The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 3, Episode 17 - Wilma, the Maid - full transcript

Wilma, tired of housekeeping, hires a maid. But Fred's loud singing annoys the maid, and she quits. Inconveniently, Betty would like the maid's assistance in receiving important guests at her house, and Fred has invited his boss, Mr. Slate, for dinner.

Come on in, Barn,
and get a look

At gracious living.

Hey, how can you
afford a maid, Fred?

Oh, I asked mr. Slate
for a raise

And invited him
to dinner.

Heh heh. Once he tastes
Lollobrickida's cooking,

It'll be a pushover.

She cooks that good?

[Sniffs] mmm.

Smell that, Barney.


What are you doing,

Oh, you don't mind

If I borrow
a snootful

Of the delicious
aromas, do you?

I need it.

You're looking
at a man

Who's going home
to cold soup

and some stale

See you in the morning,

Heh heh heh.

And arrive-Turkey
to you, too.

Ha ha ha!



meet the flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Let's ride with the family
down the street

Through the courtesy
of Fred's two feet

When you're
with the flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

I've got the campaign
going strong.

Whenever Fred's around,

I work like a slave,
cleaning and scrubbing.

You think Fred will
let you have a maid?

Eventually, he's got to get
the idea I need help.

Oh, men.

They just don't know
how hard we work.

You can say that again.

A maid. Oh.

I'd give anything
for one.

Why don't you
ask Barney?

Heh heh. Because I hate
to see a grown man cry.

I'm going to cry

If she drops
another stitch.


Last week,
the tv set broke down.

Fred wouldn't even
call a repairman.

How'd you
get it fixed?

I took a screwdriver
and poked around myself.

[Gasps] but that's

All that power.

Suppose you touched
the wrong thing.

I did. That's how
my hair got so curly.

I'm the only woman in town

Who got her permanent
on channel 17.


if he wouldn't pay

To fix the tv set,

How do you think
you can get Fred

To give in
on a maid?

Ha ha. I've got it
all figured out.

[Giggles] I'm gonna
shame him into it.

That package another
gift for Betty?


That's the third one
this week.

Boy, when you go,
you really go, go, go.

Well, I like to give Betty
the little luxuries.

Heh heh heh.
What is it?

A mop.

[Both laugh]

Hey, here's
the toll bridge.

Oh, I got it, Fred.

Ok, filbert.


You're gonna
spoil Betty, Barney.

You got to be
strong like me.

Now, take Wilma--

She's been
knocking herself out

Trying to show me
how she needs a maid.

Oh, don't do it, Fred.

I can't afford it.
You know women.

Wilma gets a maid,
Betty wants one.

Heh heh heh.

Don't worry,
Barney boy.

Betty won't get
a maid,

Because I ain't
getting one.


Thanks, Fred.
You're a pal.

Come on in with me,

Well, the last
of the big spenders

Are home.

Time to go into my act.

Good luck.
See you later.

Wilma, where are you,
apple dumpling?

Your golden boy is home.

She doesn't seem
to be here, Fred.

Hang around, Barney boy.

I'm sure she's getting ready
for her performance.

Heh heh heh. Hey,
we can play a few hands

Of rock rummy
while we wait.


Make like you
don't see her.

Uh, your pick,


My pick now.

Oh, boy!
What a hand.

[Moaning loudly]

I'll bet your hand
is better than mine, Fred.


Hey, Wilma,
did you just carry

All those logs
in here?

Yes, I did.

Oh, honey,
I don't want you

Carrying loads
like that.

That's much too
heavy for you.

Next time,
make 2 trips.



Unh. Sorry to be still
cleaning at this hour, Fred.

Oh, but there's
still so much to do.

That's alright,

You go right ahead

With whatever
you're doing,

And I'll read
the newspaper.


You're not
bothering me a bit.


that feels good.

Don't stop now.



Oh, I'm so tired...

so tired.

Uh, pick up your foot.

Huh? Oh, sure,
honey, sure.

to be helpful.


Alright. You can put
your foot down.

Ok! Ow! Ooh! Ooh!

Oh, I'm sorry, dear.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Ow! Ooh! Ooh!

Fred still asleep?


How did it go
last night?

Miserably. He didn't
even begin to notice.

I think I'd have to be
at death's door

Before he'd let me
have a maid.

[Gasps] that's it.

I think I just said
something wonderful.

Come on.

Let's see.

A, b, c, d...

here it is.

your own ills.

A doctor's book?

Mm-Hmm. Here's
a good one. Listen.

"And dark circles
under the eyes.

Lots of rest."

What are you
reading that for?

if I don't read it,

How am I going
to catch it?

