The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 1, Episode 13 - Knowledge Is Power - full transcript

[instrumental music]

[laughing]

Yo, G, that was
hi-lar-i-ous.

Hold up.
Put a Barney Rubble head on

and I swear I was watching
the "Flintstones" on ice.

I'm pleased that I've amused
you, Master William.

It is the least I can do
given the hours of merriment

I have derived from looking
at the remarkable way

your ears protrude
from your head.

B-W-A, butler with an attitude.

So anyway, Toni's coming over.



We're gonna study for our
History midterm, together.

- She really needs some help.
- She's not doing well?

Daddy, Toni is a
dear, dear friend of mine.

But she lacks concentration.

I mean, she totally gave up
on"Twin Peaks."

Whoa, Uncle Phil!

Did you lose a couple
pounds?

Man, you're
looking chiseled.

So what do you want
the car for, Will?

"Public Enemy" concert,
Jazz got two tickets.

Will, every time Jazz
sets foot in that car

he leaves a small collection
of chicken bones behind.

Oh, no. Don't worry.
Tonight, we're having ribs.

Daddy, Iwanted to
use the car tonight.



I'm going downtown
to a world peace benefit

hosted by Steven Seagal.

- Didn't you hear me ask first?
- I guess you're right.

Besides, I'd feel better
knowing you had the car

especially if you're gonna be
out until 3:00 in the
morning.

3:00 in the morning?

That's what time
he got in last night.

Oops, did I say that?

3 o'clock, on a school night?

Oh, no, no, it-it was
for school, Uncle Phil.

I'm doing a term paper
on...owls.

Whoo!

Will, you've broken curfew
entirely too many times.

You are grounded for a week.

A whole week?

Will, being grounded
won't be all bad.

Maybe you'll find enough
time
to do your dishes

instead of paying, Ashley.
Oops again!

Two weeks.

- I'm grounded for two weeks?
- That's right.

You've to stay in this house

and you're not go anywhere
near that car.

Can he still rent
the car to Jazz?

Oops, oops, oops!

Let's make it
an even month.

Wow, I don't know
my own strength.

Revenge!

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story
all about how ♪

♪ My life got flipped
turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate
said fresh ♪

♪ And it had dice
in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled
to the cabbie ♪

♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom,
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

- Miss Toni.
- Hi, Toni.

Hi, sorry I'm late. I saw a lady
wearing a sweater so ugly

I was forced to pull over
and yell at her.

Hi, Toni.
Where are you two off to?

The library.
Big history exam.

How did your
English mid-term go?

- I think I did great, mom.
- I think I failed it.

Will you cut it out?
You always say you failed

and then you get the test back,
and you always get a "D."

You're right.
I probably did fine.

Okay.

Well, you two have fun
at the library.

Bye.

A library? I thought
we were going shopping.

We are. I was just saying
that to her. Come on.

What's this I hear, Hilary?
Lying to mommy?

I feel the revenge
is within my reach.

This is a job for
Sherlock Homeboy.

[upbeat music]

10:00 hours.

Bike not fast enough
to keep up with Volvo.

Here, at Toni's dorm room
to determine

where suspects
have gone shopping.

Let's see what happens.

[knocking on door]

- Hi.
- Hi.

Uh, hi.
Is this Toni Gower's room?

Oh, yeah, we're her roommates.

- I'm Kimmy.
- I'm Cindy.

I'm Will.

- Hi, Willie.
- Hi, Willie.

N-no, just will.

Well, can I get you
something, Will?

No, thank you.

Um, actually, I'm trying
to find Hilary Banks.

There's been
a family emergency.

- Sorry, we don't know her.
- Yes, we do.

You know, Toni's friend. The one
who never wears anything twice.

Oh, yeah. Duh.
Earth to Kimmy.

I just haven't
seen her around much

since she dropped out of school.

[bell ringing]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

The mid-terms must have been
a little too much for her.

Mid-terms? Hilary dropped
out three months ago.

So, this family emergency,
is it like, a big one?

It's even bigger
than I thought.

Looks like I'm gonna be pullin'
another all-nighter.

