The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 4, Episode 22 - Take My Finals, Please - full transcript
The girls study for final exams together for the very last time.
♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
HOW COULD YOU LOSE THAT BOOK?
MODERN HISTORY'S MY FIRST EXAM.
WORLD WAR II MIGHT BE ON IT.
I GOT BUSY.
I LOST IT. SUE ME.
I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED IN WORLD WAR II.
GERMANY LOST. OK?
GUYS, IT'S GOING
TO BE A LONG NIGHT,
AND I'M TENSE.
YOU'RE TENSE? THESE
ARE OUR FINAL FINALS.
WE HAVE TO DO
WELL, TOO, YOU KNOW.
YOU JUST WANT TO
GO TO DRAMA CAMP.
THAT'S RIGHT.
DRAMA CAMP? DO YOU
HIKE TO HOLLYWOOD?
YOU SCREW UP, YOU
CAN BOUNCE BACK.
WE FAIL, WE'RE IN THE ARMY.
DON'T SAY FAIL!
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY.
YOU ALWAYS DO WELL.
MY DAD HASN'T BEEN WELL.
THE DOCTOR TOLD HIM
TO REST, CHANGE HIS DIET,
AND HAVE HIS DAUGHTER
MAKE STRAIGHT As.
WHO WANTS THE FIRST OREO?
ME! I WANT IT!
WE'LL SPLIT IT.
I SUPPOSE YOU WANT THE CREAM?
GUYS, RELAX.
I GOT A WHOLE BAG
AND SOME MOO JUICE
TO WASH IT DOWN.
DID SOMEBODY ORDER ROOM SERVICE?
OK. AS YOU KNOW,
THE KITCHEN IS CLOSED,
BUT THIS SHOULD GET YOU
THROUGH THE EVENING...
AND POSSIBLY NEXT EASTER.
HOW COULD YOU CLOSE SHOP ON US?
WELL, YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED
LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME.
YOU BROKE INTO THE KITCHEN
AND ATE $80 WORTH
OF BAKER'S CHOCOLATE.
PEOPLE GET DESPERATE AT 3 A.M.
YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL
ABOUT ALL-NIGHTERS.
WE GOT TO CRAM.
WHY? YOU GIRLS HAVE STUDIED.
AFTER A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP,
THE ANSWERS WILL
JUST COME TO YOU.
HOW CAN WE REMEMBER STUFF
FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR?
LIKE WHO DISCOVERED NITROGEN?
FOR 300 POINTS AND
THE CHAMPIONSHIP...
RAMSEY... EASTLAND!
UH... EINSTEIN?
BZZZZ! WRONG!
POLNIACZEK... THE BRONX.
MADAME CURIE.
BZZZZ! WRONG AGAIN.
GARRETT... WISCONSIN!
NITROGEN? WELL, UH... AH...
BZZZZ! TOO MUCH TIME. SORRY.
OK. WHO DISCOVERED NITROGEN?
I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S
WHY I'M CRAMMING.
SO... I'M WASTING MY TIME
MAKING A CASE FOR SLEEP?
YEAH.
I GUESS I'LL TURN IN THEN.
IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY.
NICE TRY, MRS. GARRETT.
♪ LULLABY ♪
♪ AND GOOD NIGHT ♪♪
MRS. GARRETT.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
OK, STUDY ANIMALS.
IT'S 8:15.
WE GOT TO GET SERIOUS.
I HAVE A GOOD FEELING.
WE'LL DO SOME GOOD, SOLID WORK.
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
SUSAN BERKHAM OWNED
THIS BOOK BEFORE ME.
HOORAY FOR SUSAN BERKHAM.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S INTERESTING.
TO THINK, SOME TIME
IN EASTLAND HISTORY,
A GIRL NAMED SUSAN BERKHAM
READ THESE SAME PAGES.
I'M STUDYING.
I WONDER WHERE SHE
IS, WHAT SHE'S DOING.
SHE PROBABLY GRADUATED,
WENT ON TO COLLEGE,
HAS A CAREER,
MAYBE A FAMILY...
WITH THREE KIDS.
NO, WAIT. TWO KIDS.
NO. THREE KIDS.
YES, DEFINITELY THREE KIDS.
UNLESS...
I'LL NEVER GET THROUGH THIS.
WHY DO I ALWAYS WAIT
UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE?
LET'S PLAY CARDS.
BLAIR, WILL YOU
STOP WASTING TIME?
THANK YOU!
DID YOU EVER NOTICE HOW
EASTLAND PILLOWS SMELL?
JO!
I NEED A COOKIE.
JO, FIRE ONE UP.
THANKS A LOT.
CAN I STUDY NOW?
WHO WANTS BANANA CAKE?
BANANA CAKE?
♪ CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES ♪
♪ COME ON BA BA BA BA ♪
♪ BA BA BA BA ♪
TOOTIE.
♪ CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
TOOTIE!
