The Fall Guy (1981–1986): Season 1, Episode 13 - Soldiers of Misfortune - full transcript
♪ WELL, I'M NOT THE
KIND TO KISS AND TELL ♪
♪ BUT I'VE BEEN
SEEN WITH FARRAH ♪
♪ I'VE NEVER BEEN
WITH ANYTHING LESS ♪
♪ THAN A NINE SO FINE ♪
♪ I'VE BEEN ON FIRE
WITH SALLY FIELD ♪
♪ GONE FAST WITH
A GIRL NAMED BO ♪
♪ BUT SOMEHOW THEY
JUST DON'T END UP AS MINE ♪
♪ IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN'
LIFE I LEAD ♪
♪ I TAKE MY CHANCES ♪
♪ I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN
THE MOVIES AND TV ♪
[Siren Wailing]
♪ BUT THE HARDEST
THING I EVER DO ♪
♪ IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES ♪
♪ KISS SOME OTHER GUY
WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE ♪
♪ I MIGHT FALL FROM
A TALL BUILDIN' ♪
♪ I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪
♪ THAT MADE
REDFORD SUCH A STAR ♪
♪♪ [Women Vocalizing]
♪ I'VE NEVER SPENT
MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL ♪
♪ BUT I'VE TAUGHT
LADIES PLENTY ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY
BODY OUT FOR PAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I'VE GOTTEN BURNED
OVER CHERYL TIEGS ♪
♪ BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN
THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I MIGHT JUMP AN
OPEN DRAWBRIDGE ♪
♪ OR TARZAN FROM A VINE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪
♪ THAT MAKES EASTWOOD
LOOK SO FINE ♪♪
[Colt Narrating] THIS IS THE STORY OF
ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT
YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR
HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM,
WOMEN HAVE WANTED
TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY
CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN'
SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS...
WELL, BECAUSE IT'S
ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T
WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A
GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO
WAIT BY THE PHONE...
AND WAIT... AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL
JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM...
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,
WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES
A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE...
GET OUT OF JAIL ON
WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN. I SOMETIMES
PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM...
AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
[Man] ROLL CAMERAS. ACTION!
[Tires Squealing]
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU HAD A HOT TUB.
WELL, THIS IS A TUB, AND
THE WATER'S VERY HOT.
ISN'T IT GONNA GET
A LITTLE CROWDED?
THAT'S THE IDEA.
[Phone Rings] [Grunts]
OH. THANK YOU. HELLO?
- HI, COLT.
- OH, HI, BIG JACK.
OH, I HOPE I DIDN'T DISTURB YOU.
YOU'RE NOT IN THE MIDDLE
OF SOMETHING, ARE YOU?
- WELL, AS A MATTER
OF FACT, I AM.
- COLT, I'VE GOT A PROBLEM.
- YOU ALWAYS DO.
- LOOK, CAN I COME OVER
AND TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT?
NO! WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE.
- BECAUSE WHY?
- BECAUSE I'M TAKIN' A BATH.
- COLT, I'VE GOT A JOB FOR YOU,
WHICH IS MUCH MORE
IMPORTANT THAN TAKING A BATH.
WELL, NOT THIS ONE.
GOOD-BYE, BIG JACK.
OH! H-HOLD IT,
COLT. WAIT A MINUTE!
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
- THEN I WANNA TALK TO YOU
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
- I'LL CALL YOU AT 10:00.
MAKE IT 9:00. DEAL.
COLT, ONE MORE THING. WHAT?
- DON'T STAY
TOO LONG IN THE TUB.
- BIG JACK.
WELL, ANCHORS AWEIGH.
[Giggles]
[Colt] WHAT'S THE STORY
BEHIND THE, UH, GLOSSY 8-BY-10?
WELL, IT'S A RATHER SHORT STORY.
HIS NAME IS FRANK BOYCE.
HE WAS ARRESTED FOR ILLEGAL
POSSESSION OF, UH, AUTOMATIC WEAPONS.
- YOU MEAN LIKE MACHINE GUNS?
- MM-HMM. I'M AFRAID SO.
WHATEVER POSSESSED YOU
TO BAIL A GUY LIKE THAT OUT?
WELL, HE TOLD ME HE WAS A... WAS
A LICENSED WEAPONS COLLECTOR.
DID YOU SEE HIS LICENSE?
YES, AND HE HAS A LIST OF
SOLID BUSINESS CONNECTIONS,
AND HE GAVE ME THE LIEUTENANT
GOVERNOR OF HIS HOME STATE AS A REFERENCE.
AND HE LOOKED LIKE THE BEST RISK
THAT HAD COME MY WAY ALL YEAR.
HE LOOKED LIKE THE BEST RISK?
HE'S DUE IN COURT NEXT WEEK,
SO I WENT BY HIS APARTMENT
TO CHECK UP ON HIM, AND...
THIS IS ALL I COULD FIND.
"MAN OF WAR... THE MAGAZINE
FOR THE MAN OF ADVENTURE."
THAT'S CERTAINLY NOT MUCH TO GO
ON, BIG JACK. WELL, I'M SORRY, COLT.
- YOU'RE SURE THERE WASN'T
ANYTHING ELSE? NO OTHER CLUES?
- THAT'S ALL THERE WAS.
- WHAT ABOUT HIS PHONE NUMBER?
- YES, I DO HAVE THAT.
WELL, ALL THIS IS GONNA
TAKE IS A LITTLE LEGWORK.
JODY, TAKE THE NUMBER
DOWN TO THE PHONE COMPANY...
AND GET A LIST OF CALLS
TO AND FROM THAT NUMBER.
OH, KID,
HAVE MARIA RUN BOYCE'S NAME
THROUGH THE POLICE COMPUTER.
LET'S SEE WHAT HE'S DONE
LATELY... BESIDES DISAPPEAR.
OKAY.
OH, UH, COLT, CAN YOU
TAKE CARE OF THE CHECK?
I'LL SEE YOU LATER AT THE HOUSE.
OH, BY THE WAY, COLT,
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
I'M GONNA FINISH MY
BREAKFAST... ALONE.
ALONE?
ALMOST.
[Jody] COLT, I THINK I GOT SOMETHIN'
HERE. [Colt] YEAH, WHAT'VE YOU GOT?
OKAY, LISTEN TO THIS. "BE A..."
UM, "BE A SURVIVOR.
"ONLY THE WISE AND STRONG WILL
SURVIVE THE COMING TURMOIL IN AMERICA.
LEARN THE SKILLS
TO KEEP YOU ALIVE."
JODY, WHAT'S THAT GOT TO
DO WITH FINDING FRANK BOYCE?
IF YOU LET ME
FINISH, I'LL TELL YOU.
OKAY, THIS IS AN AD FOR THE CITIZENS
SURVIVAL LEAGUE TRAINING CAMP.
AND, UM, THE PHONE NUMBER FOR THIS
CAMP SHOWS UP ALL OVER THIS PRINTOUT.
IN OTHER WORDS, BOYCE WAS
CALLING SOMEONE UP THERE.
- YOU GOT IT.
- THAT SOUNDS
LIKE A LONG SHOT TO ME.
HEY, BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS. A
LEAD'S A LEAD. HAND ME THE PHONE, KID.
COLT, EVEN IF THIS
GUY BOYCE IS UP THERE,
IT SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF
THOSE PARAMILITARY CAMPS...
NOT THE KIND OF PLACE THEY'RE
JUST GONNA LET STRANGERS WALK INTO.
WON'T WE NEED A COVER?
I'LL THINK OF SOMETHIN'.
WHAT'S THAT NUMBER?
UM, AREA CODE 817...
HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP.
BRING IT AROUND! LET'S MOVE IT!
PEOPLE IN THE REAR! BRING IT UP!
HUP, HUP, HUP! IN THE
TIRES! KEEP IT MOVIN'!
IN THE TIRES,
NOT ON 'EM! IN 'EM!
HUP, HUP! DOUBLE TIME!
KEEP IT MOVIN'! OVER THE NET!
GET OVER THAT
NET! MOVE IT, PEOPLE!
[Phone Rings] HUP, HUP, HUP!
[Man] HELLO?
[Colt] I'M TRYIN' TO REACH THE, UH,
CITIZENS SURVIVAL LEAGUE TRAINING CAMP.
THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT. GOOD, GOOD.
LET ME TELL YOU WHY I'M CALLING.
YOU SEE, I'M A STUNTMAN, AND I JUST
GOT HIRED TO WORK IN A WAR MOVIE.
- CONGRATULATIONS.
- OH, THANKS.
ANYWAY, THE PRODUCER
SEEMS TO THINK I MIGHT BE
A LITTLE OUT OF SHAPE
FOR THIS TYPE OF WORK,
AND, UH, HE SUGGESTED THAT A FEW DAYS AT
YOUR CAMP MIGHT MAKE A NEW MAN OUT OF ME.
IT MIGHT DO THAT. DEPENDS ON HOW
MUCH OF A MAN YOU ARE TO BEGIN WITH.
WELL, I GUESS IT ALSO DEPENDS
ON WHO YOU GOT DOIN' THE TRAINING.
I DON'T WANT THIS
TO BE A VACATION.
HEY, WE'VE GOT AN INSTRUCTOR HERE
THAT MAKES CASTRO LOOK LIKE A CUB SCOUT.
WELL, YOU GOT ROOM FOR A
COUPLE MORE IN YOUR CAMP?
YEAH, I THINK SO.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
UH, SEAVERS. AND MY
FRIEND'S NAME IS MUNSON.
THIS AIN'T NO CAKEWALK. I
WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS GOIN' IN.
- OH, THE TOUGHER THE BETTER.
- OKAY, TRAINING STARTS
TOMORROW.
WE'LL SEE YOU THEN. GOOD-BYE.
[Handset Settles In Cradle]
OKAY, KID, IT'S
BACK TO BOOT CAMP.
[Howie] DON'T YOU
THINK IT'S A LONG SHOT...
THAT JUST BECAUSE BOYCE CALLED THIS
SURVIVAL CAMP, HE'S GONNA BE THERE?
[Colt] IT'S A LONG SHOT, ALL RIGHT,
BUT IT'S THE ONLY SHOT WE GOT.
DON'T WORRY, KID. THE CAMP'S A REFURBISHED
RESORT. WE MAY EVEN HAVE A GOOD TIME.
THESE SELF-DEFENSE TRAINING
CAMPS ATTRACT LOTS OF WOMEN.
GREAT! I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A
SUCKER FOR A GIRL IN UNIFORM.
RETURN! HUP, HUP, HUP!
[Man] KEEP IT UP,
PEOPLE! AND TWO,
BRING IT AROUND!
THREE, FOUR, FIVE...
WHAT SIZE BOOTS,
RECRUIT? UM, 10.
HOLLIS. OH, GLAD
TO SEE YOU'RE BACK.
HOW'S MY FAVORITE LAWMAN? WELL,
STILL MANAGIN' TO KEEP THE PEACE.
OF COURSE, I THINK THINGS GONNA BE A LOT
BETTER WHEN YOU'RE RUNNIN' THE STATE, JED.
I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT
ABOUT THAT. OH, OSGOOD!
HEY, COME ON OVER HERE.
I WANT YOU TO MEET THE HEAD
HONCHO OF THIS HERE CAMP,
LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR
JEDIDIAH DENTON.
- OSGOOD. CALL ME JED.
- PLEASED TO MEET YOU, JED.
COURSE, YOU GONNA BE CALLIN' HIM GOVERNOR
JUST AS SOON AS THE ELECTION ROLLS AROUND.
[Osgood] WELL, I CERTAINLY
HOPE SO. GLAD TO MEET YOU, SIR.
