The Fall Guy (1981–1986): Season 1, Episode 4 - That's Right, We're Bad - full transcript
Colt and Howie go undercover in a prison, trying to get one of the inmates to lead them to his former partner-in-crime and with him, the money from the duo's last job.
♪ WELL, I'M NOT THE
KIND TO KISS AND TELL ♪
♪ BUT I'VE BEEN
SEEN WITH FARRAH ♪
♪ I'VE NEVER BEEN
WITH ANYTHING LESS ♪
♪ THAN A NINE SO FINE ♪
♪ I'VE BEEN ON FIRE
WITH SALLY FIELD ♪
♪ GONE FAST WITH
A GIRL NAMED BO ♪
♪ BUT SOMEHOW THEY
JUST DON'T END UP AS MINE ♪
♪ IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN'
LIFE I LEAD ♪
♪ I TAKE MY CHANCES ♪
♪ I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN
THE MOVIES AND TV ♪
[Siren Wailing]
♪ BUT THE HARDEST
THING I EVER DO ♪
♪ IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES ♪
♪ KISS SOME OTHER GUY
WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE ♪
♪ I MIGHT FALL FROM
A TALL BUILDIN' ♪
♪ I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪
♪ THAT MADE
REDFORD SUCH A STAR ♪
♪♪ [Women Vocalizing]
♪ I'VE NEVER SPENT
MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL ♪
♪ BUT I'VE TAUGHT
LADIES PLENTY ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY
BODY OUT FOR PAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I'VE GOTTEN BURNED
OVER CHERYL TIEGS ♪
♪ BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN
THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I MIGHT JUMP AN
OPEN DRAWBRIDGE ♪
♪ OR TARZAN FROM A VINE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪
♪ THAT MAKES EASTWOOD
LOOK SO FINE ♪♪
[Colt Narrating] THIS IS THE STORY OF
ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT
YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR
HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM,
WOMEN HAVE WANTED
TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY
CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN'
SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS...
WELL, BECAUSE IT'S
ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T
WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A
GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO
WAIT BY THE PHONE...
AND WAIT... AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL
JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM...
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,
WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES
A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE...
GET OUT OF JAIL ON
WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN. I SOMETIMES
PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM...
AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
BUT TODAY I'M DOING
WHAT I REALLY LIKE TO DO...
GETTING YANKED OFF A
MOTORCYCLE AT 60 MILES PER HOUR.
HAS COLT EVER DONE
ANYTHING THAT'S SAFE?
[Man] HOW DANGEROUS
IS THIS STUNT, COLT?
OH, NOT BAD, AS LONG AS
THE CABLE HOLDS TIGHT.
[Man] AND IF IT DOESN'T?
WELL, THEN MY HEAD'S GONNA BOUNCE
OFF THE PAVEMENT LIKE A BASKETBALL.
OKAY, I THINK WE'RE READY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY,
LET'S SHOOT IT, HUH?
[Man] OKAY. ACTION!
[Tires Squealing]
[Man] CUT IT! THAT'S
A PRINT! YEAH!
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
NOT BAD, COLT. NOT BAD AT ALL.
THE JERK WAS A LITTLE BIT SOFT, BUT NOTHING
THAT CAN'T BE HANDLED BY AN OPTICAL.
OPTICAL? WELL, A
SMALL OPTICAL, REALLY.
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT. ONCE
THIS IS SOLD AS A FEATURE TO TELEVISION,
THE AUDIENCE WILL NEVER
NOTICE THE FLAWS. FLAWS?
THE SMALL SCREEN.
DETAILS DON'T SHOW UP.
HEY, EVEN THE BEST
STUNTS HAVE KINKS.
YEAH, NECKS HAVE BEEN
KNOWN TO GET KINKS.
BOY, YOU GIVE A STAR A LITTLE
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM AND HE...
FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT A STAR, I'M A
STUNTMAN. STARS GET A LOT OF MONEY.
WE GET A LOT OF PAIN, WHICH I AM GOING
TO TAKE CARE OF WITH A NICE WARM BATH.
[Phone Rings] [Colt] GET
THAT, WILL YOU, KID?
TELL THEM I'M UNAVAILABLE. I'VE
GOT AN ACTING PART... IN A SOAP.
DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO
HIM, HOWIE! THAT CALL IS CRITICAL!
JACK, WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU DOING IN MY BATHROOM?
I'VE GOT FOUR BROTHERS,
COLT. ALL BIGGER THAN YOU.
THAT'S ASSUMING A
LOT. AND STAY IN THERE!
KID, YOU LET HER COME BACK
OUT HERE AND YOU'RE FIRED!
DON'T BE SELFISH, COLT.
COME ON, WE NEED YOU.
JODY.
[Baby Crying]
[Crying Continues]
HEY. WHO THE...
WHAT IS THIS? I'VE MADE
MOVIES THAT DID LESS BUSINESS.
NO. NO, DANNY, WAIT A MINUTE.
I'M PLEADING WITH YOU. TRUST ME.
DON'T RUN. YOU'LL GET KILLED.
NO. I'M SURE... WAIT A MINUTE.
DANNY, PLEASE, COME HOME.
DON'T DO THIS FOOLISH THING.
MARIE, YOU DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THESE PEOPLE.
IF I GO TO JAIL, I'M A DEAD MAN.
OH, NO.
DANNY, GIVE ME ONE LAST CHANCE.
YOU KNOW THAT MAN I TOLD YOU
ABOUT THAT LIVES AT THIS NUMBER?
HE CAN FIND A WAY TO HELP YOU.
HELP WHO? WHAT IS THIS?
- DANNY, NO!
- CAN'T A MAN TAKE
A BATH IN PEACE?
DANNY!
IT'S NO USE. HE'S NOT
COMING IN. HE'S PANICKED.
WHO'S PANICKED? HE'LL KILL
DANNY IF THEY SEND HIM TO JAIL.
- IT'S BECAUSE OF ANIMAL.
- WHO'S ANIMAL?
[Howie] HE'S IN
JAIL FOR ASSAULT.
WELL, HOW CAN THEY SEND HIM
TO JAIL IF HE'S ALREADY IN JAIL?
NO, NO, NO. THEY'RE NOT SENDING HIM.
THEY'RE SENDING DANNY, MARIE'S HUSBAND,
FOR AN ARMORED CAR ROBBERY
COMMITTED BY ANIMAL AND ANOTHER MAN.
DANNY TESTIFIED AGAINST
ANIMAL. SO IF HE WINDS
UP IN JAIL WITH HIM,
HE'S AS GOOD AS DEAD.
NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
NO. I'M GOING BACK TO THE BATH.
THEY SAID YOU'D HELP.
IF NOT FOR ME AND DANNY,
[Baby Crying] THEN FOR OUR BABY.
[Crying Continues]
I SUPPOSE THE BABY'S
GOING TO JAIL TOO?
COLT, LET ME EXPLAIN.
YOU SEE, DANNY GARDNER USED
TO RUN WITH A PRETTY BAD CROWD.
BUT HE'S SETTLED DOWN, AND
HE HAD NO PART IN THIS ROBBERY,
BUT HE WAS SENTENCED
TO FIVE YEARS.
WELL, I BAILED HIM OUT PENDING HIS APPEAL,
BUT WHEN IT WENT AGAINST HIM, HE RAN.
AND I'M NOT SURE I BLAME HIM.
YOU WANT ME TO BRING HIM BACK?
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
SHE DOESN'T WANT ME TO BRING HIM
BACK. WELL, WE HAVE ANOTHER IDEA.
WE THINK ANIMAL'S PARTNER
IS A MAN CALLED RED EYE.
WE KNOW WHERE HE IS,
AND ALL WE HAVE TO DO...
IS GET ANIMAL TO LINK HIM AND THE
MONEY AND DANNY WILL BE CLEARED.
JACK, THAT'S AN AWFUL BIG ORDER.
HOW DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO FILL THAT?
COLT, WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
UH-HUH.
RIGHT HERE. [Howie]
SHE'S GOT A PLAN.
AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.
[Cooing] OH.
[Howie] YOU'RE GOING INTO THE PRISON
AS A PRISONER TO GET NEXT TO ANIMAL?
[Colt] THAT'S THE PLAN. BIG JACK
IS MAKING ALL THE ARRANGEMENTS.
YOU KNOW, COLT, THAT
COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS.
THAT'S WHY I'M TAKING
YOU IN THERE WITH ME.
[Man] WELL, I HOPE THIS COLT SEAVERS
KNOWS WHAT HE'S GETTING INTO.
HE'S DEALT WITH
CRIMINALS FOR A LONG TIME.
I COULDN'T LET ANYBODY ELSE
HERE KNOW HE WASN'T A REAL CON.
TOO MANY LEAKS IN PRISON.
THAT'S GOING TO
REQUIRE A TIGHT COVER.
I'VE SPREAD WORD HE WAS
A COP KILLER. A COP KILLER?
THAT'S GOING TO TURN
THE GUARDS AGAINST HIM.
WE HAVE 75 GUARDS AND 3,000
INMATES. WHAT SIDE DO YOU WANT HIM ON?
WELL, IF YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, JIM,
I GUESS I HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOU.
LET'S JUST HOPE IT
DOESN'T TAKE COLT TOO
LONG TO GET CLOSE TO
THIS GUY CALLED ANIMAL.
IT'S A NICE DAY. IT'S TOO HOT.
MUCH TOO HOT THOUGH.
I DON'T LIKE YOU.
I CAN UNDERSTAND
THAT. NO, YOU CAN'T.
'CAUSE I REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU.
[Chattering]
HEY!
- WHO PUSHED ME?
- I DID.
WHAT, ARE YOU PROTECTIN' YOUR
BUDDY? NOPE. JUST PROTECTING YOU.
ME? THAT GUY YOU JUST PUSHED
IS CRAZY. HE'LL DO ANYTHING.
[Colt] THAT GUY, HE'S
TOUCHED IN THE HEAD.
YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID THAT GOT
HIM THROWN IN HERE? NO. WHAT?
[Whispering, Indistinct]
HE DID THAT?
WELL, KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU DID, BUT THANKS.
DON'T THANK ME TILL YOU
FIND OUT WHAT YOU DID.
CRANDALL, LIKE TO
ASK YOU A QUESTION.
YEAH? EVER HEAR OF JAKE WILSON?
THE ANIMAL.
YEAH, THAT'S THE GUY. HIM
AND ME ARE OLD FRIENDS.
I HEARD HE WAS
HERE. YEAH, HE'S HERE.
- YEAH, WELL, I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM.
- YOU'LL FIND OUT AFTER YOU'VE
BEEN IN THIS JOINT FOR A WHILE.
IF YOU DON'T SEE THEM ON THE
WORK DETAIL, THEY'RE IN THE HOLE.
SOLITARY CONFINEMENT?
YEAH. YOU HEARD ME.
HOW LONG ARE THEY GONNA
KEEP HIM IN THERE? HE'S BAD, MAN.
I HOPE THEY KEEP HIM IN
THERE FOR HIS DURATION.
NO CONVERSATION. [Gun Cocks]
- YOU ENJOY THAT?
- COP KILLER.
DID YOU FIND ANYTHING OUT, COLT?
