The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 2, Episode 3 - The Missing Bus - full transcript

You see, Wilma?

Millions of opportunities
for men with solid backgrounds.

(Wilma)
'You're pretty solid
in that department, alright.'

Well, I'm glad you're
taking this seriously, Wilma.

'I hope you can still laugh
on an empty stomach.'

It's just that
I hate to see 13 years

in the quarry
go down the hole.

Hey, here's an opportunity.

"Wanted, person with
long tapering fingers

"to stuff cotton
in little bottles.

Apply, Bedrock Hospital."



And here's another.

"Wanted, person
with long tapering fingers--"

To take cotton
out of little bottles.

Yeah, how did you know?

"Apply, Bedrock Hospital."

[theme music]

pom pom

pom

[music continues]

[whistling]

[tires screeching]

[siren blaring]

vroom

[music continues]



vroom

crash

[music continues]

Hold still, Wilma,
while I pin this up.

This poor hemline has
been raised and lowered

more than Fred's paycheck.

Wilma, I've got a hunch,
Fred will come home tonight

with something that'll
raise your spirits too.

Just think, Wilma, 13 years--

Yes, he's overdue
for a promotion.

That's a long time
to slave for one man.

Hmph. You're telling me.

That's darn near as long as
I've been slaving for Barney.

(Barney)
'Well, if it isn't
her Royal Highness'

'Princess Flintstone
and her all-girl figure.'

Ha ha ha, awh.

Oh, Barney. This is just
an old thing I threw on.

I like where it's stuck.

he he he

How about me, Prince Charming?

Any kind words
for poor slave girl?

Only a kiss.

mmm mmm

Alright, that's enough you two.

Oh, what did you put
in that last pucker?

A porcupine?

Oh...oh, sorry.

Forgot the pins.

Well, hot lips,
have you seen my husband?

Nope, I stopped
by the quarry

but Fred was in with the boss.

Mr. Granite is probably making
him a partner or something.

After 13 years
on the old rock pile

Fred deserves a softer job.

Fred's a hard worker.

It's time he got
some of the cream.

[Fred mumbling]

(Wilma)
'Looks like the cream curdled.'

Hiya, Fred.
What's the good news?

It's marking the 15th
anniversary of my association

with the Granite Quarry
and Gravel Company Inc.

You'd think the company
would incorporate

a little something extra in my
pay envelope. Like a raise.

- 'Right, Wilma?'
- Right.

I could expect a little pat
on my back, right?

Right.

I got the pat on my back,
alright...with a knife.

But I thought Mr. Granite was
going to offer you a new job.

Oh, he did, he did, with
a big fat cut in my paycheck.

Oh, Fred! No.

So what did you
say to Mr. Granite?

I kept my temper,
I didn't want to say

anything I would be sorry for.

I took a long deep breath,
counted to ten slowly

and then, kinda casual like,
I said..

"Granite, it's time
we had a man-to-mouse talk.

"You're so cheap, you look
over the top of your glasses

"to keep from wearing them out.

"You're so stingy,
that if your wife got heat cuffs

"you'd rent her
out to a glass blower.

"In brief, Mr. Granite,
you're nothing but a short, bald

disagreeable old slave drivin'
sour-puss."

That's telling me, Fred.

You didn't say that.

Are you kiddin'?
I certainly did.

(Wilma)
'What did he say to you?'

- Nothin'.
- 'Nothing?'

Nope.

When I was taking that
first long deep breath

and counting to 10 slowly

the little sneak
left the office.

Oh, ho...I'm glad.

Maybe you'll
both feel differently

after you've slept on it.

Fred Flintstone isn't gonna
get cheated outta his rights.

I'm resigning.

Attaboy, Fred.
Don't take it lying down.

(Wilma)
'But how can you
leave the quarry?'

You have nowhere else to go.

'That's beside the point.'

I believe every man
should think for himself.

If I let the boss
start pushing me around

I'll lose my identity.

You'll also lose the house,
the car, and your bowling ball.

Since you still have
payments on all these.

Very funny, very funny.

I can always get a job.

There are plenty of openings for
a wide awake promoter like me.

Right, Barney?

[snoring]

'Barney?'

Right, Fred.
Nobody catches you sleeping.

[snoring]

Boy, they sure make
the Sunday paper heavy.

No wonder
the dog won't carry it in.

crash

See, Wilma?

Millions of opportunities
for men with solid backgrounds.

