The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 1, Episode 11 - Courting Disaster - full transcript

[instrumental music]

Good evening, sir.
And how was your day?

Oh, being a lawyer stinks,
Geoffrey.

No matter how good a job you do,
your clients still compare you

to Harry Hamlin.

Oh, yes. The resemblance
is quite striking.

♪ Come here sister ♪

♪ Papa's in the swing ♪

♪ Ain't you hip.. ♪

[instrumental music]

Oh! Yeah.



Oh, come on, baby.
Get on the soul train.

[laughing]

I love this kind of dancing

it makes you feel so young.

Ooh, yeah.

(man on radio)
'Doesn't that golden oldie'

'take you way way back?'

'That was
"Papa's Got A Brand New Bag"'

'recorded 25 long years ago
by James Brown.'

'The granddaddy of soul.'

'We'll be right back after this
message from Geritol.'

And the Fresh Prince
drives down the court.

He stops, he pops,
and it's...yes!

No.



Will, don't play inside.
You might break something.

Or something might break you.

I'm sorry.
You don't have a hoop outside.

And jazz is getting tired of
standing on the second-floor

balcony holding a pool skimmer.

Come on, Prince, man. I know
a playground in my neighborhood.

'Course we can only play
half-court.

They use the other end
to sell stolen appliances.

Dope. Let's go.

Hold on, Will.
We don't want you playing there.

They have a perfectly
good basketball court

at the school, that's where
Carlton is practicing.

Carlton's on the
basketball team?

How do they do?

Well, they try hard,
but to tell you the truth

they haven't won a game so far.

Aunt Viv, I mean,
don't you think

if we went down
to watch them practice

Carlton would be
a little embarrassed?

- Let's go.
- Let's go.

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how ♪

♪ My life got flipped ♪

♪ Turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to
take a minute ♪

♪ Just sit right there
I'll tell you ♪

♪ How I became the prince
of a town ♪

♪ Called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In west Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're moving with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo Holmes ♪

♪ To Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabby
yo Holmes smell you later ♪

♪ Looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

[whistle blows]

[indistinct chatter]

Ooh, good try.

Come on.

Alright.

[indistinct chatter]

Man, these guys need help.

Help? They need a telethon.

Hey, he threw that ball to me.

Yeah. But I'm on the other team.
I'm supposed to try and get it.

Well, you don't have to be
rude about it.

Hey, you two, make up right now.

[blows whistle]

Alright, men.
Another brilliant warm-up.

Frankly, I think there's
been
way too much emphasis

over the years
on putting the ball

actually through the hoop.

So let's practice some passing.

- Coach, may I have a minute?
- Oh, sure.

Alright, men,
take five.

Headmaster Thorvald,
good afternoon.

Coach, this
is Barry O'Donnell.

He's a distinguished alumnus,
and I'm encouraging him

to donate money
for a new gymnasium.

Coach. What do you think the
team's prospects are this year?

For what?

For winning.

Excuse me.

W-w-what about those two?
You've been holding out on
me.

Now those are players.
I'd like to meet them.

Alright. Gentlemen.

Uh, not you.

You two, come on over.
I want you to meet somebody.

Hey, uh, Mr. Thorvald,
hey, straight up, man

about that fire alarm..
I don't know who pulled it.

Forget about it.
I'd like you to meet

two of Bel-Air academy's
newest recruits.

This is Will Smith and, uh
your name is, uh..

- Jazz, man.
- Of course, Mr. Jazzman.

So, Will, where have you
been
hiding yourself?

What do you mean?
During gym class?

No, no, no, I just wondered

how'd you two men like
to join the school team?

Man, I ain't even
in this school.

Well, I'm willing to look
past that if you are.

Coach, he can't be on the team
if he's not in school here.

Okay. How about you, Will?

Well, I was really just trying
to find somewhere to play.

You join this team, you can
play here anytime you want.

No, I don't think so.

Well, it'll look good
on a college application.

I-I don't know, coach.

Alright. I'll give you my
car.

Okay, Will,
this is gonna be fun.

The coach asked me to go through
the playbook with you.

Carl, your team doesn't need
a play book.

They need a prayer book.

Alright, now, pay attention.

This is you..

...and this is me.

[chuckles]
Carlton, you got it wrong
already. It's more like
this.

See like..
This is me.

And this is you.

Fair enough.

This is my brain

and this is your brain.

Well, this is my handsome face.

And this is your ugly
little Frankenstein face.

- Give me that chalk.
- Oh, come on, man, beat it.

- Give me the chalk.
- Come on now, man.

- Give me--
- Ashley!

Here, Ashley, finally
there's an adult in the room.

Guys, I'm trying to study.
What are you doing?

- Keep away from Carlton.
- Oh, over here, over here.

Guys.

Children, please!

What if your parents witnessed
this horseplay?

Give me that chalk immediately.

Keep it away from Carlton!

Keep away from Carlton
and Geoffrey.

You've met your match,
Master William.

Hey, Geoffrey, get off me, man.

[grunting]

Geoffrey?

May I get you something, sir?

No, thank you.

Will, how many times
do I have to tell you

that this is our living
room?

How'd you like it
if I went into your room

and suddenly started
throwing
chalk around?

I'd be devastated.

Out.

- Now, why did you do that?
- What?

You singled Will out.
They were all goofing around.

He was the mastermind, Vivian.
Trust me.

I just wish
you'd be nicer to Will.

Now, he joined
the basketball team

and you haven't said a word
about it.

- Give him some credit.
- Alright. I see your point.

Besides, I think
it's a great opportunity

for you and Will to find
some common ground.

After all, now, you were kind of
a star athlete in college.

"Kind of a star athlete"?

Alright.
You were a football God.

Okay, okay. Who knows,
it might do him some good.

Nothing like a little organized
sport to straighten a guy out.

Yes. It did wonders
for Pete Rose.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct shouting]

Hilary, I really appreciate
you coming tonight.

I know you're not
a big sports fan.

Mother, please, it's Will's
first game with the team.

I'm proud of him.

If I didn't show up
to support him

what kind of cousin would I be?

Well, I think it'll be
three hours well spent.

Three hours?

[whistling]

[cheering]

[upbeat music]

Yeah! Yeah! Alright!

[indistinct shouting]

[cheering]

[music continues]

Five, four, three, two, one!
Stop!

[cheering]

I'm going to Disneyland!

You did alright!
You did alright!

[cheering continues]

Alright, men,
good game on Friday.

But I think we can do
even better this week.

- So let's go over some plays.
- Sorry I'm late, coach!

Sorry isn't good enough,
Cartwell.

Well, I was
under the assumption--

Ah, you made an assumption.

Well, don't make
an assumption..

...because you will be an ass

and the ump will shun you.

Alright, Cartwell,
after practice

you give me ten laps
around the school.

Yes, coach.

Alright, now let's take
a look at this play.

Hey, yo, yo, yo, what's up?
It's my squad.

Hey, yo, yo.
Sorry I'm late, coach.

Hey, don't worry about it,
Smith.

You just take it easy.
Save that energy for the
game.

But I was late,
and I have to run ten laps.

Twenty laps. Now, shut up.

Alright, first play.
Guard inbounds to the center.

Center moves down court, fakes
right, passes to the forward.

- And what does he do?
- Passes to Will?

Bingo.

Alright, second play. Jump ball.
Ball is tipped to the center.

Center shuttles to the guard,
back to the center

who hits to the forward
and over to baseline..

- What does he do?
- Passes to Will.

Yes!

Okay. Number three.

Forward inbounds from here
bounce pass to the guard

who zips it back
to the forward under the net.

What does he do?

If he's clear, he goes
for the lay-up, otherwise

he passes it
back to the guard.

Okay, Banks, not paying
attention? Ten laps.

Not paying attention?
Look at Will. He's asleep.

[snoring]

Mind your own business, Banks.
That's 20 laps.

[instrumental music]

(male #1)
'NBA star Isaiah Thomas is used
to having things his own way.'

'But not today.'

[music continues]

- How do you do it, Prince?
- Hey, easy, Isaiah.

(male #1)
'Air Fresh gym shoes.
Just pass it to Will.'

[birds chirping]

Hi, pumpkin. Hi, love.

- Hi.
- Is Will home yet?

He's outside playing basketball
with Carlton.

(Carlton)
'Come on, Will.
Now let me down.'

Will, come in here
a minute, please?

What's going on?

Well, I've been thinking
about what you said

you know, about Will and I
finding some common ground.

- Good.
- Well..

The firm has season tickets
for the Laker game

so I pulled in for tonight,
I thought we could go.

Oh, Philip, what a great idea.
He'll love it.

Thank you.

Hey, Uncle Phil,
thanks for putting the hoop

up on the garage, man.

It's really helping
my lay-ups, dad.

Come on out, I'll show you.

Sounds great, Carlton.

But in a minute, okay?

- Oh, you wanted to talk to me?
- Yeah, well..

Um, I have two tickets to

the Lakers game tonight,
how'd you like to come?

Yo, word, I'm with that,
you know.

Give the Laker girls
an opportunity

to check out a future Laker.

Yeah, right.

So, son, you wanna show me
those lay-ups?

Maybe a little bit later.

Actually, I've got
some studying to do.

Okay, well, what, after dinner?

Okay.

Uncle Phil, wanna shoot
a couple of hoops?

Sure. Did I ever tell you
how my high school

basketball team win the state
championship?

I made the final basket
right at the buzzer.

- That's decent.
- Yeah.

- Hi, Carlton.
- Hi, Hilary.

Uh, Hilary, can I ask you
something?

Sure.

How was I in the basketball game
last Friday?

You were great, I mean

you didn't make any baskets
or anything

but you looked cute
in your uniform.

I think it's great
how you don't get it too sweaty.

I guess it's 'cause you don't
run too fast. Smart move.

Did dad mention me
during the game?

Oh, yeah, he did turn around to
the guy behind him once and say

"Shut up. That's my son
you're talking about."

- Oh.
- It's Will, isn't it?

No. No, no. It's-it's not.

Carlton..

Talk to me.

Look, it's ridiculous
to compare yourself to Will.

You're captain of the debate
team, a straight A student..

You're leader of the Glee club.

So what if Will's good
at basketball.

Thanks, Hilary.
That means a lot to me.

And besides, if that basket
were, like, two feet lower..

...you'd be just as good
as he is.

[instrumental music]

Geoffrey, I'm surprised
you decided to come.

- You're not a basketball fan.
- True, madam.

But I've found that any game
can be made interesting

if you put a little money on it.

- You bet on this game?
- $50 says Bel-Air wins it.

[chuckles]
Who'd take that bet?

You rang, beautiful?

Jazz, you bet against Will?

Yeah. He screws up, I'm loaded.

[bell buzzing]

[applauding]

Students, parents, alumni

let me introduce
our beloved coach

Herb Smiley.

[cheering]

Thank you.
Thank you.

I see a lot of new faces
out here tonight.

Faces I didn't see
when we were losing.

People who did not support
this team in its darkest hour.

Well, all I can say is,
I don't blame you one bit.

Half the time, I didn't wanna be
at those games.

And quite frankly, I usually
ducked out a little early.

But that's all gonna change
tonight

because of our new superstar..

...Will Smith.

[cheering]

[upbeat music]

[music continues]

- Will!
- Will!

[cheering]

[music continues]

[whistle blows]

(man on speaker)
'With seven seconds remaining,
Bel-Air is down by two points'

'and calls a time out.'

Alright, men, our only hope
for winning this game

is by shooting a three pointer.
So here's the plan.

Cartwell, you inbound to
Hunt.

- Okay, Hunt, what do you do?
- Shoot for the three-pointer?

Very funny. That'll be
ten laps, chowderhead.

- Now, what's the right answer?
- Pass it to Will.

Alright. Now, let's do it.

[in unison]
One, two, three, Bel-Air!

[bell buzzing]

Oh, my God.

[dramatic music]

- Oh!
- Yes! Yeah.

[intense music]

Thirty, forty, fifty!

- There.
- Thanks, man.

Nice doing business with
you.

Oh, Mr. Jazz, the world
snooker championship

is coming on the sports station
in a few moments.

Would you, uh, care
to place a wager?

- I don't know anything snooker.
- Don't worry.

I'll tell you everything
you need to know.

Hey, Carlton, I'm goin' out
to shoot some hoops, man.

So, if you'd like to practice
some new and more spectacular

ways to lose a game,
please join me.

- Put that down.
- Put what down?

- My basketball.
- Your basketball?

Uh, excuse me,
your name is "Spalding?"

Dad gave it to me
for my birthday three years ago.

- It's my ball. Give it.
- Why you in such a bad mood?

You should be the
happiest guy in the world.

Yeah? Why?

'Cause you got out of that
locker room alive.

Yo, man, Coach Smiley was upset.

Boy, you're lucky that was just
a starter's pistol.

I was trying to win the
game.

No, you weren't. You're just
trying to be the hero.

Somebody else can be the
hero
besides you all the time.

Look, let's get something
straight, Carlton.

I been here for two months,
alright.

I've been getting
yelled at at home

screamed at at school

I've been sent to detention,
I've been grounded

I've been threatened
with expulsion

on almost a daily basis.

I finally do something I get
credit for, you can't take it!

Well, yo, man,
I got news for you.

I ain't about
to sell myself short

just to make you feel better.
Grow up.

You're the one
who should grow up

hogging the ball
every chance you get!

- Man, I wasn't hogging nothing.
- Yeah, you were hogging the--

Okay, you two.

What's this all about?

Carlton doesn't want me
to use his basketball

'cause he's afraid
I might get it in the basket.

Will you two start
acting your age?

What I saw on that basketball
court tonight was a disgrace.

If I had made that last shot,
I'd be the hero right now.

Carlton, the fact
that you missed the shot

wasn't a disgrace.

You stole the ball from
a member of your own team.

Yeah, and if you'd passed it
to me, we would've won.

- Oh, you would, huh?
- Of course.

Man, I can make that shot
with my eyes closed

and one hand tied
behind my back.

Uh-huh, was that gonna be
your next trick?

'Cause you were like a
one-man circus out there.

Uncle Phil, the coach told
the team to pass the ball to me.

Uh-huh, and did he tell you
to woof at the crowd

kiss the cheerleader
between plays

and shoot
the ball backwards?

Well, no, I came up with all
that fly stuff myself.

That wasn't fly, Will.

A real star plays with the team.

Maybe you should
think about that.

Carlton, can I ask you
something?

Sure.

When you stole the ball from
Will and tried to make that

Hail Mary shot,
what were you thinking
about?

- I don't know.
- Really?

Well..

I guess I was just thinking
of the first game Will won

and how you ran out on the court
and you were so proud of him.

I guess I just thought it would
be cool if it happened to me.

Carlton, you don't have
to be a hero.

I'm proud that you're out there
giving it all you got.

You started coming to games
when Will joined the team.

I wanted to support him.

But you wouldn't come
when it was just me.

Carlton..

I'd like to come to
everything you do.

I always come to your tennis
games, to your debate
matches

to your, uh,
your Glee club concerts.

Frankly, keeping up with
your
extracurricular activities

is a 24-hour-a-day job.

Did I mention I was elected
editor of the yearbook?

I didn't mean to slight you.

But I can't slight Will either.

His mother is 3000 miles
away.

He needs a cheering section
as much as you do.

Maybe more.

I'm gonna head up.
Goodnight, son.

Goodnight, dad.

- Hey, Will.
- Yeah?

Here.

[glass shattering]

[theme music]