The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 2, Episode 12 - Something for Nothing - full transcript
Will gets lucky at a fund raiser and wins some money. When Will doesn't follow the clubs tradition, it starts rumors about the Banks family. Ashley is too young to go to the fund raiser so her and Geoffrey set up their own poker night.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[Philip snoring]
[Philip snoring]
[music continues]
[upbeat music]
- Goodnight, Will.
- 'You're grounded.'
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story
all about ♪
♪ How my life got flipped
turned upside-down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground was where
I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪
♪ You're moving with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said Fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to a house
about 7:00 or 8:00 ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪
[panting]
Man, yo, I ain't played ball
that hard
since I left Philly, man.
Oh, well, that dude
was no joke, man.
I ain't never playing with
him
again.
Well, he was pushin' me around
and shovin' me and kickin' me
and all that stuff, man.
Yo, dude was a monster.
Hm.
Hey, I thought
you wanted a rematch.
Forget it, man. Go pick on
somebody your own size.
- Hi, Ashley.
- Hi, Ramon.
Say, I've got a half
peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich
in my pocket
with your name on it!
No. No, thanks.
You want to see my frog?
I think I'll pass.
Man, those lines kill
on the jungle gym.
It's killin' me how much
you remind me of myself.
Why? 'Cause we're both down
with B-ball?
Well, no, 'cause don't
nobody
want to see my frog neither.
See, man, one day
Ashley's going to be
breaking down my door
'cause I'm savin' money
for basketball camp.
Next thing you know,
I'll be playin' pro.
You know, my motto,
keep your eyes on the prize.
Oh, man, that's kind of similar
to my motto.
Keep your hands on their thighs.
[alarm beeps]
Time to go help mom wash
Mr. Steinberg's windows. Peace.
- Hey, be cool, babe.
- Oh, by the way, G.
She tell me to tell you "Hello."
- Really?
- Nah.
I just wanted to watch
the earl grey
run through your veins.
When we have children
like that in England
we encourage them to emigrate.
This is amazing!
Did you know the odds
of getting hit
by an asteroid are one in 6000?
Really? I'm feeling
kind of lucky, man.
Why don't you go outside?
"How To Beat The Odds?"
Sorry, C, no way to beat it.
You're odd.
Hilary, I just want to know
what job I'll be doing
so I can pick out an outfit.
Mother, the ladies
at the Country Club
put me in charge
of Monte Carlo Night
because I don't play favorites.
Well, just remember whose name
is on your favorite credit card.
"Vivian Banks.
Any job she wants."
Oh, whoa, what a day!
I'm exhausted.
Oh, daddy,
for Monte Carlo Night
you're going to be
thecroupier de toilette.
Great. What'll I do?
You'll make sure that
there's always toilet paper
on the rolls.
Well, it's great to know that
all those years of law school
are finally coming in handy.
And, Will, you're gonna help
with the cleanup.
Well, I ain't down with that
old Country Club stuff
sittin' around all night
discussin' mayonnaise
with four white guys
named Biff.
[laughs]
Isn't Biff a riot?
Will, this is a fund raiser
for the LA political coalition.
Everything cannot
always be about fun.
Well, hold it. What?
Y'all are gonna make me go?
Well, at least show up,
if you're still unhappy
after the first half-hour
consider the rest of the evening
punishment for something
you've gotten away with.
I'd rather be stranded at sea
with David Duke
leadin' the rescue party.
[instrumental music]
Why should I have to go
to this stupid Country Club
if I don't want to?
How Uncle Phil
gonna play a nephew?
How's daddy gonna play
a daughter?
I can't believe he thinks
I'm too young to gamble.
I've been eating Hilary's
cooking since I was three.
Whoo! Uncle Phil, man,
you're--
Looking extremely fly.
Thank you, Will.
And, yes, you still have to go.
Uh, d-daddy, I am really--
Gonna miss your daddykins.
I know, Ashley. Mwah.
And, no, you still can't go.
So do I look like
a blackjack dealer?
You look great, mother
but that's not
how you wear a halter.
It is when your breasts
don't come with a receipt.
Well, I'm all ready
for Monte Carlo Night.
