The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 4, Episode 18 - Best Sister: Part 2 - full transcript
Blair belittles Jo for wanting to become a nun.
♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
ON THE LAST EPISODE...
YOU HAVE TO MAKE A
GOOD IMPRESSION ON JASON.
I DID. THAT'S WHY HE INVITED ME.
MEET MY SISTER MEG.
OK. SHE'S NOT EXACTLY MY SISTER.
MY MOTHER MARRIED HER FATHER.
YOU'RE BECOMING A NUN?
YOU'RE BETRAYING EVERYONE
THAT'S EVER LOVED YOU.
I WON'T WATCH YOU
THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY!
A NUN IS THE BEST
THING YOU CAN BE.
I WANT TO BE LIKE MEG.
I WANT TO BE A NUN.
NOW, THE CONCLUSION.
LOOK, I FINALLY FINISHED IT.
IT'S FOR MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY.
I HAD TROUBLE
WITH THE NECK PART.
I KEPT STARTING OVER.
I FINALLY DID IT... WITH
THE GOOD LORD'S HELP.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
TOOTIE, DON'T!
TOOTIE, YOU STUPID, CLUMSY...
SWEET CHILD OF GOD.
OH, JO, I'M SO SORRY.
WELL... DUST TO DUST.
AREN'T YOU GOING
TO STOMP ON MY FACE?
STOMPING IS NOT
SOMETHING WE NUNS DO.
ABOUT THIS NUN BUSINESS... YES.
IT SEEMS TO HAVE JUST
COME OUT OF THE BLUE.
NOT REALLY.
YES, REALLY.
YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY
A RELIGIOUS PERSON.
I WENT TO CHURCH
REGULARLY WHEN I WAS LITTLE.
I'M GLAD I FOUND YOU.
JASON!
JASON! WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR MUMPS?
IT WAS SWOLLEN GLANDS.
THIS IS JASON SANDERS,
MY FRIEND FROM YALE.
HI.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE.
I HOPE YOU'RE NOT MAD.
SHE DOESN'T GET MAD ANYMORE.
AFTER DISAPPOINTING YOU,
I OWED YOU A SURPRISE.
SO, UH... SURPRISE!
I THINK SHE CAN TOP THAT.
LET'S GO GET A PIZZA.
I'VE BEEN THINKING OF
YOU ON THE BACK OF MY BIKE
HOLDING ON TIGHT...
ESPECIALLY AROUND THE CURVES.
I CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE.
WHY NOT?
JASON, UM... I'M
GOING TO BE A NUN.
WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?
NO.
WELL, THEN WHY?
I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.
GEE, I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.
WE HAD SOMETHING GOOD GOING.
WELL... SURPRISE.
JO... DON'T DO THAT.
SORRY.
A NUN, HUH?
IT'LL BE A LONG
RIDE TO NEW HAVEN.
DRIVE CAREFULLY...
AND BLESS YOU.
"BLESS YOU"?
DO YOU REALIZE
THAT'S ALL YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SAY
TO EVERY MAN YOU MEET
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
HOW WILL YOU HANDLE THAT?
I TALKED TO THE
SISTERS ABOUT THAT.
IT WON'T BE EASY,
BUT THEY HAVE INSTRUCTION ON IT.
THEY HAVE CLASSES IN CHASTITY?
NAT.
WHAT ABOUT CHILDREN?
DON'T YOU WANT CHILDREN?
YOU'LL ALL BE MY CHILDREN.
THEY HAVE CLASSES IN CHASTITY?
NAT!
OK. OK.
MY ONLY OTHER
CONCERN... IT'S REAL MINOR...
HAS TO DO WITH YOUR
PERSONALITY AND TEMPER...
MENT.
YOUR TEMPERAMENT.
HI, GUYS.
IS MEG HERE?
NOT YET.
SHE ASKED MRS. GARRETT
TO MEET HER IN TOWN.
BLAIR...
I'M GLAD YOU'LL
TALK TO YOUR SISTER.
I PRAYED FOR YOU AND...
GOD LISTENED TO ME.
TO YOU?
THE HOODLUM NUN?
I WON'T FORGET THAT.
AS A NUN, I'LL BE
ABLE TO FORGIVE YOU.
SHE'S BECOMING A
SISTER, NOT A SAINT.
WHERE WERE YOU?
WE'VE BEEN TAKING CARE
OF MEG'S LOOSE ENDS.
YOU REALLY DID IT.
YES. I DONATED MY
MG TO THE SISTERS.
WILL THEY DRIVE
WITH THE TOP DOWN?
NO. THEY'LL RAFFLE IT
AT THEIR FUND RAISER.
BEATS THE HECK OUT OF BINGO.
MEG, I'VE BEEN WAITING
FOR YOU ALL DAY.
EVERYBODY ELSE KNOWS.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW.
I'VE DECIDED TO BE A NUN.
I'D LIKE TO TALK TO
YOU ABOUT THAT.
I'LL BET YOU WOULD.
THE WEEKEND AT THE
RETREAT CHANGED MY LIFE.
