The Fall Guy (1981–1986): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Adventures of Ozzie and Harold - full transcript

♪ WELL, I'M NOT THE
KIND TO KISS AND TELL ♪

♪ BUT I'VE BEEN
SEEN WITH FARRAH ♪

♪ I'VE NEVER BEEN
WITH ANYTHING LESS ♪

♪ THAN A NINE SO FINE ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN ON FIRE
WITH SALLY FIELD ♪

♪ GONE FAST WITH
A GIRL NAMED BO ♪

♪ BUT SOMEHOW THEY
JUST DON'T END UP AS MINE ♪

♪ IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN'
LIFE I LEAD ♪

♪ I TAKE MY CHANCES ♪

♪ I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN
THE MOVIES AND TV ♪

[Siren Wailing]



♪ BUT THE HARDEST
THING I EVER DO ♪

♪ IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES ♪

♪ KISS SOME OTHER GUY
WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE ♪

♪ I MIGHT FALL FROM
A TALL BUILDIN' ♪

♪ I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪

♪ THAT MADE
REDFORD SUCH A STAR ♪

♪♪ [Women Vocalizing]

♪ I'VE NEVER SPENT
MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL ♪

♪ BUT I'VE TAUGHT
LADIES PLENTY ♪

♪ IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY
BODY OUT FOR PAY ♪

♪ HEY, HEY ♪

♪ I'VE GOTTEN BURNED
OVER CHERYL TIEGS ♪

♪ BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH ♪



♪ BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN
THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY ♪

♪ HEY, HEY ♪

♪ I MIGHT JUMP AN
OPEN DRAWBRIDGE ♪

♪ OR TARZAN FROM A VINE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪

♪ THAT MAKES EASTWOOD
LOOK SO FINE ♪♪

[Colt Narrating] THIS IS THE STORY OF
ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.

I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT
YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.

YOU'VE CHEERED FOR
HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM,

WOMEN HAVE WANTED
TO DIE FOR HIM.

BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY
CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.

HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.

AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN'
SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS...

WELL, BECAUSE IT'S
ME, COLT SEAVERS.

ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T
WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.

SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A
GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.

WELL, ONE WAY IS TO
WAIT BY THE PHONE...

AND WAIT... AND WAIT.

THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL
JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM...

OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,

WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.

UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES
A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE...

GET OUT OF JAIL ON
WHAT WE CALL BAIL.

AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.

THAT'S WHERE I COME IN. I SOMETIMES
PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM...

AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.

SOMETIMES THINGS DON'T ALWAYS
GO ROLLIN' ALONG AS SMOOTH AS SILK.

[Man] MAN, WE GOT HIM!

MAN, YOU'VE HAD
IT, FELLA! KILL HIM!

MAN, LET'S GET HIM!
YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, MAN!

MAN, LET'S GET HIM!

HEY, MISTER, THAT'S MY BOARD!

HEY, WE GOT YOU, BUDDY! COME ON!

YOU CAN'T MESS WITH US, FELLA!

- HEY, WE GOT
YOUR NUMBER, CHUMP!
- THAT'S RIGHT!

GET HIM! HE WENT
AROUND THE CORNER!

WE GOT HIM NOW! COME ON!

HEY, WE GOT YOU, MAN!

YEAH, YOU HAD IT, FELLA!

COME ON! WE GOT HIM! WE'RE
GAINING ON HIM! I KNOW IT!

WE GOT HIM!

COME ON!

COME ON, YOU GUYS!
MAN, WE GOT HIM NOW!

- LET'S GO!
- MAN, WE GOT HIM!

HURRY UP! HE'S GETTING AWAY!

[Director] PRINT! BEAUTIFUL.

[Applause]

[Chattering]

- HEY, GOOD JOB, KID.
- THANKS.

- HEY.
- COLT, AS ALWAYS,
YOU WERE TERRIFIC.

WELL, THAT WRAPS YOU TWO
UNTIL SOMETIME NEXT WEEK.

HEY, GREAT. I NEED
THE REST. SEE YOU THEN.

STAY LOOSE.

I GUESS THAT MEANS
WE HAVE THE WEEK OFF.

YEAH, AND I KNOW. BIG
JACK WANTS TO SEE US.

OH, NO, SHE DOESN'T. I
CALLED HER THIS MORNING,

AND SHE DOESN'T
HAVE ANY WORK FOR US.

YOU MEAN WE ACTUALLY
HAVE THE WEEK OFF?

NO CRAZY STUNTS? NO
CRAZY BAIL JUMPERS?

JUST A WEEK OF FUN,
EXCITEMENT AND...

[Together] WOMEN!

LOOK AT ALL THEM
CANS WE GOT, HAROLD.

THAT'S GOLD. THAT'S PURE GOLD.

YOU KNOW, PEOPLE THROW
THEM OUT, BUT THAT'S GOLD.

YOU'RE RIGHT, HAROLD.
THAT'S A SWELL IDEA.

WE'LL HIT THIS PLACE, AND THEN WE'LL
GO AND TOAST A FEW OF OUR FRIENDS.

I GUESS THAT'S THE
NICEST PART OF THE DAY...

WHEN WE TOAST OUR FRIENDS AND
TALK ABOUT THE OLD DAYS AND LAUGH.

YEAH, HAROLD, I SEEN 'EM THROW
THINGS OUT LIKE IT WAS NOTHING.

LOT OF STUFF STILL GOOD.
GOOD FOR A LOT OF THINGS.

[Car Doors Closing]

QUIET, HAROLD. BE VERY QUIET.

THIS GUY THROWED US OUTTA
HERE A COUPLE TIMES BEFORE.

[Man] YOUR HONOR? YEAH.

CAN WE HAVE A WORD WITH YOU? WE
HAVE A MESSAGE FROM PEPE GARCIA.

[Clattering]

- GET HIM!
- [Gunshots]

- RUN, HAROLD! RUN!
- STOP SHOOTING. ONE WITNESS IS ENOUGH.

[Tires Squealing]

[Siren Wailing]

[Tires Squeal]

WHERE YOU GUYS GOIN' IN MY CAB?