I've read this book
cover to cover.
Ask me about
any odd combination.
Okay, uh, why is Michael Jackson
hanging with that little boy
from "Home Alone?"
Well, we better be going.
Goodnight, Geoffrey.
- Sir.
- And, Ashley, sweetheart.
I'll bring you home
a stuffed Ms. Piggy Doll.
Oh, joy.
Being 13 bites.
And I'm too young to know
what it bites.
Perhaps, biting into
a freshly-baked
chocolate-chip cookie
would lift your spirits.
I've poured you a nice cold
glass of milk to go with it.
Why don't you just
slap a diaper on me
and hang a mobile over my head?
[gasps]
Oh, Geoffrey, it's wonderful!
Here is your ginger ale.
Shaken, not stirred.
I trust you won't be
dancing on the table
with a lampshade on your
head.
Ante is one vanilla wafer.
Table limit, four mintMilanos.
Oh.
Something wrong, Ms. Ashley?
No, ev-everything's fine.
[sighs]
Spill it.
Be honest,
we're playing with cookies
because you think
I'm a kid, right?
Well, yes.
I'm 13!
If these were the Middle Ages,
I'd already be married
and own a pair of oxen.
I'm an adult!
A young adult.
I'll get my wallet.
I'll get my Smurf bank.
[instrumental music]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it, man.
Come on, there's
an old gambling superstition.
It says that if you walk
into a casino backwards
you'll have good luck. Come on.
Will, you poor
public-school casualty.
Everyone knows
there is no such thing as luck.
There's only the astute mastery
of probability.
Have it your way, man.
[glass clattering]
Wow! You know, Carlton,
you are lucky.
That could have been
an asteroid.
[chuckling]
Now, I hope you don't mind
my sayin' it
but you sure look good.
How was heaven
when you left it, huh?
[laughing]
Anybody ever tell you you
sure
look sexy when you deal?
We all have.
We're not here because of
the way she shuffles cards.
You know what I mean?
[all laughing]
Gee, it's chilly in here.
Ha-ha-ha.
I'd hate for my wife
to catch cold.
Alright, alright. Robin
from the 'hood is in the house.
♪ Give me seven eleven
I don't mean the store ♪
♪ I taketh from the rich
and giveth unto the poor ♪
Blow on these bones for me,
would you, slimmie?
Alright.
Seven! Yo!
Alright! Alright!
Let it ride! Let it ride!
No way, Will, the odds of you
repeating that are six-to-one.
It says here, "Don't even make
this bet in your dreams."
Ah, Carlton,
and I too have a dream.
And in it,
all of the world rises up
and overcomes your
stupidity.
Now stay out of my face.
Come on. Don't act like
you never done it before.
♪ Alright my lucky drawers
is ridin' high ♪
♪ Put your money on me
or kiss it goodbye ♪♪
[grunts]
Eleven! Yo!
Just like it's supposed to
be.
Give it to me again.
Can I get an amen?
- Amen!
- Yes, sir, alright.
Will, please, the book says
there's no way you can win.
If I were you,
I wouldn't touch those dice.
Posse out, short stuff.
Robin's on a roll.
Alright, here we go.
♪ Hoagies cheese steaks
chicken on a spit ♪
♪ Seven come eleven
'cause I'm too legit to quit ♪♪
[cheering]
[instrumental music]
Two pairs. Kings and queens.
Uh, three aces.
Sorry, Geoffrey.
[poker chips rattling]
You're $94 in the hole.
Should we play again?
I think not.
Are you mad at me?
Of course not, Ms. Ashley.
You play verywell.
Where did you learn?
A back alley in Calcutta?
(crowd)
Go, Will! Go, Will!
Go, Will! Go, Will!
Go, Will! Go, Will!
Go, Will! Go, Will! Go, Will!
Will, You're insane!
Quit while you're ahead.
[scoffs]
Yo, yo. Man with the bald head.
Yo!
(Will)
'Tell me what they said!'
Seven!
[cheering]
- Go, Will!
- Go, Will!
(crowd)
Go, Will! Go, Will!
Go, Will! Go, Will! Go, Will!
Here we go! Here we go!
Eleven!