I KNEW I WANTED TO BE A NUN.
IT WAS A REVELATION!
JO, SLOW DOWN.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD WATER, STIR,
AND POW... INSTANT NUN.
IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
SURE IT DOES.
LOOK AT ME. I'M GLOWING!
SHE'S GLOWING.
WONDERFUL.
STICK A LIGHT BULB IN HER MOUTH
AND READ BY HER.
DO YOU GET POINTS
FOR RECRUITING PEOPLE?
BLAIR!
I'M NOT RECRUITING.
AND I RESENT THAT IMPLICATION.
IT'S NOT AN IMPLICATION.
IT'S AN ACCUSATION.
"SISTER MEG WANTS YOU."
OH, YE OF LITTLE FAITH.
OH, YE OF BIG MOUTH.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU'RE
WASTING YOUR LIFE.
DON'T WASTE JO'S.
BLAIR, MUST YOU ALWAYS
TELL PEOPLE WHAT TO DO?
ONLY WHEN THEY'RE
RUINING THEIR LIVES.
I'M NOT RUINING MY LIFE!
I WANT SOMETHING MORE
RELEVANT THAN COUNTRY CLUBS.
WHY DID YOU COME HERE?
EVERYTHING WAS
FINE UNTIL YOU CAME.
IT'LL BE FINE
AGAIN. I'M LEAVING.
I'LL TAKE YOU TO
THE TRAIN STATION.
SPIRIT HER OFF SO SHE CAN
WITHDRAW FROM THE WORLD.
THEY'LL PROBABLY
THROW AWAY THE KEY.
THE CONVENT ISN'T A JAIL.
MEG CAN COME AND GO.
HOW COME SHE HASN'T BEEN HOME
IN ALMOST A YEAR?
BECAUSE MOTHER AND
FATHER WOULDN'T LET ME
RETURN TO THE CONVENT.
OH, REALLY, MEG?
ARE YOU SAYING THEY
HELD YOU PRISONER?
THEY LOCKED MY
BEDROOM DOOR AT NIGHT.
WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT?
THEY WERE THINKING OF YOU.
IT'S OBVIOUS YOU'VE
BEEN BRAINWASHED.
BLAIR... SHE WANTS TO BE A NUN!
WE'RE NOT DISCUSSING
WORKING FOR BALD GUYS IN TOGAS!
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT GOD.
WHAT GOD?
WHERE?
I'M SICK OF YOUR
HOLIER-THAN-THOU ATTITUDE.
IF GOD EXISTS, PROVE IT!
I DON'T HAVE TO!
PROVE IT.
SHUT UP!
YOU POMPOUS,
SELF-RIGHTEOUS PAIN!
IF THERE'S A GOD,
GIVE ME A SIGN!
JO REALLY POPPED YOU ONE.
THANKS FOR THE ICE.
IS THIS WHAT'S CALLED
"THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD"?
TOOTIE!
THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER.
WHAT JO DID WAS
ABSOLUTELY INEXCUSABLE.
I KNOW.
IF SHE TRIES IT AGAIN,
TURN THE OTHER CHEEK.
OR DUCK.
YOU THINK SHE
LOOSENED A FILLING?
I DOUBT IT.
MY JAW MIGHT TURN
BLACK AND BLUE.
MAKEUP MIGHT NOT COVER IT.
MAYBE IF I...
LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED DOWNSTAIRS.
I AM! WHAT IF MY JAW...
I MEAN WHAT'S BEEN
HAPPENING SINCE MEG ARRIVED.
I KNOW. IT'S
OUTRAGEOUS, ISN'T IT?
MEG ARRIVES WHISTLING
THE SONG OF SOLOMON.
JO'S FOLLOWING
HER TO THE CONVENT.
IS SHE THE PIED PIPER?
ISN'T YOUR ANGER
OUT OF PROPORTION
TO THE... PROBLEM?
NO. THE SITUATION.
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS
HOW YOU'RE HANDLING IT.
WHY ARE YOU
REACTING WITH SUCH A...
A VENGEANCE?
I'M TIRED OF THIS
TALK ABOUT GOD.
HOW CAN INTELLIGENT
PEOPLE BE SO GULLIBLE?
WHY IS IT GULLIBLE
TO BELIEVE IN GOD?
MAYBE A LONG TIME AGO,
HE DID A FEW GOOD THINGS.
HE'S BEEN RESTING ON
HIS LAURELS EVER SINCE.
FACE IT... GOD IS A LEGEND.
A LEGEND?
IN THE FASHION WORLD,
DESIGNERS LIKE COCO
CHANEL OR ANNE KLEIN
ESTABLISH A REPUTATION,
SO AFTER THEY'RE DEAD,
PEOPLE CONTINUE
BUYING THEIR LINES.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT GOD IS DEAD?
I CAN TELL YOU THE DAY HE DIED.
BLAIR.
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?
THEY ALWAYS SAID, "WASH
YOUR FACE, BRUSH YOUR TEETH,
AND SAY YOUR PRAYERS."
WELL, I DID.
AND HE DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I BELIEVED.
