The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 4, Episode 4 - The Oldest Living Graduate - full transcript
Eastland's oldest living graduate returns to the school.
♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
THIS WILL BE SOME LUNCHEON.
ALL THIS FUSS FOR SOME OLD LADY.
MARIE THORNWELL ISN'T
JUST SOME OLD LADY.
SHE'S VERY SPECIAL.
SHE'S THE OLDEST LIVING
GRADUATE OF EASTLAND.
AND EVEN MORE IMPORTANT,
SHE LOVES MY STRUDEL.
MARIE SOUNDS LIKE A
FASCINATING WOMAN.
THEN YOU'D PROBABLY
LIKE TO INTERVIEW HER, HUH?
I'M TOO BUSY. IT'S
YOUR ASSIGNMENT.
WHO WANTS TO LISTEN FOR
HOURS TO SOME RICH LADY
BRAG ABOUT HER MONEY?
I GET THAT FROM HER.
I NEVER BRAG FOR
HOURS ABOUT MY MONEY.
THAT WOULD TAKE ME WEEKS.
MARIE IS A LIVING
LEGEND AROUND HERE.
WE'RE ONLY HONORING HER
BECAUSE SHE PROMISED A
BUNDLE OF CASH TO EASTLAND.
GOOD. YOU DIDN'T USE
THE PLASTIC TABLECLOTHS.
NOTHING IS TOO
GOOD FOR OUR MARIE.
NOW, REMEMBER THAT.
EDNA, YOU GOT THE STRUDEL?
CHECK.
THE BACK-UP STRUDEL?
DOUBLE CHECK.
HE WASN'T THIS JUMPY
WHEN PLAYBOY'S
TALENT SCOUT VISITED.
CHARLES!
MARIE?
CHARLES, WHERE...
OH, THERE YOU ARE.
MARIE, YOU'RE EARLY.
AND YOU'RE NOT IN YOUR OFFICE.
IS SHE 83?
SHE DOESN'T LOOK IT.
MY DEAR, THIS IS
WHAT 83 LOOKS LIKE.
HELLO, MARIE.
OH, MRS. STRUDEL.
MRS. GARRETT.
EDNA. HOW ARE YOU?
NEVER BETTER.
PLEASE, MARIE, SIT DOWN.
I CAN STILL WALK BY MYSELF!
HOW ABOUT A CUP OF TEA?
OH, TEA.
SOME EARL GREY WOULD BE NICE.
OK. DO WE HAVE EARL GREY?
NO. THERE'S EARL LIPTON.
I'LL GET IT.
OH, EASTLAND.
YOUR HALLS HOLD SO
MANY MEMORIES FOR ME.
DURING THE HARVEST BALL OF 1916,
A BATES BOY KISSED
ME ON THE CHEEK...
RIGHT OVER THERE.
YOU'RE THINKING OF
THE OLD COMMONS.
THIS CAFETERIA WAS
BUILT IN THE FIFTIES.
IT WAS HERE.
BUT I KNOW SO LITTLE
OF EASTLAND HISTORY.
HOW ABOUT A NICE
NAP BEFORE LUNCH?
MRS. GARRETT'S
BED IS COMFORTABLE.
NOT THAT I'VE EVER TRIED IT.
AM I BEING SENT TO MY ROOM?
NO, TO MY ROOM.
OH, I MEAN... MY
ROOM IS YOUR ROOM.
WE WANT YOU COMFORTABLE.
I'LL CHECK ON YOUR TEA.
HI. I'M BLAIRE WARNER.
I'M SURE YOU'RE FAMILIAR
WITH THE WARNERS OF NEW YORK,
DALLAS, AND PALM BEACH.
NO.
I NEVER MIX WITH NEW MONEY.
OH, MARIE, THIS IS TOOTIE...
THIS IS DOROTHY RAMSEY.
SHE'S A WONDERFUL STUDENT,
ACTIVE IN THEATER ARTS.
MY FRIENDS CALL ME TOOTIE.
THIS IS NATALIE GREEN.
SHE'S A BUDDING JOURNALIST
AND STAR MEMBER OF
OUR DEBATING TEAM.
NICE RING.
AND THIS IS JO.
SHE'S...
A STUDENT.
I HEAR YOU GOT A LOT OF MONEY.
HOW MUCH THEY
HITTING YOU UP FOR?
WE DON'T SAY "HITTING."
WELL, MARIE, TIME FOR YOUR NAP.
EDNA!
ALL SET! HERE'S YOUR TEA,
ALONG WITH A SNEAK
PREVIEW OF MY STRUDEL!
WONDERFUL. MARIE, LET EDNA KNOW
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.
COME ON, MARIE.
I'LL SHOW YOU UPSTAIRS.
I'M SURE THAT ONE
OF THE YOUNG LADIES
CAN ASSIST ME.
HOW ABOUT THE BLUNT ONE?
SHE'D LOVE TO.
YOU AND MRS. THORNWELL
HAVE LOTS TO TALK ABOUT.
