The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 5, Episode 9 - Small But Dangerous - full transcript

♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪

♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪

♪ YOU'RE GROWIN',
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪

♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪



♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪

EXACTLY WHERE IS THIS GRAFFITI?

IT'S ALL OVER THE SIDE OF
THE BUILDING AND IN THE BACK.

SOUNDS LIKE THE WORK OF VANDALS.

STRANGE, MY FIRST GUESS WOULD'VE
BEEN CUB SCOUTS ON A JAMBOREE.

THAT'S GOOD, I LIKE
A FUNNY CITIZEN.

NOW, EXACTLY WHAT
DOES THE GRAFFITI SAY?



IT SAYS... I CAN'T SAY IT.

MRS. GARRETT, I'VE BEEN A
POLICE OFFICER FOR THREE YEARS.

AND BEFORE THAT, I WAS A KID.

I'VE HEARD JUST
ABOUT EVERYTHING.

UH, I WROTE IT DOWN.

MAYBE YOU CAN JUST LOOK AT IT.

I KNEW WE SHOULDN'T HAVE
TOLD HER WHAT IT MEANT.

I'VE NEVER SEEN IT
STATED LIKE THAT BEFORE.

LOOK AT THAT. OH, NO.

NOW, DID YOU NOTICE
ANYTHING ELSE?

WAS ANYTHING MISSING?

NOW THAT YOU MENTIONED IT, YES.

WHEN I CAME DOWN THIS MORNING,

A WHOLE TRAY OF CREAM
PUFFS HAD DISAPPEARED.

THAT WAS US, MRS. GARRETT.

YOU WANT TO PRESS CHARGES?

[CHUCKLES AND MUTTERS]

I'LL JUST GO OUT BACK AND
TAKE A LOOK AT THE GRAFFITI.

WE'LL BE BACK WITH YOU.

AND JUST MAKE SURE YOU
LOCK YOUR DOORS AT NIGHT.

THANK YOU, OFFICER.

WHY WOULD ANYONE
WANNA DO SOMETHING TO US?

I MEAN, WHO COULD
WE HAVE OFFENDED?

MRS. GARRETT, YOU SELL QUICHE,

YOU'RE GONNA MAKE A FEW ENEMIES.

THIS IS TERRIBLE!

WE'RE WOMEN ALONE
AND DEFENSELESS.

AND OUT THERE, AN UNKNOWN
ASSAILANT IS STALKING US.

THEY MAKE MOVIES OF
THE WEEK ABOUT THIS.

MAYBE WE SHOULD
HIRE AN ARMED GUARD,

LIKE THEY HAVE AT
BLOOMINGDALE'S.

OH, WE ALL KNOW WHAT KIND OF
ROUGH CROWD THEY GOT THERE.

OBVIOUSLY, YOU'VE NEVER BEEN
THERE DURING A SATURDAY WHITE SALE.

YOU GUYS ARE ACTING
LIKE A BUNCH OF GIRLS.

I WAS BORN ON THE STREETS,

AND GRAFFITI IS SMALL POTATOES.

YEAH, WELL, I WAS BORN IN A
HOUSE, AND IT SCARES ME TO DEATH.

OH, WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

REMEMBER THE RULES...
YOU STEAL IT, YOU BOUGHT IT.

JO, THAT'S A CUSTOMER.

THANK YOU, MA'AM.

FEEL FREE TO BROWSE AROUND.

HELP YOURSELF.

YOU DON'T SAY "HELP
YOURSELF" TO THIS TWERP.

THEY'RE SAVING WALL SPACE
FOR HER AT THE POST OFFICE.

I GOTTA GO, IF SHE
GIVES YOU ANY TROUBLE,

I'LL COME DOWN AND STEP ON HER.

DON'T MIND HER.

WE HAD A RATHER
UPSETTING MORNING.

NO, MRS. GARRETT,
JO'S RIGHT ABOUT HER.

WE ONCE CAUGHT
THIS GIRL WALKING OFF

WITH AN ENTIRE SMOKED HAM.

