The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 4, Episode 19 - Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? - full transcript
Mrs. Garrett's cooking instructor from Paris visits Eastland. Meanwhile, the girls try to deal with a squirrel who got into their bedroom.
♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
PLEASE!
FORGET IT. IT'S DUMB.
SLAVE DAY IS FUN.
THE UPPER CLASSMAN YOU BUY
IS YOUR SLAVE FOR THREE DAYS.
THIS MAY SHOCK YOU,
BUT SLAVERY ISN'T ONE
OF MY FAVORITE THINGS.
IF YOU DON'T BUY ME,
SOME STRANGER WILL.
THERE ARE KIDS WHO HAVE BEEN
WAITING YEARS FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY!
LIKE LISA LEWIS IN
CHEMISTRY CLASS.
SHE'S HATED ME SINCE I SPILLED
ACID ON HER LEG WARMERS.
NO SENSE OF HUMOR.
FORGET IT, NATALIE!
LORD KNOWS THE INDIGNITIES
I'LL HAVE TO SUFFER.
IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.
THE PROCEEDS BUY
CHRISTMAS PRESENTS
FOR UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS.
UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS, TOOTIE.
I'LL BUY YOU.
BLESS YOU!
COME IN.
GIRLS, I HAVE WONDERFUL,
EXCITING NEWS!
GUESS WHO'S COMING
TO DINNER SUNDAY NIGHT?
DO WE HAVE TO
GUESS? I HATE THAT.
CHEF ANTOINE, MY
PARISIAN COOKING TEACHER
WHO SAID I HAD THE
MAKINGS OF A GOURMET CHEF.
THAT'S TERRIFIC!
DIDN'T HE ALSO SAY
YOU'RE HOPELESS AND
INCOMPETENT IN THE KITCHEN
AND TRY TO EXPEL YOU?
I FORGOT THAT PART.
HE'S COME 3,000 MILES TO
SEE ME EMBARRASS MYSELF.
I FEEL LIKE I'M BACK
IN HIS SCHOOL AGAIN.
BUT YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE
HERE. YOU HAVE US.
I'LL CONVERSE WITH HIM.
WE'LL BE OUR USUAL CUTE SELVES.
I'LL STAY OUT OF HIS WAY.
I WON'T FORGET YOU FOR THIS.
NOW I CAN RELAX.
NO, I CAN'T.
I HAVE TO PLAN THE DINNER.
WE'LL HAVE BOUILLABAISSE.
NO. I NEVER COOK
ANYTHING I CAN'T SPELL.
OH, DEAR!
WHAT A GORGEOUS EVENING!
"THE MOON WAS BUT A CHIN OF GOLD
"A NIGHT OR TWO AGO.
"NOW SHE TURNS HER PERFECT FACE
UPON THE WORLD BELOW."
THE MOON, EMILY DICKINSON.
IT'S FREEZING, JO POLNIACZEK.
YOU CAN'T WASTE THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL NIGHT OF THE YEAR!
I'M NOT SLEEPING
NEAR AN OPEN WINDOW.
I DON'T NEED A COLD.
YOU DON'T CATCH COLDS
FROM OPEN WINDOWS.
NOT IF YOU CLOSE THEM.
LET'S SWITCH BEDS.
I DON'T WANT TO
SLEEP IN YOUR BED!
JO, PLEASE!
I NEED THE MOON'S CARESS.
ALL RIGHT! WE'LL SWITCH BEDS!
THANK YOU.
NO!
PERFUMED SHEETS?
WHO'S YOUR GOOD
FAIRY... THE PEP BOYS?
LIGHTS, TOOTIE, LIGHTS.
GOOD NIGHT, GUYS.
NIGHT, TOOTIE.
GOOD NIGHT, JO.
GOOD NIGHT, BLAIR.
IT'S GOING TO BE
AN AVIANCE NIGHT.
AAAAH! LIGHTS, TOOTIE, LIGHTS!
WHAT IS IT?
SOMETHING CRAWLED UP MY LEG!
WISHFUL THINKING.
GO TO SLEEP.
NO! I SAW IT,
SOMETHING HUGE LIKE
A RACCOON OR A RAT.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!
IT JUMPED OFF MY BED.
WE'RE BEING OVERRUN.
IT'S THE DAY OF THE ANIMALS!
IT'S PROBABLY A
CUTE LITTLE SQUIRREL.
THEY'RE ALWAYS RUNNING
AROUND THE YARD.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
IF WE LEAVE THE WINDOW OPEN,
HE'LL FIND HIS WAY OUT AGAIN.
NOT GOOD ENOUGH. MOVE OVER.
THERE'S NO ROOM!
I DON'T WANT A
HIDEOUS CREATURE...
GOD'S CREATURE.
I DON'T WANT GOD'S CREATURE
HIBERNATING IN MY NIGHTIE!
CAN WE GO TO SLEEP, NATALIE?
I SAW SOMETHING!
IF THERE'S ANYTHING HERE,
HE'D BETTER STEER CLEAR OF ME.
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
THAT'S NOT FUNNY, JO.
WHAT?