SURE. GRAB YOUR
STRUDEL AND FOLLOW ME.
MY GRANDMA COULD
CLIMB STAIRS FASTER,
AND SHE HAD A PLASTIC KNEE.
I AM NOT USED TO
BEING DEALT WITH
IN THIS MANNER.
SORRY. IT'S THE
ONLY MANNER I'VE GOT.
HERE. TAKE THIS.
NO, THANKS.
FEEL FREE TO CALL ME MARIE.
SORRY.
YOU KNOW, CALLING
PEOPLE "MRS. WHATEVER"
SOUNDS SO STUFFY.
JUST DON'T CALL ME "TOOTS."
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE A NAP.
I DON'T INTEND TO.
OH, GREAT. THEN HOW
ABOUT AN INTERVIEW
FOR THE SCHOOL PAPER?
AN INTERVIEW?
WELL... IT'S ABOUT TIME.
I BEGAN MY EASTLAND YEARS
A 14-YEAR-OLD INGENUE
WITH GLOWING FLAXEN HAIR
AND A BURNING DESIRE TO EXCEL.
MARIE, I'M DOING AN INTERVIEW,
NOT A HARLEQUIN ROMANCE.
JUST TAKE NOTES!
I GRADUATED IN
THE CLASS OF 1918.
NOW, LET'S SEE... HOW
LONG AGO WAS THAT?
IT IS NOW 1981... 1982.
THE YEAR IS 1981!
'82!
LET'S JUST CALL IT THE EIGHTIES.
NOW, WHERE WAS I?
OH, YES. YES, OF COURSE, 1918.
EASTLAND WAS SUCH A
WONDERFUL SCHOOL THEN,
FILLED WITH THE
BEST AND BRIGHTEST
OF AMERICA'S YOUNG WOMEN...
DEBUTANTES FROM NEW ENGLAND,
SOCIALITES FROM THE SOUTH...
BY THE WAY, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
THE BRONX.
OH.
WHAT IN THE DEVIL'S NAME
ARE YOU DOING AT EASTLAND?
I GOT A SCHOLARSHIP.
SO YOU'RE A
PULL-YOURSELF-UP TYPE
WHO COMES HERE TO
CLIMB OUT OF POVERTY.
YOU GOT SOMETHING
AGAINST POVERTY?
NOT IN ITS PROPER PLACE.
OF COURSE, IN MY DAY,
EASTLAND DID NOT PLAY HOST
TO GIRLS OF YOUR... POSITION.
UH... LOOK, MARIE.
BEING RICH DOESN'T
GIVE YOU ANY...
JO, I HEARD YOU WERE UP HERE.
JUST MAKING SURE
EVERYTHING WAS ALL RIGHT.
I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY...
I'M SURE YOU'VE SAID ENOUGH.
MARIE NEEDS HER NAP.
YOU'LL SEE HER
AT LUNCH... MAYBE.
THE WOMAN AT MY RIGHT
IS AN EASTLAND TREASURE.
HER 83 YEARS ARE PROOF
OF THE EASTLAND TRADITION.
AND HER MOST...
GENEROUS PHILANTHROPY
WILL ENABLE OUR...
STOP! PSST! PSST!
I SHOULDN'T TELL YOUR AGE?
NO, SILLY. I HAVE
SOMETHING TO SAY.
WITH THE GIFT YOU'RE GIVING,
SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
OUR BELOVED MARIE THORNWELL.
OH, STOP IT!
PLEASE, NO, NO, NO.
NO!
EASTLAND, TO ME,
HAS ALWAYS BEEN MORE
THAN BRICK AND MORTAR.
THE GIRLS GIVE THIS
SCHOOL ITS GREATNESS.
AND THAT IS WHY I HAVE DECIDED
TO LEAVE MY GENEROUS GIFT
NOT TO EASTLAND
THE SCHOOL, BUT...
TO THAT GIRL, JO FROM THE BRONX.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
YOU'RE SERIOUS?
ABSOLUTELY.
WHAT WAS IN THAT TEA?
JO, YOU'RE RICH!
FROM JUST ONE INTERVIEW.
WHY ME?
MY THOUGHT EXACTLY.
HOW CAN I TAKE HER MONEY?
FORCE YOURSELF.
I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!
OH, IT'S FANTASTIC!
IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY!
JO'S GOING TO BE RICH.
NOT JUST RICH,
TOOTIE... RIIIIIICH!
"RIIIIIICH."
IT'S GREAT MARIE'S
LEAVING JO ALL HER MONEY.
IT CAN'T BE TRUE.
JO POLNACZEK... AN
HEIR... AN HEIRESS.
IT'S TERRIFIC HOW WELL
THEY'RE GETTING ALONG.
MARIE TAKES JO TO
ALL THE BEST PLACES.
TODAY, THEY'RE
LUNCHING AT PIERRE'S.
THAT NEW FRENCH RESTAURANT?
JO WON'T APPRECIATE THAT.