[Siren Wailing]

I DON'T WANNA PRY, BUT
DID YOU JUST STEAL THIS CAB?

OH, HELLO THERE.

ISN'T THIS A LOVELY
DAY FOR A DRIVE?

- [Screaming]
- [Horns Honking]

[Siren Wailing]

MARVIN, DO SOMETHING!
UH, EXCUSE ME, MISTER.

MY NAME IS OZZIE,
AND THIS IS HAROLD.

YOU MEAN THERE'S SOMEONE
SITTING THERE NEXT TO YOU?

SOMEONE? HAROLD. HAROLD.

[Siren Continues]

[Screaming]

- WE'RE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
- NO, I'M NOT, HAROLD.

I'M NOT DRIVING
TOO FAST, HAROLD.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE HAROLD
IS, BUT I WISH HE WERE DRIVING.

HAROLD, I ASKED YOU NOT TO
CRITICIZE ME IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.

IT'S EMBARRASSING.

MARVIN, WILL YOU DO SOMETHING?
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

[Siren Continues]

LOOK AT THAT GUY HAUL! LET'S GO.

[Marvin] OH, THANK GOD! HERE
COME SOME MORE POLICE!

[Man] WE BETTER GET OUTTA HERE.

WE DON'T NEED REAL
COPS ASKING QUESTIONS.

NO, YOU CAN'T DRIVE, HAROLD.

WHOO-EE!

AND YOU TOOK A YEAR OF ASSERTIVENESS
TRAINING! WILL YOU DO SOMETHING?

[Marvin Screams]
WHAT'S THAT, HAROLD?

YES, I THINK YOU DID
WET MY FOOT, HAROLD.

[Woman Screams]

[Marvin Screams]

[Siren Stops]

ALL RIGHT, OUT.

RUN, HAROLD! SAVE YOURSELF!

CHECK THE OTHER SIDE OF THE
CAR. THERE'S TWO OF 'EM. COME ON.

SO WE MOVED AWAY FROM NEW YORK
BECAUSE IT WAS GETTING TOO CRAZY.

I SAY WE GO SKIING. MAMMOTH
JUST GOT A FOOT OF FRESH POWDER.

OH, NO, NO, NO. MY MUSCLES
ARE TOO SORE TO GO SKIING.

I'M JUST GONNA SAY
TWO WORDS, COLT.

TWO WORDS THAT
MEAN HOT DESERT SUN,

HOT SOOTHING MINERAL BATHS,

JUST RIGHT FOR
ACHING STUNT MUSCLES,

AND HOT WOMEN WALKING
POOLSIDE IN HOT BIKINIS.

WATCH IT, HOWIE. YOUR
HORMONES ARE RAGING.

- THAT WAS TWO WORDS?
- PALM SPRINGS.

WELL, I HATE TO
DISAPPOINT YOU TWO,

BUT I WAS THINKING
MORE LIKE... ACAPULCO.

ACAPULCO?

- ACAPULCO.
- I'M GOING HOME TO PACK.

HOT TROPICAL SUN, HOT
WOMEN IN HOT BIKINIS.

[Phone Rings] THAT
DAMN PHONE. HELLO.

[Ozzie] COLT? [Colt] OZZIE. OZZIE,
WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

IT'S AWFUL HERE, COLT. AWFUL. IT'S GREEN.
EVERYTHING IS GREEN, AND I HATE GREEN.

THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE
WALL DECORATIONS.

CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN.
NOW WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M IN JAIL. ISN'T THAT SILLY?

[Stammers] WHAT DID YOU DO?

HAROLD AND I... WE TOOK A RIDE IN A
CAB. WHAT'D YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?

UH, UM, CORNFLAKES.

WE HAD WAFFLES.

THAT'S GREAT. NOW LOOK. YOU
AND HAROLD JUST SIT TIGHT, AND I'LL...

THAT HAROLD. HE'S SO SWEET.

I TOLD HIM, "RUN.
SAVE YOURSELF."

HE WOULDN'T LEAVE ME.

ALL RIGHT. WELL, DON'T WORRY, OZZIE.
I'LL GET YOU AND HAROLD OUT OF JAIL.

WE-WE LOVE YOU,
COLT. WE REALLY DO.

I LOVE YOU TOO, OZZIE.

[Click, Dial Tone]

YOU LOVE A GUY NAMED OZZIE?
SOMETHING YOU WANNA TELL ME, COLT?

TO KNOW OZZIE IS TO LOVE HIM.

UH, WHO IS HE?

HE'S ONE OF THE BEST FRIENDS I
EVER MADE AT THE MOVIE STUDIOS.

- OH, A BIG EXECUTIVE?
- NO, NO. SOMEONE MORE
PERMANENT.

SOMEONE YOU COULD COUNT
ON. HE WAS A CLEAN-UP MAN.

HE GOT A LITTLE TOO
ECCENTRIC, EVEN FOR HOLLYWOOD.

- HE'S IN BUSINESS
FOR HIMSELF NOW.
- WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS?

WELL, HE COLLECTS
THE UNCOLLECTIBLES,

SOMETIMES GIVES ME
INFORMATION THAT I NEED,

AND HE KNOWS EVERYTHING
GOING DOWN IN HOLLYWOOD.

THE PROBLEM IS HE HAS
THIS FRIEND NAMED HAROLD.

WHO'S HAROLD? DON'T ASK.

HAROLD IS... ONE
OF THE MUNCHKINS.

[Big Jack] COLT, ARE YOU
SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS?

OZZIE ISN'T THE MOST
RELIABLE PERSON IN THE WORLD.

YEAH, BUT OZZIE'S HELPED US
BOTH OUT A COUPLE OF TIMES.

AND HE'S LED US ON A FEW
WILD GOOSE CHASES TOO.

THE MAN ISN'T FROM THIS PLANET.

LOOK, I KNOW OZZIE'S ELEVATOR DOESN'T GO
ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP, BUT HE'S HARMLESS.

