The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 25 - A Piece of Cake - full transcript

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND

♪ TRAVELED DOWN THE
ROAD AND BACK AGAIN

♪ YOUR HEART IS TRUE

♪ YOU'RE A PAL AND A CONFIDANTE

♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY

♪ INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW

♪ YOU WOULD SEE THE
BIGGEST GIFT WOULD BE FROM ME

♪ AND THE CARD
ATTACHED WOULD SAY

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪

I GOT THE ICE. HAVEN'T YOU
FINISHED THE HORS D'OEUVRES YET?

- I'M DOING THE CELERY STICKS.
- [GIGGLES]



DID YOU FINISH THE DECORATIONS?

NO, NOT YET. I KINDA
GOT SIDETRACKED.

LOOK! [LAUGHS]

THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN
DOING FOR 45 MINUTES?

UH-HUH. ISN'T HE CUTE?
I CALL HIM SCOTTY.

[POPS]

NOW YOU CAN CALL HIM GARBAGE.

HELP BLANCHE WITH
THE HORS D'OEUVRES.

WHAT TIME'S THE BIRTHDAY
GIRL GETTING HERE?

ROBERTA WILL BE HERE AT TWO.

- DOES SHE SUSPECT ANYTHING?
- PLEASE! THE WOMAN IS 88.

SHE STILL TRIES TO FIND
GUNSMOKE ON SUNDAY NIGHTS.

DOROTHY, GET THE CAKE
AND WE'LL TAKE THESE IN.

GOOD IDEA. WAIT,
WHERE'S THE CAKE?



- ROSE, DID YOU TAKE IT?
- I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN IT YET.

- MA, WHERE'S THE CAKE?
- I HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET, EITHER.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU
WERE SUPPOSED TO BAKE IT!

I WAS?

- OH, MA! YOU FORGOT!
- I DIDN'T FORGET.

I WANTED IT TO BE
FRESH. I'LL BAKE IT NOW.

ROBERTA WILL BE HERE IN 45
MINUTES. YOU DON'T HAVE TIME.

45 MINUTES? I CAN BAKE TWO
CAKES AND KNIT YOU A SWEATER!

OUT OF MY WAY. THE MAESTRO
APPROACHES THE PODIUM.

GEE, I HOPE SOPHIA
FINISHES IN TIME.

YOU CAN'T GIVE A GOOD
BIRTHDAY PARTY WITHOUT A CAKE.

I RECALL A PARTY WITH THREE
CAKES THAT WAS NOT SO TERRIFIC.

THREE?

ROSE HAD PLANNED A SURPRISE
BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR ME.

YOU WERE STILL
LIVING AT SHADY PINES.

YOU MEAN THE HOME. SAY
IT, DOROTHY. THE HOME.

ANYWAY, ROSE HAD PLANNED THIS
SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR ME.

I'LL NEVER FORGET IT. I'VE NEVER
HAD SUCH A SURPRISE IN MY LIFE.

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO
YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOYS AND GIRLS

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪

WELCOME TO MR. HA
HA'S HOT DOG HACIENDA!

[CHEERING]

I HAVE LOTS OF FUN
PLANNED FOR YOU.

BUT FINISH YOUR MR. HA
HA DOG FIRST BECAUSE...

♪ A HA HA DOG IS FUN TO EAT

♪ A HA HA DOG IS REALLY NEAT

♪ A HA HA DOG IS
A GREAT BIG TREAT

♪ AND IT'S ONLY $1.79
WITHOUT A BEVERAGE ♪

WOOH! SEE YOU SOON, KIDS!

[CHEERING]

ISN'T THIS FUN? [GIGGLES]

DOROTHY, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN
TOUCHED YOUR MR. HA HA DOG.

- YOU'RE RIGHT.
- [SPLAT]

THERE, I TOUCHED IT.

YOU'RE NOT HAVING ANY
FUN, ARE YOU, DOROTHY?

AM I THAT TRANSPARENT?

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ALWAYS COMPLAINS
THAT HER BIRTHDAY PARTIES ARE BORING.

WHEN I SAW MR. HA HA'S
ON TV, IT LOOKED LIKE FUN.

FOR A FIVE-YEAR-OLD, ROSE.

OR SOMEONE WHO THINKS LIKE ONE!

- I'VE RUINED YOUR BIRTHDAY.
- OH, NO, YOU HAVEN'T.

- YOU HAVEN'T RUINED IT.
- YES, I HAVE.

I'M A BIG DOPE.
YOU MUST HATE ME.

