAP YET?
SAVE YOUR BREATH.
HE CAN'T HEAR A WORD.
REALLY?
YEAH. I'VE BEEN ENTERTAINING
MYSELF ALL AFTERNOON. WATCH.
HEY, YOU DUMB BACCIAGALOOP.
YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE
THE REAR END OF A DONKEY.
THIS KILLS ME. YOU TRY IT.
NO, I WILL NOT! I DON'T THINK YOU
SHOULD TALK TO HIM LIKE THAT EITHER.
HE'S PRACTICALLY YOUR
DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND.
WHAT? THEY HATE EACH
OTHER. THEY FIGHT ALL THE TIME.
VERY PASSIONATE FIGHTS.
IT HAS ALL THE SIGNS OF A
CLASSIC LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP.
FROM THE SPARKS OF THAT
CONFLICT RISE THE FLAMES OF DESIRE.
FLAMES THAT IGNITE IN AN UNCONTROLLABLE
FRENZY OF LUST, PASSION AND ECSTASY.
I'M SORRY. WHERE WAS I?
OH, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
- HEY, DICK TRACY...
- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM NOW?
I SAID MOVE THIS SOMEPLACE ELSE
WHERE IT WOULD NOT BE IN THE WAY.
I SAID I'D TRY. I TRIED.
WOULD YOU ALSO TRY TO REMEMBER TO
PUT DOWN THE TOILET SEAT AFTER YOU USE IT?
SORRY, THAT WAS ME. I WAS EXPERIMENTING
WITH SOMETHING NEW, BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT.
DOROTHY, HE'S ONLY
TRYING TO DO HIS JOB.
IT CAN'T BE VERY
PLEASANT FOR HIM EITHER.
AS FAR AS STAKEOUTS
GO, IT'S NICE.
I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T
HEAR WITH THOSE ON.
I DO THAT FOR SOPHIA. SHE LIKES
CALLING ME NAMES, SO I LET HER.
SHE'S REALLY A SWEET LADY.
SHE JUST DOESN'T LIKE TO SHOW IT.
- IS THAT A FAMILY TRAIT?
- [DOOR OPENS]
YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO
ME AT THE STORE. I SAW THE McDOWELLS.
LUCKILY, THEY DIDN'T SEE ME, SO I
FOLLOWED THEM THROUGH THE STORE
AND I WROTE DOWN
EVERYTHING THEY BOUGHT.
WHY?
FOR EVIDENCE, SILLY!
ROSE, THEY STEAL JEWELS,
NOT GENO'S PIZZA ROLLS.
LADIES, LISTEN TO ME NOW.
I KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE WE'RE IN THIS
TOGETHER, BUT THEY'RE DANGEROUS.
LEAVE THE POLICE WORK TO US.
READY FOR A BREAK, AL?
THANKS. I'LL GET SOME FRESH AIR.
WON'T THE NEIGHBORS SEE YOU?
A GENTLEMAN VISITOR. BUT IT'D
LOOK BETTER WITH ONE OF YOU.
COME ON, DOTTY.
"COME ON"? IF YOU WANT ME
TO DO YOU A FAVOR, ASK ME.
OK, DON'T BITE MY HEAD OFF!
- YOU'RE A REAL CHARMER!
- WHO ARE YOU? LADY DI?
DO ME A FAVOR AND
JOIN THE BOMB SQUAD.
OH, GOD, I AM CRAZY
NUTS ABOUT THIS GUY!
[DOORBELL]
HI, ROSE.
[SQUEAKS]
IT'S MARTHA McDOWELL,
YOUR NEW NEIGHBOR.
[SQUEAKS]
I WAS HERE FOR DINNER, AND
YESTERDAY YOU FOLLOWED ME
- AROUND THE SUPERMARKET.
- [SQUEAKS]
OH, MY GOD!
WHY, DOROTHY, LOOK, IT'S,
UH... IT'S MRS. McDOWELL.
- WHY IS EVERYONE STARING AT ME?
- YOUR HANDBAG AND SHOES CLASH.
WE'RE A VERY FASHION-CONSCIOUS
NEIGHBORHOOD.
IT'S SHORT NOTICE, BUT WOULD YOU
LIKE TO COME TO DINNER TOMORROW?
[SQUEAKS]
OH, HELLO.
WE HAVEN'T MET. I'M MARTHA
McDOWELL FROM NEXT DOOR.
HI, MARTHA. YOU'VE MET MY SON
ALFONSO AND MY GRANDSON BOBBY.
THEY'RE HERE FROM NEW YORK ON A
FISHING TRIP. ALL THEY'VE CAUGHT IS A COLD.
[SNEEZES]
NICE TOUCH, BUT I WORK ALONE.
LISTEN, I'VE GOT TO RUN. YOU LET ME
KNOW ABOUT DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT. BYE.
WELL, THANK YOU, SOPHIA.
THAT WAS QUICK THINKING.
NO BIG DEAL. I MISTAKE A LOT
OF PEOPLE FOR MY GRANDSON.
- SHE INVITED YOU TO DINNER?
- YES.
- AL...
- FORGET IT. IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.
- WE CAN BREAK THE CASE OPEN.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WE NEED A BUG IN THEIR HOUSE.
- BOBBY, IT'S NOT THEIR JOB.
- WE'VE GOT ZIP ON THE PHONE.
THEY'RE TOO SMART. TO GET
A WARRANT, WE NEED A BUG.
- I'LL DO IT. I'LL BE THE PLANT.
- YOU ARE A PLANT.
ROSE, HONEY, YOU DON'T DO
TOO WELL UNDER PRESSURE.
ROSE, REMEMBER THE TIME IN THE COFFEE
SHOP WHEN YOU DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY?
YOU RAN INTO THE LADIES' ROOM AND
TRIED TO CLIMB OUT THROUGH THE SKYLIGHT.
THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN ANYMORE
SINCE I SWITCHED TO DECAF.
I WOULD VOLUNTEER, BUT
I'D BE TOO CONSPICUOUS.
