The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 5, Episode 8 - I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can - full transcript
Blair and Jo take Mrs. Garrett to a male strip club for her birthday, where Blair discovers a shocking revelation about her boyfriend.
♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
COME ON, JO, WHERE ARE YOU
GUYS TAKING MRS. GARRETT?
GIVE US A HINT, JUST
A TEENY-WEENY HINT.
OKAY.
IT'S A PLACE.
COULD YOU MAKE IT JUST
A LITTLE LESS WEENY?
NO, IT'S A SURPRISE,
AND IF I TELL YOU TWO,
EVERY GIRL AT EASTLAND
WILL KNOW WITHIN 15 MINUTES.
COME ON, JO, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
NOT REALLY, NATALIE...
IF YOU TAKE DORM "A,"
AND I DO DORM "F," WE
COULD WORK OUR WAY UP...
TOOTIE!
PLEASE, JO, PLEASE.
ALL RIGHT.
BUT YOU GOTTA PROMISE
NOT TO TELL MRS. G.
WE PROMISE.
WE'RE TAKING HER TO WEDGEWOOD'S.
WEDGEWOOD'S!
AHA, SO THAT'S WHY WE CAN'T GO.
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE YOU'RE UNDERAGE.
SO WHAT?
TOOTIE, IT'S A MALE STRIP JOINT.
WE COULD SEE THINGS
THERE THAT COULD
TRIGGER HORMONES
WE NEVER KNEW WE HAD.
YOU'RE TAKING M...
YOU'RE TAKING MRS. GARRETT
TO A MALE STRIP JOINT?
IT WAS BLAIR'S IDEA.
I'M JUST GOING ALONG TO
MAKE SURE NOBODY GETS...
ARRESTED.
WELL, I DON'T
APPROVE OF THIS AT ALL.
OH, NOW, THAT'S
GONNA BE A PROBLEM.
'CAUSE WE'LL
DEFINITELY NEED A NOTE
FROM A 15-YEAR-OLD TO GET IN.
JO, THIS IS TACKY!
IT'S TREATING MEN
LIKE SEX OBJECTS.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
MEN HAVE TREATED WOMEN AS SEX
OBJECTS FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS.
IT'S TIME WOMEN
PUT AN END TO IT...
BY DOING THE SAME THING.
QUITTING TIME.
OH, MY POOR FEET.
OH, GREAT, NOW, YOU
GET TO OPEN OUR PRESENT.
OH, YEAH... OH.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MRS. GARRETT.
OH, THANK YOU, GIRLS, I...
OH, WHAT LOVELY PAPER.
OH, I CAN HARDLY
BEAR TO OPEN IT.
OH...
OH, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
I... I JUST DON'T
WANT TO TEAR IT.
I CAN'T STAND IT!
OH, WHAT A LOVELY BOX.
I'LL OPEN IT!
OH... HA, HA!
I LOVE IT!
I LOVE IT!
THERE YOU GO.
"QUICHE ME, YOU FOOL!"
I DID THE DESIGN.
I DID THE COPY.
WELL, I THINK IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
I'LL WEAR IT WITH PRIDE.
ENJOY IT. HAPPY
BIRTHDAY, MRS. GARRETT.
I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT.
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MRS. GARRETT ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪♪
HI, NAT, HI, TOOT, HI, JO.
HEY, CLIFF. HEY CLIFF.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
THIS IS FOR YOU.
OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL ENVELOPE.
IT'S ALMOST A SHAME TO OPEN IT.
DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE.
AH.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MRS. GARRETT,
"AND THANKS FOR
ALL THE FREE LUNCHES
"YOU GAVE ME WHEN I WAS BROKE.
LOVE, CLIFF."
OH, HO, HO.
WELL, THIS TIME, I WANTED
TO TAKE YOU OUT TO LUNCH...
BUT I'M STILL BROKE.
UH-UH-UH-UH, BUT NOT THAT BROKE.
TA-DA. OH.
FOR ME?
IT'S LOVELY.
THANK YOU, I'LL
GO PUT IT IN A VASE.
SO, CLIFF, HOW'S MED SCHOOL?
WELL, IT'S EXPENSIVE,
BUT WHEN I'M A
DOCTOR, WE'LL BE RICH.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
TRAPPER JOHN'S LIVING ROOM?
HE'S NOT IN IT JUST
FOR THE MONEY.
CLIFF IS GONNA DISCOVER THE CURE
FOR SOME DREAD
DISEASE, LIKE... LIKE...
LIVER SPOTS.
BLAIR, THAT'S NOT
CONSIDERED A DISEASE.
IT IS IN MY FAMILY.
ISN'T SHE FUNNY?
ISN'T HE CUTE?
ISN'T THIS SICKENING?
OH, MRS. GARRETT,
BLAIR WON'T TELL ME
WHERE THEY'RE
TAKING YOU TONIGHT.
WELL, THEY WON'T
TELL ME, EITHER.
WE KNOW.
BUT WE'RE NOT TELLING.
NO, WE'D NEVER BE
THAT... REVEALING.
WELL, I WISH I COULD
BE THERE, MRS. GARRETT,
BUT I GOTTA STUDY ALL NIGHT.
WELL, DON'T WORRY.
I'LL MAKE SURE WE SAVE
YOU A BIG PIECE OF CAKE.
OOH, THANK YOU.
WELL... I'LL SEE YOU
TOMORROW, HUH?
WOULD YOU ALL MIND FACING
THE OTHER WAY FOR A MINUTE?
MRS. GARRETT, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
BYE, GROUP.
[OVERLAPPING GOOD-BYES]
BYE, MONKEY.
