The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 2, Episode 17 - A Star Is Almost Born - full transcript

Almost time to pick up Wilma,
and take her to the studio.

- Hmm. Now, lets see..
- Oh, Mr. Slate.

Oh, where?

Oh, Flintstone.

Uh, Mr. Slate, I don't
have time to explain

but I have to take
my wife somewhere

and I'd like to take
the rest of the day off.

Back to work, Flintstone
or you're fired.

Fired? I quit.
Who needs your stupid job.

[theme music]

[whistling]



[siren blaring]

[tires screeching]

[music continues]

crash

bang

thud

Wilma, do you think
Fred will like

all those clothes
you bought?

I hope not, Betty.

I might be tempted to keep them,
and we can't afford the money.

Hah! My Barney can't either.

But it's exciting, taking
things home on approval.

Mm-hm, and bringing
them back the next day.

Yeah. It's sad.



But it gives us something
to do with our afternoons.

[sighs]

You think that it'll
ever happen, Betty?

'Ever happen?'

That we'll ever be able to buy
expensive clothes and keep them?

'Ah! Miracles like that only
happen in the movies or TV.'

- Yeah. Say, I'm starved, Betty.
- Me too!

I got so carried away shopping,
I forgot all about lunch.

Hows about droppin'
in here for a snack?

(Wilma)
'"Showbiz Drug Store."'

'Oh, I read about this place
in a movie fan magazine.'

(Betty)
'Mm-hm.'

I-it's where young actors,
and actresses hang out.

Hopin' to be discovered.

Shall we go in, Betty?

Why not?
Maybe we'll be discovered.

[both laughing]

(Wilma)
'Oh, Betty, you're so funny.'

[guitar strumming]

(Betty)
'Oh, certainly is crowded.'

Oh, Wilma, there's one
down here at the end.

Well, you can have
my stool, ladies.

So you both can sit
together, like.

- Say, you act like a--
- O-on that TV show.

With the tall sheriff,
his deputy.

Could've had the part too.

But in the try outs,
I limped on my right foot

and the part called
for a left footed limper.

Oh, too bad!

Well, that's showbiz.

We'd like a menu, please.

- A menu?
- So we can order something.

Order?

Nobody orders in here.

All these people come here
just to sit around

waitin' to be discovered
by producers.

(Wilma)
'Oh, we didn't know.'

Tourists.

'Come on. We'll try
some place else.'

Maybe there's a place
down the street.

- Oops!
- Oops.

So sorry.

My fault entirely.

Nonsense, I rushed in and..

Perfect, the greatest.
Just what I need.

I beg your pardon?

The search is over.

Madam, I've found what I need
for my television program.

You're in television?

In it, madam?
I am television.

You must be
on my next show.

Must, must,
must, must.

mwah mwah mwah

Ugh! A real nut.
C'mon, let's get out of here.

(male #1)
'Believe me.
I mean what I say.'

Go away.

We can tell a phony,
when we see one.

(male #1)
'Phony?'

I'm the terrific,
super-extra-great,

world's biggest film
and TV producer

Norman Rockbind.

(Wilma and Betty together)
'The Norman Rockbind?'

(Wilma)
'The famous producer,
director, writer?'

Also, cameraman.

Rockbind trusts nobody.

Eh, my card.

(Wilma)
'"Norman Rockbind Genius."'

'It's true!'

A-a-and, and you really mean it,
Mr. Genius? I mean, Rockbind?

About wanting me
for your next show?

Ah, not wanting.
Needing!

I shall except you
at the TV Studio

next Friday at three,
for rehearsal.

Ah, I just can't believe it.

Me, Wilma Flintstone,
on a TV show!

Oh, not just a TV show.

A Rockbind Production.

Everyone of his productions
get Emmy Awards.

Even when he produces
the weather reports.

Bip dip bip bip
bip bip bi pi

Skippy dippy dip
bip bip bip bip

Right on time.

Lat nu tum tum
tum tara rum

Ra ta tara tiri ta tum

And now, for the championship
fight of the year.

Introducing the challenger,
at 253 pounds

Rocky Rockyano.

[audience cheering]

And in the other corner

the champion,
at 247 pounds

Ednuts Rockyogerson.

[audience cheering]

(man on TV)
'Alright, you guys.
When the bell rings'

'I want you to
really fight hard.'

And no stoppin'.

