The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 2, Episode 16 - Geoffrey Cleans Up - full transcript

Geoffrey, it's almost 6:00
and we're gonna go out to
eat.

Why don't you take the rest
of the night off?

Thank you, madam.

I could really use the time
to myself.

Hey, G, can you get me some
water, man?

Hold up, y'all missed it.
It was great.

It was the battle of the Abduls.
Kareem versus Paula.

Hey, don't make fun of Paula.

She's the only woman
short enough to be my wife.

Geoffrey, I need some Tylenol
and a cold cloth for my head.

Work sucks. But you already
know that, don't you?



Geoffrey, would you get me a
drink? Thank you.

Today one of our biggest clients
threatened to leave the firm

and you'll never guess why.

Could you leave it
in a note, sir?

I have the night off.

They had the nerve
to say they wanted to be

represented by someone younger.

Hey, I'm young,
I'm happening, I'm groovy.

Why do I have the sudden urge
to tie dye my drawers

and go down to the hootenanny?

Will, this is no time to joke.

We may be talking about the end
of life as we know it.

Look, what if all dad's clients
figure out he's old?

It's the domino theory.



First he loses one client,
then another and another

and the next thing you know,
we're all working at Dominos.

You'll fit right in.

You're used to
cutting the cheese.

Dad, if you want
to play hardball

with the movers and shakers
you've got to get up

first thing in the morning,
head out

and buy yourself
some stone washed jeans.

You know, that's a good idea,
Carlton.

All that denim will take his
clients' eyes off his bald spot.

I have no problem being
bald.

Yeah, there's nothing wrong
with having a receding hairline.

That's more like a hair
cul-de-sac.

This is ridiculous.
Besides baldness is dignified.

- Yeah, it's also hereditary.
- Aah!

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life
got flipped ♪

♪ Turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia,
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out, maxin'
relaxing all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought
nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled
to the cabbie ♪

♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

I don't mean to interrupt

but I'm Karen from
across the street.

(Geoffrey)
Hot diggity dog, where have you
been all my life?

You're from the Geller's?

I'm Geoffrey, the Banks' butler.
May I help you?

(Karen)
That's not all you can do,
Mr. French.

I was wondering if you could

lend me a cup of Lysol?

Where's the regular
housekeeper, Rose?

(Geoffrey)
Like I give a damn.

She's on vacation.

(Karen)
Like I give a damn.

Anyway, I dropped some jam
on the parquet floor.

If I may be so bold,
you might try liquid wax

and a very fine steel wool.

I haven't met a man who knew
so much about cleaning

since my late husband.

Late?

I'm so sorry.

(Geoffrey)
Yahoo!

Would you care to join me
for some tea?

Well, perhaps I could
have one cup.

Oh, the croissants
look good.

(Karen)
And your buns aren't
bad either.

(Geoffrey)
Nice buns.

Buns?

You read my mind.

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Sweet mystery of life
at last I've found you ♪

- Karen?
- Yes?

Would you like to--

♪ Talk about sex baby ♪

♪ Let's talk about you ♪

Oh, bad. Tea time.

- Hey, how you doing? I'm Will.
- I'm Karen.

- You gonna eat this?
- Not anymore.

Well, I guess I better be
getting back.

Well, let me know
if you need anything.

Dust rags, furniture wax,
a massage.

My God. I hope I didn't
say that out loud.

Thank you, Geoffrey.

Thanks for the tea.

Looks like G just got busy,
English style.

She's a fellow domestic,
nothing more.

Yo, yo, yo, G, you're wiping the
table with a croissant, man.

Vivian, tell me something.
Do you think I'm getting old?

Oh, honey, that's just
your imagination.

Nobody thinks you're old.

Dad, you know how everyone's
saying you're old?

Well, I've got something
that's gonna

make you look years younger.

Philip Banks,
this is your hair.

Carlton, I am not
wearing a toupee.

That's the problem.
Now work with me on this.

Your clients are going to be
at that party Saturday night.

You've got to show him a hipper,
hairier Philip Banks.

Say, is that Philip Banks,

or Blair Underwood?

[laughing]

What do you think of
this one, dad?

I look like Little Richard,
Attorney at Law.

Dinner is served.

A wop-boppa-looba
balop-bam-boom.

- Philip!
- Combing. I'm coming.

♪ I'm in the mood for love ♪

♪ Simply because
you're near me ♪

♪ Funny but when
you're near me ♪

♪ I'm in the mood for love ♪

Dinner is served.

Here are the condiments
for your fish.

