The Garfield Show (2008–2016): Season 1, Episode 4 - Catnap/Agent X - full transcript

-[Garfield snoring]
-[alarm rings]

[upbeat theme song playing]

-[Garfield] Hee-hee!
-[remote clicks]

-[man 1] You're wrong!
-[man 2] I'm right.

-[man 1] You're wrong!
-[man 2] I'm right.

-[man 1] Wrong. I'm right. Wrong...
-[man 2] Right, right, right, right...

I love these serious
intellectual debate programs.

I just called my dentist.

He said if I come right over,
he can take care of this toothache.

I'm so lucky.

If you were so lucky,
you wouldn't have a toothache.



Since my car's in the shop,
I have to walk.

If you were so lucky,
your car wouldn't be in the shop.

See you later.

[man] We'll be back with more
of our serious intellectual debate program

after this newsbreak.

Police report yet another daring burglary
by Silent Jack,

a criminal working
on the west side of the city.

This is the west side of the city.

Silent Jack
is said to be extremely dangerous.

Citizens are warned
to lock their doors and remain alert.

Odie, we have to lock our doors
and remain alert.

Silent Jack is at large.

Silent Jack is said
to be extremely dangerous.

There. Now we're completely secure



and I won't worry one bit
about Silent Jack breaking in here.

Not one bit.

Aha.

But just in case...

Gotta make sure everything is locked
so Silent Jack can't get in.

[Odie yips]

Or even Santa Claus.

[Odie sighs]

Don't worry. I'll open it up for Santa.

[Odie yips]

[horns honking]

-Hey!
-[woman coughing]

Watch out!

[teeth chattering]

-[Jon whimpering]
-[backrest whirs]

[screams]

[clang!]

[screaming]

-[drill whirring]
-[Jon screaming]

[whimpers]

[dentist] There, Mr. Arbuckle.

-[gasps]
-[Jon moans]

-[Jon] Hey.
-[boy screams]

Now you just eat nothing
but mush and clear soups

for the next few months
and you'll be fine.

[mumbling] Thanks, Doctor.

-Hmm?
-[boy screams]

[moaning]

[laughing]

-[boy whimpering]
-[dentist] Huh?

What's this? Oh, Mr. Arbuckle
must have dropped his keys.

[boy] Uh...

Well. He'll realize he's missing them
and come right back for them, I'm sure.

[boy screams]

[man] Laura? Laura?
Where are you, Laura? Laura?

[suspenseful soundtrack playing]

The stranger in the attic got her.

Is it possible I'm alone in the house?
Alone with the stranger in the attic?

You're toast, fella.

[Odie whimpering]

[Jon moaning]

I should have known
when he rang the doorbell.

Laura wouldn't have done that.
Laura has a key.

That was his way
of finding out if I was home.

[Odie yelps]

Odie, it's only a movie.

[teeth chattering]

By the way,
you look better from this angle.

[yowling]

-You're worried about Silent Jack?
-Uh-huh.

Oh, that's right.

There's nothing to worry about.
There are thousands of homes.

What are the chances
he'd pick ours to rob?

[gasps]

[sighs]

-[doorbell rings]
-[both gasp]

[Odie whimpering]

What are we worried about? It's just Jon.

But Jon wouldn't ring the doorbell.
Jon has a key.

[door banging]

[Odie yips]

But you know who doesn't have a key?
Silent Jack doesn't have a key.

[Odie whining]

[banging on door]

[mumbling] Let me in! I forgot my key!

Let me in!

[door banging]

[Odie whimpers]

You're right.
That doesn't sound a bit like Jon.

[Odie whimpering]

[both scream]

Right again.
It doesn't look a bit like Jon.

Not with that bulging cheek
and that thing on his head.

[Jon groans]

Wait.

We're in luck, Odie!
He's going away. We're safe.

[Jon muttering]

[martial music playing]

[Odie yips]

Me? Scared? Ha ha!

Not for a second.
I'm not afraid of anything.

[Jon moaning]

[Odie yipping]

Okay, apart from the thought
of Nermal moving in with us,

I'm not afraid of anything.

[doorknob rattling]

[gasps] He's trying to get in
the back door.

[Odie yowls]

[clang!]

[mumbling] Hey, what's going on?
Guys, I'm stuck. Help!

No, no!

Odie, pull yourself together!

-This calls for heroic action!
-Yeah!

-It calls for bravery and courage!
-Yeah!

And since you're the watchdog,
around here, I nominate you.

[Odie barking]

Coward! Chicken!

-[teeth chattering]
-You have the courage of a mouse!

Hey, on behalf of myself and
all my relatives, I resent that remark.

Squeak, what are you doing here?
Besides eating cheese.

Yeah, that's right, a mouse sitting
eating cheese: what are the odds?

What are you doing here when
Silent Jack is trying to break in?

I don't worry about those guys.

They never steal cheese.

Squeak, what do I do?

One word: "mousetrap."

Mousetrap?
Where am I going to get a mousetrap?

Behind the refrigerator.
That's where people put mousetraps.