IT'S LIKE TAKING
LASSIE TO THE PLAZA.
YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR JO.
SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN POOR.
AND IT'S SO BECOMING ON HER.
WELL, WELL, WELL...
LOOKING FOR THE EASTER PARADE?
VERY FUNNY.
MARIE WANTS ME TO WEAR THIS.
I LIKE IT.
IT'S SORT OF... PUNK
SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
JO... IN A DRESS
AND PARTY SHOES!
SO?
IT'S LOVELY.
I'VE JUST NEVER
SEEN YOU LIKE THIS.
I LIKE IT.
THAT IS, MARIE LIKES IT.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE
DINING AT PIERRE'S.
AFTER WE FINISH SHOPPING.
CHECKING OUT THE
NEW LINE OF DIRT BIKES?
NOT EXACTLY. UH...
WE'RE GOING TO A MUSIC STORE.
A MUSIC STORE?
SHE HOPES I'LL TAKE
UP AN INSTRUMENT.
GREAT! YOU'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO LEARN GUITAR.
ACTUALLY, SHE'S
BUYING ME A HARP.
IT'S NOT GOING TO KILL ME.
OF COURSE IT'S NOT.
ANYWAY, CONSIDER IT AN ACT
OF KINDNESS TOWARDS MARIE.
HAVE YOU DECIDED
HOW TO USE THE MONEY?
YEAH.
FIRST, I'LL HELP MY MOM.
SHE'LL NEVER WEAR THAT
COCKTAIL WAITRESS OUTFIT AGAIN.
GOOD OLD JO.
FAMILY FIRST.
I'LL SPREAD IT AROUND A LITTLE,
HELP OUT MY FRIENDS.
GOOD OLD JO.
THEN I'LL GET A NEW
FORMULA RACE CAR.
MARIE'S WAITING. I
GOT TO GRAB MY BIKE.
YOU'RE GOING ON YOUR
MOTORCYCLE LIKE THAT?
OF COURSE NOT.
HELLO, DEAR FRIENDS.
ISN'T THIS A GLORIOUS DAY?
WHAT ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT?
I JUST GOT SOME VERY
INTERESTING NEWS.
MARIE THORNWELL'S
MONEY MAY BE OLD,
BUT THE WARNERS HAVE MORE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
I TALKED TO MY
MOTHER'S STOCKBROKER
WHO TALKED TO HIS COMPUTER.
IT'S WONDERFUL WHEN YOU
CAN JUST PUSH A BUTTON
AND FIND OUT HOW
MUCH SOMEONE'S WORTH.
I'M NOT STICKING
AROUND FOR DINNER.
I'M GOING TO MARIE'S.
GOOD, BECAUSE I'M WHIPPING
HER UP SOME STRUDEL.
MR. PARKER SAID NEVER
MAKE IT FOR HER AGAIN.
I LOVE MAKING IT.
MARIE LOVES EATING IT.
MONEY OR NOT, SHE GETS IT.
I'LL WRAP SOME FOR YOU.
HOW OFTEN DO THE
BUSES RUN TO PEEKSKILL?
WHY A BUS?
YOU'VE GOT YOUR MOTORCYCLE.
THE BIKE KIND OF MAKES
MARIE A LITTLE NERVOUS.
TELL MARIE NOT TO RIDE IT.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
STOP RIDING YOUR BIKE?
NO! I CAN RIDE IT ALL I WANT...
IN THE PARKING LOT.
JO, WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH YOU?
NOTHING!
HELLO, GIRLS.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
I'M COMING OVER AT 6:00.
NEVER MIND THAT, DEAR.
WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT OUTFIT?
IS IT SOME KIND OF PUNISHMENT?
I LIKE THESE CLOTHES.
THEY'RE LOOSE AND COMFORTABLE.
GUESS WHAT'S IN THIS BAG.
I DON'T KNOW.
YOUR UNIFORM FOR THE
LADIES OF THE COLONIES.
THEY'RE GOING TO BEND THE RULES
AND LET YOU JOIN.
THAT SNOOTY CLUB?
THE GIRLS WEAR YELLOW
AND PURPLE BEANIES.
JO, THAT IS MY CLUB.
I DON'T BELONG IN
A PLACE LIKE THAT.
YOU'RE SAYING YOU
DON'T WANT TO GO?
I DIDN'T EXACTLY SAY THAT.
OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T.
JO, I THINK WE'D BETTER
GET TO THE KITCHEN.
WE A HAVE RUMP ROAST
THAT NEEDS TENDERIZING.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE
LADIES OF THE COLONIES?
ISN'T THAT THE CLUB
THAT TURNED YOU DOWN?
THE DRESS, THE BIKE...
BUT THE LADIES OF THE COLONIES?
THE LADIES OF THE COLONIES?
THEY'RE SNOBS. THEY
DON'T LET ANYBODY IN.
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT IS
STILL ON THEIR WAITING LIST.
I KNOW THEY'RE SNOBS.
