The Garfield Show (2008–2016): Season 1, Episode 5 - A Game of Cat and Mouse/Perfect Pizza - full transcript
Garfield aways was friends with a resident mouse, but now it brought dozens of 'homeless relatives', who are willing to wait on the cat hand and foot but soon get discovered. So Jon demands their eviction or he'll hire an exterminator and pay for it with Garfied's lasagna budget. The cat can't physically pull that off, but thinks up an alternative.
-[Garfield snoring]
-[alarm rings]
[upbeat theme song playing]
-[Garfield] Hee-hee!
-[remote clicks]
[alarm clock ringing]
And don't come back
until you learn to stop waking me up.
Morning, Garfield.
[Garfield] Morning, Squeak.
Whoever invented the alarm clock
should be dragged
into the street and beaten.
-Hi again, Garfield.
-Hi again, Squeak.
No, that's too good for him.
Instead, they should make him sleep
with an alarm clock nearby.
Hi one more time, Garfield.
Hi one more time, Squeak.
I'm getting an awful lot of Squeak
this morning.
I'll figure out
what's going on after breakfast.
Make that after lunch.
[gasps]
[mice chattering]
-[gasping]
-[mouse singing in shower]
[clang!]
[mice] Whoaaaa!
[mouse] Wheee!
-[mouse 1] Got it.
-[mouse 2] Got it
We seem to have
a mouse convention in progress.
Oh, well, it's not my problem.
[mice gasp, shriek]
What?
[snarls]
This is my problem!
-Squeak!
-You squeaked?
Ahem. Look at what's in my dish.
There's nothing in your dish.
My point exactly.
Please, Garfield, old pal, old friend.
Please be understanding.
You ate my breakfast.
All these mice,
my cousins and uncles and nephews,
they had no place else to go.
[sad violin symphony playing]
[mice gasp]
They all lived in that big house
down the block that just got torn down.
You ate my breakfast.
I couldn't just turn them away.
I couldn't just send them out
into the cold, cruel snow.
[birds chirping]
It's 92 degrees outside.
And you still ate my breakfast.
Look, Garfield,
if you let us stay, we'll behave.
We can help out,
do things for you, be your servants.
Servants?
Servants would be nice.
[playing easy-listening jazz]
From now on, I'd like my grapes peeled.
-Peeled?
-Peeled. And take out the seeds.
The seeds? Oh.
This is the life.
But I don't think I could take
any more than,
oh, say about 20 or 30 years of it.
-[Odie yipping]
-[mice gasp]
Or maybe 20 or 30 seconds.
Quick, everyone, hide! Am-scray!
[Jon] Garfield! We're back!
-Unfortunately.
-[Squeak] What's the matter?
If Jon finds out the house is full
of mice, he'll expect me to--
-Oh! Got it.
-[Jon] There you are, Garfield.
Looks like everything's been peaceful
while we were away.
Yeah, sure looks that way.
[Odie yipping]
Hey, have that thing sanitized
for my protection.
Hmm? [sniffing]
While I'm away, I always feel secure
knowing you're watching
the house, Garfield.
I feel good when you're away, too.
I know there won't be any intruders
or accidents, or mice.
Especially mice.
[sniffing]
[Garfield] No, you're not
smelling a mouse.
There isn't a mouse
within 20 miles of here.
Get your nose fixed.
All that walking around Odie and I did,
I just kept thinking how good
it would be to get home and...
just to relax in my home here
knowing it's free from mice.
Because, as you know, nothing bothers me
more than mice in my house.
[Odie snarling]
-[sighs] But first, something to eat.
-[Odie whimpering]
Blecch!
It was rough under there! I was just--
Oh!
[Odie yowls]
-[crash!]
-[Odie] Oww! Oww!
[Jon] Maybe later we'll order
from Lasagna Palace and then...
Garfield.
Is that a mouse?
Mouse? What mouse?
In your hand. That is a mouse.
What, this?
[whispering] Make like you're a toy.
Oh, no! This is a happy fun kitty toy
thingie-ma-bob.
Oh, it's just a kitty toy thingie-ma-bob.