IT'S A DINNER PARTY, AND I
PLAN TO SHOW CLEAVAGE.
IF ANYBODY DOES
IT, IT SHOULD BE ME.
- WHY YOU?
- I AM THE BEST UNDER PRESSURE.
AND SHE BEARS A STRIKING
RESEMBLANCE TO BARNABY JONES.
YOU'VE BEEN TOSSING
AND TURNING ALL NIGHT.
- WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU?
- NOTHING, NOTHING.
DON'T YOU BREAK A COMMANDMENT.
WHAT COMMANDMENT? THOU
SHALT NOT TOSS AND TURN?
- NO, THOU SHALT NOT LIE.
- THAT'S NOT A COMMANDMENT.
REALLY? THAT DOESN'T
MAKE ANY SENSE.
THERE'S "THOU SHALT
NOT COMMIT ADULTERY"
AND "THOU SHALT NOT
COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE."
TWO REFER TO HITTING THE SHEETS,
AND THEY COULDN'T FIT IN LYING?
DOES ANYBODY THINK BEFORE
THEY WRITE THIS STUFF DOWN?
YOU'RE NOT MAKING SENSE. I CAN'T
TALK TO YOU WHEN YOU'RE HALF ASLEEP.
EXCUSE ME, IT'S 4 A.M.
WHY DON'T YOU GET A HOSE
AND WHACK ME AROUND
UNTIL I'M RAZOR-SHARP?
MA, I HAVE A PROBLEM. I'M
WORRIED ABOUT TOMORROW.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT
I SHOULD GO ON THAT MISSION.
DOROTHY, FOR 50 YEARS
YOU'VE TOLD ME YOUR PROBLEMS.
WHO SHOULD I TAKE TO THE
PROM? SHOULD I MARRY STAN?
THESE WERE THINGS I
COULD HELP YOU WITH.
"SHOULD I GO ON THIS
MISSION?" IS OUT OF MY
AREA OF EXPERTISE.
WHO AM I, OLIVER NORTH?
YOU'RE NOT MAKING
THIS ANY EASIER.
ALL RIGHT, IF YOU THINK IT'LL HELP
LAND THIS AL CHARACTER, DO IT.
AL? WHO SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT LANDING AL?
DO YOU THINK I'D
RISK MY LIFE FOR AL?
I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE
I THINK IT'S RIGHT.
BECAUSE I'M A CONCERNED CITIZEN.
AND I'D GIVE MY
RIGHT ARM TO LAND AL!
I'M SCARED. I DON'T KNOW.
YOUR PROBLEM ISN'T UNIQUE. PEOPLE
DO CRAZY THINGS FOR LOVE ALL THE TIME.
LET ME TELL YOU A STORY.
PICTURE THIS:
SICILY, AUGUST 1908.
NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
BUT IF YOU EVER NEED A STORY
ABOUT JEALOUSY, THIS IS A PIP.
- MA, JUST GO TO SLEEP.
- NO, I REMEMBER. HAVANA, 1957.
NO, I WAS NEVER IN HAVANA.
- MA!
- I MEANT BROOKLYN, 1958.
NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
I'M DRY! I GOT NOTHING!
- IT'S OK, MA.
- NO, IT'S NOT.
TOMMY LASORDA SHOULD BE STANDING
BY THE BED, WAVING TO THE BULLPEN.
MA, DON'T LET IT BOTHER YOU.
I JUST CAN'T LEAVE YOU HANGING.
WOULD YOU SETTLE FOR A
VERY WISE OBSERVATION?
YES.
AL'S A GOOD GUY, AND
HE MAKES YOU HAPPY.
IF YOU'RE DOING IT FOR
THAT ALONE, IT'S WORTH IT.
YOU'RE ALSO DOING IT BECAUSE
YOU FEEL IT'S THE RIGHT THING.
THANKS, MA. THAT
MEANS A LOT TO ME.
GOOD. NOW, GET
SOME REST, PUSSYCAT.
TOMORROW COULD BE YOUR LAST DAY.
IT'S A SHAME WE HAVE TO GO
TO THE McDOWELLS' TONIGHT.
- THERE'S A GREAT MOVIE ON TV.
- WHAT?
IN COLD BLOOD. IT'S ABOUT...
THIS INNOCENT FAMILY
IS BRUTALLY MURDERED...
- MAY I SEE THAT, ROSE?
- SURE.
THANK YOU.
ROSE, WE'RE NERVOUS
ENOUGH ABOUT GOING OVER.
DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT WORSE?
WELL, IT'S NOTHING
TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT.
BOBBY AND AL ARE WATCHING
THROUGH THE WINDOW THE WHOLE TIME.
IF WE GET IN TROUBLE,
WE JUST SIGNAL THEM.
HOW ARE WE DOING, LADIES?
TO BE HONEST, WE'RE
A LITTLE NERVOUS.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO OVER
THE PLAN ONCE MORE.
CHECK. AT 1800 HOURS, WE
ENTER THE SUSPECTS' DOMICILE.
AT 1830 HOURS, WE
SIT DOWN TO DINNER.
AFTER WINE IS POURED AT
APPROXIMATELY 1840 HOURS,
I BEGIN TELLING THE STORY ABOUT
UNCLE HERTIS AND THE SKUNKS,
- WHICH SHOULD LAST ABOUT...
- 1900 HOURS.
DOROTHY, HERE'S THE
TRANSMITTER. KEEP IT IN YOUR HAND.
THEN, WITH ONE QUICK MOVEMENT,
STICK IT UNDER THE TABLE. THAT'S IT.
ALL RIGHT. SO, ANY
OTHER QUESTIONS?
WELL, I GUESS
THAT'S IT. GOOD LUCK.
- LET'S GO.
- MA, YOU'RE NOT GOING.
I AM. IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG,
- YOU NEED SOMEONE EXPERIENCED.
- IN WHAT?