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
YOU'RE TICKLING MY FEET.
HOW COULD I?
I'M WAY OVER HERE.
HA HA HA!
THEN CUT IT OUT, TOOTIE.
I'M UP HERE, BLAIR.
NATALIE?
YO.
AAAAHHH!
CAN I HELP?
YOUR BEING THERE AT THAT DINNER
WILL SAVE MY LIFE!
C'EST MON PLAISIR.
AH, FRENCH!
GOOD. THINK FRENCH.
I'LL GET THAT.
WE WERE UP ALL NIGHT
LOOKING FOR THAT CREATURE.
WHY ARE YOU... INVIGORATED?
THAT'S WHAT SLEEPING
IN FRESH AIR DOES.
TONIGHT WILL BE
ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL...
FORGET IT! CASE
AND WINDOW CLOSED.
HI THERE.
HOW'S SLAVITUDE GOING?
BETTER. I CONVINCED TOOTIE
TO LET ME DO SOMETHING.
I COULD'VE CARRIED MY BOOKS.
YOU PAID FOR ME.
I'LL EARN MY KEEP.
YEAH, YEAH.
GIVING YOUR SLAVE ORDERS
IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
ABSOLUTELY.
I GUESS MY DRESSER DRAWERS
COULD USE REARRANGING.
DRESSER DRAWERS? YOU
GOT IT. THANKS, TOOTIE.
TOOTIE, MA'AM.
WHAT A PISTOL.
WHAT'S THIS?
NAILS, BOARDS, CHICKEN WIRE?
I'M SETTING A TRAP
TO TAKE CARE OF
OUR FURRY FRIEND.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"TAKE CARE OF"?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YOU CAN'T HURT THAT SQUIRREL.
HE'S ONE OF... GOD'S CREATURES?
BUT HE'S ON MY TURF.
HE BOUGHT IT WHEN HE
CROSSED MY WINDOW LEDGE.
♪ ALLONS ENFANTS DE LA PATRIE ♪
♪ LE JOUR DE GLOIRE EST ARRIVE ♪
♪ LIBERTE, LIBERTE... ♪
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
IT TOOK ME TWO DAYS,
BUT I THINK I GOT IT.
THE SQUIRREL MAKES A
GRAB FOR THE CHEESE.
THE CHEESE IS
ATTACHED TO THE STRING,
SO WHEN HE DOES...
WE'RE TALKING SQUIRREL
PANCAKE RIGHT HERE.
THAT'S VICIOUS!
CHEF ANTOINE IS
ARRIVING IN A FEW HOURS.
PLEASE, DO SOMETHING WITH THAT.
I INTEND TO.
HIDE ME, MRS. GARRETT.
WHY?
NATALIE!
TOO LATE.
DID YOU DARN MY SOCKS?
THIS IS THE 20th CENTURY!
WHO DARNS SOCKS ANYMORE?
YOU DO.
TOOTIE, ONE MORE ORDER,
AND I CANNOT BE
RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS.
ISN'T THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?
I WANTED THE OCCASIONAL COMMAND,
AN AMUSING CHORE OR TWO.
YOU'VE GOT IT.
WHEN TOOTIE DIDN'T
FEEL LIKE EXERCISING,
SHE MADE ME JOG HER TWO MILES.
NOW WAIT... THAT HURTS!
GIRLS, PLEASE, PLEASE!
I NEED A LITTLE
CONSIDERATION TODAY.
MRS. GARRETT!
WHAT?
CHEF ANTOINE!
HELLO!
WELCOME TO EASTLAND.
EDNA.
WELL, I WASN'T EXPECTING
YOU QUITE SO EARLY...
AND WITH SO MANY PEOPLE.
JUST MY CLOSE FAMILY.
EDNA GARRETT DE
MAISON SIENNES ELEVES,
MY CHARMING WIFE MARIE...
MY LITTLE BROTHER LOU...
AND MY MOMMY, MADAME ROUSSEAU.
WELL, IT... IT'S JUST
LOVELY MEETING YOU ALL.
CHEF ANTOINE, I HAVE PREPARED
THE BOEUF BOURGUIGNON
JUST THE WAY YOU DO.
I WON'T HAVE TO EAT IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I'M VISITING MANHATTAN.
THERE ARE MANY RESTAURANTS
TO VISIT IN MY FEW DAYS HERE.
YOU'RE NOT STAYING FOR DINNER?
NO. BUT MY FAMILY IS LOOKING
FORWARD TO DINING WITH YOU,
N'EST-CE PAS?
THEY ARE THRILLED.
CHEF ANTOINE, I'M
VERY DISAPPOINTED.
I PLANNED... I AM
COUNTING ON YOU, EDNA!
HOW COULD HE JUST WALK OUT?
I'VE BEEN COOKING
FOR THREE DAYS!
MRS. GARRETT.
FORGIVE ME.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS
WHEN YOU MAKE PLANS.
YES.
WOULD YOU LIKE
SOMETHING TO DRINK?
YES.
GOOD. IT'LL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.
WHO WON THE 1960 WORLD SERIES?
YES.
OH!