AND DEEP DOWN INSIDE
THAT HARD HEART OF YOURS,

YOU HAVE A LITTLE
SOFT SPOT FOR OZZIE.

I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET THIS GUY.

I OUGHTA BE WRAPPED IN CELLOPHANE WITH
"SUCKER" WRITTEN RIGHT ACROSS MY FACE.

JACK, I KNEW YOU'D BAIL HIM OUT.

AH, WAIT A MINUTE. NOT SO FAST.

I'LL WAIVE MY 10% FEE,

BUT YOU HAVE TO PUT UP
THE SECURITY FOR THE BOND.

WHAT DOES COLT HAVE
THAT'S WORTH 10,000 BUCKS?

WHAT HAS FOUR WHEELS
AND CRASHES A LOT?

- MY TRUCK?
- MM-HMM.

- YOU WOULDN'T!
- MM-HMM.

JACK, THAT'S THE CLOSEST
THING I GOT TO A WIFE.

YOU COULD HAVE A LOT MORE IF
YOU WENT INTO BUSINESS WITH ME.

IN THE MEANTIME, YOU JUST MAKE
SURE OZZIE GETS TO HIS HEARING ON TIME,

AND NOTHING WILL
HAPPEN TO YOUR TRUCK.

OH, JACK.

[Man] I HEAR ON THE STREETS...

THAT THE GOOD JUDGE
IS IN NEED OF A FUNERAL.

YES, MR. GARCIA.

IT'S VERY UNFORTUNATE.

BUT IF YOU CAN'T BUY THEM
OFF, YOU KILL THEM OFF.

YOU AGREE WITH
ME, RIGHT? YES, SIR.

THEN WHY WEREN'T MY
INSTRUCTIONS CARRIED OUT?

THE UNIFORMS WERE TO BE
DISPOSED OF AND THE CAR BURNED.

WE HAVE THIS PROBLEM,
MR. GARCIA. THERE WAS A WITNESS.

THE PURPOSE OF
DRIVING A POLICE VEHICLE...

AND DRESSING IN
POLICE UNIFORMS...

WAS FOR EASY ACCESS
AND EASY ESCAPE.

NO ONE WOULD SUSPECT A POLICEMAN
SEEN NEAR THE SCENE OF THE CRIME.

THIS WITNESS SAW THE CRIME.

HE'S A LOCAL SCAVENGER, AND
HE'S ALWAYS ON THE STREET.

AND IF HE GOT A GOOD LOOK AT OUR
FACES, HE'D PROBABLY RECOGNIZE US.

IT'S VERY SIMPLE,
GENTLEMEN. KILL HIM.

[Ozzie] HOWIE, IS HAROLD
HEAVY ON YOUR LAP?

UH, NO, NO. HE'S
LIGHT AS A FEATHER.

HE'S STARTING TO LIKE YOU.

WELL, I LIKE HIM TOO. SEE?

YOU PATTED HIM ON THE NOSE.

OH. I'M SOR... SORRY.

OZZIE, DO YOU REMEMBER
WHY YOU STOLE THAT CAB?

THE COPS WERE CHASING ME.

UH, THE POLICE WERE CHASING
YOU BECAUSE YOU STOLE THE CAB.

SOME OF THE POLICE WAS CHASING
ME 'CAUSE I WAS DRIVIN' A CAB,

BUT SOME WAS CHASING ME 'CAUSE
I SAW THE OLD MAN GET KILLED.

HOW MUCH DID YOU
PAY FOR THAT SWEATER?

UH, I DON'T REMEMBER. I GUESS
IT MUST HAVE BEEN ABOUT...

NEVER MIND, KID.
WHAT OLD MAN DIED?

THE OLD MAN IN THE GARAGE THAT
CHASES ME AND HAROLD EVERY DAY.

YOU MEAN, BESIDES THE POLICEMEN,
THERE WAS AN OLD MAN CHASING YOU?

NOT TODAY. TODAY HE WAS DEAD.

- OZZIE, HOW'D THE OLD MAN DIE?
- THE COPS SHOT HIM.

THE-THE POLICE SHOT THE OLD MAN?

WELL, THEY DID BUT THEY DIDN'T.
SAY, HOW FAST CAN THIS TRUCK GO?

UH, COLT, YOU KNOW THOSE WILD GOOSE
CHASES BIG JACK WAS TELLING US ABOUT?

I THINK THIS MIGHT
BE ONE OF THEM.

I HAD A GOOSE ONCE. IT FELL
OFF A TRUCK, AND I GOT IT.

AND I WAS HOLDING IT ON
MY LAP, AND I WAS PETTING IT.

THEN IT GOT UNFROZEN,
AND MY PANTS GOT ALL WET.

- YOU MAY BE RIGHT, KID.
- HEY, I KNOW THIS PLACE.

IT'S BECAUSE YOU LIVE HERE.
THAT'S RIGHT. I LIVE HERE.

[Laughs]

HEY, OZ? YOU NEED ANY MONEY?

NO, THANKS. I GOT
EVERYTHING THAT I NEED.

YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

SO, WHAT TIME DO WE LEAVE
FOR ACAPULCO TOMORROW, COLT?

I FIGURE WE'D BETTER GET TO THE
AIRPORT BY 8:00 JUST TO BE SAFE.

TA-DA!

I BOUGHT IT FOR THE TRIP TO ACAPULCO
TOMORROW. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE
AWFULLY COLD ON THE AIRPLANE.

AND IN ANOTHER 30 SECONDS, HOWIE'S
GONNA START DROOLING ALL OVER HIMSELF.

HAROLD, JUST LET THAT STEEP FOR
A WHILE BEFORE YOU PUT THE MILK IN.

UH, HAROLD, AREN'T YOU
GONNA EAT YOUR COOKIES?

WHAT'S THAT?

WELL, YES, I DID NOTICE
THAT YOU GAINED A

LITTLE WEIGHT, BUT I
WASN'T GONNA SAY ANYTHING.

OH, I DON'T MIND IF I DO.

I'M VERY HUNGRY.

[Knocking] WHO'S THERE?

[Man] POLICE OFFICERS.
WE WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

I DON'T WANT ANY
MESSAGE FROM PEPE GARCIA.

IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS
DOOR, WE'RE GONNA BUST IT IN.

[Man #2] OPEN UP OR
WE'LL START SHOOTING.

WE HAVE A WARRANT
FOR YOUR ARREST.

JUMP. I SAID OPEN UP!

NO! YOU GO FIRST!

[Screaming]

[Laughing]

I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS.

[Colt] IF IT HAS ANYTHING TO
DO WITH WORK, FORGET IT.

WE'RE GOING TO
PARADISE TOMORROW.

I DON'T NEED YOU FOR
WORK. IT'S ABOUT OZZIE.

- HE'S WANTED FOR MURDER.
- YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING.

A CIRCUIT COURT JUDGE WAS FOUND
MURDERED IN HIS GARAGE THIS MORNING.

A WITNESS SAW A MAN
WHO FITS THE DESCRIPTION

OF OZZIE RUNNING
OUT OF THE GARAGE.

DID THEY SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT SEEING POLICE?

TWO POLICEMEN WERE
CHASING HIM OUT OF THE GARAGE.

THEN WHY DID THEY ONLY
ARREST HIM FOR CAR THEFT?

THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.

I TAKE IT THAT OZZIE'S
ORIGINAL BOND'S BEEN REVOKED.

AS OF AN HOUR AGO.
I BETTER PICK HIM UP.

UH-UH. YOU DON'T HAVE TO. THE
POLICE ARE ON THEIR WAY NOW.

OZZIE'S NOT GONNA GO WITH THE POLICE.
HE THINKS THEY MURDERED THE JUDGE.

WHAT? COLT!

COME ON, KID. WE GOTTA GO PICK
UP OZZIE BEFORE THE POLICE DO.

MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE TOO LATE.

YEAH, EITHER THE POLICE
GOT HIM OR HE GOT AWAY.

I HAD A FEELING HE'D
LIVE IN A PLACE LIKE THIS.

YEAH, OZZIE'S ENTIRE EXISTENCE
IS OUT OF GARBAGE CANS.

POOR GUY. LIVES OFF THINGS
PEOPLE CAN'T USE ANYMORE...

AS HE WANDERS THROUGH A WORLD
PEOPLE JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THAT'S ALMOST POETIC,
HOWIE. I HEARD IT ON DRAGNET.

WELL, LET'S SEE IF THE MANAGER OF THIS
FLEABAG KNOWS ANYTHING. GET THE DOOR.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE
WE CAN FIND OZZIE GRANT?

YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.
I LOVE YOUNGER MEN.

[Chuckles Nervously] UH,
WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?

WELL, YOU SEE, THE POLICE CAME,
AND, UH, OZZIE... THAT DINGBAT...

JUMPED RIGHT OUT OF THE WINDOW
AND LANDED ON A TRUCK AND GOT AWAY.

AND THEN A FEW MINUTES LATER, AFTER THOSE
THREE COPS WERE HERE, WHY, TWO MORE CAME.

- UNIFORMED POLICE?
- YEAH.

YOU'D THINK THE FIRST
THREE COPS WOULD'VE TOLD

THE SECOND TWO COPS
AND SAVED THEM THE TRIP.

YEAH, YES, MA'AM. WELL,
LISTEN. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ANYTIME, HONEY.

LISTEN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO. I MEAN,
WE'RE JUST GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

I HAVE TO. I'M HIS PARTNER. HE WON'T
MIND LOSING YOU FOR A FEW HOURS.

NOT AT ALL, KID. YOU STAY
AND ENJOY YOURSELF, YA HEAR?

COLT! DON'T LET MY AGE FOOL YOU.

THERE'S NO SUBSTITUTE
FOR EXPERIENCE.

COLT?

HE'LL BE BACK. THEY
ALWAYS COME BACK.

WERE YOU JUST GONNA
LEAVE ME IN THERE?

HEY, I DIDN'T WANT
TO CRAMP YOUR STYLE.

OH, THAT'S FUNNY.
YEAH, THAT'S VERY FUNNY.

[Engine Starts]

THEY'RE THE TWO
THAT BAILED HIM OUT.

YEAH, WE BETTER FOLLOW 'EM.
THEY'RE THE ONLY LEAD WE GOT.

HOW'D IT GO? DON'T ASK. AND
DON'T BOTHER WITH THE TAN.

YOU DON'T EXPECT ME TO GO TO
ACAPULCO WITHOUT ONE, DO YOU?

YEAH, WELL, WE MAY HAVE
TO POSTPONE OUR TRIP.

WHAT? YEAH, OZZIE'S
ON THE LOOSE.

AND WE CAN'T GO
ANYWHERE UNTIL WE FIND HIM.

I KNEW THIS WOULD
HAPPEN. IT ALWAYS DOES.

COME ON, YOU TWO. I'M THE ONLY
PERSON OZZIE HAS THAT CAN HELP HIM.

BESIDES, WOULDN'T WE
HAVE A MUCH BETTER TIME

ON OUR TRIP KNOWING
THAT OZZIE WAS SAFE?

[Phone Ringing]

- YEAH, HELLO.
- HELLO, COLT.

- IT'S GOOD TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.
- WHERE ARE YOU?

I KNOW, BUT I'M NOT
GONNA TELL YOU.

OZZIE, I WANT TO HELP YOU. NOW
PLEASE TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE.

I CAN'T. I GOTTA FIND MY
NEWSPAPER REPORTER FRIEND.

HE'S THE ONLY
ONE THAT CAN FIX IT.

[Woman On P.A.] DR. CALOMERIS TO
SURGERY. DR. CALOMERIS TO SURGERY.

OZZIE, I CAN HELP
YOU. I PROMISE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, HAROLD?

NO. NO, COLT. HAROLD SAYS NO.

WE GOTTA FIND THE
NEWSPAPER REPORTER FRIEND.

HE'S THE ONLY ONE
THAT CAN HELP US.

[Woman On P.A.] DR. CLARK, INTENSIVE
CARE. DR. CLARK, INTENSIVE CARE.