[cheering]
Hey, hey, hey, now who's hotter
than Madonna in a pointy bra?
(crowd)
You are!
Just checking.
Seven!
May I have everyone's
attention, please?
It's time for the raffle.
A cash prize of $1000.
And the winner is..
...number "1-0-2-2-5."
Aah!
Carlton, did you win?
No, I didn't play!
And 1-0-2-2-5
is my lucky number!
Wait! Hold it, hold it!
1-0-2-2-5? That's me!
[cheering]
- Go, Will!
- Go, Will!
(crowd)
Go, Will! Go, Will! Go, Will!
Go, Will! Go, Will..
It is with great pleasure
that I present you
with this check
in the amount of $1000.
[applauding]
It is with humongous
pleasure
that I take this chumpie
off your hands.
Can we get a picture of this,
please?
And now can we get
a shot of Will
giving the check back
to the LAPC?
Wait, what? Well, excuse me?
We'd like a shot of you donating
the money back to the LAPC.
Wait. What? You, you want me
to donate a $1000?
- That's the idea.
- That's a bad idea.
But it's a club tradition.
Oh, well, we got
a club tradition in Philly, too.
It says, "If they don't have one
you don't give them
your money."
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
Honest, Geoffrey, it would
make me feel a lot better
if you'd just take
your money back.
No, thank you.
A gentleman always accepts
his losses gracefully.
Okay, Geoffrey. But you're sure
we're still friends?
Of course, Ms. Ashley.
Look, I just don't understand
why you're making
such a big deal
about this money.
I mean, it ain't like
I took the Benz drag-racin'
down Sunset
at 4:00 in the morning.
Tattletale.
Will, I'm making a big deal
because every year
the club picks a charity
and donates that money
to that charity.
But-but, Uncle Phil, look,
if it's supposed to be my money
how come I can't do
what I wanna do with it?
And I don't wanna donate it
to the LAPC.
Will, donating that money
is a tradition
and a tradition isn't something
to be thrown away on a whim.
Whoa, whoa, hold up! Hold up!
You callin' a red-leather suit
with matching seat covers
a whim?
Will, you're being
awfully selfish.
Obviously, you haven't learned
a thing since you've been here.
We've all been blessed.
And donating to someone
less fortunate than yourself
is not an option,
it's a responsibility.
I hear what you're sayin',
Uncle Phil.
You're right.
You're right. You're right.
Keeping money that isn't yours
is wrong. Very, very wrong.
I know, I know.
[no audio]
[instrumental music]
Hey, Ashley honey, what's up?
Would everyone just get off
my case?
I want to give him the money
back, but he won't take it.
Whoa, puberty's in the house.
Hey, you're lookin' fine today.
Oh, thanks, I did
a little somethin' different
with my hair.
Hey, here's your boom box.
I rewired it.
It works fine now.
You owe me 50 cents.
Man, 50 cents?
That's real reasonable.
Hey, a happy customer
is a loyal customer.
- How much for the shoeshine?
- A 150 bucks.
Hey, I got to make up
the differences somewhere.
How else am I going
to get to basketball camp?
Alright, well, hey,
let's just get out of here
before Linda Blair's head
starts spinnin' around.
Good morning, baby.
Oh, mommy, you look so pretty.
Thank you.
Hilary's taking
your father and me
to brunch at the club today.
I want to thank them
for being so helpful
while I organized
Monte Carlo Night.
The way we all pulled
together
made me see
the importance of family
and how truly blessed I am.
What about the rest of us?
We're family, too.
Yeah, but if I take
all of you, I won't have
enough money left over
to buy a hat.
You know what I was thinking?
I'm tired of going to the club
seeing those same old faces
all the time.
What say we head down to Denny's
for a short stack?
Oh, Philip, Hilary wants to take
us to the club for brunch.
Hm, after what Will did
last night
they're all gonna be
gossiping
about us.
I mean, why put ourselves
through that?
Oh, they won't be gossiping.
Will gave the check back.
Besides, people at our club
aren't like that.
I mean, no one cared about
Mrs. Silverberg's divorce.
Hm. I heard she's been
seeing the golf pro.