FOR SOME CRAZY REASON, NONE
OF THESE GUYS WILL TALK TO ME.
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU
IN THE MESS HALL.
WHAT? WE'VE GOT A DINNER DATE.
WEAR YOUR DANCIN' SHOES, KID.
YOU AND ME HAVE TO STAGE AN
OLD-FASHIONED STUNTMAN'S BRAWL.
HOWDY, SLOB.
COOL IT! COOL IT!
THE GUY'S A NUT.
TAKE IT EASY.
HE'S A PSYCHO.
HOWIE, YOUR FIGHT IS WITH ME.
TRUST ME, COLT.
NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!
NOW YOU'VE DONE IT.
NO, HE'S MINE.
[Man] BREAK IT UP!
A FIGHT.
TAKE IT EASY!
BREAK 'EM UP!
LET ME AT HIM! I'LL KILL
HIM! I SWEAR! I'LL KILL HIM!
WHO STARTED IT? HE DID! HE STARTED
THROWING FOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE!
HE SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO
ASSOCIATE WITH GUYS LIKE US!
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS
GUY. HOLD IT, ROLAND.
YOU KNOW WE DON'T OPERATE
LIKE THAT. PUT HIM IN THE HOLE.
I THINK YOU'LL BE
GLAD TO KNOW THAT, UH,
YOU AIN'T GONNA
BE SEEIN' HIM AGAIN.
LET'S GO, SWEET.
RIGHT STRAIGHT AHEAD. IS-IS THIS
WHERE YOU KEEP THAT ANIMAL GUY?
I MEAN, YOU WOULDN'T PUT ME
IN WITH THAT ANIMAL, WOULD YOU?
DON'T WORRY. THERE'S
ONLY ONE IN A CELL.
WHEW! I COULDN'T STAND BEING COOPED UP IN
ONE OF THESE TINY CELLS WITH THAT KILLER.
UH, KEENAN, YOU KNOW WE REALLY
ARE A LITTLE SHORT OF SPACE.
I THINK HE OUGHT
TO GO IN WITH ANIMAL.
WAIT A MINUTE. YOU GUYS CAN'T
DUMP ME IN... THAT GUY'S A MURDERER.
YOU CAN'T PUT ME IN
THERE WITH... WITH ANIMAL.
BACK AGAINST THE
WALL. WE'RE OPENING UP.
ONE MORE COMING IN.
HI THERE.
I'M GONNA KILL YOU.
- COLT SEAVERS IS MY NAME.
- I DON'T LIKE ROOMMATES.
THE GUARD BROKE MY SHOULDER,
BUT I COULD KILL YOU WITH ONE HAND.
OH, I DON'T TAKE UP MUCH ROOM.
[Punch Landing] [Body Thuds]
[Chuckling] [Punches Landing]
[Body Thuds]
[Grunting]
[Panting]
PEGGY, HAVE YOU
REACHED DR. MASON?
YES, SIR. HE SAID HE COULD SEE YOU ON
YOUR WAY HOME TONIGHT, IF IT'S URGENT.
YES. ORDINARILY,
I... I'D... ORDINARILY...
WARDEN MITCHELL, WHAT'S WRONG?
WARDEN MITCHELL, ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT? I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
BACK OFF. JUST BACK OFF.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH EXPERIENCE
TO KNOW WHEN A MAN'S HURTING.
GO AWAY.
YOUR SHOULDER'S DISLOCATED.
FROM A GUARD'S CLUB?
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET
ON YOUR OWN SIDE OF THE HOLE?
NOW THIS ISN'T
GONNA HURT... OHH!
MUCH.
- HEY, WHAT'D YOU DO?
- I SET THE BONE, I THINK.
[Inhales, Exhales] SURE MAKES
BREATHING A LOT EASIER.
WHERE'D YOU LEARN
TO SET BONES LIKE THAT?
OH, I'VE HAD, UH,
PLENTY OF EXPERIENCE.
WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF A
DOCTOR? NO, JUST ACCIDENT-PRONE.
HEY, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
- YOU GAMBLE?
- OH, YOU BET.
[Chattering]
[Big Jack] DANNY, YOU DON'T
KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU WERE...
TO BE BROUGHT IN STILL
WEARING YOUR SKIN.
BIG JACK, THERE AIN'T
NOTHING LUCKY ABOUT ME.
IN THREE DAYS, I'LL BE
SENT UP TO THE STATE
PRISON, WHERE ANIMAL'S
WAITING TO KILL ME.
NOT IF COLT CAN HELP IT. COLT?
HE'S A STUNTMAN,
JACK, NOT SUPERMAN.
DANNY, I'M GONNA
CALL THE WARDEN,
EXPLAIN YOU'VE JUST BEEN CAUGHT.
HE'S AN OLD FRIEND, AND I'M-I'M SURE
THAT HE CAN DELAY YOUR ARRIVAL.
[Phone Rings]
[Peggy] WARDEN
MITCHELL'S OFFICE.
HELLO. MAY I SPEAK TO WARDEN
MITCHELL? IT'S SAMANTHA JACK.
OH, MISS JACK, I'M SO SORRY. THE
WARDEN'S CRITICALLY ILL. HE'S IN A COMA.
OH, MY GOD.
- THE WARDEN
HAD A HEART ATTACK.
- WHAT?
YEAH, HE'S IN A
COMA, AND HE'S...
YOU MEAN AS IN UNCONSCIOUS?
BOY, THAT EXPLAINS A LOT.
CAPTAIN ROLAND HAS BEEN STRUTTING
AROUND HERE LIKE CAPTAIN BLIGH.
IT'S DOUBLE WORK
HOURS AND HALF RATIONS.
GEE, HE DOESN'T SOUND LIKE THE KIND
OF A GUY WE COULD GO TO FOR HELP.
[Scoffs] NOT UNLESS YOU
WANT YOUR NOOSE TIGHTENED.
[Sighs] WELL, WHERE'S COLT?
HE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
JODY, EVEN I CAN'T GET
IN TOUCH WITH COLT.
HE'S GOT HIMSELF THROWN
INTO THE HOLE. THE HOLE?
WELL, THAT'S WHERE ANIMAL IS.
WELL, WE'VE GOTTA LET
COLT KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
JODY, THE ONLY WAY THAT I CAN TALK TO
COLT IS TO GET MYSELF THROWN INTO THE HOLE.
JODY, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THE HOLE IS A SCUMMY PLACE.
IT'S DARK, AND IT'S DAMP.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL PUNCH SOMEONE.
HEY, YOU. UGLY FACE.
♪ ARE YOU STEPPIN'
UP TO ME ♪ COME HERE.
♪ LIKE YOU WANT TO TAKE A
PIECE, YEAH ♪ DID YOU HEAR ME?
♪ BETTER BE CAREFUL WHAT
YOU SAY ♪ I'M TALKING TO YOU.
♪ 'CAUSE I'M STARTING TO FEEL MY
RAGE ♪ I DON'T LIKE THE WAY YOU LOOK.
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A FIGHT ♪ WHAT ARE
YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, HUH? HUH? HUH?
♪ YOU TRY TO THROW
AROUND YOUR BODY ♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A FIGHT ♪
♪ AND I'M GONNA WIN ♪
HEY, YOU, STUMPY THERE.
NEXT TO THE GUY WITH THE
HUNCHBACK. THAT'S RIGHT. YOU GUYS.
♪ WELL, MY EYES ARE SEEIN' RED ♪
♪ I'M BURNIN' MY ADRENALINE
♪ I DON'T LIKE ANY OF YOU GUYS.
YOU'RE ALL CREEPS,
YOU HEAR ME? CREEPOS!
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A FIGHT ♪
♪♪ [Continues] STAY AWAY
FROM HIM. HE'S A PSYCHO.
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A FIGHT ♪
♪ AND I'M GONNA WIN ♪♪
HEY, YOU.
[Snaps Fingers] COME HERE.
♪♪ [Ends]
HA. [Spits]
COME ON, DOUBLES.
[Chuckles] OKAY. THAT MAKES,
UH, $74,000 YOU OWE ME.
YEAH, WELL, HERE'S 74.
BOY, LAST TIME I REMEMBER A GUY DROPPING
THAT MUCH MONEY WAS A FELLA IN VEGAS,
WORE THIS SILLY
RED PATCH ON HIS EYE.
RED PATCH?
YEAH. HE WAS DROPPING C-NOTES
LIKE THEY WERE GOING OUT OF STYLE.
- IS THIS GUY NAMED RED EYE?
- YEAH. I THINK THAT'S WHAT
THEY CALLED HIM, YEAH.
DROPPING MONEY IN VEGAS?
YEAH. YOU SHOULD HAVE
SEEN THE BROADS CRAWLING
ALL OVER HIM.
GOOD-LOOKING BROADS TOO.
HE'S GOT BROADS, AND I'M ROTTING
HERE IN THIS PLACE? HEY, THAT GUY IS DEAD.
HE'S DEAD? HOW'D HE DIE?
WELL, I HAVEN'T FIGURED THAT
OUT YET, BUT IT'S GONNA HURT.
YEAH, I BET IT WOULD.
THAT TWO-BIT PUNK RED EYE.
SPENDING MY MONEY WHILE I'M ROTTING
HERE IN THIS JAIL. SPENDING YOUR MONEY?
- I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
- I WISH I COULD ARRANGE IT.
NO, MAN. I MEAN, I
GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
YOU SEE, RED EYE AND I PULLED OFF
A JOB. WE PINNED IT ON SOME JERK.
YOU KNOW, PERFECT CRIME?
EXCEPT HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO SPEND
ANY MONEY UNTIL I GET OUT OF HERE.
- THAT RED EYE'S A THIEF!
- YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
HEY, YOU WANT TO
GET OUT OF HERE?
OH, NO, NO, NO. I'M GONNA SIT RIGHT HERE
AND SERVE MY TIME OUT NICE AND EASY.
YEAH, WELL, NOT ME.
I'M GONNA GET MY HANDS ON MY SHARE
OF THAT MONEY. SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY.
[Thumps] [Howie] GET
YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME.
WATCH IT. I'LL CALL
MY LAWYER. [Thumps]
[Sighs] GO ON.
BOY, AM I LOOKING
FORWARD TO THIS. PRIVACY.
SICKEST GUY I'VE EVER SEEN. MOST OF
THEM WANT TO STAY OUT OF THE HOLE.
[Door Closes] HOWIE?
COLT?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?
- WELL, IT'S A LONG STORY.
WELL, I'VE GOT NOTHING BUT
TIME. HEY, YOU KNOW THIS GUY?
OH, YEAH, HE'S A FRIEND.
BUT HE'S CRAZY. REAL LOON.
YEAH. I LIKE THAT.
COLT, DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS ABOUT
THE WARDEN? HE HAD A HEART ATTACK.
HMM. THE WARDEN HAD
A HEART ATTACK. GREAT!
I LOVE TO SEE A SCREW
GET IT. OUR WARDEN?
YEAH. ROLAND RUNS THE PLACE NOW.
THE, UH, WARDEN DIDN'T HAVE ANY INTERESTING
NEWS TO PASS ON TO ROLAND, DID HE?