(Wilma)
'You're pretty solid
in that department, alright.'

Well, I'm glad you're
taking this seriously, Wilma.

'I hope you can still laugh
on an empty stomach.'

It's just that
I hate to see 13 years

in the quarry,
go down the hole.

Hey, here is an opportunity.

"Wanted, person with
long tapering fingers

"to stuff cotton
in little bottles.

Apply, Bedrock Hospital."

And here's another.

"Wanted, person with
long tapering fingers.."

To take cotton
out of little bottles."

Yeah, how did you know?

"Apply, Bedrock Hospital."

Your soft boiled egg is ready.

Hey, you open
it Wilma, will you?

I-I always get
pieces of shell in it.

'Alright, Fred.'

'Oh, dear!'

squawk

Ah, I guess I didn't
cook it long enough.

Someday, I would like one
of those new self winding

hourglasses with the sand
curved to fit your wrist.

Never mind, Wilma. I'll buy you
one for every day in the week.

Hey, listen to this.

"Wanted, go-getter, cool,
young, mature and responsible

"to supervise select group,
establish territory

"short hours, long coffee
breaks, fringe benefits

"and free hospitalization.

"Applicant must be brave,
trustworthy, loyal

courteous, kind,
and willing to travel."

ha ha ha

Who...does that sound like?

Why, Fred, it's you.

That's the same
character analysis you got

from your last
Chinese fortune cookie.

Yeah, well, Confucius knew
what he was talking about.

I'm going right
down tomorrow

and snag that job.

I'll show Granite
he can't push me around.

I'm afraid, by the time
we get there

the go-getter job will be gone.

I wouldn't worry.

I'm Mr. Pebbles,
the personnel manager.

'The one who has
to screen the applicants, Mr..'

Oh, Fred Go-getter,
I-I mean Flint Fredstone..

...er...Mr. Pebbles

why don't you just
go to the head of the line?

I just hate to be pushy.

Well, Mr. Pebbles..

...how did I do
on that aptitude test?

Pretty good, huh?

(Pebbles)
'It shows initiative.'

'You're the first one
who ever succeeded'

'at putting a square peg in
a round hole and vice versa.'

'Amazing!'

I told you,
I was the man for the job.

I know how hard it is to find
good executive-type material.

So, Pebbles, you have
finally found a candidate.

How did he come
through the screening tests?

He was a little too large
to filter through some of them.

Yes, the colleges aren't turning
them out like they used to.

He is a college
graduate, isn't he?

'No, A.A.'

Well, then I assume
he's an athletic type?

In top drawer condition.

- 'No, A.A.'
- Middle drawer?

- 'Uh-uh.'
- No drawer?.

'Well, does he have references?'

I'm afraid not, A.A.

'Well, has he ever done
this sort of work before?'

I don't think so, A.A.

Good, then he's just the man
for the job. Send him in.

(Pebbles)
'Oh, Mr. Flintstone,
you can come in now.'

(A.A.)
'Well, Flintstone, I guess
Pebbles told you about the job?'

- 'Not yet, A.A.'
- 'Well, Fred, have a cigar.'

This is an important job,
Flintstone.

'The future of our company
may depend on you.'

You have the destinies
of half a hundred souls

right there in your
clammy hands.

I'm ready to take over
immediately. What do I do?

'We want a man who doesn't
know the meaning'

'of the words procrastination,
or intimidation..'

Yes, sir.

'...or capitulation.
And you're that man.'

Like I said,
I'm ready to takeover.

Do you have any children?

No, I'm sorry.
I don't have any children.

'Don't feel badly.'

- Soon, you'll have 50 of them.
- 'What?'

Tomorrow morning, you'll roll
out of the Carborundum Car Barns

on your first mission, in full
command of bus number nine.

[coughing]

B-b-bus number...children?
You-a bus number nine?

Precisely, we advertised for
a go-getter and you're the goat.

- What?
- I mean go-getter.

Go get the bus
and go get the kids.

- And go go go.
- Go go go?

Nice of you
to offer your help, Barney.

But I hate
to see you late for work.

A friend in need
is a noble deed.

The nice thing
about my job is..

...if I'm not there,
no one notices.

You're the one
with responsibility now.

50 future Presidents counting
on Uncle Fred to guide them.

It's an honor to be your
co-pilot on your first mission.

(Fred)
There she is.
Number nine, and all mine.

Gee, what a record.