Squeak! Squeak!
Well, I guess it's cute.
I need to get something to eat.
-Garfield said we should hide.
-[mice gasp]
Ohh.
Garfield! Did you eat all my crackers?
Oh! We'd better get outta here.
[Jon] What are you going to do about this?
[mouse screams]
[Tarzan cry]
I have mice in my cupboard!
[mice giggling]
[Jon gasps]
I have mice in my silverware drawer!
[mouse singing]
I even have mice in my sink!
Uh, do you mind? I'm taking a bath here.
Garfield!
[mice screeching]
Mice everywhere. How did that happen?
I have no idea.
-Well, I have to go water my ferns.
-No, you don't. Come with me.
I saw this website and bookmarked it.
-It's for a service called Ratator Pest.
-Ratator Pest?
Pay attention.
Couldn't we go to one of those websites
where you can order pizza delivered?
[man] Mouse problem in your house?
Then why not call Ratator Pest?
Our trained specialists
will rush to your home
where they will stop at nothing.
[maniacal laughter]
The mouse or rat hasn't lived
who can defy the might of Ratator Pest.
They can run, they can hide
like the rodents they are,
but they can never get away!
[maniacal laughter]
Ratator Pest. A mouse's worst nightmare.
Click here to order our service.
I'm not going to click... now,
because they're expensive
and getting rid of mice is your job.
I mean, you are the cat around here.
You are going to get rid of these mice.
Every last one of them.
[Odie yipping]
[Odie growling]
-[Odie snarls]
-[Garfield whistles]
[gasps]
-I'm going out for a while. Come on, Odie.
-[Odie barks]
If there's a single mouse here
when I get back, I'm calling Ratator Pest.
And I'm deducting the cost
from my cat food budget.
You won't see lasagna
in this house for years.
For years? The barbarian.
Why doesn't he just cut off my oxygen?
-[gasps]
-[mice chattering]
Guys, you've got to leave here.
Guys? Guys? Yoo-hoo!
Calling all mice, calling all mice!
-Squeak!
-Hey, now that what's-his-name is gone,
we have the house to ourselves!
No, no, no, you've got to leave.
All of you.
Right this minute, if not sooner.
No way, this is our new home.
[hisses, snarls, yowls]
Boo.
[chuckles]
You think we're gonna run from that?
-Other cats scare mice.
-Other cats eat mice.
You're gonna start eating mice, Garfield?
-[gasps] The very idea of it.
-Then it looks like we're here to stay.
It's no use. It's not in my blood.
What am I gonna do? I'll lose my lasagna
for at least a year.
Jon will call that horrible Ratator Pest.
That service thing on the Internet,
that terrible Ratator Pest.
I know!
Squeak! I have to show you something.
Hey, I was making a sandwich.
Later. This is more important.
Ratator Pest, a mouse's worst nightmare.
Click here to order our service.
This is awful.
Garfield, you wouldn't.
You're right. I wouldn't.
But Jon would and will. Unless...
-Unless what?
-Unless you go along with my plan.
Anything, anything.
Get all the mice together.
We're gonna have to rehearse
before Jon returns.
Garfield, we're back.
Are the mice gone yet?
[mice playing "charge" fanfare]
Okay, I guess the mice aren't gone yet.
That's it, I'm calling Ratator Pest!
[spy genre soundtrack playing]
-[snaps fingers]
-[mice shrieking]
[chuckles]
Garfield, you handled that so well.
[Odie barks]
Naturally.
I feel like you deserve a reward,
but I have no idea what it should be.
Oh! "Luigi's Lasagna Palace, we deliver."
Good idea, Garfield. I'll call
and have them deliver hot lasagna.
You do that again and you'll wind up
in the bag with them.
[Odie sighs]
[doorbell rings]
Garfield, lasagna's here! Garfield!
Hurry, everyone in.
Thanks for everything, Garfield.
Don't mention it.
I hope you're happy living at Luigi's.
How could we not be?
All the lasagna we can eat. See you.
All the lasagna they can eat.
Garfield, lasagna!
Funny. That usually gets him here
in under three seconds.