LIFE. YOU'RE LOOKING AT A WOMAN WHO LIVED
THROUGH TWO WORLD WARS, 15 VENDETTAS,
FOUR OPERATIONS AND
TWO DARRINS ON BEWITCHED.
I DON'T THINK THOSE ARE
VERY GOOD REASONS TO GO.
NO? HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?
I'M HUNGRY. LET'S ROLL, DANNO.
AL... ALL RIGHT, THAT'S
THE FRONT DOOR CLOSING.
YEAH, THE LADIES
ARE OUT OF THE HOUSE.
THE TRANSMITTER'S WORKING
PERFECTLY. CLEAR AS A BELL.
THEY DID IT. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I HAD DOUBTS ABOUT THIS ONE.
[ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE]
- CONGRATULATIONS. GREAT JOB.
- THANK YOU.
- IT'S REALLY WORKING?
- GIVE HER THE PHONES.
[DOROTHY] I HATE TO SAY
THIS, BUT IT WAS ALMOST FUN.
FUN? MY PULSE WAS RACING,
MY HEART WAS POUNDING!
I COULD BARELY GET MY BREATH!
THAT'S THE MOST FUN
I'VE EVER HAD STANDING UP!
NO, I TAKE IT BACK. THERE WAS
THAT ONE TIME ON THAT 74... 7.
THEY KEEP TALKING ABOUT
THAT NOODLE-HEAD IN
THE RED DRESS. COULD
THAT BE CODE LANGUAGE?
ONLY TO THE NOODLE-HEAD
IN THE RED DRESS.
OK, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
WE SHOULD GET ENOUGH TO GET WARRANTS
AND BE OUT OF YOUR LIVES BY TOMORROW.
- I'M BEAT. I'M GOING TO BED.
- ME TOO.
BOY, I'M TOO EXCITED TO SLEEP!
- YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE BEAT TOO.
- OH, YEAH. I'M BEAT TOO.
I'M SO BEAT, I WON'T BE ABLE
TO HEAR A THING THAT GOES ON.
BUT I'D LIKE TO HEAR
ABOUT IT TOMORROW.
GIVE ME THE EARPHONES.
GET SOME REST.
OK, AL.
HEY, DOROTHY, I
JUST WANNA SAY...
- YOU DID A NICE JOB.
- THANKS, AL.
AND DOROTHY... I
ALSO WANTED TO SAY...
- IT TOOK GUTS.
- THANKS, AL.
YOU SEE, DOROTHY, I
JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU...
I WANTED TO ASK YOU...
[SOPHIA] FOR GOD'S SAKES, HE
WANTS TO ASK YOU TO GO OUT WITH HIM!
YOU GOT YOUR LISTENING
EQUIPMENT, I GOT MINE.
[SOPHIA] GOOD NIGHT.
- [KNOCK AT DOOR]
- COME IN.
BOBBY, HERE'S THOSE EXTRA
TOWELS YOU ASKED FOR, HONEY.
- THANKS, BLANCHE.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
LISTEN, BLANCHE, THANK YOU FOR
EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE THE PAST FEW DAYS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
THANK ME FOR ANYTHING.
ACTUALLY, I KIND OF
ENJOYED DOING IT.
YOU REMIND ME A LOT
OF MY SON, MATTHEW,
EXCEPT HE DOESN'T CARRY A GUN.
BOBBY, DOES YOUR MOMMA
KNOW YOU CARRY THAT GUN?
BLANCHE, I'M A GROWN MAN. I
DON'T NEED HER PERMISSION.
ALTHOUGH, TO BE HONEST,
SHE'S NOT THRILLED ABOUT IT.
THAT'S BECAUSE SHE LOVES YOU.
I'D BE A NERVOUS WRECK IF
MATTHEW WERE A POLICE OFFICER.
I WORRY ABOUT HIM
ENOUGH, AND HE'S A C.P.A.
I GUESS THAT'S JUST
A MOTHER'S NATURE.
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU
IN THE MORNING.
HEY, BLANCHE, LISTEN, UH...
MY MOM'S IN OREGON. I DON'T GET
A HOME-COOKED MEAL TOO OFTEN.
OK IF I STOP BY SOMETIME?
I THINK THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
I DON'T CARE HOW OLD YOU
THINK YOU ARE. IT'S LIGHT'S OUT.
- YES, MA'AM.
- OK.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.
BOBBY, LET'S GO! THE EXCHANGE
IS GOING DOWN! MOVE IT!
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- IT'S THE McDOWELLS.
GET ON THE FLOOR
AND STAY THERE! NOW!
[ROSE GASPS]
- I'M SCARED!
- I'M SCARED TOO!
I'M SCARED FOR AL AND BOBBY.
- SHH! WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?
- THAT WAS ME.
THANKS FOR CALLING IT
TO EVERYONE'S ATTENTION.
OH... WHAT'S
HAPPENING OUT THERE?
- SHUT UP. I HEAR SOMETHING.
- I DON'T.
- [GUNSHOT]
- GUNSHOTS! OH, SWEET JESUS!
THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AL!
WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.
WE HAVE TO WAIT
TILL HE COMES BACK.
WHAT IF HE CAN'T COME BACK?
- [DOROTHY] THANK GOD YOU'RE OK!
- IS EVERYTHING OK?
JUST STAY DOWN.
IT'S MULLINS. I NEED AN AMBULANCE AND
BACKUP AT THE STAKEOUT. MY PARTNER'S SHOT.
[ALL] OH!
YEAH, AT FIRST I
WAS REALLY SCARED,
BUT THEN I REALIZED IT WAS A
SHOULDER WOUND AND CALMED DOWN.
ACTUALLY, I PASSED OUT.
BUT I DID IT CALMLY.
- BOBBY, YOU'RE SO BRAVE.
- YOU'RE SO STUPID!
YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO DUCK A BULLET.
IN SICILY, YOU DON'T PASS
KINDERGARTEN TILL YOU LEARN THAT.
REALLY? IN ST. OLAF, WE JUST
HAD TO PROMISE NOT TO EAT PASTE.