'Look, at all those
safe round trips.'

Gee, Fred, with that hat on

you look just
like a ship's captain.

It's got some kind
of in-inscription on it.

"Neither snow, nor rain,
nor heat, nor traffic

"nor sleepless nights,
nor nagging backache

shall stay these couriers
from their appointed rounds."

Alright, never mind that.

'Now, read the instructions
from the driver's manual.'

(Barney)
'Before starting engines,
consult checklist.'

'Okay, switch off.'

(Fred)
'Check.'

- 'Brake on.'
- 'Check.'

(Barney)
'Automatic doors operative?'

slam slam

'Check-eroony'

- Fuel supply?
- 'Plenty.'

Make sure you're
seated comfortably.

mmm mmm

Right.

- 'Contact.'
- 'Contact.'

[engine revving]

(Barney)
First you put your two
feet close up tight

the clutch is on the left
and the brake is on the right.

Take hold of the wheel
kinda nice and light.

Then twist it around
with all your might.

Now, shove your lever hand
way out in space

'and ease it into gear
with style and grace.'

'If you've gone this far,
you can't turn back.'

'Geronimo
and good luck, Jack.'

vroom

Co-pilot to pilot.

Approaching, first pickup,
little Rosily Gypsum.

Yep, there she is,
right on time.

Hi, Mrs. Gypsum.

I'm the new school bus driver,
Fred Flintstone.

Oh, well, this is my daughter,
little Rosily Gypsum.

She's gonna be
a big star some day.

Show them your
new ballet step, Rosily.

boing boing

She does a adagio, too.

I wanna be normal
like other kids.

Shut up and do your
soft shoe for the nice men.

boing boing

Excuse me, Mrs. Gypsum,
we're falling behind schedule.

What do you got against showbiz?

Nothin' lady, but I've gotta
pick up some more children.

All aboard, Rosily.

Well, alright.
But drive carefully.

(Fred)
'Yes, ma'am.'

I got a lot of money
tied up in her act.

[tires screeching]

I'm Mrs. Gaby Stone,
and these are my children

Paul, Hope, Hillary, and James.

I wonder if I could ask you

'to drive fast past
the fields of Golden Rod.'

'and poor little
Paul has hay fever.'

Goodbye, children, and be good.

'Please don't let Hope sit next
to Shirley Shell.'

'I'm mad at her mother.'

I promised Jimmy
I'd let him sit in your lap.

He's such an insecure child.

Please take it easy turning
corners, he gets car-sick..

vroom

And I wish they'd get
some friendlier drivers

He didn't even say good morning.

And this guy Pebbles told me
this was a mild run.

We've only got forty five
more passengers to go.

Boys...boys, uh, Bruce, Robert.

- Robbie hit me first.
- He hit me first.

After I hit him back.

Well, stop fighting
till you get on the bus.

screech

- What happened to Charlie?
- Charlie?

The other bus driver,
with the white hair.

White hair?
I guess they retired him.

Why? He was only 27.

vroom

No Alvin,
you have to go to school.

Why? I can't read
and I can't write yet.

They won't let me talk.
And I'm tired of fingerpainting.

Well, your daddy
is A.A. Carborundum.

Don't you wanna grow up and be
a big businessman like him?

No, I wanna grow up and be
normal like all the other kids.

Hi there, young fella'.
What's your name?

Alvin.

Alvin, what?

Alvin..thank you.

No, I mean your other name. What
does your mommy call your daddy?

She'll call him anything,
she likes him.

Well what does the name
say on your mailbox?

U.S. Mail.

Say, isn't your father
A.A. Carborundum?

Yeah. So what?

Well, do you know who I am?

You mean you don't know that
either?

Smart-alec kid.

Barney, give me that speech
again about being responsible

for the future presidents
and like that.

Barney?

screech

Alright, Rubble, I see you
sneakin' out that window.

Come back here you coward,
and finish this mission.

(Barney)
'Well, captain,
mission accomplished.'

Ugh...my nerves are shot.

Fred, baby, relax.
The pressure's off.

Decompress,
or you'll get the bends.

Ha ha ha, yeah,
I guess you're right.

I can take it easy now.

Sure. you got four hours
to get your strength back.

'For the return trip.'

Yeah, I'd better take you
to work. You're late too.

Well, I'll make up for it.
I'll leave early. Ha ha ha.

And after you drop me, get
yourself a nice cup of coffee

And give the tension a chance to
sink back into your body again.