Mousetrap. Good idea.

[snickers]

-[thwack!]
-[Jon screaming]

[gasps] What a ghastly noise.
Silent Jack isn't very silent.

[mouse laughs]

-What's so funny?
-I always enjoy it

when a human gets caught in those.

I'm afraid it's not enough to stop him.

-[Jon screams]
-[thwack!]

And I'm right.

-What's he up to?
-He's trying to get in upstairs.

[Garfield] How do we stop him?

-Another mousetrap?
-I know.

[straining]

Jon stored this up here
because it was too powerful to use.

[straining]

[Squeak gasps]

[fan whirring]

Whoaaaa!

-[screaming]
-[thud!]

[Odie whimpers]

-[clang!]
-Don't feel sorry for him, Odie.

Silent Jack is a treacherous,
dangerous criminal, but we got him!

No, we don't got him.

He's coming back for more.
You can't stop Silent Jack that way.

-What are you gonna do?
-I'm gonna assemble a team of experts,

a squadron of fearless
and skilled operatives.

-Will you settle for a puppy and a mouse?
-Okay. Come on.

Men... and I call you men even though
you're a puppy and a mouse...

the enemy is out there.

If we're gonna stop him from
getting in here, we need a plan.

-You got one?
-I think so.

Okay, here's what we're gonna do.

Roller skate in place, Garfield.

Check. How are you doing
with the trunk, Odie?

[Odie straining]

[barks]

Check. Everything's in place. Let him in.

-Roger!
-[door creaking]

[moaning, mumbling]
Got to be a way in.

[screaming]

-Ouch! No! Ouch! Ouch!
-[crashing]

[Garfield humming]

[Squeak] Hmm. Ta-da!

[Jon, weakly] Help. Anybody!

-We did it! We caught Silent Jack.
-[Odie yips]

Only the most dangerous criminal around.

-[banging on chest]
-[Jon] Let me out!

Be silent, Silent Jack.
We're not letting you out.

-[Jon, mumbling] Garfield, it's me, Jon.
-Quiet.

[Odie yipping]

It doesn't sound anything like Jon.

I know Jon's voice.
That sounded nothing like...

[gasps]

Jon? Hello.

We did a good job
protecting the house, Odie.

[gasps]

If Silent Jack comes around here,
he's in for a big surprise.

-[gasp]
-[yip]

Aah!

[wind whistling]

[sighs]

Unless, of course, he was here
while we were all down in the basement.

[Odie groans]

[Garfield] So Jon decided to drop me off
at this all-you-can-eat restaurant.

He said, "I'll be back
when you've had enough to eat."

He came back three weeks later...
which was fine because by then,

it was out of business
and turned into a discount shoe store.

[laughing]

-Garfield, you tell the best stories.
-Let's have another one.

No, not now. It's time for my nap.

How do you know, Garfield?
You're not wearing a watch.

I don't need a watch.
It's always time for a nap.

-We'll see you later, Garfield.
-Wait. I want another story.

Some other time, Nermal.

Garfield, I'm not leaving
until you tell me another story.

What do you think of that?

-[thwack!]
-[clang!]

That's what I think of that.

-[cat] Get off my head!
-[Nermal gasps]

Who are you?
And what were you doing hiding down there?

Quick, hide! He's coming!

[Nermal] Who's coming?

It's okay. He didn't see me.

Can I trust you? What's your name?

Nermal Cat.
Cutest kitten in the whole wide world.

Can you prove it?

Can't you tell?

Okay, I'll have to take the chance.

They call me Agent X. I'm a grade triple-A
undercover secret agent!

-Wow! A secret agent!
-Not so loud.

That guy who went by, he's part of
an international plot to destroy mankind.

You've got to help me hide.
Here he comes again! Quick!

There you are.

[Nermal whimpering]

Ooh. Wrong cat. Sorry.

-[thud!]
-[Nermal groans]

Come on, you've got to hide me
before he comes back.

[snoring]

Garfield, I have a grade triple-A
undercover secret agent here.

-Can I hide him in your tool shed?
-Be my guest.

[Nermal] Thanks, Garfield.

They'll never find you in here.

This will do, but what I need now
is some dinner.

I have to keep my strength up
if I'm gonna save mankind.

[Nermal] I'll go find you some dinner.

I'm making one of Garfield's
favorite dinners, Odie.

I'll leave it to cool
while I bring in the mail.

[Odie yipping]

[sniffing] Oh! Jon has dinner ready.

That's a new world's record, even for him.
Gone in 15 seconds.

You've already eaten, Garfield.

I have?

I missed it.
Guess I ate so fast, I didn't notice.

Hope it was tasty.

[sniffing] It's coming from the shed.

And then the enemy spies
were about to sink Australia.

-Who are you?
-[cats gasp]

And why did you eat my dinner,
which I thought I'd eaten but I didn't?

Don't bother answering!

I don't care who you are, just get out.

You can't throw him out, Garfield.
He's a secret agent.

And he's trying to prevent
the destruction of mankind.

I guess we have to save mankind.
Mankind makes pizzas.

