The Fall Guy (1981–1986): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Human Torch - full transcript
♪ WELL, I'M NOT THE
KIND TO KISS AND TELL ♪
♪ BUT I'VE BEEN
SEEN WITH FARRAH ♪
♪ I'VE NEVER BEEN
WITH ANYTHING LESS ♪
♪ THAN A NINE SO FINE ♪
♪ I'VE BEEN ON FIRE
WITH SALLY FIELD ♪
♪ GONE FAST WITH
A GIRL NAMED BO ♪
♪ BUT SOMEHOW THEY
JUST DON'T END UP AS MINE ♪
♪ IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN'
LIFE I LEAD ♪
♪ I TAKE MY CHANCES ♪
♪ I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN
THE MOVIES AND TV ♪
[Siren Wailing]
♪ BUT THE HARDEST
THING I EVER DO ♪
♪ IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES ♪
♪ KISS SOME OTHER GUY
WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE ♪
♪ I MIGHT FALL FROM
A TALL BUILDIN' ♪
♪ I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪
♪ THAT MADE
REDFORD SUCH A STAR ♪
♪♪ [Women Vocalizing]
♪ I'VE NEVER SPENT
MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL ♪
♪ BUT I'VE TAUGHT
LADIES PLENTY ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY
BODY OUT FOR PAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I'VE GOTTEN BURNED
OVER CHERYL TIEGS ♪
♪ BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN
THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I MIGHT JUMP AN
OPEN DRAWBRIDGE ♪
♪ OR TARZAN FROM A VINE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪
♪ THAT MAKES EASTWOOD
LOOK SO FINE ♪♪
[Colt Narrating] THIS IS THE STORY OF
ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT
YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR
HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM,
WOMEN HAVE WANTED
TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY
CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN'
SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS...
WELL, BECAUSE IT'S
ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T
WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A
GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO
WAIT BY THE PHONE...
AND WAIT... AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL
JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM...
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,
WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES
A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE...
GET OUT OF JAIL ON
WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN. I SOMETIMES
PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM...
AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
BUT TODAY I'M THE RED
BARON... YOU'VE HEARD OF HIM...
AND I'M OUT LOOKIN'
FOR MY 67th KILL.
WE'LL LET YOU KNOW
WHEN WE'RE READY, DANNY.
ALL RIGHT, COLT. NOW
THIS ONE'S FOR REAL.
- OKAY, DANNY, HERE COME
THE BAD GUYS. ROLL CAMERA.
- ACTION!
[Machine Gun Fire]
AND ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST.
HI.
HI. HI, JACK.
WHERE'S COLT? WHERE ELSE?
[Machine Gun Fire]
[Machine Gun Fire]
- THAT LOOKS AWFULLY DANGEROUS.
- THAT'S WHY WE GET PAID
THE BIG BUCKS, JACK.
DON'T WORRY, JACK. HE
KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.
CUT! BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL, COLT!
- YOU OKAY, COLT?
- YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT, JODY. THANKS.
NEXT TIME WE DO THIS, THOUGH,
I GOTTA ASK FOR SOFTER DIRT.
WELL, WHAT DID YOU
THINK, JACK? UH, WELL,
ARE YOU COMPLETELY
OUT OF YOUR MIND, COLT?
WELL, I OFTEN ASK MYSELF
THAT... WHEN I'M WORKIN' FOR YOU.
[Laughs] VERY
FUNNY. YOU'RE FUNNY.
NOW LISTEN, IF YOU DON'T
WANNA WORK FOR ME,
THERE ARE PLENTY OF
OTHER PEOPLE I CAN USE.
WAIT A MINUTE. WE DIDN'T SAY THAT.
YEAH, WE LIKE WORKING FOR YOU.
HOLD ON, YOU TWO. JUST WHO DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD GET TO WORK FOR YOU, BIG JACK?
WELL, UM, THERE'S ROBO WILSON.
ROBO? THE MAN'S GOT BRAIN
DAMAGE. HE COULDN'T TURN HIMSELF IN.
THERE'S ALWAYS BETTY WOODRUFF.
SHE'S VERY COMPETENT. ARE YOU KIDDING?
SHE'S STILL EXPECTING A BABY FROM THE
LAST GUY SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BRING BACK.
[Big Jack] YOU'RE
ALL SO CYNICAL.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, SHE GOT
MARRIED LAST WEEK... IN SAN QUENTIN.
HOW ROMANTIC.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S ENOUGH KIDDING.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE
LET HER OFF THE HOOK...
- AND TAKE THE CASE WITHOUT
A FIGHT THIS TIME, HUH?
- DO YOU MEAN IT?
YEAH, WE PROBABLY STILL OWE YOU ONE
AFTER ALL THE MONEY WE COST YOU SO FAR.
- YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU DO.
- JACK, YOU'RE SO GRACIOUS.
AW.
HIS NAME IS EMMETT JACKSON.
HE WAS ARRESTED ON ARSON.
HIS COURT DATE WAS LAST
WEEK, BUT HE DIDN'T SHOW.
YOU SURE THIS GUY
JUST BURNS HOUSES?
LOOKS LIKE HE HAUNTS 'EM.
OH, I THINK HE'S SWEET LOOKIN'.
SWEET?
HE LOOKS LIKE HE COULD BE THE
POSTER BOY FOR PLANNED PARENTHOOD.
COLT, WHAT'S HAPPENED
TO YOUR COMPASSION?
HE WAS AFRAID AND ALONE. AND BESIDES,
THE ONLY EVIDENCE AGAINST EMMETT...
IS THAT HE WAS NEAR THE
BUILDING AT THE TIME OF THE FIRE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE
WE CAN FIND THIS GUY NOW?
HE WAS SEEN THREE WEEKS AGO
IN HIS HOMETOWN, FEDERALSBURG,
BY ROBERT SIMMONS, AN INSURANCE
INVESTIGATOR WORKING ON THE CASE.
WELL, DID THIS GUY
SIMMONS TALK TO JACKSON?
- I GUESS SO.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GUESS SO?
- YOU DIDN'T CONTACT
THE INVESTIGATOR?
- WELL, I TRIED, BUT...
BUT WHAT?
NO ONE HAS HEARD FROM
HIM SINCE HE SPOTTED EMMETT.
[Howie] I CAN'T EVEN FIND
THIS PLACE ON THE MAP.
[Colt] I DREW A
CIRCLE AROUND IT.
[Howie] OH, YEAH. THAT'S
A VERY SMALL CIRCLE.
WELL, IT'S A VERY SMALL TOWN.
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF
THIS MISSING INVESTIGATOR?
I DON'T KNOW, KID.
SEEMS STRANGE TO ME...
I MEAN, THE INSURANCE
COMPANY NOT EVEN
WANTING TO TALK ABOUT HIM.
WELL, INSURANCE COMPANIES DON'T LIKE
TO GIVE OUT INFORMATION ABOUT ANYBODY.
BUT THAT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM.
OUR JOB IS TO FIND EMMETT JACKSON.
YEAH. THAT WAS THE
INVESTIGATOR'S JOB TOO.
[Howie] BATES MOTEL... WHERE
HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE?
WELL, FOR SURE, IT WASN'T
IN THE TRIPLE "A" TOUR GUIDE.
WHAT A DUMP. [Dings]
WHEN YOU'RE THE ONLY
MOTEL IN TOWN, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
KEEPIN' UP AN APPEARANCE.
[Dinging]
[Dinging Continues]
I'M SLOW, NOT DEAF.
I'M SORRY. I WAS JUST
ADMIRING YOUR ANIMALS.
- THEY'RE DEAD.
- I NOTICED.
- WE'D LIKE A ROOM.
- REGULAR OR DELUXE?
- WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
- DELUXE HAS GOT
A LOCK ON THE DOOR.
- DELUXE.
- SIGN IN.
[Dog Howling In Distance]
DO YOU RECALL IF A MAN NAMED ROBERT
SIMMONS STAYED HERE ABOUT THREE WEEKS AGO?
SIMMONS?
- DON'T RECALL THE NAME.
- YOU DON'T MIND IF I TAKE A
LOOK AT YOUR REGISTER, DO YA?
- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
- HERE IT IS. ROBERT SIMMONS.
IT SAYS HE STAYED THREE
DAYS AND THEN LEFT.
OH, YEAH. NOW I
REMEMBER. STRANGE MAN.
- ASKED A LOT OF QUESTIONS.
- ABOUT EMMETT JACKSON?
YOU'RE IN CABIN 14.
UH, WE'RE, UH... WE'RE
FRIENDS OF EMMETT'S.
WE THOUGHT MAYBE YOU MIGHT
BE ABLE TO TELL US WHERE...
CHECKOUT TIME'S 11:00.
11:00. THANK YOU.
[Wind Gusting]
[Thunderclap]
NOW I REMEMBER WHAT
THE BATES MOTEL IS.
- IT'S THE PLACE IN...
- I KNOW, PSYCHO.
PSYCHO WAS A MOVIE, KID.
I MEAN, IT WAS NOT REAL.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE NOT.
BUT I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING... YOU'RE
NOT GONNA CATCH ME TAKIN' A SHOWER.
[Thunderclap]
[Dog Howling]
[Thunderclap]
[Thunderclap]
[Clatters]
COLT? HUH?
WELL, HE'S GONE, WHOEVER HE WAS.
SORRY, COLT. LOOKS LIKE
THESE ARE WHAT HE WAS AFTER.
AND I DON'T MIND
TELLIN' YOU, I'M RELIEVED.
ANYTHING MISSING?
NO.
LOOKS LIKE OUR VISITOR WAS
ONLY INTERESTED IN OUR I.D.'s.
- WHY? BECAUSE WE
ASKED ABOUT EMMETT?
- YEAH, OR SIMMONS.
YOU KNOW, COLT, SUDDENLY
I'M NOT SO RELIEVED AFTER ALL.
[Sighs]
[Howie] NICE HOUSE. [Colt] YEAH,
IF YOU'RE MAKIN' A HORROR MOVIE.
[Howie] I'M GLAD YOU SAID THAT.
[Doorbell Rings] MAYBE WE'LL GET
LUCKY AND NOBODY'LL BE HOME.
[Creaks]
HI THERE. UH, IS
MRS. JACKSON IN?
I THINK HE WANTS
US TO FOLLOW HIM.
I THINK HE WANTS US TO WAIT.
WE'LL, UH... WE'LL WAIT HERE.
WHAT A WEIRD DUDE
THAT WAS. WHOA.
THEY DON'T MAKE PLACES LIKE THIS ANYMORE,
DO THEY? THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT.
I AM MRS. JACKSON.
MRS. JACKSON, I'M COLT SEAVERS.
THIS IS MY COUSIN, HOWIE MUNSON.
IF YOU TOLD MY SERVANT
ETHAN THE NATURE OF YOUR VISIT,
I'M AFRAID HE WAS UNABLE
TO COMMUNICATE IT TO ME.
YOU SEE, HE HAS BEEN DEAF
AND SPEECHLESS SINCE BIRTH.
WE'RE HERE TO SEE
YOUR SON, EMMETT.