I PRAYED ALL NIGHT.
I SAID, "IF YOU'LL JUST
GIVE ME THIS ONE THING,
I'LL NEVER ASK FOR
ANYTHING ELSE AGAIN."
BUT THE NEXT DAY,
RIGHT ON SCHEDULE...
MY PARENTS'
DIVORCE BECAME FINAL.
JUNE 14th... 1973.
BLAIR...
I KNOW YOUR PARENTS'
DIVORCE HURT YOU...
TERRIBLY.
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
I KNOW.
I ALSO KNOW THAT WHEN OTHER
GIRLS HAVE FAMILY PROBLEMS,
THEY COME TO YOU.
BECAUSE YOU UNDERSTAND,
YOU'RE ABLE TO HELP THEM.
MAYBE THERE'S SOME SENSE...
TO BE FOUND FROM THAT.
IT'S NOT GOOD
ENOUGH, MRS. GARRETT.
IF YOU'RE ANGRY WITH GOD,
THAT'S BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
DON'T TAKE IT OUT
ON YOUR SISTER.
IF MEG BECOMES A NUN,
WHAT KIND OF LIFE WILL SHE HAVE?
THE KIND OF LIFE SHE WANTS!
NEXT YEAR, WHAT IF SOMEONE SAID,
"YOU CAN'T MAJOR IN ART.
"ARTISTS STARVE,
CUT OFF THEIR EARS.
WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT?"
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY THEN?
"BUZZ OFF." BUT...
THERE ARE NO "BUTS."
NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT
TO TELL ANYONE HOW TO LIVE
OR WHAT'S GOING
TO MAKE THEM HAPPY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HIT HER.
I UNDERSTAND YELLING,
I CAN LIVE WITH THREATS,
BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT VIOLENCE.
I'M PRETTY SURE
GOD'LL FORGIVE ME.
GOD MAY FORGIVE
YOU, BUT BLAIR WON'T.
AND LET'S FACE IT, YOU
DON'T ROOM WITH GOD.
I NEVER SAW A GIRL
SLUG ANOTHER GIRL BEFORE.
ONCE, BUT THAT
WAS A BIKER MOVIE.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'M GOING OUT TO THINK.
MEG, WE HAVE TO TALK.
IF IT'S ABOUT POLITICS
OR RELIGION, I'M LEAVING.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH
SCREAMING AND YELLING.
SO HAVE I.
I ADMIT I WAS A
LITTLE JUDGMENTAL
ABOUT YOUR DECISION
TO BE A SISTER.
I WAS KIND OF ACTING LIKE
ATTILA THE NUN MYSELF.
I'M SORRY.
THERE'S SOMETHING
I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU.
I'M AFRAID I...
CALLED YOUR MOTHER AND
TOLD HER YOU WERE HERE.
YOUR PARENTS ARE COMING UP NOW.
THEY COULD BE HERE ANY TIME.
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
THEY'LL KIDNAP HER AGAIN.
GET MEG TO THE STATION.
WE'LL BE LOOKOUTS.
WHAT CAR DO THEY DRIVE?
A ROLLS ROYCE WITH A
BUMPER STICKER THAT SAYS,
"HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS."
JUST KIDDING.
GUYS, RELAX.
I'M TAKING THE 5:30
TRAIN AS PLANNED.
BUT THEY'LL TALK RELIGION.
THEY'LL BE A FIGHT.
YOU WANT TO GO
THROUGH THAT AGAIN?
I DON'T WANT TO,
BUT OBVIOUSLY
SOMEBODY ELSE DOES.
ARE YOU SURE SOMEBODY
DOESN'T WANT YOU TO
TAKE AN EARLIER TRAIN?
I'D BET ON IT.
GOD ISN'T BIG ON RUNNING AWAY.
I'LL TRUST THAT HE'LL
GIVE ME STRENGTH
TO DEAL WITH IT.
IT MUST BE WONDERFUL
TO HAVE BLIND TRUST.
IT IS.
BUT HAVEN'T YOU EVER
FELT DISAPPOINTED?
HAVEN'T YOU EVER BEEN BETRAYED?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE RULES ARE
OR WHAT GOD WANTS,
BUT PRAYING AND PROMISING
STILL DOESN'T DO ANY GOOD.
SOMETIMES IT DOES.
I PROMISED TO CALL
MY GRANDMOTHER
IF I PASSED A TEST.
I PASSED. REMIND ME
TO CALL GRANDMOTHER.
PEOPLE ALWAYS DO THAT.
THEY PROMISE GOD
THEY'LL DO SOMETHING
IF THEY PASS A TEST.
THAT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
YOU BARGAIN WITH
A USED CAR DEALER,
NOT WITH GOD.
MEG...
IF YOU CAN'T PRAY
FOR WHAT YOU WANT,
WHAT'S THE POINT OF PRAYING?
BLAIR...
YOU HOPE FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU PRAY FOR GOD
TO DO WHAT'S BEST.
YOU MEAN, YOU JUST... TRUST HIM?
UH-HUH.