LIKEWISE. YEAH. COME ON, OSGOOD.
WE GOT TO GET READY
FOR THE WARS. RIGHT.
WELL, HOWDY, BOYS. NAME, PLEASE.
SEAVERS. AND MUNSON.
OH, YES. YOU'RE
THE TWO STUNTMEN.
- YES, SIR, THAT'S US.
- WELL, WELCOME TO THE CAMP. [Chuckles]
NOW, IF YOU FELLAS WILL JUST FILL
OUT THESE FORMS, WE CAN GET STARTED.
UH, WHAT ARE THEY FOR?
UH, PERSONAL RELEASE.
IN CASE YOU GET HURT, WE CAN'T BE
HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SAFETY.
SEE, IT'S OUR JOB TO TEACH YOU
HOW TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF.
OH, WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED THERE, YOU CAN
STOW YOUR GEAR AND GET SOME UNIFORMS.
YOU'RE IN NUMBER, UH, 26.
YEAH, WE MEET AT THE PARADE
GROUNDS RIGHT AFTER LUNCH.
THANKS. SEE YOU LATER.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
DID YOU SAY THEY
WERE IN NUMBER 26?
THAT'S RIGHT. [Chuckles]
I'M TELLIN' YOU, COLT, ALL A REAL FIGHTING
MAN NEEDS IS FOUR WALLS AND A COT.
YEAH, WELL, THIS FIGHTING MAN WOULD
RATHER HAVE A COUPLE OF BEERS...
AND SOME FEMALE
COMPANIONSHIP. OH, UH...
THAT'S WHAT I CALL ROOM SERVICE.
I'M SORRY. IS THIS
YOURS? WELL, YEAH.
I'M SO STUPID. I MUST BE
IN THE ONE NEXT DOOR.
YEAH, WELL, UH, THAT'S
OKAY. COME BACK ANYTIME.
I WILL.
YOU'RE NEW AT THE
TRAINING CAMP, AREN'T YOU?
YEAH. WE, UH... WE JUST GOT
HERE THIS MORNING. ME TOO.
YOU KNOW, BY THE
LOOKS OF YOU TWO,
I BET YOU'RE
PROFESSIONAL SOLDIERS.
YEAH. I WAS IN THE GREEN BERETS.
I KNEW IT. MY FATHER WAS A
GENERAL IN THE SPECIAL SERVICES.
WHO WAS YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER?
- UH, JOHN WAYNE.
- HUH?
UH, WE'RE STUNTMEN...
IN THE MOVIES.
OH, WELL, THAT EXPLAINS WHY YOU
LOOK LIKE YOU'RE IN SUCH GOOD SHAPE.
YOU HAVE TO BE WHEN
YOU'RE IN OUR BUSINESS, MA'AM.
YEAH, WE'RE, UH... WE'RE MAKING A
WAR MOVIE IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS,
AND WE THOUGHT THIS
WOULD BE GOOD TRAINING AND...
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
MY BOSS SENT ME.
I'M THE EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT
TO THE PRESIDENT OF OXONIAN OIL.
HE FELT THAT WITH ALL THE
TRAVELING WE DO IN THE MIDDLE EAST,
COMBAT TRAINING
MAY COME IN HANDY.
HE HAS A GOOD POINT THERE.
YEAH, BUT I'M A LITTLE WORRIED.
IT'S KIND OF DANGEROUS
OUT ON THE OBSTACLE COURSE.
DO YOU THINK ANYONE
COULD GET HURT?
OH, NOT IF WE GET A GOOD INSTRUCTOR
AND HE DON'T GO GUNG-HO ON THE FIRST DAY.
[Chuckles] YOU KNOW, I'D SURE
FEEL A LOT MORE SECURE...
IF I COULD TAG ALONG WITH
TWO MEN AS EXPERIENCED AS YOU.
WOULD YOU MIND
SHOWING ME THE ROPES?
OH, WE'D BE GLAD TO.
WOULDN'T WE, COLT?
UH, YEAH. YOU... YOU
JUST STICK WITH US.
WE'LL MAKE SURE YOU GET THROUGH
TRAINING WITHOUT A SCRATCH.
I'M SURE I WILL.
THANKS, GUYS.
I'LL SEE YOU ON THE
PARADE GROUNDS.
ONE, TWO...
[Whistle Blowing]
THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX...
[Whistle Blowing]
AH, COLT, THIS IS ALMOST
LIKE BEING BACK AT WEST POINT.
[Man] FALL IN! YEAH, WELL, JUST REMEMBER,
THIS ISN'T A STROLL DOWN MEMORY LANE.
WE GOT A JOB TO DO. WE
GOTTA FIND THIS FRANK BOYCE.
SO FAR I HAVEN'T
SEEN ANY SIGN OF HIM.
I CHECKED THE TRAINING
ROSTER, AND HE'S NOT ON IT.
[Whistle Blowing] 22, 23, 24...
[Whistle Blowing] 25, 26...
FALL IN! 27, 28, 29, 30...
AT EASE! 31, 32...
MY FRIENDS, YOU'RE ABOUT
TO START A TRAINING PROGRAM...
THAT MAY ONE DAY SAVE OUR LIVES.
WHEN PANIC ERUPTS IN THE CITIES,
AND THE QUESTION OF LIFE AND
DEATH IS ONE YOU FACE EVERY DAY,
IT IS YOU PEOPLE, THE ONES
WHO'VE PLANNED AHEAD,
THAT WILL STAND THE
BEST CHANCE OF SURVIVAL.
COLT, I DON'T SEE BOYCE
ANYWHERE. NEITHER DO I.
IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS, YOU'LL BE
ATTENDING CLASSES IN EVERYTHING...
FROM HOW TO GROW YOUR OWN FOOD TO
THE TREATMENT OF RADIATION SICKNESS.
BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
YOU'LL LEARN HERE WILL BE SELF-DEFENSE.
BECAUSE IN THE EVENT OF A
CATASTROPHE, YOU NEVER KNOW...
WHO IS YOUR ENEMY...
OR WHO'S YOUR FRIEND.
NOW I'M GONNA TURN YOU OVER TO THE MAN
WHO WILL BE SUPERVISING YOUR TRAINING...
AN EX-GREEN BERET AND AN
EXPERT IN THE FIELD OF SELF-DEFENSE.
WITH A BUILDUP LIKE THAT, I
CAN'T WAIT TO MEET THE GUY.
[Shouts]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
COLONEL FRANK BOYCE.
THIS MAN IS DEAD!
YOU WANNA KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE HE WASN'T ALERT.
A FIGHTING MAN IS ALWAYS
THINKING ON HIS FEET.
UNLESS, OF COURSE, HE LIKES
THE FEEL OF A PISTOL IN HIS GUT.
NOW IT'S MY JOB TO TURN YOU PEOPLE
INTO SOMETHING RESEMBLING SOLDIERS.
AND BY THE LOOKS OF YOU,
THAT MAY SEEM IMPOSSIBLE.
I GOT A GREAT IDEA, COLT.
LET'S FORGET THIS
WHOLE THING AND GO HOME.
YOU COULD'VE TAKEN HIM.
I'LL SEE TO IT THAT YOU'RE
NOT SHORTCHANGED.
IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT OF HARD WORK,
PHYSICAL CONDITIONING, MENTAL TOUGHNESS.
SO LET'S GET STARTED.
IN FORMATION, FIVE LAPS
AROUND THE PERIMETER.
DOUBLE TIME.
SQUAD! TEN-HUT!
LEFT FACE!
FORWARD MARCH!
DOUBLE TIME! MARCH!
[Man] HUP, TWO, THREE,
FOUR. HUP, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
HUP, HUP, HUP! BRING IT AROUND!
MOVE IT, YOU LAZY DEADBEATS!
THIS IS NOT GONNA BE A VACATION!
[Man] COME ON, PEOPLE IN THE
REAR! BRING IT UP! HUP, HUP, HUP!
THINK YOU CAN WHIP 'EM
INTO SHAPE? OH, DON'T WORRY.
THEY'LL GET THEIR MONEY'S WORTH.
I MEAN, WITHOUT KILLING ANYONE.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO?
TURN THIS INTO A SUNDAY PICNIC?
NO, I JUST DON'T WANT
ANY MORE ACCIDENTS.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO BLOW MY
CHANCE TO BE GOVERNOR, WOULD YOU?
IT'S YOUR CAMP. I'M
JUST A HIRED HAND.
FINE. I'LL LEAVE YOU TO
ENTERTAIN OUR GUESTS.
OKAY, FOLLOW ME! THIS WAY!
WHOA!
[Boyce] HEY, COME ON!
FASTER! PULL UP THAT SLACK!
MOVE IT UP! MOVE IT!
LET'S GO! LET'S GO!
HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP!
[Woman] I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT
NOW, I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT.
[Colt] JUST PRETEND YOU'RE GOIN'
FOR A NICE RUN ON THE BEACH.
COME ON! MOVE IT! MOVE IT!
MOVE THAT LARD!
KEEP IT MOVING!
OKAY, OVER THE NET!
IF I FALL BEHIND,
DON'T LEAVE ME.
[Howie] JUST CONSIDER THE TWO OF
US YOUR PERSONAL INSTRUCTORS.
[Boyce] ALL RIGHT,
LET'S GO! OVER THIS NET!
COME ON! COME ON!
MOVE IT! HUSTLE! HUSTLE!
[Grunts] WHAT DO I DO NOW?
- GO DOWN THE OTHER SIDE.
- OH.
- SHOW HER, KID.
- SHOW HER?
- YEAH.
- [Boyce] HUP, HUP! COME ON! TWO AT A TIME!
[Grunts] [Boyce]
COME ON! LET'S GO!
GET OVER THAT NET! MY MOTHER
MOVES FASTER THAN YOU DO!
[Woman Gasping]
[Screams]
[Osgood] I GOT IT FOR YOU.
I'M HOLDING IT. I'M HOLDING IT.
GO AHEAD. YOU CAN DO IT, HOLLIS.
YOU BETTER PRAY... HERE WE GO.
THERE AIN'T NO WAR.
[Osgood] UP YOU GO! [Hollis] OH!
I GOT YA! EVERYTHING'S OKAY.
THIS SKIT MAY DEFY THE
DEFINITION OF STUPIDITY!
YOU ARE SPEAKING TO
HOLLIS J. DULFORD... SHERIFF!
YOU LOOK MORE LIKE SANTA
CLAUS IN A FROG SUIT. OVER THE NET!
I GOT IT, SHERIFF.
GET ME OUT OF HERE, OSGOOD!
OSGOOD! I GOT IT.
GET ME LOOSE!
COME ON! GET UNDER HERE.
FASTER! DOUBLE TIME! HUP!
PICK UP THOSE FEET!
PUT 'EM IN THE TIRES!
HOWIE! [Gasps]
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
[Chuckles] ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
THE ANSWER IS "FINE." OH.
[Grunts] THAT'S
RIGHT. STEP ON HIM.
HE LOVES PAIN. [Boyce]
COME ON! LET'S GO! LET'S GO!
COME ON! MOVE IT! MOVE IT!
MOVE IT! IN THE TIRES! IN THE TIRES!
MOVE! MOVE! COME ON!
COME ON! MOVE IT! IN COMBAT,
YOU'D ALL BE DEAD BY NOW!
ALL RIGHT, BUDDY
UP. TWO AT A TIME.
WHOA! MOVE IT!
COLT! OH! WHOA!
OH!
OH, I'M SORRY.
[Boyce] COME ON,
SEAVERS! THIS ISN'T A MOVIE!
