The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 5, Episode 11 - The Second Time Around - full transcript
Jo thinks her father's intentions to remarry means that her parents are reconciling.
♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE,
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE,
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
EDNA, YOU'VE DONE A
GREAT JOB WITH THAT SHOP!
IT LOOKS LIKE THE COVER
OF STORE BEAUTIFUL.
OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
OH, BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT, THE GIRLS
REALLY HELPED ME PULL IT TOGETHER.
AS SOON AS I GET THESE CHECKS
READY FOR MRS. G TO SIGN,
WE CAN TAKE OFF
FOR THE BIKE RACE.
YOUR DAUGHTER IS TERRIFIC!
SHE MAKES SURE THAT WE
DON'T UNDERSELL OR OVERBUY.
SHE'S A REAL WATCHDOG.
FOR CHRISTMAS, I THINK
I'LL GET HER A FLEA COLLAR.
WHY DON'T YOU LET ME FIX
YOU A NICE PICNIC DINNER
TO TAKE TO THE RACE, HUH?
A LITTLE PASTA SALAD,
A LITTLE QUICHE...
YEAH, IT'D ONLY COST
YOU ABOUT EIGHT BUCKS.
JO, THEY'RE YOUR PARENTS!
ALL RIGHT. $7.95.
THANKS, EDNA, BUT I'LL
BE TOO NERVOUS TO EAT.
MA, I'VE BEEN IN
HUNDREDS OF BIKE RACES.
I KNOW, BUT THIS IS THE FIRST
TIME I'VE EVER HAD TO WATCH.
UP UNTIL NOW, I'VE ALWAYS
ENJOYED THEM AT HOME...
ON MY KNEES, IN FRONT
OF A LITTLE LIT CANDLE.
HEY, YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU CAME
WHEN OUR DAUGHTER BECOMES
THE REGIONAL DIRT BIKE CHAMPION.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S
EVERY MOTHER'S DREAM.
WELL, SHE'S DONE IT AGAIN.
WHO'S DONE WHAT?
MY MOTHER HAS FIXED ME UP
ON ANOTHER BLIND DATE
FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.
THIS TIME IT'S FLORENCE'S SON.
WHY DOES SHE DO IT?
I JUST HATE IT WHEN
SHE DOES THAT.
MRS. POLNIACZEK, YOU'D NEVER
DO THAT TO JO, WOULD YOU?
WELL... NO, SHE WOULDN'T.
ACTUALLY, SOME BLIND
DATES WORK OUT PRETTY WELL,
DON'T THEY, ROSIE?
OH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO TELL YOU THIS, CHARLIE,
BUT YOU WEREN'T
EXACTLY A BLIND DATE.
I CHECKED YOU OUT FIRST.
YOU DID?
YEAH, AT THE BOWLING ALLEY.
HOW'D YOU KNOW?
I WAS CHECKING YOU OUT, TOO.
UH, MRS. G. SURE.
WELL, NATALIE, I KNOW
ONE SUREFIRE WAY
OF GETTING THROUGH A BLIND DATE.
DO IT BY MAIL? MM-MM.
TAKE ALONG A FRIEND AND
TURN IT INTO A DOUBLE DATE.
MRS. GARRETT, SO FAR MY
MOTHER HAS FIXED ME UP
WITH SIX OF THE SEVEN DWARFS.
OH.
AND HER FRIEND FLORENCE
LOOKS A LOT LIKE GRUMPY.
I COULDN'T SUBJECT SOMEONE TO
THAT KIND OF MISERABLE EVENING.
I MEAN I COULDN'T DO THAT TO
SOME POOR, UNSUSPECTING... TOOTIE!
HI, GUYS!
HELLO. HEY, WHAT
HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?
HOMEWORK, HOMEWORK,
AND HOMEWORK.
BUT TOMORROW NIGHT, I HAVE
A DATE WITH MY BOYFRIEND.
YOU DO?
YEAH, JEFF AND I ARE DYING
TO SEE THE JAMES BOND MOVIE
WITH THAT OLD GUY.
WHAT A COINCIDENCE! SO AM I!
SO IS FLORENCE'S SON.
OH, WHO'S FLORENCE'S SON?
I'LL TELL YOU, TOOTIE.
THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE THIS
GUY COULD BE MY PRINCE CHARMING.
OR A TOAD.
HEY, YOU HAVEN'T
SEEN MY KITCHEN YET!
HOW ABOUT A QUICK TOUR BEFORE
YOU HEAD OFF TO THE RACES, HUH?
SURE!
EVERY TIME ANYONE
MENTIONS THAT RACE,
MY STOMACH DOES FLIP-FLOPS.
ROSE, THAT'S STUPID.
STUPID?
STUPID?
STUPID, AS IN DUMB?
NO, STUPID AS IN, "WHY
AGGRAVATE YOURSELF?"
JO KNOWS WHAT
SHE'S DOING ON A BIKE.
BESIDES, I HAVEN'T CALLED YOU
STUPID AND MEANT IT IN A LONG TIME.
CHARLIE, YOU ARE SUCH A CHARMER.
OOH. [LAUGHING]
WHAT'S ALL THIS SMILING ABOUT?
IT GOES AGAINST THE NATURAL
CONTOURS OF YOUR FACE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
MY PARENTS AREN'T
YELLING AT EACH OTHER.
THEY'RE NOT SNAPPING
AT EACH OTHER.
AND THIS ISN'T THE FIRST
TIME THAT'S HAPPENED.
JO, THEY'RE
DIVORCED, NOT AT WAR.
WELL, I KNOW THAT, BUT I
DIDN'T THINK THEY KNEW THAT.
I MEAN, IF THIS KEEPS UP, WHO
KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN?
YOU KNOW, I READ THAT ONE OUT OF
EVERY THREE DIVORCES ENDS IN MARRIAGE.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Rose: CAREFUL! NOW,
DON'T BANG HER ARM!
JO! WHAT HAPPENED?
OH, I'M ALL RIGHT. IT'S NOTHING.
SHE HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT
WASN'T A LITTLE ACCIDENT!
MA, PLEASE. WHAT
HAPPENED? ARE YOU OK?
SIT DOWN! YES!
ROSE, THE DOCTOR AT THE TRACK
CHECKED HER OUT...
NOTHING'S BROKEN.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
JO, WHAT'S WRONG? JO!
LOOK, MY BIKE WENT
DOWN AT THE TRACK,
AND I HAPPENED TO BE ON IT.
JO, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR ARM?
THE DOCTOR THINKS
SHE SPRAINED IT.
BUT I'M ALL RIGHT, REALLY.
OH, YOU'RE IN PAIN. I CAN TELL.
OH, I'VE JUST... I'VE JUST
GOT A LITTLE HEADACHE.
A CONCUSSION!
I KNEW IT! A
CONCUSSION! MA, PLEASE.
