The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 2, Episode 13 - Bought and Sold - full transcript
Blair is selling Countess Calvert cosmetics, and she uses Natalie as a model.
♪♪ [Humming]
♪ You take the good
You take the bad ♪
♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪
♪ The facts of life
The facts of life ♪
♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪
♪ You're growing
Now you know about ♪
♪ The facts of life
The facts of life ♪
♪ When the world never seems ♪
♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪
♪ And suddenly
you're finding out ♪
♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪
♪ You ♪
♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪
♪ When you're
learning the facts of life ♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪♪
Scott, you are unreal.
How can you go on and
on about someone's eyes?
I just have plain, old,
big chestnut-brown eyes...
with green-and-gold flecks.
And bags under 'em.
Oh, Scott, that's so cute.
Wait a minute. I
have to share it.
He says, "My eyes are
burned into his memory."
Take two shots of Solarcaine
and call her in the morning.
Jo.
I'll talk to you later, Scott.
And remember, I
only have eyes for you.
Bye-ee.
- What's up, Tootie?
- I'm tired of being
underdeveloped.
You're young. You'll grow.
My snapshots... They
aren't coming out right.
How bad can they be?
Most of them were of me.
Oh-Oh, Blair, this one
really captures you.
Part of my head is missing.
Like in real life.
You know, Michael Landon
makes taking pictures look so easy.
Oh, Michael Landon
makes everything look easy.
Wow, what I just heard... It's gonna
be on the front page of the school paper.
But since I'm in charge
of the layout, I know now.
Well, since I'm in charge of
who gets fed and who doesn't,
why not tell us?
Okay. Jonathan Dutton
is coming to Eastland.
Jonathan Dutton? Here?
Who's Jonathan Dutton?
That is Jonathan Dutton.
He looks like he's had
an important operation.
Not the model, the photograph.
Jonathan Dutton is the hottest
fashion photographer in New York.
Maybe he can show me how
to stop chopping off heads.
He's visiting a bunch of
girls' schools around here,
looking for a new
high-fashion face.
Oh, that's right. They discovered
a girl at the Braddock School...
who got into modeling last year.
Well, once Jonathan Dutton sees
this face, he won't get to Braddock.
Planning a roadblock?
Anyway, he's gonna be
interviewing girls from 2:00 to 4:00.
Is it okay if he uses the
cafeteria, Mrs. Garrett?
Oh, why not? I just
love high fashion.
Especially now
that I can get into it.
Hmm-mm-mm.
I'm putting a sign-up
sheet in the cafeteria.
I'll schedule people
every five minutes.
Who died and left you boss?
I happen to be qualified.
I am special events
editor of The Eastlander.
Besides, I begged and pleaded.
Hey, Nat, maybe you could ask him
if he could help me with my pictures.
Tootie, Jonathan Dutton does
not have time for children's toys.
My camera is not a toy.
My electronic
football game is a toy.
Of course, I can't
figure that out either.
I have so much to plan.
My makeup, my hair, my gown.
No gowns. Mr. Dutton specifically
asked for the school uniforms.
Uniforms? How drab.
Well, no matter. He
won't miss the face.
Imagine, me on the cover
of millions of magazines.
Yeah. Kind of makes you
wish you had a paper shredder.
Jo, I understand your jealousy.
My face says Harper's Bazaar.
Yours just says "bizarre."
Hey, who's jealous?
Dutton isn't gonna pick you,
unless it's for a Lassie
look-alike contest.
Just wait until he picks me.
You'll be barking out of
the other side of your mouth.
You wanna put your money
where your muzzle is, Benji?
You mean a bet? Yeah.
Loser takes winner's
K.P. duty for a week.
Fine. That'll give me
plenty of free time...
to go into Manhattan
for my photo sessions.
Get ready to go steady
with the trash masher.
Why'd you take a shot of that?
Blair and Jo
actually shook hands.
Don't you know
history when you see it?
Mr. Dutton, this is
number four. Good luck.
If you'll all be patient, Mr. Dutton
will get to you as quickly as he can.
Be ready.
Lemonade, Nancy?
No, thanks, Mrs. Garrett.
