The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 1, Episode 19 - It Had to Be You - full transcript

[instrumental music]

Ahem.

Mr. Jazz.

- Yo, what up, pop?
- Home fry.

- Will's in the kitchen.
- I can wait.

Why don't you sit here
a little closer?

Don't mind if I do.

Will you just get away from me?

I love a woman
who's hard to get.

In that case, I wanna marry you
and have your child.

I'm down with that, too.



- Sorry, Jazz.
- That's okay.

I got a great view
of her running out.

- Yo, what up, J?
- Yo, prince.

- I need a favor.
- Anything, man.

How many times
you helped me out?

Seven.

- What do you need?
- A date.

[chuckles]
Say no more!

I want you
to date my sister.

Ooh! Say a lot more.

She just moved down here
and she hasn't had a date yet.

And, prince,
she really needs a man.

But does she look good?

Sure she does.
Good looks run in my family.



Okay, Jazz, um..

Look, you know
I'd do anything for you.

- You're like a brother to me.
- Check.

Which means that your sister

she'd be like a sister to me,
not a girlfriend.

I mean, just think,
if it doesn't work out

it could jeopardize
our friendship.

I'm willing to take that
risk.

Yeah, well, brother,
I'm gonna have to give it

some serious, serious thought.

Alright, well, can I bring
her
by just to meet you sometime?

[sighs]
Yeah, that's chill.

Cool. Tonight, 8 o'clock sharp.

And try and smell good.

Yo, big boy,
give your sweet mama some sugar.

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story
all about ♪

♪ How my life got flipped
turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're moving with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said Fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I could say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about 7:00 or 8:00 ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

[instrumental music]

Okay, I did my budget
just like you told me.

Good for you. Let me see.

Alright, this is the amount
I made last week

and these were my expenses.

As you can see, I spent
five times more than I made.

This budget thing
is pretty easy.

[doorbell rings]

Yo, G, G, G! Chill, man!

Eh, eh, whatever you do,
don't open that door.

Please, Lord,
tell me it isn't the police.

No. No, no. It's my boy, Jazz.

Mm. Much worse.

[doorbell rings]

Hey, G, ten bucks says
I ain't home.

It doesn't quite say it
loudly enough.

Do I hear 15?

G, you're gonna do a brother
like that?

Man, it's my life at stake.

I took that into consideration.

Why don't you wanna see Jazz?

It's his sister
I don't wanna see.

- Jazz trying to set me up.
- Jazz has a sister?

Nice to meet you, dad.

Mr. Jazz and Ms. Janet.

Well, prince, here she is.

Janet, Will.
Will, Janet.

Y-you don't have a goatee.

Excuse me?

Hi, I'm Vivian Banks,
Will's aunt

and this is my husband, Philip

and our daughters,
Hilary and Ashley.

- Hi.
- It's nice to meet you.

Hey-hey, m-m-m-meet me again.

Well, why don't we all
take a seat?

May I get you anything,
Master William?

A dribble bib?

So, Janet,
how long have you been in town?

Well, I just moved out here.

I got a scholarship
to go to UCLA.

Oh, well, we certainly know who
got the brains in your family.

Yeah, but Janet ain't stupid.

So, Mrs. Banks, Jazz tells
me
you're a college professor.

That's right. I teach English.

And Mr. Banks, Jazz tells me

you're a professional wrestler.

Well, I'm afraid
he was mistaken.

I'm a lawyer.

My apologies. I was misquoted.

Well, Janet, I went to UCLA.
Do you want to use my books?

Thanks. I was thinking
of buying used books.

Oh. Well, these aren't used.

Come take a look at them,
anyway.

Okay.

Well, Jazz, I'm going to go
into the kitchen for a snack.

When I come back,
I want you gone.

Guess I got
plenty of time then.

Hey, Will,
I think Janet likes you.

Oh, yeah, I definitely think
she's up on me.

You know,
it's probably not too late

to get that spinach
out of your teeth.

So what do you think?

My brother, do the words
boing-yoing-yoing

mean anything to you?