Except for occasional
commercials, okay?

Here we go, lads.

And good luck
to the both of you.

[bell rings]

bang bang bang

Come on, champ. You got him,
champ. Let him have it.

That's the way.

[audience cheering on TV]

(Wilma)
'Fred, the most
wonderful thing--'

Shh. The fight.
I got two bucks on the champ.

Come on, boy.
Come on, now.

But, Fred,
this is very impor--

Shh! It'll keep.
I can't hear the crunches.

- Come on, boy.
- But I have--

After. Later, Wilma, later!

Nothing could be
that important.

This is, to me.

You got him, champ!
Got him!

One, two, three

four, five, six, seven

eight, nine, ten.

You're out.

The winner, and still champion

Ednuts Rockyogerson.

Yee-yabba-dabba-doo!

I won! I won!

Fred, guess what
happened to me today--

Yahoo! I knew it!
I knew it!

(Betty)
'You did?'

You knew she'd be discovered?

(Fred)
'The champ had
to win. He, he..'

'Discovered?'

Didn't you tell Fred
the good news, Wilma?

I didn't want to interrupt
my husband's TV program.

What's this all about?

As you said, husband, it'll
keep. I've got to fix dinner.

What did she mean?

Well, uh, Wilma and Betty
were having lunch, and--

Wilma will tell him
when she gets around to it.

(Fred)
'Well, she better get around
to it in a hurry.'

Wilma, what's this all about?

(Wilma)
'Well, Betty and I went
to a certain drug store'

because we were hungry,
you know

shopping all morning
for cloth--

Get to the point already!
The discovery part.

I will, now don't rush me.

(Fred)
'I know how
you drag out stories.'

Just for that--

(Fred)
'Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
Honest I am'

So, go on. Tell me

Well, at this drug store,
uh..

The name Norman Rockbind
strike a bell with you?

The star maker in television?
Yeah, that rings a bell.

Well, I was sitting
at this counter and--

Yeah? Yeah?

(Fred)
'Yee-yabba-dabba-doo!'

Good old Fred.
He sure takes things small.

My dear wife, a star.

We'll have it made, be able
to buy things the hard way.

With cash!

I'm not a star yet, Fred.
Put me down.

You'll be a star, Wilma, with
Norman Rockbind directing you.

Can't miss.

I read, where Rockbind
make stars out of nobodies.

Or, uh, was it
the other way around?

We are on our way, honey.

We'll soon have
a mansion, a pool.

Two pools!
One to rinse off, he-heh..

Butlers, a private chef.

Our private chef isn't here yet,
and there's dinner to fix.

Oh, no, you don't.

We can't allow our star
of tomorrow to maybe redden up

her hands with detergents
which may perchance contain

harsh irritants.

Oh, we're expecting miracles
from Mr. Rockbind.

I have no talent.
I can't even act.

Well, maybe your part will be in
a western and you won't have to.

Now, will you stop
with that losing complex, Wilma?

If a genius like Norman Rockbind
says, you got it. You've got it!

He's never wrong.

Or maybe he's wrong
this time.

He can't be.
It's in his contract.

Well, he's gonna have his
hands full with me.

I can't sing, dance,
walk right or talk right.

(Barney)
'Well, uh, nobody's perfect.'

And you can learn
all that stuff.

In a week's time?

It's not impossible.

I saw a movie once
on the Early Late Show.

This girl couldn't do nothing

but they, uh, they brought
on all kinds of teachers..

(Wilma)
'And did they succeed?'

Well, I don't know.
They cut the ending off

because they had some
commercials left over.

Oh, what's the difference?

All that costs money
to pay for teachers and stuff.

Yeah.

We don't have it, and where can
we possibly get it?

Yeah.

Say, what about you two?
Betty? Barney?

(Betty)
'I gotta get home
and fix dinner.'

(Barney)
'Yeah, me too.'

Fred Flintstone, you can't ask
them to put up the money.

They're our best friends.

And who else would you
give the opportunity

to help discover
a new star, pray tell?

After all it's an investment.

thud

Betty.

Barney.

Oh, Betty!

(Betty)
'I'm taking a shower.'

Mm, I don't hear any water.

(Betty)
'You don't..'

'Oh, I forgot.'

[water gushing]

Betty, for just
a little money..

'I can't hear you
and we can't spare any!'

Mmm.

(Fred)
'Barney. Barney!'