Oh, right, lip gloss.
Go, Nancy. Nancy, go.
Go, Nancy!
Mrs. Garrett,
please, no liquids.
The girls are so nervous, and we're
already 22 minutes behind schedule...
because of their pit stops.
Hey, Jo, you're not trying
out for "high-fashion face"?
Gimme a break.
I got a weak stomach as it is.
Blair Warner, next up.
Where is Blair? Jonathan's
gonna be so miffed.
Jonathan? That is his name.
Am I late?
Blair, I have enough to worry
about without being your keeper.
They're all children.
Now,
when I call your name, I'll
introduce you to Jonathan,
and you'll sit where Nancy
is and do what she's doing.
You mean be obvious.
Thank you, Nancy.
Thank you, Mr. Dutton.
- Natalie.
- That's me.
Nancy, you look radiant. Thanks.
Interesting look, Blair.
What's the matter?
Is your tiara at the cleaners?
I'm terribly sorry I couldn't
be here before your interview.
You could have benefited
from my expertise.
Oh, don't lose any
beauty sleep over it.
Mr. Dutton said I was striking.
Striking? Like the
Polish auto workers?
Well, he said my skin glowed
and my eyes were piercing.
Oh, the old
glow-and-pierce line.
Blair, you're up.
Excuse me, Nancy.
Star time.
Jonathan, this is Blair
Warner, number six.
Think of me as a 10.
Hi, Jonathan.
Huh? Oh.
"Blair Warner, a
junior at Eastland,
"has twice been elected Harvest Queen,
won the most popular sophomore award,
the fine arts title, the most
beautiful sophomore"...
Thank you, Natalie.
Now, Miss Warner.
Blair. Ooh, those eyes.
I know.
You like them? Yes,
very nice. Brown.
Chestnut brown with
green-and-gold flecks.
Have you modeled before?
Have I?
- Have you?
- You tell me.
Oh, miss? Forget It.
I don't care if you break both
my arms, I am not interested.
Something to drink, please.
Oh, sure.
Lemonade.
Coming up. Tootie, Mr. Dutton
could use some lemonade.
Would you bring it to him?
Wow! Thanks, Mrs. Garrett.
Maybe I can pick his
brain on some photo tips.
Leave his brain alone.
Just the lemonade.
Thank you, Blair. You're a
very striking young woman.
Striking?
Oh, yes, yes. Your
skin... It... Glows?
- Exactly. And your eyes... They...
- Pierce.
No, Nancy's pierce. Yours dance.
Really? Yes.
You definitely have
the quality I look for.
I know.
Here's your
lemonade, Mr. Dutton.
Yes, thank you. Can I ask
you some technical questions,
from one photographer
to another? Sure.
Tootie, you're in my light.
What's wrong with my camera?
It cuts people off in weird
places, and it takes fuzzy pictures.
I've read all the directions, and
I think I'm doing everything right.
But so far I haven't had
any luck. Don't move.
I never move. I'm a rock.
You. Something wrong
with the lemonade?
No, no, no, no. Interesting.
Yes. So fresh. So sweet.
It's from frozen concentrate.
Natalie!
You picked Blair? I thought so.
Why wasn't she on my list?
- Her? She's just a kid.
- She's perfect.
Tootie? Tootie!
Even the name is perfect.
Young ladies, Mrs. Garrett,
I'd like to thank
you all for your time.
I have found what
I've been looking for.
Mr. Dutton, why are you
holding that girl's head?
This is not just a girl.
This is my new, sensational,
high-fashion face for the '80s.
This is Tootie!
I still can't believe it. Dutton
picking me instead of Blair.
I can't either, except that I won the
bet, and she's down in the kitchen,
up to her green-and-gold
"fleckled" eyeballs in dirty dishes.
I can see why, Tootie. It's
all here in Blair's magazine.
The young look is hot,
and brunettes are back.
I'm young, and I'm about
as brunette as you can get.
Hey, gang, you just about
ready? The train leaves in an hour.
Thanks for letting us go
to New York, Mrs. Garrett.
Well, a Saturday outing
will do us all some good.
