The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 5, Episode 3 - Gamma Gamma or Bust - full transcript
Blair is nominated for a placement in the Gamma Gamma sorority at Langley.
♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WE'RE STILL IN THE RED, MRS. G.
YOU KNOW, WE GOT TO START
BEING MORE LIKE CHRYSLER.
WE GOT TO START MAKING
OUR QUICHES SMALLER,
MORE CHEESE-EFFICIENT.
JO, LAST WEEK YOU SAID
WE WERE ON THE BRINK
OF BEING ON THE VERGE
OF BREAKING EVEN.
WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PESSIMIST?
'CAUSE I JUST GOT A NEW
BATTERY FOR MY CALCULATOR,
AND NOW IT REALLY WORKS.
COME ON, JO, IT'S ALL A
MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE.
NOW, IS THIS QUICHE PAN
HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
THAT QUICHE PAN COST FOUR BUCKS.
DON'T DROP IT.
HELLO, EVERYBODY. OH, BLAIR!
I WANT YOU TO MEET THE PRESIDENT
OF THE GAMMA GAMMA SORORITY...
BOOTS ST. CLAIR.
HI, BOOTS.
OH, WARNSIE, THIS SHOP
IS STRICTLY TOP-DRAWER.
REMIND ME TO STOCK
UP ON SOME BRIE HERE.
[CHUCKLING] OKAY.
DID SHE JUST CALL
BLAIR "WARNSIE"?
YEAH, IT'S PART OF
THE SORORITY RUSH.
THEY CALL YOU AN IRRITATING
PREPPY NICKNAME FOR A WEEK.
IF YOU DON'T
THROW UP, YOU'RE IN.
BOOTS, THIS IS MRS. GARRETT,
THE WOMAN I WAS
TELLING YOU ABOUT.
CATERER EXTRAORDINAIRE.
WHO? MOI?
[CHUCKLES]
HOW DO YOU... DO, BOOTS?
AND THESE ARE
HER LITTLE HELPERS.
THE REINDEER ARE OUT BACK.
WELL, I HATE TO PUT THE
OLD KIBOSH ON THIS FUN FEST,
BUT WARNSIE AND I ARE HERE
ON OFFICIAL SORORITY BUSINESS.
NO, REALLY? AW,
WHAT'S UP, WARNSIE?
THE GAMMA GAMMA
GIRLS ARE IN A BIT OF A FIX.
THE RUSH PARTY IS SET
FOR TOMORROW NIGHT,
BUT THE CATERER JUST
WENT OUT OF BUSINESS.
HE CATERED A CLAMBAKE
FOR THE YOUNG REPUBLICANS,
AND EVERYONE WENT
HOME WITH PTOMAINE.
THEY DIDN'T EVEN STAY TO
SEE THE DESSERT TROLLEY.
QUEL BUMMER.
BUMMER AND A HALF, WARNSIE.
WE'RE TALKING SERIOUS
DEPRESSION TIME.
SO, UM, YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR A NEW CATERER?
WHAMMO!
WE NEED EVERYTHING READY
BY 8:00 TOMORROW NIGHT.
OH, WELL, LOOK HERE, BOOTS,
WE HAVEN'T EVEN
TALKED MONEY YET.
LET'S HEAR SOME NUMBERS.
MONEY?
YEAH. YOU KNOW, AS
IN "YOU HAVE A LOT OF."
AU CONTRAIRE.
OUR BUDGET FOR THIS
BIG BASH IS $200 TOPS.
AH, WE'LL SETTLE FOR 300.
JO!
OH, ALL RIGHT. 300.
WE JUST WON'T BUY ANY
KNEESOCKS THIS WEEK.
WELL, I AM SO THRILLED.
MY FIRST COLLEGE CATERING JOB.
WAIT A SECOND. YOUR FIRST?
UH, THE... THE FIRST ONE
SHE'S THRILLED ABOUT.
YEAH.
THIS IS GREAT, TOOTIE.
WE'RE ACTUALLY GONNA
GET TO SEE GAMMA GAMMA.
HOW?
WE'RE THE LITTLE HELPERS.
WE COME WITH THE DEAL.
BOOTS, I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.
MRS. GARRETT IS
GONNA PREPARE A FEAST
TO MAKE GAMMA GAMMA PROUD.
WE'RE GOOD AT BEING PROUD.
BUT THE REALLY SUPER
PART OF THE EVENING
IS THE ELECTION OF
THE NEW MEMBERS
RIGHT AFTER DINNER.
OH?
OH.
DON'T BE A WORRYWART, WARNSIE.
I'M SURE YOU'LL BE A SHOE-IN.
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
INCIDENTALLY,
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY "NO" VOTES
IT TAKES TO KEEP YOU OUT?
LOTS AND LOTS?
JUST ONE.
OH, GRAVY! I'M LATE
FOR MY SQUASH DATE!
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU ALL TOMORROW!
BYE! BYE.
AAH!
OH, BLAIR, THANK YOU
FOR RECOMMENDING ME!
WHO KNOWS, IF THIS
PARTY GOES WELL,
MAYBE I'LL GET TO CATER
FOR THE OTHER SORORITIES.
THERE ARE 12 OTHERS.
YOU KNOW, UH, LET'S
SEE, THAT'S 300 TIMES 12...
AND WHEN WE'RE DONE
WITH THE SORORITIES,
WE'LL FEED THE FRATERNITIES.
THERE ARE 14 FRATS,
SO IF YOU ADD 14...
AND BY THEN, THE SORORITIES
WILL BE HUNGRY AGAIN.
OH, WELL, THEY'LL HAVE
TO GO SOMEPLACE ELSE
'CAUSE WE'RE WAY TOO BUSY.
COME ON, NAT, LET'S GO UPSTAIRS
TO PICK OUT WHAT TO
WEAR TO THE PARTY.
BUT WE DON'T HAVE ANY
KILTS OR PENNY LOAFERS.
WE MUST HAVE SOME OTHER CLOTHES
WE CAN STICK METAL OBJECTS INTO.
I REALLY MISS THOSE KIDS.
I ALMOST MISS YOU, JO.
I'LL BE THINKING OF ALL OF YOU
WHEN I'M LIVING AT GAMMA GAMMA.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T GET IT.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE
WITH A BUNCH OF BORING PHONIES
WHO DRESS LIKE BAGPIPES?
MY MOTHER WAS A GAMMA GAMMA,
AND SO WAS MY GRANDMOTHER.
I'M TRYING TO CARRY
ON THE FAMILY TRADITION.
BESIDES, I'VE GOT TO GET
OUT OF THAT DORMITORY.
SOME IDIOT WAS BLASTING
HER STEREO ALL NIGHT.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
THE SOUNDTRACK ALBUM
TO CONAN THE BARBARIAN.