UH-UH. HE'S IN A COMA.
A COMA?
YOU GOT ANY OTHER GOOD NEWS?
WELL, YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE
WERE RUNNING WITH BIG JACK'S GANG?
BIG JACK'S GANG? YEAH.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, THE GUY
WHO WOULDN'T COME IN WITH US?
WELL, HE WAS PICKED
UP. OH, HE WAS, WAS HE?
THAT DOESN'T LEAVE US
MUCH TIME TO MAKE A BREAK.
ALL RIGHT! BREAK!
THAT'S MY KIND OF TALK.
YEAH, BUT THE LOON
GOES WITH US. SURE.
HEY, BUT HOW YOU GONNA
GET US OUT OF THIS HOLE?
WATCH. GUARD!
- [Knocking] - GUARD!
HEY, SCREW! HALF-WIT!
DUMMY! COME HERE!
[Knocking Continues]
YOU SAY SOMETHING? YEAH.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW THAT CLOWN
THAT'S RUNNIN' THIS PLACE IS DOING.
YOU KNOW WHO
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?
YEAH. THAT LOWLIFE
CREATURE THEY CALL ROLAND.
HE AIN'T GONNA LIKE
HEARING WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
THAT'S WHY HE'S KEEPING ME
IN HERE. HE'S TOO CHICKEN...
- TO LET ME OUT WHERE
I CAN GET A HOLD OF HIM.
- CHICKEN?
[Chuckles] ROLAND?
[Whispering] ROLAND DID THIS.
YEAH. YOU TELL THAT FATSO...
THAT HE'S TOO YELLOW TO
LET ANY OF US OUT OF HERE.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
THAT YOU WANT ME TO RELAY?
"YELLOW-BELLIED CHICKEN WOULD
SELL HIS OWN MOTHER TO A BIKER GANG."
[Sighs] I GUESS THAT
ABOUT COVERS IT.
LET 'EM OUT.
ALL OF 'EM.
WELL, YOU LOOK PRETTY GOOD FOR A GUY
WHO SPENT A WEEK IN SOLITARY CONFINEMENT.
WELL, I CAN SAY ONE THING FOR FOOD
IN THE HOLE. YOU CAN'T GET FAT ON IT.
OH, A LITTLE GIFT.
COMPLIMENTS FROM OUR FRIENDS
IN THE SPECIAL EFFECTS DEPARTMENT.
THE BATTERIES ARE ALL
BRAND-NEW. THEY'LL LAST FOREVER.
THE ONE WITH THE RED
DOT IS HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE. OH.
ONLY ONE? THE RADIO HAD TO
WORK. THEY CHECK EVERYTHING.
THE SPECIAL EFFECTS DEPARTMENT
SAYS IT'S VERY SENSITIVE.
- HOW MUCH FORCE
DOES IT NEED?
- NOT MUCH.
WELL, I GOTTA TELL YOU, JODY,
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A
CARE PACKAGE FROM HOME.
♪♪ [Radio: Country]
I HOPE THIS WORKS, COLT.
WELL, JUST KEEP STACKING
'EM LIKE I TOLD YOU.
WITH ANIMAL'S HELP, WE'LL
GET THIS RAMP BUILT TODAY.
♪♪ [Continues]
LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE
AN UNEXPECTED VISITOR.
YEAH. MY RADIO.
[Volume Increases]
NICE SONG, AIN'T IT?
WELL, YOU GOT ALL THE COMFORTS
OF HOME HERE NOW, DON'T YA?
YOU KNOW, IT'D BE
SOMETHING TERRIBLE...
IF THIS NICE LITTLE
TRINKET WAS TO FALL OFF
OF HERE AND BUST IN
ABOUT A THOUSAND PIECES.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, WE DON'T
ALLOW PRESENTS TO NO COP KILLERS.
♪♪ [Ends] NOW THIS
IS AN EXPLOSIVE DEVICE.
- STAY BACK.
- [Laughing]
NOW YOU DON'T REALLY EXPECT
ME TO BELIEVE THAT, DO YOU?
JUST STAY WHERE YOU'RE AT, BOYS.
LET ME TAKE CARE OF
THIS TURKEY MYSELF.
HERE, KEEP 'EM
BACK. I'LL GET ANIMAL.
THROW DOWN YOUR
GUNS NOW! NOW! NOW!
COME ON, TEMPT ME!
COME ON, I DARE YOU!
TAXI? THIS YOUR PLAN?
WELL, WITH A FEW CHANGES.
LET'S PICK UP THE LOON.
HEY, WAIT FOR ME!
ONE STEP AND YOUR
WIFE IS A WIDOW!
YEAH!
[Roland] THEY STILL CAN'T GET
OUT OF HERE! GET AFTER 'EM!
[Animal] HOW DO WE GET THROUGH THE
FENCES? WELL, WE DON'T GO THROUGH.
HEY, THEY'RE COMIN' BACK!
- HEY, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
- JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES. IT'S WHAT I DO.
[Men Cheering]
NO MAN'S EVER GOTTEN
OUT OF ONE OF MY CAMPS.
I WANT EVERY MAN
WE GOT AFTER 'EM!
I WANT THEM KILLERS CAPTURED! YOU
UNDERSTAND ME? EVERY ONE OF 'EM!
I DON'T CARE HOW YOU BRING
'EM BACK, EITHER... DEAD OR ALIVE.
TAKE IT EASY, COLT.
IF I DROP THIS...
DON'T WORRY. IT'S JUST
A COMMON BATTERY.
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
I WAS HOLDING OFF ARMED
GUARDS WITH A PLAIN OLD BATTERY?
JOHN WAYNE COULDN'T
HAVE BEEN BETTER.
BEAUTIFUL. KEEP
THIS JALOPY GOING.
I GOT A DATE WITH
MY FRIEND RED EYE.
EXPLOSIVES? OKAY, FRANK, THANKS.
THAT WAS THE L.A.P.D.
WHERE IN THE WORLD DID
COLT GET HOLD OF EXPLOSIVES?
HE HAD TO GET OUT OF THERE. THAT
SO-CALLED WARDEN, HE WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM.
WITHOUT MITCHELL, THEY ARE BEING
HUNTED DOWN LIKE REAL CRIMINALS.
THIS LOOKS GOOD.
I STILL DON'T THINK
WE OUGHT TO DO THIS.
HEY, WE HAVE TO GET RID OF THIS TRUCK AND
GET SOME CLOTHES. WE NEED MONEY FOR THAT.
ANIMAL, WAIT A MINUTE.
MAYBE I BETTER DO IT.
I MEAN, LOOK, THERE'S NO OFFENSE.
IT'S JUST THAT THE WAY YOU LOOK...
THE GUY'S LIABLE TO START SHOOTING
BEFORE YOU WALK IN THE STORE.
YEAH.
YEAH!
YEAH. WE'LL STEAL THE CAR.
KID, THROW ME THAT
JACKET ON THE FLOOR.
[Coins Jingling]
[Rings]
HELLO. SAMANTHA JACK HERE.
COLT, WHERE ARE YOU?
WELL, RIGHT NOW, I'M IN A LIQUOR
STORE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?
WELL, I'M JUST ABOUT TO ROB IT.
WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?
NO. LISTEN. NOW PUT JODY ON
THE LINE, QUICK. I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
YEAH? OH. OKAY. RIGHT.
YEAH. YEAH, I KNOW
WHO THAT IS. OKAY.
YEAH, I GOT THAT.
WE'RE DOING EVERYTHING
WE CAN TO CLEAR THIS UP.
ALL RIGHT. JUST HANG TIGHT.
EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.
[Clears Throat]
UH, EXCUSE ME. UH, YEAH?
I HAVE KIND OF, UH,
AN UNUSUAL REQUEST...
AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
WELL, I'M NOT REALLY USED TO DOING
THIS, BUT I ASSURE YOU THE MONEY...
WILL BE RETURNED JUST
AS SOON... IS THIS A HOLDUP?
NO, NO. NO, NO, NO.
NOT EXACTLY. UH...
THIS IS A HOLDUP.
UM, YES, IT IS.
LOOK, I CAN'T EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I
DON'T WANT TO GET ANYBODY HURT.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT,
SUCKER. LOOK, I HAVE
MY HAND ON A .357
MAGNUM RIGHT THIS SECOND.
YOU SO MUCH AS BLINK AN EYE AND I'LL
BLOW YOUR HEAD RIGHT OFF YOUR SHOULDERS.
THIS ISN'T GOIN'
ACCORDING TO PLAN.
LOOK, I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE
AND THEN I'M GONNA PULL THE TRIGGER.
I WAS EIGHT MONTHS IN 'NAM,
AND I AIN'T AFRAID TO USE IT.
YOU NOW, LOOK, THIS COULD GO
A LOT SMOOTHER IF YOU'D JUST...
I HAD THREE YEARS IN
THERAPY. I CAN HANDLE STRESS.
THE DOCTORS SAY I'M DOING MUCH
BETTER. I'M OUT ALMOST FULL-TIME NOW.
- ONE...
- I DON'T THINK YOU'RE LISTENING TO ME.
- TWO...
- ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT, YOU WIN.
HEY, I HEARD SIX SHOTS. YOU
DON'T FOOL AROUND, DO YOU?
IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO
SOMETHING, YOU MAY AS WELL
DO IT RIGHT, ESPECIALLY
IF IT'S FOR A FRIEND.
HERE, I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING.
IT SEEMED APPROPRIATE.
BOY, YOU SHOULD SEE
ANIMAL HOT-WIRE A CAR.
- YEAH. MY DADDY TAUGHT ME.
- [Tires Squealing]
OP-OPERATOR, GET ME THE POLICE.
I'VE BEEN ROBBED... AND SHOT AT.
NO, I-I'M FINE. IT'S THE
WORST AIM I'VE EVER SEEN.
UH, THE ROBBER'S
NAME IS COLT SEAVERS.
HIS ADDRESS IS
22345 FIRST STREET.
HIS PHONE NUMBER IS 555-7015.
HE LEFT A NOTE.
SO FAR SO GOOD.
WITH ANY LUCK, THEY HAVEN'T
DISCOVERED THIS THING IS STOLEN YET.
[Man] COLT SEAVERS.
THAT'S THE GUY'S NAME.
HE TOOK THE MONEY FROM THE CASH
REGISTER AND-AND THAT LADY'S CAR.
AND HE LEFT HIS NAME BEHIND?
GUY'S NOT EXACTLY ALL THERE, HUH?
OH, HE'S ALL THERE, ALL RIGHT.
HE'S MOCKIN' ME. BUT I'LL
SHOW THAT COP KILLER.
I'LL FOLLOW HIM WHEREVER HE GOES,
AND I'LL MAKE HIM EAT THOSE WORDS.
HE'S GOTTA STOP SOMETIME.
AND WHEN HE DOES, I'LL MAKE
SURE HE NEVER MOVES AGAIN.
[Snaps Fingers]
EXCUSE ME.
[Engine Starts]
[Animal Howls]
OH, COLT, CAN'T WE HAVE JUST A LITTLE
FIRE? THESE THINGS DON'T TASTE GOOD RAW.
NO TELLING WHO THAT WOULD ATTRACT,
KID. HOW DID YOU FIND THIS PLACE?
