The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 3, Episode 18 - The Hero - full transcript

[Barney] Fred, it's
a runaway carriage--

And there's a baby in it!

Oh, we got to catch it!

Here, baby! Here, baby!

Whoa, kid!

Ga ga ga goo ga!

Goo goo ga.

Oh!

He's heading for
the amusement park!

How do you know?

I can see, can't I?



I mean, how do you
know it's a he?

Girls don't play
with yo-Yos.

Hey, baby,
come on back!

Goo goo ga goo!

Hey, Fred, look.

He's heading for
the top.

Ga ga goo.

[Fred] what'll we do?

I don't know,

But Barney
to the rescue.

I'm coming, baby!

Attaboy, Barney!

Goo goo goo goo goo.

Come to papa!



[Squawk]

Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Flintstones,
meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Let's ride with the family
down the street

Through the courtesy

Of Fred's two feet

When you're with
the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo
time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

Step on it, Barney.
We'll be late for

The loyal order of
water buffaloes' meeting.

Isn't there some
way you can get

More speed out
of this crate--

Lighten the load
or something?

Sure, Fred.

If you'd get out,

We'd pick up another
20 miles an hour.

[Mocking laughter]

How would you like
to pick up a fat lip?

Take it easy, Fred.

We got lots of time.

Uh-Oh. Looks like
we got a flat.

At a time like this,
you get a flat.

Oh, no,
this is terrible.

I haven't got
a spare tire.

What you need
is a spare brain!

Oh, I knew we should
have taken my car,

You bubblehead!

Oh, sorry, Fred.

We got to
move fast, Barney.

You run to
the nearest gas station

And buy a tire.

I'll start jacking up
the car.

Now, hurry up,
will you?

Ok, Fred.
Don't despair.

I'll be back
with a spare.

[Chuckles]

Oh!

Now, where does
he keep his jack?

Oh, oh, here it is.

If I miss this water
buffalo meeting,

I'll never
forgive Barney.

The lodge elects new
officers tonight,

And I'm
in the running.

There.
That should do it.

Now, where is Barney
with that tire?

I hope he gets here soon.

This thing is heavy.

Hey, Fred, there
was a gas station

Right down the road.

We'll be ready in a flash.

There you are, Fred.

That didn't
take long, did it?

Ok. Let's go.

Did you tighten
the lug nut, Barney?

Lug nut?

What's a lug nut?

[Crash]

Oh, nothing important.

It just holds
the wheel on, that's all.

Bet we're
the first guys ever

To be towed to a
meeting, huh, Fred?

How would you like to be
the first guy

To show up
with a fat lip?

Oh, I wouldn't
like that.

Then keep it buttoned.

Alright, boys.

Nomina--I say
nominations for

The grand imperial pooh-Bah

Of the loyal order
of water buffaloes

Are now in order, yes.

Go ahead, Barney.

Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

I nominate
Fred Flintstone!

Not yet,
brother rubble!

I have something to say
before we proceed, yes.

Now, it's very important
to select the right man

To be your next
grand imperial pooh-Bah.

Go ahead, Barney.
Now!

I nominate
Fred Flintstone.

Brother rubble, please.
I'm not through yet.

Uh, exalted pooh-Bah,

We all agree
that the next pooh-Bah

Has got to be
fair and fearless,

Farsighted, faithful,
friendly, and fortitudinous.

Now, it looks like everything
we want in our pooh-Bah

Begins with an "f,"

Including my name--
Fred Flintstone!

[Man] yeah, and so
does fathead!

Oh, another wise guy!

[Pooh-Bah]
alright. Alright.

Now, let's
get on with it.

The floor is open
for nominations.

I nominate sam quartz!

I second
the nomination!

I nominate
gilbert granite!

Second it!

Well, get with it,
Barney.

I nominate
Fred Flintstone!

Oh, gee, fellas,

I ain't sure
I'm worthy.

Will somebody second
the nomination?

[High voice]
I second it.

Hey! You can't second
your own nomination.

Why not? It's a lot better
than seconding yours.

Alright. Alright.