[woman, Italian accent]
Luigi! Luigi, where are you?
Oh, there you are.
Luigi, you have to do something!
Call an exterminator
to get rid of these mice.
Never mind the mice.
I need an exterminator to get rid of him!
[Garfield] I think I'm gonna like it here.
[carefree music on television]
[Garfield] Faster, Odie.
And angrier.
I'm much more impatient than that.
I'd be pacing back and forth impatiently,
but it's easier to have Odie do it for me.
Jon ordered that pizza
almost 12 minutes ago.
It's too late for me. I'm famished.
Even if it came this minute,
I'd be too weak to answer the door.
[Odie yowls]
-[vehicle approaching, tires screech]
-[doorbell rings]
-I'll get it!
-I'll bring in the pizza.
I'll bring in the pizza.
You bring out the money.
Attention, hungry cat.
-You ever feed that cat?
-No more than ten times a day.
Ahh! Vito's Pizza,
the best pizza in the world.
[sniffing]
[snap!]
[groans]
Something is very wrong here.
That was the worst pizza I ever had.
It was dry.
It was tasteless.
Vito, what have you done to me?
[gasps]
"Mama Meany's Pizza Palace"?
I know it wasn't a Vito's pizza,
but I had a coupon for this place.
You don't mind, do you?
-[Odie groans]
-[Jon yells]
Okay, I guess you mind a little.
[Vito] Mr. Arbuckle, it is
so good to see you.
-It is so good to see any customer.
-Well, business isn't good, Vito?
Business is terrible since this new
pizza shop opened next door.
[epic soundtrack plays]
Look at this monstrosity,
Mama Meany's Pizza Palace! Ptooey!
Mama Meany's Pizza Palace Ptooey?
She's the one who made that awful pizza?
They have coupons and deals and contests
and they've stolen all my customers away.
So why not sell this dump of yours to me
so I can expand my business?
-Never!
-Are you...?
Right. I'm Mama Meany.
Here, have a coupon.
Twelve pizzas for the price of one.
[gasps] Twelve pizzas?
That's quite a deal.
Not if they're not edible.
His pizzas are horrible
the way he makes them.
Let Vito show you
how pizza should be made.
The dough is hand-mixed. I taste it myself
to make sure it is right.
Then I toss it in my hands.
I put on the sauce, lots of it!
Then the cheese, even more of it!
And now I add the sausage
and the pepperoni
and the onions and the mushrooms
and the anchovies...
-[Garfield gasps]
-All right. No anchovies.
-[Garfield sighs]
-[Meany laughs]
That's quaint,
but would you follow me, please?
[dramatic soundtrack plays]
Let me show you how we do it now,
the modern, cost-effective way.
It's so much better to do it by machine.
The Pizzagrand 7000,
capable of outputting ten pizzas a minute.
That thing makes pizzas?
Pizza by machine? That is inhuman.
It is vulgar. It is ridiculous.
[electronic voice] Pizza completed.
-There you are, piping-hot pizza.
-[Vito] That is no way to make pizza.
I'll try a slice. Garfield, you want one?
No way.
I've tried Mama Meany's alleged pizza.
Ohh! [sniffs] Mmm.
[horn squeaks]
I'd like a pizza with everything, please.
-Allow me to show you how it works.
-Yes, sir, Mama Meany.
One pizza with everything.
[bell clangs]
Hey! Do I look like a ball of dough?
Don't answer that. Help!
[steam huffing, bells clanging]
This pizza tastes a lot like cardboard.
Uh, no, it doesn't.
My all-meat special tastes like cardboard.
This one tastes like Styrofoam.
Pepperoni, onions, peppers, anchovies.
Hey, no anchovies.
-Pineapple?
-Yes, fine.
[clang!]
-And five, four, three, two...
-Pizza completed.
[choral fanfare plays]
[gags]
Here you go, pal.
[customer] When I said
I wanted everything on my pizza,
I didn't mean a pussycat!
Hey, you're better off with me
than one of this guy's rotten pizzas.
I'm sorry, Mama Meany.
I will never order from you again.
But what if I offer you discounts?
Discounts?
