The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 4, Episode 11 - September Song - full transcript
Mrs. Garrett receives a marriage proposal from her elderly boyfriend.
♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
SIDES. ONE, TWO,
THREE... COME ON, NAT.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
THANK YOU, JANE FONDA.
MY WHOLE BODY IS SCREAMING.
AND SWEATING.
I DON'T SWEAT.
I GLISTEN.
WELL, YOU'RE
GLISTENING LIKE A PIG.
HOW CAN YOU TALK? I
CAN'T EVEN BREATHE!
WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE AT OUR PEAK.
YOU'RE HUFFING AND PUFFING
FROM A LITTLE EXERCISE.
MRS. GARRETT'S
JOGGING TWO MILES.
YEAH. SHAME ON YOU.
PEOPLE LIKE MRS. GARRETT JOG
BECAUSE THEY'RE TRYING
DESPERATELY TO STAY YOUNG.
WE ARE YOUNG, SO WHO
NEEDS THIS GARBAGE?
MRS. GARRETT ISN'T JOGGING
JUST TO KEEP IN SHAPE.
SHE HAS A BETTER REASON.
WHAT?
PROFESSOR CLAYTON,
THE ENGLISH LIT.
TEACHER AT BATES.
RIGHT. SHE'S JOGGING WITH
HIM AGAIN THIS MORNING.
THAT'S NICE.
MRS. GARRETT NEEDS A
LITTLE COMPANIONSHIP.
WELL, MAYBE.
WE ONLY GIVE HER
SOME LOVE AND WARMTH.
THEY'RE SEEING EACH OTHER A LOT.
SEEING EACH OTHER?
THEY'RE DATING.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
HE'S OLDER THAN SHE IS.
HOW OLD IS HE?
HE'S DEFINITELY INTO
HIS SUNSET YEARS.
WHAT DOES AGE MATTER?
YOUNGER WOMEN GO OUT
WITH OLDER MEN ALL THE TIME.
BLAIR'S RIGHT.
THERE IS AN ALLURE TO OLDER MEN.
YOU WRITE ONE LETTER
TO RICK SPRINGFIELD.
SUDDENLY, YOU'RE AN EXPERT.
HI, GIRLS.
HENRY, REMEMBER THE GANG?
YES.
HELLO.
HI, I'M NATALIE.
I'M 15. HOW OLD ARE YOU?
NATALIE'S OUR
NEWSPAPER REPORTER.
SHE DIGS FOR FACTS.
ALL YOU'LL GET FROM ME
IS MY NAME, RANK,
AND SERIAL NUMBER.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE NOSY.
IF YOU'RE REALLY
DYING OF CURIOSITY,
I REACHED 70 LAST MONTH.
AND YOU'RE STILL JOGGING?
THAT'S REMARKABLE.
WELL, HENRY'S BEEN
A RUNNER ALL HIS LIFE.
HE STILL RUNS IN MARATHONS.
HOW CAN YOU KEEP
GOING LIKE THAT?
I ROTATE MY LEGS
EVERY 5,000 MILES.
YOU'RE SO FUNNY!
HE KEEPS ME IN STITCHES.
UH, MRS. GARRETT.
MRS. GARRETT!
YES?
UNITED PARCEL
DELIVERED YOUR CURTAINS.
I PUT THEM IN YOUR BEDROOM.
OH, THANK YOU.
YOU WOULDN'T MIND HELPING
ME HANG THEM, WOULD YOU?
NO. I MUST CALL MY
ANSWERING SERVICE.
THROUGH THE LOUNGE.
SOMETIMES I GET CALLS
FROM MY STUDENTS.
SOME ACTUALLY GET
THE URGE TO STUDY.
HE'S SO QUICK.
AND YOU'RE SO CLEVER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I MUST ADMIT HANGING CURTAINS
IS A CUTE WAY TO GET
A MAN IN YOUR ROOM.
SHREWD MOVE, MRS. G.
OH, YOU GIRLS ARE BEING SILLY.
ARE WE?
YES.
PROFESSOR CLAYTON
IS A NICE GUY...
FOR A TEACHER.
HE'S MORE THAN A TEACHER.
HE'S A VISITING PROFESSOR.
HE'S TAUGHT AT HARVARD,
CAMBRIDGE, OXFORD.
COULDN'T HOLD ON TO A JOB.
HE CERTAINLY IS DYNAMIC.
OH, YES.
HE'S TRAVELED ALL
OVER THE WORLD.
HIS BOOKS HAVE BEEN
PUBLISHED IN SEVEN LANGUAGES.
HE'S A VERY SPECIAL MAN.
MRS. GARRETT, ARE
YOU SERIOUS ABOUT HIM?
UH-HUH. HA HA HA.
NOW YOU'RE TRESPASSING
ON PRIVATE PROPERTY.
AND I RESERVE THE
RIGHT TO KEEP YOU OFF.
TRANSLATION, SHE'S
WHACKED OUT OVER HIM.
I HOPE NOT.
HE'S OLD ENOUGH
TO BE HER FATHER.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
TOOTIE, I'M A DOCTOR'S DAUGHTER.
I KNOW THE PROBLEMS A
MAN FACES IN LATER YEARS.