WELL, UH... HOW ARE
THINGS GOING DOWN HERE?
BETTER.
PEOPLE HAVE STOPPED YELLING
AND HAVE STARTED TALKING.
THAT'S GOOD NEWS.
WELL, IT'S TIME FOR SUPPER.
YOU TWO HELP ME
PEEL THE PARSNIPS.
WE'RE HAVING PARSNIPS?
UH-HUH. AND BRUSSELS SPROUTS.
ISN'T IT ILLEGAL
TO PUT THOSE VEGETABLES
ON THE SAME PLATE?
I'M TIRED OF BEING ANGRY.
I KNOW. IT'S EXHAUSTING.
AND IT CAUSES FROWN LINES.
I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.
SAY IT FROM OVER THERE.
I HIT YOU.
NO.
BUT I JUST TALKED TO GOD.
NOW I KNOW HE
WANTED ME TO DO IT.
WHAT?
IT WAS HIS WILL.
YOUR FIST HIT HER,
AND YOUR WILL MADE IT!
WHY ARE YOU MAD?
YOU CAN'T USE GOD TO JUSTIFY
YOUR OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIOR.
DON'T GET SO MAD. YOU'RE A NUN.
DOES THAT MEAN I'M NOT HUMAN?
JO...
SISTERS AREN'T ALL
HALOS AND HOLY WATER.
YOU DON'T CATCH THE
HOLY SPIRIT LIKE THE FLU!
THAT'S THE WAY IT'S
SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.
LIKE YOU... YOU JUST KNEW.
IT WASN'T A LIGHTNING
BOLT. MORE LIKE...
A HUNCH.
A HUNCH?
MEG, BOOKIES HAVE HUNCHES.
NUNS HAVE REVELATIONS.
NOT THIS ONE.
I WASN'T SURE THIS
IS WHAT I WANTED.
I'M STILL NOT SURE.
THESE NEXT FEW YEARS
ARE FOR QUESTIONING.
YOU HAVEN'T ACTED LIKE
YOU HAVE ANY DOUBTS.
IT'S HARD ADMITTING IT
WHEN I'M BACKED
UP AGAINST A WALL.
THAT'S SOMETHING
I HAVE TO WORK ON.
THAT, AND BEING ABLE TO BE CIVIL
TO SISTER PATRICIA.
THAT WOMAN COULD TRY
THE PATIENCE OF A SAINT.
WAIT. THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
SISTERS ARE SUPPOSED
TO GO AROUND
SMILING AND BLESSING EACH OTHER.
WE ALSO ARGUE, GOSSIP, AND
GROUSE ABOUT EACH OTHER.
WE DO THAT HERE.
I DON'T HAVE TO JOIN
A CONVENT FOR THAT.
YOU ALSO DON'T HAVE
TO JOIN A CONVENT
TO SHOW YOU LOVE GOD.
BUT WOULD IT STILL BE THE SAME?
OF COURSE.
JO, NUNS HAVEN'T CORNERED
THE MARKET ON GOD.
AND HE DOESN'T
EXPECT GRAND GESTURES
AS PROOF THAT HE'S LOVED.
YEAH.
I GUESS I DID JUMP
IN WITH BOTH FEET.
YOU KNOW...
SOMEBODY CAN BE DEEPLY RELIGIOUS
AND STILL BE A DOCTOR,
SECRETARY, OR HOMEMAKER.
OR A RACE CAR DRIVER?
YOU BETTER BE RELIGIOUS
IF YOU'RE GONNA RACE CARS.
JO... REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU DO,
GOD CAN BE A PART OF IT.
CAN'T IT BE THAT WAY WITH YOU?
CAN'T YOU BE A DEEPLY
RELIGIOUS TEACHER?
NO, I CAN'T.
BEING A SISTER IS WHAT
MAKES MY LIFE MAKE SENSE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
I'M TRYING.
I DON'T KNOW HOW ALL
THIS WILL WORK OUT.
GOD KNOWS I'LL
GIVE IT MY BEST SHOT.
I'M SURE YOU WILL.
I COULD UNDERSTAND IF
YOU WANTED TO BE POPE.
I'D SELL MY SOUL
FOR THAT WARDROBE.
YOU KNOW, MEG,
I REALLY DO WANT
YOU TO BE HAPPY.
OH, THANK YOU.
OH, MRS. GARRETT,
CAN I ASK MY SISTER
TO STAY FOR DINNER?
SURE. HOW ABOUT IT?
THANK YOU. I'D LIKE THAT.
BUT, UH... I'M NOT
EATING PARSNIPS.
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
I'LL SHOW YOU WHERE TO WASH UP.
UH... I'M SORRY I HIT YOU.
I HOPE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
I'M FINE.
IT WASN'T THAT GOOD A SHOT.
I'M NEVER GOING
TO HIT YOU AGAIN.
GOOD.
BECAUSE IT WASN'T
THAT BAD A SHOT EITHER.
THANKS.
IT WON'T BE EASY WHEN MEG GOES.
I DON'T WANT TO
LOSE THESE FEELINGS,
HAVE IT ALL DISAPPEAR.
