The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 5, Episode 19 - Star at Langley - full transcript

♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪

♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE,
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪

♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE,
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪

♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪

♪ YOU ♪



♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪

LOOK, NATALIE, IT'S OFFICIAL.

"MOVIE STAR ENROLLS
AT LANGLEY COLLEGE."

AND HERE'S A PICTURE
OF HEATHER HUNT

LEAVING THE LANGLEY
ADMISSIONS OFFICE.

NO KIDDING.

HEATHER HUNT?

WASN'T SHE THE ONE WHO
WORE THOSE TORN CLOTHES

IN THAT MOVIE WE
ALL WENT TO SEE?

YEAH, "BOOGIE MAGIC."

I SAW IT FIVE TIMES.



SHE PLAYED A FIREFIGHTER BY DAY

WHO WAS A BASSOON
PLAYER BY NIGHT.

IT WAS SO MOVING.

UH, THAT REMINDS ME, MRS. G.

I'M NOT GONNA BE HOME
FOR DINNER TOMORROW.

THERE'S SOME WELCOMING PARTY

FOR WHAT'S-HER-NAME
AT GAMMA GAMMA GAMMA.

YOU'RE GOING TO A PARTY
WITH HEATHER HUNT?

I HAVE TO, I'M ON THE
BOARD OF REGENTS.

WELL, WILL YOU GET
HER AUTOGRAPH FOR US?

NO.

WELL HOW 'BOUT HER PICTURE? NO!

WELL, IF SHE LEAVES ANY
CIGARETTE BUTTS OR HALF-EATEN...

TOOTIE, THAT'S DISGUSTING.

WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL
ABOUT A MOVIE STAR?

THEY DON'T REALLY DO ANYTHING.

THEY GOT STUNT DOUBLES
THAT DO IT ALL FOR 'EM.

I RESENT THAT, JO.

IN "ANGELS ON DIRT BIKES,"

HEATHER DID ALL
OF HER OWN STUNTS.

I DON'T THINK SHE
DID HER OWN TALKING.

JO, YOU'RE TOO YOUNG
TO BE THAT CYNICAL.

IF HEATHER IS GOING
TO LANGLEY COLLEGE,

THAT MEANS WE CAN
BUMP INTO HER ANYWHERE.

THE DRUG STORE, THE DRY CLEANER.

SHE COULD EVEN WALK IN HERE!

OH, I'D DIE!

MRS. G, NO BIG STAR IS EVER
GONNA WALK INTO THIS PLACE.

THANKS A LOT.

HOW ARE YOU, GERI?

A LITTLE NERVOUS.

I'M PERFORMING FOR
THE A.M.A. CONVENTION.

THE AMERICAN
MEDICAL ASSOCIATION?

NO.

THE AMERICAN MIME ASSOCIATION.

HUH, NO KIDDING, I WONDER
WHAT KIND OF AUDIENCE THEY'LL BE?

PROBABLY VERY QUIET.

OH, GERI, DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS?

HEATHER HUNT IS GONNA BE A
STUDENT AT LANGLEY COLLEGE.

REALLY? I DID MERV WITH HER.

MERV? THEN YOU KNOW HER?

WELL, YOU DON'T
REALLY KNOW SOMEONE

UNTIL YOU'VE DONE
JOHNNY WITH HER.

WELL, WHAT WAS SHE LIKE?

I COULDN'T TELL.

EVERY TIME SHE OPENED HER MOUTH,

SHELLEY WINTERS INTERRUPTED HER.

HEY. HI, GUYS.

WHERE HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?

I TOOK BLAIR TO MY MEDICAL
SCHOOL FOR A LECTURE.

THE GUEST SPEAKER WAS
AN ANESTHESIOLOGIST.

FASCINATING FIELD.

THEY MAKE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS

JUST FOR PUTTING
PEOPLE TO SLEEP.

SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT
CAREER FOR YOU, BLAIR.

