The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 2, Episode 10 - Hi-Ho Silver - full transcript

[instrumental music]

Yo, Ash, peek this, babe.
I got that magic joint down now.

Please, Will, the last time
you showed me a magic trick

it took two months
for my hair to grow back.

Yeah, I know. Well,
that was then and this is now.

Behold, the great Willdini! Unh!

Alright, now, here.
Give me your watch.

Alright.

Alright.

♪ Boom shaka-laka-laka ♪

♪ Boom shaka-laka-laka boom ♪♪



What happened to Abracadabra?

No, no, this black magic, Ash.

Boom! Ah-ha!

- 'Wow!'
- Yeah.

Alright, hold up.
Hold up. Hold up.

I ain't finished yet.
Now, here we go.

Behold, a bottle,
just as any other.

Uh..

Chaka Khan!

Chaka Khan!

Chaka, Chaka, Chaka, Chaka..

[grunts]

- 'Wow!'
- 'Alrighty.'

(Philip)
'That's it.'



Alright. Now, for my next trick
I'll need a dollar bill.

- I don't have a dollar.
- I have a 20.

Oh, that'll do.

Alright. Here we go.

Notice the intricate folds.

[sighs]
Now for the magic words.

Going..

Going..

Gone!

(Philip)
'Will!'

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story
all about ♪

♪ How my life got flipped
turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground was where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started making trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're movin' with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said Fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I could say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to the house
about 7:00 or 8:00 ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

[instrumental music]

There you go.

Some nice 12-grain

organic hot cereal.

Wow. It looks great.

How about some of that
delicious soy milk to go on top?

Oh, okay.

Mm. Boy, that was better than
the batch you made yesterday.

Well, good. That's why I made
twice as much today.

Well, you keep dishing it
up,
Aunt Viv

and we'll keep finding
some place to put it.

Well, you kids go ahead
and serve yourselves.

I have to go help Ashley
with her hair.

Look, I know mom's a lousy cook,
but all the same

I'm really glad
that she quit her job.

Yeah, I mean, I mean, having
her home all the time is great.

I mean, you know, she picks
our clothes out for us

and checks our homework,
and, you know

cuts the crust
off the end of our bread.

Hey, look, that woman
must be stopped, y'all.

[sighs]

That, uh, diet
and exercise regimen

your mother put me on
has really changed my life.

I never felt better.

It's so nice having her home
all the time.

She wakes up cheerful
in the morning

leaves little love notes
in my briefcase

calls me up at work
just to chat.

That woman must be stopped.

- Hi, baby, how was your walk?
- Wonderful.

Madam, I have taken the liberty

of polishing
your grandmother's silver

for tonight's dinner party.

Whoa! Is that G
or Philip Michael Thomas?

I take it you're referring
to this charming ensemble

which your aunt insisted I wear.

It is only my humble opinion

but that woman must be stopped!

Ciao.

Now, I want everyone home
at 7:30 sharp. Yes?

We're having a get-together
with the neighbors

and I have invited Sonya Lamor.

Word? Sonya Lamor?

Hey, I've seen all her movies
on the late show.

Yeah, she did a lot of those
historical dramas.

My personal favorite was "George
Washington And The Hussy."

Whoa!

Ladies and gentleman,
give it up for the star

of "Heidi Comes To Harlem."

Mom, if you make me
go to school like this

I'm going to write a book
when I grow up.

[telephone ringing]

(Philip)
'You kids don't know
how lucky you are'

now that she's home
all the time.

Oh! Thank you, Philip.

Well, I've never felt better

since I've been on this diet
of exercise and healthy food.

Uh, Uncle Phil,
that was for you, they said

you left your wallet
at the Donut Depot.

[instrumental music]

Whoa!

Pretty fly earmuffs
you got there, Ash.

Um, a little calamine
lotion'd

probably take care of that rash.

Very funny, Will.

Can you believe mom made me wear

this hideous dress?