OH, BLAIR.

WHERE WOULD A LITTLE
GIRL LIKE THAT HIDE A HAM?

SHE WRAPPED IT IN A BLANKET

AND PRETENDED IT
WAS HER BABY BROTHER.

MY MISTAKE, MY BROTHER
LOOKS LIKE A HAM.

PLEASE.

YOU HAVE TO GET UP
PRETTY EARLY IN THE MORNING

TO FOOL BLAIR WARNER.

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE THE
PRETTIEST HAIR I HAVE EVER SEEN.

PRETTIER THAN
VICTORIA PRINCIPAL'S.

REALLY?

IT'S MY SHAMPOO.

IT COSTS A LITTLE
MORE, BUT I'M WORTH IT.

LISTEN, I NOTICE THE
LORDS OF DISCIPLINE

LEFT THEIR CALLING
CARD ON YOUR WALL.

WHO?

THE LORDS OF DISCIPLINE.

THEY'RE THE ROUGHEST
GANG IN TOWN.

WELL, ACTUALLY, THEY'RE THE
ONLY GANG IN TOWN, BUT THEY RULE.

A STREET GANG?

IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD?

AREN'T THERE ZONING
LAWS AGAINST THAT?

LISTEN, I KNOW THIS GANG.

I COULD TALK TO THEM FOR YOU.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THEM?

OH, WE'RE NEIGHBORS, WE
HAVE THE SAME SLUMLORD.

I'VE NEVER MET A REAL
STREET GANG BEFORE.

ARE THEY ANYTHING LIKE THE GUYS

IN MICHAEL JACKSON'S
BEAT IT VIDEO?

IDENTICAL, EXCEPT THEY
DON'T HAVE A SMOKE MACHINE.

IGNORE MY FRIEND.

SHE'S BEEN OVERLY-INFLUENCED
BY MASS MEDIA.

NATALIE, TAKING A
SEMESTER IN SOCIOLOGY

IS NOT A LICENSE TO SMIRK.

WILL YOU BE QUIET AND
LET ME RELATE TO HER?

IF YOU START RELATING,
WE'LL MISS GYM.

SHORT ATTENTION SPAN.

I BLAME SESAME
STREET... LET'S GO, TOOTIE.

[OVERLAPPING GOOD-BYES]

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? DO YOU
WANT ME TO HANDLE IT FOR YOU?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW...
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

KELLY, KELLY AFFINADO.

KELLY... HI, KELLY,
I'M EDNA GARRETT.

AND I'M BLAIR.

RHYMES WITH HAIR.

KELLY, THANKS FOR YOUR OFFER,

BUT THE MATTER IS ALREADY
IN THE HANDS OF THE POLICE.

YOU KNOW, THE POLICE TRY
HARD, BUT THEY'RE VERY SLOW.

I'LL TALK TO THE GANG
FOR YOU ANYWAY.

THEY STOLE A CAR LAST NIGHT,
SO THEY'LL BE IN A GOOD MOOD.

HOW MUCH PASTA
SALAD WOULD YOU LIKE?

UH, 50 CENTILITERS, PLEASE.

GEE, WE JUST SELL IT
IN PINTS AND QUARTS.

IS THAT OKAY?

NO, I'M AFRAID IT'S NOT!

I'VE GONE METRIC, AND
I'M NOT TURNING BACK.

HEY, YOU GUYS... MRS.
GARRETT, YOU GOT A SECOND?

NOT REALLY, MRS.
GARRETT'S GIVING US

THE WHITE GLOVE
TEST IN 20 MINUTES.

IF WE DON'T PASS, WE CAN FORGET
GOING TO THE MOVIES TONIGHT.

WELL, I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU

THAT I TALKED TO THE GANG
ABOUT LEAVING YOU GUYS ALONE.

REALLY? HOW DID IT GO?

I DON'T THINK THEY
SAW THINGS MY WAY.