While Tootie and I are
at the photo session,
you girls can take in the
Guggenheim Museum.
I can't wait.
I've always wanted to go into a
building that looks like a cupcake.
Hey, Tootie, better
get a move on.
Okay, Mrs. Garrett. I'm
not sure what to wear.
Wear something you
feel comfortable in.
[Sighs]
Why don't you ask Blair,
Tootie? She's the fashion expert.
You don't want my
advice. I'm a loser.
No, you're not.
You're just over the hill.
Come on, Natalie. Tell her.
Absolutely. Don't you
read your own magazine?
Models are getting
younger and younger.
Sure. As far as Jonathan
Dutton is concerned,
you might as well
be Mrs. Garrett's age.
You're absolutely right.
Thanks. I feel much better now.
I don't.
But I'll get over it.
So, how about it, Blair?
What do you think I should wear?
Well, mine is but
one humble opinion,
but if you wear anything besides
these slacks with those shoes,
this blouse with that sweater,
you're out of your mind.
Blair, you know
everything about fashion.
I could really use you
at that photo session.
Mrs. Garrett, can
she come along?
Sure. Your mom and dad
asked me to be your chaperone.
You ask Blair to
be your dresser.
Fashion coordinator.
Great, and I'll show
Natalie the museum.
You've been to the
Guggenheim Museum?
Are you kiddin'? It's
my favorite culture spot.
There's a ramp from the
fourth floor to the lobby...
that's the longest, uninterrupted
skateboard run in New York.
[Grunting] Oh!
There's a large, somewhat pushy
lady who won't let me in to see Tootie.
It's such a small dressing
area, Mrs. Garrett.
Besides, the wardrobe girl knows
what Tootie should wear. Hmm.
This is fascinating.
Simply fascinating.
What do you call this?
A light.
Okay, Tootie. Let's hurry
up, dear. Time is money.
Mr. Dutton, I hope
you're not planning...
to have Tootie
sit on this stool.
Her long legs are one
of her best features.
I'll bear that in mind. Anything
else you'd like to help with?
Me? No.
Modeling really
doesn't interest me.
You... You look
absolutely... I do, don't I?
I... thought she was going
to be dressed as a schoolgirl.
That's for Seventeen magazine.
Am I a fox or what?
Those clothes.
Isn't it terrific? It's like
playing in my mother's closet,
except everything's in my size.
Outrageous. I knew I was
right about you. You're perfect.
I'm not sure I'm
happy with this.
Neither am I.
That lipstick is
absolutely wrong for her.
Great. Two stage
mothers for the price of one.
Come on, Tootie. On
the set, please, dear.
Okay, now look up.
Good. Down.
Fine. Now right.
And left.
It's like being at
the eye doctor.
Rena, move it, darling.
Excuse me, Mr. Dutton,
I'm confused. Who's Rena?
Oh, that must be Rena.
Outrageous. I'll get a filter.
Don't lose that look.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi, Rena.
Who are you guys, her agents?
No. This is Blair, Tootie's...
Fashion coordinator.
This is Mrs. Garrett,
our nutritionist.
Your own
nutritionist? Oh, classy.
Excuse me, Rena. Could
I ask you a question?
How old are you?
Fourteen. Oh, but don't
tell Johnny. He thinks I'm 12.
- How does my hair look?
- Old.
I mean, very,
very sophisticated.
Okay, girls, it's magic time.
This is it, the
beginning of your career.
Now don't let Rena upstage you.
I won't, if you tell me
what "upstage" means.
Tootie, if you need
me, I'll be right here...
pacing.
Head down. Eyes up.
Up, Tootie, up. Too much.
Out... rageous.
Now give me real sensuality.
Make love to the camera.
Smolder. You're
hot and bothered.
Hot and bothered,
Tootie, not diaper rash.
Think of yourself
as 12 going on 24.
Better.
♪♪ [Rock]
Absolutely unbelievable!
Oh, that kills me.
Outrageous! I can't stand it!
I hate to see him
suffer like this.
Please. Okay.
Now we're gonna
try something else.
You are a sensual animal,
stalking the camera lens.
Snarl. Come on.
Show me those teeth.