I've to get
my index cards together

for the big
debate match next week.

What's your topic?

When, President Bush said
he would never raise taxes

was he lying or just kidding?

Sorry I'm late.

Time flies when
you're studying.

Ain't that the truth, Ruth.

- How was your day, honey?
- It was great.

I got a lot of work done
on my physics research
paper.

[snickers]

What?

Oh, no, I was just thinking
about that funny thing

that happened to you today.

- What are you talking about?
- How soon they forget.

I'll explain.

Well, today after school
was out, I went to UCLA

and I sat in the back
of Hilary's physics class.

You did?

Oh, yeah. You remember.

I mean, after all,
you were in the class.

That's right.
You did. You did. You did.

You remember that funny thing
that happened.

Oh, yeah,
that funny thing.

[laughing sarcastically]

Tell them about it.

Well...Will sat in the back
of my physics class, and..

While he was there..

Oh, Will, you tell it
so much better.

Well, see, I snuck up
behind Hilary, right, and..

Well, her head must've been full

with all that studying
or something

because when she saw me,
she said my head looked like

the basic element
of physics.

[both laugh]

And what was that
technical term again?

A quark, right?

Right, exactly. I said his
head looked like a quark.

Or, was it a neutron?

- Right, right.
- No. It was definitely a quark.

Oh, of course. I don't know
what I must've been thinking.

Well, that was
a real scream, Will.

Dinner is served.

What do you know?

Well, first of all

I know that the basic element
of physics is matter.

And if you were going to do
a research paper

you'd probably have to know
something they taught on

I don't know, the first day?

- How did you find out?
- Well, I have my methods.

And it helps that
Toni's roommates

have the combined IQ
of a raisin.

Listen to me, Will.
You can't tell mom and dad.

Excuse me? I don't think you're
in any position to tell me

what I can or cannot do,
Miss Thing.

I'll do anything you want,
just name it.

Okay. Well, thanks to you,
I'm grounded for the next month.

And all I want from you
is that you make that month

as pleasant as possible.

It's that simple.

At the risk
of sounding redundant

dinner is served.

We'll be right there, Geoffrey.

- 'Uh, Hilary?'
- What?

Carry me.

[bell ringing]

- Yes?
- "Yes," what?

Yes, Your Highness?

Have you done
His Highness' laundry?

Yes.. Yes, Your Highness.

What, you forgot His Highness'
overalls, his t-shirt, and..

...of course, his pair
of lucky draws.

[sighs]
You're going to want
to hand-wash these.

I am not hand-washing
your drawers.

Oh, yes, you are.

And from now on, you will
pronounce the word "draws."

Okay, fine.

Oh, and, uh, His Highness would
like to discuss the condition

of his royal sneakers.

You will clean them
with your toothbrush.

Not side to side.
Not up and down.

But a smooth,
circular motion.

Do you want me
to floss them, too?

Oh, we are not amused.

And for this act of treason

His Highness would like you
to read him a bedtime story.

This is getting
really annoying, Will.

Okie-dokey,
have it your way.

Uncle Phil! Aunt Viv!

Okay, okay, I'll do it.
I'll do it.

His Highness would like you to
read this Spiderman comic book.

Alright.
Let's make this fast.

"Spiderman by Stan Lee."

The Yellow Box says,
"High above Manhattan"

and Spiderman goes

"My spider sense
is buzzing like a beehive."

Uh, His Highness would
like you to describe

everything in the picture.

- Can't you look at it?
- Uncle Phil!

I was just asking. Okay.

He's sitting on the edge
of some stupid building

and there are, like, wavy lines
coming out of his head

so, so, what he's hot or
his head smells or something?

- Anyway--
- Uh, Hilary.

- That's his spidey sense.
- Okay.

There's also something gross
coming out of his wrist.

Ew. Is this like the guy
you don't want to be

standing next to
at a party, or what?

Anyway. This fat guy in a really
bad suit grabs him and goes

"Spiderman, at last,
we meet again."

That's Dr. Octopus, but his
voice is deeper than that.

Give it a try.