LIKE WHAT?
THE CIRCULATION SLOWS UP,
HARDENING OF THE
ARTERIES, ARTHRITIS.
ALL HIS LIBIDO IS GONE.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WELL, WHEN A MAN AND
A WOMAN GET TOGETHER,
HE GETS THE HEADACHE.
THESE ARE LOVELY.
THEY'LL GIVE MY ROOM LIFE.
THEY ARE PRETTY.
THEY RESEMBLE CURTAINS
MY LATE WIFE AND I HAD
IN A HUT IN TAHITI.
TAHITI... I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE,
BUT I'VE HEARD IT'S GORGEOUS.
IT'S JUST SIMPLY THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL PLACE ON EARTH.
IT'S VERY ROMANTIC.
YOU'D LIKE IT VERY MUCH.
PERHAPS NEXT SUMMER,
WE COULD GO THERE.
AHH... YOU MEAN TOGETHER?
THAT'S USUALLY THE
WAY COUPLES TRAVEL.
OH.
EDNA, TAHITI IS NOT
THE KIND OF PLACE
YOU CAN APPRECIATE ALONE.
WELL... I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND.
BEFORE WE PUT THE
NEW CURTAINS UP,
WE'LL TAKE THESE OTHERS DOWN.
THAT'S USUALLY HOW IT'S DONE.
EDNA, I'LL HAVE TO
TIGHTEN THIS BRACKET.
WELL, I'LL GO GET A SCREWDRIVER.
OH, EDNA, BEFORE YOU
DO, I WANT TO EXPLAIN.
I WASN'T SUGGESTING
ANYTHING IMPROPER
MENTIONING THAT TRIP TO TAHITI.
I HAD IN MIND A SORT
OF... HONEYMOON.
HON... HON... HON...
HONEYMOON?
IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR
WITH THE WORD,
IT MEANS A TRIP
TAKEN BY NEWLYWEDS.
WELL, HENRY.
ARE YOU PROPOSING TO ME?
THAT'S A VERY GOOD GUESS, YES.
OH, EDNA.
I WAS ONCE HAPPILY MARRIED.
WITH YOU, I COULD
BE HAPPY AGAIN.
WE'VE ONLY KNOWN EACH
OTHER THREE MONTHS.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
THREE MONTHS, THREE
WEEKS, THREE DAYS.
WHEN IT'S RIGHT, IT'S RIGHT.
THIS ISN'T SOMETHING
I CAN SAY YES TO
WITHOUT A LOT OF THOUGHT.
DON'T WAIT TOO LONG.
AT MY AGE,
ONE CAN'T GAMBLE WITH
A LENGTHY ENGAGEMENT.
GO ON. YOU'LL LIVE TO BE 100.
I COULD REEL OFF HUNDREDS OF
WAYS THAT YOU ARE WONDERFUL,
BUT LET'S WAIT UNTIL
OUR FIRST ANNIVERSARY.
I'LL GET YOU A MUSHY
HALLMARK CARD.
YOU LIKE ME BECAUSE I
LAUGH AT YOUR JOKES.
WELL, IT DOESN'T HURT.
I'D BETTER GET THAT SCREWDRIVER.
I'LL GET THE CURTAINS
DOWN WHILE YOU'RE GONE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
COME IN.
HEY, WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU?
OH, I NEED A SCREWDRIVER AND...
HENRY'S JUST ASKED
ME TO MARRY HIM.
NO KIDDING!
YUP.
YOU HAVEN'T KNOWN HIM LONG.
NOPE.
HE'S READY TO MARRY YOU?
YUP.
AND YOU'RE SERIOUSLY
CONSIDERING IT?
YUP.
THIS IS LIKE TALKING
TO GARY COOPER.
OK.
LET'S REVIEW THE SITUATION.
PROFESSOR CLAYTON,
WHOM YOU'VE KNOWN THREE MONTHS,
ASKED YOU TO MARRY HIM.
YOU'RE CONSIDERING IT?
OH, ABSOLUTELY!
I THINK THE WHOLE
THING'S SO ROMANTIC.
IT'S MORE THAN ROMANTIC.
HOW OFTEN IN A LIFETIME
DOES SOMEONE LIKE
HENRY COME ALONG?
OH, HE'S BRILLIANT,
HE'S WORLDLY...
HE'S 70.
IN YEARS, MAYBE.
BUT YOU'VE SEEN HIM.
HE'S IN BETTER
PHYSICAL CONDITION
THAN MEN HALF HIS AGE.
OH! OH! OHHH!
WHAT WAS THAT?
OH! OHH!
THAT'S HENRY!
OH! OHH!
THERE, HENRY.
IS THAT ANY BETTER?
ACTUALLY, IT'S WORSE.
IT HAPPENED WHEN I REACHED UP
TO UNHOOK THE CURTAINS.
IT'S MY LOWER BACK.
OH, NO. NOT THE LOWER BACK.
YOU'VE HAD THIS
BEFORE, HAVEN'T YOU?
YES.
DOES IT FEEL LIKE
SOMEONE'S SAWING
YOUR BACK IN TWO?
YES.
I KNEW IT.