HER FATHER IS A
DOCTOR. SHE KNOWS.
ROSE, THEY EXAMINED JO'S
HEAD AND FOUND NOTHING.
NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT OF STRAW?
DON'T WORRY. WE'LL
TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER.
OH, I'M SURE YOU WILL, EDNA.
CHARLIE, WOULD YOU MIND
DRIVING BACK TO THE CITY ALONE?
I'D LIKE TO SPEND THE
WEEKEND UP HERE WITH JO,
JUST TO MAKE SURE SHE'S OK.
HONEY, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
WHY DON'T WE BOTH STAY?
THEN WE CAN GO OVER TO THE MOTEL
AND GET A COUPLE OF ROOMS.
GOOD. AND THEN,
TOMORROW MORNING,
YOU'LL COME HERE FIRST THING AND
HAVE BREAKFAST WITH THE PATIENT.
OH, THANKS, EDNA.
NOW, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OK?
YEAH, I JUST NEED A
GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.
AND A GOOD SOAK IN A HOT TUB.
I'LL GO RUN IT FOR
YOU RIGHT NOW.
NOW, YOU PROMISE YOU'LL
CALL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.
MA, I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU.
JO, BOTHER YOUR MOTHER.
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, HONEY.
OH, CHARLIE, I'M SO
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
BYE.
DON'T WORRY.
I'LL CALL YOU IF HER
TEMPERATURE GOES UP.
OR DOWN.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
JUST GREAT!
BOY, DO YOU HEAL FAST!
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ACCIDENT?
NOTHING I DO ON MY
BIKE IS AN ACCIDENT.
BUT YOU SAID IT WENT DOWN.
NUH-UH, I LAID IT DOWN,
AND THEN DID A SHOULDER
ROLL INTO A BALE OF HAY.
YOU COULDN'T JUST CROSS THE
FINISH LINE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?
LOOK, I'M GOING AROUND
THE TRACK, RIGHT?
THE FIRST LAP, I PASS MY FOLKS,
AND I SEE THAT THEY'RE
CHEERING, RIGHT?
THE SECOND LAP,
THEY'RE SHARING A COKE.
THE THIRD LAP, I TAKE THE
LEAD, AND HE KISSES HER.
IN THE FOURTH LAP, WHAT
ELSE COULD I DO BUT WIPE-OUT?
YOU LOST ME ON THE FAR TURN.
THERE IS NOTHING LIKE
A SERIOUSLY INJURED KID
TO BRING A FAMILY
BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.
COME ON! I MEAN, YOU HEARD THEM!
HE CALLED HER HONEY TWICE!
AND THEN SHE SAID THAT
SHE WAS GLAD HE WAS HERE.
AND I AM TELLING YOU, THEY ARE
READY TO GET BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.
I CAN SMELL IT.
JO, JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE AREN'T
RIPPING EACH OTHER'S THROATS OUT
DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE
FALLING IN LOVE.
WELL, IT'S A START.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NEXT?
THROW YOURSELF
IN FRONT OF A BUS?
I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.
MY FOLKS ARE GONNA
BE UP HERE TOGETHER
IN ROMANTIC PEEKSKILL
FOR THE ENTIRE WEEKEND.
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS LIMP AROUND
AND LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE.
WHOO!
OOH, YEAH.
OOH.
AH, ROSE. [LAUGHING] OH!
IT'S A REAL TREAT
HAVING SOMEBODY
ELSE DO THE COOKING.
AND YOUR PIZZA IS
OUT OF THIS WORLD.
IT'S MOM'S SPECIALTY.
SHE USED TO MAKE IT ON SUNDAYS
AFTER THE THREE OF US
WATCHED THE JETS GAME.
I NEVER REALIZED
HOW MUCH I MISSED IT
TILL AFTER MY FIFTH PIECE.
[LAUGHING]
GIRLS, I'M SO SORRY.
IF I'D HAVE KNOWN YOU
ATE PIZZA LAST NIGHT,
I WOULD'VE MADE SOMETHING ELSE.
WELL, WE DIDN'T
ACTUALLY EAT THE PIZZA.
IT WENT FLYING BY MUCH TOO FAST.
WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, MY BOYFRIEND HAPPENS TO BE
THE STAR QUARTERBACK
FOR BATES ACADEMY,
AND TWO WEEKS AGO AT
THE BATES/HUXLEY GAME,
HIS THROWING ARM WAS ALMOST
RIPPED OUT OF ITS SOCKET BY...
FLORENCE'S SON.
ALSO KNOWN AS THE HUXLEY HAMMER.
SMALL WORLD, ISN'T IT?
IT WAS AWFUL!
FIRST... FIRST, THEY
STARTED GROWLING,
AND THEN THEY STARTED YELLING.
AND THEN EVERYTHING HIT
THE FAN, INCLUDING THE PIZZA.
I HAVEN'T BEEN IN A FOOD
FIGHT SINCE FIFTH GRADE,
AND YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE
FOR THAT ONE, TOO.
HEY, I ADD SPICE TO YOUR LIFE.
WELL, I'D BETTER GET GOING.
I DON'T WANT TO
MISS THE 5:00 TRAIN
BACK TO THE CITY. OH.
YOU AND POP AREN'T
DRIVING BACK TOGETHER?
OH, HONEY, I PROMISED MY BOSS
I'D WORK THE LATE SHIFT TONIGHT,
AND YOUR FATHER WANTS TO
STICK AROUND FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
HE HAS SOMETHING HE'D
LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
ROSE, WOULD YOU LIKE
A RIDE TO THE STATION?
I'LL TAKE YOU. I HAVE TO
STOP BY THE LIBRARY ANYWAY.
OH, THANKS, BLAIR.
NOW, YOU TAKE IT EASY.
YOU MAY THINK YOU'RE
FEELING BETTER, BUT YOU'RE NOT.
OH, EDNA, I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO THANK YOU OR TO REPAY YOU.
I DO. SEND ME YOUR PIZZA RECIPE.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
RIGHT. BYE.
GOOD-BYE, DEAR.
BYE-BYE. BYE, ROSE.
SEE YOU LATER. SEE YOU.
SO, POP, WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO TALK ABOUT?
WELL, I... YOU KNOW...
WELL, I THINK I'LL GO
HELP NATALIE AND TOOTIE
WITH WHATEVER
IT IS THEY'RE DOING.
SO, POP, WHAT IS IT?
WELL, JO, I, UH...
I... THIS IS WEIRD.
I MEAN, YOU USUALLY HAVE THIS
CONVERSATION WITH A PARENT,
NOT YOUR KID.
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, POP.
THINK OF ME AS GRANDPA FRANK.
OK.
SORRY, IT WON'T WORK
WITHOUT THE MUSTACHE.
YOU SEE, JO, OVER
THE PAST FEW YEARS,
I'VE CHANGED A LOT.