DO YOU WANT TO BE PART OF THAT?
NO.
ARE YOU GOING TO BE?
NO.
THEN TELL HER.
I WILL.
MARIE, I GOT TO TALK TO YOU.
IT'S THIS THING WITH THE
LADIES OF THE COLONIES.
IT'S TOO, UM... OH,
DON'T THANK ME.
NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT IT.
LOOK, I CAN'T...
I DON'T WANT TO... WHAT?
I NEVER HAD A BEANIE BEFORE.
IT MIGHT BE FUN.
JO, BEFORE YOU CHANGE
INTO THESE CLOTHES,
I HAVE ONE MORE SURPRISE.
GREAT!
IT'S ALL CLEARED AWAY
AND READY FOR YOU.
WHAT IS?
YOUR NEW BEDROOM.
YOU'RE MOVING IN WITH ME.
BUT I LIVE HERE.
YOU WON'T HAVE TO PACK YOURSELF.
I'VE CALLED A MOVING MAN.
MARIE, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I LIKE IT HERE.
I GOT MY FRIENDS HERE.
YOU'LL BE HERE EVERY
DAY DURING CLASSES.
JO, YOUR LIFESTYLE
IS GOING TO CHANGE,
AND THE SOONER YOU
BEGIN PREPARING FOR IT,
THE BETTER.
TRY THESE ON AND
SEE HOW THEY FIT.
I'LL WAIT IN THE LOUNGE.
WELL, EVEN MISS INTEGRITY,
MISS TELL-THE-WORLD-
WHERE-TO-GET-OFF
HAS HER PRICE.
ANSWER ME THIS.
WOULD YOU TURN DOWN
THAT KIND OF MONEY?
YOU BLAME ME FOR HELPING MY MOM?
NO ONE IS BLAMING YOU, JO.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL THINKING.
THAT I'M SELLING OUT.
WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO
THINK ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.
IT'S YOUR DECISION.
AND I THOUGHT I MADE IT!
I WAS GOING TO TELL
MARIE I'D HAD ENOUGH.
I COULDN'T DO IT.
I DIDN'T DO IT.
I JUST SPOKE TO MARIE'S LAWYER.
WE MUST TALK ABOUT HER WILL.
SHE'S CUT OUT?
NO, SHE'S LEAVING HER
ENTIRE FORTUNE TO YOU.
HOWEVER, SHE'S SAID THAT BEFORE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
SHE CHANGES HER WILL REGULARLY.
SHE WAS LEAVING
EVERYTHING TO HER MAILMAN,
THEN A DULUTH BIRD SANCTUARY,
THEN THE SAXOPHONE SECTION
ON THE LAWRENCE WELK SHOW.
NEXT, IT COULD BE A BOX
BOY WHO SMILES AT HER.
I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE
DANGLED IT IN FRONT OF ME
LIKE A BRIBE.
MAKING ME DRESS THAT WAY!
MAKING ME PLAY THE
HARP AND WEAR A BEANIE!
WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?
JUST A MINUTE, YOUNG LADY.
NOBODY TWISTED YOUR ARM.
WHAT YOU DON'T SEEM
TO UNDERSTAND IS
MARIE HAS A PROBLEM.
SHE THINKS SHE HAS
TO USE HER MONEY
TO BUY LOVE AND ATTENTION.
YOU WENT ALONG WITH HER.
YOU USED HER JUST AS
MUCH AS SHE USED YOU.
EXCUSE ME.
WHERE IS YOUR NEW OUTFIT?
I'M NOT PUTTING IT ON.
I'M NOT WEARING THE BEANIE.
OH, OF COURSE YOU ARE.
NO, I'M NOT.
I'M NOT COMING TO LIVE WITH YOU.
OH, I SEE.
YOU UNDERSTAND I'LL
HAVE TO CHANGE MY WILL.
I KIND OF FIGURED THAT.
WELL... I, UH...
I GUESS I'LL SAY GOOD-BYE.
WHY?
WELL, I SAID I'M
CHANGING MY WILL.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE
CAN'T HANG OUT, DOES IT?
YOU MEAN YOU WOULD
COME TO VISIT ME?
SURE.
WHY?
BECAUSE I KIND OF LIKE YOU.
YOU DO?
YEAH. YOU'RE PUSHY
AND YOU'RE STUBBORN
AND YOU BUG ME A LITTLE.
I LIKE THAT IN A PERSON.
WILL YOU WEAR THE
BEANIE WHEN YOU VISIT?
ALL RIGHT, I'LL WEAR THE BEANIE.
HOW ABOUT SATURDAY NIGHT?
WE'LL WATCH LAWRENCE WELK.
I SAID I'LL WEAR THE
BEANIE. DON'T PUSH IT.
ALL RIGHT.
OK.
ANYWAY, WE COULD
PROBABLY FILL AN EVENING
JUST BY DISCUSSING
WHAT YEAR IT IS.
AND EATING MRS. G'S STRUDEL.
GOOD.
WELL...