OH, I DID SOME STUNT WORK
ON A FILM UP HERE ONCE.
IT'S NICE. REMINDS ME
OF MY DAYS AS A SCOUT.
BOY SCOUTS? HEY, I HAD
SOME GREAT TIMES WITH THEM.
YOU WERE A SCOUT?
NO, NO. I USED TO RAID THEIR
CAMPS, STEAL THEIR STUFF.
- HOW MUCH FARTHER WE GOTTA GO
TO FIND THIS RED EYE?
- WE SHOULD BE THERE TOMORROW.
WAIT TILL YOU GUYS
SEE WHAT I DO TO HIM.
I CAN'T WAIT.
ON THE COUNT OF THREE.
ONE, TWO... [Gun Cocks]
I WOULDN'T DO THAT,
ROLAND. I REALLY WOULDN'T.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION.
AGENT WILSON, AGENT JONES.
IT'S NOT NICE TO
POINT GUNS AT PEOPLE.
OH, YOU'RE A COMEDIAN, HUH?
I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE. BUT
THIS LINE OF WORK IS MORE STEADY.
BUT THOSE IS ESCAPED KILLERS OUT
THERE, ESCAPED FROM MY PENITENTIARY.
WE'RE AWARE OF THAT. THERE'S
ALSO A FEDERAL INVESTIGATION...
INVOLVING ONE OF THOSE MEN
THERE... "ANIMAL" JAKE MARTIN.
WE GOT A TIP HE CAN LEAD
US TO SOME FEDERAL MONEY.
BUT YOU CAN'T LET
ESCAPED KILLERS,
ESPECIALLY A COP KILLER, JUST
RUN AROUND HIS MERRY WAY.
IT WON'T BE VERY
MERRY, I CAN ASSURE YOU.
THE BUREAU FIGURES AS
LONG AS THEY'RE OUT ALREADY,
WE MIGHT AS WELL LET
THEM HELP US DO OUR JOB.
WE'RE VERY CAPABLE OF SEEING TO IT THOSE
BOYS DON'T GET INTO ANY MORE MISCHIEF.
AND WE'LL BE HAPPY TO RETURN
THEM TO YOU WHEN WE'RE THROUGH.
I BETTER GET 'EM
BACK... IN ONE PIECE.
[Birds Chirping]
HMM? WHAT'S GOING ON?
COPS IN THE WOODS.
[Engine Cranking]
WILSON!
[Cranking Continues]
THEY'RE ON THE MOVE!
[Engine Starts]
- WHAT ARE WE GONNA
DO NOW, COLT?
- TRUST ME.
THE LAST ONE I
TRUSTED WAS RED EYE.
HANG ON, GUYS.
- UH, COLT?
- ALL RIGHT, PULL OVER!
LOOKS LIKE THEY GOT US.
YOU GUYS GIVE UP TOO EASY.
[Howie] COLT, CAN'T
YOU GO ANY FASTER?
[Colt] THIS CAR DOESN'T MOVE. NEXT
TIME STEAL A CAR WITH SOME GUTS.
[Howie] COLT, IT SAYS
THE DARN ROAD'S CLOSED.
- ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'?
- NO.
- YOU'LL NEVER MAKE THIS ONE.
- YOU KNOW, KID,
YOU COULD BE RIGHT.
OH, I SHOULD HAVE
STAYED IN THE HOLE.
- HEY, BEN, YOU'RE NOT GONNA...
- IF HE CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT.
[Jones] YOU WERE SAYING?
[Wilson] NEVER MIND. JUST GET ON
THE RADIO. WE NEED A CHOPPER FAST.
HE'S UP THERE.
BUT WE'D BETTER
GO AROUND THE BACK.
WHAT IS THIS PLACE?
IT'S AN OLD THEATER THEY'RE GONNA
TEAR DOWN TO MAKE INTO CONDOMINIUMS.
RED EYE LIVES HERE.
HE'S A WATCHMAN.
♪♪ [Country]
[Gun Cocks]
JUST LIKE THE CREEP.
SUCKIN' ON A BEER.
HEY, DIRTBAG! [Screams]
[Punches Landing] [Grunting]
[Screams] WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY?
ANIMAL, HOW'D YOU GET OUT?
WITH THE HELP OF
MY TWO PALS HERE.
AND MY BUDDY TOLD ME
WHAT KIND OF A THIEF YOU ARE!
THIEF? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THIEF? MAN, WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
MR. INNOCENT, HUH? I KNOW ABOUT
THAT LOAD YOU DROPPED IN VEGAS!
VEGAS? VEGAS? I HAVEN'T
BEEN TO VEGAS IN THREE YEARS.
AND ABOUT ANY DOUGH... THE DOUGH WE
GOT IS STILL SAFE IN THE SAFE-DEPOSIT BOX.
I AIN'T TOUCHED IT. YOU CAN
CALL THE BANK. [Animal] YEAH?
HOW COME HE SAW YOU GAMBLING? WHAT
ABOUT ALL THOSE BROADS YOU WERE BUYING?
YOU DON'T DO THAT WITH A
SMILE, YOU KNOW. ANIMAL! ANIMAL!
I GIVE YOU MY WORD. I SWEAR
I AIN'T TOUCHED THAT DOUGH.
I MEAN, LOOK AROUND
HERE! LOOK AROUND!
WOULD I BE LIVIN' LIKE THIS IF
I WAS SPENDING OUR DOUGH?
WOULD I BE HERE WHERE YOU
COULD FIND ME LIKE YOU JUST DID?
USE YOUR HEAD.
WELL, ANIMAL, THERE'S
GOTTA BE SOME EXPLANATION.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IT REALLY HURTS MY
FEELINGS THAT YOU'RE BEGINNIN' TO DOUBT ME.
ANIMAL, IT, UH, SURE LOOKED LIKE THE
SAME FELLA DROPPIN' MONEY IN VEGAS.
I MEAN, HOW MANY GUYS
WEAR FUNNY RED PATCHES?
YEAH, YOU'RE SURE
LOOKIN' PRETTY NERVOUS.
DO SOMETHIN', KID.
UH, WHAT DO YOU SAY THE FOUR
OF US SIT DOWN AND TALK THIS OVER?
- WE'LL HAVE A COUPLE OF BEERS.
IT WAS A HOT DAY... - SHUT UP!
I'M GETTIN' A FUNNY FEELIN'
ABOUT YOU TWO GUYS.
- FREEZE! FEDERAL AGENTS!
- OH, DON'T SHOOT! DON'T SHOOT!
YOU, UP! BEN, COVER 'EM.
DON'T YOU MOVE.
GET YOUR HANDS TOGETHER.
- HE'S DEAD.
- WELL, I THOUGHT
HE WAS GOING FOR A GUN.
HE WASN'T GOING FOR ANY GUN. YOU
COPS COULD BE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
[Gun Cocks]
MAYBE WE SHOULD
SHUT THEM UP, FAST.
HEY! WAIT! DEAL! DEAL, GUYS!
WE CAN TALK A DEAL HERE.
- HEY!
- HEY, I'D RATHER BE
BROKE THAN DEAD.
A DEAL? WHAT KIND OF DEAL?
LOOK, WE GOT 150 GRAND STASHED IN A
SAFE-DEPOSIT BOX IN A BANK, YOU UNDERSTAND?
WE'LL GIVE THE WHOLE THING TO
YOU GUYS YOU LET US GO, OKAY?
YOU'D BE WILLING TO GIVE US ALL
THE MONEY, AND WE JUST LET YOU GO?
YEAH, YOU COULD SAY WE
RAN OUT DURING THE SHOOTING.
150 GRAND, GUYS.
WELL, HERE'S...
HERE'S... HERE'S THE KEY.
- FIRST NATIONAL,
SYCAMORE STREET.
- [Colt] THANK YOU, RED EYE.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- BUT YOU'RE DEAD.
YOU JUST WENT OUT THE WINDOW.
WHOO! HOW'D YOU DO THAT, COLT?
YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO FALL.
- WELL, FOR A MINUTE THERE, I
WAS A LITTLE DOWN IN THE DUMP.
- [Jones] POLICE EMERGENCY.
- BUT IT SURE SAVED MY NECK.
- THERE'S BEEN A SHOOTING AT
14 WATER STREET. SEND A UNIT.
COLT, THE POLICE
ARE ON THEIR WAY.
VERY CONVINCING FOR
A COUPLE OF STUNTMEN.
[Red Eye] STUNTMEN?
[Jones] YEAH.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, THE WAY
I'VE GOT IT FIGURED, EVEN AT SCALE,
FOR TWO DAY'S STUNTS,
UH, FOR THE GAGS WE DID,
I FIGURE YOU OWE ME AND
BENNY ABOUT A GRAND EACH.
YEAH, WELL, SEE MY MANAGER HERE,
BOYS. HE'LL BE HAPPY TO PAY YOU.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, HOWIE?
UH, WELL, I'VE GOT TO GET
THE DEAL SET WITH BIG JACK...
AND, UH, W-2
FORMS IN TRIPLICATE.
WE'LL HAVE TO SUBMIT MEAL VOUCHERS.
I WANT VERIFICATION ON OVERTIME.
AND NATURALLY, I'LL HAVE TO DEDUCT
THE PRICE OF THE CAR YOU WRECKED.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T REALLY
TRY TO DO EVERYTHING COLT TRIES TO DO.
I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH HIM
A LOT LONGER THAN YOU GUYS.
WELL, COLT, COME ON. I WANT
TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
LOOK, I'D RATHER NOT SEE ANYTHING
YOU HAVE TO SHOW ME FOR QUITE A WHILE.
OH, THIS YOU'RE GONNA
WANT TO SEE. I PROMISE.
OH, MISS JACK. I CAN'T
THANK YOU ENOUGH.
OH, I'M NOT THE ONE TO THANK.
IT'S THESE TWO GENTLEMEN.
BLESS YOU. MY FAMILY WILL
ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL TO YOU.
I'M JUST, UH, GLAD EVERYTHING
TURNED OUT ALL RIGHT.
WELL, IF, UH, YOU'LL EXCUSE US.
SURE.
GOOD-BYE. GOOD-BYE. GOOD LUCK.
OH.
JACK, HOW COME IT IS EVERY
TIME I WANT TO GET MAD AT YOU,
YOU ALWAYS HAVE
SOMETHING UP YOUR SLEEVE?
OH, BUT, COLT, I'VE GOT
NOTHING UP MY SLEEVES NOW.
[Banging] WHAT'S THAT?
HOWIE, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING TO THAT POOR MACHINE?
THIS DARN THING
STOLE MY 50 CENTS.
HOWIE... NOT NOW, COLT.
I TOOK A HALF A YEAR OF MECHANICAL
ENGINEERING AT PENN STATE,
AND I'M GONNA GET TO
THE BOTTOM OF THIS THING.
HOWARD.
NO. IT'S THE PRINCIPLE, COLT.
THESE MACHINES NEVER
WORK... AND IN A POLICE STATION.
LOOK, WE WANT TO GO TO LUNCH.
WELL, GO ON AHEAD. I'LL
CATCH UP WITH YOU LATER.
WELL, HERE, KID.