♪ DO DO DO ♪
HEY, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
NO PROBLEM IF I'M TESTED
ON KOOL AND THE GANG.
IF YOU MEAN MY SINGING,
IT HELPS ME THINK.
♪ CELEBRATE... ♪♪
PUT THAT AWAY OR
I'LL SIT ON YOUR NECK!
I HATE THAT HAT.
THIS IS MY EXAM HAT.
I WEAR IT TWICE A
YEAR, EVERY YEAR.
I STILL HATE IT.
MUST I GO OVER THIS AGAIN?
THESE ARE MY BRAIN
WAVE CONDUCTORS.
WHEN THE... YOU
ACTUALLY... DO YOU MIND?
LEND ME YOUR HIGHLIGHTER.
I LOST IT.
I LOST YOUR BOOK,
AND THIS IS YOUR CHILDISH
WAY OF GETTING BACK.
TILL I THINK OF
SOMETHING BETTER.
I'VE HAD IT WITH CHEMISTRY!
HOW CAN I REMEMBER THE SYMBOLS?
SURE. "C" FOR CARBON, BUT LOOK.
"Au" FOR GOLD AND
"Hg" FOR MERCURY.
WHAT MADMAN CAME UP WITH THAT?
NATALIE, WHY DON'T YOU
TRY WORD ASSOCIATION?
"Hg" FOR MERCURY, RIGHT?
OK, HG... HG... H.G. WELLS!
THANKS, BUT I'LL STICK
WITH THE OLD MEMORY BOX.
CAN WE GET BACK TO STUDYING?
YEAH, SURE.
ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHY.
WHY WHAT?
WHY WE'RE STUDYING
ALL THESE SUBJECTS.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET
PHILOSOPHICAL AGAIN, ARE YOU?
HOW IS A LATIN VERB
RELEVANT TO THE COSMOS?
NOT THE COSMOS, PLEASE!
IT'S NOT THE
SUBJECTS THAT MATTER.
AN EDUCATION
TEACHES YOU TO THINK.
I DON'T NEED TO THINK.
I'M GOING TO BE AN ACTRESS!
AN ACTRESS NEEDS TO FEEL.
I'M GOING TO BE A JOURNALIST.
A JOURNALIST NEEDS TO STUDY!
WHAT IF YOU DIDN'T
MAKE IT AS A JOURNALIST?
HAVE YOU HEARD SOMETHING?
NO, BUT MOST PEOPLE
HAVE A BACK-UP CHOICE,
JUST IN CASE.
BLAIR... I AM A NEWS PERSON.
I AM SCOOPS AND
HEADLINES AND NEWSPRINT...
TELL THEM, TOOTIE.
SHE'S SCOOPS AND NEWSPRINT.
THERE YOU GO.
I USED TO WANT TO RACE CARS.
NOW I THINK I'LL TEACH KIDS.
GREAT!
"GANG WARFARE FOR TODDLERS."
OH, MY LORD, NO!
WHAT IS IT?
WHAT ABOUT THE STUFF
MRS. GARRETT LEFT?
LONG GONE!
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!
IT'S ONLY BEEN A COUPLE HOURS.
PIZZA! WE'LL SEND OUT FOR PIZZA!
AT 11:00 ON A WEEKNIGHT?
THERE'S AN ALL-NIGHT
PLACE 20 MILES AWAY.
CALL THEM. EVERYTHING ON IT.
WHAT'S THAT?
UNLESS IT'S THIN PIZZA,
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
DANIEL RUTHERFORD?
HE DISCOVERED NITROGEN.
WILL YOU SIT DOWN?
WHERE'S THAT KID WITH THE PIZZA?
MAYBE HE'S LOST
ON A DESERTED ROAD.
RIGHT NOW SOME
FARMER'S EATING MY PIZZA.
NAT, SIT.
WELL, I'M HUNGRY!
WE'RE ALL HUNGRY.
YOU CAN HAVE MY CHOCOLATE MILK.
I'LL HEAT IT UP.
THANK YOU, MY CHILD.
ALL THESE PLUGS.
IT LOOKS LIKE MISSION CONTROL.
I HAVE SOMETHING TO
TAKE OUR MIND OFF FOOD.
"HE GOT UP QUICKLY
AND WENT TO HER.
"I'M GLAD YOU CAME, SHE SAID.
"HE SQUEEZED HER HAND.
"HER FACE FLUSHED HOTLY.
"AT THAT MOMENT, HE KISSED HER."
YOU GO FROM FOOD TO SEX,
AND I CAN'T HAVE EITHER.
"HER FACE FLUSHED HOTLY."
SOMEONE HOSE TOOTIE DOWN.
THIS PASSAGE REMINDS ME OF CHAD.
THAT LOSER?
HE WAS A GREAT KISSER.
IT'S FUNNY, ISN'T IT?