Tootie, get with it. You're
not a little kid anymore.
You're a snarling, sexy leopard.
And this place is a zoo.
Okay, that's it. This
just isn't working.
We're gonna have to
stop. Well, I should hope so.
Tootie, honey,
are you all right?
That's what I want to talk
to her about. Uh, that's okay.
You can talk to me. I know you wanted
leopard. She was giving you pussycat.
I'll fix it. No, I'll fix it.
That's it for today, Tootie.
Rena, you'll finish the session.
Touch up your makeup, dear.
Don't tell me... I blew it.
Of course not. You were
wonderful. You just need work.
Now, Rena can show you the moves
you need to bring the woman inside you out.
I don't know how the woman
ever got in. She's only 12.
Mrs. Garrett, you've
got to get with it.
I understand, Mr. Dutton.
Now, Tootie, I need you back
here in two weeks for another layout.
Two weeks? Out of the question.
That's right before
midterm exams.
Uh, she can do
both. I'll see to it.
Now, I forgot.
Eastland's in Peekskill.
You should get a tutor here
in Manhattan. Another thing.
I'd like you to think about
losing, say, eight pounds.
We've gotta get
rid of this baby fat.
But she is a baby.
Not in my studio.
Tootie's not going on some
silly diet to look like a stick.
Well, if she doesn't, she'll
never make it in this business.
You want a stick?
You'll get a stick. Terrific.
She may only have a few good
years left. Even Rena's on her way out.
- Rena's only 14.
- [Rena] Twelve!
What a setup!
Tootie, is that you?
I don't believe it.
What do you think
of our new Tootie?
We saw Picassos that had
less paint on them than that.
That's 'cause I'm a woman
now. And it's startin' to itch.
- Don't touch your face!
- One more thing, Tootie.
We've gotta measure you for
your wig for our next session, hmm?
A wig? Oh, what fun! Now
let's talk about wardrobe.
The wig is her wardrobe.
Are you serious?
Please. Now, all the
strategic areas will be covered.
Mrs. Garrett, this is
the plumb assignment.
If I can sell them
Tootie's look,
it means a national campaign
for a sensational new perfume.
Perfume? What does
perfume have to do...
with a naked child in a wig?
They're not gonna see anything. They're
just gonna think they're seeing something.
Ohh. That's even worse.
It's all an illusion. Tasteful
sensuality is what the public buys.
Oh, knock it off, Dutton.
This attitude that whatever
sells is okay is wrong. Wrong!
Women in children's bodies.
Children in women's clothes.
Children in no clothes?
The whole thing is sick.
Lady, this is high fashion.
Call it whatever you want.
It's one step away from
child pornography to me.
And I will not... will not
let my girls take a part of it.
- Right on, Mrs. G.
- Well, that's your opinion.
Look, why don't I just discuss
the whole thing with her parents?
You won't have to.
I gotta tell you, this day
has really been outrageous!
And, Tootie, it's only just the
beginning. The beginning of what?
Giving up eating and fun
and Eastland and my friends?
And all that stuff about
being a snarling animal?
That embarrasses me, Mr. Dutton.
I mean, how can I
make love to a camera...
when I've never even
really kissed a boy?
You're saying no?
Yes, I'm saying no.
Well, how will I ever replace...
my... Tootie?
Ehh. Rena, put on the wig.
Oh, honey. Your
decision to stay a kid...
is the most adult
thing you've ever done.
I guess so.
But it was tempting.
All that makeup
and clothes and stuff.
Tootie, go and change. And
then you can tell your friends...
all about your modeling
career over something to eat.
- My treat.
- Where should we go?
Anywhere Tootie wants.
Can we go to Central
Park and get hot dogs?
That's for kids.
I know.