And contests with big cash prizes?
Big cash prizes? Yes, yes.
You see? My promotions
will trump your pizza every time.
Which is why you'll sell your business
to me so I can tear it down and expand.
[phone rings]
Vito's Pizza.
I'm sorry, we are closing down and--
Yes, this is Eddie Gourmand,
the world famous TV food critic.
I'm sure you have heard of me or seen me.
[chuckles]
I've decided to try your pizza,
and if I like it, I will recommend it
to the millions of people
who watch my reviews on television.
-Recommend my pizzas to millions?
-That's right, millions.
So have a large pepperoni to my home,
747 Waffle Street,
in 30 minutes, or else bye-bye!
This is my chance! Eddie Gourmand
is going to review my pizza!
Eddie Gourmand?
But he has a huge following.
And what's worse, he has good taste!
Out of my way, Mama!
After Eddie Gourmand
tells the world about my pizza,
crowds will flock to my store!
Well, we'll just have to make sure
that doesn't happen.
But, Vito, I don't know anything
about delivering pizzas.
My truck isn't working and the pizzas
have to be at this address in...
-Twelve minutes. Hurry!
-Hey, wait for the star of the show!
Forget them. We have to stop that pizza
from being delivered.
[horn honks]
Mama mia! Mama Meany is trying to stop
the delivery! I cannot let that happen!
[motorcycle revs, tires screech]
If I don't get to 747 Waffle Street,
there will be no more Vito's Pizza!
-[driver] Hop on.
-[engine revs]
-[chuckles]
-[Jon snarls]
-[sighs]
-[Jon snarls]
Waffle Street?
You'll have to find it on the map.
Which will be kind of hard
since this is a map of Portugal.
-[Garfield shrieks]
-He's trying to run us off the road!
Whoaaaa!
Mama Meany. He's trying to stop us
from delivering Vito's pizza!
[Garfield] Sure looks that way.
Okay, pal, lemme have that pizza!
[chuckles] What pizza? Do I have a pizza?
You've got just three seconds
to hand over that pizza, fella!
This guy plays rough.
I'd better do something.
I may need ammunition.
Listen, maybe we could forget
all this pizza stuff
and send out for Chinese food?
Ahem. Oh, Mama, looks like you have
a pizza delivery truck to go.
Our truck!
[crash!]
[Garfield] Onward,
we have pizza to deliver.
-[screeching]
-Don't let him get away!
Oh! They're right behind us!
[horn blaring]
These are Mama Meany's pizzas.
Here's the only thing they're good for.
They make great Frisbees.
[tires squealing]
Look out! You're steering crazy!
I can't see, there's rancid pepperoni
all over the windshield.
[screeching]
[crash!]
[billboard creaking]
[both gasping]
[crash!]
You did it, Garfield!
Nothing can stop us now.
[both shrieking]
[Jon] Whoaaaaaa!
[tires screech]
It's no use! We have one minute
to get the pizza to 747 Waffle Street.
Not so. This is 747 Waffle Street.
-We're here. Quick, give me the pizza.
-Wait, that's not--
[driver] Just in time.
Well, it's about time. Ten more seconds
and I'd give you a bad review!
[chuckles] Here, taste. You will love!
[Eddie chomping]
Ptooey! Why, this is the worst pizza
I've ever eaten!
My pizza, the worst?
[Garfield] Here.
Have a real Vito's pizza.
[Eddie] "Mama Meany's Pizza Palace?"
This isn't Vito pizza.
[sniffing, chewing]
Mmm! Yes, this is Vito's pizza.
Mmm!
This is the best pizza I've ever eaten.
[Eddie chuckles]
Thank you, cat.
I think you deserve some, too.
I thought you'd never offer.
So, for the best pizza
on this entire plan-o-mundo-mundo...
go to Vito's.
And if you want the worst pizza
on this planet, well, try Mama Meany's.
It stinks.
Ho-ho-ho! I love the Eddie Gourmand!
Every time they rerun that review,
I get another hundred orders.
So I see.
[sighs] Maybe I can retool
the pizza-making machine
to make steel-belted radial tires.