IT WON'T.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
I JUST KNOW.
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
ON THE LAST EPISODE...
YOU HAVE TO MAKE A
GOOD IMPRESSION ON JASON.
I DID. THAT'S WHY HE INVITED ME.
MEET MY SISTER MEG.
OK. SHE'S NOT EXACTLY MY SISTER.
MY MOTHER MARRIED HER FATHER.
YOU'RE BECOMING A NUN?
YOU'RE BETRAYING EVERYONE
THAT'S EVER LOVED YOU.
I WON'T WATCH YOU
THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY!
A NUN IS THE BEST
THING YOU CAN BE.
I WANT TO BE LIKE MEG.
I WANT TO BE A NUN.
NOW, THE CONCLUSION.
LOOK, I FINALLY FINISHED IT.
IT'S FOR MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY.
I HAD TROUBLE
WITH THE NECK PART.
I KEPT STARTING OVER.
I FINALLY DID IT... WITH
THE GOOD LORD'S HELP.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
TOOTIE, DON'T!
TOOTIE, YOU STUPID, CLUMSY...
SWEET CHILD OF GOD.
OH, JO, I'M SO SORRY.
WELL... DUST TO DUST.
AREN'T YOU GOING
TO STOMP ON MY FACE?
STOMPING IS NOT
SOMETHING WE NUNS DO.
ABOUT THIS NUN BUSINESS... YES.
IT SEEMS TO HAVE JUST
COME OUT OF THE BLUE.
NOT REALLY.
YES, REALLY.
YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY
A RELIGIOUS PERSON.
I WENT TO CHURCH
REGULARLY WHEN I WAS LITTLE.
I'M GLAD I FOUND YOU.
JASON!
JASON! WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR MUMPS?
IT WAS SWOLLEN GLANDS.
THIS IS JASON SANDERS,
MY FRIEND FROM YALE.
HI.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE.
I HOPE YOU'RE NOT MAD.
SHE DOESN'T GET MAD ANYMORE.
AFTER DISAPPOINTING YOU,
I OWED YOU A SURPRISE.
SO, UH... SURPRISE!
I THINK SHE CAN TOP THAT.
LET'S GO GET A PIZZA.
I'VE BEEN THINKING OF
YOU ON THE BACK OF MY BIKE
HOLDING ON TIGHT...
ESPECIALLY AROUND THE CURVES.
I CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE.
WHY NOT?
JASON, UM... I'M
GOING TO BE A NUN.
WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?
NO.
WELL, THEN WHY?
I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.
GEE, I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.
WE HAD SOMETHING GOOD GOING.
WELL... SURPRISE.
JO... DON'T DO THAT.
SORRY.
A NUN, HUH?
IT'LL BE A LONG
RIDE TO NEW HAVEN.
DRIVE CAREFULLY...
AND BLESS YOU.
"BLESS YOU"?
DO YOU REALIZE
THAT'S ALL YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SAY
TO EVERY MAN YOU MEET
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
HOW WILL YOU HANDLE THAT?
I TALKED TO THE
SISTERS ABOUT THAT.
IT WON'T BE EASY,
BUT THEY HAVE INSTRUCTION ON IT.
THEY HAVE CLASSES IN CHASTITY?
NAT.
WHAT ABOUT CHILDREN?
DON'T YOU WANT CHILDREN?
YOU'LL ALL BE MY CHILDREN.
THEY HAVE CLASSES IN CHASTITY?
NAT!
OK. OK.
MY ONLY OTHER
CONCERN... IT'S REAL MINOR...
HAS TO DO WITH YOUR
PERSONALITY AND TEMPER...
MENT.
YOUR TEMPERAMENT.
HI, GUYS.
IS MEG HERE?
NOT YET.
SHE ASKED MRS. GARRETT
TO MEET HER IN TOWN.
BLAIR...
I'M GLAD YOU'LL
TALK TO YOUR SISTER.
I PRAYED FOR YOU AND...
GOD LISTENED TO ME.
TO YOU?
THE HOODLUM NUN?
I WON'T FORGET THAT.
AS A NUN, I'LL BE
ABLE TO FORGIVE YOU.
SHE'S BECOMING A
SISTER, NOT A SAINT.
WHERE WERE YOU?
WE'VE BEEN TAKING CARE
OF MEG'S LOOSE ENDS.
YOU REALLY DID IT.
YES. I DONATED MY
MG TO THE SISTERS.
WILL THEY DRIVE
WITH THE TOP DOWN?
NO. THEY'LL RAFFLE IT
AT THEIR FUND RAISER.
BEATS THE HECK OUT OF BINGO.
MEG, I'VE BEEN WAITING
FOR YOU ALL DAY.
EVERYBODY ELSE KNOWS.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW.
I'VE DECIDED TO BE A NUN.
I'D LIKE TO TALK TO
YOU ABOUT THAT.
I'LL BET YOU WOULD.
THE WEEKEND AT THE
RETREAT CHANGED MY LIFE.
I KNEW I WANTED TO BE A NUN.
IT WAS A REVELATION!