Now, we have 3 nominations.
We need one more.

Hey, Fred,

Why don't you nominate
Barney rubble?

Are you kidding?

Nominate
Barney rubble?

Well, ok. Barney rubble
has been nominated.

Just a second!

Barney Rubble
has been seconded.

That makes 4.

Nominations closed.

Gosh, Fred,
I sure appreciate

Your nominating me
this evening.

Yeah. Yeah, Barney.
Sure.

And you can show
your appreciation

For
my nominating you

By voting for me

at the election
next week.

Sweetiekins, I got to
stop in the drugstore.

I'll just be a minute,

And then I'm gonna
get you home to bed.

Now, be a good boy,
you hear?

Ga ga goo goo.

Ga goo goo ga goo goo.

Ga ga goo ga goo.

Hey, Fred,

Look what's coming
down the hill.

Goo ga ga!

Hey, hey,
watch out, Fred!

Hey!

Why don't you watch
where you're going?

Fred, it's
a runaway carriage--

And there's a baby in it!

Oh, we got to catch it!

Here, baby! Here, baby.

Whoa, kid!

Ga ga ga goo ga!

Goo ga ga.

Oh, he's heading for
the amusement park!

How do you know?

I can see, can't I?

Yeah, I mean how do
you know it's a he?

Girls don't play
with yo-Yos.

Hey!

Kids under 12 not admitted
without their parents!

Hold it, you guys!
Where's your tickets?

[Barney] hey, baby,
come on back!

Goo goo ga goo!

Hey, Fred, look.

He's heading for
the top.

Ga ga goo ga goo goo.

What'll we do?

I don't know,

But Barney
to the rescue.

I'm coming, baby!

Attaboy, Barney!

Goo goo goo goo goo.

Come to papa!

Goo ga goo!

Great work, Barney.

You saved
the kid's life.

Oh, it was
nothing, Fred.

You'd have done it
if I hadn't.

No, sir. Not me.

You're a hero,
Barney.

Wah!

The baby don't
think so, either.

I guess he dropped
his yo-Yo

And wants it back.

Here, Fred.
Hold him a minute.

I'll try to find it.

I think I know
where he dropped it.

Wah wah!

Aw, no, no, no,
little fella.

Don't cry.

My baby! My baby!

Is he alright?

Well, sure,
he's alright.

Not a scratch.

Goo goo,
mama.

Oh! Oh, you
wonderful man.

You saved my baby.

Now, wait
a minute, lady.

I, uh--

How can I ever
repay you?

Oh, you wonderful man.

But, lady, I--I--

Alright. Alright!

Step aside, everybody.

What's going on
here?

Officer, this man
saved my baby.

He's a hero--
A real hero!

Yeah? That's nice.

It ain't often
I get heroes on my beat.

Usually I get--

She's got it
wrong, officer.

It wasn't me.
It was my pal here.

Barney! Bar--

Where is he?

Isn't that just like
a real hero?

Doesn't want any credit,

So he pretends
he didn't do it.

Lady, will you
please listen.

I'm trying
to tell you--

We're from
the "bedrock gazette,"

And I smell a story.

What's up?

This darling man
is a hero.

He saved my baby.

Is that so?

Great story for my readers.

It'll be sensational.

Your name, sir?

Flintstone.
Fred Flintstone.

But I was
trying--

Alright, stonewall,
get a shot of this.

All set up, boss!

Yeah, but, but--

Alright, lady,
a little closer, please.

Come on, hero,
look heroic!

But, but--

Fine! We'll run
that on page one

Under the caption,

"Hero Flintstone
saves baby."

You mean my picture

Will be
in the papers?

Yeah, yeah. Page one.

Golly.

Alright, now,
what's the story?

Uh...

yeah, yeah, well...

the fact is--

Don't give me the facts,

Just give me
the highlights.

Well, you see,

When we saw
the runaway carriage,

I said to Barney--

Never mind Barney.
You're the hero.

Tell us what you did,

Like with utter disregard
for your own safety,

Et cetera, et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera,

And all stuff
like that there.

