The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 4, Episode 23 - Graduation: Part 1 - full transcript

♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪

♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪

♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪

♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪



♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪

PERFECT! EVERY GRADUATION TICKET

PRESENT OR ACCOUNTED FOR.

MAN, I'M GOOD.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

T MINUS 26 HOURS AND COUNTING.

WHY CAN'T I GET A NORMAL TIME?

BECAUSE GRADUATION IS TOMORROW.

THIS IS THE COUNTDOWN.



WELL, I'M READY TO BLAST OFF.

YOU'RE CREATING UNDUE PRESSURE.

NO ONE IS UNDER MORE
PRESSURE THAN ME.

I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR DIPLOMAS.

YEAH, YEAH.

DO YOU REALIZE

THAT I AM THE BRIDGE
TO THE FUTURE?

HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT, TOOTIE?

WHEN I HAND BLAIR
AND JO THEIR DIPLOMAS,

THEY'LL SAIL OUT OF THE
SHELTERED HARBOR OF EASTLAND

AND INTO THE SEA OF LIFE.

YOU ARE UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE.

TRUST ME EMILY,
ACCORDING TO MY PLAN,

TOMORROW YOU'LL HAVE
THE FAIREST SKIN IN CLASS.

WELL... SECOND FAIREST.

THANK YOU, BLAIR.

I HAVE ANOTHER PROBLEM.

MY GRANDPARENTS ARE IN TOWN.

I NEED AN EXTRA
TICKET FOR GRADUATION.

I'D HELP, BUT MY COUSIN
AND PARENTS ARE COMING.

DON'T WORRY.

I HAVE CONNECTIONS IN
THE TICKET DEPARTMENT.

NATALIE... ABSOLUTELY
NOT. HAVE A NICE DAY.

NATALIE, COME ON!

THE RULE IS THREE PER GRADUATE.

YOU DON'T LIKE
IT, REPEAT A YEAR.

OHH!

EMILY, DON'T PANIC.

PANIC MAKES OIL, AND
OIL MAKES MOUNTAINS.

DON'T WORRY. I'LL
GET YOU THE TICKET.

THANKS, BLAIR. YOU'RE TERRIFIC!

I CAN'T HELP IT.

"WHEN WE LEAVE
THESE HALLOWED HALLS

"AND STEP INTO THE
CORRIDORS OF THE FUTURE,

WE MUST FILL THAT GYM LOCKER
OF LIFE WITH ACHIEVEMENTS."

THAT'S WONDERFUL, JO.
THIS IS MURDER, MRS. G.

MY MOM'S TOLD EVERYONE
I'M GIVING THE VALEDICTORY.

HER BOSS IS PRINTING
IT ON THE NAPKINS.

YOUR PARENTS WILL BE PROUD.

I GOT TO DO WELL.

MY POP'S EVEN TAKING
OFF WORK TO COME.

THERE'S PRESSURE ON ME.

YOU WANT TO TALK PRESSURE?

PRESSURE IS HAVING TO MAKE
15 JELL-O MOLDS WITH FRUIT!

I DON'T KNOW HOW
I'LL GET IT ALL DONE.

MRS. GARRETT, YOU SAY
THAT EVERY GRADUATION.

THIS YEAR, MR. PARKER
LEFT IT ALL UP TO ME...

THE FOOD, THE CEREMONY,
THE ENTIRE RECEPTION.

WELL, YOU BETTER GET BUSY.

I'M NOT FINISHED.

"WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED,

"AND WHY HAVE WE LEARNED IT?

HOW WILL KNOWING THE
KANSAS-NEBRASKA ACT HELP US GET JOBS?"

OH, ALEX... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SHE'S... HELPING ME.

YEAH. BEING A PRINCESS,

I'VE ONLY BEEN IN A
KITCHEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.

WHY?

I TOOK A WRONG
TURN IN THE CASTLE.

MRS. GARRETT LOOKED SO WORRIED,

I THOUGHT I SHOULD PITCH IN.

UH-HUH.

IT FEELS GOOD TO
JUMP IN AND HELP.

HELP!

I'VE FINISHED THE CUPCAKES.

THEY TURNED OUT RUNNY, THOUGH.

PERHAPS IF WE TRIED BAKING THEM.

WHY NOT?

ALEXANDRA!

WE HAVE FRESH BREAD
COMING FROM THE BAKERY.

WHY NOT MEET THE DELIVERY?

SURE.

"IF WE LOOK BEHIND
THE CURTAINS OF FATE...

ALEXANDRA HASN'T HEARD
ANY OF YOUR SPEECH.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY A FRESH EAR?

THANKS.

"THANK YOU, MR. PARKER,

"FELLOW STUDENTS,
TEACHERS... JO! OH.

MY LITTLE CUCUMBER!

DON'T CALL ME VEGETABLES, ROY!

DID YOU NOTICE? I'VE BEEN AWAY.

BLESS YOU.

SHE MISSED ME!

I'M DONE TALKING TO YOU.

OH, MY LITTLE WAIF,
YOU LOOK DISTRAUGHT.

YOU'RE THINKING THE END IS NEAR.

DON'T WORRY.

WHAT WE'VE HAD, THAT WON'T END.

WHY NOT?

YOU'LL BE AT LANGLEY,
FOUR DELIVERIES AWAY.

I'LL GET A 10-SPEED.

I'LL GET A TRANSFER.

LET ME TAKE YOU
AWAY FROM HERE NOW.

I'VE GOT THE BREAD.

I GET IT. THAT'S CUTE.

WHO IS THIS BRIGHT YOUNG THING?

ALEX, A NEW STUDENT HERE.

