The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 3, Episode 7 - Sweet Sorrow - full transcript

♪

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take them both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life,
the facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you got to
go and show you're growing ♪

♪ And now you know
about the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're finding out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪



♪ You ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get them right ♪

♪ When you're
learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

Ain't Jo'll be
surprised to see me?

Sure, she's not
expecting you till tomorrow.

Tootie, scrape.

You know, Eddie, whenever
you come up for a visit,

Jo is so happy she's
even nice to Blair.

Tootie, are you gonna
help me or what?

What are you girls doing?



Scraping off gum.

There's nothing more
disgusting than dead Juicy Fruit.

Here you go.

My special oatmeal cookies.

They taste so delicious you
forget they're good for you.

Mrs. Garrett, I told you not
to go through any trouble.

Oh, it's no trouble at all.

Come on, Eddie. Come
on, make yourself at home.

"Make yourself at home"?

I never thought I'd hear those words
coning from that mouth to those ears.

Oh, Natalie.

Eddie and I have
always been buddies.

Buddies?

When he and Jo
tried to elope last year,

you were ready to strangle him.

That's true.

But, um, everything's fine now,

now that we've come
to an understanding.

She means, now that I understand

that me and Jo are too
young to get married, huh?

Jo.

Eddie! How you doing?

You're early! Oh, you mind?

Are you kidding?
You look terrific.

Yeah, so do you, honey.

Oh, I missed you so
much. Oh, I missed you.

You got another stripe!

Oh, I'm so proud of you.

I was hoping you'd notice.

Oh, um, there's someone
I want you to meet.

Um, this is Eddie
Brennan, my boyfriend.

How you doing? Eddie, this
is Bob Perkins, my husband.

Your what?

Oh.

No, no, don't panic, honey.

See, it's for this, um, social studies
class we're having with Bates.

Yeah, they pair up a guy
and a girl from each school

and we have a
simulated marriage.

Oh, yeah? Well, how
much is simulated

and how much is marriage, huh?

No, it's just an excuse to
give us more homework.

I bet they're
working your tail off.

But this weekend, it's
strictly R and R, all right?

Oh, good. I could use
it. This course is a killer.

See, what we have to
do is make up a budget,

so much for food,
rent, entertainment.

We even have to figure
out our income tax.

Yeah, it's supposed to
prepare us for the future.

Teach us compromise,
commitment, how to handle money.

Yeah, it's a great idea.

Young people get to know

that sharing a bed isn't
the only thing in a marriage.

Well, no one said it
was the only thing.

It's, uh, just the best thing.

I was just kidding, Mrs. G.

Mrs. Garrett, I got the
gum off your chairs.

Now how do I get
it off my hands?

Come on. We'll stick your hands
in the freezer and crack it off.

Trust me. Trust me.

So, uh, for this marriage
course, you picked Bob?

Bob, it is Bob, right? Right.

Well, no, I didn't pick him.

See, we were
assigned alphabetically.

Polniaczek, Perkins.

Oh, I guess that makes sense.

I'll never be able to show
my face around here again.

You won't believe the
turkey they stuck me with.

I'd rather be married to him.

Hi, Eddie. How are you doing?

I'm, uh, fine, Blair.
How are you?

I've had better days.

To make you marry someone just
because you have the same last initial

is positively medieval.

And who is the blushing
bridegroom, Blair?

Some guy named Wilbur.

But I thought you were
paired off by last names.

That is his last name.

Oh, God. Wilbur?

What's his first name?

Would you believe

Waldo?

It's just not fair.

I mean, look, even Jo got lucky.

I think I'm the one
who's lucky. I got her.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm the
one who's lucky. I got her.

Ah, well, here we are.

A room full of lucky people.

Well, I guess with Eddie here...

Eddie. It is Eddie, right?

I guess, with him here, you're
not into doing homework now.

Yeah.