JO, SLOW DOWN.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD WATER, STIR,
AND POW... INSTANT NUN.
IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
SURE IT DOES.
LOOK AT ME. I'M GLOWING!
SHE'S GLOWING.
WONDERFUL.
STICK A LIGHT BULB IN HER MOUTH
AND READ BY HER.
DO YOU GET POINTS
FOR RECRUITING PEOPLE?
BLAIR!
I'M NOT RECRUITING.
AND I RESENT THAT IMPLICATION.
IT'S NOT AN IMPLICATION.
IT'S AN ACCUSATION.
"SISTER MEG WANTS YOU."
OH, YE OF LITTLE FAITH.
OH, YE OF BIG MOUTH.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU'RE
WASTING YOUR LIFE.
DON'T WASTE JO'S.
BLAIR, MUST YOU ALWAYS
TELL PEOPLE WHAT TO DO?
ONLY WHEN THEY'RE
RUINING THEIR LIVES.
I'M NOT RUINING MY LIFE!
I WANT SOMETHING MORE
RELEVANT THAN COUNTRY CLUBS.
WHY DID YOU COME HERE?
EVERYTHING WAS
FINE UNTIL YOU CAME.
IT'LL BE FINE
AGAIN. I'M LEAVING.
I'LL TAKE YOU TO
THE TRAIN STATION.
SPIRIT HER OFF SO SHE CAN
WITHDRAW FROM THE WORLD.
THEY'LL PROBABLY
THROW AWAY THE KEY.
THE CONVENT ISN'T A JAIL.
MEG CAN COME AND GO.
HOW COME SHE HASN'T BEEN HOME
IN ALMOST A YEAR?
BECAUSE MOTHER AND
FATHER WOULDN'T LET ME
RETURN TO THE CONVENT.
OH, REALLY, MEG?
ARE YOU SAYING THEY
HELD YOU PRISONER?
THEY LOCKED MY
BEDROOM DOOR AT NIGHT.
WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT?
THEY WERE THINKING OF YOU.
IT'S OBVIOUS YOU'VE
BEEN BRAINWASHED.
BLAIR... SHE WANTS TO BE A NUN!
WE'RE NOT DISCUSSING
WORKING FOR BALD GUYS IN TOGAS!
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT GOD.
WHAT GOD?
WHERE?
I'M SICK OF YOUR
HOLIER-THAN-THOU ATTITUDE.
IF GOD EXISTS, PROVE IT!
I DON'T HAVE TO!
PROVE IT.
SHUT UP!
YOU POMPOUS,
SELF-RIGHTEOUS PAIN!
IF THERE'S A GOD,
GIVE ME A SIGN!
JO REALLY POPPED YOU ONE.
THANKS FOR THE ICE.
IS THIS WHAT'S CALLED
"THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD"?
TOOTIE!
THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER.
WHAT JO DID WAS
ABSOLUTELY INEXCUSABLE.
I KNOW.
IF SHE TRIES IT AGAIN,
TURN THE OTHER CHEEK.
OR DUCK.
YOU THINK SHE
LOOSENED A FILLING?
I DOUBT IT.
MY JAW MIGHT TURN
BLACK AND BLUE.
MAKEUP MIGHT NOT COVER IT.
MAYBE IF I...
LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED DOWNSTAIRS.
I AM! WHAT IF MY JAW...
I MEAN WHAT'S BEEN
HAPPENING SINCE MEG ARRIVED.
I KNOW. IT'S
OUTRAGEOUS, ISN'T IT?
MEG ARRIVES WHISTLING
THE SONG OF SOLOMON.
JO'S FOLLOWING
HER TO THE CONVENT.
IS SHE THE PIED PIPER?
ISN'T YOUR ANGER
OUT OF PROPORTION
TO THE... PROBLEM?
NO. THE SITUATION.
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS
HOW YOU'RE HANDLING IT.
WHY ARE YOU
REACTING WITH SUCH A...
A VENGEANCE?
I'M TIRED OF THIS
TALK ABOUT GOD.
HOW CAN INTELLIGENT
PEOPLE BE SO GULLIBLE?
WHY IS IT GULLIBLE
TO BELIEVE IN GOD?
MAYBE A LONG TIME AGO,
HE DID A FEW GOOD THINGS.
HE'S BEEN RESTING ON
HIS LAURELS EVER SINCE.
FACE IT... GOD IS A LEGEND.
A LEGEND?
IN THE FASHION WORLD,
DESIGNERS LIKE COCO
CHANEL OR ANNE KLEIN
ESTABLISH A REPUTATION,
SO AFTER THEY'RE DEAD,
PEOPLE CONTINUE
BUYING THEIR LINES.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT GOD IS DEAD?
I CAN TELL YOU THE DAY HE DIED.
BLAIR.
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?
THEY ALWAYS SAID, "WASH
YOUR FACE, BRUSH YOUR TEETH,
AND SAY YOUR PRAYERS."
WELL, I DID.
AND HE DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I BELIEVED.
I PRAYED ALL NIGHT.