- Shh. I'm asleep.
- May I use your phone?

Yeah, be my guest.

[dialing]

Hello, mother. Fred.

Your son-in-law.

No, Wilma's fine.
Gonna be a big star in TV.

All she needs
is the advance of some dough

to get her ready
for show number one.

That's why I called you.

For a couple of bucks, mom

you will get 50%
of Wilma's take.

'You'll make a fortune.'

'What? What, mom?'

'Why don't I let Barney buy
a piece of Wilma's future?'

'Well, it's too much
of a guaranteed thing'

'for a comparative stranger.'

(Barney)
'Hey, what do you mean
comparative stranger?'

- We've been friends for years.
- Ah, hold it, mom.

Sorry, I woke you up,
mister, uh, mister..

You know very well
who I am, Fred Flintstone.

Barney Rubble, and
if anybody should be allowed

to invest in Wilma's future,
it should be me.

'But this ain't no
itsy-bitsy venture, chum.'

'Walking lessons,
talking lessons'

'stuff like that
cost money.'

Uh, how much?

Well, uh,
just about this much.

Of course, everybody Rockbind
works with becomes a TV Star.

But there is
no real guarantee.

Hmm. That's right.

But if you're willing
to gamble, I am too, pal.

- Fred?
- Yeah?

You forgot to say
goodbye to Wilma's momma.

Oh, yeah, right.
You do it, partner.

I gotta arrange
for Wilma's talent lessons.

'Ain't much time left
before the rehearsal.'

Hello, Mrs., uh, momma?
Barney.

Fred says to say goodbye.

Uh, hello? Hello?

I guess she hung up.

No, no, no,
Madame Flintstone.

'Now, from the
beginning again.'

The ants in France
stay mainly on the plants.

- The ants in France--
- 'No, no, no!'

The ants in France,
with the mouth open.

Stay mainly on the plants.

Understand, madame?

(Wilma)
'Um, yes.'

Hey, I don't get it.

What's with these French ants
with their mouths open?

That's culture, you dope!

(male #1)
'From the beginning, madame.'

Now, get it right.
Will you, honey?

The TV rehearsals
is afternoon.

Boy, these lessons are costing
a gang of dough.

Uh, it's worth it, Barney.

Hey, 20 bucks an hour for
just to find out about ants--

Project the voice.

Throw it out!
Now, again

- The ants in France--
- Pear-shaped, pear-shaped.

- The pear-shaped ant--
- No, no, no!

Why always wrong? Why do
I continue to try to teach her?

- Why, why?
- For a 20 bucks an hour.

Yes. I guess, that's it.

I hope Mr. Rockbind's feel about
my talent is justified, Barney.

So the money
you and Betty invested

in my career will pay off.

If I didn't think
they'd get their dough back

I wouldn't have cut him in
as a partner for a mere 200.

200? You said 150
was all you'd need.

Eh, well, at the time, I didn't
figure on the porcupine milk.

(Wilma)
'Porcupine milk?'

Eh, for your complexion.

Latest beauty aid
from the film Capital.

Only glamor babes shower in it.

- Shower? How could--
- Very tall porcupines.

I say, shall we
have it a game, madame?

The ants in France.

The ants in France.

The word's round,
pear-shaped.

The ant in France--

Widen the mouth.
More open.

I can't open wider.

Not with these rocks on my head.

(Barney)
'Oh, I'll take 'em off.'

No, you got
rocks in your head?

We're paying
the posture teacher a fortune

so she can
land the walk classy.

Sorry, honey.

There are certain sacrifices
you gotta make.

So someday over your
dressing room will be a star.

- The ants--
- Your breathing?

Is that wrong too?

Wilma, time
for room-entering practice.

Oh, can't I rest
for a while? I am bushed.

You'll be able to rest
after the show tonight

when you're
on your way to stardom.

- I'll help you, Wilma.
- My money, Mr. Treasurer?

Uh, sure. Here.

Hey, the hour
isn't used up yet.

(male #1)
'I do not give refunds.'

The ants in France
stay mainly on the plants.

We still got ten minutes
coming to us, Fred.

I ain't wasting nothin'.

The ants in France
stay mainly on the plants.

Hey, Fred,
I think I've got it!

[laughing]

Ready for room-entering
practice, Wilma?

(Wilma)
'Ready.'

Okay, come in.

Well, how was it?