THINK SO?

EXCUSE US, BUT CLIFF AND I HAVE
A FEW THINGS WE NEED TO DISCUSS.

SEE YOU.

CIAO.

THEY ARE SO PERFECT
FOR EACH OTHER.

YEAH, SHE MAKES PEOPLE
SICK AND HE CURES 'EM.

WELL, I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT
WE HAVE THINGS TO DISCUSS?

BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T
SAID ONE WORD TO ME

IN THE LAST TWO HOURS?

I HAVEN'T?

WE'RE UP TO TWO NOW.

COME ON, BLAIR, WHAT'S WRONG?

NOTHING'S WRONG.

ALL RIGHT, ONE
LITTLE THING'S WRONG.

WHEN WE WERE AT
THE MEDICAL SCHOOL,

YOU INTRODUCED ME TO
DR. GAMMELL AND SAID,

"THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND, BLAIR."

WELL, DID YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME?

YOU CALLED ME YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

THAT'S SO THIRD GRADE.

WHAT DO I DO NOW?

WEAR YOUR RING AROUND MY NECK?

COME ON, WE'VE BEEN
GOING TOGETHER FOR FIVE...

GOING TOGETHER,
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WHERE ARE WE GOING,
AND WHAT'S THE HURRY?

WELL, I, I THOUGHT THAT THERE
WAS SOMETHING SPECIAL BETWEEN US,

IF THERE ISN'T THEN WHY ARE WE
SPENDING SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER?

BECAUSE I LOVE YOUR COMPANY.

WE CAN LAUGH TOGETHER.

AND WE CAN TALK
ABOUT ALMOST ANYTHING.

YOU'RE ONE OF MY MOST
FAVORITE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
ME OR MRS. GARRETT?

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM HERE?

YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU.

I'VE MADE A COMMITMENT.

I THOUGHT YOU FELT
THE SAME WAY TOO.

I DON'T WANNA FEEL
TIED DOWN, CLIFF.

WELL, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT MEANS THAT WHEN
WE'RE AT PARTIES,

YOU MAKE ME FEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS.

I CAN'T HELP IT IF GUYS FLOCK
AROUND ME, THEY'RE ONLY HUMAN.

BLAIR, GUYS ARE ALWAYS
GONNA FLOCK AROUND YOU.

I MEAN, I MAY QUESTION
THEIR MOTIVES,

BUT I RESPECT THEIR TASTE.

BUT WHEN ONE OF THEM ASKS
YOU IF YOU'RE GOING WITH SOMEONE,

I WANT YOU TO SAY YES.

WHAT I NEED IS TO FEEL I
CAN GO PLACES BY MYSELF.

LIKE WHERE?

LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, LIKE...

TO THAT PARTY FOR HEATHER HUNT.

WOULD YOU MIND IF I
WENT THERE ALONE?

NO.

GOOD, I THINK WE'VE REACHED
A NEW PLATEAU IN OUR...

WHAT WE HAVE TOGETHER.

HI, HOW ARE YOU?

OH!

OH, WARNSY!

SOME INTENSE SOCIAL ACTIVITY

IN THIS QUADRANT
OF THE ROOM, HUH?

YOU DESERVE IT.

YOU TRY SO HARD.

THANKS, BOOTS.

LOVELY DRESS YOU'RE WEARING.

OH! DO YOU FIND THIS
FROCK APPEALING?

OH, YES. YEAH?

IT MAKES ME SO
NOSTALGIC FOR LAST YEAR.

I THINK THAT'S A DIG AT ME,

AND I AM GOING TO IGNORE IT.

I AM RUBBER AND YOU ARE GLUE.

LOVELY BLOUSE, GREAT BELT.

HI, BLAIR.

CLIFF, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

HI, I'M CLIFF WINFIELD.

GUY REYNOLDS, NICE TO MEET YOU.

EXCUSE US A MINUTE.