Yo, man, I can't wait to go out
with your sister.

Yeah.
Thanks for putting me D,
man.

Gee, man,
I'm having second thoughts.

See, prince,
you're like a brother to me.

And if you date my sister
and it doesn't work out

it could jeopardize
our friendship.

I'm willing to take that
risk.

Well, in that case,
how much you willing to give?

- Give?
- You know, to take her out.

I'd sure look good
in this jacket.

I should have known.

The hat, too.

The hat!

Let me get a good look
at this shirt.

I must say, Mr. Jazz's sister
is quite a charmer.

Yes, she is. Makes me question
the whole theory of genetics.

Oh, come on, Philip,
you got to admit

it was awfully nice of Jazz

to introduce Will to his sister.

He's a good friend.

[inhales sharply]
Ow!

Brothers and sisters,
I've got a date!

You know what would be fun?

I can think
of a couple of things.

It would be fun to take your
Cousin Ashley out some time.

I love kids.

Yeah, word. Kids are great.

- Do you want kids of your own?
- Oh, definitely.

- You'd be a great dad.
- You, too, baby.

I probably shouldn't
tell you this

but the moment I saw you

I knew we'd be great together.

I hope it wasn't
the leather jacket that did it.

Don't be silly. You're not
wearing the jacket now, are you?

Mm-mm.
And I never will be again.

Clothes don't make the man.

And, Will, you are my man.

Oh, man.

Well, maybe
we should look at the menu..

...if I can get my eyes
to focus.

I am getting a little hungry.

Baby, have the lobster, have
the caviar, anything you
want.

Well, I know I don't want
lobster or caviar.

They are much too expensive.

You're right.
We are gonna be great together.

Hi. I'm Gia.

- Hi. I'm Will.
- You ready to order?

- Oh, we certainly are--
- Not.

Then I'll come back.

William, can we get
one thing straight?

When you are with me

I don't want you to be looking
at other women.

- What other women?
- Please.

I saw you looking
at that waitress.

So you can just put those old
googly eyes back in your head.

Alright?

Hello? I said, alright?

Alright.

Gia.

I'd like the swordfish
and a salad, no dressing.

And what about you, Will?

I'll have the..

I-I'll have the-the steak. Rare.

Steak is really unhealthy.

Do you need another minute here?

No, no, no,
he'll have the same thing

I'm having, plus a baked potato,
no butter, no sour cream.

- Thank you.
- Got it.

I-I-I like sour cream.

You used to.

But from now on you need
to watch that cholesterol.

I'm not having my husband dying
of a heart attack at 40

and leaving me
to raise six kids by myself.

S-s-s-six kids?

That's right, baby,
three girls, three boys.

And don't even think about
naming one of them William.

J-Janet, whoa. Hold on, hold on.
Wait a minute. wait a minute.

Sheesh!

I mean, don't you think
it's a little early

to be talking about
marriage?

Excuse me?

Well, then what did you have
in mind?

I don't know.
Dinner, maybe a dance or
two.

Oh, is that right?

A moment ago you were chewing
on my earlobe, Mr. Nibbly.

Did you think
you could sample the milk

without putting a down payment
on the cow?

I ordered lemonade!

Well, you're not
gonna drink it.

You're cutting out
that sugar, too.

No husband of mine
is gonna sit around

getting fat
and watching TV all day

and leaving me with all the work
of raising six kids by myself.

Oh, no. Mm-mm.

- But-but I--
- But-but-but nothing.

And look at me
when I'm talking to you!

'William,
who are you looking at?'

Hi, Hilary,
did a guy named Michael call

while I was in the shower?

No. Who is he?

Just a boy in my class.

- Do you like him?
- Well, sorta.

- And was he supposed to call?
- Well, he said he would.

[scoffs]
I can't stand it
when men do this.

I mean,
they say they're gonna call

and so you wait
and wait and wait

and nothing.
I mean, what do they think?

That we have nothing better
to do than sit by the phone?

[telephone ringing]

Hello?

Oh, hello, Michael.

Well, I'm glad you found a time

that was convenient
for you to call.