It's getting dark.
Okay, he can stay, but just for tonight.

[rooster crows]

[snoring]

[sighs] I'd better get up.

I have a full day of eating
to get done before dinnertime.

Guess I'll start my morning
with a great big bowl full of...

Hey, where's my great big bowl?

I have an awful suspicion
where my great big bowl is.

So they ran me off the road,
off a thousand-foot cliff!

-Wow!
-How did you get away, Agent X?

Fortunately, I was wearing my fake fur.

And under it,
I always have on a parachute.

You are so clever, Agent X!

Why are you listening to him?

Because he's so brave!

He's been so many places,
done so many things.

I've been places. I've done things.

Really, Garfield? Where have you been?
What have you done?

Well, I've...

I've slept in the living room.
I've eaten lasagna. I've slept in the den.

I've eaten ravioli.
I've slept out back in a hammock.

I think Agent X is the most fascinating,
brave male I've ever met.

Did I tell you all about the time
I was aboard that runaway train?

The enemy spies were trained pickpockets
and they were all over Australia...

Hey, Squeak, I thought secret agents

were supposed to keep things secret
and not tell everybody.

Do you mind, Garfield?
I'm trying to hear the story.

Excuse me. I didn't mean to interrupt
this meeting of the Agent X fan club.

I didn't mean to ignore you, Garfield.
It's just that Agent X is so interesting.

He's getting too much attention.
And worse, too much of my food.

[Jon] No, I haven't seen him.

But I've got your number.
If I see this gray cat, I'll call you.

[man] Thanks very much.

That's him. That's Agent X, all right.

This calls for a little
secret-agenting of my own.

[spy genre soundtrack playing]

Hey, wait up. I got shorter legs than you.

He went into this house.

I'll bet this is the enemy spies'
secret headquarters.

Be careful.

They may have atomic super weapons
or something.

[Garfield] That person.

That must be their leader,
someone dangerous and powerful and...

[Garfield gasps]

Any luck?

None, I'm afraid.

I passed out photos
to every home for a half mile around.

No one has seen him.
I'm sorry, Granny.

There's no sign of him.

Oh, I'm not giving up hope.
He'll come back to me. I know he will.

-We can get you another pet cat.
-I don't want another cat.

Oh, I want my Fluffikins.

-Fluffikins?
-Fluffikins?

That secret agent is a secret fraud.
He's just a runaway house pet.

I'm gonna blow his cover
and tell his admirers what he really is.

-What if they don't believe you?
-That's where I may need your help.

I have an idea.

Now, listen. [whispering]
Here's what we're gonna do, Squeak...

Seen from the moon,

the Earth is the most beautiful sight
I've ever seen.

Or I thought it was
until I saw your eyes, lovely Arlene.

-[spy genre soundtrack playing]
-Stop, time out. Stop the music.

Agent X is a fake.
His real name is Fluffikins...

-[cats gasp]
-...a house cat from Crescent Avenue.

[gasp]

Uh-oh... That's my cover.
All our secret agents have cover stories.

I pretend to be an ordinary housecat.

Shame on you, Garfield.

-Being jealous like that.
-Jealous? Me?

No, no,
I'm glad he's really a secret agent.

I mean, I wouldn't wanna be the one
to face Mr. Tig.

-[gasp]
-Who's Mr. Tig?

Mr. Tig is the most famous
evil spy of them all.

I'm not worried about Mr. Tig.

My sources tell me Mr. Tig
is several continents away from here.

Oh, yeah? Then who's that?

[Fluffikins gulps]

-[wind howling]
-[suspenseful soundtrack plays]

Don't worry, Agent X, you can defeat him.

Yeah! Like you defeated
those undercover ninjas you told us about.

So, at last we meet face to face, Agent X.

[Garfield snickers]

[Mr. Tig laughs maniacally]

No. No, you've got it all wrong.
I'm not Agent X! My name is Fluffikins!

Nice try, Agent X, but I know it is you.

You force me
to use superior fighting skills.

[shouting martial arts battle cries]

[screaming]

No, no, I'm not Agent X, I'm not!

Come back here, you cowardly spy!

-We have to go help him.
-You all stay here, I'll help him.

Gee, Garfield's braver than I thought.

No, no, I'm not a secret agent!
My name is Fluffikins!

Okay, I'll make you a deal, Fluff.

You go back to Granny
and I'll take care of Mr. Tig here.

Oooh!

And I won't tell your "adoring public"
what a fake you are.

It's a deal.

Whoa!

[birds chirping]

I'm getting out
of the secret agent business.

-It's not safe.
-[Squeak] Tell me about it.

You gonna tell everyone
what a phony he was?

Ah, why spoil it for everyone?

Mr. Tig fled in his top secret jet
and Agent X went after him.

He yelled to me that it might be years
before we ever saw him again.

Oh, he's so brave.
But you're pretty brave, too, Garfield.

Yeah!

Well, I did have to help Agent X
recharge his laser rays.

Fortunately, I had a fresh set
of batteries in the house.

Then 12 ninjas tried to stop me.