I heard her husband caught them
in the utility closet.
But did you know
that both of them were wearing
nothing but cleats?
It was the tennis pro
in the steam room.
But the cleats part is right.
Kids talk.
[instrumental music]
See, Vivian?
Everybody's looking at us.
No, they aren't.
Vivian,
I want to congratulate you
on having
such a talented daughter.
Here, in case you need this.
Uh, thank you,
but I don't smoke.
It's gold. It's worth something.
I thought
she was still on the wagon.
Something very strange
is going on here.
Uh, excuse me, waiter.
Could we have the check, please?
It's already been taken care of.
By whom?
[no audio]
By the way, if you need
to unload one of your cars
I can give you cash.
I just sold a screenplay.
Excuse me a minute.
Henry. Henry!
What in God's name
is going on here?
If you needed money,
why didn't you come to me
in-instead of making Will
keep that check?
It was Will's idea.
I told him to give it back.
Sure. Sure, old man.
George, would you tell him
that Will gave back
that check, please?
Well, I'd love to,
but he didn't.
But I told him to.
Well, this is obviously
some kind of mistake.
Oh, sure, and Mrs. Silverberg
was wearing cleats
because she forgot
her shower shoes.
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
Uh, Geoffrey, I took a piece
of gum from your
windbreaker.
Quite alright, Ms. Ashley.
No, no, no. I insist
on paying you back. Here.
A stick of double mint
costs but a few pennies.
A-a few pennies, $94.
Why split hairs?
Ms. Ashley,
you have offended my honor.
Honor schmonor!
It's your male pride.
Ms. Ashley!
I'm sorry, Geoffrey,
but I'm sick and tired
of men acting like pouty babies
just because you beat them
at something.
Like the time I beat
Bobby Greenspan at tether ball.
After that he told everyone
at school that I took steroids.
I apologize, Ms. Ashley.
I have acted like an utter fool.
That's alright, Geoffrey.
I had to stuff Bobby Greenspan
in his locker
before he would apologize.
[instrumental music]
Man, I finally beat you.
Hey, man, no, no, man!
The sun was in my eyes.
Man, the same sun
was in my eyes.
Stop bein' a baby.
Well, man,
I ain't bein' no baby.
And if you beat me again,
I'm takin' my ball
and I ain't being your friend.
Well, man, I got to go find G.
He got some shoes
for me to shine.
Philip, I'm sure
Will just hasn't gotten
around
to returning the check yet.
Vivian, when I tell Will
to do something
I expect for it to be done.
Hey, Aunt Viv, Uncle Phil..
Oh, you got that mad look
in your eyes.
Let me guess. You grabbed
Geoffrey's underwear by mistake.
Am I right?
Will, why didn't you give
that check to charity
like I told you to?
What are you talkin' about?
I did.
Don't stand there and lie to me.
I'm not lying!
I just got back from the
club.
And I've never been
so humiliated.
I thought we had an
agreement
that that money
was going to go
where it was most needed.
Now you march upstairs
and get me that check.
Well, I can't. The money's gone.
Well, how could you have spent
a $1000 already?
Wow! Will, you must be
loaded.
You spent a grand
and had another grand
to give to me
for basketball camp?
I got to raise
your shoeshine rate.
You gave the money to Ramon?
Well, yeah, you know,
it's just a loan
till his sneaker endorsement
comes through in
you know, around 2010.
Oh, Will,
that was very commendable
but that's not what
that money was raised for.
Oh, come on, Uncle Phil,
you said I got a break
and I was supposed to give
somebody else a break.
So I gave the money to Ramon.
He's right, Philip.
You did say that.
I'll still donate
a $1000 to LAPC.
Yeah, that's cool.
But lookie here.
Seeing as how you're in this
extremely generous mood
I want to know
if you was down with donatin'
to the United Negro Nephew Fund?
You know,
they say a Saturday night
is a terrible thing to waste.
[instrumental music]
Child, you must be
on dog food.
No, no, see, I ain't down
with that country stuff.
Country, country.. Oh!
Here we go, one more time.
Here it is,
blah-za-bleh-zu-tinnus, oh!