[in a deep voice]
"At last, we meet again."

In his raspier.

"At last, we meet again."

Oh, come on, baby,
you doggin' it.

"At last, we meet again!"

- Happy?
- You have amused us.

But His Highness is tired
and would like to go to
sleep.

- Thank God.
- Uh..

But first, His Highness
would like to be tucked in.

- You're kidding.
- Yeah. Of course I'm kidding.

- Uncle Phil!
- Okay!

Nice and tight.

Not too tight.
Wouldn't want you to suffocate.

Oh, and before you go,
we would like you to have
this

a list of things to do tomorrow
night at the dinner table.

- Like what?
- Ah, ah. Please.

We do not wish them read
in our presence.

Be gone!

Carlton, I'm living
a nightmare.

Hilary, I'd love
to talk to you

but I'm staring down
the barrel of an all-nighter.

Pleas, Carlton, I need help.

I'm coming to you because I know
how much you don't like Will.

Will Smith is
a fine young man.

Oh. come off it, Carlton.
You're talking to me now.

We've let Will wreak havoc
in our lives for too long

and now I think it's time
to band against him

as brother and sister.

- What've you got in mind?
- That's what I need you for.

I don't have any plans.
I just want to punish him.

I'm very vindictive.
I'm just not imaginative.

Hilary, whether or not
I want to punish Will

and for the record,
I haven't come out pro or con.

Why are you so mad at him?

Alright. It's kind of
a long story

but you've to promise
not to tell anybody.

Sure.

First of all,
I dropped out of college.

- Hilary!
- I know. I know.

Mom and dad are gonna kill you.

I know. But the worst think is,
Will found out.

And now he's using it
to make me do

all kinds of humiliating things.

Like what?

He's making me clean
his sneakers.

- Really?
- It gets worse.

I have to hand-wash
his lucky draws.

Disgusting.

Oh, and this is his latest.

He gave me a list
of embarrassing things

I have to do at dinner
tomorrow night.

That's awful. Is he
making you clean his room?

- No.
- Will you clean mine?

Carlton!

I'm sorry, Hilary, but
this is too good to be true.

Why should Will
have all the fun?

- Why, you little--
- Dad?

I hate you!

Be that as it may..

...I want these debate cards
typed by tomorrow morning.

Double-spaced.

[upbeat music]

Today was career day, Terice's
dad came in to speak to us.

Really? What does he do?

John Rivers.

Um, he's a plastic surgeon.

Dinner is served.

- Oh, Hilary?
- What?

Did you memorize
that little list of things

I gave you to do
at dinner tonight?

Yes.

Well, just to be
on the safe side

little let's have a pop
quiz.

Number one, anytime Uncle Phil
takes a drink, what do you do?

- I compliment you.
- Yes!

Now, did you memorize
the list of compliments?

- Yes.
- Okay. Very good.

Number two, any time anyone
says Hilary, what do you do?

I bark like a dog.

That's right!
See you at dinner.

Will, if you have
an ounce of compassion

you'll let me off the hook?

Yeah, th-that's a good point.

Nah, we'll do it anyway.

- Oh, Hilary?
- 'Yes?'

It's dinner time.
Did you memorize our list?

- Yes.
- Well, let's just review.

What do you do when I hit
my glass with my spoon?

- I insult Will.
- Good.

And what do you do
when I clear my throat?

I smack Will
upside the head.

Damn it, you're prepared!
Let's go!

For these gifts
we're about to receive

may the Lord make us
truly thankful. Amen.

(all)
Amen!

So, Vivian, how were
classes today?

Fine. I just wish
my students would

concentrate more on their work.

They're very easily
distracted.

I see it every day.

Don't you...Hilary?

[imitates dog barking]

Did you say something, sweetie?

No.

Will Smith is perfect.

Why, thank you. It's so nice
to be appreciated.

Yes, but perhaps,
another time.

You're mother is trying to
say something, and I'm sure

she would appreciate it, if
she weren't interrupted
again.

Sorry.

Anyway, as I was saying--

Will Smith is the king
of the universe.

Why, thank you.