CAN I HELP YOU? [Colt]
UH, PLEASE DON'T HELP ME.
I'M FINE. FINE.
ROBERTS, LET'S GO! MOVE IT!
OH!
COME ON! COME ON! COME ON!
TAKE THE PATH TO THE LEFT!
COME ON! MOVE! TAKE
THE PATH TO THE LEFT!
KEEP IT MOVING!
TAKE THE PATH TO THE LEFT!
[Grunts]
PULL HARDER! [Grunting]
PULL!
GET YOUR FULL
WEIGHT INTO THIS! PULL!
[Grunting]
THIS ISN'T FAIR, COLT. THEY HAVE
ALL THE WEIGHT ON THEIR SIDE.
KEEP PULLING. MY
HANDS KEEP SLIPPING.
PULL! PULL!
[Gasps]
OH.
[Boyce] COME ON! MOVE IT!
MOVE IT! UP THOSE LADDERS!
MOVE IT, SLIME!
HUP, TWO, HUP, TWO!
[Howie] COLT, HOW
LONG IS THIS DAY?
WE'RE GONNA DIE BEFORE WE FIGURE
OUT HOW TO GET BOYCE OUT OF THIS CAMP.
[Colt] DON'T WORRY, KID.
I'LL THINK OF SOMETHIN'.
[Boyce] KEEP MOVING! KEEP
MOVING! HUP, HUP, HUP!
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP!
FOR OUR NEXT DEMONSTRATION
I NEED A VOLUNTEER.
HOW ABOUT YOU, MR. FANCY
HOLLYWOOD STUNTMAN?
YOU WORKED OUT
PRETTY WELL LAST TIME.
UH, I LIKE TO DANCE, COLONEL,
BUT YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE.
COME ON. PICK IT UP. COME
ON. PICK IT UP. PICK IT UP.
PICK IT UP.
OH, SORRY, COLONEL. MY
FOOT MUST'VE GOT IN THE WAY.
ALL RIGHT, SEAVERS. IN
THE MIDDLE. I WANT YOU.
[Grunts]
DON'T TOY WITH HIM, COLT.
USE OF THIS WEAPON REQUIRES
QUICKNESS, BALANCE AND REFLEX.
[Howie] NAIL HIM, COLT!
[Grunts]
OH, THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S VERY GOOD,
SEAVERS, BUT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
YEAH! OOH!
[Osgood] GET HIM, COLONEL!
YOU COULD USE A LITTLE
WORK ON YOUR JAB, COLT.
WELL, I HAVE TO MAKE HIM
LOOK GOOD, KEEP HIM OFF GUARD.
[Boyce] FIVE LAPS AROUND
THE PERIMETER! DOUBLE TIME!
COME ON, JELLY BELLY! LET'S GO!
HUP, HUP, HUP!
COLT, DO YOU THINK WE COULD STOP
THE FUN AND GAMES LONG ENOUGH...
TO COME UP WITH
SOME KIND OF A PLAN?
HOW ARE WE GONNA GET BOYCE OUT FROM UNDER
THE NOSE OF THESE HALF-BAKED DOUGHBOYS?
I GOT NO PLAN.
JUST HOPE TO CATCH
HIM ALONE AND GRAB HIM.
THAT'S IT?
UH, EITHER THAT, OR FEED
HIM ENOUGH OF THIS COFFEE.
OH, THIS TAKES ME BACK.
I HAVEN'T EATEN IN A SURVIVAL
SHELTER SINCE THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS.
THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING THESE
DAYS, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO LIVE IN A SHELTER.
OSGOOD, YOU DIDN'T
BY ANY CHANCE...
SMUGGLE IN ANY CHICKEN
BURGERS TO CAMP, DID YOU?
[Osgood] SHERIFF, I'M
REALLY ASHAMED OF YOU.
I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I
APPRECIATED YOUR HELP THIS AFTERNOON.
[Chuckles] WELL, IT'S TOO BAD WE
COULDN'T HAVE BEEN A LITTLE MORE HELP.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
- BOY, THAT BOYCE IS
SOMETHIN' ELSE, ISN'T HE?
- YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM?
WELL, WHY ASK US? YOU
KNOW AS MUCH AS WE DO.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
HAVE HEARD SOMETHING.
WHY ARE YOU SO
CURIOUS ABOUT BOYCE?
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS BECAUSE HE'S SUCH
AN INTERESTING CHARACTER.
DO YOU THINK HE'S CAPABLE
OF KILLING SOMEONE?
FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, I
CAN TELL YOU... VERY CAPABLE.
INSTEAD OF SOCIALIZING, WHY DON'T
YOU THREE GRAB SOME MESS AND TURN IN.
YOU GOT ANOTHER HARD
DAY TOMORROW. OH, YES, SIR.
UH, MUNSON AND I
WERE JUST WONDERING...
IF YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN US IN TOWN
TONIGHT FOR A COUPLE OF BEERS?
A COUPLE OF BEERS?
SEAVERS, YOU AND MUNSON
HERE ARE NOW FIGHTING MEN.
BESIDES PUTTING FAT
AROUND YOUR GUT,
IT SLOWS DOWN THE
THINKING PROCESS.
AND A FIGHTING MAN
NEEDS A CLEAR HEAD.
BESIDES, I CAN'T GO INTO TOWN WITH
YOU. I HAVE DINNER WITH DENTON TONIGHT.
OH, YEAH? UH, WHERE AT?
IT'S A MILITARY SECRET, RECRUIT.
AND A PRIVATE NEVER ASKS HIS
COLONEL PERSONAL QUESTIONS.
SEE YOU ALL ON THE
PARADE GROUNDS, 0700.
I'LL SEE YOU TWO TOMORROW.
[Together] 0700. YEAH.
GO TRY THIS STUFF, BOYS.
WHAT IS IT? IT'S BEEF STEW.
DEHYDRATED, OF COURSE.
[Howie] THEY DON'T HAVE REAL FOOD
HERE? [Osgood] THIS IS REAL FOOD.
DON'T FORGET, IN A NUCLEAR WAR,
THIS IS WHAT WE'LL HAVE TO SURVIVE ON.
[Hollis] SCARY, AIN'T IT? HEY,
GO ON, BOYS. GIVE IT A TRY.
THE CHOW TRAYS ARE
RIGHT THERE ON THE TABLE.
YEAH, I GUESS WE OUGHTA TEST
OUR COURAGE, KID. [Door Closes]
ON SECOND THOUGHT, I NEED
SOME FRESH AIR. COME ON.
WHAT ABOUT DINNER?
WHERE ARE WE GOIN'?
I SAW GAIL COME OUT.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
THINK SHE'S UP TO?
I'D SAY SHE'S UP TO
HER NECK IN TROUBLE.
[Door Opens]
WE'D BETTER DO SOMETHING, COLT.
YEAH.
WHEN I LIGHT THIS, GET READY TO THROW
THOSE CANS. PRETEND IT'S NEW YEAR'S.
JED, YOU BETTER GET OVER
TO YOUR OFFICE RIGHT AWAY.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
OKAY, NOW.
[Trash Cans Clattering]
HEY! FIRST LET'S
CHECK THAT. LET'S GO.
YOU THINK IT WAS
SEAVERS AND MUNSON?
THAT'S RIGHT, SIR. WE DIDN'T SEE 'EM IN
YOUR OFFICE, BUT WE SAW 'EM OUTSIDE.
- YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS?
- IT MEANS THEY'RE
ONTO YOU, DENTON.
ONTO ALL OF US, BOYCE. AS I RECALL, IT
WAS YOUR IDEA TO RIG THOSE BOOBY TRAPS.
YOU KNEW DAMN WELL
SOMEBODY COULD GET KILLED.
YEAH, BUT IT WASN'T MY
RESPONSIBILITY THAT SOMEBODY DID.
THAT RESTS ON YOUR
SHOULDERS, LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR.
IT WAS YOUR IDEA NOT TO REPORT IT
TO THE AUTHORITIES TO SAVE YOUR CAN.
DON'T BE A FOOL, BOYCE. IF I GO
DOWN, YOU'RE GOING DOWN WITH ME.
SO LET'S NOT SPEND THE NIGHT BICKERING,
WHEN WE SHOULD BE PLANNING OUR NEXT MOVE.
WELL, WHAT EXACTLY
DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
I DON'T THINK WE HAVE ANY CHOICE BUT
TO ARRANGE ANOTHER TRAINING ACCIDENT.
HOW ABOUT IT, BOYCE? THINK
YOU CAN COME UP WITH A WAY...
FOR OUR STUNTMEN TO
DISAPPEAR... ACCIDENTALLY?
YEAH, I CAN GIVE
IT SOME THOUGHT.
DO THAT, BOYCE.
[Denton] BUT DON'T TIP YOUR
HAND TILL YOU'RE READY TO MOVE.
I WANT MUNSON AND SEAVERS OUT
OF THE WAY TOMORROW... FOR GOOD.
YES, SIR.
I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU'D
GET BACK. WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
[Man] BED CHECK!
LIGHTS OUT!
COLT, RICE IS DOING A BED CHECK.
EVERYBODY IN BED.
IN THAT ONE. HOWIE,
GET THE LIGHT.
THAT'S GREAT, COLT. YOU GET
THE GIRL, AND I GET THE LIGHT.
[Rice] BED CHECK!
LIGHTS OUT!
HE MIGHT COME BACK.
LIGHTS OUT IN THERE!
COLT, STOP THAT!
SHH, SHH, SHH. HEY,
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
THINGS WERE JUST
GETTIN' COZY UNDER HERE.
HEY, IF YOU TWO WOULD
RATHER BE ALONE...
HOWIE, YOU STAY
RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.
I WANNA KNOW THE REAL
REASON YOU TWO ARE HERE.
YEAH, WELL, WE WANNA KNOW THE REAL
REASON YOU BROKE INTO DENTON'S OFFICE.
SO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?
KNOW ABOUT IT? WE SAVED YOU.
WHO DO YOU THINK DIVERTED
RICE AND SNOW? YOU DID THAT?
HEY. I'M VERY GRATEFUL.
WELL, SO MUCH FOR
BEING GRATEFUL.
LOOK, YOU TELL ME
WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE,
AND I'LL TELL YOU
WHY I BROKE IN.
YOU GO FIRST. OKAY.
FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT AN EXECUTIVE
ASSISTANT TO AN OIL BARON.
I'M AN INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER
WHO'S WORKING UNDERCOVER.
SO THAT'S WHY YOU WERE
ASKING ALL THOSE QUESTIONS?
WELL, THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON AROUND
HERE THAT WOULD MAKE MUCH OF A STORY.
THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
WE WERE GIVEN A TIP...
A YOUNG BOY FROM MY CITY DIDN'T
SURVIVE THE SURVIVAL COURSE.
AND IT WAS NEVER REPORTED?
NOPE. APPARENTLY, DENTON
WANTS IT COVERED UP.
[Howie] WELL, WHY?
BECAUSE DENTON WANTS TO
BE GOVERNOR OF THE STATE,
AND A SCANDAL NOW
WOULD RUIN HIS CHANCES.
NOW, WHAT ARE YOU
TWO DOING HERE?
WELL, WE'RE
UNDERCOVER OURSELVES.
WE'RE NOT ONLY STUNTMEN,
WE'RE BOUNTY HUNTERS.
WE'RE HERE TO TAKE
BOYCE BACK TO LOS ANGELES.
WHEN ARE YOU
PLANNING ON DOING THAT?
WELL, AS SOON AS WE CAN.
TOMORROW, IF WE GET THE OPPORTUNITY.
YOU KNOW, KID, I BEEN
DOIN' SOME THINKIN'.