YOU'D THINK KISSING
WOULD BE EASY,
BUT THERE REALLY
IS A KNACK TO IT.
YOU BET THERE
IS, AND I'VE GOT IT.
NATALIE... THREE MONTHS AGO,
YOU WERE PRACTICING
ON YOUR HAND.
I'M A PERFECTIONIST.
BLAIR...
HAVE YOU EVER FLUSHED HOTLY?
FORGET I ASKED.
THE ANSWER IS NO,
I HAVE NEVER FLUSHED HOTLY.
OH.
I'VE BEEN WARM BEFORE.
NO KIDDING! WOW!
JO... DON'T EVEN ASK.
HI.
I WAS PASSING, I SAW YOUR LIGHT,
AND THOUGHT I'D SEE
HOW YOU'RE DOING.
GREAT!
I'M TIRED.
YOU NEED SLEEP!
THERE'S NO TIME.
JUST A NAP, AND
YOU'LL BE GOOD AS NEW.
MRS. GARRETT'S RIGHT.
WE COULD REST OUR EYES.
I VOTE YES.
I VOTE NO.
I'M NOT TIRED.
YOU YAWNED.
THAT WAS NO YAWN.
THAT'S A YAWN, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. 10 MINUTES.
BLAIR, SET THE ALARM.
GOOD!
SWEET DREAMS, GIRLS.
HEY, GET UP!
IS IT 10 MINUTES ALREADY?
IT'S 2:00!
HOW IS IT 2:00?
WHAT HAPPENED? I
THOUGHT THE CLOCK WAS SET.
THE PLUG'S OUT OF THE SOCKET.
WHO PULLED OUT THIS...
SOMEBODY PULLED OUT THIS PLUG!
TOOTIE!
I WAS MAKING NATALIE'S
HOT CHOCOLATE.
YOU DIDN'T PLUG THE CLOCK IN?
GREAT GOING, TOOTIE.
YOU'VE GOT 90 MILLION
PLUGS BACK THERE.
HOW COULD YOU DO
SOMETHING SO STUPID?
SHOULD I HAVE LET YOU
EAT THROUGH THE WALLS?
REPLUGGING A PLUG
IS A SIMPLE THING!
I'M NOT MECHANICAL.
THERE ARE MANY
THINGS YOU'RE NOT.
QUIET!
WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
I WOULDN'T WANT TO
SHARE A FOXHOLE WITH YOU.
YOU'RE NOT THE FOXHOLE TYPE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I WANT TO HEAR WHY I'M
NOT FOXHOLE MATERIAL.
DO YOU REMEMBER LAST
TUESDAY IN FRENCH CLASS
WHEN I COULDN'T TRANSLATE?
WHO SAW ME FLOUNDERING
AND DIDN'T RESCUE ME?
WHO JUST SAT, STARING INTO...
OBVIOUSLY, I'M NOT
GETTING THROUGH.
WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DONE?
YOU SHOULD... WHAT IS SO FUNNY?
WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF?
WE'VE LOST TWO
HOURS. AND, NATALIE...
NATALIE, WHAT?
NICE HAT.
MY EXAM HAT?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
OH, GOOD, GOOD.
I'M LOSING A BOLT.
I'M WORKING AT HALF WATTAGE.
I'D LIKE TO KNOW
WHO ORDERED THIS...
PIZZA! PIZZA!
IT'S AFTER 2:00 IN THE MORNING.
ANYWAY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO ALL OF YOUR SUPPLIES?
WE ATE THEM.
THEY WERE PERISHABLES.
HAVE A PIECE.
I PLAN ON SLEEPING TONIGHT.
THERE'S EVERYTHING ON IT!
I'LL SLEEP TOMORROW NIGHT.
MMM! MMM-MM! MMM! MMM!
SO HOW'S IT GOING?
TERRIBLE.
YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE.
YOUNG PEOPLE SHOULDN'T
WORK UNDER SUCH PRESSURE.
I REMEMBER HOW NERVOUS
I WAS AROUND EXAM TIME.
IT WASN'T LIKE THIS.
YOU GIRLS HAVE MORE TO REMEMBER.
SINCE I WAS IN SCHOOL,
WE'VE BEEN IN TWO WARS,
PUT A MAN ON THE MOON,
AND ELIZABETH TAYLOR'S
BEEN MARRIED FIVE TIMES.
MY SHOULDERS ARE KILLING ME.
MMM, THANKS.
KNOW WHAT WE'D
DO TO LET OFF STEAM?
HAVE A PILLOW FIGHT.
A PILLOW FIGHT?
DID YOU ROOM WITH
THE BRADY BUNCH?
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER
OF A GOOD PILLOW FIGHT.
NO, THANKS.
YOU GIRLS ARE TOO MATURE
TO INDULGE IN A
SILLY PILLOW FIGHT.
I'LL SAY GOOD NIGHT.
MAY YOUR BRAINS AND YOUR
PENCILS ALWAYS BE SHARP.