ALL RIGHT, LADIES,
LET'S NOT BABY HIM.
- AL, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- GREAT.
THE D.A. WILL PUT AWAY THE
McDOWELLS FOR A LONG TIME.
GEE, WHO'S GOING TO
LOOK AFTER THEIR LAWN?
ROSE, WHILE WE'RE HERE, MAYBE
YOU SHOULD HAVE A CAT SCAN.
COME ON, BOBBY, OUT OF BED.
YOU'VE GOT TO GO
OUT TO THE SUN DECK.
- WHO WANTS TO DRIVE?
- I'LL DO IT.
IT'S NICE NOT TO BE A
PASSENGER FOR A CHANGE.
I WANT YOU TO TELL ME THE
WHOLE STORY FROM THE BEGINNING.
FROM THE TIME THAT YOU LEFT...
DOROTHY... I WANT TO
ASK YOU SOMETHING.
HOW ABOUT YOU AND I
GO OUT SOMETIME, HUH?
DOROTHY, I WANT
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
- I WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN TOO.
- GREAT.
- BUT I CAN'T.
- WHY NOT?
BECAUSE I COULD GET
SERIOUS ABOUT YOU.
- I DON'T GET IT.
- AL, UNTIL THE OTHER NIGHT,
I THOUGHT THIS WHOLE
THING WAS A GAME, BUT...
AFTER WHAT HAPPENED,
I REALIZED IT ISN'T.
YOU DON'T WANT TO BECOME INVOLVED
WITH SOMEONE WHO COULD GET HURT.
I'M SORRY, AL.
IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME
I'VE HEARD IT. I UNDERSTAND.
THANKS. YOU TAKE GOOD
CARE OF YOURSELF, YOU HEAR?
YEAH.
- SO, ARE YOU TWO AN ITEM?
- NO. NO, WE DECIDED IT WAS BEST
- IF WE DIDN'T SEE EACH OTHER.
- ARE YOU SURE, DOROTHY?
- IN YOUR HEART, ARE YOU SURE?
- YES, MA.
FINE, THEN I WANT YOU TO
MEET SOMEONE. DR TANSY...
THIS IS MY DAUGHTER. AND
THIS GUY IS NOBODY. BEAT IT, AL.
♪ TRAVELED DOWN THE
ROAD AND BACK AGAIN
♪ YOUR HEART IS TRUE
♪ YOU'RE A PAL AND A CONFIDANTE
♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY
♪ INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW
♪ YOU WOULD SEE THE
BIGGEST GIFT WOULD BE FROM ME
♪ AND THE CARD
ATTACHED WOULD SAY
♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪
[LAUGHTER]
- CAN I OFFER YOU MORE COFFEE?
- NO, THANKS. ROD, WE BETTER GO
- BEFORE WE OUTSTAY OUR WELCOME.
- TOO LATE.
WE CERTAINLY ENJOYED HAVING YOU.
- YEAH, RIGHT.
- WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
BYE.
GOOD NIGHT ALREADY.
MA, I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU,
RUSHING THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE!
RUSHING? THEY TOOK FOREVER.
TWO HOURS TO EAT PASTA AND SALAD?
YOUR FATHER COULD EAT
DINNER, READ THE PAPER,
MAKE LOVE AND HAVE
A PEDICURE IN AN HOUR.
AND WITHOUT GETTING UP
FROM THE KITCHEN TABLE.
- I THINK THEY WERE DELIGHTFUL.
- I DID TOO.
SO DID I.
I JUST LOVE TO WELCOME
PEOPLE TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
IN FACT, BACK HOME, I USED TO
RUN OUR TOWN'S VALKOMM WAGON.
OH, BOY, WAS THAT FUN!
WHENEVER A NEW FAMILY
WOULD MOVE IN TO ST. OLAF,
WE'D HOP ON THE TRACTOR
AND GO TO THE NEIGHBORS' FARM,
30 OR 40 OF US CARRYING
VATS OF SMOKED FISH
AND BIG PITCHERS OF
FRESHLY-SQUEEZED POTATO JUICE.
WHILE COUSIN DAT PLAYED
"GETTING TO KNOW YOU"
THROUGH THE HOLE
IN HIS WINDPIPE.
TELL ME, DID YOU EVER ACCOMPANY
HIM THROUGH THE HOLE IN YOUR HEAD?
[DOORBELL]
SOPHIA, WOULD YOU MIND
GETTING THAT, PLEASE?
NO PROBLEM. I'LL DRAG MY
BAD LEG OVER TO THE DOOR.
MA'AM, YOU SHOULDN'T
OPEN THE DOOR
- WITHOUT ASKING WHO IT IS.
- FINE.
- WHO IS IT?
- DETECTIVE MULLINS, MIAMI P.D.
PLEASE, COME IN.
PLEASE EXCUSE MY
MOTHER. SHE'S A LITTLE UPSET.
SHE JUST FOUND OUT SHE HAS THE
SAME HAIRDRESSER AS WHOOPI GOLDBERG.
THIS IS MY ASSOCIATE,
BOBBY HOPKINS.
DETECTIVE MULLINS, I
AM BLANCHE DEVEREAUX.
THESE ARE MY ROOMMATES,
DOROTHY AND ROSE.
THEY'RE INNOCENT. I AM NOT.
NO, BOBBY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WRITE
THAT LAST PART. THAT WAS JUST A COME-ON.
I'M SORRY TO TAKE UP
YOUR TIME AT THIS HOUR,
BUT I'D LIKE TO ASK
SOME QUESTIONS.
I AM SINGLE, I'M FREE
SATURDAY NIGHT.
AND I CAN ARCH MY BACK UNTIL
MY HEAD TOUCHES MY HEELS.
IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'LL WRITE THAT DOWN.
WON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU ABOUT
YOUR NEIGHBORS, THE McDOWELLS.
- THEY'RE NOT WHO YOU THINK.
- YOU MEAN WE INVITED
THE WRONG PEOPLE TO DINNER?
IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING.
YOU SEE, YOUR NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBORS
ARE DEALERS IN STOLEN GEMS.
- THOSE SWEET PEOPLE?
- I'M AFRAID SO.
WE THINK THEY'LL BE MAKING A
MAJOR MOVE IN THE NEXT 72 HOURS,
SO WE'D LIKE TO
SET UP SHOP HERE.
WELL, OF COURSE. YOU
CAN BOTH STAY IN MY ROOM.
NOW, WAIT JUST A MINUTE.
ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN HAVE THE BOY.
THEY CAN'T JUST MOVE IN HERE.
LET THEM DO THEIR WORK FROM
A VAN, LIKE REAL POLICE ON TV.
WE'D LIKE YOUR COOPERATION, BUT
YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SAY NO.
NO.
GIRLS, I THINK WE
NEED TO DISCUSS THIS.
GENTLEMEN, IF YOU'LL JUST
EXCUSE US FOR A MOMENT.
LADIES, I THINK WE MUST DO
THIS. IT'S OUR DUTY AS AMERICANS.
I DON'T KNOW. TWO POLICEMEN
LIVING IN OUR HOUSE?
WHAT'S THERE TO BE AFRAID OF?
ONCE YOU STRIP AWAY THE GRUFF
EXTERIOR, BADGE, GUN AND UNIFORM...
YOU'VE GOT A NAKED POLICEMAN.
EXACTLY.
BLANCHE, THIS IS SERIOUS.
IF WE CAN ASSIST THE
POLICE, WE SHOULD.
THEIR JOB IS HARD ENOUGH. I
KNOW. MY FATHER WAS A POLICEMAN.
I THOUGHT YOUR
FATHER WAS A FARMER.
ON THE WEEKDAYS.
SATURDAY AND SUNDAY, HE AND THE OTHER
FARMERS BECAME VOLUNTEER POLICEMEN.
OF COURSE, THE
ONLY CRIME IN ST. OLAF
WAS THAT MORE PEOPLE DIDN'T
PRACTICE BETTER ORAL HYGIENE.
MOSTLY THEY SAT
AROUND THE JAILHOUSE
AND TOOK PICTURES OF EACH OTHER
BEHIND THE BARS IN GOOFY POSES.
- I VOTE NO.
- WELL, I AGREE WITH MA.
WHY SHOULD WE GET INVOLVED IN
SOMETHING THAT MIGHT BE DANGEROUS?
IF IT WAS DANGEROUS, THEY
WOULDN'T LET US GET INVOLVED.
BLANCHE HAS A POINT.
AND IF ANYTHING HAPPENS,
WE'VE GOT THE POLICE
RIGHT HERE WITH US.
- MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
- OK, THEN, IT'S ALL SETTLED.
THEY CAN STAY.
DETECTIVE MULLINS, WE DECIDED YOU
ALL CAN STAY, SO WELCOME TO OUR HOME.
THANK YOU. WE APPRECIATE THIS VERY
MUCH. WE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW TO SET UP.
YOU WON'T HAVE TO
CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLES.
WE JUST NEED A BEDROOM AND
BATHROOM. WE'LL USE THE KITCHEN AS BASE.
FINE. WE'LL JUST COOK IN THE
FIREPLACE AND PEE IN THE BROOM CLOSET.
AL?
AL!
- YEAH?
- HOW DO YOU LIKE THE PASTA?
IT'S OK. I'M NOT THAT
CRAZY ABOUT ITALIAN FOOD.
LUCKY FOR YOU YOU CARRY A GUN.
EXCUSE ME?
THE LAST THREE DAYS WITH
YOU HAVE REALLY BEEN FUN.
HI, SOPHIA. HI, AL. YOU HEAR
ANYTHING ON THE WIRETAP YET?
SAVE YOUR BREATH.
HE CAN'T HEAR A WORD.
REALLY?
YEAH. I'VE BEEN ENTERTAINING
MYSELF ALL AFTERNOON. WATCH.
HEY, YOU DUMB BACCIAGALOOP.
YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE
THE REAR END OF A DONKEY.
THIS KILLS ME. YOU TRY IT.
NO, I WILL NOT! I DON'T THINK YOU
SHOULD TALK TO HIM LIKE THAT EITHER.
HE'S PRACTICALLY YOUR
DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND.
WHAT? THEY HATE EACH
OTHER. THEY FIGHT ALL THE TIME.
VERY PASSIONATE FIGHTS.
IT HAS ALL THE SIGNS OF A
CLASSIC LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP.
FROM THE SPARKS OF THAT
CONFLICT RISE THE FLAMES OF DESIRE.
FLAMES THAT IGNITE IN AN UNCONTROLLABLE
FRENZY OF LUST, PASSION AND ECSTASY.
I'M SORRY. WHERE WAS I?
OH, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
- HEY, DICK TRACY...
- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM NOW?
I SAID MOVE THIS SOMEPLACE ELSE
WHERE IT WOULD NOT BE IN THE WAY.
I SAID I'D TRY. I TRIED.
WOULD YOU ALSO TRY TO REMEMBER TO
PUT DOWN THE TOILET SEAT AFTER YOU USE IT?
SORRY, THAT WAS ME. I WAS EXPERIMENTING
WITH SOMETHING NEW, BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT.
DOROTHY, HE'S ONLY
TRYING TO DO HIS JOB.
IT CAN'T BE VERY
PLEASANT FOR HIM EITHER.
AS FAR AS STAKEOUTS
GO, IT'S NICE.
I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T
HEAR WITH THOSE ON.
I DO THAT FOR SOPHIA. SHE LIKES
CALLING ME NAMES, SO I LET HER.
SHE'S REALLY A SWEET LADY.
SHE JUST DOESN'T LIKE TO SHOW IT.
- IS THAT A FAMILY TRAIT?
- [DOOR OPENS]
YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO
ME AT THE STORE. I SAW THE McDOWELLS.