DEGENERATING DISC, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
IF YOU ONLY KNEW
HOW MANY OF
THESE CASES I'VE HAD.
WELL, MY FATHER'S HAD.
THE IDEA IS TO RELIEVE PRESSURE.
ONE UNDER THE HEAD...
AND ONE UNDER THE KNEES...
AND JUST LIE THERE.
THANK YOU.
WHY, THAT WAS
WONDERFUL, NATALIE.
HENRY, I'D BETTER
CALL YOUR DOCTOR.
OK, IF YOU WANT
A SECOND OPINION.
NO, NO, DON'T BOTHER.
THIS PROBLEM HAS
HAPPENED BEFORE.
THE ONLY CURE IS TO LIE IN BED.
THEN YOU'LL STAY RIGHT THERE
UNTIL THAT PAIN IS GONE.
WELL, IT USUALLY TAKES ABOUT...
A MONTH OR SO.
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE?
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE WITH EDNA.
SURE. WE'LL GET
OUT OF YOUR HAIR.
WE'LL SET UP THE
ROLLAWAY FOR MRS. G
SO SHE CAN SLEEP... IN OUR ROOM.
OH, THANK YOU, JO.
THAT'S VERY HELPFUL.
OH, I FEEL SO GUILTY
ABOUT YOUR BACK.
GOOD.
DO YOU WANT INSTANT RELIEF?
SAY YOU'LL MARRY ME.
I'M THINKING ABOUT IT.
DON'T HOLD THE DISC AGAINST ME.
THE OLD SHIP'S NOT
DISINTEGRATING.
I'M NOT WORRIED
ABOUT THE OLD SHIP.
ALL IT NEEDS IS
EDNA GARRETT T.L.C.
AND... THIS!
DO THAT WHENEVER
YOU NEED ANYTHING.
IT GIVES ME A SENSE OF POWER.
SEE YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE.
YOU HONKED, SIR?
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE A LITTLE WINE
LOCKED AWAY FROM PRYING FINGERS?
VERY POSSIBLY.
IT'S SO ROMANTIC
WATCHING MRS. GARRETT
NURSING HER LOVE BACK TO HEALTH.
HER LOVE'S BECOMING A DRAG.
WHAT MANIAC GAVE HIM THAT HORN?
WAS THAT HENRY'S HONK?
THIS IS SO ROMANTIC.
HENRY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHERE ARE MY
FINGERNAIL CLIPPERS?
THEY'RE RIGHT HERE.
THEY ARE MY TOENAIL CLIPPERS.
THEY'RE ENTIRELY
TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS.
OH, YES. I BROUGHT THEM
FROM YOUR APARTMENT.
LET'S SEE. YOUR PIPE, AHA!
FINGERNAIL CLIPPERS!
THANK YOU, DEAR.
THAT IS SO ROMANTIC.
WELL, HOW ARE WE TODAY?
BLAIR, ISN'T IT?
THE USE OF THE
PLURAL PRONOUN "WE"
IN THAT CUTSIE
PATRONIZING MANNER
IS ONE OF MY PET PEEVES!
HEY, HENRY. BE COOL.
THAT'S ANOTHER ONE!
YOU KNOW, PROFESSOR
CLAYTON... OH!
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
I'VE NOTICED HOW MUCH
BETTER YOU'RE LOOKING.
ISN'T HE LOOKING MUCH BETTER?
MUCH BETTER.
THE COLOR'S RETURNED
TO YOUR CHEEKS.
DOESN'T HE HAVE GOOD COLOR?
GOOD COLOR.
I THINK YOU'RE
READY TO GET OUT...
INTO THE WORLD.
YOU'RE READY TO
FACE LIFE... OUT THERE.
WHAT IS THIS, GRADUATION DAY?
COME ON, GIRLS.
LET'S LET HENRY REST.
THIS ROOM RESEMBLES
A SLUMBER PARTY.
TRY TO TAKE A NAP.
HOW CAN I WITH
THAT WAILING MUSIC
BLARING AND BURSTING
MY EARDRUMS?
DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW ANY MOZART?
THEY'LL KEEP IT DOWN.
HI.
YOU DO A GREAT HARPO.
SAY THE SECRET
WORD AND WIN $100.
SEE... YOU WERE
HONKING THE HORN...
FORGET IT.
FINALLY.
HERE'S YOUR TOBACCO.
LIKE YOU SAID,
ROYAL TWEED...
BURGUNDY, NOT RUM.
OH, NO. I WANTED THE COARSE CUT.
OH, WELL.
WHERE'S THE FINANCIAL SECTION?
I DON'T KNOW.
DID YOU SLIP IT OUT?
WHAT?
MAYBE THAT SECTION GOT LOST.
MY BIKE SLIPPED
ON THE WET STREET.
WHAT A SHAME!
WHAT, ME FALLING OR
THE MISSING SECTION?
DON'T BE SILLY.
PERHAPS IT'S STILL
IN THE STREET.
I COULD LOOK.
IT MAY HAVE STUCK
TO THE PAVEMENT.
IT MIGHT HAVE. I ALMOST DID.
CARING FOR HENRY
VIII ISN'T EASY.