- AND I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION
THAT IT'S TIME TO POUNCE.
- POUNCE?
YEAH, WE GRAB BOYCE THE
FIRST CHANCE WE GET AND SCRAM.
WELL, I CAN AGREE WITH
THAT. [Osgood] HOLD YOUR FIRE!
HOLD... HOLD... HOLD YOUR FIRE!
I'LL CHECK THE TARGET, SHERIFF,
AND SEE HOW WELL YOU DID.
- [Hollis] HOW'D I DO?
- ARE YOU SURE YOU WERE SHOOTIN'
AT THIS TARGET, SHERIFF?
[Hollis] GET OUT OF THERE!
I'M GONNA TRY AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, COLT, WITH GAIL INVOLVED
NOW, THINGS COULD GET REAL MESSY.
WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT. MAYBE GAIL'S
TOO INVOLVED. [Gunshots Resume]
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, WE GRAB BOYCE, AND
DENTON MIGHT START THINKIN'.
YOU KNOW, SHE'S BEEN
SEEN A LOT WITH US LATELY,
- AND WE'RE NOT FOR SURE THAT
NO ONE SAW HER IN HIS OFFICE.
- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
AND IF DENTON FIGURES
SHE KNOWS TOO MUCH, HE MAY
DECIDE TO COVER HER
UP... WITH SIX FEET OF DIRT!
WELL, I GUESS THAT MEANS
WHEN WE GO, SHE GOES WITH US.
COLT, COULD YOU
PITCH ME ANOTHER CLIP?
[Vehicle Approaching]
COLT, LOOK.
- THIS COULD BE OUR CHANCE.
- GET DOWN, KID.
OKAY, SEAVERS, TARGET PRACTICE
IS OVER. PUT DOWN THAT RIFLE.
[Colt] WHAT IS THIS? SOME KIND
OF EXERCISE OR SOMETHING?
NO, NO, NO, NO. NO EXERCISE.
DENTON AND I WANNA HAVE A LITTLE TALK
WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIEND. WHERE'S MUNSON?
[Shouts]
ONE WRONG MOVE AND
YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, BOYCE.
YOU IDIOT! LET GO OF ME!
WHAT IS THIS, SOME
KIND OF JOKE? NO JOKE.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S
GOIN' ON? I WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS.
OH, YOU CAN TALK ABOUT IT ALL
THE WAY BACK TO LOS ANGELES.
YOU JUMPED BAIL, BOYCE. I'VE
BEEN HIRED TO BRING YOU BACK.
YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE GONNA
GET AWAY WITH THIS, DO YOU?
KIDNAP ME HERE IN FRONT OF
THESE MEN? OSGOOD! HOLLIS!
- [Boyce] GET OVER HERE!
- STAY WHERE YOU ARE.
HEY, NOW LOOK, SON. A
MAN DON'T GO POINTIN'
A GUN LIKE THAT UNLESS
HE MEANS TO USE IT.
I AM THE SHERIFF OF
THIS HERE ENTIRE COUNTY.
SHERIFF, I AIN'T DOIN'
THIS FOR MY HEALTH.
GO ON. GET HIM IN THE TRUCK.
[Groans] CUFF HIM.
[Grunts]
FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN,
EIGHT... GAIL, GET IN THE TRUCK!
NINE, 10.
AND ONE, TWO, THREE...
YOU CAN'T DO THIS NOW.
- I DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR AN ARGUMENT.
- YOU'RE GONNA RUIN MY STORY.
SHUT UP AND GET IN THE TRUCK.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITH YOU.
ALL RIGHT, I AM THROUGH DOING
THINGS THE HARD WAY. COME ON.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
NOTHING. JUST SAVING YOUR LIFE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO DO WITH
THESE MORTARS? YOU'RE GONNA LOSE 'EM.
LOSE 'EM? TEMPORARILY.
TILL I'M CERTAIN THIS
STORM BLOWS OVER.
WHY? DON'T YOU THINK
BOYCE CAN HOLD OUT HIS END?
- I'M NOT TAKING
ANY CHANCES.
- JED!
JED! [Panting]
JUST A SEC.
THEM TWO BOYS FROM HOLLYWOOD
HAVE KIDNAPPED COLONEL BOYCE!
THEY WHAT? THE COLONEL?
HANDCUFFED HIM,
COMMANDEERED HIS TRUCK!
YEAH, AND THEY TOOK THAT
GAIL ROBERTS GIRL WITH 'EM TOO!
- DID YOU SEE WHERE THEY WENT?
- DOWN THE CANYON.
YOU'RE SURE OF THAT?
YES, SIR. LOOK, JED,
I MAY NOT KNOW HOW TO CLIMB
ONE OF THEM FOOL ROPE WALLS,
BUT I KNOW HOW TO CATCH CROOKS.
YOU GIVE ME SOME WHEELS, AND I'LL HAVE
THOSE KIDNAPPERS CAPTURED JUST LIKE THAT.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU AND OSGOOD
TAKE THAT CAR AND GO GET 'EM.
- YES, SIR.
RIGHT. COME ON, OSGOOD.
LET'S SHOW 'EM HOW IT'S DONE.
THAT FAT FOOL
COULDN'T CATCH A COLD.
GET A CAR AND
FOLLOW 'EM. YES, SIR.
PREPARE THOSE MORTARS
FOR FIRING. WHAT ABOUT BOYCE?
YOU KNOW, A DIRECT
HIT NAILS HIM TOO.
WELL, I'VE GOTTA SHUT HIM UP
SOMETIME. MIGHT AS WELL BE NOW.
[Boyce] SEAVERS, YOU'RE
MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.
[Gail] MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY.
SO DID YOU, BOYCE, WHEN
YOU RAN OUT ON BIG JACK.
I TAKE A LOT OF
PRIDE IN MY WORK.
WELL, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO YOU'RE UP AGAINST.
DENTON'S A VERY DETERMINED MAN.
REALLY? IS HE DETERMINED
ENOUGH TO COVER UP A MURDER?
[Denton] RICE, THEY'RE HEADED FOR THE
INTERSECTION AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HOLLOW.
THEY'RE ABOUT HALFWAY
DOWN THAT HILL, SNOW.
YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO CUT 'EM OFF.
YES, SIR. THAT'S A 10-4.
HOW ARE YOU DOING
WITH THOSE MORTARS?
- I'VE GOT 'EM ZEROED IN.
- COMMENCE FIRING.
[Gasps] THEY'RE SHELLING US!
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
HANG ON, EVERYBODY!
[Tires Squealing]
[Tires Squealing]
THAT GUY COULD DRIVE
BETWEEN RAINDROPS!
CEASE FIRE, RICE. THEY'RE
OUT OF YOUR RANGE.
[Rice On Radio] WHAT
ARE WE GONNA DO?
[Denton] DON'T
WORRY. I'LL HANDLE IT.
[Tires Squealing]
THANK GOD THAT'S OVER.
[Osgood] CAN'T HAVE
TOO MUCH OF A LEAD.
CHECK THEM SIDE ROADS, OSGOOD.
WE'RE NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET.
OSGOOD! [Chuckles]
- LOOKEE THERE! WE GOT HIM!
- GO FOR IT! YEAH!
MY GOD! THAT COULD HAVE BEEN US!
[Both Groaning]
OSGOOD, WE DON'T GOT HIM.
HE'S HEADING FOR THE
RAVINE. WE GOTTA CUT
HIM OFF, AND I DON'T
CARE HOW WE CUT HIM OFF!
[Denton On Radio] GET MOVING!
[Tires Squealing]
COLT, THERE'S A THIN LINE
BETWEEN COURAGE AND INSANITY,
AND YOU JUST CROSSED IT.
YOU HAD TO GET THE STORY.
YES, BUT I ALSO
WANNA LIVE TO WRITE IT.
[Colt] HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN
IN A CAR CHASE BEFORE?
[Gail] I TRY TO AVOID THEM.
WELL, SIT BACK AND ENJOY YOURSELF.
THIS ONE'S JUST STARTIN' TO GET GOOD.
THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE
GONNA MAKE IT OUT OF HERE!
IS BRINGING ME BACK
WORTH GETTING KILLED?
WE'RE NOT DEAD YET.
NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING.
I THINK ONCE WE GET BACK TO
THE HIGHWAY, WE'LL BE IN THE CLEAR.
- HANG ON, EVERYBODY!
- [Gail] COLT, YOU AREN'T...
THIS IS IT! I'M BEGINNING TO SEE
MY LIFE FLASH BEFORE MY EYES.
YOU WERE RIGHT, MOM. I SHOULD HAVE
MARRIED A DOCTOR AND BECOME A HOUSEWIFE.
DO SOMETHING! HE'S
TRYING TO KILL US!
COLT, ARE YOU THINKING
THE SAME THING I'M THINKING?
YEAH. CAN YOU TAKE
THE WHEEL? I'LL TRY.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS? THE
FLYING BANZAI BROTHERS?
GAIL, PUT YOUR FOOT
ON THE GAS PEDAL.
NO, COLT. REALLY, I COULDN'T.
I'M REALLY A HORRIBLE DRIVER.
[Colt] JUST KEEP IT FLOORED.
WE CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE SPEED.
[Boyce] YOU'LL NEVER
MAKE IT, SEAVERS!
I WARNED YOU, SEAVERS!
[Gunshot]
[Denton] HOW DID THAT FEEL?
LET'S SEE YOU STUNT
YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE!
[Tires Squealing]
I'M GONNA USE YOU FOR
A LANDING GEAR, SEAVERS!
[Howie] WE'VE GOT COMPANY,
AND HE'S GAINING ON US.
[Gail] HOWIE, HE'S GONNA
RUN US OFF THE ROAD!
HOP IN THE BACK WITH
YOUR FRIEND, SNOW.
HOW IN THE WORLD DID HE DO THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT SOMEHOW COLT ALWAYS
MANAGES TO GET THE JOB DONE.
[Gail] RIGHT, MAX. I'LL BE BACK
IN THE OFFICE NEXT WEEK.
I'M GOING TO HANG OUT
HERE FOR A FEW DAYS.
NO, NO, NO. NOT
TO PARTY. TO WORK.
I'VE GOT A TERRIFIC IDEA
FOR A FEATURE. YOU'LL LOVE IT.
OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU THEN.
OH, AND THANKS FOR
THE GOOD NEWS. BYE.
WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?
BOYCE AND DENTON HAVE BEEN
INDICTED BY A FEDERAL GRAND JURY.
ALL BECAUSE OF
YOUR STORY? [Laughs]
WELL, YOU MUST BE A BIG
HERO BACK AT THE OFFICE.
NOT REALLY, THOUGH MY EDITOR DID MENTION
SOMETHING ABOUT A POSSIBLE PULITZER PRIZE.
MMM! SO WHAT'S NEXT?
DO YOU MOVE ON TO
ANOTHER ASSIGNMENT?
ACTUALLY, I'M ALREADY ON IT.
YOU ARE? MM-HMM.
I THOUGHT I'D DO SORT OF AN IN-DEPTH
STUDY ON A CERTAIN HOLLYWOOD DAREDEVIL...
WHO SPENDS HIS FREE TIME
TRACKING DOWN DANGEROUS CRIMINALS.
SOUND INTERESTING?
WELL, THE "IN-DEPTH" PART DOES.
COME ON, COLT. YOU'RE
A TERRIFIC SUBJECT.
BESIDES, THIS GIVES US A CHANCE TO
SPEND SOME MORE TIME TOGETHER...
WHILE I GET TO LEARN EVERYTHING THERE
IS TO KNOW ABOUT THE REAL COLT SEAVERS.