'No, Ashley is not here.'

I don't know where she is.

She may not be back
for several days.

- Hilary!
- I know what I'm doing.

Oh, you want her to call you
back? Oh, yeah.

That'll be happening, Mr. God's
Gift To The Fifth Grade.

Don't you feel great?
Brisk walk in the morning.

And now you're all exercised
and ready to start the day.

Yeah. We got anymore
of those pecan rolls?

Hey, Aunt Viv, Uncle Phil,
I need your help.

I-I'm having girl problems.

Didn't your date go well
last night?

- No.
- Oh..

What's the matter, baby?

You like Janet
more than she likes you?

I don't think so.

- Well, I sure liked her.
- Yeah, I hope so.

Since we'll probably be living
here with our six kids.

- Kids?
- Yeah.

She told me last night
we're having six.

Not anytime soon, I hope?

Oh, no, she doesn't want
to start the family

until we finish graduate school,
worked at least five years

and we have
complete dental benefits.

- That sounds very sensible.
- Aunt Viv.

This is all
before we had salads.

Well, why don't you just
tell her you're not interested?

I tried, man.
She just won't listen.

It is like "Fatal Attraction."

Hey, I'm telling you,
if we had a bunny

dude would be on the stove
right now.

Oh! Come on, Will.

Aunt Viv, I'm telling you,
this babe is tripping.

I mean,
she's already telling me

what to do, what to eat,
where to look.

Well, women get like that.

Get like what?

Oh, y-you know.

No, Philip, I do not.

Women get like what?

Like that.

You say something, William?

Master William,
Mr. Jazz is here to see you.

Thank you, G.

What do women get like?

I am waiting.

Hello!

Prince, is your uncle here?

Man, I think I dislocated my hip
last night dancing.

I don't wanna risk
getting thrown out.

Yo, man, what's up?
Come on, man, that tickles!

I want my clothes back, Jazz.
You set me up with a maniac.

Man, your sister's
the bossiest woman in the world.

I know.

You know?

Man, she gets on my last nerves.

Ever since she moved out
here

she been hanging out at my place

bossing me around all the time.

I had to pawn her off
on some sucker.

[whirring]

Aah!

Setting me up.

Man, between you
and the "Humpty Dance"

I'mma have to get a metal plate
put in my butt.

You deserve it, man, your sister
showed up here at 7 o'clock

to pick out my clothes.

By 10:00,
she phoned five times.

Hey, Jazz, I'm telling you,
she would be here right now

if she wasn't out
shopping for my beeper.

Are you saying your relationship
isn't working out?

What relationship?
I just met her!

All I know is, you thinking
about breaking up with her

you better think again.

Last guy tried
to cut her loose, mm-mm-mm.

It wasn't pretty.

Dude, he's walking and all,
but still..

What am I supposed to do?

I say, marry her.

Man, you can stop that, homes.

I'm breaking up with her.
That's it.

Well, if she kills you,
can I have that shirt?

No, you can't have
this shirt, Jazz.

Alright, I got an idea.

I set you two up to get her
out of my face, right?

So why don't you set her up
with some other sucker?

Come on, man,
I ain't living like that.

W-what guy deserves a woman
like your sister?

[panting]
Hi, fellas!

Hope you don't mind, Will. I
borrowed your Public Enemy tape.

You like Public Enemy?

Tell you the truth,
they're not half bad.

♪ Get up get get get down ♪

♪ 911's a joke in your town ♪♪

That used to be
my favorite song.

You know, Carlton,
I misjudged you.

You're a lot cooler
than I thought.

Uh, you want to go to the club
with us tonight?

Sure, but I don't have a
date.

Carlton, never bring a sandwich
to a buffet.

- And what is boyfriend having?
- Yeah.

Green-grass salad
with blue-cheese dressing.

[clears throat]

- Nix the blue cheese.
- Got it.

Janet! Kiss, kiss.

- Janet, meet Toni. Toni, Janet.
- Oh, Janet!

I have a sister named Jane,
but we call her Amy.