THIS IS ROY. HE'S...
HARD TO EXPLAIN.

THANK YOU.

IS THIS DELIVERY
FOR MRS. GARRETT?

YOU GOT IT, BABY.
OKAY, I'LL TAKE IT.

IT'S ONLY FAIR TO TELL YOU

I'M REALLY A PRINCESS.

PERFECT! I'M REALLY A PRINCE.

OH, BLAIR... JO! WHAT?

I HAVE A GRADUATION
PRESENT FOR YOU.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT.

IT'S MY PLEASURE.

HOW THOUGHTFUL.

I KNOW.

SO, WHERE IS IT?

RIGHT HERE!

TOOTIE, TAKE OFF BLAIR'S
GRADUATION GOWN.

YOU HAVE DIPLOMAS TO ROLL.

HOW DO I LOOK...
LIKE A GRADUATE?

LIKE A GOSPEL SINGER.

TAKE IT OFF.

LET ME SHOW YOU
WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

NO, NO, NO, LISA!

WEDGIES ARE TACKY.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE
TO TELL YOU THAT.

THEY GET NERVOUS, ALL THE
BASICS GO OUT OF THEIR HEADS.

GO WITH THE NAVY PUMPS.

I WOULDN'T GET THROUGH
GRADUATION WITHOUT YOU.

I KNOW.

WE NEED MOUTHWASH.

IF IT ISN'T THE KISSING
VALEDICTORIAN.

I GOT A SENSE OF HUMOR,

BUT CERTAIN THINGS
WE DO NOT LAUGH AT...

THE YANKEES AND WHAT ROY DID.

NEVER MENTION THAT.

HE REALLY PLANTED
ONE ON YOU, DIDN'T HE?

YOUR FACE TURNED BLUE.

NO OXYGEN.

WHERE DO I GO TO
SEE A GIRL GRADUATE?

HI, MA. HI, BABY!

HELLO, GIRLS.

HI, MRS. POLNACZEK.

READY FOR THE BIG DAY?

NO! LISTEN TO MY SPEECH.

I'M SO PROUD!

FIRST IN YOUR CLASS!

AM I EMBARRASSING YOU?

DID YOUR FATHER SHOW UP YET?

NO, NOT YET.

I GOT US ROOMS AT
THE OFFRAMP MOTEL.

ARE YOU PACKED?

NO. I CAN'T BELIEVE

HOW MUCH JUNK I'VE COLLECTED.

YOU'RE ALREADY PACKED?

I'M GONNA BE AT
COLLEGE NEXT YEAR.

THIS IS A LITTLE FAR

FOR ME TO COME
TO CHANGE CLOTHES.

I'LL GET MY SPEECH.

YOU CAN LISTEN
TO IT. OKAY, HONEY.

THERE IT IS... JOANNA
MARIE POLNACZEK.

AND THEY SPELLED IT RIGHT.

THIS IS SO EXCITING!

OH! OH, LORD, MY FEET!

MRS. GARRETT!

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HERE.

HOW ARE YOU? I'VE BEEN BETTER.

I'VE MADE 23 TRIPS

BETWEEN HERE AND THE AUDITORIUM.

OOH! IF I COULD JUST SIT DOWN,

MAYBE MY TOES WOULD UNCURL.

WE WAITRESSES GET THAT.

THE SECRET IS TO
ROTATE YOUR ANKLES.

THE SECRET IS TO
GET OFF YOUR FEET.

DO YOU REALIZE BLAIR AND JO

AREN'T JUST GRADUATING,
THEY'RE LEAVING?

THAT'S THE WAY IT USUALLY WORKS.

TILL NOW, IT SEEMED LIKE
A DATE ON THE CALENDAR...

MONTHS AWAY... WEEKS AWAY.

NOW IT'S HERE.

BLAIR, YOU GRADUATE TOMORROW.

SO I'VE HEARD.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

IT MEANS SHE MIGHT
NOT BE BACK NEXT FALL.

IT MEANS EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE.

INCLUDING MY ADDRESS.

I HAVEN'T EVEN BEGUN MY
CHANGE OF ADDRESS CARDS.

HOW WILL I GET THEM DONE?

I GUESS I'LL START WITH
MY 300 CLOSEST FRIENDS.

SHE DOESN'T CARE.

NATALIE, NOBODY CARES!

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

ABOUT WHAT?

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

IT'S OVER. NO MORE JO'S BIKE.

NO MORE BLAIR'S CURLERS.

WHERE'S MY MOM?

IN THE KITCHEN.

JO, HAVE YOU STOPPED TO THINK

WHAT HAPPENS AFTER GRADUATION?

WE EAT.

NO, JO. TO US.

WE WON'T BE TOGETHER.

LANGLEY COLLEGE
IS 20 MINUTES AWAY.

WE'LL SEE EACH OTHER. I GOT
TO GO READ THIS TO MY MOM.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS HAPPENING!

TOOTIE, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

NOBODY UNDERSTANDS.

NATALIE, THIS IS THE END
OF THE FOUR MUSKETEERS.

WE ARE SPLITTING UP.

NOT REALLY. THEY'RE
GOING TO BE CLOSE.

CLOSE? WE'RE NOT GOING
TO BE WORKING TOGETHER.

WE'RE NOT GOING TO
BE ROOMING TOGETHER.

WE'RE NOT EVEN GOING
TO BE FRIENDS ANYMORE.

EAT THAT RIGHT UP,
AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

IT'S NOT GOING TO BE THE SAME.

NOT EXACTLY THE SAME,

BUT ALMOST THE SAME. YOU'LL SEE.

HI, GUYS.

HI, GERI.

READY FOR THE BIG DAY?

