The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 6, Episode 9 - Dear Apple - full transcript

(woman singing) ♪ YOU TAKE
THE GOOD, YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪

♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪

♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪

♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪



♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪

LOOK, BLAIR, I'D REALLY LOVE TO
STAY AND TAKE MORE OF YOUR ABUSE

BUT I HAVE A CLASS.
OH, I UNDERSTAND.

SOME PEOPLE SAY IT'S BEST TO
WALK AWAY FROM AN ARGUMENT.

NO MATTER WHAT I SAY,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE ME.

SO WHY DON'T YOU THINK
WHATEVER YOU WANT?

JUST LET YOUR
CONSCIENCE BE YOUR GUIDE.

THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF
PHILOSOPHY AT YOUR FINGERTIPS,



AND YOU QUOTE JIMINY CRICKET.

I'M NOT TALKING TO
YOU ANYMORE, BLAIR.

THIS IS SO TYPICAL OF YOU.

YOU'RE NOTHING BUT
A SPINELESS FISH-LIKE...

BUT... YOU HAVE WORK TO DO.

I'VE HEARD SUCH GOOD
THINGS ABOUT YOUR CLASS.

COULD WE GET STARTED, PLEASE?

YOU ALL KNOW YOUR ASSIGNMENTS.

(computer) GOOD AFTERNOON.

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
YOU'VE BEEN TURNED OFF ALL DAY.

ENTER CODE.

ENTER FILE NAME.

ENTER ASSIGNMENT.

♪ YOO-HOOOOO. ♪

HOW ARE YOU AT PEOPLE PROBLEMS?

CHECK INTERNAL DIRECTORY.

"LOGOS, LANGUAGES, BUDGETING..."

OH, "PERSONAL COUNSELING."

SOUNDS LIKE THE TICKET.

HELLO. I AM THE
HUBCRAFT INTERACTIVE

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
COUNSELING PROGRAM,

DK-40R.

BUT YOU CAN CALL ME STEVE.

HI, STEVE.

GET COMFORTABLE.

START AT THE BEGINNING.

TELL ME EVERYTHING.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, HERE IT GOES.

I FEEL A LITTLE BIT SILLY
TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THIS.

BUT SEE, I HAVE THIS PROBLEM.

HER NAME IS BLAIR.

SEE, WE HAD A FIGHT.
I HATE HER GUTS.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

WHO ELSE?

YOU MUST TYPE IN THE DATA.

I'M NOT PROGRAMMED TO READ LIPS.

HOWEVER, IF YOU PREFER TO TALK,

I CAN BE VOICE ACTIVATED.

PRESS THE RED LEVER,
BUT DON'T TICKLE.

TESTING... YOU READ ME?

LOUD AND CLEAR.

SEE, BLAIR AND I HAVE
BEEN ARGUING FOR A WEEK.

I WANT TO PROVE THAT I'M RIGHT.

SO WHAT I NEED FROM
YOU IS A PRINT OUT

SAYING THAT JO'S
RIGHT, BLAIR'S WRONG.

YOU GOT IT?

GOT IT.

WHO IS JO?

OH... I'M JO.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU, SIR.

I'M A GIRL.

STILL PLEASED.

SEX MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO ME.

THAT'S TOO BAD.

BUT ANYWAY...
OKAY, UM... HERE IT IS.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO.

NO. THIS IS JO.

YEAH, I CAN GIVE HER A MESSAGE.

OUR BASKETBALL TEAM
WON THE PLAY-OFFS?

THAT'S GREAT!

SO YOU HAVE TO USE
THE GYM TONIGHT.

THE HELEN OF TROY CONTEST

IS RESCHEDULED
FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, YEAH, I'LL TELL HER.

WHERE ARE THE
PENCILS IN THIS HOUSE?

HI, JO.

HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN
BLAIR? SHE'S NOT HERE?

YOU SAID SHE'D BE HERE.

SO, I WAS WRONG.

WE JUST CAME BACK
FROM THE BOOKSTORE

AND THEY'VE GOT
THAT OLD MOVIE POSTER

BLAIR'S BEEN DYING FOR.

DID YOU BUY IT FOR HER?