WHERE'S YOU FIND
THE ENCHILADA RECIPE?
OH, IT'S FROM THIS
CELEBRITY COOKBOOK,
AUTHENTIC RECIPES FROM
THE KITCHENS OF THE STARS.
UH, WAIT A MINUTE.
"MY ENCHILADAS, BY DON HO"?
HAWAIIAN ENCHILADAS?
DON'T BE SO NARROW-MINDED.
YOU KNOW THOSE GREAT
MATZO BALLS I MAKE?
THANK CHARO.
WELL, WELL, WELL,
THIS PLACE IS
BUZZING WITH ACTIVITY.
BUENOS DIAS, BLAIR.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT'S ALL THIS FOR?
IT'S FOR YOUR PARTY TONIGHT.
ENCHILADAS, TACOS,
REFRIED BEANS.
DID I MISS SOMETHING?
WE HAVEN'T TALKED MENU YET.
I KNOW, BUT WE'RE UNDER
TERRIBLE TIME PRESSURE.
WE JUST HAD TO GET GOING.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MEXICAN FOOD?
MEXICAN FOOD WAS THE CHIC
THING TO SERVE LAST MONTH.
NOBODY'S EATING IT THIS MONTH.
DON HO IS.
MRS. GARRETT, I WANTED
CHINESE FOOD FOR THE PARTY.
DON'T WORRY, BLAIR.
THIS FOOD IS GREAT
FOR PIGGING OUT,
AND IT'S NUTRITIOUS, TOO.
IF THE GAMMA GAMMA
GIRLS WANTED NUTRIENTS,
THEY WOULD HAVE ASKED
FOR CHEWABLE FLINTSTONES.
BLAIR, CALM DOWN.
WHY DID YOU MAKE UP A MENU
WITHOUT CONSULTING ME FIRST?
WELL, I THOUGHT
YOU HAD FAITH IN ME.
I DID HAVE FAITH IN YOU.
ARE YOU SAYING
YOU DON'T ANYMORE?
MRS. GARRETT, CALM DOWN.
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WENT
OFF AND MADE ENCHILADAS.
I DIDN'T HIRE YOU TO
CATER A BULLFIGHT.
EVERYBODY, CALM DOWN.
BLAIR, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO GIVE ME ORDERS.
I'VE BEEN AT THIS A
LONG TIME, YOU KNOW?
YOU'VE BEEN A NUTRITIONIST
FOR A LONG TIME,
NOT A CATERER,
AND WHEN I HIRED YOU,
I WANTED A CATERER!
BLAIR! WHAT AM I
GONNA TELL BOOTSY?
I'LL NEVER GET INTO GAMMA GAMMA.
ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE
SORRY YOU HIRED ME?
OF COURSE I'M SORRY I HIRED YOU.
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
WELL, THROWING A
TANTRUM ISN'T GONNA HELP.
WELL, THEN, MAYBE THIS WILL.
YOU'RE FIRED!
FINE!
I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT
YOU JUST DID, BLAIR.
YOU JUST FIRED MRS. GARRETT!
NONE OF US HAS EVER
FOUGHT WITH MRS. GARRETT,
NOT EVEN IN OUR DREAMS!
WELL... MY FATHER ALWAYS SAYS
YOU HAVE TO GET
TOUGH WITH LABOR.
MRS. GARRETT ISN'T LABOR.
SHE'S AN ADULT ROLE MODEL.
WELL, I'M AN ADULT, TOO.
OH, SURE.
MOST ADULTS I KNOW
STAMP THEIR FEET
WHEN THEY DON'T
GET CHINESE FOOD.
I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT
YOU JUST DID, BLAIR.
WHAT ELSE COULD I DO?
SHE WAS BEING STUBBORN,
THOUGHTLESS, AND SELF-CENTERED.
I HAVE NO PATIENCE
WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT.
YOU WERE TREATING
HER LIKE HIRED HELP.
I'M SORRY.
BUT IF YOU CAN'T TREAT
PEOPLE LIKE HIRED HELP,
WHAT'S THE POINT OF HIRING THEM?
I GOT TO GET ANOTHER CATERER.
BLAIR, WAIT!
IF YOU DO THAT,
THEN THERE'LL NEVER BE PEACE
BETWEEN YOU AND MRS. GARRETT.
AND IF THAT HAPPENS,
THERE WILL NEVER BE PEACE
BETWEEN YOU AND US.
THIS SITUATION HAS THE POTENTIAL
OF GETTING VERY UGLY.
LOOK... I'LL SAY I'M SORRY...
IF SHE'LL MAKE CHINESE FOOD.
THIS DISPUTE IS CRYING
OUT FOR A NEGOTIATOR,
A MEDIATOR, A TOOTIE.
I'LL GET MRS. GARRETT
TO SEE THINGS YOUR WAY.
MRS. GARRETT, I'M HERE
ON A DIPLOMATIC MISSION.
WELL, MISSION
IMPOSSIBLE, TOOTIE.
BLAIR'S ALWAYS COUNTED ON
YOU. YOU'VE ALWAYS HELPED HER.
WELL, THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO MEAN
VERY MUCH TO HER NOW, DOES IT?
LET'S TRY TO UNDERSTAND BLAIR.
SURE, SHE'S DIFFICULT.
SURE, SHE'S PUSHY.
BUT LOOK AT HOW SHE WAS RAISED.
I HELPED RAISE HER.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
SORRY. YEAH.
LET'S LOOK AT THE
PROBLEM ANOTHER WAY.
FROM THE BLAIR PERSPECTIVE.
NOW, TO HER,
YOU PROBABLY SEEM
STUBBORN AND THOUGHTLESS,
EVEN SELF-CENTERED. PERHAPS...
TOOTIE, DO YOU THINK
I'M THOSE THINGS?
I DIDN'T SAY THAT
YOU WERE. BLAIR DID.
AH!
SO, NOW SHE'S TALKING
ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK!
AS IF FIRING ME WASN'T ENOUGH!
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M TACKLING
THIS PROBLEM FROM
THE WRONG ANGLE.
TOOTIE, I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
BLAIR MAY NOT BELIEVE IT,
BUT I HAVE FEELINGS, TOO!
[SIGHS]
WELL?
WELL?
YOU WANT RESULTS, I GET RESULTS.
AT THIS VERY MOMENT,
MRS. GARRETT IS GOING OVER
AN EGG ROLL RECIPE
BY WAYNE NEWTON.
TOOTIE, YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
I'M GONNA GO THANK
MRS. GARRETT RIGHT NOW.
IF SHE'S EATING HUMBLE PIE,
I SHOULD GRAB A
FORK AND JOIN HER.