I REALLY HAVE TO HANG UP NOW.
HAROLD SAYS WE HAVE TO GO.

OZZIE, WAIT... WAIT A MINUTE.

COLT, DON'T WORRY ABOUT
US. WE GOT IT ALL TOGETHER.

GOOD-BYE, COLT.

[Woman Screams]

JODY, CHECK WITH EVERY
HOSPITAL IN THE L.A. AREA.

FIND OUT WHERE A DR. CALOMERIS
OR A DR. CLARK PRACTICE AT, HUH?

OKAY.

[Woman On P.A.] DR. CARPENTER
TO X-RAY. DR. CARPENTER TO X-RAY.

[Ozzie] UH-OH. COLT FOUND ME.

OH, IT'S ABOUT TIME
I GOT A DOCTOR.

I'VE BEEN BUZZING THIS
THING FOR 20 MINUTES!

I HAVE THIS WHEEZING
IN MY CHEST, DOCTOR.

WILL YOU LISTEN TO IT?

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO
LISTEN WITH A STETHOSCOPE?

TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

[Inhales, Exhales]

HOW DOES IT SOUND? WONDERFUL.

WHERE'S MY REGULAR DOCTOR?

- HAVE YOU EVER HAD THIS BEFORE?
- YES.

WELL, YOU GOT IT AGAIN.

WHAT KIND OF A DOCTOR ARE YOU?

WHAT KIND WOULD YOU LIKE?
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET HAROLD.

- YOU'RE NO DOCTOR!
- NO, I'M NOT, BUT HAROLD IS.

GET OUT OF MY ROOM NOW!

BOTH OF US? GET OUT!

[Loud Clattering]

HI, COLT. HOW NICE OF YOU TO
COME TO VISIT. YOU TOO, HOWIE.

COME ON NOW, OZZIE.
WE'RE GOING NOW.

BUT, COLT, WE HAVEN'T FOUND MY FRIEND THE
REPORTER YET. CALL YOUR FRIEND LATER, OZ.

TAKE IT EASY. YOU'RE TAKIN' US TO
JAIL, AREN'T YOU? DON'T WORRY, OZZIE.

WE'LL STRAIGHTEN EVERYTHING OUT.
YOU WON'T HAVE TO STAY THERE VERY LONG.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL.
I'M AFRAID THEY'RE GONNA HURT US.

THEY'RE GONNA HURT
US. I'M AFRAID, COLT.

WHY DON'T WE GO CAMPING? I KNOW A WONDERFUL
SPOT, AND WE'LL HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME.

WE'LL DO THAT AS SOON AS WE
GET THIS WHOLE THING RESOLVED.

- DO YOU LIKE ME?
- I LOVE YA.

- YOU TOO?
- SURE, OZ.

YOU CAN'T DO THIS
TO ME! I'M A DOCTOR!

- OZZIE, BE QUIET.
- NO! SOMEBODY HELP ME!

OZZIE! RUN, HAROLD! RUN! RUN!

[Chattering]

HE WON'T BE HARD TO FIND.
HE STANDS OUT ANYPLACE.

EXCUSE ME. DID YOU JUST
SEE A GUY COME OUT HERE?

THE ONLY THING THAT
CAME THROUGH THAT DOOR...

IS THE STIFF THAT
LEFT IN THAT HEARSE.

COME ON, KID. WE GOT
A HEARSE TO CATCH.

THERE THEY ARE. YEAH,
BUT THEY'RE ALONE.

THEY'RE STILL OUR
ONLY LEAD. FOLLOW 'EM.

[Engine Starts]

[Knocking]

HEY, YOU KNOW,
IT'S NICE BACK HERE.

OH, MY GOD! I WAS AFRAID THIS
WAS GONNA HAPPEN SOMEDAY.

I THINK HE JUST FOUND
OUT HE'S GOT A LIVE ONE.

HEY, THAT'S OKAY!

THANKS FOR THE RIDE. HEY,
COLT, THAT WAS FUN! [Laughs]

OZZIE, IT ISN'T NICE TO
KEEP RUNNING AWAY.

DON'T YOU LIKE ME
ANYMORE? SURE I DO.

BUT YOU GOTTA START
BEHAVING YOURSELF.

THAT WASN'T ME. THAT WAS HAROLD.

YES, IT WAS. I DID NOT.

IT WAS YOU, HAROLD.

I NEVER SAID THAT! [Gasps]

COLT, IT'S THE COPS
THAT KILLED THE JUDGE!

OH, NO. NOT AGAIN.
LET US DO THE TALKING.

OKAY, EVERYBODY FREEZE!

OFFICER, I CAN
EXPLAIN. I WORK FOR THE

BONDING COMPANY THAT
PUT UP THIS MAN'S BAIL.

DON'T BELIEVE 'EM.
THEY WANNA KILL ME.

I SEE. WELL, THANKS FOR YOUR
HELP IN APPREHENDING HIM.

BUT HIS BOND'S BEEN REVOKED,
AND HE'S WANTED FOR MURDER.

YEAH, WELL, LET ME TAKE HIM
IN. IT'D LOOK GOOD TO MY BOSS.

SORRY. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TURN HIM
OVER TO US NOW. YOU'VE DONE YOUR JOB.

HEY! PLEASE! DON'T
LET 'EM TAKE ME!

THEY... THEY KILLED THE OLD MAN!

I'M TELLIN' YA, COLT! THEY'RE
KILLERS! DON'T LET 'EM TAKE ME!

[Colt] HOWIE, I GOT AN
AWFUL FEELING ABOUT THIS.

[Howie] YEAH, WELL, WHAT IF HE'S
TELLING THE TRUTH? HE LOOKS DESPERATE.

AND IF WE INTERFERE, WE
COULD BE IN REAL TROUBLE.

SO WHO DO WE
BELIEVE... A CRAZY MAN?

OR DO WE BELIEVE TWO POLICEMEN
WHO SEEM AWFULLY LEGITIMATE?

FIND THE REPORTER! HE'S THE
ONLY ONE THAT CAN SAVE US!