Well, there was this
runaway carriage.

I got that part.
Now what did you do?

Yeah, well, I only
had a split-Second

To make a decision,
you see,

So I...

gee, it took me a long time
to find this.

Hey, I wonder what all those
people are doing there.

Uh, mister, what's
all the excitement?

Too far back to hear,

But I think some guy
just rescued

10 people
from drowning.

No. Some guy just
saved 200 people

Trapped in a burning
building.

Name's Flintstone,
I think.

Oh, that must be
my buddy Fred.

He must be
telling them

What really
happened.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, Fred,
I'm so proud of you.

[Chuckles]

Yeah. I never thought
I'd see my picture

On the first page
of a newspaper.

[Betty] Fred, Fred,

Your picture's
in the paper!

Here--Oh, you've
got a copy.

Everybody's
talking about you.

Oh, gosh, Fred,
you sure are a hero.

Uh...

well, it wasn't exactly
like the paper says.

Didn't Barney tell you
what really happened?

What do you mean, Fred,
"what really happened"?

Well, uh...

what Fred means is that

The paper exaggerated
a little,

But basically, the account
is correct, huh, Fred?

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

The baby was saved,
and the mother was grateful.

That's basically
what happened, alright.

[Ring]

Hello.

Oh, yes, mrs. Goldrock.

What? I'll ask him.

Dear, it's the president
of the women's club.

She wants to know if
you'll give a talk

About how it feels
to be a hero.

Well...um...

Yeah. Yeah,
I guess so.

[Wilma] certainly,
mrs. Goldrock.

He'll be delighted.
And thank you.

I never knew they had
men speakers

At the women's club.

I didn't think a man could
get a word in edgewise there.

[Laughs]

Oh, Fred, shall I leave
this newspaper?

You might want another
copy of your picture.

No, no, take it.

What do I want
with another picture?

In fact, I'll
probably throw away

The one I have.

Here's half the newspapers
you ordered, mr. Flintstone.

I'll bring you
the other 100 later.

Just set them down
anywhere, arnold.

Ok. Say,
mr. Flintstone,

Our scout troop

Wants to make you
an honorary member.

And would you sign
my autograph book?

Why, certainly,
arnold.

[Ring]

Hello.

Oh, just a minute.

Fred, it's the chamber
of commerce.

They want you to speak
at their next luncheon.

Yeah...

yeah, sure!
Why not?

Mr. Flintstone says
he would be honored.

Now, let's see,
what should I write?

Well, how about this, Fred,

"3, 2, 1, zero,

Good luck from
Flintstone, the hero."

Hey, that's
pretty good, Barney.

Thanks.

3, 2, 1, zero--

[Wilma] Fred!

Well, it fits,
don't it?

[Telephone rings]

Hello. Who?

The mayor!

Oh, yes! Yes,
the hero is here.

Madam president,
ladies,

You may not believe it,

But I wasn't always
a brave hero.

I remember once
when I was 10 years old,

I had a toothache,

And I was afraid
to go to the dentist.

[Audience laughing]

Oh, brother.

Of course,
I wasn't always a hero.

Once,
when I was about 10,

I had a toothache,

And I was afraid
to go to the dentist.

[Audience laughing]

Yech!

Hi, Fred. Tonight's
our bowling date.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Gee, I'm sorry,
Barney,

But I'm going to bowl
with jimmy tonight.

Jimmy?

Yeah.
There he is now.

Be right with you,
jimmy-Boy!

Take your time, Fred,
my hero pal!

Gee, no use going
out with me

If you can go out
with the mayor.

Dinner will be ready
in 5 minutes, Fred!

Ok, Wilma.

I'll be in as soon as
I make this practice putt.

Watch this, Dino.

Keep your eye
on the ball, Dino.

Yabba-Dabba-Doo!
A hole in one!

Nice shot, Fred.

Oh, hi, Barney.

Hey, look, Barney,

You're not
jealous, are you?

What about?

Well, I mean
those speeches

And bowling
with the mayor

And fishing with
the governor

And yachting
with the president.