DON'T THANK HER.
WHY NOT?
I'LL THANK HER.
IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS,
IT'S BEST TO HAVE A
COOLING-OFF PERIOD.
ALL RIGHT.
THANKS AGAIN, TOOTIE.
SEE YOU TONIGHT
AT SORORITY HOUSE.
BYE, BLAIR. BYE.
♪ GAMMA GAMMA GAMMA GAMMA ♪
TOOTIE, I AM IMPRESSED.
HOW'D YOU CONVINCE MRS. GARRETT?
I DIDN'T.
YOU MEAN YOU LIED TO BLAIR?
I RESPECT THAT IN
PRINCIPLE, BUT WHY?
WELL, THINGS DIDN'T GO
EXACTLY THE WAY I PLANNED.
SPILL IT, TOOTIE.
WELL, THERE ARE
MISUNDERSTANDINGS, AND SHE...
YOU MEAN MRS. GARRETT IS
AS MAD AS SHE WAS BEFORE?
MADDER. TERRIFIC.
NOW WHAT DO WE DO?
SIMPLE.
WE CATER THE
PARTY, IT'S A SUCCESS,
MRS. GARRETT GETS PAID,
BLAIR GETS INTO GAMMA GAMMA,
THEY MAKE UP, AND ALL'S
RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.
OR WE CATER THE
PARTY, IT STINKS,
MRS. G NEVER WORKS AGAIN,
BLAIR'S BLACKBALLED,
AND YOU DISAPPEAR OFF
THE FACE OF THE EARTH.
NO ONE'S EVER GONNA BELIEVE
THIS STUFF WAS
PROFESSIONALLY CATERED.
I THINK WE'RE IN THE
CLEAR UNTIL THEY TASTE IT.
WHY ARE YOU TWO BEING SO GLOOMY?
WE FOLLOWED ALL
THE CHINESE RECIPES
IN MRS. GARRETT'S COOKBOOK.
BUT WE HAD TO
SUBSTITUTE INGREDIENTS.
I'M SORRY, YOU CANNOT
MAKE SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE
OUT OF VINEGAR AND OVALTINE.
SAME CONCEPT, DIFFERENT CULTURE.
OH, YEAH?
WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOUR
SO-CALLED LEMON CHICKEN?
IT'S AUTHENTIC ENOUGH.
THEY'LL NEVER KNOW
WHERE WE GOT IT.
THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU BURNED
THE RED AND WHITE BUCKET.
LOOK, GUYS, THEY'RE NOT
GONNA EAT EVERY DISH HERE.
THEY'RE GONNA PICK AND CHOOSE.
WE'LL JUST PUT ALL THE
QUESTIONABLE DISHES
AT THE BACK OF THE TABLE.
GOOD IDEA!
OKAY, LET'S START OFF
WITH DAVID BOWIE'S
WON TON RECIPE.
DAVID BOWIE.
THE MANDRELL SISTERS' CHOW MEIN.
THE MANDRELLS.
RICARDO MONTALBAN'S CHOP SUEY.
HERE'S RICKY.
OH, AND MR. T'S FRIED RICE.
[IMITATING MR. T] THIS
IS MY FRIED RICE. EAT IT!
GREAT...
WE'VE PUT EVERYTHING
AT THE BACK OF THE TABLE.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA
PUT IN THE FRONT?
HOW ABOUT A SKULL
AND CROSSBONES?
HERE THEY COME. HERE THEY COME.
THERE'S ONLY ONE SOLUTION.
BLOCK ALL ACCESS
TO THE FOOD. COME ON.
THAT'S FINE. YOU'RE
FINE. COME HERE.
AND THIS IS THE HIGH POINT
OF ANY TOUR OF GAMMA GAMMA.
WELCOME TO OUR
HALLOWED LIVING ROOM.
OOH! WOW!
I JUST LOVE WHAT YOU'VE
DONE WITH THE FURNITURE.
THE UPHOLSTERY REALLY WORKS.
AND WOULD YOU BELIEVE
THAT IT'S WATER-RESISTANT?
OH, I LIKE THAT IN A COUCH.
WARNSIE HERE REALLY CAME
THROUGH FOR OLD GAMMA GAMMA
BY PROVIDING A SUPER
CATERER AT THE LAST MINUTE.
TELL US ABOUT THE
SPREAD, WARNSIE.
WELL, I WANTED TO
SERVE SOMETHING SPECIAL,
SOMETHING DISTINCTIVE.
SHE LEFT OUT "LETHAL."
AND SO I HIRED
MRS. EDNA GARRETT,
CATERER WITHOUT PEER,
TO PREPARE AN ELEGANT
GOURMET CHINESE FEAST.
OH, WOW!
WELL, WARNSIE,
GREAT EXPECTATIONS,
N'EST-CE PAS?
I'M SURE THIS CHOW IS AS
TOP-DRAWER AS YOU PROMISED.
YEAH, IT'S
TOP-DRAWER, ALL RIGHT.
RIGHT NEXT TO THE SOCKS.
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS,
IT'S TIME FOR SOME
SERIOUS EATING ACTION.
AND REMEMBER, DINING HABITS
DO COUNT FOR A LOT AROUND HERE.
MRS. GARRETT, WHAT A PLEASURE!
WHAT BRINGS YOU TO
GAMMA GAMMA, HUH?
YOU GIRLS LEFT A
TRAIL... OF OVALTINE.
MRS. GARRETT,
THERE'S A PERFECTLY
GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THIS.
ACTUALLY, THE EXPLANATION
MAY HAVE SOME SERIOUS FLAWS,
BUT LISTEN TO IT ANYWAY.
YOU CAN SKIP THE EXPLANATION.
I JUST CAME FROM MY KITCHEN.
I KNOW A DISASTER
WHEN I SMELL ONE.
YOU DECIDED TO
CATER THIS YOURSELF
USING MY NAME, DIDN'T YOU?
THANKS SO MUCH
FOR UNDERSTANDING.
YOU'VE MADE OUR
JOB A LOT EASIER.
YEAH, WELL, I CAME HERE
TO PROTECT MY BUSINESS.
I'M GOING TO TELL THOSE
GAMMA GAMMA GIRLS
THAT I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS FIASCO!
WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD
BLAME IT ON RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MRS. GARRETT, I AM
SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR
MAKING CHINESE FOOD FOR ME.
BLAIR...
IF YOU ARE ABLE TO
ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG,
I SHOULD BE, TOO.
BLAIR... I SHOULD HAVE
TRUSTED YOUR INSTINCTS.
YOU'VE DONE A MARVELOUS JOB.
BLAIR, I DIDN'T
CATER THIS PARTY.
THEY DID.
[NERVOUS LAUGH]
WHAT?