LUCKILY, THEY DIDN'T SEE ME, SO I
FOLLOWED THEM THROUGH THE STORE
AND I WROTE DOWN
EVERYTHING THEY BOUGHT.
WHY?
FOR EVIDENCE, SILLY!
ROSE, THEY STEAL JEWELS,
NOT GENO'S PIZZA ROLLS.
LADIES, LISTEN TO ME NOW.
I KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE WE'RE IN THIS
TOGETHER, BUT THEY'RE DANGEROUS.
LEAVE THE POLICE WORK TO US.
READY FOR A BREAK, AL?
THANKS. I'LL GET SOME FRESH AIR.
WON'T THE NEIGHBORS SEE YOU?
A GENTLEMAN VISITOR. BUT IT'D
LOOK BETTER WITH ONE OF YOU.
COME ON, DOTTY.
"COME ON"? IF YOU WANT ME
TO DO YOU A FAVOR, ASK ME.
OK, DON'T BITE MY HEAD OFF!
- YOU'RE A REAL CHARMER!
- WHO ARE YOU? LADY DI?
DO ME A FAVOR AND
JOIN THE BOMB SQUAD.
OH, GOD, I AM CRAZY
NUTS ABOUT THIS GUY!
[DOORBELL]
HI, ROSE.
[SQUEAKS]
IT'S MARTHA McDOWELL,
YOUR NEW NEIGHBOR.
[SQUEAKS]
I WAS HERE FOR DINNER, AND
YESTERDAY YOU FOLLOWED ME
- AROUND THE SUPERMARKET.
- [SQUEAKS]
OH, MY GOD!
WHY, DOROTHY, LOOK, IT'S,
UH... IT'S MRS. McDOWELL.
- WHY IS EVERYONE STARING AT ME?
- YOUR HANDBAG AND SHOES CLASH.
WE'RE A VERY FASHION-CONSCIOUS
NEIGHBORHOOD.
IT'S SHORT NOTICE, BUT WOULD YOU
LIKE TO COME TO DINNER TOMORROW?
[SQUEAKS]
OH, HELLO.
WE HAVEN'T MET. I'M MARTHA
McDOWELL FROM NEXT DOOR.
HI, MARTHA. YOU'VE MET MY SON
ALFONSO AND MY GRANDSON BOBBY.
THEY'RE HERE FROM NEW YORK ON A
FISHING TRIP. ALL THEY'VE CAUGHT IS A COLD.
[SNEEZES]
NICE TOUCH, BUT I WORK ALONE.
LISTEN, I'VE GOT TO RUN. YOU LET ME
KNOW ABOUT DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT. BYE.
WELL, THANK YOU, SOPHIA.
THAT WAS QUICK THINKING.
NO BIG DEAL. I MISTAKE A LOT
OF PEOPLE FOR MY GRANDSON.
- SHE INVITED YOU TO DINNER?
- YES.
- AL...
- FORGET IT. IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.
- WE CAN BREAK THE CASE OPEN.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WE NEED A BUG IN THEIR HOUSE.
- BOBBY, IT'S NOT THEIR JOB.
- WE'VE GOT ZIP ON THE PHONE.
THEY'RE TOO SMART. TO GET
A WARRANT, WE NEED A BUG.
- I'LL DO IT. I'LL BE THE PLANT.
- YOU ARE A PLANT.
ROSE, HONEY, YOU DON'T DO
TOO WELL UNDER PRESSURE.
ROSE, REMEMBER THE TIME IN THE COFFEE
SHOP WHEN YOU DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY?
YOU RAN INTO THE LADIES' ROOM AND
TRIED TO CLIMB OUT THROUGH THE SKYLIGHT.
THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN ANYMORE
SINCE I SWITCHED TO DECAF.
I WOULD VOLUNTEER, BUT
I'D BE TOO CONSPICUOUS.
IT'S A DINNER PARTY, AND I
PLAN TO SHOW CLEAVAGE.
IF ANYBODY DOES
IT, IT SHOULD BE ME.
- WHY YOU?
- I AM THE BEST UNDER PRESSURE.
AND SHE BEARS A STRIKING
RESEMBLANCE TO BARNABY JONES.
YOU'VE BEEN TOSSING
AND TURNING ALL NIGHT.
- WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU?
- NOTHING, NOTHING.
DON'T YOU BREAK A COMMANDMENT.
WHAT COMMANDMENT? THOU
SHALT NOT TOSS AND TURN?
- NO, THOU SHALT NOT LIE.
- THAT'S NOT A COMMANDMENT.
REALLY? THAT DOESN'T
MAKE ANY SENSE.
THERE'S "THOU SHALT
NOT COMMIT ADULTERY"
AND "THOU SHALT NOT
COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE."
TWO REFER TO HITTING THE SHEETS,
AND THEY COULDN'T FIT IN LYING?
DOES ANYBODY THINK BEFORE
THEY WRITE THIS STUFF DOWN?
YOU'RE NOT MAKING SENSE. I CAN'T
TALK TO YOU WHEN YOU'RE HALF ASLEEP.
EXCUSE ME, IT'S 4 A.M.
WHY DON'T YOU GET A HOSE
AND WHACK ME AROUND
UNTIL I'M RAZOR-SHARP?
MA, I HAVE A PROBLEM. I'M
WORRIED ABOUT TOMORROW.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT
I SHOULD GO ON THAT MISSION.
DOROTHY, FOR 50 YEARS
YOU'VE TOLD ME YOUR PROBLEMS.
WHO SHOULD I TAKE TO THE
PROM? SHOULD I MARRY STAN?
THESE WERE THINGS I
COULD HELP YOU WITH.
"SHOULD I GO ON THIS
MISSION?" IS OUT OF MY
AREA OF EXPERTISE.
WHO AM I, OLIVER NORTH?
YOU'RE NOT MAKING
THIS ANY EASIER.
ALL RIGHT, IF YOU THINK IT'LL HELP
LAND THIS AL CHARACTER, DO IT.
AL? WHO SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT LANDING AL?