Barney's right,
nice cup of Java.

Hey, that must be a good palce
to eat.

screech

'Look at all those school buses
parked in front.'

[footsteps]

[door creaking open]

slam

Don't ever do that!

Can't you read the signs?
We run a quiet diner here.

(Cafe owner)
'If you're gonna start a fight,
go somewheres else.'

These guys all
school bus pilots?

Yeah. A brave breed.

I know, I was just through
a rough mission myself.

Where?

(Fred)
'From Bedrock to Redrock.'

Did you say Redrock?

Yeah, Redrock.

Redrock...Redrock!

swoosh

Redrock! A-ha-ha-ha!

A-ha-ha-ha!

A-ha-ha-ha! Ho-ho-ho-ha-ha-ha!

He-he-he-ha-ha-ha!

Ho-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

You'll have to forgive Charlie.
He had your route.

But we're not all that unstable.

Some of us have been
school pilots for years

and it hasn't affected us.

'We're just plain, ordinary guys
doing a job that must be done.'

So we can get home again
to mom's apple pies.

The corner drugstore,
and the nice girl next door.

So long. Ha ha.

Ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

(Cafe owner)
'Poor guys is about as punchy
as they come.'

They had to retire him
after his first week.

Caught him weaving
in heavy traffic.

He wasn't moving, he was just
sitting in his bus, weaving.

Gee,
and I've had just one mission.

Oh well, take it from me.

If you don't go back out again,
you'll lose your nerve.

Not me, I'm quitting right now.

Well, Mr. Carborumdum.
They might be take...

and I'm not sure
I like this job.

Nonsense, Flinstone. They all
say that after the first trip.

The shock will wear off,
and in a week or so

you'll be nice and numb.

Yeah,
well I don't feel so good now.

My, uh, my eyesight
seems to be fading.

You know, double vision
and spots and..

(Fred over phone)
'I can't focus,
something like that.'

We're covered
by hospitalization.

If you need eye glasses,
we'll have the bus windshield

ground to your prescription.

Eh, you wouldn't send
a relief driver out

for the 3 o'clock run,
would you?

Fred, Fred, listen to me, boy.

I'm going to say
something important.

I'm listening.

'Four score
and seven years ago'

'I founded this company,
dedicated to the proposition'

'that all children
should be treated equal.'

'All we ask of you
is blood, sweat, and tears.

'And so we shall
go on to the end.'

'We shall keep on rolling.'

'We shall fight in the seats
and in the aisles.'

'We shall fight on the freeways
and in heavy traffic.'

'We shall never falter.'

'Now go get 'em,
and bring 'em home!'

'This has been a recording.'

[chugging]

Oh, boy.

I dropped the last kid off
and I'm ready to drop myself.

- Now what?
- 'Stop!'

Stop the bus!

Gee, lady, I'm sorry,
I'm all out of kids.

I must've dropped yours off
at the wrong stop.

What did it looked like?

[whispering]

[gulps]
Don't worry, lady.
I-I-I think I know where it is.

- H-h-hop in.
- 'Alright, but please hurry.'

vroom

Yes, Mrs. Shell.

The driver left the Gabby Stone
kiddies at your house

and you're not talking
to Mrs. Gabby Stone.

We'll send a neutral
troubleshooter out

to exchange the children.

No, Mrs. Quartz, the driver
shouldn't have let Shirley out

in the middle of the freeway.

No, madam,
I can tell you're upset.

I know Rosalie is going to be
a big state star, Mrs. Gypsum.

She lost what?

A special arrangement
of Chopin's "Funeral March."

Yes, madam, but you're not the
only parent with a wrong child.

Give me your little tyke's name.

And we'll see
if someone else got him.

Alvin Carborundum?
Alvin?

Agatha, is that you?
This is terrible!

Pebbles!

'You've been with us a long
time, haven't you, Pebbles?'

You are one of the older men,
weren't you?

Yes, sir, I am.
I-I was.

You recommended Flintstone.
I'd say you gaffed!

No, A.A.
you mean goofed, not gaffed.

'Goofed, gaffed!'

All I know is that Flintstone
left Redrock School at 3:00

dropped his last pupil
off at 4:15

five minutes from here
and there's no sign of him!

He couldn't have
vanished into fat air.

You mean thin air.

Well, I'm talking
about Flintstone.

I mean fat air!

Gee, I'm getting worried.

The boys should've
been here by now.