Well, you know
Carlton and Will.

And a little further down
in the evolutionary chart, Jazz.

She noticed me.

Hi, Carlton. Hi, Will.

Hey, how are you doing,
Toni?
Ah!

That's my cousin's best friend.

Do I look like I care?

Aren't you feeling well, Janet?
You seem a little cranky.

Ah, no, no, she's just
kidding around, Carlton.

That's what makes her
so much fun.

Will, this is a great jacket!

Uh...thanks.

Are you, like,
saying grace or what?

[sighs]
Yeah, I've been praying a
lot
lately.

William,
if you don't stop talking

out of the side of your mouth

you gonna be talking like that
permanently.

Ooh, break out the Midol.

Would you two ladies
care to join us?

Maybe later. We have to see
if anyone better is here first.

Isn't that Patrick Swayze?

Hey, I don't know.
You tell us, Carlton.

You see, Janet, not only is
Carlton brilliant and handsome

he also knows everybody
who's anybody.

Ain't that right, Jazz?

Does he know Janet Jackson?

William, ever since we've got
here you've been going on and on

about Carlton this
and Carlton that.

Boy, save your charm
for the girl on your arm.

Well, someone has her rude hat
on tonight.

William, my soda is warm.

Yo, Gia!

I need more ice.

You need more ice what?

I need more ice
in my warm soda.

You need more ice, please.

What did you say to me?

He said,
"You need more ice,please."

Heads up.

Well, I'm sorry.
I've got to say something.

Janet,
your behavior this evening

has been
completely unacceptable.

Carlton...

Where I come from,
manners count for a lot.

I'm sorry I've got to say this,
but I simply can't sit back

and allow this rudeness
to continue!

You owe every one of us
an apology

especially, that poor waitress.

And if you refuse,
we're taking you home

and continuing the evening
without you.

Do I make myself clear?

You know, I'm gonna miss him.

Do I make myself clear?

[instrumental music]

Yes, Carlton.

Hey, I'm telling you, Carlton
was a little bit of that.

Uncle Phil, I didn't know
he had it in him.

He just stood right up
to Janet and said

"Baby, that's about all that lip
I'm gonna have."

Boys, you've got
a lot to learn about women.

Carlton has obviously
been watching me in action.

Now, Will, your Aunt Vivian
can be quite bossy at times

but, uh, when she starts
bossing me around

I don't let it bother me.

I just say "No"
in a strong masculine voice

and when I say "No," she jumps.

Excuse me.

What did you say?

I don't know.
How long have you been
there?

I came in on, "Your Aunt Vivian
can be quite bossy sometimes."

Oh, well, you didn't
hear the part where I said

"Boys, the rest of this
statement is completely untrue."

Philip, you better sleep
with one eye open.

I got her just where I want her.

You know, I've learned something
from all this, Jazz.

You know what every woman wants?

Rib tips?

[groans]

No, Jazz, every woman
wants a man to take control.

That's what Carlton did
with Janet.

If he can make it work for him,
imagine what I could do.

You did an excellent job
on those apology notes.

- I'll mail them right away.
- Mail them?

I'm sorry, Carlton.
I'll hand-deliver them.

That's better.

I'll get your coat.

I really should write a book.

Okay, okay. Jazz, I know how
to chuck a woman. Watch this.

[clears throat]

[high-pitched]
Yo, Janet!

Peep this here, baby.

We're going out tonight.

I'mma choose the place.

I'mma eyeball any honey that
I darn well please, alright?

Then I'mma order a steak

with a big bucket
of blue-cheese dressing.

Do I make myself clear?

The only thing clear about you
is the space between your ears.

Why the hell didn't that work?

You got the theory right.

You just ain't got
the technique.

Take notes. Hilary!

What?

Hilary, your behavior
at the club last night

was completely unacceptable.

Now, where I come from,
manners count for a lot.

Now, I'm sorry
to have to say this

but I simply can't sit here

and allow this rudeness
to continue.

Do I make myself clear?

Jazz...

Come here.

Aah!

[theme music]

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪♪