The Flying Nun (1967–1970): Season 2, Episode 7 - Two Bad Eggs - full transcript
Condorillo hawks and their eggs are outlawed by the authorities since they are considered a nuisance, especially to sugar cane farmers. However Sister Bertrille stumbles across a pair of such orphaned eggs and cannot in good conscience leave them unattended to die. She plans on hatching the eggs at the convent. This act draws mixed reactions. A couple of tourists, who see Sister Bertrille fly to get the eggs, think she's from outer space and is hatching like aliens. And Carlos uses Sister Bertrille's need for transporting her incubation equipment as an excuse to avoid Margo Richmond, a wealthy but serious women who Carlos thinks is coming to take him up on his offer to marry him (he asks all women to marry him, and all except perhaps Margo know it's a joke). He plans and gets permission to hide out at the convent. Everyone eventually descends onto the convent. First, Margo finds out Carlos is there but she in fact does not want to marry him. She is just stopping by to give him a gift of a shotgun before she heads off to her own wedding. However Carlos thinks she's there to shoot him, and he gets dressed up as a nun as a disguise and drives off. And second, Captain Fomento finds out that Sister Bertrille has the contraband eggs - which have since hatched - tipped off by the tourist couple who are with Captain Fomento in tow. When the couple see Carlos as a nun, Sister Bertrille flying again, and later Sister Bertrille with two young orphaned twins in church choir outfits, they are convinced that the alien eggs have hatched. With the captain, Sister Bertrille makes quick escape with the baby hawks before the captain finds her. She finds a nice home for her babies at the San Juan Zoo.
In Puerto Rico, the condorillo
hawk is a beautiful but ravenous bird
with an unfortunate
sweet tooth for sugarcane.
As a result, authorities declared
open season on the condorillo hawk
for eating into the profits.
They and even their blue-speckled
eggs were now outlaws,
which presented a problem.
Any resemblance between the
condorillo hawk and Sister Bertrille
was purely coincidental
and extremely dangerous.
Uh-oh.
Hey, don't go out
there! It's no man's land.
Oh, you poor little things,
you're orphans now.
Well, the least I can
do is take care of you.
What's the matter?
Look!
What? A nun. It's a nun.
She flew out of that tree.
That does it, Fred. No more
Rum Swizzles for breakfast.
Okay, Mil. All right,
Mil. I'll prove it to you.
Boy, I don't have to tell you the trouble
we're in if we're caught here together.
Well? What'd you find?
I saw her, all right. Who?
The nun, the nun!
And she was talking to two eggs.
You know something?
You've flipped.
Shh!
Millie, don't you
get the picture?
No.
A thing that looks like a nun
who flies and talks to eggs.
They're here.
Invaders from outer space.
Sister Bertrille had
decided to hatch
the illegal eggs of
the condorillo hawk
and bought whatever
equipment was necessary.
Little did we realize
that two more orphans
were on their way to the
refuge of the Convent San Tanco.
Don't you realize
what a clever plan it is?
Now they come down dressed
like nuns, then they plant their eggs.
And when those eggs hatch...
Millie, there she is.
Now maybe you'll believe me.
Would a real nun go
into a gambling casino?
Why not? They're
very big with bingo.
But you won't laugh
when those eggs hatch,
and we find ourselves surrounded
by nun-like creatures from outer space.
Carlos, you are
behaving like a child.
What is there about this
woman that terrifies you?
I promised to marry her!
But you promise
to marry all of them.
That is no reason
for you to hide.
Oh, no? You know who she is?
Margo Richmond, the Olympic
champion. She has two gold medals.
One for karate and the
other for sharpshooting.
Now, what do you say to that?
I say you have two
excellent reasons to hide.
And quickly. Her plane
arrives in one hour.
But where can I go?
With her money, she can bribe the
whole island into becoming informers.
Ramon, Carlos, I
have this little problem.
I'm sorry. Today, I'm only
handling big problems.
All I wanted you to do was
drive me back to the convent.
And this is probably the
biggest problem I've ever had.
And I simply don't have the time
to drive you back to the convent.
The convent?
Sister, how would you like me
to drive you back to the convent?
How come?
I do you a favor,
you do me a favor.
We shall discuss it in the car.
Going my way, Sister?
As soon as Margo leaves
town, you let me know.
Until then, not a
word to anybody.
Besides, who would believe it?
What's your problem, Carlos?
You say this girl is
beautiful, charming and rich.
So why don't you
wanna marry her?
Sister, you don't understand.
I ask many women to marry me,
but they always know I'm joking.
Apparently, this one
doesn't think it's very funny.
Exactly. And I refuse to marry
anyone without a sense of humor.
No doubt about it, Carlos.
You're the world's
most ineligible bachelor.
Oh, Sister, you forgot this.
Oh! Take it easy.
You haven't answered my
question yet. What question?
Whether or not the Reverend Mother
will allow me to stay in the convent.
Stay in the convent? Why
would you wanna do that?
Sister, haven't
you been listening?
Sister Jacqueline, may I see
the Reverend Mother, please?
She's inspecting a hospital in Cantano,
but she'll be back in about an hour.
I'll wait. You've been
doing a little shopping.
Here, let me help
you. Watch it. Watch it.
What's in it?
Uh, I'll tell you later. Thank
you for the ride, Carlos.
Sister, what's in that bag that
requires so much of your protection?
Just a couple of eggs.
Don't you know if you buy them by
the dozen, they put them in a box?
So I decided the least I can do is
bring them here and hatch them.
But the eggs of the condorillo
hawk, they are immoral.
Illegal, Sister. That means
they have to be destroyed.
Oh, boy, we're all
accidents after the facts.
Not accidents,
Sister, accessories.
Whatever you call it. We could
all end up in the goose house.
This one's on you. Hoosegow.
I may be in the
wrong technically,
but morally, I know
I'm doing the right thing.
Do you suppose the
Reverend Mother can object?
No. I didn't think so.
Unless she finds
out. I thought so.
What I'm wondering is, are
you sure the eggs will hatch?
Well, I got all the
necessary equipment.
I got a heated fish tank to put
the eggs in while they're incubating,
straw, and a book entitled The
Care and Feeding of Pigeons.
Pigeons? A bird's a bird.
What I meant was, how do
you know the eggs are fertile?
Fertile? Gosh, I don't.
Then the whole thing could
be a wash-in. Washout.
There's one way to tell. How?
I wasn't a nurse in the
maternity ward for nothing.
Well, if these
eggs aren't fertile,
something in there is
making quite a racket.
I wish I could tell you whether
they'll be boys or girls, but...
Who cares, as long
as they're healthy.
The Reverend Mother.
Good afternoon, Sisters.
Good afternoon, Reverend Mother.
Am I interrupting something?
No!
Well, in that case, then I would like
to speak to Sister Bertrille privately.
Sister Bertrille, I have
just seen Senor Ramirez.
There is no reason
to stand at attention.
Please sit down.
No! No. I... I mean,
I'd much rather stand.
Very well.
Senor Ramirez tells me that you
gave him permission to stay here.
I did? You did not?
Not exactly. I gave him
permission to ask your permission.
I think. I see.
Sister Bertrille, Senor Ramirez
has been very generous to us.
However, it would be well to remember
that this is the Convent San Tanco,
not the Convent San Hilton.
Oh, you're so right. I
couldn't agree with you more.
Very well, Sister Bertrille.
There is no need to
be quite so emphatic.
Apparently, it was all
a misunderstanding.
Yes, I guess that's what it was,
so I'll race down there right now
and tell him it's the Convent San
Tanco and not the Convent San Hilton,
as you so well put it. Sister
Bertrille, that will not be necessary.
I have just told Senor
Ramirez that he may stay.
Now, may I please sit down?
I believe I have a
pebble in my shoe.
Oh.
Thank you.
Senor Ramirez feels that
the convent atmosphere
will help him resolve some...
That'll be fine, thank you.
Help him resolve some
moral dilemma that he faces.
Yes, he faces a lot of them.
So I told him that he may stay
temporarily in the gardener's cottage,
providing that he is willing to do
a little gardening while he's here.
Good thinking. That'll
teach him a lesson.
Thank you. I was not
trying to teach him a lesson.
I was merely trying to get
my rose bushes pruned.
Uh... Good day,
Sister Bertrille.
Sister Sixto, why
are you trembling?
Oh, I'm not trembling. It's
the cup who is trembling.
Sister Sixto?
Yes, Reverend Mother?
Something is troubling you.
Me?
Reverend Mother, I can look you
right in the eye and tell you positively
that something is troubling me.
Would you care
to tell me about it?
Oh, it's nothing. Just
a little guilty conscious.
Conscience?
Well, perhaps you
should go to confession.
Oh, it's not important
enough for that.
And besides, when
I go to confession,
I like to make a
good impression.
I see.
Well, if you would
rather not talk about it...
I think I would
rather talk about it.
Well?
Reverend Mother, there are two
bad eggs hiding out in the convent.
Bad eggs? What do you mean?
You know eggs like you eat, except
these you don't. You follow me?
I am trying. Sister Sixto, have
some tea and begin at the beginning.
Now, we have a seven
and a four, that makes?
Eleven.
And if I give you another card
and it's a 10, that will make?
Twenty-one.
Now I give you another
card. Ten. Blackjack!
Carlos.
Oh, hello, Sister.
Just trying to earn my keep.
Uh. That's it,
kids. This is a raid.
Back to the classroom.
Yeah, that's it. Keep going.
Just what do you
think you're doing?
Well, teaching them
some practical arithmetic.
I believe you have
some work to do.
I ask you, Sister, do I
look like a gardener?
Well, you don't look
much like a math teacher.
Carlos, can't you
do anything right?
Sister Bertrille.
The Reverend Mother
would like to see you.
Well, thank you very
much, Sister Sixto.
Tell her I'll come to her office
as soon as recess is over.
Not in her office. In your room.
And not when recess
is over. Right now.
Oh, boy.
Sister, can't you
do anything right?
I want a direct answer
to a direct question.
Are you or are you not hiding
contraband eggs in your room?
Uh, uh. Eggs? Yes.
No.
Would you care to
reconsider your answer?
Well, when you say eggs, Reverend
Mother, do you mean that literally?
I beg your pardon?
They arrived a few minutes ago.
Sister Bertrille,
congratulations.
Sisters, while I do not
wish to appear inhumane,
the fact of the matter is there
is a bounty on these birds.
On the other hand, they are God's
creatures. Right, Reverend Mother?
I have not gotten to the other
hand as yet, Sister Bertrille.
And we do have an obligation to
provide sanctuary to all who ask.
Is that what they are
asking for, Sister Jacqueline?
After all, it wasn't their
fault they were born
with a sweet tooth
for sugarcane.
Very well, Sister Bertrille.
Until they can be taken
to a sugar-free island,
I will place them
in your custody.
Oh, thank you, Reverend Mother.
A-And in my opinion,
what these young ones
are asking for is food.
And as their foster
mother, you will see to it
that they are fed,
Sister Bertrille.
And in the meantime,
let us just pray
that Captain Fomento's
hobby is not bird watching.
I do not doubt your word at
all, Senor, that you saw a nun.
But there is no such
thing as a flying nun.
They move around
fast enough as it is.
Wait, wait, wait, Captain, Captain,
Captain. You don't follow me at all.
It wasn't a real nun.
Here it comes, Captain.
You'd better sit down.
What do you mean not a real nun?
It was an invader, sent
from another planet,
and they're gonna
take over the Earth.
You've been watching too
much television, huh, Senor?
Exactly what I said.
Look, will you knock it off?
I'm telling you, I saw her.
And she was holding these blue-speckled
eggs, and she was talking to them.
Now, how do you explain that?
Simple. Sometimes, our tropical
sun does some very strange things with
blue-speckled eggs.
Blue-speckled eggs!
You saw the... the...
the blue-speckled eggs?
You bet your life I saw them.
And you better grab them before
they start multiplying and take over.
T-T-This nun, what
did she look like?
Oh, very pretty little
thing, pretty little thing.
Bangs on her head,
but she didn't fool me.
Not for one second
did she fool me.
That's Sister Bertrille. Oh, yes.
These nuns have gone too far.
The blue-speckled eggs.
The condorillo hawk. Oh, no!
You must follow me to convent and
make the identification immediately!
Sister, I found 20 ants for you,
not to count four worms
and seven potato bugs.
That's enough to
feed an army of chicks.
You're forgetting
they're growing children.
Okay.
Carlos, why are you
afraid of getting married?
I'm not afraid, and
I will, some day.
But I don't believe
in shotgun marriages,
especially when,
like in this case,
it is the girl herself who
might be carrying the shotgun.
That's it.
Okay. Din-din time.
Thank you, Carlos. You can
go back to pruning your roses.
May I help you?
Oh, yes. There was no
one here, so I thought that...
Oh, well, my name
is Margo Richmond,
and I was told I might
find Carlos Ramirez here.
Yes, he should be in the garden.
Oh, well, this is just
a little gift for Carlos.
A rifle he once admired.
Well, uh, will you come with me?
That's strange. He was here a few
moments ago with Sister Bertrille.
Perhaps they stepped inside.
All right, you guys.
Okay, take it
easy. One at a time.
Uh! You be careful.
Watch your table manners
or else you're not getting your
share of mosquito for dessert.
Uh. Just a second.
Carlos, what are
you doing here? Shh!
If the Reverend Mother
comes... She's here.
The girl I told you about.
I have to hide somewhere.
Well, you can't hide up here.
They are coming upstairs.
Well, why don't you tell her
you've changed your mind?
Maybe she'll understand.
She has a gun with her.
A gun?
Sister Bertrille?
I'll be right with you,
Reverend Mother.
I have to get a way
to get out of here.
Well, listen, I'll get
rid of her somehow.
You don't know Margo.
You'll never get
rid of her. Stall her.
Stall her. Yeah.
Sister Bertrille, this
is Miss Richmond.
Uh, uh. We were
looking for Senor Ramirez.
Well, did you
look in the garden?
Yes, but he is
not there. He isn't?
No. If you should
happen to see him,
would you please ask
him to come to my office?
We will wait for him there.
Oh, I'm afraid I
don't have the time.
You see, I have to catch
a plane to Philadelphia,
unless, of course, I wanna
miss my own wedding.
You're getting
married? You know,
Ramon had the same look on his face
when I told him I couldn't marry Carlos.
Then he laughed and
told me where he was.
That's very nice, but
what's the gun for?
Oh, just a little parting gift.
I thought he might like
it. He admired it once.
What was that?
Uh. Well, it sounded like one of the
baby hawks fooling around, didn't it?
No, not to me, it didn't.
Sister Delfina?
Sister M-M-Marguerita?
Uh, Sister Teresa?
Try Sister Carlos.
Senor Ramirez!
Carlos! Carlos!
Senor Ramirez!
No, no!
Sister Bertrille!
Carlos, wait! You
don't understand.
Carlos, I've got
something for you!
I'm too young to die!
Poor Carlos.
Do the doctors know
what caused this?
I think it's a slight
case of shotgun fever.
Get out of my way!
Get it out of my way!
I demand to see
your driver's license.
You just stay right there.
License, Sister.
Stay away, she's very dangerous.
Stop!
Hey, I want to say
something. It's very important...
You are all under arrest!
Millie, Millie,
they're after us.
The invaders are after us.
Sister Bertrille, Captain
Fomento knows about the eggs.
Oh, no. That's all I need.
Do something quickly. He
mustn't find the little birds.
If only they were
old enough to fly.
What's the difference?
You're old enough to fly.
Yeah. Come on, kids,
we're going bye-bye.
You may not believe this, but someday,
you'll be better at this than I am.
Hold on.
Oh, God! Look!
W-What is it?
Oh, it's another one just like
it. We're surrounded, Millie.
Don't stop!
Look, what difference
does it make, Millie?
No matter where we run, they're
gonna find us. We're only earthlings.
Hi, I... I... I hate
to bother you,
but you keep birds
here, don't you?
All kinds of birds?
Even the condorillo hawk?
Good.
Because I've got in here
two new tenants for you.
Now I want you to find them
a good mother, but a firm one.
I, I kind of spoiled them.
I'll come back and
visit them soon.
Well, okay, I've
got to get back now.
Take good care of them!
Please, do not ask me
where they came from.
Because if you ask
me, I will tell you.
And if I tell you, then we will
both have a nervous breakdown.
And if that happens,
who will run the zoo?
How are the
little birds, Sister?
Can we go see them
at the zoo after math?
Oh, you bet.
The Captain is not
going to send you to jail?
Well, if he can't find the evidence, he
can't pin the rap on me now, can he?
I think the Captain was
right. The heat just got to me.
Oh, sure it did, honey.
But how do you explain that
nun who needed the shave?
Lights. Shadows.
Forget it, Fred.
Millie, look.
It's too late, Millie.
They're multiplying.
She hatched the eggs.
hawk is a beautiful but ravenous bird
with an unfortunate
sweet tooth for sugarcane.
As a result, authorities declared
open season on the condorillo hawk
for eating into the profits.
They and even their blue-speckled
eggs were now outlaws,
which presented a problem.
Any resemblance between the
condorillo hawk and Sister Bertrille
was purely coincidental
and extremely dangerous.
Uh-oh.
Hey, don't go out
there! It's no man's land.
Oh, you poor little things,
you're orphans now.
Well, the least I can
do is take care of you.
What's the matter?
Look!
What? A nun. It's a nun.
She flew out of that tree.
That does it, Fred. No more
Rum Swizzles for breakfast.
Okay, Mil. All right,
Mil. I'll prove it to you.
Boy, I don't have to tell you the trouble
we're in if we're caught here together.
Well? What'd you find?
I saw her, all right. Who?
The nun, the nun!
And she was talking to two eggs.
You know something?
You've flipped.
Shh!
Millie, don't you
get the picture?
No.
A thing that looks like a nun
who flies and talks to eggs.
They're here.
Invaders from outer space.
Sister Bertrille had
decided to hatch
the illegal eggs of
the condorillo hawk
and bought whatever
equipment was necessary.
Little did we realize
that two more orphans
were on their way to the
refuge of the Convent San Tanco.
Don't you realize
what a clever plan it is?
Now they come down dressed
like nuns, then they plant their eggs.
And when those eggs hatch...
Millie, there she is.
Now maybe you'll believe me.
Would a real nun go
into a gambling casino?
Why not? They're
very big with bingo.
But you won't laugh
when those eggs hatch,
and we find ourselves surrounded
by nun-like creatures from outer space.
Carlos, you are
behaving like a child.
What is there about this
woman that terrifies you?
I promised to marry her!
But you promise
to marry all of them.
That is no reason
for you to hide.
Oh, no? You know who she is?
Margo Richmond, the Olympic
champion. She has two gold medals.
One for karate and the
other for sharpshooting.
Now, what do you say to that?
I say you have two
excellent reasons to hide.
And quickly. Her plane
arrives in one hour.
But where can I go?
With her money, she can bribe the
whole island into becoming informers.
Ramon, Carlos, I
have this little problem.
I'm sorry. Today, I'm only
handling big problems.
All I wanted you to do was
drive me back to the convent.
And this is probably the
biggest problem I've ever had.
And I simply don't have the time
to drive you back to the convent.
The convent?
Sister, how would you like me
to drive you back to the convent?
How come?
I do you a favor,
you do me a favor.
We shall discuss it in the car.
Going my way, Sister?
As soon as Margo leaves
town, you let me know.
Until then, not a
word to anybody.
Besides, who would believe it?
What's your problem, Carlos?
You say this girl is
beautiful, charming and rich.
So why don't you
wanna marry her?
Sister, you don't understand.
I ask many women to marry me,
but they always know I'm joking.
Apparently, this one
doesn't think it's very funny.
Exactly. And I refuse to marry
anyone without a sense of humor.
No doubt about it, Carlos.
You're the world's
most ineligible bachelor.
Oh, Sister, you forgot this.
Oh! Take it easy.
You haven't answered my
question yet. What question?
Whether or not the Reverend Mother
will allow me to stay in the convent.
Stay in the convent? Why
would you wanna do that?
Sister, haven't
you been listening?
Sister Jacqueline, may I see
the Reverend Mother, please?
She's inspecting a hospital in Cantano,
but she'll be back in about an hour.
I'll wait. You've been
doing a little shopping.
Here, let me help
you. Watch it. Watch it.
What's in it?
Uh, I'll tell you later. Thank
you for the ride, Carlos.
Sister, what's in that bag that
requires so much of your protection?
Just a couple of eggs.
Don't you know if you buy them by
the dozen, they put them in a box?
So I decided the least I can do is
bring them here and hatch them.
But the eggs of the condorillo
hawk, they are immoral.
Illegal, Sister. That means
they have to be destroyed.
Oh, boy, we're all
accidents after the facts.
Not accidents,
Sister, accessories.
Whatever you call it. We could
all end up in the goose house.
This one's on you. Hoosegow.
I may be in the
wrong technically,
but morally, I know
I'm doing the right thing.
Do you suppose the
Reverend Mother can object?
No. I didn't think so.
Unless she finds
out. I thought so.
What I'm wondering is, are
you sure the eggs will hatch?
Well, I got all the
necessary equipment.
I got a heated fish tank to put
the eggs in while they're incubating,
straw, and a book entitled The
Care and Feeding of Pigeons.
Pigeons? A bird's a bird.
What I meant was, how do
you know the eggs are fertile?
Fertile? Gosh, I don't.
Then the whole thing could
be a wash-in. Washout.
There's one way to tell. How?
I wasn't a nurse in the
maternity ward for nothing.
Well, if these
eggs aren't fertile,
something in there is
making quite a racket.
I wish I could tell you whether
they'll be boys or girls, but...
Who cares, as long
as they're healthy.
The Reverend Mother.
Good afternoon, Sisters.
Good afternoon, Reverend Mother.
Am I interrupting something?
No!
Well, in that case, then I would like
to speak to Sister Bertrille privately.
Sister Bertrille, I have
just seen Senor Ramirez.
There is no reason
to stand at attention.
Please sit down.
No! No. I... I mean,
I'd much rather stand.
Very well.
Senor Ramirez tells me that you
gave him permission to stay here.
I did? You did not?
Not exactly. I gave him
permission to ask your permission.
I think. I see.
Sister Bertrille, Senor Ramirez
has been very generous to us.
However, it would be well to remember
that this is the Convent San Tanco,
not the Convent San Hilton.
Oh, you're so right. I
couldn't agree with you more.
Very well, Sister Bertrille.
There is no need to
be quite so emphatic.
Apparently, it was all
a misunderstanding.
Yes, I guess that's what it was,
so I'll race down there right now
and tell him it's the Convent San
Tanco and not the Convent San Hilton,
as you so well put it. Sister
Bertrille, that will not be necessary.
I have just told Senor
Ramirez that he may stay.
Now, may I please sit down?
I believe I have a
pebble in my shoe.
Oh.
Thank you.
Senor Ramirez feels that
the convent atmosphere
will help him resolve some...
That'll be fine, thank you.
Help him resolve some
moral dilemma that he faces.
Yes, he faces a lot of them.
So I told him that he may stay
temporarily in the gardener's cottage,
providing that he is willing to do
a little gardening while he's here.
Good thinking. That'll
teach him a lesson.
Thank you. I was not
trying to teach him a lesson.
I was merely trying to get
my rose bushes pruned.
Uh... Good day,
Sister Bertrille.
Sister Sixto, why
are you trembling?
Oh, I'm not trembling. It's
the cup who is trembling.
Sister Sixto?
Yes, Reverend Mother?
Something is troubling you.
Me?
Reverend Mother, I can look you
right in the eye and tell you positively
that something is troubling me.
Would you care
to tell me about it?
Oh, it's nothing. Just
a little guilty conscious.
Conscience?
Well, perhaps you
should go to confession.
Oh, it's not important
enough for that.
And besides, when
I go to confession,
I like to make a
good impression.
I see.
Well, if you would
rather not talk about it...
I think I would
rather talk about it.
Well?
Reverend Mother, there are two
bad eggs hiding out in the convent.
Bad eggs? What do you mean?
You know eggs like you eat, except
these you don't. You follow me?
I am trying. Sister Sixto, have
some tea and begin at the beginning.
Now, we have a seven
and a four, that makes?
Eleven.
And if I give you another card
and it's a 10, that will make?
Twenty-one.
Now I give you another
card. Ten. Blackjack!
Carlos.
Oh, hello, Sister.
Just trying to earn my keep.
Uh. That's it,
kids. This is a raid.
Back to the classroom.
Yeah, that's it. Keep going.
Just what do you
think you're doing?
Well, teaching them
some practical arithmetic.
I believe you have
some work to do.
I ask you, Sister, do I
look like a gardener?
Well, you don't look
much like a math teacher.
Carlos, can't you
do anything right?
Sister Bertrille.
The Reverend Mother
would like to see you.
Well, thank you very
much, Sister Sixto.
Tell her I'll come to her office
as soon as recess is over.
Not in her office. In your room.
And not when recess
is over. Right now.
Oh, boy.
Sister, can't you
do anything right?
I want a direct answer
to a direct question.
Are you or are you not hiding
contraband eggs in your room?
Uh, uh. Eggs? Yes.
No.
Would you care to
reconsider your answer?
Well, when you say eggs, Reverend
Mother, do you mean that literally?
I beg your pardon?
They arrived a few minutes ago.
Sister Bertrille,
congratulations.
Sisters, while I do not
wish to appear inhumane,
the fact of the matter is there
is a bounty on these birds.
On the other hand, they are God's
creatures. Right, Reverend Mother?
I have not gotten to the other
hand as yet, Sister Bertrille.
And we do have an obligation to
provide sanctuary to all who ask.
Is that what they are
asking for, Sister Jacqueline?
After all, it wasn't their
fault they were born
with a sweet tooth
for sugarcane.
Very well, Sister Bertrille.
Until they can be taken
to a sugar-free island,
I will place them
in your custody.
Oh, thank you, Reverend Mother.
A-And in my opinion,
what these young ones
are asking for is food.
And as their foster
mother, you will see to it
that they are fed,
Sister Bertrille.
And in the meantime,
let us just pray
that Captain Fomento's
hobby is not bird watching.
I do not doubt your word at
all, Senor, that you saw a nun.
But there is no such
thing as a flying nun.
They move around
fast enough as it is.
Wait, wait, wait, Captain, Captain,
Captain. You don't follow me at all.
It wasn't a real nun.
Here it comes, Captain.
You'd better sit down.
What do you mean not a real nun?
It was an invader, sent
from another planet,
and they're gonna
take over the Earth.
You've been watching too
much television, huh, Senor?
Exactly what I said.
Look, will you knock it off?
I'm telling you, I saw her.
And she was holding these blue-speckled
eggs, and she was talking to them.
Now, how do you explain that?
Simple. Sometimes, our tropical
sun does some very strange things with
blue-speckled eggs.
Blue-speckled eggs!
You saw the... the...
the blue-speckled eggs?
You bet your life I saw them.
And you better grab them before
they start multiplying and take over.
T-T-This nun, what
did she look like?
Oh, very pretty little
thing, pretty little thing.
Bangs on her head,
but she didn't fool me.
Not for one second
did she fool me.
That's Sister Bertrille. Oh, yes.
These nuns have gone too far.
The blue-speckled eggs.
The condorillo hawk. Oh, no!
You must follow me to convent and
make the identification immediately!
Sister, I found 20 ants for you,
not to count four worms
and seven potato bugs.
That's enough to
feed an army of chicks.
You're forgetting
they're growing children.
Okay.
Carlos, why are you
afraid of getting married?
I'm not afraid, and
I will, some day.
But I don't believe
in shotgun marriages,
especially when,
like in this case,
it is the girl herself who
might be carrying the shotgun.
That's it.
Okay. Din-din time.
Thank you, Carlos. You can
go back to pruning your roses.
May I help you?
Oh, yes. There was no
one here, so I thought that...
Oh, well, my name
is Margo Richmond,
and I was told I might
find Carlos Ramirez here.
Yes, he should be in the garden.
Oh, well, this is just
a little gift for Carlos.
A rifle he once admired.
Well, uh, will you come with me?
That's strange. He was here a few
moments ago with Sister Bertrille.
Perhaps they stepped inside.
All right, you guys.
Okay, take it
easy. One at a time.
Uh! You be careful.
Watch your table manners
or else you're not getting your
share of mosquito for dessert.
Uh. Just a second.
Carlos, what are
you doing here? Shh!
If the Reverend Mother
comes... She's here.
The girl I told you about.
I have to hide somewhere.
Well, you can't hide up here.
They are coming upstairs.
Well, why don't you tell her
you've changed your mind?
Maybe she'll understand.
She has a gun with her.
A gun?
Sister Bertrille?
I'll be right with you,
Reverend Mother.
I have to get a way
to get out of here.
Well, listen, I'll get
rid of her somehow.
You don't know Margo.
You'll never get
rid of her. Stall her.
Stall her. Yeah.
Sister Bertrille, this
is Miss Richmond.
Uh, uh. We were
looking for Senor Ramirez.
Well, did you
look in the garden?
Yes, but he is
not there. He isn't?
No. If you should
happen to see him,
would you please ask
him to come to my office?
We will wait for him there.
Oh, I'm afraid I
don't have the time.
You see, I have to catch
a plane to Philadelphia,
unless, of course, I wanna
miss my own wedding.
You're getting
married? You know,
Ramon had the same look on his face
when I told him I couldn't marry Carlos.
Then he laughed and
told me where he was.
That's very nice, but
what's the gun for?
Oh, just a little parting gift.
I thought he might like
it. He admired it once.
What was that?
Uh. Well, it sounded like one of the
baby hawks fooling around, didn't it?
No, not to me, it didn't.
Sister Delfina?
Sister M-M-Marguerita?
Uh, Sister Teresa?
Try Sister Carlos.
Senor Ramirez!
Carlos! Carlos!
Senor Ramirez!
No, no!
Sister Bertrille!
Carlos, wait! You
don't understand.
Carlos, I've got
something for you!
I'm too young to die!
Poor Carlos.
Do the doctors know
what caused this?
I think it's a slight
case of shotgun fever.
Get out of my way!
Get it out of my way!
I demand to see
your driver's license.
You just stay right there.
License, Sister.
Stay away, she's very dangerous.
Stop!
Hey, I want to say
something. It's very important...
You are all under arrest!
Millie, Millie,
they're after us.
The invaders are after us.
Sister Bertrille, Captain
Fomento knows about the eggs.
Oh, no. That's all I need.
Do something quickly. He
mustn't find the little birds.
If only they were
old enough to fly.
What's the difference?
You're old enough to fly.
Yeah. Come on, kids,
we're going bye-bye.
You may not believe this, but someday,
you'll be better at this than I am.
Hold on.
Oh, God! Look!
W-What is it?
Oh, it's another one just like
it. We're surrounded, Millie.
Don't stop!
Look, what difference
does it make, Millie?
No matter where we run, they're
gonna find us. We're only earthlings.
Hi, I... I... I hate
to bother you,
but you keep birds
here, don't you?
All kinds of birds?
Even the condorillo hawk?
Good.
Because I've got in here
two new tenants for you.
Now I want you to find them
a good mother, but a firm one.
I, I kind of spoiled them.
I'll come back and
visit them soon.
Well, okay, I've
got to get back now.
Take good care of them!
Please, do not ask me
where they came from.
Because if you ask
me, I will tell you.
And if I tell you, then we will
both have a nervous breakdown.
And if that happens,
who will run the zoo?
How are the
little birds, Sister?
Can we go see them
at the zoo after math?
Oh, you bet.
The Captain is not
going to send you to jail?
Well, if he can't find the evidence, he
can't pin the rap on me now, can he?
I think the Captain was
right. The heat just got to me.
Oh, sure it did, honey.
But how do you explain that
nun who needed the shave?
Lights. Shadows.
Forget it, Fred.
Millie, look.
It's too late, Millie.
They're multiplying.
She hatched the eggs.