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
A MAN JUST CALLED
BLAIR WARNER A MONKEY?
NOT "BUNNY."
NOT "KITTEN."
"MONKEY."
LOOK!
BLAIR'S BLUSHING!
OH, TOOTIE, YOU'RE
HALLUCINATING.
BLAIR NEVER... NO, SHE'S RIGHT!
EVERYBODY, COME
QUICK, BLAIR'S BLUSHING.
BLAIR'S BLUSHING!
OKAY, EVERYBODY,
BACK OFF, BACK OFF.
GIVE HER SOME AIR.
WELL, I'M GONNA GO
UP AND GET READY
FOR MY MYSTERY NIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, BLAIR.
WHAT'S THE CATCH?
CLIFF IS SMART, HE'S
FUNNY, HE'S NICE.
HE'S NOT YOUR TYPE AT ALL.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
HE'S NOT RICH.
HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A CAR.
ISN'T IT CUTE?
HE RIDES THE BUS.
RIDING THE BUS IS CUTE?
WE HAVE A WOMAN IN LOVE HERE.
YEAH, WELL... MAYBE.
BLAIR, IF CLIFF IS SO POOR,
WHY NOT GIVE HIM A
COUPLE OF MILLION OF BUCKS?
HE WON'T TAKE MONEY FROM ME,
NOT EVEN FOR A MOVIE.
HE SAYS THAT WOULD
MAKE HIM DEPENDENT ON ME,
AND HE WANTS TO BE INDEPENDENT.
THIS GUY'S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
THERE'S GOTTA BE
SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM.
HE'S PROBABLY AN AXE MURDERER.
BLAIR, DID YOU SAY THIS PLACE
WAS CASUALLY DRESSY
OR DRESSILY CASUAL?
EITHER.
YEAH, WELL, I'VE LOOKED
IN MY CLOSET SIX TIMES,
AND I DON'T HAVE
A THING TO WEAR.
THEN, YOU'LL FEEL RIGHT AT HOME.
GOOD EVENING, LADIES, AND
WELCOME TO WEDGEWOOD'S.
WE'RE THE POLNIACZEK PARTY.
POLNIACZEK.
YOU GAVE THEM MY NAME?
WELL, I CERTAINLY WASN'T
GOING TO GIVE THEM MINE.
LADIES, PLEASE FOLLOW ME.
WELL, ARE YOU SURPRISED, MRS. G?
OH, MY.
OH, MY!
HERE WE ARE, LADIES.
THIS IS GREAT, YOU'LL
HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME.
YOU LADIES ENJOY YOURSELVES.
GOOD EVENING, LADIES.
OH, MY.
MY NAME'S KEN. I'M YOUR WAITER.
I CAN GET YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT.
BUT IF YOU WANT DRINKS,
I'LL HAVE TO SEE I.D.s FIRST.
WE'RE FINE, WE SHOWED
THEM AT THE DOOR.
OH... AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, MISS?
ME, I.D.?
OH, BLESS YOU.
BUT, UH... I DIDN'T BRING IT.
OH, TELL YOU WHAT?
I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD
FOR IT... THIS TIME.
NOW, WHAT ARE WE DRINKING?
I'LL HAVE A WHITE WINE
SPRITZER WITH TWIST.
BEER... WITH A GLASS.
AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, MISS?
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT OUR
BARTENDER'S SPECIAL?
IT'S CALLED "THE HUNK."
WHAT'S IN IT?
EVERYTHING, AND IN
ALL THE RIGHT PLACES.
IT'S TALL, IT'S DARK,
AND IT'LL SET YOU ON FIRE.
OOH... OH, MY.
COME ON, MRS. G, IT'S YOUR
BIRTHDAY. LIVE A LITTLE.
WELL, OKAY, I'LL, UH...
I'LL TAKE A SMALL HUNK.
OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
DON'T GO AWAY.
WHAT A NICE, YOUNG MAN.
GOOD POSTURE.
DO YOU THINK WE EMBARRASSED HIM
STARING AT HIM LIKE THAT?
MRS. GARRETT, THAT'S
WHAT HE'S HERE FOR,
TO BE STARED AT.
TRUST ME, HE DIDN'T GET THIS JOB
BECAUSE HE'S FLUENT
IN FOUR LANGUAGES.
WHILE WE'RE WAITING
FOR OUR DRINKS,
A LITTLE BIRD TOLD ME
THAT SOMEBODY'S
HAVING A BIRTHDAY.
NOW, WHO'S EDNA?
OH... HERE YOU GO.
MAKE A WISH.
YOU ONLY GET ONE
WISH HERE, MRS. G.
YAY! HAVE A GOOD TIME.
HELLO, HELLO, HELLO!
IT'S SHOWTIME!
AND WHAT DO WE WANT?
[ALL] BEEFCAKE!
WHAT DID YOU SAY? BEEFCAKE?
OH!
OH, DON'T YOU GIRLS
THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE?
NO!
YOU GIRLS ARE ANIMALS!
IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE, ANIMALS?
[CHEERING]
WHOA, YOU ARE HOT TONIGHT!
ARE YOU HOT?
YEAH?
ARE YOU ON FIRE?
WELL, THEN, WE'D BETTER
CALL FIREMAN FREDDIE!
SOUND THE ALARM!
OH, THIS IS NO FALSE ALARM!
WELL, I GUESS WE
FOUND A VOLUNTEER!
HOW'S THAT FOR A
PUBLIC SERVANT, LADIES?
IS HE A REASON TO PAY
YOUR TAXES OR WHAT?
OH, YEAH.
CAREFUL, LADIES.