IT WAS A BAD SIGN
WHEN THEY STARTED

TAKING THE CHAINS
OFF THEIR BIKES.

THEY DIDN'T HURT YOU, DID THEY?

WELL, THEY CAME AFTER
ME, BUT I GOT AWAY.

I'M FAST.

IF YOU CAN OUTRUN RATS,
YOU CAN OUTRUN A GUY

WEARING 50 POUNDS OF LEATHER.

RATS?

EVERY KID NEEDS A PET.

UH, UH, UH.

UH-OH, 16 MINUTES TO GO.

WELL, LISTEN, WOULD
IT HELP IF I HELPED?

IT WOULDN'T HURT.

OH, NATALIE.

I DON'T MIND, WHERE
SHOULD I START?

UH, YOU COULD
DUST THOSE JARS OFF.

OH, TOOTIE.

SO WHAT'S THE STORY
WITH THIS PLACE?

IS THIS A HALFWAY HOUSE?

WELL, SOMETIMES,
IT FEELS LIKE ONE.

WE ALL KNOW EACH OTHER
FROM THE EASTLAND SCHOOL.

I USED TO BE THE
DIETICIAN THERE.

15 MINUTES AND COUNTING.

YOU GUYS GO TO EASTLAND?

YEAH, BUT WE LIVE HERE.

I DON'T BLAME YOU.

THIS IS MORE LIKE A HOME.

I COULD NEVER GO
TO BOARDING SCHOOL.

I'D REALLY MISS ALL OF
MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

AW, HOW OLD ARE THEY?

12, 10, 9... OH, I
LOVE BIG FAMILIES.

8, 6, 6... THEY'RE
TWINS... AND 3.

DON'T YOUR PARENTS
HAVE A TELEVISION?

THAT'S WHAT THE
WELFARE WORKER SAID.

HEY, LISTEN, DON'T
GET THE WRONG IDEA.

MY DAD DIDN'T RUN OUT
ON MY MOM OR ANYTHING.

IT'S JUST THAT HE'S BEEN
OUT OF WORK FOR TWO YEARS.

WOW, THAT'S ROUGH.

IT'S NOT SO BAD.

WE LIVE IN THE SAME ROOM,

EAT OUT OF THE SAME POT,

SLEEP IN THE SAME BED.

POVERTY REALLY KEEPS YOU CLOSE.

YOU ARE SO BRAVE.

THANK YOU.

HEY, KELLY, HOW'D YOU LIKE TO
COME TO THE MOVIES WITH US TONIGHT?

A MOVIE? OKAY.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT... I'LL SNEAK IN
AND MEET YOU FIFTH ROW, CENTER.

NO, NO, NO, DON'T SNEAK IN.

IT'S GONNA BE OUR TREAT.

NO, I CAN'T LET YOU PAY FOR ME.

OH, COME ON, YOU'RE
HELPING OUT HERE.

LET US DO SOMETHING FOR YOU.

OKAY, IF YOU WANT TO,

BUT I INSIST ON
SWIPING THE POPCORN.

JO, WHAT IS THAT?

IN A PREVIOUS LIFE, IT WAS
ONE OF OUR GARBAGE CANS.

OH, NO.

THAT GANG AGAIN?

WHAT GANG?

THE LORDS OF DISCIPLINE.

THAT GIRL KELLY TOLD US THE
GRAFFITI WAS THEIR HANDIWORK.

BLAIR, IF THERE WAS
A GANG IN THIS TOWN,

I'D KNOW ABOUT IT.

WELL, MAYBE IT HAS AN
UNLISTED CLUBHOUSE NUMBER.

BLAIR, I'M TELLING YOU, MY STREET
SMARTS WOULD BE TINGLING, ALL RIGHT?

YOUR STREET SMARTS
MAY BE A LITTLE RUSTY.

YOU'VE BEEN GOING TO A LOT
OF FRESHMEN MIXERS LATELY.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT... AS SOON AS
I'M DONE WITH THESE DELIVERIES,

I'LL CHECK OUT THIS GANG.

WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

WOULD YOU GO OUT
AND COME BACK IN AGAIN?

WHY? I WANT TO LOCK
THE DOOR IN BETWEEN.

JO, DON'T YOU WANT HER TO
TELL YOU ABOUT THE G-A-N-G?

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO
KNOW ABOUT THE G-A-N-G?

NOTHING FROM YOU, KID.

BLAIR, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

KEEP AN EYE ON THIS SMURF.

SMURF?

DON'T MIND JO, SHE SAYS
THE DARNEDEST THINGS.

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

SURE, WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT? SCHOOL?

WHAT COURSES ARE
YOU TAKING THIS YEAR?

CAN THE COURSES, BARBIE DOLL.

WE GOTTA TALK BUSINESS.

NOT IF YOU'RE GOING TO CALL
ME BARBIE DOLL, WE DON'T.

OKAY, HERE'S THE
SITUATION, MRS. POTATO HEAD.

YOU KNOW THAT GANG,
THE LORDS OF DISCIPLINE?

WELL, I'M ONE OF
THEIR OLD LADIES.

YOU MEAN YOU'RE INVOLVED
IN THIS FILTHY BUSINESS?

UP TO HERE.

SO FAR, IT'S BEEN KID STUFF,

BUT IT'S GONNA GET WORSE UNLESS
WE GET SOME PROTECTION MONEY.

PROTECTION MONEY?

IT'S LIKE INSURANCE.

YOU PAY US, AND WE
STOP HASSLING YOU.

THAT'S HARDLY INSURANCE!

THAT'S EXTORTION.

CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT,

BUT WE GET 50 BUCKS
A WEEK EVERY WEEK,

OR, STARTING TOMORROW, WE'RE
GONNA PUT IN AIR CONDITIONING.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT MEANS THAT WE'RE GONNA
BUST EVERY WINDOW IN THIS PLACE.

WELL, I'M CALLING THE POLICE!

PERHAPS A FEW MONTHS IN
AN OVERCROWDED JAIL CELL

WILL STRAIGHTEN YOU OUT.

THE NEXT ONE GOES
THROUGH THE WINDOW.

NOW, HAND OVER THE CASH!

THANKS, HONEY.

AND NEXT TIME, I WANT
MY SERVICE WITH A SMILE.

AH, DID I HAVE A DAY.

YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE.

NOSED AROUND TOWN,
POUNDED THE PAVEMENT.

MY STREET SMARTS A-HUMMIN'.

HEY, JO, WHAT HAVE
YOU BEEN UP TO?

WELL, I GOT THE LOWDOWN
ON THE LORDS OF DISCIPLINE.

WHAT ABOUT THEM?

THEY DON'T EXIST.

ARE YOU SURE?

OF COURSE THEY EXIST.

KELLY TOLD US SHE TALKED
TO THEM ABOUT THE STORE.

AND THEY CAME
AFTER HER WITH CHAINS.

IT WAS TERRIBLE.

IT WAS A CROCK.

JO, KELLY WOULDN'T
LIE ABOUT THAT.

THE KID LIES ABOUT EVERYTHING.

SHE'S THE PINOCCHIO
OF PEEKSKILL.

ARE YOU SURE?

BLAIR, I CHECKED AROUND TOWN.

I MEAN, THE KID HAS TURNED
LYING INTO AN OLYMPIC EVENT.

OH, IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE.

SHE SEEMS LIKE SUCH A NICE GIRL.

SHE WENT WAY OUT
ON A LIMB FOR US.

OH, MRS. GARRETT,
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

BLAIR. PLEASE.

I HAVE HAD A PERFECTLY
HORRIBLE DAY.

BLAIR, WHAT HAPPENED?

THE OLIVES WERE
ALL OVER THE FLOOR,

AND THEN, SHE CALLED
ME MRS. POTATO HEAD!

AND WHAT ELSE COULD
I DO? I HAD TO PAY HER!