♪ You'll avoid a lot of damage ♪
♪ And enjoy the
fun of managing ♪
♪ The facts of life
They shed a lotta light ♪
♪ If you hear 'em
from your brother ♪
♪ Better clear 'em
with your mother ♪
♪ Better get 'em right
Call her late at night ♪
♪ You got the future in
the palm of your hand ♪
♪ All you gotta do to get
you through is understand ♪
♪ You think you'd
rather do without ♪
♪ You'll never make it
through without the truth ♪
♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪♪
♪ You take the good
You take the bad ♪
♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪
♪ The facts of life
The facts of life ♪
♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪
♪ You're growing
Now you know about ♪
♪ The facts of life
The facts of life ♪
♪ When the world never seems ♪
♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪
♪ And suddenly
you're finding out ♪
♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪
♪ You ♪
♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪
♪ When you're
learning the facts of life ♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪♪
Scott, you are unreal.
How can you go on and
on about someone's eyes?
I just have plain, old,
big chestnut-brown eyes...
with green-and-gold flecks.
And bags under 'em.
Oh, Scott, that's so cute.
Wait a minute. I
have to share it.
He says, "My eyes are
burned into his memory."
Take two shots of Solarcaine
and call her in the morning.
Jo.
I'll talk to you later, Scott.
And remember, I
only have eyes for you.
Bye-ee.
- What's up, Tootie?
- I'm tired of being
underdeveloped.
You're young. You'll grow.
My snapshots... They
aren't coming out right.
How bad can they be?
Most of them were of me.
Oh-Oh, Blair, this one
really captures you.
Part of my head is missing.
Like in real life.
You know, Michael Landon
makes taking pictures look so easy.
Oh, Michael Landon
makes everything look easy.
Wow, what I just heard... It's gonna
be on the front page of the school paper.
But since I'm in charge
of the layout, I know now.
Well, since I'm in charge of
who gets fed and who doesn't,
why not tell us?
Okay. Jonathan Dutton
is coming to Eastland.
Jonathan Dutton? Here?
Who's Jonathan Dutton?
That is Jonathan Dutton.
He looks like he's had
an important operation.
Not the model, the photograph.
Jonathan Dutton is the hottest
fashion photographer in New York.
Maybe he can show me how
to stop chopping off heads.
He's visiting a bunch of
girls' schools around here,
looking for a new
high-fashion face.
Oh, that's right. They discovered
a girl at the Braddock School...
who got into modeling last year.
Well, once Jonathan Dutton sees
this face, he won't get to Braddock.
Planning a roadblock?
Anyway, he's gonna be
interviewing girls from 2:00 to 4:00.
Is it okay if he uses the
cafeteria, Mrs. Garrett?
Oh, why not? I just
love high fashion.
Especially now
that I can get into it.
Hmm-mm-mm.
I'm putting a sign-up
sheet in the cafeteria.
I'll schedule people
every five minutes.
Who died and left you boss?
I happen to be qualified.
I am special events
editor of The Eastlander.
Besides, I begged and pleaded.
Hey, Nat, maybe you could ask him
if he could help me with my pictures.
Tootie, Jonathan Dutton does
not have time for children's toys.
My camera is not a toy.
My electronic
football game is a toy.
Of course, I can't
figure that out either.
I have so much to plan.
My makeup, my hair, my gown.
No gowns. Mr. Dutton specifically
asked for the school uniforms.
Uniforms? How drab.
Well, no matter. He
won't miss the face.
Imagine, me on the cover
of millions of magazines.
Yeah. Kind of makes you
wish you had a paper shredder.
Jo, I understand your jealousy.
My face says Harper's Bazaar.
Yours just says "bizarre."
Hey, who's jealous?
Dutton isn't gonna pick you,
unless it's for a Lassie
look-alike contest.
Just wait until he picks me.
You'll be barking out of
the other side of your mouth.
You wanna put your money
where your muzzle is, Benji?
You mean a bet? Yeah.
Loser takes winner's
K.P. duty for a week.
Fine. That'll give me
plenty of free time...
to go into Manhattan
for my photo sessions.
Get ready to go steady
with the trash masher.
Why'd you take a shot of that?
Blair and Jo
actually shook hands.
Don't you know
history when you see it?
Mr. Dutton, this is
number four. Good luck.
If you'll all be patient, Mr. Dutton
will get to you as quickly as he can.
Be ready.
Lemonade, Nancy?
No, thanks, Mrs. Garrett.
Oh, right, lip gloss.
Go, Nancy. Nancy, go.