If I'm too sick
to work,

He'll have
to hire someone.


Oh. Oh, that's brilliant,
Wilma, absolutely brilliant.

[Both laugh]

By the time
breakfast is over,

I'm going
to have a maid.

"Dark circles
under the eyes."


A little mascara
will handle that.

Oh, Wilma.
Hee hee hee hee.

Morning, Wilma.
What's for breakfast?

I'm starved.


Oh, here I am, Fred.

I'll get you
something to eat.

What's the matter?

Oh, nothing, Fred--
Nothing at all.

Just that old devil
lassitude acting up again.


Didn't you sleep well?

Oh, not a wink.

It was so noisy.

What do you mean,

Every time
I rolled over,

My brittle hair
cracked under my ears.

Your what?

Oh, it was like
sleeping on a mattress

Full of corn flakes.

All night long--
Snap, crackle, pop.

Aw, well,
you should've got me up.

I tried,

But every time I tapped you
on the shoulder,

One of my brittle nails
broke off.

One of your brittle...

you have terrible circles
under your eyes, too.

Let me
look at 'em.

Oh, don't be concerned.

I'm perfectly alright.


She's at it again.

This looks serious.

You're so tired
and all...

Wilma, there's only
one thing to do.

Oh, I know
where we can get

A wonderful girl
that cooks and cleans.

I'm going to send
for a doctor.

Oh. Oh, why waste money
on a doctor?

Why don't we look up
the symptoms

In a medical book?

They might prescribe
a simple treatment...

on page 84.

Yeah, that's
a good idea.

The--The book's on the top
left-Hand shelf.

Yes, here it is.

Uh, what, uh,
page was that?

Oh. Oh, um...

84, I think.

84. Hmm.


"General lassitude,

Brittle nails
and hair."

You skipped one.
Uh, lack of energy.

And circles
under the eyes.

Lots of exercise.

Maybe the best thing

Would be if we got
a full-Time maid.


Where does it say that?
Where, where, where?


Oh, I don't care
what the books says.

I'm weak.
Do you hear?

Can't you see
how weak I am?

You are the strongest
weakling I ever saw.

Now, come on, Wilma.

You know there's
nothing wrong with you.

But I'm sick, Fred--
Sick, sick, sick.

Do I have to cry
to show you how sick I am?

Oh, don't cry.

Your mascara's
running enough already.

My mascara?

Oh, you knew
all the time.


Of course.

Oh, Wilma.
No, no, no. Stop.

Stop, Wilma.
Wilma, stop.

The neighbors will think
I'm beating you, Wilma.


Ok, ok, ok!

You can have
the maid.

I can have a maid?

Yeah, but
I sure don't know

Where I'll get the money
to pay for it.

We'll manage.
You'll see.


what are you doing?

Oh, I know a nice woman
who'll help us cleaning

And cook the most wonderful
italian dishes.

But you're
getting a maid.

Why are you

Oh, I couldn't let her
see the house this way.

Oh, boy.


I was against it

But I want
to tell you, Barney,

This woman that's helping
Wilma is the greatest.

Well, what's her name?


In my house, that means
"gracious living."

And what meals
she makes.

Well, we don't need
a woman for that.

My Betty
can cook up a storm.

Of course, you know
what damage a storm can do.

[Both laugh]

Would you like to see

The ed stonevan
television show

While you're working,

Ah, grazie, grazie.

This knob
adjusts the sound.

I'm going to straighten up
the bedroom.

And now, folks,

Let's give a really big
ed stonevan welcome

To a really big
western singing star--

Tiny tex bricker.

[Applause and cheering]

Oh, give me a home

the dinosaurs roam

Where the reptiles

And the mastodons play

That's terrible singing.

Where seldom is heard

A discouragin' word

'Cause you're too busy

Runnin' away

Oh, I--I no
can stand it.

Home, home on the--

Don't you like music,

Uh, only good music.

That's why
I turn off tv.

I no can stand
bad singing.

Last year, I quit
2 jobs just for this.

That won't happen here.

I hope not.

[Tires screech]

That must be Fred.

Oh. Signorina, I will put
dinner on the table.

Come on in, barn,

And get a look
at gracious living.

Hey, how can you
afford a maid, Fred?

Oh, I asked mr. Slate
for a raise

And invited him
to dinner.

Heh heh. Once he tastes
Lollobrickida's cooking,

It'll be a pushover.

She cooks that good?


Smell that, Barney.


What are you doing,

Oh, you don't mind
if I borrow a snootful

Of the delicious aromas,
do you?

I need it.

You're looking at a man

Who is going home
to cold soup

And some
stale leftovers.