READY AS EVER.

COME TOMORROW,
THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT.

OH, NATALIE!

JUST WHEN I HAD
HER ON SOLID FOOD.

I'M TRYING TO CONVINCE
TOOTIE THINGS WON'T CHANGE

JUST BECAUSE BLAIR
AND JO ARE GRADUATING.

I'LL REALLY MISS THIS PLACE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHEN SHE VISITS BLAIR,
SHE'LL GO TO LANGLEY.

WE WON'T EVEN HAVE
GERI AROUND ANYMORE.

AH, GUYS, WE'LL GET TOGETHER.

WE'LL HAVE LUNCH.

THAT'S A KISS-OFF
IF I EVER HEARD ONE.

YOU'RE RIGHT, TOOTIE.

THINGS ARE NEVER EVER
GOING TO BE THE SAME.

GERI, YOU'RE HERE!

HI, CUZ.

STOP. I WANT TO
REMEMBER YOU LIKE THIS.

WAIT. THAT'S NOT MY BEST SIDE.

HI, DARLING!

MOM, YOU'RE HERE!

YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.

HI, GIRLS.

I WAS AT THE AUDITORIUM,

STROLLING DOWN MEMORY LANE.

I REMEMBER WHEN I
GRADUATED EASTLAND.

WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?

WHEN?

AFTER MY SENIOR YEAR,
LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

DARLING, I HAVE A
WONDERFUL SURPRISE.

WHAT?

GUESS WHO WE
RAN INTO AT THE INN.

WHO?

YOUR FATHER!

SO?

DON'T YOU REMEMBER HIM?

TALL FELLOW WITH A LEAR JET.

YES, BUT I'M NOT SURPRISED.

I KNEW HE'D BE HERE.

HOW?

HE SAID HE WOULD.

HE ALSO SAID "I
DO" AND HE DIDN'T.

DADDY WOULDN'T MISS THIS.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. HE IS HERE.

THIS IS A DAY WE'LL ALL CHERISH.

YOU MUST HAVE THINGS TO DO.

GERI, LET'S GO OVER TO THE GYM.

I WANT TO SHOW
YOU THE EXACT SPOT

I GOT MY FIRST ENGAGEMENT RING.

AGAIN?

SEE YOU LATER.

HEY, WHERE'S MY TYPEWRITER?

I'M USING IT.

I GOT TO TYPE THIS OVER!

I CAN'T READ MY HANDWRITING.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD
STOP USING CRAYON.

DON'T QUIBBLE YOUR
LAST HOURS AWAY.

DON'T YOU REALIZE OUR
MOMENT IN TIME TOGETHER

IS SLIPPING AWAY?

SLIPPING AWAY.

LIKE SAND THROUGH THE HOURGLASS.

THE HOURGLASS.

LIKE ICE CREAM
DRIPPING DOWN THE CONE.

DRIP...

I'M GETTING THAT TYPEWRITER.

DON'T TOUCH MY THINGS.

LOOK AT THEM.

PRETENDING THAT IT DOESN'T HURT,

LOOKING LIKE THEY DON'T CARE.

GET OFF MY BACK!

THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD AT IT.

YOU GRADUATE TOMORROW.

WE SHOULD BE TALKING
OVER OLD TIMES,

LAUGHING OVER OLD JOKES,

HEALING OLD WOUNDS.

IN A MINUTE, THERE'LL
BE NEW WOUNDS.

THIS IS NO TIME TO BE SELFISH.

I WANT THAT TYPEWRITER!

NATALIE, WHY DO
THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE?

I WAS HOPING I'D KNOW BY NOW.

HI, GUYS!

MRS. GARRETT, I HAVE
A SURPRISE FOR YOU!

OH, DO YOU REALLY, ALEX?

HERE THEY ARE, MRS. GARRETT.

HERE THEY ARE?

THE PINEAPPLES YOU WANTED.

I GOT THEM.

THERE ARE 10 MORE
BOXES IN MY CAR.

OH, GOODNESS, I DON'T
WANT TO SEEM UNGRATEFUL,

BUT, UH... I DIDN'T
WANT ANY PINEAPPLE.

THIS MORNING YOU SAID
SOMETHING ABOUT 100 PINEAPPLES.

100 PI...

OH, NO.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I SAID I NEEDED 100 PIE APPLES.

FOR THE TARTS.

OH, WELL. SHOULD
I TAKE THEM BACK?

OH, I THINK SO.

THERE'S NO TIME TO
FIND THEM A GOOD HOME.

AS SOON AS I'M DONE,
I'LL BE BACK TO HELP.

OH, GOOD.

SEE THAT SHE NEVER RETURNS.

NOW, AS ROLL LEADERS,
YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE

FOR HAVING THE GIRLS IN YOUR ROW

IN THE AUDITORIUM
AT 11:45 SHARP.

THEY ARE TO BE IN
CAPS AND GOWNS.

MAKE SURE THEY'RE WEARING
SOMETHING UNDERNEATH.

WE WANT EVERYTHING TO
GO SMOOTHLY FOR TOMORROW.

TOMORROW?

OH!

AUNT MARTHA, THEY'RE
JUST PRACTICING.

SO AM I.

THE WINNER FOR BEST
PERFORMANCE IN A MUSICAL IS...

TOOTIE RAMSEY.

OH, I'M HONORED!

I'D LIKE TO THANK ALL
OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE...

MY MOTHER, MY FATHER... TOOTIE!

AND MRS. GARRETT.

TOOTIE!

WANT TO TELL THE
GIRLS ANYTHING ELSE?

OH, YEAH. LISTEN.