HOW ARE WE DOING?
I MEAN... HOW ARE YOU DOING?
THE SAME.
WILL YOU BE OK FOR A WHILE?
WHY?
WE'RE ATTENDING A
"SAVE THE WHALES" RALLY.
WHY A RALLY TO SAVE WHALES?
DO WHALES GIVE
RALLIES TO SAVE PEOPLE?
THAT'S NOT THE
POINT OF THE RALLY.
IT'S A COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME.
IF PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE THINGS,
WHALES COULD BECOME EXTINCT.
RIGHT ON.
IF YOUTH TODAY GOT AS
WORKED UP OVER GRADES
AS THEY DO OVER WHALES,
WE'D BE BETTER OFF.
ISN'T THAT A LITTLE
JUDGMENTAL, HENRY?
PROFESSOR CLAYTON.
HERE'S YOUR HOT CHOCOLATE.
THERE'S A MARSHMALLOW IN IT.
THAT WAS SWEET OF YOU, DEAR.
OH, IT'S NOTHING.
I'M HAPPY FOR BOTH OF YOU.
WILL MRS. GARRETT
MOVE IN WITH YOU,
OR WILL YOU LIVE HERE?
YOU TOLD HER ABOUT MY PROPOSAL?
SHE COULDN'T KEEP IT IN.
WILL MY PRIVATE
LIFE BE ON THE NEWS?
MRS. GARRETT
MEANS SO MUCH TO US.
YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU
HAVE OUR BLESSINGS.
DO YOU GET THEIR PERMISSION
ON ALL IMPORTANT MATTERS?
OF COURSE NOT.
GOOD. THEY HAVE TOO
MUCH TO SAY IN YOUR LIFE.
GIRLS...
I GUESS YOU'LL SAVE
THE WHALES WITHOUT ME.
GO ON.
PROFESSOR CLAYTON
AND I WANT TO BE ALONE.
YOU WERE AWFULLY ROUGH ON THEM.
NOW, THEY WERE ONLY TRYING...
THAT PHOTOGRAPH
IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.
HENRY... I THINK WE SHOULD TALK.
NOW? WITH ME IN PAIN?
HENRY... TAKE A PILL.
WE'RE GOING TO TALK.
OVER THE PAST FEW DAYS,
I'VE GOTTEN TO KNOW YOU BETTER.
I'VE HAD A FEW SURPRISES.
EDNA, I'M REALLY QUITE
A CIVILIZED PERSON.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME.
I'VE SEEN YOUR APARTMENT.
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING
SO CIVILIZED IN MY LIFE!
IT'S IMMACULATE.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH
BEING ORGANIZED?
I'M ORGANIZED. YOU'RE A FANATIC.
YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW
WHO ARRANGES HIS REFRIGERATOR
IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER.
THAT'S THE WAY I'M MADE.
I DOUBT I COULD TAKE CARE OF YOU
IN THE MANNER YOU'RE
ACCUSTOMED TO.
I FEEL THAT YOUR ANSWER
TO MY MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
IS NO.
HENRY... WE ENJOY
EACH OTHER'S COMPANY.
WE'RE GREAT JOGGING BUDDIES.
THAT'S A GOOD REASON
TO RUN AROUND TOGETHER.
YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING
AT MY JOKES ANYMORE.
I'M SORRY, HENRY.
I WAS PICTURING US
AT THE DINNER TABLE.
WE'RE ARGUING.
DON'T BE SILLY.
I NEVER ARGUE WHILE EATING.
IT'S BAD FOR DIGESTION.
WHAT ARE WE ARGUING ABOUT?
ABOUT WHALES,
SEALS, AND THE ACLU.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
NONUNION LETTUCE?
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
A LOT, IF YOU WANT TO EAT SALAD.
IN MY HOUSE, WE LOOK
FOR THE UNION LABEL.
OH, EDNA.
WHY FILL YOUR LIFE
WITH THIS CLUTTER?
CLUTTER?
YOU KNOW, HENRY,
I'M REALLY GLAD WE'RE
HAVING THIS DISCUSSION.
SO AM I.
IS IT OVER YET?
NOT QUITE.
WE HAVEN'T DISCUSSED
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING...
LOVE.
LOVE? OH, REALLY.
YES!
REALLY!
OH, HENRY... I, UH...
I'M IMPRESSED BY YOU.
I'M... I'M BOWLED OVER BY YOU.
BUT LOVE...
YOU'VE BEEN AROUND
THESE GIRLS TOO LONG.
YOU FALL IN LOVE
WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG.
IT MAKES YOU INCOMPETENT,
INARTICULATE, AND CRAZY.
I KNOW.
I'D SETTLE FOR ONE OUT OF THREE.
EDNA.
HENRY...
THE ANSWER IS... NO.
HOW ABOUT JUST LIVING TOGETHER?
I'M NOT THAT HIP, HENRY.
HENRY, IF YOU'RE ALL RIGHT,
I'D LIKE TO CATCH
UP WITH THE GIRLS.
YES, HENRY.
BEFORE YOU GO, WOULD
YOU BE A GOOD FRIEND
AND KISS ME?