Well, Fred has to drop
his bus off, get Barney

and then drive home.
That takes time.

Where's that Fred?
He forgot to pick me up.

- Isn't he with you?
- 'Nope.'

And he isn't back
at the bus barns, either.

I called up,
but they've got a reward out.

- 'For Fred?'
- No, for the bus he stole.

If I catch him, I'll have him
drummed out of the service.

He won't be able
to drive a dog team

for the
Eskimo Rapid Transit Company.

It's usually the high-strung
types that break down.

I was sure Flintstone
was too low-strung to snap.

Mr. Carborundum,
I'm Wilma Flintstone.

'Where's my Fred?'

I'm A. A. Carborundum,
where's my bus?

Oh! If anything happened
to Fred, I'll die.

If anything hasn't happened
to him, I'll kill him.

Uh, just a second, Mr. Fumdum.

You don't know
Fred stole the bus.

Have you called
the Missing Persons Bureau

to give them Fred's description?

If I did, the phone company
would yank the phone out.

[phone ringing]

(Pebbles over phone)
'Hello?'

Uh-oh.

A. A., it's the hospital
on the phone.

Fred!

A. A. Carborundum speaking.

Yes, Fred Flintstone
is one of my drivers.

Ward 12?
I wanna speak to him.

[indistinct chatter over phone]

(Carborundum)
'I don't care
if he's been given sedatives!'

- Was there an accident?
- I hope not.

That bus only had
100,000 miles on it.

Let me have that phone.

Nurse?
What's happened to Fred?

Shock?
Well, what's wrong with him?

[indistinct chatter over phone]

I don't think I heard you right.
Would you repeat that, please?

What's wrong, Wilma?

The nurse said Fred had
fallen asleep, but not to worry

"Mrs. Flintstone"
was doing fine.

(Wilma)
'Shh. He's probably sleeping.'

[people chattering]

- 'Alright, just a little more.'
- 'Oh, that's good.'

[indistinct chatter]

- 'Fine, wonderful!'
- 'Give us that smile again.'

click click click

(male #1)
'Great, old boy, give us the
look when you first realized'

'your passenger's condition.'

(Wilma)
'Fred!'

(Fred)
'Wilma, where you been?
I was worried about you.'

Tell us, Flintstone, weren't
you afraid it would happen

'right there on the bus?'

Well, I'll tell ya.

Tish-tosh, gentlemen.

When you're used to carrying
50 little future presidents

on a bus everyday,
another one or two is nothing.

I'm a buddy of Mr. Flintstone's.
Rubble's the name. R-U-B--

Weren't you worried about
losing your job for taking

the school bus off the route?

I can answer
that for you, gentlemen.

Mr. Flintstone has
a lifetime position with us.

One of the most valubable men
we have in--

Just a minute.

He's not your valuable man,
he's my valuable man.

- Who are you?
- J. J. Granite, Fred's boss.

I'm here to give
him his job back.

(Carborundum)
'I'm giving him his job back!'

(Granite)
'I'm giving him a raise.'

Well, I intend
giving him a raise, too.

I'll see your raise and throw
in a gold wrist sun dial.

'Just a minute.
He's our hero.'

I'll make it two gold watches,
and raise you

a brand new school bus with
a soundproof glass partition

to shield Fred from
the passengers' fall out.

Well, Mr. Granite,
your turn to top him.

Sorry, Fred, I was hoping
you'd come back to the rock pit.

But if you're set
on driving a school bus..

After all, it isn't every man
with a stomach to face

'fifty howling kids everyday.
Behind his back.'

gulp

In fact, even with the raise
I just promised

the job I had you in mind
for was, uh, kind of hazardous.

Hazardous?
After driving a school bus?

Yeah, this was driving a truck.
A dynamite truck.

Well, why didn't you say so?
I'll take that cinch-y job.

Oh, Fred!

Oh, Mr. Flintstone

would you like to see
your godchildren now?

You mean they were a pair?

(Fred)
'Better than a pair,
three of a kind.'

[all wailing]

[instrumental
"Rock-a-bye Baby"]

(Wilma)
'Oh, they're cute.
What are their names?'

What else?
Fred, Fred, and Fred.

Three Freds?
But isn't that confusing?

Yes, considering
that they're all girls.

Oh..

[both laughing]

[theme music]

[yawning]

[music continues]

clink

thud

slam

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma,
open this door!

Wilma-a!