I'LL BE HANDING THE
DIPLOMAS TO MR. PARKER.

IF, BY SOME CHANCE,

SOMEBODY GETS
THE WRONG DIPLOMA...

THEY WON'T... BUT IF THEY DO,

WE'LL STRAIGHTEN
IT OUT AFTERWARDS.

LET'S LOOK OVER THE
SCHEDULE ONE MORE TIME

TO BE SURE WE'RE COORDINATED.

A FEW REMINDERS
ABOUT WARDROBE...

WAIT UNTIL THE LAST
MINUTE TO PUT YOUR CAPS ON,

OR YOUR HAIR IS A LOST CAUSE.

HI, HONEY.

I SEE YOUR FATHER
ISN'T HERE YET.

MAYBE HIS BUS IS
LATE. YEAH, BUT WHEN?

WE'RE REALLY BUSY.

MRS. WARNER, ARE YOU OK?

JUST FINE. THANK
YOU, MRS. POLNACZEK.

THIS IS MY NIECE, GERI TYLER.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

SAME HERE.

MRS. WARNER, I DON'T
KNOW YOU VERY WELL.

ACTUALLY, HARDLY AT ALL.

BUT COULD I ASK YOU
A PERSONAL QUESTION?

IF IT'S ABOUT WHEN
SHE GRADUATED, NO.

OF COURSE.

I WAS JUST WONDERING...

HOW CAN YOU CRY WITHOUT
YOUR MASCARA RUNNING?

BY THE TIME GRADUATION IS OVER,

I'M GOING TO LOOK
LIKE A RACCOON.

IT'S A BRAND I PICKED
UP IN THE ORIENT.

I'LL GIVE YOU SOME FOR TOMORROW.

IS THERE A BLAIR WARNER HERE?

THAT WOULD BE MOI.

YOU HAVE TO SIGN FOR THESE.

HERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU.

FROM ONE OF YOUR
ADMIRERS, NO DOUBT.

OH! BEAUTIFUL!

MOTHER, DON'T GET UPSET.

DAD'S BEEN CALLED AWAY
TO LONDON ON BUSINESS.

HE WHAT? MOTHER.

HE'S MISSING YOUR
GRADUATION? THAT MAN... I KNEW IT!

THIS ISN'T THE
PLACE TO START THIS.

HEY, EVERYBODY!
READY FOR THE BIG DAY?

HEY, POP!

HI, HONEY.

WHO DIED AND LEFT YOU THAT SUIT?

GLAD YOU LIKE IT. I BORROWED
IT FOR THE OCCASION.

I RENTED A MERCEDES, TOO.

YOU WHAT?

I'LL DRIVE YOU TO THE INN.

WE'VE GOT MOTEL ROOMS.

WE'RE STAYING AT THE INN.

DO YOU SEE WHY I
DIVORCED YOUR FATHER?

WE CANNOT AFFORD THE INN.

PLEASE.

I RAN INTO YOUR EX.

WE TALKED BETWEEN
HIS BUSINESS CALLS.

GREAT GUY.

YEAH, MR. WONDERFUL.

MR. FATHER-OF-THE-YEAR!

HE'S TAKING US TO DINNER.

REALLY? WHERE'S HE TAKING
US... WESTMINSTER ABBEY?

DAD WAS CALLED TO
LONDON ON BUSINESS.

TOO BAD. BUT THAT WON'T
STOP OUR CELEBRATION.

I'LL TAKE EVERYBODY TO DINNER,

THAT FANCY FRENCH PLACE.

ARE YOU CRAZY? WE HAVE A
DAUGHTER TO PUT THROUGH COLLEGE!

SHE STILL HAS TO EAT DINNER.

GUYS, DON'T START THIS HERE.

IT'S ALWAYS BUSINESS
BEFORE FAMILY!

MUST WE DISCUSS THIS NOW?

YOU'RE TRYING TO
BE A BIG SHOT AGAIN!

GIVE ME A BREAK.

I'LL MAKE A SCENE
AT THE AIRPORT!

GOING TO A STUPID
FRENCH RESTAURANT...

WOULD YOU STOP IT?

WOULD YOU JUST STOP IT?

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEM!
YOU CAN'T BELIEVE THEM?

OH, THE GRADUATES!

THEY'RE IMPOSSIBLE! THE WORST!

SO, HOW'S YOUR DAY?

THEY CAN FORGET
THAT STUPID DINNER!

I'M EATING RIGHT HERE!

AND I'M FASTING!

TERRIFIC! WE CAN ALL SPEND
OUR LAST EVENING TOGETHER.

WE'LL REMINISCE.

I'VE HAD IT!

THERE'S NOTHING ABOUT THIS
PLACE I WANT TO REMEMBER!

BUT YOU GRADUATE TOMORROW...

I'M SICK OF GRADUATION TALK!

I'M TIRED OF YOUR
SENTIMENTAL SAP!

BUT THIS IS OUR LAST NIGHT!

STOP WHINING! YOU
SOUND LIKE A BABY!

IT'S BAD ENOUGH I GOT TO DEAL
WITH THOSE TWO BABIES IN THERE.

SHE JUST WANTED...

WRITE IT IN YOUR DIARY
AND LEAVE US ALONE, NATALIE.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS
PLACE TO BE HISTORY!

CHEW FASTER.

WE GOT SHOWERS TO
TAKE AND HAIR TO SET

BEFORE GRADUATION
THIS AFTERNOON.

SORRY. I DIDN'T
MEAN TO SAY GRAD...

I MEAN, THAT WORD.

LOOK, WE'RE SORRY WE
YELLED AT YOU YESTERDAY.

WE WERE YELLING AT OUR PARENTS.

BUT WE GOT SPIT IN THE FACE.

LOOK, WE'RE SORRY!

YOU'RE NOT YELLING NOW?

I AM, AREN'T I?

IT'S THIS STUPID GRADUATION.

IT'S MAKING US TENSE.

US, TOO.

NAT...

I'M SORRY I MADE THAT
CRACK ABOUT YOUR DIARY.

MY DIARY AND I DO HAVE AN
ABNORMALLY CLOSE RELATIONSHIP.

I DON'T WRITE DOWN
JUST ANYTHING.

ONLY THE STUFF I
WANT TO REMEMBER.

STUFF THAT'S IMPORTANT TO ME.

THERE'D HARDLY BE
ANYTHING IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU.

OH, NATALIE.

DID YOU REALLY WANT TO FORGET

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PLACE?

NO, TOOTIE, I DIDN'T.

GOOD. I'LL GET MY CAMERA.

TOOTIE.

IT'S YOUR GRADUATION
DAY, AND I WANTED SOME...

♪ MEMORIES, LIKE THE
CORNERS OF MY MIND ♪

♪ MISTY WATER-COLOR MEMORIES ♪

KNOCK IT OFF!

WERE YOU YELLING?

YEAH, PROBABLY. SORRY.

GIRLS, START GETTING READY.

I WISH THIS WAS OVER.

MAYBE WE COULD GO TO LAS VEGAS

AND GET A QUICKIE GRADUATION.

COME ON, GIRLS. YOU'VE JUST GOT
THE PRE-COMMENCEMENT JITTERS.

THIS IS GONNA BE THE
BEST GRADUATION EVER.

THE JELL-O IS GELLED.

THE QUICHE IS QUICHED.

AND I EVEN FOUND
SOMETHING ALEXANDRA CAN DO.

WHAT?

I HAVE HER SITTING
IN THE CORNER,

SORTING OUT COCKTAIL
TOOTHPICKS BY COLOR.

I GOTTA GO SHOWER.

OH NO YOU DON'T.

I HAVE TO WASH MY
HAIR. IT TAKES 3 HOURS.

THEY SANDBLAST MT. RUSHMORE
IN LESS TIME THAN THAT.

WAIT A SECOND.

OKAY, GET UGLY.

WHAT? COME ON, FIGHT.

WHAT?

I WANT IT ON TAPE.

WHEN WE GET LONESOME,
WE CAN PLAY IT BACK.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

ONCE A MONTH, WE'LL POP POPCORN

AND LISTEN TO THE TAPE.

IT'LL BE LIKE YOU'RE STILL HERE.

ARE YOU NUTS?

GOOD, BUT SAY IT TO HER.

CALL HER "AIR-BRAIN."

YOU CALL HER
"GLADYS GOODWRENCH,"

AND WE'RE OFF.

OUR ARGUMENTS ARE INSPIRED.

THEY'RE WORKS OF ART,

NOT PULLED OUT OF THIN AIR.

YOU YANK THEM OUT OF YOUR GUTS.

I SEE.

IF YOU FEEL SOMETHING COMING,

SCREAM INTO THIS, OK?

MOM.

UH... FEELING ANY BETTER TODAY?

A LITTLE.

HOW WAS YOUR EVENING?

WE ATE AT THE INN.

SHE MADE THE WAITER
SET A PLACE FOR YOUR DAD.

SHE KEPT YELLING
AT THE EMPTY CHAIR.

I'M SORRY I SPOILED YOUR
FATHER'S PLANS FOR DINNER.

HE COULDN'T AFFORD IT ANYWAY.

I'LL BE OUT IN 15 MINUTES.

YOUR FATHER WON'T
GET AWAY WITH THIS.

THE MOST IMPORTANT
DAY IN YOUR LIFE,

AND HE'S TOO BUSY
TO STICK AROUND.

WHY DON'T I JUST WASH MY HAIR?

I'LL MAKE THIS UP TO YOU.

I'LL GOING TO BUY
YOU A SMALL TOKEN

OF YOUR FATHER'S AFFECTION...

A FULL-LENGTH SABLE COAT.

WE'LL SEND HIM THE BILL.

MOTHER, BE REASONABLE.

IT'S REASONABLE TO EXPECT HIM

TO ATTEND YOUR GRADUATION.

IT'S REASONABLE TO
EXPECT HIM TO KEEP HIS WORD

WHEN HE SAYS HE'LL ATTEND

BIRTHDAYS, VACATIONS,
AND ANNIVERSARIES.

THAT MAN DIDN'T SHOW UP

FOR HIS DAUGHTER'S OWN BIRTH.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE MARRIED HIM.

NO, I SHOULDN'T
HAVE DIVORCED HIM.

I SHOULD HAVE STAYED

AND MADE HIS LIFE MISERABLE.

MOTHER, CALM DOWN.

THIS IS CALM.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER BEFORE.

IT'S NOT FAIR, AND IT
MAKES ME SO ANGRY!

YES, BUT DADDY DOESN'T
DO IT ON PURPOSE.

HE LOVES ME.

IT MAY NOT BE THE BEST WAY,

BUT IT'S HIS WAY.

ACCEPT IT FOR WHAT IT IS.

WHY SHOULD YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?

IF I DON'T, I'LL SPEND
MY LIFE BEING ANGRY.

AND, MOTHER, THAT'S
NO WAY TO LIVE.

WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT
DINNER LAST NIGHT?

I ATE AT THE COFFEE SHOP.

THE COFFEE SHOP? YEAH.

WE GOT TO GO. SAVE POP A SEAT.

NO. I'LL SEE HOW LATE HE IS.