I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT I'LL BE MISSING.
SURE.
HOW'S YOUR HEART?
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
SIDES. ONE, TWO,
THREE... COME ON, NAT.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
THANK YOU, JANE FONDA.
MY WHOLE BODY IS SCREAMING.
AND SWEATING.
I DON'T SWEAT.
I GLISTEN.
WELL, YOU'RE
GLISTENING LIKE A PIG.
HOW CAN YOU TALK? I
CAN'T EVEN BREATHE!
WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE AT OUR PEAK.
YOU'RE HUFFING AND PUFFING
FROM A LITTLE EXERCISE.
MRS. GARRETT'S
JOGGING TWO MILES.
YEAH. SHAME ON YOU.
PEOPLE LIKE MRS. GARRETT JOG
BECAUSE THEY'RE TRYING
DESPERATELY TO STAY YOUNG.
WE ARE YOUNG, SO WHO
NEEDS THIS GARBAGE?
MRS. GARRETT ISN'T JOGGING
JUST TO KEEP IN SHAPE.
SHE HAS A BETTER REASON.
WHAT?
PROFESSOR CLAYTON,
THE ENGLISH LIT.
TEACHER AT BATES.
RIGHT. SHE'S JOGGING WITH
HIM AGAIN THIS MORNING.
THAT'S NICE.
MRS. GARRETT NEEDS A
LITTLE COMPANIONSHIP.
WELL, MAYBE.
WE ONLY GIVE HER
SOME LOVE AND WARMTH.
THEY'RE SEEING EACH OTHER A LOT.
SEEING EACH OTHER?
THEY'RE DATING.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
HE'S OLDER THAN SHE IS.
HOW OLD IS HE?
HE'S DEFINITELY INTO
HIS SUNSET YEARS.
WHAT DOES AGE MATTER?
YOUNGER WOMEN GO OUT
WITH OLDER MEN ALL THE TIME.
BLAIR'S RIGHT.
THERE IS AN ALLURE TO OLDER MEN.
YOU WRITE ONE LETTER
TO RICK SPRINGFIELD.
SUDDENLY, YOU'RE AN EXPERT.
HI, GIRLS.
HENRY, REMEMBER THE GANG?
YES.
HELLO.
HI, I'M NATALIE.
I'M 15. HOW OLD ARE YOU?
NATALIE'S OUR
NEWSPAPER REPORTER.
SHE DIGS FOR FACTS.
ALL YOU'LL GET FROM ME
IS MY NAME, RANK,
AND SERIAL NUMBER.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE NOSY.
IF YOU'RE REALLY
DYING OF CURIOSITY,
I REACHED 70 LAST MONTH.
AND YOU'RE STILL JOGGING?
THAT'S REMARKABLE.
WELL, HENRY'S BEEN
A RUNNER ALL HIS LIFE.
HE STILL RUNS IN MARATHONS.
HOW CAN YOU KEEP
GOING LIKE THAT?
I ROTATE MY LEGS
EVERY 5,000 MILES.
YOU'RE SO FUNNY!
HE KEEPS ME IN STITCHES.
UH, MRS. GARRETT.
MRS. GARRETT!
YES?
UNITED PARCEL
DELIVERED YOUR CURTAINS.
I PUT THEM IN YOUR BEDROOM.
OH, THANK YOU.
YOU WOULDN'T MIND HELPING
ME HANG THEM, WOULD YOU?
NO. I MUST CALL MY
ANSWERING SERVICE.
THROUGH THE LOUNGE.
SOMETIMES I GET CALLS
FROM MY STUDENTS.
SOME ACTUALLY GET
THE URGE TO STUDY.
HE'S SO QUICK.
AND YOU'RE SO CLEVER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I MUST ADMIT HANGING CURTAINS
IS A CUTE WAY TO GET
A MAN IN YOUR ROOM.
SHREWD MOVE, MRS. G.
OH, YOU GIRLS ARE BEING SILLY.
ARE WE?
YES.
PROFESSOR CLAYTON
IS A NICE GUY...
FOR A TEACHER.
HE'S MORE THAN A TEACHER.
HE'S A VISITING PROFESSOR.
HE'S TAUGHT AT HARVARD,
CAMBRIDGE, OXFORD.
COULDN'T HOLD ON TO A JOB.
HE CERTAINLY IS DYNAMIC.
OH, YES.
HE'S TRAVELED ALL
OVER THE WORLD.
HIS BOOKS HAVE BEEN
PUBLISHED IN SEVEN LANGUAGES.
HE'S A VERY SPECIAL MAN.
MRS. GARRETT, ARE
YOU SERIOUS ABOUT HIM?
UH-HUH. HA HA HA.
NOW YOU'RE TRESPASSING
ON PRIVATE PROPERTY.
AND I RESERVE THE
RIGHT TO KEEP YOU OFF.
TRANSLATION, SHE'S
WHACKED OUT OVER HIM.
I HOPE NOT.
HE'S OLD ENOUGH
TO BE HER FATHER.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
TOOTIE, I'M A DOCTOR'S DAUGHTER.
I KNOW THE PROBLEMS A
MAN FACES IN LATER YEARS.
LIKE WHAT?