- EMMETT?
- WELL, YES, MA'AM.
WE WORK FOR THE COURT
OF LOS ANGELES COUNTY.
YOU SEE, HE WAS DUE TO STAND
TRIAL LAST WEEK, AND HE DIDN'T APPEAR.
IS THIS SOME CRUEL HOAX?
THIS IS NO HOAX, MRS. JACKSON.
YOUR SON WAS ARRESTED MONTHS
AGO AND RELEASED ON BOND.
- I AM QUITE AWARE OF THAT.
- WELL, THEN YOU UNDERSTAND
WHY WE NEED TO TALK TO HIM.
I DON'T WISH TO
DISCUSS IT ANY FURTHER.
PLEASE LEAVE.
LOOK, I'M SURE YOU THINK
YOU'RE PROTECTING EMMETT,
BUT WE'RE GONNA FIND
HIM SOONER OR LATER.
IT WOULD BE EASIER FOR EVERYBODY
ALL AROUND IF YOU'D HELP US FIND HIM.
YOU WANT ME TO TELL
YOU WHERE TO FIND HIM?
- YES, MA'AM.
- ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TELL YOU.
GO TO THE CORNER OF
MAPLE AND FENWICK STREETS.
HE'LL BE THERE.
AND I ASSURE YOU, HE
WILL GIVE YOU NO PROBLEMS.
COLT, YOU KNOW THAT BAD
FEELING I HAD AT THE MOTEL?
YEAH? WELL, IT WAS EVEN
STRONGER AT MRS. JACKSON'S HOUSE.
DON'T LET YOUR IMAGINATION
GET THE BEST OF YOU.
IT WASN'T MY IMAGINATION.
IT WAS A GUT FEELING.
[Pedal Thumps]
- [Howie] WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- I GOT A GUT FEELING
OUR BRAKES ARE GONE.
WHAT?
[Tires Squealing] [Honking]
- [Pedal Thumps]
- [Honking]
- [Tires Squealing]
- HANG ON.
I'M GONNA USE THE GEARS
AND THAT HILL TO STOP US.
THAT WAS ONE GREAT
PIECE OF DRIVING, COLT.
WELL, STUNT WORK WILL EITHER
KILL YA OR SAVE YOUR LIFE.
WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED ANYWAY?
LOOKS LIKE THE
BRAKE LINES ARE LOOSE.
[Grunts] SHOULDN'T TAKE
MUCH TO TIGHTEN 'EM UP.
YEAH, WOULDN'T TAKE
MUCH TO LOOSEN 'EM EITHER.
YOU KNOW, THEY WERE FINE UNTIL
WE WENT TO MRS. JACKSON'S HOUSE.
I'M TELLING YOU, THERE'S SOMETHING
NOT RIGHT ABOUT THAT PLACE.
DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING...
IF THEY COME LOOSE AGAIN, I'LL KNOW
SOMEBODY TOOK A WRENCH TO 'EM.
[Grunts] GET SOME FLUID
OUT OF THE BACK, WILL YA?
[Howie] MAYBE MRS. JACKSON
GAVE US THE WRONG ADDRESS.
OR THERE AGAIN,
MAYBE SHE DIDN'T.
FIRST THE MOTEL,
THEN THE OLD HOUSE,
THEN THE HAIR-RAISING RIDE
AND NOW IT'S A CEMETERY.
WELL, MAYBE FEDERALSBURG
ISN'T SUCH A DULL TOWN AFTER ALL.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TAKE A LOOK?
IF I LIKED GRAVEYARDS, I WOULD'VE
GONE TO MORTUARY COLLEGE.
- THEY'RE NOT MY FAVORITE
PLACES EITHER.
- WHOA!
KINDA JUMPY, AREN'T YA, FELLA?
I... I DIDN'T MEAN TO STARTLE YA.
NO.
UH, HE'S JUST, UH, SEEN
TOO MANY MOVIES. [Chuckles]
WELL, SHOOT, I'VE
BEEN CARETAKER HERE...
FOR NIGH ON TO 40 YEARS.
I... I STILL GET GOOSE BUMPS.
CAN I HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING?
UH, NO, NO. UH, YES. WE'RE
LOOKIN' FOR EMMETT JACKSON.
JACKSON? OH, YOU CAN JUST
ABOUT SPIT ON HIM FROM HERE.
HE'S OVER THERE UNDER
THAT NEW MOUND OF DIRT.
RIGHT OVER THERE. THANK YOU.
[Colt] LOOKS LIKE
WE FOUND OUR MAN.
[Colt] WELL, I'VE NEVER HAD A
BAIL JUMPER DIE ON ME BEFORE.
- WELL, I GUESS THIS MEANS
WE CAN GO HOME NOW, HUH?
- I GUESS IT DOES.
HOWDY, SHERIFF.
WELL, GUESS YOU BOYS
FOUND WHAT YOU WERE AFTER.
YEAH, THAT WE DID. UH-HUH.
WE GOT A CALL FROM MRS. JACKSON.
SEEMS YOU BOYS SCARED HER PRETTY BADLY.
WE DON'T LIKE TO SEE MRS.
JACKSON SCARED OR UPSET.
SHE'S A VERY IMPORTANT
CITIZEN OF THIS COMMUNITY.
WE DIDN'T KNOW HER SON
WAS DEAD. WELL, NOW YOU DO,
SO I SUGGEST YOU
MOVE ON OUT OF TOWN.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE PROBLEM, SHERIFF.
YOU SEE, I HAVE A FUGITIVE
WARRANT FOR THIS MAN,
AND I'LL NEED A COPY OF THE DEATH
CERTIFICATE TO SATISFY THE COURT.
YOU UNDERSTAND.
ALL RIGHT. YOU GET WHAT YOU
NEED, THEN GET OUT OF TOWN.
YOU GOT IT, SHERIFF.
LET'S GO, KID.
BOUNTY HUNTER.
IT WAS A LOVELY FUNERAL.
MOST OF THE TOWN CAME.
MS. JACKSON SPARED NO EXPENSE.
THE LINING WAS OF PURE
SILK FROM HONG KONG.
THAT'S THE BEST, YOU KNOW.
MR. MORTON, IT SAYS HERE
ON THE DEATH CERTIFICATE...
THAT EMMETT DIED THREE
WEEKS AGO OF NATURAL CAUSES.
OH, YES. MY, WHAT A TRAGEDY.
HOW SHE LOVED THAT BOY. SHE
SPARED NO EXPENSE, NO EXPENSE AT ALL.
WHAT NATURAL
CAUSES DID HE DIE OF?
UM, KIDNEY FAILURE I THINK.
YES, I THINK THAT'S
WHAT MS. JACKSON SAID.
YES, IT WAS KIDNEY FAILURE.
MRS. JACKSON SAID?
LOOK, YOU ARE THE COUNTY MEDICAL
EXAMINER AS WELL AS THE MORTICIAN.
- DIDN'T YOU PERFORM AN AUTOPSY?
- OH, NO, INDEED.
MS. JACKSON WOULD NEVER STAND TO
SEE HER SON CUT UP IN LITTLE PIECES.
OH, MY, NO. YEAH, WELL, THANKS,
MR. MORTON. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU'RE QUITE WELCOME. AND IF EVER I CAN
BE OF ANY OTHER KIND OF SERVICE TO YOU...
OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE
OF YOU, BUT... I DON'T THINK SO.
MM-MMM. NOT RIGHT NOW ANYWAY.
MAN, AM I GLAD THIS IS DONE WITH, SO
WE CAN HEAD OUT OF THIS FUNNY FARM.
YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
HE SAID KIND OF BOTHERS ME.
COLT, EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED
SINCE WE HIT THIS TOWN HAS BOTHERED ME.
YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, HE SAID
EMMETT DIED THREE WEEKS AGO.
THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE ANYBODY'S
HEARD FROM THAT INSURANCE INVESTIGATOR.
COME ON, COLT. YOU SAID OUR JOB WAS TO
FIND EMMETT JACKSON, NOT THE INVESTIGATOR.
[Engine Starts] NOW WE FOUND
HIM. CAN'T WE GO HOME?
YEAH, SURE, KID. RIGHT
AFTER WE GET A BITE TO EAT.
♪♪ [Rock On Radio]
WELL, YOU TWO SURE 86'ed
THOSE STEAKS IN A HURRY.
WE HAVEN'T EATEN SINCE WE
CAME INTO TOWN LAST NIGHT.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM? L.A.
[Chuckles] WELL, YOU COULDN'T BE
IN FEDERALSBURG FOR PLEASURE.
- IT MUST BE BUSINESS.
- WE CAME HERE LOOKIN' FOR
A GUY NAMED EMMETT JACKSON.
EXCEPT WE FOUND OUT HE
DIED. YEAH, THREE WEEKS AGO.
WHAT DID EMMETT DO IN LOS
ANGELES, BURN DOWN THE COLISEUM?
WELL, HE WAS ARRESTED
FOR ARSON. FIGURES.
EVER SINCE EMMETT WAS A KID,
HE'S BEEN BURNIN' DOWN SOMETHING.
HE SET FIRE TO THE
SCHOOL, THE BANK.
[Chuckling] HE EVEN SET FIRE
TO THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
IT BURNED DOWN TO THE GROUND WITH
THE FIRE ENGINES STILL LOCKED UP INSIDE.
SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT KID. OH, HE
DIDN'T GET ANY BETTER WHEN HE GREW UP.
FOR A WHILE HE
HAD A CRUSH ON ME.
WHEN I WOULDN'T GO OUT WITH HIM,
HE BURNED MY FOLKS' HOME DOWN.
- WHAT DID THE SHERIFF
DO ABOUT THAT?
- TO A JACKSON?
DID YOU SEE THAT BIG OIL
REFINERY OUTSIDE TOWN?
YEAH.
WELL, THE JACKSONS OWN THAT,
AND MOST OF THE TOWN WORKS AT IT.
WHICH MEANS THAT THE JACKSONS CAN
PRETTY MUCH DO ANYTHING THEY WANT.
OH, MRS. JACKSON ALWAYS PAID TO
REPLACE ANYTHING THAT EMMETT BURNED,
SO NO ONE EVER REALLY LOST OUT.
YEAH, WE MET MRS. JACKSON TODAY.
SHE'S A WEIRD ONE, HUH? SOMETIMES I THINK
SHE'S EVEN WEIRDER THAN EMMETT EVER WAS.
SOME PEOPLE THINK
THAT MRS. JACKSON...
USED TO HELP EMMETT
SET SOME OF THOSE FIRES.
I'M JUST AS GLAD
WE'RE LEAVIN' TOWN.
WELL, Y'ALL HAVE
A NICE TRIP HOME,
AND IF YOU EVER COME
BACK TO FEDERALSBURG,
MY NAME'S SALLY.
MAYBE THIS PLACE
ISN'T SO BAD AFTER ALL.
GET THE CHECK, WILL YA? COME ON.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WELL, YOU GOT THE...
WAIT A MINUTE, COLT.