NO, WE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY

AFTER NATALIE BOUGHT
HER ADRIAN ZMED CALENDAR.

YOU'LL THANK ME
WHEN SUMMER COMES

AND HE STARTS
GOING TO THE BEACH.

BESIDES, I COULDN'T
REMEMBER IF BLAIR WANTED

HELL OVER THE PACIFIC,
HELL ON FRISCO BAY,

OR HELLZAPOPPIN'.

SHE WANTED DAMN YANKEES.

AND THEY HAD THAT ONE.

NATALIE SWORE IT
WAS THE WRONG ONE.

I DIDN'T SWEAR.

YOU PUT YOUR HAND ON THE BIBLE!

THAT WAS A COOKBOOK.

I SWORE ON CHICKEN GUMBO.

I HAVE A LITTLE
TIME BEFORE CLASS.

I'LL GO DOWN AND PICK IT UP.

GREAT... I KNOW SHE
REALLY WANTS THAT POSTER.

I HOPE IT'S NOT SOLD ALREADY.

TOOTIE, TELL ME...

IS THIS ONE OF THOSE THINGS
YOU NEVER LET ME FORGET?

YOU KNOW, ONE OF THOSE
THINGS YOU HAUNT ME WITH

FOR MONTHS AND YEARS?

LIKE THE SCISSORS
IN SEVENTH GRADE?

OH, THAT WAS SO LONG AGO.

WHO CAN REMEMBER
SOMETHING THAT UNIMPORTANT?

THEY WERE PINKING
SHEARS, NATALIE.

UH-HUH.

YOU USED THEM ON CARDBOARD.

EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU DON'T
USE PINKING SHEARS ON CARDBOARD.

FABRIC, YES. CARDBOARD, NO.

WELL, I GOT TO THE BOOKSTORE,

BUT THEY'D JUST SOLD IT
TO SOME OLD FILM BUFF.

SO I TRIED TO BUY IT FROM
HIM, BUT HE WOULDN'T SELL.

BY THAT TIME, I WAS
LATE FOR CLASS,

I HAD VOLLEYBALL PRACTICE.

AND IT WASN'T TILL I GOT HOME,

THAT I'D REMEMBERED THAT
I'D FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT IT.

YOU WITH ME?

NOT EVEN CLOSE.

I FORGOT TO GIVE
BLAIR THE MESSAGE

ABOUT THE HELEN OF TROY CONTEST.

OHH!

STICK WITH ME HERE, STEVE.

I GOT HOME ABOUT 7:00.

SOMETHING HAD
BEEN NAGGING AT ME.

I KNEW I'D FORGOTTEN SOMETHING,

BUT I COULDN'T REMEMBER WHAT.

MY BOYFRIEND, JOHN SMITHBAUER,
TOOK ME TO SEE DAMN YANKEES.

THE MUSIC WAS TERRIFIC,
THE STORY WAS WONDERFUL,

AND GWEN VERDON'S LEGS
WERE THE BEST I'D EVER SEEN.

BOY, I HATED THAT MOVIE.

IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL POSTER.

THE SALESMAN SAID THEY
DON'T EVEN MAKE THEM

LIKE THAT ANYMORE.

THEY DON'T MAKE THEM LIKE
JOHN SMITHBAUER ANYMORE EITHER.

HE DUMPED ME RIGHT
AFTER WE SAW THE MOVIE.

I NEVER KNEW IF IT WAS IT GWEN,

OR BECAUSE I WOULDN'T GET
IN THE BACK OF HIS PLYMOUTH!

IF I'D BEEN THERE
TWO MINUTES EARLIER,

I WOULD'VE GOTTEN THE POSTER.

DON'T WORRY, JO.

WE KNOW IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

THE GUY SAID HE MIGHT TRADE

IF WE CAME UP WITH
SOMETHING GOOD.

I'D OFFER MY LIFE,

BUT I THINK TOOTIE
HAS PLANS FOR IT.

MAYBE WE'D BETTER NOT
MENTION THIS TO BLAIR.

I DON'T BELIEVE THE BIG DEAL
YOU'RE MAKING ABOUT THIS.

IT'S A LOUSY POSTER!

SOMEBODY'S GONNA PAY!

I HAD NO IDEA.