EVERYTHING? EVERYTHING.
KIND TO KISS AND TELL ♪
♪ BUT I'VE BEEN
SEEN WITH FARRAH ♪
♪ I'VE NEVER BEEN
WITH ANYTHING LESS ♪
♪ THAN A NINE SO FINE ♪
♪ I'VE BEEN ON FIRE
WITH SALLY FIELD ♪
♪ GONE FAST WITH
A GIRL NAMED BO ♪
♪ BUT SOMEHOW THEY
JUST DON'T END UP AS MINE ♪
♪ IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN'
LIFE I LEAD ♪
♪ I TAKE MY CHANCES ♪
♪ I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN
THE MOVIES AND TV ♪
[Siren Wailing]
♪ BUT THE HARDEST
THING I EVER DO ♪
♪ IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES ♪
♪ KISS SOME OTHER GUY
WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE ♪
♪ I MIGHT FALL FROM
A TALL BUILDIN' ♪
♪ I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪
♪ THAT MADE
REDFORD SUCH A STAR ♪
♪♪ [Women Vocalizing]
♪ I'VE NEVER SPENT
MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL ♪
♪ BUT I'VE TAUGHT
LADIES PLENTY ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY
BODY OUT FOR PAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I'VE GOTTEN BURNED
OVER CHERYL TIEGS ♪
♪ BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN
THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I MIGHT JUMP AN
OPEN DRAWBRIDGE ♪
♪ OR TARZAN FROM A VINE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪
♪ THAT MAKES EASTWOOD
LOOK SO FINE ♪♪
[Colt Narrating] THIS IS THE STORY OF
ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT
YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR
HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM,
WOMEN HAVE WANTED
TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY
CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN'
SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS...
WELL, BECAUSE IT'S
ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T
WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A
GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO
WAIT BY THE PHONE...
AND WAIT... AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL
JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM...
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,
WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES
A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE...
GET OUT OF JAIL ON
WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN. I SOMETIMES
PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM...
AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
[Man] ROLL CAMERAS. ACTION!
[Tires Squealing]
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU HAD A HOT TUB.
WELL, THIS IS A TUB, AND
THE WATER'S VERY HOT.
ISN'T IT GONNA GET
A LITTLE CROWDED?
THAT'S THE IDEA.
[Phone Rings] [Grunts]
OH. THANK YOU. HELLO?
- HI, COLT.
- OH, HI, BIG JACK.
OH, I HOPE I DIDN'T DISTURB YOU.
YOU'RE NOT IN THE MIDDLE
OF SOMETHING, ARE YOU?
- WELL, AS A MATTER
OF FACT, I AM.
- COLT, I'VE GOT A PROBLEM.
- YOU ALWAYS DO.
- LOOK, CAN I COME OVER
AND TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT?
NO! WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE.
- BECAUSE WHY?
- BECAUSE I'M TAKIN' A BATH.
- COLT, I'VE GOT A JOB FOR YOU,
WHICH IS MUCH MORE
IMPORTANT THAN TAKING A BATH.
WELL, NOT THIS ONE.
GOOD-BYE, BIG JACK.
OH! H-HOLD IT,
COLT. WAIT A MINUTE!
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
- THEN I WANNA TALK TO YOU
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
- I'LL CALL YOU AT 10:00.
MAKE IT 9:00. DEAL.
COLT, ONE MORE THING. WHAT?
- DON'T STAY
TOO LONG IN THE TUB.
- BIG JACK.
WELL, ANCHORS AWEIGH.
[Giggles]
[Colt] WHAT'S THE STORY
BEHIND THE, UH, GLOSSY 8-BY-10?
WELL, IT'S A RATHER SHORT STORY.
HIS NAME IS FRANK BOYCE.
HE WAS ARRESTED FOR ILLEGAL
POSSESSION OF, UH, AUTOMATIC WEAPONS.
- YOU MEAN LIKE MACHINE GUNS?
- MM-HMM. I'M AFRAID SO.
WHATEVER POSSESSED YOU
TO BAIL A GUY LIKE THAT OUT?
WELL, HE TOLD ME HE WAS A... WAS
A LICENSED WEAPONS COLLECTOR.
DID YOU SEE HIS LICENSE?
YES, AND HE HAS A LIST OF
SOLID BUSINESS CONNECTIONS,
AND HE GAVE ME THE LIEUTENANT
GOVERNOR OF HIS HOME STATE AS A REFERENCE.
AND HE LOOKED LIKE THE BEST RISK
THAT HAD COME MY WAY ALL YEAR.
HE LOOKED LIKE THE BEST RISK?
HE'S DUE IN COURT NEXT WEEK,
SO I WENT BY HIS APARTMENT
TO CHECK UP ON HIM, AND...
THIS IS ALL I COULD FIND.
"MAN OF WAR... THE MAGAZINE
FOR THE MAN OF ADVENTURE."
THAT'S CERTAINLY NOT MUCH TO GO
ON, BIG JACK. WELL, I'M SORRY, COLT.
- YOU'RE SURE THERE WASN'T
ANYTHING ELSE? NO OTHER CLUES?
- THAT'S ALL THERE WAS.
- WHAT ABOUT HIS PHONE NUMBER?
- YES, I DO HAVE THAT.
WELL, ALL THIS IS GONNA
TAKE IS A LITTLE LEGWORK.
JODY, TAKE THE NUMBER
DOWN TO THE PHONE COMPANY...
AND GET A LIST OF CALLS
TO AND FROM THAT NUMBER.
OH, KID,
HAVE MARIA RUN BOYCE'S NAME
THROUGH THE POLICE COMPUTER.
LET'S SEE WHAT HE'S DONE
LATELY... BESIDES DISAPPEAR.
OKAY.
OH, UH, COLT, CAN YOU
TAKE CARE OF THE CHECK?
I'LL SEE YOU LATER AT THE HOUSE.
OH, BY THE WAY, COLT,
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
I'M GONNA FINISH MY
BREAKFAST... ALONE.
ALONE?
ALMOST.
[Jody] COLT, I THINK I GOT SOMETHIN'
HERE. [Colt] YEAH, WHAT'VE YOU GOT?
OKAY, LISTEN TO THIS. "BE A..."
UM, "BE A SURVIVOR.
"ONLY THE WISE AND STRONG WILL
SURVIVE THE COMING TURMOIL IN AMERICA.
LEARN THE SKILLS
TO KEEP YOU ALIVE."
JODY, WHAT'S THAT GOT TO
DO WITH FINDING FRANK BOYCE?
IF YOU LET ME
FINISH, I'LL TELL YOU.
OKAY, THIS IS AN AD FOR THE CITIZENS
SURVIVAL LEAGUE TRAINING CAMP.
AND, UM, THE PHONE NUMBER FOR THIS
CAMP SHOWS UP ALL OVER THIS PRINTOUT.
IN OTHER WORDS, BOYCE WAS
CALLING SOMEONE UP THERE.
- YOU GOT IT.
- THAT SOUNDS
LIKE A LONG SHOT TO ME.
HEY, BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS. A
LEAD'S A LEAD. HAND ME THE PHONE, KID.
COLT, EVEN IF THIS
GUY BOYCE IS UP THERE,
IT SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF
THOSE PARAMILITARY CAMPS...
NOT THE KIND OF PLACE THEY'RE
JUST GONNA LET STRANGERS WALK INTO.
WON'T WE NEED A COVER?
I'LL THINK OF SOMETHIN'.
WHAT'S THAT NUMBER?
UM, AREA CODE 817...
HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP.
BRING IT AROUND! LET'S MOVE IT!
PEOPLE IN THE REAR! BRING IT UP!
HUP, HUP, HUP! IN THE
TIRES! KEEP IT MOVIN'!
IN THE TIRES,
NOT ON 'EM! IN 'EM!
HUP, HUP! DOUBLE TIME!
KEEP IT MOVIN'! OVER THE NET!
GET OVER THAT
NET! MOVE IT, PEOPLE!
[Phone Rings] HUP, HUP, HUP!
[Man] HELLO?
[Colt] I'M TRYIN' TO REACH THE, UH,
CITIZENS SURVIVAL LEAGUE TRAINING CAMP.
THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT. GOOD, GOOD.
LET ME TELL YOU WHY I'M CALLING.
YOU SEE, I'M A STUNTMAN, AND I JUST
GOT HIRED TO WORK IN A WAR MOVIE.
- CONGRATULATIONS.
- OH, THANKS.
ANYWAY, THE PRODUCER
SEEMS TO THINK I MIGHT BE
A LITTLE OUT OF SHAPE
FOR THIS TYPE OF WORK,
AND, UH, HE SUGGESTED THAT A FEW DAYS AT
YOUR CAMP MIGHT MAKE A NEW MAN OUT OF ME.
IT MIGHT DO THAT. DEPENDS ON HOW
MUCH OF A MAN YOU ARE TO BEGIN WITH.
WELL, I GUESS IT ALSO DEPENDS
ON WHO YOU GOT DOIN' THE TRAINING.
I DON'T WANT THIS
TO BE A VACATION.
HEY, WE'VE GOT AN INSTRUCTOR HERE
THAT MAKES CASTRO LOOK LIKE A CUB SCOUT.
WELL, YOU GOT ROOM FOR A
COUPLE MORE IN YOUR CAMP?
YEAH, I THINK SO.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
UH, SEAVERS. AND MY
FRIEND'S NAME IS MUNSON.
THIS AIN'T NO CAKEWALK. I
WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS GOIN' IN.
- OH, THE TOUGHER THE BETTER.
- OKAY, TRAINING STARTS
TOMORROW.
WE'LL SEE YOU THEN. GOOD-BYE.
[Handset Settles In Cradle]
OKAY, KID, IT'S
BACK TO BOOT CAMP.
[Howie] DON'T YOU
THINK IT'S A LONG SHOT...
THAT JUST BECAUSE BOYCE CALLED THIS
SURVIVAL CAMP, HE'S GONNA BE THERE?
[Colt] IT'S A LONG SHOT, ALL RIGHT,
BUT IT'S THE ONLY SHOT WE GOT.
DON'T WORRY, KID. THE CAMP'S A REFURBISHED
RESORT. WE MAY EVEN HAVE A GOOD TIME.
THESE SELF-DEFENSE TRAINING
CAMPS ATTRACT LOTS OF WOMEN.
GREAT! I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A
SUCKER FOR A GIRL IN UNIFORM.
RETURN! HUP, HUP, HUP!
[Man] KEEP IT UP,
PEOPLE! AND TWO,
BRING IT AROUND!
THREE, FOUR, FIVE...
WHAT SIZE BOOTS,
RECRUIT? UM, 10.
HOLLIS. OH, GLAD
TO SEE YOU'RE BACK.
HOW'S MY FAVORITE LAWMAN? WELL,
STILL MANAGIN' TO KEEP THE PEACE.
OF COURSE, I THINK THINGS GONNA BE A LOT
BETTER WHEN YOU'RE RUNNIN' THE STATE, JED.
I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT
ABOUT THAT. OH, OSGOOD!
HEY, COME ON OVER HERE.
I WANT YOU TO MEET THE HEAD
HONCHO OF THIS HERE CAMP,
LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR
JEDIDIAH DENTON.
- OSGOOD. CALL ME JED.
- PLEASED TO MEET YOU, JED.
COURSE, YOU GONNA BE CALLIN' HIM GOVERNOR
JUST AS SOON AS THE ELECTION ROLLS AROUND.
[Osgood] WELL, I CERTAINLY
HOPE SO. GLAD TO MEET YOU, SIR.
LIKEWISE. YEAH. COME ON, OSGOOD.