[Howie] WELL, WITH EMMETT DEAD, AT
LEAST BIG JACK'S OFF THE HOOK FOR HIS BAIL.
[Horn Honking]
[Honking] [Tires Squealing]
IS THAT LUNATIC TRYIN'
TO PASS US ON THIS ROAD?
[Squealing Continues]
MY BRAKES DON'T
WORK! I CAN'T STOP!
COLT, DID YOU HEAR THAT? SHE
LOST HER BRAKES. I KNOW THE FEELIN'.
- HELP ME!
- HERE, TAKE THE WHEEL, KID.
STAY CLOSE TO HER, AND WHEN I GET
INSIDE HER CAR, USE THE TRUCK TO STOP US.
OKAY. BE CAREFUL,
COLT. YEAH, YOU BET.
GOOD AFTERNOON, MA'AM.
COME ON, KID.
[Tires Squealing]
YOU OKAY? [Chuckles]
FINE, THANKS.
- IS EVERYONE ALL RIGHT?
- YEAH, WE'RE OKAY.
GOOD JOB, KID. YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING.
HOW DID YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THAT?
[Howie] UH, WE DO A LOT OF
DRIVING IN OUR BUSINESS.
LUCKY FOR ME. I'M
ROBIN SIMMONS. HI.
COLT SEAVERS.
ANY RELATION TO ROBERT SIMMONS,
THE INSURANCE INVESTIGATOR?
YEAH. DO YOU KNOW MY
FATHER? WELL, WE KNOW OF HIM.
WE CAME HERE TO FIND
EMMETT JACKSON TOO.
YOU DIDN'T JUST COME FROM
SEEING MRS. JACKSON, DID YOU?
- HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
- WELL, WE WENT TO VISIT HER AND
LEFT WITHOUT OUR BRAKES TOO.
[Robin] SOME COINCIDENCE,
HUH? YOU KNOW, WE NEED TO TALK.
WHY DON'T YOU GO WITH US IN OUR
TRUCK. WE'LL GET YOUR CAR LATER.
♪♪ [Rock On Radio]
[Howie] COFFEE? PLEASE.
COFFEE? YEAH.
THREE COFFEES,
PLEASE, SALLY. HI, SALLY.
I THOUGHT SHE LIKED YOU. YEAH.
- BET YOU'RE SURPRISED
TO SEE US BACK SO SOON, HUH?
- [Coffee Pouring]
SALLY, IS SOMETHING WRONG?
LOOK, I GOTTA LIVE IN THIS TOWN.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE SAME KIND OF
REACTION MY FATHER GOT AROUND HERE.
[Howie] APPARENTLY, THE JACKSONS
HAVE A STRONG FOLLOWING.
DAD CALLED ME FROM A PHONE BOOTH ON THE
LAST NIGHT THAT ANYONE HAD HEARD FROM HIM.
HE SAID HE SPOTTED EMMETT
JACKSON HEADED TOWARD THE REFINERY.
HE WAS GOIN' AFTER HIM.
WHAT NIGHT WAS THAT?
DECEMBER 10. DECEMBER 10.
KID, SHOW HER THE
DEATH CERTIFICATE.
ARE YOU SURE IT WAS
DECEMBER 10? I'M POSITIVE.
EMMETT JACKSON DIED OF KIDNEY
FAILURE ON THE AFTERNOON OF DECEMBER 10.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. MY FATHER
SAW HIM THAT NIGHT... ALIVE.
I KNEW THIS CASE
WASN'T GONNA BE EASY.
YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE
GOOD ADVICE, DO YOU, MR. SEAVERS?
HI, SHERIFF. NICE
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU AND
YOUR FRIEND TO GET OUT OF TOWN.
IT'S JUST HARD LEAVING
SUCH A FRIENDLY PLACE.
WELL, I'M GIVIN' YOU FAIR
WARNING, MR. SEAVERS.
IF YOU'RE NOT OUT OF HERE IN 20 MINUTES,
IT'S LIABLE TO GET VERY UNFRIENDLY.
SHERIFF, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? WHY
ARE YOU IN SUCH A HURRY TO SEE US GO?
WELL, NOW LET'S JUST SAY THAT I
CARE ABOUT THE GOOD IN THIS TOWN.
THE GOOD OF THE TOWN, OR
THE GOOD OF MRS. JACKSON?
WELL, NOW IF YOU WERE AS
SMART AS YOU THINK YOU ARE,
YOU'D HAVE FIGURED
THAT OUT BY NOW.
THEY'RE ONE AND THE SAME.
GET THE CHECK, KID.
UH, COLT, NOW ARE
WE GONNA LEAVE TOWN?
I GUESS THIS MEANS WE'RE NOT.
SINCE WHEN DO WE LEAVE TOWN
BECAUSE SOMEBODY TELLS US TO?
- DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE GONNA
HELP ME FIND MY FATHER?
- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
NOW LOOK, WE'RE NOT
DETECTIVES. WE'RE BOUNTY HUNTERS.
BUT THERE COMES A TIME WHEN A
LITTLE DETECTING NEVER HURT ANYBODY.
- EXCEPT MAYBE NOW.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WE'VE GOT VISITORS
RIGHT ON OUR TAIL.
- [Robin] MAYBE THEY JUST WANNA PASS.
- I DOUBT IT.
[Tires Squealing]
[Howie] COLT, THE WHOLE
TRUCK COULD BLOW ANY SECOND!
[Robin] WE GOTTA BAIL OUT! I CAN'T
LET MY TRUCK BLOW UP! HOLD ON!
WELL, I'LL TELL YA, IF THAT WAS
MEANT TO GET US OUT OF TOWN TODAY,
THEY MADE A BIG MISTAKE.
WHY, BECAUSE YOU'RE MAD?
NO, IT'S GONNA TAKE TWO
DAYS TO FIX MY TRUCK.
[Dog Howling]
[Shoveling]
AW, I'M TELLING YA,
THIS IS NOT RIGHT.
YEAH, WELL, JUST
KEEP DIGGIN', HUH?
IT'S ILLEGAL, COLT, NOT TO
MENTION DISRESPECTFUL.
[Thunderclap]
- I KNEW THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
- DO WE HAVE TO BE DOING THIS?
ISN'T THERE SOMETHING
ELSE WE COULD BE DOING?
LOOK, JUST BECAUSE THE HEADSTONE
SAYS EMMETT JACKSON'S BURIED HERE,
THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT HE IS.
YOU MEAN, MAYBE MY
FATHER... I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
I JUST WANNA MAKE SURE THAT
EMMETT'S WHERE HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
COLT, I THINK I HIT SOMETHING.
- MAYBE YOU BETTER NOT LOOK.
- YOU'RE RIGHT. I DON'T THINK
I WANNA SEE THIS.
I MEANT ROBIN.
OH. I'M OKAY.
[Screams]
[Robin] OH, MY GOD! IT'S
A DUMMY. [Thunderclap]
YEAH, AN UGLY DUMMY.
I'D HATE TO SEE THE DEPARTMENT
STORE WINDOW THAT GUY ESCAPED FROM.
COLT, HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT
EMMETT WASN'T BURIED HERE?
WELL, I DIDN'T. I JUST KNEW
SOMETHING WAS WRONG...
WHEN THE WHOLE TOWN GETS JUMPY JUST
BECAUSE YOU MENTION A DEAD MAN'S NAME.
WELL, WE STILL DON'T KNOW THAT HE'S
NOT DEAD. WE HAVE A DEATH CERTIFICATE.
YEAH, WELL, DEATH
CERTIFICATES CAN BE FORGED.
IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA IF YOU WANNA
THROW THE LAW OFF YOUR TRAIL.
BUT IF EMMETT IS DEAD, I CAN'T THINK
OF ONE GOOD REASON WHY HE ISN'T HERE.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE
FUNERAL? WOULDN'T THE
WHOLE TOWN KNOW THAT
THEY BURIED A MANNEQUIN?
WELL, NOT IF IT WAS A
CLOSED-CASKET CEREMONY.
WELL, WE DIDN'T FIND EMMETT,
BUT AT LEAST WE DIDN'T
FIND MY FATHER EITHER.
AS FAR AS WE KNOW,
THEY'RE BOTH STILL ALIVE.
ROBIN, WHY DON'T YOU
GO ON BACK TO THE MOTEL.
HOWIE AND I'VE GOTTA TALK TO THE
LAST PERSON THAT SAW EMMETT DEAD.
COME ON, KID. GIVE ME
A HAND WITH THIS THING.
COME DOWN HERE.
[Gasps] YOU RECOGNIZE
HIM, MR. MORTON?
I THOUGHT THAT ONE OF
MY PEOPLE HAD ARISEN.
IT'S THE FEAR OF EVERY MORTICIAN.
GOT ANY IDEA WHERE WE FOUND IT?
I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT I DO NOT.
WELL, IT WAS BURIED INSIDE
EMMETT JACKSON'S COFFIN.
INSIDE EMMETT'S COFFIN?
THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS
THING I EVER HEARD IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
HOW DID YOU KNOW WHAT IS
INSIDE EMMETT JACKSON'S COFFIN?
- WE DUG IT UP.
- YOU DUG IT UP?
THAT IS AGAINST THE
LAW, MR. SEAVERS.
YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
YEAH, WELL, SO ARE YOU.
NOW WHERE'S EMMETT?
HE WASN'T IN HIS COFFIN?
I JUST SAID THE MANNEQUIN WAS.
THERE ISN'T ROOM FOR BOTH OF THEM.
EMMETT'S BODY GONE?
- WELL, THIS IS TERRIBLE.
- YOU MEAN YOU REALLY
DID BURY HIM?
I'VE BEEN THE MORTICIAN IN
THIS TOWN FOR OVER 20 YEARS,
AND NO ONE HAS EVER SAID
THAT I HAVE NOT BURIED A BODY.
AND NO ONE IS ACCUSING
YOU NOW, MR. MORTON.
GRAVE ROBBING IS A VERY
SERIOUS OFFENSE, MR. SEAVERS.
WAIT. ALL THAT WAS IN THAT
GRAVE WAS THAT MANNEQUIN.
YOU SHOULD'VE LEFT TOWN
WHEN I TOLD YOU TO, MR. SEAVERS.
NOW YOU'VE GOTTA STAY
HERE AS OUR GUEST IN JAIL.
SHERIFF, DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU THAT
EMMETT JACKSON'S BODY ISN'T IN HIS GRAVE?
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, YOU TOOK IT
OUT. NOW GET HIM OUT OF HERE. MOVE!
BUT, SHERIFF, LET ME EXPLAIN.
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY
ABOUT THIS, MR. MORTON,
BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU, THEY
WON'T DISTURB YOU AGAIN.
[Sheriff] GIVE 'EM THEIR GOODS.
WELL, YOUR BAIL FINALLY
ARRIVED FROM THE BIG CITY.
SIGN RIGHT THERE,
AND YOU CAN LEAVE.
LEVEL WITH US, SHERIFF. YOU KNOW WE
DIDN'T TAKE EMMETT'S BODY. WHY SHOULD WE?
NO TELLING WHAT TWO BOYS FROM
THE BIG CITY WOULD WANT WITH A BODY.
YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY FRIENDS WHO
ARE INTO FIREBOMBING TRUCKS, HAVE YOU?
LISTEN, BOY, WHATEVER
HAPPENED TO YOU, YOU HAD COMIN'.
IS THAT YOUR OFFICIAL
OPINION, SHERIFF?
- SEAVERS, YOU ARE STARTIN'
TO TRY MY PATIENCE.
- YOU'RE TRYIN' MINE, SHERIFF.
WHILE YOU'RE OUT THERE WAITIN'
FOR YOUR TRUCK TO BE FIXED,
YOU STAY AWAY FROM MRS.
JACKSON, YOU HEAR THAT?
RECEIPT, PLEASE.
LET'S GO.
HERE. GO BACK TO THE
MOTEL AND CHECK US BACK IN.
MAKE SURE ROBIN'S ALL RIGHT.
WHERE ARE YOU GONNA BE?
WELL, I'M GONNA TRY AND
DIG UP A FEW ANSWERS. OKAY.
GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. MORTON.
OH, IT'S YOU. I THOUGHT
YOU WERE IN JAIL.
WELL, NOT ANYMORE.
SEE, YOU WERE SO HELPFUL
TO ME THE OTHER DAY,
- I THOUGHT THE LEAST
I COULD DO WAS WARN YOU.
- WARN ME?
ABOUT THE INVESTIGATORS FROM THE
STATE BOARD OF MEDICAL EXAMINERS.
THEY'RE COMIN' TO LOOK INTO
THE EMMETT JACKSON PROBLEM.
THERE IS NO PROBLEM.
OH, NO, NO. JUST
A MISSING CORPSE.
I TOLD YOU, I
EMBALMED HIM MYSELF,
AND I PLACED HIM IN THE COFFIN WITH
HIS HEAD ON A LITTLE SATIN PILLOW.
HE NEVER LOOKED
BETTER IN HIS LIFE.
AFTER THAT, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
LOOK, MORTON, I... I... I
LIKE YOU, AND I BELIEVE YOU.
I JUST HOPE THE STATE BOYS DO.
I WOULD HATE TO SEE YOU BURIED.
WAIT, UH,
IF I TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED, YOU HAVE
TO PROMISE TO HELP ME WITH THE BOARD.
YOU CAN TRUST ME.
WELL, EMMETT IS DEAD, BUT I... I
FAKED THE DEATH CERTIFICATE.
HE DIDN'T DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES.
HE... HE DIED OF A GUNSHOT
WOUND IN THE CHEST.
GUNSHOT WOUND? YES.
MRS. JACKSON WANTED
ME TO CHANGE IT...
SO THE POLICE
WOULDN'T GET INVOLVED.
SHE SAID IT HAPPENED WHILE
HE WAS CLEANING HIS... HIS GUN.
YOU BELIEVED HER? MR. SEAVERS,
THAT WAS THE WORD
OF A BOY'S MOTHER.
IF YOU CAN'T BELIEVE A BOY'S
MOTHER, WHO CAN YOU BELIEVE?
[Wind Gusting]
[Water Running]
YEAH!
[Shouts]
NICE FALL, KID. YOU'RE
REALLY DEVELOPING A STYLE.
YOU ALMOST GAVE
ME A HEART ATTACK.
YOU DIDN'T DO MINE
ANY GOOD EITHER.
YEAH, HI. IT'S COLT. CAN
YOU COME OVER RIGHT AWAY?
[Shower Shuts Off] SURE.
SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.
- IS THIS YOUR IDEA
OF A BURGLAR ALARM?
- IT WORKED, DIDN'T IT?
I WOULDN'T BOTHER SETTIN'
THAT BACK UP BECAUSE ROBIN'S...
ON HER WAY OVER.
WHAT A SILLY PLACE
TO PUT GARBAGE.
DID YOUR FATHER
CARRY A GUN? YES, WHY?
EMMETT JACKSON DIED
OF A GUNSHOT WOUND.
- AND YOU THINK
ROBIN'S FATHER SHOT HIM?
- WELL, IT TIES IN.
DO YOU SMELL SMOKE?
- COME TO THINK OF IT, YEAH.
- [Howie] THE BATHROOM'S ON FIRE!
OH!
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
LET'S GO! WHERE?
THE WINDOW!
EVERYBODY OKAY? YEAH.
YEAH, I GUESS SO. COLT,
LOOK AT THE FRONT DOOR.
- I AM STARTING
TO GET MAD AGAIN.
- [Tires Squealing]
WELL, KID, SOMEBODY
SURE WANTS US DEAD.
I'LL BET YOU MRS. JACKSON
STARTED THOSE FIRES.
WELL, THE GUY AT THE GAS STATION
SAID SHE OWNS THE BLACK PANEL TRUCK.
SOMEHOW, I CAN'T PICTURE
THE OLD LADY DRIVIN' A TRUCK.
[Howie, Chuckling] YOU
MEAN THE BUTLER DID IT?
NOT FUNNY. ONE THING'S FOR SURE.
MRS. JACKSON ISN'T STRONG
ENOUGH TO PUSH THAT
DUMPSTER UP AGAINST
THE DOOR WITHOUT HELP.
IF MY FATHER SHOT EMMETT,
GOD KNOWS WHAT
THEY'VE DONE TO HIM.
[Wind Gusting]
BOY, THIS SURE
IS A CREEPY PLACE.
[Howie] IT WOULD HAVE
TO BE A FULL MOON.
WOULDN'T THIS BE A LOT
SAFER IN THE DAYLIGHT?
I DON'T THINK THIS PLACE WOULD
BE SAFE IF YOU PUT IT IN FORT KNOX.
MY FATHER SAID MRS. JACKSON'S
ALWAYS GONE AT THIS TIME,
SO WE'LL ONLY
HAVE ABOUT AN HOUR.
[Hooting]
[High-pitched Howl]
LET'S HOPE THAT
WAS ONLY A GHOST.
WE'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH.
[Thunderclap]
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
WE'LL HAVE TO SPLIT UP AND CHECK
THIS PLACE OUT. DO WE HAVE TO SPLIT UP?
SHE'S GOT A POINT, COLT. AFTER
ALL, THERE'S SAFETY IN NUMBERS.
LOOK, WILL YOU TWO GROW UP?
IT'S JUST AN EMPTY OLD HOUSE.
ROBIN, YOU CHECK UPSTAIRS. YOU
SEE IF YOU CAN FIND THE BASEMENT,
AND I'LL LOOK AROUND DOWN HERE.
AND, HEY, YOU ALL
BE CAREFUL, HUH?
[Dog Howling In Distance]
[Squawks]
DAMN BIRD. HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE TO BE STUFFED?
[Rats Squeaking]
[Thunderclap]
[Creaking]
[Shudders] COLT!
COLT! COLT!
[Creaking]
[Howie] COLT!
I FOUND EMMETT! HE'S FROZEN
STIFF IN THE FREEZER DOWNSTAIRS!
[Gunshot] [Robin Screams]
- [Screaming]
- ROBIN!
[Screaming Continues]
ROBIN!
OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M HER FATHER.
[Car Door Closes, Engine Starts]
COME ON, KID. WE
GOTTA GET MRS. JACKSON.
[Tires Squealing]
[Tires Squealing]
[Tires Squealing]
[Mrs. Jackson] MR. SEAVERS!
YOU'D BETTER GET OUT OF HERE, OR
YOU'LL BLOW UP WITH THIS WHOLE REFINERY.
I'LL GO UP THIS WAY.
SEE IF YOU CAN FIND
A WAY UP THE BACK.
[Grunting]
[Groans]
GOOD TIMING, KID. HE WAS BEGINNING
TO LOSE HIS SENSE OF HUMOR.
YEAH, WELL, WHAT'S
MRS. JACKSON GONNA DO?
SHE'S GONNA BLOW THIS WHOLE
PLACE UP IF WE DON'T STOP HER.
GO KEEP HER OCCUPIED. I'LL TRY.
[Howie] NO, WAIT!
MRS. JACKSON, DON'T!
NOT ONE STEP,
OR I'LL THROW THIS!
THE TANK WILL EXPLODE,
AND WE'LL GO UP WITH IT.
BUT WHY? WHY KILL
YOURSELF? WHY KILL US?
WHY LIVE?
THIS REFINERY
BELONGED TO MY HUSBAND.
IT'S ALL HE CARED ABOUT.
BUT EMMETT... EMMETT WAS MINE!
AND NOW THAT YOU'VE SEEN HIM,
YOU'LL TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME.
WITHOUT MY SON, WHAT
REASON DO I HAVE TO LIVE?
I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO LOSE SOMEONE,
BUT THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
THINK ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE
WHO WILL SUFFER FOR YOUR SON.
WHAT DO I CARE ABOUT THEM?
THEY'RE NOT MY FAMILY.
THEY DON'T LOVE ME.
THEY DON'T EVEN NEED ME...
JUST THIS DAMNED PLACE.
WHEN I THROW THIS
TORCH, THEY'LL SUFFER.
FINALLY THEY WILL GET
WHAT THEY DESERVE.
MRS. JACKSON, PLEASE.
NO. NOT ONE MORE STEP!
[Howie] I CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS.
[Mrs. Jackson] YOUNG
MAN, YOU CAN'T STOP ME.
NO ONE CAN!
[Siren Wailing]
COLT! HERE COMES
OUR FRIEND THE SHERIFF!
YEAH, WELL, YOU BETTER GET THAT
SILVER TONGUE OF YOURS READY,
'CAUSE YOU'RE SURE GONNA HAVE TO
EXPLAIN WHAT YOU DID TO THAT POOR OLD LADY.
[Siren Continues]
THE STRANGEST CASE YOU GUYS HAVE
EVER BEEN ON. OH, IT WASN'T ALL THAT BAD.
ROBIN WAS A LITTLE BIT SCARED,
BUT I MANAGED TO KEEP HER CALM.
[Phone Rings]
[Rings]
HELLO?
YEAH. YES, BIG JACK.
I UNDERSTAND. I
KNOW IT'S SERIOUS.
OKAY, THANKS FOR
CALLING. GOOD-BYE.
WHAT'S SERIOUS?
MRS. JACKSON AND ETHAN... THEY JUST
ESCAPED FROM THE MENTAL HOSPITAL,
AND THEY WERE SEEN HEADIN' FOR
L.A. WHAT? THEY'RE COMING HERE?
THEY'RE GONNA COME HERE WHEN WE'RE ASLEEP,
AND THEY'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN.
YEAH, WELL, DON'T WORRY. IF THEY... THEY
COME, I'LL LEAVE QUIETLY. I WON'T WAKE YOU.
THIS ISN'T FUNNY, COLT. DON'T YOU
CARE ABOUT THE DANGER WE'RE IN?
NO, I'M JUST KIDDIN'.
NO, YOU WEREN'T.
BIG JACK WAS JUST REMINDING US THAT WE'RE
OUT ON BAIL AND NOT TO MISS OUR COURT DATE.
I GOT HIM. I GOT YA.