THE CIRCULATION SLOWS UP,
HARDENING OF THE
ARTERIES, ARTHRITIS.
ALL HIS LIBIDO IS GONE.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WELL, WHEN A MAN AND
A WOMAN GET TOGETHER,
HE GETS THE HEADACHE.
THESE ARE LOVELY.
THEY'LL GIVE MY ROOM LIFE.
THEY ARE PRETTY.
THEY RESEMBLE CURTAINS
MY LATE WIFE AND I HAD
IN A HUT IN TAHITI.
TAHITI... I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE,
BUT I'VE HEARD IT'S GORGEOUS.
IT'S JUST SIMPLY THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL PLACE ON EARTH.
IT'S VERY ROMANTIC.
YOU'D LIKE IT VERY MUCH.
PERHAPS NEXT SUMMER,
WE COULD GO THERE.
AHH... YOU MEAN TOGETHER?
THAT'S USUALLY THE
WAY COUPLES TRAVEL.
OH.
EDNA, TAHITI IS NOT
THE KIND OF PLACE
YOU CAN APPRECIATE ALONE.
WELL... I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND.
BEFORE WE PUT THE
NEW CURTAINS UP,
WE'LL TAKE THESE OTHERS DOWN.
THAT'S USUALLY HOW IT'S DONE.
EDNA, I'LL HAVE TO
TIGHTEN THIS BRACKET.
WELL, I'LL GO GET A SCREWDRIVER.
OH, EDNA, BEFORE YOU
DO, I WANT TO EXPLAIN.
I WASN'T SUGGESTING
ANYTHING IMPROPER
MENTIONING THAT TRIP TO TAHITI.
I HAD IN MIND A SORT
OF... HONEYMOON.
HON... HON... HON...
HONEYMOON?
IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR
WITH THE WORD,
IT MEANS A TRIP
TAKEN BY NEWLYWEDS.
WELL, HENRY.
ARE YOU PROPOSING TO ME?
THAT'S A VERY GOOD GUESS, YES.
OH, EDNA.
I WAS ONCE HAPPILY MARRIED.
WITH YOU, I COULD
BE HAPPY AGAIN.
WE'VE ONLY KNOWN EACH
OTHER THREE MONTHS.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
THREE MONTHS, THREE
WEEKS, THREE DAYS.
WHEN IT'S RIGHT, IT'S RIGHT.
THIS ISN'T SOMETHING
I CAN SAY YES TO
WITHOUT A LOT OF THOUGHT.
DON'T WAIT TOO LONG.
AT MY AGE,
ONE CAN'T GAMBLE WITH
A LENGTHY ENGAGEMENT.
GO ON. YOU'LL LIVE TO BE 100.
I COULD REEL OFF HUNDREDS OF
WAYS THAT YOU ARE WONDERFUL,
BUT LET'S WAIT UNTIL
OUR FIRST ANNIVERSARY.
I'LL GET YOU A MUSHY
HALLMARK CARD.
YOU LIKE ME BECAUSE I
LAUGH AT YOUR JOKES.
WELL, IT DOESN'T HURT.
I'D BETTER GET THAT SCREWDRIVER.
I'LL GET THE CURTAINS
DOWN WHILE YOU'RE GONE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
COME IN.
HEY, WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU?
OH, I NEED A SCREWDRIVER AND...
HENRY'S JUST ASKED
ME TO MARRY HIM.
NO KIDDING!
YUP.
YOU HAVEN'T KNOWN HIM LONG.
NOPE.
HE'S READY TO MARRY YOU?
YUP.
AND YOU'RE SERIOUSLY
CONSIDERING IT?
YUP.
THIS IS LIKE TALKING
TO GARY COOPER.
OK.
LET'S REVIEW THE SITUATION.
PROFESSOR CLAYTON,
WHOM YOU'VE KNOWN THREE MONTHS,
ASKED YOU TO MARRY HIM.
YOU'RE CONSIDERING IT?
OH, ABSOLUTELY!
I THINK THE WHOLE
THING'S SO ROMANTIC.
IT'S MORE THAN ROMANTIC.
HOW OFTEN IN A LIFETIME
DOES SOMEONE LIKE
HENRY COME ALONG?
OH, HE'S BRILLIANT,
HE'S WORLDLY...
HE'S 70.
IN YEARS, MAYBE.
BUT YOU'VE SEEN HIM.
HE'S IN BETTER
PHYSICAL CONDITION
THAN MEN HALF HIS AGE.
OH! OH! OHHH!
WHAT WAS THAT?
OH! OHH!
THAT'S HENRY!
OH! OHH!
THERE, HENRY.
IS THAT ANY BETTER?
ACTUALLY, IT'S WORSE.
IT HAPPENED WHEN I REACHED UP
TO UNHOOK THE CURTAINS.
IT'S MY LOWER BACK.
OH, NO. NOT THE LOWER BACK.
YOU'VE HAD THIS
BEFORE, HAVEN'T YOU?
YES.
DOES IT FEEL LIKE
SOMEONE'S SAWING
YOUR BACK IN TWO?
YES.
I KNEW IT.