THANK HEAVENS BLAIR
WILL TRANSLATE FOR US.
I AM SO SICK.
OH, NO.
I'M DEAD.
YES.
CHEF ANTOINE WON'T SEE ME FAIL.
I'LL GIVE HIS FAMILY
THE BEST, MOST
SUCCESSFUL EVENING EVER!
HOW MANY HOURS TILL EVENING?
I'LL TAKE THEM INTO TOWN.
THEY COULD SIGHTSEE,
BUY SOME SOUVENIRS.
OH, TOOTIE! WOULD YOU?
SURE.
I'VE HAD IT WITH THAT
HAIRY LITTLE CREEP.
OH, YOU SHOULDN'T
FIGHT WITH BLAIR
WHEN SHE'S SICK.
THAT SQUIRREL CHEWED
UP MY BEST BIKE GLOVE.
THIS IS WAR.
MRS. GARRETT!
I PROMISED TO BRING
BLAIR SOME ASPIRIN.
JO, WOULD YOU MIND?
NOW?
MRS. GARRETT!
OH, ALL RIGHT.
THIS IS MY LAST ACT OF MERCY.
TOOTIE, GRAB THE COOKIES.
NATALIE IS WITH OUR GUESTS.
SHE CAN ENTERTAIN
IN ANY LANGUAGE.
THERE ARE TIMES...
WHEN I WEAR THIS SHIRT...
WITH MY NAVY BLUE
PANTS... AND MY RED VEST.
CONVERSELY THEN,
I CAN WEAR IT WITH RED PANTS
AND MY NAVY BLUE VEST!
BONJOUR, MES AMIS.
FINALLY, THE SECOND TEAM.
YEAH.
AH!
MES AMIS!
NOW, AFTER THE TEA...
APRES LE MMM, MMM, MMM...
HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE TO GO INTO TOWN?
UH, ALLEZ POUR SIGHTSEEING.
DISNEYLAND?
DISNEYLAND, NO.
DISNEYLAND, OUI.
NO!
OUI!
SHE WANTS TO GO TO DISNEYLAND.
SHE CAN'T. IT'S IN CALIFORNIA.
WELL, TELL HER.
MADAME ROUSSEAU...
TOOTIE WOULD LOVE
TO SHOW YOU OUR TOWN.
PEAKSKILL, N'EST-CE PAS?
THEY'RE ALL FOR IT.
TOOTIE, HOP TO IT.
OKEY-DOKEY.
NATALIE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU EXPECT ME TO ENTERTAIN THEM?
OF COURSE NOT.
YOU'LL CARRY THEIR PACKAGES.
YOU PUT ME THROUGH
A HUMILIATING DAY.
CARRYING THEIR
PACKAGES WAS BAD ENOUGH.
BUT WALKING TWO
PACES BEHIND YOU?
STOP COMPLAINING.
PLEASE! I'M TRYING
TO GET SOME RELIEF.
MIND YOUR BUSINESS.
TURN THAT OFF.
IT'S LIKE A RAIN FOREST IN HERE.
THIS NEEDS WASHING.
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?
EVEN KUNTA KINTE
GOT MORE RESPECT.
THIS IS YOUR OLD PAL.
DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY?
USE COLD WATER.
I'M SEEING ANOTHER
SIDE OF TOOTIE RAMSEY.
AND MAY I SAY, IT IS
LESS THAN ATTRACTIVE.
YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH POWER!
CHARITY OR NO CHARITY,
I'M NOT LIFTING
ANOTHER FINGER FOR YOU.
BUT YOU MADE A PLEDGE.
PLEDGE, SMEDGE. I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
THAT'S JUST FINE.
WHEN POOR CHILDREN
ASK WHY THERE ARE NO
TOYS UNDER THE TREE,
WE'LL SAY IT'S BECAUSE
NATALIE'S HAD ENOUGH.
ALL RIGHT! I'LL
COMPLETE MY SERVITUDE.
BUT I AM DONE WITH GROVELING.
AND DON'T FORGET
TO DARN MY SOCKS.
OK.
TOOTIE!
HEY, TOOTIE!
HEY.
SOMETHING STRANGE IS
GOING ON WITH MY TRAP.
THE CHEESE I'M USING
KEEPS DISAPPEARING.
ASK NATALIE ABOUT
IT. SHE LOVES CHEESE.
COME IN.
DINNER'S IN 30 MINUTES.
I NEED SOME HELP DOWNSTAIRS.
WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
ONE OF THE ROUSSEAU'S SOUVENIRS.
TOOTIE, LET'S GO.
THANKS. THANKS, TOOTIE.
I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN IN A MINUTE.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
BLAIR.
I DON'T SUPPOSE
YOU'RE WELL ENOUGH
TO JOIN US FOR DINNER.
NATALIE, TELL OUR GUESTS
ABOUT THE SCHOOL
YOU WENT TO IN PARIS.
IT WASN'T IN PARIS.
I TOLD THEM ALREADY.
THEN TELL THEM ABOUT
THE THINGS YOU SAW IN PARIS.
WHY? THEY LIVE THERE.