Hey, don't forget,
we've got tickets

to the Dirt Bike rally
tomorrow. Oh, hey, that's great.

Well, you know, our
budget's due Monday.

We've got to get together
sometime this weekend.

Yeah, I guess so.

Well, uh, we'll be
back in the afternoon.

We could do our homework
then. Fine. I'll see you then.

Bye, Eddie.

Boy, Jo, you
certainly lucked out.

He's adorable.

He's a nice person.

How am I going to make it
through the next two weeks

being Mrs. Waldo Wilbur?

Well, I think this
course is a terrific idea.

Now Jo will really be ready
to be Mrs. Eddie Brennan.

Hey, Mrs. G.

Hi, kids. How
was the bike rally?

Oh, it was super.

There was a guy going
around the track doing wheelies.

Blindfolded!

You don't say. Oh,
it was incredible.

Wasn't it, babe? Yeah, great.

Oh, before I forget,
Bob called to remind you

that you're working
together this afternoon.

Oh, Eddie, I'm sorry to
mess up our weekend like this.

I... I'll call him and
tell him I can't make it.

Oh, no, it's all right, honey.
You better do your homework.

I'll come by this evening and
we'll go to the arcade, all right?

Mrs. Garrett, you're
never going to believe

what they did
for the big finish.

They had a guy go up
a ramp and over 12 cars.

How do they do that

and not end up like apple sauce?

Who knows?

I guess you just
cross your fingers,

spit and hold on for dear life.

No, see, it's like what
we studied in math.

You can figure it out.

If the acceleration is constant,

the distance traveled from rest

equals one-half the acceleration
times the approach time squared.

And then you cross your fingers,
spit and hold on for dear life.

Let's move on to the
entertainment budget.

I have a feeling this is where
the compromising comes in.

Yeah, well, we've got to
cut corners someplace.

Hi, Blair.

Hi.

Hi.

You two kids keep working.

Don't let me interrupt.

Look, um, I'm willing to put aside
money for your dirt bike rallies,

but there's got to be
enough left for me to take

the train into the city for the
Shakespeare plays in the park.

I'd like to see
those plays, too.

Okay.

Look at you.

Married two whole days
and not one argument.

How's your marriage with
old Waldo working out?

We're looking at twin beds,
does that tell you anything?

Let me get the classifieds
and we'll find out

how much apartments are
going for these days. All right.

Hi, guys.

Welcome to The Newlywed Game.

She's got a great little head
on her shoulders, doesn't she?

Yeah, yeah. She'll make
somebody a terrific wife.

That's what Eddie says.

Eddie? Eddie, who?

The Eddie who gave her the ring

that she always
wears around her neck.

I guess they're pretty serious.

It's true love.

It's just a fling.

Does that clear
it up for you, Bob?

You know, maybe it'd
be cheaper if we budgeted

for a furnished apartment.

I need you girls
to set up for dinner.

We're gonna have to quit now.

No problem. We
can finish it later.

Oh, I can't. I've got
plans with Eddie.

Oh, but Jo, you have
to finish your homework.

We'll entertain Eddie.

I'll read to him or something.

All this stuff's due on Monday

and we haven't
even put a dent in it.

Yeah, you're right.

I'll call Eddie at the Y
and tell him I have to work.

I'll meet you at the
pizza place at 7:00.

Wait a minute. Are we
working or are we eating?

Can't you do both?

Well, let's concentrate
on the working.

I'm trying to get an A in
social studies, not pepperoni.

All right, I'll see you later.

Here, let me help you
with that. No, I got it.

With your appetite, we'll never
make it on this food budget.

I guess we'll just have to eat
a lot of my mom's old standby,

Hunter's stew.

How do you make that?

Well, you hunt
around the kitchen

and throw whatever
you find in the pot.

You know, you've got
a great sense of humor.

You're just saying that 'cause
I laugh at your dumb jokes.

Of course.

Why else would I say it?

You know, you're a
very interesting person.