OH, HONEY, COME
ON NOW, DON'T CRY.

ROSE, I DON'T HATE YOU!

I'M REALLY HAVING FUN.

IT'S JUST THAT IT
TOOK ME A LITTLE WHILE

TO GET INTO THE
SPIRIT OF THINGS.

- SERIOUSLY?
- OH, YES. BOTH BLANCHE AND I

ARE HAVING A LOT OF
FUN. AREN'T WE, BLANCHE?

WHO WOULDN'T HAVE FUN EATING
A FOOT-LONG MR. HA HA DOG?

AND DRINKING A
32-OUNCE... CHERRY BURPY.

IF YOU DRINK THREE, YOU
GET TO KEEP MR. HA HA'S HAT.

IF YOU DRINK THREE, YOU SHOULD
GET TO KEEP MR. HA HA'S KIDNEY!

[DRUM ROLL]

GUESS WHO'S BACK?

[CHILDREN] MR. HA HA!

THAT'S RIGHT!

NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE
MR. HA HA BIRTHDAY ROUNDUP!

WHEN I CALL YOUR NAME,
PLEASE COME UP ON STAGE.

BOBBY SPINA!

PLEASE SAY YOU
DIDN'T DO THIS, ROSE.

- [MR. HA HA] JEANNIE TAYLOR!
- PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T.

DOROTHY ZBORNAK!

- DOROTHY ZBORNAK!
- STOP THAT!

YOU'RE MAKING A FOOL OF
YOURSELF. MR. HA HA'S LOOKING AT YOU.

- ARE YOU DOROTHY ZBORNAK?
- THAT'S RIGHT.

- GET UP ON STAGE, DOROTHY!
- GET BENT, HA HA!

COME ON, KIDS. LET'S GIVE
DOROTHY A GREAT BIG HA HA CHEER!

- HA HA!
- [CHEERING]

[CHANTS] DOROTHY! DOROTHY!

DOROTHY! DOROTHY!
DOROTHY! DOROTHY! DOROTHY!

DOROTHY! DOROTHY!
DOROTHY! DOROTHY!

DOROTHY! DOROTHY! DOROTHY!

[CHEERING]

IT SAYS HERE ON MY
HA HA BIRTHDAY LIST

THAT BOBBY IS SEVEN...

JEANNIE IS NINE,
AND DOROTHY IS...

I'LL PUNCH YOUR
HEART OUT, HA HA.

DOROTHY IS THE OLDEST!

AND, AS THE OLDEST, YOU GET
TO LEAD THE BIRTHDAY PARADE!

HERE IS YOUR
PARADE LEADER'S HAT.

MR. MUSIC, IF YOU PLEASE.

[JOLLY MUSIC]

[TOOT]

DON'T PROLONG THIS. I
KNOW WHAT CAR YOU DRIVE.

THE PARADE'S OVER!

LET'S HEAR IT FOR ALL THE
BIRTHDAY BOYS AND GIRLS!

[CHEERING]

BUT THE FUN'S JUST
ABOUT TO BEGIN.

BECAUSE IT'S TIME FOR
YOUR HA HA HOT FUDGE CAKE!

FREE TO ALL MY
BIRTHDAY BOYS AND GIRLS.

ONLY $1.98 TO THE REST OF YOU.

NO, THANK YOU. I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

OH! I THINK WE HAVE A
CRANKY BIRTHDAY GIRL!

YOU SEE, KIDS, WHEN
YOU GET A LITTLE OLDER,

YOU CAN GET A LITTLE CRANKY.

AND WHEN YOU GET
AS OLD AS DOROTHY,

YOU CAN BE A REAL
PAIN IN THE HA HA.

SO, DOROTHY, LIGHTEN UP, ENJOY
YOUR CAKE AND MAKE A WISH, OK?

COME ON, KIDS. MAKE A WISH
AND BLOW OUT THE CANDLES.

I HOPE EVERYBODY GETS
WHAT THEY WISHED FOR.

DO YOU REALLY, MR. HA HA?

DOROTHY, IF I WERE YOU,
I'D PUT THE CAKE DOWN.

YOU SEE, MR. MUSIC'S
BROTHER IS MR. LAWYER.

BESIDES, THAT'S NOT A
VERY ADULT THING TO DO.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I CAN'T DO IT.

- MR. HA HA?
- YES, BOBBY?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DOROTHY.

I'M SORRY I MISSED
THAT ONE, BUT I WAS...

AT THE HOME. WE KNOW, MA.

HOW'S THE CAKE COMING, SOPHIA?

BEAUTIFUL. I GOT EVERYTHING I NEED.
COCONUT, EGGS, UNBLEACHED FLOUR, RUM.

- OH, YOU MAKING A RUM CAKE?
- NO.

GEE, I LOVE TO BAKE.

IN ST. OLAF, I BAKED OUR
BIRTHDAY CAKES. CHARLIE LOVED 'EM.

I REMEMBER THE LAST
CAKE I BAKED IN ST. OLAF.

IT WAS KINDA DIFFERENT.

OH, MY BIRTHDAY!

I COMPLETELY FORGOT!

WELL! I'D BETTER MAKE A WISH
AND BLOW OUT THOSE CANDLES

BEFORE MR. HICKENLOOPER HAS
THE VOLUNTEER FIRE BRIGADE UP HERE

PUMPING WATER ON MY
CLEAN KITCHEN FLOOR.

[CHUCKLES]

I SWEAR, THAT MAN WILL
LOOK FOR ANY EXCUSE

TO MAKE THAT SIREN
SOUND THROUGH HIS NOSE.

INGA LUNDQVIST TOLD
ME JUST THIS LAST WEEK...

I KNOW. SHUT UP, ROSE, AND
BLOW OUT YOUR CANDLES.

OK. A WISH.

[CHUCKLES]

I GUESS THAT WAS
KIND OF A SILLY WISH.

I KNOW YOU CAN'T REALLY
BE HERE WITH ME, CHARLIE.

IT'S TAKEN ME THESE PAST EIGHT MONTHS
TO ACCEPT THAT, BUT I FINALLY HAVE.

THEN WHY OUR USUAL LITTLE
PRIVATE BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION?

IT SOMEHOW FEELS
LESS LONELY, CHARLIE.

I MEAN, THIS IS THE
FIRST SPECIAL DAY

I'VE HAD TO SPEND WITHOUT YOU.

IF IT HAD BEEN CHRISTMAS,
I'D HAVE HUNG YOUR STOCKING.

OR IF IT HAD BEEN YOUR BIRTHDAY,

I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE STILL
ASKED THE CLERK DOWN AT TUTTLES

TO HELP ME PICK
OUT A TIE FOR YOU.

I BET THAT WOULD HAVE GOTTEN ME SOME
STRANGE LOOKS FROM THE SALES STAFF.

ALTHOUGH THEY ALREADY
LOOK AT ME STRANGELY.

BECAUSE OF THE TIME I
TRIED TO SPECIAL-ORDER

A DOUBLE-BREASTED NAVY SUIT WITH A
DROP-SEAT IN THE PANTS FOR COUSIN WENDELL.

ANYWAY, THAT WAS
PART OF THE REASON.

THE OTHER PART WAS I
WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.

I KNOW. I DIDN'T NEED A
SPECIAL OCCASION FOR THAT.

IT WOULD BE MORE OF AN
OCCASION IF I STOPPED TALKING.

BUT I... I FIGURED SINCE
IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY,

YOU WOULDN'T BE UPSET WHEN
YOU HEAR WHAT I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU.

I'VE DECIDED TO SELL THE HOUSE
AND LEAVE ST. OLAF, CHARLIE.

THE WINTERS ARE ROUGH
HERE IN MINNESOTA.

AND THIS PLACE IS TOO FILLED WITH
MEMORIES TO LET ME GET ON WITH MY LIFE.

I NEED TO START OVER
WITHOUT YOU, CHARLIE.

AND I THINK THIS
IS THE BEST WAY.

I KNOW IT'LL BE TOUGH IN A
STRANGE TOWN... ALL ALONE.

BUT I'VE READ SOME
WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT MIAMI.

IT WON'T BE LONG
BEFORE I MEET NICE PEOPLE

AND MAKE SOME NEW FRIENDS.

I HAVE A REAL GOOD
FEELING ABOUT THAT.

SO... I JUST WANTED YOU
TO KNOW WHAT I DECIDED.

I HOPE TO BE IN FLORIDA
BEFORE THE NEXT WINTER COMES.

BUT I KNOW THAT WHEREVER I
AM, YOU'LL BE RIGHT THERE WITH ME.

I LOVE YOU, CHARLIE.

I MISS YOU.

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

YOU KNOW THE
RULES. I GET THE ROSE.

AND A PINCH OF BAKING SODA.

MA, THAT LOOKED LIKE
AN AWFULLY BIG PINCH.

WHO CARES?

SOPHIA, MAYBE YOU
SHOULD SIT DOWN.

I AM SITTING.

YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA MAKE
YOU A NICE POT OF COFFEE.

DON'T PANIC, I'M FINE. I
HAVEN'T HAD THAT MUCH.

BESIDES, YOU THINK I'D RUIN
ROBERTA'S MILESTONE BIRTHDAY?

- MILESTONE? SHE'S 88.
- RIGHT.

AFTER 80, EVERY YEAR WITHOUT
A HEADSTONE IS A MILESTONE.

I THINK MY MILESTONE
BIRTHDAY WAS WHEN I TURNED 50.

OH, MA, I REMEMBER YOUR 50TH.

WE WERE MEANT TO GO
TO A PARTY AT GUIDO'S,

BUT YOU FOUGHT WITH
POP. I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.

IT WAS BROOKLYN, APRIL, 1956.

DOROTHY, I TELL THE
STORIES AROUND HERE.

PICTURE IT:
BROOKLYN, APRIL, 1956...

[SALVADORE] FINE! IF
THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL!

SOPHIA, I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE!

[SOPHIA] FINE! STAY THERE
FOREVER, YOU BIG BACCIAGALOOP!

- I CURSE THE DAY I MET YOU!
- [SALVADORE] DOUBLED!

MA, IT'S ME, DOROTHY!

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MA.
- AH, SHUT UP!

[DOROTHY] YOU'RE WELCOME.

YOU'LL BE LATE FOR YOUR
BIRTHDAY PARTY. STAN'S IN THE CAR.

- I'M NOT GOING.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHAT DO I HAVE TO CELEBRATE?

A MISERABLE MARRIAGE
AND LEAVING MY HUSBAND?

- YOU HAD A FIGHT.
- YOU LOVE TO SHOW OFF

THAT COLLEGE
EDUCATION, DON'T YOU?

OK, WHY ARE YOU MAD AT POP?

BECAUSE YOUR FATHER IS A
MISERABLE, NO-GOOD, INSENSITIVE BUM!

- [SALVADORE] I HEARD THAT!
- GOOD, THEN HEAR THIS!

MAY YOU LOSE THE THREE
HAIRS LEFT ON YOUR HEAD!

[SALVADORE] OH, YEAH? MAY
YOU LOSE YOUR TWEEZERS

SO YOUR EYEBROWS MEET TO
COVER THE WART ON YOUR FOREHEAD!

THAT'S NOT A WART,
THAT'S A BEAUTY MARK!

[SALVADORE] ON SOPHIA
LOREN, IT'S A BEAUTY MARK!

ON YOU AND
KHRUSHCHEV, IT'S A WART!

POP, ENOUGH! COME OUT
OF THE BEDROOM NOW!

[SALVADORE] NOT WHILE
SHE'S THERE. SHE HIT ME.

- MA!
- WITH A PIECE OF BREAD.

[SALVADORE] FIVE DAYS
OLD! LIKE A JACK HANDLE!

HE DESERVED IT FOR HOW
HE WISHED ME A HAPPY 50TH.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? YOU'RE 48.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

BUT LAST NIGHT, DURING
YOUR SHOW OF SHOWS,

HE HANDS ME PAPERS HE FOUND.

HE SAYS THEY MADE A MISTAKE
ON MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE

WHEN I CAME INTO THIS
COUNTRY AND I'M ACTUALLY 50!

SO WHAT'S THE
DIFFERENCE? YOU'RE 50.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? I GAVE
HIM THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE

AND HE JUST STOLE TWO MORE!

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO DEPRESSED.

OH, MA, IT DOESN'T
MEAN ANYTHING.

50 IS JUST A NUMBER.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, DOROTHY.

I ALWAYS HAD PLANS, DREAMS,
THINGS I WANTED TO ACCOMPLISH

BY THE TIME I WAS 50.

- WHAT KIND OF DREAMS?
- WELL...

FOR ONE THING,

I ALWAYS WANTED
TO BE A BALLERINA.

[SALVADORE] PLEASE!
WITH THOSE LEGS?

COME ON OUT, SALVADORE, I'VE
GOT MORE BREAD WAITING FOR YOU!

I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU. IT
WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN EASIER

TO BREAK INTO BALLET AT 48.

BUT I'D STILL HAVE TWO
MORE YEARS TO DREAM.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I'M 50!

I'M AN OLD LADY WHO HASN'T
ACCOMPLISHED A THING IN LIFE.