I KNOW.
BUT MAYBE IT WILL
TRIGGER SOMETHING,
AND WE'LL HAVE A CONVERSATION...
IF THERE IS A GOD IN HEAVEN.
OK.
I SAW THE EIFFEL TOWER.
AH, LA TOUR EIFFEL.
OUI. LA TOUR EIFFEL.
TOOTIE, I REMEMBER YOUR
TELLING ME SOMETHING VERY FUNNY
THAT HAPPENED
BETWEEN YOU AND NATALIE.
THAT PART OF OUR LIFE IS OVER.
COULDN'T IT BE OVER TOMORROW?
I HAD KIND OF AN
INTERESTING DAY.
OH, TELL US ABOUT IT, JO!
PLEASE!
I HAD TO RETHINK MY TRAP DESIGN.
LE TRAP?
THE SQUIRREL'S FAST,
SO THE BOARD HAS TO FLY
WHEN HE COMES FOR THE BAIT.
I TIED A BRICK...
JO'S TRYING TO
KILL OUR SQUIRREL.
WHAT SHOULD I DO...
ENROLL IT IN CLASS?
BLAIR, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING OUT OF BED?
I WANTED SOME MILK.
WE COULD'VE GOTTEN IT FOR YOU.
I'M GETTING MY APPETITE BACK.
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE PLEASED.
WELL, UH...
LOUIS, MARIE, MADAME ROUSSEAU...
UH, JE VOUDRAIS...
PRESENTE... BLAIR.
ENCHANTE, MADEMOISELLE.
AH-CHOO!
SHE'S NOT FEELING BIEN.
I MEAN, SHE'S MAL.
I MEAN, SHE'S...
GO GET YOUR MILK.
OK.
WOULD YOU FRESHEN THIS UP?
SURE. THANK YOU.
UH... UH... AH...
I WOULD JUST LOVE
TO SEE THE SOUVENIRS
YOU GOT IN TOWN.
VOTRE SOUVENIRS.
OH, BOY! WOULD THAT BE FUN!
WHY DON'T YOU BRING
DOWN THE PACKAGES?
OH, MRS. GARRETT.
IT'LL KILL 10 MINUTES!
I'LL HELP.
AH, QUEL JOURNEE!
QUE JOURNEE!
JE NE LE CROIS PAS!
CHEF ANTOINE, YOU'RE BACK.
I HARDLY LEFT.
THAT TRAIN BROKE
DOWN ON THE WAY.
WHEN WE GOT TO MANHATTAN,
IT WAS TIME TO COME BACK.
AH, LA LA LA. BONSOIR, CHERIE.
WHAT A MISERABLE DAY.
WHAT A SHAME.
YOU MUST BE FAMISHED.
YES, I AM!
I'M SORRY. THERE'S NOTHING LEFT.
NOTHING?
OK. WE'LL SEND
OUT FOR A BIG MAC.
DON'T FORGET THE FRENCH FRIES.
HERE ARE THE SOUVENIRS.
HERE WE GO.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE?
WE'RE SHOWING THE SOUVENIRS
THAT CHEF ANTOINE'S
FAMILY BOUGHT.
THEY HAD A LOVELY DAY.
BONSOIR, MADEMOISELLE.
I'M SICK.
GREAT STATUE OF LIBERTY.
AH, LA LIBERTE.
50 STATES!
HOW ABOUT THAT?
LET'S SEE.
GEORGIA... NO, NO, NO.
ILLINOIS... NEW
YORK... CALIFORNIA!
OUI, DISNEYLAND!
TEXAS... MARYLAND...
NORTH DAKOTA...
SOUTH DAKOTA... MICKEY!
THERE HE IS!
HE JUMPED OUT OF THE BOX.
I'M SORRY, MRS. GARRETT.
STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
I'M SORRY, MRS. GARRETT.
STOP IT! STOP IT!
DON'T LOOK SO GLUM.
THE DINNER PARTY
DIDN'T GO THAT BADLY.
CHECK ETIQUETTE BOOKS.
WHEN YOUR GUESTS WON'T
CLIMB DOWN OFF THE TABLE,
THAT'S A BAD SIGN.
WE COULD'VE BEEN MORE HELPFUL.
TOOTIE AND I COULD'VE
PUT ASIDE OUR DIFFERENCES
FOR ONE NIGHT.
I'LL SAY.
WHAT ABOUT YOU
CHASING THAT SQUIRREL?
THIS IS EASTLAND, NOT
THE AMERICAN SPORTSMAN.
AND AS FOR BLAIR...
YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK.
WE'RE ALL SORRY FOR
HOW THINGS TURNED OUT.
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, TOOTIE.
CAN YOU IMAGINE
WHAT THAT FAMILY THINKS
OF AMERICANS AFTER TONIGHT?
THEY'LL NEVER WANT TO
VISIT THE UNITED STATES AGAIN.
BOY, THAT SQUIRREL REALLY
FLEW OUT OF THE BOX, DIDN'T IT?
ZOOM.
FLEW LIKE EVEL KNIEVEL.
DID YOU SEE HOW MARIE
JUMPED ON THAT TABLE?