BUT I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY.
BLAIR, EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE FINE.
WE USED THE CELEBRITY RECIPES.
NOBODY WILL NOTICE A THING.
WARNSIE!
IS EVERYTHING
ULTRA GREAT, BOOTSY?
CAN IT, WARNER. THE FOOD STINKS.
OH, I'M SO SORRY TO
HEAR YOU SAY THAT.
IT WENT SO WELL AT CALVIN
KLEIN'S LAST WEEKEND.
DID YOU CATER
CALVIN KLEIN'S PARTY?
[CHUCKLING] OH...
DID I CATER CALVIN
KLEIN'S PARTY?
[CHUCKLING]
THE SWEET AND SOUR
CHICKEN WAS SUCH A HIT.
JACKIE COULDN'T
STOP RAVING ABOUT IT.
JACKIE?
ONASSIS OR BISSET?
EITHER!
WELL... WELL, LET'S DIG IN!
AND THEN, AFTER
WE COOKED IT ALL,
WE WENT TO GO BUY
FORTUNE COOKIES.
WE MUST HAVE BEEN THE
FIRST PEOPLE THIS DECADE
TO BUY THEM FROM THAT STORE.
WERE THEY STALE?
THEY WERE WORSE THAN STALE.
ONE OF THE FORTUNES PREDICTED
WHERE LINDBERGH WOULD LAND.
[LAUGHTER]
I REALLY DO MISS YOUR
PUCKISH SENSE OF HUMOR, JO.
THANKS A LOT FOR
COMING UP WITH THAT STORY
AT THE SORORITY HOUSE.
IF I GET ELECTED, I
OWE IT ALL TO YOU.
YEAH, WELL, I DIDN'T LIKE
HAVING TO MAKE THAT STORY UP.
OF COURSE, IF BOTH OF US
HAD HANDLED THE
SITUATION BETTER,
NONE OF IT WOULD
HAVE BEEN NECESSARY.
I DID BEHAVE LIKE A
SPOILED 3-YEAR-OLD.
I'M SORRY.
IT WASN'T ALL YOUR FAULT.
I MEAN, I... I SHOULD
HAVE CONSULTED YOU
BEFORE I WENT AHEAD.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT
WITH ANY OTHER CUSTOMER.
I... I MADE A MISTAKE.
AND I DIDN'T FOLLOW
THE OLD ADAGE...
THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
EXCEPT WHEN THE
CUSTOMER IS WRONG.
WELL... TELL YOU WHAT.
NEXT TIME WE HAVE
A CHILDISH ARGUMENT,
LET'S DO IT IN A
MORE ADULT MANNER.
YOU GOT IT.
THERE'S PEACE IN THE VALLEY.
ISN'T THIS WONDERFUL?
EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.
I CALL THIS DIPLOMACY IN ACTION.
DIPLOMACY IN ACTION?
ARE YOU MAD, WOMAN?
YOUR DIPLOMACY DIDN'T HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK.
BOOTS! COME IN!
I'M HERE TO OFFER YOU
OFFICIAL GAMMA GAMMA 'GRATS.
WARNSIE, YOU'VE
JUST BEEN ELECTED.
I HAVE?!
I HAVE!
TELL ME, DID THE CATERING
PUT ME OVER THE TOP?
DON'T TRY TO PULL THE 100%
WOOL OVER MY EYES, WARNSIE.
WE ALL KNOW THE FOOD
WAS STRICTLY BARFORAMA.
I DON'T GET IT.
YOU MEAN, EVEN
AFTER THAT FIASCO,
YOU ELECTED ME?
OF COURSE!
YOUR MOTHER WAS A GAMMA GAMMA,
AND SO WAS YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
YOU'RE A LEGACY.
WE'RE TALKING
AUTOMATIC ELECTION.
WHAT?
THAT'S RIGHT, STRICTLY
FORMALITY TIME.
YOU MEAN YOU LED ME ON ALL WEEK?
YOU MADE ME AGONIZE OVER
THE ELECTION FOR NOTHING?
ISN'T THAT A HOOT?
WELL, WE'LL SEE YOU
BACK AT THE CLUBHOUSE.
YOUR INITIATION CLOAK AND CANDLE
WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU.
TOODLE-OO.
CONGRATULATIONS,
BLAIR! YOU MADE IT!
I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU.
WELL, I'M NOT.
BLAIR!
THOSE GIRLS TRICKED ME
INTO WORRYING
ABOUT THE ELECTION.
I'VE BEEN A NERVOUS
WRECK FOR THREE WEEKS.
WELL, BLAIR, THAT'S
PROBABLY JUST PART
OF THE SORORITY TRADITION.
WELL, IT'S LOUSY. THE
WHOLE PLACE IS LOUSY.
SINCE WHEN?
SINCE A WHILE NOW.
ALL THEY TALK ABOUT
IS CLOTHES AND MONEY.
THEY'RE REALLY VERY SHALLOW.
BESIDES, I HATE THEIR FURNITURE.
AND I LOOK TERRIBLE IN A KILT.
AND I DON'T WANT TO
LIVE WITH THEM, ANYWAY.
YOU DON'T?
I'D RATHER LIVE IN THE DOR...
IN THE DOR... DORMITORY.
I CAN'T SAY IT.
OH, COME ON.
I MEAN, HOW BAD CAN IT BE?
HOW LONG CAN THAT GIRL
PLAY CONAN THE BARBARIAN
ON HER STEREO?
SHE'S ALREADY STOPPED.
LAST NIGHT SHE WAS
PLAYING HIGHLIGHTS
FROM THE 1974 DAYTONA 500.
I GOT THAT ALBUM.
YOU KNOW, SIDE TWO ISN'T BAD.
I GUESS I'M DESTINED
TO DORMITORY LIFE.
I SUPPOSE I COULD JUST
STUDY LATE EVERY NIGHT
IN THE LIBRARY TO
HELP LESSEN THE PAIN.
OH, QUICK, SOMEBODY
GO GET THE VIOLINS.
THERE IS ONE OTHER
PLACE YOU COULD LIVE.
[CHUCKLES]
OH, NO, MRS. GARRETT.
I WILL SURVIVE. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WHAT OTHER PLACE?
OF COURSE, WE'D HAVE
TO HAVE AN ELECTION FIRST,
WARNSIE.
♪ YOU'LL AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪
♪ AND ENJOY THE
FUN OF MANAGIN' ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THEY SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪
♪ IF YOU HEAR 'EM
FROM YOUR BROTHER ♪
♪ BETTER CLEAR 'EM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪
♪ BETTER GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪
♪ ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET
YOU THROUGH IS UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ YOU THINK YOU'D
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT
THROUGH WITHOUT THE TRUTH ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ LEARNING THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNING THE
FACTS OF LIFE... ♪
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WE'RE STILL IN THE RED, MRS. G.
