The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 2, Episode 17 - Community Action - full transcript

♪ No wind ♪

♪ No rain ♪

[humming]

♪ 'Cause ain't no mountain
high enough ♪

♪ Ain't no riv-valley
low-wide-high enough ♪

♪ Ain't gonna keep me ♪

♪ Away from you whoo ♪

♪ Ain't no.. ♪

What's up, Will?

Pssh!

Oh, what happened to your
Whitney Houston cutout?



She fell apart
in the shower.

Me and Bill going to
kick it here a few days.

My building's being evacuated

due to bubonic plague.

Well, Jazz, you about
as welcome here

as Mike Tyson
at a beauty pageant.

Man, just throw us in
the gutter. Looks like rain.

You got any Scotchgard
for Bill?

- Bill can stay.
- Forget that.

Where he goes, I go.

I mean, he's my role model.

Whenever I'm in a jam,
I just ask myself

what would Bill do
in that situation?

And what does Bill suggest?



Usually pudding pops.

Look, Jazz,
I'm sure somebody else

will take you in, man.

No. Cool Eddie
was my last hope

and he suspects me
of borrowing his whitewalls.

I did,
but he ain't got no right

to make that assumption.

Shoot, right now

I ain't even got
a friend in Jesus.

Alright.
Alright, alright, look.

Just hide your stuff
in my closet

and I'll work something out.

You won't even know
we're here.

I will, however,
require complete silence

during "The Young
and The Restless."

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life
got flipped ♪

♪ Turned upside-down
and I'd like ♪

♪ To take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

[music continues]

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground was where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxing all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin'
some B-ball ♪

♪ Outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys ♪

♪ Who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I could say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought
nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

Ah-choo!

Geoffrey, it sounds like
you're getting a cold.

Not at all, madam.

It was barely a stifle.

There you go,
Master William.

Oh, thanks a lot, G.
That looks great.

Ah-choo!

Yo, Carlton!
Breakfast!

That's it, Geoffrey.

As of now, you are off duty.

Now, I want you
to go up to your room

and don't breathe
until you get there.

As you wish, madam.

Hi, baby.
How was traffic court?

There is no justice.

Just because I had
three moving violations

and 48 parking tickets

the judge suspended
my driver's license.

Isn't free parking
guaranteed by the constitution?

Uh, yeah. That's what
Desert Storm was all about.

And starting tomorrow,
I have to do community service

at the Southside Clinic.

I don't even know
where that is.

Yeah, it's at the corner
of Clements and 3rd

right next to the nail shop.

Can't a brother
get a pedicure?

Anybody seen my bathrobe?

- Will?
- Oh, no. Not me, Uncle Phil.

Hey, after the last time,
I just bought a car cover.

Mom, I can't find
my cassette player.

Does anybody know
what happened to it?

Oh, sure.
Blame the black guy.

Mother, somebody took
my address book.

I'd hate to think
what might happen

if it fell
into the wrong hands.

Hola, amigos.

That's my cassette player.

That's my bathrobe.

That's my girlfriend.

- You're out of here, fella.
- Now, wait, Uncle Phil.

N-now, picture this.

A man down on his luck

lost his woman,
lost his job

lost his hope.

But enough about Marion Barry.
Can Jazz stay here?

Not a chance.

Jazz, what Mr. Banks means

is that Geoffrey's not
feeling well right now

and it's just
not the best time

for us to have house guests.

Mr. Banks,
I'll earn my keep.

I'll do whatever
Geoffrey does.

Geoffrey bathes.

I can learn.

Look, I'll make you a deal,
Uncle Phil, alright?

Jazz will help out
around the house

and I'll clean up
whatever messes he makes.

Please. Come on, Jazz ain't got
nowhere else to go.

- No.
- That's alright.

I understand.

If you need me,
I'll be asleep under your car.

But just honk before you
throw it in reverse.

Alright, alright, alright.
Jazz can stay.

Alright, man.

I sleep naked
with the window open.

I hope that
don't bother you.

Nah, it's cool with me.
You sleeping in Carl's room.