SEE YOU SATURDAY.
SEE YOU SATURDAY.
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
THIS WILL BE SOME LUNCHEON.
ALL THIS FUSS FOR SOME OLD LADY.
MARIE THORNWELL ISN'T
JUST SOME OLD LADY.
SHE'S VERY SPECIAL.
SHE'S THE OLDEST LIVING
GRADUATE OF EASTLAND.
AND EVEN MORE IMPORTANT,
SHE LOVES MY STRUDEL.
MARIE SOUNDS LIKE A
FASCINATING WOMAN.
THEN YOU'D PROBABLY
LIKE TO INTERVIEW HER, HUH?
I'M TOO BUSY. IT'S
YOUR ASSIGNMENT.
WHO WANTS TO LISTEN FOR
HOURS TO SOME RICH LADY
BRAG ABOUT HER MONEY?
I GET THAT FROM HER.
I NEVER BRAG FOR
HOURS ABOUT MY MONEY.
THAT WOULD TAKE ME WEEKS.
MARIE IS A LIVING
LEGEND AROUND HERE.
WE'RE ONLY HONORING HER
BECAUSE SHE PROMISED A
BUNDLE OF CASH TO EASTLAND.
GOOD. YOU DIDN'T USE
THE PLASTIC TABLECLOTHS.
NOTHING IS TOO
GOOD FOR OUR MARIE.
NOW, REMEMBER THAT.
EDNA, YOU GOT THE STRUDEL?
CHECK.
THE BACK-UP STRUDEL?
DOUBLE CHECK.
HE WASN'T THIS JUMPY
WHEN PLAYBOY'S
TALENT SCOUT VISITED.
CHARLES!
MARIE?
CHARLES, WHERE...
OH, THERE YOU ARE.
MARIE, YOU'RE EARLY.
AND YOU'RE NOT IN YOUR OFFICE.
IS SHE 83?
SHE DOESN'T LOOK IT.
MY DEAR, THIS IS
WHAT 83 LOOKS LIKE.
HELLO, MARIE.
OH, MRS. STRUDEL.
MRS. GARRETT.
EDNA. HOW ARE YOU?
NEVER BETTER.
PLEASE, MARIE, SIT DOWN.
I CAN STILL WALK BY MYSELF!
HOW ABOUT A CUP OF TEA?
OH, TEA.
SOME EARL GREY WOULD BE NICE.
OK. DO WE HAVE EARL GREY?
NO. THERE'S EARL LIPTON.
I'LL GET IT.
OH, EASTLAND.
YOUR HALLS HOLD SO
MANY MEMORIES FOR ME.
DURING THE HARVEST BALL OF 1916,
A BATES BOY KISSED
ME ON THE CHEEK...
RIGHT OVER THERE.
YOU'RE THINKING OF
THE OLD COMMONS.
THIS CAFETERIA WAS
BUILT IN THE FIFTIES.
IT WAS HERE.
BUT I KNOW SO LITTLE
OF EASTLAND HISTORY.
HOW ABOUT A NICE
NAP BEFORE LUNCH?
MRS. GARRETT'S
BED IS COMFORTABLE.
NOT THAT I'VE EVER TRIED IT.
AM I BEING SENT TO MY ROOM?
NO, TO MY ROOM.
OH, I MEAN... MY
ROOM IS YOUR ROOM.
WE WANT YOU COMFORTABLE.
I'LL CHECK ON YOUR TEA.
HI. I'M BLAIRE WARNER.
I'M SURE YOU'RE FAMILIAR
WITH THE WARNERS OF NEW YORK,
DALLAS, AND PALM BEACH.
NO.
I NEVER MIX WITH NEW MONEY.
OH, MARIE, THIS IS TOOTIE...
THIS IS DOROTHY RAMSEY.
SHE'S A WONDERFUL STUDENT,
ACTIVE IN THEATER ARTS.
MY FRIENDS CALL ME TOOTIE.
THIS IS NATALIE GREEN.
SHE'S A BUDDING JOURNALIST
AND STAR MEMBER OF
OUR DEBATING TEAM.
NICE RING.
AND THIS IS JO.
SHE'S...
A STUDENT.
I HEAR YOU GOT A LOT OF MONEY.
HOW MUCH THEY
HITTING YOU UP FOR?
WE DON'T SAY "HITTING."
WELL, MARIE, TIME FOR YOUR NAP.
EDNA!
ALL SET! HERE'S YOUR TEA,
ALONG WITH A SNEAK
PREVIEW OF MY STRUDEL!
WONDERFUL. MARIE, LET EDNA KNOW
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.
COME ON, MARIE.
I'LL SHOW YOU UPSTAIRS.
I'M SURE THAT ONE
OF THE YOUNG LADIES
CAN ASSIST ME.
HOW ABOUT THE BLUNT ONE?
SHE'D LOVE TO.
YOU AND MRS. THORNWELL
HAVE LOTS TO TALK ABOUT.
SURE. GRAB YOUR
STRUDEL AND FOLLOW ME.