SHE FLEW LIKE EVEL KNIEVEL.
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
PLEASE!
FORGET IT. IT'S DUMB.
SLAVE DAY IS FUN.
THE UPPER CLASSMAN YOU BUY
IS YOUR SLAVE FOR THREE DAYS.
THIS MAY SHOCK YOU,
BUT SLAVERY ISN'T ONE
OF MY FAVORITE THINGS.
IF YOU DON'T BUY ME,
SOME STRANGER WILL.
THERE ARE KIDS WHO HAVE BEEN
WAITING YEARS FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY!
LIKE LISA LEWIS IN
CHEMISTRY CLASS.
SHE'S HATED ME SINCE I SPILLED
ACID ON HER LEG WARMERS.
NO SENSE OF HUMOR.
FORGET IT, NATALIE!
LORD KNOWS THE INDIGNITIES
I'LL HAVE TO SUFFER.
IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.
THE PROCEEDS BUY
CHRISTMAS PRESENTS
FOR UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS.
UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS, TOOTIE.
I'LL BUY YOU.
BLESS YOU!
COME IN.
GIRLS, I HAVE WONDERFUL,
EXCITING NEWS!
GUESS WHO'S COMING
TO DINNER SUNDAY NIGHT?
DO WE HAVE TO
GUESS? I HATE THAT.
CHEF ANTOINE, MY
PARISIAN COOKING TEACHER
WHO SAID I HAD THE
MAKINGS OF A GOURMET CHEF.
THAT'S TERRIFIC!
DIDN'T HE ALSO SAY
YOU'RE HOPELESS AND
INCOMPETENT IN THE KITCHEN
AND TRY TO EXPEL YOU?
I FORGOT THAT PART.
HE'S COME 3,000 MILES TO
SEE ME EMBARRASS MYSELF.
I FEEL LIKE I'M BACK
IN HIS SCHOOL AGAIN.
BUT YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE
HERE. YOU HAVE US.
I'LL CONVERSE WITH HIM.
WE'LL BE OUR USUAL CUTE SELVES.
I'LL STAY OUT OF HIS WAY.
I WON'T FORGET YOU FOR THIS.
NOW I CAN RELAX.
NO, I CAN'T.
I HAVE TO PLAN THE DINNER.
WE'LL HAVE BOUILLABAISSE.
NO. I NEVER COOK
ANYTHING I CAN'T SPELL.
OH, DEAR!
WHAT A GORGEOUS EVENING!
"THE MOON WAS BUT A CHIN OF GOLD
"A NIGHT OR TWO AGO.
"NOW SHE TURNS HER PERFECT FACE
UPON THE WORLD BELOW."
THE MOON, EMILY DICKINSON.
IT'S FREEZING, JO POLNIACZEK.
YOU CAN'T WASTE THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL NIGHT OF THE YEAR!
I'M NOT SLEEPING
NEAR AN OPEN WINDOW.
I DON'T NEED A COLD.
YOU DON'T CATCH COLDS
FROM OPEN WINDOWS.
NOT IF YOU CLOSE THEM.
LET'S SWITCH BEDS.
I DON'T WANT TO
SLEEP IN YOUR BED!
JO, PLEASE!
I NEED THE MOON'S CARESS.
ALL RIGHT! WE'LL SWITCH BEDS!
THANK YOU.
NO!
PERFUMED SHEETS?
WHO'S YOUR GOOD
FAIRY... THE PEP BOYS?
LIGHTS, TOOTIE, LIGHTS.
GOOD NIGHT, GUYS.
NIGHT, TOOTIE.
GOOD NIGHT, JO.
GOOD NIGHT, BLAIR.
IT'S GOING TO BE
AN AVIANCE NIGHT.
AAAAH! LIGHTS, TOOTIE, LIGHTS!
WHAT IS IT?
SOMETHING CRAWLED UP MY LEG!
WISHFUL THINKING.
GO TO SLEEP.
NO! I SAW IT,
SOMETHING HUGE LIKE
A RACCOON OR A RAT.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!
IT JUMPED OFF MY BED.
WE'RE BEING OVERRUN.
IT'S THE DAY OF THE ANIMALS!
IT'S PROBABLY A
CUTE LITTLE SQUIRREL.
THEY'RE ALWAYS RUNNING
AROUND THE YARD.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
IF WE LEAVE THE WINDOW OPEN,
HE'LL FIND HIS WAY OUT AGAIN.
NOT GOOD ENOUGH. MOVE OVER.
THERE'S NO ROOM!
I DON'T WANT A
HIDEOUS CREATURE...
GOD'S CREATURE.
I DON'T WANT GOD'S CREATURE
HIBERNATING IN MY NIGHTIE!
CAN WE GO TO SLEEP, NATALIE?
I SAW SOMETHING!
IF THERE'S ANYTHING HERE,
HE'D BETTER STEER CLEAR OF ME.
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
THAT'S NOT FUNNY, JO.
WHAT?
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
YOU'RE TICKLING MY FEET.
HOW COULD I?
I'M WAY OVER HERE.