I SAID, "IF YOU'LL JUST
GIVE ME THIS ONE THING,
I'LL NEVER ASK FOR
ANYTHING ELSE AGAIN."
BUT THE NEXT DAY,
RIGHT ON SCHEDULE...
MY PARENTS'
DIVORCE BECAME FINAL.
JUNE 14th... 1973.
BLAIR...
I KNOW YOUR PARENTS'
DIVORCE HURT YOU...
TERRIBLY.
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
I KNOW.
I ALSO KNOW THAT WHEN OTHER
GIRLS HAVE FAMILY PROBLEMS,
THEY COME TO YOU.
BECAUSE YOU UNDERSTAND,
YOU'RE ABLE TO HELP THEM.
MAYBE THERE'S SOME SENSE...
TO BE FOUND FROM THAT.
IT'S NOT GOOD
ENOUGH, MRS. GARRETT.
IF YOU'RE ANGRY WITH GOD,
THAT'S BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
DON'T TAKE IT OUT
ON YOUR SISTER.
IF MEG BECOMES A NUN,
WHAT KIND OF LIFE WILL SHE HAVE?
THE KIND OF LIFE SHE WANTS!
NEXT YEAR, WHAT IF SOMEONE SAID,
"YOU CAN'T MAJOR IN ART.
"ARTISTS STARVE,
CUT OFF THEIR EARS.
WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT?"
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY THEN?
"BUZZ OFF." BUT...
THERE ARE NO "BUTS."
NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT
TO TELL ANYONE HOW TO LIVE
OR WHAT'S GOING
TO MAKE THEM HAPPY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HIT HER.
I UNDERSTAND YELLING,
I CAN LIVE WITH THREATS,
BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT VIOLENCE.
I'M PRETTY SURE
GOD'LL FORGIVE ME.
GOD MAY FORGIVE
YOU, BUT BLAIR WON'T.
AND LET'S FACE IT, YOU
DON'T ROOM WITH GOD.
I NEVER SAW A GIRL
SLUG ANOTHER GIRL BEFORE.
ONCE, BUT THAT
WAS A BIKER MOVIE.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'M GOING OUT TO THINK.
MEG, WE HAVE TO TALK.
IF IT'S ABOUT POLITICS
OR RELIGION, I'M LEAVING.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH
SCREAMING AND YELLING.
SO HAVE I.
I ADMIT I WAS A
LITTLE JUDGMENTAL
ABOUT YOUR DECISION
TO BE A SISTER.
I WAS KIND OF ACTING LIKE
ATTILA THE NUN MYSELF.
I'M SORRY.
THERE'S SOMETHING
I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU.
I'M AFRAID I...
CALLED YOUR MOTHER AND
TOLD HER YOU WERE HERE.
YOUR PARENTS ARE COMING UP NOW.
THEY COULD BE HERE ANY TIME.
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
THEY'LL KIDNAP HER AGAIN.
GET MEG TO THE STATION.
WE'LL BE LOOKOUTS.
WHAT CAR DO THEY DRIVE?
A ROLLS ROYCE WITH A
BUMPER STICKER THAT SAYS,
"HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS."
JUST KIDDING.
GUYS, RELAX.
I'M TAKING THE 5:30
TRAIN AS PLANNED.
BUT THEY'LL TALK RELIGION.
THEY'LL BE A FIGHT.
YOU WANT TO GO
THROUGH THAT AGAIN?
I DON'T WANT TO,
BUT OBVIOUSLY
SOMEBODY ELSE DOES.
ARE YOU SURE SOMEBODY
DOESN'T WANT YOU TO
TAKE AN EARLIER TRAIN?
I'D BET ON IT.
GOD ISN'T BIG ON RUNNING AWAY.
I'LL TRUST THAT HE'LL
GIVE ME STRENGTH
TO DEAL WITH IT.
IT MUST BE WONDERFUL
TO HAVE BLIND TRUST.
IT IS.
BUT HAVEN'T YOU EVER
FELT DISAPPOINTED?
HAVEN'T YOU EVER BEEN BETRAYED?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE RULES ARE
OR WHAT GOD WANTS,
BUT PRAYING AND PROMISING
STILL DOESN'T DO ANY GOOD.
SOMETIMES IT DOES.
I PROMISED TO CALL
MY GRANDMOTHER
IF I PASSED A TEST.
I PASSED. REMIND ME
TO CALL GRANDMOTHER.
PEOPLE ALWAYS DO THAT.
THEY PROMISE GOD
THEY'LL DO SOMETHING
IF THEY PASS A TEST.
THAT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
YOU BARGAIN WITH
A USED CAR DEALER,
NOT WITH GOD.
MEG...
IF YOU CAN'T PRAY
FOR WHAT YOU WANT,
WHAT'S THE POINT OF PRAYING?
BLAIR...
YOU HOPE FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU PRAY FOR GOD
TO DO WHAT'S BEST.
YOU MEAN, YOU JUST... TRUST HIM?
UH-HUH.
WELL, UH... HOW ARE
THINGS GOING DOWN HERE?
BETTER.