WHY DID YOU COME HERE?

WELL, I GOT OFF MY SHIFT
EARLY AT THE HOSPITAL

AND I WAS DRIVING BY AND I
THOUGHT, "HEY, WHY NOT?"

I MEAN, I'M A PARTY ANIMAL.

I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED
TO COME TO THIS PARTY

ALONE AND HAVE FUN.

IS MY BEING HERE
RUINING YOUR FUN?

YOU'RE FOLLOWING ME AROUND

AND LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER,

AND MAKING ME
FEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS

ABOUT EVERYONE I TALK TO.

HOW? I JUST GOT HERE.

I WANT TO MIX AND MINGLE.

I WANT YOU TO MIX AND MINGLE.

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

YOU ARE AT THIS PARTY
AND I AM AT THIS PARTY.

BUT WE ARE NOT AT THIS PARTY.

A-HEM! VOLUME CONTROL TIME.

OH, IT IS MY EXTREME PLEASURE

TO INTRODUCE TO YOU

ONE OF NEXT SEMESTER'S
INCOMING STUDENTS

AND ALREADY AN HONORARY MEMBER

OF GAMMA GAMMA GAMMA.

YOU ENJOYED HER
IN "BOOGIE MAGIC,"

AND YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE HER

IN "BOOGIE MAGIC II."

FOLKS... MISS HEATHER HUNT!

HI.

SHE REALLY MEANS THAT.

EVERYBODY, I AM REALLY
LOOKING FORWARD

TO BEING A STUDENT
HERE AT LANGLEY COLLEGE.

AND I AM REALLY GRATEFUL
FOR THE OPPORTUNITY

TO LIVE MY LIFE

AS IF I WERE JUST
LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

OHH...

NOW LET'S REALLY GET
TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

HI, I'M GUY REYNOLDS.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR
YOU ON CAMPUS ALL WEEK.

YOU FOUND ME!

HEATHER, YOU ARE
PRETTY, WITTY, AND WISE.

HOW YOU DOING, I'M JO POLNACZEK.

THE BOARD OF REGENTS ASKED ME TO
OFFICIALLY WELCOME YOU TO LANGLEY.

OH, WELL, I FEEL YOU
SHOULD KNOW THAT

HEATHER HUNT DOES NOT
EXPECT ANY SPECIAL TREATMENT.

OH, GOOD, THAT MEANS
YOU WON'T BE USING

A STUNT DOUBLE
FOR YOUR MID-TERMS?

A DOUBLE.

I NEVER USE A DOUBLE.

YOU MEAN IN "ANGELS
ON DIRT BIKES,"

YOU DID ALL YOUR OWN STUNTS?

SURE.

I MEAN, IN FACT, IT'S
WHEN I FELL OFF MY BIKE

THAT I RIPPED MY FIRST BLOUSE.

THE LOOK WORKED, SO I KEPT IT.

YOU THINK THAT WORKS, HUH?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL ASK AN IMPARTIAL OBSERVER.

HI.

CLIFF, THIS IS HEATHER HUNT,

STAR OF STAGE, SCREEN,

AND BOB HOPE SPECIALS.

HEATHER, THIS IS CLIFF WINFIELD,

FUTURE DOCTOR OF AMERICA.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

WELL, THANK YOU,
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

OH, COULD THIS BE

SOME ENCHANTED
EVENING TIME, HUH?

I'LL KEEP THE MILLING
THRONG AT BAY.

SO, WELCOME TO LANGLEY.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, I'VE, I'VE SEEN
ALL YOUR MOVIES ON CABLE.

WELL, LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT ME.

YOU LOOK TIRED.

WELL, I JUST GOT OFF MY
SHIFT AT THE HOSPITAL AND...

OH, MY NEXT MOVIE TAKES
PLACE AT A HOSPITAL.

I PLAY THIS MICROSURGEON

WHO WANTS TO BE A SINGER.