NEITHER. WE FOLLOW 'EM
AND SEE FOR OURSELVES.

[Engine Starts]

THERE'S A POLICE
STATION IN THE NEXT BLOCK.

IF THEY'RE LEGITIMATE POLICEMEN,
THEY'LL TURN HIM IN THERE.

[Howie] WELL, THERE'S THE
ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION.

[Tires Screech]

[Gunshot]

- OZZIE, JUMP IN THE BACK!
- [Gunshot]

OZZIE, GET DOWN!

[Horn Honking]

COME ON, HAROLD.
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.

WELL, I THINK WE LOST 'EM.

THAT'S NOT ALL WE LOST, COLT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

OH, NO. NOT AGAIN.

♪♪ [Guitar]

I HOPE YOU HAVE
BROUGHT ME GOOD NEWS.

NOT EXACTLY.

OUR WITNESS IS NOT DEAD?

WE HAD HIM, AND WE WERE TAKING
HIM TO A NICE, QUIET PLACE TO KILL HIM.

BUT HE GOT HELP.
WHAT KIND OF HELP?

TWO GUYS IN A PICKUP TRUCK. THE
SAME TWO GUYS THAT BAILED HIM OUT.

AND YOU TWO EXPERTS WERE
STOPPED BY TWO AMATEURS?

MR. GARCIA, THOSE TWO GUYS SURE
DIDN'T HANDLE THEMSELVES LIKE AMATEURS.

YOU SPOILED MY APPETITE.

DON'T WORRY. WE'LL GET
HIM BEFORE THE POLICE DO.

WELL, SEE THAT YOU DO.

BECAUSE IF HE'S TO BE
CAPTURED BY THE POLICE,

THE ONLY THING LINKING ME
TO THE MURDER IS YOU TWO.

OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE WE SEARCHED
THOSE HILLS UNTIL 4:00 IN THE MORNING.

YEP. WE HAVE TO START
RIGHT BACK OVER AGAIN.

NOT THE HILLS AGAIN. NOPE.

I'M GONNA FIND OUT
ABOUT THOSE POLICEMEN.

NOW YOU HAVE TO PAY A LITTLE
VISIT TO, UH, SEE THE MANAGER.

WHAT? I CAN'T GO BACK
THERE ALONE, COLT.

LOOK. SHE'S JUST A WOMAN
JUST LIKE ANY OTHER WOMAN.

MAYBE A LITTLE SEASONED.
JUST TREAT HER LIKE A LADY.

YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GET THE INFORMATION
YOU NEED. I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M
ACTING LIKE THIS. YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I TOOK A YEAR
OF SENSITIVITY TRAINING.

RIGHT. LET'S GO.

HMM.

POLICE DATA CENTER.

WHY SHOULD I GIVE YOU THIS INFORMATION?
YOU HAVEN'T CALLED ME IN THREE WEEKS.

WELL, HONEY, JUST BECAUSE
I HAVEN'T CALLED YOU

DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M
NOT THINKING ABOUT YA.

I BET.

LISTEN, RIGHT NOW
I'M BUSY WITH OZZIE.

AND THEN, UH... THEN I GOTTA GO
AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS... BUSINESS.

BUT WHEN I GET
BACK, IT'S ME AND YOU.

COLT, I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE.

NO, LISTEN. FIRST
WE'LL, UH, UH...

I KNOW. FIRST WE'LL GO OUT
FOR A CANDLELIGHT DINNER.

THEN WE'LL TAKE THE HORSES OUT
FOR A MOONLIGHT RIDE ON LOVERS' PASS.

THEN WE'LL PUT A BLANKET
DOWN ON A NICE HILLSIDE...

AND JUST STARE AT THE STARS.

OH, THAT SOUNDS GREAT.
BUT WHY WASTE ALL THAT TIME?

[Phones Ringing]

[Clears Throat] THAT INFORMATION YOU
WANTED ABOUT POLICE VEHICLE 1554.

IT IS NO LONGER IN SERVICE. IT, UH, WENT
OFF A CLIFF A MONTH AGO AND BURNED UP.

WELL, IT'S BACK. SOMEBODY WHO
HAS ACCESS TO POLICE RECORDS...

MADE THEMSELVES THEIR
VERY OWN POLICE CAR.

YOU SURE OF THIS
NUMBER? POSITIVE.

MY GUESS, THEY'RE HIT
MEN FOR THE LOCAL MOB.

[Laughs] COLT, YOU'RE STARTING
TO BELIEVE THOSE MOVIES YOU'RE IN.

WHO ELSE WOULD BENEFIT FROM
KILLING A CIRCUIT COURT JUDGE?

WHO SAYS THEY KILLED HIM? OZZIE.

WE HAVE A WITNESS THAT SAW OZZIE
LEAVING THE SCENE OF THE CRIME.

YEAH, BEING CHASED
BY TWO POLICEMEN.

COME ON, MARIA. PUT
TWO AND TWO TOGETHER.

COLT, OZZIE IS A
CERTIFIED WACKO.

HIS TESTIMONY WILL
NEVER STAND UP IN COURT.

YOU KNOW THAT AND I KNOW THAT.

BUT THE BAD GUYS DON'T. OTHERWISE,
THEY WOULDN'T BE TRYING TO KILL HIM.

OKAY.

I'LL PUT AN A.P.B. OUT
ON THAT PATROL CAR.

GREAT. REMEMBER, WE
GOT A DATE NEXT WEEK, HUH?

BYE.

I KNEW YOU'D COME BACK.
THEY ALWAYS COME BACK.

I'M NOT HERE FOR
PLEASURE, LUCILLE.

[Laughs] THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.

I-I NEED TO FIND OUT
ABOUT A FRIEND OF OZZIE'S.

IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT WHETHER HAROLD
EXISTS OR NOT, I WONDER ABOUT THAT MYSELF.

NO, IT'S NOT HAROLD.
I NEED TO FIND OUT

ABOUT A NEWSPAPER
REPORTER THAT OZZIE KNOWS.

WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU ANYTHING? YOU
HAVEN'T BEEN PARTICULARLY NICE TO ME.