PEOPLE HAVE STOPPED YELLING
AND HAVE STARTED TALKING.
THAT'S GOOD NEWS.
WELL, IT'S TIME FOR SUPPER.
YOU TWO HELP ME
PEEL THE PARSNIPS.
WE'RE HAVING PARSNIPS?
UH-HUH. AND BRUSSELS SPROUTS.
ISN'T IT ILLEGAL
TO PUT THOSE VEGETABLES
ON THE SAME PLATE?
I'M TIRED OF BEING ANGRY.
I KNOW. IT'S EXHAUSTING.
AND IT CAUSES FROWN LINES.
I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.
SAY IT FROM OVER THERE.
I HIT YOU.
NO.
BUT I JUST TALKED TO GOD.
NOW I KNOW HE
WANTED ME TO DO IT.
WHAT?
IT WAS HIS WILL.
YOUR FIST HIT HER,
AND YOUR WILL MADE IT!
WHY ARE YOU MAD?
YOU CAN'T USE GOD TO JUSTIFY
YOUR OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIOR.
DON'T GET SO MAD. YOU'RE A NUN.
DOES THAT MEAN I'M NOT HUMAN?
JO...
SISTERS AREN'T ALL
HALOS AND HOLY WATER.
YOU DON'T CATCH THE
HOLY SPIRIT LIKE THE FLU!
THAT'S THE WAY IT'S
SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.
LIKE YOU... YOU JUST KNEW.
IT WASN'T A LIGHTNING
BOLT. MORE LIKE...
A HUNCH.
A HUNCH?
MEG, BOOKIES HAVE HUNCHES.
NUNS HAVE REVELATIONS.
NOT THIS ONE.
I WASN'T SURE THIS
IS WHAT I WANTED.
I'M STILL NOT SURE.
THESE NEXT FEW YEARS
ARE FOR QUESTIONING.
YOU HAVEN'T ACTED LIKE
YOU HAVE ANY DOUBTS.
IT'S HARD ADMITTING IT
WHEN I'M BACKED
UP AGAINST A WALL.
THAT'S SOMETHING
I HAVE TO WORK ON.
THAT, AND BEING ABLE TO BE CIVIL
TO SISTER PATRICIA.
THAT WOMAN COULD TRY
THE PATIENCE OF A SAINT.
WAIT. THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
SISTERS ARE SUPPOSED
TO GO AROUND
SMILING AND BLESSING EACH OTHER.
WE ALSO ARGUE, GOSSIP, AND
GROUSE ABOUT EACH OTHER.
WE DO THAT HERE.
I DON'T HAVE TO JOIN
A CONVENT FOR THAT.
YOU ALSO DON'T HAVE
TO JOIN A CONVENT
TO SHOW YOU LOVE GOD.
BUT WOULD IT STILL BE THE SAME?
OF COURSE.
JO, NUNS HAVEN'T CORNERED
THE MARKET ON GOD.
AND HE DOESN'T
EXPECT GRAND GESTURES
AS PROOF THAT HE'S LOVED.
YEAH.
I GUESS I DID JUMP
IN WITH BOTH FEET.
YOU KNOW...
SOMEBODY CAN BE DEEPLY RELIGIOUS
AND STILL BE A DOCTOR,
SECRETARY, OR HOMEMAKER.
OR A RACE CAR DRIVER?
YOU BETTER BE RELIGIOUS
IF YOU'RE GONNA RACE CARS.
JO... REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU DO,
GOD CAN BE A PART OF IT.
CAN'T IT BE THAT WAY WITH YOU?
CAN'T YOU BE A DEEPLY
RELIGIOUS TEACHER?
NO, I CAN'T.
BEING A SISTER IS WHAT
MAKES MY LIFE MAKE SENSE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
I'M TRYING.
I DON'T KNOW HOW ALL
THIS WILL WORK OUT.
GOD KNOWS I'LL
GIVE IT MY BEST SHOT.
I'M SURE YOU WILL.
I COULD UNDERSTAND IF
YOU WANTED TO BE POPE.
I'D SELL MY SOUL
FOR THAT WARDROBE.
YOU KNOW, MEG,
I REALLY DO WANT
YOU TO BE HAPPY.
OH, THANK YOU.
OH, MRS. GARRETT,
CAN I ASK MY SISTER
TO STAY FOR DINNER?
SURE. HOW ABOUT IT?
THANK YOU. I'D LIKE THAT.
BUT, UH... I'M NOT
EATING PARSNIPS.
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
I'LL SHOW YOU WHERE TO WASH UP.
UH... I'M SORRY I HIT YOU.
I HOPE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
I'M FINE.
IT WASN'T THAT GOOD A SHOT.
I'M NEVER GOING
TO HIT YOU AGAIN.
GOOD.
BECAUSE IT WASN'T
THAT BAD A SHOT EITHER.
THANKS.
IT WON'T BE EASY WHEN MEG GOES.
I DON'T WANT TO
LOSE THESE FEELINGS,
HAVE IT ALL DISAPPEAR.
IT WON'T.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
I JUST KNOW.