YOU KNOW, WE GOT TO START
BEING MORE LIKE CHRYSLER.
WE GOT TO START MAKING
OUR QUICHES SMALLER,
MORE CHEESE-EFFICIENT.
JO, LAST WEEK YOU SAID
WE WERE ON THE BRINK
OF BEING ON THE VERGE
OF BREAKING EVEN.
WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PESSIMIST?
'CAUSE I JUST GOT A NEW
BATTERY FOR MY CALCULATOR,
AND NOW IT REALLY WORKS.
COME ON, JO, IT'S ALL A
MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE.
NOW, IS THIS QUICHE PAN
HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
THAT QUICHE PAN COST FOUR BUCKS.
DON'T DROP IT.
HELLO, EVERYBODY. OH, BLAIR!
I WANT YOU TO MEET THE PRESIDENT
OF THE GAMMA GAMMA SORORITY...
BOOTS ST. CLAIR.
HI, BOOTS.
OH, WARNSIE, THIS SHOP
IS STRICTLY TOP-DRAWER.
REMIND ME TO STOCK
UP ON SOME BRIE HERE.
[CHUCKLING] OKAY.
DID SHE JUST CALL
BLAIR "WARNSIE"?
YEAH, IT'S PART OF
THE SORORITY RUSH.
THEY CALL YOU AN IRRITATING
PREPPY NICKNAME FOR A WEEK.
IF YOU DON'T
THROW UP, YOU'RE IN.
BOOTS, THIS IS MRS. GARRETT,
THE WOMAN I WAS
TELLING YOU ABOUT.
CATERER EXTRAORDINAIRE.
WHO? MOI?
[CHUCKLES]
HOW DO YOU... DO, BOOTS?
AND THESE ARE
HER LITTLE HELPERS.
THE REINDEER ARE OUT BACK.
WELL, I HATE TO PUT THE
OLD KIBOSH ON THIS FUN FEST,
BUT WARNSIE AND I ARE HERE
ON OFFICIAL SORORITY BUSINESS.
NO, REALLY? AW,
WHAT'S UP, WARNSIE?
THE GAMMA GAMMA
GIRLS ARE IN A BIT OF A FIX.
THE RUSH PARTY IS SET
FOR TOMORROW NIGHT,
BUT THE CATERER JUST
WENT OUT OF BUSINESS.
HE CATERED A CLAMBAKE
FOR THE YOUNG REPUBLICANS,
AND EVERYONE WENT
HOME WITH PTOMAINE.
THEY DIDN'T EVEN STAY TO
SEE THE DESSERT TROLLEY.
QUEL BUMMER.
BUMMER AND A HALF, WARNSIE.
WE'RE TALKING SERIOUS
DEPRESSION TIME.
SO, UM, YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR A NEW CATERER?
WHAMMO!
WE NEED EVERYTHING READY
BY 8:00 TOMORROW NIGHT.
OH, WELL, LOOK HERE, BOOTS,
WE HAVEN'T EVEN
TALKED MONEY YET.
LET'S HEAR SOME NUMBERS.
MONEY?
YEAH. YOU KNOW, AS
IN "YOU HAVE A LOT OF."
AU CONTRAIRE.
OUR BUDGET FOR THIS
BIG BASH IS $200 TOPS.
AH, WE'LL SETTLE FOR 300.
JO!
OH, ALL RIGHT. 300.
WE JUST WON'T BUY ANY
KNEESOCKS THIS WEEK.
WELL, I AM SO THRILLED.
MY FIRST COLLEGE CATERING JOB.
WAIT A SECOND. YOUR FIRST?
UH, THE... THE FIRST ONE
SHE'S THRILLED ABOUT.
YEAH.
THIS IS GREAT, TOOTIE.
WE'RE ACTUALLY GONNA
GET TO SEE GAMMA GAMMA.
HOW?
WE'RE THE LITTLE HELPERS.
WE COME WITH THE DEAL.
BOOTS, I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.
MRS. GARRETT IS
GONNA PREPARE A FEAST
TO MAKE GAMMA GAMMA PROUD.
WE'RE GOOD AT BEING PROUD.
BUT THE REALLY SUPER
PART OF THE EVENING
IS THE ELECTION OF
THE NEW MEMBERS
RIGHT AFTER DINNER.
OH?
OH.
DON'T BE A WORRYWART, WARNSIE.
I'M SURE YOU'LL BE A SHOE-IN.
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
INCIDENTALLY,
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY "NO" VOTES
IT TAKES TO KEEP YOU OUT?
LOTS AND LOTS?
JUST ONE.
OH, GRAVY! I'M LATE
FOR MY SQUASH DATE!
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU ALL TOMORROW!
BYE! BYE.
AAH!
OH, BLAIR, THANK YOU
FOR RECOMMENDING ME!
WHO KNOWS, IF THIS
PARTY GOES WELL,
MAYBE I'LL GET TO CATER
FOR THE OTHER SORORITIES.
THERE ARE 12 OTHERS.
YOU KNOW, UH, LET'S
SEE, THAT'S 300 TIMES 12...
AND WHEN WE'RE DONE
WITH THE SORORITIES,
WE'LL FEED THE FRATERNITIES.
THERE ARE 14 FRATS,
SO IF YOU ADD 14...
AND BY THEN, THE SORORITIES
WILL BE HUNGRY AGAIN.
OH, WELL, THEY'LL HAVE
TO GO SOMEPLACE ELSE
'CAUSE WE'RE WAY TOO BUSY.
COME ON, NAT, LET'S GO UPSTAIRS
TO PICK OUT WHAT TO
WEAR TO THE PARTY.
BUT WE DON'T HAVE ANY
KILTS OR PENNY LOAFERS.
WE MUST HAVE SOME OTHER CLOTHES
WE CAN STICK METAL OBJECTS INTO.
I REALLY MISS THOSE KIDS.
I ALMOST MISS YOU, JO.
I'LL BE THINKING OF ALL OF YOU
WHEN I'M LIVING AT GAMMA GAMMA.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T GET IT.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE
WITH A BUNCH OF BORING PHONIES
WHO DRESS LIKE BAGPIPES?
MY MOTHER WAS A GAMMA GAMMA,
AND SO WAS MY GRANDMOTHER.
I'M TRYING TO CARRY
ON THE FAMILY TRADITION.
BESIDES, I'VE GOT TO GET
OUT OF THAT DORMITORY.
SOME IDIOT WAS BLASTING
HER STEREO ALL NIGHT.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
THE SOUNDTRACK ALBUM
TO CONAN THE BARBARIAN.