I LOVE THAT IDEA!
I'M LETTING OFF SOME STEAM.
FORGET IT.
IT WOULDN'T MAKE A
DENT IN MY TENSION.
BE SMART, TOOTIE.
THERE GOES SOME STEAM.
TOOTIE!
AND A LITTLE MORE STEAM.
YOU HIT ME, I'LL LAY YOU OUT.
JO... WHAT?
HOW'S IT GOING?
OK.
JO...
I'LL MAKE SOME COFFEE.
WANT SOME COFFEE?
NO, THANKS.
JO... WHAT?
NOTHING.
FORGET IT.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT?
I'M SCARED.
YOU'LL DO FINE.
NOT ABOUT THE EXAMS...
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTS
TO GET OUT INTO THE WORLD.
SO WHAT HAPPENED?
NOTHING. JUST FORGET IT.
YOU DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ABOUT THIS.
I'M LISTENING.
I WENT TO MANY SCHOOLS
BEFORE COMING TO EASTLAND.
I'D STICK AROUND TILL CHRISTMAS,
THEN CALL AND TELL MY
MOM I WAS MISERABLE,
AND SHE'D MOVE ME.
I WAS AT EASTLAND A WHOLE YEAR
BEFORE I REALIZED I
HADN'T EVEN CALLED.
WHEN JUNE ROLLS AROUND,
YOU'LL BE LEAVING SCHOOL.
I'LL BE LEAVING HOME.
IF I PICKED ONE PERSON
WHO WILL LOVE COLLEGE,
IT WOULD BE YOU.
IT WOULD, HUH?
YOU'RE THE GIRL IN THE
BROCHURE WITH KNEE SOCKS,
SMILING AT THE FUTURE.
IT'S NORMAL TO BE SCARED.
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE.
ARE YOU?
A LITTLE.
WHEN YOU GO TO LANGLEY,
YOU'RE TAKING YOURSELF.
I'M BRINGING MY MOM, MY
DAD, THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
THEY'RE ALL COUNTING ON ME.
WHERE I COME FROM,
NOBODY GOES TO COLLEGE.
THE CLOSEST WAS SUSIE SHUFOE.
SHE GOT INTO THE ROCKETTES.
IF I NAMED WHO'D
MAKE IT IN COLLEGE,
IT WOULD BE YOU.
IT'S A BIG CHANGE.
YOU CAN GET USED TO ANYTHING.
YEAH?
YOU GOT USED TO ME, DIDN'T YOU?
WELL...
NATALIE, IT'S BEEN 15 MINUTES.
I WAS HAVING AN AWFUL DREAM!
I WAS BEING CHASED BY
THIS MOB OF ELEMENTS.
THESE SYMBOLS
WITH TINY LITTLE FEET!
GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF.
THE SUN'S COMING UP.
MAYBE THAT'S A GOOD OMEN.
QUIZ ME, TOOTIE!
ASK THE SYMBOL FOR GOLD.
OK... GOLD.
"Ag."
WRONG.
NATALIE, I'M TELLING YOU,
WORD ASSOCIATION IS IT.
OK. "Au" FOR GOLD, RIGHT?
OK. A MUGGER TAKES
YOUR GOLD WATCH.
AS HE'S RUNNING AWAY, YOU SAY,
"A U! GIVE ME BACK MY WATCH!"
IT'LL NEVER WORK.
WOULD YOU TRUST ME?
I'M GETTING A RASH.
LET'S GO OVER TRUMAN.
HELP ME ON WITH THIS.
THAT'S MY SHOE.
THEN HELP ME OFF WITH IT.
HE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS.
SHE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS.
THEY FELL DOWN THE STAIRS.
THIS FAMILY IS CLUMSY.
LOOK WHAT THIS
TENSION DID TO ME!
I HAVE A ZIT THE SIZE
OF MONTE CARLO!
WE'RE MEETING HERE FOR LUNCH?
YOU BET.
HISTORY IS AT 11:00.
I'LL BE HERE AT 1:00.
I'LL BE HERE.
MEET IN THE CAFETERIA.
KEEP ME AWAY FROM THE KNIVES.
YES?
ALUMINUM.
"Al."
MAGNESIUM.
"Mg."
GOLD.
"A U!"
I GOT IT!
THANK YOU! IT WORKED!
EVERY TIME.
LISTEN, TOOTIE.
YOU'RE WELCOME IN
MY FOXHOLE ANY TIME.
REALLY?
IF THE ENEMY ATTACKS, HOP IN.
GOOD MORNING, "A" STUDENTS.
HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP?
NATALIE'S GOT GOLD.
I'M PUMPED.
THERE'S A PRE-EXAM
BREAKFAST WAITING.
NO TIME! NO TIME!
DON'T WORRY. I MADE IT TO GO.
WELL, YOU READY?
LET'S HIT IT.
GOOD LUCK, GIRLS. AND, HEY...