YOU WANT TO FILL IN THE BLANKS?

NO, IT'S TOO AWFUL.

OH, IT CAN'T BE THAT AWFUL.

JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH
AND TELL US WHAT HAPPENED.

OKAY.

KELLY SAID THAT SHE WAS ONE
OF THE LORDS OF DISCIPLINE,

AND THAT IF THIS STORE
DIDN'T PAY THE GANG $50,

THE GANG WOULD REPAIR
OUR AIR CONDITIONER.

DON'T YOU KNOW STREET TALK?

THEY WOULD BUST EVERY
WINDOW IN THE PLACE.

OH, BLAIR, I DON'T BELIEVE

YOU PAID THAT LITTLE
TWERP PROTECTION MONEY.

LOOK, I NEVER CLAIMED TO BE
AN EXPERT ON BLUE-COLLAR CRIME.

NOW, IF KELLY HAD SAID SHE HAD
EMBEZZLED CORPORATE FUNDS,

I WOULD'VE SEEN
RIGHT THROUGH HER.

WHAT KIND OF A KID WOULD
DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

DOES THE WORD
"ROTTEN" COME TO MIND?

NOW, JUST A MINUTE.

IF KELLY TOOK THAT MONEY,

THEN THERE'S A
GOOD REASON FOR IT.

SURE THERE IS, SHE'S A CROOK.

HER FATHER NEEDED THAT MONEY.

HE'S BEEN UNEMPLOYED
FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS,

AND THERE ARE EIGHT KIDS,
AND THEY LIVE IN THE SLUMS!

DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK

THAT SOMEONE BESIDES YOU
MAY HAVE HAD A HARD LIFE?

WELL, DID YOU EVER? I THINK NOT.

I'M SORRY, NATALIE.

I KNOW POVERTY IS HARD.

BUT STILL, YOU DON'T STEAL.

NOW, I'M GOING TO THE POLICE
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.

THE COPS ARE GONNA
TAKE WEEKS TO GET TO THIS.

I'M GONNA HANDLE
THIS ONE MYSELF.

LOOK, WHY DON'T WE JUST
FORGET THIS WHOLE UGLY INCIDENT?

I'LL PAY THE STORE
BACK, I'VE GOT $50.

I DON'T CARE IF
YOU GOT $1 MILLION.

BUT I DO.

I KNOW, AND I DON'T CARE.

I'M GONNA TRACK
THIS KID DOWN MYSELF

AND GET THE MONEY
BACK... WITH INTEREST.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

COMING.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I WAS GONNA ASK
YOU THE SAME THING.

NEVER SEEN A
DESIGNER SLUM BEFORE.

HOW DID YOU FIND ME?

I LOOKED YOU UP
IN THE PHONE BOOK

UNDER "PATHOLOGICAL LIARS."

WHERE'S THE WELFARE FAMILY?

OH, I DON'T ACTUALLY LIVE HERE.

I'M JUST BABY-SITTING.

OH, WHERE'S THE BABY?

MUST'VE SLIPPED OUT.

BOY, AM I GONNA GET YELLED AT.

LOOK, PIPSQUEAK, I
KNOW THERE'S NO GANG.

YOU DID THE GRAFFITI
AND THE GARBAGE CAN.

OH, YOU FIGURED THAT OUT.

NOT BAD, HUH?

YOU CAN WIPE THAT
STUPID SMILE OFF YOUR FACE

AND OPEN YOUR EARS.

NOBODY, AND I MEAN NOBODY,
HASSLES MRS. GARRETT

OR HITS ON THAT STORE!

YEAH? WELL, NOBODY
CALLS ME A SMURF!

I DIDN'T CALL YOU A SMURF.

I CALLED YOU A TWERP.

YOU CALLED ME A
SMURF AND A TWERP.

IT GOT ME MAD!

WELL, IF YOU'RE MAD AT ME,

YOU TAKE IT UP WITH ME.

YOU DON'T EXTORT
MONEY FROM MY FRIENDS!