YOU MIGHT NEED THIS.
[Chuckling]
[Man] FALL GUY IS A GLEN
LARSON PRODUCTION.
KIND TO KISS AND TELL ♪
♪ BUT I'VE BEEN
SEEN WITH FARRAH ♪
♪ I'VE NEVER BEEN
WITH ANYTHING LESS ♪
♪ THAN A NINE SO FINE ♪
♪ I'VE BEEN ON FIRE
WITH SALLY FIELD ♪
♪ GONE FAST WITH
A GIRL NAMED BO ♪
♪ BUT SOMEHOW THEY
JUST DON'T END UP AS MINE ♪
♪ IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN'
LIFE I LEAD ♪
♪ I TAKE MY CHANCES ♪
♪ I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN
THE MOVIES AND TV ♪
[Siren Wailing]
♪ BUT THE HARDEST
THING I EVER DO ♪
♪ IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES ♪
♪ KISS SOME OTHER GUY
WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE ♪
♪ I MIGHT FALL FROM
A TALL BUILDIN' ♪
♪ I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪
♪ THAT MADE
REDFORD SUCH A STAR ♪
♪♪ [Women Vocalizing]
♪ I'VE NEVER SPENT
MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL ♪
♪ BUT I'VE TAUGHT
LADIES PLENTY ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY
BODY OUT FOR PAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I'VE GOTTEN BURNED
OVER CHERYL TIEGS ♪
♪ BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN
THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I MIGHT JUMP AN
OPEN DRAWBRIDGE ♪
♪ OR TARZAN FROM A VINE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪
♪ THAT MAKES EASTWOOD
LOOK SO FINE ♪♪
[Colt Narrating] THIS IS THE STORY OF
ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT
YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR
HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM,
WOMEN HAVE WANTED
TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY
CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN'
SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS...
WELL, BECAUSE IT'S
ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T
WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A
GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO
WAIT BY THE PHONE...
AND WAIT... AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL
JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM...
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,
WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES
A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE...
GET OUT OF JAIL ON
WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN. I SOMETIMES
PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM...
AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
BUT TODAY I'M DOING
WHAT I REALLY LIKE TO DO...
GETTING YANKED OFF A
MOTORCYCLE AT 60 MILES PER HOUR.
HAS COLT EVER DONE
ANYTHING THAT'S SAFE?
[Man] HOW DANGEROUS
IS THIS STUNT, COLT?
OH, NOT BAD, AS LONG AS
THE CABLE HOLDS TIGHT.
[Man] AND IF IT DOESN'T?
WELL, THEN MY HEAD'S GONNA BOUNCE
OFF THE PAVEMENT LIKE A BASKETBALL.
OKAY, I THINK WE'RE READY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY,
LET'S SHOOT IT, HUH?
[Man] OKAY. ACTION!
[Tires Squealing]
[Man] CUT IT! THAT'S
A PRINT! YEAH!
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
NOT BAD, COLT. NOT BAD AT ALL.
THE JERK WAS A LITTLE BIT SOFT, BUT NOTHING
THAT CAN'T BE HANDLED BY AN OPTICAL.
OPTICAL? WELL, A
SMALL OPTICAL, REALLY.
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT. ONCE
THIS IS SOLD AS A FEATURE TO TELEVISION,
THE AUDIENCE WILL NEVER
NOTICE THE FLAWS. FLAWS?
THE SMALL SCREEN.
DETAILS DON'T SHOW UP.
HEY, EVEN THE BEST
STUNTS HAVE KINKS.
YEAH, NECKS HAVE BEEN
KNOWN TO GET KINKS.
BOY, YOU GIVE A STAR A LITTLE
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM AND HE...
FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT A STAR, I'M A
STUNTMAN. STARS GET A LOT OF MONEY.
WE GET A LOT OF PAIN, WHICH I AM GOING
TO TAKE CARE OF WITH A NICE WARM BATH.
[Phone Rings] [Colt] GET
THAT, WILL YOU, KID?
TELL THEM I'M UNAVAILABLE. I'VE
GOT AN ACTING PART... IN A SOAP.
DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO
HIM, HOWIE! THAT CALL IS CRITICAL!
JACK, WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU DOING IN MY BATHROOM?
I'VE GOT FOUR BROTHERS,
COLT. ALL BIGGER THAN YOU.
THAT'S ASSUMING A
LOT. AND STAY IN THERE!
KID, YOU LET HER COME BACK
OUT HERE AND YOU'RE FIRED!
DON'T BE SELFISH, COLT.
COME ON, WE NEED YOU.
JODY.
[Baby Crying]
[Crying Continues]
HEY. WHO THE...
WHAT IS THIS? I'VE MADE
MOVIES THAT DID LESS BUSINESS.
NO. NO, DANNY, WAIT A MINUTE.
I'M PLEADING WITH YOU. TRUST ME.
DON'T RUN. YOU'LL GET KILLED.
NO. I'M SURE... WAIT A MINUTE.
DANNY, PLEASE, COME HOME.
DON'T DO THIS FOOLISH THING.
MARIE, YOU DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THESE PEOPLE.
IF I GO TO JAIL, I'M A DEAD MAN.
OH, NO.
DANNY, GIVE ME ONE LAST CHANCE.
YOU KNOW THAT MAN I TOLD YOU
ABOUT THAT LIVES AT THIS NUMBER?
HE CAN FIND A WAY TO HELP YOU.
HELP WHO? WHAT IS THIS?
- DANNY, NO!
- CAN'T A MAN TAKE
A BATH IN PEACE?
DANNY!
IT'S NO USE. HE'S NOT
COMING IN. HE'S PANICKED.
WHO'S PANICKED? HE'LL KILL
DANNY IF THEY SEND HIM TO JAIL.
- IT'S BECAUSE OF ANIMAL.
- WHO'S ANIMAL?
[Howie] HE'S IN
JAIL FOR ASSAULT.
WELL, HOW CAN THEY SEND HIM
TO JAIL IF HE'S ALREADY IN JAIL?
NO, NO, NO. THEY'RE NOT SENDING HIM.
THEY'RE SENDING DANNY, MARIE'S HUSBAND,
FOR AN ARMORED CAR ROBBERY
COMMITTED BY ANIMAL AND ANOTHER MAN.
DANNY TESTIFIED AGAINST
ANIMAL. SO IF HE WINDS
UP IN JAIL WITH HIM,
HE'S AS GOOD AS DEAD.
NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
NO. I'M GOING BACK TO THE BATH.
THEY SAID YOU'D HELP.
IF NOT FOR ME AND DANNY,
[Baby Crying] THEN FOR OUR BABY.
[Crying Continues]
I SUPPOSE THE BABY'S
GOING TO JAIL TOO?
COLT, LET ME EXPLAIN.
YOU SEE, DANNY GARDNER USED
TO RUN WITH A PRETTY BAD CROWD.
BUT HE'S SETTLED DOWN, AND
HE HAD NO PART IN THIS ROBBERY,
BUT HE WAS SENTENCED
TO FIVE YEARS.
WELL, I BAILED HIM OUT PENDING HIS APPEAL,
BUT WHEN IT WENT AGAINST HIM, HE RAN.
AND I'M NOT SURE I BLAME HIM.
YOU WANT ME TO BRING HIM BACK?
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
SHE DOESN'T WANT ME TO BRING HIM
BACK. WELL, WE HAVE ANOTHER IDEA.
WE THINK ANIMAL'S PARTNER
IS A MAN CALLED RED EYE.
WE KNOW WHERE HE IS,
AND ALL WE HAVE TO DO...
IS GET ANIMAL TO LINK HIM AND THE
MONEY AND DANNY WILL BE CLEARED.
JACK, THAT'S AN AWFUL BIG ORDER.
HOW DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO FILL THAT?
COLT, WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
UH-HUH.
RIGHT HERE. [Howie]
SHE'S GOT A PLAN.
AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.
[Cooing] OH.
[Howie] YOU'RE GOING INTO THE PRISON
AS A PRISONER TO GET NEXT TO ANIMAL?
[Colt] THAT'S THE PLAN. BIG JACK
IS MAKING ALL THE ARRANGEMENTS.
YOU KNOW, COLT, THAT
COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS.
THAT'S WHY I'M TAKING
YOU IN THERE WITH ME.
[Man] WELL, I HOPE THIS COLT SEAVERS
KNOWS WHAT HE'S GETTING INTO.
HE'S DEALT WITH
CRIMINALS FOR A LONG TIME.
I COULDN'T LET ANYBODY ELSE
HERE KNOW HE WASN'T A REAL CON.
TOO MANY LEAKS IN PRISON.
THAT'S GOING TO
REQUIRE A TIGHT COVER.
I'VE SPREAD WORD HE WAS
A COP KILLER. A COP KILLER?
THAT'S GOING TO TURN
THE GUARDS AGAINST HIM.
WE HAVE 75 GUARDS AND 3,000
INMATES. WHAT SIDE DO YOU WANT HIM ON?
WELL, IF YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, JIM,
I GUESS I HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOU.
LET'S JUST HOPE IT
DOESN'T TAKE COLT TOO
LONG TO GET CLOSE TO
THIS GUY CALLED ANIMAL.
IT'S A NICE DAY. IT'S TOO HOT.
MUCH TOO HOT THOUGH.
I DON'T LIKE YOU.
I CAN UNDERSTAND
THAT. NO, YOU CAN'T.
'CAUSE I REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU.
[Chattering]
HEY!
- WHO PUSHED ME?
- I DID.
WHAT, ARE YOU PROTECTIN' YOUR
BUDDY? NOPE. JUST PROTECTING YOU.
ME? THAT GUY YOU JUST PUSHED
IS CRAZY. HE'LL DO ANYTHING.
[Colt] THAT GUY, HE'S
TOUCHED IN THE HEAD.
YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID THAT GOT
HIM THROWN IN HERE? NO. WHAT?
[Whispering, Indistinct]
HE DID THAT?
WELL, KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU DID, BUT THANKS.
DON'T THANK ME TILL YOU
FIND OUT WHAT YOU DID.
CRANDALL, LIKE TO
ASK YOU A QUESTION.
YEAH? EVER HEAR OF JAKE WILSON?
THE ANIMAL.
YEAH, THAT'S THE GUY. HIM
AND ME ARE OLD FRIENDS.
I HEARD HE WAS
HERE. YEAH, HE'S HERE.
- YEAH, WELL, I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM.
- YOU'LL FIND OUT AFTER YOU'VE
BEEN IN THIS JOINT FOR A WHILE.
IF YOU DON'T SEE THEM ON THE
WORK DETAIL, THEY'RE IN THE HOLE.
SOLITARY CONFINEMENT?
YEAH. YOU HEARD ME.
HOW LONG ARE THEY GONNA
KEEP HIM IN THERE? HE'S BAD, MAN.
I HOPE THEY KEEP HIM IN
THERE FOR HIS DURATION.
NO CONVERSATION. [Gun Cocks]
- YOU ENJOY THAT?
- COP KILLER.
DID YOU FIND ANYTHING OUT, COLT?
FOR SOME CRAZY REASON, NONE
OF THESE GUYS WILL TALK TO ME.