HA HA HA!
THEN CUT IT OUT, TOOTIE.
I'M UP HERE, BLAIR.
NATALIE?
YO.
AAAAHHH!
CAN I HELP?
YOUR BEING THERE AT THAT DINNER
WILL SAVE MY LIFE!
C'EST MON PLAISIR.
AH, FRENCH!
GOOD. THINK FRENCH.
I'LL GET THAT.
WE WERE UP ALL NIGHT
LOOKING FOR THAT CREATURE.
WHY ARE YOU... INVIGORATED?
THAT'S WHAT SLEEPING
IN FRESH AIR DOES.
TONIGHT WILL BE
ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL...
FORGET IT! CASE
AND WINDOW CLOSED.
HI THERE.
HOW'S SLAVITUDE GOING?
BETTER. I CONVINCED TOOTIE
TO LET ME DO SOMETHING.
I COULD'VE CARRIED MY BOOKS.
YOU PAID FOR ME.
I'LL EARN MY KEEP.
YEAH, YEAH.
GIVING YOUR SLAVE ORDERS
IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
ABSOLUTELY.
I GUESS MY DRESSER DRAWERS
COULD USE REARRANGING.
DRESSER DRAWERS? YOU
GOT IT. THANKS, TOOTIE.
TOOTIE, MA'AM.
WHAT A PISTOL.
WHAT'S THIS?
NAILS, BOARDS, CHICKEN WIRE?
I'M SETTING A TRAP
TO TAKE CARE OF
OUR FURRY FRIEND.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"TAKE CARE OF"?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YOU CAN'T HURT THAT SQUIRREL.
HE'S ONE OF... GOD'S CREATURES?
BUT HE'S ON MY TURF.
HE BOUGHT IT WHEN HE
CROSSED MY WINDOW LEDGE.
♪ ALLONS ENFANTS DE LA PATRIE ♪
♪ LE JOUR DE GLOIRE EST ARRIVE ♪
♪ LIBERTE, LIBERTE... ♪
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
IT TOOK ME TWO DAYS,
BUT I THINK I GOT IT.
THE SQUIRREL MAKES A
GRAB FOR THE CHEESE.
THE CHEESE IS
ATTACHED TO THE STRING,
SO WHEN HE DOES...
WE'RE TALKING SQUIRREL
PANCAKE RIGHT HERE.
THAT'S VICIOUS!
CHEF ANTOINE IS
ARRIVING IN A FEW HOURS.
PLEASE, DO SOMETHING WITH THAT.
I INTEND TO.
HIDE ME, MRS. GARRETT.
WHY?
NATALIE!
TOO LATE.
DID YOU DARN MY SOCKS?
THIS IS THE 20th CENTURY!
WHO DARNS SOCKS ANYMORE?
YOU DO.
TOOTIE, ONE MORE ORDER,
AND I CANNOT BE
RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS.
ISN'T THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?
I WANTED THE OCCASIONAL COMMAND,
AN AMUSING CHORE OR TWO.
YOU'VE GOT IT.
WHEN TOOTIE DIDN'T
FEEL LIKE EXERCISING,
SHE MADE ME JOG HER TWO MILES.
NOW WAIT... THAT HURTS!
GIRLS, PLEASE, PLEASE!
I NEED A LITTLE
CONSIDERATION TODAY.
MRS. GARRETT!
WHAT?
CHEF ANTOINE!
HELLO!
WELCOME TO EASTLAND.
EDNA.
WELL, I WASN'T EXPECTING
YOU QUITE SO EARLY...
AND WITH SO MANY PEOPLE.
JUST MY CLOSE FAMILY.
EDNA GARRETT DE
MAISON SIENNES ELEVES,
MY CHARMING WIFE MARIE...
MY LITTLE BROTHER LOU...
AND MY MOMMY, MADAME ROUSSEAU.
WELL, IT... IT'S JUST
LOVELY MEETING YOU ALL.
CHEF ANTOINE, I HAVE PREPARED
THE BOEUF BOURGUIGNON
JUST THE WAY YOU DO.
I WON'T HAVE TO EAT IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I'M VISITING MANHATTAN.
THERE ARE MANY RESTAURANTS
TO VISIT IN MY FEW DAYS HERE.
YOU'RE NOT STAYING FOR DINNER?
NO. BUT MY FAMILY IS LOOKING
FORWARD TO DINING WITH YOU,
N'EST-CE PAS?
THEY ARE THRILLED.
CHEF ANTOINE, I'M
VERY DISAPPOINTED.
I PLANNED... I AM
COUNTING ON YOU, EDNA!
HOW COULD HE JUST WALK OUT?
I'VE BEEN COOKING
FOR THREE DAYS!
MRS. GARRETT.
FORGIVE ME.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS
WHEN YOU MAKE PLANS.
YES.
WOULD YOU LIKE
SOMETHING TO DRINK?
YES.
GOOD. IT'LL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.
WHO WON THE 1960 WORLD SERIES?
YES.
OH!
THANK HEAVENS BLAIR
WILL TRANSLATE FOR US.
I AM SO SICK.