I'VE GROWN AND
MATURED AND I... I REALLY...
YOU'RE NOT THE SAME
IRRESPONSIBLE BUM YOU USED TO BE.
EXACTLY. RIGHT, OK.
AND WHEN A PERSON GROWS
OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS LIKE I DID,
AND... AND MATURED,
WE USUALLY...
POP, YOUR FOOTWORK'S
MAKING ME DIZZY HERE.
COULD WE JUST GET
TO THE ONE-TWO PUNCH?
HERE GOES...
JO, I THINK I'M GONNA
GET MARRIED AGAIN.
NO KIDDING!
I KNOW THIS IS A SURPRISE.
OH, WELL, TOTALLY.
BUT SOMEHOW, I THINK
YOU'RE GONNA LIKE THIS WOMAN.
I LOVE HER ALREADY.
SHE'S GOT THIS REALLY
TERRIFIC DAUGHTER.
OH, POP, COME ON!
AND A SON.
HE'S A LITTLE BIT OF
A PROBLEM. WHAT?
WELL, HE'S ONLY 8, AND HE'S
ALREADY DITCHING SCHOOL,
BUT CAROL THINKS ALL HE NEEDS
IS A MAN AROUND THE HOUSE.
YOU KNOW, LIKE A FATHER?
I THINK MAYBE SHE'S RIGHT.
CAROL?
OH, LOOK, I KNOW MAYBE I SHOULD
HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT HER BEFORE,
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE THIS WAS GOING,
AND IT WAS HARD FOR
ME TO TALK TO YOU.
HARD FOR YOU?
HARD FOR YOU?!
HOW COULD YOU DO
THIS TO MOM AND ME?
HOW COULD YOU
LIE TO US LIKE THAT?
LIE ABOUT WHAT?
THIS WHOLE WEEKEND.
I MEAN, I SAW HOW
YOU WERE WITH MOM.
WE WERE LIKE A FAMILY!
IT WAS ALL A LIE, WASN'T IT?
OH, HONEY, YOU GOT THE WRONG...
DON'T YOU HONEY ME!
YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED AT ALL!
YOU WALKED OUT ON MA BEFORE,
AND YOU'RE WALKING OUT ON US AGAIN!
JO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
WOULD YOU JUST GO?
JUST GET OUT OF OUR LIVES,
ONLY THIS TIME, STAY OUT!
HI, MA.
JO! WHY AREN'T YOU IN SCHOOL?
WELL, AFTER OLD CHARLIE DROPPED
HIS LITTLE BOMBSHELL YESTERDAY,
I FIGURED YOU
PROBABLY NEEDED ME,
AND I GO WHERE I'M NEEDED.
JO, I AM VERY UPSET
ABOUT YOUR FATHER.
OF COURSE YOU ARE.
I DIDN'T SLEEP A
WINK LAST NIGHT.
OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T.
EVERY TIME YOU HUNG
UP ON HIM, HE CALLED ME.
THAT WAS AT 12:15,
1:30, 2:20, 4:45...
YOU KNOW, WE HAVEN'T
BEEN UP THAT MANY TIMES
DURING THE NIGHT
SINCE YOU HAD COLIC.
JO, WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO HIM?
I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO HIM.
NOW, WHY DON'T YOU LET ME
MAKE YOU SOME BREAKFAST?
THAT IS, IF YOU'RE UP TO EATING.
WELL, WHY WOULDN'T
I FEEL LIKE EATING?
MA, YOU'RE BEING SO BRAVE.
TOO BRAVE, IF YOU ASK ME.
JO, STOP IT!
I AM NOT A
SHELL-SHOCKED WAR VICTIM.
YES, YOU ARE, MOM.
YOU FOUGHT THE BATTLE
OF THE SEXES, AND YOU LOST.
JO, YOUR FATHER
IS GETTING MARRIED.
I AM NOT TAKING PILLS OR POISON
OR THE FAST WAY DOWN
TO THE FIRST FLOOR.
ARE YOU TELLING ME
THAT IT DIDN'T HURT
WHEN YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT
POP AND WHAT'S HER NAME?
HER NAME IS CAROL,
AND, YES, IT DID HURT.
SO, I SAID TO MYSELF, "ROSE, A
CERTAIN PART OF YOUR LIFE IS OVER."
AND THEN I SAID TO MYSELF,
"ROSE, THAT SON-OF-A-GUN
FOUND SOMEONE BEFORE YOU DID!"
I NEVER SHOULD'VE QUIT
PARENTS WITHOUT PARTNERS.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
THERE'S NO ONE HOME!
JO!
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, CHARLIE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT HERE?
NATALIE SAID YOU'D BE HERE.
YEAH, WELL, NATALIE'S
GOT A BIG MOUTH!
HEY, SHE WAS RUNNING
OUT OF EXCUSES.
THE BEST SHE COULD COME UP WITH
WAS THAT YOU WERE OUT BIRD WATCHING.
WHEN I SAID I DIDN'T BUY
IT, SHE JUST CRUMBLED.
CAN I GET YOU A CUP
OF COFFEE, CHARLIE?
NO, THANKS. JO, I
WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
I WANT TO TALK TO BOTH OF YOU.
YEAH, WELL, I GOTTA GO
FIND A BIRD TO WATCH.
JO, WAIT A MINUTE!
I WAS THINKING MAYBE I
SHOULD CALL OFF THE WEDDING.
WHAT?
WHY?
BECAUSE, JO, YOU'RE THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD TO ME.
THANKS, POP.
I DON'T BELIEVE
WHAT I'M HEARING.
OBVIOUSLY, HE HAS
DONE A LOT OF THINKING
ABOUT THE THINGS THAT
ARE IMPORTANT IN HIS LIFE.
LIKE ME.
LIKE YOU. JO, THAT IS ENOUGH!
YOU KNOW, ALL YOUR
LIFE, YOU'VE BEEN A BULLY,
AND PEOPLE LET YOU
GET AWAY WITH IT,
BUT THIS TIME,
YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR!
ROSE, PLEASE... NO, I'M SORRY.
IT'S ONE THING, SHE BULLIED YOU
INTO CALLING OFF YOUR WEDDING,
BUT SHE'S NOT GONNA BULLY US
INTO GETTING BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M DOING!
SHHH!
HAVE YOU TALKED
TO CAROL ABOUT THIS?
WELL, NOT YET.
I WAS GONNA TALK TO HER LATER,
AFTER I TAKE THE KIDS BOWLING.
I THINK I'LL PROBABLY
LET THEM WIN.
WHY DON'T WE
TALK FIRST, CHARLIE?
'CAUSE I DON'T THINK
CALLING OFF THIS WEDDING
IS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO DO.
I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS!
WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GONNA DO?
GIVE HIM AWAY AT
THE WEDDING TOO?