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU
IN THE MESS HALL.
WHAT? WE'VE GOT A DINNER DATE.
WEAR YOUR DANCIN' SHOES, KID.
YOU AND ME HAVE TO STAGE AN
OLD-FASHIONED STUNTMAN'S BRAWL.
HOWDY, SLOB.
COOL IT! COOL IT!
THE GUY'S A NUT.
TAKE IT EASY.
HE'S A PSYCHO.
HOWIE, YOUR FIGHT IS WITH ME.
TRUST ME, COLT.
NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!
NOW YOU'VE DONE IT.
NO, HE'S MINE.
[Man] BREAK IT UP!
A FIGHT.
TAKE IT EASY!
BREAK 'EM UP!
LET ME AT HIM! I'LL KILL
HIM! I SWEAR! I'LL KILL HIM!
WHO STARTED IT? HE DID! HE STARTED
THROWING FOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE!
HE SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO
ASSOCIATE WITH GUYS LIKE US!
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS
GUY. HOLD IT, ROLAND.
YOU KNOW WE DON'T OPERATE
LIKE THAT. PUT HIM IN THE HOLE.
I THINK YOU'LL BE
GLAD TO KNOW THAT, UH,
YOU AIN'T GONNA
BE SEEIN' HIM AGAIN.
LET'S GO, SWEET.
RIGHT STRAIGHT AHEAD. IS-IS THIS
WHERE YOU KEEP THAT ANIMAL GUY?
I MEAN, YOU WOULDN'T PUT ME
IN WITH THAT ANIMAL, WOULD YOU?
DON'T WORRY. THERE'S
ONLY ONE IN A CELL.
WHEW! I COULDN'T STAND BEING COOPED UP IN
ONE OF THESE TINY CELLS WITH THAT KILLER.
UH, KEENAN, YOU KNOW WE REALLY
ARE A LITTLE SHORT OF SPACE.
I THINK HE OUGHT
TO GO IN WITH ANIMAL.
WAIT A MINUTE. YOU GUYS CAN'T
DUMP ME IN... THAT GUY'S A MURDERER.
YOU CAN'T PUT ME IN
THERE WITH... WITH ANIMAL.
BACK AGAINST THE
WALL. WE'RE OPENING UP.
ONE MORE COMING IN.
HI THERE.
I'M GONNA KILL YOU.
- COLT SEAVERS IS MY NAME.
- I DON'T LIKE ROOMMATES.
THE GUARD BROKE MY SHOULDER,
BUT I COULD KILL YOU WITH ONE HAND.
OH, I DON'T TAKE UP MUCH ROOM.
[Punch Landing] [Body Thuds]
[Chuckling] [Punches Landing]
[Body Thuds]
[Grunting]
[Panting]
PEGGY, HAVE YOU
REACHED DR. MASON?
YES, SIR. HE SAID HE COULD SEE YOU ON
YOUR WAY HOME TONIGHT, IF IT'S URGENT.
YES. ORDINARILY,
I... I'D... ORDINARILY...
WARDEN MITCHELL, WHAT'S WRONG?
WARDEN MITCHELL, ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT? I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
BACK OFF. JUST BACK OFF.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH EXPERIENCE
TO KNOW WHEN A MAN'S HURTING.
GO AWAY.
YOUR SHOULDER'S DISLOCATED.
FROM A GUARD'S CLUB?
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET
ON YOUR OWN SIDE OF THE HOLE?
NOW THIS ISN'T
GONNA HURT... OHH!
MUCH.
- HEY, WHAT'D YOU DO?
- I SET THE BONE, I THINK.
[Inhales, Exhales] SURE MAKES
BREATHING A LOT EASIER.
WHERE'D YOU LEARN
TO SET BONES LIKE THAT?
OH, I'VE HAD, UH,
PLENTY OF EXPERIENCE.
WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF A
DOCTOR? NO, JUST ACCIDENT-PRONE.
HEY, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
- YOU GAMBLE?
- OH, YOU BET.
[Chattering]
[Big Jack] DANNY, YOU DON'T
KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU WERE...
TO BE BROUGHT IN STILL
WEARING YOUR SKIN.
BIG JACK, THERE AIN'T
NOTHING LUCKY ABOUT ME.
IN THREE DAYS, I'LL BE
SENT UP TO THE STATE
PRISON, WHERE ANIMAL'S
WAITING TO KILL ME.
NOT IF COLT CAN HELP IT. COLT?
HE'S A STUNTMAN,
JACK, NOT SUPERMAN.
DANNY, I'M GONNA
CALL THE WARDEN,
EXPLAIN YOU'VE JUST BEEN CAUGHT.
HE'S AN OLD FRIEND, AND I'M-I'M SURE
THAT HE CAN DELAY YOUR ARRIVAL.
[Phone Rings]
[Peggy] WARDEN
MITCHELL'S OFFICE.
HELLO. MAY I SPEAK TO WARDEN
MITCHELL? IT'S SAMANTHA JACK.
OH, MISS JACK, I'M SO SORRY. THE
WARDEN'S CRITICALLY ILL. HE'S IN A COMA.
OH, MY GOD.
- THE WARDEN
HAD A HEART ATTACK.
- WHAT?
YEAH, HE'S IN A
COMA, AND HE'S...
YOU MEAN AS IN UNCONSCIOUS?
BOY, THAT EXPLAINS A LOT.
CAPTAIN ROLAND HAS BEEN STRUTTING
AROUND HERE LIKE CAPTAIN BLIGH.
IT'S DOUBLE WORK
HOURS AND HALF RATIONS.
GEE, HE DOESN'T SOUND LIKE THE KIND
OF A GUY WE COULD GO TO FOR HELP.
[Scoffs] NOT UNLESS YOU
WANT YOUR NOOSE TIGHTENED.
[Sighs] WELL, WHERE'S COLT?
HE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
JODY, EVEN I CAN'T GET
IN TOUCH WITH COLT.
HE'S GOT HIMSELF THROWN
INTO THE HOLE. THE HOLE?
WELL, THAT'S WHERE ANIMAL IS.
WELL, WE'VE GOTTA LET
COLT KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
JODY, THE ONLY WAY THAT I CAN TALK TO
COLT IS TO GET MYSELF THROWN INTO THE HOLE.
JODY, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THE HOLE IS A SCUMMY PLACE.
IT'S DARK, AND IT'S DAMP.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL PUNCH SOMEONE.
HEY, YOU. UGLY FACE.
♪ ARE YOU STEPPIN'
UP TO ME ♪ COME HERE.
♪ LIKE YOU WANT TO TAKE A
PIECE, YEAH ♪ DID YOU HEAR ME?
♪ BETTER BE CAREFUL WHAT
YOU SAY ♪ I'M TALKING TO YOU.
♪ 'CAUSE I'M STARTING TO FEEL MY
RAGE ♪ I DON'T LIKE THE WAY YOU LOOK.
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A FIGHT ♪ WHAT ARE
YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, HUH? HUH? HUH?
♪ YOU TRY TO THROW
AROUND YOUR BODY ♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A FIGHT ♪
♪ AND I'M GONNA WIN ♪
HEY, YOU, STUMPY THERE.
NEXT TO THE GUY WITH THE
HUNCHBACK. THAT'S RIGHT. YOU GUYS.
♪ WELL, MY EYES ARE SEEIN' RED ♪
♪ I'M BURNIN' MY ADRENALINE
♪ I DON'T LIKE ANY OF YOU GUYS.
YOU'RE ALL CREEPS,
YOU HEAR ME? CREEPOS!
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A FIGHT ♪
♪♪ [Continues] STAY AWAY
FROM HIM. HE'S A PSYCHO.
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A FIGHT ♪
♪ AND I'M GONNA WIN ♪♪
HEY, YOU.
[Snaps Fingers] COME HERE.
♪♪ [Ends]
HA. [Spits]
COME ON, DOUBLES.
[Chuckles] OKAY. THAT MAKES,
UH, $74,000 YOU OWE ME.
YEAH, WELL, HERE'S 74.
BOY, LAST TIME I REMEMBER A GUY DROPPING
THAT MUCH MONEY WAS A FELLA IN VEGAS,
WORE THIS SILLY
RED PATCH ON HIS EYE.
RED PATCH?
YEAH. HE WAS DROPPING C-NOTES
LIKE THEY WERE GOING OUT OF STYLE.
- IS THIS GUY NAMED RED EYE?
- YEAH. I THINK THAT'S WHAT
THEY CALLED HIM, YEAH.
DROPPING MONEY IN VEGAS?
YEAH. YOU SHOULD HAVE
SEEN THE BROADS CRAWLING
ALL OVER HIM.
GOOD-LOOKING BROADS TOO.
HE'S GOT BROADS, AND I'M ROTTING
HERE IN THIS PLACE? HEY, THAT GUY IS DEAD.
HE'S DEAD? HOW'D HE DIE?
WELL, I HAVEN'T FIGURED THAT
OUT YET, BUT IT'S GONNA HURT.
YEAH, I BET IT WOULD.
THAT TWO-BIT PUNK RED EYE.
SPENDING MY MONEY WHILE I'M ROTTING
HERE IN THIS JAIL. SPENDING YOUR MONEY?
- I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
- I WISH I COULD ARRANGE IT.
NO, MAN. I MEAN, I
GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
YOU SEE, RED EYE AND I PULLED OFF
A JOB. WE PINNED IT ON SOME JERK.
YOU KNOW, PERFECT CRIME?
EXCEPT HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO SPEND
ANY MONEY UNTIL I GET OUT OF HERE.
- THAT RED EYE'S A THIEF!
- YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
HEY, YOU WANT TO
GET OUT OF HERE?
OH, NO, NO, NO. I'M GONNA SIT RIGHT HERE
AND SERVE MY TIME OUT NICE AND EASY.
YEAH, WELL, NOT ME.
I'M GONNA GET MY HANDS ON MY SHARE
OF THAT MONEY. SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY.
[Thumps] [Howie] GET
YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME.
WATCH IT. I'LL CALL
MY LAWYER. [Thumps]
[Sighs] GO ON.
BOY, AM I LOOKING
FORWARD TO THIS. PRIVACY.
SICKEST GUY I'VE EVER SEEN. MOST OF
THEM WANT TO STAY OUT OF THE HOLE.
[Door Closes] HOWIE?
COLT?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?
- WELL, IT'S A LONG STORY.
WELL, I'VE GOT NOTHING BUT
TIME. HEY, YOU KNOW THIS GUY?
OH, YEAH, HE'S A FRIEND.
BUT HE'S CRAZY. REAL LOON.
YEAH. I LIKE THAT.
COLT, DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS ABOUT
THE WARDEN? HE HAD A HEART ATTACK.
HMM. THE WARDEN HAD
A HEART ATTACK. GREAT!
I LOVE TO SEE A SCREW
GET IT. OUR WARDEN?
YEAH. ROLAND RUNS THE PLACE NOW.
THE, UH, WARDEN DIDN'T HAVE ANY INTERESTING
NEWS TO PASS ON TO ROLAND, DID HE?
UH-UH. HE'S IN A COMA.
A COMA?
YOU GOT ANY OTHER GOOD NEWS?