Well, I mean,
after all,

I didn't save
that baby

All by myself,
you know.

No. I ain't jealous
of you.

I figure we all get
just what we deserve.

And if I deserve
to be a hero,

I'll be one.

Fred, dinner's ready!

Oh, hello, Barney.

Hello, Wilma.

I better see about
my own dinner.

Bye, all.

Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

Fred, why have you
been avoiding Barney?

- Who, me?
- Yes, you.

There's something wrong
between you two.

What is it?

There's nothing wrong.

Alright, Fred.

If you won't
tell me,

I'll call Barney
and ask him.

No! No! No! Don't! Don't.

I mean, maybe he went
to a movie or something.

Fred Flintstone,
I want the truth.

Alright.

Alright,
I'll tell you.

You'd better sit down.

So, that's the story,
Wilma.

And, you see,
it wasn't my fault.

Fred, how could you?

I tried to tell them
I wasn't the hero, honest,

But nobody would listen.

Fred, you've got to
make them listen.

You've got to tell
them the truth.

Well, I can't.
I'm a hero.

If I told them
I was a phony,

It would destroy
their faith in human nature.

Why, it would be
like telling them

There's no...
santa claus.

Fred Flintstone,
I don't see

How you can live
with yourself.

Come on, Dino.

Oh, I can live
with myself alright.

Don't you worry.

I can live with
myself fine!

Who are you?

I'm yourself.

Myself?

That's right,

And I'll bet
you can't live with me.

Oh, no?

We'll see about that.
Beat it.

I'm gonna have
my dinner.

Dinner--That's a good idea.

I'm just as hungry
as you are.

Oh, boy. Roast leg
of stegosaurus.

With french-Fried
cactus rings.

[Chomp]

Yummy yum yum.

Alright, buster!

I've had enough of you.

Now, you just go back
where you came from

Before I bop you one!

You hear?
Get out of here!

Oh!

So you admit

You can't live
with yourself, eh?

Wilma was right.

Ok. I'll go.

Wait a minute.
Wait. Wait.

I was only kidding.
I can live with you.

Please. Please.

Well, alright.
I'll stay,

But watch it,
freddy,

Another outburst
like that,

And I'll leave flat.

I'll watch it.
I'll watch it.

Ok.

34, 35, 36, 37...

come on, Wilma!

Please turn the light
out and go to bed!

I'm not finished yet.

I have to brush
400 strokes.

But it takes
so long.

Will you let her finish?

I want to get
some sleep, too.

Oh, for pete's sake!

Boy, it will be good
to hit the sack.

Oh, no, you don't!

This bed ain't big
enough for both of us.

You park your carcass
someplace else.

Is that the way
to treat a houseguest,

Or are you hinting
that you want me to leave?

No! No, no, no, no.

I didn't mean that!

It's just
that I'm...

I'm all in.

I got to get
some sleep.

And so do I.

[Yawn]

And I hope
you don't snore.

Goodnight, Fred.

Don't I get
a good-Night kiss?

Not until you straighten out
this hero business.

Goodnight.

But, Wilma,

I can't sleep without
a good-Night kiss.

Ok. I'll kiss you.

You get out of here!

What? Did you
say something, Fred?

No. No. No, Wilma.

There's a mosquito
in my bed.

Get out of here!

Oh, pardon me.

Watch it, buster.

Oh, boy.

I wonder what
the penalty is

For choking
yourself.

Mmm...

[snoring]

[Ring]

Ugh...4--
4:30!

Who set the alarm
at 4:30?

Why, that no-Good...

alright, wise guy,
what's the big idea?

Early to bed
and early to rise

Is good for
all you hero guys.

Why, you ratta dafa
fudas satus quartar!

[Muttering]

Temper. Temper. Temper.

Fred, your breakfast
is ready.

It's on the table.

I'm coming, Wilma.

Good morning, honey.

Good morning.

Huh?

Hiya, Dino-Boy.

What?

That's a pretty cool
reception.

I'm sorry,
Fred,

But there's
a little hero matter

You better attend to
before you get

Any warm receptions
around here.