See you in the morning,

Heh heh heh heh.

And arrive-Turkey
to you, too.

[Both laugh]

Good morning,

Buon giorno,

I'll be right back.
I'm just going next door.

Mr. Flintstone's
still sleeping.



Can't wait to eat.

Even the smell
is delicious.


Hmm. She likes music.

Well, I'll give her
a little serenade,

Make her feel
at home.


Oh, Lollobrickida

Your food,
I dig-It-A

I'm knocked
for a loop

By your minestrone soup

If there's a jewel

It's your
pasta fusil

My Lollobrickida

How I flip
my wig-It-A

And your pizza's great

I'd even eat the plate

[Telephone rings]

That's enough water, henry.
Hold it.


Hold it, I said!
That's enough.



Oh, yes, mr. Slate.

You can come to dinner

Oh, that will
be fine, sir.

Yes, sir. Heh heh.


Ha ha ha!

My raise is in the bag.


Yes, mrs. Vanderrock.

You're coming
to dinner tonight?

Oh, that'll be fine.
See you then.

Who was that?

Oh, you know
the social club

Barney and I have been
trying to join for so long?


Well, mr. And mrs.

Who are in charge
of new members,

Are coming by
for dinner tonight.


Yeah, but
they're so snooty.

I wish I had someone
like Lollobrickida

To impress them.

Well, why don't you
borrow Lollobrickida

For tonight?

I don't think
she'll mind.

How about Fred?

Oh, he won't mind, either.
We have nothing planned.

Oh, that's wonderful.

We'll give the vanderrocks
a night they'll never forget.

Oh, that was a great
breakfast, Lollobrickida--

Just great.

Grazie, signor.

Oh, yeah,
I almost forgot.

We're having company
for dinner tonight--

My boss.

Would you tell
my wife?

Ah, si, si.
I tell her.

But, uh, mr. Flintstone,
about your singing...

I cannot--

I know.

You can't tell me
how much you liked it.

Well, you just keep cooking
the way you've been cooking,

And I will serenade you
day and night.

Oh, Lollobrickida

Your food,
I dig-It-A

He is going to sing
day and night?

Oh, no.


That I could not stand.

And if there is
a jewel

It's your
pasta fusil

[Reads aloud]

I'm glad it was
a short message.

Oh, my aching beak!


Gee, I hope
she likes the idea.

Oh, Lollobrickida?

It's awfully quiet.

What's this?

"I quit.


Oh, no!

there goes my chance

To impress
the vanderrocks.

And I know a maid
would've done it.

Oh, I'm sorry, Betty.
It was my fault.

Wait a minute.
We can still do it.

I can be Lollobrickida.

Oh, we'd never
get away with it.

Why not? I've got
everything here.

I'll cook
an italian meal,

Then I'll bring it over
to your house and serve.

Oh, Wilma, do you think
we could fool the vanderrocks?

Buon giorno, signora.

You, uh, like some,
uh, antipasto?

[Both laugh]

Oh, don't worry.

What could
possibly go wrong?

Stop pacing, Barney.

Nothing can go wrong.

Wilma cooked
a delicious meal.

Now what are you
worried about?

Did you ever
start up a gangplank

And have a sudden feeling
there was no ship?

Oh, everything
will be alright.

And remember--
Ha ha--

Wilma's not Wilma.
She's Lollobrickida.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, that'll be them.

Now put on the ritz, Barney.

We want to show them we have
a little savoir-Faire.

Oh, don't worry.

I can savoir as fair
as the next guy.

Evening, folks.

Good evening,
mr. Rubble.


Heh. So glad
you could come.

Uh, take mrs. Vanderrock's
stole, Barney.

My pleasure.

How nice.

Be careful with it.
It's mink, you know.

Mmm. Smells like
skunk to me.

Well, you don't smell
like a bed of roses

To me, either.

I suppose
our honored guests

Would like cocktails
from our portable bar.

Oh, jeeves?

Perhaps a bottle
of cactus lager.

It's very tasty.


go along with that.

Hee hee hee hee!

Open wide.

Nice place
you have here.

Oh, thank you,

But we're looking
for a bigger one.

We want to move
to a neighborhood

With people who make
the kind of money Barney does.

The nickel-And-Dime set.

Doing well,
is he?

Oh, yes.

What with the raises
he's been getting,

Profit sharing,
stock options.

Yeah. Between that

And carrying
my own lunch,

We've been able
to save quite a bit.

Um, I--I suppose
you people are hungry.

Shall we dine?
I'll ring for the maid.

There's the bell.
Round one.

coming up.

Oh, Wilma.
We're here.