Come on, Ash, now not many women

can carry off plaid.

And here comes one now.

Oh, Ashley,
you look so adorable!

And don't stray too far, baby,
it'll ruin the effect.

Um, don't worry about this, Ash.

One day you're gonna be
cracking up laughing about this

with your therapist.

- Okay, I'm here.
- Mom, it's not fair.

Hilary doesn't have to dress
like you.

Guess again.

Oh! I wanna play! I wanna play!

- Wonderful party, babe.
- Thank you, Philip.

Look at poor Henry Firth.

Ever since his wife left
him,
he's been in one meaningless

'unsatisfying relationship
after another.'

It's so sad, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Makes me want to cry.

[clears throat]

Ms. Sonya Lamor.

[clapping]

That is so kind of you.
Please, no pictures.

Hey, Ms. Lamor,
I've been your biggest fan

ever since I seen you
in "Mutiny On The Hussy."

[sighs]

Yo, you look dope in 3-D!

- It wasn't in 3-D.
- Whoa! Back up.

Sonya!

Sonya, let me introduce you
to my daughters

Hilary, Ashley.

My son, Carlton.
And my nephew, Will.

Gorgeous.

There is something
that I am just dying to know.

Yes, I did it.
And he deserved to be slapped.

Sonya, let me introduce you
to my husband, Philip.

'And his legal partner,
Henry Firth.'

Hello. You know,
I'm looking for a lawyer.

I just wrote my memoirs

and I can't put it down,
it's so exciting.

(Philip)
Oh!

Phil is one
of the toughest negotiators

in our profession.

When Jacoby sued Meyers..

- Who do you think he called?
- Very impressive.

- Let's talk sometime.
- Certainly.

Sonya, there are some people
I'd love for you to meet.

Thank you.

[clapping]

(Sonya)
'Oh, it's so kind of you.'

Please, no pictures.

Uh, Sonya,
would you like something to eat?

I couldn't eat a thing.

Oh, wonderful sugar cake.

Can I get a little,
tiny, weensy piece, please?

Yeah. Certainly.

Well, I said a little piece,
not a crumb.

Oh, it's wonderful.

Unh!

It's magnificent.
May I steal the recipe?

Oh, I'd be more than happy
to give it to you.

Oh, well, thank you so much.

- Uh, Ms. Lamor?
- Yes, darling?

- Uh, you mind taking a picture?
- Of course not.

Alright, here,
I want you to get my good side.

Oh.

[camera clicks]

[instrumental music]

I hope Sonya goes
for this contract proposal.

Well, maybe this cake
will sweeten the deal.

Will and I are going to Tower
Records to pick up a few CDs.

Yeah. I'm gonna teach Carlton
how to tap his foot on beat.

Well, great, you can stop and
drop this cake off at Sonya's.

Alright.

Madam,
I have some distressing news.

Your heirloom silverware
is missing!

And someone's stolen
my new uniform!

- What?
- Well..

It's probably just misplaced.

Let's split up and look for it.

Oh, no, no, no!

Don't trouble yourself, sir.

I'll just go back to wearing

my old uniform.

I was talking about
the silverware.

Okay. Let's split up
and search the house.

- Alright, I'll check the pool.
- Will, don't even try it.

There's no need to check
the pool, the Jacuzzi

the tennis court
or the basketball net.

Will, check the pool,
the Jacuzzi

the tennis courts
and the basketball net.

It wasn't in the basement,
either.

But I did find Geoffrey's
new uniform

crammed behind
the hot-water heater.

The scoundrels must have ditched
it in their haste to escape!

Well, the silver's
obviously not in the house.

It must have been stolen.

Oh, I would hate to think
that a neighbor took it.

We need that little white lady
from "Murder, She Wrote."

Boys, we'll keep looking

but go ahead and-and-and drop
this cake off at Sonya's.

- Alright.
- Oh, and, um..

If you all happen to be digging
around under my bed

those, um, videotapes are for
my report on Clarence Thomas.