I SHOWED UP AT THE GYM AT 7:00.

I DIDN'T SEE ANYONE ELSE
DRESSED AS HELEN OF TROY.

I NATURALLY ASSUMED THE
OTHERS HAD DROPPED OUT

WHEN THEY'D HEARD I'D
ENTERED THE CONTEST.

SO AT HALFTIME, I WALKED
OUT ON THE COURT,

EXPECTING TO BE
CROWNED QUEEN OF TROY.

I WAS WRESTLED TO THE GROUND
BY LOUIE THE LANGLEY LION.

BLAIR... THEN HE
PICKED UP IN HIS PAWS

AND TOSSED ME IN THE AIR

TO THE CHEER OF "GO, LIONS, GO!"

BLAIR...

NOW, I HAVE AS MUCH SCHOOL
SPIRIT AS THE NEXT GUY...

I FORGOT TO GIVE
YOU THE MESSAGE.

WHAT?

UH... THEY CALLED.

SEE, THE CONTEST WAS POSTPONED

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

I WAS GONNA TELL
YOU... HONESTLY, I WAS.

BUT NATALIE AND TOOTIE CAME IN.

I COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING
TO WRITE IT DOWN WITH.

LOOK, I WAS TRYING
TO DO YOU A FAVOR.

THAT'S TRUE!

YOU REMEMBER THAT OLD
MOVIE POSTER YOU WANTED?

OH, IT'S ALL A SIMPLE
MISUNDERSTANDING.

JUST ONE OF THOSE
CRAZY THINGS...

WELL, MATURE.

THAT'S REAL MATURE.

TOOK ME 10 MINUTES
TO GET THAT CROWN OFF.

DID YOU GIVE HER ALL
THE PERTINENT DATA?

DID YOU TELL HER
ABOUT THE POSTER?

AND BEING LATE FOR CLASS?

SHE DIDN'T GIVE ME A CHANCE.

BESIDES, IT WOULDN'T
HAVE MADE ANY DIFFERENCE.

IT MIGHT HAVE
RESOLVED THE SITUATION

AND RESTORED GOOD WILL.

SHE CAN SHOVE IT IN HER EAR.

INTERESTING CONCEPT.

ONE THING I WAS NOT
GONNA DO WAS GROVEL.

AND I'M REALLY GLAD I DIDN'T.

ESPECIALLY AFTER
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.

(Blair singing) ♪ ZIPPADEE
DO DA ZIPPADEE-A ♪

♪ MY, OH MY ♪

♪ WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY ♪

♪ PLENTY OF SUNSHINE ♪

♪ HEADIN' MY WAY ♪

♪ ZIPPADEE DO DA ♪

♪ DO DA, DO DA ♪

♪ ZIPPADEE-A ♪

BLAIR, OPEN UP THE DOOR!

YOU'VE BEEN IN
THERE FOR AN HOUR!

♪ MR. BLUEBIRD ON MY SHOULDER ♪

IF YOU DON'T OPEN THE
DOOR. I'M GONNA KICK IT DOWN!

THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT!

GO AHEAD...
PRETEND I'M NOT HERE.

SHE'S DOING THIS ON PURPOSE.

SHE KNOWS THE SHOWER
IN OUR ROOM IS BROKEN.

SHE KNOWS I HAVE A
MEETING IN FIVE MINUTES.

LET ME TRY.

TOOTIE'S USING YOUR LIPSTICK!

WHO IS IT?

MR. BLUEBIRD.

OH, JO... I COULDN'T HEAR YOU.

WATER WAS RUNNING.

I HAVE A MEETING
IN FIVE MINUTES.

OH! I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

I'LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT.

SORRY. IT'S ALL YOURS.

THANKS.

YOU REALLY DIDN'T KNOW
ABOUT HER MEETING?

MEETING? WHAT MEETING?

(Jo) AH! BLAIR!

THERE'S NO HOT WATER!

NOW WE'RE EVEN.

WHAT'S JO YELLING AT?

OH, SOMEBODY USED
ALL THE HOT WATER.

ALL THE HOT WATER?
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

IT WOULD HAVE TO HAVE
BEEN RUNNING FOR...

HOURS.

BLAIR.