IT'S VERY... IT'S VERY
FRESH AND VERY NEW.

WELL, LET ME KNOW IF YOU
NEED ANY TECHNICAL ADVICE?

WELL, UM... YOU
KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.

WHEN I WAS A KID,

I THOUGHT ABOUT
BECOMING A DOCTOR.

NO KIDDING?

BLAIR, DO YOU SEE
WHO CLIFF IS TALKING TO?

I DON'T CARE, JO.

WE HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP.

HE CAN TALK TO WHOMEVER HE==

ANYWAY, WHAT WERE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?

ACTUALLY, YOU WERE TALKING.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT WAS I SAYING?

WELL, WHAT DOES SHE
LOOK LIKE IN PERSON?

I DIDN'T LOOK.

WELL, WHAT DOES SHE SOUND LIKE?

COULD WE PLEASE CHANGE
THE TOPIC OF CONVERSATION.

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S TALK ABOUT
HOW HEATHER HUNT

PRACTICALLY BURNED HER
BRAND INTO YOUR BOYFRIEND.

WHY WOULDN'T SHE
BE ATTRACTED TO CLIFF?

HE HAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
MALE EYES IN PEEKSKILL.

HE ALSO HAPPENS TO
BE CRAZY ABOUT ME.

YOU'RE NOT AFRAID
OF HEATHER HUNT?

BLAIR, IN "REVENGE
OF THE APACHES",

THE GIRL WENT OUT
WITH AN ENTIRE TRIBE.

TOOTIE, DEAR.

YOU DON'T GET TO BE BLAIR
WARNER BY BEING INSECURE.

NO.

THAT'S HOW YOU GET
TO BE NATALIE GREEN.

PEEK-A-BOO, I SEE YOU!

HI, BOOTSIE.

VOILA! THE ENVELOPE, PLEASE.

MISS HEATHER HUNT!

HI.

I'M GONNA DIE... HI!

HI.

HI. HI.

HI.

HI.

SEE, HEATHER, TOLD YOU

THIS IS THE BEST LITTLE
GOURMET SHOP IN PEEKSKILL.

YES, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S SO CRACKER BARREL QUAINT.

OH, WELL, THANK YOU,
THANK YOU, MISS HUNT.

MISS HUNT.

UH, I WONDER...

UH, NOW, YOU CAN SAY
NO IF IT BOTHERS YOU

EVEN THE LEAST LITTLE BIT.

BUT COULD WE HAVE A
PICTURE OF FABULOUS YOU

IN OUR HUMBLE LITTLE SHOP?

OH, OF COURSE.

THANK YOU! THAT'S WONDERFUL.

TOOTIE, TOOTIE,
GO GET THE CAMERA.

DON'T JUST STAND THERE,
GO GET THE CAMERA.

"GO GET YOUR CAMERA,
GO GET YOUR CAMERA."

WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE
ELSE AROUND HERE

LEARN HOW TO TAKE SOME PICTURES?

NOW WHAT CAN WE GET YOU?

WELL, TONIGHT... I'D
WOULD LIKE TO SERVE

A SPECIAL HOME-COOKED MEAL.

AND WE'RE GONNA BE
YOUR STUNT COOKS, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

NOW WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

WELL, I'LL, UM, I'LL LEAVE
THE MENU UP TO YOU.

ME? UM-HMM.

OH, DEAR, MY... I, I
HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

OH, I'M SURE I WILL.

THANK YOU.

OH, GOOD, TOOTIE.

OKAY, HEATHER, HOW
ABOUT YOU AND ME

POSING RIGHT IN
FRONT OF, UM, UH...

THE CASH REGISTER?

OH, TERRIFIC, OKAY.

OH, THIS IS NICE.

OKAY, READY AND... CHEESE!

MISS HUNT, NOW YOU CAN
STILL SAY NO IF YOU WANT

BUT COULD WE GO
OUTSIDE THE STORE

AND TAKE SIX OR
EIGHT OR TEN MORE?