[Man] FALL GUY IS A GLEN
LARSON PRODUCTION.
KIND TO KISS AND TELL ♪
♪ BUT I'VE BEEN
SEEN WITH FARRAH ♪
♪ I'VE NEVER BEEN
WITH ANYTHING LESS ♪
♪ THAN A NINE SO FINE ♪
♪ I'VE BEEN ON FIRE
WITH SALLY FIELD ♪
♪ GONE FAST WITH
A GIRL NAMED BO ♪
♪ BUT SOMEHOW THEY
JUST DON'T END UP AS MINE ♪
♪ IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN'
LIFE I LEAD ♪
♪ I TAKE MY CHANCES ♪
♪ I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN
THE MOVIES AND TV ♪
[Siren Wailing]
♪ BUT THE HARDEST
THING I EVER DO ♪
♪ IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES ♪
♪ KISS SOME OTHER GUY
WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE ♪
♪ I MIGHT FALL FROM
A TALL BUILDIN' ♪
♪ I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪
♪ THAT MADE
REDFORD SUCH A STAR ♪
♪♪ [Women Vocalizing]
♪ I'VE NEVER SPENT
MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL ♪
♪ BUT I'VE TAUGHT
LADIES PLENTY ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY
BODY OUT FOR PAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I'VE GOTTEN BURNED
OVER CHERYL TIEGS ♪
♪ BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN
THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I MIGHT JUMP AN
OPEN DRAWBRIDGE ♪
♪ OR TARZAN FROM A VINE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪
♪ THAT MAKES EASTWOOD
LOOK SO FINE ♪♪
[Colt Narrating] THIS IS THE STORY OF
ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT
YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR
HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM,
WOMEN HAVE WANTED
TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY
CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN'
SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS...
WELL, BECAUSE IT'S
ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T
WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A
GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO
WAIT BY THE PHONE...
AND WAIT... AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL
JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM...
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,
WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES
A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE...
GET OUT OF JAIL ON
WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN. I SOMETIMES
PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM...
AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
BUT TODAY I'M THE RED
BARON... YOU'VE HEARD OF HIM...
AND I'M OUT LOOKIN'
FOR MY 67th KILL.
WE'LL LET YOU KNOW
WHEN WE'RE READY, DANNY.
ALL RIGHT, COLT. NOW
THIS ONE'S FOR REAL.
- OKAY, DANNY, HERE COME
THE BAD GUYS. ROLL CAMERA.
- ACTION!
[Machine Gun Fire]
AND ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST.
HI.
HI. HI, JACK.
WHERE'S COLT? WHERE ELSE?
[Machine Gun Fire]
[Machine Gun Fire]
- THAT LOOKS AWFULLY DANGEROUS.
- THAT'S WHY WE GET PAID
THE BIG BUCKS, JACK.
DON'T WORRY, JACK. HE
KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.
CUT! BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL, COLT!
- YOU OKAY, COLT?
- YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT, JODY. THANKS.
NEXT TIME WE DO THIS, THOUGH,
I GOTTA ASK FOR SOFTER DIRT.
WELL, WHAT DID YOU
THINK, JACK? UH, WELL,
ARE YOU COMPLETELY
OUT OF YOUR MIND, COLT?
WELL, I OFTEN ASK MYSELF
THAT... WHEN I'M WORKIN' FOR YOU.
[Laughs] VERY
FUNNY. YOU'RE FUNNY.
NOW LISTEN, IF YOU DON'T
WANNA WORK FOR ME,
THERE ARE PLENTY OF
OTHER PEOPLE I CAN USE.
WAIT A MINUTE. WE DIDN'T SAY THAT.
YEAH, WE LIKE WORKING FOR YOU.
HOLD ON, YOU TWO. JUST WHO DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD GET TO WORK FOR YOU, BIG JACK?
WELL, UM, THERE'S ROBO WILSON.
ROBO? THE MAN'S GOT BRAIN
DAMAGE. HE COULDN'T TURN HIMSELF IN.
THERE'S ALWAYS BETTY WOODRUFF.
SHE'S VERY COMPETENT. ARE YOU KIDDING?
SHE'S STILL EXPECTING A BABY FROM THE
LAST GUY SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BRING BACK.
[Big Jack] YOU'RE
ALL SO CYNICAL.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, SHE GOT
MARRIED LAST WEEK... IN SAN QUENTIN.
HOW ROMANTIC.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S ENOUGH KIDDING.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE
LET HER OFF THE HOOK...
- AND TAKE THE CASE WITHOUT
A FIGHT THIS TIME, HUH?
- DO YOU MEAN IT?
YEAH, WE PROBABLY STILL OWE YOU ONE
AFTER ALL THE MONEY WE COST YOU SO FAR.
- YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU DO.
- JACK, YOU'RE SO GRACIOUS.
AW.
HIS NAME IS EMMETT JACKSON.
HE WAS ARRESTED ON ARSON.
HIS COURT DATE WAS LAST
WEEK, BUT HE DIDN'T SHOW.
YOU SURE THIS GUY
JUST BURNS HOUSES?
LOOKS LIKE HE HAUNTS 'EM.
OH, I THINK HE'S SWEET LOOKIN'.
SWEET?
HE LOOKS LIKE HE COULD BE THE
POSTER BOY FOR PLANNED PARENTHOOD.
COLT, WHAT'S HAPPENED
TO YOUR COMPASSION?
HE WAS AFRAID AND ALONE. AND BESIDES,
THE ONLY EVIDENCE AGAINST EMMETT...
IS THAT HE WAS NEAR THE
BUILDING AT THE TIME OF THE FIRE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE
WE CAN FIND THIS GUY NOW?
HE WAS SEEN THREE WEEKS AGO
IN HIS HOMETOWN, FEDERALSBURG,
BY ROBERT SIMMONS, AN INSURANCE
INVESTIGATOR WORKING ON THE CASE.
WELL, DID THIS GUY
SIMMONS TALK TO JACKSON?
- I GUESS SO.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GUESS SO?
- YOU DIDN'T CONTACT
THE INVESTIGATOR?
- WELL, I TRIED, BUT...
BUT WHAT?
NO ONE HAS HEARD FROM
HIM SINCE HE SPOTTED EMMETT.
[Howie] I CAN'T EVEN FIND
THIS PLACE ON THE MAP.
[Colt] I DREW A
CIRCLE AROUND IT.
[Howie] OH, YEAH. THAT'S
A VERY SMALL CIRCLE.
WELL, IT'S A VERY SMALL TOWN.
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF
THIS MISSING INVESTIGATOR?
I DON'T KNOW, KID.
SEEMS STRANGE TO ME...
I MEAN, THE INSURANCE
COMPANY NOT EVEN
WANTING TO TALK ABOUT HIM.
WELL, INSURANCE COMPANIES DON'T LIKE
TO GIVE OUT INFORMATION ABOUT ANYBODY.
BUT THAT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM.
OUR JOB IS TO FIND EMMETT JACKSON.
YEAH. THAT WAS THE
INVESTIGATOR'S JOB TOO.
[Howie] BATES MOTEL... WHERE
HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE?
WELL, FOR SURE, IT WASN'T
IN THE TRIPLE "A" TOUR GUIDE.
WHAT A DUMP. [Dings]
WHEN YOU'RE THE ONLY
MOTEL IN TOWN, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
KEEPIN' UP AN APPEARANCE.
[Dinging]
[Dinging Continues]
I'M SLOW, NOT DEAF.
I'M SORRY. I WAS JUST
ADMIRING YOUR ANIMALS.
- THEY'RE DEAD.
- I NOTICED.
- WE'D LIKE A ROOM.
- REGULAR OR DELUXE?
- WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
- DELUXE HAS GOT
A LOCK ON THE DOOR.
- DELUXE.
- SIGN IN.
[Dog Howling In Distance]
DO YOU RECALL IF A MAN NAMED ROBERT
SIMMONS STAYED HERE ABOUT THREE WEEKS AGO?
SIMMONS?
- DON'T RECALL THE NAME.
- YOU DON'T MIND IF I TAKE A
LOOK AT YOUR REGISTER, DO YA?
- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
- HERE IT IS. ROBERT SIMMONS.
IT SAYS HE STAYED THREE
DAYS AND THEN LEFT.
OH, YEAH. NOW I
REMEMBER. STRANGE MAN.
- ASKED A LOT OF QUESTIONS.
- ABOUT EMMETT JACKSON?
YOU'RE IN CABIN 14.
UH, WE'RE, UH... WE'RE
FRIENDS OF EMMETT'S.
WE THOUGHT MAYBE YOU MIGHT
BE ABLE TO TELL US WHERE...
CHECKOUT TIME'S 11:00.
11:00. THANK YOU.
[Wind Gusting]
[Thunderclap]
NOW I REMEMBER WHAT
THE BATES MOTEL IS.
- IT'S THE PLACE IN...
- I KNOW, PSYCHO.
PSYCHO WAS A MOVIE, KID.
I MEAN, IT WAS NOT REAL.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE NOT.
BUT I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING... YOU'RE
NOT GONNA CATCH ME TAKIN' A SHOWER.
[Thunderclap]
[Dog Howling]
[Thunderclap]
[Thunderclap]
[Clatters]
COLT? HUH?
WELL, HE'S GONE, WHOEVER HE WAS.
SORRY, COLT. LOOKS LIKE
THESE ARE WHAT HE WAS AFTER.
AND I DON'T MIND
TELLIN' YOU, I'M RELIEVED.
ANYTHING MISSING?
NO.
LOOKS LIKE OUR VISITOR WAS
ONLY INTERESTED IN OUR I.D.'s.
- WHY? BECAUSE WE
ASKED ABOUT EMMETT?
- YEAH, OR SIMMONS.
YOU KNOW, COLT, SUDDENLY
I'M NOT SO RELIEVED AFTER ALL.
[Sighs]
[Howie] NICE HOUSE. [Colt] YEAH,
IF YOU'RE MAKIN' A HORROR MOVIE.
[Howie] I'M GLAD YOU SAID THAT.
[Doorbell Rings] MAYBE WE'LL GET
LUCKY AND NOBODY'LL BE HOME.
[Creaks]
HI THERE. UH, IS
MRS. JACKSON IN?
I THINK HE WANTS
US TO FOLLOW HIM.
I THINK HE WANTS US TO WAIT.
WE'LL, UH... WE'LL WAIT HERE.
WHAT A WEIRD DUDE
THAT WAS. WHOA.
THEY DON'T MAKE PLACES LIKE THIS ANYMORE,
DO THEY? THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT.
I AM MRS. JACKSON.
MRS. JACKSON, I'M COLT SEAVERS.
THIS IS MY COUSIN, HOWIE MUNSON.
IF YOU TOLD MY SERVANT
ETHAN THE NATURE OF YOUR VISIT,
I'M AFRAID HE WAS UNABLE
TO COMMUNICATE IT TO ME.
YOU SEE, HE HAS BEEN DEAF
AND SPEECHLESS SINCE BIRTH.
WE'RE HERE TO SEE
YOUR SON, EMMETT.
- EMMETT?