MY GRANDMA COULD
CLIMB STAIRS FASTER,
AND SHE HAD A PLASTIC KNEE.
I AM NOT USED TO
BEING DEALT WITH
IN THIS MANNER.
SORRY. IT'S THE
ONLY MANNER I'VE GOT.
HERE. TAKE THIS.
NO, THANKS.
FEEL FREE TO CALL ME MARIE.
SORRY.
YOU KNOW, CALLING
PEOPLE "MRS. WHATEVER"
SOUNDS SO STUFFY.
JUST DON'T CALL ME "TOOTS."
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE A NAP.
I DON'T INTEND TO.
OH, GREAT. THEN HOW
ABOUT AN INTERVIEW
FOR THE SCHOOL PAPER?
AN INTERVIEW?
WELL... IT'S ABOUT TIME.
I BEGAN MY EASTLAND YEARS
A 14-YEAR-OLD INGENUE
WITH GLOWING FLAXEN HAIR
AND A BURNING DESIRE TO EXCEL.
MARIE, I'M DOING AN INTERVIEW,
NOT A HARLEQUIN ROMANCE.
JUST TAKE NOTES!
I GRADUATED IN
THE CLASS OF 1918.
NOW, LET'S SEE... HOW
LONG AGO WAS THAT?
IT IS NOW 1981... 1982.
THE YEAR IS 1981!
'82!
LET'S JUST CALL IT THE EIGHTIES.
NOW, WHERE WAS I?
OH, YES. YES, OF COURSE, 1918.
EASTLAND WAS SUCH A
WONDERFUL SCHOOL THEN,
FILLED WITH THE
BEST AND BRIGHTEST
OF AMERICA'S YOUNG WOMEN...
DEBUTANTES FROM NEW ENGLAND,
SOCIALITES FROM THE SOUTH...
BY THE WAY, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
THE BRONX.
OH.
WHAT IN THE DEVIL'S NAME
ARE YOU DOING AT EASTLAND?
I GOT A SCHOLARSHIP.
SO YOU'RE A
PULL-YOURSELF-UP TYPE
WHO COMES HERE TO
CLIMB OUT OF POVERTY.
YOU GOT SOMETHING
AGAINST POVERTY?
NOT IN ITS PROPER PLACE.
OF COURSE, IN MY DAY,
EASTLAND DID NOT PLAY HOST
TO GIRLS OF YOUR... POSITION.
UH... LOOK, MARIE.
BEING RICH DOESN'T
GIVE YOU ANY...
JO, I HEARD YOU WERE UP HERE.
JUST MAKING SURE
EVERYTHING WAS ALL RIGHT.
I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY...
I'M SURE YOU'VE SAID ENOUGH.
MARIE NEEDS HER NAP.
YOU'LL SEE HER
AT LUNCH... MAYBE.
THE WOMAN AT MY RIGHT
IS AN EASTLAND TREASURE.
HER 83 YEARS ARE PROOF
OF THE EASTLAND TRADITION.
AND HER MOST...
GENEROUS PHILANTHROPY
WILL ENABLE OUR...
STOP! PSST! PSST!
I SHOULDN'T TELL YOUR AGE?
NO, SILLY. I HAVE
SOMETHING TO SAY.
WITH THE GIFT YOU'RE GIVING,
SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
OUR BELOVED MARIE THORNWELL.
OH, STOP IT!
PLEASE, NO, NO, NO.
NO!
EASTLAND, TO ME,
HAS ALWAYS BEEN MORE
THAN BRICK AND MORTAR.
THE GIRLS GIVE THIS
SCHOOL ITS GREATNESS.
AND THAT IS WHY I HAVE DECIDED
TO LEAVE MY GENEROUS GIFT
NOT TO EASTLAND
THE SCHOOL, BUT...
TO THAT GIRL, JO FROM THE BRONX.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
YOU'RE SERIOUS?
ABSOLUTELY.
WHAT WAS IN THAT TEA?
JO, YOU'RE RICH!
FROM JUST ONE INTERVIEW.
WHY ME?
MY THOUGHT EXACTLY.
HOW CAN I TAKE HER MONEY?
FORCE YOURSELF.
I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!
OH, IT'S FANTASTIC!
IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY!
JO'S GOING TO BE RICH.
NOT JUST RICH,
TOOTIE... RIIIIIICH!
"RIIIIIICH."
IT'S GREAT MARIE'S
LEAVING JO ALL HER MONEY.
IT CAN'T BE TRUE.
JO POLNACZEK... AN
HEIR... AN HEIRESS.
IT'S TERRIFIC HOW WELL
THEY'RE GETTING ALONG.
MARIE TAKES JO TO
ALL THE BEST PLACES.
TODAY, THEY'RE
LUNCHING AT PIERRE'S.
THAT NEW FRENCH RESTAURANT?
JO WON'T APPRECIATE THAT.
IT'S LIKE TAKING
LASSIE TO THE PLAZA.
YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR JO.
SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN POOR.
AND IT'S SO BECOMING ON HER.
WELL, WELL, WELL...
LOOKING FOR THE EASTER PARADE?
VERY FUNNY.
MARIE WANTS ME TO WEAR THIS.
I LIKE IT.
IT'S SORT OF... PUNK
SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
JO... IN A DRESS
AND PARTY SHOES!
SO?
IT'S LOVELY.
I'VE JUST NEVER
SEEN YOU LIKE THIS.
I LIKE IT.
THAT IS, MARIE LIKES IT.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE
DINING AT PIERRE'S.
AFTER WE FINISH SHOPPING.
CHECKING OUT THE
NEW LINE OF DIRT BIKES?
NOT EXACTLY. UH...
WE'RE GOING TO A MUSIC STORE.
A MUSIC STORE?
SHE HOPES I'LL TAKE
UP AN INSTRUMENT.
GREAT! YOU'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO LEARN GUITAR.
ACTUALLY, SHE'S
BUYING ME A HARP.
IT'S NOT GOING TO KILL ME.
OF COURSE IT'S NOT.
ANYWAY, CONSIDER IT AN ACT
OF KINDNESS TOWARDS MARIE.
HAVE YOU DECIDED
HOW TO USE THE MONEY?
YEAH.
FIRST, I'LL HELP MY MOM.
SHE'LL NEVER WEAR THAT
COCKTAIL WAITRESS OUTFIT AGAIN.
GOOD OLD JO.
FAMILY FIRST.
I'LL SPREAD IT AROUND A LITTLE,
HELP OUT MY FRIENDS.
GOOD OLD JO.
THEN I'LL GET A NEW
FORMULA RACE CAR.
MARIE'S WAITING. I
GOT TO GRAB MY BIKE.
YOU'RE GOING ON YOUR
MOTORCYCLE LIKE THAT?
OF COURSE NOT.
HELLO, DEAR FRIENDS.
ISN'T THIS A GLORIOUS DAY?
WHAT ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT?
I JUST GOT SOME VERY
INTERESTING NEWS.
MARIE THORNWELL'S
MONEY MAY BE OLD,
BUT THE WARNERS HAVE MORE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
I TALKED TO MY
MOTHER'S STOCKBROKER
WHO TALKED TO HIS COMPUTER.
IT'S WONDERFUL WHEN YOU
CAN JUST PUSH A BUTTON
AND FIND OUT HOW
MUCH SOMEONE'S WORTH.
I'M NOT STICKING
AROUND FOR DINNER.
I'M GOING TO MARIE'S.
GOOD, BECAUSE I'M WHIPPING
HER UP SOME STRUDEL.
MR. PARKER SAID NEVER
MAKE IT FOR HER AGAIN.
I LOVE MAKING IT.
MARIE LOVES EATING IT.
MONEY OR NOT, SHE GETS IT.
I'LL WRAP SOME FOR YOU.
HOW OFTEN DO THE
BUSES RUN TO PEEKSKILL?
WHY A BUS?
YOU'VE GOT YOUR MOTORCYCLE.
THE BIKE KIND OF MAKES
MARIE A LITTLE NERVOUS.
TELL MARIE NOT TO RIDE IT.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
STOP RIDING YOUR BIKE?
NO! I CAN RIDE IT ALL I WANT...
IN THE PARKING LOT.
JO, WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH YOU?
NOTHING!
HELLO, GIRLS.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
I'M COMING OVER AT 6:00.
NEVER MIND THAT, DEAR.
WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT OUTFIT?
IS IT SOME KIND OF PUNISHMENT?
I LIKE THESE CLOTHES.
THEY'RE LOOSE AND COMFORTABLE.
GUESS WHAT'S IN THIS BAG.
I DON'T KNOW.
YOUR UNIFORM FOR THE
LADIES OF THE COLONIES.
THEY'RE GOING TO BEND THE RULES
AND LET YOU JOIN.
THAT SNOOTY CLUB?
THE GIRLS WEAR YELLOW
AND PURPLE BEANIES.
JO, THAT IS MY CLUB.
I DON'T BELONG IN
A PLACE LIKE THAT.
YOU'RE SAYING YOU
DON'T WANT TO GO?
I DIDN'T EXACTLY SAY THAT.
OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T.
JO, I THINK WE'D BETTER
GET TO THE KITCHEN.
WE A HAVE RUMP ROAST
THAT NEEDS TENDERIZING.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE
LADIES OF THE COLONIES?
ISN'T THAT THE CLUB
THAT TURNED YOU DOWN?
THE DRESS, THE BIKE...
BUT THE LADIES OF THE COLONIES?
THE LADIES OF THE COLONIES?
THEY'RE SNOBS. THEY
DON'T LET ANYBODY IN.
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT IS
STILL ON THEIR WAITING LIST.
I KNOW THEY'RE SNOBS.
DO YOU WANT TO BE PART OF THAT?
NO.
