The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 5, Episode 13 - Three's a Crowd - full transcript

[instrumental music]

Hilary, what are you doing?

I'm putting tags on everything
I'm taking with me.

Taking with you where?

Oh, didn't I tell you?

The other day when I went out
to buy that sweater

I bought a house to match.

[laughing]

Sweetheart,
that's unbelievable.

Do I know how to
accessorize or what?

[laughing]



Hey, you can't take
all that stuff with you.

The hell she can't.

Thanks, daddy.

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life
got flipped ♪

♪ Turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia,
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out, maxin'
relaxing all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪



♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought
nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled
to the cabbie ♪

♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

Were you or were you not
supposed to be there

at 11:00 p.m. sharp?

[gibberish]

I told you
I had to drop Lisa off.

Besides, I was there
at 11:30.

That's right,
for 30 treacherous minutes

I stood alone at the corner
of Rexford and Olympic.

Carlton, that's Beverly
Hills.

Yeah, the bad part.

9-0-2-1-1.

You know, Will, lately you've
been completely unreliable.

I just hope you don't disappoint
me this weekend.

This weekend?

Oh. Oh, yeah,
this weekend, yeah.

Yeah.

You have no idea
what I'm talking about, do you?

Yeah, yes I do.
This weekend.

You know,
Saturday and Sunday.

How you constantly
disappoint me.

What do we always do the first
weekend after the New Year?

Your annual height check?

After that.

This weekend is our yearly
bros-in-the-snow getaway.

Come on, Will.

We've gone on these trips
the last four years running.

- I live for this weekend.
- Okay, Carlton, I am sorry.

I forgot. Alright?
I-I'll go.

Just go upstairs
and wax your skis

or your legs
or whatever you wax.

Alright, I'll forgive you
this time.

Oh, this is going
to be grand.

[sighs]

Asking Ms. Lisa
for permission?

First of all, Benson, I ain't
gotta ask nobody for permission.

Hey, Lisa.

- Hey, sweetie.
- Uh..

Listen, babe, um,
about our date this weekend..

Oh, Will, you know what, I just
found out that I have to work.

Oh, darn.

Uh, I guess I'll just have to
go on an annual ski weekend

to Mammoth with Carlton.

Well, good,
because when you're not busy

you know you get yourself
into trouble.

[laughing]

Alright, baby.
Hey, you know what?

It's a shame
you can't come with us.

Yeah, I wish I could.

Well, wear your long johns.

Yes, dear.

Hey, I love you, baby.

I love you too.

- Alright. Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.

[clucking]

That was a pretty nasty fall
you took there, Will.

Fall?

No, you must have been watching

one of the other black
skiers.

Oh, these weekends really get
my adrenalin pumping.

How about some hot cocoa?

Yeah, make mine a double.

[both chuckle]

Two cocoas please.
One grande.

Okay.

Will, you remember when we
first started coming up here?

Uh, yeah, it was a weekend,
wasn't it?

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
I remember now.

This place is always fly,
man.

Well, if you think today
was fun, wait till you see

what I got planned
for the rest of the evening.

After we power down our cocoas

there's a complimentary
luge lesson.

Followed by supper at 7:00

then back to the room
for some hot spiced cider

and a Barbara Walters Special.

You know, normally, I would
ditch you on that last one

but, uh, I'm gonna let you
in
on a little something.

Ever since I was like seven

I had a mad crush
on Barbara Walters.

I thought I was the only one.

How do you feel
about Nancy Reagan?

Oh, see now you're
being just sick.

Hi.

Nice parka. Down?

Uh, no, it's a poly blend.

Mine's alpaca.

I'm Angie Cobb.

Look, Ms. Cobb,
I know what you're up to

and I'm not interested.

You have eyes, take a look,
I'm with him.

This is our special weekend.

Oh.
Well, good for you.

Good for the both of you.

W-wait a minute, baby.
I don't even know this guy.

Geoffrey, admit it.

You're going to miss me,
aren't you?

Oh, yes, Ms. Hilary.

In fact, I'm going to go
upstairs right now

and have myself a good cry.

[sobbing]

Wow, he's even more upset
about my leaving than I thought.

I hope he doesn't
hurt himself.

I can't believe it.
My big sister's moving out.

Oh, Ashley,
mi casa esyourcasa.

You can come over
any time you want.

Except for Tuesdays
when I shoot three shows

and I really need my space.

Oh, and Thursdays.