Go, Nancy!
Mrs. Garrett,
please, no liquids.
The girls are so nervous, and we're
already 22 minutes behind schedule...
because of their pit stops.
Hey, Jo, you're not trying
out for "high-fashion face"?
Gimme a break.
I got a weak stomach as it is.
Blair Warner, next up.
Where is Blair? Jonathan's
gonna be so miffed.
Jonathan? That is his name.
Am I late?
Blair, I have enough to worry
about without being your keeper.
They're all children.
Now,
when I call your name, I'll
introduce you to Jonathan,
and you'll sit where Nancy
is and do what she's doing.
You mean be obvious.
Thank you, Nancy.
Thank you, Mr. Dutton.
- Natalie.
- That's me.
Nancy, you look radiant. Thanks.
Interesting look, Blair.
What's the matter?
Is your tiara at the cleaners?
I'm terribly sorry I couldn't
be here before your interview.
You could have benefited
from my expertise.
Oh, don't lose any
beauty sleep over it.
Mr. Dutton said I was striking.
Striking? Like the
Polish auto workers?
Well, he said my skin glowed
and my eyes were piercing.
Oh, the old
glow-and-pierce line.
Blair, you're up.
Excuse me, Nancy.
Star time.
Jonathan, this is Blair
Warner, number six.
Think of me as a 10.
Hi, Jonathan.
Huh? Oh.
"Blair Warner, a
junior at Eastland,
"has twice been elected Harvest Queen,
won the most popular sophomore award,
the fine arts title, the most
beautiful sophomore"...
Thank you, Natalie.
Now, Miss Warner.
Blair. Ooh, those eyes.
I know.
You like them? Yes,
very nice. Brown.
Chestnut brown with
green-and-gold flecks.
Have you modeled before?
Have I?
- Have you?
- You tell me.
Oh, miss? Forget It.
I don't care if you break both
my arms, I am not interested.
Something to drink, please.
Oh, sure.
Lemonade.
Coming up. Tootie, Mr. Dutton
could use some lemonade.
Would you bring it to him?
Wow! Thanks, Mrs. Garrett.
Maybe I can pick his
brain on some photo tips.
Leave his brain alone.
Just the lemonade.
Thank you, Blair. You're a
very striking young woman.
Striking?
Oh, yes, yes. Your
skin... It... Glows?
- Exactly. And your eyes... They...
- Pierce.
No, Nancy's pierce. Yours dance.
Really? Yes.
You definitely have
the quality I look for.
I know.
Here's your
lemonade, Mr. Dutton.
Yes, thank you. Can I ask
you some technical questions,
from one photographer
to another? Sure.
Tootie, you're in my light.
What's wrong with my camera?
It cuts people off in weird
places, and it takes fuzzy pictures.
I've read all the directions, and
I think I'm doing everything right.
But so far I haven't had
any luck. Don't move.
I never move. I'm a rock.
You. Something wrong
with the lemonade?
No, no, no, no. Interesting.
Yes. So fresh. So sweet.
It's from frozen concentrate.
Natalie!
You picked Blair? I thought so.
Why wasn't she on my list?
- Her? She's just a kid.
- She's perfect.
Tootie? Tootie!
Even the name is perfect.
Young ladies, Mrs. Garrett,
I'd like to thank
you all for your time.
I have found what
I've been looking for.
Mr. Dutton, why are you
holding that girl's head?
This is not just a girl.
This is my new, sensational,
high-fashion face for the '80s.
This is Tootie!
I still can't believe it. Dutton
picking me instead of Blair.
I can't either, except that I won the
bet, and she's down in the kitchen,
up to her green-and-gold
"fleckled" eyeballs in dirty dishes.
I can see why, Tootie. It's
all here in Blair's magazine.
The young look is hot,
and brunettes are back.
I'm young, and I'm about
as brunette as you can get.
Hey, gang, you just about
ready? The train leaves in an hour.
Thanks for letting us go
to New York, Mrs. Garrett.
Well, a Saturday outing
will do us all some good.
While Tootie and I are
at the photo session,
you girls can take in the
Guggenheim Museum.
I can't wait.