WE GOT TO GET READY
FOR THE WARS. RIGHT.
WELL, HOWDY, BOYS. NAME, PLEASE.
SEAVERS. AND MUNSON.
OH, YES. YOU'RE
THE TWO STUNTMEN.
- YES, SIR, THAT'S US.
- WELL, WELCOME TO THE CAMP. [Chuckles]
NOW, IF YOU FELLAS WILL JUST FILL
OUT THESE FORMS, WE CAN GET STARTED.
UH, WHAT ARE THEY FOR?
UH, PERSONAL RELEASE.
IN CASE YOU GET HURT, WE CAN'T BE
HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SAFETY.
SEE, IT'S OUR JOB TO TEACH YOU
HOW TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF.
OH, WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED THERE, YOU CAN
STOW YOUR GEAR AND GET SOME UNIFORMS.
YOU'RE IN NUMBER, UH, 26.
YEAH, WE MEET AT THE PARADE
GROUNDS RIGHT AFTER LUNCH.
THANKS. SEE YOU LATER.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
DID YOU SAY THEY
WERE IN NUMBER 26?
THAT'S RIGHT. [Chuckles]
I'M TELLIN' YOU, COLT, ALL A REAL FIGHTING
MAN NEEDS IS FOUR WALLS AND A COT.
YEAH, WELL, THIS FIGHTING MAN WOULD
RATHER HAVE A COUPLE OF BEERS...
AND SOME FEMALE
COMPANIONSHIP. OH, UH...
THAT'S WHAT I CALL ROOM SERVICE.
I'M SORRY. IS THIS
YOURS? WELL, YEAH.
I'M SO STUPID. I MUST BE
IN THE ONE NEXT DOOR.
YEAH, WELL, UH, THAT'S
OKAY. COME BACK ANYTIME.
I WILL.
YOU'RE NEW AT THE
TRAINING CAMP, AREN'T YOU?
YEAH. WE, UH... WE JUST GOT
HERE THIS MORNING. ME TOO.
YOU KNOW, BY THE
LOOKS OF YOU TWO,
I BET YOU'RE
PROFESSIONAL SOLDIERS.
YEAH. I WAS IN THE GREEN BERETS.
I KNEW IT. MY FATHER WAS A
GENERAL IN THE SPECIAL SERVICES.
WHO WAS YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER?
- UH, JOHN WAYNE.
- HUH?
UH, WE'RE STUNTMEN...
IN THE MOVIES.
OH, WELL, THAT EXPLAINS WHY YOU
LOOK LIKE YOU'RE IN SUCH GOOD SHAPE.
YOU HAVE TO BE WHEN
YOU'RE IN OUR BUSINESS, MA'AM.
YEAH, WE'RE, UH... WE'RE MAKING A
WAR MOVIE IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS,
AND WE THOUGHT THIS
WOULD BE GOOD TRAINING AND...
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
MY BOSS SENT ME.
I'M THE EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT
TO THE PRESIDENT OF OXONIAN OIL.
HE FELT THAT WITH ALL THE
TRAVELING WE DO IN THE MIDDLE EAST,
COMBAT TRAINING
MAY COME IN HANDY.
HE HAS A GOOD POINT THERE.
YEAH, BUT I'M A LITTLE WORRIED.
IT'S KIND OF DANGEROUS
OUT ON THE OBSTACLE COURSE.
DO YOU THINK ANYONE
COULD GET HURT?
OH, NOT IF WE GET A GOOD INSTRUCTOR
AND HE DON'T GO GUNG-HO ON THE FIRST DAY.
[Chuckles] YOU KNOW, I'D SURE
FEEL A LOT MORE SECURE...
IF I COULD TAG ALONG WITH
TWO MEN AS EXPERIENCED AS YOU.
WOULD YOU MIND
SHOWING ME THE ROPES?
OH, WE'D BE GLAD TO.
WOULDN'T WE, COLT?
UH, YEAH. YOU... YOU
JUST STICK WITH US.
WE'LL MAKE SURE YOU GET THROUGH
TRAINING WITHOUT A SCRATCH.
I'M SURE I WILL.
THANKS, GUYS.
I'LL SEE YOU ON THE
PARADE GROUNDS.
ONE, TWO...
[Whistle Blowing]
THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX...
[Whistle Blowing]
AH, COLT, THIS IS ALMOST
LIKE BEING BACK AT WEST POINT.
[Man] FALL IN! YEAH, WELL, JUST REMEMBER,
THIS ISN'T A STROLL DOWN MEMORY LANE.
WE GOT A JOB TO DO. WE
GOTTA FIND THIS FRANK BOYCE.
SO FAR I HAVEN'T
SEEN ANY SIGN OF HIM.
I CHECKED THE TRAINING
ROSTER, AND HE'S NOT ON IT.
[Whistle Blowing] 22, 23, 24...
[Whistle Blowing] 25, 26...
FALL IN! 27, 28, 29, 30...
AT EASE! 31, 32...
MY FRIENDS, YOU'RE ABOUT
TO START A TRAINING PROGRAM...
THAT MAY ONE DAY SAVE OUR LIVES.
WHEN PANIC ERUPTS IN THE CITIES,
AND THE QUESTION OF LIFE AND
DEATH IS ONE YOU FACE EVERY DAY,
IT IS YOU PEOPLE, THE ONES
WHO'VE PLANNED AHEAD,
THAT WILL STAND THE
BEST CHANCE OF SURVIVAL.
COLT, I DON'T SEE BOYCE
ANYWHERE. NEITHER DO I.
IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS, YOU'LL BE
ATTENDING CLASSES IN EVERYTHING...
FROM HOW TO GROW YOUR OWN FOOD TO
THE TREATMENT OF RADIATION SICKNESS.
BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
YOU'LL LEARN HERE WILL BE SELF-DEFENSE.
BECAUSE IN THE EVENT OF A
CATASTROPHE, YOU NEVER KNOW...
WHO IS YOUR ENEMY...
OR WHO'S YOUR FRIEND.
NOW I'M GONNA TURN YOU OVER TO THE MAN
WHO WILL BE SUPERVISING YOUR TRAINING...
AN EX-GREEN BERET AND AN
EXPERT IN THE FIELD OF SELF-DEFENSE.
WITH A BUILDUP LIKE THAT, I
CAN'T WAIT TO MEET THE GUY.
[Shouts]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
COLONEL FRANK BOYCE.
THIS MAN IS DEAD!
YOU WANNA KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE HE WASN'T ALERT.
A FIGHTING MAN IS ALWAYS
THINKING ON HIS FEET.
UNLESS, OF COURSE, HE LIKES
THE FEEL OF A PISTOL IN HIS GUT.
NOW IT'S MY JOB TO TURN YOU PEOPLE
INTO SOMETHING RESEMBLING SOLDIERS.
AND BY THE LOOKS OF YOU,
THAT MAY SEEM IMPOSSIBLE.
I GOT A GREAT IDEA, COLT.
LET'S FORGET THIS
WHOLE THING AND GO HOME.
YOU COULD'VE TAKEN HIM.
I'LL SEE TO IT THAT YOU'RE
NOT SHORTCHANGED.
IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT OF HARD WORK,
PHYSICAL CONDITIONING, MENTAL TOUGHNESS.
SO LET'S GET STARTED.
IN FORMATION, FIVE LAPS
AROUND THE PERIMETER.
DOUBLE TIME.
SQUAD! TEN-HUT!
LEFT FACE!
FORWARD MARCH!
DOUBLE TIME! MARCH!
[Man] HUP, TWO, THREE,
FOUR. HUP, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
HUP, HUP, HUP! BRING IT AROUND!
MOVE IT, YOU LAZY DEADBEATS!
THIS IS NOT GONNA BE A VACATION!
[Man] COME ON, PEOPLE IN THE
REAR! BRING IT UP! HUP, HUP, HUP!
THINK YOU CAN WHIP 'EM
INTO SHAPE? OH, DON'T WORRY.
THEY'LL GET THEIR MONEY'S WORTH.
I MEAN, WITHOUT KILLING ANYONE.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO?
TURN THIS INTO A SUNDAY PICNIC?
NO, I JUST DON'T WANT
ANY MORE ACCIDENTS.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO BLOW MY
CHANCE TO BE GOVERNOR, WOULD YOU?
IT'S YOUR CAMP. I'M
JUST A HIRED HAND.
FINE. I'LL LEAVE YOU TO
ENTERTAIN OUR GUESTS.
OKAY, FOLLOW ME! THIS WAY!
WHOA!
[Boyce] HEY, COME ON!
FASTER! PULL UP THAT SLACK!
MOVE IT UP! MOVE IT!
LET'S GO! LET'S GO!
HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP!
[Woman] I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT
NOW, I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT.
[Colt] JUST PRETEND YOU'RE GOIN'
FOR A NICE RUN ON THE BEACH.
COME ON! MOVE IT! MOVE IT!
MOVE THAT LARD!
KEEP IT MOVING!
OKAY, OVER THE NET!
IF I FALL BEHIND,
DON'T LEAVE ME.
[Howie] JUST CONSIDER THE TWO OF
US YOUR PERSONAL INSTRUCTORS.
[Boyce] ALL RIGHT,
LET'S GO! OVER THIS NET!
COME ON! COME ON!
MOVE IT! HUSTLE! HUSTLE!
[Grunts] WHAT DO I DO NOW?
- GO DOWN THE OTHER SIDE.
- OH.
- SHOW HER, KID.
- SHOW HER?
- YEAH.
- [Boyce] HUP, HUP! COME ON! TWO AT A TIME!
[Grunts] [Boyce]
COME ON! LET'S GO!
GET OVER THAT NET! MY MOTHER
MOVES FASTER THAN YOU DO!
[Woman Gasping]
[Screams]
[Osgood] I GOT IT FOR YOU.
I'M HOLDING IT. I'M HOLDING IT.
GO AHEAD. YOU CAN DO IT, HOLLIS.
YOU BETTER PRAY... HERE WE GO.
THERE AIN'T NO WAR.
[Osgood] UP YOU GO! [Hollis] OH!
I GOT YA! EVERYTHING'S OKAY.
THIS SKIT MAY DEFY THE
DEFINITION OF STUPIDITY!
YOU ARE SPEAKING TO
HOLLIS J. DULFORD... SHERIFF!
YOU LOOK MORE LIKE SANTA
CLAUS IN A FROG SUIT. OVER THE NET!
I GOT IT, SHERIFF.
GET ME OUT OF HERE, OSGOOD!
OSGOOD! I GOT IT.
GET ME LOOSE!
COME ON! GET UNDER HERE.
FASTER! DOUBLE TIME! HUP!
PICK UP THOSE FEET!
PUT 'EM IN THE TIRES!
HOWIE! [Gasps]
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
[Chuckles] ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
THE ANSWER IS "FINE." OH.
[Grunts] THAT'S
RIGHT. STEP ON HIM.
HE LOVES PAIN. [Boyce]
COME ON! LET'S GO! LET'S GO!
COME ON! MOVE IT! MOVE IT!
MOVE IT! IN THE TIRES! IN THE TIRES!
MOVE! MOVE! COME ON!
COME ON! MOVE IT! IN COMBAT,
YOU'D ALL BE DEAD BY NOW!
ALL RIGHT, BUDDY
UP. TWO AT A TIME.
WHOA! MOVE IT!
COLT! OH! WHOA!
OH!
OH, I'M SORRY.
[Boyce] COME ON,
SEAVERS! THIS ISN'T A MOVIE!
CAN I HELP YOU? [Colt]
UH, PLEASE DON'T HELP ME.