LET'S BE CAREFUL OUT THERE.
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
HOW COULD YOU LOSE THAT BOOK?
MODERN HISTORY'S MY FIRST EXAM.
WORLD WAR II MIGHT BE ON IT.
I GOT BUSY.
I LOST IT. SUE ME.
I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED IN WORLD WAR II.
GERMANY LOST. OK?
GUYS, IT'S GOING
TO BE A LONG NIGHT,
AND I'M TENSE.
YOU'RE TENSE? THESE
ARE OUR FINAL FINALS.
WE HAVE TO DO
WELL, TOO, YOU KNOW.
YOU JUST WANT TO
GO TO DRAMA CAMP.
THAT'S RIGHT.
DRAMA CAMP? DO YOU
HIKE TO HOLLYWOOD?
YOU SCREW UP, YOU
CAN BOUNCE BACK.
WE FAIL, WE'RE IN THE ARMY.
DON'T SAY FAIL!
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY.
YOU ALWAYS DO WELL.
MY DAD HASN'T BEEN WELL.
THE DOCTOR TOLD HIM
TO REST, CHANGE HIS DIET,
AND HAVE HIS DAUGHTER
MAKE STRAIGHT As.
WHO WANTS THE FIRST OREO?
ME! I WANT IT!
WE'LL SPLIT IT.
I SUPPOSE YOU WANT THE CREAM?
GUYS, RELAX.
I GOT A WHOLE BAG
AND SOME MOO JUICE
TO WASH IT DOWN.
DID SOMEBODY ORDER ROOM SERVICE?
OK. AS YOU KNOW,
THE KITCHEN IS CLOSED,
BUT THIS SHOULD GET YOU
THROUGH THE EVENING...
AND POSSIBLY NEXT EASTER.
HOW COULD YOU CLOSE SHOP ON US?
WELL, YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED
LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME.
YOU BROKE INTO THE KITCHEN
AND ATE $80 WORTH
OF BAKER'S CHOCOLATE.
PEOPLE GET DESPERATE AT 3 A.M.
YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL
ABOUT ALL-NIGHTERS.
WE GOT TO CRAM.
WHY? YOU GIRLS HAVE STUDIED.
AFTER A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP,
THE ANSWERS WILL
JUST COME TO YOU.
HOW CAN WE REMEMBER STUFF
FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR?
LIKE WHO DISCOVERED NITROGEN?
FOR 300 POINTS AND
THE CHAMPIONSHIP...
RAMSEY... EASTLAND!
UH... EINSTEIN?
BZZZZ! WRONG!
POLNIACZEK... THE BRONX.
MADAME CURIE.
BZZZZ! WRONG AGAIN.
GARRETT... WISCONSIN!
NITROGEN? WELL, UH... AH...
BZZZZ! TOO MUCH TIME. SORRY.
OK. WHO DISCOVERED NITROGEN?
I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S
WHY I'M CRAMMING.
SO... I'M WASTING MY TIME
MAKING A CASE FOR SLEEP?
YEAH.
I GUESS I'LL TURN IN THEN.
IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY.
NICE TRY, MRS. GARRETT.
♪ LULLABY ♪
♪ AND GOOD NIGHT ♪♪
MRS. GARRETT.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
OK, STUDY ANIMALS.
IT'S 8:15.
WE GOT TO GET SERIOUS.
I HAVE A GOOD FEELING.
WE'LL DO SOME GOOD, SOLID WORK.
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
SUSAN BERKHAM OWNED
THIS BOOK BEFORE ME.
HOORAY FOR SUSAN BERKHAM.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S INTERESTING.
TO THINK, SOME TIME
IN EASTLAND HISTORY,
A GIRL NAMED SUSAN BERKHAM
READ THESE SAME PAGES.
I'M STUDYING.
I WONDER WHERE SHE
IS, WHAT SHE'S DOING.
SHE PROBABLY GRADUATED,
WENT ON TO COLLEGE,
HAS A CAREER,
MAYBE A FAMILY...
WITH THREE KIDS.
NO, WAIT. TWO KIDS.
NO. THREE KIDS.
YES, DEFINITELY THREE KIDS.
UNLESS...
I'LL NEVER GET THROUGH THIS.
WHY DO I ALWAYS WAIT
UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE?
LET'S PLAY CARDS.
BLAIR, WILL YOU
STOP WASTING TIME?
THANK YOU!
DID YOU EVER NOTICE HOW
EASTLAND PILLOWS SMELL?
JO!
I NEED A COOKIE.
JO, FIRE ONE UP.
THANKS A LOT.
CAN I STUDY NOW?
WHO WANTS BANANA CAKE?
BANANA CAKE?
♪ CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES ♪
♪ COME ON BA BA BA BA ♪
♪ BA BA BA BA ♪
TOOTIE.
♪ CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
TOOTIE!