You think so? Yeah.

So, what's your
philosophy of life?

Um, I don't think I have one.

At least, um, not one
that I've written down.

That's good. Neither do I.

But, you know,
that could be one.

One what?

One philosophy.

To say that, "I have
no philosophy of life,"

could actually be a philosophy.

Of life. Right?

I don't know if that
makes any sense.

Sure, sure it does.

It's like saying to someone,

I'm not playing by your rules.

Right away, that
becomes your own rule.

Right.

You know,

you're a very
interesting person.

I know.

You told me that before.

And I really enjoy

working with you.

I enjoy

working with you, too.

Are you kidding? Before I
came here I thought literature

was graffiti that
was spelled right.

Hey, Eddie, wake up.

It's after 11:00.

What are you doing here?
You knew I was working.

I just wanted to make
sure you got home all right.

Hey, what are you doing here?

I wanted to make sure
she got home all right.

Well, I got home
all right, all right?

Well, if you got some more
homework to do, I'll shove off.

No, that... that's okay.

We're finished. I'm going.

No, don't leave on my account.

I'll go. You'll both go.

Oh, honey, what do
you mean? Listen, Jo...

Look, it's late. Go home.

I'll see you in class on Monday.

And I'll see you tomorrow.

Good night.

Hey.

Well, it's about time!

Would you give me a break!

Do you know what time it is?

It's after 11:00.
That's what time it is.

You and Bob must
have had some date.

It wasn't a date.

It was a working dinner.

I'm a little fuzzy on
the relationship here.

I mean, does Eddie
date other people, too?

No, Eddie would never cheat.

How would you like me
to punch your light out?

You wouldn't want her to
die on an empty stomach.

Come on, Tootie,
let's go downstairs.

Not until I find out exactly
where Eddie stands.

Natalie, go stick
something in her mouth.

Don't be angry at Tootie.

She just has to get used to the
idea that you're dating other people.

I'm not dating other people.

Look. Look at this work.

Simulated marriage class,
proposed monthly budget.

Food, rent, utilities.

Pizza crust.

Medical, entertainment.

Does that look like a date?

All right. It was
a working dinner.

Who are you
trying to kid, Blair?

It was a date and you know it.

We were sitting at a table
with nothing between us

but a pepperoni
pizza. That's a date!

What about all this?

All this was finished by 8:00.

And after that we laughed
and talked and had a great time.

It was awful.

Why did I stay there with him?

Because you were laughing and
talking and having a great time.

Why is that so awful?

Because I'm not
in love with Bob.

Jo, a date doesn't
have to lead to love.

Or going steady.

Heck, it doesn't even
have to lead to another date.

My mother calls
that being fickle.

My mother calls
that playing the field.

It's one of the
advantages of being young

and unattached and
in my case, beautiful.

But you wouldn't
know about that.

I mean, you wouldn't
know about dating.

Eddie's the only boy
you've ever dated.

That's the way I wanted it.

And that's the
way I still want it.

Oh, come on, Jo,
stop kidding yourself.

You're holding on to Eddie
like he was a security blanket.

Look, just because you can't stick
with a guy for more than 15 minutes,

don't try and break
Eddie and me up.

We're together and that's
the way we're gonna stay.

Oh, here you are.

There's a message for you.

Your husband, uh...
Your Bob called.

Oh.

Looking for something?

No. I'm just looking
for something.

♪ Born free ♪

♪ As free as the la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la ♪

Blair, why are you so happy?

I'm getting a divorce!

Have you thought about this?

Are you kidding?

That's all I've thought about since
this stupid marriage project started.

Well, some people just
can't make a commitment.

His name is Waldo Wilbur.

I cannot commit to a
man with two first names.

What are you
looking for? Nothing.

It's got to be in the lounge.

Well, I'm going upstairs.

I have to rework my marriage
budget to include alimony.

♪

Oh.

Looking for loose change?

