The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 1, Episode 22 - Banks Shot - full transcript

Here are my car keys.

Ashley has a birthday party
to go on Saturday afternoon.

And Carlton may use the car
for glee club practice.

And Master William?

He's not allowed to
use the car again

until August of 1992.

Very well, madam.

Everybody, I'm going.

Excuse me, mother

but I am very,
very offended.

What is it this time,
Hilary?



- I've started recycling.
- That's not it.

I mean, instead of making
Geoffrey work on the weekend

you should leave the running
of the household to me.

I mean,
I am 21 years old.

I'm sorry, baby, I didn't think
you'd want to run the household.

Well, I've gotta
learn sometime.

After all, in a couple of years,
I'm going to have my own family.

And my own butler.

I hope it's no one I know.

- Ready to go, sweetheart?
- Mm-hm. All set.

Well, if you had to pick
a weekend to go out of town

you picked a good one.

I'll be at the office working

most of the time anyway.



Well, if you have
a lot of work to do

why don't you just do it
here?

♪ Everybody dance now ♪♪

That's why.

How y'all doing? Eh..

I just got my hair cut.
Kind of fly, huh?

I don't understand why
you get your hair cut like that?

Come on, Uncle Phil,
all the brothers in Philly

play their hair like this.

Hair on the top,
none on the sides.

But I guess y'all got kind of
a reverse thing going on here.

- Well, Will, I'm leaving.
- Oh..

You're leaving..
Hey.. F-finally.

I always thought
you could do better.

Good luck.

Will, I'm going to Berkeley
to give my lecture.

Oh, you are?
When you coming back?

Tomorrow night.

Now, while I'm gone,
I want you to do

everything
your Uncle Philip says.

[dramatic music]

Yo, Aunt Viv, wait, wait, wait.
Aunt Viv, don't leave me here.

Aunt Viv, don't leave me
here with him!

- Aunt Viv, he's gonna eat me.
- Will..

- Don't leave me here, Aunt Viv.
- Will..

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story all about
how my life got flipped ♪

♪ Turned upside-down
and I'd like to take a minute ♪

♪ Just sit right
there I'll tell you ♪

♪ How I became the prince
of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said Fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ Looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

Michelle, we're in luck.

My mom's away for the weekend,
our butler's off duty

my dad'll be leaving
for the office any minute.

And I, uh, just took
a multivitamin.

Ooh.

I really like this room,
Carlton.

You'll like it more
in a minute.

[music on stereo]

Michelle,
I just wanted to say

I think you're the most
talented member

on the swimnastics team.

Well, I can hold my breath
for long periods of time.

Good.

We're going under.

(Hilary)
Hello, hello.

Rice Krispie Treats?

[chuckles]

What are you doing?
Mom left me in charge.

So I have to be responsible
for the children.

We were in the middle
of something.

Come on, kids,
let's have a little talk.

Carlton, Michelle

I can remember what
it was like to be your age.

Your bodies are going
through a lot of changes now

and you're probably having
a lot of feelings

that you've never had before.

But even though there's a lot
of pressure from your peers

remember, you don't
have to pet to be popular.

Let's go to the mall.

And who exactly
is going to be at this mall?

[clacking]

Come on, Uncle Phil,
look, I promise

I'll take good care of the car.

Give me that.

I'll trade you
for the car keys.

Will, I have a lot
of work to do.

So I'm gonna make
this short and sweet.

I don't want you
taking our car downtown

to some pool hall.

Y-you can't do this to me!

Aunt Viv!

Ooh, she's gone.

That's right, Will.

No one can hear you scream.

Come on, Uncle Phil, look,
just 'cause you don't like

pool halls doesn't mean
that I shouldn't go.

You're just trying to make sure
I don't have any fun.

Your only source of pleasure
is making me unhappy.

That's not true.

I have my wine collection.

Hold up, hold up, hold up.

You wasn't listening.

Your uncle ain't say

you couldn't
go to the pool hall.

He say he ain'twantyou
to go to the pool hall.

It's a difference.

What, what are you,
ignorant?

Pick up the damn keys.

[instrumental music]

The next time
you come in here

I'm going to use this.

And stay out!

I had your back.

And so what do you want?

To be your friend.

[scoffs]
Dream on.

- Then I'll take a table.
- Well, you're in luck.

Table seven
over here is vacant.

Fred! Fred, get up!

Man, I can't get
no sleep around here today

to save my life.

Alright, young man,
I only have three rules

No spittin', no fightin'

and use coasters.

Alright, alright,
who wants some?

I'll play.

Step right up, my man.
You can break.

Want to put a little money on it
just to make it interesting?

Nah, my man,
just playing for fun.

What the hey?
Maybe just $5.00 a ball.

[dramatic music]

♪ I've got the power ♪

♪ I've got the power ♪

♪ Hey yeah ♪

♪ Like the crack of the whip
I Snap attack ♪

♪ Front to back
in this thing called rap ♪

♪ Dinging like a cymbal rhyme
devil on the heavenly level ♪♪

- Whoo!
- Whoo!

[imitates gunfire]

Who wants some? Ha-ha!