YOU ARE SO WICKED.

HERE YOU GO, BLAIR,
I FIXED YOUR CROWN.

IT JUST TOOK SOME WIRE
AND SOME ODDS AND ENDS.

THANKS, TOOTIE.

THE RUBIES WERE THE
HARDEST TO REPLACE.

IT'S HARD TO FIND SOMETHING
THAT LOOKS LIKE RUBIES.

THEY LOOK JUST LIKE...

TOOTIE, THEY'RE JAW BREAKERS.

YEAH, BUT SEE HOW
CLOSE YOU HAD TO LOOK?

YOU KNOW, THEY STARTED
OUT A LOT LARGER THAN THAT,

SO TO GET THEM DOWN
TO JUST THE RIGHT SIZE,

I HAD TO... PLEASE.

I HAVE TO WEAR IT.

I STARTED TO USE CRANBERRIES.

BUT YOU'D HAVE TO REFRIGERATE...

SHE COULDN'T BE MORE PLEASED.

ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU ARE.

I THINK I HAVE ALL
THE STAINS OUT,

EXCEPT MAYBE ONE
LITTLE BLACK STREAK.

AW, YOU COULDN'T USE BLEACH?

I DID!

I READ THE INSTRUCTIONS
ON THREE DIFFERENT BOXES,

BUT NONE SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT SKID MARKS.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'LL GET IT.

HEY, BLAIR!

THAT WAS SOME HALFTIME
SHOW YOU PUT ON.

THANK YOU.

THAT WAS REHEARSED, RIGHT?

I MEAN, IT HAD TO BE.

WELL... WHAT'D I TELL YA?

BUT IT REALLY LOOKED REAL.

THE WRESTLING AND THE TOSSING

AND THE DRAGGING AROUND
THE COURT BY ONE FOOT!

SHE'S QUITE AN ACTRESS.

IT WAS ALL IN THE SPIRIT OF FUN.

YEAH, YOU KNOW, I REALLY LIKED
THE PART WHEN YOU LOST YOUR...

CAN WE MOVE ON TO
SOMETHING ELSE, PLEASE?

SURE, IS JO HERE?

WE'RE PICKING HER UP FOR
THE STUDENT COUNCIL MEETING.

YEAH, SHE'S ALMOST READY.

SHE WANTS YOU TO WAIT
FOR HER IN OUR ROOM.

TOP OF THE STAIRS, TURN
RIGHT, FIRST DOOR ON YOUR LEFT.

THANKS.

"TOP OF THE STAIRS, TURN
RIGHT, FIRST DOOR ON YOUR LEFT"?

BLAIR, OUR ROOM
ISN'T... THREE, TWO, ONE...

(Jo) HEY, WHOA!

NOW, I'M AHEAD.

I GRABBED THE SHOWER CURTAIN
BEFORE THEY COULD SEE ANYTHING.

LUCKILY, THE FLAMINGOS
WERE IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES.

OKAY, SO YOU WERE EMBARRASSED.

I DON'T EMBARRASS THAT EASILY.

I WAS MAD, AND I
WAS GONNA GET EVEN.

THAT IS A NEGATIVE EMOTION.

BLAIR'S ATTEMPT AT REVENGE
SHOULD HAVE PROVED

IT ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING.

OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

ANYWAY, AFTER WHAT HAPPENED
NEXT, YOU'LL UNDERSTAND.

I'M TELLING YOU, SHE
WAS VERY EMBARRASSED.

OH, PLEASE.

I'VE SEEN A LOT
OF JO IN MY LIFE.

NOT AS MUCH AS
THOSE GUYS, BUT A LOT.

I'VE NEVER SEEN HER
REALLY EMBARRASSED.

IT'S BEEN WELL WORTH THE WAIT.

HI, JO. HAVE A NICE DAY?

HOW WAS THE STUDENT
COUNCIL MEETING?

I'M SURE THEY WERE
LAUGHING WITH YOU.

JO, YOU HAVE TO
STOP HIDING LIKE THIS.

THERE'S NOTHING TO
BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.

NOBODY SAW ANYTHING,
AND EVEN IF THEY DID,

OH, THE HUMAN BODY IS
NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.

YOUR TURN.