♪ DO DO DO ♪
HEY, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
NO PROBLEM IF I'M TESTED
ON KOOL AND THE GANG.
IF YOU MEAN MY SINGING,
IT HELPS ME THINK.
♪ CELEBRATE... ♪♪
PUT THAT AWAY OR
I'LL SIT ON YOUR NECK!
I HATE THAT HAT.
THIS IS MY EXAM HAT.
I WEAR IT TWICE A
YEAR, EVERY YEAR.
I STILL HATE IT.
MUST I GO OVER THIS AGAIN?
THESE ARE MY BRAIN
WAVE CONDUCTORS.
WHEN THE... YOU
ACTUALLY... DO YOU MIND?
LEND ME YOUR HIGHLIGHTER.
I LOST IT.
I LOST YOUR BOOK,
AND THIS IS YOUR CHILDISH
WAY OF GETTING BACK.
TILL I THINK OF
SOMETHING BETTER.
I'VE HAD IT WITH CHEMISTRY!
HOW CAN I REMEMBER THE SYMBOLS?
SURE. "C" FOR CARBON, BUT LOOK.
"Au" FOR GOLD AND
"Hg" FOR MERCURY.
WHAT MADMAN CAME UP WITH THAT?
NATALIE, WHY DON'T YOU
TRY WORD ASSOCIATION?
"Hg" FOR MERCURY, RIGHT?
OK, HG... HG... H.G. WELLS!
THANKS, BUT I'LL STICK
WITH THE OLD MEMORY BOX.
CAN WE GET BACK TO STUDYING?
YEAH, SURE.
ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHY.
WHY WHAT?
WHY WE'RE STUDYING
ALL THESE SUBJECTS.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET
PHILOSOPHICAL AGAIN, ARE YOU?
HOW IS A LATIN VERB
RELEVANT TO THE COSMOS?
NOT THE COSMOS, PLEASE!
IT'S NOT THE
SUBJECTS THAT MATTER.
AN EDUCATION
TEACHES YOU TO THINK.
I DON'T NEED TO THINK.
I'M GOING TO BE AN ACTRESS!
AN ACTRESS NEEDS TO FEEL.
I'M GOING TO BE A JOURNALIST.
A JOURNALIST NEEDS TO STUDY!
WHAT IF YOU DIDN'T
MAKE IT AS A JOURNALIST?
HAVE YOU HEARD SOMETHING?
NO, BUT MOST PEOPLE
HAVE A BACK-UP CHOICE,
JUST IN CASE.
BLAIR... I AM A NEWS PERSON.
I AM SCOOPS AND
HEADLINES AND NEWSPRINT...
TELL THEM, TOOTIE.
SHE'S SCOOPS AND NEWSPRINT.
THERE YOU GO.
I USED TO WANT TO RACE CARS.
NOW I THINK I'LL TEACH KIDS.
GREAT!
"GANG WARFARE FOR TODDLERS."
OH, MY LORD, NO!
WHAT IS IT?
WHAT ABOUT THE STUFF
MRS. GARRETT LEFT?
LONG GONE!
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!
IT'S ONLY BEEN A COUPLE HOURS.
PIZZA! WE'LL SEND OUT FOR PIZZA!
AT 11:00 ON A WEEKNIGHT?
THERE'S AN ALL-NIGHT
PLACE 20 MILES AWAY.
CALL THEM. EVERYTHING ON IT.
WHAT'S THAT?
UNLESS IT'S THIN PIZZA,
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
DANIEL RUTHERFORD?
HE DISCOVERED NITROGEN.
WILL YOU SIT DOWN?
WHERE'S THAT KID WITH THE PIZZA?
MAYBE HE'S LOST
ON A DESERTED ROAD.
RIGHT NOW SOME
FARMER'S EATING MY PIZZA.
NAT, SIT.
WELL, I'M HUNGRY!
WE'RE ALL HUNGRY.
YOU CAN HAVE MY CHOCOLATE MILK.
I'LL HEAT IT UP.
THANK YOU, MY CHILD.
ALL THESE PLUGS.
IT LOOKS LIKE MISSION CONTROL.
I HAVE SOMETHING TO
TAKE OUR MIND OFF FOOD.
"HE GOT UP QUICKLY
AND WENT TO HER.
"I'M GLAD YOU CAME, SHE SAID.
"HE SQUEEZED HER HAND.
"HER FACE FLUSHED HOTLY.
"AT THAT MOMENT, HE KISSED HER."
YOU GO FROM FOOD TO SEX,
AND I CAN'T HAVE EITHER.
"HER FACE FLUSHED HOTLY."
SOMEONE HOSE TOOTIE DOWN.
THIS PASSAGE REMINDS ME OF CHAD.
THAT LOSER?
HE WAS A GREAT KISSER.
IT'S FUNNY, ISN'T IT?
YOU'D THINK KISSING
WOULD BE EASY,
BUT THERE REALLY
IS A KNACK TO IT.