DO YOU THINK I'D
RISK MY LIFE FOR AL?
I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE
I THINK IT'S RIGHT.
BECAUSE I'M A CONCERNED CITIZEN.
AND I'D GIVE MY
RIGHT ARM TO LAND AL!
I'M SCARED. I DON'T KNOW.
YOUR PROBLEM ISN'T UNIQUE. PEOPLE
DO CRAZY THINGS FOR LOVE ALL THE TIME.
LET ME TELL YOU A STORY.
PICTURE THIS:
SICILY, AUGUST 1908.
NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
BUT IF YOU EVER NEED A STORY
ABOUT JEALOUSY, THIS IS A PIP.
- MA, JUST GO TO SLEEP.
- NO, I REMEMBER. HAVANA, 1957.
NO, I WAS NEVER IN HAVANA.
- MA!
- I MEANT BROOKLYN, 1958.
NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
I'M DRY! I GOT NOTHING!
- IT'S OK, MA.
- NO, IT'S NOT.
TOMMY LASORDA SHOULD BE STANDING
BY THE BED, WAVING TO THE BULLPEN.
MA, DON'T LET IT BOTHER YOU.
I JUST CAN'T LEAVE YOU HANGING.
WOULD YOU SETTLE FOR A
VERY WISE OBSERVATION?
YES.
AL'S A GOOD GUY, AND
HE MAKES YOU HAPPY.
IF YOU'RE DOING IT FOR
THAT ALONE, IT'S WORTH IT.
YOU'RE ALSO DOING IT BECAUSE
YOU FEEL IT'S THE RIGHT THING.
THANKS, MA. THAT
MEANS A LOT TO ME.
GOOD. NOW, GET
SOME REST, PUSSYCAT.
TOMORROW COULD BE YOUR LAST DAY.
IT'S A SHAME WE HAVE TO GO
TO THE McDOWELLS' TONIGHT.
- THERE'S A GREAT MOVIE ON TV.
- WHAT?
IN COLD BLOOD. IT'S ABOUT...
THIS INNOCENT FAMILY
IS BRUTALLY MURDERED...
- MAY I SEE THAT, ROSE?
- SURE.
THANK YOU.
ROSE, WE'RE NERVOUS
ENOUGH ABOUT GOING OVER.
DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT WORSE?
WELL, IT'S NOTHING
TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT.
BOBBY AND AL ARE WATCHING
THROUGH THE WINDOW THE WHOLE TIME.
IF WE GET IN TROUBLE,
WE JUST SIGNAL THEM.
HOW ARE WE DOING, LADIES?
TO BE HONEST, WE'RE
A LITTLE NERVOUS.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO OVER
THE PLAN ONCE MORE.
CHECK. AT 1800 HOURS, WE
ENTER THE SUSPECTS' DOMICILE.
AT 1830 HOURS, WE
SIT DOWN TO DINNER.
AFTER WINE IS POURED AT
APPROXIMATELY 1840 HOURS,
I BEGIN TELLING THE STORY ABOUT
UNCLE HERTIS AND THE SKUNKS,
- WHICH SHOULD LAST ABOUT...
- 1900 HOURS.
DOROTHY, HERE'S THE
TRANSMITTER. KEEP IT IN YOUR HAND.
THEN, WITH ONE QUICK MOVEMENT,
STICK IT UNDER THE TABLE. THAT'S IT.
ALL RIGHT. SO, ANY
OTHER QUESTIONS?
WELL, I GUESS
THAT'S IT. GOOD LUCK.
- LET'S GO.
- MA, YOU'RE NOT GOING.
I AM. IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG,
- YOU NEED SOMEONE EXPERIENCED.
- IN WHAT?
LIFE. YOU'RE LOOKING AT A WOMAN WHO LIVED
THROUGH TWO WORLD WARS, 15 VENDETTAS,
FOUR OPERATIONS AND
TWO DARRINS ON BEWITCHED.
I DON'T THINK THOSE ARE
VERY GOOD REASONS TO GO.
NO? HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?
I'M HUNGRY. LET'S ROLL, DANNO.
AL... ALL RIGHT, THAT'S
THE FRONT DOOR CLOSING.
YEAH, THE LADIES
ARE OUT OF THE HOUSE.
THE TRANSMITTER'S WORKING
PERFECTLY. CLEAR AS A BELL.
THEY DID IT. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I HAD DOUBTS ABOUT THIS ONE.
[ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE]
- CONGRATULATIONS. GREAT JOB.
- THANK YOU.
- IT'S REALLY WORKING?
- GIVE HER THE PHONES.
[DOROTHY] I HATE TO SAY
THIS, BUT IT WAS ALMOST FUN.
FUN? MY PULSE WAS RACING,
MY HEART WAS POUNDING!
I COULD BARELY GET MY BREATH!
THAT'S THE MOST FUN
I'VE EVER HAD STANDING UP!
NO, I TAKE IT BACK. THERE WAS
THAT ONE TIME ON THAT 74... 7.
THEY KEEP TALKING ABOUT
THAT NOODLE-HEAD IN
THE RED DRESS. COULD
THAT BE CODE LANGUAGE?
ONLY TO THE NOODLE-HEAD
IN THE RED DRESS.
OK, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
WE SHOULD GET ENOUGH TO GET WARRANTS
AND BE OUT OF YOUR LIVES BY TOMORROW.
- I'M BEAT. I'M GOING TO BED.
- ME TOO.
BOY, I'M TOO EXCITED TO SLEEP!
- YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE BEAT TOO.
- OH, YEAH. I'M BEAT TOO.
I'M SO BEAT, I WON'T BE ABLE
TO HEAR A THING THAT GOES ON.
BUT I'D LIKE TO HEAR
ABOUT IT TOMORROW.
GIVE ME THE EARPHONES.
GET SOME REST.
OK, AL.
HEY, DOROTHY, I
JUST WANNA SAY...
- YOU DID A NICE JOB.
- THANKS, AL.