JO, I KNOW THIS IS
VERY HARD FOR YOU,
AND I WANT TO HELP YOU WITH
IT... WE BOTH WANT TO HEL...
LOOK, RIGHT IS RIGHT,
AND THIS IS WRONG,
AND I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE!
JO, OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE OK.
WHY WOULDN'T I BE OK?
YOUR MOTHER SAID YOU
LEFT HER PLACE THIS MORNING,
AND I COULDN'T IMAGINE
WHERE YOU COULD HAVE BEEN.
YEAH, WELL, I TOOK
A LONG-CUT HOME.
JO, I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR PARENTS.
OH, NO KIDDING. WHAT,
ARE MY CLOTHES BUGGED?
NO, YOUR MOTHER TOLD ME.
YOU KNOW, FOR
SUCH A ROOMY HOUSE,
THERE A WHOLE LOT OF
PRIVACY IN HERE, IS THERE?
WHY AREN'T YOU OUT ON A DATE?
I'D SAY NO ONE ASKED ME OUT, BUT OF
COURSE, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THAT.
YEAH, WELL, IT
WAS CRAZY TO THINK
I COULD HAVE THE ROOM TO
MYSELF FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
NO, LET ME GET MY BOOKS
TOGETHER, AND I'LL LEAVE.
UNLESS, OF COURSE,
YOU'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT.
IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
OK, FINE.
YOU KNOW, I'M TELLING YOU,
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE
WHAT MY MOTHER DID.
HEY, IT'S REALLY...
MY FATHER WAS READY
TO CALL OFF THAT WEDDING,
AND MY MOTHER CALLED IT BACK ON!
JO, DON'T... I MEAN, WHOSE
SIDE IS SHE ON, ANYWAY?
JO, YOUR FATHER'S DOWNSTAIRS.
OH, GREAT. WHAT'D HE DO,
FOLLOW ME ALL THE WAY UP HERE?
WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM?
YOU KNOW YOUR MOTHER
AND HE ARE VERY UPSET.
THEY'RE JUST TRYING
TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY.
WELL, I SHOULDN'T FEEL GUILTY.
HE SHOULD FEEL GUILTY.
THEY SHOULD FEEL GUILTY.
I'VE NEVER HEARD IT CONJUGATED
QUITE THAT WAY BEFORE.
WHY SHOULD ANYONE FEEL GUILTY?
COME ON, MRS. G.
HE WAS UP HERE ALL
WEEKEND, PLAYING HOUSE,
AND THEN HE TELLS ME
ABOUT SOME STRANGE WOMAN
AND HER STRANGE LITTLE KIDS,
AND HOW THEY NEED A FATHER.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE THEY DO,
BUT DOES IT HAVE TO BE MINE?
UH, EXCUSE ME, BUT THIS IS
THE PART THAT IS MY BUSINESS.
LOOK, JO, ALONG WITH
ALL MY STEPFATHERS
CAME STEPBROTHERS
AND STEPSISTERS.
BELIEVE ME, I'VE GOT MORE STEPS
THAN THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT.
WHAT DOES THAT HAVE
TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
LISTEN... EVERY TIME A NEW STEP
CAME OUT OF THE WOODWORK,
I USED TO THINK, OH, WELL.
THERE'S A LITTLE
LESS LOVE FOR BLAIR.
I EVEN LEARNED TO
PLAY THE ACCORDION
BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD
MAKE ME MORE LOVEABLE.
WANT TO HEAR LADY OF SPAIN?
BLAIR, YOU'RE ALL
WRONG ABOUT THIS.
I AM NOT JEALOUS OF THOSE KIDS.
OF COURSE YOU ARE,
AND WHO WOULDN'T BE?
I MEAN, THEY'RE PROBABLY
YOUNGER THAN YOU ARE,
AND THEY'RE CERTAINLY
CUTER THAN YOU ARE.
BLAIR.
WELL, I KNOW WHAT SHE'S FEELING,
AND IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL.
DON'T TELL ME I'M NORMAL!
I NEVER SAID YOU WERE NORMAL.
I SAID YOUR FEELINGS
WERE NORMAL.
EXCUSE ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP HERE?
HE PROBABLY GOT TIRED
OF WAITING DOWNSTAIRS.
YEAH, WELL, THIS IS MY
ROOM, AND YOU CAN'T COME IN.
WELL, IT'S MY ROOM
TOO, AND YES, YOU CAN.
I'M NOW GOING TO LEAVE MY ROOM.
I THINK I'LL GO TO MY ROOM.
NICE ROOM YOU GOT HERE.
ALL RIGHT, WHY'D
YOU COME UP HERE?
BECAUSE YOU WANTED
ME TO. I DID NOT!
YOU DID TOO!
WHEN YOU RUN OFF
AND SLAM THE DOOR
ON SOMEBODY THAT
CARES ABOUT YOU,
ODDS ARE, THEY'RE
GONNA COME AFTER YOU.
OH, YEAH. YOU CARE
ABOUT ME... RIGHT.
NOW, YOU LISTEN
TO ME, JOANNA MARIE.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR FOOT
STOMPING AND DOOR SLAMMING.
EITHER YOU CAN HOLD YOUR BREATH
LIKE YOU DID WHEN YOU WERE FIVE
OR WE CAN TALK.
YEAH? WELL, I DON'T SEE
WHAT THERE IS TO TALK ABOUT.
I THOUGHT THAT YOU AND
MOM HAD SOMETHING GOING.
BUT ALL YOU ARE IS JUST FRIENDS.
HEY, DON'T KNOCK IT.
IT TOOK US A LONG
TIME TO GET TO FRIENDS.
MAYBE IF YOU GAVE
IT A LITTLE MORE TIME.
JO, WE GOT MARRIED FOR A REASON
AND WE GOT DIVORCED
FOR A REASON,
AND THOSE REASONS
HAVEN'T CHANGED.
I DON'T GET IT.
I THOUGHT WE HAD FUN TOGETHER.
WE DID, AND WE'LL HAVE MORE.
IT JUST FELT LIKE WE WERE CLOSE
AND THAT YOU CARED
ABOUT MOM AND ME.
IT JUST FELT LIKE
WE WERE A FAMILY.
WE ARE CLOSE, AND I DO CARE
ABOUT YOU AND YOUR MOTHER.
I LOVE BOTH OF YOU.
I KNOW.
BUT JO, WE'LL NEVER
BE A FAMILY AGAIN.
♪ YOU'LL AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪
♪ AND ENJOY THE FUN OF
MANAGING THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THEY SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪
♪ IF YOU HEAR 'EM
FROM YOUR BROTHER ♪
♪ BETTER CLEAR THEM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪
♪ BETTER GET THEM RIGHT,
CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪
♪ ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET
YOU THROUGH IS UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ YOU THINK YOU
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT
THROUGH WITHOUT THE TRUTH ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ LEARNING THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE,
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE,
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
EDNA, YOU'VE DONE A
GREAT JOB WITH THAT SHOP!