I thought we had an
agreement
that we were gonna
give that money
to where it was supposed
to..
(audience)
'Oh!'
(Philip)
Be with me people.
Pray for me now.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[Philip snoring]
[Philip snoring]
[music continues]
[upbeat music]
- Goodnight, Will.
- 'You're grounded.'
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story
all about ♪
♪ How my life got flipped
turned upside-down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground was where
I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪
♪ You're moving with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said Fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to a house
about 7:00 or 8:00 ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪
[panting]
Man, yo, I ain't played ball
that hard
since I left Philly, man.
Oh, well, that dude
was no joke, man.
I ain't never playing with
him
again.
Well, he was pushin' me around
and shovin' me and kickin' me
and all that stuff, man.
Yo, dude was a monster.
Hm.
Hey, I thought
you wanted a rematch.
Forget it, man. Go pick on
somebody your own size.
- Hi, Ashley.
- Hi, Ramon.
Say, I've got a half
peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich
in my pocket
with your name on it!
No. No, thanks.
You want to see my frog?
I think I'll pass.
Man, those lines kill
on the jungle gym.
It's killin' me how much
you remind me of myself.
Why? 'Cause we're both down
with B-ball?
Well, no, 'cause don't
nobody
want to see my frog neither.
See, man, one day
Ashley's going to be
breaking down my door
'cause I'm savin' money
for basketball camp.
Next thing you know,
I'll be playin' pro.
You know, my motto,
keep your eyes on the prize.
Oh, man, that's kind of similar
to my motto.
Keep your hands on their thighs.
[alarm beeps]
Time to go help mom wash
Mr. Steinberg's windows. Peace.
- Hey, be cool, babe.
- Oh, by the way, G.
She tell me to tell you "Hello."
- Really?
- Nah.
I just wanted to watch
the earl grey
run through your veins.
When we have children
like that in England
we encourage them to emigrate.
This is amazing!
Did you know the odds
of getting hit
by an asteroid are one in 6000?
Really? I'm feeling
kind of lucky, man.
Why don't you go outside?
"How To Beat The Odds?"
Sorry, C, no way to beat it.
You're odd.
Hilary, I just want to know
what job I'll be doing
so I can pick out an outfit.
Mother, the ladies
at the Country Club
put me in charge
of Monte Carlo Night
because I don't play favorites.
Well, just remember whose name
is on your favorite credit card.
"Vivian Banks.
Any job she wants."
Oh, whoa, what a day!
I'm exhausted.
Oh, daddy,
for Monte Carlo Night
you're going to be
thecroupier de toilette.
Great. What'll I do?
You'll make sure that
there's always toilet paper
on the rolls.
Well, it's great to know that
all those years of law school
are finally coming in handy.
And, Will, you're gonna help
with the cleanup.
Well, I ain't down with that
old Country Club stuff
sittin' around all night
discussin' mayonnaise
with four white guys
named Biff.
[laughs]
Isn't Biff a riot?
Will, this is a fund raiser
for the LA political coalition.
Everything cannot
always be about fun.
Well, hold it. What?
Y'all are gonna make me go?
Well, at least show up,
if you're still unhappy
after the first half-hour
consider the rest of the evening
punishment for something
you've gotten away with.
I'd rather be stranded at sea
with David Duke
leadin' the rescue party.
[instrumental music]
Why should I have to go
to this stupid Country Club
if I don't want to?
How Uncle Phil
gonna play a nephew?
How's daddy gonna play
a daughter?
I can't believe he thinks
I'm too young to gamble.
I've been eating Hilary's
cooking since I was three.
Whoo! Uncle Phil, man,
you're--
Looking extremely fly.
Thank you, Will.
And, yes, you still have to go.
Uh, d-daddy, I am really--
Gonna miss your daddykins.
I know, Ashley. Mwah.
And, no, you still can't go.
So do I look like
a blackjack dealer?
You look great, mother
but that's not
how you wear a halter.
It is when your breasts
don't come with a receipt.
Well, I'm all ready
for Monte Carlo Night.
I've read this book
cover to cover.
Ask me about
any odd combination.
Okay, uh, why is Michael Jackson
hanging with that little boy
from "Home Alone?"