WELL, YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE
WERE RUNNING WITH BIG JACK'S GANG?
BIG JACK'S GANG? YEAH.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, THE GUY
WHO WOULDN'T COME IN WITH US?
WELL, HE WAS PICKED
UP. OH, HE WAS, WAS HE?
THAT DOESN'T LEAVE US
MUCH TIME TO MAKE A BREAK.
ALL RIGHT! BREAK!
THAT'S MY KIND OF TALK.
YEAH, BUT THE LOON
GOES WITH US. SURE.
HEY, BUT HOW YOU GONNA
GET US OUT OF THIS HOLE?
WATCH. GUARD!
- [Knocking] - GUARD!
HEY, SCREW! HALF-WIT!
DUMMY! COME HERE!
[Knocking Continues]
YOU SAY SOMETHING? YEAH.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW THAT CLOWN
THAT'S RUNNIN' THIS PLACE IS DOING.
YOU KNOW WHO
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?
YEAH. THAT LOWLIFE
CREATURE THEY CALL ROLAND.
HE AIN'T GONNA LIKE
HEARING WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
THAT'S WHY HE'S KEEPING ME
IN HERE. HE'S TOO CHICKEN...
- TO LET ME OUT WHERE
I CAN GET A HOLD OF HIM.
- CHICKEN?
[Chuckles] ROLAND?
[Whispering] ROLAND DID THIS.
YEAH. YOU TELL THAT FATSO...
THAT HE'S TOO YELLOW TO
LET ANY OF US OUT OF HERE.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
THAT YOU WANT ME TO RELAY?
"YELLOW-BELLIED CHICKEN WOULD
SELL HIS OWN MOTHER TO A BIKER GANG."
[Sighs] I GUESS THAT
ABOUT COVERS IT.
LET 'EM OUT.
ALL OF 'EM.
WELL, YOU LOOK PRETTY GOOD FOR A GUY
WHO SPENT A WEEK IN SOLITARY CONFINEMENT.
WELL, I CAN SAY ONE THING FOR FOOD
IN THE HOLE. YOU CAN'T GET FAT ON IT.
OH, A LITTLE GIFT.
COMPLIMENTS FROM OUR FRIENDS
IN THE SPECIAL EFFECTS DEPARTMENT.
THE BATTERIES ARE ALL
BRAND-NEW. THEY'LL LAST FOREVER.
THE ONE WITH THE RED
DOT IS HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE. OH.
ONLY ONE? THE RADIO HAD TO
WORK. THEY CHECK EVERYTHING.
THE SPECIAL EFFECTS DEPARTMENT
SAYS IT'S VERY SENSITIVE.
- HOW MUCH FORCE
DOES IT NEED?
- NOT MUCH.
WELL, I GOTTA TELL YOU, JODY,
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A
CARE PACKAGE FROM HOME.
♪♪ [Radio: Country]
I HOPE THIS WORKS, COLT.
WELL, JUST KEEP STACKING
'EM LIKE I TOLD YOU.
WITH ANIMAL'S HELP, WE'LL
GET THIS RAMP BUILT TODAY.
♪♪ [Continues]
LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE
AN UNEXPECTED VISITOR.
YEAH. MY RADIO.
[Volume Increases]
NICE SONG, AIN'T IT?
WELL, YOU GOT ALL THE COMFORTS
OF HOME HERE NOW, DON'T YA?
YOU KNOW, IT'D BE
SOMETHING TERRIBLE...
IF THIS NICE LITTLE
TRINKET WAS TO FALL OFF
OF HERE AND BUST IN
ABOUT A THOUSAND PIECES.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, WE DON'T
ALLOW PRESENTS TO NO COP KILLERS.
♪♪ [Ends] NOW THIS
IS AN EXPLOSIVE DEVICE.
- STAY BACK.
- [Laughing]
NOW YOU DON'T REALLY EXPECT
ME TO BELIEVE THAT, DO YOU?
JUST STAY WHERE YOU'RE AT, BOYS.
LET ME TAKE CARE OF
THIS TURKEY MYSELF.
HERE, KEEP 'EM
BACK. I'LL GET ANIMAL.
THROW DOWN YOUR
GUNS NOW! NOW! NOW!
COME ON, TEMPT ME!
COME ON, I DARE YOU!
TAXI? THIS YOUR PLAN?
WELL, WITH A FEW CHANGES.
LET'S PICK UP THE LOON.
HEY, WAIT FOR ME!
ONE STEP AND YOUR
WIFE IS A WIDOW!
YEAH!
[Roland] THEY STILL CAN'T GET
OUT OF HERE! GET AFTER 'EM!
[Animal] HOW DO WE GET THROUGH THE
FENCES? WELL, WE DON'T GO THROUGH.
HEY, THEY'RE COMIN' BACK!
- HEY, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
- JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES. IT'S WHAT I DO.
[Men Cheering]
NO MAN'S EVER GOTTEN
OUT OF ONE OF MY CAMPS.
I WANT EVERY MAN
WE GOT AFTER 'EM!
I WANT THEM KILLERS CAPTURED! YOU
UNDERSTAND ME? EVERY ONE OF 'EM!
I DON'T CARE HOW YOU BRING
'EM BACK, EITHER... DEAD OR ALIVE.
TAKE IT EASY, COLT.
IF I DROP THIS...
DON'T WORRY. IT'S JUST
A COMMON BATTERY.
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
I WAS HOLDING OFF ARMED
GUARDS WITH A PLAIN OLD BATTERY?
JOHN WAYNE COULDN'T
HAVE BEEN BETTER.
BEAUTIFUL. KEEP
THIS JALOPY GOING.
I GOT A DATE WITH
MY FRIEND RED EYE.
EXPLOSIVES? OKAY, FRANK, THANKS.
THAT WAS THE L.A.P.D.
WHERE IN THE WORLD DID
COLT GET HOLD OF EXPLOSIVES?
HE HAD TO GET OUT OF THERE. THAT
SO-CALLED WARDEN, HE WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM.
WITHOUT MITCHELL, THEY ARE BEING
HUNTED DOWN LIKE REAL CRIMINALS.
THIS LOOKS GOOD.
I STILL DON'T THINK
WE OUGHT TO DO THIS.
HEY, WE HAVE TO GET RID OF THIS TRUCK AND
GET SOME CLOTHES. WE NEED MONEY FOR THAT.
ANIMAL, WAIT A MINUTE.
MAYBE I BETTER DO IT.
I MEAN, LOOK, THERE'S NO OFFENSE.
IT'S JUST THAT THE WAY YOU LOOK...
THE GUY'S LIABLE TO START SHOOTING
BEFORE YOU WALK IN THE STORE.
YEAH.
YEAH!
YEAH. WE'LL STEAL THE CAR.
KID, THROW ME THAT
JACKET ON THE FLOOR.
[Coins Jingling]
[Rings]
HELLO. SAMANTHA JACK HERE.
COLT, WHERE ARE YOU?
WELL, RIGHT NOW, I'M IN A LIQUOR
STORE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?
WELL, I'M JUST ABOUT TO ROB IT.
WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?
NO. LISTEN. NOW PUT JODY ON
THE LINE, QUICK. I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
YEAH? OH. OKAY. RIGHT.
YEAH. YEAH, I KNOW
WHO THAT IS. OKAY.
YEAH, I GOT THAT.
WE'RE DOING EVERYTHING
WE CAN TO CLEAR THIS UP.
ALL RIGHT. JUST HANG TIGHT.
EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.
[Clears Throat]
UH, EXCUSE ME. UH, YEAH?
I HAVE KIND OF, UH,
AN UNUSUAL REQUEST...
AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
WELL, I'M NOT REALLY USED TO DOING
THIS, BUT I ASSURE YOU THE MONEY...
WILL BE RETURNED JUST
AS SOON... IS THIS A HOLDUP?
NO, NO. NO, NO, NO.
NOT EXACTLY. UH...
THIS IS A HOLDUP.
UM, YES, IT IS.
LOOK, I CAN'T EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I
DON'T WANT TO GET ANYBODY HURT.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT,
SUCKER. LOOK, I HAVE
MY HAND ON A .357
MAGNUM RIGHT THIS SECOND.
YOU SO MUCH AS BLINK AN EYE AND I'LL
BLOW YOUR HEAD RIGHT OFF YOUR SHOULDERS.
THIS ISN'T GOIN'
ACCORDING TO PLAN.
LOOK, I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE
AND THEN I'M GONNA PULL THE TRIGGER.
I WAS EIGHT MONTHS IN 'NAM,
AND I AIN'T AFRAID TO USE IT.
YOU NOW, LOOK, THIS COULD GO
A LOT SMOOTHER IF YOU'D JUST...
I HAD THREE YEARS IN
THERAPY. I CAN HANDLE STRESS.
THE DOCTORS SAY I'M DOING MUCH
BETTER. I'M OUT ALMOST FULL-TIME NOW.
- ONE...
- I DON'T THINK YOU'RE LISTENING TO ME.
- TWO...
- ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT, YOU WIN.
HEY, I HEARD SIX SHOTS. YOU
DON'T FOOL AROUND, DO YOU?
IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO
SOMETHING, YOU MAY AS WELL
DO IT RIGHT, ESPECIALLY
IF IT'S FOR A FRIEND.
HERE, I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING.
IT SEEMED APPROPRIATE.
BOY, YOU SHOULD SEE
ANIMAL HOT-WIRE A CAR.
- YEAH. MY DADDY TAUGHT ME.
- [Tires Squealing]
OP-OPERATOR, GET ME THE POLICE.
I'VE BEEN ROBBED... AND SHOT AT.
NO, I-I'M FINE. IT'S THE
WORST AIM I'VE EVER SEEN.
UH, THE ROBBER'S
NAME IS COLT SEAVERS.
HIS ADDRESS IS
22345 FIRST STREET.
HIS PHONE NUMBER IS 555-7015.
HE LEFT A NOTE.
SO FAR SO GOOD.
WITH ANY LUCK, THEY HAVEN'T
DISCOVERED THIS THING IS STOLEN YET.
[Man] COLT SEAVERS.
THAT'S THE GUY'S NAME.
HE TOOK THE MONEY FROM THE CASH
REGISTER AND-AND THAT LADY'S CAR.
AND HE LEFT HIS NAME BEHIND?
GUY'S NOT EXACTLY ALL THERE, HUH?
OH, HE'S ALL THERE, ALL RIGHT.
HE'S MOCKIN' ME. BUT I'LL
SHOW THAT COP KILLER.
I'LL FOLLOW HIM WHEREVER HE GOES,
AND I'LL MAKE HIM EAT THOSE WORDS.
HE'S GOTTA STOP SOMETIME.
AND WHEN HE DOES, I'LL MAKE
SURE HE NEVER MOVES AGAIN.
[Snaps Fingers]
EXCUSE ME.
[Engine Starts]
[Animal Howls]
OH, COLT, CAN'T WE HAVE JUST A LITTLE
FIRE? THESE THINGS DON'T TASTE GOOD RAW.
NO TELLING WHO THAT WOULD ATTRACT,
KID. HOW DID YOU FIND THIS PLACE?
OH, I DID SOME STUNT WORK
ON A FILM UP HERE ONCE.