- Who wants some?
- I do.

Ooh.

So you want to play me,
my brother?

Since you done beat all
the suckers at this table

maybe you'd like to try
your luck over here

with the big boys.

Ain't no thing
but a chicken wing.

My game is all that.

Alright, then.

Twenty a ball
is what we shoot.

Wait, wait, whoa, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What, like $20 a ball?

You in the big leagues now, boy.
What's wrong?

No confidence in your game?

- No, no, that ain't it.
- Then what is it?

I mean, it's just you look
like king of the hill

around here or somethin'.

Hey, you can take him, kid.

Yeah, give him some, Will.

Well and then I really wouldn't
want to do

what I know I can do,
if you know what I mean.

No, I don't know
what you mean.

Why don't you tell me?

[scoffs]
I know what he means.

- You do?
- Well, yeah.

It don't take a genius
to understand the boy.

He said in plain English
that he didn't wanna embarrass

your ugly behind up here
in front of these girls.

- I didn't--
- And he also say..

That if it weren't
for the fact he won so much

fromthatfool over there,
he'd take your money, too.

Thank you very much for clearing
that up for us, Fred.

Alright then, my brother,
rack 'em.

[instrumental music]

♪ It's getting it's getting ♪

♪ It's gettin' kinda hectic ♪

♪ It's gettin' it's getting ♪

♪ It's gettin' kinda hectic ♪

♪ It's gettin' it's getting ♪

♪ It's gettin' kinda hectic ♪

♪ It's gettin' it's getting ♪

♪ It's gettin' kinda hectic.. ♪♪

Well, well, well, my brother

looks like you owe me a nice
little piece of change

like 500 big ones.

Five hundred?

And 10% for his manager.

Wait..
Y'all hustled me.

Hustled is such
a ugly word.

I prefer to think of it
as creative money management.

- Now hand it over.
- M-my man, all I got is 200.

No, no, no.
See, that ain't all you got.

I seem to recall you
driving up here in a Benz.

Uh, hold it. Wait.
That car ain't even mine,
man.

Ha ha ha. You are so right,
my brother.

It's mine.

[gulps]

[instrumental music]

Hi, sweetie,
where you going?

Um, Kimberly's mom is picking me
up. I'm going to the party.

What kind of party?

Sarah's birthday party.
Mom told you about it.

Okay, and who's going
to be there?

Courtney, Priscilla,
Maggie, David, Josh--

Wait, wait, let's just
hold it right there

with David and Josh,
young lady.

Now I was not informed there
would be boys at this party.

I really, really don't
like the sound of this.

But all my friends
are gonna be there.

And if all your friends
jumped off a cliff

would you do it, too?

[car horn honks]

Oh, well, that's my ride.
Bye, Hilary.

And no running in the house!

You'll put your eye out!

Hilary, Hilary, listen.
Uh, I'm in big trouble.

- I need your help.
- What's wrong?

- Look, I-I just need $300.
- $300? What for?

Hey, youngblood. Man!

Y'all sure got it going on
up in here!

Will, who is he?

Listen, Hilary,
he's from the pool hall.

I just lost a couple of games
and I need $300.

[scoffs]
You blew $300

and you don't even have
a sweater to show for it?

Look, Will,
I was put in charge of you.

When mom finds out,
she's going to kill me.

Look, she won't find out
if you just get me the money.

Okay, okay,
just let me go look.

Well, my man, Fred.
Hey, tell you what..

Have a seat here,
I'm gonna go see if I can

borrow that money
from our butler.

Yeah, that's what
I always do.

[sighs]

[ice clinks]

Cocktails!

Who the hell are you?

Well, my name is
Fred Lomax, Jr.

And I presume
you're Will's butler.

So, you can fix me
a Rob Roy with a sidecar.

Oh, you're one
of Will's friends.

- Yeah.
- Oh. Get out.

Man, it is hard
to find good help these
days.

Mr. Lomax, I'm not the butler,
but I'll be

most happy to show
you the door.

Well, that's mighty kind of you,
big daddy, but, uh

I can't go back to that
pool hall without that $300.

$300?

Uncle Phil.

I see you've met
my earth science teacher.

Yeah, that's right.

He was not exactly
hospitable.
So I'm leaving.

But if you ever
want to see that car again

you better come up
with that $300.

You went to the pool hall
and lost the car?

Uncle Phil,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Listen, I-I know you told me
that I shouldn't go.

They hustled me.

They're holding the car until
I can pay them their money.

H-hey, Uncle Phil,
I'm really, really--

Stupid?
I know that, Will.

But I'll deal with you
later.
We gotta get that car back.

Uncle Phil, y-you can't
go down there by yourself.

Y-you can't handle those dudes.

They got guys in there
make you that look like webster.

If there are hooligans there,
I should accompany you.

In the early eighties,
I was sparring butler

for Mr. Chuck Norris.

[instrumental music]

Uncle Phil, you sure
you know what you're doing?

Oh, absolutely.
This is strictly a legal matter

between me
and the management.

Oh, you're back.
You better have that money, eh.

Well!

Hello, handsome.