Tartar sauce, dill sauce,
lemon wedges and parsley butter.

Great.
Where's the fish?

Spoiling off the coast
of Nova Scotia?

I knew I forgot something.

I'll see what else we have.

Has Geoffrey been
sniffing the 409?

- No, his nose is open.
- Oh, that explains it.

What the hell does that mean?

Geoffrey's in love.

No, Geoffrey is not.

Would anyone care for
a cocktail weenie?

I guess I forgot to go
to the grocery store.

Okay, anybody up for
dinner at the club?

That bad.
Got them all to myself.

Yo, G, we got some of that
squirt cheese?

Who am I kidding? My nose is as
open as a 7-Eleven.

G, I don't understand why..

Just pick up the phone
and ask her out.

I wouldn't know what to say.
Karen is different.

She's so cultured, she's so
refined. She can read.

Look, G, it's not what you say,
it's what you don't say.

Alright, whatever you do,
don't tell her you like her.

Whatever you do,
don't tell her

that you want to
go out with her.

You know, and whatever you
do,
don't ever say the "P" word.

- The "P" word?
- Yeah, "Please."

If you ain't Barry White,
you ain't got to beg.

I'll give it a try.

Hello?

Karen, this is Geoffrey.

I just wanted to tell you

how much I like you.

No, no, no, G, no.

You are the most charming

and beautiful woman I've met
in a very long time.

No, G. What? No, G..

And I'd be honored if you'd

go out with me
this evening, please.

Wonderful.
I'll pick you up at 8:00.

Goodbye.

[humming]

- This evening was so special.
- It was perfect.

Chopin under the stars,
candlelit dinner

and then the carousel
at the pier.

I can't remember
when I've had such a good time.

I don't think I ever have.

It's nice to meet someone
with similar interests

within one's own station.

The last housekeeper I dated
turned up in a T-shirt

that said "Loose Booty."

[laughing]

Uh, speaking of being
a housekeeper

I need to tell you
something.

And I need to tell you
something.

I want to take you in my arms
like a load of fresh laundry

hot from the dryer.

Then what are you
waiting for?

- Geoffrey.
- Sandford.

This is very awkward.

I'm surprised at you.

- Don't be too hard on her.
- I mean you, Geoffrey.

- Good evening, madam.
- Madam?

But aren't you the housekeeper?

Housekeeper?

This is Karen Caruthers

heiress to the Caruthers
toilet tissue empire.

That's me, you know, please,
don't squeeze the Caruthers.

I assure you.
Had I known, I wouldn't have.

Goodnight, madam.

- What are you watching?
- "Love Story."

She dies.

Pardon my French, but ever since
he stopped seeing Karen

he's been one gloomy Gus.

Well, why did they stop
seeing each other anyway?

Come on, Hilary,
he'd be dating somebody

with like a 1000 times
more money than him.

What's your point?

I don't know. See, Hilary,
it's a man thing, you know.

It's like she'd be taking him to
expensive places

and buying him clothes

and giving him all kind of gifts
and paying for everything.

Damn, what is my point?

Lunch is served.

But it sucks.

I feel so sorry for Geoffrey.

I think we should
all go to Spago.

That's nice.
We'll take Geoffrey to
Spago.

Are you kidding?
He's our butler.

Wait a minute, come on.
We can't leave him all alone.

- The man's hurting.
- Will, trust me.

I've known him my entire
life.
He's a rock.

[harmonica music]

Whoa, is that G
or Blind Lemon Pledge?

G..

Can't let this honey and her
money do this to you, man.

It's much more complicated
than that, Master William.

Master William

have you ever had somebody come
into your life and suddenly

it's as if a door opens
and everything goes

from drab black and white
to glorious color.

And then just as suddenly,
she's gone.

The door slams in your face,
and you're left

standing alone in the dark.

That's how I feel
without Karen.

Man, G.

That's the saddest thing
I ever heard.

[harmonica music]

♪ My butler is black ♪

♪ My butler is blue ♪

♪ 'Cause his honey got green ♪

♪ Comin' out her wazoo ♪

- Look. G, look who's here.
- Drat.

Tell her I don't want to
talk to her.

You got it.

- Hey, how you doing?
- Hi.

Hey, G is dying to
talk to you.

- Ain't you, G?
- Hi, Geoffrey.

I think I owe you
an apology.

I'm sorry that I let you think
I was working

across the street
instead of visiting.

'But I was afraid if you knew
I was worth $25,000,000'

'you wouldn't ask me out.'

Look, the money makes
no difference to G.

Wait a minute, 25 mil?

Well, I've to go to
this party Saturday night

for the Diamond League

and I'd love for you
to be my escort.

He accepts, he accepts.

Master William,
I can speak for myself.

I accept.

Great, it's all set then.

Uh, G will pick you up
around 8:00?

- Okay.
- Wait, hold up.

You probably got a limo, though?

- Uh-huh.
- That's cool.

Like I said, he'll pick you
up around 8:00.

Hey, hold it,
can I get that limo?

(Carlton)
Come on, dad,
it looks great.

I can't believe I let you
talk me into this.

How does it look?
Don't look directly at it.

Everybody'll notice.

Well, whatever you do,
don't scratch.

I didn't bring any
extra glue.

Hi, Aunt Viv. Hey, you see G
over there with his date?

It looks like
everything's going.. Aah!

Madam, please,
this is quite improper.

You must think of
your station.

I am.

Nothing's pulled into
my station for quite a
while.

Karen, isn't this
a lovely party?

Oh, it certainly is.

Sarah, John, I'd like you to
meet my date, Geoffrey.

- Oh, delighted.
- Madam.

- Sir.
- Geoffrey, it's a pleasure.

- What business are you in?
- I'm a butler.

You may as well know that.

Of course I knew
I recognized you.

Geoffrey Butler
of the South Hampton
Butlers.

Well, I'm famished.

Canape?

He is so considerate.

Put that tray down.

Geoffrey, I was just telling
Sarah and John

about your last trip
to England.

Ah.. Did you stay at
the Ritz-Carlton?

No. I stayed with my
Uncle Neville

and his common law wife,
Ruby.

- Allow me, madam.
- Oh, Geoffrey.

What are you doing,
Geoffrey?

Getting this water spot
off your fork.

No.
You're a guest here.

You don't have to
act that way.

What way?

Heavens, look at these
napkins.

They're all folded
the wrong way.

You stop that.
You're embarrassing me.

Ah.. I shall spare you
any further embarrassment

by joining the rest of
the help.

Say, mom, what was that
really hip thing

dad said the other day?

My hip hurts?

No, I think it was

"Yo, Vivian, I can't ride
my Harley right now

I think it'll
mess up my hair."

I knew there was something
different. Don't tell me.

The Executive, right?
The Sportsman.

You know I can water ski
in this puppy.

Well, I feel ridiculous.

I don't need a rug
to attract clients.

It's what's under the toupee
that counts.

Come on, Vivian,
we're leaving.

Carlton, you are grounded
until you start

losing your hair.

- Yo, G, what you doing, man?
- Sweeping up some leaves.

But there ain't
no leaves, G.

Hey, you see leaves,
I see leaves, man.

Alright.

I was trying to catch
a glimpse of Karen.

Why don't you just go over there
and knock on the door, man?

- Impossible.
- Why, G? Look..

It's obvious you
crazy about her, man

she's crazy about you.

I mean, what difference
does it make if she's richer

than a bus load of
Japanese tourists?

It's not about money,
Master William.

It's about class.

Class?
Who got more class than you?

You wear a tux
to clean the toilet.

Master William,
I'm talking about the difference

in people's stations in life.

I'm part of the working class.
Karen is not.

Okay, so, what if she was
a housekeeper, right?

And she just hit
the number for like 25 mil

I mean, could you go out
with her then?

Certainly.

Alright. Now..

Now, what if she ain't have
a dime to her name

but she's
the Queen of Zimbabwe.

Could you take her out
for a burger?

It would be out of
the question.

Okay.

Let's say that
she was the daughter

of an ambassador, right?

But the honey, like, moonlighted
as a topless dancer.

Could you go out with her?

I don't know, Master William.
It isn't as if there's a list.

It's just the way things are
done in England.

Umm, but we ain't in England.

I knew that.

Look, the point is..

It's a question of..

When it comes
right down to it..

You're pretty much
full of it, G.

Rather seems so.

Thank you, Master William.

I think it's time for me to go
squeeze the Caruthers.

I've come to apologize
for last night.

You are within your rights
never to speak to me again

but I had to tell you how really
special I think you are.

I should never have let
something as foolish as

$25,000,000 come between us.

I accept your apology.

Geoffrey, I really
enjoy being with you.

You know, Karen,
money doesn't matter.

We could have fun eating a snow
cone walking down the beach.

Great.
I own a beach.

You bring the snow cones.

(Will)
'Ow!'

Take a break, Jeeves.

I think it's broken.

It's broken. It's defective.