IT LOOKS LIKE THE COVER
OF STORE BEAUTIFUL.
OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
OH, BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT, THE GIRLS
REALLY HELPED ME PULL IT TOGETHER.
AS SOON AS I GET THESE CHECKS
READY FOR MRS. G TO SIGN,
WE CAN TAKE OFF
FOR THE BIKE RACE.
YOUR DAUGHTER IS TERRIFIC!
SHE MAKES SURE THAT WE
DON'T UNDERSELL OR OVERBUY.
SHE'S A REAL WATCHDOG.
FOR CHRISTMAS, I THINK
I'LL GET HER A FLEA COLLAR.
WHY DON'T YOU LET ME FIX
YOU A NICE PICNIC DINNER
TO TAKE TO THE RACE, HUH?
A LITTLE PASTA SALAD,
A LITTLE QUICHE...
YEAH, IT'D ONLY COST
YOU ABOUT EIGHT BUCKS.
JO, THEY'RE YOUR PARENTS!
ALL RIGHT. $7.95.
THANKS, EDNA, BUT I'LL
BE TOO NERVOUS TO EAT.
MA, I'VE BEEN IN
HUNDREDS OF BIKE RACES.
I KNOW, BUT THIS IS THE FIRST
TIME I'VE EVER HAD TO WATCH.
UP UNTIL NOW, I'VE ALWAYS
ENJOYED THEM AT HOME...
ON MY KNEES, IN FRONT
OF A LITTLE LIT CANDLE.
HEY, YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU CAME
WHEN OUR DAUGHTER BECOMES
THE REGIONAL DIRT BIKE CHAMPION.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S
EVERY MOTHER'S DREAM.
WELL, SHE'S DONE IT AGAIN.
WHO'S DONE WHAT?
MY MOTHER HAS FIXED ME UP
ON ANOTHER BLIND DATE
FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.
THIS TIME IT'S FLORENCE'S SON.
WHY DOES SHE DO IT?
I JUST HATE IT WHEN
SHE DOES THAT.
MRS. POLNIACZEK, YOU'D NEVER
DO THAT TO JO, WOULD YOU?
WELL... NO, SHE WOULDN'T.
ACTUALLY, SOME BLIND
DATES WORK OUT PRETTY WELL,
DON'T THEY, ROSIE?
OH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO TELL YOU THIS, CHARLIE,
BUT YOU WEREN'T
EXACTLY A BLIND DATE.
I CHECKED YOU OUT FIRST.
YOU DID?
YEAH, AT THE BOWLING ALLEY.
HOW'D YOU KNOW?
I WAS CHECKING YOU OUT, TOO.
UH, MRS. G. SURE.
WELL, NATALIE, I KNOW
ONE SUREFIRE WAY
OF GETTING THROUGH A BLIND DATE.
DO IT BY MAIL? MM-MM.
TAKE ALONG A FRIEND AND
TURN IT INTO A DOUBLE DATE.
MRS. GARRETT, SO FAR MY
MOTHER HAS FIXED ME UP
WITH SIX OF THE SEVEN DWARFS.
OH.
AND HER FRIEND FLORENCE
LOOKS A LOT LIKE GRUMPY.
I COULDN'T SUBJECT SOMEONE TO
THAT KIND OF MISERABLE EVENING.
I MEAN I COULDN'T DO THAT TO
SOME POOR, UNSUSPECTING... TOOTIE!
HI, GUYS!
HELLO. HEY, WHAT
HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?
HOMEWORK, HOMEWORK,
AND HOMEWORK.
BUT TOMORROW NIGHT, I HAVE
A DATE WITH MY BOYFRIEND.
YOU DO?
YEAH, JEFF AND I ARE DYING
TO SEE THE JAMES BOND MOVIE
WITH THAT OLD GUY.
WHAT A COINCIDENCE! SO AM I!
SO IS FLORENCE'S SON.
OH, WHO'S FLORENCE'S SON?
I'LL TELL YOU, TOOTIE.
THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE THIS
GUY COULD BE MY PRINCE CHARMING.
OR A TOAD.
HEY, YOU HAVEN'T
SEEN MY KITCHEN YET!
HOW ABOUT A QUICK TOUR BEFORE
YOU HEAD OFF TO THE RACES, HUH?
SURE!
EVERY TIME ANYONE
MENTIONS THAT RACE,
MY STOMACH DOES FLIP-FLOPS.
ROSE, THAT'S STUPID.
STUPID?
STUPID?
STUPID, AS IN DUMB?
NO, STUPID AS IN, "WHY
AGGRAVATE YOURSELF?"
JO KNOWS WHAT
SHE'S DOING ON A BIKE.
BESIDES, I HAVEN'T CALLED YOU
STUPID AND MEANT IT IN A LONG TIME.
CHARLIE, YOU ARE SUCH A CHARMER.
OOH. [LAUGHING]
WHAT'S ALL THIS SMILING ABOUT?
IT GOES AGAINST THE NATURAL
CONTOURS OF YOUR FACE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
MY PARENTS AREN'T
YELLING AT EACH OTHER.
THEY'RE NOT SNAPPING
AT EACH OTHER.
AND THIS ISN'T THE FIRST
TIME THAT'S HAPPENED.
JO, THEY'RE
DIVORCED, NOT AT WAR.
WELL, I KNOW THAT, BUT I
DIDN'T THINK THEY KNEW THAT.
I MEAN, IF THIS KEEPS UP, WHO
KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN?
YOU KNOW, I READ THAT ONE OUT OF
EVERY THREE DIVORCES ENDS IN MARRIAGE.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Rose: CAREFUL! NOW,
DON'T BANG HER ARM!
JO! WHAT HAPPENED?
OH, I'M ALL RIGHT. IT'S NOTHING.
SHE HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT
WASN'T A LITTLE ACCIDENT!
MA, PLEASE. WHAT
HAPPENED? ARE YOU OK?
SIT DOWN! YES!
ROSE, THE DOCTOR AT THE TRACK
CHECKED HER OUT...
NOTHING'S BROKEN.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
JO, WHAT'S WRONG? JO!
LOOK, MY BIKE WENT
DOWN AT THE TRACK,
AND I HAPPENED TO BE ON IT.
JO, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR ARM?
THE DOCTOR THINKS
SHE SPRAINED IT.
BUT I'M ALL RIGHT, REALLY.
OH, YOU'RE IN PAIN. I CAN TELL.
OH, I'VE JUST... I'VE JUST
GOT A LITTLE HEADACHE.
A CONCUSSION!
I KNEW IT! A
CONCUSSION! MA, PLEASE.
HER FATHER IS A
DOCTOR. SHE KNOWS.