Come on, Dino.
We'd better leave.

Well, this dodo egg
better be hot,

And I better eat it

Before my no-Good self
gets here.

Hey! There's nothing
here but the shell!

The whole inside
of the egg is gone.

Yes, and it was
delicious.

Oh, no. Not again.

Why can't you
get lost?

I'm ready to go

Anytime you admit you can't
live with yourself.

No. No. No, sir.

I ain't
going to admit it.

Suit yourself,
freddy-Boy.

Ahh...

there's nothing like a good
after-Breakfast cigar.

You want one, Fred?

Oh, no, you don't!

I know you.

Hee hee!

It's probably one of
those trick cigars

That explodes
in your face.

I'll take the one
you're smoking.

Ok, Fred. Sure.

It'll be a pleasure
to let you have it.

Thanks.

You see, I'm not so
dumb after all, eh?

[Boom]

That does it! Out!

Beat it! Scram!
I've had it!

You mean you admit you
can't live with yourself?

Yes! Yes,
I admit it.

Nobody could live
with you!

You're impossible!

Now get lost!

I never want
to see you again!

Gladly, Fred.

And don't think
being around you

Has been a ball,
either.

Fred, what was
all that yelling?

Wilma, honey,
you were right!

I just realized I can't
live with myself,

And it sure is
a wonderful feeling!

Alright, alright.

Here are your candidates
for grand imperial pooh-Bah.

[Cheering]

Brothers, in
recognition of the fact

That one of these
loyal men,

By his outstanding
act of heroism,

Has brought honor and glory

To the loyal order
of water buffaloes,

I mov--I say, I move

We elect Fred Flintstone

Our grand pooh-Bah
by acclimation.

All those in favor,
say "aye."

Aye!

Wait a minute.
Wait, fellas.

I certainly
appreciate this,

But I have
a confession to make.

I didn't save that baby.

Barney rubble did.

I just took
the credit.

Barney rubble
is the hero.

Go on, Barney.

Tell them
what a phony I am.

But, Fred--

Here's the man who
deserves to be

Grand pooh-Bah, not me.

[Man] hooray for
Barney rubble!

[All] hooray!

Oh, Fred, I knew
you'd come through.

I knew you couldn't
go on living a lie.

Yeah.

But I hate to think
what it's gonna be

Like living now,
with all my friends

Knowing I'm a phony.

Oh, I don't know, dear.

We do have some
wonderful friends.

Looks like we'll have
to move someplace else,

Start a new life.

Well, anywhere we go
is alright with me, Fred,

As long as
we two are together.

[Arr arr arr]

Oh! Excuse me.
I mean we 3.

Hee hee hee!

[Music playing]

What's that?

Look! It's Barney
leading a parade!

Yeah!

It looks like he got
elected grand pooh-Bah,

And they're marching
him home in triumph.

They're coming up
our walk!

Look, they've stopped
in front of our house!

And coming to our door!

[Knock knock]

[Fred] come in.

[All] hail to thee,
o grand imperial pooh-Bah!

I--I don't get it.

What--What--

Well, it's like this, Fred.

Barney pointed out
how only a real hero

Could face up and confess
the way you did.

That took plenty
of courage, Fred.

[Barney] yeah!

The kind of courage we
want in our pooh-Bah.

Exactly,
so at Barney's suggestion,

We elected you
grand pooh-Bah unanimously.

Gosh, fellas...

this really
gets me--

Right here,

And all I
can say is,

Well, you made
the right choice.

And being a hero,

I promise you
courageous leadership,

And furthermore,
as I said to the mayor--

Are you starting
that again?

Um, uh...uh...

what I mean is I...

I sure hope

I can be worthy
of this high honor.

That's better.

3 cheers
for Fred Flintstone!

Hip! Hip!

Hooray!

Hip! Hip!

Hooray!

Hip! Hip!

Hooray!

Yabba dabba doo!

Flintstones

Meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Someday, maybe Fred
will win the fight

Then that cat will
stay out for the night

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time

Wilma!