I'M FINE. FINE.
ROBERTS, LET'S GO! MOVE IT!
OH!
COME ON! COME ON! COME ON!
TAKE THE PATH TO THE LEFT!
COME ON! MOVE! TAKE
THE PATH TO THE LEFT!
KEEP IT MOVING!
TAKE THE PATH TO THE LEFT!
[Grunts]
PULL HARDER! [Grunting]
PULL!
GET YOUR FULL
WEIGHT INTO THIS! PULL!
[Grunting]
THIS ISN'T FAIR, COLT. THEY HAVE
ALL THE WEIGHT ON THEIR SIDE.
KEEP PULLING. MY
HANDS KEEP SLIPPING.
PULL! PULL!
[Gasps]
OH.
[Boyce] COME ON! MOVE IT!
MOVE IT! UP THOSE LADDERS!
MOVE IT, SLIME!
HUP, TWO, HUP, TWO!
[Howie] COLT, HOW
LONG IS THIS DAY?
WE'RE GONNA DIE BEFORE WE FIGURE
OUT HOW TO GET BOYCE OUT OF THIS CAMP.
[Colt] DON'T WORRY, KID.
I'LL THINK OF SOMETHIN'.
[Boyce] KEEP MOVING! KEEP
MOVING! HUP, HUP, HUP!
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP!
FOR OUR NEXT DEMONSTRATION
I NEED A VOLUNTEER.
HOW ABOUT YOU, MR. FANCY
HOLLYWOOD STUNTMAN?
YOU WORKED OUT
PRETTY WELL LAST TIME.
UH, I LIKE TO DANCE, COLONEL,
BUT YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE.
COME ON. PICK IT UP. COME
ON. PICK IT UP. PICK IT UP.
PICK IT UP.
OH, SORRY, COLONEL. MY
FOOT MUST'VE GOT IN THE WAY.
ALL RIGHT, SEAVERS. IN
THE MIDDLE. I WANT YOU.
[Grunts]
DON'T TOY WITH HIM, COLT.
USE OF THIS WEAPON REQUIRES
QUICKNESS, BALANCE AND REFLEX.
[Howie] NAIL HIM, COLT!
[Grunts]
OH, THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S VERY GOOD,
SEAVERS, BUT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
YEAH! OOH!
[Osgood] GET HIM, COLONEL!
YOU COULD USE A LITTLE
WORK ON YOUR JAB, COLT.
WELL, I HAVE TO MAKE HIM
LOOK GOOD, KEEP HIM OFF GUARD.
[Boyce] FIVE LAPS AROUND
THE PERIMETER! DOUBLE TIME!
COME ON, JELLY BELLY! LET'S GO!
HUP, HUP, HUP!
COLT, DO YOU THINK WE COULD STOP
THE FUN AND GAMES LONG ENOUGH...
TO COME UP WITH
SOME KIND OF A PLAN?
HOW ARE WE GONNA GET BOYCE OUT FROM UNDER
THE NOSE OF THESE HALF-BAKED DOUGHBOYS?
I GOT NO PLAN.
JUST HOPE TO CATCH
HIM ALONE AND GRAB HIM.
THAT'S IT?
UH, EITHER THAT, OR FEED
HIM ENOUGH OF THIS COFFEE.
OH, THIS TAKES ME BACK.
I HAVEN'T EATEN IN A SURVIVAL
SHELTER SINCE THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS.
THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING THESE
DAYS, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO LIVE IN A SHELTER.
OSGOOD, YOU DIDN'T
BY ANY CHANCE...
SMUGGLE IN ANY CHICKEN
BURGERS TO CAMP, DID YOU?
[Osgood] SHERIFF, I'M
REALLY ASHAMED OF YOU.
I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I
APPRECIATED YOUR HELP THIS AFTERNOON.
[Chuckles] WELL, IT'S TOO BAD WE
COULDN'T HAVE BEEN A LITTLE MORE HELP.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
- BOY, THAT BOYCE IS
SOMETHIN' ELSE, ISN'T HE?
- YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM?
WELL, WHY ASK US? YOU
KNOW AS MUCH AS WE DO.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
HAVE HEARD SOMETHING.
WHY ARE YOU SO
CURIOUS ABOUT BOYCE?
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS BECAUSE HE'S SUCH
AN INTERESTING CHARACTER.
DO YOU THINK HE'S CAPABLE
OF KILLING SOMEONE?
FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, I
CAN TELL YOU... VERY CAPABLE.
INSTEAD OF SOCIALIZING, WHY DON'T
YOU THREE GRAB SOME MESS AND TURN IN.
YOU GOT ANOTHER HARD
DAY TOMORROW. OH, YES, SIR.
UH, MUNSON AND I
WERE JUST WONDERING...
IF YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN US IN TOWN
TONIGHT FOR A COUPLE OF BEERS?
A COUPLE OF BEERS?
SEAVERS, YOU AND MUNSON
HERE ARE NOW FIGHTING MEN.
BESIDES PUTTING FAT
AROUND YOUR GUT,
IT SLOWS DOWN THE
THINKING PROCESS.
AND A FIGHTING MAN
NEEDS A CLEAR HEAD.
BESIDES, I CAN'T GO INTO TOWN WITH
YOU. I HAVE DINNER WITH DENTON TONIGHT.
OH, YEAH? UH, WHERE AT?
IT'S A MILITARY SECRET, RECRUIT.
AND A PRIVATE NEVER ASKS HIS
COLONEL PERSONAL QUESTIONS.
SEE YOU ALL ON THE
PARADE GROUNDS, 0700.
I'LL SEE YOU TWO TOMORROW.
[Together] 0700. YEAH.
GO TRY THIS STUFF, BOYS.
WHAT IS IT? IT'S BEEF STEW.
DEHYDRATED, OF COURSE.
[Howie] THEY DON'T HAVE REAL FOOD
HERE? [Osgood] THIS IS REAL FOOD.
DON'T FORGET, IN A NUCLEAR WAR,
THIS IS WHAT WE'LL HAVE TO SURVIVE ON.
[Hollis] SCARY, AIN'T IT? HEY,
GO ON, BOYS. GIVE IT A TRY.
THE CHOW TRAYS ARE
RIGHT THERE ON THE TABLE.
YEAH, I GUESS WE OUGHTA TEST
OUR COURAGE, KID. [Door Closes]
ON SECOND THOUGHT, I NEED
SOME FRESH AIR. COME ON.
WHAT ABOUT DINNER?
WHERE ARE WE GOIN'?
I SAW GAIL COME OUT.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
THINK SHE'S UP TO?
I'D SAY SHE'S UP TO
HER NECK IN TROUBLE.
[Door Opens]
WE'D BETTER DO SOMETHING, COLT.
YEAH.
WHEN I LIGHT THIS, GET READY TO THROW
THOSE CANS. PRETEND IT'S NEW YEAR'S.
JED, YOU BETTER GET OVER
TO YOUR OFFICE RIGHT AWAY.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
OKAY, NOW.
[Trash Cans Clattering]
HEY! FIRST LET'S
CHECK THAT. LET'S GO.
YOU THINK IT WAS
SEAVERS AND MUNSON?
THAT'S RIGHT, SIR. WE DIDN'T SEE 'EM IN
YOUR OFFICE, BUT WE SAW 'EM OUTSIDE.
- YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS?
- IT MEANS THEY'RE
ONTO YOU, DENTON.
ONTO ALL OF US, BOYCE. AS I RECALL, IT
WAS YOUR IDEA TO RIG THOSE BOOBY TRAPS.
YOU KNEW DAMN WELL
SOMEBODY COULD GET KILLED.
YEAH, BUT IT WASN'T MY
RESPONSIBILITY THAT SOMEBODY DID.
THAT RESTS ON YOUR
SHOULDERS, LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR.
IT WAS YOUR IDEA NOT TO REPORT IT
TO THE AUTHORITIES TO SAVE YOUR CAN.
DON'T BE A FOOL, BOYCE. IF I GO
DOWN, YOU'RE GOING DOWN WITH ME.
SO LET'S NOT SPEND THE NIGHT BICKERING,
WHEN WE SHOULD BE PLANNING OUR NEXT MOVE.
WELL, WHAT EXACTLY
DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
I DON'T THINK WE HAVE ANY CHOICE BUT
TO ARRANGE ANOTHER TRAINING ACCIDENT.
HOW ABOUT IT, BOYCE? THINK
YOU CAN COME UP WITH A WAY...
FOR OUR STUNTMEN TO
DISAPPEAR... ACCIDENTALLY?
YEAH, I CAN GIVE
IT SOME THOUGHT.
DO THAT, BOYCE.
[Denton] BUT DON'T TIP YOUR
HAND TILL YOU'RE READY TO MOVE.
I WANT MUNSON AND SEAVERS OUT
OF THE WAY TOMORROW... FOR GOOD.
YES, SIR.
I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU'D
GET BACK. WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
[Man] BED CHECK!
LIGHTS OUT!
COLT, RICE IS DOING A BED CHECK.
EVERYBODY IN BED.
IN THAT ONE. HOWIE,
GET THE LIGHT.
THAT'S GREAT, COLT. YOU GET
THE GIRL, AND I GET THE LIGHT.
[Rice] BED CHECK!
LIGHTS OUT!
HE MIGHT COME BACK.
LIGHTS OUT IN THERE!
COLT, STOP THAT!
SHH, SHH, SHH. HEY,
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
THINGS WERE JUST
GETTIN' COZY UNDER HERE.
HEY, IF YOU TWO WOULD
RATHER BE ALONE...
HOWIE, YOU STAY
RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.
I WANNA KNOW THE REAL
REASON YOU TWO ARE HERE.
YEAH, WELL, WE WANNA KNOW THE REAL
REASON YOU BROKE INTO DENTON'S OFFICE.
SO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?
KNOW ABOUT IT? WE SAVED YOU.
WHO DO YOU THINK DIVERTED
RICE AND SNOW? YOU DID THAT?
HEY. I'M VERY GRATEFUL.
WELL, SO MUCH FOR
BEING GRATEFUL.
LOOK, YOU TELL ME
WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE,
AND I'LL TELL YOU
WHY I BROKE IN.
YOU GO FIRST. OKAY.
FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT AN EXECUTIVE
ASSISTANT TO AN OIL BARON.
I'M AN INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER
WHO'S WORKING UNDERCOVER.
SO THAT'S WHY YOU WERE
ASKING ALL THOSE QUESTIONS?
WELL, THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON AROUND
HERE THAT WOULD MAKE MUCH OF A STORY.
THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
WE WERE GIVEN A TIP...
A YOUNG BOY FROM MY CITY DIDN'T
SURVIVE THE SURVIVAL COURSE.
AND IT WAS NEVER REPORTED?
NOPE. APPARENTLY, DENTON
WANTS IT COVERED UP.
[Howie] WELL, WHY?
BECAUSE DENTON WANTS TO
BE GOVERNOR OF THE STATE,
AND A SCANDAL NOW
WOULD RUIN HIS CHANCES.
NOW, WHAT ARE YOU
TWO DOING HERE?
WELL, WE'RE
UNDERCOVER OURSELVES.
WE'RE NOT ONLY STUNTMEN,
WE'RE BOUNTY HUNTERS.
WE'RE HERE TO TAKE
BOYCE BACK TO LOS ANGELES.
WHEN ARE YOU
PLANNING ON DOING THAT?
WELL, AS SOON AS WE CAN.
TOMORROW, IF WE GET THE OPPORTUNITY.
YOU KNOW, KID, I BEEN
DOIN' SOME THINKIN'.
- AND I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION
THAT IT'S TIME TO POUNCE.