ROSE, THEY EXAMINED JO'S
HEAD AND FOUND NOTHING.
NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT OF STRAW?
DON'T WORRY. WE'LL
TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER.
OH, I'M SURE YOU WILL, EDNA.
CHARLIE, WOULD YOU MIND
DRIVING BACK TO THE CITY ALONE?
I'D LIKE TO SPEND THE
WEEKEND UP HERE WITH JO,
JUST TO MAKE SURE SHE'S OK.
HONEY, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
WHY DON'T WE BOTH STAY?
THEN WE CAN GO OVER TO THE MOTEL
AND GET A COUPLE OF ROOMS.
GOOD. AND THEN,
TOMORROW MORNING,
YOU'LL COME HERE FIRST THING AND
HAVE BREAKFAST WITH THE PATIENT.
OH, THANKS, EDNA.
NOW, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OK?
YEAH, I JUST NEED A
GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.
AND A GOOD SOAK IN A HOT TUB.
I'LL GO RUN IT FOR
YOU RIGHT NOW.
NOW, YOU PROMISE YOU'LL
CALL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.
MA, I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU.
JO, BOTHER YOUR MOTHER.
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, HONEY.
OH, CHARLIE, I'M SO
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
BYE.
DON'T WORRY.
I'LL CALL YOU IF HER
TEMPERATURE GOES UP.
OR DOWN.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
JUST GREAT!
BOY, DO YOU HEAL FAST!
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ACCIDENT?
NOTHING I DO ON MY
BIKE IS AN ACCIDENT.
BUT YOU SAID IT WENT DOWN.
NUH-UH, I LAID IT DOWN,
AND THEN DID A SHOULDER
ROLL INTO A BALE OF HAY.
YOU COULDN'T JUST CROSS THE
FINISH LINE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?
LOOK, I'M GOING AROUND
THE TRACK, RIGHT?
THE FIRST LAP, I PASS MY FOLKS,
AND I SEE THAT THEY'RE
CHEERING, RIGHT?
THE SECOND LAP,
THEY'RE SHARING A COKE.
THE THIRD LAP, I TAKE THE
LEAD, AND HE KISSES HER.
IN THE FOURTH LAP, WHAT
ELSE COULD I DO BUT WIPE-OUT?
YOU LOST ME ON THE FAR TURN.
THERE IS NOTHING LIKE
A SERIOUSLY INJURED KID
TO BRING A FAMILY
BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.
COME ON! I MEAN, YOU HEARD THEM!
HE CALLED HER HONEY TWICE!
AND THEN SHE SAID THAT
SHE WAS GLAD HE WAS HERE.
AND I AM TELLING YOU, THEY ARE
READY TO GET BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.
I CAN SMELL IT.
JO, JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE AREN'T
RIPPING EACH OTHER'S THROATS OUT
DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE
FALLING IN LOVE.
WELL, IT'S A START.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NEXT?
THROW YOURSELF
IN FRONT OF A BUS?
I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.
MY FOLKS ARE GONNA
BE UP HERE TOGETHER
IN ROMANTIC PEEKSKILL
FOR THE ENTIRE WEEKEND.
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS LIMP AROUND
AND LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE.
WHOO!
OOH, YEAH.
OOH.
AH, ROSE. [LAUGHING] OH!
IT'S A REAL TREAT
HAVING SOMEBODY
ELSE DO THE COOKING.
AND YOUR PIZZA IS
OUT OF THIS WORLD.
IT'S MOM'S SPECIALTY.
SHE USED TO MAKE IT ON SUNDAYS
AFTER THE THREE OF US
WATCHED THE JETS GAME.
I NEVER REALIZED
HOW MUCH I MISSED IT
TILL AFTER MY FIFTH PIECE.
[LAUGHING]
GIRLS, I'M SO SORRY.
IF I'D HAVE KNOWN YOU
ATE PIZZA LAST NIGHT,
I WOULD'VE MADE SOMETHING ELSE.
WELL, WE DIDN'T
ACTUALLY EAT THE PIZZA.
IT WENT FLYING BY MUCH TOO FAST.
WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, MY BOYFRIEND HAPPENS TO BE
THE STAR QUARTERBACK
FOR BATES ACADEMY,
AND TWO WEEKS AGO AT
THE BATES/HUXLEY GAME,
HIS THROWING ARM WAS ALMOST
RIPPED OUT OF ITS SOCKET BY...
FLORENCE'S SON.
ALSO KNOWN AS THE HUXLEY HAMMER.
SMALL WORLD, ISN'T IT?
IT WAS AWFUL!
FIRST... FIRST, THEY
STARTED GROWLING,
AND THEN THEY STARTED YELLING.
AND THEN EVERYTHING HIT
THE FAN, INCLUDING THE PIZZA.
I HAVEN'T BEEN IN A FOOD
FIGHT SINCE FIFTH GRADE,
AND YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE
FOR THAT ONE, TOO.
HEY, I ADD SPICE TO YOUR LIFE.
WELL, I'D BETTER GET GOING.
I DON'T WANT TO
MISS THE 5:00 TRAIN
BACK TO THE CITY. OH.
YOU AND POP AREN'T
DRIVING BACK TOGETHER?
OH, HONEY, I PROMISED MY BOSS
I'D WORK THE LATE SHIFT TONIGHT,
AND YOUR FATHER WANTS TO
STICK AROUND FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
HE HAS SOMETHING HE'D
LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
ROSE, WOULD YOU LIKE
A RIDE TO THE STATION?
I'LL TAKE YOU. I HAVE TO
STOP BY THE LIBRARY ANYWAY.
OH, THANKS, BLAIR.
NOW, YOU TAKE IT EASY.
YOU MAY THINK YOU'RE
FEELING BETTER, BUT YOU'RE NOT.
OH, EDNA, I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO THANK YOU OR TO REPAY YOU.
I DO. SEND ME YOUR PIZZA RECIPE.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
RIGHT. BYE.
GOOD-BYE, DEAR.
BYE-BYE. BYE, ROSE.
SEE YOU LATER. SEE YOU.
SO, POP, WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO TALK ABOUT?
WELL, I... YOU KNOW...
WELL, I THINK I'LL GO
HELP NATALIE AND TOOTIE
WITH WHATEVER
IT IS THEY'RE DOING.
SO, POP, WHAT IS IT?
WELL, JO, I, UH...
I... THIS IS WEIRD.
I MEAN, YOU USUALLY HAVE THIS
CONVERSATION WITH A PARENT,
NOT YOUR KID.
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, POP.
THINK OF ME AS GRANDPA FRANK.
OK.
SORRY, IT WON'T WORK
WITHOUT THE MUSTACHE.
YOU SEE, JO, OVER
THE PAST FEW YEARS,
I'VE CHANGED A LOT.