Oh, my God, Will.

What, what? What is it?

These people are all sick.

Oh, get the heck
out of here!

Mr. Clifford, we're ready
to check your blood pressure.

That cute little
Tenderoni there

got my pressure so high

I'm about to blow a gasket.

I'm ready to go home now.

[dramatic music]

[chimes]

[chimes]

Leave. Now.

- Hey there, Herman.
- No, it's Hilary.

But you can call me Herman
if you want to.

Oh, hi. Are you here
from the court?

Um, yes. My name
is Hilary Banks.

And my phone number
is 5-5-5-9-1-3-0!

Okay, well,
I'd like you to start

by, uh, helping patients
fill out these in-take forms.

Well, I was hoping to work
more closely with the doctor.

Do you have any
medical experience?

Well, not exactly, but I've seen
every single episode

of "St. Elsewhere."

Remember the episode where
the handsome young doctor

fell in love with
the beautiful female volunteer?

[giggles]
Yes.

Well, that's not
going to happen here.

The only thing that
gets Dr. Hudson's attention

is a medical problem.

Baby, what's wrong? Did they
wax the floor at Neiman's again?

Huh? Oh, I twisted my ankle.

[gasps]
Which ankle?

Um, well, it's sort of
a shooting pain.

It shoots from one ankle
to the other.

Luckily, Dr. Handsome
was there..

I mean, Hudson.

Dr. Alec Hudson, MD.

Oh, hi. I'm Vivian Banks,
Hilary's mom.

Thank you for marrying,
uh, carrying Hilary.

Hi. I'm Ashley.
Do you come in a smaller
size?

Nice to meet you.
Well, I better get going.

Ow! Oh!

My ankle.

Oh.

Unhand my woman's thigh.

It's my ankle.

Well, if you ever
gave me any thigh

maybe I'd know
the difference.

That's it, Jazz!
I've had with you, man!

I'm about to..

Thank you for starching
my lucky drawers.

They're so clean
and supportive.

Not only that.

They're bulletproof.

Dr. Hudson,
this is my nephew Will

and his friend Jazz.

- Hey, what's up, man?
- Call me Alec.

Oh, Malcolm's one
of my heroes, too.

Oh, I-I idolize Malcolm.

He's the only reason
I watch "The Cosby Show."

Oh, that's weird.

Every place I've gone today,
I've smelled garlic.

Hey, you didn't eat
your lunch.

After I spent all morning
frying the salami.

Um, Uncle Phil. Hey, look what
Hilary brought home.

He's a doctor.

Without a wedding band.

And check it out,
he black.

Well, I wasn't always,
but it was the only way

I could get a scholarship.

'Alec Hudson.
Nice to meet you, sir.'

Philip Banks.
So, you're not married.

Have a seat, son.

Jazz, I told you
not to touch my clothes.

And this label clearly says,
"Hand wash."

And that's exactly
what I did.

Before I stuck it
in the machine

I washed my hands.

Well, time for dinner.

Uh, Jazz, sweetheart

you are a guest in our home.

Now, baby, why don't you
sit down and never get up?

- Look, jazz--
- I pull my own weight.

Which is easier
for some than others.

Oh, look who's up.
It's Geoffrey.

Doesn't he look wonderful?

Actually, I spent the last
half hour regurgitating.

Thank God, 'cause
I thought you were singing.

Now, I'm a doctor. May I?

This man is burning up.

Listen, I want you to go
to bed, and you stay there.

I think we need
a second opinion.

Uh, come on, Geoffrey.
I'll help you to your room.

I got to go. It was really nice
meeting you all.

Hilary, I'll see you tomorrow,
huh?

No...more pain.

[laughs]
How can I ever repay you?

I know. Why don't you stay
for dinner?

There ain't enough for him.

Well, I got to hand it to you,
son

that cherries jubilee
was some dish.

She sure was. I'm sorry
I lost her number.

I'm glad you liked it, sir.

If you had Grand Marnier,
I would have

made Crepe Suzettes.