LAY OFF!

HE'S PROBABLY SHOWING
HIS RENTED MERCEDES

TO THE LOCAL FARMERS.

WHO'S HE TRYING TO IMPRESS?

I'M GOING.

ROY, YOU'RE LOST.
GRADUATION'S THAT WAY.

I'M NOT GOING TO GRADUATION.

I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT
WITH ALEXANDRA.

OH, THAT'S NICE, ROY.

OK, IT'S MORE THAN
JUST AN APPOINTMENT.

A DATE?

JO, I CAN'T TAKE THAT
HURT LOOK IN YOUR EYES.

ROY, PLEASE.

DON'T BEG! IT'S SO DEMEANING!

THINGS CHANGE, JO.

PEOPLE... MOVE ON.

GOOD.

MOVE ON.

ALEX IS WAITING FOR YOU.

GIVE IT TIME. YOU'LL FORGET ME.

NO, YOU WON'T.

WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

AM I LATE? I WAS IN TOWN.

WERE YOU BUYING LUNCH
FOR UPSTATE NEW YORK?

THAT TONE OF VOICE
IS ALWAYS ATTRACTIVE.

I'D STICK AROUND,

BUT I'M NOT WEARING THIS
FRINGED FRISBEE FOR MY HEALTH.

WAIT. LOOK AT THIS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? WHAT'S THIS?

A PIN. I CAN SEE THAT.

POPPY, IT'S GORGEOUS.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

JO IS GOING TO COLLEGE
ON SCHOLARSHIP.

BUYING HER A GRADUATION
PRESENT IS FINE,

BUT MAKE IT
SOMETHING SHE CAN USE,

LIKE TEXTBOOKS!

POP, IT IS GORGEOUS,
BUT MOM'S GOT A POINT.

BESIDES, THIS IS
TOO FANCY FOR ME.

I KNOW. IT'S NOT FOR YOU.

IT'S FOR YOU.

YOU ARE AMAZING.

IF ANYONE NEEDS THIS
LESS THAN JO, IT'S ME.

AND IT'S TOO LATE TO IMPRESS ME.

GIVE ME A BREAK.

I'M JUST TRYING
TO SAY THANK YOU.

FOR WHAT?

IT TOOK A LOT TO SEND JO HERE.

GOD KNOWS, I DIDN'T HELP ANY.

I WANTED TO MAKE THIS
WEEKEND SPECIAL FOR YOU.

A HOTEL ROOM WITH EXTRA HANGERS,

A DINNER SERVED ON
MORE THAN ONE PLATE.

THE WAY I FIGURE IT,

IT'S YOUR GRADUATION, TOO.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

YES, I DID.

CHARLIE, I'M IMPRESSED.

COME ON, YOU TWO.

LET'S GO BEFORE NATALIE
SCALPS OUR TICKETS.

I WISH THEY'D START.
WHEN WILL THEY START?

I KEEP EATING OFF MY LIP GLOSS.

YOUR HEM IS DOWN!

OH, NO!

DON'T PULL THE
THREAD! YOU'LL UNRAVEL!

I ALREADY AM UNRAVELED!

LAST-MINUTE FIRST
AID. WHO NEEDS WHAT?

MY HEM CAME DOWN.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

LET ME BASTE YOU.

IS EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL?

NO. NO.

EMILY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IT'S HOT. MY MAKE-UP'S MELTING.

THAT'S TOO BAD. ROBE STAYS ON.

BUT IT'S HOT.

I'VE GOT KLEENEX!

THANKS.

REMEMBER, TASSELS
ON THE LEFT SIDE.

WHEN YOU GET YOUR DIPLOMA,

NO MUGGING AND NO SPEECHES.

A SMALL "V" FOR VICTORY IS FINE.

MY HEEL!

MY HEEL CAME OFF!

ALL THIS TIME I THOUGHT
I HAD WOBBLY KNEES.

MRS. GARRETT!

I'LL HANDLE THAT.

TOOTIE, GLUE.

PUT LISA'S SHOE BACK TOGETHER.

I'VE GOT 30 MINUTES OF CURL,

THEN IT'S LIMP LINGUINI.

I CAN'T REMEMBER ONE
WORD OF MY SPEECH!

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

IT'S IN FRONT OF YOU. READ IT.

MY EYES AREN'T WORKING!

MY BRAIN ISN'T WORKING!

I THINK MY WHOLE
SYSTEM SHORTED OUT.

EVERYTHING'S RUNNING
LIKE CLOCKWORK IN THERE.

THE ONLY THING THAT
CAN SCREW UP IS YOU.

THANKS, I NEEDED THAT.

YOUR GRANDFATHER IS
SITTING NEXT TO BLAIR'S MOTHER.

HE'S HAVING SOME TIME.

THANKS!

I CAN'T REMEMBER HOW IT STARTS!

OH, YEAH. "THIS IS A DAY...

THAT WILL LIVE IN INFAMY."

JO, THAT WAS PEARL HARBOR.

WHAT'S IT DOING IN MY SPEECH?

CONCENTRATE.

WASN'T THERE SOMETHING ABOUT...

"YOUR SWEATY SOCKS
IN YOUR GYM LOCKER"?

RIGHT.

"WE MUST FILL THE
GYM LOCKER OF LIFE

"WITH SPLENDID ACHIEVEMENTS.

"GRADUATION IS TRADITIONALLY
A TIME OF LOOKING FORWARD.

"LET US CONSIDER A MOMENT

"HOW WE ARRIVED AT THIS MOMENT.

NONE OF US DID THIS ALONE."

WE RECEIVED SUPPORT
IN THE HARD TIMES...