YOU BET THERE
IS, AND I'VE GOT IT.
NATALIE... THREE MONTHS AGO,
YOU WERE PRACTICING
ON YOUR HAND.
I'M A PERFECTIONIST.
BLAIR...
HAVE YOU EVER FLUSHED HOTLY?
FORGET I ASKED.
THE ANSWER IS NO,
I HAVE NEVER FLUSHED HOTLY.
OH.
I'VE BEEN WARM BEFORE.
NO KIDDING! WOW!
JO... DON'T EVEN ASK.
HI.
I WAS PASSING, I SAW YOUR LIGHT,
AND THOUGHT I'D SEE
HOW YOU'RE DOING.
GREAT!
I'M TIRED.
YOU NEED SLEEP!
THERE'S NO TIME.
JUST A NAP, AND
YOU'LL BE GOOD AS NEW.
MRS. GARRETT'S RIGHT.
WE COULD REST OUR EYES.
I VOTE YES.
I VOTE NO.
I'M NOT TIRED.
YOU YAWNED.
THAT WAS NO YAWN.
THAT'S A YAWN, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. 10 MINUTES.
BLAIR, SET THE ALARM.
GOOD!
SWEET DREAMS, GIRLS.
HEY, GET UP!
IS IT 10 MINUTES ALREADY?
IT'S 2:00!
HOW IS IT 2:00?
WHAT HAPPENED? I
THOUGHT THE CLOCK WAS SET.
THE PLUG'S OUT OF THE SOCKET.
WHO PULLED OUT THIS...
SOMEBODY PULLED OUT THIS PLUG!
TOOTIE!
I WAS MAKING NATALIE'S
HOT CHOCOLATE.
YOU DIDN'T PLUG THE CLOCK IN?
GREAT GOING, TOOTIE.
YOU'VE GOT 90 MILLION
PLUGS BACK THERE.
HOW COULD YOU DO
SOMETHING SO STUPID?
SHOULD I HAVE LET YOU
EAT THROUGH THE WALLS?
REPLUGGING A PLUG
IS A SIMPLE THING!
I'M NOT MECHANICAL.
THERE ARE MANY
THINGS YOU'RE NOT.
QUIET!
WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
I WOULDN'T WANT TO
SHARE A FOXHOLE WITH YOU.
YOU'RE NOT THE FOXHOLE TYPE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I WANT TO HEAR WHY I'M
NOT FOXHOLE MATERIAL.
DO YOU REMEMBER LAST
TUESDAY IN FRENCH CLASS
WHEN I COULDN'T TRANSLATE?
WHO SAW ME FLOUNDERING
AND DIDN'T RESCUE ME?
WHO JUST SAT, STARING INTO...
OBVIOUSLY, I'M NOT
GETTING THROUGH.
WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DONE?
YOU SHOULD... WHAT IS SO FUNNY?
WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF?
WE'VE LOST TWO
HOURS. AND, NATALIE...
NATALIE, WHAT?
NICE HAT.
MY EXAM HAT?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
OH, GOOD, GOOD.
I'M LOSING A BOLT.
I'M WORKING AT HALF WATTAGE.
I'D LIKE TO KNOW
WHO ORDERED THIS...
PIZZA! PIZZA!
IT'S AFTER 2:00 IN THE MORNING.
ANYWAY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO ALL OF YOUR SUPPLIES?
WE ATE THEM.
THEY WERE PERISHABLES.
HAVE A PIECE.
I PLAN ON SLEEPING TONIGHT.
THERE'S EVERYTHING ON IT!
I'LL SLEEP TOMORROW NIGHT.
MMM! MMM-MM! MMM! MMM!
SO HOW'S IT GOING?
TERRIBLE.
YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE.
YOUNG PEOPLE SHOULDN'T
WORK UNDER SUCH PRESSURE.
I REMEMBER HOW NERVOUS
I WAS AROUND EXAM TIME.
IT WASN'T LIKE THIS.
YOU GIRLS HAVE MORE TO REMEMBER.
SINCE I WAS IN SCHOOL,
WE'VE BEEN IN TWO WARS,
PUT A MAN ON THE MOON,
AND ELIZABETH TAYLOR'S
BEEN MARRIED FIVE TIMES.
MY SHOULDERS ARE KILLING ME.
MMM, THANKS.
KNOW WHAT WE'D
DO TO LET OFF STEAM?
HAVE A PILLOW FIGHT.
A PILLOW FIGHT?
DID YOU ROOM WITH
THE BRADY BUNCH?
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER
OF A GOOD PILLOW FIGHT.
NO, THANKS.
YOU GIRLS ARE TOO MATURE
TO INDULGE IN A
SILLY PILLOW FIGHT.
I'LL SAY GOOD NIGHT.
MAY YOUR BRAINS AND YOUR
PENCILS ALWAYS BE SHARP.
I LOVE THAT IDEA!