OH, NO.
I'M DEAD.
YES.
CHEF ANTOINE WON'T SEE ME FAIL.
I'LL GIVE HIS FAMILY
THE BEST, MOST
SUCCESSFUL EVENING EVER!
HOW MANY HOURS TILL EVENING?
I'LL TAKE THEM INTO TOWN.
THEY COULD SIGHTSEE,
BUY SOME SOUVENIRS.
OH, TOOTIE! WOULD YOU?
SURE.
I'VE HAD IT WITH THAT
HAIRY LITTLE CREEP.
OH, YOU SHOULDN'T
FIGHT WITH BLAIR
WHEN SHE'S SICK.
THAT SQUIRREL CHEWED
UP MY BEST BIKE GLOVE.
THIS IS WAR.
MRS. GARRETT!
I PROMISED TO BRING
BLAIR SOME ASPIRIN.
JO, WOULD YOU MIND?
NOW?
MRS. GARRETT!
OH, ALL RIGHT.
THIS IS MY LAST ACT OF MERCY.
TOOTIE, GRAB THE COOKIES.
NATALIE IS WITH OUR GUESTS.
SHE CAN ENTERTAIN
IN ANY LANGUAGE.
THERE ARE TIMES...
WHEN I WEAR THIS SHIRT...
WITH MY NAVY BLUE
PANTS... AND MY RED VEST.
CONVERSELY THEN,
I CAN WEAR IT WITH RED PANTS
AND MY NAVY BLUE VEST!
BONJOUR, MES AMIS.
FINALLY, THE SECOND TEAM.
YEAH.
AH!
MES AMIS!
NOW, AFTER THE TEA...
APRES LE MMM, MMM, MMM...
HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE TO GO INTO TOWN?
UH, ALLEZ POUR SIGHTSEEING.
DISNEYLAND?
DISNEYLAND, NO.
DISNEYLAND, OUI.
NO!
OUI!
SHE WANTS TO GO TO DISNEYLAND.
SHE CAN'T. IT'S IN CALIFORNIA.
WELL, TELL HER.
MADAME ROUSSEAU...
TOOTIE WOULD LOVE
TO SHOW YOU OUR TOWN.
PEAKSKILL, N'EST-CE PAS?
THEY'RE ALL FOR IT.
TOOTIE, HOP TO IT.
OKEY-DOKEY.
NATALIE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU EXPECT ME TO ENTERTAIN THEM?
OF COURSE NOT.
YOU'LL CARRY THEIR PACKAGES.
YOU PUT ME THROUGH
A HUMILIATING DAY.
CARRYING THEIR
PACKAGES WAS BAD ENOUGH.
BUT WALKING TWO
PACES BEHIND YOU?
STOP COMPLAINING.
PLEASE! I'M TRYING
TO GET SOME RELIEF.
MIND YOUR BUSINESS.
TURN THAT OFF.
IT'S LIKE A RAIN FOREST IN HERE.
THIS NEEDS WASHING.
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?
EVEN KUNTA KINTE
GOT MORE RESPECT.
THIS IS YOUR OLD PAL.
DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY?
USE COLD WATER.
I'M SEEING ANOTHER
SIDE OF TOOTIE RAMSEY.
AND MAY I SAY, IT IS
LESS THAN ATTRACTIVE.
YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH POWER!
CHARITY OR NO CHARITY,
I'M NOT LIFTING
ANOTHER FINGER FOR YOU.
BUT YOU MADE A PLEDGE.
PLEDGE, SMEDGE. I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
THAT'S JUST FINE.
WHEN POOR CHILDREN
ASK WHY THERE ARE NO
TOYS UNDER THE TREE,
WE'LL SAY IT'S BECAUSE
NATALIE'S HAD ENOUGH.
ALL RIGHT! I'LL
COMPLETE MY SERVITUDE.
BUT I AM DONE WITH GROVELING.
AND DON'T FORGET
TO DARN MY SOCKS.
OK.
TOOTIE!
HEY, TOOTIE!
HEY.
SOMETHING STRANGE IS
GOING ON WITH MY TRAP.
THE CHEESE I'M USING
KEEPS DISAPPEARING.
ASK NATALIE ABOUT
IT. SHE LOVES CHEESE.
COME IN.
DINNER'S IN 30 MINUTES.
I NEED SOME HELP DOWNSTAIRS.
WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
ONE OF THE ROUSSEAU'S SOUVENIRS.
TOOTIE, LET'S GO.
THANKS. THANKS, TOOTIE.
I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN IN A MINUTE.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
BLAIR.
I DON'T SUPPOSE
YOU'RE WELL ENOUGH
TO JOIN US FOR DINNER.
NATALIE, TELL OUR GUESTS
ABOUT THE SCHOOL
YOU WENT TO IN PARIS.
IT WASN'T IN PARIS.
I TOLD THEM ALREADY.
THEN TELL THEM ABOUT
THE THINGS YOU SAW IN PARIS.
WHY? THEY LIVE THERE.
I KNOW.
BUT MAYBE IT WILL
TRIGGER SOMETHING,
AND WE'LL HAVE A CONVERSATION...