- WELL, YES, MA'AM.
WE WORK FOR THE COURT
OF LOS ANGELES COUNTY.
YOU SEE, HE WAS DUE TO STAND
TRIAL LAST WEEK, AND HE DIDN'T APPEAR.
IS THIS SOME CRUEL HOAX?
THIS IS NO HOAX, MRS. JACKSON.
YOUR SON WAS ARRESTED MONTHS
AGO AND RELEASED ON BOND.
- I AM QUITE AWARE OF THAT.
- WELL, THEN YOU UNDERSTAND
WHY WE NEED TO TALK TO HIM.
I DON'T WISH TO
DISCUSS IT ANY FURTHER.
PLEASE LEAVE.
LOOK, I'M SURE YOU THINK
YOU'RE PROTECTING EMMETT,
BUT WE'RE GONNA FIND
HIM SOONER OR LATER.
IT WOULD BE EASIER FOR EVERYBODY
ALL AROUND IF YOU'D HELP US FIND HIM.
YOU WANT ME TO TELL
YOU WHERE TO FIND HIM?
- YES, MA'AM.
- ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TELL YOU.
GO TO THE CORNER OF
MAPLE AND FENWICK STREETS.
HE'LL BE THERE.
AND I ASSURE YOU, HE
WILL GIVE YOU NO PROBLEMS.
COLT, YOU KNOW THAT BAD
FEELING I HAD AT THE MOTEL?
YEAH? WELL, IT WAS EVEN
STRONGER AT MRS. JACKSON'S HOUSE.
DON'T LET YOUR IMAGINATION
GET THE BEST OF YOU.
IT WASN'T MY IMAGINATION.
IT WAS A GUT FEELING.
[Pedal Thumps]
- [Howie] WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- I GOT A GUT FEELING
OUR BRAKES ARE GONE.
WHAT?
[Tires Squealing] [Honking]
- [Pedal Thumps]
- [Honking]
- [Tires Squealing]
- HANG ON.
I'M GONNA USE THE GEARS
AND THAT HILL TO STOP US.
THAT WAS ONE GREAT
PIECE OF DRIVING, COLT.
WELL, STUNT WORK WILL EITHER
KILL YA OR SAVE YOUR LIFE.
WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED ANYWAY?
LOOKS LIKE THE
BRAKE LINES ARE LOOSE.
[Grunts] SHOULDN'T TAKE
MUCH TO TIGHTEN 'EM UP.
YEAH, WOULDN'T TAKE
MUCH TO LOOSEN 'EM EITHER.
YOU KNOW, THEY WERE FINE UNTIL
WE WENT TO MRS. JACKSON'S HOUSE.
I'M TELLING YOU, THERE'S SOMETHING
NOT RIGHT ABOUT THAT PLACE.
DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING...
IF THEY COME LOOSE AGAIN, I'LL KNOW
SOMEBODY TOOK A WRENCH TO 'EM.
[Grunts] GET SOME FLUID
OUT OF THE BACK, WILL YA?
[Howie] MAYBE MRS. JACKSON
GAVE US THE WRONG ADDRESS.
OR THERE AGAIN,
MAYBE SHE DIDN'T.
FIRST THE MOTEL,
THEN THE OLD HOUSE,
THEN THE HAIR-RAISING RIDE
AND NOW IT'S A CEMETERY.
WELL, MAYBE FEDERALSBURG
ISN'T SUCH A DULL TOWN AFTER ALL.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TAKE A LOOK?
IF I LIKED GRAVEYARDS, I WOULD'VE
GONE TO MORTUARY COLLEGE.
- THEY'RE NOT MY FAVORITE
PLACES EITHER.
- WHOA!
KINDA JUMPY, AREN'T YA, FELLA?
I... I DIDN'T MEAN TO STARTLE YA.
NO.
UH, HE'S JUST, UH, SEEN
TOO MANY MOVIES. [Chuckles]
WELL, SHOOT, I'VE
BEEN CARETAKER HERE...
FOR NIGH ON TO 40 YEARS.
I... I STILL GET GOOSE BUMPS.
CAN I HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING?
UH, NO, NO. UH, YES. WE'RE
LOOKIN' FOR EMMETT JACKSON.
JACKSON? OH, YOU CAN JUST
ABOUT SPIT ON HIM FROM HERE.
HE'S OVER THERE UNDER
THAT NEW MOUND OF DIRT.
RIGHT OVER THERE. THANK YOU.
[Colt] LOOKS LIKE
WE FOUND OUR MAN.
[Colt] WELL, I'VE NEVER HAD A
BAIL JUMPER DIE ON ME BEFORE.
- WELL, I GUESS THIS MEANS
WE CAN GO HOME NOW, HUH?
- I GUESS IT DOES.
HOWDY, SHERIFF.
WELL, GUESS YOU BOYS
FOUND WHAT YOU WERE AFTER.
YEAH, THAT WE DID. UH-HUH.
WE GOT A CALL FROM MRS. JACKSON.
SEEMS YOU BOYS SCARED HER PRETTY BADLY.
WE DON'T LIKE TO SEE MRS.
JACKSON SCARED OR UPSET.
SHE'S A VERY IMPORTANT
CITIZEN OF THIS COMMUNITY.
WE DIDN'T KNOW HER SON
WAS DEAD. WELL, NOW YOU DO,
SO I SUGGEST YOU
MOVE ON OUT OF TOWN.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE PROBLEM, SHERIFF.
YOU SEE, I HAVE A FUGITIVE
WARRANT FOR THIS MAN,
AND I'LL NEED A COPY OF THE DEATH
CERTIFICATE TO SATISFY THE COURT.
YOU UNDERSTAND.
ALL RIGHT. YOU GET WHAT YOU
NEED, THEN GET OUT OF TOWN.
YOU GOT IT, SHERIFF.
LET'S GO, KID.
BOUNTY HUNTER.
IT WAS A LOVELY FUNERAL.
MOST OF THE TOWN CAME.
MS. JACKSON SPARED NO EXPENSE.
THE LINING WAS OF PURE
SILK FROM HONG KONG.
THAT'S THE BEST, YOU KNOW.
MR. MORTON, IT SAYS HERE
ON THE DEATH CERTIFICATE...
THAT EMMETT DIED THREE
WEEKS AGO OF NATURAL CAUSES.
OH, YES. MY, WHAT A TRAGEDY.
HOW SHE LOVED THAT BOY. SHE
SPARED NO EXPENSE, NO EXPENSE AT ALL.
WHAT NATURAL
CAUSES DID HE DIE OF?
UM, KIDNEY FAILURE I THINK.
YES, I THINK THAT'S
WHAT MS. JACKSON SAID.
YES, IT WAS KIDNEY FAILURE.
MRS. JACKSON SAID?
LOOK, YOU ARE THE COUNTY MEDICAL
EXAMINER AS WELL AS THE MORTICIAN.
- DIDN'T YOU PERFORM AN AUTOPSY?
- OH, NO, INDEED.
MS. JACKSON WOULD NEVER STAND TO
SEE HER SON CUT UP IN LITTLE PIECES.
OH, MY, NO. YEAH, WELL, THANKS,
MR. MORTON. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU'RE QUITE WELCOME. AND IF EVER I CAN
BE OF ANY OTHER KIND OF SERVICE TO YOU...
OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE
OF YOU, BUT... I DON'T THINK SO.
MM-MMM. NOT RIGHT NOW ANYWAY.
MAN, AM I GLAD THIS IS DONE WITH, SO
WE CAN HEAD OUT OF THIS FUNNY FARM.
YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
HE SAID KIND OF BOTHERS ME.
COLT, EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED
SINCE WE HIT THIS TOWN HAS BOTHERED ME.
YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, HE SAID
EMMETT DIED THREE WEEKS AGO.
THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE ANYBODY'S
HEARD FROM THAT INSURANCE INVESTIGATOR.
COME ON, COLT. YOU SAID OUR JOB WAS TO
FIND EMMETT JACKSON, NOT THE INVESTIGATOR.
[Engine Starts] NOW WE FOUND
HIM. CAN'T WE GO HOME?
YEAH, SURE, KID. RIGHT
AFTER WE GET A BITE TO EAT.
♪♪ [Rock On Radio]
WELL, YOU TWO SURE 86'ed
THOSE STEAKS IN A HURRY.
WE HAVEN'T EATEN SINCE WE
CAME INTO TOWN LAST NIGHT.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM? L.A.
[Chuckles] WELL, YOU COULDN'T BE
IN FEDERALSBURG FOR PLEASURE.
- IT MUST BE BUSINESS.
- WE CAME HERE LOOKIN' FOR
A GUY NAMED EMMETT JACKSON.
EXCEPT WE FOUND OUT HE
DIED. YEAH, THREE WEEKS AGO.
WHAT DID EMMETT DO IN LOS
ANGELES, BURN DOWN THE COLISEUM?
WELL, HE WAS ARRESTED
FOR ARSON. FIGURES.
EVER SINCE EMMETT WAS A KID,
HE'S BEEN BURNIN' DOWN SOMETHING.
HE SET FIRE TO THE
SCHOOL, THE BANK.
[Chuckling] HE EVEN SET FIRE
TO THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
IT BURNED DOWN TO THE GROUND WITH
THE FIRE ENGINES STILL LOCKED UP INSIDE.
SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT KID. OH, HE
DIDN'T GET ANY BETTER WHEN HE GREW UP.
FOR A WHILE HE
HAD A CRUSH ON ME.
WHEN I WOULDN'T GO OUT WITH HIM,
HE BURNED MY FOLKS' HOME DOWN.
- WHAT DID THE SHERIFF
DO ABOUT THAT?
- TO A JACKSON?
DID YOU SEE THAT BIG OIL
REFINERY OUTSIDE TOWN?
YEAH.
WELL, THE JACKSONS OWN THAT,
AND MOST OF THE TOWN WORKS AT IT.
WHICH MEANS THAT THE JACKSONS CAN
PRETTY MUCH DO ANYTHING THEY WANT.
OH, MRS. JACKSON ALWAYS PAID TO
REPLACE ANYTHING THAT EMMETT BURNED,
SO NO ONE EVER REALLY LOST OUT.
YEAH, WE MET MRS. JACKSON TODAY.
SHE'S A WEIRD ONE, HUH? SOMETIMES I THINK
SHE'S EVEN WEIRDER THAN EMMETT EVER WAS.
SOME PEOPLE THINK
THAT MRS. JACKSON...
USED TO HELP EMMETT
SET SOME OF THOSE FIRES.
I'M JUST AS GLAD
WE'RE LEAVIN' TOWN.
WELL, Y'ALL HAVE
A NICE TRIP HOME,
AND IF YOU EVER COME
BACK TO FEDERALSBURG,
MY NAME'S SALLY.
MAYBE THIS PLACE
ISN'T SO BAD AFTER ALL.
GET THE CHECK, WILL YA? COME ON.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WELL, YOU GOT THE...
WAIT A MINUTE, COLT.
[Howie] WELL, WITH EMMETT DEAD, AT
LEAST BIG JACK'S OFF THE HOOK FOR HIS BAIL.