I'M LETTING OFF SOME STEAM.
FORGET IT.
IT WOULDN'T MAKE A
DENT IN MY TENSION.
BE SMART, TOOTIE.
THERE GOES SOME STEAM.
TOOTIE!
AND A LITTLE MORE STEAM.
YOU HIT ME, I'LL LAY YOU OUT.
JO... WHAT?
HOW'S IT GOING?
OK.
JO...
I'LL MAKE SOME COFFEE.
WANT SOME COFFEE?
NO, THANKS.
JO... WHAT?
NOTHING.
FORGET IT.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT?
I'M SCARED.
YOU'LL DO FINE.
NOT ABOUT THE EXAMS...
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTS
TO GET OUT INTO THE WORLD.
SO WHAT HAPPENED?
NOTHING. JUST FORGET IT.
YOU DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ABOUT THIS.
I'M LISTENING.
I WENT TO MANY SCHOOLS
BEFORE COMING TO EASTLAND.
I'D STICK AROUND TILL CHRISTMAS,
THEN CALL AND TELL MY
MOM I WAS MISERABLE,
AND SHE'D MOVE ME.
I WAS AT EASTLAND A WHOLE YEAR
BEFORE I REALIZED I
HADN'T EVEN CALLED.
WHEN JUNE ROLLS AROUND,
YOU'LL BE LEAVING SCHOOL.
I'LL BE LEAVING HOME.
IF I PICKED ONE PERSON
WHO WILL LOVE COLLEGE,
IT WOULD BE YOU.
IT WOULD, HUH?
YOU'RE THE GIRL IN THE
BROCHURE WITH KNEE SOCKS,
SMILING AT THE FUTURE.
IT'S NORMAL TO BE SCARED.
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE.
ARE YOU?
A LITTLE.
WHEN YOU GO TO LANGLEY,
YOU'RE TAKING YOURSELF.
I'M BRINGING MY MOM, MY
DAD, THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
THEY'RE ALL COUNTING ON ME.
WHERE I COME FROM,
NOBODY GOES TO COLLEGE.
THE CLOSEST WAS SUSIE SHUFOE.
SHE GOT INTO THE ROCKETTES.
IF I NAMED WHO'D
MAKE IT IN COLLEGE,
IT WOULD BE YOU.
IT'S A BIG CHANGE.
YOU CAN GET USED TO ANYTHING.
YEAH?
YOU GOT USED TO ME, DIDN'T YOU?
WELL...
NATALIE, IT'S BEEN 15 MINUTES.
I WAS HAVING AN AWFUL DREAM!
I WAS BEING CHASED BY
THIS MOB OF ELEMENTS.
THESE SYMBOLS
WITH TINY LITTLE FEET!
GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF.
THE SUN'S COMING UP.
MAYBE THAT'S A GOOD OMEN.
QUIZ ME, TOOTIE!
ASK THE SYMBOL FOR GOLD.
OK... GOLD.
"Ag."
WRONG.
NATALIE, I'M TELLING YOU,
WORD ASSOCIATION IS IT.
OK. "Au" FOR GOLD, RIGHT?
OK. A MUGGER TAKES
YOUR GOLD WATCH.
AS HE'S RUNNING AWAY, YOU SAY,
"A U! GIVE ME BACK MY WATCH!"
IT'LL NEVER WORK.
WOULD YOU TRUST ME?
I'M GETTING A RASH.
LET'S GO OVER TRUMAN.
HELP ME ON WITH THIS.
THAT'S MY SHOE.
THEN HELP ME OFF WITH IT.
HE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS.
SHE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS.
THEY FELL DOWN THE STAIRS.
THIS FAMILY IS CLUMSY.
LOOK WHAT THIS
TENSION DID TO ME!
I HAVE A ZIT THE SIZE
OF MONTE CARLO!
WE'RE MEETING HERE FOR LUNCH?
YOU BET.
HISTORY IS AT 11:00.
I'LL BE HERE AT 1:00.
I'LL BE HERE.
MEET IN THE CAFETERIA.
KEEP ME AWAY FROM THE KNIVES.
YES?
ALUMINUM.
"Al."
MAGNESIUM.
"Mg."
GOLD.
"A U!"
I GOT IT!
THANK YOU! IT WORKED!
EVERY TIME.
LISTEN, TOOTIE.
YOU'RE WELCOME IN
MY FOXHOLE ANY TIME.
REALLY?
IF THE ENEMY ATTACKS, HOP IN.
GOOD MORNING, "A" STUDENTS.
HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP?
NATALIE'S GOT GOLD.
I'M PUMPED.
THERE'S A PRE-EXAM
BREAKFAST WAITING.
NO TIME! NO TIME!
DON'T WORRY. I MADE IT TO GO.
WELL, YOU READY?
LET'S HIT IT.
GOOD LUCK, GIRLS. AND, HEY...
LET'S BE CAREFUL OUT THERE.