THE COWBOY'S BEEN OUT ON
THE RANGE FOR A LONG TIME
WITH NOBODY BUT HIS
HORSE FOR COMPANY.
HOW'S THAT FOR
AN OK CORRAL, HUH?
MOSEY OVER HERE, PARTNER!
YOO-HOO!
OVER HERE... LET ME
HAVE ANOTHER DOLLAR!
OVER HERE! OVER HERE!
YOO-HOO! YOO-HOO!
OVER HERE, OVER HERE!
WHOO!
HI-HO, SILVER!
AWAY!
IT'S MURDER OUT THERE TONIGHT!
THERE'S A REDHEAD
DOWN FRONT YELLING,
"HI-HO, SILVER! AWAY!"
YOU GOT A WILD ONE, HUH?
OH, YEAH.
I TELL YOU THEY DON'T
PAY ME ENOUGH FOR THIS.
OH, WELL, SEE YOU
OUT ON STAGE, CLIFF.
OKAY.
YEAH, HOW'D YOU LIKE TO
PUT A BRAND ON HIM, HUH?
YEAH.
OFFICER BOB'S GOT TO GO, LADIES!
REMEMBER, WHATEVER YOU
SAY MAY BE HELD AGAINST YOU,
AND I DON'T MEAN
IN A COURT OF LAW.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR PEEKSKILL'S
FINEST, OFFICER BOB!
CAN I GET YOU ANOTHER ROUND?
NO, ONE'S ENOUGH.
OKAY, WHY DON'T I JUST GET
RID OF THESE DRINKS FOR YOU?
THANK YOU.
AND... HEY, MANY HAPPY RETURNS.
WHY, THANK YOU.
AND HEY, KENNY!
YOU'RE A CUTIE!
HIS MOTHER MUST
BE SO PROUD OF HIM.
AH!
YOU GIRLS HAD ENOUGH?
[ALL] NO!
YOU LADIES ARE SICK!
[ALL] YES!
WELL, I THINK IT'S TIME TO
SEEK MEDICAL ADVICE, HUH?
[ALL] WHOO!
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
PLEASE WELCOME WEDGEWOOD'S
OWN ATTENDING PHYSICIAN,
DR. LOVE!
DOCTOR'S MAKING
HIS ROUNDS, LADIES!
SAY, "AH!"
OH, LOOKS LIKE YOU NEED
SOME INTENSIVE CARE.
THERE'S NO BEDSIDE MANNER.
OH, STAND BACK AND
LET THE DOCTOR OPERATE.
COME ON, BLAIR. IT'S NOT
THE END OF THE WORLD.
YOU WANT A CUP OF COFFEE?
ALL RIGHT, HOW ABOUT SOME TEA?
MILK AND COOKIES, AND
THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER.
COME ON, BLAIR.
IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.
I TRIED THAT ALREADY, MRS. G.
OH.
DID YOU TRY, "YOU'LL FEEL
BETTER IN THE MORNING"?
I WAS GONNA USE THAT ONE ON YOU.
OH-HO.
BOY, MY HEAD.
THAT TROPICAL DRINK
REALLY SNUCK UP ON ME.
OH, YOU'RE BACK.
WE DIDN'T EVEN HEAR YOU COME IN.
DID YOU HAVE A NICE TIME?
WERE THE GUYS NAKED?
DID YOU GET PICTURES?
OF THE NAKED GUYS?
HERE, I HOPE THEY'RE IN FOCUS.
IS FOTOMAT OPEN AT 2:00 A.M.?
WHAT'S WRONG?
MRS. G HAS A HEADACHE.
IS THAT WHY BLAIR'S
HOLDING HER HEAD?
NO, BUT LET'S PUT THIS
ALL ASIDE FOR NOW.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT
IT IN THE MORNING.
OH, COME ON, WHAT HAPPENED?
WE CAN HANDLE IT.
YEAH, WE'RE NOT KIDS.
OKAY, TRY THIS.
CLIFF WAS ONE OF THE STRIPPERS.
WOW.
HE WAS UP THERE
TAKING OFF HIS CLOTHES!
AND THEN, WOMEN WERE THROWING
MONEY AT HIM AND DROOLING AT HIM.
AND HE WAS LOVING IT,
KISSING THEM, AND
LETTING THEM PAW HIM.
YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD
ME YOU WERE COMING.
I COULD HAVE GOTTEN YOU IN FREE.
WHY, DR. LOVE!
MAKING A HOUSE CALL?
TOOTIE, NATALIE,
I HAVE A SPLITTING HEADACHE.
WHY DON'T YOU COME
UPSTAIRS WITH ME
AND HELP ME WITH THE SAFETY
CAP ON MY ASPIRIN BOTTLE?
NOW?
YEAH, I'LL PUT ON SOME COFFEE.
BLAIR, I'VE GOT SOMETHING
THAT I WANNA TELL YOU.
NOW, IN ORDER TO PAY MY
WAY THROUGH MEDICAL SCHOOL,
I'VE TAKEN A JOB AS A
DANCER AT WEDGEWOOD'S,
AND I HOPE IT DOESN'T MAKE A
DIFFERENCE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.
WHEN WERE YOU
GONNA TELL ME, CLIFF?
WHEN I INTRODUCED YOU TO
ONE OF MY MOTHER'S FRIENDS,
AND SHE SAYS, "WHY, DR. LOVE!
I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU
WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON."
BLAIR, I'M SORRY.
I MEAN, I JUST WISH
THAT IT HADN'T HAPPENED.
I KNOW I EMBARRASSED YOU.
EMBARRASSED ME?
YOU LIED TO ME!
CLIFF, YOU'RE A MALE STRIPPER.