Well, we better be going.
Goodnight, Geoffrey.
- Sir.
- And, Ashley, sweetheart.
I'll bring you home
a stuffed Ms. Piggy Doll.
Oh, joy.
Being 13 bites.
And I'm too young to know
what it bites.
Perhaps, biting into
a freshly-baked
chocolate-chip cookie
would lift your spirits.
I've poured you a nice cold
glass of milk to go with it.
Why don't you just
slap a diaper on me
and hang a mobile over my head?
[gasps]
Oh, Geoffrey, it's wonderful!
Here is your ginger ale.
Shaken, not stirred.
I trust you won't be
dancing on the table
with a lampshade on your
head.
Ante is one vanilla wafer.
Table limit, four mintMilanos.
Oh.
Something wrong, Ms. Ashley?
No, ev-everything's fine.
[sighs]
Spill it.
Be honest,
we're playing with cookies
because you think
I'm a kid, right?
Well, yes.
I'm 13!
If these were the Middle Ages,
I'd already be married
and own a pair of oxen.
I'm an adult!
A young adult.
I'll get my wallet.
I'll get my Smurf bank.
[instrumental music]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it, man.
Come on, there's
an old gambling superstition.
It says that if you walk
into a casino backwards
you'll have good luck. Come on.
Will, you poor
public-school casualty.
Everyone knows
there is no such thing as luck.
There's only the astute mastery
of probability.
Have it your way, man.
[glass clattering]
Wow! You know, Carlton,
you are lucky.
That could have been
an asteroid.
[chuckling]
Now, I hope you don't mind
my sayin' it
but you sure look good.
How was heaven
when you left it, huh?
[laughing]
Anybody ever tell you you
sure
look sexy when you deal?
We all have.
We're not here because of
the way she shuffles cards.
You know what I mean?
[all laughing]
Gee, it's chilly in here.
Ha-ha-ha.
I'd hate for my wife
to catch cold.
Alright, alright. Robin
from the 'hood is in the house.
♪ Give me seven eleven
I don't mean the store ♪
♪ I taketh from the rich
and giveth unto the poor ♪
Blow on these bones for me,
would you, slimmie?
Alright.
Seven! Yo!
Alright! Alright!
Let it ride! Let it ride!
No way, Will, the odds of you
repeating that are six-to-one.
It says here, "Don't even make
this bet in your dreams."
Ah, Carlton,
and I too have a dream.
And in it,
all of the world rises up
and overcomes your
stupidity.
Now stay out of my face.
Come on. Don't act like
you never done it before.
♪ Alright my lucky drawers
is ridin' high ♪
♪ Put your money on me
or kiss it goodbye ♪♪
[grunts]
Eleven! Yo!
Just like it's supposed to
be.
Give it to me again.
Can I get an amen?
- Amen!
- Yes, sir, alright.
Will, please, the book says
there's no way you can win.
If I were you,
I wouldn't touch those dice.
Posse out, short stuff.
Robin's on a roll.
Alright, here we go.
♪ Hoagies cheese steaks
chicken on a spit ♪
♪ Seven come eleven
'cause I'm too legit to quit ♪♪
[cheering]
[instrumental music]
Two pairs. Kings and queens.
Uh, three aces.
Sorry, Geoffrey.
[poker chips rattling]
You're $94 in the hole.
Should we play again?
I think not.
Are you mad at me?
Of course not, Ms. Ashley.
You play verywell.
Where did you learn?
A back alley in Calcutta?
(crowd)
Go, Will! Go, Will!
Go, Will! Go, Will!
Go, Will! Go, Will!
Go, Will! Go, Will! Go, Will!
Will, You're insane!
Quit while you're ahead.
[scoffs]
Yo, yo. Man with the bald head.
Yo!
(Will)
'Tell me what they said!'
Seven!
[cheering]
- Go, Will!
- Go, Will!
(crowd)
Go, Will! Go, Will!
Go, Will! Go, Will! Go, Will!
Here we go! Here we go!
Eleven!
[cheering]
Hey, hey, hey, now who's hotter
than Madonna in a pointy bra?
(crowd)
You are!
Just checking.