ENCOURAGEMENT
WHEN WE NEEDED IT...

AND MOST IMPORTANT,

LOVE FROM OUR
FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

THIS LEAVES US WITH A DEBT

THAT CANNOT BE
MEASURED OR REPAID.

DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?

NO. I JUST REMEMBERED
WHAT MY SPEECH WAS ABOUT.

GOOD! GOOD!

I CAN EVEN MAKE THIS
UGLY THING LOOK GOOD!

OK, EVERYONE, REMEMBER!

KEEP YOUR SHOULDERS BACK
AND YOUR LINES STRAIGHT.

DO GOOD!

AND REMEMBER,

TASSELS ON THE
LEFT SIDE, LIKE BLAIR.

EVERYBODY...

EVERYBODY, LOOK AT BLAIR.

OK, GIRLS.

THEY'RE PLAYING YOUR SONG.

HAPPY GRADUATION.

AND REMEMBER...

NO MATTER WHAT
HAPPENS OUT THERE,

KEEP SMILING!

THIS IS IT.

GOOD-BYE, HIGH SCHOOL.

NO MORE UNIFORMS!

NO MORE CURFEW.

NO MORE LIVING OVER THE KITCHEN.

NO MORE...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?

I THOUGHT THEY MIGHT
WANT A CARE PACKAGE

FOR THE RIDE BACK TO THE CITY.

IN CASE THERE'S A TRAFFIC JAM.

THIS COULD BE A REALLY BIG ROOM.

NEXT YEAR I'LL BE ABLE
TO SPREAD MY WINGS

AND MY MICHAEL JACKSON
POSTERS ALL OVER THAT WALL.

MICHAEL SITTING,
MICHAEL STANDING,

MICHAEL SPINNING...

SO WHICH BED DO YOU WANT?

MY MATTRESS ISN'T EVEN COLD.

IMAGINE WAKING UP IN THAT BUNK

THINKING YOU'RE IN A COFFIN.

I DON'T THINK I CAN FALL ASLEEP

WITHOUT HEARING BLAIR SNORING.

I DON'T SNORE!

YOU'RE RIGHT.

BUT YOUR NOSE WHISTLES.

COME IN.

BEFORE YOU LEAVE,

I WANTED TO GIVE THESE TO YOU.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.

SURE SHE SHOULD.
WE'RE GRADUATING.

I LOVE TO WATCH
PEOPLE OPEN PRESENTS

AND SEE THE EXPRESSION
ON THEIR FACES.

MRS. G, THIS IS A ROCK.

UH-HUH.

YOU GAVE HER A ROCK?

IT'S A LOVELY ROCK.

WELL, TAKE IT OUT. LOOK AT IT.

WOW. IT'S A WHOLE
WORLD GOING ON IN THERE.

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S A GEODE.

THESE ARE THE CRYSTALS,

AND THOSE ARE
LAYERS OF MINERALS.

THERE'S A FOSSIL OVER HERE.

IT'S GREAT, MRS. G.

I'LL KEEP IT ON MY DESK.

WHEN I SAW IT, IT
REMINDED ME OF YOU.

I MEAN... THERE'S
A LOT MORE THERE

THAN MEETS THE EYE.

IT'S TOUGH ON THE
OUTSIDE, BUT INSIDE...

THERE ARE ALL SORTS OF
MARVELOUS THINGS GOING ON.

JUST DON'T THROW IT AT BLAIR.

THEN FORGET IT. SORRY.

OH, MRS. GARRETT,
IT'S BEAUTIFUL!

I KNITTED IT MYSELF.

YOU WENT TO ALL
THAT TROUBLE FOR ME?

THERE MUST BE
SOME STORY BEHIND IT.

I THOUGHT THE STYLE
WOULD BE BECOMING.

AND?

I THOUGHT THE COLOR
WOULD BRING OUT

THE GREEN AND GOLD
FLECKS IN YOUR EYES.

AND?

AND?

AND... I THOUGHT IT
WOULD KEEP YOU WARM.

THAT'S IT?

WHAT ABOUT MY PARABLE?

WHAT ABOUT MY METAPHOR,

YOUR WONDERFUL WORDS OF WISDOM?

BLAIR!

WELL, YOU GOT YOUR ROCK!

WHAT ABOUT MY INNER SELF?

YOU DON'T NEED ME TO TELL YOU

ABOUT YOUR INNER SELF.

I CAN'T THINK OF ANY OTHER GIRL

WHO'S GROWN AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE.

YOU'VE MATURED.

YOU'RE SENSITIVE AND CARING.

AND I FEEL LUCKY
HAVING YOU AS MY FRIEND.

I'LL BUY THAT.

THANK YOU, MRS. GARRETT.

YOU'RE THE BEST, MRS. G.

HOLD IT.

WELL, I BETTER GET DOWNSTAIRS.

THE PEOPLE I HIRED TO CLEAN UP

ARE PROBABLY WAITING FOR ME.

WAIT TILL THEY SEE THOSE DISHES.

WHAT'LL IT BE LIKE

NOT HAVING MRS. GARRETT AROUND?

IT'S HARD SAYING GOOD-BYE.

NO ONE'S SUPPOSED
TO SAY THAT WORD.

WHAT WORD? GOOD-BYE?

YOU SAID IT AGAIN!

SOMEBODY'S GOT TO SAY IT.

FACE IT. THIS IS GOOD-BYE.

OUR DEAR OLD-FASHIONED
RULE DAYS ARE OVER.

EVEN AS WE SPEAK,

OUR FINAL MOMENTS
TOGETHER ARE SLIPPING AWAY

LIKE SAND THROUGH THE HOURGLASS.