Not bad, but let's
try it again

and get a little more
skirt twirling into it.

Oh, what's the use?

Maybe the part I'd play
in Rockbind's show

calls for me to be seated
all during the program.

Yeah, we'll practice
room-entering later

when you got a series
of your own.

What's next
on the schedule, Betty?

Lets see now.
Oh, here it is.

Thank yous to TV audience
after show is over.

Yeah, that's very important.
I'll give you a cue.

And now our
latest terrific guest

and also great,
new television personality

Norman Rockbind's
newest discovery

Mrs. Fred Flintstone.

Thank you. You've been
a wonderful audience.

And goodnight.

mm-muah

How was that, Fred?

[mumbling]

Either you put a little less
energy in your kiss throwing

or get the band
on your wrist watch fixed.

Almost time to pick up Wilma,
and take her to the studio.

- Hmm. Now, lets see..
- Oh, Mr. Slate.

Oh, where?

Oh, Flintstone.

Uh, Mr. Slate, I don't
have time to explain

but I have to take
my wife somewhere

and I'd like to take
the rest of the day off.

Back to work, Flintstone
or you're fired.

Fired? I quit.
Who needs your stupid job.

Oh, my, but I
phoned Mrs. Flintstone

three times, Mr. Rockbind.
There was no answer at her home.

She's holding up our rehearsal.

Phone her again at once.
Do you hear or you're through?

Oh, yes, sir.
At once, sir. Yes, sir.

Well, I wouldn't let him
order me around like this.

Me, the sponsor.

If he didn't have
such a high rating

Here I am, Mr. Rockbind.
Oh, I'm so sorry I'm late.

I was just about to try
someone else for the part.

Now, Mrs. Flintstone.

Here's what I want you to do
at the end of act one.

(Fred)
'Hold it, Mr. Rockbind,
hold it!'

And who are you?

This is my husband,
Mr. Rockbind.

Also the gifted
young artist's manager

script advisor,
and business handler.

Ah, permit me
to present Mr. Rubble.

'Mrs. Flintstone's associate
in charge of finances.'

It's a thrill
to meet you, Mr. Rockbind.

My wife and I enjoy
every one of your productions.

Yes, I know.

We can't wait till the summer,
so we can see them again.

Now, you were saying,
Mr. Rockbind.

About my part
in tonight's show.

Eh, well, what I want
you to do, Mrs. Flintstone..

For the commercial,
our sponsor sells lotion.

When I first saw your wife's
hand I knew my search was over.

Oh, you're the lucky man,
Mr. Flintstone.

Your wife has perfect knuckles.

Now, my dear, when
the camera dolly's up close

on your hands, you just
turn your palm slowly.

You know, for suspen--

(Fred)
'Hold it! Hold it!'

The deal's off, Rockbind.

O-R-F, orf!

(Norman)
'Off? Are you nuts?'

I told my friends that
my wife's gonna be on TV.

All of her,
not just her hands.

But, Fred--

I'm not gonna have them laughing
at me in the bowling alley

just so you can show off
your glamorous knuckles.

(Wilma)
'And I say money is money.'

'I read where commercials
for Rockbind paid $200.'

- Who cares?
- I do!

Plus $20 a finger.
We can pay the Rubbles back.

Big deal and just rank even.

An exposure
on a Rockbind show

could lead to other
commercials-using-hand.

For detergent sponsors,
nail polish sponsors..

'All you need
is lovely cuticles.'

Don't laugh,
Mr. Manager of mine.

I read in TV Magazine that some
people who work in commercials

make as high
as $50,000 a year.

Well, I..

50,000?

Fred, where are you going?
Are we going back to the studio?

Yeah, but I'll call
from here first.

By that kinda dough, I'll
be glad to tell Rockbind

I'm wrong..

Hello, Federal Television Studio
and Sons?

Uh, Put me through
to Norman Rockbind, please.

I don't care
if he's in rehearsal.

This is a matter
of life or $200.

Now, I mean, hurry!

Hello, Norman?
Fred.

Yeah, that Fred.

Oh, uh, Mr. Rockbind,
I..

Oh, you did?
Oh..

- He got somebody else?
- Yeah.

Didn't take hardly no time.

He must've looked into yellow
pages on the lovely knuckles.

- I'm sorry, Wilma.
- So am I.

Now, we'll have to pay back
the Rubbles out of your salary.