I shop till about 9:00

and then I take
a warm bath and read.

Why don't you come over on
Mondays between 11:15 and 2:30?

Hilary, I'm in school.

Well, if you can't
find the time..

Another cocoa, Will?

Oh, no,
I'm gonna have to pass, C.

I drink another cocoa,
I mess around

I have to let out
a Hershey bar.

[Carlton sighs]

This is what
life's all about.

I mean, look around us.
Is this not the best?

Two guys together,
beautiful surroundings

white snow, fresh air.

God, look at those
mountains.

The hills are alive.

You know, we should
get away more often.

- Me and you, you and...
- Lisa.

No, not Lisa.
I mean, no offense.

I know she's your girlfriend,
and all but--

- Hey, baby.
- Hey.

- What are you doing here?
- Well, my boss didn't need me.

So it was either
stay home and study

or come up here
and be with my baby.

Aw.
Break it down one time. Ahh.

- Hey, Carlton.
- Nice to see you again, Lisa.

Uh, Will, I'm gonna go to
the car and get my stuff.

I'm so happy you invited me.

You invited her?

Well, yeah.
Well, kind of.

I mean, come on, Carlton,
now, this does not mean

that we can't still
have a good time.

'Smile.'

Smile.

- You can do it.
- No.

Look, this was supposed
to be our special weekend.

I don't wanna share you
with some woman.

Listen, listen, Carlton,
just because Lisa's here

that don't mean
we can't have fun, man.

Listen, hey, we are gonna do

every single thing
that you have scheduled.

- Promise?
- Yes, sir.

- We're still gonna go luging?
- Oh, absolutely.

And we're still gonna go to the
restaurant I picked for dinner?

- Oh, yes, sir.
- What about Barbara Walters?

I wouldn't miss it
for the world.

Carlton, come on, man,
ain't nothing changed.

We are inseparable.

- Oh. What's up, baby?
- Hey.

Listen, why don't you go down
and check out some of the shops?

Uh, I mean, unless you wanna
hang out with a couple lugers.

[Lisa giggles]

Will, it was such a cold
and lonely drive up here

I just wanna go upstairs and get
into a nice hot bubble bath.

You do know
how to pour bubbles, right?

Mm.

Um, hold that thought.

- Carlton..
- Oh, I knew it! I knew it!

I knew it!

- Oh, I'm out of here.
- Oh, Carlton.

Where are you go..
Carlton, come on, man.

- What is wrong with him?
- Um, nothing.

Uh, baby, listen, why don't
you go ahead upstairs

get the tub started,
let Calgon take you halfway

and I'll come take you
the rest, alright?

Carlton, wait.

[engine revving]

- Carlton.
- Get out of my car.

Carlton, this is not your car.

Then get out of my rental
car.

- No.
- Fine.

Look, Carlton, come on.

Now I'll never
get to see that

Barbara Walters Special.

And she had Henry Winkler
too.

- Carlton, listen, man.
- You made me miss Fonzie.

- Carlton, look.
- No, you look.

No, slow up, deer.

Don't you try to
sweet-talk me, Will.

No, Carlton,
in the road, a deer!

[both screaming]

[tires screeching]

Oh. Oh.

Oh, I don't believe this.

I know, these air bags
are worthless.

I'm alive!

I'm alive!

I swear, God as my witness

I will be in church
first thing Sunday morning.

Oh, wait, Sunday's bad.

Oh. Okay, I'll cancel,
I'll cancel.

Your whole life does flash
before your eyes.

Which reminds me,
you still owe me 20 bucks

from three years ago.

You want your 20 bucks?

Okay, here it is.

[gibberish]

Now, go get it,
you little car flipper.

What are you doing?

Making a mental note
of where it is in case

we get out of here,
which we won't.

What are you talking about?

It's a 40-foot drop
to that slope.

Well, we ain't going that way.

I'm climbing back up
to the road.

Will, that's sheer ice.
Happen not gonna.

Back in Philly,
they used to call me Spider-Man.

That was just
one of my nicknames.

So this is it.

This is how
the Carlton Banks story ends.

With a whimper.

[whimpers]

Shut up, Carlton.

Help!

[echoing]
'Help!'

Echo!

[echoing]
'Echo! Echo!'

Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-ho.

[echoing]
'Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-ho.'

Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hey.

[echoing]
'Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hey.'

Hi-de-hi-de-Heidi-Fleiss.

[echoing]
'Hi-de-hi-de-Heidi-Fleiss.'

Daddy, isn't it
great about Hilary?

When do you think
I'll get to move out?

Oh-ho, sweetheart,
you know expressions

like "When hell freezes
over."

"When the cows come home."

"When donkeys fly."

Pick one.

It's too dark to signal with
that mirror, William

you might as well put it
down.

I've been trying to for,
like, a half hour.

Will, I want you to eat me.

I-if I die first.

You can stay alive by using
my body for nourishment.

Incidentally, the buttocks
has the most meat.

God, I hope I go first.

[grunts]

Ouch.

God, man, my fingers
are getting all numb.

That's how it starts.

First numbness, then the
sensation of needles on skin

and finally, right before death,
violent spasms

as your blood freezes
and your heart locks up.

No more Discovery Channel
for you, man.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- What Carlton? What? What?
- No, no, no!

What, Carlton, violent spasms?
Tell me what to do.

I didn't get the insurance.

What?

I put the car on my credit card

and I didn't get
the six dollar insurance.

You always wonder why they ask
you to sign that waiver.

Well, there it is.

I don't know what's worse.

Dying a slow agonizing death

or staying alive
and listening to you.

Damn, it's cold.

You know, Will?

I don't have any friends.

What are you talking about,
Carlton?

You got plenty of friends, man.

You think
people are your friends

but they're only that

because of
what you can do for them.

Except you, Will.

'I don't do anything for you.'

Even when you make fun of me..

...I know you're doing it
out of love.

You haven't been doing that
as much lately.

What are you talking
about, Carlton?

I just called you
Thumbelina this morning.

Yeah, but your heart
wasn't in it.

Look, Carlton..

...let me tell you
something, man.

Lisa, that's my girlfriend

and we're gonna be
together, man.

But that doesn't change the fact
that you're my best friend.

Stumpy.

I'd cry,
but my tear ducts are frozen.

You know what?
I ain't going out like this.

Alright, look,
I figure if I can hit this slope

at the perfect angle I could
ski down and get us some help.

Look, Will, I'm a much
better
skier than you.

- Let me go.
- Go ahead.

You'd let me jump like that?

Hey, hey, hey, who better
to risk his life for me

than my best friend, huh?
Huh?

Wait, Carlton.

I think I see somebody
down there.

We're saved.

Hello, up here!

[echoing]
'Hello, up here!'

I think he sees us.

(male #1)
'Don't yell.'

What? What did he say?

I think he said,
"Don't yell."

Don't yell?

Why not?

[echoing]
'Why not?'

[rumbling]

(both)
Avalanche!

[grunts]

You don't think
anything bad happened, do you?

Of course not. I'm sure
they'll be back any second.

[Carlton screaming]

What was that?

Hey, you know, you never
know
how brave you can be

until you don't have
no choice.

You know, now I see
how people could jump out

of burning buildings.

You couldn't figure it
out before?

Look, Lisa,
we still have a full day left.

Why don't we make
the most of it?

I would like that, Carlton.

Well, there's three of us now

so we probably
need to get another room.

I have a room.

Hey, isn't that great?

Now you and I can stay together

and Lisa can stay with her.

I can't believe it.

How could you not
take the insurance?

It only costs
an extra six dollars.

Sweetheart,
in honor of your new house

we've put together
a little photo album for you.

Oh.

Naugahyde.
Wow.

You really went all out.

Just look at the pictures.

Oh, look, here I am
at Camp Gucciwanka. Ha.

Camp Gucciwanka?

Oh, yeah, that's Apache
for "Over-privileged."

I drew a picture of the family
and that's you with the diamond.

I'm gonna miss you all
so much.

Will, you take good care
of that little lady.

And, Carlton, you stay just who
you are, I mean that.

And, daddy, don't worry,
I still have duplicates

of all your credit cards.

Goodbye, little house.

Goodbye, little yard.

Oh, goodbye, little lamp.

Now, I could use this.

[sobbing]

One down, four to go.

Take it easy, Philip.

It's still about 13 years

before our nest is empty.

Oh, hey, you guys,
listen, me and Lisa

about to run to Roscoe,
get a little grub on.

Uh, Carlton, you wanna go?

No, three is a crowd.

- Come on.
- Okay.

- See you later.
- 'Bye.'

Did you forget something,
sweetheart?

Um, not something, someone.

I hate my life.

(Will)
Yo, stay tuned for more
"Fresh Prince."

[theme music]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