The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 1, Episode 14 - Day Damn One - full transcript

[instrumental music]

I wish I could
see your sister's face

when she finds Courtney's frog
in her bed.

You and me both.

This is gonna be good.

If she doesn't scream soon

I'm gonna have to give
my frog a drink.

Ferdinand gets de-hydrated.

(Hillary)
'It's Will and Hillary.
Open up.'

[laughing]

Oh, no.
We're all gonna die.



We just wanted to say goodnight.

We're going to bed just as soon
as we finish this frog leg soup.

Frog leg soup?

It's uhm-uhm good.

Wish you could all have some
but there wasn't enough frog

to make
more than two bowls.

Can I have a bite?

Sasha, they are
eating Ferdinand.

Ferdinand?

This is a guy frog?

Ferdinand!

Nighty night,
don't let the snails bite.

Snails?

That's funny I thought
she said she put



snakes in your sleeping bags.

[all screaming]

Psych! Psych!
Psych!

Um, that means just kidding.

Nighty night.

Will, will you tell us
a scary story

before you go, please?

Okay, but I hope
everybody's ready

to be scared to death.

- Yes!
- Yes!

Oh, wait. Hold up.
Scream for me one time.

[all screaming]

Okay, that's good.
That's good. Uhm. Okay.

I got a scary story,
but I have to warn you..

...it's really,
truly frightening.

- Any of you have pacemakers on?
- No.

Alright. See, what makes
this story so scary

is that it's true.

It happened to a guy
named Will...bert.

Yeah, Wilbert Smith...sonian.

See, Wilbert Smithsonian
grew up in Philly.

He went to school
in the hood, right?

But this school
he went to was so tough

I mean, it was
graffiti everywhere

even on the principal.

(all)
Ooh.

But that's not
the scary part.

It all happened right here
in Bel-Air

when Wilbert was transferred
to a private school.

It was a living nightmare.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[sighs]

"Enter as boys,
leave as men?"

How long they trying
to keep us here?

Hey, Banker,
what do you know?

It's who you know
that counts.

Hey, Carlton, how you doing?

[indistinct chatter]

- Wallace.
- Chadster!

- Bankster!
- Hey.

I'd like you
to meet my cousin--

Willster!

So, stud master general

what's the word
on coed tennis camp?

I really got a lot
out of it, amigo.

Scored big on
and off the court.

Way to play.
I kid you not, Will.

Women faint
at this man's feet.

Odor eaters work for me.

Outrageous.
This guy's seriously twisted.

He gets in a good one
now and then.

Will Smith?

Oh, Will,
this is Simon Stanhope

our student
council president.

It's my job here
to give you the tour.

Oh, yo.
I took the universal tour.

You know that
earthquake ride?

Aah! Look out!
Look out, look out.

Here comes the subway car!

Excuse my cousin.
He just doesn't know.

As I was saying,
this is our founder

and those are
the first students

of the Bel-Air academy

and they all carved
their names on this..

...the alumni desk.

And these are
the championship oars

that we retired
in 1957.

Man, y'all don't throw
nothing away.

Will Smith?
I'm Edward Fellows III.

But call me Ned, okay?

Okay.

You've been assigned
to my lit class

so I read your records.

I just wanted to say
we're both coming

from the same place.

Oh, word up.
You're from Philly?

Shaker heights, Ohio.

But when I was doing research
on my main man

Langston Hughes.

I lived in Harlem.

And believe me,
those two weeks

changed my life.

"I bathed in the Euphrates
when dawns were young.

"I built my hut
by the Congo

"and it lulled me
to sleep.

My soul has grown deep
like the waters."

- I can tell.
- Hey, listen.

I've got a mean collection
of jazz platters.

Anytime you feel
like grooving, come on over

and get down
with my bad self.

Seriously. You have any
problems, any questions?

Uh, where are all
the fly honeys at?

- Fly honeys?
- Yeah, girls.

Oh, Will,
didn't anybody tell you?

This is an all-boys' school.

[dramatic music]

Greetings Bel-Airdales.
We're the Alligaroos.

And we'd like to take
this opportunity

to tell you
new students to..

[blows pitch pipe]

♪ Consider yourselves
at home ♪

♪ Consider yourselves
one of the family ♪

♪ We've taken to you
so strong ♪

♪ It's clear we're ♪

♪ Going to get along ♪

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how ♪

♪ My life got flipped ♪

♪ Turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to
take a minute ♪

♪ Just sit right there
I'll tell you ♪

♪ How I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In west Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're moving with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo Holmes ♪

♪ To Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabby
yo Holmes smell you later ♪

♪ Looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

So, then, Wilbert saw
their evil plan.

They were trying to
break him down.

First, they told him
it was an all-boys' school.

Then they tortured him
with a half an hour

of Broadway show tunes

but he wouldn't break.

Then they went ballistic.

They brought in the evil
teacher, Dr. Bloat.

Enter the Bloat.

5...4...3...2..

I am Dr. B "period" Lanford..

...Oates.

And you are..