I suppose everybody's too full

to eat the pop tarts
Imade for dessert.

Well, Alec.

Son, whenever you feel
the urge to cook

our kitchen's
always open to you.

Now, if you'll excuse me

I think I'll go upstairs
and relax.

Just like black folk.

Eat, then they got
to go to sleep.

Well, goodnight, Alec.

It's nice meeting you.

Don't screw this one up.

- I guess I'd better be going.
- What's your hurry?

Oh, I got to get up
early tomorrow.

I've got to go
to the airport.

Oh. Well, I guess
I'll see you tomorrow, then.

- Peace, man.
- Peace.

[sobbing]

Hilary, what's wrong?

He doesn't even know
I'm alive.

If he don't know whether
or not somebody alive

he's in the wrong
damn business.

Jazz, didn't you
promise Bill

you'd make him some Jell-O?

If you want me to leave
the room, just ask.

Most men find me attractive,
but not Alec.

He didn't even
look at me twice.

Hilary, Alec is not
like most guys you date.

This dude is deep.
He's an intellectual.

He went to school
for ten years

after he graduated.

Maybe if I feathered
my bangs..

Hilary, fancy hair
and clothes

are not going
to attract this guy.

I mean, that's the opposite
of what he's looking for.

Yo, Will!

Yo, no.

Ah,salaam,
I love you.

Hey, baby, I'm Jazz

a close personal friend
of Bill Cosby.

Did I mention you're
the only woman I ever loved?

But don't mention that
to my fiancee Hilary.

Jazz, thatisHilary.

Well, if you gave me
the attention I deserve

I wouldn't have had to
fulfill
my needs elsewhere.

Has anybody seen
my briefcase?

No.

Hilary, why in the world
are you dressed like that?

I hope you don't think
you're leaving the house

looking like that.

But this is what
will attract Alec.

I'll drop you off
at the clinic.

Has anybody seen
my briefcase?

Am I on trial here?

I mean, the minute
something is missing

they blame the help.

No one's blaming you, Jazz.

Well, I'm glad
we got that cleared up.

Uh, Will, might I see you
in the kitchen a moment

about a personal matter?

I think I know where
your uncle's briefcase is.

It got a little condensed
when I put it in that drawer.

That is not a drawer, Jazz.
That's a trash compactor!

When Uncle Phil sees that, it's
going to be a Jazz compactor.

That's gratitude for you.

I work all day trying
to keep this house nice for you.

I cook and clean and work
my fingers to the bone

and this is the thanks I get?

Well, I bust my hump
at school all day

and you just sit around here
watching soap operas

and eating bonbons.

Well, excuse me
for having a little fun.

Maybe it's because
you never take me out anymore.

Well, maybe I would if you
fixed yourself up a little bit.

Whoa, wait a minute.

We sound like
an old married couple.

So, now I'm old.

And I gave you the best years
of my life.

Look..

Look, I'm sorry.

Alright, look, I-I'm sorry.

- Come on. Homies?
- Don't try and sweet-talk me.

And if you'll excuse me,
I have a headache.

[instrumental music]

Yo, oh!

Hilary.

I like your new rags.

Of course, you could
be cross-eyed with a rash

and still take my cash.

Slow down, Herman.

Have you been taking
your medicine?

No, I have not,
and I do not intend to.

Open up, Mr. Clifford.

I think it's time
for my second dose.

Come back
in six to eight hours.

I ain't got
that much time left.

I'll be back in three.

I'm sorry I was late, Alec.

I came straight from court.

I was arrested during
a Free Mandela rally.

Mandela was freed
two years ago.

And I, for one, want
to make sure he stays that way.

Say, why don't you come over
for dinner again tonight

and we can discuss how
to keep the guy out of jail?

I'm sorry, Hilary, but I'm
having a get-together tonight.

We're going to discuss how
to raise money for the
clinic.

Oh, how fun! A theme party.

Well, it starts at 7:00. If you
can get there, it'd be great.

Oh, well, you know,
it is kind of short notice.

I might have to be
a little late.

Is 7:01 okay?