Seven!
May I have everyone's
attention, please?
It's time for the raffle.
A cash prize of $1000.
And the winner is..
...number "1-0-2-2-5."
Aah!
Carlton, did you win?
No, I didn't play!
And 1-0-2-2-5
is my lucky number!
Wait! Hold it, hold it!
1-0-2-2-5? That's me!
[cheering]
- Go, Will!
- Go, Will!
(crowd)
Go, Will! Go, Will! Go, Will!
Go, Will! Go, Will..
It is with great pleasure
that I present you
with this check
in the amount of $1000.
[applauding]
It is with humongous
pleasure
that I take this chumpie
off your hands.
Can we get a picture of this,
please?
And now can we get
a shot of Will
giving the check back
to the LAPC?
Wait, what? Well, excuse me?
We'd like a shot of you donating
the money back to the LAPC.
Wait. What? You, you want me
to donate a $1000?
- That's the idea.
- That's a bad idea.
But it's a club tradition.
Oh, well, we got
a club tradition in Philly, too.
It says, "If they don't have one
you don't give them
your money."
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
Honest, Geoffrey, it would
make me feel a lot better
if you'd just take
your money back.
No, thank you.
A gentleman always accepts
his losses gracefully.
Okay, Geoffrey. But you're sure
we're still friends?
Of course, Ms. Ashley.
Look, I just don't understand
why you're making
such a big deal
about this money.
I mean, it ain't like
I took the Benz drag-racin'
down Sunset
at 4:00 in the morning.
Tattletale.
Will, I'm making a big deal
because every year
the club picks a charity
and donates that money
to that charity.
But-but, Uncle Phil, look,
if it's supposed to be my money
how come I can't do
what I wanna do with it?
And I don't wanna donate it
to the LAPC.
Will, donating that money
is a tradition
and a tradition isn't something
to be thrown away on a whim.
Whoa, whoa, hold up! Hold up!
You callin' a red-leather suit
with matching seat covers
a whim?
Will, you're being
awfully selfish.
Obviously, you haven't learned
a thing since you've been here.
We've all been blessed.
And donating to someone
less fortunate than yourself
is not an option,
it's a responsibility.
I hear what you're sayin',
Uncle Phil.
You're right.
You're right. You're right.
Keeping money that isn't yours
is wrong. Very, very wrong.
I know, I know.
[no audio]
[instrumental music]
Hey, Ashley honey, what's up?
Would everyone just get off
my case?
I want to give him the money
back, but he won't take it.
Whoa, puberty's in the house.
Hey, you're lookin' fine today.
Oh, thanks, I did
a little somethin' different
with my hair.
Hey, here's your boom box.
I rewired it.
It works fine now.
You owe me 50 cents.
Man, 50 cents?
That's real reasonable.
Hey, a happy customer
is a loyal customer.
- How much for the shoeshine?
- A 150 bucks.
Hey, I got to make up
the differences somewhere.
How else am I going
to get to basketball camp?
Alright, well, hey,
let's just get out of here
before Linda Blair's head
starts spinnin' around.
Good morning, baby.
Oh, mommy, you look so pretty.
Thank you.
Hilary's taking
your father and me
to brunch at the club today.
I want to thank them
for being so helpful
while I organized
Monte Carlo Night.
The way we all pulled
together
made me see
the importance of family
and how truly blessed I am.
What about the rest of us?
We're family, too.
Yeah, but if I take
all of you, I won't have
enough money left over
to buy a hat.
You know what I was thinking?
I'm tired of going to the club
seeing those same old faces
all the time.
What say we head down to Denny's
for a short stack?
Oh, Philip, Hilary wants to take
us to the club for brunch.
Hm, after what Will did
last night
they're all gonna be
gossiping
about us.
I mean, why put ourselves
through that?
Oh, they won't be gossiping.
Will gave the check back.
Besides, people at our club
aren't like that.
I mean, no one cared about
Mrs. Silverberg's divorce.
Hm. I heard she's been
seeing the golf pro.
I heard her husband caught them
in the utility closet.
But did you know
that both of them were wearing
nothing but cleats?
It was the tennis pro
in the steam room.