'"Alan, Banks, Downer,
Fales, Hunt, Lieberbaum"'

"Smith.." Smith.
William Smith. Mm-hmm.

Uh, "Stanhope,
Sterling, Svenson--"

- Yo!
- Mr. Svenson?

Ja?

Mr. Smith, how good
of you to join us.

'Mr. Smith, look around.'

Do you see any difference

between yourself and
the other young gentlemen?

Is that like
a trick question?

The tie, Mr. Smith.
The tie.

Kindly consult that section
of the rule book

pertaining to neckwear.

Oh, you mean, section three,
paragraph four, which states

"A tie must be worn
with a Windsor knot"

but it doesn't
say where.

Take a seat.

And now may we turn
our attention to history?

- Thomas Paine once wrote--
- Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Mr. Smith? Weren't you
the bad guy in "Goldfinger?"

[instrumental music]

- Hey, smooth.
- Yeah.

- Looking great.
- Yeah.

Yeah. It's a little something
I put together.

Smith. Ho!

My man Lieberbaum.

Right. First name Kellogg.

Listen, cornflake.

"Ho" is definitely not a word
that you wanna yell.

I think the word
you're looking for is "yo."

- Yo?
- Yeah.

It'll be easy to remember.
It's like "oy" backwards.

Alright.

Will. Yo.

Will, may I have a word?

[imitating Scarface]
You got something
you want to say, man?

Can you be serious
for just one moment?

Will, this is your
first day and I think

you're rubbing a lot of
people
the wrong way.

Carlton, here in boys' town

I don't wanna
rub anybody any way.

That's not funny.
Nothing you sayisfunny.

What, did you, like, pass out
in history class?

I had 'em rolling.

The people who count were
laughing at you, not with
you.

I mean it, Will,
when you're snubbed

don't say
I did not warn you.

- Hi, Will.
- Hey, Will. How's it going?

[indistinct chatter]

- Oh, there you are.
- Okay, here comes Chadney.

Just lay low and
watch how it's done.

Are you free
this weekend, Smitty?

My parents are throwing
one of their big weekend bashes

at our compound in Malibu.

Badminton, the lobster boil,
you know, the usual.

Ah, yes, the usual.

The Chadster's Malibu bashes
are legendary.

Oh, yeah, Carlton.
You should come, too.

[bell rings]

Bang bang.

[imitating machine gun]

Wah! Whoosh!

Hyah!

[instrumental music]

♪ And I am tellin' you ♪

♪ I'm not goin' ♪

♪ You're the best man
I've ever known ♪

♪ There's no way
I could ever go ♪

♪ No no no no way ♪

♪ No no no
no way ♪

♪ I'm livin' without you ♪

♪ I'm not livin'
without you ♪

♪ I don't wanna be free ♪

♪ I'm stayin' ♪
♪ I'm stay.. ♪♪

'My man Geoffrey.'

Master William.

Hey, man, you know what I could
go for right now?

- Some pate.
- Then by all means, go.

Might I recommend
the gourmet deli on Roxbury?

No, no, no.

When I-when I said
I could go for it

I-I mean, like,
I want it

like you go for it.

Wilbert thought his first day
at Bel-Air academy

was a big success.

When he told his aunt and uncle,
they were thrilled.

Oh, this is a cause
for celebration.

[chuckles]
Geoffrey, Will did well
at school.

This calls for champagne.

There's been a tragedy
at the school.

The alumni desk has been cruelly
and wantonly defaced.

What happened?

Someone carved the word
"Fresh" in it.

And they have a theory about
the person who did it.

Th-th-th-they do?

They think it was a freshman
who got halfway through

and lost his cool.

He lost his cool?
That's funny.

Fresh means cool, right, Will?

I can't keep up
with this crazy teenage slang.

But I thought they call you
the Fresh Prince?

Day damn one, Vivian.
Day damn one.

Champagne.

Cork it.

Well, all I can
say to you, Will

is "Tsk squared."

You thought you had
the school all figured out.

Oh, no. You didn't
need my advice.

Alright, Carlton,
what is your brilliant advice?

I'll tell you, you've got to
march straight into school

tomorrow and confess.

[laughing]

I'm serious, Will.

There's such a thing
as the honor code.

There's such a thing
as dog dumb, too.

You don't intend
to tell them at all?

Maybe on my deathbed.

Then on your conscience be
it.

Before we begin the class

I must speak about
the atrocious defiling

of our sacred alumni desk.

Fingerprint analysis
has shown

it is the handiwork of our
resident hoodlum, William Smith.

Aah!

(Lanford)
'And may we turn our attention
to another important figure'

in American history.
Dolly Madison.

Was one of our most
influential first ladies

and not, as Mr. Smith contends

the manufacturer
of ring-dings.

And in the short time we have
left, I'd like to address

the infamous act of vandalism
which occurred here yesterday.

The desecration of
our desk is indeed sad

but even sadder is the fact
that no one has yet come forward

with a confession.
So if of you may know--

He did it.

Can you believe it?

Wilbert was accused
by his evil cousin Carlton.

I mean, Carlbert.

I don't get what's scary
about this story.

There aren't any werewolves
or vampires or anything.

Ah, but we're coming
to the scary part.

Poor Wilbert was
brought to trial

before the scariest
monsters of all..

...preppies.

As president
of student council

I declare
this tribunal in session.

Let's begin by hearing
from Mr. Smith.

Will, will you
finally take my advice?

Let me do
the talking for you.

Gentlemen, my cousin has
committed a vicious crime.

He could not be guiltier.

Oh, yeah.
That's what I would have said.

The fact is, young Will has not
yet developed the social skills

to adapt
to the rarefied atmosphere

of Bel-Air academy
or parties in Malibu.

I recommend we put him
on probation

ban him
from all clubs, sports

special events...
the Alligaroos.

No, not the Alligaroos.

Probation
is not enough.

If Smith isn't expelled

it will be
an invitation to anarchy.

I have to say that I am appalled

at this tribunal's
lack of sensitivity.

Speak on, bro.

We can't judge Will Smith
byourstandards.

He doesn't even speak
ourlanguage.

Where he grew up,
the word "bad" means "good."

Doesn't that say it all?
Fight the power.

Will, do you have
anything to say?

Well, yeah.

I-I-I didn't think
y'all was going to get so mad

for me writing my name
on an old desk.

I mean, I'd never write
my name on a new desk.

That's vandalism.

But those guys carved their name
in a new desk.

They got their
picture on the wall.

Well, that's totally different.

The alumni carved their names

so people would remember them
as part of the school.

That's why I did it.

That's ridiculous. You're trying
to ruin our school.

No, he isn't.

Lieberbaum,
you're out of order, sir.

But he's not
ruining the school.

He's making it better.

Word up, cornflake.

[indistinct chatter]

I don't mean to dis you guys

but if Will's expelled,
I'm leaving, too,

and-and-and I'm taking my dad's
checkbook with me.

(all)
Free Will! Free Will! Free Will!

Free Will! Free Will!
Free Will! Free Will!

Well, I'm going to bed.

Will, I hope you realize
how lucky you were

that you weren't
kicked out of school.

Lucky? I got to work
every day after school

to pay off
the desk repair.

Before I cry
myself to sleep..

...may I leave you with
a few words of advice?

If at some point tomorrow

or during my lifetime
for that matter

you come up with
another brilliant idea

for something
to do at school, stop.

Do nothing.

Just stand there.
Doing nothing.

Saying nothing.

Arms at your side.

Like a zombie.

Breathing just enough to keep
the blood circulating.

And no more.

Could you do that
for me?

I'm sorry, Uncle Phil. I wasn't
listening. What did you say?

Oh, no.

Goodnight, Will. Lock your door
when you go to bed.

Will, before I go to bed
I just wanna say

I was proud of you tonight,
old sport.

Kudos. You took your punishment
like a man.

That's all
you got to say to me?

Goodnight?

Carlton, you five-ohed me, man.

- Excuse me?
- You dimed me out.

- Pardon?
- You tattled on me, alright?

I did it
for your own good.

- You weren't going to tell.
- How do you know?

You didn't even give me
a chance.

Y-you're not worried
about my own good.

You're just worried
about yourself.

It may seem like that to you now
but one day, you will--

Oh, Carlton, shut up!

Man. I know what this is about.

You thought you were this
big hotshot at school

and I was gonna be
your little charity case

but I wound up taking
your juice.

Will, let me explain
something to you.

In this society, we have this
silly little thing called order

and we have rules
to preserve that order.

If we let people break
the rules, there would be chaos.

We have rules
where I come from, too.

And they say
you don't rat on people.

Will, the more you cling
to your old ways

and refuse
to listen to reality

the harder it's going to be

for you to fit in
with my friends.

[chuckles]
You just don't get it,
do you, man?

I don't want
your friends, alright?

If I woke up one morning
and I had all of your friends

and I was an Alligaroo
and I wore those cute shirts

with the
little horses on them,

I'd jump off
the Empire State Building

and hope to catch
my eyelid on a nail.

With quips like that,
it's no wonder

you're the toast of the
town.

Goodnight, Will.

Master William.

I have been informed

that due to your new
after-school employment

you will no longer be requiring
your customary 4 o'clock snack.

Could this be true?

Yeah, afraid so, G.

I might not even get home
till dinnertime if that
early.

What a pity.

Out of curiosity,

uh, just what is the nature
of your enforced labor?

[chuckles]
Kitchen duty, fetching, cleaning

carrying, that kind of
stuff.

Indeed.

Oh, well, chin up.

[Geoffrey laughing]

Now, picture this if you
will

my man Wilbert in a kitchen
with a hair net on his head?

Yo, if that's not a scary
thought, I don't know what is.

Alright. So, look.
Y'all got to do me a favor.

Raise your right hand.

Alright, I want
your solemn promise

that if any of you ever
meets
Wilbert Smithsonian

you won't tell him that I
told
you this story, okay? Swear?

I swear, Wilbert Smithsonian.

Will's cold busted.

[all laughing]

[theme music]