DEGENERATING DISC, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
IF YOU ONLY KNEW
HOW MANY OF
THESE CASES I'VE HAD.
WELL, MY FATHER'S HAD.
THE IDEA IS TO RELIEVE PRESSURE.
ONE UNDER THE HEAD...
AND ONE UNDER THE KNEES...
AND JUST LIE THERE.
THANK YOU.
WHY, THAT WAS
WONDERFUL, NATALIE.
HENRY, I'D BETTER
CALL YOUR DOCTOR.
OK, IF YOU WANT
A SECOND OPINION.
NO, NO, DON'T BOTHER.
THIS PROBLEM HAS
HAPPENED BEFORE.
THE ONLY CURE IS TO LIE IN BED.
THEN YOU'LL STAY RIGHT THERE
UNTIL THAT PAIN IS GONE.
WELL, IT USUALLY TAKES ABOUT...
A MONTH OR SO.
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE?
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE WITH EDNA.
SURE. WE'LL GET
OUT OF YOUR HAIR.
WE'LL SET UP THE
ROLLAWAY FOR MRS. G
SO SHE CAN SLEEP... IN OUR ROOM.
OH, THANK YOU, JO.
THAT'S VERY HELPFUL.
OH, I FEEL SO GUILTY
ABOUT YOUR BACK.
GOOD.
DO YOU WANT INSTANT RELIEF?
SAY YOU'LL MARRY ME.
I'M THINKING ABOUT IT.
DON'T HOLD THE DISC AGAINST ME.
THE OLD SHIP'S NOT
DISINTEGRATING.
I'M NOT WORRIED
ABOUT THE OLD SHIP.
ALL IT NEEDS IS
EDNA GARRETT T.L.C.
AND... THIS!
DO THAT WHENEVER
YOU NEED ANYTHING.
IT GIVES ME A SENSE OF POWER.
SEE YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE.
YOU HONKED, SIR?
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE A LITTLE WINE
LOCKED AWAY FROM PRYING FINGERS?
VERY POSSIBLY.
IT'S SO ROMANTIC
WATCHING MRS. GARRETT
NURSING HER LOVE BACK TO HEALTH.
HER LOVE'S BECOMING A DRAG.
WHAT MANIAC GAVE HIM THAT HORN?
WAS THAT HENRY'S HONK?
THIS IS SO ROMANTIC.
HENRY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHERE ARE MY
FINGERNAIL CLIPPERS?
THEY'RE RIGHT HERE.
THEY ARE MY TOENAIL CLIPPERS.
THEY'RE ENTIRELY
TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS.
OH, YES. I BROUGHT THEM
FROM YOUR APARTMENT.
LET'S SEE. YOUR PIPE, AHA!
FINGERNAIL CLIPPERS!
THANK YOU, DEAR.
THAT IS SO ROMANTIC.
WELL, HOW ARE WE TODAY?
BLAIR, ISN'T IT?
THE USE OF THE
PLURAL PRONOUN "WE"
IN THAT CUTSIE
PATRONIZING MANNER
IS ONE OF MY PET PEEVES!
HEY, HENRY. BE COOL.
THAT'S ANOTHER ONE!
YOU KNOW, PROFESSOR
CLAYTON... OH!
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
I'VE NOTICED HOW MUCH
BETTER YOU'RE LOOKING.
ISN'T HE LOOKING MUCH BETTER?
MUCH BETTER.
THE COLOR'S RETURNED
TO YOUR CHEEKS.
DOESN'T HE HAVE GOOD COLOR?
GOOD COLOR.
I THINK YOU'RE
READY TO GET OUT...
INTO THE WORLD.
YOU'RE READY TO
FACE LIFE... OUT THERE.
WHAT IS THIS, GRADUATION DAY?
COME ON, GIRLS.
LET'S LET HENRY REST.
THIS ROOM RESEMBLES
A SLUMBER PARTY.
TRY TO TAKE A NAP.
HOW CAN I WITH
THAT WAILING MUSIC
BLARING AND BURSTING
MY EARDRUMS?
DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW ANY MOZART?
THEY'LL KEEP IT DOWN.
HI.
YOU DO A GREAT HARPO.
SAY THE SECRET
WORD AND WIN $100.
SEE... YOU WERE
HONKING THE HORN...
FORGET IT.
FINALLY.
HERE'S YOUR TOBACCO.
LIKE YOU SAID,
ROYAL TWEED...
BURGUNDY, NOT RUM.
OH, NO. I WANTED THE COARSE CUT.
OH, WELL.
WHERE'S THE FINANCIAL SECTION?
I DON'T KNOW.
DID YOU SLIP IT OUT?
WHAT?
MAYBE THAT SECTION GOT LOST.
MY BIKE SLIPPED
ON THE WET STREET.
WHAT A SHAME!
WHAT, ME FALLING OR
THE MISSING SECTION?
DON'T BE SILLY.
PERHAPS IT'S STILL
IN THE STREET.
I COULD LOOK.
IT MAY HAVE STUCK
TO THE PAVEMENT.
IT MIGHT HAVE. I ALMOST DID.
CARING FOR HENRY
VIII ISN'T EASY.
HOW ARE WE DOING?
I MEAN... HOW ARE YOU DOING?