Salary?

Maybe Mr. Slate can
use you for over time.

'You'll be able
to pay it back.'

- 'Anything wrong, Fred?'
- My job.

- At the gravel pit. It ain't..
- 'Ain't what?'

- Just ain't. I quit!
- 'Quit?'

I thought there was
a future being manager

of a television star.

Well, now that
that's just a dream

you'll just have to ask
Mr. Slate for your job back.

- Uh-uh.
- Uh-uh, you won't?

Uh-uh, I can't.

When I...resigned

I told Mr. Slate
off in spades.

'Stop the car, Fred.'

[tires screeching]

You're not walking out
on me, are you, Wilma?

'No. I'll see you
back home...later.'

bang

(Mr. Slate)
'Well, Mrs. Flintstone'

'I guess that explains
your husband's attitude.'

And it is quite commendable

that he'd want
to improve his lot in life.

Well, under the circumstances,
I can be big about Fred.

Tell him he can come back
to work in the morning.

Would you mind phoning him
and telling, Mr. Slate?

He he he.
Of course, I understand.

A man doesn't like to think
his wife saved his job for him.

Especially a
proud man like Fred.

Thank you, Mr. Slate,
very, very much.

[telephone ringing]

Hello, Wilma.

(Mr. Slate)
'Hello, Flintstone.'

Oh! Hello, Mr. Slate.

'Come back to work
in the morning.'

- What?
- 'Come back to work..'

Oh, thank you very,
very much, Mr. Slate.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
First thing in the morning.

Bright and early!

Well, what do you know?
Ha ha ha.

(Barney)
'Fred. Oh, Fred.'

Guess what?
About that TV business--

You'll get every dime
you laid out, Barney.

- I got my job back.
- Job?

Mr. Slate just called.
He wants me back.

I'm gone just
a few short hours

and his business
starts goin' apart.

Smart man, Mr. Slate.

Now he realizes he can't do
without little, old Freddie.

Ha ha ha ha.

So, I'll go back
but under my conditions.

'Conditions?'

When you've got the boss over
a barrel, you twist the screws.

See, he'll agree to my terms
for coming back or else..

[laughing]

Fred. Oh, Fred.

(Barney)
'He's not here, Wilma.'

Barney, what are
you doing here?

Well, I came to tell about..

Well, Mr. Rockbind got somebody
else for the commercial

I know, I know,
but where is Fred?

Well, he went to see Mr. Slate
to give him the conditions.

Oh. Conditions?

Under which Fred
will agree to return to work.

Oh, no!

'Mr. Slate, I appreciate you'd
like me working for you again.'

However before I go there's
something I must tell you.

- Yes, Flintstone.
- Well, Mr. Slate..

I had to do it, Fred,
so that you could keep your job.

And keep me from making
a bigger fool of myself.

You know, honey, there's
something I just discovered.

- Yes. What?
- You do have nice knuckles.

Oh, Fred,
you're so romantic.

Fred, Wilma, I just
stopped over to tell you--

Shh. We wanna see
the Rockbind show.

Just the commercial. We wanna
see whose hands they're using.

- But that's--
- Quiet! It's just starting.

And now,
playhouse Rockbind

brought to you
by Softie Skin Lotion.

The lotion that makes your hand
so soft, they're almost mushy.

(man on TV)
'Ladies, you too can have
lovely hands like this.'

(Wilma)
'That's Betty.'

(Barney)
'That's what
I came to tell you.'

'When you
wouldn't take the job'

'Rockbind saw
Betty's hands and..'

She's gonna
make all that dough!

Well, that's one way
of getting back the money

that Barney
put for my TV debut.

That didn't get to happen.

Yeah, Fred. Thanks.
Thanks for everything.

Betty's getting exactly
what it cost me for..

You know, them "French ants
in the plants" stuff.

(Fred)
'You're kidding!'

Betty deserves twice that for
filling in at the last minute.

And I'm gonna get
Rockbind to cough up or--

(Barney and Wilma together)
'No, you don't, Fred!'

thud

(man on TV)
'Ladies, do you have red hands?'

'Then watch
this simple experiment.'

No, no. I'm telling you,
you're being rough!

Let me up!

Rockbind's a robber!
You, you..

Steady, Fred, steady.

[laughing]

[theme music]

[yawning]

thud

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma,
open this door!

Wilma!