I KNOW, LUCILLE, AND I'M SORRY.

HMM. WORDS COME EASY, KID. DOESN'T
ALWAYS SAY WHAT'S IN YOUR HEART.

YOU'RE RIGHT. LISTEN. I
WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

HOW ABOUT THE TWO OF US
HAVING A LITTLE DINNER TONIGHT?

I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT
WITH A HOCKEY PLAYER.

AH, GEE. THAT'S
TOO BAD, LUCILLE.

BUT I'M FREE TOMORROW NIGHT.

TOMORROW? MM-HMM.

ALL RIGHT. TOMORROW IT IS.

YOU WON'T REGRET IT. WE'LL
HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME.

NOW ABOUT THAT NEWSPAPER MAN.

SEE, THIS USED TO BE HIS
BEAT UNTIL HE WENT CRAZY.

I MEAN REALLY CRAZY.

I GUESS THAT'S WHY HE AND
OZZIE BECAME SUCH GOOD FRIENDS.

THEY SORT OF, YOU KNOW,
IDENTIFY WITH EACH OTHER.

RIGHT. WELL, WHERE
CAN I FIND HIM? Y-YEAH.

WHERE HE AND OZZIE BOTH BELONG...
AT ST. ELIZABETH'S MENTAL SANITARIUM.

HE WAS COMMITTED
THERE ABOUT A MONTH AGO.

THAT'S GREAT. YOU'VE
BEEN A BIG HELP, LUCILLE.

I'M LOOKING FORWARD
TO TOMORROW NIGHT.

YOU SHOULD BE. IT'S
GONNA BE QUITE AN EVENING.

I'M SURE IT WILL BE.

LEAVE THIS TO ME, HAROLD.

DR. ROSKINEN.

LET'S GO, HAROLD.

[Howie] THE GUY WHO OZZIE'S
LOOKING FOR, THE REPORTER,

HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN,
AND HE'S IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL.

THAT'S WHERE OZZIE WAS HEADING.
HE JUST GOT THE HOSPITALS MIXED UP.

WELL, YOU DID GOOD, KID. BESIDES,
YOU GOT US THE ONLY LEAD WE HAVE.

OH, YEAH. THAT'S
EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.

YOU DON'T HAVE A DATE
WITH HER TOMORROW NIGHT.

HEY, DO YOU REALLY THINK THOSE
POLICEMEN ARE HIT MEN FOR THE MOB?

WELL, THAT'S A GOOD GUESS. WHO ELSE WOULD
HAVE THE NERVE TO MAKE A HIT ON A JUDGE?

NOT TO MENTION
IMPERSONATING OFFICERS.

OH, POOR OZZIE. HE REALLY
WALKED IN ON SOMETHING.

STARTING TO GROW
ON YA, ISN'T HE? YEAH.

I TOLD YOU HE WOULD. I JUST HOPE WE
CAN GET TO HIM BEFORE THE OTHER GUYS DO.

- WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
- WE'RE HERE TO VISIT
ONE OF YOUR PATIENTS.

SORRY. VISITING DAY IS SUNDAY.

WHAT WE REALLY WANT TO
DO IS TALK TO HIS DOCTOR.

WELL, I HAVE TO HAVE A PASS. IF YOU
WANT TO WAIT, I CAN CALL THE DOCTOR.

NO. WE'LL, UH... WE'LL
COME BACK SUNDAY.

WHERE WE GOING? AROUND BACK.

I NEVER DID LIKE GETTIN'
INTO ANY PLACE THE EASY WAY.

WHY ARE WE STOPPING?

THEY TRIED TO GET IN.
THEY MUST'VE HAD A REASON.

WE GOT A REPORT
OF A DISTURBANCE.

CLARK, I'M SO GLAD WE FOUND YOU.

IT'S ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO
SEE YOU AND HAROLD, OZZIE.

YOU'VE GOTTA SAVE US. MY FRIEND
COLT IS TRYIN' TO PUT ME IN JAIL,

AND THERE'S TWO BAD
COPS WHO'S TRYIN' TO KILL US.

DON'T WORRY, OZ.
YOU'RE SAFE NOW.

WE ARE?

LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME. HERE
WE DO THINGS THE AMERICAN WAY.

WE FEEL BETTER ALREADY.

[Man] ORVILLE, YOU
CAN'T DO THIS. IT'S CRAZY.

I'VE HEARD THAT ALL MY LIFE.

ME TOO. THAT'S WHY I
KNOW THIS IS REALLY CRAZY.

HOW MANY POUNDS
YOU GONNA USE, COLT?

ABOUT 1,200 POUNDS OUGHTA DO IT.

YOU READY? YEP.

WILBUR, BELIEVE ME. I CAN DO IT.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING THE BIRDS
ALL MORNING, AND IT LOOKS EASY.

- BUT BIRDS HAVE WINGS!
- SO DO I. I'M JUST MISSING
THE FEATHERS.

THE FEATHERS ARE THE
MOST IMPORTANT PART.

I DON'T NEED 'EM.

ORVILLE, MAN WAS
NOT MEANT TO FLY.

MOVE OVER, ORVILLE.
I'M GOING WITH YOU.

[Howie] YOU TWO BE CAREFUL. THE
WIND CURRENTS ARE MEAN TODAY.

LET ME HANDLE THIS ONE.

HI. NICE DAY. VERY NICE.

EXCEPT THAT YOU TWO SHOULDN'T BE OUT
HERE WANDERING AROUND ALL BY YOURSELVES.

WELL, WE'RE NOT PATIENTS.
NO, WE'RE STUNTMEN.

OH, REALLY? THEN YOU
MUST KNOW BURT REYNOLDS.

- SURE. DOUBLED HIM
IN A LOT OF HIS PICTURES.
- WELL, HE'S RIGHT INSIDE.

- BURT REYNOLDS IS IN THERE?
- WELL, SURE.

WE HAVE CLARK GABLE, THE THREE STOOGES,
AND WE EVEN HAVE CHARLES DE GAULLE.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. WE REALLY
AREN'T PATIENTS. WE'RE BOUNTY HUNTERS.