They taste about the same.
I am so grateful for your help,
all of you.
From now on, as much pizza as you want,
you are Vito's guests!
All the free pizza we want?
Will he ever stop?
Oh, sure.
He's bound to hit anchovies eventually.
[slurps]
-[alarm rings]
[upbeat theme song playing]
-[Garfield] Hee-hee!
-[remote clicks]
[alarm clock ringing]
And don't come back
until you learn to stop waking me up.
Morning, Garfield.
[Garfield] Morning, Squeak.
Whoever invented the alarm clock
should be dragged
into the street and beaten.
-Hi again, Garfield.
-Hi again, Squeak.
No, that's too good for him.
Instead, they should make him sleep
with an alarm clock nearby.
Hi one more time, Garfield.
Hi one more time, Squeak.
I'm getting an awful lot of Squeak
this morning.
I'll figure out
what's going on after breakfast.
Make that after lunch.
[gasps]
[mice chattering]
-[gasping]
-[mouse singing in shower]
[clang!]
[mice] Whoaaaa!
[mouse] Wheee!
-[mouse 1] Got it.
-[mouse 2] Got it
We seem to have
a mouse convention in progress.
Oh, well, it's not my problem.
[mice gasp, shriek]
What?
[snarls]
This is my problem!
-Squeak!
-You squeaked?
Ahem. Look at what's in my dish.
There's nothing in your dish.
My point exactly.
Please, Garfield, old pal, old friend.
Please be understanding.
You ate my breakfast.
All these mice,
my cousins and uncles and nephews,
they had no place else to go.
[sad violin symphony playing]
[mice gasp]
They all lived in that big house
down the block that just got torn down.
You ate my breakfast.
I couldn't just turn them away.
I couldn't just send them out
into the cold, cruel snow.
[birds chirping]
It's 92 degrees outside.
And you still ate my breakfast.
Look, Garfield,
if you let us stay, we'll behave.
We can help out,
do things for you, be your servants.
Servants?
Servants would be nice.
[playing easy-listening jazz]
From now on, I'd like my grapes peeled.
-Peeled?
-Peeled. And take out the seeds.
The seeds? Oh.
This is the life.
But I don't think I could take
any more than,
oh, say about 20 or 30 years of it.
-[Odie yipping]
-[mice gasp]
Or maybe 20 or 30 seconds.
Quick, everyone, hide! Am-scray!
[Jon] Garfield! We're back!
-Unfortunately.
-[Squeak] What's the matter?
If Jon finds out the house is full
of mice, he'll expect me to--
-Oh! Got it.
-[Jon] There you are, Garfield.
Looks like everything's been peaceful
while we were away.
Yeah, sure looks that way.
[Odie yipping]
Hey, have that thing sanitized
for my protection.
Hmm? [sniffing]
While I'm away, I always feel secure
knowing you're watching
the house, Garfield.
I feel good when you're away, too.
I know there won't be any intruders
or accidents, or mice.
Especially mice.
[sniffing]
[Garfield] No, you're not
smelling a mouse.
There isn't a mouse
within 20 miles of here.
Get your nose fixed.
All that walking around Odie and I did,
I just kept thinking how good
it would be to get home and...
just to relax in my home here
knowing it's free from mice.
Because, as you know, nothing bothers me
more than mice in my house.
[Odie snarling]
-[sighs] But first, something to eat.
-[Odie whimpering]
Blecch!
It was rough under there! I was just--
Oh!
[Odie yowls]
-[crash!]
-[Odie] Oww! Oww!
[Jon] Maybe later we'll order
from Lasagna Palace and then...
Garfield.
Is that a mouse?
Mouse? What mouse?
In your hand. That is a mouse.
What, this?
[whispering] Make like you're a toy.
Oh, no! This is a happy fun kitty toy
thingie-ma-bob.
Oh, it's just a kitty toy thingie-ma-bob.
Squeak! Squeak!
Well, I guess it's cute.
I need to get something to eat.
-Garfield said we should hide.
-[mice gasp]
Ohh.
Garfield! Did you eat all my crackers?
Oh! We'd better get outta here.