It's not funny, Mrs. Garrett.

I lost the ring that
Eddie gave me.

Oh, well, let me
help you look for it.

Sometimes I wonder what
you girls do when I'm not here.

I hope I didn't lose
it in the pizza place.

Maybe it fell
into the antipasto.

So...

When are you and
Bob gonna go out again?

We're not.

Oh, you don't want to?

I do want to.

Then you will? I won't.

Mrs. Garrett, look, I
won't because I want to.

That's why I can't.
Do you understand?

Believe it or not, I think I do.

Good. Then explain it to me.

I don't understand
what's happening to me.

All my life I wanted to have
one person I was special to

and who was special to me.

And then we could be together
and it would last forever.

And I've got that with Eddie.

So why do I want
to go out with Bob?

Because he interests you.

So what?

What am I supposed to do? Just go
out with every boy that interests me?

Why not?

You mean play the field?

That's so...

So Blair.

Look, Jo,

your life is changing.

You're not the same girl who rode
in here last year on her motorcycle.

You're growing and
your needs are changing.

Why not be with the people
who fulfill those needs?

"I'm changing, my needs."

It all sounds so selfish.

That word really
takes a bum rap.

Now, what's so terrible about
doing something for yourself?

And what about other people?

Don't I owe them something?

You owe other people
the very best of yourself.

And if you don't
take care of that,

you won't have
anything to give Eddie

or anyone else.

Jo.

You found it.

Jo, hey, Jo!

In here, Eddie.

Oh, Eddie.

Hey, hey.

What's the matter?

Your ring.

The chain broke
and I thought I lost it.

Well, you found it. Calm down.

Well, uh, if you two
will excuse me, I'll...

I guess you will.

I just don't understand.

I mean, I didn't take
it off or anything.

I know.

Hey, don't worry about it.

Look, Jo, there's something
we've got to talk about.

You mad about last night?

No, I'm not mad.

But I can see something's
going on with you.

Every time I come back
here, you're a little bit different.

What do you mean, different?

My hair's the same.
My face is the same.

All right, so I put on a
few pounds. I'll lose it.

No, it's not the
stuff on the outside.

It's like you changed.

Yeah.

I know what you mean.

But see, it's the school.

Going to classes,
the library, museums,

I've just been hanging
out with the wrong crowd.

Jo, I... I feel like, when I talk
to you, you don't understand

and when I listen to
you I don't understand.

I mean, am I crazy?

No. You're not crazy.

What do you think
we should do about it?

I don't know.

It's just that things
don't feel right.

Well, what are you saying?

You think we should break up?

No.

I mean, I don't know.

Look, Jo, maybe you...

Maybe we should
see some other people.

How am I going to
make it without you?

Oh, you've been doing
just fine. Can't you see that?

Eddie... Hey, this is
not goodbye forever.

You're not going to
get rid of me that easy.

You know, I'll always
be here for you.

You think you
should take this back?

I don't know.

You want me to?

I don't know.

Maybe you could get
a refund or something.

It costs $5 a month.

Two years, I'll
have it paid for.

I'll, uh, write you when I
get back to the base, okay?

And you'll write back?

Then I'll write
back to you again.

Hey, you okay?

He wouldn't take it back.

I can't even look at it.

I know.

But that'll change.

You'll see.

One day,

this ring will give
you pleasure.

Oh, yeah.

You'll show it to your
grandchildren and smile

and tell them all
about your first love.

♪ You'll avoid a lot of damage ♪

♪ And enjoy the fun of
managing the facts of life ♪

♪ They shed a lot of light ♪

♪ If you hear them
from your brother ♪

♪ Better clear them
with your mother ♪

♪ Better get them right,
call her late at night ♪

♪ You got the future in
the palm of your hand ♪

♪ All you got to do to get
you through is understand ♪

♪ You think you'd
rather do without ♪

♪ You'll never make it
through without the truth ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