- POUNCE?
YEAH, WE GRAB BOYCE THE
FIRST CHANCE WE GET AND SCRAM.
WELL, I CAN AGREE WITH
THAT. [Osgood] HOLD YOUR FIRE!
HOLD... HOLD... HOLD YOUR FIRE!
I'LL CHECK THE TARGET, SHERIFF,
AND SEE HOW WELL YOU DID.
- [Hollis] HOW'D I DO?
- ARE YOU SURE YOU WERE SHOOTIN'
AT THIS TARGET, SHERIFF?
[Hollis] GET OUT OF THERE!
I'M GONNA TRY AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, COLT, WITH GAIL INVOLVED
NOW, THINGS COULD GET REAL MESSY.
WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT. MAYBE GAIL'S
TOO INVOLVED. [Gunshots Resume]
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, WE GRAB BOYCE, AND
DENTON MIGHT START THINKIN'.
YOU KNOW, SHE'S BEEN
SEEN A LOT WITH US LATELY,
- AND WE'RE NOT FOR SURE THAT
NO ONE SAW HER IN HIS OFFICE.
- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
AND IF DENTON FIGURES
SHE KNOWS TOO MUCH, HE MAY
DECIDE TO COVER HER
UP... WITH SIX FEET OF DIRT!
WELL, I GUESS THAT MEANS
WHEN WE GO, SHE GOES WITH US.
COLT, COULD YOU
PITCH ME ANOTHER CLIP?
[Vehicle Approaching]
COLT, LOOK.
- THIS COULD BE OUR CHANCE.
- GET DOWN, KID.
OKAY, SEAVERS, TARGET PRACTICE
IS OVER. PUT DOWN THAT RIFLE.
[Colt] WHAT IS THIS? SOME KIND
OF EXERCISE OR SOMETHING?
NO, NO, NO, NO. NO EXERCISE.
DENTON AND I WANNA HAVE A LITTLE TALK
WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIEND. WHERE'S MUNSON?
[Shouts]
ONE WRONG MOVE AND
YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, BOYCE.
YOU IDIOT! LET GO OF ME!
WHAT IS THIS, SOME
KIND OF JOKE? NO JOKE.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S
GOIN' ON? I WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS.
OH, YOU CAN TALK ABOUT IT ALL
THE WAY BACK TO LOS ANGELES.
YOU JUMPED BAIL, BOYCE. I'VE
BEEN HIRED TO BRING YOU BACK.
YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE GONNA
GET AWAY WITH THIS, DO YOU?
KIDNAP ME HERE IN FRONT OF
THESE MEN? OSGOOD! HOLLIS!
- [Boyce] GET OVER HERE!
- STAY WHERE YOU ARE.
HEY, NOW LOOK, SON. A
MAN DON'T GO POINTIN'
A GUN LIKE THAT UNLESS
HE MEANS TO USE IT.
I AM THE SHERIFF OF
THIS HERE ENTIRE COUNTY.
SHERIFF, I AIN'T DOIN'
THIS FOR MY HEALTH.
GO ON. GET HIM IN THE TRUCK.
[Groans] CUFF HIM.
[Grunts]
FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN,
EIGHT... GAIL, GET IN THE TRUCK!
NINE, 10.
AND ONE, TWO, THREE...
YOU CAN'T DO THIS NOW.
- I DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR AN ARGUMENT.
- YOU'RE GONNA RUIN MY STORY.
SHUT UP AND GET IN THE TRUCK.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITH YOU.
ALL RIGHT, I AM THROUGH DOING
THINGS THE HARD WAY. COME ON.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
NOTHING. JUST SAVING YOUR LIFE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO DO WITH
THESE MORTARS? YOU'RE GONNA LOSE 'EM.
LOSE 'EM? TEMPORARILY.
TILL I'M CERTAIN THIS
STORM BLOWS OVER.
WHY? DON'T YOU THINK
BOYCE CAN HOLD OUT HIS END?
- I'M NOT TAKING
ANY CHANCES.
- JED!
JED! [Panting]
JUST A SEC.
THEM TWO BOYS FROM HOLLYWOOD
HAVE KIDNAPPED COLONEL BOYCE!
THEY WHAT? THE COLONEL?
HANDCUFFED HIM,
COMMANDEERED HIS TRUCK!
YEAH, AND THEY TOOK THAT
GAIL ROBERTS GIRL WITH 'EM TOO!
- DID YOU SEE WHERE THEY WENT?
- DOWN THE CANYON.
YOU'RE SURE OF THAT?
YES, SIR. LOOK, JED,
I MAY NOT KNOW HOW TO CLIMB
ONE OF THEM FOOL ROPE WALLS,
BUT I KNOW HOW TO CATCH CROOKS.
YOU GIVE ME SOME WHEELS, AND I'LL HAVE
THOSE KIDNAPPERS CAPTURED JUST LIKE THAT.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU AND OSGOOD
TAKE THAT CAR AND GO GET 'EM.
- YES, SIR.
RIGHT. COME ON, OSGOOD.
LET'S SHOW 'EM HOW IT'S DONE.
THAT FAT FOOL
COULDN'T CATCH A COLD.
GET A CAR AND
FOLLOW 'EM. YES, SIR.
PREPARE THOSE MORTARS
FOR FIRING. WHAT ABOUT BOYCE?
YOU KNOW, A DIRECT
HIT NAILS HIM TOO.
WELL, I'VE GOTTA SHUT HIM UP
SOMETIME. MIGHT AS WELL BE NOW.
[Boyce] SEAVERS, YOU'RE
MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.
[Gail] MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY.
SO DID YOU, BOYCE, WHEN
YOU RAN OUT ON BIG JACK.
I TAKE A LOT OF
PRIDE IN MY WORK.
WELL, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO YOU'RE UP AGAINST.
DENTON'S A VERY DETERMINED MAN.
REALLY? IS HE DETERMINED
ENOUGH TO COVER UP A MURDER?
[Denton] RICE, THEY'RE HEADED FOR THE
INTERSECTION AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HOLLOW.
THEY'RE ABOUT HALFWAY
DOWN THAT HILL, SNOW.
YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO CUT 'EM OFF.
YES, SIR. THAT'S A 10-4.
HOW ARE YOU DOING
WITH THOSE MORTARS?
- I'VE GOT 'EM ZEROED IN.
- COMMENCE FIRING.
[Gasps] THEY'RE SHELLING US!
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
HANG ON, EVERYBODY!
[Tires Squealing]
[Tires Squealing]
THAT GUY COULD DRIVE
BETWEEN RAINDROPS!
CEASE FIRE, RICE. THEY'RE
OUT OF YOUR RANGE.
[Rice On Radio] WHAT
ARE WE GONNA DO?
[Denton] DON'T
WORRY. I'LL HANDLE IT.
[Tires Squealing]
THANK GOD THAT'S OVER.
[Osgood] CAN'T HAVE
TOO MUCH OF A LEAD.
CHECK THEM SIDE ROADS, OSGOOD.
WE'RE NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET.
OSGOOD! [Chuckles]
- LOOKEE THERE! WE GOT HIM!
- GO FOR IT! YEAH!
MY GOD! THAT COULD HAVE BEEN US!
[Both Groaning]
OSGOOD, WE DON'T GOT HIM.
HE'S HEADING FOR THE
RAVINE. WE GOTTA CUT
HIM OFF, AND I DON'T
CARE HOW WE CUT HIM OFF!
[Denton On Radio] GET MOVING!
[Tires Squealing]
COLT, THERE'S A THIN LINE
BETWEEN COURAGE AND INSANITY,
AND YOU JUST CROSSED IT.
YOU HAD TO GET THE STORY.
YES, BUT I ALSO
WANNA LIVE TO WRITE IT.
[Colt] HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN
IN A CAR CHASE BEFORE?
[Gail] I TRY TO AVOID THEM.
WELL, SIT BACK AND ENJOY YOURSELF.
THIS ONE'S JUST STARTIN' TO GET GOOD.
THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE
GONNA MAKE IT OUT OF HERE!
IS BRINGING ME BACK
WORTH GETTING KILLED?
WE'RE NOT DEAD YET.
NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING.
I THINK ONCE WE GET BACK TO
THE HIGHWAY, WE'LL BE IN THE CLEAR.
- HANG ON, EVERYBODY!
- [Gail] COLT, YOU AREN'T...
THIS IS IT! I'M BEGINNING TO SEE
MY LIFE FLASH BEFORE MY EYES.
YOU WERE RIGHT, MOM. I SHOULD HAVE
MARRIED A DOCTOR AND BECOME A HOUSEWIFE.
DO SOMETHING! HE'S
TRYING TO KILL US!
COLT, ARE YOU THINKING
THE SAME THING I'M THINKING?
YEAH. CAN YOU TAKE
THE WHEEL? I'LL TRY.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS? THE
FLYING BANZAI BROTHERS?
GAIL, PUT YOUR FOOT
ON THE GAS PEDAL.
NO, COLT. REALLY, I COULDN'T.
I'M REALLY A HORRIBLE DRIVER.
[Colt] JUST KEEP IT FLOORED.
WE CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE SPEED.
[Boyce] YOU'LL NEVER
MAKE IT, SEAVERS!
I WARNED YOU, SEAVERS!
[Gunshot]
[Denton] HOW DID THAT FEEL?
LET'S SEE YOU STUNT
YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE!
[Tires Squealing]
I'M GONNA USE YOU FOR
A LANDING GEAR, SEAVERS!
[Howie] WE'VE GOT COMPANY,
AND HE'S GAINING ON US.
[Gail] HOWIE, HE'S GONNA
RUN US OFF THE ROAD!
HOP IN THE BACK WITH
YOUR FRIEND, SNOW.
HOW IN THE WORLD DID HE DO THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT SOMEHOW COLT ALWAYS
MANAGES TO GET THE JOB DONE.
[Gail] RIGHT, MAX. I'LL BE BACK
IN THE OFFICE NEXT WEEK.
I'M GOING TO HANG OUT
HERE FOR A FEW DAYS.
NO, NO, NO. NOT
TO PARTY. TO WORK.
I'VE GOT A TERRIFIC IDEA
FOR A FEATURE. YOU'LL LOVE IT.
OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU THEN.
OH, AND THANKS FOR
THE GOOD NEWS. BYE.
WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?
BOYCE AND DENTON HAVE BEEN
INDICTED BY A FEDERAL GRAND JURY.
ALL BECAUSE OF
YOUR STORY? [Laughs]
WELL, YOU MUST BE A BIG
HERO BACK AT THE OFFICE.
NOT REALLY, THOUGH MY EDITOR DID MENTION
SOMETHING ABOUT A POSSIBLE PULITZER PRIZE.
MMM! SO WHAT'S NEXT?
DO YOU MOVE ON TO
ANOTHER ASSIGNMENT?
ACTUALLY, I'M ALREADY ON IT.
YOU ARE? MM-HMM.
I THOUGHT I'D DO SORT OF AN IN-DEPTH
STUDY ON A CERTAIN HOLLYWOOD DAREDEVIL...
WHO SPENDS HIS FREE TIME
TRACKING DOWN DANGEROUS CRIMINALS.
SOUND INTERESTING?
WELL, THE "IN-DEPTH" PART DOES.
COME ON, COLT. YOU'RE
A TERRIFIC SUBJECT.
BESIDES, THIS GIVES US A CHANCE TO
SPEND SOME MORE TIME TOGETHER...
WHILE I GET TO LEARN EVERYTHING THERE
IS TO KNOW ABOUT THE REAL COLT SEAVERS.
EVERYTHING? EVERYTHING.