[Jon] What are you going to do about this?
[mouse screams]
[Tarzan cry]
I have mice in my cupboard!
[mice giggling]
[Jon gasps]
I have mice in my silverware drawer!
[mouse singing]
I even have mice in my sink!
Uh, do you mind? I'm taking a bath here.
Garfield!
[mice screeching]
Mice everywhere. How did that happen?
I have no idea.
-Well, I have to go water my ferns.
-No, you don't. Come with me.
I saw this website and bookmarked it.
-It's for a service called Ratator Pest.
-Ratator Pest?
Pay attention.
Couldn't we go to one of those websites
where you can order pizza delivered?
[man] Mouse problem in your house?
Then why not call Ratator Pest?
Our trained specialists
will rush to your home
where they will stop at nothing.
[maniacal laughter]
The mouse or rat hasn't lived
who can defy the might of Ratator Pest.
They can run, they can hide
like the rodents they are,
but they can never get away!
[maniacal laughter]
Ratator Pest. A mouse's worst nightmare.
Click here to order our service.
I'm not going to click... now,
because they're expensive
and getting rid of mice is your job.
I mean, you are the cat around here.
You are going to get rid of these mice.
Every last one of them.
[Odie yipping]
[Odie growling]
-[Odie snarls]
-[Garfield whistles]
[gasps]
-I'm going out for a while. Come on, Odie.
-[Odie barks]
If there's a single mouse here
when I get back, I'm calling Ratator Pest.
And I'm deducting the cost
from my cat food budget.
You won't see lasagna
in this house for years.
For years? The barbarian.
Why doesn't he just cut off my oxygen?
-[gasps]
-[mice chattering]
Guys, you've got to leave here.
Guys? Guys? Yoo-hoo!
Calling all mice, calling all mice!
-Squeak!
-Hey, now that what's-his-name is gone,
we have the house to ourselves!
No, no, no, you've got to leave.
All of you.
Right this minute, if not sooner.
No way, this is our new home.
[hisses, snarls, yowls]
Boo.
[chuckles]
You think we're gonna run from that?
-Other cats scare mice.
-Other cats eat mice.
You're gonna start eating mice, Garfield?
-[gasps] The very idea of it.
-Then it looks like we're here to stay.
It's no use. It's not in my blood.
What am I gonna do? I'll lose my lasagna
for at least a year.
Jon will call that horrible Ratator Pest.
That service thing on the Internet,
that terrible Ratator Pest.
I know!
Squeak! I have to show you something.
Hey, I was making a sandwich.
Later. This is more important.
Ratator Pest, a mouse's worst nightmare.
Click here to order our service.
This is awful.
Garfield, you wouldn't.
You're right. I wouldn't.
But Jon would and will. Unless...
-Unless what?
-Unless you go along with my plan.
Anything, anything.
Get all the mice together.
We're gonna have to rehearse
before Jon returns.
Garfield, we're back.
Are the mice gone yet?
[mice playing "charge" fanfare]
Okay, I guess the mice aren't gone yet.
That's it, I'm calling Ratator Pest!
[spy genre soundtrack playing]
-[snaps fingers]
-[mice shrieking]
[chuckles]
Garfield, you handled that so well.
[Odie barks]
Naturally.
I feel like you deserve a reward,
but I have no idea what it should be.
Oh! "Luigi's Lasagna Palace, we deliver."
Good idea, Garfield. I'll call
and have them deliver hot lasagna.
You do that again and you'll wind up
in the bag with them.
[Odie sighs]
[doorbell rings]
Garfield, lasagna's here! Garfield!
Hurry, everyone in.
Thanks for everything, Garfield.
Don't mention it.
I hope you're happy living at Luigi's.
How could we not be?
All the lasagna we can eat. See you.
All the lasagna they can eat.
Garfield, lasagna!
Funny. That usually gets him here
in under three seconds.
[woman, Italian accent]
Luigi! Luigi, where are you?
Oh, there you are.
Luigi, you have to do something!
Call an exterminator
to get rid of these mice.
Never mind the mice.
I need an exterminator to get rid of him!