WHERE'S YOU FIND
THE ENCHILADA RECIPE?
OH, IT'S FROM THIS
CELEBRITY COOKBOOK,
AUTHENTIC RECIPES FROM
THE KITCHENS OF THE STARS.
UH, WAIT A MINUTE.
"MY ENCHILADAS, BY DON HO"?
HAWAIIAN ENCHILADAS?
DON'T BE SO NARROW-MINDED.
YOU KNOW THOSE GREAT
MATZO BALLS I MAKE?
THANK CHARO.
WELL, WELL, WELL,
THIS PLACE IS
BUZZING WITH ACTIVITY.
BUENOS DIAS, BLAIR.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT'S ALL THIS FOR?
IT'S FOR YOUR PARTY TONIGHT.
ENCHILADAS, TACOS,
REFRIED BEANS.
DID I MISS SOMETHING?
WE HAVEN'T TALKED MENU YET.
I KNOW, BUT WE'RE UNDER
TERRIBLE TIME PRESSURE.
WE JUST HAD TO GET GOING.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MEXICAN FOOD?
MEXICAN FOOD WAS THE CHIC
THING TO SERVE LAST MONTH.
NOBODY'S EATING IT THIS MONTH.
DON HO IS.
MRS. GARRETT, I WANTED
CHINESE FOOD FOR THE PARTY.
DON'T WORRY, BLAIR.
THIS FOOD IS GREAT
FOR PIGGING OUT,
AND IT'S NUTRITIOUS, TOO.
IF THE GAMMA GAMMA
GIRLS WANTED NUTRIENTS,
THEY WOULD HAVE ASKED
FOR CHEWABLE FLINTSTONES.
BLAIR, CALM DOWN.
WHY DID YOU MAKE UP A MENU
WITHOUT CONSULTING ME FIRST?
WELL, I THOUGHT
YOU HAD FAITH IN ME.
I DID HAVE FAITH IN YOU.
ARE YOU SAYING
YOU DON'T ANYMORE?
MRS. GARRETT, CALM DOWN.
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WENT
OFF AND MADE ENCHILADAS.
I DIDN'T HIRE YOU TO
CATER A BULLFIGHT.
EVERYBODY, CALM DOWN.
BLAIR, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO GIVE ME ORDERS.
I'VE BEEN AT THIS A
LONG TIME, YOU KNOW?
YOU'VE BEEN A NUTRITIONIST
FOR A LONG TIME,
NOT A CATERER,
AND WHEN I HIRED YOU,
I WANTED A CATERER!
BLAIR! WHAT AM I
GONNA TELL BOOTSY?
I'LL NEVER GET INTO GAMMA GAMMA.
ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE
SORRY YOU HIRED ME?
OF COURSE I'M SORRY I HIRED YOU.
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
WELL, THROWING A
TANTRUM ISN'T GONNA HELP.
WELL, THEN, MAYBE THIS WILL.
YOU'RE FIRED!
FINE!
I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT
YOU JUST DID, BLAIR.
YOU JUST FIRED MRS. GARRETT!
NONE OF US HAS EVER
FOUGHT WITH MRS. GARRETT,
NOT EVEN IN OUR DREAMS!
WELL... MY FATHER ALWAYS SAYS
YOU HAVE TO GET
TOUGH WITH LABOR.
MRS. GARRETT ISN'T LABOR.
SHE'S AN ADULT ROLE MODEL.
WELL, I'M AN ADULT, TOO.
OH, SURE.
MOST ADULTS I KNOW
STAMP THEIR FEET
WHEN THEY DON'T
GET CHINESE FOOD.
I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT
YOU JUST DID, BLAIR.
WHAT ELSE COULD I DO?
SHE WAS BEING STUBBORN,
THOUGHTLESS, AND SELF-CENTERED.
I HAVE NO PATIENCE
WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT.
YOU WERE TREATING
HER LIKE HIRED HELP.
I'M SORRY.
BUT IF YOU CAN'T TREAT
PEOPLE LIKE HIRED HELP,
WHAT'S THE POINT OF HIRING THEM?
I GOT TO GET ANOTHER CATERER.
BLAIR, WAIT!
IF YOU DO THAT,
THEN THERE'LL NEVER BE PEACE
BETWEEN YOU AND MRS. GARRETT.
AND IF THAT HAPPENS,
THERE WILL NEVER BE PEACE
BETWEEN YOU AND US.
THIS SITUATION HAS THE POTENTIAL
OF GETTING VERY UGLY.
LOOK... I'LL SAY I'M SORRY...
IF SHE'LL MAKE CHINESE FOOD.
THIS DISPUTE IS CRYING
OUT FOR A NEGOTIATOR,
A MEDIATOR, A TOOTIE.
I'LL GET MRS. GARRETT
TO SEE THINGS YOUR WAY.
MRS. GARRETT, I'M HERE
ON A DIPLOMATIC MISSION.
WELL, MISSION
IMPOSSIBLE, TOOTIE.
BLAIR'S ALWAYS COUNTED ON
YOU. YOU'VE ALWAYS HELPED HER.
WELL, THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO MEAN
VERY MUCH TO HER NOW, DOES IT?
LET'S TRY TO UNDERSTAND BLAIR.
SURE, SHE'S DIFFICULT.
SURE, SHE'S PUSHY.
BUT LOOK AT HOW SHE WAS RAISED.
I HELPED RAISE HER.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
SORRY. YEAH.
LET'S LOOK AT THE
PROBLEM ANOTHER WAY.
FROM THE BLAIR PERSPECTIVE.
NOW, TO HER,
YOU PROBABLY SEEM
STUBBORN AND THOUGHTLESS,
EVEN SELF-CENTERED. PERHAPS...
TOOTIE, DO YOU THINK
I'M THOSE THINGS?
I DIDN'T SAY THAT
YOU WERE. BLAIR DID.
AH!
SO, NOW SHE'S TALKING
ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK!
AS IF FIRING ME WASN'T ENOUGH!
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M TACKLING
THIS PROBLEM FROM
THE WRONG ANGLE.
TOOTIE, I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
BLAIR MAY NOT BELIEVE IT,
BUT I HAVE FEELINGS, TOO!
[SIGHS]
WELL?
WELL?
YOU WANT RESULTS, I GET RESULTS.
AT THIS VERY MOMENT,
MRS. GARRETT IS GOING OVER
AN EGG ROLL RECIPE
BY WAYNE NEWTON.
TOOTIE, YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
I'M GONNA GO THANK
MRS. GARRETT RIGHT NOW.
IF SHE'S EATING HUMBLE PIE,
I SHOULD GRAB A
FORK AND JOIN HER.
DON'T THANK HER.
WHY NOT?
I'LL THANK HER.
IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS,
IT'S BEST TO HAVE A
COOLING-OFF PERIOD.
ALL RIGHT.
THANKS AGAIN, TOOTIE.
SEE YOU TONIGHT
AT SORORITY HOUSE.
BYE, BLAIR. BYE.
♪ GAMMA GAMMA GAMMA GAMMA ♪
TOOTIE, I AM IMPRESSED.
HOW'D YOU CONVINCE MRS. GARRETT?
I DIDN'T.
YOU MEAN YOU LIED TO BLAIR?
I RESPECT THAT IN
PRINCIPLE, BUT WHY?
WELL, THINGS DIDN'T GO
EXACTLY THE WAY I PLANNED.
SPILL IT, TOOTIE.
WELL, THERE ARE
MISUNDERSTANDINGS, AND SHE...
YOU MEAN MRS. GARRETT IS
AS MAD AS SHE WAS BEFORE?
MADDER. TERRIFIC.
NOW WHAT DO WE DO?
SIMPLE.
WE CATER THE
PARTY, IT'S A SUCCESS,
MRS. GARRETT GETS PAID,
BLAIR GETS INTO GAMMA GAMMA,
THEY MAKE UP, AND ALL'S
RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.
OR WE CATER THE
PARTY, IT STINKS,
MRS. G NEVER WORKS AGAIN,
BLAIR'S BLACKBALLED,
AND YOU DISAPPEAR OFF
THE FACE OF THE EARTH.
NO ONE'S EVER GONNA BELIEVE
THIS STUFF WAS
PROFESSIONALLY CATERED.
I THINK WE'RE IN THE
CLEAR UNTIL THEY TASTE IT.
WHY ARE YOU TWO BEING SO GLOOMY?
WE FOLLOWED ALL
THE CHINESE RECIPES
IN MRS. GARRETT'S COOKBOOK.
BUT WE HAD TO
SUBSTITUTE INGREDIENTS.
I'M SORRY, YOU CANNOT
MAKE SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE
OUT OF VINEGAR AND OVALTINE.
SAME CONCEPT, DIFFERENT CULTURE.
OH, YEAH?
WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOUR
SO-CALLED LEMON CHICKEN?
IT'S AUTHENTIC ENOUGH.
THEY'LL NEVER KNOW
WHERE WE GOT IT.
THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU BURNED
THE RED AND WHITE BUCKET.
LOOK, GUYS, THEY'RE NOT
GONNA EAT EVERY DISH HERE.
THEY'RE GONNA PICK AND CHOOSE.
WE'LL JUST PUT ALL THE
QUESTIONABLE DISHES
AT THE BACK OF THE TABLE.
GOOD IDEA!
OKAY, LET'S START OFF
WITH DAVID BOWIE'S
WON TON RECIPE.
DAVID BOWIE.
THE MANDRELL SISTERS' CHOW MEIN.
THE MANDRELLS.
RICARDO MONTALBAN'S CHOP SUEY.
HERE'S RICKY.
OH, AND MR. T'S FRIED RICE.
[IMITATING MR. T] THIS
IS MY FRIED RICE. EAT IT!
GREAT...
WE'VE PUT EVERYTHING
AT THE BACK OF THE TABLE.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA
PUT IN THE FRONT?
HOW ABOUT A SKULL
AND CROSSBONES?
HERE THEY COME. HERE THEY COME.
THERE'S ONLY ONE SOLUTION.
BLOCK ALL ACCESS
TO THE FOOD. COME ON.
THAT'S FINE. YOU'RE
FINE. COME HERE.
AND THIS IS THE HIGH POINT
OF ANY TOUR OF GAMMA GAMMA.
WELCOME TO OUR
HALLOWED LIVING ROOM.
OOH! WOW!
I JUST LOVE WHAT YOU'VE
DONE WITH THE FURNITURE.
THE UPHOLSTERY REALLY WORKS.
AND WOULD YOU BELIEVE
THAT IT'S WATER-RESISTANT?
OH, I LIKE THAT IN A COUCH.
WARNSIE HERE REALLY CAME
THROUGH FOR OLD GAMMA GAMMA
BY PROVIDING A SUPER
CATERER AT THE LAST MINUTE.
TELL US ABOUT THE
SPREAD, WARNSIE.
WELL, I WANTED TO
SERVE SOMETHING SPECIAL,
SOMETHING DISTINCTIVE.
SHE LEFT OUT "LETHAL."
AND SO I HIRED
MRS. EDNA GARRETT,
CATERER WITHOUT PEER,
TO PREPARE AN ELEGANT
GOURMET CHINESE FEAST.
OH, WOW!
WELL, WARNSIE,
GREAT EXPECTATIONS,
N'EST-CE PAS?
I'M SURE THIS CHOW IS AS
TOP-DRAWER AS YOU PROMISED.
YEAH, IT'S
TOP-DRAWER, ALL RIGHT.
RIGHT NEXT TO THE SOCKS.
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS,
IT'S TIME FOR SOME
SERIOUS EATING ACTION.
AND REMEMBER, DINING HABITS
DO COUNT FOR A LOT AROUND HERE.
MRS. GARRETT, WHAT A PLEASURE!
WHAT BRINGS YOU TO
GAMMA GAMMA, HUH?
YOU GIRLS LEFT A
TRAIL... OF OVALTINE.
MRS. GARRETT,
THERE'S A PERFECTLY
GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THIS.
ACTUALLY, THE EXPLANATION
MAY HAVE SOME SERIOUS FLAWS,
BUT LISTEN TO IT ANYWAY.
YOU CAN SKIP THE EXPLANATION.
I JUST CAME FROM MY KITCHEN.
I KNOW A DISASTER
WHEN I SMELL ONE.
YOU DECIDED TO
CATER THIS YOURSELF
USING MY NAME, DIDN'T YOU?
THANKS SO MUCH
FOR UNDERSTANDING.
YOU'VE MADE OUR
JOB A LOT EASIER.
YEAH, WELL, I CAME HERE
TO PROTECT MY BUSINESS.
I'M GOING TO TELL THOSE
GAMMA GAMMA GIRLS
THAT I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS FIASCO!
WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD
BLAME IT ON RICARDO MONTALBAN.
MRS. GARRETT, I AM
SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR
MAKING CHINESE FOOD FOR ME.
BLAIR...
IF YOU ARE ABLE TO
ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG,
I SHOULD BE, TOO.
BLAIR... I SHOULD HAVE
TRUSTED YOUR INSTINCTS.
YOU'VE DONE A MARVELOUS JOB.
BLAIR, I DIDN'T
CATER THIS PARTY.
THEY DID.
[NERVOUS LAUGH]
WHAT?
BUT I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY.
BLAIR, EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE FINE.
