The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 5, Episode 9 - Love Hurts - full transcript

[Lisa chuckles]

Oh, "Casablanca"
always makes me cry.

Oh, good.
I thought it was me.

No. Will, I really had
a good time tonight.

Yeah, me too.

Look, um, Lisa,
don't take this the wrong way.

- What?
- Can I..

Can I see you..

Can you see me what?

Can I see you..

...again?



[chuckles]

You want another date?

- Sure.
- Cool.

Phew!

You know, I-I ain't talkin'
about marriage

'or nothing, though.'

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story
all about ♪

♪ How my life got flipped
turned upside down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

[instrumental music]

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪



♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're movin' with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I could say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to the house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪

[music continues]

- Thanks, daddy.
- You're welcome, sweetheart.

Everybody clear about their
duties at the carnival tonight?

Yes. I'll be manning
the Guess Your Birthday booth.

Oh, do me, do me.

Hilary, you're August 18th.

Wow, you are good.

(Carlton)
Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Step right up. Step right up.

Come see the amazing
Rock Dwarfsky..

...the world's shortest
square-headed negro.

(Carlton)
Hey!

Someone to see you,
Master William.

It's a girl.
Heh-heh. Heh-heh.

(Will)
Oh, hey, Lisa, what's up, baby?
What you doin' here?

You left your book
at the library.

What was he doing there?

Uh, Lisa, this is my family.

Family, this is my Lisa.

- Hi.
- 'Hi.'

- Would you like some breakfast?
- Oh, no, thank you.

I have to run to work

but it was nice to meet you all.

- Well, same here.
- Nice meeting you too.

Uh, hey, uh, so we gonna hook up
later at the bowling alley?

Oh, yeah.

- Alright.
- Alright.

- See you later.
- Alright.

What?

I've seen this look before.
The facial flush.

The flare in his nostrils.

Look at his eyes.

Alright. Well, I'm saying,
yeah, you know, I-I like
her.

Will has a girlfriend!
Will has a girlfriend!

L-l-look, we choose not to
define our relationship.

Well, whatever,
Lisa has it all.

Intelligence,
great dresser, nice body.

God, I'm lonely.

[instrumental music]

I wonder why you don't see a lot
of black professional bowlers.

Ain't no money in it. Look..

How much dough could a brother
make endorsin' a pair of these?

It'd be like, "Hi, I'm
Darnell Washington, pro bowler.

"Whenever I'm about
to roll me a 300 game

I like do it in these.
Air ghettos."

- Will, you are so silly.
- Well, you know, I try.

Come here, let me
help you with that.

Alright. Uh..

Not too tight.

Oh, uh, ladies first.

Oh, okay. Let's do this.

[in a nasal voice]
Lisa Wilkes is about to step up
to the lane.

[in a normal voice]
Your form look good from
here.

Whoo! A strike.
I'm in the house.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

Girl, you just won yourself
a date to a carnival

with an ebonyGod.

Really? I'd rather go with you.

[chuckles]
Look out, girl,
it's Darnell's turn now.

Go, Darnell.

[grunts]

[grunting]

[skittles crashing]

[no audio]

Uh, excuse me, Dark Gable.

In case you didn't notice,
this is my date.

- I told him.
- Say, baby..

Why don't you ditch the go-cart
and step up to a stretched limo?

Um, excuse me, Messy Snipes?
Um..

Listen, uh, why don't you
just take your limo

and ease on up
out my face, alright?

Ooh, no, you didn't.
No, you didn't.

Will. Will, just let it go.

No, no, baby. He started
this,
now I'm gonna finish it.

[grunts]

[man grunts]

Lisa just saved your butt.

Get off, get off.

Where did that come from?

Will, I've been meaning
to tell you that I'm a--

A what? A Power Ranger?

[sighs]
I've studied a couple years
of self-defense.

- Did I do something wrong?
- Yes, you did!

I was just about to retaliate.

Baby, you were on the floor.

Well, that's how I fight.

Officer, officer, it was him.

[people clamoring]

Alright, it's no big deal, Will.
Let's just get back to bowling.

Yeah, fine.
Yeah, let's get back to bowling.

Alright.

[grunts]

That one ain't counted.

(Carlton)
'Step right up! Step right up!'

Test your accuracy.
You, sir, with the big ears.

How about testing your skills?

Come on, it's only three
throws..

Hey. Aunt Viv,
where's the rest of the family?

Well, Ashley's showing
Nicky around

and your uncle's in
a pie-eating contest.

- How'd you do, honey?
- Piece of cake.

Come on, baby,
let me buy you a hot dog.

- Hey.
- See you later.

- You, sir, how about a throw?
- I don't think I should.