[Garfield] I think I'm gonna like it here.
[carefree music on television]
[Garfield] Faster, Odie.
And angrier.
I'm much more impatient than that.
I'd be pacing back and forth impatiently,
but it's easier to have Odie do it for me.
Jon ordered that pizza
almost 12 minutes ago.
It's too late for me. I'm famished.
Even if it came this minute,
I'd be too weak to answer the door.
[Odie yowls]
-[vehicle approaching, tires screech]
-[doorbell rings]
-I'll get it!
-I'll bring in the pizza.
I'll bring in the pizza.
You bring out the money.
Attention, hungry cat.
-You ever feed that cat?
-No more than ten times a day.
Ahh! Vito's Pizza,
the best pizza in the world.
[sniffing]
[snap!]
[groans]
Something is very wrong here.
That was the worst pizza I ever had.
It was dry.
It was tasteless.
Vito, what have you done to me?
[gasps]
"Mama Meany's Pizza Palace"?
I know it wasn't a Vito's pizza,
but I had a coupon for this place.
You don't mind, do you?
-[Odie groans]
-[Jon yells]
Okay, I guess you mind a little.
[Vito] Mr. Arbuckle, it is
so good to see you.
-It is so good to see any customer.
-Well, business isn't good, Vito?
Business is terrible since this new
pizza shop opened next door.
[epic soundtrack plays]
Look at this monstrosity,
Mama Meany's Pizza Palace! Ptooey!
Mama Meany's Pizza Palace Ptooey?
She's the one who made that awful pizza?
They have coupons and deals and contests
and they've stolen all my customers away.
So why not sell this dump of yours to me
so I can expand my business?
-Never!
-Are you...?
Right. I'm Mama Meany.
Here, have a coupon.
Twelve pizzas for the price of one.
[gasps] Twelve pizzas?
That's quite a deal.
Not if they're not edible.
His pizzas are horrible
the way he makes them.
Let Vito show you
how pizza should be made.
The dough is hand-mixed. I taste it myself
to make sure it is right.
Then I toss it in my hands.
I put on the sauce, lots of it!
Then the cheese, even more of it!
And now I add the sausage
and the pepperoni
and the onions and the mushrooms
and the anchovies...
-[Garfield gasps]
-All right. No anchovies.
-[Garfield sighs]
-[Meany laughs]
That's quaint,
but would you follow me, please?
[dramatic soundtrack plays]
Let me show you how we do it now,
the modern, cost-effective way.
It's so much better to do it by machine.
The Pizzagrand 7000,
capable of outputting ten pizzas a minute.
That thing makes pizzas?
Pizza by machine? That is inhuman.
It is vulgar. It is ridiculous.
[electronic voice] Pizza completed.
-There you are, piping-hot pizza.
-[Vito] That is no way to make pizza.
I'll try a slice. Garfield, you want one?
No way.
I've tried Mama Meany's alleged pizza.
Ohh! [sniffs] Mmm.
[horn squeaks]
I'd like a pizza with everything, please.
-Allow me to show you how it works.
-Yes, sir, Mama Meany.
One pizza with everything.
[bell clangs]
Hey! Do I look like a ball of dough?
Don't answer that. Help!
[steam huffing, bells clanging]
This pizza tastes a lot like cardboard.
Uh, no, it doesn't.
My all-meat special tastes like cardboard.
This one tastes like Styrofoam.
Pepperoni, onions, peppers, anchovies.
Hey, no anchovies.
-Pineapple?
-Yes, fine.
[clang!]
-And five, four, three, two...
-Pizza completed.
[choral fanfare plays]
[gags]
Here you go, pal.
[customer] When I said
I wanted everything on my pizza,
I didn't mean a pussycat!
Hey, you're better off with me
than one of this guy's rotten pizzas.
I'm sorry, Mama Meany.
I will never order from you again.
But what if I offer you discounts?
Discounts?
And contests with big cash prizes?
Big cash prizes? Yes, yes.
You see? My promotions
will trump your pizza every time.
Which is why you'll sell your business
to me so I can tear it down and expand.
[phone rings]
Vito's Pizza.