I'VE GROWN AND
MATURED AND I... I REALLY...
YOU'RE NOT THE SAME
IRRESPONSIBLE BUM YOU USED TO BE.
EXACTLY. RIGHT, OK.
AND WHEN A PERSON GROWS
OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS LIKE I DID,
AND... AND MATURED,
WE USUALLY...
POP, YOUR FOOTWORK'S
MAKING ME DIZZY HERE.
COULD WE JUST GET
TO THE ONE-TWO PUNCH?
HERE GOES...
JO, I THINK I'M GONNA
GET MARRIED AGAIN.
NO KIDDING!
I KNOW THIS IS A SURPRISE.
OH, WELL, TOTALLY.
BUT SOMEHOW, I THINK
YOU'RE GONNA LIKE THIS WOMAN.
I LOVE HER ALREADY.
SHE'S GOT THIS REALLY
TERRIFIC DAUGHTER.
OH, POP, COME ON!
AND A SON.
HE'S A LITTLE BIT OF
A PROBLEM. WHAT?
WELL, HE'S ONLY 8, AND HE'S
ALREADY DITCHING SCHOOL,
BUT CAROL THINKS ALL HE NEEDS
IS A MAN AROUND THE HOUSE.
YOU KNOW, LIKE A FATHER?
I THINK MAYBE SHE'S RIGHT.
CAROL?
OH, LOOK, I KNOW MAYBE I SHOULD
HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT HER BEFORE,
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE THIS WAS GOING,
AND IT WAS HARD FOR
ME TO TALK TO YOU.
HARD FOR YOU?
HARD FOR YOU?!
HOW COULD YOU DO
THIS TO MOM AND ME?
HOW COULD YOU
LIE TO US LIKE THAT?
LIE ABOUT WHAT?
THIS WHOLE WEEKEND.
I MEAN, I SAW HOW
YOU WERE WITH MOM.
WE WERE LIKE A FAMILY!
IT WAS ALL A LIE, WASN'T IT?
OH, HONEY, YOU GOT THE WRONG...
DON'T YOU HONEY ME!
YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED AT ALL!
YOU WALKED OUT ON MA BEFORE,
AND YOU'RE WALKING OUT ON US AGAIN!
JO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
WOULD YOU JUST GO?
JUST GET OUT OF OUR LIVES,
ONLY THIS TIME, STAY OUT!
HI, MA.
JO! WHY AREN'T YOU IN SCHOOL?
WELL, AFTER OLD CHARLIE DROPPED
HIS LITTLE BOMBSHELL YESTERDAY,
I FIGURED YOU
PROBABLY NEEDED ME,
AND I GO WHERE I'M NEEDED.
JO, I AM VERY UPSET
ABOUT YOUR FATHER.
OF COURSE YOU ARE.
I DIDN'T SLEEP A
WINK LAST NIGHT.
OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T.
EVERY TIME YOU HUNG
UP ON HIM, HE CALLED ME.
THAT WAS AT 12:15,
1:30, 2:20, 4:45...
YOU KNOW, WE HAVEN'T
BEEN UP THAT MANY TIMES
DURING THE NIGHT
SINCE YOU HAD COLIC.
JO, WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO HIM?
I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO HIM.
NOW, WHY DON'T YOU LET ME
MAKE YOU SOME BREAKFAST?
THAT IS, IF YOU'RE UP TO EATING.
WELL, WHY WOULDN'T
I FEEL LIKE EATING?
MA, YOU'RE BEING SO BRAVE.
TOO BRAVE, IF YOU ASK ME.
JO, STOP IT!
I AM NOT A
SHELL-SHOCKED WAR VICTIM.
YES, YOU ARE, MOM.
YOU FOUGHT THE BATTLE
OF THE SEXES, AND YOU LOST.
JO, YOUR FATHER
IS GETTING MARRIED.
I AM NOT TAKING PILLS OR POISON
OR THE FAST WAY DOWN
TO THE FIRST FLOOR.
ARE YOU TELLING ME
THAT IT DIDN'T HURT
WHEN YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT
POP AND WHAT'S HER NAME?
HER NAME IS CAROL,
AND, YES, IT DID HURT.
SO, I SAID TO MYSELF, "ROSE, A
CERTAIN PART OF YOUR LIFE IS OVER."
AND THEN I SAID TO MYSELF,
"ROSE, THAT SON-OF-A-GUN
FOUND SOMEONE BEFORE YOU DID!"
I NEVER SHOULD'VE QUIT
PARENTS WITHOUT PARTNERS.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
THERE'S NO ONE HOME!
JO!
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, CHARLIE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT HERE?
NATALIE SAID YOU'D BE HERE.
YEAH, WELL, NATALIE'S
GOT A BIG MOUTH!
HEY, SHE WAS RUNNING
OUT OF EXCUSES.
THE BEST SHE COULD COME UP WITH
WAS THAT YOU WERE OUT BIRD WATCHING.
WHEN I SAID I DIDN'T BUY
IT, SHE JUST CRUMBLED.
CAN I GET YOU A CUP
OF COFFEE, CHARLIE?
NO, THANKS. JO, I
WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
I WANT TO TALK TO BOTH OF YOU.
YEAH, WELL, I GOTTA GO
FIND A BIRD TO WATCH.
JO, WAIT A MINUTE!
I WAS THINKING MAYBE I
SHOULD CALL OFF THE WEDDING.
WHAT?
WHY?
BECAUSE, JO, YOU'RE THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD TO ME.
THANKS, POP.
I DON'T BELIEVE
WHAT I'M HEARING.
OBVIOUSLY, HE HAS
DONE A LOT OF THINKING
ABOUT THE THINGS THAT
ARE IMPORTANT IN HIS LIFE.
LIKE ME.
LIKE YOU. JO, THAT IS ENOUGH!
YOU KNOW, ALL YOUR
LIFE, YOU'VE BEEN A BULLY,
AND PEOPLE LET YOU
GET AWAY WITH IT,
BUT THIS TIME,
YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR!
ROSE, PLEASE... NO, I'M SORRY.
IT'S ONE THING, SHE BULLIED YOU
INTO CALLING OFF YOUR WEDDING,
BUT SHE'S NOT GONNA BULLY US
INTO GETTING BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M DOING!
SHHH!
HAVE YOU TALKED
TO CAROL ABOUT THIS?
WELL, NOT YET.
I WAS GONNA TALK TO HER LATER,
AFTER I TAKE THE KIDS BOWLING.
I THINK I'LL PROBABLY
LET THEM WIN.
WHY DON'T WE
TALK FIRST, CHARLIE?
'CAUSE I DON'T THINK
CALLING OFF THIS WEDDING
IS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO DO.
I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS!
WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GONNA DO?
GIVE HIM AWAY AT
THE WEDDING TOO?