ARE YOU GOING TO BE?
NO.
THEN TELL HER.
I WILL.
MARIE, I GOT TO TALK TO YOU.
IT'S THIS THING WITH THE
LADIES OF THE COLONIES.
IT'S TOO, UM... OH,
DON'T THANK ME.
NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT IT.
LOOK, I CAN'T...
I DON'T WANT TO... WHAT?
I NEVER HAD A BEANIE BEFORE.
IT MIGHT BE FUN.
JO, BEFORE YOU CHANGE
INTO THESE CLOTHES,
I HAVE ONE MORE SURPRISE.
GREAT!
IT'S ALL CLEARED AWAY
AND READY FOR YOU.
WHAT IS?
YOUR NEW BEDROOM.
YOU'RE MOVING IN WITH ME.
BUT I LIVE HERE.
YOU WON'T HAVE TO PACK YOURSELF.
I'VE CALLED A MOVING MAN.
MARIE, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I LIKE IT HERE.
I GOT MY FRIENDS HERE.
YOU'LL BE HERE EVERY
DAY DURING CLASSES.
JO, YOUR LIFESTYLE
IS GOING TO CHANGE,
AND THE SOONER YOU
BEGIN PREPARING FOR IT,
THE BETTER.
TRY THESE ON AND
SEE HOW THEY FIT.
I'LL WAIT IN THE LOUNGE.
WELL, EVEN MISS INTEGRITY,
MISS TELL-THE-WORLD-
WHERE-TO-GET-OFF
HAS HER PRICE.
ANSWER ME THIS.
WOULD YOU TURN DOWN
THAT KIND OF MONEY?
YOU BLAME ME FOR HELPING MY MOM?
NO ONE IS BLAMING YOU, JO.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL THINKING.
THAT I'M SELLING OUT.
WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO
THINK ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.
IT'S YOUR DECISION.
AND I THOUGHT I MADE IT!
I WAS GOING TO TELL
MARIE I'D HAD ENOUGH.
I COULDN'T DO IT.
I DIDN'T DO IT.
I JUST SPOKE TO MARIE'S LAWYER.
WE MUST TALK ABOUT HER WILL.
SHE'S CUT OUT?
NO, SHE'S LEAVING HER
ENTIRE FORTUNE TO YOU.
HOWEVER, SHE'S SAID THAT BEFORE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
SHE CHANGES HER WILL REGULARLY.
SHE WAS LEAVING
EVERYTHING TO HER MAILMAN,
THEN A DULUTH BIRD SANCTUARY,
THEN THE SAXOPHONE SECTION
ON THE LAWRENCE WELK SHOW.
NEXT, IT COULD BE A BOX
BOY WHO SMILES AT HER.
I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE
DANGLED IT IN FRONT OF ME
LIKE A BRIBE.
MAKING ME DRESS THAT WAY!
MAKING ME PLAY THE
HARP AND WEAR A BEANIE!
WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?
JUST A MINUTE, YOUNG LADY.
NOBODY TWISTED YOUR ARM.
WHAT YOU DON'T SEEM
TO UNDERSTAND IS
MARIE HAS A PROBLEM.
SHE THINKS SHE HAS
TO USE HER MONEY
TO BUY LOVE AND ATTENTION.
YOU WENT ALONG WITH HER.
YOU USED HER JUST AS
MUCH AS SHE USED YOU.
EXCUSE ME.
WHERE IS YOUR NEW OUTFIT?
I'M NOT PUTTING IT ON.
I'M NOT WEARING THE BEANIE.
OH, OF COURSE YOU ARE.
NO, I'M NOT.
I'M NOT COMING TO LIVE WITH YOU.
OH, I SEE.
YOU UNDERSTAND I'LL
HAVE TO CHANGE MY WILL.
I KIND OF FIGURED THAT.
WELL... I, UH...
I GUESS I'LL SAY GOOD-BYE.
WHY?
WELL, I SAID I'M
CHANGING MY WILL.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE
CAN'T HANG OUT, DOES IT?
YOU MEAN YOU WOULD
COME TO VISIT ME?
SURE.
WHY?
BECAUSE I KIND OF LIKE YOU.
YOU DO?
YEAH. YOU'RE PUSHY
AND YOU'RE STUBBORN
AND YOU BUG ME A LITTLE.
I LIKE THAT IN A PERSON.
WILL YOU WEAR THE
BEANIE WHEN YOU VISIT?
ALL RIGHT, I'LL WEAR THE BEANIE.
HOW ABOUT SATURDAY NIGHT?
WE'LL WATCH LAWRENCE WELK.
I SAID I'LL WEAR THE
BEANIE. DON'T PUSH IT.
ALL RIGHT.
OK.
ANYWAY, WE COULD
PROBABLY FILL AN EVENING
JUST BY DISCUSSING
WHAT YEAR IT IS.
AND EATING MRS. G'S STRUDEL.
GOOD.
WELL...
SEE YOU SATURDAY.
SEE YOU SATURDAY.