THESE WERE THE
DAYS OF OUR LIVES.

I SAID THAT YESTERDAY,

BUT DID YOU LISTEN TO ME? NO!

NOW, NATALIE, NO
I-TOLD-YOU-SO'S.

WE WANT THEM TO FACE THE FUTURE

WITH A CLEAR
CONSCIENCE AND A SMILE.

AND ALONE. OH, BLAIR.

SHE'S RIGHT.

SURE. WE'LL BE TOGETHER,

AND YOU'LL BE TOGETHER...

BUT WE WILL NEVER
BE TOGETHER AGAIN.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU TWO NEED?

SOMETHING TO EAT.

A CUPCAKE, A BROWNIE... HUH?

A LITTLE BITE?

A LITTLE NIBBLE?

GUYS...

LANGLEY COLLEGE
IS 20 MINUTES AWAY.

IF BENJI CAN RUN 3,000
MILES TO SAVE SOMEONE,

WE CAN HACK A 50-CENT BUS RIDE.

THAT'S 50 CENTS AND A TRANSFER.

DON'T QUIBBLE, JO.

WE'VE BEEN THROUGH
SO MUCH TOGETHER.

WE HAVE SO MUCH
MORE TO GO THROUGH.

I HAVEN'T EVEN
FALLEN IN LOVE YET.

I WOULDN'T MISS
THAT FOR ANYTHING!

SOMEONE'S GOT TO
GIVE YOU BAD ADVICE.

WE DON'T NEED THESE
WALLS TO HOLD US TOGETHER.

MY MOM PLAYS CARDS

WITH A WOMAN SHE WAS BEST
FRIENDS WITH IN JUNIOR HIGH,

THEY USED TO CHEATED
TOGETHER IN MATH MATH.

NOW THEY CHEAT
TOGETHER IN BRIDGE.

SEE? THEY GET
TOGETHER EVERY WEEK.

UNTIL SHE MOVED OUT OF
THE BUILDING LAST YEAR.

BAD EXAMPLE.

HEY, LISTEN, GUYS.

I'LL BE BACK HERE

TO CROWN THE NEW HARVEST QUEEN!

YOU INVITED US TO
YOUR HOMECOMING.

WE'LL SEE THAT NEW
STAR WARS PICTURE.

I'LL GET YOU OPENING NIGHT SEATS

FOR MY PLAYS NEXT YEAR.

PEOPLE ALWAYS DO THIS.

THEY SAY, "WE'LL GET TOGETHER.

WE'LL KEEP IN TOUCH."

BUT...

THEN WE GOT TO MAKE
SURE WE STAY TOGETHER.

I THINK... THAT THE
WAY YOU DO IT...

IS YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT

'CAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT.

HOW?

YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT.

PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!

DON'T DO THAT.

TOOTIE, PLEASE!

AM I A GREAT ACTRESS OR WHAT?

THAT'S CRAZY! WE'RE ALL CRAZY!

I'M WRITING A BOOK ABOUT US...

A CROSS BETWEEN THE
GROUP AND PEYTON PLACE.

PEYTON PLACE? WE'RE
NOT THAT EXCITING.

THERE'S BOYS AT
LANGLEY. YOU'LL WORK ON IT.

I THINK IT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA.

WHEN THEY MAKE
THE MOVIE VERSION,

I WANT CANDICE
BERGEN TO PLAY ME.

OF COURSE, I'LL PLAY
MYSELF AND DIRECT IT.

WHO WILL PLAY ME?

CHARLES BRONSON!
CHARLES BRONSON!

THE BEST THING
ABOUT YOU LEAVING IS

WE'LL MEET OLDER MEN.

NO. IT'S NO MORE KITCHEN DUTY.

COME IN.

NATALIE, TOOTIE, I'M IN A BIND.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

THE PEOPLE WHO WERE
SUPPOSED TO CLEAN UP

WON'T BE COMING.

THEY HAD US DOWN FOR NEXT WEEK.

THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY

TO AN OPEN HOUSE AT SING SING.

I SEE HOW THAT HAPPENED.
WE ALL WEAR UNIFORMS.

NATALIE, TOOTIE,

I KNOW SCHOOL IS
OFFICIALLY OVER,

BUT ALEX HAS
THREATENED TO HELP ME.

OK. WE'LL GIVE YOU A HAND.

OH, THANK YOU!

LET'S GO.

OK.

HEY! WHAT ABOUT US?

DON'T YOU WANT OUR HELP?

GIRLS, THIS IS YOUR
GRADUATION DAY.

YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

LET THEM HELP.

THERE'S A WALL OF
DISHES DOWN THERE.

WELL, IF YOU'RE
SURE YOU DON'T MIND...

I FEEL AWFUL ABOUT THIS.

MRS. G, IT'S OK.

OH, GEE, IT SURE IS NICE

HAVING THE WHOLE
TEAM BACK AGAIN.

OK, GANG! LET'S HIT IT!

MRS. GARRETT, WHY
DO I GET THE FEELING

WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE
WORKING FOR YOU FOREVER?

♪ YOU'LL AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪

♪ AND ENJOY THE
FUN IN MANAGIN' ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THEY SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪

♪ IF YOU HEAR IT
FROM YOUR BROTHER ♪

♪ BETTER CLEAR 'EM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪

♪ BETTER GET 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪

♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪

♪ ALL YOU GOT TO DO TO GET
YOU THROUGH IS UNDERSTAND ♪

♪ YOU THINK YOU'D
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪

♪ YOU'LL NEVER MAKE
IT THROUGH WITHOUT ♪

♪ THE TRUTH ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THEY'RE ALL ABOUT... ♪