I've always wanted to go into a
building that looks like a cupcake.
Hey, Tootie, better
get a move on.
Okay, Mrs. Garrett. I'm
not sure what to wear.
Wear something you
feel comfortable in.
[Sighs]
Why don't you ask Blair,
Tootie? She's the fashion expert.
You don't want my
advice. I'm a loser.
No, you're not.
You're just over the hill.
Come on, Natalie. Tell her.
Absolutely. Don't you
read your own magazine?
Models are getting
younger and younger.
Sure. As far as Jonathan
Dutton is concerned,
you might as well
be Mrs. Garrett's age.
You're absolutely right.
Thanks. I feel much better now.
I don't.
But I'll get over it.
So, how about it, Blair?
What do you think I should wear?
Well, mine is but
one humble opinion,
but if you wear anything besides
these slacks with those shoes,
this blouse with that sweater,
you're out of your mind.
Blair, you know
everything about fashion.
I could really use you
at that photo session.
Mrs. Garrett, can
she come along?
Sure. Your mom and dad
asked me to be your chaperone.
You ask Blair to
be your dresser.
Fashion coordinator.
Great, and I'll show
Natalie the museum.
You've been to the
Guggenheim Museum?
Are you kiddin'? It's
my favorite culture spot.
There's a ramp from the
fourth floor to the lobby...
that's the longest, uninterrupted
skateboard run in New York.
[Grunting] Oh!
There's a large, somewhat pushy
lady who won't let me in to see Tootie.
It's such a small dressing
area, Mrs. Garrett.
Besides, the wardrobe girl knows
what Tootie should wear. Hmm.
This is fascinating.
Simply fascinating.
What do you call this?
A light.
Okay, Tootie. Let's hurry
up, dear. Time is money.
Mr. Dutton, I hope
you're not planning...
to have Tootie
sit on this stool.
Her long legs are one
of her best features.
I'll bear that in mind. Anything
else you'd like to help with?
Me? No.
Modeling really
doesn't interest me.
You... You look
absolutely... I do, don't I?
I... thought she was going
to be dressed as a schoolgirl.
That's for Seventeen magazine.
Am I a fox or what?
Those clothes.
Isn't it terrific? It's like
playing in my mother's closet,
except everything's in my size.
Outrageous. I knew I was
right about you. You're perfect.
I'm not sure I'm
happy with this.
Neither am I.
That lipstick is
absolutely wrong for her.
Great. Two stage
mothers for the price of one.
Come on, Tootie. On
the set, please, dear.
Okay, now look up.
Good. Down.
Fine. Now right.
And left.
It's like being at
the eye doctor.
Rena, move it, darling.
Excuse me, Mr. Dutton,
I'm confused. Who's Rena?
Oh, that must be Rena.
Outrageous. I'll get a filter.
Don't lose that look.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi, Rena.
Who are you guys, her agents?
No. This is Blair, Tootie's...
Fashion coordinator.
This is Mrs. Garrett,
our nutritionist.
Your own
nutritionist? Oh, classy.
Excuse me, Rena. Could
I ask you a question?
How old are you?
Fourteen. Oh, but don't
tell Johnny. He thinks I'm 12.
- How does my hair look?
- Old.
I mean, very,
very sophisticated.
Okay, girls, it's magic time.
This is it, the
beginning of your career.
Now don't let Rena upstage you.
I won't, if you tell me
what "upstage" means.
Tootie, if you need
me, I'll be right here...
pacing.
Head down. Eyes up.
Up, Tootie, up. Too much.
Out... rageous.
Now give me real sensuality.
Make love to the camera.
Smolder. You're
hot and bothered.
Hot and bothered,
Tootie, not diaper rash.
Think of yourself
as 12 going on 24.
Better.
♪♪ [Rock]
Absolutely unbelievable!
Oh, that kills me.
Outrageous! I can't stand it!
I hate to see him
suffer like this.
Please. Okay.
Now we're gonna
try something else.
You are a sensual animal,
stalking the camera lens.
Snarl. Come on.
Show me those teeth.
Tootie, get with it. You're
not a little kid anymore.
You're a snarling, sexy leopard.