[instrumental music]

[doorbell ringing]

Coming. Coming.

- Hey.
- Oh! So kind of you.

No pictures.

Hi, Ms. Lamor.
My mom baked you this cake.

How sweet of her.
Come on, guys, please come
in.

Alright.

Mm.

Oh, this house is no joke!

Hey, oh!

Hey, isn't this the cane
that you used

in "An Officer And A Hussy?"

I played opposite Olivier.

Laurence Olivier was in
"An Officer And A Hussy?"

No it was his brother, Wendall.

Oh, check this out. Hold up.
"Lamor And Gable?"

You got top billing
over Clark Gable?

It was Schlomo Gable,
his half-brother.

Then I guess this Reagan
isn't really Ronald.

Oh, no, that is really
Ronald.

You see,
we couldn't get his brother.

[telephone ringing]

Oh, I'm so sorry, boys.

Go in there, but don't eat up
the whole cake, please.

Alright.

I'm a big star!
Get me a job or you're
fired!

Yo, what's up, man?
I'm Will. Polly want a cracker?

Will is a cracker.

Yeah, man,
your mother poops on papers.

Will, use a fork.

Oh, come on, man,
I ain't using this wimpy
fork.

[scoffs]
This is not a wimpy fork.

This is a hand-engraved
silver dessert..

Jumping Jehoshaphat!

Alright, man.
Alright, I'll use the fork.

Will, I'm telling you,
this is mom's!

Ms. Lamor must have taken it.

- Quick! Dial 911!
- Whoa!

Whoa! Hold it.

Come on, man, look, you
don't
wanna send her to jail.

Remember what happened to
her
in "A Hussy Behind Bars?"

- We must confront her!
- Wait. Wait. Wait.

Come on, man.
What, are you tripping?

You gonna jeopardize
Uncle Phil's chances

of getting a book contract.

And what do you suggest we
do?

I-I say we do what's fair
and just for both parties.

Steal it back and run like hell.

I am so sorry, guys.

Oh, ahem, Carlton

weren't you just saying
how much you would enjoy

a tour of Ms. Lamor's house?

No time like the present.

Come on, darling.

Get your hands off that!

'Not till we're married.'

Would you like to see
my jewelry collection?

- Do you have any tiaras?
- Of course I do.

Um, hey-hey, Carlton,
it's, uh, time to go, man.

Um, I guess, then
we'll come back another time.

I'm so sorry, guys,
you're leaving.

When you come back,
bring me another cake.

We promise. We promise.

Is the silver in your pockets?

No, I'm just extremely happy
to see you.

[instrumental music]

We did it! God, I was fantastic!

'The adrenaline was flowin''

the nerves of steel
were calm and steady.

Carlton, please, we lifted
some silverware from a neighbor

and I had to slap you twice
to keep you

from driving us to Mexico.

Well, uh, I just thought
we should lay low

until the heat was off.

- Yo, Aunt Viv, good news!
- You said it.

- I got my silverware back.
- How'd you know?

The caterers brought it back.

Uh, um, Carlton

why do I have service for eight
in my drawers?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

- This is all your fault!
- What? My fault?

You're the one that said
it was Aunt Viv's silverware.

Well, since when
do you listen to me?

Well, let's just stop arguing,
man. We.. Let's think of a plan.

We'll get caught.
We'll go to jail.

Kid 'n Play will portray us
in a movie.

Look here, Carlton..

All we have to do
is break into Sonya Lamor's

and put the silverware back.

Well, how do we do that?

Alright, but we're gonna need
somebody to help us, though.

Somebody that can't figure out
what we're doing, though.

Some simple-minded soul.

[humming]

Thanks for the tour,
but we better get going.

I just know
we're going to be surrounded

by a swarm of autograph seekers
at Neiman's.

I'm used to it, darling.
I'm very famous.

No, I meant everyone always
mistakes me for Whitney Houston.