OH, TERRIFIC.

OH, BLESS YOU!

TOOTIE! TOOTIE!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

PUT THE BRAKES ON
THE CHUCK WAGON.

THIS IS JUST A DINNER FOR TWO.

MAYBE HER FRIEND'S
GOT A BIG APPETITE.

WELL, I WOULDN'T KNOW,
BUT WARNSY WOULD.

WHY?

OH, BOOTS, NOW YOU'VE DONE IT.

WELL, SINCE THE
CAT'S OUT OF THE BAG,

LET'S NAME IT, HUH... CLIFF.

WHAT?

HEATHER'S HAVING A ROMANTIC
CANDLELIGHT DINNER TONIGHT

WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, CLIFF.

WELL, I'VE GOTTA GO, SHAZOOM!

COULD YOU PLEASE MOVE?

BLAIR, YOU CLEANED
THIS COUCH AN HOUR AGO.

BUT YOU KEEP SITTING ON IT!

BLAIR, ADMIT IT.

YOU'RE DOING THIS
TO KEEP YOUR MIND

OFF HEATHER'S DATE WITH CLIFF.

THAT PILLOW IS HEATHER'S HEAD.

OH, DON'T BE SILLY, JO.

I HAVEN'T THOUGHT
ABOUT THAT TRAMP ALL DAY.

LOOK, LOOK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

WHY, DON'T, WHY DON'T YOU
AND I GO OUT TO DINNER TONIGHT?

THEN ON THE WAY
BACK, WE'LL STOP OFF

AND SLASH THE TIRES
ON HEATHER'S CAR.

THAT'S FANTASTIC!

HOW CAN YOU DRESS THAT
WAY IN FRONT OF BLAIR?

IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME.

I'LL GET IT.

OH, HI, GERI. HI.

HEY, GERI, HOW'D YOUR
SHOW WITH THE MIMES GO?

I KILLED.

THAT'S WONDERFUL, GERI.

WHY IS SHE DUSTING THE FIREWOOD?

HER BOYFRIEND IS HAVING DINNER

WITH A HOLLYWOOD BARRACUDA.

COME ON, YOU MET
HEATHER ON MERV.

SHE'S A TWO-TIMING
LOW-LIFE, ISN'T SHE?

ACTUALLY, SHE WAS KIND OF NICE.

YOU'RE NOT HELPING
ME HERE, GERI.

JO, HEATHER AND I HARDLY
TALKED TO EACH OTHER.

EXCEPT ONCE, SHE ASKED
TO BORROW MY LIPSTICK.

DO YOU HEAR THAT, BLAIR?

SHE PRACTICALLY
STOLE GERI'S LIPSTICK.

JUST LIKE WHAT SHE'S
DOING WITH CLIFF.

YOU GOTTA STOP HER.

WHAT AM I GONNA
DO, MRS. GARRETT?

WELL... YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED

AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP
WITH CLIFF, HAVEN'T YOU?

SURE, BUT I DIDN'T
THINK HE'D GO OUT

WITH THE FIRST
MOVIE STAR HE MET.

WELL, YOU WANNA MAKE
A COMMITMENT TO CLIFF?

I THINK, ONCE YOU FIGURE OUT

WHAT YOU REALLY WANT OUT
OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM...

YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO.

MRS. GARRETT, IF
WE DON'T LEAVE SOON,

WE'RE GONNA MISS THE MOVIE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

WHAT MOVIE ARE YOU SEEING?

UH... JUST A MOVIE.

WHAT IS IT?

MAYBE I'LL COME WITH.

YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT.

YEAH? MAYBE I WILL.

I DON'T THINK YOU'D WANT TO.

WHY NOT?

WE'RE GOING TO THE
PEEKSKILL ART THEATER.