IF THERE IS A GOD IN HEAVEN.
OK.
I SAW THE EIFFEL TOWER.
AH, LA TOUR EIFFEL.
OUI. LA TOUR EIFFEL.
TOOTIE, I REMEMBER YOUR
TELLING ME SOMETHING VERY FUNNY
THAT HAPPENED
BETWEEN YOU AND NATALIE.
THAT PART OF OUR LIFE IS OVER.
COULDN'T IT BE OVER TOMORROW?
I HAD KIND OF AN
INTERESTING DAY.
OH, TELL US ABOUT IT, JO!
PLEASE!
I HAD TO RETHINK MY TRAP DESIGN.
LE TRAP?
THE SQUIRREL'S FAST,
SO THE BOARD HAS TO FLY
WHEN HE COMES FOR THE BAIT.
I TIED A BRICK...
JO'S TRYING TO
KILL OUR SQUIRREL.
WHAT SHOULD I DO...
ENROLL IT IN CLASS?
BLAIR, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING OUT OF BED?
I WANTED SOME MILK.
WE COULD'VE GOTTEN IT FOR YOU.
I'M GETTING MY APPETITE BACK.
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE PLEASED.
WELL, UH...
LOUIS, MARIE, MADAME ROUSSEAU...
UH, JE VOUDRAIS...
PRESENTE... BLAIR.
ENCHANTE, MADEMOISELLE.
AH-CHOO!
SHE'S NOT FEELING BIEN.
I MEAN, SHE'S MAL.
I MEAN, SHE'S...
GO GET YOUR MILK.
OK.
WOULD YOU FRESHEN THIS UP?
SURE. THANK YOU.
UH... UH... AH...
I WOULD JUST LOVE
TO SEE THE SOUVENIRS
YOU GOT IN TOWN.
VOTRE SOUVENIRS.
OH, BOY! WOULD THAT BE FUN!
WHY DON'T YOU BRING
DOWN THE PACKAGES?
OH, MRS. GARRETT.
IT'LL KILL 10 MINUTES!
I'LL HELP.
AH, QUEL JOURNEE!
QUE JOURNEE!
JE NE LE CROIS PAS!
CHEF ANTOINE, YOU'RE BACK.
I HARDLY LEFT.
THAT TRAIN BROKE
DOWN ON THE WAY.
WHEN WE GOT TO MANHATTAN,
IT WAS TIME TO COME BACK.
AH, LA LA LA. BONSOIR, CHERIE.
WHAT A MISERABLE DAY.
WHAT A SHAME.
YOU MUST BE FAMISHED.
YES, I AM!
I'M SORRY. THERE'S NOTHING LEFT.
NOTHING?
OK. WE'LL SEND
OUT FOR A BIG MAC.
DON'T FORGET THE FRENCH FRIES.
HERE ARE THE SOUVENIRS.
HERE WE GO.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE?
WE'RE SHOWING THE SOUVENIRS
THAT CHEF ANTOINE'S
FAMILY BOUGHT.
THEY HAD A LOVELY DAY.
BONSOIR, MADEMOISELLE.
I'M SICK.
GREAT STATUE OF LIBERTY.
AH, LA LIBERTE.
50 STATES!
HOW ABOUT THAT?
LET'S SEE.
GEORGIA... NO, NO, NO.
ILLINOIS... NEW
YORK... CALIFORNIA!
OUI, DISNEYLAND!
TEXAS... MARYLAND...
NORTH DAKOTA...
SOUTH DAKOTA... MICKEY!
THERE HE IS!
HE JUMPED OUT OF THE BOX.
I'M SORRY, MRS. GARRETT.
STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
I'M SORRY, MRS. GARRETT.
STOP IT! STOP IT!
DON'T LOOK SO GLUM.
THE DINNER PARTY
DIDN'T GO THAT BADLY.
CHECK ETIQUETTE BOOKS.
WHEN YOUR GUESTS WON'T
CLIMB DOWN OFF THE TABLE,
THAT'S A BAD SIGN.
WE COULD'VE BEEN MORE HELPFUL.
TOOTIE AND I COULD'VE
PUT ASIDE OUR DIFFERENCES
FOR ONE NIGHT.
I'LL SAY.
WHAT ABOUT YOU
CHASING THAT SQUIRREL?
THIS IS EASTLAND, NOT
THE AMERICAN SPORTSMAN.
AND AS FOR BLAIR...
YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK.
WE'RE ALL SORRY FOR
HOW THINGS TURNED OUT.
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, TOOTIE.
CAN YOU IMAGINE
WHAT THAT FAMILY THINKS
OF AMERICANS AFTER TONIGHT?
THEY'LL NEVER WANT TO
VISIT THE UNITED STATES AGAIN.
BOY, THAT SQUIRREL REALLY
FLEW OUT OF THE BOX, DIDN'T IT?
ZOOM.
FLEW LIKE EVEL KNIEVEL.
DID YOU SEE HOW MARIE
JUMPED ON THAT TABLE?
SHE FLEW LIKE EVEL KNIEVEL.