AH. SO NOW YOU WANT
TO BE BOUNTY HUNTERS.

WELL, WE HAVE THESE
NICE LITTLE ROOMS INSIDE.

WE'RE GONNA LOCK YOU UP, AND YOU
CAN BE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE.

WELL, I GUESS WE CAN'T
DO THIS THE EASY WAY, HUH?

[Grunts]

HAROLD IS REAL SCARED.

I'M SCARED, BUT HAROLD
IS EVEN MORE SCARED.

OZZIE, YOU KNOW WHAT'S UNDERNEATH THIS
MILD-MANNERED REPORTER'S OUTFIT, DON'T YOU?

A SUPER SUIT AND A CAPE. RIGHT.

AND WITH IT, I AM INVINCIBLE.

JUST LET ME SEE THE
SLIGHTEST HINT OF DANGER,

AND I'LL HEAD RIGHT FOR
THE NEAREST PHONE BOOTH.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOIN'?
WELL, NOW WE'RE PLAYING COPS.

HEY, COME BACK HERE!

CLARK, IT'S TIME FOR
YOUR TREATMENT.

OH, YES. THE TREATMENT.

IT'S FOR THE X-RAY EYES.

FOR THE X-RAY EYES.

[Screams]

[Howie] LOOKS LIKE
THEY BEAT US TO OZZIE.

COME ON, KID. WE'RE
GONNA PLAY DOCTOR.

AM I GONNA DIE?

YOU WILL IF YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

[Grunting]

HOLD IT. HOLD IT.
HOWIE, GET HIS GUN.

GET DOWN THERE!

I TOLD YOU, COLT! I TOLD YOU!
BUT YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME.

- NOBODY EVER BELIEVES ME.
- WE BELIEVE YOU, OZZIE.

[Man] DO YOU KNOW THE PENALTY
FOR THREATENING AN OFFICER?

[Colt] I SURE DO. BUT IF YOU TWO
ARE REAL OFFICERS, I'M GABBY HAYES.

NO, CLARK! YOU GOT
THE WRONG GUYS!

[Ozzie Continues Yelling]

HOLD HIM, KID. I'M GOING
AFTER THE BAD GUYS.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. YOU
MUST HAVE KRYPTONITE.

OW! OW! THAT HURTS!
RUN, HAROLD! RUN!

DON'T BE STUPID! OKAY,
YOU'RE NOT STUPID!

ALL RIGHT, HAROLD! [Muttering]

HEY, THERE'S A GUY ON YOUR ROOF.

BOY, THESE GUYS'LL DO
ANYTHING TO GET OUT.

HEY, COLT, THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN.

[Horn Honks]

[Tires Squealing]

[Horn Honking]

[Man] I'LL GET RID
OF HIM. WATCH THIS.

[Horn Honking]

- MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS GUY'S LUCK.
- WELL, HIS LUCK JUST RAN OUT.

- HE'S STILL HANGING ON!
- IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME.

[Tires Squealing]

[Crashing]

[Crashing]

[Tires Squealing]

[Man] THERE'S ONLY ONE
WAY TO KNOCK HIM OFF.

IT DIDN'T WORK. YOU
GOT ANY OTHER IDEAS?

[Tires Squealing]

[Crashing]

[Tires Squealing]

LOOK OUT!

MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY.

[Siren Wailing]

NO, IT ISN'T. I'LL
CALL YOU LATER.

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
OKAY, GET OUTTA THERE.

THIS IS THAT FAKE PATROL
CAR WE'VE BEEN LOOKIN' FOR.

HEY, WASN'T THAT GREAT,
COLT? YOU OKAY, OZZIE?

OH, SURE, FINE. I
COULDN'T BE ANY BETTER.

HUH? WHAT'S THAT,
HAROLD? OH, SURE, HAROLD.

COLT, HAROLD WANTS TO
KNOW, CAN WE GO HOME NOW?

SURE, OZZIE. I'LL TAKE YOU HOME.

AND YOU TOO, HAROLD. COME ON.

RIGHT, BIG JACK. HEY, BUT WE'RE
ONLY GONNA BE GONE FOR FIVE DAYS.

LOOK, I PROMISE I'LL CALL
YOU AS SOON AS WE GET BACK.

RIGHT. THANKS FOR CALLING.
THAT'S GOOD NEWS. BYE-BYE.

WELL, BIG JACK SAYS OUR BAD POLICEMEN HAVE
UNBURDENED THEIR GUILT TO THE AUTHORITIES.

THEY NOW HAVE ENOUGH
EVIDENCE TO INDICT PEPE GARCIA.

GREAT. IT'S GOOD TO
KNOW CRIME DOESN'T PAY.

AND IT'S NICE TO KNOW WE CAN GO
TO ACAPULCO WITHOUT ANY WORRIES.

YEAH, WITH NOTHING TO DO BUT SIT AROUND THE
POOL AND THINK ABOUT WHAT DRINK TO ORDER.

COME ON, JODY. WE
GOT A PLANE TO CATCH.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS
ARE GONNA LEAVE WITHOUT ME.

HEY, KID, YOU GOT AN
OBLIGATION TO FULFILL.

[Knocking] HOWIE.

IT'S YOUR DATE.

HI!

WELL, AREN'T YOU GONNA
TELL ME HOW TERRIFIC I LOOK?

LUCILLE, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.

OH, COWBOY, YOU HAVE GOOD TASTE.

HELLO, LUCILLE. OH, SWEETIE.

LISTEN, DON'T FORGET,
YOU GUYS. YOU'VE GOT

THREE TICKETS, AND I'M
GONNA BE THERE TOMORROW.

UH, HOWIE, THERE'S SOMETHING
WE KINDA FORGOT TO TELL YOU.

WE DIDN'T THINK YOU'D MIND, KID.

- MIND WHAT?
- WE GAVE AWAY YOUR TICKET.

- WHAT? TO WHO?
- [Knocking]

THERE HE IS NOW.

BUENOS DÍAS, SEÑOR.

[Laughing]