[Horn Honking]
[Honking] [Tires Squealing]
IS THAT LUNATIC TRYIN'
TO PASS US ON THIS ROAD?
[Squealing Continues]
MY BRAKES DON'T
WORK! I CAN'T STOP!
COLT, DID YOU HEAR THAT? SHE
LOST HER BRAKES. I KNOW THE FEELIN'.
- HELP ME!
- HERE, TAKE THE WHEEL, KID.
STAY CLOSE TO HER, AND WHEN I GET
INSIDE HER CAR, USE THE TRUCK TO STOP US.
OKAY. BE CAREFUL,
COLT. YEAH, YOU BET.
GOOD AFTERNOON, MA'AM.
COME ON, KID.
[Tires Squealing]
YOU OKAY? [Chuckles]
FINE, THANKS.
- IS EVERYONE ALL RIGHT?
- YEAH, WE'RE OKAY.
GOOD JOB, KID. YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING.
HOW DID YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THAT?
[Howie] UH, WE DO A LOT OF
DRIVING IN OUR BUSINESS.
LUCKY FOR ME. I'M
ROBIN SIMMONS. HI.
COLT SEAVERS.
ANY RELATION TO ROBERT SIMMONS,
THE INSURANCE INVESTIGATOR?
YEAH. DO YOU KNOW MY
FATHER? WELL, WE KNOW OF HIM.
WE CAME HERE TO FIND
EMMETT JACKSON TOO.
YOU DIDN'T JUST COME FROM
SEEING MRS. JACKSON, DID YOU?
- HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
- WELL, WE WENT TO VISIT HER AND
LEFT WITHOUT OUR BRAKES TOO.
[Robin] SOME COINCIDENCE,
HUH? YOU KNOW, WE NEED TO TALK.
WHY DON'T YOU GO WITH US IN OUR
TRUCK. WE'LL GET YOUR CAR LATER.
♪♪ [Rock On Radio]
[Howie] COFFEE? PLEASE.
COFFEE? YEAH.
THREE COFFEES,
PLEASE, SALLY. HI, SALLY.
I THOUGHT SHE LIKED YOU. YEAH.
- BET YOU'RE SURPRISED
TO SEE US BACK SO SOON, HUH?
- [Coffee Pouring]
SALLY, IS SOMETHING WRONG?
LOOK, I GOTTA LIVE IN THIS TOWN.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE SAME KIND OF
REACTION MY FATHER GOT AROUND HERE.
[Howie] APPARENTLY, THE JACKSONS
HAVE A STRONG FOLLOWING.
DAD CALLED ME FROM A PHONE BOOTH ON THE
LAST NIGHT THAT ANYONE HAD HEARD FROM HIM.
HE SAID HE SPOTTED EMMETT
JACKSON HEADED TOWARD THE REFINERY.
HE WAS GOIN' AFTER HIM.
WHAT NIGHT WAS THAT?
DECEMBER 10. DECEMBER 10.
KID, SHOW HER THE
DEATH CERTIFICATE.
ARE YOU SURE IT WAS
DECEMBER 10? I'M POSITIVE.
EMMETT JACKSON DIED OF KIDNEY
FAILURE ON THE AFTERNOON OF DECEMBER 10.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. MY FATHER
SAW HIM THAT NIGHT... ALIVE.
I KNEW THIS CASE
WASN'T GONNA BE EASY.
YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE
GOOD ADVICE, DO YOU, MR. SEAVERS?
HI, SHERIFF. NICE
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU AND
YOUR FRIEND TO GET OUT OF TOWN.
IT'S JUST HARD LEAVING
SUCH A FRIENDLY PLACE.
WELL, I'M GIVIN' YOU FAIR
WARNING, MR. SEAVERS.
IF YOU'RE NOT OUT OF HERE IN 20 MINUTES,
IT'S LIABLE TO GET VERY UNFRIENDLY.
SHERIFF, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? WHY
ARE YOU IN SUCH A HURRY TO SEE US GO?
WELL, NOW LET'S JUST SAY THAT I
CARE ABOUT THE GOOD IN THIS TOWN.
THE GOOD OF THE TOWN, OR
THE GOOD OF MRS. JACKSON?
WELL, NOW IF YOU WERE AS
SMART AS YOU THINK YOU ARE,
YOU'D HAVE FIGURED
THAT OUT BY NOW.
THEY'RE ONE AND THE SAME.
GET THE CHECK, KID.
UH, COLT, NOW ARE
WE GONNA LEAVE TOWN?
I GUESS THIS MEANS WE'RE NOT.
SINCE WHEN DO WE LEAVE TOWN
BECAUSE SOMEBODY TELLS US TO?
- DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE GONNA
HELP ME FIND MY FATHER?
- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
NOW LOOK, WE'RE NOT
DETECTIVES. WE'RE BOUNTY HUNTERS.
BUT THERE COMES A TIME WHEN A
LITTLE DETECTING NEVER HURT ANYBODY.
- EXCEPT MAYBE NOW.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WE'VE GOT VISITORS
RIGHT ON OUR TAIL.
- [Robin] MAYBE THEY JUST WANNA PASS.
- I DOUBT IT.
[Tires Squealing]
[Howie] COLT, THE WHOLE
TRUCK COULD BLOW ANY SECOND!
[Robin] WE GOTTA BAIL OUT! I CAN'T
LET MY TRUCK BLOW UP! HOLD ON!
WELL, I'LL TELL YA, IF THAT WAS
MEANT TO GET US OUT OF TOWN TODAY,
THEY MADE A BIG MISTAKE.
WHY, BECAUSE YOU'RE MAD?
NO, IT'S GONNA TAKE TWO
DAYS TO FIX MY TRUCK.
[Dog Howling]
[Shoveling]
AW, I'M TELLING YA,
THIS IS NOT RIGHT.
YEAH, WELL, JUST
KEEP DIGGIN', HUH?
IT'S ILLEGAL, COLT, NOT TO
MENTION DISRESPECTFUL.
[Thunderclap]
- I KNEW THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
- DO WE HAVE TO BE DOING THIS?
ISN'T THERE SOMETHING
ELSE WE COULD BE DOING?
LOOK, JUST BECAUSE THE HEADSTONE
SAYS EMMETT JACKSON'S BURIED HERE,
THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT HE IS.
YOU MEAN, MAYBE MY
FATHER... I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
I JUST WANNA MAKE SURE THAT
EMMETT'S WHERE HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
COLT, I THINK I HIT SOMETHING.
- MAYBE YOU BETTER NOT LOOK.
- YOU'RE RIGHT. I DON'T THINK
I WANNA SEE THIS.
I MEANT ROBIN.
OH. I'M OKAY.
[Screams]
[Robin] OH, MY GOD! IT'S
A DUMMY. [Thunderclap]
YEAH, AN UGLY DUMMY.
I'D HATE TO SEE THE DEPARTMENT
STORE WINDOW THAT GUY ESCAPED FROM.
COLT, HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT
EMMETT WASN'T BURIED HERE?
WELL, I DIDN'T. I JUST KNEW
SOMETHING WAS WRONG...
WHEN THE WHOLE TOWN GETS JUMPY JUST
BECAUSE YOU MENTION A DEAD MAN'S NAME.
WELL, WE STILL DON'T KNOW THAT HE'S
NOT DEAD. WE HAVE A DEATH CERTIFICATE.
YEAH, WELL, DEATH
CERTIFICATES CAN BE FORGED.
IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA IF YOU WANNA
THROW THE LAW OFF YOUR TRAIL.
BUT IF EMMETT IS DEAD, I CAN'T THINK
OF ONE GOOD REASON WHY HE ISN'T HERE.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE
FUNERAL? WOULDN'T THE
WHOLE TOWN KNOW THAT
THEY BURIED A MANNEQUIN?
WELL, NOT IF IT WAS A
CLOSED-CASKET CEREMONY.
WELL, WE DIDN'T FIND EMMETT,
BUT AT LEAST WE DIDN'T
FIND MY FATHER EITHER.
AS FAR AS WE KNOW,
THEY'RE BOTH STILL ALIVE.
ROBIN, WHY DON'T YOU
GO ON BACK TO THE MOTEL.
HOWIE AND I'VE GOTTA TALK TO THE
LAST PERSON THAT SAW EMMETT DEAD.
COME ON, KID. GIVE ME
A HAND WITH THIS THING.
COME DOWN HERE.
[Gasps] YOU RECOGNIZE
HIM, MR. MORTON?
I THOUGHT THAT ONE OF
MY PEOPLE HAD ARISEN.
IT'S THE FEAR OF EVERY MORTICIAN.
GOT ANY IDEA WHERE WE FOUND IT?
I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT I DO NOT.
WELL, IT WAS BURIED INSIDE
EMMETT JACKSON'S COFFIN.
INSIDE EMMETT'S COFFIN?
THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS
THING I EVER HEARD IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
HOW DID YOU KNOW WHAT IS
INSIDE EMMETT JACKSON'S COFFIN?
- WE DUG IT UP.
- YOU DUG IT UP?
THAT IS AGAINST THE
LAW, MR. SEAVERS.
YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
YEAH, WELL, SO ARE YOU.
NOW WHERE'S EMMETT?
HE WASN'T IN HIS COFFIN?
I JUST SAID THE MANNEQUIN WAS.
THERE ISN'T ROOM FOR BOTH OF THEM.
EMMETT'S BODY GONE?
- WELL, THIS IS TERRIBLE.
- YOU MEAN YOU REALLY
DID BURY HIM?
I'VE BEEN THE MORTICIAN IN
THIS TOWN FOR OVER 20 YEARS,
AND NO ONE HAS EVER SAID
THAT I HAVE NOT BURIED A BODY.
AND NO ONE IS ACCUSING
YOU NOW, MR. MORTON.
GRAVE ROBBING IS A VERY
SERIOUS OFFENSE, MR. SEAVERS.
WAIT. ALL THAT WAS IN THAT
GRAVE WAS THAT MANNEQUIN.
YOU SHOULD'VE LEFT TOWN
WHEN I TOLD YOU TO, MR. SEAVERS.
NOW YOU'VE GOTTA STAY
HERE AS OUR GUEST IN JAIL.
SHERIFF, DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU THAT
EMMETT JACKSON'S BODY ISN'T IN HIS GRAVE?
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, YOU TOOK IT
OUT. NOW GET HIM OUT OF HERE. MOVE!
BUT, SHERIFF, LET ME EXPLAIN.
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY
ABOUT THIS, MR. MORTON,
BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU, THEY
WON'T DISTURB YOU AGAIN.
[Sheriff] GIVE 'EM THEIR GOODS.
WELL, YOUR BAIL FINALLY
ARRIVED FROM THE BIG CITY.
SIGN RIGHT THERE,
AND YOU CAN LEAVE.
LEVEL WITH US, SHERIFF. YOU KNOW WE
DIDN'T TAKE EMMETT'S BODY. WHY SHOULD WE?
NO TELLING WHAT TWO BOYS FROM
THE BIG CITY WOULD WANT WITH A BODY.
YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY FRIENDS WHO
ARE INTO FIREBOMBING TRUCKS, HAVE YOU?
LISTEN, BOY, WHATEVER
HAPPENED TO YOU, YOU HAD COMIN'.
IS THAT YOUR OFFICIAL
OPINION, SHERIFF?
- SEAVERS, YOU ARE STARTIN'
TO TRY MY PATIENCE.
- YOU'RE TRYIN' MINE, SHERIFF.
WHILE YOU'RE OUT THERE WAITIN'
FOR YOUR TRUCK TO BE FIXED,
YOU STAY AWAY FROM MRS.
JACKSON, YOU HEAR THAT?
RECEIPT, PLEASE.
LET'S GO.
HERE. GO BACK TO THE
MOTEL AND CHECK US BACK IN.
MAKE SURE ROBIN'S ALL RIGHT.
WHERE ARE YOU GONNA BE?
WELL, I'M GONNA TRY AND
DIG UP A FEW ANSWERS. OKAY.
GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. MORTON.
OH, IT'S YOU. I THOUGHT
YOU WERE IN JAIL.
WELL, NOT ANYMORE.
SEE, YOU WERE SO HELPFUL
TO ME THE OTHER DAY,
- I THOUGHT THE LEAST
I COULD DO WAS WARN YOU.
- WARN ME?
ABOUT THE INVESTIGATORS FROM THE
STATE BOARD OF MEDICAL EXAMINERS.
THEY'RE COMIN' TO LOOK INTO
THE EMMETT JACKSON PROBLEM.
THERE IS NO PROBLEM.
OH, NO, NO. JUST
A MISSING CORPSE.
I TOLD YOU, I
EMBALMED HIM MYSELF,
AND I PLACED HIM IN THE COFFIN WITH
HIS HEAD ON A LITTLE SATIN PILLOW.
HE NEVER LOOKED
BETTER IN HIS LIFE.
AFTER THAT, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
LOOK, MORTON, I... I... I
LIKE YOU, AND I BELIEVE YOU.
I JUST HOPE THE STATE BOYS DO.
I WOULD HATE TO SEE YOU BURIED.
WAIT, UH,
IF I TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED, YOU HAVE
TO PROMISE TO HELP ME WITH THE BOARD.
YOU CAN TRUST ME.
WELL, EMMETT IS DEAD, BUT I... I
FAKED THE DEATH CERTIFICATE.
HE DIDN'T DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES.
HE... HE DIED OF A GUNSHOT
WOUND IN THE CHEST.
GUNSHOT WOUND? YES.
MRS. JACKSON WANTED
ME TO CHANGE IT...
SO THE POLICE
WOULDN'T GET INVOLVED.
SHE SAID IT HAPPENED WHILE
HE WAS CLEANING HIS... HIS GUN.
YOU BELIEVED HER? MR. SEAVERS,
THAT WAS THE WORD
OF A BOY'S MOTHER.
IF YOU CAN'T BELIEVE A BOY'S
MOTHER, WHO CAN YOU BELIEVE?
[Wind Gusting]
[Water Running]
YEAH!
[Shouts]
NICE FALL, KID. YOU'RE
REALLY DEVELOPING A STYLE.
YOU ALMOST GAVE
ME A HEART ATTACK.
YOU DIDN'T DO MINE
ANY GOOD EITHER.
YEAH, HI. IT'S COLT. CAN
YOU COME OVER RIGHT AWAY?
[Shower Shuts Off] SURE.
SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.
- IS THIS YOUR IDEA
OF A BURGLAR ALARM?
- IT WORKED, DIDN'T IT?
I WOULDN'T BOTHER SETTIN'
THAT BACK UP BECAUSE ROBIN'S...
ON HER WAY OVER.
WHAT A SILLY PLACE
TO PUT GARBAGE.
DID YOUR FATHER
CARRY A GUN? YES, WHY?
EMMETT JACKSON DIED
OF A GUNSHOT WOUND.
- AND YOU THINK
ROBIN'S FATHER SHOT HIM?
- WELL, IT TIES IN.
DO YOU SMELL SMOKE?
- COME TO THINK OF IT, YEAH.
- [Howie] THE BATHROOM'S ON FIRE!
OH!
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
LET'S GO! WHERE?
THE WINDOW!
EVERYBODY OKAY? YEAH.
YEAH, I GUESS SO. COLT,
LOOK AT THE FRONT DOOR.
- I AM STARTING
TO GET MAD AGAIN.
- [Tires Squealing]
WELL, KID, SOMEBODY
SURE WANTS US DEAD.
I'LL BET YOU MRS. JACKSON
STARTED THOSE FIRES.
WELL, THE GUY AT THE GAS STATION
SAID SHE OWNS THE BLACK PANEL TRUCK.
SOMEHOW, I CAN'T PICTURE
THE OLD LADY DRIVIN' A TRUCK.
[Howie, Chuckling] YOU
MEAN THE BUTLER DID IT?
NOT FUNNY. ONE THING'S FOR SURE.
MRS. JACKSON ISN'T STRONG
ENOUGH TO PUSH THAT
DUMPSTER UP AGAINST
THE DOOR WITHOUT HELP.
IF MY FATHER SHOT EMMETT,
GOD KNOWS WHAT
THEY'VE DONE TO HIM.
[Wind Gusting]
BOY, THIS SURE
IS A CREEPY PLACE.
[Howie] IT WOULD HAVE
TO BE A FULL MOON.
WOULDN'T THIS BE A LOT
SAFER IN THE DAYLIGHT?
I DON'T THINK THIS PLACE WOULD
BE SAFE IF YOU PUT IT IN FORT KNOX.
MY FATHER SAID MRS. JACKSON'S
ALWAYS GONE AT THIS TIME,
SO WE'LL ONLY
HAVE ABOUT AN HOUR.
[Hooting]
[High-pitched Howl]
LET'S HOPE THAT
WAS ONLY A GHOST.
WE'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH.
[Thunderclap]
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
WE'LL HAVE TO SPLIT UP AND CHECK
THIS PLACE OUT. DO WE HAVE TO SPLIT UP?
SHE'S GOT A POINT, COLT. AFTER
ALL, THERE'S SAFETY IN NUMBERS.
LOOK, WILL YOU TWO GROW UP?
IT'S JUST AN EMPTY OLD HOUSE.
ROBIN, YOU CHECK UPSTAIRS. YOU
SEE IF YOU CAN FIND THE BASEMENT,
AND I'LL LOOK AROUND DOWN HERE.
AND, HEY, YOU ALL
BE CAREFUL, HUH?
[Dog Howling In Distance]
[Squawks]
DAMN BIRD. HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE TO BE STUFFED?
[Rats Squeaking]
[Thunderclap]
[Creaking]
[Shudders] COLT!
COLT! COLT!
[Creaking]
[Howie] COLT!
I FOUND EMMETT! HE'S FROZEN
STIFF IN THE FREEZER DOWNSTAIRS!
[Gunshot] [Robin Screams]
- [Screaming]
- ROBIN!
[Screaming Continues]
ROBIN!
OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M HER FATHER.
[Car Door Closes, Engine Starts]
COME ON, KID. WE
GOTTA GET MRS. JACKSON.
[Tires Squealing]
[Tires Squealing]
[Tires Squealing]
[Mrs. Jackson] MR. SEAVERS!
YOU'D BETTER GET OUT OF HERE, OR
YOU'LL BLOW UP WITH THIS WHOLE REFINERY.
I'LL GO UP THIS WAY.
SEE IF YOU CAN FIND
A WAY UP THE BACK.
[Grunting]
[Groans]
GOOD TIMING, KID. HE WAS BEGINNING
TO LOSE HIS SENSE OF HUMOR.
YEAH, WELL, WHAT'S
MRS. JACKSON GONNA DO?
SHE'S GONNA BLOW THIS WHOLE
PLACE UP IF WE DON'T STOP HER.
GO KEEP HER OCCUPIED. I'LL TRY.
[Howie] NO, WAIT!
MRS. JACKSON, DON'T!
NOT ONE STEP,
OR I'LL THROW THIS!
THE TANK WILL EXPLODE,
AND WE'LL GO UP WITH IT.
BUT WHY? WHY KILL
YOURSELF? WHY KILL US?
WHY LIVE?
THIS REFINERY
BELONGED TO MY HUSBAND.
IT'S ALL HE CARED ABOUT.
BUT EMMETT... EMMETT WAS MINE!
AND NOW THAT YOU'VE SEEN HIM,
YOU'LL TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME.
WITHOUT MY SON, WHAT
REASON DO I HAVE TO LIVE?
I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO LOSE SOMEONE,
BUT THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
THINK ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE
WHO WILL SUFFER FOR YOUR SON.
WHAT DO I CARE ABOUT THEM?
THEY'RE NOT MY FAMILY.
THEY DON'T LOVE ME.
THEY DON'T EVEN NEED ME...
JUST THIS DAMNED PLACE.
WHEN I THROW THIS
TORCH, THEY'LL SUFFER.
FINALLY THEY WILL GET
WHAT THEY DESERVE.
MRS. JACKSON, PLEASE.
NO. NOT ONE MORE STEP!
[Howie] I CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS.
[Mrs. Jackson] YOUNG
MAN, YOU CAN'T STOP ME.
NO ONE CAN!
[Siren Wailing]
COLT! HERE COMES
OUR FRIEND THE SHERIFF!
YEAH, WELL, YOU BETTER GET THAT
SILVER TONGUE OF YOURS READY,
'CAUSE YOU'RE SURE GONNA HAVE TO
EXPLAIN WHAT YOU DID TO THAT POOR OLD LADY.
[Siren Continues]
THE STRANGEST CASE YOU GUYS HAVE
EVER BEEN ON. OH, IT WASN'T ALL THAT BAD.
ROBIN WAS A LITTLE BIT SCARED,
BUT I MANAGED TO KEEP HER CALM.
[Phone Rings]
[Rings]
HELLO?
YEAH. YES, BIG JACK.
I UNDERSTAND. I
KNOW IT'S SERIOUS.
OKAY, THANKS FOR
CALLING. GOOD-BYE.
WHAT'S SERIOUS?
MRS. JACKSON AND ETHAN... THEY JUST
ESCAPED FROM THE MENTAL HOSPITAL,
AND THEY WERE SEEN HEADIN' FOR
L.A. WHAT? THEY'RE COMING HERE?
THEY'RE GONNA COME HERE WHEN WE'RE ASLEEP,
AND THEY'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN.
YEAH, WELL, DON'T WORRY. IF THEY... THEY
COME, I'LL LEAVE QUIETLY. I WON'T WAKE YOU.
THIS ISN'T FUNNY, COLT. DON'T YOU
CARE ABOUT THE DANGER WE'RE IN?
NO, I'M JUST KIDDIN'.
NO, YOU WEREN'T.
BIG JACK WAS JUST REMINDING US THAT WE'RE
OUT ON BAIL AND NOT TO MISS OUR COURT DATE.
I GOT HIM. I GOT YA.
[Man] FALL GUY IS A GLEN
LARSON PRODUCTION.