And this place is a zoo.
Okay, that's it. This
just isn't working.
We're gonna have to
stop. Well, I should hope so.
Tootie, honey,
are you all right?
That's what I want to talk
to her about. Uh, that's okay.
You can talk to me. I know you wanted
leopard. She was giving you pussycat.
I'll fix it. No, I'll fix it.
That's it for today, Tootie.
Rena, you'll finish the session.
Touch up your makeup, dear.
Don't tell me... I blew it.
Of course not. You were
wonderful. You just need work.
Now, Rena can show you the moves
you need to bring the woman inside you out.
I don't know how the woman
ever got in. She's only 12.
Mrs. Garrett, you've
got to get with it.
I understand, Mr. Dutton.
Now, Tootie, I need you back
here in two weeks for another layout.
Two weeks? Out of the question.
That's right before
midterm exams.
Uh, she can do
both. I'll see to it.
Now, I forgot.
Eastland's in Peekskill.
You should get a tutor here
in Manhattan. Another thing.
I'd like you to think about
losing, say, eight pounds.
We've gotta get
rid of this baby fat.
But she is a baby.
Not in my studio.
Tootie's not going on some
silly diet to look like a stick.
Well, if she doesn't, she'll
never make it in this business.
You want a stick?
You'll get a stick. Terrific.
She may only have a few good
years left. Even Rena's on her way out.
- Rena's only 14.
- [Rena] Twelve!
What a setup!
Tootie, is that you?
I don't believe it.
What do you think
of our new Tootie?
We saw Picassos that had
less paint on them than that.
That's 'cause I'm a woman
now. And it's startin' to itch.
- Don't touch your face!
- One more thing, Tootie.
We've gotta measure you for
your wig for our next session, hmm?
A wig? Oh, what fun! Now
let's talk about wardrobe.
The wig is her wardrobe.
Are you serious?
Please. Now, all the
strategic areas will be covered.
Mrs. Garrett, this is
the plumb assignment.
If I can sell them
Tootie's look,
it means a national campaign
for a sensational new perfume.
Perfume? What does
perfume have to do...
with a naked child in a wig?
They're not gonna see anything. They're
just gonna think they're seeing something.
Ohh. That's even worse.
It's all an illusion. Tasteful
sensuality is what the public buys.
Oh, knock it off, Dutton.
This attitude that whatever
sells is okay is wrong. Wrong!
Women in children's bodies.
Children in women's clothes.
Children in no clothes?
The whole thing is sick.
Lady, this is high fashion.
Call it whatever you want.
It's one step away from
child pornography to me.
And I will not... will not
let my girls take a part of it.
- Right on, Mrs. G.
- Well, that's your opinion.
Look, why don't I just discuss
the whole thing with her parents?
You won't have to.
I gotta tell you, this day
has really been outrageous!
And, Tootie, it's only just the
beginning. The beginning of what?
Giving up eating and fun
and Eastland and my friends?
And all that stuff about
being a snarling animal?
That embarrasses me, Mr. Dutton.
I mean, how can I
make love to a camera...
when I've never even
really kissed a boy?
You're saying no?
Yes, I'm saying no.
Well, how will I ever replace...
my... Tootie?
Ehh. Rena, put on the wig.
Oh, honey. Your
decision to stay a kid...
is the most adult
thing you've ever done.
I guess so.
But it was tempting.
All that makeup
and clothes and stuff.
Tootie, go and change. And
then you can tell your friends...
all about your modeling
career over something to eat.
- My treat.
- Where should we go?
Anywhere Tootie wants.
Can we go to Central
Park and get hot dogs?
That's for kids.
I know.
♪ You'll avoid a lot of damage ♪
♪ And enjoy the
fun of managing ♪
♪ The facts of life
They shed a lotta light ♪
♪ If you hear 'em
from your brother ♪
♪ Better clear 'em
with your mother ♪
♪ Better get 'em right
Call her late at night ♪
♪ You got the future in
the palm of your hand ♪
♪ All you gotta do to get
you through is understand ♪
♪ You think you'd
rather do without ♪
♪ You'll never make it
through without the truth ♪
♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪♪