The Ghost and Molly McGee (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Not So Honest Abe/The Best of Nin-tensions - full transcript

Muah‐hah‐ha‐ha‐ha!

‐♪ Can't believe
You're All mine ♪
‐Uh, what?

‐♪ You and me for all time ♪
‐Ugh!

♪ I'm never, ever, ever ♪

‐♪ Gonna be alone again ♪
‐Oh, boy!

♪ The dream team
You and me ♪

For all eternity?!

‐♪ For all eternity! ♪
‐Ah!

♪ It's the ghost
It's a ghost ♪

♪ And Molly McGee ♪

♪ I've been cursed
It's the worst! ♪



[Molly] ♪ Now you're stuck
With me! ♪

♪ We're never
Gonna be apart ♪

♪ Is there a way
To hit restart? ♪

‐ Nope!
‐♪ We're the ghost ♪

♪ Ghost and Molly McGee ♪

‐ That's me!
‐ Well, that's she .

♪ The Ghost
And Molly McGee! ♪

[recorder music playing]

[club music playing]

Whoa, talk about
a long line, huh?

Oh, hey, Cleo! Cleo,
[laughing] I'll see you

on the dance floor!
Lookin' good!

Hey, wait for me, you guys!

Tall guy, people are walkin'
here, okay? Beep beep!



Lincoln! Sorry 'bout that,
Mr. President.

You wanna hang out or,
you know, grab a coffee or‐‐

Oh‐‐ Yeah, no problem.
Yeah, you know, I, uh‐‐

You know, I'll see you in there!

‐[slams]
‐Whoa, VIPs only.

Yes, I know this is
a VIP only club.

And here is my
official VIP card.

You ain't foolin' anyone, pal.
You're a nobody!

I made that.
Did you have to tear it?!

What do you mean
I can't rent a gorilla?

What kind of zoo are you?
Hello? Hello?!

[gasps] Scratch, you're back!
I missed you!

‐Stop! Everything doesn't
‐Let's never be apart

‐have to end in a hug!
‐for 137 minutes ever again!

What‐‐ What's all this?

Well, this whole thing? It's for
Living History day at school.

Everyone has to
bring the past to life

by dressing up as
a famous historical figure.

And it's fun, so, I've been
helping all my classmates

get costumes and props!

Kat needed a Joan of Arc
suit of armor!

Always on a crusade, that one,
know what I mean?

I made Sheela some radioactive
uranium for Madam Curie!

‐Glowing personality!
‐[snaps]

And Jeremy wanted
a National Farm Workers sign

‐for Cesar Chavez!
‐Great guy! Better hair.

Yeah, I just wish I could
get a gorilla for Libby.

She can't be primatologist
Dian Fossey without a gorilla!

Ugh!

[crunching, grunting]

‐[gasps] Ape‐mazing!
‐[grunting]

Darryl, you're perfect!

‐Huh?
‐[phone dings]

If you went all out for
those chumps in your class,

I can't wait to see
how overboard

you've gone on your own project!

‐I bet it's super annoying...
‐Yeah, my project.

‐little glitter and ribbons...
‐Oh, it is. So much glitter.

all kinds of
extra credit points...

‐So many ribbons.
‐and blah blah blah.

‐It's mostly ribbons.
‐Oh, man.

Oh, yeah, totally. [yawns]
Gotta get some sleep.

You know, since all my work's
done. Excellently, I might add.

Sure‐fire A! Classic Molly.
Goodnight!

‐[button clicks]
‐[elevator door opens]

[elevator music playing]

[button clicks]

[elevator hums]

[dings, elevator door opens]

Let me guess,
you've done nothing.

I've done nothing!

But you know what,
it's not too late.

My presentation's about
Abraham Lincoln,

‐the most popular President.
‐[cracks]

There's gotta be lots and lots
of info about him out there.

[keyboard clacking]

There's too much info!

I can't sort through
all of this by morning!

I can't insult our
best President

by having the worst
presentation!

‐I'm letting Lincoln down!
‐[grunting]

Relax, I saw Lincoln yesterday

and I promise you,
he's not gonna care‐‐

I've been studying
for nine hours, and you've

known President Lincoln
this whole time?!

You have to ask him to help me!

Ehh, You know, I don't know.
I mean, Abe's a busy guy.

Between, you know,
emancipatin' this and

‐proclamating that‐‐
‐Okay, Scratch, I get it.

You don't actually know him,
you don't have to lie to me.

Me? Lie?! How dare you!

I'll have you know, Lincoln
calls me "Honest Scratch"!

So, pfft! I'm gonna bring back
my good pal Linc‐dawg,

Abe‐alicious,
the old Abe‐meister,

Lincolnty‐split!
That'll show you!

Lie? Ha!

I mean, even as the words
were comin' out of my mouth,

I was thinking, "Why are
you lying, dumb‐dumb?

This isn't gonna
turn out well for you."

I got a hot Misery Mocha,
extra whip, for Jeff.

‐That's you.
‐Nope, that's Jeff, J‐E‐F‐F.

I'm Geoff, G‐E‐O‐‐

Stop spelling your name and
get back to my problem.

‐F‐F.
‐What am I supposed to do?

Tell Molly the truth?
The truth that I lied?!

Maybe I can still
turn this around.

[stretching]

Do you know
the Gettysburg Address?

Uh, no, but I can probably
pull it up on Ghouly Maps.

Ehh, I only need this
to work for a minute. Yoink!

‐[muttering]
‐[Scratch] Hey, Mol! Wake up!

A house divided against itself
will not stand!

Boom! Abraham Lincoln!

See, I told you I knew him.

Anyway, Abe's very busy, so he‐‐

No‐no‐no‐no, wait, wait
Mr. President, don't go!

I'm your number one fan!

And I really need your help
with my project!

[muffled]

[blubbering]

Well, I'd be
a pretty terrible President

to let down my
number one fan.

So, sure, I can
tell you about Lincoln!

‐Who is me.
‐Woo!

Mr. President,
what are you doing?

We have that thing to go to.

Don't worry, I'm great
at getting into character!

I go deep.

Now, where to start?

Let's mix it up and
start in the middle.

Like your middle name?

Right. It was Ralph.

I thought you didn't
have a middle name.

Listen, kid, I'm Honest Abe.
That means I can't lie.

I'm sorry I didn't believe you,
Scratch.

That is definitely
President Lincoln.

That's okay.
We all make mistakes.

[to self] Especially me. Today.

[indistinct chatter]

‐Greetings, I am Dian Fossey.
‐[Darryl grunting]

I studied mountain gorillas
in Rwanda and‐‐

‐Darryl, stop grooming me!
‐[shrieks]

[indistinct chatter]

‐I am Abraham Lincoln,
‐[presidential music plays]

16th President of
the United States of America.

You all know that I practiced
law, but did you know that,

in my spare time,
I also taught bears to polka?

What?

Then, I set out to sea

to find my fortune as a pirate,

and went by the name
Calico Jack!

‐[laughs]
‐I warn you, Ms. McGee,

that those who make
a mockery of history

are doomed to repeat it
next semester.

I can't just float here and
watch her humiliate herself

[snaps] I need pizza!

[club music playing]

I got a pizza for an A. Lincoln.

I'll take it to him.

Well, it's a personal pizza,

so I gotta deliver it,
[clears throat] personally.

Oh, nice try.

Wait, wait‐wait‐wait!

‐[squelches]
‐Aah!

Chicago Style!

It's not even pizza!

[club music playing]

[music stops]

Hey, turn the music back on!

FDR needs his EDM!

Abraham Lincoln! I need to find
Lincoln! Anybody seen him?

No! [straining] Let go of me!

Funny story, I wore this hat
because of a bad hair day,

and now, it's my signature look.

Mr. Lincoln! There you are!

Yes, it's me.

Look, ya gotta help me!

There's this human
named Molly, okay?

She's bombing a school
presentation on you,

and, well, it may be because

I slightly led her to believe
I knew you.

[bangs keys]

I never encourage deceit and
falsehood, young man.

[foreboding music]

Okay, I lied to her and
set her up with a fake Lincoln

so she wouldn't find out I'm
such a loser in the Ghost World!

I care what she thinks of me,
okay?!

Also, I didn't pay for my mocha!

Wow. I did not mean
to admit any of that.

They don't call me
Honest Abe for nothin'.

Now, she's spoutin' nonsense
at school!

She's a laughing stock!

She's gonna fail her class
because of me.

Truth is your truest friend.

But sounds like this Molly
character is a close second.

She is.

Let us go right this wrong.

And, uh, don't forget
to tip the waiter.

We may be dead, but
we all gotta make a living.

‐[students laughing]
‐And that's how

I carved my own face
into Mount Rushmore

with nothing but my bare hands
and a spork.

[laughing]

Uh, excuse me, I need to use
the little presidents' room.

I don't get it, Mr. President.

I'm telling them the truth,
but they don't believe me.

Molly! I am so sorry to say

that this Lincoln
is an imposter!

[gasps] Geoff?! How dare you
pretend to be Lincoln!

‐Yeah, well, you‐‐
‐Oh‐da‐da‐da‐da‐dah!

Don't worry, Molly,
I brought you something better.

The true President Lincoln
at your service.

So, you did lie to me, Scratch!

Okay, yes, I lied, but, it...

Wow, that truth stare
really does it.

Look, I just wanted you
to think I'm important

because you're important to me.

So, you nearly ruined my grade
because you care about me?!

That's the nicest thing
you've ever done, Scratch!

‐[crying] That is so sweet!
‐All right, I'm not a tissue.

You can always tell
the greatness of a ghost

by the lengths he will go to
for a friend.

Now, what do you say we
go fix your presentation?

[laughing]

[awkward laugh] I'm
glad you're entertained.

Because I, Abe Lincoln,
was well known

for my wicked sense of humor and
ability to tell a ripping yarn!

All jokes aside, I'd like
to give my real presentation.

Now, it's a little
out of the ordinary,

but I think it really
brings history to life.

‐[snaps]
‐[lights click off]

♪ Mr. Abraham Lincoln
Stood six foot four ♪

♪ He kept us united
Through the Civil War ♪

♪ ' Cause he believed every
Person had the right to be ♪

♪ Unchained, liberated
Completely free ♪

♪ So, he rocked the nation
With a proclamation ♪

♪ The document advanced
In emancipation ♪

‐Ah‐ha!
‐♪ But the states in the south
Didn't like him messin' ♪

♪ So, they said peace out
Hashtag succession! ♪

♪ Lincoln said, that's not
Gonna work for me ♪

♪ I don't agree with
The evils of slavery ♪

‐♪ He said the founding fathers
Had a master plan ♪
‐♪ Uh, uh, uh ♪

♪ And a house divided
Can't stand ♪

♪ Abraham Lincoln was the man! ♪

♪ Abraham Lincoln was the man! ♪

‐♪ Everybody give the guy
A hand ♪
‐♪ Uh, uh, uh! ♪

♪ Abraham Lincoln ♪

♪ Lincoln was the man! ♪

[cheers]

I feel like Lincoln
is here in the room!

Abe‐plus!

[indistinct chatter]

Thank you, Mr. President.
And thank you, Scratch.

I hope you've both
learned a lesson today.

‐Right, let's never get into
‐Yes, let's never do anything

‐this situation again.
‐nice for anybody again.

‐Wait, what'd you say? Oh, okay.
‐Same thing as you.

Get lost, history nerds!
Time for the science fair!

Science fair?! Oh, no! Oh!
Scratch, do you know Einstein?

Yes, because I've
learned nothing!

[Molly and Scratch]
♪ The ghost and Molly McGee! ♪

[recorder music playing]

Hey, Mom? You know
how Grandma Nin

is always saying
she wants to visit?

Did she say that?

When can I visit
my grandchildren?

Uh... not now. We just moved.
There are boxes everywhere!

‐Now, can I visit my gran‐‐
‐Hello? Can't hear‐‐

‐[crumpling paper]
‐Bad connecti‐‐

‐No, you can't visit!
‐[Nin] I haven't asked yet.

[explodes]

Okay, so she may have
dropped some hints.

Well, good news, I picked up
on each and every one

of those hints and...
get excited...

I invited Grandma Nin
for a visit!

[sound of doom]

[slow motion thunk]

‐You did wha‐‐
‐[doorbell rings]

[gasps] Oh, boy! She's here!

[Darryl and Scratch]
Nin‐coming!

Nin's coming?

She's here.

‐Sawadee kup, Grandma Nin!
‐Sawadee ka, Grandma Nin!

Molly! Darryl! I have presents!

‐Yeah!
‐Ooh, my favorite!

You're here! You and your snacks
are finally here!

Khanom Buang for
my favorite ghost!

[angelic vocals]

[sucks]

She's my favorite family member.
[spits]

Sorry, Molly, but
it's time you knew.

‐Nin! So good to see you!
‐Peter,

for you, I have
a very special Thai fruit.

Oh, it's a durian!

Oh. Wow. A durian, you say?

Thank you, so much. I'll just...

[chomps, grunts]

You have to open it first.

[mouthful] I know! I was just...
[pops]

showing Darryl
how not to eat it.

Seemed obvious, but okay.

Come on, son, let's go crack
this bad boy open. Now.

What? He'll love it!

Sawadee ka, Khun Mae.

I have no present for you,
Sharon.

I spent enough money
on your art degree.

Didn't take long
for that to come up.

Oh, look at this! My Mom!
My Mom's Mom!

All under the same roof!
[sniffs] Breathing the same air!

‐Eating the same snacks!
‐Aren't you excited?!

[high pitched voice] So excited!
Very, very, very excited!

Scratch, do you sense
something wrong

‐between Mom and Grandma Nin?
‐Nope!

[Nin] When do you
have to go sell pork?

[grunts] I've explained this
before, Mom.

I'm a Gig‐Pig.
Pork is not involved.

[grunts] Usually.

Ah, you're overreacting.
You know, not everything

has to be fluffy ponies and
rainbows all the time.

Um, one; hard disagree.

Two; if Mom and Grandma Nin
are distant now,

they might grow
even further apart!

Then Grandma Nin may
never come visit again!

Ah! And I'll never taste her
Nin‐credible snacks again!

‐[crunches] Molly!
‐Uh! Ugh!

We have to get to the bottom
of this problem!

For Mom, for Grandma Nin,
most of all, for me!

[cracks]

Ugh! It smells like rotten eggs
and burnt rubber!

Hey, Dad, what's going on
with‐‐ Oh!

Sweet baby corn,
what died in here?!

Hey, that's offensive. [sniffs]

But, not as offensive
as that! Ugh!

It's the durian Nin
brought me to [gags] eat.

Oh. Well... anyway,

what's going on with Mom
and Grandma Nin?

I'm sensing... tension.

[thunder claps]

Molly, we do not speak of...

‐[thunder claps]
‐The Tensions!

‐[lightening zaps]
‐[dishes rattle]

‐[thunder rumbles]
‐[toaster pops]

That's... odd.

Trust me, Molly, just pretend
everything is normal,

and happy and cozy.
[crazed laugh]

Then pray you don't
get burned in the inevitable

scorched Earth brouhaha
between Mom and Nin!

Such is the way with...
The Tensions!

[thunder cracks]

Cool, good talk...

Dad.

We're gonna...

‐go now.
‐Yeah, we got something

‐to do back here...
‐Something to do...

‐A lot of stuff to do...
‐In the other room...

‐Have you tried your fruit,
Peter?
‐Ah!

Just about to, Nin.

So... yum

Mmm, mmm!

[Nin giggles]

[spits]

[gasping] That was close.

Now we just have to get rid of‐‐

Darryl, no!

[munching] Mm,
It's not that bad.

We gotta fix this situation

because I am not losing
Grandma Nin!

‐You mean her snacks?
‐Or her snacks!

Of course, her snacks
are delicious!

So, what's the plan?
We put 'em through

a terrifying ordeal
that'll bind 'em for life!

Or, we could gently remind them
that they love each other?

I mean, if you wanna do
the least fun way to do that,

then, yeah,
let's give it a whirl.

[upbeat music playing]

[both munching]

[slurping]

[Molly]
♪ I'm gonna make you make up ♪

♪ I'm gonna fix
All your feelings ♪

♪ I'm not givin' up ♪

♪ I'm like a freight train
Of love ♪

♪ And I'm barreling toward you ♪

♪ To help you start healing ♪

♪ By smashing your bodies
Into a hug ♪

♪ Gonna make you make up ♪

♪ And I'm not gonna drop it ♪

♪ It's basic first aid ♪

♪ I'm putting pressure
On the wound ♪

♪ This fight is a pimple ♪

♪ You just need me
To pinch it ♪

♪ Gonna make you make up ♪

♪ I'll get your hearts
Back in tune ♪

♪ Gonna make you make up ♪

♪ I'll make you make up
Real soon ♪

♪ Your love is backed up ♪

♪ But I'm your
Emotional prune. ♪

[squishes]

[Dad]
Ten dollars.

You can do better
than ten dollars.

Okay, ten dollars and
I do your chores for a week.

Ten dollars, two weeks and
when my report card comes in,

you say to Mom, quote,

I think we place too much
emphasis on good grades.

‐Deal?
‐Deal. Now eat this durian.

‐Hey, Dad, I‐‐ Ugh!
‐Ooh!

That thing's not getting
any better, is it?

Um, remember how you told us to
not get in between Mom and Nin?

I told you not to mess with...
The Tensions.

‐[thunder crashes]
‐[shatters]

Gotta say, as
a supernatural entity,

I am telling you, that is odd!

We were thinking
you could ask Mom

about her beef
with Grandma Nin?

[laughs] I'd rather
eat the durian.

Speaking of, get chewing,
there, kiddo.

Dad, if me and Mom
didn't get along,

wouldn't you do everything
you could to fix us?

[crunches]

[Mom sneezes]

Sharon, you can't hide under
the bed until your mom leaves.

Hiding? What? I'm just clearing
out all these dust bunnies.

Honey, we need to talk about...
[whispers] The Tensions.

[thunder crashes]

So, so odd.

[Dad] We have to get
to the bottom of this.

It's affecting the family...
and the weather.

Could she still be mad
that we eloped?

Is that it? Because we
never had a proper wedding?

Stay out of it, Pete!

[Molly] That's it, Scratch!

Grandma Nin didn't get to see
her daughter get married!

Oh, she must've been so hurt.

[gasps] We gotta throw a wedding
for Mom and Grandma Nin!

Don't you mean, Mom and Dad?

Uh, Scratch, everyone knows

weddings are all about
the parents.

‐Guys! There's a two‐headed bird
‐[spits]

in the backyard and
it's fighting with itself!

‐[wedding march plays]
‐Ah, surprise!

Happy Wedding Day!
Also, I made up the bird thing.

Wedding?

Aw, I wanted
a two‐headed bird fight.

Molly, who's getting married?

You and Dad!
This is the wedding that

Grandma Nin has
always wanted for you!

Ooh, exciting!

If this is what will
finally make you happy,

then Pete,
we're getting hitched!

Ah, that takes me back.

[clangs]

Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here today

to join this Mom and this Dad
with this Mong Kol,

as a symbol of their
undying love times infinity.

If there's anyone that objects,
keep it to yourselves.

Dad, please present the Sin Sod.

I ask for your daughter's
hand in marriage

by presenting you
with this gift.

There're a lot
of pennies in here.

Yeah, I only found out
about this five minutes ago.

Is that what you're wearing
to your wedding?

It was a surprise wedding!

And you don't have
much room to talk.

‐Speed it up, Mol!
‐Moving on super‐super quickly

to the Sang Rot Naam!

Be still! And sit up straight!
You're only half‐blessed.

This is why Pete and I eloped!

‐[clangs]
‐[squelches]

‐[bonks]
‐[creaks]

‐[screams]
‐[shatters]

Ah! Nin! I'm coming for you!

[all grunting, shrieking]

‐[cow bell clangs]
‐[cow moos]

[Mom] Mom, stop stepping on me!

You stop stepping on me!

Oh, right, because
everything I do is wrong!

Ah! I thought I'd lost you and
your sweet treats forever.

You have. I'm going home.
This visit was a mistake!

Finally! Something
we can agree on!

Oh, no! Molly! Molly,
the family's falling apart!

And it's all happening so fast!

That's it! No one
is leaving this wedding

‐[shrieks]
‐until you two hash it out!

‐What?
‐I know, deep down,

you two still love each other.

We threw this whole wedding
so Grandma would get over

the fact that you
and Dad eloped!

Eloped? No, Molly,
you've got it all wrong.

Grandma Nin
doesn't care about that.

She's upset that I
didn't finish my law degree

and studied art instead.

Ohh!

No, you've got it wrong, Sharon.

I'm upset because
you gave up on your art.

Ohh!

I worked hard so you
could follow your dream.

You are talented, tii rák.

You always have been.

So stop selling pork and
get back to your art.

Oh, Mom. There is no pork.

But I get what you're saying.
And thank you.

Now, hug it out
and seal the deal!

I'm not leaving
anything to chance!

All right, come again soon!

And you know, if you can't,
send snacks!

Thank you, Nin, for the durian.
It was fantastic.

I enjoyed every last bite.

[Nin] Then, here! Enjoy!

[shudders]

Almost forgot!
A gift for you, Sharon.

Bye, Mom!

[engine revs]

‐Bye, Nin!
‐Bye, Grandma Nin!

What is it, Mom?

A reminder.

[Scratch] The post office
has flat rate boxes!

You can ship anything‐‐

♪ The Ghost and Molly McGee! ♪