Sorry we're late.


Where's the little
woman, Fred?

She must've gone out
for something,

But I'll have the maid
bring us a little antipasto.

Uh, maid?

Yes, sir,
the best there is.

Uh, Lollobrickida.

Huh. That's funny.
She isn't here, either.


Mmm. That smells

And I'm starved.

Why don't we
save some time?

I'll set the table.
You dish everything out.

Whatever you say, boss.

Wait'll you taste
this great italian food.

And while
we were abroad,

We bought a number
of fine paintings.

Uh, do you dabble
in oils, mr. Rubble?

Dabble in oils?

Only when I eat


Uh, sardines?

I think we're ready
for the main dish, Wilma--

Uh, Lollobrickida.

Si, si.

such a treasure.

She makes delicious
spaghetti bouldermaise

And brontosaurus

You don't say.

Next course--Spaghetti--
Coming up.

I hope it tastes as--

I've been robbed!

Is that you,

Mr. Slate and me
served ourselves.

Smells wonderful,
mrs. Flintstone.

Pass your plate, boss.

It's so good,
you won't believe it.

Salt--It needs
more salt.

Wilma, wait.

Hold it, Wilma!


Ah, the spaghetti.


I've heard of
low-Calorie dishes,

But this is

Uh, Lollobrickida,

Would you bring in
the meatballs?

Uh, si, si.

These meatballs
are delicious.

Think I'll have

Sure, boss.

Wilma: they're cold.
I'll heat them up.

Only 2 meatballs left.

I know
you're all hungry,

But these meatballs
will make up for everything.

Psst! Psst!

Uh, if, uh,
if you'll excuse me,

I'll see what's keeping

What's the matter,

Betty, it's terrible.

Fred invited
mr. Slate to dinner,

And this is all
they left--2 meatballs.

Oh, no!

There are 4 of us.
What are we going to do?

Have you anything
to add to it?

I don't have a thing.

Ah, got an idea. Where's
Barney's golf bag?

Well, it's right here
in the closet,

But what good
is that?

2 golf balls--I mean
meatballs coming up.

I'll cover them
with sauce

And give one to you
and one to Barney.

But how can we be sure
we get the right ones?

The golf balls
are smaller.

but, Wilma,

Be sure the vanderrocks
get the real meatballs,


Uh, have a nice
big meatball.

I think I'll take
the smaller one,

And so will
mr. Vanderrock.

Ooh, it looks delicious.

That one had a little
too much spice.


Uh, how's your
meatball, dear?

I don't know.
I'm afraid to try.


Remind me, darling.

Next time
we have dinner here,

I'll bring a caddie.

Well, it was nice
almost having dinner.

I can't understand it,
mr. Slate.

Wilma's never like this.

I'm sorry.

I'd like to say good-Bye
to your wife.

That is, if you can
hold her still long enough.

Oh, Wilma.

Maybe she's over
at the rubbles'.

Then I'll say good-Bye
to her over there.

Thank you for
a difficult evening.

Hey, you haven't said
anything about the club.

Yes, the membership.


Well, I really
don't see--

Wait. It's all my fault.
I'm not a maid.

This was all my idea
to impress you,

And I've made a mess
of things.

You're not a maid?

Oh, and we thought
the rubbles

Were trying
to be snobs.

Oh, heck, I'm no snob.

I don't even know
how to spell it.

Well, that's different.

Rubble, I'll put you up
for membership myself.

See you at the clubhouse

Come, my pet.

We're in,

Isn't it wonderful?

Fred: hey, barn,
you seen Wilma?

Here I am, Fred.

Don't be angry.

Oh, I'm sorry,
mr. Slate,

But I can explain

I was helping out
the rubbles,

And they needed
a maid tonight, so--

You don't have
to explain.

If you have
to work as a maid,

It's quite obvious

I'm not paying
your husband enough.

Then I get the raise?

Starting tomorrow.

Ha ha!

flintstones. Heh heh.

I'll pick up a burger
on the way home.


It could've been
a disaster for both of us,

But Wilma saved the day.

She certainly did.

You helped us,

Is there anything
we can do for you?

I just remembered.
I haven't had my dinner yet.

I'll take
the apron.

Mrs. Flintstone, would you
please be seated?

What--What in the world
is going on? Ho ho!

I love you!

[French accent]
dinner is served, madame.

Oh, Lollobrickida

For you I flip
my wig-It-A

[Laughs] aw...

oh, you're the best maid
I ever had, Fred.

At your service,
my dear.

[Both laugh]

meet the flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Someday, maybe Fred
will win the fight

Then that cat will stay out
for the night

When you're
with the flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time