- Carlton, come on. Come on.
- Will, can't you see I'm busy?

Will, there's a big black guy
in the house.

Will? Will?

Carlton, would you get in here?

Come on!

I brought these gloves
so we don't leave prints.

Yellow or blue?

Yellow.

Come on, curly,
let's get this over with.

- Oh, no, someone's coming!
- Oh, get off me, Carlton.

Get off me!

[indistinct chatter]

I know they're in here
somewhere.

I'm sure, darling, you're going
to find your car keys.

[sneezing]

(both)
Bless you.

[inaudible]

Well, I'm gonna check
in the dining room.

I'm sure
it's on the dining-room table.

(Hilary)
Well,
they're not in the dining room.

(Sonya)
'I've showed you
all my quarters'

which means every room
in the house, except the garage.

I'll start with the powder room.

Okay.

[doorbell ringing]

[mumbling]

Oh, how kind of you,
darling.
No pictures.

Well,
I'm finished with the proposal.

I thought you might like
to see a copy.

Thank you, darling.

Well, let's give it a
preview.
Come in.

(Philip)
'Certainly, if you wish.'

Now please
come into my dining room.

I have some wonderful old sherry
from Spain.

One of my ex-husbands
brought it.

Ah. Allow me.

Thank you very much.

[sighs]
I'm more than happy to pour,
if you wish.

Oh, yes, please do.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- That's okay. That's okay.

We are just going to do this.
That's it.

And now about the film version
of my book.

If Meryl Streep
is going to play it

she must have her nose fixed.

Absolutely. Page three.

The, uh, schnoz clause.

Darling, you're magnificent!

Yes, that's what
my wife always says.

You remember my wife?
Vivian, mother of my children?

That lovely lady in the plaid.
How could I forget her?

Philip, uh, may I ask you,
are you happily married?

Uh, oh, yes.
Very happy. Extremely happily.

You know,
when we walk down the street

deer eat from our hand.

Which reminds me,
I don't work with animals.

(Philip)
'Ah!'

Sonya,
you're a very attractive woman

but I think we should keep this
strictly business.

So if you don't mind,
no hanky-panky.

I agree, Philip.

So please
cool the footsie-wootsies!

Sonya, with all due respect

you're the one
who's playing footsie-wootsie.

What the hell is this?

Please, darlings,
you are too kind. No
pictures.

- What are you guys doing here?
- What are you doing here?

I'm looking for my car keys.

Oh, you know what?
I-I know where they are,
Hil.

I'll go get 'em.
I'll start the car for you.

- I-I'll check the oil.
- Nobody move.

Look, U-Uncle Phil,
I-I know what you're thinking

and, uh, there's no cake left.

Will made me do it.
He held a fork to my head.

Look, alright. Look,
it's like this, Uncle Phil.

We-we was coming in here
to put back the silverware

that we lifted
because we thought

that she stole it
from Aunt Viv.

And, you know, then we found out
that she ain't lift nothing.

That's right, darling.

I'm the last real woman
in this zip code.

Mm-hmm.

Sonya, rest assured

these two young men
will be strongly disciplined.

Alright, everybody, just stay
right where you are.

We got a report of a break-in.

[mumbles]
Put your hands down.

I didn't want to steal
the silver.

And I didn't wanna break back in
to return it.

A-and I didn't wanna hide
under the furniture, uh

like a bad old episode
of "Laverne & Shirley."

Now I'm gonna be sent off
to rot in jail!

- This is all your fault!
- What?

I have witnesses. It wasn't me.

[instrumental music]

Look at poor Henry Firth.

Ever since his wife left
him,
he's been in one meaningless

unsatisfying relationship..

Oh, Lord, have mercy. I'm sorry.

After another.

Well, the silver's
obviously not in the house.

It must been stolen.
Must been stolen..

- Must have been stolen.
- It must've been stolen.

- Feets don't fail me now.
- Okay.

(Will)
Ah, nothing. Fix it in post.

[instrumental music]