IT'S NICE. REMINDS ME
OF MY DAYS AS A SCOUT.
BOY SCOUTS? HEY, I HAD
SOME GREAT TIMES WITH THEM.
YOU WERE A SCOUT?
NO, NO. I USED TO RAID THEIR
CAMPS, STEAL THEIR STUFF.
- HOW MUCH FARTHER WE GOTTA GO
TO FIND THIS RED EYE?
- WE SHOULD BE THERE TOMORROW.
WAIT TILL YOU GUYS
SEE WHAT I DO TO HIM.
I CAN'T WAIT.
ON THE COUNT OF THREE.
ONE, TWO... [Gun Cocks]
I WOULDN'T DO THAT,
ROLAND. I REALLY WOULDN'T.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION.
AGENT WILSON, AGENT JONES.
IT'S NOT NICE TO
POINT GUNS AT PEOPLE.
OH, YOU'RE A COMEDIAN, HUH?
I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE. BUT
THIS LINE OF WORK IS MORE STEADY.
BUT THOSE IS ESCAPED KILLERS OUT
THERE, ESCAPED FROM MY PENITENTIARY.
WE'RE AWARE OF THAT. THERE'S
ALSO A FEDERAL INVESTIGATION...
INVOLVING ONE OF THOSE MEN
THERE... "ANIMAL" JAKE MARTIN.
WE GOT A TIP HE CAN LEAD
US TO SOME FEDERAL MONEY.
BUT YOU CAN'T LET
ESCAPED KILLERS,
ESPECIALLY A COP KILLER, JUST
RUN AROUND HIS MERRY WAY.
IT WON'T BE VERY
MERRY, I CAN ASSURE YOU.
THE BUREAU FIGURES AS
LONG AS THEY'RE OUT ALREADY,
WE MIGHT AS WELL LET
THEM HELP US DO OUR JOB.
WE'RE VERY CAPABLE OF SEEING TO IT THOSE
BOYS DON'T GET INTO ANY MORE MISCHIEF.
AND WE'LL BE HAPPY TO RETURN
THEM TO YOU WHEN WE'RE THROUGH.
I BETTER GET 'EM
BACK... IN ONE PIECE.
[Birds Chirping]
HMM? WHAT'S GOING ON?
COPS IN THE WOODS.
[Engine Cranking]
WILSON!
[Cranking Continues]
THEY'RE ON THE MOVE!
[Engine Starts]
- WHAT ARE WE GONNA
DO NOW, COLT?
- TRUST ME.
THE LAST ONE I
TRUSTED WAS RED EYE.
HANG ON, GUYS.
- UH, COLT?
- ALL RIGHT, PULL OVER!
LOOKS LIKE THEY GOT US.
YOU GUYS GIVE UP TOO EASY.
[Howie] COLT, CAN'T
YOU GO ANY FASTER?
[Colt] THIS CAR DOESN'T MOVE. NEXT
TIME STEAL A CAR WITH SOME GUTS.
[Howie] COLT, IT SAYS
THE DARN ROAD'S CLOSED.
- ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'?
- NO.
- YOU'LL NEVER MAKE THIS ONE.
- YOU KNOW, KID,
YOU COULD BE RIGHT.
OH, I SHOULD HAVE
STAYED IN THE HOLE.
- HEY, BEN, YOU'RE NOT GONNA...
- IF HE CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT.
[Jones] YOU WERE SAYING?
[Wilson] NEVER MIND. JUST GET ON
THE RADIO. WE NEED A CHOPPER FAST.
HE'S UP THERE.
BUT WE'D BETTER
GO AROUND THE BACK.
WHAT IS THIS PLACE?
IT'S AN OLD THEATER THEY'RE GONNA
TEAR DOWN TO MAKE INTO CONDOMINIUMS.
RED EYE LIVES HERE.
HE'S A WATCHMAN.
♪♪ [Country]
[Gun Cocks]
JUST LIKE THE CREEP.
SUCKIN' ON A BEER.
HEY, DIRTBAG! [Screams]
[Punches Landing] [Grunting]
[Screams] WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY?
ANIMAL, HOW'D YOU GET OUT?
WITH THE HELP OF
MY TWO PALS HERE.
AND MY BUDDY TOLD ME
WHAT KIND OF A THIEF YOU ARE!
THIEF? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THIEF? MAN, WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
MR. INNOCENT, HUH? I KNOW ABOUT
THAT LOAD YOU DROPPED IN VEGAS!
VEGAS? VEGAS? I HAVEN'T
BEEN TO VEGAS IN THREE YEARS.
AND ABOUT ANY DOUGH... THE DOUGH WE
GOT IS STILL SAFE IN THE SAFE-DEPOSIT BOX.
I AIN'T TOUCHED IT. YOU CAN
CALL THE BANK. [Animal] YEAH?
HOW COME HE SAW YOU GAMBLING? WHAT
ABOUT ALL THOSE BROADS YOU WERE BUYING?
YOU DON'T DO THAT WITH A
SMILE, YOU KNOW. ANIMAL! ANIMAL!
I GIVE YOU MY WORD. I SWEAR
I AIN'T TOUCHED THAT DOUGH.
I MEAN, LOOK AROUND
HERE! LOOK AROUND!
WOULD I BE LIVIN' LIKE THIS IF
I WAS SPENDING OUR DOUGH?
WOULD I BE HERE WHERE YOU
COULD FIND ME LIKE YOU JUST DID?
USE YOUR HEAD.
WELL, ANIMAL, THERE'S
GOTTA BE SOME EXPLANATION.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IT REALLY HURTS MY
FEELINGS THAT YOU'RE BEGINNIN' TO DOUBT ME.
ANIMAL, IT, UH, SURE LOOKED LIKE THE
SAME FELLA DROPPIN' MONEY IN VEGAS.
I MEAN, HOW MANY GUYS
WEAR FUNNY RED PATCHES?
YEAH, YOU'RE SURE
LOOKIN' PRETTY NERVOUS.
DO SOMETHIN', KID.
UH, WHAT DO YOU SAY THE FOUR
OF US SIT DOWN AND TALK THIS OVER?
- WE'LL HAVE A COUPLE OF BEERS.
IT WAS A HOT DAY... - SHUT UP!
I'M GETTIN' A FUNNY FEELIN'
ABOUT YOU TWO GUYS.
- FREEZE! FEDERAL AGENTS!
- OH, DON'T SHOOT! DON'T SHOOT!
YOU, UP! BEN, COVER 'EM.
DON'T YOU MOVE.
GET YOUR HANDS TOGETHER.
- HE'S DEAD.
- WELL, I THOUGHT
HE WAS GOING FOR A GUN.
HE WASN'T GOING FOR ANY GUN. YOU
COPS COULD BE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
[Gun Cocks]
MAYBE WE SHOULD
SHUT THEM UP, FAST.
HEY! WAIT! DEAL! DEAL, GUYS!
WE CAN TALK A DEAL HERE.
- HEY!
- HEY, I'D RATHER BE
BROKE THAN DEAD.
A DEAL? WHAT KIND OF DEAL?
LOOK, WE GOT 150 GRAND STASHED IN A
SAFE-DEPOSIT BOX IN A BANK, YOU UNDERSTAND?
WE'LL GIVE THE WHOLE THING TO
YOU GUYS YOU LET US GO, OKAY?
YOU'D BE WILLING TO GIVE US ALL
THE MONEY, AND WE JUST LET YOU GO?
YEAH, YOU COULD SAY WE
RAN OUT DURING THE SHOOTING.
150 GRAND, GUYS.
WELL, HERE'S...
HERE'S... HERE'S THE KEY.
- FIRST NATIONAL,
SYCAMORE STREET.
- [Colt] THANK YOU, RED EYE.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- BUT YOU'RE DEAD.
YOU JUST WENT OUT THE WINDOW.
WHOO! HOW'D YOU DO THAT, COLT?
YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO FALL.
- WELL, FOR A MINUTE THERE, I
WAS A LITTLE DOWN IN THE DUMP.
- [Jones] POLICE EMERGENCY.
- BUT IT SURE SAVED MY NECK.
- THERE'S BEEN A SHOOTING AT
14 WATER STREET. SEND A UNIT.
COLT, THE POLICE
ARE ON THEIR WAY.
VERY CONVINCING FOR
A COUPLE OF STUNTMEN.
[Red Eye] STUNTMEN?
[Jones] YEAH.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, THE WAY
I'VE GOT IT FIGURED, EVEN AT SCALE,
FOR TWO DAY'S STUNTS,
UH, FOR THE GAGS WE DID,
I FIGURE YOU OWE ME AND
BENNY ABOUT A GRAND EACH.
YEAH, WELL, SEE MY MANAGER HERE,
BOYS. HE'LL BE HAPPY TO PAY YOU.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, HOWIE?
UH, WELL, I'VE GOT TO GET
THE DEAL SET WITH BIG JACK...
AND, UH, W-2
FORMS IN TRIPLICATE.
WE'LL HAVE TO SUBMIT MEAL VOUCHERS.
I WANT VERIFICATION ON OVERTIME.
AND NATURALLY, I'LL HAVE TO DEDUCT
THE PRICE OF THE CAR YOU WRECKED.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T REALLY
TRY TO DO EVERYTHING COLT TRIES TO DO.
I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH HIM
A LOT LONGER THAN YOU GUYS.
WELL, COLT, COME ON. I WANT
TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
LOOK, I'D RATHER NOT SEE ANYTHING
YOU HAVE TO SHOW ME FOR QUITE A WHILE.
OH, THIS YOU'RE GONNA
WANT TO SEE. I PROMISE.
OH, MISS JACK. I CAN'T
THANK YOU ENOUGH.
OH, I'M NOT THE ONE TO THANK.
IT'S THESE TWO GENTLEMEN.
BLESS YOU. MY FAMILY WILL
ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL TO YOU.
I'M JUST, UH, GLAD EVERYTHING
TURNED OUT ALL RIGHT.
WELL, IF, UH, YOU'LL EXCUSE US.
SURE.
GOOD-BYE. GOOD-BYE. GOOD LUCK.
OH.
JACK, HOW COME IT IS EVERY
TIME I WANT TO GET MAD AT YOU,
YOU ALWAYS HAVE
SOMETHING UP YOUR SLEEVE?
OH, BUT, COLT, I'VE GOT
NOTHING UP MY SLEEVES NOW.
[Banging] WHAT'S THAT?
HOWIE, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING TO THAT POOR MACHINE?
THIS DARN THING
STOLE MY 50 CENTS.
HOWIE... NOT NOW, COLT.
I TOOK A HALF A YEAR OF MECHANICAL
ENGINEERING AT PENN STATE,
AND I'M GONNA GET TO
THE BOTTOM OF THIS THING.
HOWARD.
NO. IT'S THE PRINCIPLE, COLT.
THESE MACHINES NEVER
WORK... AND IN A POLICE STATION.
LOOK, WE WANT TO GO TO LUNCH.
WELL, GO ON AHEAD. I'LL
CATCH UP WITH YOU LATER.
WELL, HERE, KID.
YOU MIGHT NEED THIS.
[Chuckling]
[Man] FALL GUY IS A GLEN
LARSON PRODUCTION.