But the cleats part is right.
Kids talk.
[instrumental music]
See, Vivian?
Everybody's looking at us.
No, they aren't.
Vivian,
I want to congratulate you
on having
such a talented daughter.
Here, in case you need this.
Uh, thank you,
but I don't smoke.
It's gold. It's worth something.
I thought
she was still on the wagon.
Something very strange
is going on here.
Uh, excuse me, waiter.
Could we have the check, please?
It's already been taken care of.
By whom?
[no audio]
By the way, if you need
to unload one of your cars
I can give you cash.
I just sold a screenplay.
Excuse me a minute.
Henry. Henry!
What in God's name
is going on here?
If you needed money,
why didn't you come to me
in-instead of making Will
keep that check?
It was Will's idea.
I told him to give it back.
Sure. Sure, old man.
George, would you tell him
that Will gave back
that check, please?
Well, I'd love to,
but he didn't.
But I told him to.
Well, this is obviously
some kind of mistake.
Oh, sure, and Mrs. Silverberg
was wearing cleats
because she forgot
her shower shoes.
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
Uh, Geoffrey, I took a piece
of gum from your
windbreaker.
Quite alright, Ms. Ashley.
No, no, no. I insist
on paying you back. Here.
A stick of double mint
costs but a few pennies.
A-a few pennies, $94.
Why split hairs?
Ms. Ashley,
you have offended my honor.
Honor schmonor!
It's your male pride.
Ms. Ashley!
I'm sorry, Geoffrey,
but I'm sick and tired
of men acting like pouty babies
just because you beat them
at something.
Like the time I beat
Bobby Greenspan at tether ball.
After that he told everyone
at school that I took steroids.
I apologize, Ms. Ashley.
I have acted like an utter fool.
That's alright, Geoffrey.
I had to stuff Bobby Greenspan
in his locker
before he would apologize.
[instrumental music]
Man, I finally beat you.
Hey, man, no, no, man!
The sun was in my eyes.
Man, the same sun
was in my eyes.
Stop bein' a baby.
Well, man,
I ain't bein' no baby.
And if you beat me again,
I'm takin' my ball
and I ain't being your friend.
Well, man, I got to go find G.
He got some shoes
for me to shine.
Philip, I'm sure
Will just hasn't gotten
around
to returning the check yet.
Vivian, when I tell Will
to do something
I expect for it to be done.
Hey, Aunt Viv, Uncle Phil..
Oh, you got that mad look
in your eyes.
Let me guess. You grabbed
Geoffrey's underwear by mistake.
Am I right?
Will, why didn't you give
that check to charity
like I told you to?
What are you talkin' about?
I did.
Don't stand there and lie to me.
I'm not lying!
I just got back from the
club.
And I've never been
so humiliated.
I thought we had an
agreement
that that money
was going to go
where it was most needed.
Now you march upstairs
and get me that check.
Well, I can't. The money's gone.
Well, how could you have spent
a $1000 already?
Wow! Will, you must be
loaded.
You spent a grand
and had another grand
to give to me
for basketball camp?
I got to raise
your shoeshine rate.
You gave the money to Ramon?
Well, yeah, you know,
it's just a loan
till his sneaker endorsement
comes through in
you know, around 2010.
Oh, Will,
that was very commendable
but that's not what
that money was raised for.
Oh, come on, Uncle Phil,
you said I got a break
and I was supposed to give
somebody else a break.
So I gave the money to Ramon.
He's right, Philip.
You did say that.
I'll still donate
a $1000 to LAPC.
Yeah, that's cool.
But lookie here.
Seeing as how you're in this
extremely generous mood
I want to know
if you was down with donatin'
to the United Negro Nephew Fund?
You know,
they say a Saturday night
is a terrible thing to waste.
[instrumental music]
Child, you must be
on dog food.
No, no, see, I ain't down
with that country stuff.
Country, country.. Oh!
Here we go, one more time.
Here it is,
blah-za-bleh-zu-tinnus, oh!
I thought we had an
agreement
that we were gonna
give that money
to where it was supposed
to..
(audience)
'Oh!'
(Philip)
Be with me people.
Pray for me now.
[instrumental music]