Madam, our car has been
illegally impounded

in this establishment

and if it's not
returned immediately

I will be forced to take
serious legal action

and have your license
revoked.

That's where we
got you fooled.

We ain't got no license.

Uncle Phil,
I don't think all this

legal stuff is going to work.

The only legal phrase
these people know is

"Will the defendant
please rise."

Will, who's the guy
who beat you?

That dude right there.

Alright, pal.
I'm here to get the car.

Seems to me there's
a small matter of $300, pal.

I'm not giving you one cent.

Alright. You want to
wipe out the debt?

You can play for it.
$20 a ball.

U-Uncle Phil,
don't fall for it.

That's exactly how they got me.

Will, I'm not an idiot.

I'm not about to bet
on some game

I've never played
in my entire life.

What's the matter, buddy?

Aren't you man enough?

What did you say to me?

Seems to me that you don't want
to play because you can't play.

Can't play? You put the balls
into the hole.

How difficult can that be?
I've seen it on TV.

That's right,
all you got to do is

put the balls in the hole,
just like on TV.

I'll tell you what.
I'll let you break.

Geoffrey, get me one
of those stick thingies.

At least he's got
the terminology down.

Sir, do you think
this is wise?

Oh, don't be ridiculous,
Geoffrey. It's simple geometry.

Oops.

That-that was
just a practice shot.

Looks like it's my turn.

Now you owe me $400.

[laughing]

Uncle Phil, can you just
pay him and let's go.

No. No, no. I think I'm getting
a lot better, don't you?

- Oh, yeah, much better.
- Mm.

That's not the way I see it.
You still stink.

I wouldn't talk.

Wait a minute. Wait a
minute.
Uh, let's play another game.

I mean, I-I want another chance.
Let's play another game.

- Uncle Phil!
- I don't know.

You know my time
is very valuable.

I couldn't possibly
play another game

without upping the ante.

How much?

Let's say a nice, round figure

like $100 a ball.

$100 a ball?

That's right, Uncle Phil.

Okay. $100 a ball.

Ha ha!
You got yourself a game.

[laughs]
Geoffrey?

Break out Lucille.

[instrumental music]

♪ Comin' to you ♪

♪ On a dusty road ♪

♪ Good lovin' ♪

♪ I got a truck load ♪

♪ And when you get it ♪

♪ You got somethin' ♪

♪ Don't worry ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm comin' ♪

♪ I'm a soul man ♪

♪ I'm a soul man ♪

♪ I'm a soul man ♪
♪ Come on ♪

♪ I'm a soul man ♪

♪ I've got it all.. ♪

Six hundred

seven hundred

eight hundred

nine hundred dollars.

And 10% for his manager.

Oh, you're going
to be like that, my brother?

After you done had me
up in your house.

And let this be
a lesson to you.

Don't mess
with my boy again.

You mess with him

you're messing with me.

Yeah!

[thudding]

- Hi, Hilary.
- Mother, you're back.

- How was your trip?
- Fine.

How was your weekend
with the kids?

- It went great.
- Really?

Mother, I've got to tell you,
even though I wanted to do this

deep down I had a lot of
anxiety about taking on

this kind of responsibility.

But now that I've been through
it, I can honestly say

I handled it, I prevailed

and now I think I'm ready
to have children of my own.

Oh, that's great, Hilary.
So, where are the kids?

What, you mean like now?

- Mom!
- Mommy!

Oh, thank God you're home!

What's the matter?

Hilary was a tyrant
all weekend.

She was terrible.

Next time you go out of town

I beg of you, please

just put food and water
in a dish.

Someday you'll have children of
your own

and then you'll understand.

- Baby.
- Hi.

- How was your lecture?
- They loved it.

- So, how was your weekend?
- Oh, fine.

I got a lot of work done.

Finished up a little early
tonight, so Will and I

had a chance to spend
some time together.

We had fun.

You two got along? Huh!

It figures you'd choose
the weekend I was away.

Well, I'm exhausted
and I am going to bed.

- Goodnight.
- Night, Aunt Viv.

I'll be up in a minute,
sweetheart.

How come you didn't tell Aunt
Viv what really happened?

Because I don't want her
to worry about it.

It's between you and me.

Well, do you think she'll put
two and two together

when the cops dig
my body up?

Don't give me any ideas,
Will.

I just have one question.

Why are you so hard-headed?

Is that like a rhetorical
question?

You know, a hard head
makes for a soft behind.

What, you're going to spank me?

You know the severity
of what you did tonight.

We're going to discuss
your punishment tomorrow.

- Is that understood?
- Yes, sir.

Uh, Uncle Phil

I just wanted to say
thanks for coming down to the

pool hall
and saving my butt tonight.

You know, I ain't seen too many
people shoot like that.

Uh, where did you learn?

Well, let's say I've, uh

spent time in a pool hall

or two in my life.

I know what goes on there.

Which is why I don't want
you
going down there

in the first place.

You think I want to
spoil your fun?

I just want you
to come home in one piece.

- Hey, that's decent.
- Mm-hm.

Oh, and I also wanna thank you
for winning my money back.

Your money?

I'll play you for it.

[theme music]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