IF I HAD KNOWN THAT, I NEVER
WOULD HAVE GONE OUT WITH YOU.
WELL, MAYBE THAT'S
WHY I NEVER TOLD YOU.
A STRIPPER!
WELL, WE PREFER THE
TERM "EXOTIC DANCER."
HOW ABOUT HUNK OF MEAT?
DON'T YOU FEEL DIRTY WHEN
THOSE WOMEN FINISH PAWING YOU?
JUST A MINUTE, BLAIR.
I NEED THE MONEY, ALL RIGHT?
I'M TRYING TO GET
THROUGH MED SCHOOL.
NOW, WORKING AT
WEDGEWOOD'S ONE NIGHT,
I CAN MAKE AS MUCH MONEY AS
WAITING ON TABLES FOR 40 HOURS.
I CAN'T SPARE THOSE 40 HOURS.
I NEED THAT TIME TO STUDY...
AND I NEED IT FOR YOU.
NOT ANYMORE, YOU DON'T.
COME ON, BLAIR, IS IT SO AWFUL?
I MEAN, YOU SAW WHAT I DO.
I DANCE FOR THOSE WOMEN.
I DON'T GO HOME WITH THEM.
WHY NOT?
YOU'D MAKE A LOT
MORE MONEY THAT WAY.
OH, I GET IT, THIS IS MY EXIT.
DO I JUST... DO I JUST
WALK OUT THE DOOR?
OR DO I GET THIS FAR AND...
AND SAY, "BLAIR, YOU'RE
RIGHT, I'LL QUIT THE JOB"?
OR, "BLAIR, YOU HAVE
EVERY REASON TO HATE ME"?
WELL, YOU DON'T.
HEY, I KNOW THAT I
SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU.
I KNOW YOU'RE
UPSET, AND I'M SORRY.
REALLY, BLAIR, I'M SORRY.
WELL, THAT'S JUST
NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
THEN, WHAT IS GOOD ENOUGH?
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO SAY? I DON'T KNOW!
I DON'T THINK THERE'S
ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY.
I THOUGHT I MEANT MORE
TO YOU THAN THAT, BLAIR.
I KNOW YOU MEAN MORE TO ME.
IF YOU MADE A MISTAKE,
EVEN A BIG MISTAKE...
I WOULDN'T THROW YOU OUT.
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO
HELP OUT IN THE STORE?
OH, THANKS, I DON'T
THINK SO, BLAIR.
IT'S NOT A VERY HEAVY DAY.
LAST TIME I LOOKED,
NATALIE AND TOOTIE
WERE PLAYING TIC-TAC-TOE
WITH THE CREAM PUFFS.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO
THAT BIG ART GALLERY OPENING TODAY.
I WAS... WITH CLIFF.
YEAH, DON'T WANT
TO TAKE ANY CHANCES
RUNNING INTO THAT CREEP.
JO, AFTER THREE DAYS,
CAN'T WE GIVE IT A REST?
YOU GOT IT, IT'S RESTED.
GOOD.
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T
BELIEVE HOW THAT GUY
HAD US FOOLED LIKE THAT.
BY DAY, DR. JEKYLL.
BY NIGHT, MR. HYDE...
MR. "BEAR HYDE."
JO.
OH, COME ON, MRS. G.
HE WAS UP THERE STRIPPING IN
FRONT OF ALL THOSE SCREAMING WOMEN.
YES, WE WERE SCREAMING
PRETTY GOOD THERE, WEREN'T WE?
WE WEREN'T TAKING
OFF OUR CLOTHES.
NO.
WE WERE JUST PAYING
MONEY TO WATCH HIM DO IT.
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.
ISN'T THERE, BLAIR?
WELL, ISN'T THERE?
YES, YES, THERE IS.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
THREE DAYS AGO, THERE
WERE NO "BUT" S ABOUT IT.
THREE DAYS AGO, I
WAS JUST ANGRY, OKAY?
OH, AND YOU'RE NOT ANYMORE?
I'M CONFUSED.
THERE IS NOTHING TO
BE CONFUSED ABOUT.
YOU SAY GOOD-BYE, YOU TURN
OUT THE LIGHTS, YOU LOCK THE DOOR.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT.
I DON'T KNOW IF I WANNA DO THAT.
BLAIR, YOU'RE MAKING ME CRAZY.
YOU EITHER HATE
THE GUY OR YOU DON'T,
AND YOU HATE THE GUY.
JO.
JO, SLOW DOWN.
WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEBODY,
IT'S NOT ALWAYS THAT SIMPLE.
BESIDES, IT'S BLAIR'S
RELATIONSHIP,
AND BLAIR'S THE ONE WHO'S
GONNA HAVE TO DECIDE
WHAT SHE CAN LIVE
WITH AND WHAT SHE CAN'T.
WELL, HOW WOULD YOU
FEEL IF YOU FOUND OUT
YOUR BOYFRIEND WAS A STRIPPER?
WELL?
I'M THINKING.
COME ON, MRS. G.
IF IT WERE ME, I
COULDN'T LIVE WITH IT.
WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
BECAUSE IT'S BLAIR'S DECISION.
AND SHE'S MADE IT.
JO, I THOUGHT WE WERE
GONNA GIVE THIS A REST.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
BLAIR...
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT US.
ME TOO.
DO YOU WANNA TALK?
YEAH.
♪ YOU'LL AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪
♪ AND ENJOY THE
FUN OF MANAGING ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THEY SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪
♪ IF YOU HEAR THEM
FROM YOUR BROTHER ♪
♪ BETTER CLEAR 'EM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪
♪ BETTER GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪
♪ ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET
YOU THROUGH IS UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ YOU THINK YOU'D
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT THROUGH ♪
♪ WITHOUT THE TRUTH ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ LEARNING THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
COME ON, JO, WHERE ARE YOU
GUYS TAKING MRS. GARRETT?