THE SAME.
WILL YOU BE OK FOR A WHILE?
WHY?
WE'RE ATTENDING A
"SAVE THE WHALES" RALLY.
WHY A RALLY TO SAVE WHALES?
DO WHALES GIVE
RALLIES TO SAVE PEOPLE?
THAT'S NOT THE
POINT OF THE RALLY.
IT'S A COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME.
IF PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE THINGS,
WHALES COULD BECOME EXTINCT.
RIGHT ON.
IF YOUTH TODAY GOT AS
WORKED UP OVER GRADES
AS THEY DO OVER WHALES,
WE'D BE BETTER OFF.
ISN'T THAT A LITTLE
JUDGMENTAL, HENRY?
PROFESSOR CLAYTON.
HERE'S YOUR HOT CHOCOLATE.
THERE'S A MARSHMALLOW IN IT.
THAT WAS SWEET OF YOU, DEAR.
OH, IT'S NOTHING.
I'M HAPPY FOR BOTH OF YOU.
WILL MRS. GARRETT
MOVE IN WITH YOU,
OR WILL YOU LIVE HERE?
YOU TOLD HER ABOUT MY PROPOSAL?
SHE COULDN'T KEEP IT IN.
WILL MY PRIVATE
LIFE BE ON THE NEWS?
MRS. GARRETT
MEANS SO MUCH TO US.
YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU
HAVE OUR BLESSINGS.
DO YOU GET THEIR PERMISSION
ON ALL IMPORTANT MATTERS?
OF COURSE NOT.
GOOD. THEY HAVE TOO
MUCH TO SAY IN YOUR LIFE.
GIRLS...
I GUESS YOU'LL SAVE
THE WHALES WITHOUT ME.
GO ON.
PROFESSOR CLAYTON
AND I WANT TO BE ALONE.
YOU WERE AWFULLY ROUGH ON THEM.
NOW, THEY WERE ONLY TRYING...
THAT PHOTOGRAPH
IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.
HENRY... I THINK WE SHOULD TALK.
NOW? WITH ME IN PAIN?
HENRY... TAKE A PILL.
WE'RE GOING TO TALK.
OVER THE PAST FEW DAYS,
I'VE GOTTEN TO KNOW YOU BETTER.
I'VE HAD A FEW SURPRISES.
EDNA, I'M REALLY QUITE
A CIVILIZED PERSON.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME.
I'VE SEEN YOUR APARTMENT.
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING
SO CIVILIZED IN MY LIFE!
IT'S IMMACULATE.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH
BEING ORGANIZED?
I'M ORGANIZED. YOU'RE A FANATIC.
YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW
WHO ARRANGES HIS REFRIGERATOR
IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER.
THAT'S THE WAY I'M MADE.
I DOUBT I COULD TAKE CARE OF YOU
IN THE MANNER YOU'RE
ACCUSTOMED TO.
I FEEL THAT YOUR ANSWER
TO MY MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
IS NO.
HENRY... WE ENJOY
EACH OTHER'S COMPANY.
WE'RE GREAT JOGGING BUDDIES.
THAT'S A GOOD REASON
TO RUN AROUND TOGETHER.
YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING
AT MY JOKES ANYMORE.
I'M SORRY, HENRY.
I WAS PICTURING US
AT THE DINNER TABLE.
WE'RE ARGUING.
DON'T BE SILLY.
I NEVER ARGUE WHILE EATING.
IT'S BAD FOR DIGESTION.
WHAT ARE WE ARGUING ABOUT?
ABOUT WHALES,
SEALS, AND THE ACLU.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
NONUNION LETTUCE?
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
A LOT, IF YOU WANT TO EAT SALAD.
IN MY HOUSE, WE LOOK
FOR THE UNION LABEL.
OH, EDNA.
WHY FILL YOUR LIFE
WITH THIS CLUTTER?
CLUTTER?
YOU KNOW, HENRY,
I'M REALLY GLAD WE'RE
HAVING THIS DISCUSSION.
SO AM I.
IS IT OVER YET?
NOT QUITE.
WE HAVEN'T DISCUSSED
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING...
LOVE.
LOVE? OH, REALLY.
YES!
REALLY!
OH, HENRY... I, UH...
I'M IMPRESSED BY YOU.
I'M... I'M BOWLED OVER BY YOU.
BUT LOVE...
YOU'VE BEEN AROUND
THESE GIRLS TOO LONG.
YOU FALL IN LOVE
WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG.
IT MAKES YOU INCOMPETENT,
INARTICULATE, AND CRAZY.
I KNOW.
I'D SETTLE FOR ONE OUT OF THREE.
EDNA.
HENRY...
THE ANSWER IS... NO.
HOW ABOUT JUST LIVING TOGETHER?
I'M NOT THAT HIP, HENRY.
HENRY, IF YOU'RE ALL RIGHT,
I'D LIKE TO CATCH
UP WITH THE GIRLS.
YES, HENRY.
BEFORE YOU GO, WOULD
YOU BE A GOOD FRIEND
AND KISS ME?
I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT I'LL BE MISSING.
SURE.
HOW'S YOUR HEART?