I CAN'T TAKE UP
ANYTHING WITH YOU.

YOU DON'T TALK TO ME!

YOU JUST CALL ME
NAMES AND TAKE OFF!

WELL, WHAT DO YOU
CARE WHAT I CALL YOU?

WHAT DO YOU CARE
WHAT ANYBODY CALLS YOU?

YOU ARE WHAT YOU
ARE, AND WHAT YOU ARE

IS A SMURF AND A TWERP!

NOW, GIVE ME THE 50 BUCKS BACK.

I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY.

I GAVE IT TO SAVE THE CHILDREN.

IF YOU WANT IT BACK, YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO GO TO SWAZILAND.

WELL, THEN I'LL JUST
HAVE TO SIT AROUND HERE

UNTIL YOU CAN SCRAPE IT UP.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT. WHY NOT?

I'M EXPECTING PEOPLE!

OH, WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE?

MY PARENTS!

AW, GREAT, I'D
LOVE TO MEET THEM.

NO, PLEASE GO.

THEY'RE ALWAYS GRUMPY
AFTER THEIR BRIDGE NIGHT.

YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN.

AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.

AND REMEMBER...

IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT
COMING NEAR THAT STORE,

YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT BREATHING.

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

KELLY LIVES IN ONE
OF THOSE NEW CONDOS,

HAS A CASSETTE
PLAYER, A STEREO, AND...

AND A PORTABLE "TRON,"

AND I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT HER ANYMORE.

WELL, IT JUST
DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

I MEAN, KELLY COMES
FROM A NICE NEIGHBORHOOD.

SHE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T
EVEN NEED THE MONEY.

WHY WAS SHE ACTING SO
TOUGH, AND HOSTILE, AND NASTY?

WHY WOULD ANYBODY ACT LIKE JO

IF THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO?

NATALIE, YOU'VE TAKEN A
SEMESTER OF SOCIOLOGY.

WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF KELLY?

I HAVE A THEORY.

SHE'S A CREEP.

CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT
ANYTHING BESIDES KELLY?

I GUESS NOT.

KID, YOU'RE IN THIS STORE,
AND YOU'RE BREATHING.

ONE OF THOSE THINGS
HAS GOTTA CHANGE.

MRS. GARRETT, ARE YOU GONNA
LET HER THREATEN ME LIKE THAT?

WHY NOT? SHE'S GOOD AT IT.

YOU GUYS AREN'T
GIVING ME A CHANCE.

WHY SHOULD WE?

SO YOU CAN MAKE FOOLS
OUT OF US SOME MORE

SO WE CAN ENTERTAIN YOU?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET CABLE?

MRS. GARRETT, LET US
KNOW WHEN SHE LEAVES,

AND WE'LL GET BACK TO WORK.

I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU...

ANYMORE.

BOY, YOU TELL FIVE OR SIX LIES,

AND THEY NEVER
LET YOU FORGET IT.

LOOK, PUNK, I TOLD YOU LAST
NIGHT YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE.

WHY?

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

YOU COME IN MY STORE,
YOU BREAK THINGS,

YOU THREATEN TO
BREAK OTHER THINGS,

YOU LIE, YOU STEAL,
YOU EXTORT MONEY...

I GAVE THE MONEY BACK!
CAN'T WE START OVER?

NO.

KELLY, FROM DAY ONE,

ALL YOU'VE DONE
IS CAUSE TROUBLE.

IT'S LIKE THAT'S THE ONLY REASON
YOU WANNA COME AROUND HERE.

NO, IT'S NOT.

I LIKE YOUR STRUDEL.

THE CRUST IS FLAKY, AND
THE APPLES ARE FIRM, BUT...

LOOK, WHAT ELSE
AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

MY PARENTS ARE ALWAYS OUT,

AND I'M STUCK ALONE
IN THAT APARTMENT.

I HAVE ALREADY SCORED
A MILLION ON "TRON."