AND DOROTHY... I
ALSO WANTED TO SAY...
- IT TOOK GUTS.
- THANKS, AL.
YOU SEE, DOROTHY, I
JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU...
I WANTED TO ASK YOU...
[SOPHIA] FOR GOD'S SAKES, HE
WANTS TO ASK YOU TO GO OUT WITH HIM!
YOU GOT YOUR LISTENING
EQUIPMENT, I GOT MINE.
[SOPHIA] GOOD NIGHT.
- [KNOCK AT DOOR]
- COME IN.
BOBBY, HERE'S THOSE EXTRA
TOWELS YOU ASKED FOR, HONEY.
- THANKS, BLANCHE.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
LISTEN, BLANCHE, THANK YOU FOR
EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE THE PAST FEW DAYS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
THANK ME FOR ANYTHING.
ACTUALLY, I KIND OF
ENJOYED DOING IT.
YOU REMIND ME A LOT
OF MY SON, MATTHEW,
EXCEPT HE DOESN'T CARRY A GUN.
BOBBY, DOES YOUR MOMMA
KNOW YOU CARRY THAT GUN?
BLANCHE, I'M A GROWN MAN. I
DON'T NEED HER PERMISSION.
ALTHOUGH, TO BE HONEST,
SHE'S NOT THRILLED ABOUT IT.
THAT'S BECAUSE SHE LOVES YOU.
I'D BE A NERVOUS WRECK IF
MATTHEW WERE A POLICE OFFICER.
I WORRY ABOUT HIM
ENOUGH, AND HE'S A C.P.A.
I GUESS THAT'S JUST
A MOTHER'S NATURE.
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU
IN THE MORNING.
HEY, BLANCHE, LISTEN, UH...
MY MOM'S IN OREGON. I DON'T GET
A HOME-COOKED MEAL TOO OFTEN.
OK IF I STOP BY SOMETIME?
I THINK THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
I DON'T CARE HOW OLD YOU
THINK YOU ARE. IT'S LIGHT'S OUT.
- YES, MA'AM.
- OK.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.
BOBBY, LET'S GO! THE EXCHANGE
IS GOING DOWN! MOVE IT!
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- IT'S THE McDOWELLS.
GET ON THE FLOOR
AND STAY THERE! NOW!
[ROSE GASPS]
- I'M SCARED!
- I'M SCARED TOO!
I'M SCARED FOR AL AND BOBBY.
- SHH! WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?
- THAT WAS ME.
THANKS FOR CALLING IT
TO EVERYONE'S ATTENTION.
OH... WHAT'S
HAPPENING OUT THERE?
- SHUT UP. I HEAR SOMETHING.
- I DON'T.
- [GUNSHOT]
- GUNSHOTS! OH, SWEET JESUS!
THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AL!
WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.
WE HAVE TO WAIT
TILL HE COMES BACK.
WHAT IF HE CAN'T COME BACK?
- [DOROTHY] THANK GOD YOU'RE OK!
- IS EVERYTHING OK?
JUST STAY DOWN.
IT'S MULLINS. I NEED AN AMBULANCE AND
BACKUP AT THE STAKEOUT. MY PARTNER'S SHOT.
[ALL] OH!
YEAH, AT FIRST I
WAS REALLY SCARED,
BUT THEN I REALIZED IT WAS A
SHOULDER WOUND AND CALMED DOWN.
ACTUALLY, I PASSED OUT.
BUT I DID IT CALMLY.
- BOBBY, YOU'RE SO BRAVE.
- YOU'RE SO STUPID!
YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO DUCK A BULLET.
IN SICILY, YOU DON'T PASS
KINDERGARTEN TILL YOU LEARN THAT.
REALLY? IN ST. OLAF, WE JUST
HAD TO PROMISE NOT TO EAT PASTE.
ALL RIGHT, LADIES,
LET'S NOT BABY HIM.
- AL, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- GREAT.
THE D.A. WILL PUT AWAY THE
McDOWELLS FOR A LONG TIME.
GEE, WHO'S GOING TO
LOOK AFTER THEIR LAWN?
ROSE, WHILE WE'RE HERE, MAYBE
YOU SHOULD HAVE A CAT SCAN.
COME ON, BOBBY, OUT OF BED.
YOU'VE GOT TO GO
OUT TO THE SUN DECK.
- WHO WANTS TO DRIVE?
- I'LL DO IT.
IT'S NICE NOT TO BE A
PASSENGER FOR A CHANGE.
I WANT YOU TO TELL ME THE
WHOLE STORY FROM THE BEGINNING.
FROM THE TIME THAT YOU LEFT...
DOROTHY... I WANT TO
ASK YOU SOMETHING.
HOW ABOUT YOU AND I
GO OUT SOMETIME, HUH?
DOROTHY, I WANT
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
- I WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN TOO.
- GREAT.
- BUT I CAN'T.
- WHY NOT?
BECAUSE I COULD GET
SERIOUS ABOUT YOU.
- I DON'T GET IT.
- AL, UNTIL THE OTHER NIGHT,
I THOUGHT THIS WHOLE
THING WAS A GAME, BUT...
AFTER WHAT HAPPENED,
I REALIZED IT ISN'T.
YOU DON'T WANT TO BECOME INVOLVED
WITH SOMEONE WHO COULD GET HURT.
I'M SORRY, AL.
IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME
I'VE HEARD IT. I UNDERSTAND.
THANKS. YOU TAKE GOOD
CARE OF YOURSELF, YOU HEAR?
YEAH.
- SO, ARE YOU TWO AN ITEM?
- NO. NO, WE DECIDED IT WAS BEST
- IF WE DIDN'T SEE EACH OTHER.
- ARE YOU SURE, DOROTHY?
- IN YOUR HEART, ARE YOU SURE?
- YES, MA.
FINE, THEN I WANT YOU TO
MEET SOMEONE. DR TANSY...
THIS IS MY DAUGHTER. AND
THIS GUY IS NOBODY. BEAT IT, AL.