YOU HAVEN'T
ACCOMPLISHED A THING?

YOU RAISED THREE KIDS
DURING THE DEPRESSION

AND ALWAYS MANAGED TO
HAVE FOOD ON THE TABLE.

YOU HAD TWO JOBS AS FAR
BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER,

BUT WERE ALWAYS THERE
WHEN WE NEEDED YOU.

YOU GOT ME THROUGH
COLLEGE, BY HELPING PAY FOR IT,

AND BY ENCOURAGING ME
WHEN I FELT LIKE GIVING UP.

DO YOU WANT ME TO GO ON,
MA? WE COULD BE HERE ALL NIGHT.

ENOUGH. RALPH EDWARDS MAKES
LESS OF A FUSS OVER PEOPLE.

[SALVADORE] I'M TIRED OF THIS OLD
LADY BUSINESS! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE AN ASS!

YOU DON'T LOOK 50.

YOU DON'T LOOK 48.

YOU'RE AS BEAUTIFUL AS
THE DAY I MARRIED YOU.

OH, SALVADORE!

TELL ME THAT AGAIN.

[SALVADORE] YOU'RE
ACTING LIKE AN ASS!

HE'S RIGHT.

SALVADORE, OPEN THE DOOR.

WE HAVE A BIRTHDAY
PARTY TO GO TO.

MA!

POP, COME ON. YOU'LL
BE LATE FOR THE PARTY.

[SOPHIA] ER... WE'LL BE THERE
IN ABOUT AN HOUR, DOROTHY.

[SOPHIA] OH, SALVADORE!

[SOPHIA] DOROTHY! ER...
MAKE THAT TWO HOURS!

WOW.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MA.

ACTUALLY, WE NEVER
GOT TO THE PARTY AT ALL.

THERE WERE A LOT OF
DISAPPOINTED PEOPLE.

I WASN'T ONE OF THEM.

NEITHER WAS YOUR FATHER, IF
MEMORY SERVES ME CORRECTLY.

IS THIS CAKE READY? ROBERTA'S
GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

IT'S READY WHEN IT'S READY.

OH, WELL, SHE WON'T
BE SURPRISED ANYWAY.

SURPRISE BIRTHDAY
PARTIES NEVER WORK.

YEAH? WHAT ABOUT THE
SURPRISE PARTY WE THREW FOR YOU

WHEN WE FIRST MOVED
IN? THAT WORKED.

ALMOST.

I MEAN, IT KIND OF WORKED.

HI, ROSE, I PICKED UP
BLANCHE'S BIRTHDAY CAKE.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- DECORATING BLANCHE'S CAKE.

THERE, IT'S FINISHED.

I SAID I WOULD GET THE CAKE!

I KNOW, BUT WHERE I COME FROM,
MOST PEOPLE WON'T EAT STORE-BOUGHT.

ROSE, WHERE YOU COME
FROM, MOST PEOPLE LIVE

IN WINDMILLS AND MAKE
LOVE TO POLKA MUSIC.

STOP IT, DOROTHY, YOU'RE
MAKING ME HOMESICK.

[DOORBELL]

WE'RE COMING!

WHO COULD THAT BE? EVERYBODY
I INVITED IS ALREADY HERE.

- [ROSE] SOPHIA!
- MA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU SHOULDN'T LEAVE THE HOME.
YOU'RE RECOVERING FROM A STROKE!

WHAT RECOVERING? I'M
BACK 100%, KNOCK WOOD.

COME IN!

JUST LISTEN.

WE ARE THROWING A SURPRISE
BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR BLANCHE.

GO OUT TO THE LANAI

- AND MINGLE WITH THE GUESTS.
- CHECK.

- WHAT'S A LANAI?
- THE PORCH!

EXCUSE ME, KRYSTLE CARRINGTON!

BLANCHE IS GONNA BE SURPRISED! IT'S
LUCKY I FOUND OUT TODAY'S HER BIRTHDAY.

- BLANCHE, WHAT'S WRONG?
- NOTHING.

I WANT TO TAKE A BATH
AND FORGET ABOUT TODAY.

- OH, OK.
- NO!

GIRLS, WE HAVEN'T LIVED
TOGETHER VERY LONG,

BUT WHEN I COME HOME MAD
AND SAY NOTHING'S WRONG,

YOU HAVE TO DRAW
WHAT'S WRONG OUT OF ME.

BLANCHE, WHAT'S WRONG?

NOTHING.

OK.

OH, ALL RIGHT,
QUIT BADGERING ME!

I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU
THIS, BUT... TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY.

TODAY'S YOUR BIRTHDAY,
BLANCHE? TODAY?

DOROTHY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
TODAY IS BLANCHE'S BIRTHDAY!

- AND I HATE BIRTHDAYS.
- AND SHE HATES BIRTHDAYS.

THE ONLY THING WORSE
IS SURPRISE PARTIES.

WHAT DID I GET AT WORK TODAY?
A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY.

OH, I WAS SO UPSET
I ALMOST THREW UP.

DID YOU HEAR THAT, DOROTHY?

SURPRISE PARTIES MAKE
BLANCHE WANT TO THROW UP.

HONEY, GO AND TAKE THAT BATH.

WE'LL JUST FORGET THE FACT THAT
TODAY IS REALLY YOUR BIRTHDAY.

WELL, I DON'T SEE HOW
ANYBODY CAN HATE BIRTHDAYS.

WELL, BECAUSE THEY
ARE CONSTANT REMINDERS

THAT WITH EACH PASSING YEAR OUR BODIES
BEGIN TO SAG, OUR FACES BEGIN TO WRINKLE,

OUR HAIR BEGINS TO TURN GRAY.

OF COURSE, NONE OF
THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME YET.

BUT IT'S ONLY A QUESTION OF
TIME UNTIL I LOOK LIKE YOU TWO.

BLANCHE, KEEP THAT UP, YOU
WON'T HAVE THAT MUCH TIME LEFT.

HI, BLANCHE.

I'M HERE FOR YOUR
SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY.

MY WHAT? WHAT? YOU DIDN'T.

OF COURSE WE DIDN'T.

MA, THERE'S NO PARTY.

- MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE YOU HOME.
- AM I FRANCES FARMER?

I KNOW THERE'S A
PARTY OUT THERE!

BLANCHE, I GUESS
WE MADE A MISTAKE.

LOOK, WE'LL CANCEL THE PARTY.

WE'LL FORGET THAT THE
WHOLE THING EVER HAPPENED.

WHOA, EVERYBODY!

THE PARTY'S OFF!
THEY WANT US OUT!

BUT YOU'RE WELCOME TO
COME BACK TO MY PLACE.

IF SOMEONE CAN
TELL ME WHERE IT IS.

ROGER! EDGAR! BURT! LELAND!

WELL, WHAT ARE
THEY ALL DOING HERE?

I INVITED EVERYBODY
IN YOUR ADDRESS BOOK.

THE LITTLE RED ONE
BY MY NIGHT STAND?

NO, THE LITTLE BLACK ONE NEXT
TO YOUR HOT BODY OIL DISPENSER.

WAIT A MINUTE, FELLAS. NO
NEED TO RUSH OFF LIKE THIS.

IT IS MY BIRTHDAY.

WHO WANTS TO BE THE
FIRST ONE TO SPANK ME?

BOY, THAT TURNED OUT TO
BE SOME EVENING, DIDN'T IT?

IT SURE DID.

FROM THAT NIGHT ON, I LEARNED
TO LOVE SURPRISE PARTIES.

IT REMINDED ME OF A PARTY
IN ST OLAF, AS A LITTLE GIRL.

BIG SVEN AND LITTLE SVEN

WERE CELEBRATING
THE FIRST ANNIVERSARY

OF THEIR SMOKED HERRING
HOAGIE HOUSE, WHEN BIG SVEN...

- [PING]
- [ALL THREE] I'LL GET IT!

[SOPHIA] IT'S MY
CAKE. I'LL GET IT.

MA, THAT LOOKS LIKE A COOKIE.

YOU PUT TOO MUCH RUM IN IT.

STICK AN UMBRELLA IN IT
AND SERVE IT WITH STRAWS.

EVERYONE WILL THINK
THEY'RE AT TRADER VIC'S.

LET'S TAKE IT IN. ROBERTA
WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

I HOPE SHE'S SURPRISED. THE BEST
PART OF A BIRTHDAY IS BEING SURPRISED.

[ALL] SURPRISE!

WHAT?

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BLANCHE.
- BUT... BUT...

MY BIRTHDAY'S
NOT TILL NEXT WEEK.

WE KNOW. BUT YOU SAID LAST TIME

WE'D NEVER BE ABLE
TO SURPRISE YOU AGAIN.

- IT WAS THE ONLY WAY TO DO IT.
- YOU DID A GREAT JOB.

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
- SAY IT'S CONGA TIME!

[CONGA MUSIC]