I JUST WANTED TO
HAVE A PLACE TO...

YOU KNOW, TO HANG OUT.

WELL, LOOK, I...

I'M NOT RUNNING A HOME
FOR WAYWARD GIRLS,

AND I'M NOT A PAROLE OFFICER.

I'M A BUSINESSWOMAN,

AND IT WOULD BE
PRETTY STUPID OF ME

TO LET YOU COME INTO MY
STORE IF YOU'RE GONNA STEAL!

OKAY, I WON'T STEAL
ANYTHING FROM YOU ANYMORE.

DO YOU PROMISE?

I BET TO YOU A PROMISE IS
A HEAVY NUMBER, ISN'T IT?

YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT.

OKAY.

I PROMISE.

MRS. GARRETT, IT'S YOUR STORE,
AND YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT,

BUT IF SHE HANGS AROUND HERE,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A
FULL-SCALE MUTINY ON YOUR HANDS.

I MEAN, EVEN NATALIE
AND TOOTIE DON'T LIKE HER,

AND THEY LIKE EVERYBODY.

I'LL MAKE IT UP TO THEM.

I ONLY INVENTED THAT WHOLE
STORY TO BREAK THE ICE.

I MEAN, WOULD ANY OF YOU
HAVE BEEN INTERESTED IN ME

IF YOU KNEW THAT MY
FATHER SELLS INSURANCE

AND MY MOTHER MAKES
PAPER LOOPS FOR THE PTA?

YOU NEVER EVEN TRIED THE TRUTH.

HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW
THEY WOULD'VE REACTED?

DO YOU THINK IT'S TOO LATE
TO SQUARE THINGS WITH THEM?

I MEAN... I REALLY DID HAVE
A GOOD TIME AT THE MOVIE.

WELL, I CAN'T SPEAK
FOR THE GIRLS,

BUT KELLY, IF YOU
WANT MY FRIENDSHIP,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO EARN IT.

HOW DO I DO THAT?

YOU STOP LYING,

GIVE PEOPLE A CHANCE
TO GET TO KNOW YOU.

MAYBE THEY'LL LIKE
YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE.

OR HATE, IT DEPENDS.

WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH?

WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?

YOU GOT A COUPLE HOURS?

COME ON, YOU HATED ME BEFORE
YOU EVER KNEW I WAS ROTTEN.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE ROTTEN.

YOU HAVE GOT AN
ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING.

YEAH, WELL, I'VE BEEN AROUND
A LOT LONGER THAN YOU HAVE.

I KNOW.

I REMEMBER THE
FIRST TIME I SAW YOU.

YOU WERE WORKING AT THE
MOTORCYCLE SHOP LAST YEAR.

WHEN WERE YOU THERE?

I WAS THERE WITH MY DAD.

HE WAS TRYING TO GET
HIS GOLF CART FIXED.

OH, YEAH, THAT GUY.

HE'S THE ONE THAT STRIPPED
HIS GEARS IN A SAND-TRAP.

HOW COME YOU REMEMBERED ME?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

IN THE 10 MINUTES
THAT I WAS THERE,

YOU FIXED AN ENGINE, YOU
DRAINED THE CRANKCASE,

AND YOU TOSSED A SIX-FOOT
BIKER OUT ON HIS TATTOO.

ALL IN A DAY'S WORK.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

THE TRUTH IS... I
LOOK UP TO YOU.

WHAT?

LOOK, I KNOW I GOT PROBLEMS.

I COULD USE SOMEBODY TO TALK TO,

YOU KNOW, SOMEBODY
WHO COULD TELL ME STUFF.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE, KID.

YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME
YOU WANT A ROLE MODEL.

YEAH, MAYBE.

COULDN'T YOU JUST
OPEN THE DOOR AN INCH?

ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT AN INCH.

OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T LET ME DOWN!

I PROMISE I'LL COME
THROUGH FOR YOU.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

YOU KNOW, I THINK
I LIKED YOU BETTER

WHEN I HATED YOU.