JO, YOU'RE BEING DUMB.

I COULD HAVE SAID THAT.

YOU AND BLAIR SHOULD
CALL THIS WHOLE THING OFF.

JUST SHAKE HANDS
AND FORGET ABOUT IT.

AAAH, YOU'RE
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, TOOTIE.

SHE'S AFTER YOUR JOB.

SHE CAN HAVE IT,
THE PAY IS TERRIBLE.

SO I REALLY TURNED
THIS CRISIS AROUND, HUH?

OH, YOU BET!

COME ON, THERE'S NO REASON
FOR BLAIR AND ME TO FIGHT.

WE'RE THE BEST OF FRIENDS.

I'M GONNA CALL A TRUCE.

MAN, I'M GOOD.

(Tootie) DID YOU HEAR THAT?

THEY'RE GONNA CALL A TRUCE!

RIGHT AFTER I GET EVEN.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

I'LL GET IT.

HELLO?

OH, HI!

THE BASKETBALL TEAM WON AGAIN?

BLAIR INSPIRED THEM TO VICTORY?

SO WHAT ABOUT THE
HELEN OF TROY CONTEST?

TONIGHT, BUT NOT IN THE GYM.

THE AUDITORIUM?

YEAH, I'LL GIVE HER THE MESSAGE.

TOMORROW.

OOOOH.

SO I WAS UPSET!

OOOOOOH.

SHE HAD IT COMING.

THIS IS VERY SERIOUS.

PEOPLE REACT UNPREDICTABLY
WHEN CONFRONTED WITH HUMILIATION.

OH HEY, YOU GET OVER IT.

IN SOME CULTURES.

IN OTHERS, YOU SHAVE
YOUR HEAD AND LIVE IN A CAVE.

CAN I CONTINUE HERE?

BE BRIEF. MY DISCS ARE SPINNING.

YOU KNOW, I HOPE BLAIR DOESN'T
WIN THAT HELEN OF TROY CONTEST.

NATALIE, YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.

SHE ALWAYS GETS SO
HUMBLE WHEN SHE WINS.

SHE SAYS SHE DOESN'T DESERVE IT.

WE SAY "YES, YOU DO,"
SHE SAYS, "NO, I DON'T,"

WE SAY, "YES, YOU DO,"
SHE SAYS, "YES, I DO,"

AND THEN SHE
TREATS US LIKE DIRT.

WELL, THERE'S NO
WAY SHE'S GONNA LOSE.

I SAW HER ON HER WAY TO THE
GYM AND SHE LOOKED TERRIFIC.

THE GYM? WHAT DO
YOU MEAN, THE GYM?

WHAT'S SHE GOING TO THE GYM FOR?

DIDN'T SHE GET MY NOTE?

THIS IS GETTING
BETTER AND BETTER.

NO, I LEFT IT ON THE BED.

THE CONTEST WAS
MOVED TO THE AUDITORIUM.

COME ON, SHE HAD
TO GET THE MESSAGE.

♪ OH, JO! ♪

I DON'T THINK SHE
GOT THE MESSAGE.

BLAIR, LOOK, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

SAY HI TO WHAT'S
LEFT OF LOUIE THE LION.

I LEFT THE NOTE ON
THE BED... I REALLY DID!

YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME!

NO, I DON'T.

ALL RIGHT, I ADMIT THAT I WASN'T
GONNA GIVE YOU THE MESSAGE,

BUT THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT IT,

AND I REALIZED I JUST
COULDN'T GO THROUGH WITH IT.

IT WAS JUST TOO ROTTEN.

IT WAS SOMETHING YOU'D DO.

OH, GOOD! INSULT ME!

COME ON, I'M INNOCENT!

HEY, MRS. G., SAY SOMETHING.

OKAY.

YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

TOOTIE, NATALIE, COME ON,

YOU SAW THE NOTE... TELL HER.

WELL, MAYBE IT GOT LOST
WHEN WE MADE UP THE BEDS

OR MAYBE THE WIND BLEW IT AWAY.

OR MAYBE A DOG ATE IT.

I ONLY WARN PEOPLE ONCE.

I'LL GET YOU.

AND DON'T BOTHER RUNNING.