So, Alec, it's amazing how many
things we have in common.

Oh?

Well, you have
a beaded wall hanging

I have beaded hair.

Uh, I think I'd better go

before I lose an eye
around here.

I, I'll just get out
of you guys' way.

- Excuse me. Hi, Alec.
- Hey.

Ooh, hello!

Aah!

- Hey, Alec.
- Hey, Lisa.

Lisa, this is Hilary.
Hilary, Lisa.

- Hi. How you doing?
- Good.

Lisa's the L.A. chairperson

for the National Board of Women.

Oh, I did a lot

for the women's group
at my college.

Oh, really?
Were you a member?

Well, no, but I did
talk several of them

into shaving under their arms.

Appearance has always been
an important women's issue.

I think that when a woman
shows too much of her body

people don't notice her mind.

Well, that's a good point.
I agree.

But on the other hand,
if a woman feels comfortable

showing her body,
she has the right to do so

'cause I know I feel
comfortable looking.

And these days, fashion changes
from one minute to the next.

- Hey.
- Oh.

Yeah, you know, definitely.
I see your point.

Hey, so, look,
why don't we just kick it

over to Roscoe's
chicken and waffles?

No, no, I think
I'd better stay.

W-we're trying to raise
money
for the clinic

and I work there.

Oh, really? What do you do?

I'm a doctor.

Oh, get the heck out of here!

I'm one of them, too!

You look so young.

Oh, yeah, well,
down at the hospital

they refer to me
as Brother Doogie.

You know, I think the whole idea

of a woman's place
being in the kitchen

is absolutely absurd.

How can anyone
disagree with that?

Well, not me. Shall we move
this conversation

to a less oppressive room?

But on the other hand,
if a woman enjoys cooking

I find her very hard to resist.

Who's up for meat loaf?

As you know, doctor

when you make
the vertical incision

from the thorax
all the way down to the
groin

'you have to be careful
not to hit an artery.'

'Otherwise, you get
excessive spurting.'

'But it really reminds you'

'of why you became a doctor'

'when you crack open
that rib cage'

'slip your hands in
all the way up to your elbows'

'and pull out that
bloody pulsating heart.'

Oh, would-would you care
for some salsa?

[thuds]

Well, I-I guess I was a little
more tired than I thought.

Um, next time
I donate an organ

I'm just going to let someone
else perform the surgery.

Yeah, right.
I'll see you later, Doogie.

Hold on, baby.

Listen, Alec, if you're not
busy Saturday night

how would you like to go out for
a nice little moonlight protest?

Your cause or mine?

Well, actually, Hilary, I--

Alec. Hi.

Hey, Danielle.

You like my new bangs?
I just got them feathered.

- Nice.
- Hi, Danielle.

Alec, it's nice
to meet your sister.

Uh, Danielle's not my sister.

- Cousin?
- We're not related.

Are you teaching her to read?

Uh, we're, uh,
w-we're dating.

Oh, I see.

'I guess you're not the man
I thought you were.'

And to think I actually
touched a urine sample

just to impress you.

And I lied.

I really did think
Eldridge Cleaver

was a big chopping knife.

So there, Hilary S. Banks

has just jumped
through her last hoop.

Really nice purse.

I have never been
so humiliated in my life.

Oh, come on, Hilary.
Now, that's not true.

W-what about the time
that you showed up at Spago

with the back
of your dress tucked down

inside your panty hose?

[sobs]

Okay, that was a bad example.

Look-look, all I'm saying is,
I mean, you've survived worse.

(Philip)
'Jazz!'

Oh, I made a complete
fool of myself.

I couldn't agree more.

I mean, we've been beating
around the bush

much too long.

Mr. Banks, I'm willing

to take Hilary
off your hands.

Jazz, would you prefer
a Muslim or a Viking burial?

I mean, she ain't
getting any younger.

I'll put a roof over her head.

I might be willing to look
into a marriage license

if she performs
on the test drive.

Philip, get him.

What did I do?
What did I do?

Aah!

[thudding]

[applauding]

(Jazz)
I liked that one.