WE USED THE CELEBRITY RECIPES.
NOBODY WILL NOTICE A THING.
WARNSIE!
IS EVERYTHING
ULTRA GREAT, BOOTSY?
CAN IT, WARNER. THE FOOD STINKS.
OH, I'M SO SORRY TO
HEAR YOU SAY THAT.
IT WENT SO WELL AT CALVIN
KLEIN'S LAST WEEKEND.
DID YOU CATER
CALVIN KLEIN'S PARTY?
[CHUCKLING] OH...
DID I CATER CALVIN
KLEIN'S PARTY?
[CHUCKLING]
THE SWEET AND SOUR
CHICKEN WAS SUCH A HIT.
JACKIE COULDN'T
STOP RAVING ABOUT IT.
JACKIE?
ONASSIS OR BISSET?
EITHER!
WELL... WELL, LET'S DIG IN!
AND THEN, AFTER
WE COOKED IT ALL,
WE WENT TO GO BUY
FORTUNE COOKIES.
WE MUST HAVE BEEN THE
FIRST PEOPLE THIS DECADE
TO BUY THEM FROM THAT STORE.
WERE THEY STALE?
THEY WERE WORSE THAN STALE.
ONE OF THE FORTUNES PREDICTED
WHERE LINDBERGH WOULD LAND.
[LAUGHTER]
I REALLY DO MISS YOUR
PUCKISH SENSE OF HUMOR, JO.
THANKS A LOT FOR
COMING UP WITH THAT STORY
AT THE SORORITY HOUSE.
IF I GET ELECTED, I
OWE IT ALL TO YOU.
YEAH, WELL, I DIDN'T LIKE
HAVING TO MAKE THAT STORY UP.
OF COURSE, IF BOTH OF US
HAD HANDLED THE
SITUATION BETTER,
NONE OF IT WOULD
HAVE BEEN NECESSARY.
I DID BEHAVE LIKE A
SPOILED 3-YEAR-OLD.
I'M SORRY.
IT WASN'T ALL YOUR FAULT.
I MEAN, I... I SHOULD
HAVE CONSULTED YOU
BEFORE I WENT AHEAD.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT
WITH ANY OTHER CUSTOMER.
I... I MADE A MISTAKE.
AND I DIDN'T FOLLOW
THE OLD ADAGE...
THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
EXCEPT WHEN THE
CUSTOMER IS WRONG.
WELL... TELL YOU WHAT.
NEXT TIME WE HAVE
A CHILDISH ARGUMENT,
LET'S DO IT IN A
MORE ADULT MANNER.
YOU GOT IT.
THERE'S PEACE IN THE VALLEY.
ISN'T THIS WONDERFUL?
EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.
I CALL THIS DIPLOMACY IN ACTION.
DIPLOMACY IN ACTION?
ARE YOU MAD, WOMAN?
YOUR DIPLOMACY DIDN'T HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK.
BOOTS! COME IN!
I'M HERE TO OFFER YOU
OFFICIAL GAMMA GAMMA 'GRATS.
WARNSIE, YOU'VE
JUST BEEN ELECTED.
I HAVE?!
I HAVE!
TELL ME, DID THE CATERING
PUT ME OVER THE TOP?
DON'T TRY TO PULL THE 100%
WOOL OVER MY EYES, WARNSIE.
WE ALL KNOW THE FOOD
WAS STRICTLY BARFORAMA.
I DON'T GET IT.
YOU MEAN, EVEN
AFTER THAT FIASCO,
YOU ELECTED ME?
OF COURSE!
YOUR MOTHER WAS A GAMMA GAMMA,
AND SO WAS YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
YOU'RE A LEGACY.
WE'RE TALKING
AUTOMATIC ELECTION.
WHAT?
THAT'S RIGHT, STRICTLY
FORMALITY TIME.
YOU MEAN YOU LED ME ON ALL WEEK?
YOU MADE ME AGONIZE OVER
THE ELECTION FOR NOTHING?
ISN'T THAT A HOOT?
WELL, WE'LL SEE YOU
BACK AT THE CLUBHOUSE.
YOUR INITIATION CLOAK AND CANDLE
WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU.
TOODLE-OO.
CONGRATULATIONS,
BLAIR! YOU MADE IT!
I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU.
WELL, I'M NOT.
BLAIR!
THOSE GIRLS TRICKED ME
INTO WORRYING
ABOUT THE ELECTION.
I'VE BEEN A NERVOUS
WRECK FOR THREE WEEKS.
WELL, BLAIR, THAT'S
PROBABLY JUST PART
OF THE SORORITY TRADITION.
WELL, IT'S LOUSY. THE
WHOLE PLACE IS LOUSY.
SINCE WHEN?
SINCE A WHILE NOW.
ALL THEY TALK ABOUT
IS CLOTHES AND MONEY.
THEY'RE REALLY VERY SHALLOW.
BESIDES, I HATE THEIR FURNITURE.
AND I LOOK TERRIBLE IN A KILT.
AND I DON'T WANT TO
LIVE WITH THEM, ANYWAY.
YOU DON'T?
I'D RATHER LIVE IN THE DOR...
IN THE DOR... DORMITORY.
I CAN'T SAY IT.
OH, COME ON.
I MEAN, HOW BAD CAN IT BE?
HOW LONG CAN THAT GIRL
PLAY CONAN THE BARBARIAN
ON HER STEREO?
SHE'S ALREADY STOPPED.
LAST NIGHT SHE WAS
PLAYING HIGHLIGHTS
FROM THE 1974 DAYTONA 500.
I GOT THAT ALBUM.
YOU KNOW, SIDE TWO ISN'T BAD.
I GUESS I'M DESTINED
TO DORMITORY LIFE.
I SUPPOSE I COULD JUST
STUDY LATE EVERY NIGHT
IN THE LIBRARY TO
HELP LESSEN THE PAIN.
OH, QUICK, SOMEBODY
GO GET THE VIOLINS.
THERE IS ONE OTHER
PLACE YOU COULD LIVE.
[CHUCKLES]
OH, NO, MRS. GARRETT.
I WILL SURVIVE. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WHAT OTHER PLACE?
OF COURSE, WE'D HAVE
TO HAVE AN ELECTION FIRST,
WARNSIE.
♪ YOU'LL AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪
♪ AND ENJOY THE
FUN OF MANAGIN' ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THEY SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪
♪ IF YOU HEAR 'EM
FROM YOUR BROTHER ♪
♪ BETTER CLEAR 'EM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪
♪ BETTER GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪
♪ ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET
YOU THROUGH IS UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ YOU THINK YOU'D
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT
THROUGH WITHOUT THE TRUTH ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ LEARNING THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNING THE
FACTS OF LIFE... ♪