THEY'RE HAVING A HEATHER
HUNT FILM FESTIVAL.

GOODBYE.

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT TO MRS. G,

IGNORE EVERYTHING SHE JUST SAID.

LOOK, YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU WANNA DO.

YOU WANNA GO OVER THERE

AND PUNCH HEATHER'S LIGHTS OUT.

NO, I DON'T.

YES, I DO.

SO WHAT'S STOPPING YOU?

I HAVE MY PRIDE.

WELL, THAT'S ALL
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE.

HEATHER'S MOVING IN ON YOUR TURF

AND YOU GOTTA STOP HER.

I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THAT.

WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO.

'CAUSE IN A HALF AN HOUR,

SHE'S GONNA BE
FEEDING YOUR BOYFRIEND

WITH THE PASTA
SALAD THAT YOU MADE.

NOW, THAT TEARS IT.

HERE YOU GO. THANK YOU.

A MOVIE STAR'S LIFE
MUST BE PRETTY HECTIC.

OH, WELL...

MOST PEOPLE THINK
IT'S JUST A LOT OF FUN.

ONE PARTY RIGHT AFTER THE OTHER.

UH, LIMOUSINES AND
OVERFLOWING CHAMPAGNE.

THAT'S PRETTY
MUCH WHAT IT'S LIKE.

CHEERS.

MAKING MOVIES
SOUNDS LIKE HARD WORK.

OH, AND IT'S REWARDING, TOO.

I MEAN, I THINK TO MYSELF,

IF I CAN JUST MAKE
ONE PERSON SMILE,

AND THAT PERSON MAKES
ANOTHER PERSON SMILE,

AND THAT PERSON MAKES
ANOTHER PERSON SMILE...

WHY, I'VE MADE
THREE PEOPLE SMILE.

RUDE INTERRUPTION TIME.

LET ME HOP OVER TO THE VICTROLA.

I JUST BOUGHT THIS ALBUM.

"THEMES FROM HOLLYWOOD MOVIES."

JUST PRETEND I'M NOT HERE.

WE'LL TRY.

YOU KNOW...

THE BEST PART ABOUT
BEING AT LANGLEY IS,

FOR THE FIRST TIME, I
FEEL A SENSE OF PRIVACY.

WHOOPS, WRONG MOOD.

WHAT I MEAN
IS... OH! I'LL GET IT.

CAN I HELP YOU?

YES, I'M FROM EDNA'S EDIBLES.

WHEN YOU LEFT THE
SHOP THIS AFTERNOON

YOU FORGOT YOUR
HAND-ROLLED RIGATONI WE MADE

FOR YOUR HOME-COOKED MEAL.

THANK YOU.

BLAIR.

OH, CLIFF, WHAT A SURPRISE.

IT IS NOT!

YOU KNEW HE WAS GONNA BE HERE.

UM, YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?

AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE DO.

HEATHER, IT'S TIME FOR A
WOMAN-TO-WOMAN CHAT.

I'LL GET IT.

HI, I'M FROM "US MAGAZINE,"
IS HEATHER HUNT HERE?

I'M SORRY, MISS HUNT
WANTS NO PUBLICITY.

UH, YES, I DO.

I MEAN, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

AH, MISS HUNT.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

UH, CLIFF, I SHOULD EXPLAIN.

NOW, I PROMISED THE
MAGAZINE THAT I WOULD LET THEM

DO A LAYOUT ON MY
FIRST DATE AT COLLEGE.

WELL, WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL
THAT "WONDERFUL PRIVACY?"

WELL, IF YOU DON'T GET
PRESS PEOPLE FORGET YOU

AND SOON YOU DON'T GET
THE GOOD ROLES ANYMORE.

AND YOU JUST WIND
UP RIDING A HIPPO

ON "CIRCUS OF THE STARS."

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

OH, I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D
MIND HAVING YOUR PICTURE

IN A NATIONAL MAGAZINE WITH ME.