I'M EVERYWHERE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
SHE'S GONNA DO NEXT.

BLAIR'S TACTIC IS OBVIOUS.

ANTICIPATION OF DANGER

CAN BE MORE FRIGHTENING
THAN DANGER ITSELF.

YOU'RE TELLING ME.

THE WORST PART WAS THE WAITING.

AHHH, HEH HEH HEH.

MMM, NAH.

HMMM!

OH! I CAN'T!

AH HA!

NO... WHY INVOLVE THE POLICE?

THIS IS SO GREAT.

HA HA HA HA!

THIS IS REALLY CHILDISH.

SO CHILDISH.

HA HA HA HA!

BLAIR, CAN I JUST HAVE ONE PEEK?

IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME.

WHOA!

SORRY, SHE'S SUCH A PRO.

HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY
THOUGHT TO THE LOGISTICS?

I DON'T THINK THEY CAN
SEND THAT THROUGH THE MAIL.

TOOTIE!

WELL, AREN'T YOU EVEN CURIOUS?

NO, I DON'T CARE.

OKAY.

YOU REALLY THINK HER THREATS
MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TO ME?

I CAN ONLY MAKE OUT ONE WORD.

SO WHAT?

"ASSISTANT"?

HA HA, YEAH, OF COURSE.

SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE
GUTS TO DO IT ALONE.

OR IS IT "ASSASSIN"?

SO WHAT DID SHE DO?

NOTHING. THAT'S JUST IT.

SHE'S MAKING ME SWEAT IT OUT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S
GONNA DO... OR WHEN.

I JUST KNOW IT'S COMING.

THIS PATTERN OF REVENGE IS
COMMON THROUGHOUT HISTORY.

CASES IN POINT:

AARON BURR VS.
ALEXANDER HAMILTON.

THE BATTLE OF MIDWAY.

ANY CHARLES BRONSON MOVIE.

LOOK, ALL I WANT IS
TO END THIS THING.

I NEED A SIMPLE PRINTOUT
SAYING JO'S RIGHT, BLAIR'S WRONG.

CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?

THIS DATA IS INCOMPLETE.

WHAT EXACTLY IS YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH BLAIR?

WE DON'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP.

YOU HAVE TO.

ARE YOU ENEMIES?

STRANGERS?

ACQUAINTANCES?

WELL, I GUESS WE'RE
SORT OF FRIENDS.

FRIENDS TRUST,
FRIENDS UNDERSTAND.

FRIENDS FORGIVE.

NEITHER OF YOU HAS DONE THAT.

GREAT, NOW YOU'RE STARTING
TO SOUND LIKE MRS. GARRETT.

PROBABLY THE SAME VOICE CHIP.

NO, I MEAN SHE'S USUALLY THE
ONE THAT GIVES US ADVICE LIKE THAT.

YOU THINK SHE'S BUSY LATER?

JUST A LITTLE SOFTWARE HUMOR.

[SIGHING]

LOOK, I'M UPSET AND I'M ANGRY.

I JUST WANT COLD HARD FACTS.

THE FACT IS NEITHER PARTY
IS WILLING TO ADMIT GUILT.

THAT'S IT?

YOU'RE WORTH,
WHAT, $20,000-$30,000?

PLUS TAX.

AND ALL I'M ASKING
IS A SIMPLE QUESTION:

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?

SOLUTION IS OBVIOUS.

END FRIENDSHIP.

WHAT?

THIS RELATIONSHIP
CAUSES UNHAPPINESS.

THEREFORE, SEVER RELATIONSHIP.

END FRIENDSHIP.

[PRINTER PRINTING]

HAVE A NICE DAY.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

[APPLAUSE]

(woman singing) ♪ YOU'LL
AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪

♪ AND ENJOY THE FUN OF
MANAGIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ AND SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪

♪ IF YOU HEAR IT
FROM YOUR BROTHER ♪

♪ BETTER CLEAR THEM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪

♪ BETTER GET 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪

♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪

♪ ALL YOU GOTTA DO
TO GET YOU THROUGH ♪

♪ IS UNDERSTAND ♪

♪ YOU THINK YOU'D
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪

♪ YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT
THROUGH WITHOUT THE TRUTH ♪♪