JO, I KNOW THIS IS
VERY HARD FOR YOU,
AND I WANT TO HELP YOU WITH
IT... WE BOTH WANT TO HEL...
LOOK, RIGHT IS RIGHT,
AND THIS IS WRONG,
AND I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE!
JO, OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE OK.
WHY WOULDN'T I BE OK?
YOUR MOTHER SAID YOU
LEFT HER PLACE THIS MORNING,
AND I COULDN'T IMAGINE
WHERE YOU COULD HAVE BEEN.
YEAH, WELL, I TOOK
A LONG-CUT HOME.
JO, I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR PARENTS.
OH, NO KIDDING. WHAT,
ARE MY CLOTHES BUGGED?
NO, YOUR MOTHER TOLD ME.
YOU KNOW, FOR
SUCH A ROOMY HOUSE,
THERE A WHOLE LOT OF
PRIVACY IN HERE, IS THERE?
WHY AREN'T YOU OUT ON A DATE?
I'D SAY NO ONE ASKED ME OUT, BUT OF
COURSE, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THAT.
YEAH, WELL, IT
WAS CRAZY TO THINK
I COULD HAVE THE ROOM TO
MYSELF FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
NO, LET ME GET MY BOOKS
TOGETHER, AND I'LL LEAVE.
UNLESS, OF COURSE,
YOU'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT.
IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
OK, FINE.
YOU KNOW, I'M TELLING YOU,
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE
WHAT MY MOTHER DID.
HEY, IT'S REALLY...
MY FATHER WAS READY
TO CALL OFF THAT WEDDING,
AND MY MOTHER CALLED IT BACK ON!
JO, DON'T... I MEAN, WHOSE
SIDE IS SHE ON, ANYWAY?
JO, YOUR FATHER'S DOWNSTAIRS.
OH, GREAT. WHAT'D HE DO,
FOLLOW ME ALL THE WAY UP HERE?
WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM?
YOU KNOW YOUR MOTHER
AND HE ARE VERY UPSET.
THEY'RE JUST TRYING
TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY.
WELL, I SHOULDN'T FEEL GUILTY.
HE SHOULD FEEL GUILTY.
THEY SHOULD FEEL GUILTY.
I'VE NEVER HEARD IT CONJUGATED
QUITE THAT WAY BEFORE.
WHY SHOULD ANYONE FEEL GUILTY?
COME ON, MRS. G.
HE WAS UP HERE ALL
WEEKEND, PLAYING HOUSE,
AND THEN HE TELLS ME
ABOUT SOME STRANGE WOMAN
AND HER STRANGE LITTLE KIDS,
AND HOW THEY NEED A FATHER.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE THEY DO,
BUT DOES IT HAVE TO BE MINE?
UH, EXCUSE ME, BUT THIS IS
THE PART THAT IS MY BUSINESS.
LOOK, JO, ALONG WITH
ALL MY STEPFATHERS
CAME STEPBROTHERS
AND STEPSISTERS.
BELIEVE ME, I'VE GOT MORE STEPS
THAN THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT.
WHAT DOES THAT HAVE
TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
LISTEN... EVERY TIME A NEW STEP
CAME OUT OF THE WOODWORK,
I USED TO THINK, OH, WELL.
THERE'S A LITTLE
LESS LOVE FOR BLAIR.
I EVEN LEARNED TO
PLAY THE ACCORDION
BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD
MAKE ME MORE LOVEABLE.
WANT TO HEAR LADY OF SPAIN?
BLAIR, YOU'RE ALL
WRONG ABOUT THIS.
I AM NOT JEALOUS OF THOSE KIDS.
OF COURSE YOU ARE,
AND WHO WOULDN'T BE?
I MEAN, THEY'RE PROBABLY
YOUNGER THAN YOU ARE,
AND THEY'RE CERTAINLY
CUTER THAN YOU ARE.
BLAIR.
WELL, I KNOW WHAT SHE'S FEELING,
AND IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL.
DON'T TELL ME I'M NORMAL!
I NEVER SAID YOU WERE NORMAL.
I SAID YOUR FEELINGS
WERE NORMAL.
EXCUSE ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP HERE?
HE PROBABLY GOT TIRED
OF WAITING DOWNSTAIRS.
YEAH, WELL, THIS IS MY
ROOM, AND YOU CAN'T COME IN.
WELL, IT'S MY ROOM
TOO, AND YES, YOU CAN.
I'M NOW GOING TO LEAVE MY ROOM.
I THINK I'LL GO TO MY ROOM.
NICE ROOM YOU GOT HERE.
ALL RIGHT, WHY'D
YOU COME UP HERE?
BECAUSE YOU WANTED
ME TO. I DID NOT!
YOU DID TOO!
WHEN YOU RUN OFF
AND SLAM THE DOOR
ON SOMEBODY THAT
CARES ABOUT YOU,
ODDS ARE, THEY'RE
GONNA COME AFTER YOU.
OH, YEAH. YOU CARE
ABOUT ME... RIGHT.
NOW, YOU LISTEN
TO ME, JOANNA MARIE.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR FOOT
STOMPING AND DOOR SLAMMING.
EITHER YOU CAN HOLD YOUR BREATH
LIKE YOU DID WHEN YOU WERE FIVE
OR WE CAN TALK.
YEAH? WELL, I DON'T SEE
WHAT THERE IS TO TALK ABOUT.
I THOUGHT THAT YOU AND
MOM HAD SOMETHING GOING.
BUT ALL YOU ARE IS JUST FRIENDS.
HEY, DON'T KNOCK IT.
IT TOOK US A LONG
TIME TO GET TO FRIENDS.
MAYBE IF YOU GAVE
IT A LITTLE MORE TIME.
JO, WE GOT MARRIED FOR A REASON
AND WE GOT DIVORCED
FOR A REASON,
AND THOSE REASONS
HAVEN'T CHANGED.
I DON'T GET IT.
I THOUGHT WE HAD FUN TOGETHER.
WE DID, AND WE'LL HAVE MORE.
IT JUST FELT LIKE WE WERE CLOSE
AND THAT YOU CARED
ABOUT MOM AND ME.
IT JUST FELT LIKE
WE WERE A FAMILY.
WE ARE CLOSE, AND I DO CARE
ABOUT YOU AND YOUR MOTHER.
I LOVE BOTH OF YOU.
I KNOW.
BUT JO, WE'LL NEVER
BE A FAMILY AGAIN.
♪ YOU'LL AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪
♪ AND ENJOY THE FUN OF
MANAGING THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THEY SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪
♪ IF YOU HEAR 'EM
FROM YOUR BROTHER ♪
♪ BETTER CLEAR THEM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪
♪ BETTER GET THEM RIGHT,
CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪
♪ ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET
YOU THROUGH IS UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ YOU THINK YOU
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT
THROUGH WITHOUT THE TRUTH ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ LEARNING THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