I'd like to finish my story,
if that's okay with you, Hilary.

[imitates dog barking]

Hilary.

[imitates dog barking]

Look, I know everyone gets
a little silly around midterms

but, not at the dinner table.

I'm sorry, mom.

[glass clinks]

Will Smith is
the scum of the earth.

Hilary!

[imitates dog barking]

However, Will Smith is
the pinnacle of manliness.

Ahem.

Hilary!

[imitates dog barking]

Ahem.

What's with Hilary?

[imitates dog barking]

[glass clinks]

Hilary! Hilary!

Hilary. Hilary.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it..

I can't take it anymore!
I dropped out of school. There!

You did what?

I dropped out of school.

- You dropped out of school?
- When did this happen?

- Three months ago.
- Three months ago?

And you've been lying
to us since then?

Three months ago?

- If you'll just let me explain.
- Three months ago?

Mother, please,
just let me explain.

I'm not interested.
You've been lying to us.

- And if you think for one--
- Philip, wait.

Will, Carlton, Ashley, take
your dinner into the kitchen.

Thanks a lot, Will.

[instrumental music]

Man, they've been in there
for a hour.

I wonder what Hilary told
mom and dad

about our part in all this.

I think it's pretty safe
to assume

she sang like a canary.

Well, there's no need to worry,
she's been lying to them

for three months.

We can punch holes
in her credibility.

Mom, dad, awfully sad about
what happened to Hilary.

Hope her crazy lies
don't drag down anyone else.

Carlton, sit.

Maybe we haven't been
clear enough

about the rules of this house.

You are not to blackmail
other members of this
family.

Okay, I'm sorry.
I didn't know.

You two are grounded
for a month.

And, Will, added to
the month that you already have

that should pretty much
take you into fiscal '91.

- Dad!
- You are excused.

I don't know, Philip.

- I've been thinking.
- About what?

You know, what Hilary said
when she was alone with us.

You know, that-that I've put
too much pressure on her.

That it's hard living up to a
mother who's a college professor

that I made her feel
she could never come to us

and admit that she failed.

You mean you bought that crap?

Mom, dad, can I say something?

Yes.

I've been thinking
and I decided that I'll do

whatever you want me to do,
to make things better.

And exactly
what would that be?

I don't know.
Whatever you want me to do.

Hilary, that's the problem.

We've been making all
the decisions for you.

You're 21 years old.

It's time for you
to make your own decisions.

If you weren't getting anything
out of college

and you wanted to drop out,
you should have told us

and not tried to hide it
like a little kid.

But I thought you wanted me
to go to college.

We want you to go to college
when you'll appreciate it.

But it's not to make us happy

it's to make something
of your life.

We just want you
to be all you can be.

You want me to join the army?

Let's try this again.

Hilary, what do you want
to do with your life?

I don't know. I guess,
I'll have to think about it.

Well, while you're
thinking about it

you're gonna get yourself a job.

Okay.

Goodnight.

Mom, dad?

What kind of job
do you want me to get?

[scoffs]

I'm not talking to you.

Hey, look, straight up.

I-I didn't know you was
gonna break down like that.

I mean, you walk around here
like nothing bothers you.

I guess, I took it
a little too far

and I-I just wanna say,
I'm sorry.

Yeah, now. An hour ago,
you were ready to tell on
me.

Hilary, you trippin'.
I was never gonna tell on you.

- Really?
- Come on, of course not.

How about you, Carlton?

We're dealing in
hypotheticals here.

Fine.
I wasn't gonna tell.

Does that little placebo make
either of you feel any better?

So, I guess, you're gonna
hate me forever, right?

Well, I thought about it.

And I guess, I brought
this whole thing on myself.

I mean, if I hadn't
gotten you grounded

you wouldn't have
blackmailed me.

So, I've learnt my lesson,
and we're even.

Oh, hey,
that's decent, Hilary.

Goodnight.

Oh, before you go.

As my last official
act of servitude

I did finished your laundry.

I can't believe I made
you do that. I-I'm sorry.

It's okay.
What's done is done.

Hilary!

My lucky draws!

[theme music]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