UNLESS, UH, UNLESS
YOU'RE GOING WITH HER.

IN WHICH CASE, UM...

I COULD MAYBE BORROW
YOU FOR THE NIGHT.

OR MAYBE NOT.

HEY, LOOK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

FOR NOW, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST DO A PHOTO LAYOUT

ON HEATHER HUNT, SORORITY GIRL?

YOU KNOW, HEATHER'S NEW BEDROOM.

HEATHER'S NEW CLOSET.

HEATHER'S NEW BEST FRIEND... ME.

COME ON, MR. "US."

I'LL TAKE YOU UPSTAIRS
TO THE BATHROOM.

I'LL SHOW YOU WHERE
HEATHER AND I FLOSS.

BYE.

BLAIR, WHY'D YOU COME HERE?

MY, YOU'VE GOT SOME NERVE.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL HER
YOU WERE MY BOYFRIEND.

HEY, WAIT A SECOND.

YOU SAID YOU WANTED
US TO MIX AND MINGLE.

WELL, I'M MIXING.

AND MINGLING.

BUT I DIDN'T MEAN
WITH OTHER WOMEN.

I MEAN, WHEN I SAID WE
WEREN'T GOING TOGETHER,

I DIDN'T MEAN...

WELL, YOU KNOW
WHAT I DIDN'T MEAN.

BLAIR, WE'VE BEEN
DOWN THIS ROAD BEFORE.

I DON'T HAVE
ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY.

AND IF YOU DON'T EITHER,

I THINK ONE OF US SHOULD LEAVE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?

WHY'D YOU COME HERE TONIGHT?

BECAUSE YOU'RE...

BECAUSE I WAS
AFRAID OF LOSING YOU.

BLAIR, YOU HAVE NEVER
BEEN AFRAID OF LOSING ME.

IF ANYTHING, YOU'VE BEEN
AFRAID OF KEEPING ME.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE
SENSE. COME ON.

YOU NEVER WANTED
ANY KIND OF COMMITMENT.

DON'T TALK TO ME
ABOUT COMMITMENT!

COMMITMENT IS WHEN
SOMEONE SAYS, "I LOVE YOU,"

AND "I NEED YOU AND WE'LL
ALWAYS BE TOGETHER."

AND THEN ONE MORNING
THERE ARE SUITCASES

STANDING IN THE HALL.

THAT'S THE KIND OF
COMMITMENT I GREW UP WITH.

BUT IT DOESN'T
HAVE TO BE THAT WAY.

MY PARENTS HAVE BEEN
TOGETHER FOR 32 YEARS.

BUT THEY LIVE IN IOWA.

BLAIR, THEY DON'T SELL
RELATIONSHIP INSURANCE.

AND THERE'S... WELL,
THERE'S NO GUARANTEE

THAT THINGS WILL WORK OUT.

BUT WHEN YOU MAKE A
COMMITMENT TO SOMEONE,

WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT

"I LOVE YOU ENOUGH
TO TAKE THE RISK."

IF WE WERE TO DECIDE

WE WERE GOING TOGETHER,

WHAT WOULD THAT MEAN?

WELL, IT DOESN'T MEAN
YOU HAVE TO WEAR MY...

RING AROUND YOUR NECK
OR THROUGH YOUR NOSE.

IT JUST MEANS THAT I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

♪ YOU'LL AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪

♪ AN ENJOY THE FUN OF MANAGING ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THEY SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪

♪ IF YOU HEAR THEM
FROM YOUR BROTHER ♪

♪ BETTER CLEAR THEM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪

♪ BETTER GET THEM RIGHT
CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪

♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪

♪ ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET
YOU THROUGH IS UNDERSTAND ♪

♪ YOU THINK YOU'D
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪

♪ YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT
THROUGH WITHOUT THE TRUTH ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪

♪ LEARNING THE
FACTS OF LIFE... ♪♪