(Carlton)
What's the matter?

Got a noodle for an arm?

Carlton, that's
Ken Griffey Jr., man.

Tell you what,
since Will seems to know you

how about a throw
for half the price?

Alright.

Who's he?

He is just one of the highest
paid players in baseball.

Hilary, this guy makes, like,
a quadrillion dollars a year.

- Hi, quarterback.
- How you doin'?

I'm kind of chilly.
Wanna take me to Hawaii?

Sorry, I'm married.

Then stop flirting with me.

- Hey. Ken, what's up, man?
- What's up?

Looks like that strike took a
toll on your throwin' arm, huh?

At least I don't have my woman
fightin' my battles for me.

[laughs]

Hey, Lisa.
What are you doin' here?

You invited me, remember?

Well, yeah, you know, but that
was before the incident.

Will, you shouldn't be
threatened

by my knowledge of Shotokan.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
first of all, I don't care

if you know Chaka Khan.
I ain't threatened by nobody.

- Will, why don't--
- Y-y-y-you know what?

I'mma just go get me a little
somethin' to drink, alright?

What's wrong with Will?

Carlton, can I confide in
you?

I feel it too, Lisa.

Feel what?

Never mind.

Can't believe,
this place is so crowded

I can't even get a soda.

Will, it's a carnival, relax.

Listen, let's go
and play a game.

You can win me
a stuffed animal.

Oh, why? So you can beat
the stuffing out of it?

Lisa, I'm tellin' you,
I had that guy.

- Will.
- Had him!

Will, I was only trying to help.

Well, you know, if you
wanted
to help, you should've

let that fellow bash my face in.

Now that would have been
helpful.

Now, let me get this straight.

You'd rather a guy
bash your face in

than to have a woman
who likes this face..

...step in and save it?

Finally you understand.

Yeah, I think I do.

- I'm leaving.
- Whoa, hey, hey, Lisa.

Nothing.

[instrumental music]

[telephone ringing]

Banks' residence.

Oh, one moment, please, I'll
check. Miss Lisa on the phone.

Oh, G, look, um, just tell her
I'm at the store.

He says, he's at the store.

Yes, I'll tell him you
called.

Will, I think it's inexcusable
what that friend

Lisa of yours did yesterday.

Thank you, Hilary,
finally somebody

who understands my side of it.

Of course I do.

If I was with a wimp
who couldn't defend himself

I'd just leave.

You know what? That's it.

I'm puttin' an end
to this mess right now.

[instrumental music]

Hello? Mr. Yoshi?

Yiki, yo, Yoshi?

Hey. Uncle Phil,
what you doin' here?

[exhales]

[screams]

[groans]

[grunts]

[groans]

[grunting]

[exhales sharply]

[in Chinese accent]
Chan, you have offended
my family.

Now I must avenge
my brother'sdeath.

- Having fun?
- Oh.

Yeah, oh, uh, sorry.
Listen, I-I was just--

That's okay,
everybody likes to do that.

What the heck happened
to my coffee table?

Oh, uh, uh, sorry about that.
Hey, I-I'm Will Smith.

I-I come to learn karate from
the greatest most revered master

the martial arts world
has ever known.

Oh, well, I--

Listen, man, I wanna be
just like Steven Seagal.

Oh, you wanna be a bad
actor?

Yes, I can teach you
the art of self-defense.

But first, you must learn
the Japanese philosophies

patience, discipline.
Hmm?

Yeah, that's cool and
everything, but can we hurry

it up? I gotta whup
somebody's butt quick.

- Please s-sit.
- Oh.

Now, once upon a time

there was a great
Samurai warrior

named Akira Yoshimora.

Ooh. Good story.

Hey, man, listen,
can you teach me that thing

where you ram somebody's
nose up into their brain?

Akira's quest in life was to
slay the most feared dragon

in order to prove his worth
as a warrior.

'But he never found the dragon.'

And on his deathbed,
he finally realized

that his search was pointless..

...for the most feared dragon
was within, not without.

Without what?

I see symbolism is not
one of your strong points.

But-but let me try again.

The silkworm is a very

fastidious little creature.

[indistinct chatter]

And then by the time
the silkworm made it to
Tibet

I was done with him.

Your situation reminds me
of the one Theotis Jones was in.

Theotis Jones?

Yeah, his woman rescued his butt
in some fight

just like yours did.

Well, what did he do?

Last I heard, he was playing
Diana Ross

in"La Cage Aux Folles."

So, what am I
supposed to do, Jazz?

Only one thing to do.

I give you the "Hoodlum Pages."

Let's see.

Counterfeiters, extortionists..

...car salesmen.

Ah, here it is.
Guys who take dives.

Wait, give me this.
Wait a minute.

This guy will let me punch
him
ten times for 40 dollars?

Mention this ad,
and he'll throw in a head butt.

Okay, so dude comes down
to the peacock

he kicks up a little static,
I lay him down.

Lisa and everybody
thinks I'm a hero.Ahh.

Hey, man, where'd you get
this from anyway?

I stole it.

[instrumental music]

Will. I'm glad you finally
decided to call me.

Oh, yeah, you know,
I-I figured we needed

to, you know, to talk about
what happened.

- Yeah, definitely.
- Yeah.

[sighs]
Um, go ahead.

- What?
- Talk.

Oh, pfft, oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
Uh, yeah, listen.

Um, maybe we should just have
a cappuccino first, you know.

Just to-to warm up
to our conversation.

- Sure.
- Alright.

(Lisa)
Oh! Ooh!

Hey, man, who you shov..

Alright, this is a stickup.
Everyone on the floor!

[screams]

(male #1)
'Don't anyone try to be a hero.'

Let's have the cash, Webster.

Fine, take the money.
But then what?

Holed up in some fleabag
motel
waiting for the man

to come and take you away.

And all that's left is to
walk
that last long, lonely mile

with the Lord's prayer--

Will you give the man
the damn money?

[cash register chimes]

Alright, get down.
Don't you move.

- Alright, it's showtime.
- What?

Alright, buddy,
you ain't goin' nowhere.

Will, don't be a fool.

I'm warning you, pal,
this thing is loaded.

Hey, look, point it right at me.
Make it look real.

Huh?

[yelling]

[Will grunting]

[grunting]

I said, "Hyah!"

Thank you, thank you.

Lisa, come stand by my side.

Will, that was the most
foolishthing I've ever
seen.

You could've been killed.

- No, but, baby, baby--
- No!

Jazz, you can take your
fake cop. Lisa left.

Will, he's real.

And so is he.

And all that for only 40 bucks?

[instrumental music]

Hey, Uncle Phil,
what's up, man? You busy?

Yes, I am.

Uh, listen, Uncle Phil,
I've been actingrealdumb.

Mm-hmm.

Look, I know what you thinking,
what's new?

But, usually I know
why I'd be tripping, man

but this time,
I don't have no clue.

This is about you and Lisa,
isn't it?

Sit down, Will.

You know, ever since
the dawn of civilization

man has tried to be
the stronger of the species.

The hunter, the protector.

Have you taken any
anthropology classes?

Oh, no, but I seen the
"Flintstones," like, five times.

Anyway, let me update
this for you.

Say a stranger asks you
for directions.

Now, you don't know where it is,
but do you say that? No.

You say, "Go down three blocks,
make a left, you can't miss it."

Yeah. I got plenty of dudes out
there still lookin' for places.

Same guy asks a woman.

Now, she doesn't know
either.

- But she says, "I don't know."
- Pfft.

That's the difference
between men and women.

Oh, wait, wait, wait,
Uncle Phil.

I mean, what is it that
makes men act like that?

Uh, it's testosterone,
the male hormone.

And women don't have
testosterone?

Well-well, I-I believe they
do

but theirs is, uh, dormant
most of the time.

- Excuse me.
- Wait, wait.

Uncle Phil, hold on.

You don't know the answer
to none of these questions

I'm asking you, do you?

No, I guess I don't.

Then why didn't you
just say so?

Because I'm a man.

[scoffs]

[instrumental music]

Hey, thanks a lot, Carlton.

Hey, Lisa.

Shouldn't you be out
fighting crime?

Listen, can I sit down?

No, Will, I don't think so.
You're too crazy for me.

No, I'm crazy about you.
There's a difference.

Look, Lisa,
that's the only reason

I had that guy
fake stickin' up the place.

Only a real robber came in,
I thought it was the setup dude

otherwise, I'd have been
up under the table with you.

Will, what exactly were you
trying to accomplish?

- Honestly?
- Yes, please tell me.

I was trying to fight
Akira's dragon.

Only the dragon
was from without.

Without what?

That's the same place the whole
thing fell apart for me too.

Look, Lisa, I think
I could be cool with you

being able to kick butt
all over the city.

But I got a feeling, you got
some other strengths too.

And, you know, tha-that's
the
part that kind of scares me.

Will, just because I'm strong,
it doesn't make you weak.

- I ain't never said I was weak.
- No.

Look, why don't we just think
of ourselves as being equals?

Cool, but, you know,
if we had the same job

I'mma still make more money.

[both chuckle]

Will you just shut up
and kiss me?

Yes.

Get a room!

[instrumental music]

(male narrator)
Y'all, stay tuned
for more "Fresh Prince."

[theme music]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