GIVE US A HINT, JUST
A TEENY-WEENY HINT.
OKAY.
IT'S A PLACE.
COULD YOU MAKE IT JUST
A LITTLE LESS WEENY?
NO, IT'S A SURPRISE,
AND IF I TELL YOU TWO,
EVERY GIRL AT EASTLAND
WILL KNOW WITHIN 15 MINUTES.
COME ON, JO, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
NOT REALLY, NATALIE...
IF YOU TAKE DORM "A,"
AND I DO DORM "F," WE
COULD WORK OUR WAY UP...
TOOTIE!
PLEASE, JO, PLEASE.
ALL RIGHT.
BUT YOU GOTTA PROMISE
NOT TO TELL MRS. G.
WE PROMISE.
WE'RE TAKING HER TO WEDGEWOOD'S.
WEDGEWOOD'S!
AHA, SO THAT'S WHY WE CAN'T GO.
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE YOU'RE UNDERAGE.
SO WHAT?
TOOTIE, IT'S A MALE STRIP JOINT.
WE COULD SEE THINGS
THERE THAT COULD
TRIGGER HORMONES
WE NEVER KNEW WE HAD.
YOU'RE TAKING M...
YOU'RE TAKING MRS. GARRETT
TO A MALE STRIP JOINT?
IT WAS BLAIR'S IDEA.
I'M JUST GOING ALONG TO
MAKE SURE NOBODY GETS...
ARRESTED.
WELL, I DON'T
APPROVE OF THIS AT ALL.
OH, NOW, THAT'S
GONNA BE A PROBLEM.
'CAUSE WE'LL
DEFINITELY NEED A NOTE
FROM A 15-YEAR-OLD TO GET IN.
JO, THIS IS TACKY!
IT'S TREATING MEN
LIKE SEX OBJECTS.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
MEN HAVE TREATED WOMEN AS SEX
OBJECTS FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS.
IT'S TIME WOMEN
PUT AN END TO IT...
BY DOING THE SAME THING.
QUITTING TIME.
OH, MY POOR FEET.
OH, GREAT, NOW, YOU
GET TO OPEN OUR PRESENT.
OH, YEAH... OH.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MRS. GARRETT.
OH, THANK YOU, GIRLS, I...
OH, WHAT LOVELY PAPER.
OH, I CAN HARDLY
BEAR TO OPEN IT.
OH...
OH, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
I... I JUST DON'T
WANT TO TEAR IT.
I CAN'T STAND IT!
OH, WHAT A LOVELY BOX.
I'LL OPEN IT!
OH... HA, HA!
I LOVE IT!
I LOVE IT!
THERE YOU GO.
"QUICHE ME, YOU FOOL!"
I DID THE DESIGN.
I DID THE COPY.
WELL, I THINK IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
I'LL WEAR IT WITH PRIDE.
ENJOY IT. HAPPY
BIRTHDAY, MRS. GARRETT.
I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT.
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MRS. GARRETT ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪♪
HI, NAT, HI, TOOT, HI, JO.
HEY, CLIFF. HEY CLIFF.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
THIS IS FOR YOU.
OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL ENVELOPE.
IT'S ALMOST A SHAME TO OPEN IT.
DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE.
AH.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MRS. GARRETT,
"AND THANKS FOR
ALL THE FREE LUNCHES
"YOU GAVE ME WHEN I WAS BROKE.
LOVE, CLIFF."
OH, HO, HO.
WELL, THIS TIME, I WANTED
TO TAKE YOU OUT TO LUNCH...
BUT I'M STILL BROKE.
UH-UH-UH-UH, BUT NOT THAT BROKE.
TA-DA. OH.
FOR ME?
IT'S LOVELY.
THANK YOU, I'LL
GO PUT IT IN A VASE.
SO, CLIFF, HOW'S MED SCHOOL?
WELL, IT'S EXPENSIVE,
BUT WHEN I'M A
DOCTOR, WE'LL BE RICH.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
TRAPPER JOHN'S LIVING ROOM?
HE'S NOT IN IT JUST
FOR THE MONEY.
CLIFF IS GONNA DISCOVER THE CURE
FOR SOME DREAD
DISEASE, LIKE... LIKE...
LIVER SPOTS.
BLAIR, THAT'S NOT
CONSIDERED A DISEASE.
IT IS IN MY FAMILY.
ISN'T SHE FUNNY?
ISN'T HE CUTE?
ISN'T THIS SICKENING?
OH, MRS. GARRETT,
BLAIR WON'T TELL ME
WHERE THEY'RE
TAKING YOU TONIGHT.
WELL, THEY WON'T
TELL ME, EITHER.
WE KNOW.
BUT WE'RE NOT TELLING.
NO, WE'D NEVER BE
THAT... REVEALING.
WELL, I WISH I COULD
BE THERE, MRS. GARRETT,
BUT I GOTTA STUDY ALL NIGHT.
WELL, DON'T WORRY.
I'LL MAKE SURE WE SAVE
YOU A BIG PIECE OF CAKE.
OOH, THANK YOU.
WELL... I'LL SEE YOU
TOMORROW, HUH?
WOULD YOU ALL MIND FACING
THE OTHER WAY FOR A MINUTE?
MRS. GARRETT, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
BYE, GROUP.
[OVERLAPPING GOOD-BYES]
BYE, MONKEY.
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
A MAN JUST CALLED
BLAIR WARNER A MONKEY?
NOT "BUNNY."
NOT "KITTEN."
"MONKEY."
LOOK!
BLAIR'S BLUSHING!
OH, TOOTIE, YOU'RE
HALLUCINATING.
BLAIR NEVER... NO, SHE'S RIGHT!
EVERYBODY, COME
QUICK, BLAIR'S BLUSHING.
BLAIR'S BLUSHING!
OKAY, EVERYBODY,
BACK OFF, BACK OFF.
GIVE HER SOME AIR.
WELL, I'M GONNA GO
UP AND GET READY
FOR MY MYSTERY NIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, BLAIR.
WHAT'S THE CATCH?
CLIFF IS SMART, HE'S
FUNNY, HE'S NICE.
HE'S NOT YOUR TYPE AT ALL.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
HE'S NOT RICH.
HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A CAR.
ISN'T IT CUTE?
HE RIDES THE BUS.
RIDING THE BUS IS CUTE?
WE HAVE A WOMAN IN LOVE HERE.
YEAH, WELL... MAYBE.
BLAIR, IF CLIFF IS SO POOR,
WHY NOT GIVE HIM A
COUPLE OF MILLION OF BUCKS?
HE WON'T TAKE MONEY FROM ME,
NOT EVEN FOR A MOVIE.
HE SAYS THAT WOULD
MAKE HIM DEPENDENT ON ME,
AND HE WANTS TO BE INDEPENDENT.
THIS GUY'S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
THERE'S GOTTA BE
SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM.
HE'S PROBABLY AN AXE MURDERER.
BLAIR, DID YOU SAY THIS PLACE
WAS CASUALLY DRESSY
OR DRESSILY CASUAL?
EITHER.
YEAH, WELL, I'VE LOOKED
IN MY CLOSET SIX TIMES,
AND I DON'T HAVE
A THING TO WEAR.
THEN, YOU'LL FEEL RIGHT AT HOME.
GOOD EVENING, LADIES, AND
WELCOME TO WEDGEWOOD'S.
WE'RE THE POLNIACZEK PARTY.
POLNIACZEK.
YOU GAVE THEM MY NAME?
WELL, I CERTAINLY WASN'T
GOING TO GIVE THEM MINE.
LADIES, PLEASE FOLLOW ME.
WELL, ARE YOU SURPRISED, MRS. G?
OH, MY.
OH, MY!
HERE WE ARE, LADIES.
THIS IS GREAT, YOU'LL
HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME.
YOU LADIES ENJOY YOURSELVES.
GOOD EVENING, LADIES.
OH, MY.
MY NAME'S KEN. I'M YOUR WAITER.
I CAN GET YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT.
BUT IF YOU WANT DRINKS,
I'LL HAVE TO SEE I.D.s FIRST.
WE'RE FINE, WE SHOWED
THEM AT THE DOOR.
OH... AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, MISS?
ME, I.D.?
OH, BLESS YOU.
BUT, UH... I DIDN'T BRING IT.
OH, TELL YOU WHAT?
I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD
FOR IT... THIS TIME.
NOW, WHAT ARE WE DRINKING?
I'LL HAVE A WHITE WINE
SPRITZER WITH TWIST.
BEER... WITH A GLASS.
AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, MISS?
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT OUR
BARTENDER'S SPECIAL?
IT'S CALLED "THE HUNK."
WHAT'S IN IT?
EVERYTHING, AND IN
ALL THE RIGHT PLACES.
IT'S TALL, IT'S DARK,
AND IT'LL SET YOU ON FIRE.
OOH... OH, MY.
COME ON, MRS. G, IT'S YOUR
BIRTHDAY. LIVE A LITTLE.
WELL, OKAY, I'LL, UH...
I'LL TAKE A SMALL HUNK.
OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
DON'T GO AWAY.
WHAT A NICE, YOUNG MAN.
GOOD POSTURE.
DO YOU THINK WE EMBARRASSED HIM
STARING AT HIM LIKE THAT?
MRS. GARRETT, THAT'S
WHAT HE'S HERE FOR,
TO BE STARED AT.
TRUST ME, HE DIDN'T GET THIS JOB
BECAUSE HE'S FLUENT
IN FOUR LANGUAGES.
WHILE WE'RE WAITING
FOR OUR DRINKS,
A LITTLE BIRD TOLD ME
THAT SOMEBODY'S
HAVING A BIRTHDAY.
NOW, WHO'S EDNA?
OH... HERE YOU GO.
MAKE A WISH.
YOU ONLY GET ONE
WISH HERE, MRS. G.
YAY! HAVE A GOOD TIME.
HELLO, HELLO, HELLO!
IT'S SHOWTIME!
AND WHAT DO WE WANT?
[ALL] BEEFCAKE!
WHAT DID YOU SAY? BEEFCAKE?
OH!
OH, DON'T YOU GIRLS
THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE?
NO!
YOU GIRLS ARE ANIMALS!
IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE, ANIMALS?
[CHEERING]
WHOA, YOU ARE HOT TONIGHT!
ARE YOU HOT?
YEAH?
ARE YOU ON FIRE?
WELL, THEN, WE'D BETTER
CALL FIREMAN FREDDIE!
SOUND THE ALARM!
OH, THIS IS NO FALSE ALARM!
WELL, I GUESS WE
FOUND A VOLUNTEER!
HOW'S THAT FOR A
PUBLIC SERVANT, LADIES?
IS HE A REASON TO PAY
YOUR TAXES OR WHAT?
OH, YEAH.
CAREFUL, LADIES.
THE COWBOY'S BEEN OUT ON
THE RANGE FOR A LONG TIME
WITH NOBODY BUT HIS
HORSE FOR COMPANY.
HOW'S THAT FOR
AN OK CORRAL, HUH?
MOSEY OVER HERE, PARTNER!
YOO-HOO!
OVER HERE... LET ME
HAVE ANOTHER DOLLAR!
OVER HERE! OVER HERE!
YOO-HOO! YOO-HOO!
OVER HERE, OVER HERE!
WHOO!
HI-HO, SILVER!
AWAY!
IT'S MURDER OUT THERE TONIGHT!
THERE'S A REDHEAD
DOWN FRONT YELLING,
"HI-HO, SILVER! AWAY!"
YOU GOT A WILD ONE, HUH?
OH, YEAH.
I TELL YOU THEY DON'T
PAY ME ENOUGH FOR THIS.
OH, WELL, SEE YOU
OUT ON STAGE, CLIFF.
OKAY.
YEAH, HOW'D YOU LIKE TO
PUT A BRAND ON HIM, HUH?
YEAH.
OFFICER BOB'S GOT TO GO, LADIES!
REMEMBER, WHATEVER YOU
SAY MAY BE HELD AGAINST YOU,
AND I DON'T MEAN
IN A COURT OF LAW.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR PEEKSKILL'S
FINEST, OFFICER BOB!
CAN I GET YOU ANOTHER ROUND?
NO, ONE'S ENOUGH.
OKAY, WHY DON'T I JUST GET
RID OF THESE DRINKS FOR YOU?
THANK YOU.
AND... HEY, MANY HAPPY RETURNS.
WHY, THANK YOU.
AND HEY, KENNY!
YOU'RE A CUTIE!
HIS MOTHER MUST
BE SO PROUD OF HIM.
AH!
YOU GIRLS HAD ENOUGH?
[ALL] NO!
YOU LADIES ARE SICK!
[ALL] YES!
WELL, I THINK IT'S TIME TO
SEEK MEDICAL ADVICE, HUH?
[ALL] WHOO!
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
PLEASE WELCOME WEDGEWOOD'S
OWN ATTENDING PHYSICIAN,
DR. LOVE!
DOCTOR'S MAKING
HIS ROUNDS, LADIES!
SAY, "AH!"
OH, LOOKS LIKE YOU NEED
SOME INTENSIVE CARE.
THERE'S NO BEDSIDE MANNER.
OH, STAND BACK AND
LET THE DOCTOR OPERATE.
COME ON, BLAIR. IT'S NOT
THE END OF THE WORLD.
YOU WANT A CUP OF COFFEE?
ALL RIGHT, HOW ABOUT SOME TEA?
MILK AND COOKIES, AND
THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER.
COME ON, BLAIR.
IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.
I TRIED THAT ALREADY, MRS. G.
OH.
DID YOU TRY, "YOU'LL FEEL
BETTER IN THE MORNING"?
I WAS GONNA USE THAT ONE ON YOU.
OH-HO.
BOY, MY HEAD.
THAT TROPICAL DRINK
REALLY SNUCK UP ON ME.
OH, YOU'RE BACK.
WE DIDN'T EVEN HEAR YOU COME IN.
DID YOU HAVE A NICE TIME?
WERE THE GUYS NAKED?
DID YOU GET PICTURES?
OF THE NAKED GUYS?
HERE, I HOPE THEY'RE IN FOCUS.
IS FOTOMAT OPEN AT 2:00 A.M.?
WHAT'S WRONG?
MRS. G HAS A HEADACHE.
IS THAT WHY BLAIR'S
HOLDING HER HEAD?
NO, BUT LET'S PUT THIS
ALL ASIDE FOR NOW.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT
IT IN THE MORNING.
OH, COME ON, WHAT HAPPENED?
WE CAN HANDLE IT.
YEAH, WE'RE NOT KIDS.
OKAY, TRY THIS.
CLIFF WAS ONE OF THE STRIPPERS.
WOW.
HE WAS UP THERE
TAKING OFF HIS CLOTHES!
AND THEN, WOMEN WERE THROWING
MONEY AT HIM AND DROOLING AT HIM.
AND HE WAS LOVING IT,
KISSING THEM, AND
LETTING THEM PAW HIM.
YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD
ME YOU WERE COMING.
I COULD HAVE GOTTEN YOU IN FREE.
WHY, DR. LOVE!
MAKING A HOUSE CALL?
TOOTIE, NATALIE,
I HAVE A SPLITTING HEADACHE.
WHY DON'T YOU COME
UPSTAIRS WITH ME
AND HELP ME WITH THE SAFETY
CAP ON MY ASPIRIN BOTTLE?
NOW?
YEAH, I'LL PUT ON SOME COFFEE.
BLAIR, I'VE GOT SOMETHING
THAT I WANNA TELL YOU.
NOW, IN ORDER TO PAY MY
WAY THROUGH MEDICAL SCHOOL,
I'VE TAKEN A JOB AS A
DANCER AT WEDGEWOOD'S,
AND I HOPE IT DOESN'T MAKE A
DIFFERENCE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.
WHEN WERE YOU
GONNA TELL ME, CLIFF?
WHEN I INTRODUCED YOU TO
ONE OF MY MOTHER'S FRIENDS,
AND SHE SAYS, "WHY, DR. LOVE!
I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU
WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON."
BLAIR, I'M SORRY.
I MEAN, I JUST WISH
THAT IT HADN'T HAPPENED.
I KNOW I EMBARRASSED YOU.
EMBARRASSED ME?
YOU LIED TO ME!
CLIFF, YOU'RE A MALE STRIPPER.
IF I HAD KNOWN THAT, I NEVER
WOULD HAVE GONE OUT WITH YOU.
WELL, MAYBE THAT'S
WHY I NEVER TOLD YOU.
A STRIPPER!
WELL, WE PREFER THE
TERM "EXOTIC DANCER."
HOW ABOUT HUNK OF MEAT?
DON'T YOU FEEL DIRTY WHEN
THOSE WOMEN FINISH PAWING YOU?
JUST A MINUTE, BLAIR.
I NEED THE MONEY, ALL RIGHT?
I'M TRYING TO GET
THROUGH MED SCHOOL.
NOW, WORKING AT
WEDGEWOOD'S ONE NIGHT,
I CAN MAKE AS MUCH MONEY AS
WAITING ON TABLES FOR 40 HOURS.
I CAN'T SPARE THOSE 40 HOURS.
I NEED THAT TIME TO STUDY...
AND I NEED IT FOR YOU.
NOT ANYMORE, YOU DON'T.
COME ON, BLAIR, IS IT SO AWFUL?
I MEAN, YOU SAW WHAT I DO.
I DANCE FOR THOSE WOMEN.
I DON'T GO HOME WITH THEM.
WHY NOT?
YOU'D MAKE A LOT
MORE MONEY THAT WAY.
OH, I GET IT, THIS IS MY EXIT.
DO I JUST... DO I JUST
WALK OUT THE DOOR?
OR DO I GET THIS FAR AND...
AND SAY, "BLAIR, YOU'RE
RIGHT, I'LL QUIT THE JOB"?
OR, "BLAIR, YOU HAVE
EVERY REASON TO HATE ME"?
WELL, YOU DON'T.
HEY, I KNOW THAT I
SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU.
I KNOW YOU'RE
UPSET, AND I'M SORRY.
REALLY, BLAIR, I'M SORRY.
WELL, THAT'S JUST
NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
THEN, WHAT IS GOOD ENOUGH?
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO SAY? I DON'T KNOW!
I DON'T THINK THERE'S
ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY.
I THOUGHT I MEANT MORE
TO YOU THAN THAT, BLAIR.
I KNOW YOU MEAN MORE TO ME.
IF YOU MADE A MISTAKE,
EVEN A BIG MISTAKE...
I WOULDN'T THROW YOU OUT.
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO
HELP OUT IN THE STORE?
OH, THANKS, I DON'T
THINK SO, BLAIR.
IT'S NOT A VERY HEAVY DAY.
LAST TIME I LOOKED,
NATALIE AND TOOTIE
WERE PLAYING TIC-TAC-TOE
WITH THE CREAM PUFFS.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO
THAT BIG ART GALLERY OPENING TODAY.
I WAS... WITH CLIFF.
YEAH, DON'T WANT
TO TAKE ANY CHANCES
RUNNING INTO THAT CREEP.
JO, AFTER THREE DAYS,
CAN'T WE GIVE IT A REST?
YOU GOT IT, IT'S RESTED.
GOOD.
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T
BELIEVE HOW THAT GUY
HAD US FOOLED LIKE THAT.
BY DAY, DR. JEKYLL.
BY NIGHT, MR. HYDE...
MR. "BEAR HYDE."
JO.
OH, COME ON, MRS. G.
HE WAS UP THERE STRIPPING IN
FRONT OF ALL THOSE SCREAMING WOMEN.
YES, WE WERE SCREAMING
PRETTY GOOD THERE, WEREN'T WE?
WE WEREN'T TAKING
OFF OUR CLOTHES.
NO.
WE WERE JUST PAYING
MONEY TO WATCH HIM DO IT.
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.
ISN'T THERE, BLAIR?
WELL, ISN'T THERE?
YES, YES, THERE IS.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
THREE DAYS AGO, THERE
WERE NO "BUT" S ABOUT IT.
THREE DAYS AGO, I
WAS JUST ANGRY, OKAY?
OH, AND YOU'RE NOT ANYMORE?
I'M CONFUSED.
THERE IS NOTHING TO
BE CONFUSED ABOUT.
YOU SAY GOOD-BYE, YOU TURN
OUT THE LIGHTS, YOU LOCK THE DOOR.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT.
I DON'T KNOW IF I WANNA DO THAT.
BLAIR, YOU'RE MAKING ME CRAZY.
YOU EITHER HATE
THE GUY OR YOU DON'T,
AND YOU HATE THE GUY.
JO.
JO, SLOW DOWN.
WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEBODY,
IT'S NOT ALWAYS THAT SIMPLE.
BESIDES, IT'S BLAIR'S
RELATIONSHIP,
AND BLAIR'S THE ONE WHO'S
GONNA HAVE TO DECIDE
WHAT SHE CAN LIVE
WITH AND WHAT SHE CAN'T.
WELL, HOW WOULD YOU
FEEL IF YOU FOUND OUT
YOUR BOYFRIEND WAS A STRIPPER?
WELL?
I'M THINKING.
COME ON, MRS. G.
IF IT WERE ME, I
COULDN'T LIVE WITH IT.
WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
BECAUSE IT'S BLAIR'S DECISION.
AND SHE'S MADE IT.
JO, I THOUGHT WE WERE
GONNA GIVE THIS A REST.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
BLAIR...
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT US.
ME TOO.
DO YOU WANNA TALK?
YEAH.
♪ YOU'LL AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪
♪ AND ENJOY THE
FUN OF MANAGING ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THEY SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪
♪ IF YOU HEAR THEM
FROM YOUR BROTHER ♪
♪ BETTER CLEAR 'EM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪
♪ BETTER GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪
♪ ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET
YOU THROUGH IS UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ YOU THINK YOU'D
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT THROUGH ♪
♪ WITHOUT THE TRUTH ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ LEARNING THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