I'm sorry, we are closing down and--
Yes, this is Eddie Gourmand,
the world famous TV food critic.
I'm sure you have heard of me or seen me.
[chuckles]
I've decided to try your pizza,
and if I like it, I will recommend it
to the millions of people
who watch my reviews on television.
-Recommend my pizzas to millions?
-That's right, millions.
So have a large pepperoni to my home,
747 Waffle Street,
in 30 minutes, or else bye-bye!
This is my chance! Eddie Gourmand
is going to review my pizza!
Eddie Gourmand?
But he has a huge following.
And what's worse, he has good taste!
Out of my way, Mama!
After Eddie Gourmand
tells the world about my pizza,
crowds will flock to my store!
Well, we'll just have to make sure
that doesn't happen.
But, Vito, I don't know anything
about delivering pizzas.
My truck isn't working and the pizzas
have to be at this address in...
-Twelve minutes. Hurry!
-Hey, wait for the star of the show!
Forget them. We have to stop that pizza
from being delivered.
[horn honks]
Mama mia! Mama Meany is trying to stop
the delivery! I cannot let that happen!
[motorcycle revs, tires screech]
If I don't get to 747 Waffle Street,
there will be no more Vito's Pizza!
-[driver] Hop on.
-[engine revs]
-[chuckles]
-[Jon snarls]
-[sighs]
-[Jon snarls]
Waffle Street?
You'll have to find it on the map.
Which will be kind of hard
since this is a map of Portugal.
-[Garfield shrieks]
-He's trying to run us off the road!
Whoaaaa!
Mama Meany. He's trying to stop us
from delivering Vito's pizza!
[Garfield] Sure looks that way.
Okay, pal, lemme have that pizza!
[chuckles] What pizza? Do I have a pizza?
You've got just three seconds
to hand over that pizza, fella!
This guy plays rough.
I'd better do something.
I may need ammunition.
Listen, maybe we could forget
all this pizza stuff
and send out for Chinese food?
Ahem. Oh, Mama, looks like you have
a pizza delivery truck to go.
Our truck!
[crash!]
[Garfield] Onward,
we have pizza to deliver.
-[screeching]
-Don't let him get away!
Oh! They're right behind us!
[horn blaring]
These are Mama Meany's pizzas.
Here's the only thing they're good for.
They make great Frisbees.
[tires squealing]
Look out! You're steering crazy!
I can't see, there's rancid pepperoni
all over the windshield.
[screeching]
[crash!]
[billboard creaking]
[both gasping]
[crash!]
You did it, Garfield!
Nothing can stop us now.
[both shrieking]
[Jon] Whoaaaaaa!
[tires screech]
It's no use! We have one minute
to get the pizza to 747 Waffle Street.
Not so. This is 747 Waffle Street.
-We're here. Quick, give me the pizza.
-Wait, that's not--
[driver] Just in time.
Well, it's about time. Ten more seconds
and I'd give you a bad review!
[chuckles] Here, taste. You will love!
[Eddie chomping]
Ptooey! Why, this is the worst pizza
I've ever eaten!
My pizza, the worst?
[Garfield] Here.
Have a real Vito's pizza.
[Eddie] "Mama Meany's Pizza Palace?"
This isn't Vito pizza.
[sniffing, chewing]
Mmm! Yes, this is Vito's pizza.
Mmm!
This is the best pizza I've ever eaten.
[Eddie chuckles]
Thank you, cat.
I think you deserve some, too.
I thought you'd never offer.
So, for the best pizza
on this entire plan-o-mundo-mundo...
go to Vito's.
And if you want the worst pizza
on this planet, well, try Mama Meany's.
It stinks.
Ho-ho-ho! I love the Eddie Gourmand!
Every time they rerun that review,
I get another hundred orders.
So I see.
[sighs] Maybe I can retool
the pizza-making machine
to make steel-belted radial tires.
They taste about the same.
I am so grateful for your help,
all of you.
From now on, as much pizza as you want,
you are Vito's guests!
All the free pizza we want?
Will he ever stop?
Oh, sure.
He's bound to hit anchovies eventually.
[slurps]